Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,636 --> 00:00:05,736
Surprise !
2
00:00:05,837 --> 00:00:08,439
Happy birthday !
Happy birthday ! Happy birthday !
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,141
Happy birthday, honey !
4
00:00:10,242 --> 00:00:12,143
Thank you !
5
00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:15,180
It's a rifle !
6
00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:16,214
It's pointing
at right me, trudy.
7
00:00:16,315 --> 00:00:19,484
It's loaded
too, careful.
8
00:00:19,585 --> 00:00:22,287
( cheering )
9
00:00:23,622 --> 00:00:24,522
Oh !
Oh !
10
00:00:24,623 --> 00:00:25,890
Oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh !
11
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,258
Okay.
12
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,426
I get it !
13
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,528
I can get it !
( dangle ) trudy.
14
00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:31,729
Oh, she's going
over the wall.
15
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:32,730
She's gone, it's good.
16
00:00:32,831 --> 00:00:33,965
It'll be
a fun day for her.
17
00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:35,467
( dangle )
happy birthday !
18
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:38,136
( cheering )
19
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:40,238
Whoo !
Come here !
20
00:00:40,339 --> 00:00:42,207
( tires screeching )
21
00:00:43,776 --> 00:00:45,610
Oh... Ah !
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,315
Whoa !
23
00:00:53,452 --> 00:00:55,453
( growling )
24
00:01:02,127 --> 00:01:05,230
( sirens blaring )
25
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:18,609
( siren wailing )
26
00:01:22,114 --> 00:01:25,983
( dangle )
I got this in last night...
27
00:01:26,084 --> 00:01:29,687
The state of nevada is trying
to pass a referendum
28
00:01:29,788 --> 00:01:32,524
Where state and local
government employees
29
00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,759
Cannot have moustaches.
30
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:38,697
Has anyone seen this,
prop 551 ?
31
00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:40,232
That is bullshit !
32
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,466
What the hell is that ?
33
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,268
They're trying to
take away our moustaches.
34
00:01:43,369 --> 00:01:44,202
That ain't fair.
35
00:01:44,303 --> 00:01:45,370
They will take
my moustache
36
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,172
From my cold,
dead upper lip, my friend.
37
00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:48,806
I ain't coming into work
without a 'stache.
38
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:51,710
Junior, you was born with
that moustache, wasn't you ?
39
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:52,844
Hell, yeah.
40
00:01:52,945 --> 00:01:54,278
It's my
daddy's moustache.
41
00:01:54,379 --> 00:01:55,513
Or he had a similar one.
42
00:01:55,614 --> 00:01:56,781
I don't want to work here
without a moustache.
43
00:01:56,882 --> 00:01:58,182
I really don't.
44
00:01:58,283 --> 00:01:59,751
I don't want
to work here, either.
45
00:01:59,852 --> 00:02:02,953
Well, you have a very light
moustache, so lucky you.
46
00:02:03,054 --> 00:02:06,691
It is time
for a bleaching.
47
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:14,665
I see a blue pickup truck,
robin's egg blue,
48
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:17,903
A 1973 dodge laredo
with expired tags.
49
00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:20,004
It's turning,
it's pulling in.
50
00:02:20,105 --> 00:02:22,707
There's an orange door
with the number 27.
51
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:23,841
And I see a sign.
52
00:02:23,942 --> 00:02:26,911
It says
"sparks self storage."
53
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:28,513
( johnson )
oh, brilliant.
54
00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:29,714
They're pulling
their energy back.
55
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:31,516
That's it.
56
00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:33,017
Thank you for your light,
your energy,
57
00:02:33,118 --> 00:02:34,685
And everything that
you bring to the table.
58
00:02:34,786 --> 00:02:36,454
( garcia )
ask her if she saw elvis.
59
00:02:36,556 --> 00:02:37,522
I want you to shut up.
60
00:02:37,623 --> 00:02:39,090
You must run into
skeptics all the time.
61
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:40,357
I do.
62
00:02:40,459 --> 00:02:41,959
How long have you been
looking for evidence,
63
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:42,894
Four weeks now ?
64
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:44,095
About four weeks.
65
00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:45,397
And how many leads
do you have ?
66
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,297
We got a couple.
67
00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:47,999
We got none.
You got zero.
68
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:49,134
Now you have
your answer.
69
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,336
Thank you.
70
00:02:52,304 --> 00:02:53,704
Thank you.
71
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,907
Oh, scrotal sac torn,
bleeding,
72
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,708
Waving in the wind,
flapping, flapping.
73
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,177
You're gonna lose
your left ball
74
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:00,644
Before midnight
tomorrow night.
75
00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:03,548
Ohh.
76
00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,016
Ohh.
77
00:03:05,117 --> 00:03:07,051
What ?
78
00:03:07,152 --> 00:03:09,254
I'm gonna lose my what,
my ball ?
79
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:12,724
Your testicle
is in great danger.
80
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,525
Oh, my gosh.
81
00:03:14,626 --> 00:03:17,262
What ?
82
00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:22,167
That's bullshit,
that's what it is.
83
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,367
I ain't scared.
84
00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:24,802
It's not bullshit,
but think positive.
85
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:25,970
That's bullshit, lady,
bullshit.
86
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,338
Whoa !
Whoa !
87
00:03:28,574 --> 00:03:30,674
( panting )
88
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,682
( garcia )
oh, my god.
89
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,955
I don't believe
in psychics, per se.
90
00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:46,458
I did have a conversation
with my uncle frederick
91
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,193
On a ouija board once,
92
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:50,562
And he told me
where he had buried
93
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:55,099
Some old l.P.S
and jeans.
94
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,068
And I went and looked,
95
00:03:57,169 --> 00:04:02,373
And I hit a gas line
at my mom's old place,
96
00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:04,809
And the fire department came
97
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:08,146
And it was
a bit of a hubbub.
98
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:12,250
And then I stopped contacting
the dark side, really.
99
00:04:13,819 --> 00:04:16,187
( radio )
yeah, this is travis junior
100
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:19,223
Reporting in
from sparks self-storage.
101
00:04:19,324 --> 00:04:20,592
Yeah, everything's here.
102
00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:25,530
Door 27, underneath the tarp,
all the merchandise.
103
00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,300
That chick was right.
104
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,737
Holy mother of god.
105
00:04:39,511 --> 00:04:41,712
( screaming )
106
00:04:41,813 --> 00:04:43,147
How you doing, father ?
How you doing ?
107
00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:44,482
Good.
How you doing ?
108
00:04:44,583 --> 00:04:45,817
Funeral...
109
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,819
Why, god ?!
110
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,886
This can't happen.
111
00:04:48,987 --> 00:04:50,254
She drove everybody
out of here.
112
00:04:50,355 --> 00:04:51,556
Can you please just
take care of this, please ?
113
00:04:51,657 --> 00:04:52,556
We'll take care
of it.
114
00:04:52,657 --> 00:04:53,258
Sorry about that.
115
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,425
Titi !
Titi !
116
00:04:54,526 --> 00:04:55,593
Hey, sweetheart.
117
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:57,761
Titi !
No, no...
118
00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:58,729
Grab her,
go around that side.
119
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:00,231
Titi, slow down.
120
00:05:00,332 --> 00:05:03,267
Titi, we're not
doing this again, girl.
121
00:05:03,368 --> 00:05:05,469
We're not doing
this again.
122
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,105
Titi, no, oh !
123
00:05:07,205 --> 00:05:08,373
Slow down,
slow down.
124
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:09,640
That's all right.
125
00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:10,841
Oh, I loved him !
You loved him ?
126
00:05:10,942 --> 00:05:14,312
Damn, damn, damn !
127
00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:16,447
Okay, okay.
128
00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:17,849
( screeching cry )
129
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:18,983
Yeah, he was good.
130
00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,217
We have to leave,
though, sweetheart.
131
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:21,486
We got to go,
titi.
132
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,188
You scared everyone.
133
00:05:23,289 --> 00:05:24,923
Oh, lord,
he was old.
134
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:26,157
Oh, give me my stick !
135
00:05:26,258 --> 00:05:27,558
Okay, we got the stick
down again.
136
00:05:27,659 --> 00:05:29,426
Titi is in
the funeral home.
137
00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:31,028
Titi !
138
00:05:31,129 --> 00:05:33,430
Calm down.
139
00:05:33,532 --> 00:05:35,867
I got you, I got you.
140
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:36,967
Yeah.
Okay.
141
00:05:37,069 --> 00:05:38,336
All right,
we got to go.
142
00:05:38,437 --> 00:05:39,470
We're sorry.
143
00:05:39,571 --> 00:05:40,571
Calm down.
144
00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,406
No, no !
Titi, no !
145
00:05:42,507 --> 00:05:43,374
Titi, stop !
146
00:05:43,475 --> 00:05:44,608
Titi !
147
00:05:44,709 --> 00:05:46,111
He was so good to me.
148
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:47,779
We have to take
you away, okay ?
149
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,080
He was so--
wait, wait, wait.
150
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:50,949
Let me just pay my
last respects.
151
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:55,586
( sobbing )
152
00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:57,621
Who is that ?
153
00:06:00,926 --> 00:06:02,960
( wailing siren )
154
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:05,529
Hi, sheriff's department.
155
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:06,630
Oh, I didn't
do anything.
156
00:06:06,731 --> 00:06:08,132
No, no,
it's all right.
157
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:09,701
Don't run, don't run.
158
00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,302
Sir, I wonder if we could take
a moment of your time today.
159
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:14,171
The state government
is trying to pass a bill--
160
00:06:14,272 --> 00:06:15,406
Oh, my god.
161
00:06:15,507 --> 00:06:18,108
Oh, no,
oh, no.
162
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:21,112
It's all right.
It's all right, no, it's all right.
163
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:22,246
Well, you can help us out.
164
00:06:22,347 --> 00:06:24,415
Oh, all right,
I thought it was a bad thing.
165
00:06:24,516 --> 00:06:25,683
What the state government
would like us to do
166
00:06:25,784 --> 00:06:27,117
Is they're
trying to require us
167
00:06:27,218 --> 00:06:30,054
To perform our job
moustacheless.
168
00:06:30,155 --> 00:06:31,222
Moustacheless ?
169
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:33,024
Yes, without
the aid of moustaches,
170
00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:35,627
And we're trying to get
2,000 signatures
171
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,961
Here on this petition.
172
00:06:37,062 --> 00:06:39,497
Why don't they
like the moustache ?
173
00:06:39,598 --> 00:06:40,965
Sir...
174
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,366
I'll probably
tell you why...
175
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:43,835
All them "bureaucrats,"
they got to do something.
176
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:45,303
I think I know why.
Why is that ?
177
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,372
'cause you look like
gigolos with moustaches.
178
00:06:48,473 --> 00:06:53,544
You look like paid
male companions.
179
00:06:53,645 --> 00:06:54,845
Well, I can sign.
180
00:06:54,946 --> 00:06:57,014
Do you have, like,
a "maybe" column ?
181
00:06:57,115 --> 00:06:58,049
What's your name, sir ?
182
00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:00,551
Larrie plum, p-l-u-m.
183
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,855
Larrie plum.
Larrie plum.
184
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:06,156
L-a-r-r-I-e.
185
00:07:06,257 --> 00:07:07,191
I-e ?
186
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:08,593
Yeah, larrie--
187
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:09,960
"larrie" with an "I-e" ?
188
00:07:10,061 --> 00:07:11,329
Yeah, same pronunciation.
189
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,164
Well, we had two larrys
in the family, so they went--
190
00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:16,567
One was "y" and one "I-e"
except after "c."
191
00:07:16,668 --> 00:07:18,836
Initial next to
your signature there.
192
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,371
Sure.
193
00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:21,839
What am I
signing now ?
194
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:23,207
Thank you.
We're good.
195
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,209
Well, good luck to you
in your chosen field.
196
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:26,811
What a weirdo.
197
00:07:26,912 --> 00:07:28,646
( wailing siren )
198
00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:32,249
( wailing siren )
199
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:36,053
Jones is scared white.
200
00:07:36,154 --> 00:07:39,490
Boy, he's walking around,
protecting his jewels
201
00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:41,792
Like they was worth
more than the crown jewels.
202
00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:45,296
He's, y'know, he's keeping away
from anything that's
203
00:07:45,397 --> 00:07:47,699
Nut-level and sharp.
204
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:48,732
Yeah.
205
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:49,933
Now, I don't mean this
in a racial way,
206
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:51,302
But did you
ever go to the zoo,
207
00:07:51,403 --> 00:07:53,404
And you see that gorilla that's
kind of pacing back and forth,
208
00:07:53,505 --> 00:07:54,472
And he's grabbing the tire,
209
00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:56,307
And he's about
to throw his shit
210
00:07:56,408 --> 00:07:58,109
And he's getting
all nervous ?
211
00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:00,044
That's what jones
looks like right now.
212
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:01,245
Not in a racial way.
213
00:08:01,346 --> 00:08:04,616
( cheering )
214
00:08:05,617 --> 00:08:07,017
( dangle )
oh, yeah !
215
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,419
Well, it's a very exciting
day for us.
216
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,754
We had a little money left
over in the budget last year,
217
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:14,224
And we finally got ourselves
218
00:08:14,325 --> 00:08:16,160
One of these new-fangled
bomb robots
219
00:08:16,261 --> 00:08:17,695
They're making over in israel.
220
00:08:17,796 --> 00:08:19,631
( applauding )
221
00:08:19,731 --> 00:08:23,867
Hey, bomb robot,
have a cold one.
222
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:29,039
( dangle imitates robot voice )
yes, delicious human beer.
223
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,208
Beer for robot.
224
00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:32,610
Can he do a toast ?
225
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:34,611
Beer for
my robot homies.
226
00:08:34,712 --> 00:08:36,013
( jones )
oh-oh.
227
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,081
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.
228
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,515
Go, robot, robot.
229
00:08:38,616 --> 00:08:41,985
Danger, danger,
will robinson, danger.
230
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:43,922
Oh !
231
00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:45,356
Ohh !
232
00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:49,426
( screaming )
233
00:08:53,698 --> 00:08:54,965
( dangle )
sorry !
234
00:08:55,066 --> 00:08:56,334
I didn't
do it on purpose !
235
00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:57,568
You did it on purpose !
236
00:08:57,669 --> 00:08:58,603
I did not
do it on purpose !
237
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,038
You know what
the psychic said !
238
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:01,439
I didn't do it
on purpose.
239
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:02,940
Aah, get it
away from me !
240
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:05,710
No one understands !
241
00:09:08,446 --> 00:09:09,714
Oh, man.
242
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:11,082
( crying )
243
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:12,349
Come here, jonesy.
244
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:13,550
( junior )
you did it on purpose, right ?
245
00:09:13,651 --> 00:09:14,919
Of course I did it
on purpose.
246
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,221
But it didn't look like
I was looking, did it ?
247
00:09:20,526 --> 00:09:22,026
( screech )
248
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:24,061
Oh, man, look at this.
249
00:09:24,162 --> 00:09:25,329
This breaks my heart.
250
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,799
Broad daylight, in the middle
of broad daylight.
251
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,168
What have we told you
about this neighborhood ?
252
00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:32,369
They got neighborhood watch.
253
00:09:32,470 --> 00:09:34,872
They call us every time
you're out here.
254
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,474
What do you think
we stopped for ?
255
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:40,077
Probably-- okay, okay, okay,
just, all right, listen.
256
00:09:40,178 --> 00:09:44,148
I just want you to know that
I was talking to those ladies,
257
00:09:44,249 --> 00:09:45,683
And I don't know exactly--
258
00:09:45,784 --> 00:09:46,684
They were hookers.
259
00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,586
I assumed that
they were hookers,
260
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,355
But I want you to know
my reasoning.
261
00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,056
Yeah, I think you were
right in that assumption.
262
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:53,591
Well, just so you know,
it's my birthday.
263
00:09:53,692 --> 00:09:54,692
You think your
birthday gives you
264
00:09:54,793 --> 00:09:56,427
Special license to
break the law ?
265
00:09:56,528 --> 00:09:58,262
No, I just, you know,
266
00:09:58,363 --> 00:10:03,100
Never with a woman,
I've never...
267
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:06,871
I've never...
268
00:10:06,972 --> 00:10:10,508
Made it...
Sweet.
269
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,243
You've never
gotten laid.
270
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:13,677
What's the big deal ?
Yeah, still a virgin.
271
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,112
Does your mom
know you're here ?
272
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:19,149
Yeah, well, actually,
yeah, actually, that's her.
273
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:21,118
Hi !
Hi, ma.
274
00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:22,719
With the
video camera, yeah.
275
00:10:22,821 --> 00:10:23,988
How much money
you got on you ?
276
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:28,392
Well, my mom kind of
gave me a blank check,
277
00:10:28,493 --> 00:10:29,960
So I guess it's...
278
00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:31,395
Goddamn.
279
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,597
Will you adopt me ?!
( whistles )
280
00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:34,966
Yeah, no kidding.
281
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,300
I'm just kidding.
282
00:10:36,401 --> 00:10:38,669
You was talking to
the kind of juggy sister.
283
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,171
Is that what you're
looking for ?
284
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,940
You're looking for kind of
a big kind of african queen ?
285
00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,475
I'm thinking about,
286
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:47,912
I'm thinking
about a jewish woman.
287
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:50,347
You sure ?
288
00:10:50,448 --> 00:10:51,649
There's a
real great--
289
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:52,883
Like, you're about two
blocks away from
290
00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:56,153
A brothel that's
all-japanese, all-japanese.
291
00:10:56,254 --> 00:10:57,588
All japanese ?
292
00:10:57,689 --> 00:10:58,689
It's enticing.
293
00:10:58,790 --> 00:11:00,457
I just,
I think that...
294
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,393
I think that I should
probably start jewish
295
00:11:03,494 --> 00:11:05,128
And then maybe
work my way...
296
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:06,698
We'll do him right !
297
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:07,999
A jewish brothel !
298
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,502
You're right,
they have them.
299
00:11:11,603 --> 00:11:14,038
Do you want jewish, or is that
your mom who wants that ?
300
00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:15,573
Take me to
the all-asian.
301
00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:16,607
All-asian place.
302
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,409
Yeah, you got it,
you got it.
303
00:11:18,510 --> 00:11:19,944
We're going to
"the burning bush."
304
00:11:20,045 --> 00:11:21,379
You're gonna go out
305
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,381
To virginia
and make a left.
306
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,316
Just follow us.
307
00:11:25,416 --> 00:11:27,251
We'll lose her.
We'll lose her.
308
00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:28,820
I'll get around this corner,
309
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,388
And there is no way
that soccer-mom van
310
00:11:31,489 --> 00:11:33,524
Can keep up
with a crown vic.
311
00:11:33,625 --> 00:11:34,792
Awesome.
312
00:11:34,893 --> 00:11:35,860
Whoo-hoo !
313
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,895
( wailing siren )
314
00:11:41,633 --> 00:11:43,134
I don't want to see what
garcia looks like
315
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:44,267
Without a moustache.
316
00:11:44,369 --> 00:11:46,436
I don't want to see
what junior looks like.
317
00:11:46,538 --> 00:11:48,773
Dangle, you can kind of already
see what he looks like.
318
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,441
I agree.
He probably looks okay.
319
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:51,975
I'm with you.
320
00:11:52,076 --> 00:11:53,577
But junior...
321
00:11:53,678 --> 00:11:56,480
I think junior
may be hiding a harelip.
322
00:11:56,582 --> 00:11:57,882
That's what
I was trying to say.
323
00:11:57,983 --> 00:11:59,550
I forgot that's what
they call that,
324
00:11:59,651 --> 00:12:01,151
Like when your
lip is up like that.
325
00:12:01,252 --> 00:12:02,853
Harelip.
Harelip.
326
00:12:02,954 --> 00:12:05,389
Look at this.
327
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:07,191
Harelip, harelip.
328
00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:09,260
Harelip.
Harelip.
329
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:10,494
I can't do it.
330
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:11,763
Harelip.
Harelip.
331
00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,431
Harelip.
Harelip.
332
00:12:13,532 --> 00:12:15,065
I got a harelip.
I got a harelip.
333
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,968
I don't want
to shave my moustache.
334
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,936
Harelips, 10 cents,
harelips.
335
00:12:19,037 --> 00:12:21,538
Can you sign my petition ?
336
00:12:21,639 --> 00:12:24,141
Brother, can you
spare a harelip ?
337
00:12:24,242 --> 00:12:25,876
The sheriff's department
is trying to take away
338
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:27,912
Our moustaches as deputies,
339
00:12:28,013 --> 00:12:29,446
And we're getting
a petition together
340
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,083
To see if we can hold onto
'em for a little while.
341
00:12:32,184 --> 00:12:33,417
So if you
wouldn't mind putting
342
00:12:33,518 --> 00:12:38,288
Your john henry on there,
you'd do us a big favor.
343
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:40,223
Wait, what ?
344
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:41,792
We want you
to sign this petition.
345
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,160
We're trying to keep
our moustaches.
346
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:44,428
They're trying
to take them away.
347
00:12:44,529 --> 00:12:47,098
If you could just put your
old john williams on there,
348
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:48,633
That would really
give us a good--
349
00:12:48,734 --> 00:12:49,967
I don't get it.
350
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,368
This doesn't make
any sense, kind of.
351
00:12:51,469 --> 00:12:52,837
Well, that's
what we think, too.
352
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,971
We think the same thing.
353
00:12:54,072 --> 00:12:55,072
It's just
completely stupid.
354
00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:57,408
I don't necessarily--
355
00:12:57,509 --> 00:12:59,911
I mean, you guys look like
a bunch of butt darts--
356
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:01,812
What, what,
what, what ?
357
00:13:01,913 --> 00:13:03,314
We look like "butt darts" ?
358
00:13:03,415 --> 00:13:06,216
( wailing siren )
359
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,354
( wailing siren )
360
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:15,359
How you doing
today, sir ?
361
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,727
Muy buena.
362
00:13:16,828 --> 00:13:18,496
Muy buena, gonna need
to have you
363
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,830
Step out of
the car for me.
364
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,432
( speaking spanish )
365
00:13:21,533 --> 00:13:29,640
Yes, si, you step out
of the car for me.
366
00:13:29,741 --> 00:13:31,041
( speaking spanish )
367
00:13:31,142 --> 00:13:33,344
Cabeza, head.
368
00:13:33,445 --> 00:13:36,280
You, hands on your head,
down on your knees.
369
00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:37,114
Do it.
370
00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:37,514
Just, comprende.
371
00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:39,317
( ding )
372
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,852
( screeching tires )
373
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,560
Got a 911 call,
domestic disturbance.
374
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:50,928
Here we are.
375
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:52,230
Oh.
376
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:53,697
Sheriff's department !
Sheriff's department !
377
00:13:53,798 --> 00:13:54,431
You call us ?
378
00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:55,532
Right here, this way.
379
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:56,767
What's going on, ma'am ?
It's my brother.
380
00:13:56,868 --> 00:13:58,269
He said he's gonna
rip my baby's head off.
381
00:13:58,369 --> 00:13:59,403
Jesus christ !
382
00:13:59,504 --> 00:14:00,704
Get out of the--
come out, come out !
383
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:02,940
Come out with the baby,
come out with the baby !
384
00:14:03,041 --> 00:14:04,074
Come out with
the baby !
385
00:14:04,175 --> 00:14:06,410
Oh, jesus, sir ?
386
00:14:06,511 --> 00:14:07,911
I'll pop it right off,
I'll step on it !
387
00:14:08,012 --> 00:14:09,146
It's a squeaky baby.
388
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,381
Are you her husband ?
No.
389
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:11,548
Give her
the squeaky baby.
390
00:14:11,649 --> 00:14:12,750
Give her the squeaky--
391
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,785
( wiegel )
that's not necessary.
392
00:14:14,886 --> 00:14:16,187
( dangle )
you are not her husband ?
393
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:17,688
No, I'm her brother.
394
00:14:17,789 --> 00:14:21,258
He's my brother, and he won't
let me go out on dates.
395
00:14:21,359 --> 00:14:23,895
But I need to find
a proper daddy for my baby.
396
00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:25,630
Now, you got two choices
right here,
397
00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,097
You got two choices:
398
00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:30,935
You can apologize,
or you can go to jail.
399
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:33,270
I'm sorry.
400
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:34,305
Really ?
401
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,405
Yeah, look at me.
No.
402
00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:36,407
Can't.
Look at me.
403
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:38,876
Look at me.
Fine.
404
00:14:38,977 --> 00:14:41,679
I'm sorry,
all right.
405
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,313
That's nice.
406
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,548
I'm sorry, too.
407
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,450
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
408
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:47,584
I love you.
409
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:48,652
I know,
I love you, too.
410
00:14:48,753 --> 00:14:49,620
I love you.
411
00:14:49,721 --> 00:14:51,555
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no !
412
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,157
Where does it say I can't
french my sister ?
413
00:14:54,259 --> 00:14:55,493
I don't know for
a fact that it says that,
414
00:14:55,593 --> 00:14:56,693
But I'm saying it right now.
415
00:14:56,795 --> 00:14:57,894
( woman )
don't worry.
416
00:14:57,995 --> 00:15:00,197
( man )
so, now you're making up laws.
417
00:15:00,298 --> 00:15:01,132
( screaming )
418
00:15:01,232 --> 00:15:02,800
( dangle )
shit, shit...
419
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:04,034
( wiegel )
do not make out !
420
00:15:04,135 --> 00:15:05,536
Do not hump,
do not dry-hump !
421
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:07,337
Do not dry-hump in
this vehicle.
422
00:15:07,438 --> 00:15:09,840
No, no, no, no, no !
423
00:15:14,012 --> 00:15:15,279
Not only do I not believe
424
00:15:15,380 --> 00:15:21,018
That jones is gonna lose his
balls in some weird accident,
425
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:22,853
But I don't even believe--
426
00:15:22,954 --> 00:15:25,122
And I know you say you
were there and you saw it--
427
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:26,423
I don't even believe
that the psychic
428
00:15:26,524 --> 00:15:28,192
Ever even said that.
429
00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:30,261
What I think is that,
once again,
430
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:32,730
This is another
attempt by jones
431
00:15:32,831 --> 00:15:37,401
To have everyone
focusing on his balls.
432
00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:39,904
And I'm not
gonna fall for it.
433
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,605
Reno sheriff's department,
open up !
434
00:15:41,706 --> 00:15:43,407
( barking dog )
435
00:15:43,508 --> 00:15:45,275
Sheriff's department,
open up !
436
00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:46,343
( man )
wrong house !
437
00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:48,345
No, it isn't !
Open up, sir !
438
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:50,080
Open the damn door.
439
00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:52,883
Y'all don't come in here,
I got a dog !
440
00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:55,552
We don't give a goddamn
about no damn dog !
441
00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:57,254
Open up the damn door !
442
00:15:57,355 --> 00:15:58,589
Sir, we're
coming in !
443
00:15:58,690 --> 00:15:59,690
Open this door !
444
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:00,924
I ain't opening
nothing !
445
00:16:01,025 --> 00:16:02,192
Do it, jones, do it.
446
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,260
Ahh !
( barking )
447
00:16:03,361 --> 00:16:04,495
( screaming )
448
00:16:04,595 --> 00:16:05,896
Oh, my god !
449
00:16:05,997 --> 00:16:08,598
Oh, shit !
450
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:16,240
Okay, people,
for five points
451
00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:20,578
On your motor-vehicle
safety exam...
452
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:23,480
It's a movie.
453
00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:24,415
Three words.
454
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,217
Men in-- oh.
455
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,253
Third word.
456
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:31,822
Bananas.
457
00:16:31,923 --> 00:16:33,457
Bananas.
Bananas !
458
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:35,092
Let's go bananas,
let's go bananas !
459
00:16:35,193 --> 00:16:37,461
Woody allen's "bananas,"
the third--
460
00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:40,130
Flies, flies.
Get out of here.
461
00:16:40,231 --> 00:16:42,199
Shoo, shoo fly.
462
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,601
Bugs.
Kill.
463
00:16:44,702 --> 00:16:46,170
Flies.
464
00:16:46,271 --> 00:16:47,604
Swat.
465
00:16:47,705 --> 00:16:48,973
Bee, bee, bee.
466
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,875
"be my banana."
467
00:16:50,975 --> 00:16:53,009
Penis guy.
468
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:56,580
Penis guy jones.
469
00:16:56,681 --> 00:16:58,749
It's not
"penis guy jones."
470
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,251
I just got very
excited.
471
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,053
You're not
supposed to be guessing. Okay.
472
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:06,823
We need members
of the community
473
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,425
To help us out by signing
this petition.
474
00:17:08,526 --> 00:17:09,527
If you'd sign it tonight,
475
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:11,195
That'll let us
keep our moustaches,
476
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:12,429
Which will let us
keep you safe.
477
00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:15,298
So we'd appreciate
your signatures tonight.
478
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,235
Okay.
479
00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:19,469
Fantastic.
480
00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:24,141
Can we sign
our character names ?
481
00:17:24,242 --> 00:17:26,243
Sure, yeah, go ahead.
482
00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,215
First syllable.
483
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:33,350
Her.
484
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:34,651
Herbie.
485
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,153
"herbie and the bananas" !
486
00:17:36,254 --> 00:17:38,322
"herbie goes bananas" !
"herbie goes bananas" !
487
00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:40,491
Nice.
Five.
488
00:17:40,592 --> 00:17:43,293
Okay, we only got 6...
489
00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:45,162
6ý more hours
of this, people.
490
00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:47,898
( wailing siren )
491
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,970
( wailing siren )
492
00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:55,906
What's our opinion
on the department
493
00:17:56,007 --> 00:17:57,574
Banning moustaches ?
494
00:17:57,676 --> 00:17:58,909
Check out
the action on these.
495
00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:00,610
You can't tell whether
I'm smiling or I'm angry
496
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:02,112
When I do that, hmm ?
497
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:03,613
Poker face.
498
00:18:03,714 --> 00:18:04,915
Yeah.
499
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:06,784
Am I going for my gun ?
500
00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:08,586
My lip's not
telling you.
501
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:09,953
That's right.
502
00:18:10,054 --> 00:18:11,154
Unh-unh.
503
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:11,955
Where am I going in
my killin' window ?
504
00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,590
Gun, mace, cuffs ?
505
00:18:13,691 --> 00:18:15,425
Am I gonna hug you, or am
I gonna choke you out ?
506
00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:17,394
This ain't saying.
507
00:18:17,495 --> 00:18:21,865
And with this,
forget it.
508
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:24,501
He could bluff me
with a two.
509
00:18:24,602 --> 00:18:25,503
Am I mad at you ?
510
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:26,703
I'm folding
right now.
511
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:29,906
Am I about to help you
find the arby's ?
512
00:18:30,007 --> 00:18:32,109
You don't know.
513
00:18:38,083 --> 00:18:44,654
I'll say I admire
your conviction...
514
00:18:44,755 --> 00:18:49,727
Turning in your
badge and gun.
515
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:57,334
Keeps them wild dogs
away from you, huh ?
516
00:18:58,302 --> 00:18:59,369
Past midnight.
517
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:01,005
I got my ball.
518
00:19:01,105 --> 00:19:02,539
I got all
my balls.
519
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,575
Hey, jones,
that clock's fast, buddy.
520
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:05,742
It's 11:58.
521
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,778
He's right-- ohh !
Ohh !
522
00:19:07,879 --> 00:19:09,145
Oh, I'm so--
523
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:11,582
( moaning )
524
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:13,383
Okay, ice, ice,
ice, ice.
525
00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:15,018
Get ice.
526
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:16,219
I'm just gonna put
some pressure on, okay ?
527
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,621
( screaming )
528
00:19:17,722 --> 00:19:18,555
No, don't !
529
00:19:18,656 --> 00:19:19,823
I'm just applying
pressure !
530
00:19:19,924 --> 00:19:23,494
I'm trying to help you.
531
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:26,563
( junior )
dangle, I think you're gonna need to go get ice,
532
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:27,965
If you're gonna ice that.
533
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,100
Jim, jim, let go of it !
534
00:19:30,201 --> 00:19:32,336
( screeching tires )
535
00:19:33,571 --> 00:19:35,439
( dangle )
uh, kind of good news, gang.
536
00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:37,908
They got our petition,
537
00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:43,447
But now for some reason
moustaches are mandatory.
538
00:19:43,548 --> 00:19:44,614
( williams )
what ?
539
00:19:44,715 --> 00:19:47,884
Jim, does that mean
the women, too ?
540
00:19:47,985 --> 00:19:53,456
It doesn't specify,
but it says "mandatory."
541
00:19:53,558 --> 00:19:54,924
This is the scissors
they have.
542
00:19:55,025 --> 00:19:56,994
I used it to cut my shirt
543
00:19:57,094 --> 00:20:00,097
Because my other shirt
was too big, and it was gross.
544
00:20:00,198 --> 00:20:02,299
Hi, morning.
545
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,867
Scissors.
546
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,235
Not supposed
to touch these, terry.
547
00:20:05,336 --> 00:20:06,836
I didn't touch it.
548
00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:08,204
( whispering )
I didn't know.
549
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:11,208
( playing harmonica )
550
00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:19,049
Hey, gang,
how's everybody feeling ?
551
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,651
Not so good, I heard,
552
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:22,586
But the deputy jimbo
one-man band
553
00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:23,954
Is here to cheer you up.
554
00:20:24,055 --> 00:20:26,589
ââ¢Âª my gal is
a highborn lady ââ¢Âª
555
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:29,593
ââ¢Âª she's black but she
ain't too shady ââ¢Âª
556
00:20:29,694 --> 00:20:32,529
ââ¢Âª pretty as a
peacock just as gay ââ¢Âª
557
00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:35,365
ââ¢Âª she's not colored
she was born that way ââ¢Âª
558
00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:38,301
ââ¢Âª oh, I'm proud
of my black venus ââ¢Âª
559
00:20:38,402 --> 00:20:40,938
ââ¢Âª no coon can come
between us ââ¢Âª
560
00:20:41,039 --> 00:20:44,842
Okay, okay,
I think that's enough.
561
00:20:59,357 --> 00:21:00,490
Okay.
562
00:21:00,591 --> 00:21:01,692
( woman )
movie.
563
00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:03,827
Wait, hold on a second,
I have to count.
564
00:21:03,928 --> 00:21:06,162
( dangle )
sound it out in your head.
565
00:21:06,263 --> 00:21:11,601
Movie !
566
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:14,037
One word ?
567
00:21:14,138 --> 00:21:16,306
It took you that
long to count one word ?
568
00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:17,407
Three words.
569
00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:19,075
First word.
570
00:21:19,176 --> 00:21:20,210
You're
mouthing it out.
571
00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:21,745
"fast and the furious."
572
00:21:21,846 --> 00:21:23,513
Whoo !
573
00:21:23,614 --> 00:21:24,681
You mouthed it out,
you said--
574
00:21:24,782 --> 00:21:25,616
You mouthed--
575
00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:27,050
Whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo, whoo !
576
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:31,650
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38538
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
