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1
00:00:01,908 --> 00:00:05,377
I'm a traveler.
Travel a lot.
2
00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:06,846
[dramatic classical music]
3
00:00:06,948 --> 00:00:08,614
One time I was on my way
to Denver,
4
00:00:08,716 --> 00:00:10,750
I had to change in Chicago.
I was in a real rush,
5
00:00:10,852 --> 00:00:13,385
and I needed to get some food
in me really quick.
6
00:00:13,488 --> 00:00:15,187
There was this sushi.
7
00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:19,091
It was just fishy,
sweet-- for some reason-- flavor,
8
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:23,863
and as it came apart in my hand
I thought, "Ah.
9
00:00:23,965 --> 00:00:25,731
What is the city missing?"
10
00:00:25,833 --> 00:00:28,734
I had this idea. I just came
to this Alberta district,
11
00:00:28,836 --> 00:00:32,204
and I said, "Let's open up
a airport sushi."
12
00:00:32,306 --> 00:00:36,275
Couple years later...
I had Kuko.
13
00:00:36,377 --> 00:00:37,676
14
00:00:37,745 --> 00:00:39,245
At Kuko,
we are proud to serve
15
00:00:39,347 --> 00:00:43,482
the most borderline
not-sushi sushi
16
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,217
in the whole world.
17
00:00:45,319 --> 00:00:48,621
I want to make it
like we have no love for it.
18
00:00:48,723 --> 00:00:50,089
Order up.
19
00:00:50,191 --> 00:00:51,157
I said,
"Let's be the last people
20
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,792
at the fish market."
21
00:00:52,894 --> 00:00:55,094
And everyone said
you have to be a smart chef
22
00:00:55,196 --> 00:00:58,063
who looks at your food
and really considers it.
23
00:00:58,166 --> 00:01:00,099
I thought, "No, why?"
24
00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:04,770
I want to be the chef that says,
"Get this thing outta here."
25
00:01:04,872 --> 00:01:07,840
I want this to be
a unifying sushi that...
26
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,576
anyone can eat
but nobody wants to eat.
27
00:01:10,678 --> 00:01:12,812
Airport sushi,
that flavor of rice
28
00:01:12,914 --> 00:01:14,313
you don't get
anywhere else,
29
00:01:14,415 --> 00:01:18,117
where it's so hard
you actually feel like,
30
00:01:18,219 --> 00:01:20,920
"Am I eating
bits of plastic?"
31
00:01:21,022 --> 00:01:23,656
Open the fridge please.
See how this is?
32
00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,257
This got sent back.
33
00:01:25,359 --> 00:01:28,127
Great. Uh, yeah, send that one
back to them again.
34
00:01:28,229 --> 00:01:30,262
Let's add a little something
to it.
35
00:01:30,364 --> 00:01:32,264
There we go.
Meaningless paper.
36
00:01:32,366 --> 00:01:35,267
[Washed Out's
"Feel It All Around" playing]
37
00:01:49,094 --> 00:01:50,762
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:54,119
- I am outraged!
- [both screaming]
39
00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,621
Look at this.
40
00:01:55,723 --> 00:01:58,023
"Port-langeles."
Hmm? Does that make you happy?
41
00:01:58,125 --> 00:02:00,025
Doesn't make me happy.
Have you noticed
42
00:02:00,127 --> 00:02:02,962
the influx of outsiders
into Portland lately?
43
00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:04,029
- Yes.
- Yeah.
44
00:02:04,131 --> 00:02:05,331
And they're taking our jobs,
45
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:06,899
they're filling up
our coffee shops.
46
00:02:07,001 --> 00:02:09,501
Not, like, our jobs,
but just jobs in general.
47
00:02:09,604 --> 00:02:10,836
They actually want
to work,
48
00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:13,339
and that's changing
our way of life.
49
00:02:13,441 --> 00:02:15,140
I went to a restaurant
the other night
50
00:02:15,243 --> 00:02:16,575
and every table was full.
51
00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:19,478
There's no room
for us spontaneous boho types
52
00:02:19,580 --> 00:02:20,679
to roll in, right,
and just have dinner.
53
00:02:20,781 --> 00:02:22,081
That's true.
54
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:23,983
I need things to be
weird and freaky.
55
00:02:24,085 --> 00:02:25,084
- Yeah.
- The more people
56
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:26,485
that come in
from the outside,
57
00:02:26,587 --> 00:02:28,821
the more we start having
to adapt to them.
58
00:02:28,923 --> 00:02:31,657
Yeah, I know, I know.
We have to control our borders.
59
00:02:31,759 --> 00:02:33,893
Yeah, but we can't legally
not allow people
60
00:02:33,995 --> 00:02:35,194
to come into the city.
61
00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:36,395
No, we can't,
you're right.
62
00:02:36,497 --> 00:02:38,697
But there is something
we can do.
63
00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:41,700
[regal music]
64
00:02:41,802 --> 00:02:44,536
[people chanting]
Keep us weird! Keep us weird!
65
00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:46,005
Keep us weird! Keep us weird!
66
00:02:46,107 --> 00:02:47,506
What can you do?
67
00:02:47,608 --> 00:02:49,341
And that is why, as mayor,
I've decided
68
00:02:49,443 --> 00:02:51,911
it's time that we need
to secede and form
69
00:02:52,013 --> 00:02:54,880
our own weird
and yet independent nation.
70
00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:56,215
- [cheers and applause]
- Secede!
71
00:02:56,317 --> 00:02:59,952
[overlapping shouts]
72
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,021
- That's our mayor, man.
- That's great.
73
00:03:02,123 --> 00:03:05,524
Keep Portland weird
and independent!
74
00:03:05,626 --> 00:03:08,060
Keep Portland the nation!
75
00:03:08,162 --> 00:03:11,430
Keep our nation
independent and weird.
76
00:03:11,532 --> 00:03:14,199
Let's succeed and go
77
00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:15,601
- Portland be independent...
- Independence now.
78
00:03:15,703 --> 00:03:18,938
Seceding now.
Portland, let's se--
79
00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,740
Let's for--
Portland nation.
80
00:03:21,842 --> 00:03:24,376
Portland the nation.
81
00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:26,812
Portland the nation
seceding now.
82
00:03:26,914 --> 00:03:29,581
both: Portland the nation
seceding now.
83
00:03:29,684 --> 00:03:32,618
all: Portland the nation
seceding now.
84
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,421
Portland the nation
seceding now.
85
00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:36,488
Portland the nation
seceding now!
86
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:38,123
[triumphant music]
87
00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:40,893
Portland the nation
seceding now!
88
00:03:40,995 --> 00:03:43,595
Portland the nation
seceding now!
89
00:03:43,698 --> 00:03:46,131
Portland the nation
seceding now!
90
00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:48,434
- Portland the na--
- Who's with me?
91
00:03:48,536 --> 00:03:51,437
[indie rock music]
92
00:03:51,539 --> 00:03:52,738
93
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,074
- Great bagel.
- Yeah, New York style.
94
00:03:55,176 --> 00:03:57,343
Let's get back
and clean out the garage.
95
00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,644
Whoa.
96
00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:01,613
[dramatic music]
97
00:04:01,716 --> 00:04:02,781
Can you back out?
98
00:04:02,883 --> 00:04:05,184
99
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,719
That's like
a 40-point turn.
100
00:04:06,787 --> 00:04:08,587
Look at that.
1 inch.
101
00:04:08,689 --> 00:04:10,155
It's 1 inch
from the tire.
102
00:04:10,257 --> 00:04:11,857
Is this your car?
103
00:04:11,926 --> 00:04:14,126
The engine's still warm,
so you should be nearby.
104
00:04:14,228 --> 00:04:16,161
I see you up there.
Is this your car?
105
00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:19,832
Hi, we're Kath and Dave.
106
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:21,667
We can't get out,
you idiot.
107
00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:24,837
Look!
Look at that!
108
00:04:24,939 --> 00:04:27,306
That's your car!
109
00:04:27,408 --> 00:04:29,141
Your car!
110
00:04:29,243 --> 00:04:30,309
When they come back
they're not gonna know
111
00:04:30,411 --> 00:04:31,610
that it was us.
112
00:04:31,712 --> 00:04:32,978
They need to suffer
for their crime.
113
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,380
I don't want this
to be wasted.
114
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,515
Well,
let's get the notebook.
115
00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:37,516
The notebook!
116
00:04:37,618 --> 00:04:38,984
"Notes to Park by."
117
00:04:39,086 --> 00:04:40,619
- Let's do it.
- We worked hard on these.
118
00:04:40,721 --> 00:04:41,987
"There's a better parking spot
for you
119
00:04:42,089 --> 00:04:43,622
down by the imbecile factory."
120
00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:45,157
- I don't know.
- Okay, what about this?
121
00:04:45,259 --> 00:04:46,959
"Where do you go to school?
Idiot Tech?"
122
00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:48,394
- Ha ha!
- Ooh, let's try that one.
123
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,795
- This'll work.
- Too lethal.
124
00:04:49,897 --> 00:04:51,196
- Too polite.
- No, that's not right.
125
00:04:51,298 --> 00:04:52,698
- No, no, no, no!
- None of these are working.
126
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,699
- We have to write our own.
- Let's do it.
127
00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:55,034
Thank you very much.
128
00:04:55,136 --> 00:04:56,802
I wish for you
129
00:04:56,904 --> 00:04:58,704
to be somewhere else--
130
00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:00,506
underground!
131
00:05:00,608 --> 00:05:02,174
How would you like it if we
parked in your living room?
132
00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:03,175
Make "living room" longer.
133
00:05:03,277 --> 00:05:05,878
Living roo-oo-oo--
134
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:07,980
You think you have the right
to block me in like a monster?
135
00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:09,548
If this is a nightmare,
you're in it!
136
00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:11,316
We're gonna make you drink
your own gasoline!
137
00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:13,352
[car horn honks]
138
00:05:19,994 --> 00:05:21,060
- You're gonna get towed!
- Do it!
139
00:05:21,162 --> 00:05:22,361
[both yelling indistinctly]
140
00:05:22,463 --> 00:05:23,629
- We will find you!
- Ah!
141
00:05:25,099 --> 00:05:26,598
That is in there.
142
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:27,833
Read it and weep!
143
00:05:27,935 --> 00:05:29,735
Kath and Dave.
144
00:05:29,837 --> 00:05:31,003
What's going on? How are you?
Look how this idiot parked.
145
00:05:31,105 --> 00:05:32,071
We're so sorry.
146
00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:33,072
- Did we block you in?
- Yeah.
147
00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:34,073
This is your car?
148
00:05:34,175 --> 00:05:35,274
- Yeah.
- Yes.
149
00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:36,675
What, uh--
what are you guys doing?
150
00:05:36,777 --> 00:05:38,210
It's a--
our cat's missing.
151
00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:41,847
This-- this is actually
a drawing he did, so-- yeah.
152
00:05:41,949 --> 00:05:44,616
Please, if you see our cat,
let us know.
153
00:05:46,219 --> 00:05:48,887
Little more.
Little more. Good.
154
00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,222
All right.
155
00:05:50,324 --> 00:05:51,390
- No, no, no!
- Grass. Grass. Grass.
156
00:05:51,492 --> 00:05:52,691
- No construction!
- No--
157
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:54,092
- No construction!
- Good morning.
158
00:05:54,195 --> 00:05:55,527
- Hi, excuse me, guys.
- Can we help you, sir?
159
00:05:55,629 --> 00:05:57,396
- Yeah, hi.
- Are you lost, little boy?
160
00:05:57,498 --> 00:05:59,865
No, I'm not lost. I'm here
to put in a parking lot today,
161
00:05:59,967 --> 00:06:02,367
so I'm gonna need you guys
to take your game
162
00:06:02,470 --> 00:06:04,069
and kind of-- kind of move it
elsewhere.
163
00:06:04,171 --> 00:06:05,838
We're not going anywhere,
do you understand?
164
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:07,139
You can't bulldoze this,
165
00:06:07,208 --> 00:06:09,341
because we are representing
Mother Earth.
166
00:06:09,443 --> 00:06:10,676
This is her scalp.
167
00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:12,177
Look, just a little spot
of land.
168
00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:13,679
What-- it's not a big deal.
169
00:06:13,781 --> 00:06:15,948
Oh, just a little spot
of land.
170
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:17,616
- Yeah.
- Maybe we should bulldoze
171
00:06:17,718 --> 00:06:19,751
those buildings and put grass
on that. How does that sound?
172
00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,854
Well, you know, if you-- you--
you get-- we get the contract,
173
00:06:21,956 --> 00:06:23,222
yeah, I'm-I'm happy to do it.
174
00:06:23,324 --> 00:06:25,390
Oh, you're just all about--
[bleep].
175
00:06:25,493 --> 00:06:26,925
You're all about--
176
00:06:27,027 --> 00:06:29,261
Do you see this?
I'm doing the money--
177
00:06:29,363 --> 00:06:31,230
- I-- no, I see it.
- Yeah, you're just hungry.
178
00:06:31,332 --> 00:06:32,364
- Just--
- I just--
179
00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:33,866
I just want to do my job.
180
00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:36,134
Look, the message is clear.
Go elsewhere.
181
00:06:36,237 --> 00:06:37,402
We are not gonna move.
182
00:06:37,505 --> 00:06:39,037
Plus, we can't move.
Ugh.
183
00:06:39,139 --> 00:06:40,072
We're croquet-ed in here.
184
00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:41,273
[groaning]
185
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,574
Okay.
186
00:06:42,643 --> 00:06:44,142
Good, go have your coffee.
187
00:06:44,245 --> 00:06:45,377
Ha! We got 'em!
188
00:06:45,479 --> 00:06:48,247
- Parking lot...
- We think not.
189
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,415
- Parking lot. We--
- Hello. Hi.
190
00:06:50,518 --> 00:06:53,051
- Are you the eco-terrorists?
- Who's asking?
191
00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:54,753
Well, I'm here
to let you guys know
192
00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:57,422
that you've been selected
to receive an award
193
00:06:57,525 --> 00:06:59,725
for best protest
at The Protest Awards
194
00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:02,561
this afternoon
at the Desi Arnaz banquet hall.
195
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:04,596
All the information
is right there.
196
00:07:04,698 --> 00:07:06,398
I'm just gonna leave it
right here for ya,
197
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:08,333
just jam it right there
in the dirt.
198
00:07:08,435 --> 00:07:11,103
And, uh, it's a black tie event,
so please wear your best.
199
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:12,437
- Huh.
- We will see you there.
200
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:14,740
- Thank you very much.
- Okay, I guess.
201
00:07:14,842 --> 00:07:16,775
The invitation looks
pretty official.
202
00:07:16,877 --> 00:07:18,443
Yeah, there's, like,
gold lettering on it.
203
00:07:18,546 --> 00:07:20,145
Also, we're gonna go
up there-- we're not
204
00:07:20,247 --> 00:07:21,346
just gonna go up there and
be like, "Thank you, thank you."
205
00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:22,681
- We're gonna use it.
- Yeah.
206
00:07:22,783 --> 00:07:23,849
Do you guys wanna go?
207
00:07:23,951 --> 00:07:24,950
- I wanna go.
- I'll go.
208
00:07:25,052 --> 00:07:26,451
[award show music]
209
00:07:26,554 --> 00:07:28,020
- Are we ready?
- Whew. I feel ready.
210
00:07:28,122 --> 00:07:29,621
- I'm ready.
- Okay. Lest we forget,
211
00:07:29,723 --> 00:07:31,356
this is the biggest platform
we've ever had
212
00:07:31,458 --> 00:07:33,492
to get our message out,
so let's get in there
213
00:07:33,594 --> 00:07:35,127
and just get
to the core of it.
214
00:07:35,229 --> 00:07:36,929
That's right.
Let's get in there.
215
00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:41,700
216
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:47,606
- [gasps]
- Oh.
217
00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,374
- Ah! What did they do?
- No!
218
00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,376
- No!
- What? Great.
219
00:07:51,478 --> 00:07:53,845
- We were duped!
- I guess we failed.
220
00:07:53,948 --> 00:07:55,814
- It's our own fault, you know.
- Yeah.
221
00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:57,783
Sorry, kids. You know,
you're just gonna have to find
222
00:07:57,885 --> 00:07:59,551
some other little piece of grass
to save,
223
00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,987
because this one's gone,
but you know what?
224
00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:03,722
You're all winners
in my book.
225
00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:05,490
- Let's get outta here, guys.
- Yeah. See--
226
00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,125
Actually, you--
hold on a second.
227
00:08:07,227 --> 00:08:08,393
We prepared a speech, right?
Let's say it.
228
00:08:08,495 --> 00:08:09,828
[dramatic music]
229
00:08:09,930 --> 00:08:12,464
- Let's say it to him.
- I can't wait.
230
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:13,632
Really?
Brandon.
231
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,867
232
00:08:15,970 --> 00:08:17,869
Listen up.
233
00:08:17,938 --> 00:08:19,571
234
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:22,074
This award is,
uh, unexpected.
235
00:08:22,176 --> 00:08:25,544
Uh... I can't
thank you enough.
236
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,412
We, uh, really didn't
see this coming.
237
00:08:27,514 --> 00:08:29,715
I didn't prepare anything.
Uh, is my wife here somewhere?
238
00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,483
[laughs]
239
00:08:31,585 --> 00:08:34,486
[indie rock music]
240
00:08:34,588 --> 00:08:36,521
241
00:08:37,858 --> 00:08:39,091
Fred and Carrie?
242
00:08:39,193 --> 00:08:41,860
- Right this way.
- Sure.
243
00:08:41,929 --> 00:08:43,061
Have a seat, please.
244
00:08:43,163 --> 00:08:46,098
[dramatic music]
245
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:47,833
246
00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:49,101
[whispering]
Fred and Carrie, sir.
247
00:08:51,205 --> 00:08:53,939
Fred and Carrie.
Hi.
248
00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:55,340
- How's it going?
- How you doing?
249
00:08:55,442 --> 00:08:56,708
- Hey.
- Thanks for seeing us.
250
00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:58,443
Oh, thank you
for coming in.
251
00:08:58,545 --> 00:09:00,379
So what can I
do you for today?
252
00:09:00,481 --> 00:09:02,681
We're here to tell you
that Portland
253
00:09:02,783 --> 00:09:04,850
wants to secede
from the nation.
254
00:09:04,952 --> 00:09:07,853
[ominous music]
255
00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:09,554
256
00:09:09,657 --> 00:09:11,423
It says here you're
under a three-year contract
257
00:09:11,525 --> 00:09:12,891
with two years
still left on it.
258
00:09:12,993 --> 00:09:15,927
The penalty for early
termination will be $97.
259
00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:19,564
Uh, wow.
Didn't expect that. All right.
260
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:21,366
You're gonna have to return
all the American stuff
261
00:09:21,468 --> 00:09:23,268
you guys have.
That's American flags,
262
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:25,270
flagpoles,
telephone poles.
263
00:09:25,372 --> 00:09:26,371
- What?
- Says here
264
00:09:26,473 --> 00:09:28,206
you have three gavels.
265
00:09:28,308 --> 00:09:29,775
We will need
those gavels back.
266
00:09:29,877 --> 00:09:31,243
This kind of bureaucracy,
267
00:09:31,345 --> 00:09:34,546
this kind of overregulation
of small people,
268
00:09:34,648 --> 00:09:36,682
this is exactly why
we're leaving.
269
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:38,784
Okay. I don't do this
for everyone,
270
00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:41,153
but I'll do it for you.
271
00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,721
Three years membership
in the union,
272
00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:44,556
we give you three months
of free water and power.
273
00:09:44,658 --> 00:09:47,059
That's it. All right,
get outta here. Get outta here!
274
00:09:47,161 --> 00:09:49,628
- No bribes.
- That's it, go.
275
00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,830
Fill out the form
that says that Portland
276
00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:53,231
is no longer part
of the United States.
277
00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,400
We would like the city
and the river.
278
00:09:55,502 --> 00:09:57,069
- You can't have the river.
- Yes, we can.
279
00:09:57,171 --> 00:09:59,337
Flags of convenience,
maritime law.
280
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,241
Any seafaring vessel can
seafare alo-- along the sea,
281
00:10:03,343 --> 00:10:05,510
along the shores
without touching the shore,
282
00:10:05,612 --> 00:10:07,479
as long as they have
fuel or sails.
283
00:10:07,581 --> 00:10:09,448
- That's not true at all.
- It is very true.
284
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:12,284
So what kind of taxes are you
gonna have in your country?
285
00:10:12,386 --> 00:10:13,652
$12.
286
00:10:13,754 --> 00:10:15,187
The currency's gonna be
dollars?
287
00:10:15,289 --> 00:10:16,321
No, goo-koos.
288
00:10:16,423 --> 00:10:17,923
- Goo-koos?
- Goo-koos.
289
00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:19,458
And what's this money
gonna look like?
290
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,126
They're little balls.
291
00:10:21,228 --> 00:10:23,095
They're like ping pong balls
but painted white.
292
00:10:23,197 --> 00:10:25,330
And so everything is done
by gravity,
293
00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,265
so cash registers,
instead of being
294
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:30,635
that stupid thing that jumps
out at you, is a sack.
295
00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,504
So you go to a grocery store,
and it'll be like,
296
00:10:32,606 --> 00:10:35,774
"Oh, the next goo-koo sack is
available. Please step up"?
297
00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:37,242
- Yes.
- Okay.
298
00:10:37,311 --> 00:10:39,444
We're very sorry,
but we're proud.
299
00:10:39,546 --> 00:10:41,046
- We're gonna secede.
- All right.
300
00:10:41,148 --> 00:10:43,115
- I can do this for you, but...
- Thank you.
301
00:10:43,217 --> 00:10:44,316
It'll take three years.
302
00:10:44,418 --> 00:10:46,151
- No. We want it now.
- Now.
303
00:10:46,253 --> 00:10:47,285
- What's-- what's three years?
- You-- you know what?
304
00:10:47,387 --> 00:10:48,653
Secession isn't
about waiting,
305
00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:50,222
and it's not about asking
for permission.
306
00:10:50,324 --> 00:10:51,690
It actually is.
That's what you're doing
307
00:10:51,792 --> 00:10:53,125
right now.
You're asking me for permission.
308
00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:54,493
- No.
- No, no, we're telling you.
309
00:10:54,595 --> 00:10:56,361
We're telling you
that we're leaving.
310
00:10:56,463 --> 00:10:57,863
No, you can't just leave.
You can't just say "leave"
311
00:10:57,965 --> 00:10:59,364
and you're gone.
You have to fill out forms!
312
00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:02,167
Freedom is not about form!
It's about reform,
313
00:11:02,269 --> 00:11:03,902
and this...
314
00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:05,637
is our declaration
of independence.
315
00:11:05,739 --> 00:11:07,973
Today is our Fourth of July.
316
00:11:08,075 --> 00:11:10,842
[regal music]
317
00:11:13,113 --> 00:11:14,546
I am gonna find
those gavels.
318
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:17,149
I know where they are.
They're in the courthouses.
319
00:11:18,697 --> 00:11:21,165
[imitating sheep]
320
00:11:21,267 --> 00:11:23,000
[groans]
[imitating explosion]
321
00:11:23,103 --> 00:11:24,802
[groans]
322
00:11:24,904 --> 00:11:27,138
- Daddy, I have a question.
- Yeah?
323
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:30,241
When you're dead,
are you dead forever?
324
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:32,176
[slow quirky music]
325
00:11:32,278 --> 00:11:34,245
Oh.
326
00:11:34,347 --> 00:11:37,682
Uh...
[groans]
327
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,617
You want to play a game?
328
00:11:39,719 --> 00:11:41,085
You can play with my phone
if you want.
329
00:11:41,187 --> 00:11:42,920
[gasps]
330
00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:44,455
I didn't know
what to say.
331
00:11:44,557 --> 00:11:46,657
I was just--
"Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh."
332
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,159
I mean, I think we just need
to start rolling out
333
00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:50,161
some of the scarier concepts,
you know?
334
00:11:50,263 --> 00:11:51,462
Start with the easier stuff,
335
00:11:51,564 --> 00:11:52,997
build up
to the really heavy things,
336
00:11:53,099 --> 00:11:55,500
and-- just a roll out
of bad news.
337
00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:58,436
This is a huge leap.
We're like, "Here's candy,
338
00:11:58,538 --> 00:12:00,605
here's racism,
and then cancer?"
339
00:12:00,707 --> 00:12:01,939
- What about death?
- Honey, I--
340
00:12:02,075 --> 00:12:03,708
That's what started this.
341
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,110
I know it seems huge, but it's
a part of everyday life.
342
00:12:06,212 --> 00:12:07,545
- I-I agree.
- You know, maybe we--
343
00:12:07,647 --> 00:12:09,013
we get him a goldfish
or something, yeah.
344
00:12:09,115 --> 00:12:11,549
- And kill the goldfish.
- No. I-I don't--
345
00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:12,984
Menendez brothers.
346
00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,352
Does he need to know
about the Menendez brothers?
347
00:12:14,454 --> 00:12:15,787
They killed their parents.
348
00:12:15,889 --> 00:12:17,989
He's not gonna kill--
You're right.
349
00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,491
You know what, I want to start
with something easy.
350
00:12:20,593 --> 00:12:22,727
Plastic surgery.
Okay, explain plastic surgery.
351
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,529
I'm Grover.
352
00:12:24,631 --> 00:12:27,465
Listen, I-I--
[laughs]
353
00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:28,966
How about geysers?
354
00:12:29,068 --> 00:12:30,701
Permanent stains I think
is-- is a good one.
355
00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:32,904
Assassinations?
Too soon? Too soon?
356
00:12:33,006 --> 00:12:34,739
Prison industrial complex.
357
00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,007
You don't like geysers, huh?
358
00:12:36,109 --> 00:12:37,675
Concussions, football.
359
00:12:37,744 --> 00:12:39,644
So Grover,
when you play football--
360
00:12:39,746 --> 00:12:41,212
Oh, he's not
playing football.
361
00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:43,581
Brendan, "geyser" is not
making it up on this board.
362
00:12:43,683 --> 00:12:45,850
If you want to have
a private conversation,
363
00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:47,385
- who in you--
- One last argument for it.
364
00:12:47,487 --> 00:12:49,687
- Brendan--
- There are over ten people
365
00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:52,156
every 100 years
who die in geysers.
366
00:12:52,258 --> 00:12:54,192
You don't think that number's
kind of high?
367
00:12:54,294 --> 00:12:56,360
- No.
- Santa? That's not till later.
368
00:12:56,462 --> 00:12:58,663
Let's be on the same page
as-- as the Santa thing,
369
00:12:58,798 --> 00:13:01,499
'cause I know you-- you found out
kind of-- kind of late.
370
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:03,401
Look, Kris Kringle
is a real name.
371
00:13:03,503 --> 00:13:04,869
He is of Russian origin.
372
00:13:04,971 --> 00:13:06,337
What-- where did we get
the imagery from?
373
00:13:06,439 --> 00:13:08,372
- He is--
- Mythology, fairy tales.
374
00:13:08,474 --> 00:13:09,373
What fairy tale?
375
00:13:09,475 --> 00:13:11,509
I believe it
376
00:13:11,611 --> 00:13:13,611
- It-- Santa, I-- No, I--
- Gotcha. He's--
377
00:13:13,713 --> 00:13:15,012
No, you didn't get me.
378
00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:16,547
I got that Beatle box set,
379
00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:18,049
and I was like,
"Who gave me this?"
380
00:13:18,151 --> 00:13:19,717
You said to me, you're like,
"It wasn't me,"
381
00:13:19,819 --> 00:13:21,252
and you shrugged
and you smiled.
382
00:13:21,354 --> 00:13:23,187
So you thought that Santa
got that for you?
383
00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:24,355
- Who got it for me?
- I did.
384
00:13:24,457 --> 00:13:25,857
I ordered it off Amazon,
it came,
385
00:13:25,959 --> 00:13:27,391
I wrapped it up,
and I gave it to you.
386
00:13:27,493 --> 00:13:29,827
[somber music]
387
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,596
[sniffs]
All right, let's--
388
00:13:31,698 --> 00:13:33,531
let's-- let's see
what else there is.
389
00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:35,533
The phone's out of battery.
390
00:13:35,635 --> 00:13:36,534
[hopeful music]
391
00:13:36,636 --> 00:13:37,602
The phone.
392
00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:38,703
- The phone.
- The phone.
393
00:13:38,805 --> 00:13:40,705
The phone.
Grover, honey,
394
00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:43,407
I'm gonna give you a charger.
I want you to charge the phone
395
00:13:43,476 --> 00:13:45,142
'cause we have a lot of words
for you to look up.
396
00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:46,777
Yeah, a bunch of words,
okay?
397
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,279
You could start with "war."
398
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:50,781
Yeah, W-A-R.
399
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:53,384
You know what you could Google,
"Santa Claus."
400
00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:54,952
You mean "Kris Kringle."
401
00:13:55,054 --> 00:13:57,955
[indie rock music]
402
00:13:58,057 --> 00:13:59,223
403
00:13:59,325 --> 00:14:00,558
What do you feel like
for lunch, hon?
404
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:03,461
Is there a beans place
anywhere?
405
00:14:03,563 --> 00:14:05,963
Oh, probably.
406
00:14:06,065 --> 00:14:08,232
Peter,
will you look at that?
407
00:14:08,334 --> 00:14:10,434
I was just reading about this
in the paper.
408
00:14:10,536 --> 00:14:12,503
That is Banksy,
he's a graffiti artist,
409
00:14:12,605 --> 00:14:14,405
and no one knows
his identity.
410
00:14:14,507 --> 00:14:16,607
It's so fascinating.
[chuckles]
411
00:14:16,709 --> 00:14:19,610
Banksy could be anyone.
It's so neat.
412
00:14:19,712 --> 00:14:21,946
A-anyone, huh?
413
00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:24,649
Nance, don't you think that
looks like my handwriting?
414
00:14:24,751 --> 00:14:26,817
[laughs]
I guess.
415
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,020
[stuttering]
N-Nance,
416
00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:31,255
what if I'm Banksy?
417
00:14:31,357 --> 00:14:32,490
Don't be silly.
418
00:14:32,592 --> 00:14:33,991
Well, then Nance,
how do you explain
419
00:14:34,093 --> 00:14:36,928
my whereabouts between 9:00 PM
and 8:00 AM, huh?
420
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,596
Uh, you were sleeping.
421
00:14:38,698 --> 00:14:39,797
You were sleeping.
422
00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:41,165
Eh, how do you know
what I was doing?
423
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:42,833
I-I could have been doing
graffiti all night.
424
00:14:42,936 --> 00:14:44,335
That seems
very unlikely,
425
00:14:44,437 --> 00:14:46,938
that you'd be doing graffiti
in your sleep.
426
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,875
Uh, I-I guess you're right.
I-I do love private property.
427
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,844
I-I-I guess
I'm not Banksy.
428
00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:56,781
Peter,
what's on your hand?
429
00:14:56,883 --> 00:14:59,784
[dramatic music]
430
00:14:59,886 --> 00:15:01,118
431
00:15:01,220 --> 00:15:02,520
Look at the--
look at the paint.
432
00:15:02,622 --> 00:15:04,155
That's spray-paint
on-- on my hand.
433
00:15:04,257 --> 00:15:06,357
Peter, we figured this out
earlier.
434
00:15:06,459 --> 00:15:09,293
That is from when I asked you
to change the printer cartridge,
435
00:15:09,395 --> 00:15:11,362
and you did,
and thank you.
436
00:15:11,464 --> 00:15:12,830
You don't know what it's like
to be a political artist, and--
437
00:15:12,932 --> 00:15:16,300
Peter, you're not
a political guy.
438
00:15:16,402 --> 00:15:17,735
- Yes-- yes I am.
- How?
439
00:15:17,837 --> 00:15:19,303
I remember wh-when I saw
a picture
440
00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:22,673
of the Leaning Tower of Pisa,
I-I said, "Hey.
441
00:15:22,775 --> 00:15:24,976
They gotta fix-- they gotta
fix that thing." Uh--
442
00:15:25,078 --> 00:15:28,379
You're not
an anti-corporate human.
443
00:15:28,448 --> 00:15:30,414
Remember when I wrote
to-- to-- to Disney
444
00:15:30,516 --> 00:15:32,483
and I said, "You should have
more Daisy Duck"?
445
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:35,252
Exactly.
You love Walt Disney.
446
00:15:35,355 --> 00:15:38,022
You love Disneyland.
We've been there 18 times.
447
00:15:38,124 --> 00:15:39,724
A-and I've been there
22 times.
448
00:15:39,826 --> 00:15:41,692
Not everyone
can be anti-corporate
449
00:15:41,794 --> 00:15:44,562
or anti-capitalist.
That's just not who you are,
450
00:15:44,664 --> 00:15:46,097
and that's okay.
451
00:15:46,199 --> 00:15:48,232
Now, I'm gonna climb into bed
with you, all right?
452
00:15:48,334 --> 00:15:49,834
- This is cozy.
- Ow, ow, ow! Don't--
453
00:15:49,936 --> 00:15:51,102
- yeah-- ouch!
- [groans]
454
00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:55,039
Peter?
Are you feeling okay?
455
00:15:55,141 --> 00:15:57,708
I-I'm just
a-a little out of it.
456
00:15:57,810 --> 00:16:00,611
- Probably need some coffee.
- Okay, I'll-I'll get coffee.
457
00:16:02,015 --> 00:16:03,381
- At--
- We're hearing reports
458
00:16:03,483 --> 00:16:05,082
of yet another
Banksy graffiti sighting
459
00:16:05,184 --> 00:16:07,585
on the side of a downtown
Portland establishment.
460
00:16:07,687 --> 00:16:08,953
It's an image
of Ronald McDonald
461
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,522
drinking a cup
of Stumptown coffee.
462
00:16:11,624 --> 00:16:14,258
For-- for crying out loud,
did you hear that?
463
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,826
No, hon.
What's up?
464
00:16:15,895 --> 00:16:18,229
Banksy-- me-- is out on--
on the loose again
465
00:16:18,331 --> 00:16:19,730
at McDonald's!
466
00:16:19,832 --> 00:16:21,399
You love McDonald's,
also, you can't draw.
467
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,900
Well, ap-apparently I can.
468
00:16:23,002 --> 00:16:24,035
Well, then draw
Ronald McDonald.
469
00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:26,070
Draw him right now.
470
00:16:28,307 --> 00:16:29,974
Peter,
that's a stick figure.
471
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,209
It represents
Ronald McDonald.
472
00:16:32,311 --> 00:16:34,445
I have to turn myself in.
I'm a criminal.
473
00:16:34,547 --> 00:16:37,048
A-a-a-a-a-and if it please
the court, Your Honor,
474
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,616
th-th-that is why
I'm convinced
475
00:16:38,718 --> 00:16:42,053
th-that I'm the political
graffiti artist B-Banksy.
476
00:16:42,155 --> 00:16:43,487
I've reviewed the charges
against you,
477
00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:45,756
which are
largely self-inflicted.
478
00:16:45,858 --> 00:16:47,825
You may have noticed I haven't
even touched my gavel today.
479
00:16:47,927 --> 00:16:50,594
That's the degree of seriousness
we're treating this with.
480
00:16:50,696 --> 00:16:51,729
You're not Banksy.
481
00:16:51,831 --> 00:16:53,764
Peter.
482
00:16:53,866 --> 00:16:56,000
Did you hear him?
Just come home.
483
00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:58,569
But I have to answer
f-f-for my crimes, Nance.
484
00:16:58,671 --> 00:17:01,338
Your Honor? Someone graffitied
the side of the courthouse.
485
00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:02,506
We think it was Banksy.
486
00:17:02,608 --> 00:17:04,308
Ha.
How did I get out of jail?
487
00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:05,976
I-- am I Houdini?
488
00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:09,080
You're not Houdini.
You're not Banksy.
489
00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:11,148
You know what, I'd love to take
this lesson outside.
490
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,983
Like, you know, meet me
down there by the new Banksy
491
00:17:13,086 --> 00:17:14,618
in a few minutes,
have a little talk.
492
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,655
Thank you, Your Honor.
I-I respect your decision.
493
00:17:19,225 --> 00:17:22,426
[spray can spraying]
494
00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:23,761
[dramatic music]
495
00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:24,795
[distorted voice]
Hello, Peter.
496
00:17:24,897 --> 00:17:25,930
I've been waiting for you.
497
00:17:26,032 --> 00:17:28,499
W-w-what is this,
a-a-a setup?
498
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:30,334
Am I-- am I being framed?
499
00:17:30,436 --> 00:17:31,936
You're not being framed.
I don't mean to be dramatic.
500
00:17:32,038 --> 00:17:33,270
It's very hot out.
501
00:17:33,406 --> 00:17:34,472
Y-you're Banksy?
502
00:17:34,574 --> 00:17:36,307
Not quite.
Banksy is a construct
503
00:17:36,409 --> 00:17:38,642
to help build up the value
of low income neighborhoods.
504
00:17:38,744 --> 00:17:40,010
Oh.
505
00:17:40,113 --> 00:17:41,846
I'm so relieved
th-that it's not me.
506
00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:44,615
Everything's better everywhere
that we add the art.
507
00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:45,616
Do you like beans?
508
00:17:45,718 --> 00:17:47,051
I-I-I love beans.
509
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,352
You get a Banksy,
you get a bean store.
510
00:17:48,454 --> 00:17:50,588
- You get a bean restaurant.
- Ooh.
511
00:17:51,343 --> 00:17:53,577
- We did it! Ha ha!
- Yeah!
512
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,079
Oh, oh, I had
new money printed up.
513
00:17:55,181 --> 00:17:57,615
Huh?
Look at this.
514
00:17:57,717 --> 00:17:59,116
- Whoa.
- Look at that, huh?
515
00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:00,117
I am gonna need
a bigger wallet for that.
516
00:18:00,219 --> 00:18:01,619
- Yeah.
- Oh.
517
00:18:01,721 --> 00:18:03,387
- That's brilliant.
- Right? Very practical.
518
00:18:03,489 --> 00:18:05,222
This is so much better
than goo-koos.
519
00:18:05,325 --> 00:18:06,891
Right? Sometimes
you forget your wallet.
520
00:18:06,993 --> 00:18:08,893
That you'll never forget.
Oh, that reminds me.
521
00:18:08,995 --> 00:18:10,161
We have to sign
the constitution.
522
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,229
- Oh, my gosh, this is--
- Wow!
523
00:18:12,332 --> 00:18:13,264
- This is historical.
- This is it.
524
00:18:13,366 --> 00:18:14,498
This is the Constitution
525
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,599
of the People's Republic
of Portland.
526
00:18:15,702 --> 00:18:17,134
I even got a special pen.
527
00:18:17,236 --> 00:18:19,937
"I do declare a new nation
dedicated to all principles
528
00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:23,274
that hereby do represent
the values and judgments
529
00:18:23,376 --> 00:18:27,478
of the founders
who sit before me today."
530
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:28,913
We are
the Founding Fathers.
531
00:18:29,015 --> 00:18:32,116
Yes, you are.
Do the honors?
532
00:18:32,218 --> 00:18:33,684
I mean, this is
the real thing.
533
00:18:33,786 --> 00:18:35,686
- And here we go.
- Good, okay, good.
534
00:18:35,788 --> 00:18:37,955
Let me take a picture
of this...
535
00:18:38,057 --> 00:18:39,757
- There you go.
- So I can send it off
536
00:18:39,859 --> 00:18:40,991
to the US Government.
537
00:18:41,094 --> 00:18:42,493
- Okay.
- Take it!
538
00:18:42,595 --> 00:18:44,662
- Uh-huh.
- Good. And...
539
00:18:44,764 --> 00:18:46,330
- Modern times, huh?
- Done.
540
00:18:46,432 --> 00:18:47,932
- This is great.
- Nice work.
541
00:18:48,034 --> 00:18:49,333
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
542
00:18:49,435 --> 00:18:51,502
Okay, now that we
got that done,
543
00:18:51,604 --> 00:18:53,170
who's ready for Beyonc??
544
00:18:53,272 --> 00:18:55,439
- [screams]
- [laughter]
545
00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:57,041
- Yes!
- This is the best day!
546
00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:59,276
- Huh? Come on!
- All right.
547
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:00,978
I took the liberty
of putting together
548
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,948
a little video playlist
of the Queen Bee's performances.
549
00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:05,483
We're gonna enjoy these
tonight.
550
00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:07,118
Oh, a little celebration.
551
00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:10,321
Why does it say "video
not available in our country"?
552
00:19:10,423 --> 00:19:11,655
Hmm.
That's weird.
553
00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:12,890
- Is it an old computer?
- [phone ringing]
554
00:19:12,992 --> 00:19:15,559
- Is it a computer from another--
- Maybe.
555
00:19:15,661 --> 00:19:17,361
Hello, Mayor of--
uh, sorry.
556
00:19:17,463 --> 00:19:20,364
President of the New
People's Republic of Portland.
557
00:19:20,466 --> 00:19:21,799
[regal music]
558
00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:25,669
Um, oh. Okay.
Uh, well, thanks for calling.
559
00:19:28,174 --> 00:19:30,074
Ooh, you don't look happy.
560
00:19:30,176 --> 00:19:32,476
Beyonc?'s tour
is United States only.
561
00:19:32,578 --> 00:19:34,078
She can't perform here
unless she has a visa.
562
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:35,346
She needs a visa
to come in here?
563
00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:36,847
She needs a visa
to come to Portland.
564
00:19:36,949 --> 00:19:38,582
It's my dad's birthday
this weekend,
565
00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:39,917
and he lives
in Washington State.
566
00:19:40,019 --> 00:19:41,819
Am I gonna need a visa
to go see him?
567
00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:43,087
Yeah, in fact you are.
568
00:19:43,189 --> 00:19:44,655
- I am?
- Yeah.
569
00:19:44,757 --> 00:19:46,190
Well, why did--
why didn't we put that
570
00:19:46,292 --> 00:19:47,825
in the-- the constitution?
Why didn't we,
571
00:19:47,927 --> 00:19:49,393
- like, consider these things?
- Uh, uh, w-we just--
572
00:19:49,495 --> 00:19:50,828
it's just this one paragraph.
That's all it is.
573
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,396
It's just a constitution.
We haven't--
574
00:19:52,498 --> 00:19:53,697
Mr. Mayor, I'm gonna
ask you a question.
575
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,366
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not gonna get mad.
576
00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:59,570
I pumped all of my savings
into the treasury...
577
00:19:59,672 --> 00:20:01,205
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- ...of our new country.
578
00:20:01,307 --> 00:20:03,407
Now, if I go to another country,
is this legal?
579
00:20:03,509 --> 00:20:05,409
Can I exchange this?
580
00:20:05,511 --> 00:20:06,444
Well, Fred--
581
00:20:06,512 --> 00:20:07,845
Oh, no!
582
00:20:07,947 --> 00:20:09,180
It'll be fine,
we'll figure out--
583
00:20:09,282 --> 00:20:10,748
Mr. Mayor,
Fred is broke,
584
00:20:10,850 --> 00:20:12,416
I can't be with my dad
on his birthday,
585
00:20:12,518 --> 00:20:13,951
and we're not going
to Beyonc?!
586
00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:15,085
Ah, it's the worst!
587
00:20:15,188 --> 00:20:16,687
- Abandon ship.
- Abandon ship.
588
00:20:16,789 --> 00:20:17,855
- Let's get outta here.
- [all talking at once]
589
00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:18,856
Please?
590
00:20:18,958 --> 00:20:20,558
Aw, man.
591
00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:23,093
I'd love to help you guys out,
but unfortunately,
592
00:20:23,196 --> 00:20:25,362
someone ripped up
the contract
593
00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:27,131
Portland had
with the United States.
594
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:28,966
Remember that?
"Freedom isn't about forms,
595
00:20:29,035 --> 00:20:30,234
it's about reforms"?
596
00:20:30,336 --> 00:20:31,569
Yeah,
let's reform that contract
597
00:20:31,671 --> 00:20:33,137
back into something whole.
598
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:34,738
Yeah, I can print out
a new one.
599
00:20:34,841 --> 00:20:36,207
[hopeful music]
600
00:20:36,309 --> 00:20:37,741
It'll take three
to four business years.
601
00:20:37,844 --> 00:20:39,143
[dramatic music]
602
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:40,311
So, how'd it go?
603
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,112
Oh, I-I got a green card.
604
00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:44,782
They said I am an alien
of extraordinary ability.
605
00:20:44,884 --> 00:20:46,383
Uh, great.
606
00:20:46,486 --> 00:20:47,885
And they're still doing
a background check on me.
607
00:20:47,987 --> 00:20:50,120
I guess I look
vaguely Middle Eastern.
608
00:20:50,223 --> 00:20:52,756
- How about you?
- Uh, well, yeah.
609
00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:55,626
I'm gonna keep Portland
as a tax shelter for the rich.
610
00:20:55,728 --> 00:20:56,961
I like that,
that's a good idea.
611
00:20:57,063 --> 00:20:58,596
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey, let me know
612
00:20:58,698 --> 00:21:01,065
if you want to hide
billions of dollars.
613
00:21:01,167 --> 00:21:03,501
- Yeah, we will.
- Okay.
614
00:21:03,603 --> 00:21:05,069
Sushi?
615
00:21:05,171 --> 00:21:10,140
has anybody seen
Kris Kringle?
616
00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:11,842
Santa is a construct.
617
00:21:11,944 --> 00:21:14,144
No, the myth about Santa
is a construct.
618
00:21:14,247 --> 00:21:16,347
So there's one Kris Kringle
that's been alive for how long?
619
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:17,848
He must be 77.
620
00:21:17,950 --> 00:21:20,584
So the idea of Santa
started 77 years ago,
621
00:21:20,686 --> 00:21:21,919
when Santa was a baby?
622
00:21:22,021 --> 00:21:23,977
Not Santa,
Kris Kringle.
623
00:21:24,770 --> 00:21:28,325
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
624
00:21:28,375 --> 00:21:32,925
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
45912
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