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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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Sheldon Cooper.
3
00:00:06,734 --> 00:00:07,859
What?
4
00:00:07,884 --> 00:00:09,929
I finished reading it.
My name's Sheldon Cooper.
5
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,834
What... You finished it?
6
00:00:11,859 --> 00:00:13,032
Yes.
7
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:15,034
[chuckles] Impressive.
8
00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,515
Wha... You should major
in computer science.
9
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:20,237
[laughs] No, thanks. I'll
stick to real science.
10
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,980
[indistinct chatter]
11
00:00:30,508 --> 00:00:32,443
Excuse me, but you're not Evan.
12
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,879
True.
13
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:35,707
- Where's Evan?
- Elsewhere.
14
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:36,882
So you don't know?
15
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:38,101
True.
16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,886
Oh, good. You met Joaquin.
17
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:43,541
Proper introductions were not
made. What's he doing here?
18
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,630
Uh, he's helping me
write an algorithm
19
00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:47,371
so, uh, we can beat
the stock market.
20
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:48,703
Why?
21
00:00:48,728 --> 00:00:52,811
Uh, well, so we can get rich,
buy cool cars and get girls.
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00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,074
But mostly the girls.
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00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:57,207
Isn't the search for
knowledge its own reward?
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00:00:57,231 --> 00:01:00,775
Uh, yeah, sure, if the
knowledge helps you get girls.
25
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,212
That seems like a lot
of unnecessary effort
26
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,500
just to meet females.
27
00:01:03,525 --> 00:01:05,606
Yeah, we've tried
talking to them.
28
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,217
Actual disaster.
29
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,609
You want to help us?
30
00:01:08,633 --> 00:01:09,945
I don't need to meet girls.
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00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,570
In fact, I'd like to know
fewer people, not more.
32
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,442
You could use the money to
buy yourself something fun.
33
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:19,272
Ooh, like a particle accelerator
or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen.
34
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:22,476
I was thinking of a
hot tub, but okay.
35
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:24,016
I can't get you
to take a shower,
36
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,670
and-and you want a hot tub?
37
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,454
Girls like hot tubs.
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00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:30,022
How much would it cost to
build a particle accelerator?
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00:01:30,046 --> 00:01:32,111
Conservatively, four
to ten billion dollars.
40
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,591
Then you need to help us.
41
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,245
Hmm. Well, I haven't
done much coding,
42
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,768
but I am good at everything.
43
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,248
Okay, I'm in charge.
44
00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,119
Scoot.
45
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♪ Nobody else is
stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
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♪ I bet I could be your hero
48
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♪ I am a mighty little man
49
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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
50
00:01:59,367 --> 00:02:01,793
- What are you watching?
- Travis Lemon.
51
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,621
The crazy church guy?
52
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,145
- He's not crazy.
- Well, his hair is.
53
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:08,345
[organ music playing]
Well, I got news for y'all.
54
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,664
Jesus wants you to prosper.
55
00:02:11,689 --> 00:02:15,084
He wants you to have nice
things, a life of abundance.
56
00:02:15,109 --> 00:02:16,763
Says so right here in the book.
57
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"My God shall supply all your
needs according to His riches
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00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,816
in glory by Jesus Christ."
59
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,644
He's right. It does say that.
60
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,646
When's it's over? I
want to watch MTV.
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00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,474
Reverend Travis has a band.
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00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:31,997
They rock pretty hard.
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00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:33,303
[scoffs]
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00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:34,956
The same is true for you.
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00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:38,177
Jesus fed 5,000 people
with five loaves of bread,
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00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:40,179
but somebody had to
give him those loaves.
67
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,833
And that's what I need from you.
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00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,265
Every dollar you donate
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00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:47,317
to the Travis Lemon ministry
will be returned to you tenfold!
70
00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:49,667
Tenfold, my sweet patootie.
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00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:52,670
As ye sow, so shall ye reap.
72
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,131
Daphne, get the
address on the screen?
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00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,328
So you get the checkbook out,
74
00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:00,460
and you show how much
you love the Lord,
75
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,593
and the Lord will love you back.
76
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,290
And when your neighbor asks you,
77
00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,553
"Where'd you get that new
Cadillac?" you tell 'em,
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00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,773
"On the corner of
Heaven and Saved."
79
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,209
Oh, what the heck.
80
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,514
All right, Steve-arooni,
let's hit it!
81
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[Mary sighs]
82
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,934
[upbeat rock music plays]
83
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- Hey, Missy.
- Hey. What are you doing?
84
00:03:21,244 --> 00:03:23,333
Just breaking in my
new shoes for school.
85
00:03:24,879 --> 00:03:25,924
They're brown.
86
00:03:26,304 --> 00:03:27,227
Cool.
87
00:03:27,251 --> 00:03:28,619
Can I watch your TV?
88
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,695
Sure.
89
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,536
[leather squeaking]
90
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,886
That squeaking you're
hearing is my new shoes.
91
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,932
♪ Getting edgy all the time...
92
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,412
Where's your mom at?
93
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,762
She went to my Aunt
Sylvia's for a few days.
94
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,938
Aunt Sylvia has a
big lump on her neck.
95
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,157
So you're alone?
96
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,593
Just me and my chickens.
97
00:03:46,617 --> 00:03:48,247
Billy, we have to throw a party.
98
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:49,596
For the chickens?
99
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,598
No! For us! Why?
100
00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,644
What do you mean "why"?
Your mom's not home.
101
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:56,299
What would we do? Play games?
102
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,952
Yeah, drinking games.
103
00:03:57,976 --> 00:04:00,738
Like when you paid me a dollar
to chug a gallon of milk?
104
00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,088
That was a different
game, and I'm sorry.
105
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:05,421
Boy, did I throw up.
106
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,159
For this party,
I'm thinking beer.
107
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,616
We're not old enough
to drink beer.
108
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:10,965
That's why kids'll come.
109
00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,817
Smart.
110
00:04:13,179 --> 00:04:14,839
Do you think they'll like eggs?
111
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:17,213
I have so many eggs.
112
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:19,670
What's that A-sub-one-variable?
113
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:20,968
It's undefined.
114
00:04:20,993 --> 00:04:22,803
It's defined in the
previous subroutine.
115
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,327
Oh, my. That is elegant.
116
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,329
We don't use the word "elegant."
117
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:27,982
Why? What's wrong with it?
118
00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:31,159
Well, last semester, I
invited a girl to my room
119
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,771
to look at my elegant coding,
120
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:36,774
and... she called
the police, so...
121
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,898
Understood. So
what happens next?
122
00:04:38,923 --> 00:04:41,926
Uh, we just buy the stocks
the algorithm suggests.
123
00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:44,956
- With what?
- Our student loan money.
124
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:46,174
How much are you in for?
125
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,959
Oh, my mother's always warned me
126
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,028
against the evils of gambling.
127
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:53,791
Well, it's not
gambling, it-it's math.
128
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,488
Is your mother against math?
129
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,125
Well, when you use it to prove
130
00:04:57,150 --> 00:04:59,013
the Earth wasn't made in seven
days, she gets a little touchy.
131
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,754
It's your call.
132
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,738
Particle accelerator, or
no particle accelerator?
133
00:05:05,117 --> 00:05:07,148
Let me fetch my money sock.
134
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,508
You keep your money in a sock?
135
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,510
My meemaw keeps her
money in her bra.
136
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,667
Does she like hot tubs?
137
00:05:21,233 --> 00:05:24,082
So how are you and
Dale getting along?
138
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,214
Well, I rode a bike seven miles
139
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,913
to have coffee with you,
so that should tell you.
140
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,218
Not going well?
141
00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:31,916
Oh, it's fine.
142
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,178
It's just, after you've lived
143
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:35,039
by yourself for a long time,
144
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:37,240
having a roommate takes
a little getting used to.
145
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,861
I'm sure Dale's doing his best.
146
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,140
That's my fear.
147
00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:46,300
Mare, what's this
$50 to an "R.T.L.M."?
148
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:48,153
Reverend Travis
Lemon Ministries.
149
00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:49,571
I made a donation.
150
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:51,675
The goofy guy with the hair?
151
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,328
He's not goofy,
152
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,443
and he preaches the gospel
in a way that speaks to me.
153
00:05:56,468 --> 00:05:58,513
Yeah, well, let me speak to you.
154
00:05:58,538 --> 00:06:00,235
We can't be throwing
away 50 bucks.
155
00:06:00,272 --> 00:06:02,125
We are not throwing it away.
156
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:04,383
We are gonna get that
money back plus some.
157
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:05,648
Oh, honey, now, come on.
158
00:06:05,673 --> 00:06:08,154
You can't possibly
believe that B.S.
159
00:06:08,179 --> 00:06:11,835
Maybe. Reverend Travis says
that Jesus wants us to prosper.
160
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,383
MEEMAW: Is that why
161
00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:15,149
he huffed and puffed
and blew my house down?
162
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:17,045
- I'm cancelling this check.
- Don't you dare.
163
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:18,796
Mary, this is
groceries for a week.
164
00:06:18,821 --> 00:06:21,781
We will get it back. We
just need to have faith.
165
00:06:21,806 --> 00:06:24,243
[sighs] Will you talk some
sense into your daughter?
166
00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:25,835
If I could talk sense into her,
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00:06:25,860 --> 00:06:27,731
she would never
have married you.
168
00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:31,652
She had to marry me because
I got her pregnant. Ha!
169
00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:33,828
Huh.
170
00:06:35,743 --> 00:06:37,982
He ain't wrong about the money.
171
00:06:38,006 --> 00:06:39,486
Thank you!
172
00:06:44,062 --> 00:06:46,348
Well, gentlemen, we've
doubled our income
173
00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:48,046
in a little over eight hours.
174
00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:49,830
I'm gonna need a bigger sock.
175
00:06:49,854 --> 00:06:52,224
The good news is, our
algorithm is working,
176
00:06:52,248 --> 00:06:54,487
and it's getting more
efficient with every trade.
177
00:06:54,511 --> 00:06:56,358
Which is why we
have to stay strong.
178
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,317
We can't expect to be
millionaires overnight.
179
00:06:58,341 --> 00:07:00,023
It'll take
180
00:07:00,117 --> 00:07:01,973
12 to 14 business days.
181
00:07:01,997 --> 00:07:04,105
It's actually gonna happen.
182
00:07:04,129 --> 00:07:05,672
I'm gonna have sex.
183
00:07:05,696 --> 00:07:07,848
Where are you going?
184
00:07:07,872 --> 00:07:09,918
To take a shower.
185
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:12,766
[footsteps approaching]
186
00:07:12,790 --> 00:07:14,550
Hey, can I talk to you?
187
00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:16,335
Yeah. What's up?
188
00:07:16,359 --> 00:07:17,684
Actually, in there.
189
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:19,251
You ain't pregnant, are you?
190
00:07:19,275 --> 00:07:21,557
No. How could you say that?!
191
00:07:21,581 --> 00:07:22,994
Been known to happen.
192
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:24,280
[scoffs]
193
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,390
[sighs] Okay.
194
00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:31,176
So, Billy's mom's away,
and we're throwing a party.
195
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,546
All right.
196
00:07:32,571 --> 00:07:35,006
Do you think if I took some
of Dad's beer, he'd notice?
197
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,877
Do you think he'd notice?
198
00:07:36,901 --> 00:07:38,574
Okay, dumb question.
199
00:07:38,598 --> 00:07:41,882
Anyways, you're too young.
You shouldn't be drinking.
200
00:07:41,906 --> 00:07:43,536
You just asked if
I was pregnant.
201
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,407
Well, don't do either.
202
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:48,367
So you wouldn't buy us a case
of beer if I gave you the money?
203
00:07:48,391 --> 00:07:50,586
Missy, I'm not old
enough to buy beer.
204
00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:52,240
That's never stopped you before.
205
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,938
And I'm ashamed of myself.
206
00:07:53,962 --> 00:07:56,114
[sighs] I'll tell
you what I can do.
207
00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:58,765
I got something for a party
that's better than beer.
208
00:07:58,790 --> 00:08:00,195
What?
209
00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:05,645
Bottle rockets, Roman
candles, M80s, the works.
210
00:08:05,669 --> 00:08:08,609
Oh, sure. Thanks.
211
00:08:08,634 --> 00:08:10,382
You're not excited
now, but trust me,
212
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,105
you blow up one mailbox, and
you got yourself a party.
213
00:08:14,277 --> 00:08:15,672
[sighs]
214
00:08:18,638 --> 00:08:19,920
Need a hand?
215
00:08:19,944 --> 00:08:21,406
Yeah, sure.
216
00:08:25,609 --> 00:08:29,408
Hey, so, when you were my
age, did you go any parties?
217
00:08:29,432 --> 00:08:31,236
Oh, yeah.
218
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,935
The good ones I remember,
the great ones... gone.
219
00:08:34,959 --> 00:08:36,502
That is so cool.
220
00:08:36,526 --> 00:08:38,286
Ah, I was pretty cool.
221
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,288
You get invited to one?
222
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,695
Kind of.
223
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,359
Ooh, tell me.
224
00:08:44,447 --> 00:08:46,816
I'm sort of helping
my friend throw it.
225
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,994
[gasps] First party.
That's a big deal.
226
00:08:50,018 --> 00:08:51,256
Any advice?
227
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,998
Hmm. Well, for starters,
228
00:08:54,022 --> 00:08:55,718
music is key.
229
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,218
You want it good,
you want it loud,
230
00:08:57,242 --> 00:08:58,812
but not so loud the cops come.
231
00:08:58,837 --> 00:09:01,144
Although, if they
do, you're a legend.
232
00:09:01,169 --> 00:09:02,195
Damn.
233
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:03,830
And if you have make-out spots,
234
00:09:03,855 --> 00:09:06,249
you want to keep 'em
private, but not too private.
235
00:09:06,274 --> 00:09:07,928
You know, closets, pantries.
236
00:09:07,953 --> 00:09:10,047
You want to keep - your guests standing.
- Makes sense.
237
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:11,015
Mm-hmm.
238
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,343
And, um, I've heard
239
00:09:13,368 --> 00:09:16,284
at some of these parties
there's drinking?
240
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:20,140
Oh.
241
00:09:20,265 --> 00:09:22,852
Well... yeah, sometimes,
242
00:09:22,876 --> 00:09:24,296
but, uh,
243
00:09:24,321 --> 00:09:28,328
fun can be had without... it.
244
00:09:29,231 --> 00:09:32,123
Uh-huh, but just in case,
245
00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:33,452
would you buy it for us?
246
00:09:34,179 --> 00:09:35,996
No. Why not?
247
00:09:36,020 --> 00:09:37,476
Because you're a kid.
248
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:38,694
You were a kid.
249
00:09:38,718 --> 00:09:40,720
- Yeah, but it was different.
- How?
250
00:09:42,124 --> 00:09:44,706
The point is, I'm a mom now.
251
00:09:44,731 --> 00:09:45,732
A cool mom.
252
00:09:45,757 --> 00:09:47,150
Not that cool.
253
00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:48,867
Besides, the only
underage person
254
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:51,286
that I'm gonna buy alcohol
for is the father of my child.
255
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:54,169
You really aren't cool.
256
00:09:58,914 --> 00:10:00,219
Thanks for seeing me.
257
00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:02,246
Of course, my door
is always open.
258
00:10:02,271 --> 00:10:03,445
Smoke?
259
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,590
I'm good. I'll just
breathe in yours.
260
00:10:05,615 --> 00:10:07,027
Suit yourself.
261
00:10:07,051 --> 00:10:08,792
[coughing]
262
00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:13,381
Could we have a little privacy?
263
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,625
I'll just be
listening at the door.
264
00:10:16,756 --> 00:10:18,390
She does.
265
00:10:18,415 --> 00:10:20,040
So, what can we do for you?
266
00:10:20,064 --> 00:10:21,520
Well, I was thinking
maybe it was time
267
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:23,217
for Mary to come
back to the church.
268
00:10:23,241 --> 00:10:24,890
You know, be a part
of your herd again.
269
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:26,220
We say flock.
270
00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:28,828
Although, Texas... herd works.
271
00:10:28,853 --> 00:10:30,463
With all the beef and whatnot.
272
00:10:31,476 --> 00:10:34,054
Well, Mary's always welcome.
273
00:10:34,078 --> 00:10:35,969
Great.[phone ringing]
274
00:10:35,993 --> 00:10:38,058
Oh. Maybe you could use her
back here in the office.
275
00:10:38,082 --> 00:10:40,693
Nah, we got things covered.
276
00:10:42,523 --> 00:10:43,933
Do you need to answer that?
277
00:10:43,957 --> 00:10:45,196
No, they'll call back.
278
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:46,719
Peg, please.
279
00:10:46,743 --> 00:10:48,310
All right, bossy.
280
00:10:53,793 --> 00:10:56,076
[chuckles]
281
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,078
So, uh
282
00:10:58,102 --> 00:10:59,471
what do you think?
283
00:10:59,495 --> 00:11:01,386
Mary said she
wants to come back?
284
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,070
Not in so many words.
285
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,389
But I know if you asked her,
286
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,086
it would just mean
the world to me,
287
00:11:06,110 --> 00:11:08,567
to her, to us... [chuckles]
288
00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:09,916
To God.
289
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,439
I'll pray on it.
290
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:12,725
Great.
291
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,965
[sighs]
292
00:11:15,989 --> 00:11:17,619
I'll pray on it later.
293
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:19,515
Right. Sure.
294
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,262
Fascinating.
295
00:11:29,177 --> 00:11:31,242
Why aren't you doing
what I tell you?
296
00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:33,026
We rich yet?
297
00:11:33,050 --> 00:11:34,245
Yeah, we better be.
298
00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:35,246
Evan went nuts.
299
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:36,682
He got garlic sticks.
300
00:11:36,706 --> 00:11:38,640
Did either of you
authorize the algorithm
301
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,057
to make foreign trades?
302
00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:42,122
No. No.
303
00:11:42,146 --> 00:11:43,445
Well, that's what it's doing.
304
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:46,169
We own 7,000 shares of
Chow Fat Enterprises
305
00:11:46,194 --> 00:11:47,934
on the Hong Kong exchange.
306
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,107
Fascinating.
307
00:11:50,132 --> 00:11:51,481
That's what I said.
308
00:11:53,802 --> 00:11:55,369
It's trading on its own?
309
00:11:55,394 --> 00:11:56,687
It would seem so.
310
00:11:56,712 --> 00:11:59,139
Uh, we... need to stop
it, pull the plug.
311
00:11:59,163 --> 00:12:00,880
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
312
00:12:00,904 --> 00:12:01,881
Are we up or down?
313
00:12:01,905 --> 00:12:02,969
We're up.
314
00:12:02,993 --> 00:12:04,492
Then what's the problem?
315
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,364
The problem is
we've lost control.
316
00:12:06,388 --> 00:12:07,586
This is Frankenstein's monster.
317
00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:09,149
You say that like
it's a bad thing.
318
00:12:09,173 --> 00:12:10,455
What?
319
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,625
To reanimate life was
320
00:12:11,650 --> 00:12:12,829
an incredible
scientific achievement.
321
00:12:12,853 --> 00:12:13,938
The real bad guys
in the story are
322
00:12:13,962 --> 00:12:15,312
the ignorant villagers.
323
00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:17,867
You were on the monster's side?
324
00:12:17,892 --> 00:12:19,377
Unfairly hounded
for being different?
325
00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:20,378
You betcha.
326
00:12:20,402 --> 00:12:21,281
Guys, guys, guys.
327
00:12:21,306 --> 00:12:23,032
Chow Fat stock just split.
328
00:12:23,056 --> 00:12:24,773
We have 14,000 shares.
329
00:12:24,797 --> 00:12:28,342
So, we created an algorithm
that's evolving by itself
330
00:12:28,366 --> 00:12:30,238
and becoming a new
form of intelligence?
331
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,868
And I, Sheldon Cooper,
332
00:12:32,892 --> 00:12:34,914
wholeheartedly
think it's terrific.
333
00:12:34,938 --> 00:12:37,114
[quietly]: It may be listening.
334
00:12:38,246 --> 00:12:40,639
♪
335
00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:42,643
How do we do this?
336
00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:44,148
We just got to wait for someone
337
00:12:44,173 --> 00:12:45,445
who's old enough to buy beer
338
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:47,167
but young enough to be cool.
339
00:12:47,192 --> 00:12:48,280
Got it.
340
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,191
- Try him.
- Excuse me, sir...
341
00:12:51,215 --> 00:12:52,671
Buy your own beer.
342
00:12:52,695 --> 00:12:53,783
Thank you.
343
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,354
I think he was onto us.
344
00:12:58,396 --> 00:12:59,789
Let me try.
345
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:02,247
- Hey.
- Hey.
346
00:13:02,272 --> 00:13:05,449
Would you buy me beer?
I forgot my ID at home.
347
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:06,902
How old are you?
348
00:13:06,926 --> 00:13:08,252
Um
349
00:13:08,276 --> 00:13:09,253
Thirty.
350
00:13:09,277 --> 00:13:10,863
[scoffs]
351
00:13:10,887 --> 00:13:12,386
Twenty-five?
352
00:13:12,410 --> 00:13:14,736
[sighs] This isn't working.
353
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,304
Maybe the party was a bad idea.
354
00:13:17,328 --> 00:13:19,101
Hey, mister,
355
00:13:19,281 --> 00:13:20,742
will you buy us some beer?
356
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:22,464
I'm not old enough.
357
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,532
Those guys thought
I was a grown-up.
358
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:28,968
Billy!
359
00:13:28,992 --> 00:13:30,448
What?
360
00:13:30,472 --> 00:13:32,711
CLARK: - Here's your change.
- Thank you.
361
00:13:32,735 --> 00:13:36,236
♪ I'm on my way to Italy
362
00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:38,760
♪ From the Gulf of Mexico...
363
00:13:38,784 --> 00:13:39,892
You can go now.
364
00:13:39,916 --> 00:13:41,831
Thank you.[shoes squeaking]
365
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,069
Howdy, neighbor.
366
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,550
Pastor Jeff, how
nice to see you.
367
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:50,030
Am I interrupting anything?
368
00:13:50,054 --> 00:13:52,360
No, no, come on in.
369
00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:56,036
So, what brings you by?
370
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,691
Well, I've been thinking, uh,
371
00:13:58,715 --> 00:14:00,388
we really miss you
over at the church
372
00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:03,130
and maybe you might
consider coming back.
373
00:14:03,154 --> 00:14:04,593
Well
374
00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:08,439
that's awful kind of you,
but I've joined a new church.
375
00:14:08,463 --> 00:14:10,485
Oh! The Methodists
got you, didn't they?
376
00:14:10,509 --> 00:14:11,878
Oh, no.
377
00:14:11,902 --> 00:14:13,575
Reverend Travis Lemon.
378
00:14:13,599 --> 00:14:16,056
Oh, not the fella with the hair.
379
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,320
Mary, he's a snake oil salesman,
380
00:14:19,344 --> 00:14:20,626
taking people's money
381
00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:21,714
and promising 'em
all kinds of riches.
382
00:14:21,738 --> 00:14:23,348
Well...
383
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:29,243
Then how do you explain this
check I got from the IRS?
384
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:30,906
$800.
385
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,594
I sent Reverend Travis $50
386
00:14:32,618 --> 00:14:34,291
and that came the very next day.
387
00:14:34,315 --> 00:14:36,685
Oh, come on.
388
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,601
It had to be in the mail
before you sent your money in.
389
00:14:39,625 --> 00:14:41,037
Did it?
390
00:14:41,061 --> 00:14:44,084
Of course. I'm as
patriotic as the next guy,
391
00:14:44,108 --> 00:14:47,130
but our postal service
flat-out sucks.
392
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:48,305
Excuse my French.
393
00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:50,960
Well, we disagree.
394
00:14:50,984 --> 00:14:53,267
Reverend Travis says
that the Lord wants me
395
00:14:53,291 --> 00:14:55,530
to be prosperous
and I believe him.
396
00:14:55,554 --> 00:14:57,924
This is nothing
but a coincidence.
397
00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,447
You overpaid your taxes,
398
00:14:59,471 --> 00:15:02,493
you got a refund, Jesus
has nothing to do with it.
399
00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:04,084
You sound like Sheldon.
400
00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:08,325
I believe I know my way out.
401
00:15:08,349 --> 00:15:09,612
Mm.
402
00:15:10,874 --> 00:15:13,461
♪ Like me care for you?
403
00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:15,289
♪ Ah ♪ ♪ Why do I bother...
404
00:15:15,313 --> 00:15:16,769
Help me move this, will you?
405
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:17,770
What are you doing?
406
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:19,162
Making a dance floor.
407
00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:21,208
- I'm a very good dancer.
- Really?
408
00:15:21,232 --> 00:15:23,297
My mom says so. Watch.
409
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:25,299
♪ I saw the sign
410
00:15:25,323 --> 00:15:27,301
♪ And it opened up my
eyes... [phone ringing]
411
00:15:27,325 --> 00:15:28,650
I'll get it.
412
00:15:28,674 --> 00:15:30,783
♪ Life is demanding...
413
00:15:30,807 --> 00:15:32,698
- Sparks' residence.
- Hey, sweetie.
414
00:15:32,722 --> 00:15:33,873
Oh. Hey, Mom.
415
00:15:33,897 --> 00:15:35,309
You okay there all by yourself?
416
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,596
I'm not by myself, Missy's here.
417
00:15:38,466 --> 00:15:39,835
W-wait, she's not here.
418
00:15:39,859 --> 00:15:41,228
Put her on.
419
00:15:41,252 --> 00:15:42,446
Okay.
420
00:15:42,470 --> 00:15:44,298
♪ But where do you belong?
421
00:15:45,304 --> 00:15:46,712
Hey, Mrs. Sparks.
422
00:15:46,736 --> 00:15:47,974
What are y'all up to?
423
00:15:47,998 --> 00:15:49,149
Just hanging out.
424
00:15:49,173 --> 00:15:50,257
Cut the crap.
425
00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,499
You throwing a party, ain't you?
426
00:15:51,523 --> 00:15:53,327
What? No.
427
00:15:53,351 --> 00:15:55,329
Relax, I'm all for it.
428
00:15:55,353 --> 00:15:57,026
I want my son to have a life.
429
00:15:57,050 --> 00:15:59,376
Wait, he's invited right?
430
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,335
'Course. We're just
making a dance floor.
431
00:16:01,359 --> 00:16:03,511
Oh, God, Missy, do
not let him dance.
432
00:16:03,535 --> 00:16:05,426
♪ Bring me joy?
433
00:16:05,450 --> 00:16:07,515
♪ Under the pale moon.
434
00:16:07,539 --> 00:16:10,649
MARY: Lord, I know everyone
thinks I'm being foolish
435
00:16:10,673 --> 00:16:12,389
giving money to Reverend Travis,
436
00:16:12,413 --> 00:16:15,262
but why wouldn't you
want us to be prosperous?
437
00:16:15,286 --> 00:16:17,525
You love us, it makes sense.
438
00:16:17,549 --> 00:16:21,137
And I got that IRS check,
which feels like a sign.
439
00:16:21,161 --> 00:16:23,836
And I think I know a
sign when I see one.
440
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,079
[crow cawing] Ugh. Oh!
441
00:16:28,125 --> 00:16:29,059
Oh!
442
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:30,538
Ew!
443
00:16:30,562 --> 00:16:31,713
What's going on?
444
00:16:31,737 --> 00:16:33,715
A bird did its
business in my eye.
445
00:16:33,739 --> 00:16:35,848
Better than your mouth, right?
446
00:16:35,872 --> 00:16:37,284
You think you're funny?!
447
00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:39,092
Yeah.
448
00:16:39,919 --> 00:16:41,201
We may have a problem.
449
00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:42,550
Oh, what's wrong?
450
00:16:42,574 --> 00:16:43,725
The program's
running really slow.
451
00:16:43,749 --> 00:16:44,726
We're losing money.
452
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:45,988
Well, what's happening?
453
00:16:46,012 --> 00:16:47,460
It was fine this morning.
454
00:16:47,765 --> 00:16:49,339
I don't know if this is related,
455
00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:51,109
but I did add a new subroutine.
456
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:52,647
To do what?
457
00:16:52,671 --> 00:16:54,132
To resolve the inconsistencies
458
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:56,128
between general relativity
and quantum mechanics.
459
00:16:56,153 --> 00:16:57,478
Why would you do that?
460
00:16:57,502 --> 00:16:59,219
Because our algorithm's so smart
461
00:16:59,243 --> 00:17:00,742
and it's the biggest unanswered
question in the universe.
462
00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:02,048
But it's messing
with the computer.
463
00:17:02,072 --> 00:17:03,266
We're losing money.
464
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,399
What about my car?
What about girls?
465
00:17:05,423 --> 00:17:07,880
Rest assured, you solve
general relativity,
466
00:17:07,904 --> 00:17:10,104
the girls will be lined up
around the block to kiss you.
467
00:17:11,646 --> 00:17:13,257
[laughter,
chatter][fireworks whistling]
468
00:17:14,148 --> 00:17:16,846
Someone's having a party
and we weren't invited.
469
00:17:16,871 --> 00:17:18,264
[exhales]
470
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:24,007
[engine cranking]
471
00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:27,010
[groans] Gosh darn it.
472
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:29,534
[sighs]
473
00:17:31,536 --> 00:17:33,016
Stupid car.
474
00:17:33,973 --> 00:17:35,603
Oh! [Gasps]
475
00:17:35,627 --> 00:17:36,846
[groaning]
476
00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:41,609
- Make it stop.
- I'm trying, it doesn't want to.
477
00:17:41,633 --> 00:17:43,089
I think it finds the
question too interesting.
478
00:17:43,113 --> 00:17:44,743
Ooh, but it's messing
with the computer.
479
00:17:44,767 --> 00:17:47,204
- We're losing everything.
- I don't know what else to do.
480
00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:56,667
You could have
just unplugged it.
481
00:17:56,691 --> 00:17:58,476
Or at least opened the window.
482
00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:00,957
I showered for nothing.
483
00:18:06,527 --> 00:18:08,288
[Roman candle flares whistling,
music playing nearby]
484
00:18:08,312 --> 00:18:09,985
You know, honey,
nothing much you can do
485
00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:11,726
about a broken toe.
486
00:18:11,750 --> 00:18:13,728
Unless you think Reverend
Travis can fix it.
487
00:18:13,752 --> 00:18:15,382
Maybe I'll stick
it up your butt.
488
00:18:15,406 --> 00:18:17,364
Mary Cooper. Language.
489
00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:19,410
I'm going to bed.
490
00:18:19,435 --> 00:18:21,050
[candle flare whistles,
window shatters]
491
00:18:21,075 --> 00:18:22,207
Ah!
492
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:28,609
I'm in.
493
00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:30,985
My bottom is scorched,
don't look at it.
494
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,005
And as we're passing
the collection plate,
495
00:18:41,030 --> 00:18:43,312
let's give a warm
welcome to the Coopers
496
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,023
who are back in the fold.
497
00:18:45,048 --> 00:18:46,398
Our donation room is looking
498
00:18:46,423 --> 00:18:48,284
a little empty
after the tornado.
499
00:18:48,309 --> 00:18:50,311
So please bring in
your canned goods,
500
00:18:50,336 --> 00:18:51,692
your used clothing...
501
00:18:51,717 --> 00:18:53,066
[retching]
502
00:18:54,221 --> 00:18:56,527
- Is that beer?
- Oh, my...
503
00:18:56,917 --> 00:18:58,343
[retching]
504
00:18:58,550 --> 00:19:00,117
Anyway, welcome back Coopers.
505
00:19:00,142 --> 00:19:02,840
Please turn to page
37 in your hymnals.
506
00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:09,241
♪
507
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:11,443
Captioning sponsored by CBS.
508
00:19:11,662 --> 00:19:13,664
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
509
00:19:13,882 --> 00:19:15,884
and TOYOTA.
510
00:19:15,909 --> 00:19:18,955
Captioned by Media Access
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