All language subtitles for Notte Prima Degli Esami (2006)

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June 1989.

On the last day of school,
the last year of high school,

the bell rings
after your last class

and you think it's the last second
of your adolescence.

You have to mark the event
with a memorable slogan like:

"May the force be with you".

Or "Champions of the world!

Champions of the world!"

But most of all,
you just want to let off the steam

that's built up over the years.

Thanks for the book.

Tell me what you think.

Kundera's light years
ahead of his time.

Antonio Martinelli,

the biggest asshole Lit teacher
in history.

Known as "The Prick"
by four generations of students.

I was nothing more
than a number to him.

Actually, a letter... C -.

To what
do I owe the honour, Molinari?

- Do you have a second?
- Just one, no more.

So?

I just wanted you to know
you're a total dick.

You've ruined
the last few years of my life.

You made me hate school

and I think you're a mega-loser.

I've been wondering for five years

where you buy
these awful '70s jackets?

Is the dandruff included
or is that your special touch?

And your bag? Same supplier?

And Miss Lattanzi
thinks the same way.

There's no point
in giving her Kundera,

someone like her would never
put out for someone like you.

I felt great!

Too bad no one was there
to witness it.

I humiliated him,
I deserved a standing ovation.

Did you hear about Mr Santoro?

No.

He had an accident.
He won't be here for the exams.

Guess who's taking his place?

- You're kidding.
- I never kid.

Nice hair,
come like that to the exams...

On the last day of
the last year of high school,

when the bell rings
after your last class,

you think it's the last second
of your adolescence...

Total bullshit!

THE NIGHT BEFORE FINALS

Good for you, Luca.
The biggest dork of the century.

If you pass,
Ascoli will win the Nationals.

Massimiliano, my best friend.

He has the record of
dead grandparents.

35 old people sacrificed
So he can get out of tests.

If The Prick sees us together,
he'll flunk me too.

Simona! Move your butt!

Sorry, the Nobel Prize winner
for manners is calling.

Simona, the only woman alive able
to put up with that idiot Massi,

she's a saint.

- See you at the party tonight?
- I don't feel like coming.

And we weren't even invited.

It's embarrassing when you have
a party and no one crashes it.

I'm the DJ, I say you can come.

I don't feel like it.

I doubt Martinelli got offended.

No, he just called him a dick.

- Be at my house at 8!
- No, I said no!

- Dress sharp!
- I said no!

Luca, tell me you didn't do it.

I have a female best friend too,
Alice.

Talking to her over a yoghurt drink
is the greatest.

Besides suicide, there are three ways
to avoid flunking.

What?

One: The hole in the ozone expands
and wipes us all out.

What's two?

Two: A giant meteor flies through
the hole in the ozone

and crashes into Martinelli's house.

Three: Vegan armies invade Earth
because Grendizer's on vacation.

No, number three is study,
it's the best way.

My last hope, the only one who'd
understand me, was Riccardo,

my best friend.

! know, I said that
about Maser and Alice, I have three,

there's no "Top 40" for friends.

Who gives a shit?
You were a year ahead anyway.

- So?
- You'll be back on schedule.

Just light a joint and it'll be fine.

- I haven't flunked yet.
- It's a matter of time.

It's so nice having friends.

"12 kilometres down
the Appia on the right."

A beige Renault outside a gate.

"Go past the oat field."

- What the fuck do oats look like?
- I don't know.

Like oatmeal.

"After two minutes
take the first or second left

and you'll hear dogs barking.

It might be the third left,
but I'm not really sure.”

Simona, your boyfriend
is so full of shit!

I'm leaving,
thanks for the great evening.

Let's go.
I bet they're going to the party.

And you're going to have fun too,
Mr Misery-Guts.

Hi.

Hi.

Does anyone know
whose party this is?

Yes, it's mine.

Oh, congratulations, then.

You're not on the list, are you?

No, I'm a friend of the DJ, Max.

He said...

Nice house, it's really pretty.

Especially the garden.
It's so... English.

Give it up. It's her party.

Princess Leila.

Today was my last day of school.

Mine too.

- I did the Science lyceum.
- Mine was Classics.

That was a good choice because
you get a broader education

and Greek will help at university.

Greek makes me throw up.

My father made me
go to the Classics lyceum.

I know what you mean,

extinct languages are pointless.

How many girls have you picked up
with this method?

2 or 3.

In Grade School.

Champagne!

- Mademoiselle... - Merci.
- II n'y a pas de quoi.

- You speak French?
- Yes, my mother is from Paris.

I studied it at school

and went to Paris for 2 months.

Your pronunciation is perfect.

Listen, it's your favourite.

- Favourite what?
- Your favourite dance.

Oh, right... That one.

Adieu, mon amour.

- Anyway, my name is...
- School's out!

That idiot!

- Does champagne stain?
- I can't go home like this.

Now what?

- Follow me.
- Where?

Here's the wardrobe,
close the door.

- What are you doing?
- Changing.

Not this one.

Do you like this? Put it on.

- We can't just...
- Why?

What? Change your shirt.

Right, right away.

We should have a shower first.

A shower? What do you mean?

- Stop making a scene!
- It was a kiss on the mouth!

It was a friendly gesture!

Do friends French kiss?

I wanted that argument
to last forever.

I know, Fonzie would have
kissed her there and then.

But I wasn't Fonzie,
I was Richie Cunningham.

- Are you smelling me?
- No.

I was checking for split ends.

Okay, I was smelling you.

And?

Nice, very nice.

How is it?

- What are they doing?
- Making up.

Never again, I love you.

I love my little buttercup.

You're my buttery buttercup.
You're so buttery!

Are you kidding?
You think she's right?

- You kiss friends on the lips?
- Sometimes. You don't?

- I dare them to try!
- Claudia, where the fuck were you?

Around...

Let's go,
your brother just puked in the pool.

- Who's that?
- No one.

Have you changed?

Claudia...
The love of my life is Claudia.

Are you drunk?

I've never been drunk.

But why is everything spinning?

9 June. Positive thought:

The party was crowded, the music cool
and sangria great.

Negative thought:
The same one... Cesare.

He's been really edgy lately.

Don't you caution me,
you little weasel!

The worst thing is 12 days,
6 hours and 23 minutes to exams.

Who invented final exams?

I want that bastard's name!

If I don't get top grade,
dad will kill himself.

But will this grade
ever make a difference in my life?

PS... I met a nice guy.

I can't even remember his name.

Too bad!

I liked Raf better
with "Self-Control".

Grandma, it was awful!
With his fake English!

What? "You take myself..."

Quick, listenable.
And most of all, international.

Hello?

Today is the first day of freedom.

I couldn't care less.
Dado and I broke up.

I swear on Tom Cruise
I'll never see him again.

- Then he makes that puppy-dog face...
- Tells you you're special

I couldn't care less.

- How was the party?
- Crowded.

- Tell her the best part.
- I met a guy.

- What's he like?
- There's something about him...

- Have you set a date?
- For what?

The day you dump Cesare for good!

I like him.

Like you would a goldfish.

You were 15 and he was 19
when you got together.

Now you're 19... and he's 15.

We're here for something important,
our final exams so...

- This one?
- Too frumpy.

I'll just go naked.

- Do you think I'll pass?
- Of course!

Tell me the truth.

You're the only one who got an A,
it would be impossible.

I flunked Maths and Physics.

- I've got 43 absences.
- You could've avoided that.

- What about this one?
- No, too working-class.

Have you ever tried
reading Dickinson at 10 am?

In a park with the lifting fog...

"Had I not seen the sun,
I could have borne the shade.

But Light a newer Wilderness,
my wilderness has made."

What a drag!

- Claudia...
- Can't you knock?

What for?
Grandma was supposed to sew these.

- She's in the kitchen.
- No, she's not in her room either.

She hasn't gone out, has she?

- Did she take her medicine?
- How would I know?

Okay, guys. Five-minute break.

Hi, Claudia.

- So you joined.
- Don't tell your dad, though.

- Or the cardiologist either?
- He's such a pain.

- What about the physical?
- Well...

Adele! You never told me
you had such a pretty friend.

Cut it out!

- Claudia, meet Ludovico.
- Hello.

I know all about you,
you're about to graduate.

You like the beach
but not the mountains.

And most of all,
you like men over 70.

Of course!

But I have some bad news.

My heart is already beating
for another dancer!

But I will dance with you.
Come on.

The most important thing
about the exams

are the photocopies.

An authentic US army cartridge holder

containing 72 miniaturized essays,
I repeat, 72!

Passing the written's your only hope.

Then even if you flunk the oral,
Martinelli can't do fuck all.

- You're not normal.
- But the stroke of genius is...

This:

An engraved sticker containing

all the mathematical theorems
in the world.

You can't even read it!

Because I walked on it.

- Are you going to fly to the exam?
- You're so anal.

So what about this Claudia?

Claudia is...

Like a sunset on a sailboat.

Like Tardelli's goal against Germany.

Like a general strike

when you didn't do
your homework the night before.

Ouch...

We have to do something

or the lovebird
will ruin our whole summer.

Let's find this Claudia.

- Should I throw Simon out?
- Yes, do it.

Loredana, can't you see
we're having a meeting?

Sorry.

What do we know about her?

- She went to a Classics lyceum.
- She's got a boyfriend.

- That doesn't matter.
- Yes, it does.

He's a moron, she deserves better.

- And you're better?
- Yeah.

If you didn't lay her yesterday,
you've got no chance now.

Exactly. Is it even worth it?

This Claudia...
does she have nice buns?

Simona, how can you go out with him?
He's as sensitive as a toilet seat.

You get used to life's misfortunes.

But guys, the point is...
How do I find her?

Ask the girl who had the party.

What do I do?

"Hi, I crashed your party
the other night and..."”

- That's one way.
- Come on'!

I took down Spandau Ballet.
With that hair...

- What are you putting up now?
- Madonna and Nelson Mandela.

Nice couple!
But I'd even be racier.

Gorbachev and Cicciolina.

The time has come,
the legendary Santilli is here.

The reason I've been summoned?

First I'd like to apologize
for all the practical jokes.

I've always admired you.

As both student and... your look.

We called you to help us
study for exams.

You can sail right through
towards an A+.

- You want me to test you?
- Yes.

- And be ruthless, like a real exam.
- Okay, ruthless.

But not too much,
we'll get demoralized.

- In what subject?
- Italian.

Something that goes
for written and oral.

Let's start with
an elementary inquiry.

Considering what we've studied,

in your opinion,

how much has Jansenism
influenced Manzonian Poetics?

- Back-up question?
- Wait, let me think.

- You think you know?
- I do.

Give him time!

- What was it? Jansen...
- Johnson who?

Get the dictionary!

Trick question!

Tell the truth:
There's no such thing as Jansenism.

There it goes... yes!

And Lothar Matth&us strikes again!

Again? It's one-nil.

Excuse me!
I have exams in ten days.

Good luck, babe.

What record?
Your team won by pure luck.

Luck? 26 wins, 6 ties, 2 losses,
that's luck?

It's the start of a string
of wins for Inter.

Why don't you two go out?
You get on just great!

- Your sister's moody.
- Time of the month.

That's a penalty!

Some pie?

Thanks Grandma, not right now.

- What about you, Chicca?
- Sure, thanks.

When will you know
who got through to the exams?

- Tomorrow.
- Then I'll make a cake to celebrate.

Let's hope
there's something to celebrate.

Up yours! Under the crossbar!
You black and blue bastard!

Looks like your boyfriend tied.

ADMITTED TO EXAM

ADMITTED TO EXAM

Yes!

All right!

NOT ADMITTED

Chicca...

- Hello?
- Claudia? It's Chicca's mom.

Hi, Mrs Salvatori.

Is she over there?
She hasn't come home.

No, she's not here.

Did they announce
exam admissions?

Yes.

They didn't let her through, right?

No, they didn't, I'm sorry.

All right.

- Thanks.
- Bye.

I still can't believe it,
he admitted me to the exams!

Your average grade is C.

He'll get you on the oral,

that's when Martinelli
will get his revenge.

Alice, stop freaking me out!

You're so...

Oh God, it's The Prick!
It's Martinelli!

- Let's go.
- Peppe! What happened?

Someone stole your teacher's
Simca 1000.

Great taste!

Let's go!

If he sees me, he'll think I did it.

- He saw us!
- Follow me.

Hi, what happened?

You tell me.
In this screwed up country?

I was renting a movie
and my car got stolen.

And they're like
those 3 monkeys round here:

Hear no, see no, speak no evil.

Luca can take you to the police,
he's got his scooter.

- No, I'll take the bus.
- The bus is a nightmare.

And Luca would be glad, right?

Sure, I'll take you.

- On your scooter?
- Yes.

So where is this road monster?

Luca Molinari,

claims
under his own responsibility

that he personally knows
Antonio Martinelli,

born in Asti, 16 July 1945.

Yes.

All right, sign and date. Legible.

Wait a couple of minutes
and I'll give you copies.

This is all I needed.

I don't care about the papers,
I've got copies.

It sounds weird,
but I'm upset about the car.

A Simca 1000 is a great car.

Fuck... Darn it.

How long does it take
to make a copy?

- It's 8:00!
- Your wife must be worried.

My wife...

She's been gone for a year.

I'm so sorry.

You never told anyone,
I would have come.

Come where? She's alive!

She left me for some yuppie,
a lawyer.

That's good.

I mean...

That's good she's still alive.

Not that she left you...
for a yuppie.

After graduation,
you should go into public relations.

- All right, thanks.
- No problem.

Sorry you had to pedal up that hill.

But don't think
this changes things between us.

No.

Since the 19th century is
nothing but a black hole to you,

come over Monday to revise.

Was this a trap, a set-up?

He pretends it's help,
then he humiliates me.

That's it, the slimeball!
How can I say no?

Well?

- All right, what time?
- 4:00.

Don't be late.

It's fate.
My only chance is to risk my hand

in the enemy's den.

- Hi everyone.
- Dad, where were you?

The police station,
my car got stolen.

Finally some good news!

Hooray!

Some idiot actually stole that car?

I apologize if I work
to give my family

a home, clothes and an education

but forgot to buy a Ferrari!

- Where did it happen?
- Near the video store.

Did you get "Rambo III"?

I told you my car got stolen and
you ask about Rambo?

Want a reason to call
the child abuse hotline?

Talk about Rambo at your exam!

- I studied all day!
- You got up at 1:00.

- I studied from 1:00 on.
- Whatever.

Dad, Chicca and Valentina and I
want to go to Ibiza.

Did I hear the word Ibiza?

It's not planned. I wanted to know
how much money you can...

First of all,
I want all your teachers' scalps.

Then we'll discuss Ibiza, okay?

My potato gateau is delicious,
give me your plate.

No, my stomach's in a knot.

Ibiza... what's in Ibiza?

The closer I got
to my meeting with The Prick,

the more the nervousness
prevented me from studying.

I gave it my all,

but with the wrong friends,
it's hopeless.

History question.

Just remember...

If it's about World War I,
I don't know shit.

Listen:

Who was ltaly's third goalie
in the 82 championships?

- Castellini.
- No...

Bordon.

The legendary Giovanni Galli.

He wasn't even on the bench,

how can you consider him
a world champ?

Existential questions like this

marked the end
of our study sessions.

I still don't know what you want.

You see, Princess...

- I... we wanted...
- Some information.

We snuck into your party.

You have a really nice house,
very "in".

- Luca fell madly in love with a girl.
- That's nice.

Madly is exaggerating.

- Her name's Claudia.
- She has dark, wavy hair.

She's about her height.

Claudia... Claudia...
Don't know anyone with that name.

She must have snuck in too.

Could be, I'd never seen
most of the people here.

They stole a lot of stuff,
including a ♪-shirt like yours.

Really?

I bought this one in a store...

Who cares? Thanks anyway.

- Let's go.
- Wait!

There was some old geezer
filming at the party.

- Yes, my father.
- I see...

He's hopeless.
Could we have a copy?

Sure, give me back my ♪-shirt.

That's her!

Pretty, isn't she?

If you say so

I watched those 10 seconds
of Claudia all night long.

Alice says I'm a psychopath,

I think she's right.

12 June:
9 days, 8 hours, 14 minutes left.

I've read that, unlike men,
women can do two things at once.

And it's true.

That romantic night,

I was studying astronomy.

That's the Big Dipper.

SAD GIRL

You know what my dad said?

"So what?
You'll do better next year."

What must I do
to get a slap out of him?

What the hell must I do?

- I can lend you my dad.
- No, thanks.

I'll give you a good deal,
I'll throw in my nerdy brother.

- Then I want Grandma too.
- No, she's mine.

- Hi, Massi.
- Hi, Loredana.

- Come in.
- Where's Simona?

She'll be back in an hour.

In an hour...

- What are you up to?
- Killing time.

With a flight-attendant mother,
you're always alone.

Then get a boyfriend.

All the guys I like
are already taken.

- Really?
- Yes.

Once you pass 50 centimetres,

a kiss is automatic,
it's a scientific rule.

49... 48

47... 46...

Well? Then what?

Then

I took a deep breath...
and fought it.

Good job, Massi.

Up to 42, then I gave in.

Once, twice... okay.
But then I banged her.

You screwed her? You idiot!
Your girlfriend's sister!

- She's hot though.
- And fucks like hell!

She's a little girl!

She'll go tell everyone.

Even write it in her diary and when
Simona finds out, you're dead.

We talked about it,
it won't happen again.

We're 18 now.

At our age,
it's our sacred duty to screw.

All right,
but wash the dishes first. Bye.

- Bye...
- Bye, Mom.

This story was a big deal,
but my mind was elsewhere:

My meeting with The Prick.

Claudia, can you get that?
It's a student.

Okay.

Chicca!

- How much money can you lend me?
- Why?

- I'm going to Berlin.
- Berlin? Are you crazy?

What's this all about?

- Hello?
- Come in, Molinari.

That's my daughter, she's your age.

She's cute.

Have seat.

Thanks.

You're probably wondering
why I invited you.

No.

Okay, a little.

The things you told me at school
the other day

are the same things my wife said
when she left.

- With the yuppie?
- Yes.

I ruined the last years of her life,
I'm a loser.

And she loathes the jackets
I love so much.

I didn't really think those things.

Yes, you did.

So did she.

Let's talk about Romanticism.

Okay...

Romanticism
is a cultural orientation

that comes from
the English word: "Romantic"

which was used in the 17th century

to refer to... in a bad way

- I'd even say derogatory.
- Yes.

the chivalric adventures
in the old "romances".

Nice.

It's fucking luck.

I mean... luck.

I studied it yesterday.

See, it's people like you
who piss me off.

You could get an A
using half your brain.

But you don't study, you blow it off,
hang out with your pals...

And get an C at the exam.

A C+ if you're lucky

fucking lucky.

But...

If I wasn't this fucking lucky...

Shit!

- Bye, we're going out.
- Bye, girls.

Bye.

I'm sorry.

A little glue
and it's brand new again

almost new.

Are you sure Stefan can put you up?

We always write.
He's still head over heels.

He said Berlin
is full of opportunities for us.

He also says
they'll knock the wall down.

- Just to get you in bed!
- Even so!

I got something for you.

It's our favourite compilation tape.

I can't believe it.

Dire Straits, The Cure, Vasco Rossi.

But most of all,
"Save A Prayer" live.

The stadium, June 1, 1987.

How could I forget?

The lights go down,
Simon starts singing...

We're holding lighters like idiots!

Thanks.

Good luck with your exams.

Bring me back a piece of the wall.

You will be back, won't you?

I'm coming!

- What's wrong?
- We're supposed to study.

- When?
- Now, let me in.

Why?

Simona's here
and we're not studying.

- Sorry.
- Let me know how it goes.

He's insane...

Open up!

Come on!

- What's your problem?
- Move it!

- You're such an asshole!
- What did I do?

- Loredana... Simona's here!
- What?

Simona's on her way up!

- Shit.
- Don't let her in!

- She's got a key!
- Are you crazy?

- Well, I always lose them.
- Good thinking!

- In the bathroom.
- No.

In your room, in the kitchen...
On the balcony!

- I'm naked!
- Big deal.

Shit, a hickey!

- You're here?
- I was in the bathroom.

- What happened?
- Stiff neck.

I caught a draft on the scooter.

- Look, we have to talk.
- Here?

Let's go for a walk.

So what's this about?
What's the mystery?

- I'm late.
- Well, I'm never on time myself.

Late?

- How late?
- One week.

Is that a lot?

Kind of, I'm always regular.

You're regular...

Look...
In the remote possibility you're...

What are your options?
Would you keep it or...

You?

I don't know.
I'm 18, I've never considered it.

And I have?

- Tell me you love me.
- Hell yeah.

Like crazy.

What do I tell him now?

"Sorry my friend's an idiot.
Please flunk him too.

No, pass him
so I won't see him anymore."

Massi, finally!

- We have to talk.
- I'm late.

- You too?
- I'll call you later.

Claudia!

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Molinari... Molinari!

Planet Earth to Molinari!

Answer me!

Sorry,

I was daydreaming.

I'm having trouble
concentrating lately.

You have for five years now.

- I guess I should go.
- Stay there.

Family problems?

No, I never see them.
They're always at the store.

A girl?

- You could say that.
- Want to talk about it?

There's nothing to say.
I don't even know where she lives.

She's the love of my life.

Wow!

You're right,
I have to think about the exams now.

- End of story.
- I didn't say that.

When there's something
you're interested in,

go after it and get it.

I drove all night long

to tell my wife I loved her.

Two days later I took my last college
exam and got 30 out of 30.

Someday I'll score 30 too,
but it won't be a good enough grade.

30? You're an optimist?

Exactly.

I'm starting to freak out.

How long is this going to take?

- Relax.
- I'd like to see you.

- Well? Is it turning red?
- No, two more minutes.

- Relax.
- I'd like to see you.

- Well?
- Nothing.

Nothing nothing?

It's a matter of hormones.
She could still be pregnant.

If she doesn't have her period,
she has to get tested.

15,000 liras down the drain...

Sorry, I'm stressed out.

You all call Mr Santoro "foam mouth"

and I can see why.

You call Miss Paternesi "Alien"
and she looks just like one.

You haven't given me
some nickname now, have you?

No.

I have to go now.

Tell me, it won't hurt my feelings.

- It won't?
- Of course not.

Well... I've heard...

Some people say... But not me!

Come on!

They say: "The Prick".

Thanks for everything, bye.

"The Prick"... that's gratifying...

- What are you doing?
- Why aren't you studying?

That thing you do
with books before exams...

Mom's right, you are boring.

Well, at least that's a step up
from being a prick.

I'm going to flunk.

I win, I'm going to be a father.

You might be. I'll flunk for sure.

Guys, it's ready.

Massimo, I made pesto sauce,
your favourite.

Thanks, ma'am.

Right... as if you deserved it.

Fate was being
totally ruthless with us.

There was only one thing
that could cheer us up that night.

Man oh man, you guys are lame.

All right, I know.
Let's make this night worth it.

- Ever gone 200 km/hr?
- On a Vespa?

With Daddy's Porsche.

And now, the climax.

Let's go check out the whores!

All right!

- Can I drive?
- Are you crazy?

Just once, what's the big deal?

Come on.

Make one scratch
and my dad will break our legs.

Relax, at driving school
they called me Niki Lauda.

Whatever

I always ask
and you never let me!

Well, he's going to flunk school,
this is his last wish.

Thanks a lot.

Hey Niki Lauda... Go fuck yourself!

You did 1.5 million liras of damage!

Simona's going to wait a week
to go to the gynaecologist.

My dad comes back Wednesday,
where will I find the money?

If she's pregnant,
my life has bit the dust.

Game over!

We can't do a robbery
because we're not credible.

No one would ever loan us any money.

We need a brilliant plan,
but I've never had one.

I'll never be able to play soccer
at 3 am again,

or Interrail around,
or get drunk at Oktoberfest

or play a two-day non-stop
game of "Dungeons and Dragons".

Or screw your future-wife's sister.

- It was an accident.
- Twice?

You're so anal.

Guys!

Jokes are only funny for a while!

Give me back my trunks, please.

You don't want to upset me!

I'm going to count to three!

One, two

two and a half... three!

Chicca called me
from Berlin last night.

She said they really might
knock down the wall.

Who cares?
It won't change anything for us.

Plus that was stupid of her
to leave like that.

She acts all intellectual,
but she's really shallow.

Did you see that cute two-piece?
That coloured one? I want it.

Sometimes I wish I could be like you.

Thanks!

Alice sure put on two melons,
she's developed since last summer.

Forget Alice,
check out that other one.

Check out those mushrooms...
Let's go foraging!

- Ready to study?
- After this.

- Can you play goalie?
- Move over, Zoff!

I even brought
some used "Cliff Notes".

Cliff Notes won't get you very far.

Hey... concentrate!

Anyway, when you don't know
the answer, "Cliff Notes" rule.

I'd even sell my mother
for the essay.

Are you blind or what?

- What did you just say?
- I'd do anything.

That's the brilliant idea
we needed for the car.

What one thing
would we do anything for?

- Kim Basinger.
- Screw that. Our essay topics.

- We don't know the topics.
- It doesn't have to be the real ones.

- That's fraud!
- That's an exaggeration.

No, she's right this time.

You wrecked my dad's car,
so keep quiet.

"Move over, Zoff," huh?

Never mind, we'd better go anyway.

You're not leaving, are you?

I'm talking to you!

- What about his suit?
- Bye!

Come on now...

Hit it high!

Cesare!

- What a dive!
- Cesare.

What is it, babe?

We're hungry, let's go.

Wait,
two more points to break the tie.

Pippo's dinner is tonight.

- It's my mom's boyfriend's party.
- The one with the Ferrari?

Unfortunately.

Thank you!

Come and sing with us,
I've got all the Alan Sorrenti songs.

No, thanks.

Honey... Ottavio and I
have thought a lot about your future.

And we've got a surprise for you...

- You tell her!
- You do the honours.

Okay.

Guess who Ottavio called for you?

- The Pope?
- The Dean of LUISS University.

He's a family friend.

So it's just a matter of paperwork
to get you into law school!

Then in two years
you can come work for me.

You'll get your own office.

- I've got something to tell you.
- Go ahead!

I've thought about my future too.

I'm not studying Lit like dad wants,
or Law like this guy wants.

- I'll do what I want.
- And what's that?

I don't know but don't worry,
you'll be the first to know.

So you can tell these assholes
who say they're your friends.

Goodbye, have a nice party!

How can Mom go out with him?

- Maybe he's great in bed.
- Grandma!

What's wrong with that?

Nothing, but...
Just picturing it makes me ill.

What about you and Cesare?

- What?
- In bed... I mean.

- So so.
- Soso?

"So so" at 18?
Are we kidding here?

Me and your Grandpa at 18
were already doing... Never mind.

Good thing I've got you.

- I feel so alone.
- But you're not!

- You've got me, your Dad...
- Dad, right...

We can't talk about my sex life.

Maybe not.

But you could tell him

you want
to go to Berlin to see Chicca.

- How did you know?
- Grandma Superpowers.

Hints of redemption for this country,

the police found the car.

Missing a hood, wheel and a seat
but the rest is perfect.

All right... Yahoo!

- Dad?
- What?

- Chicca left for Berlin.
- Political asylum from flunking?

No, she's traveling
and she's paying for it herself.

I'd like to see that.

Since I've been
kind of depressed lately...

Royal jelly.
It's an amazing remedy.

I'll get some for you tomorrow.

I told you it was pointless.

What's pointless?

Anyway, how did it go
with her and her mom?

You're asking me?

Well, I could ask the scale.
Maybe I'll get a decent answer.

In spite of the Great Wall of China
you're both erecting around me,

until further notice
I'm still head of this family!

Antonio

when will you stop being a teacher
and start being a dad?

Here... And don't make any lumps.

Dad, your student's here.

- Let him in.
- In here.

- Hello, Mr Martinelli.
- Hi, Molinari.

You can play?

I used to.

I used to play in a band,

or group, as they used to say.

We named ourselves:
"The Dark Side of the Moon".

Like the Pink Floyd album,
I love that one.

You've heard at least one
decent album in your life.

Molinari,

all this time
I knew nothing about you.

Then you surprise me.
You did exactly what I wanted to.

Tell my teachers
what I thought of them.

- What was that?
- That they were dicks.

Then why did you become a teacher?

I was a fool.
I thought I could change the system.

Or at least try.

But judging by my nickname,

it doesn't look I succeeded.

No, it's not that.

It's just that at school,
you act like you're 100.

But out here, like you're 20.

I wish!

At your age, my friends
and I would come here

and drink, then at closing time,

we'd get stoned out of our minds.

Don't try to kid me
that you've never got high.

It was different for us,
it was the Sixties.

If you didn't get high,
you were a loser.

Hash, marijuana, Pakistani

I smoked it all!

Now it's been

fifteen years since I smoked a joint.

Sure

with school, your family, your wife.

Yeah, that saint

I was thinking...
If I should want to try it...

Could you get some?

I swear I only smoked once
on a field trip

and I passed out.
But what could I say?

Sure! Of course.

I'll take care of it, no problem.

I was set!

The Prick would never flunk
his own pusher.

So I came home and heard:
"bang, squeak, bang, squeak..."

In layman's terms...
I found them together.

Guess what I said:; "No, pal.

You take her, wrap her up
and take her away."

He accepted and
that ended my 4th marriage.

Four weddings? That's insane!

What percent of that was a lie?

10%, to make it more interesting.

It's all true!
Actually, if you want some advice...

Never get married.

Are you going steady with anyone?

You're so old-fashioned.
They don't say that now!

Anyway, I do have boyfriend.

Wait a minute... An eyelash.

Make a wish.

Too bad!
You don't get the wish, I do.

All right, essay topic brainstorming.

Likely ones include
perestroika, hole in the ozone...

- Who's hole?
- Be serious for once.

- Who votes for perestroika?
- I do.

"Hole in the ozone" wins 3 to 1.
You start.

Okay, literature: Pirandello
vs. Ungaretti-Montale-Quasimodo.

- Pirandello?
- Yeah.

What's left?

The history topic.
But there's no contest,

the Holocaust
beats Garibaldi, four to nil.

- Objections?
- No.

This is so you won't study
on an empty stomach.

Mom, I told you later!

But it's 3:00 and you haven't eaten,
your sugar will be low.

Whatever, just get lost
SO we can concentrate.

Thank you very much,
that was nice of you.

You creep.

Break. My mind's exhausted.

Break.

- What flavour are they?
- Clams and chocolate, it's great.

I'm joking.

Riccardo?

- I need a favour.
- What do you need?

- Some hash.
- Since when do you smoke?

It's not for me, it's for...
You wouldn't believe me.

For The Prick.

The Prick? You get high together?

No... not yet.

- Can you get it or not?
- Sure, sure.

You're not best buddies with
that rat now, are you?

Are you crazy?
It's to save my ass at the exam.

As long as you're happy.

Okay, Chemistry question.
Listen carefully.

If you put a teaspoon of shit
in tomato sauce,

can you taste it?

- Get lost.
- I bet you do.

Hi, it's Alice.

I'm inviting you to a party tonight,

an unusual one.
The special guest is

essay topics!

The authentic topics
for the written exam.

I'm serious! Straight from

the Ministry of Education.

That's right.

I can't tell you how

but this is the key
to scholastic success.

Entrance fee:
100,000 liras all inclusive.

Champagne, food and
the list of topics.

You in?

Make sure you spread the word.

Fucking hell!

- Where are you going?
- To study!

What does the word "Woodstock"
mean to you?

- Oh, yeah... that bird in "Snoopy".
- See? You don't study!

The protest, the student movement,

Hendrix burning his guitar
as a symbol of American capitalism.

- All that's in "Snoopy"?
- Forget Snoopy!

It was the largest
youth gathering in history.

August,

1969.

800,000 people,
including yours truly,

get together in a field

80 km from Woodstock.

They get naked
and practice free love

listening to the best music ever.

You mean you were... naked.

The most naked one.

My mother thought
I was studying English

but I met two Norwegian girls
on the plane

with four beautiful tits...
Two each, of course.

Totally uninhibited

and for three days

I tore them inside and out!
Inside and out...

- Antonio!
- Dad! Are you smoking pot?

We were just...

- We were...
- Going over Modern History.

- The 1900's.
- Yeah!

- There's more food, who wants some?
- Me!

Here, now pay up.

Who else?

- Me!
- You again, Santilli?

Are you happy?

Could the essays be fake?

Just be glad we invited you.

If you don't trust us,
there's the door.

Look Filippo,
they're envelopes from the Ministry.

"The Greenhouse Effect
and the Hole in the Ozone,

two hazards generated
by human wickedness.

Please explain how..."
They're really tough!

There's a team of nerds
behind these topics! Tell him.

No, I'm not going for this.

Give me one good reason
why we have to break up.

There are more than 100 here.

- What is this?
- Read it.

One hundred?

You thought of 100 reasons...

You're not normal at all.

And I shouldn't have to read this,
out of male pride!

But out of curiosity,
I'll pick one out randomly.

"23: You're conceited."
Me? Conceited?

I don't like
this way of doing things.

Tell me to my face
instead of writing them because

"48: You're too hairy."

I can fix that, I'll get waxed!

"56: Uncouth."

Me? Uncouth?

You little bitch!
You fucking bitch!

Hey Claudia, go fuck yourself!

A good presenter has to be:

A: Ctor.

Actor.

B: Alive.
But who cares about that...

Grandma

I broke up with Cesare.

Come on, I'll take you to bed.

Grandma.

Grandma!

Dad!

Claudia.

Ludovico.

Who was that guy?

Grandma's boyfriend.

Grandma's boyfriend?

Can't you sleep?

- I haven't played forever.
- Feels like longer.

I have to sleep
or I'll never study tomorrow.

Wait

36 hours to exams

and I'm no longer afraid.

- Hello?
- Luca, put on the radio!

From the Ministry of Education.
What's happening?

A lot, unfortunately.

We aren't going to have
all the exams ready in time.

So what will happen?

We have no other option.

We've passed a decree saying
all those admitted to their exams

automatically pass.

There is a God!

Yes!

Italo Svevo... Fuck you!

Salvatore Quasimodo... Fuck you too!

Alice!

Luca, look!

It's The Prick.

Guys, it's the Prick!

Prick!

You've got to die!

You've got to die!

Now everyone to the beach!

- Guys, it's unbelievable!
- What do you want?

- It was a joke.
- Fuck off, you nerd.

- Shut up, it's not true.
- They said it on the news.

The ones who did it got suspended.

It's true.

No.

Your test results show

you have a beta hCG level of 6309.

- So...
- So?

So you're in your fifth week.
Congratulations!

Congratulations...

Now what? What do we do?

You wait 9 months, or less,

and then a baby is born.

- Or...
- Or what?

Or you change gynaecologist.

We've decided to keep it.

- Both of you, or just her?
- We both decided.

She was more for it, but...
That's all right.

I'll start working for my dad

and screw being an engineer!

So goodbye Massi the Bullshitter
and hello the new Massimiliano

in a suit and tie.

How sad...

Simona is here!

- Honey!
- Honey, my ass!

- Simona!
- Screw you!

- You both make me sick!
- Who?

You and my sister, for fuck's sake!
What's wrong with you?

"11 June, Massi kept insisting...
I couldn't say no."

- It was her!
- Fuck you!

Shut up or I'll kill you!
First you, then her!

You idiots...

No, I'm the idiot
because I'm pregnant with your baby!

- Get way!
- Simona!

- Fuck off!
- Wait, come back!

Looks like Massi the Bullshitter
has risen from the dead.

The night before exams is weird.

You have the feeling of failure.

No matter what you study,
you can't absorb it.

You're so nervous
you can't even breathe.

You grab on to any sign of hope.

Ours was a certain Lorenzo Falaschi,

a serial flunker from the suburbs

who apparently has
the essay topics, the real ones.

- Who's Riccardo?
- I am.

- Falaschi?
- That's what they call me at school.

- Call me Piranha.
- Okay, sorry... Piranha.

- Got the 500,000 liras?
- Yes.

Here.

- It's all there, we counted it.
- I trust you.

But, Piranha...

- The essay topics?
- They'll be here, chill out.

Yes?

It's Massi again.
Can you get Simona?

Hi, Mass..

She can't talk right now.

You don't get it, you have to...

Sorry, I just need to talk to her.

I know, but you can't right now.

Tell her I'm staying here
until she comes out.

- Will you tell her?
- All right.

- He won't leave.
- Who gives a shit?

- Simona, I'm sorry.
- Fuck off!

He started it!

Drop dead!

The bill, please.

3 years ago,

the pizza your brother had the night
before exams was good luck.

Hopefully it works for you too.

That was middle school!

It was still hard.

- Compared to high school?
- Yes, why?

Stop acting up,
there's a student of mine.

Hi, Mr Martinelli.

Hello, Alice... Mr and Mrs Corradi.

This is Alice,
she has her exams too tomorrow.

- Hi, I'm Claudia.
- Claudia?

- You're Claudia?
- Yes, why?

No reason.

How can I explain this?
Listen up, fool!

Go and genuflect somewhere else!

I'm not moving.

She's obviously pissed off at you,

I'm sure she's got a good reason.

How would you know?

I'm a cop, not a pizza man!

You know how many genuflectors
I've had to remove? Tell him!

He's not budging...

He's a fool in love.
He's taken up residence here.

Should I arrest him?

Shall we go for a drink?

All that talking you're doing
probably dried your throat out.

I wish I had a dog as a partner,
they talk more.

He's still there.

Guys, the topics are here.
Hot off the Ministry press.

Go and call Alice and Massi.

- Hello?
- We've got the topics.

Let's meet outside Simona's.

- Massi's already there.
- Good. See you there.

I'm not coming.

- What's wrong?
- Luca

- I met Claudia.
- What? Where?

The question isn't "where",
it's "with who".

With who?

- With The Prick.
- Claudia with Martinelli?

He's 30 years older than her!

You idiot, she's his daughter!

Hello?

Did you hear me?

What do I do now?

He'll kill me if he sees me.

Do you really like Claudia?

Yes.

Luca! Where are you going?

You can't leave me here!

Look at this...

"Greenhouse Effect
and Hole in the Ozone Layer,

two hazards generated
by human wickedness..."

"Wickedness"?

These are ours!

These are our topics!

- Mr Martinelli...
- Look what the cat dragged in

I messed up, as I always do.

Please don't kick me out.

I'm tempted,
tell me why I shouldn't.

A crazy thing happened.

I told you about that girl...
And I knew nothing about her.

And?

It's your daughter.
I'm in love with Claudia.

I did what you told me to do:
I ran over to tell her.

Please, let me in.

Come in, trouble-maker.

Claudia! You've got a visitor.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You're the guy...
- I'm Luca.

Well, I'm going.

I can't stop thinking
about that night!

You're telling me.

I have something
really important to tell you.

Me too.

- You do?
- Yes.

Well, all right then... You go first.

I was wondering...

That cute friend of yours,
the French one at the party.

- Riccardo?
- Riccardo.

Can I have his phone number?

The oldest story in the book:

He wants her, she wants another.

And the other one
is always your best friend.

Didn't work out, did it?

Sooner or later
it happens to everyone.

Yes, but when it's you...

You see, Molinari...

Luca.

It doesn't matter
what you find after your search.

It's what you feel
during your search.

And going back to us,
study Leopardi.

Leopardi?

If you get stuck, I'll ask you that.

Thanks.

Goodbye.

So that was that night.

I didn't kiss Claudia
and there was no happy ending.

Yet I'll remember it forever

because it was a special night.

And I never felt again,
as often happens in life,

the magic I felt that night.

PERSONNEL MANAGER
GARDALAND AMUSEMENT PARK

SHIATZU MASSEUSE

EURO MP

ECO-TERRORIST

SET 3 BERLIN MCDONALDS ON FIRE

DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE

THREE KIDS,
TWO DOGS, A FIAT DUNA

CAUSED A MULTINATIONAL
COMPANY TO GO BANKRUPT

ON THE RUN

MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR, SINGLE

ATTORNEY, MARRIED RICCARDO

AND LUCA?

The name of this phenomenon is

tectonic plaques.

It sounds like a bad word but...

No, it's scientific.

Because, actually, these plaques

shift because they're...
very slippery and...

Molinari, you're getting stuck.

He's nervous.

- Can I ask him a question?
- Of course.

Let's try Italian.

I'd like you
to talk about a great poet

that we studied very carefully.

His name is...

Giosué Carducci.

Yes.

Carducci was born
near Lucca in 1835

and died in Bologna in 1907,

one year after winning a Nobel Prize.

He was a poet and literary critic.

As a republican,
he sided with the monarchy

and was named "National Poet".

His work as a critic...

One thing I learned
after five years of high school:

Never trust a teacher.

So I studied all Italian poets.

All of them... except Leopardi.

LITERATURE TEACHER