Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,001
(light music playing)
2
00:00:10,635 --> 00:00:11,635
(Miguel sighing)
3
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:20,352
Come on.
4
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,742
{\an8}LINDSAY: I came to New York
to be a writer.
5
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:33,238
{\an8}And sure, some distractions
got in the way.
6
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:38,407
But I stand before you today
recommitted to my craft.
7
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:41,753
If given this incredible opportunity,
8
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:46,340
I am confident that I will be
the discreet, tidy, easygoing,
9
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:49,547
you'll-never-even-know-I'm-there
roommate
10
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,299
that you've been looking for.
11
00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,047
What do you think, Dave?
12
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:56,508
Sure. Yeah.
13
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:58,675
- Room is yours.
- LINDSAY: (gasping) Really?
14
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:00,975
Oh my god. Great.
15
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,557
Because I've been staying
at the YMCA,
16
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,772
and I'm not sure
what the song is talking about
17
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,863
because "fun" is
definitely not the
18
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,148
first word that comes to mind.
19
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,031
Well, I was just telling
Dave that, uh,
20
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,198
we need some more
female energy here.
21
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,985
Yeah, I-I'm curious.
How, how did you two meet?
22
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:17,791
I was just coming back
from a year abroad, and, uh,
23
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,496
bumped into Marta
right outside the building.
24
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:22,874
- Almost like she was waiting for me.
- (Marta laughs)
25
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,879
Almost.
26
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,376
We started talking and
27
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,586
turns out we had
so much in common.
28
00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,008
Like, her favorite books
are literally
29
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,256
the same ones
I have on my shelf.
30
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,384
(laughs) That is so crazy.
31
00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,802
It's not that crazy.
32
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,724
Do you have a boyfriend or?
33
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:41,854
Um, no. No, I'm...
34
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:43,975
- Mm-mm, no.
- DAVE: Well, I should warn you,
35
00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,858
the room we have available
is very small.
36
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,475
I mean, it's definitely
not a closet, but...
37
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,193
I'm sure it's perfect.
38
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:52,645
- (party guests chattering)
- I'm telling ya,
39
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,994
it's all smiles out there
at the Christmas party,
40
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,279
- but we are at Defcon Fucked.
- Damn.
41
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,993
They're saying hundreds of
clients' personal info leaked.
42
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,874
No one's seen
a data breach like this before.
43
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,461
I.T. is shitting itself.
44
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,286
But it's nothing
compared to what's coming.
45
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,751
Y2K?
46
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,751
We're talking four horsemen
at the apocalypse shit.
47
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,383
Hey, you're welcome to join us
at my parents' place out East.
48
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:15,635
That's very generous of you,
but I think I'm good. Thanks.
49
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,345
Oh, just gonna
50
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,717
cuddle in with Random Lindsay
for the holidays, huh?
51
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:24,063
- Huh?
- Yeah... something like that.
52
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,400
Sorry, Chris.
53
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,225
No room at the pad for you,
I'm afraid.
54
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,067
Associates and above only.
55
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,532
Totally get it, fellas.
56
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,565
I, I appreciate you even
thinking of me.
57
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:33,649
KEVIN: We didn't.
58
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:38,324
CHRIS: (laughs) Well,
Merry Christmas, gents.
59
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,414
(melancholy music playing)
60
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:54,133
♪ I don't care... that you're
not here to see the lights ♪
61
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:59,716
♪ That we're not making
matching footprints in the snow ♪
62
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:04,814
♪ I don't need you here ♪
63
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:07,689
♪ To warm my winter nights ♪
64
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:13,777
♪ I don't buy into
the myth of mistletoooe ♪
65
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,824
♪ It's important to remember ♪
66
00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:21,032
♪ That December's
just December ♪
67
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:26,924
♪ Then it's over and by
New Year's, I'll be fine ♪
68
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:33,759
♪ But as flurries swirl midair,
I stop and say a silent prayer ♪
69
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:39,302
♪ I hope your Christmas
sucks as much as mine ♪
70
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,970
♪ I don't know ♪
71
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:47,062
♪ If you'd have helped
me choose a tree ♪
72
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:52,770
♪ Would you let me make
you skate in Central Park ♪
73
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,944
♪ Either way ♪
74
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:59,994
♪ What's meant to be
is meant to be ♪
75
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:05,999
♪ And the twinkle lights
still come on after daaark ♪
76
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:09,745
♪ So, it's really
not so tragic ♪
77
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,039
♪ You're not here to
share the magic ♪
78
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:18,884
♪ Though it is a little lonely,
I admit ♪
79
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:22,683
♪ Still, the silver
bells are ringing ♪
80
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,929
♪ And the carolers are singing ♪
81
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:31,352
♪ And I really hope
you also feel like shit ♪
82
00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:33,651
♪ I don't mind ♪
83
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,108
♪ I don't mind ♪
84
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,318
BOTH: ♪ That I won't buy
that perfect gift ♪
85
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:44,489
♪ Based on something
I remembered you once said ♪
86
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:47,874
♪ Come to thiiink ♪
87
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:51,250
♪ It gives my soul
a little lift ♪
88
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,669
♪ That I won't have
to return it ♪
89
00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:58,009
♪ 'Cause I never plan ahead ♪
90
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:01,256
♪ And as Santa Cons
are drinking ♪
91
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,849
♪ I still wonder what
you're thinking ♪
92
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:10,936
♪ Are you wishing things
were like they were befooore ♪
93
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,231
♪ This Christmas kinda sucks ♪
94
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,400
♪ Because of you,
this Christmas sucks ♪
95
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,320
(sighs)
96
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:24,409
BOTH: ♪ So, I really hope
that yours sucks ♪
97
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,746
♪ Mooore ♪
98
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,996
(TV playing)
99
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,003
Ooh, and another thing,
100
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,713
Donner's antlers have
got four points...
101
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,343
I'm gonna say it.
It's better without him.
102
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,721
It's so nice to be
alone. Without her.
103
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,759
- Definitely quieter.
- And less crazy.
104
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,466
Don't forget, he kissed
his ex-girlfriend...
105
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:51,274
with his tongue.
106
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,437
Who leaves their fiancée
six days before a wedding?
107
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:54,726
Psycho.
108
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:56,859
You'll find someone else.
109
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,565
You have to.
110
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:00,815
- Think of your eggs.
- Mm.
111
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:03,528
I'm here. That's all you need.
112
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,819
You're so fucking
weird with him.
113
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,163
It's Christmas!
114
00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:09,865
Do you even care
that I finished my book?
115
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,205
Yes! (chuckling)
116
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:16,626
Uh, yeah, of course.
(chuckling) Book. Good job.
117
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:25,676
The Unlikely Adventure
of Squid the Squirrel.
118
00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,926
Y-You told me to send it
to you when I was finished, so.
119
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,430
I had a feeling about you.
120
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:33,983
You, you liked it?
121
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,439
I did have an illustrator
122
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:39,187
I wanted to recommend,
if you're open.
123
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,186
His name is Mr. McGooch.
124
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,284
Stop.
125
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,784
- Really?!
- The journey of your character:
126
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,371
is she a squid or a squirrel?
127
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,657
And then, in the end,
of course, you reveal...
128
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,621
she's neither. She's...
129
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:56,371
she's complicated,
like the best characters are.
130
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,334
Yes! See, I,
I knew you would get it.
131
00:06:58,334 --> 00:07:02,674
But... is she also,
maybe, a little... gross?
132
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,591
Tentacles all over her body.
133
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,053
She's a monster?
134
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:10,811
Oh, well, y-y...
Uh, yes, uh, but... and no.
135
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,095
She... The...
See, she feels like a monster
136
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,769
because she's different,
you know?
137
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,437
But, but I, I think she
could be adorable.
138
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,233
I don't mean to be immodest,
but even with my talent,
139
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:24,442
I have no idea how to make
the grotesque mutant
140
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,164
you have written,
in any way, adorable.
141
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,953
You just said
the best characters
142
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,660
were the complicated ones.
143
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:36,162
Well, there's complicated
and there's hideous.
144
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:37,794
Hideous doesn't sell books.
145
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:39,826
Look at The Giving Tree.
146
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,464
Despicable person.
147
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:44,171
Very handsome young man.
148
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,376
These are the realities.
149
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:51,554
Now... what if we forget
about the whole squid business
150
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:55,144
and we give our squirrel
some freckles,
151
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,192
and a ponytail,
152
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:02,114
some cute bangs.
153
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:07,105
And, um, w-what, what happens
if I don't wanna change it?
154
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,410
Your prerogative entirely.
155
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,663
You'll just have to find
another illustrator.
156
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:18,705
Think about it.
157
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,786
(belches) Oh.
158
00:08:22,376 --> 00:08:23,746
I'm so sorry.
159
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:27,417
Tell me when you
have a decision.
160
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,684
- (office workers chattering)
- (door opens)
161
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:30,755
DICK: Jimenez.
162
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,644
- Oh, Mr. Waltham.
- DICK: We need to talk.
163
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,272
MIGUEL: Is everything okay?
164
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,386
Sit down.
165
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:42,607
We have identified
the source of the data breach.
166
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:44,574
It's Kevin.
167
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:48,111
Kevin leaked
clients' personal information?
168
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,526
DICK: Not exactly.
169
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,569
The hackers installed
malware in the bank's system
170
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,782
via the deluge of
pornographic films
171
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,583
Kevin downloaded
off of the internet.
172
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,254
Oh.
173
00:08:58,454 --> 00:09:01,504
That's, um... I can't even...
174
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,286
Kevin is denying everything.
175
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:08,256
And if... I'm being honest,
I'm inclined to believe him.
176
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,513
There's no way that kid
is bright enough
177
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,088
to take down a network firewall.
178
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,466
So...
179
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,638
is there something you'd
like to tell me?
180
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,520
(dissonant music plays)
181
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,023
(fire alarm sounds)
182
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:25,310
DICK: Oh shit.
What the hell is this?
183
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,776
What did you tell him?
184
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,736
I didn't say anything.
The fire alarm went off.
185
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:33,526
That was me.
I was buying us time.
186
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,581
He left for the day for the
cattle feed IPO road show.
187
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,405
Well, now he just wants
to meet with me
188
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,490
first thing tomorrow morning.
189
00:09:39,203 --> 00:09:40,453
He's gonna know it was me, Kevin.
190
00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:41,544
He probably already does.
191
00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,422
I mean, it's true.
You were the one
192
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,786
who took down the firewall.
193
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:45,962
Because you and
Chad asked me to!
194
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,210
What, what, what I'm saying is,
195
00:09:47,211 --> 00:09:48,501
no one's hands are clean here.
196
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:52,255
Look... Chad is Dick's son.
He's protected no matter what.
197
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,138
Which leaves you and me.
198
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:57,807
I can't go down for this...
I have a family.
199
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:00,223
You do?
200
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,099
Yeah, man...
Melissa and the twins?
201
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,692
You never even mention them.
202
00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:07,361
Well, why would I? The point is,
203
00:10:07,356 --> 00:10:09,316
we could both lose
everything here.
204
00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,187
We need a united front.
205
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,823
Yeah, okay.
206
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,740
Aside from the three of us,
207
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,525
who's the only other witness?
208
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:20,535
Chris.
209
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,291
He's not one of us...
You know that.
210
00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,883
He biffed the Pringles deal.
211
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,247
His own lead.
212
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:31,010
He has no future at
the bank as it is.
213
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,965
Either he loses the job now
or six months from now.
214
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,085
It doesn't matter.
215
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,141
It matters to him.
216
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:39,762
I thought you had
what it takes for this job.
217
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,024
- I do.
- Then that settles it.
218
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,227
- (door closes)
- ♪
219
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:03,329
Whoa, it's... it's big.
220
00:11:05,456 --> 00:11:08,786
Yeah... it's technically
a junior one-bedroom,
221
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,423
but pretty good size.
222
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:12,841
And you're back in the, uh...
223
00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,224
Junior one closet?
224
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,216
(sighs) Um,
225
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,760
- I finished my book.
- MIGUEL: Wow.
226
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,643
I'd love to read it.
227
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,970
When you're ready to let me.
228
00:11:23,974 --> 00:11:25,434
You really don't have to.
229
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,058
I would like to.
230
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:37,410
I think I may have even found
a publisher. (exhales sharply)
231
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,950
I mean, they... have notes,
you know,
232
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,909
but, uh, a-all publishers do.
233
00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:45,079
- What are the notes?
- Well, they think my
234
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,785
main character is sort of...
235
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,581
ugly?
236
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,173
But it's, it's not a big deal.
237
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,958
And it's a really great opportunity.
238
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,220
Hm... how'd you land that?
239
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,045
Through Ted.
240
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:00,677
McGooch.
241
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,388
It would be under his imprint.
242
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,638
(Miguel chuckles)
243
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,390
What a guy.
244
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,771
LINDSAY: (scoffs) Right... okay.
245
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,438
So, you said you had
something for me.
246
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:14,862
My dad found these in my room.
247
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:21,821
My slippers?
248
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:25,543
That's why you called me?
Is to give me back my slippers?
249
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,906
Actually, I wanted to get
your advice on something,
250
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,173
but I'm not sure
I really trust your judgment.
251
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:31,246
Wow.
252
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:34,796
And here I thought you were
calling to maybe,
253
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,625
I don't know, apologize.
254
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,420
And what would I be
apologizing for?
255
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,514
How about the fact that you
fucking cheated on me, Miguel?!
256
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:42,757
- I explained this to you!
- (Yogurt barking)
257
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,512
- Fiona came to me...
- Yeah. No, right, sorry.
258
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,683
- She kissed you.
- Oh, too bad you were stuck in Vermont
259
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:48,392
returning your wedding dress
to your fiancée.
260
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,902
Because remember,
you were engaged,
261
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,855
which you somehow forgot
to mention to me
262
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,185
in the five months
we were dating.
263
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:56,070
Yeah, I guess
it's kind of like how you
264
00:12:56,066 --> 00:12:57,186
forgot to mention to me
265
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,573
that you were almost engaged
266
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,779
to the woman that you
cheated on me with!
267
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,620
- That's a pretty big difference!
- (barking, growling)
268
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,155
- (scoffs) Jesus, Yogurt. No! Stop!
- Hey, Yogurt!
269
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,329
Ow, fuck!
270
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,367
- Hey, shh.
- (barking)
271
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,120
- It's okay.
- LINDSAY: Jesus Christ.
272
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,832
- It's okay. You're okay.
- No, it's fine. I'm fine.
273
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,582
- I just...
- You're okay, you're okay.
274
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,252
You're telling him it's okay?
275
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,884
He's scared.
He doesn't like people yelling.
276
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:19,971
It freaks him out.
277
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,875
He just fucking bit me, Miguel!
278
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,724
- With his teeth.
- Are you okay?
279
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,259
Oh my god.
280
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,722
You know, I don't know
what it is with you
281
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,602
and your fucking psycho dog.
282
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,389
There's nothing with me
and my psycho dog. He's old.
283
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,651
'Kay, well, you two
deserve each other.
284
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,896
Oh, and by the way,
congrats on the apartment.
285
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,979
I hear it has great amenities!
286
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,694
(door opens)
287
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:42,914
- (door closes)
- (Yogurt groans)
288
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,907
(solemn music playing)
289
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,683
- ORSON: What are you doing?
- RENEE: Put that down.
290
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,010
ROSIE: Do not read that.
291
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,524
Hey, listen to me.
292
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,136
Your career is on the
line here, okay?
293
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:15,273
Your future is on the line.
294
00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:17,731
We got a young man's
life to destroy!
295
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,186
In a good way.
Of course. (laughs)
296
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,821
Are you ignoring me?
297
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:26,988
Hey!
298
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,031
Hey, asshole. (laughs)
Listen to me...
299
00:14:30,077 --> 00:14:31,327
I'm your best friend.
300
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,212
(emotional) I'm your
best friend, man.
301
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,130
DICK: What the hell is going on?
302
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,009
I've been waiting 20 minutes.
We said 8:30.
303
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,010
I did it.
304
00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,505
All of it.
305
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,822
LINDSAY: Let me guess,
your dad found more slippers.
306
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,367
I don't know what
kind of changes
307
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:10,115
the publishers are
telling you to make,
308
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,827
and it's...
it's none of my business,
309
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,714
but don't,
310
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:19,500
don't change anything.
311
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:20,711
(emotional music playing)
312
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,381
Everyone tells Squid
she's different.
313
00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:26,682
Everyone tells her she
doesn't belong.
314
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,802
All those voices...
the way they stay with her,
315
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,306
floating in her head,
following her,
316
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,976
saying "no" to her
in a million different ways,
317
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:37,435
until she... finally
318
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:39,767
says "no" back.
319
00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,477
Whoever told you Squid was ugly,
320
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,945
they don't see what I do.
321
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,450
♪
322
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,716
(door opens)
323
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,642
LINDSAY: Hi.
324
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,060
Thank you so much for coming.
325
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,362
I was in the area.
326
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,395
My latex wholesaler
is just around the block.
327
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,739
For my New Year's suit.
328
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:27,815
Right.
329
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:28,987
Um,
330
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,820
so I've made my decision,
331
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:37,161
and I realize this could be
a life-changing opportunity.
332
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:38,829
Absolutely.
333
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,584
But... the thing is,
334
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:46,011
my life has already
changed so much,
335
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,505
which is exactly what I wanted.
336
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,717
I wanted to change
everything about myself.
337
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,469
And I've listened
to so many different people
338
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,682
telling me who I should be.
339
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,937
Kinda like... Squid.
340
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,108
Yeah, I listened to roommates,
341
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:06,065
and essayists,
and writing teachers,
342
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:12,066
and marionette puppeteers
slash drug dealers, and... you.
343
00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:15,243
And I finally realized
344
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,712
I don't wanna be
somebody else... anymore.
345
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:25,964
And I don't want... Squid
to be anybody else either.
346
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,379
(sighs) Maybe she is ugly.
347
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,014
Maybe nobody'll like her.
348
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,931
But she is who she is.
349
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,848
I can't change that.
350
00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:42,518
Okay.
351
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,937
So, uh... what's the plan?
352
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:50,611
Pound the pavement?
Cold call publishers?
353
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:53,781
I guess I'm... betting on me.
354
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,490
How very New York of you.
355
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:02,712
(door opens)
356
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,916
- Happy New Year.
- (door closes)
357
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,415
(distant party chattering)
358
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:09,960
- (knocks on door)
- JORGE: Hey.
359
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:11,506
What are you doin'?
360
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,379
Everybody's askin'
where you are.
361
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,341
I was tryin' to figure out
362
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:18,474
how much of my furniture
I could fit in here.
363
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:22,349
I may have to move back in, temporarily.
364
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:23,641
I, um,
365
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,437
I got fired.
366
00:18:27,689 --> 00:18:28,939
Oh, Mig.
367
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:33,736
What happened?
368
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,486
Uh, it's... it's complicated.
369
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,791
Um... but
370
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,038
it's fine.
371
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,748
I'm fine.
372
00:18:44,665 --> 00:18:45,915
Which is funny.
373
00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,541
I've spent my whole life
374
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:50,003
scared of losing things.
375
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,593
And now, I've lost...
376
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,091
pretty much everything.
377
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,550
My job, Lindsay and...
378
00:18:56,552 --> 00:19:00,432
I-I still don't understand
what happened... with Lindsay.
379
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,310
- Everything seemed great and then...
- (Miguel sighs)
380
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,888
It turned out,
we didn't know each other
381
00:19:04,893 --> 00:19:06,103
as well as we thought we did.
382
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,436
There were things she
didn't tell me.
383
00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,361
Things I didn't tell her.
384
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,779
Have you talked at all?
385
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:18,068
She came over the other night
to get her slippers,
386
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,618
and... Yogurt bit her.
387
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:23,576
I ended up...
388
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,791
I wasn't defending Yogurt, but...
389
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,576
- Oh boy.
- (Miguel sighs)
390
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,335
(muffled party music playing)
391
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,184
There was this day...
392
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,759
a few weeks after Mom died.
393
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,771
I came home from school, and...
394
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,938
you were standing outside
our old house, you remember?
395
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,734
We had that red door.
396
00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:54,895
And you had this big
smile on your face.
397
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:59,112
I remember you said there was
something incredible... inside,
398
00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:00,954
something that I was gonna love.
399
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,292
And for a second,
I thought maybe,
400
00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,408
maybe it's her
401
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:09,745
behind the door.
402
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:12,960
Waiting.
403
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,722
Maybe my mom didn't die.
404
00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,426
And I opened the door, and...
405
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:23,854
there was this little puppy
406
00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:27,022
in a cardboard box.
407
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,443
And you said,
408
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,729
"Diego already decided
his name is Yogurt."
409
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:38,363
I guess he's not just
a dog to me.
410
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,066
Did ya tell Lindsay that?
411
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:45,293
(chuckles) I'm glad I didn't
412
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,786
'cause now she's gone.
413
00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:52,825
You have to... let people in.
414
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:54,538
(scoffs)
415
00:20:54,544 --> 00:20:56,264
Okay. And then, what if...
416
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,085
What if... they leave?
417
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:01,133
They do.
418
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,006
What if they don't understand?
419
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:05,846
They don't.
420
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:08,184
What if they
421
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,269
get sick?
422
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,522
They might.
423
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,690
But you can't spend
your whole life
424
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:18,242
locked up in your head.
425
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:20,951
You have to trust someone.
426
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,623
I'll see you out there?
427
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,040
(door opens)
428
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,001
(party chattering)
429
00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:36,804
- (Miguel sighs)
- (door closes)
430
00:21:43,635 --> 00:21:45,005
ANNOUNCER:
Good evening, everyone.
431
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:47,682
- Here we are in Times Square...
- (Lindsay sighs)
432
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:50,929
...before the ball drops.
433
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:53,234
It's a beautiful night
in New York City.
434
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:56,979
(light music playing)
435
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,165
(exhales sharply)
436
00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,008
♪
437
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,600
(chuckling)
438
00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:46,528
(indistinct chatter)
439
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:48,871
Do you really think she's
gonna be waiting for you?
440
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:49,947
This is tragic.
441
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:51,871
He's not going to be there, Linds.
442
00:22:51,870 --> 00:22:53,500
Bro, you should be
at your dad's party
443
00:22:53,497 --> 00:22:55,417
grindin' on that chick, Isabela.
444
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:56,825
Don't care if she's
your third cousin.
445
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,213
Even for the end of the world,
446
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,840
you're much too puffy
to be seeing anyone else.
447
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:03,920
BOTH:
♪ In all this crazy world ♪
448
00:23:03,924 --> 00:23:07,764
♪ There's one thing
I am certain of ♪
449
00:23:07,761 --> 00:23:10,221
♪ For every hour and month ♪
450
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:13,982
♪ And year that
we are here to love ♪
451
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:17,055
♪ Regardless of how much ♪
452
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,822
♪ We talk, we tell, we touch ♪
453
00:23:20,315 --> 00:23:25,985
♪ No matter what
we suffer throoough ♪
454
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:29,367
♪ I can never know you ♪
455
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,786
♪ Can I ever know you ♪
456
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:35,246
♪ We drive each other crazy ♪
457
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:38,747
BOTH:
♪ We defend and we attack ♪
458
00:23:39,167 --> 00:23:44,547
♪ But something stronger
always seems to keep us coming back ♪
459
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:50,853
♪ When you reveal to me
a side I couldn't see ♪
460
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:56,266
♪ I fall in love with
someone neeew ♪
461
00:23:56,268 --> 00:24:01,898
- ♪ But can I ever know you ♪
- JOAN AND TOM: ♪ I can never ♪
462
00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:05,898
-♪ Know you ♪
- GROUP: ♪ I can never know you ♪
463
00:24:05,902 --> 00:24:08,782
LINDSAY AND MIGUEL:
♪ Can I ever know you ♪
464
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:12,160
GROUP 1:
♪ I can never know you ♪
465
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:14,869
GROUP 2: ♪ Can I ever know ♪
466
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:18,040
BOTH:
♪ I want to keep on learning ♪
467
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:21,289
♪ more and more
and more and more ♪
468
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,843
♪ A lifetime's not enough ♪
469
00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:27,297
♪ But that is what
a lifetime's for ♪
470
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:33,309
♪ For your infinity
feels like it's meant for me ♪
471
00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:38,765
♪ A streaming symphony
I'll always listen to ♪
472
00:24:38,768 --> 00:24:42,358
♪ 'Cause I can never know you ♪
473
00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:45,355
CELESTE AND ORSON:
♪ Can I ever know you ♪
474
00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:48,238
GROUP: ♪ I can never know you ♪
475
00:24:48,236 --> 00:24:50,906
LINDSAY AND MIGUEL:
♪ Can I ever know you ♪
476
00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:54,116
♪ Please like me,
I need you to like me ♪
477
00:24:54,117 --> 00:24:56,947
♪ You don't belong
in Manhattan ♪
478
00:24:56,953 --> 00:25:00,423
- ♪ You don't belong in Queens ♪
- TOM: ♪ Gee, it's nice to really ♪
479
00:25:00,415 --> 00:25:02,995
- ♪ Know someone ♪
- ♪ It's a sign, it's a sign ♪
480
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:05,711
- ♪ You're a tiger ♪
- GIRL FROM ANTHRO: ♪ Could it be you ♪
481
00:25:05,712 --> 00:25:08,802
- ♪ Let me hear you roar ♪
- ♪ Could it be you ♪
482
00:25:08,798 --> 00:25:10,758
ROSIE: ♪ Who's my smart,
smart, smart,
483
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,469
- ♪ smart, smart, smart, smart ♪
- ♪ It's a sign ♪
484
00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:14,259
- ♪ You have been called ♪
- ♪ It's a sign ♪
485
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:15,932
TED: ♪ You've not thought
this through ♪
486
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:18,771
-♪ In so many ways ♪
- JOAN: ♪ The truth is that ♪
487
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:21,477
JOAN AND TOM:
♪ I can never know you ♪
488
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:25,228
LINDSAY AND MIGUEL: ♪ I feel
like I've always known you ♪
489
00:25:25,232 --> 00:25:27,572
CELESTE AND ORSON:
♪ I can never know you ♪
490
00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:30,947
LINDSAY: ♪ I feel like
I've always known you ♪
491
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:33,526
MIGUEL: ♪ I can never know you ♪
492
00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:36,832
LINDSAY:
♪ I feel like I've always ♪
493
00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:41,536
LINDSAY AND MIGUEL:
♪ Can I ever know you ♪
494
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:45,037
So quiet.
495
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:47,302
I was just thinking that.
496
00:25:47,295 --> 00:25:49,375
I have a lotta things
to tell you.
497
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:51,465
So much.
498
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,720
Me too...
Oh, but y-you go first.
499
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:55,799
Well,
500
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:59,516
maybe not, like,
this exact... second.
501
00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:02,769
I love you.
502
00:26:04,813 --> 00:26:05,863
I love you.
503
00:26:08,149 --> 00:26:09,229
Have we said that yet?
504
00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:11,993
I was just thinking that.
505
00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:13,357
- (people cheering)
- I feel like we did.
506
00:26:13,363 --> 00:26:15,243
I'm-I'm pretty sure I said it.
507
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,660
- You, you definitely sort of said it.
- (people counting down)
508
00:26:18,243 --> 00:26:20,873
- (fireworks)
- PEOPLE: Happy New Year!
509
00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,580
(cheering)
510
00:26:30,964 --> 00:26:32,844
I guess it's a new millennium.
511
00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:35,222
The world didn't end.
512
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,215
Not yet at least.
513
00:26:44,978 --> 00:26:46,978
♪ ♪
514
00:27:01,202 --> 00:27:03,202
♪ ♪
515
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,502
(belches) Ooh.
516
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:16,341
Oh my god. (laughs)
I'm so sorry.
517
00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:20,013
- (laughs) Are you okay?
- (laughs) Yes, I've just been,
518
00:27:20,013 --> 00:27:22,683
I've been having such terrible
heartburn the last few weeks.
519
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:25,772
And, like, also feeling
really nauseous,
520
00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:27,849
but also, starving to death?
521
00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:32,069
What have I always said?
522
00:27:32,067 --> 00:27:34,527
Condoms have an
efficacy rate of 98%
523
00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:36,907
until you account
for human error.
524
00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:38,105
Oh my god.
525
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:40,530
- ROSIE: No, no, no! You're still a baby!
- Oh my god.
526
00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:43,583
- RENEE: You're gonna be the worst dad.
- (voices overlapping)
527
00:27:43,578 --> 00:27:45,658
(indistinct chatter)
528
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:52,298
(group screaming)
529
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:57,632
♪ ♪
530
00:28:21,991 --> 00:28:23,991
♪ ♪
531
00:28:50,270 --> 00:28:52,270
♪ ♪
39121
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
