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1
00:00:45,928 --> 00:00:48,180
Would you wake me
up in 7 minutes?
2
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,959
Ahh, Douglas. Are you
going out, by any chance?
3
00:01:34,026 --> 00:01:36,177
Well, I'm putting
on a coat, so...
4
00:01:37,914 --> 00:01:40,348
I'm gonna let you
connect those dots.
5
00:01:40,416 --> 00:01:43,986
Sorry. I live in a basement
with no insulation.
6
00:01:44,053 --> 00:01:46,822
I put on a coat to watch TV.
7
00:01:46,890 --> 00:01:48,958
Apology accepted.
8
00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,277
Anyway, do me a solid and
drop me off in the city.
9
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,178
I'm gonna hang with my
friends in the village.
10
00:01:55,014 --> 00:01:56,114
Yeah, that's not
going to happen.
11
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,868
Why not?
12
00:01:58,935 --> 00:02:00,352
Because Carrie and I, we're
going to see Deacon and Kelly,
13
00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,287
and it's in the other direction.
14
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,673
Darling, can you drive me?
15
00:02:04,741 --> 00:02:05,891
Dad, I'm going with Doug.
16
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,326
Won't be late. Love you.
17
00:02:07,393 --> 00:02:11,964
Fine. Maybe I should just hop
a freight train, like a hobo?
18
00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:12,765
Make sure you bring some beans,
19
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,183
so the others will like you.
20
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,841
Here's dessert.
21
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,910
Oh. Thanks.
22
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,544
Here you guys go.
23
00:02:26,612 --> 00:02:29,314
Fruit? That's it?
24
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:30,432
That's it.
25
00:02:30,499 --> 00:02:31,400
I gotta tell you-
26
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:32,902
I'm pretty close to crying.
27
00:02:34,837 --> 00:02:37,672
I am so jealous that you
guys are going to Bermuda.
28
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,875
And the best part? The resort
was running this big promotion.
29
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,243
We got a sick deal.
30
00:02:41,311 --> 00:02:44,079
Yeah? Well, if you want to
bring me back a souvenir,
31
00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:46,715
this cabana boy
would be just fine.
32
00:02:46,783 --> 00:02:48,433
Hey, Deac, can you help
me with the coffee?
33
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,301
Oh, yeah.
34
00:02:50,553 --> 00:02:52,254
Oh, and by the way-
thanks again, guys,
35
00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:53,588
for taking Major
for the weekend.
36
00:02:53,656 --> 00:02:54,756
No problem.
37
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,581
I'm sorry...
38
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,883
What did he just say?
39
00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:08,486
Oh, I forgot to tell you-we're
watching Major this weekend.
40
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:09,771
Ow!
41
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,908
When were you planning
on telling me?
42
00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:17,947
Ow!
43
00:03:18,014 --> 00:03:19,815
Hey!
44
00:03:19,883 --> 00:03:22,150
Ok. Thank you.
45
00:03:23,853 --> 00:03:25,654
Doug, I work hard all week.
46
00:03:25,721 --> 00:03:28,590
The weekend is my time.
Carrie time.
47
00:03:28,658 --> 00:03:31,126
I barely want to
spend it with you!
48
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:32,494
Fine. You know what?
I'll watch him, ok?
49
00:03:32,562 --> 00:03:33,928
You won't have to do a thing.
50
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:34,663
Oh, yeah? Really?
51
00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:36,031
That's what you said
about the turtle.
52
00:03:36,099 --> 00:03:37,833
Ok. For the last time, ok?
53
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:39,835
I didn't know he was
attached to his shell.
54
00:03:43,106 --> 00:03:44,606
Hey. Hey.
55
00:03:44,674 --> 00:03:47,342
So, this deal we got-4
day weekend, 700 bucks.
56
00:03:47,409 --> 00:03:48,610
4 days?
57
00:03:48,678 --> 00:03:49,978
Now, that is crazy.
58
00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:51,513
Heh.
59
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:55,184
You know what's crazy?
Calling 4 days a weekend.
60
00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:58,854
'Cause where I come from,
that's, like, a week.
61
00:03:58,921 --> 00:04:01,190
Know what I'm saying?
That's a long time.
62
00:04:01,257 --> 00:04:01,906
That's what I'm-ahh, God!
63
00:04:01,974 --> 00:04:03,158
She still makes me laugh.
64
00:04:03,225 --> 00:04:04,993
She makes me laugh.
65
00:04:06,929 --> 00:04:08,363
Hey, what are you doing
out of bed, little man?
66
00:04:08,431 --> 00:04:10,065
I want you to read me a story.
67
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,399
Oh, buddy, we have company over.
68
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:12,667
I'll read to you tomorrow night.
69
00:04:12,735 --> 00:04:14,536
Hey, you want your Uncle
Doug to read you a story?
70
00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:16,004
Yeah!
71
00:04:16,072 --> 00:04:17,122
Doug, you don't have to do that.
72
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,473
I know I don't have to.
73
00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:19,875
I want to.
74
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,393
Come on, buddy.
75
00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:24,963
We really appreciate you
guys taking Major. Yeah.
76
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:27,465
Oh! Well, good luck
getting him back.
77
00:04:32,889 --> 00:04:34,690
Ahh! Thank you for
the ride, Daniel.
78
00:04:34,757 --> 00:04:36,224
Nah, no problem.
79
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:37,525
Oh, just so you know,
80
00:04:37,593 --> 00:04:39,061
since last month, I've
been going to the city
81
00:04:39,128 --> 00:04:40,996
every Tuesday. Uh...
82
00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:43,899
I'm seeing a-uh, therapist.
83
00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:47,002
Yeah, well, I'm not-
84
00:04:47,070 --> 00:04:48,253
I'm not crazy or anything.
You know.
85
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,722
I mean-heh. I just have
some issues to work out.
86
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,190
You know. But do me a favor.
87
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,492
Don't mention anything to
Doug, all right? I'm just-
88
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,827
not that I'm ashamed
of it, you know.
89
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,046
I actually feel
really good about it.
90
00:04:58,114 --> 00:05:00,515
Really good.
91
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:02,851
Perhaps you could have
your therapist work on
92
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:04,570
making you less of a dullard.
93
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:09,491
Wow. We are making great time.
94
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,493
We're gonna be in the
city in, like, 5 minutes.
95
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,261
We are whizzing
along, aren't we?
96
00:05:13,329 --> 00:05:16,498
Yeah, thanks to you, I can
use the carpool Lane.
97
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:17,949
Ha! You know what you should do?
98
00:05:18,017 --> 00:05:19,884
You should rent yourself
out to single drivers.
99
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,520
I bet you'd make
some great money.
100
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,688
Yes! I bet I could!
101
00:05:25,441 --> 00:05:27,075
I bet I could.
102
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:36,051
"But Jimmy soon learned
this was no ordinary pen."
103
00:05:36,119 --> 00:05:37,919
"This was a magical pen."
104
00:05:37,987 --> 00:05:41,090
"If he drew a snowman
with it, shazam!"
105
00:05:41,157 --> 00:05:42,791
"There was a snowman-"
106
00:05:42,892 --> 00:05:44,942
"right in the middle
of his room."
107
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:48,313
"Right in the middle
of his room." Yes.
108
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:51,249
"If he drew a castle
with it, presto!"
109
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,969
"There's a castle, and
he was the king!"
110
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,171
You know this story
pretty well, huh?
111
00:05:56,239 --> 00:05:57,473
I know it by heart.
112
00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,691
Oh, ok. We'll see about that.
113
00:05:59,759 --> 00:06:01,326
Ahem.
114
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,730
"And best of all, one night,
when Jimmy couldn't sleep,"
115
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,464
"the magical pen-"
116
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:10,335
"drew big, Fluffy sheets
for Jim and the clown."
117
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:13,655
Uh, actually, that's not
what it says here at all.
118
00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:15,457
It says, uh...
119
00:06:15,524 --> 00:06:19,077
"The magical pen grabbed
its stomach and threw up."
120
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:25,516
"And he threw up a
big, giant lobster man"
121
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:28,820
"with giant claws"
122
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:31,006
"but with regular people feet."
123
00:06:33,609 --> 00:06:36,645
"And-and then he started
getting closer and closer
124
00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:38,981
"to Jimmy's bed, and Jimmy
screamed, 'oh, no, no!"
125
00:06:39,048 --> 00:06:41,116
"'Please, don't hurt me!
No, please!'"
126
00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:44,219
"and the lobster man said,
'I'm gonna snap your neck"
127
00:06:44,286 --> 00:06:45,988
'and eat you,
128
00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:49,991
"'and your family will
never see you again!'"
129
00:06:52,962 --> 00:06:54,863
"and-and then-"
130
00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:57,099
"everybody just
started laughing."
131
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:01,152
No, 'cause it was all - it
was just all a big goof.
132
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,922
It was all a goof, you know?
133
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,607
And then, lobster man said,
134
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:08,376
"hey, everybody, let's dance!"
135
00:07:08,444 --> 00:07:11,112
And then-and everybody, they
all grabbed Jimmy and they-
136
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,415
they threw him up on a chair.
137
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:18,103
You know, like at a bar mitzvah.
And-
138
00:07:18,170 --> 00:07:20,221
and he's not even Jewish,
so that shows you
139
00:07:20,289 --> 00:07:22,891
how much they like Jimmy,
you know, right there.
140
00:07:22,958 --> 00:07:24,192
The end!
141
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:29,664
Ok. You good? You look good.
All right, buddy.
142
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:30,732
Good night.
143
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,788
No, Kelly, I totally understand.
144
00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:39,357
I mean, you have
to do what's best.
145
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:41,993
Oh, we would've loved to have the
little guy here for the weekend,
146
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,496
but if he doesn't want to
stay here, he shouldn't.
147
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,134
All right. I'll talk
to you soon, honey.
148
00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:50,969
Bye-bye.
149
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:53,071
Give mama some sugar, baby.
150
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:56,357
What are you talking about?
151
00:07:56,425 --> 00:07:58,026
We're not getting Major
for the weekend.
152
00:07:58,094 --> 00:07:59,177
What? Yep.
153
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,512
They're dumping him
somewhere else
154
00:08:00,579 --> 00:08:04,382
because you scared the crap
out of that kid last night.
155
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,001
Did you-did you do
that for me, baby?
156
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,770
Because if you did, I-
157
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:10,438
one second.
158
00:08:11,774 --> 00:08:14,158
He-he's still scared
from my story?
159
00:08:14,226 --> 00:08:16,027
Yeah. What'd you say
to him, anyway?
160
00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:18,947
I mean, Kelly said he made
them throw out all their pens.
161
00:08:20,617 --> 00:08:22,099
Told a little story
about a magical pen
162
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:25,437
that throws up a half-man
lobster that eats little boys.
163
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:28,340
Well, that's creepy.
164
00:08:28,407 --> 00:08:30,725
Ok, a big, bad wolf can eat a
grandma, but I'm out of line.
165
00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:33,061
All right, all right. Come on.
Calm down. Anyway,
166
00:08:33,129 --> 00:08:35,513
Kelly said Major is doing better now.
It's all fine.
167
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,232
It's not fine. Ok? I
terrified a child-
168
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,535
my godson-so much that he-
169
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:42,737
he wouldn't even set
foot in my house.
170
00:08:42,805 --> 00:08:44,906
I know! Give mama some sugar!
Come on!
171
00:08:44,974 --> 00:08:46,374
Will you stop it?!
172
00:08:46,442 --> 00:08:49,444
You don't understand. I mean,
kids like me. You know?
173
00:08:49,511 --> 00:08:52,347
They run to me.
They climb on me.
174
00:08:52,415 --> 00:08:54,515
You think I stayed
this size for myself?
175
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:57,552
This is for the children.
176
00:09:03,692 --> 00:09:06,244
This carpool Lane is
marvelous, isn't it?
177
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,945
Yeah, I'm glad I saw your ad.
178
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,214
By the way,
179
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:11,816
my service also
includes chitchat.
180
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,002
However, if you wanna talk
politics, I should warn you.
181
00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:16,504
I have some very
strong opinions.
182
00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:19,207
That's ok. I kinda
like it quiet.
183
00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:23,445
Hurtful message received.
184
00:09:23,513 --> 00:09:25,663
Excuse me.
185
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,466
Shotgun Artie's, we get
you there quicker.
186
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:33,438
The airport at 3:00?
Hmm. Hold on.
187
00:09:33,505 --> 00:09:34,873
I've already got a pickup then,
188
00:09:34,940 --> 00:09:36,424
but I don't wanna
miss an airport fare.
189
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:37,876
What should I do here, Cal, huh?
190
00:09:37,943 --> 00:09:40,579
Um, I'm not really sure.
191
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:43,164
Could you put your
shoes back on?
192
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,001
Don't you worry.
193
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:48,870
Somebody will be there.
194
00:09:48,938 --> 00:09:51,656
Who wants to make some easy money?
Hmm?
195
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,618
Hey. Oh.
196
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:07,004
What's going on, man?
197
00:10:07,072 --> 00:10:08,239
Uh, I just wanted to
give you back your, uh,
198
00:10:08,307 --> 00:10:10,741
earth, wind and fire cd.
199
00:10:10,809 --> 00:10:12,027
You've had it for 2 years.
200
00:10:13,595 --> 00:10:15,363
Best 2 years of my life.
201
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,299
Hey, is, uh, Major around?
202
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,034
Maybe... why?
203
00:10:20,102 --> 00:10:22,336
Just wanna say hello to the
little guy, that's all.
204
00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,055
No, you know, I don't think
that's such a good idea.
205
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:24,923
Oh, man, I'm his godfather.
206
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:26,307
I just wanna say hello to-
207
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:27,375
you shouldn't have
told that damn story
208
00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:28,676
about a killer lobster.
209
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:30,795
Ok, it was a lobster-man,
210
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,797
half man, half lobster.
211
00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:36,050
Killer lobster.
Where's your head?
212
00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:37,919
Hey, there he-hey,
213
00:10:37,986 --> 00:10:39,187
Major Deacon expressway.
What's up?
214
00:10:39,255 --> 00:10:40,655
How you doing there, buddy?
215
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,474
Ok.
216
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,093
So your dad tells me the story
I told you the other night
217
00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:46,661
kinda scared you a little, huh?
218
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,012
Uh-huh.
219
00:10:49,281 --> 00:10:52,450
Ahem. You know, uh, it
was in the paper today
220
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:56,521
that lobster-man got
caught and he's in jail.
221
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:59,156
So now you can come to Uncle
Doug and Aunt Carrie's house.
222
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:01,376
No! Lobster-man will get me!
223
00:11:01,444 --> 00:11:04,228
Ok, gotta pay attention
here, bud, ok?
224
00:11:06,014 --> 00:11:07,682
Just said a second
ago they caught him.
225
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,217
He's in jail. So
he can't get you.
226
00:11:09,285 --> 00:11:10,568
I don't wanna stay with you!
227
00:11:10,636 --> 00:11:12,570
You'll tell 'em that
stupid story again.
228
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:15,273
Um, for your information,
229
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,110
most kids love that stupid story.
So...
230
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,078
Maybe the problem's not with the story.
Maybe it's with you.
231
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,263
All right, you know what?
232
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:23,231
Uncle Doug's gotta go now.
233
00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:24,498
Aw, man. It's ok. He
needs to hear this.
234
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:25,600
No, he doesn't! Yes, he does!
235
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,351
You're scary! I'm not scary!
236
00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,354
I'm your godfather, ok?
I don't care!
237
00:11:29,421 --> 00:11:31,440
Ok, well, you're gonna care when something
horrible happens to your parents
238
00:11:31,507 --> 00:11:32,807
and I'm all you got!
239
00:11:33,842 --> 00:11:35,543
Daddy! No, daddy's
gonna be fine.
240
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,312
Get out.
241
00:11:39,164 --> 00:11:41,332
Bye, buddy. Love you, man!
242
00:11:50,308 --> 00:11:52,360
Mr. Jenkins will pick you up
243
00:11:52,427 --> 00:11:54,863
on the corner of
northern and third.
244
00:11:57,449 --> 00:11:58,666
Incidentally, he sounded
245
00:11:58,734 --> 00:12:02,570
a little sketchy on the phone,
so keep the door unlocked.
246
00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:05,373
Here you go, Arthur.
247
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:07,442
This is for the Brooklyn run.
248
00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:09,494
Oh, thank you, Flora.
249
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,798
I have a client going to
yonkers, if you're interested.
250
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:14,999
Ooh, yonkers.
251
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,835
Oh, how delightful.
252
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:20,488
By the by,
253
00:12:20,556 --> 00:12:23,475
it wouldn't hurt business if
you popped another button.
254
00:12:27,429 --> 00:12:28,830
Ooh.
255
00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:33,567
And now, Major is so freaked out
256
00:12:33,635 --> 00:12:35,369
that something could
happen to me or Deacon,
257
00:12:35,437 --> 00:12:38,006
only one of us can leave
the apartment at a time.
258
00:12:38,073 --> 00:12:40,725
I'm so sorry.
259
00:12:40,793 --> 00:12:42,643
No offense, but your
husband's an idiot.
260
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,749
Believe me, if his job
didn't have dental,
261
00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:50,485
I would've been out that
door a long time ago.
262
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,205
And our trip was non-refundable.
263
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:55,539
We're out 700 bucks.
264
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,842
Unless we can find somebody
to take it off our hands.
265
00:13:02,632 --> 00:13:05,883
You are on fire!
266
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,235
What are you talking about?
267
00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:09,254
You scared that kid
so bad last night
268
00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,456
that Deacon and Kelly
aren't going on their trip.
269
00:13:12,524 --> 00:13:14,108
But guess who is?
I'll give you a hint-
270
00:13:14,143 --> 00:13:17,678
it rhymes with shmu and shmee.
271
00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:20,364
Whoa! We're not taking that trip.
I'm sorry.
272
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,482
No, really?
273
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:24,635
That's not what
these tickets say.
274
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,505
Carrie, we're not going.
We're not going.
275
00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:31,225
Doug, we have to, honey,
for Deacon and Kelly.
276
00:13:31,293 --> 00:13:33,261
Otherwise, they're gonna
lose all this money.
277
00:13:33,328 --> 00:13:36,163
The trip is a prepaid thing.
278
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:37,348
Ok. You know what
else is prepaid?
279
00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:39,517
Your ticket to hell, 'cause
you're a devil woman.
280
00:13:41,503 --> 00:13:45,056
Well, if by hell, you
mean Bermuda, then...
281
00:13:48,277 --> 00:13:49,593
No, I gotta go over there
and make this right.
282
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,963
What? Doug, no. Stop.
283
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,298
All right, look. I'll admit,
284
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,666
the more you torture the kid,
the better things get for me,
285
00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:58,903
but now I'm really
thinking of Major.
286
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:00,405
Yeah, right. I am.
287
00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,906
Do you really think going
over there for a third time
288
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:03,875
is really gonna
make things better?
289
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:06,411
I don't know. Maybe, yeah.
290
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,946
Honey, listen to me, ok?
291
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,464
Major loves you.
292
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:11,549
But he needs a little
space from you right now,
293
00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,017
a little time
294
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:14,786
to forget about all the
scary stuff you did
295
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,255
and remember all the good times
you guys have had together.
296
00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:19,274
He never remembers those.
297
00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:20,975
I know, I know.
298
00:14:21,043 --> 00:14:23,244
I'm gonna run some errands.
You go to the dry cleaners.
299
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,679
And when you get back,
300
00:14:24,747 --> 00:14:26,814
you can have a scooter pie.
301
00:14:26,882 --> 00:14:27,999
Yeah?
302
00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:30,001
I had one already, but
I'll have another one.
303
00:14:35,591 --> 00:14:37,909
Sir, I assure you I had no idea
304
00:14:37,976 --> 00:14:39,911
Joel suffered from
motion sickness
305
00:14:39,978 --> 00:14:42,947
when he was hired
at shotgun Artie's.
306
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:45,616
Fine. We'll pay for
your car to be cleaned.
307
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,921
Arthur? The check you
wrote me bounced.
308
00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:51,822
As did mine.
309
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,258
You know he's paying
us a lousy $10
310
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,127
and keeping 20 for himself?
311
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:57,929
That's an outrageous lie.
312
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,163
I saw the books.
313
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:01,066
That's private, and you're fired.
Now, beat it.
314
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:05,453
Arthur, you have me going all
the way out to Philadelphia,
315
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,805
but how am I going to get back?
316
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:09,607
You have a thumb, don't you?
317
00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,709
I'm a woman.
318
00:15:11,777 --> 00:15:14,345
I can't be out there
alone at night.
319
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:17,999
Trust me - nobody's buying
what you're selling.
320
00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:18,949
Oh!
321
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:22,921
These work conditions
are terrible.
322
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:24,388
I say we form a union.
323
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:25,790
Yeah!
324
00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:27,091
You should form a union-
325
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,993
a union of ingrates!
326
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:39,037
And you know, I didn't tell
him his parents will die.
327
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:41,172
I said if they die.
328
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,408
You know, he's the one who
saw the glass half empty.
329
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,843
Well, you know, stuff
like that may seem small,
330
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,112
but it could traumatize
people for years.
331
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,814
For years. You're crazy.
332
00:15:49,881 --> 00:15:51,182
Excuse me?
333
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,101
I'm not crazy, ok?
334
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,736
I mean, you may not like
what I have to say,
335
00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:57,038
but that doesn't matter anymore.
336
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,540
And you know why?
337
00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:02,076
Because I've learned
from my therapist
338
00:16:02,144 --> 00:16:05,413
that the only opinion
that matters is mine.
339
00:16:05,481 --> 00:16:07,198
Yeah. All these years,
I tried pleasing
340
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,801
my father, my
teachers, the I.R.S.
341
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:11,536
Well, that's over, ok?
342
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,271
From now on, it's all
about me, all right?
343
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,639
For the first time in 41 years,
344
00:16:15,707 --> 00:16:18,259
Danny Heffernan is
a very happy guy.
345
00:16:18,327 --> 00:16:19,910
You seem it.
346
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:21,579
I'll be in the car!
347
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,451
Another party tomorrow, Mr.
Bippy?
348
00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:29,754
Yep. Kids love clowns.
349
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,498
Hey, babe.
350
00:16:40,565 --> 00:16:41,665
What the-
351
00:16:46,488 --> 00:16:48,239
oh, my God.
352
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:57,148
You have me going all the
way to Philadelphia.
353
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:59,283
But how will I get back?
354
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:01,385
How will I get back?
355
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:04,722
Arthur, the check you
wrote me bounced.
356
00:17:04,789 --> 00:17:05,723
I say we form a union.
357
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,225
I say we rough him up.
358
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:10,911
Life was so much
simpler last week
359
00:17:10,979 --> 00:17:14,014
when it was just
me, a stranger...
360
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:16,784
And the open road.
361
00:17:19,888 --> 00:17:22,056
You going to the expressway?
362
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:24,308
Uh, yeah.
363
00:17:27,262 --> 00:17:30,515
Hey!
364
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:31,699
Don't worry.
365
00:17:31,766 --> 00:17:33,701
I'm doing this one for free.
366
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,647
Hello?
367
00:17:45,781 --> 00:17:47,632
Hello. Sorry to
bother you there.
368
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,033
I just moved into the building
369
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:52,470
and can't seem to remember
the bloody entry code.
370
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,373
Oh! Well, welcome to the building.
Uh, what unit are you in?
371
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,041
Oh, I'm in 3-g.
372
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,744
The randalls live in 3-g.
373
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:02,513
I'm sorry, that's 3-e.
374
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,683
That's "e" as in entenmann's.
375
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:08,486
Doug.
376
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:09,653
Deac, come on, let me in!
377
00:18:09,721 --> 00:18:11,089
Doug, go home.
378
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,990
Come on, I got a cool
surprise for Major!
379
00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:14,992
Leave my kid alone! Damn!
380
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:39,517
Oof!
381
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,981
What the hell are you doing?!
382
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,932
What needs to be done!
383
00:19:01,256 --> 00:19:02,657
Listen, Ronald McDonald.
384
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,892
You are not screwing up
this vacation for me,
385
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:06,427
so get back down here.
386
00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:07,996
No!
387
00:19:13,818 --> 00:19:16,170
Damn these gigantic shoes!
388
00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:20,574
Doug, this is ridiculous!
389
00:19:20,642 --> 00:19:21,543
No! I know I can
make this right.
390
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,778
Doug, stop!
391
00:19:23,846 --> 00:19:24,812
Stop.
392
00:19:26,448 --> 00:19:29,250
Baby, you gotta let
this thing go.
393
00:19:29,317 --> 00:19:31,619
Not for me, not for the trip,
394
00:19:31,687 --> 00:19:33,154
but for Major.
395
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,591
Fine. Good, good.
396
00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:40,261
Now, come on, honey.
Let's go home.
397
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,184
You are so dead!
398
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:22,404
Sorry I was startled at first.
399
00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:23,538
When you got the car,
I thought you had
400
00:20:23,605 --> 00:20:25,907
something entirely
different in mind.
401
00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:29,728
Oh, no, no.
402
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:33,065
That is a service
I do not provide.
403
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:38,102
Actually, you know,
in this neighborhood,
404
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,689
you'd probably make a fortune.
405
00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:43,291
Ahh. I bet I could.
406
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:48,063
I bet I could.
28910
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