All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S05E12 - Jung Frankenstein (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:37,262 --> 00:00:38,294 Morning, chief. 2 00:00:38,362 --> 00:00:39,295 Hey, Artie. 3 00:00:39,363 --> 00:00:40,563 Whoa. Whatcha makin' there? 4 00:00:40,631 --> 00:00:43,865 A stack of flapjacks? Batter pies? Griddle hoppers? 5 00:00:43,933 --> 00:00:46,000 Yes, or as we like to call them on this planet... 6 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:47,033 Pancakes. 7 00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,001 You, uh, you want some? 8 00:00:49,068 --> 00:00:52,003 No, thanks. Those things cork me up pretty good. 9 00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:54,404 Hey. 10 00:00:55,438 --> 00:00:56,939 Pancakes?! 11 00:00:57,007 --> 00:00:59,173 Yeah. Sausage, too? 12 00:00:59,241 --> 00:01:00,607 What... what happened to your diet? 13 00:01:00,675 --> 00:01:02,141 Uh, not sure, really. 14 00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,943 I think it got lost in the shuffle 15 00:01:04,011 --> 00:01:05,877 somewhere around Tuesday. 16 00:01:05,945 --> 00:01:08,978 Well, for God's sakes, eat a light lunch today, will you? 17 00:01:09,046 --> 00:01:10,479 What is the point of that? 18 00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:11,479 You can't resurrect a diet 19 00:01:11,548 --> 00:01:13,380 on a Friday afternoon. It's crazy. 20 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,949 Just eat light, OK? 21 00:01:16,017 --> 00:01:18,150 The Finkels are taking us to a nice restaurant 22 00:01:18,217 --> 00:01:19,251 before the theater tonight. 23 00:01:19,318 --> 00:01:21,052 Finkels? The theater? 24 00:01:21,119 --> 00:01:22,753 What just happened here?! 25 00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:25,621 I told you about this last week. 26 00:01:25,689 --> 00:01:28,322 Sandy Finkel works for one of the senior partners, 27 00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:29,456 and she likes me, 28 00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:31,223 and it's good for me to have a friend upstairs. 29 00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,125 And for that I've got to sit through an entire play? 30 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,292 What are we seeing anyway? 31 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,726 The Iceman Cometh. 32 00:01:35,794 --> 00:01:36,727 What?! 33 00:01:36,795 --> 00:01:39,162 How do you even know you won't like it? 34 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:42,430 Cometh, Carrie. Cometh! 35 00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:48,100 Hey, man. 36 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:50,368 What have you got there, a salad? 37 00:01:50,435 --> 00:01:52,803 Yeah, I'm eating light. I got a dinner thing tonight. 38 00:01:52,871 --> 00:01:53,803 What's going on here? 39 00:01:53,871 --> 00:01:56,270 Egg-roll-eating contest. 40 00:02:00,173 --> 00:02:02,741 That's your seat, Mary. 41 00:02:08,145 --> 00:02:09,978 Actor: It's the best time of a man's life. 42 00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,613 Second actor: Great thing about you, Harry, 43 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,147 how young you've stayed. 44 00:02:13,215 --> 00:02:14,815 Get my things from the laundry. 45 00:02:14,817 --> 00:02:16,148 They must still have 'em. 46 00:02:27,656 --> 00:02:30,957 What the hell is going on in there? 47 00:02:31,024 --> 00:02:32,424 I'm sorry. My stomach's a little upset. 48 00:02:32,492 --> 00:02:33,592 A little?! 49 00:02:33,658 --> 00:02:37,094 You're making this place smell like a refinery. 50 00:02:37,128 --> 00:02:39,495 The Finkels are staring. 51 00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:40,662 Look, I'm trying to burp towards you. 52 00:02:40,730 --> 00:02:41,997 Gee, thanks so much. 53 00:02:42,065 --> 00:02:44,298 OK, look, I had some not-great egg rolls for lunch, OK? 54 00:02:44,366 --> 00:02:45,999 I told you to eat light. 55 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,365 How many did you have? 56 00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:48,400 16. 57 00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,567 16? 58 00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:51,068 It was a contest, OK? 59 00:02:51,135 --> 00:02:52,134 And I won by a landslide, 60 00:02:52,202 --> 00:02:55,136 not that you even care, OK? 61 00:02:59,307 --> 00:03:01,407 OK, you know what? Stop doing that. 62 00:03:01,474 --> 00:03:02,974 I... I can't help it. 63 00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,475 Help it. I can't, Carrie! 64 00:03:04,543 --> 00:03:06,310 I ate 5 pounds of deep-fried cabbage. 65 00:03:06,377 --> 00:03:07,777 My pants are too tight. 66 00:03:07,845 --> 00:03:09,778 I'm sitting in a hot, enclosed space. 67 00:03:09,846 --> 00:03:11,379 It's The Perfect Storm. 68 00:03:14,081 --> 00:03:15,949 Then just go home. 69 00:03:16,016 --> 00:03:17,182 Really? Yes. 70 00:03:17,250 --> 00:03:19,216 I will make an excuse for you. Just take the subway, 71 00:03:19,284 --> 00:03:20,717 and I will see you later. OK, I love you. 72 00:03:20,785 --> 00:03:21,918 Get lost. OK. 73 00:03:24,588 --> 00:03:26,288 Actor: Same applies to Harry himself 74 00:03:26,355 --> 00:03:28,455 and his 2 cronies at the bar. 75 00:03:28,523 --> 00:03:29,689 OK. 76 00:03:37,561 --> 00:03:39,027 Hello, darling. 77 00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:40,028 Hey, Daddy. 78 00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:41,729 Hey, sorry I had to bail tonight, 79 00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:43,963 but definitely the right move. 80 00:03:44,031 --> 00:03:49,167 Things got a lot worse on the subway. 81 00:03:49,235 --> 00:03:51,702 What is that? 82 00:03:51,769 --> 00:03:53,369 This? A Yodel. 83 00:03:53,437 --> 00:03:54,703 A Yodel. 84 00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:56,337 Yeah, a Yodel. 85 00:03:56,405 --> 00:03:58,238 Not to be confused with the very similar 86 00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:01,206 but far less satisfying Ho-Ho. 87 00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,040 So let me get this straight. 88 00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:04,709 You had to walk out on me tonight 89 00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:07,743 because you ate yourself into a burping stupor, 90 00:04:07,811 --> 00:04:12,212 and now you're stuffing your face full of chocolate-covered lard? 91 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:14,180 It's not lard. It's cream, 92 00:04:14,248 --> 00:04:16,615 and it's gently coating my stomach. 93 00:04:16,683 --> 00:04:18,950 You think this is funny? 94 00:04:18,984 --> 00:04:22,218 No. It's ironic. 95 00:04:22,319 --> 00:04:25,353 I mean I can't even get mad at you anymore, Doug! 96 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:26,955 You're just too pathetic! 97 00:04:27,023 --> 00:04:29,889 Until you get yourself some help, don't even talk to me. 98 00:04:29,957 --> 00:04:31,757 Get myself some help? What does that even mean? 99 00:04:31,825 --> 00:04:32,757 What does it mean? 100 00:04:32,825 --> 00:04:34,658 You need therapy, Doug. 101 00:04:34,726 --> 00:04:36,293 You need a trained professional 102 00:04:36,361 --> 00:04:38,428 to sit and talk with you and help you understand 103 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:42,596 why you live your life like a raccoon in a Dumpster. 104 00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:49,266 How can you eat that after what she just said?! 105 00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:51,335 She's just upset, OK? 106 00:04:51,402 --> 00:04:52,968 I'm going back on my diet tomorrow. 107 00:04:53,036 --> 00:04:55,437 Oh, yes. "I'll fix everything tomorrow." 108 00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:58,605 The all too familiar refrain of the addict. 109 00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,373 Addict? Come on. No, I won't come on. 110 00:05:00,441 --> 00:05:02,073 You got a serious problem, young man, 111 00:05:02,141 --> 00:05:03,208 and you gotta face it. 112 00:05:07,378 --> 00:05:10,010 OK, I wasn't gonna eat it that time. 113 00:05:10,078 --> 00:05:11,011 Listen to me, Douglas. 114 00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:12,713 I know from whence I speak. 115 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,715 I've had the monkey on my back, too. 116 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,883 That's right. Arthur Spooner was addicted. 117 00:05:19,951 --> 00:05:20,884 To what? 118 00:05:20,952 --> 00:05:22,151 Nasal spray. 119 00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:23,185 All right. 120 00:05:23,253 --> 00:05:24,653 I tell you, with that sweet stuff in me, 121 00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:27,722 I could breathe through my nose like I never dreamed possible! 122 00:05:28,856 --> 00:05:30,522 Fantastic feeling. 123 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:34,359 And I chased that feeling through 8 jobs and 2 marriages. 124 00:05:34,426 --> 00:05:36,959 If it wasn't for methadone, 125 00:05:37,027 --> 00:05:39,795 I'd be on it to this day. 126 00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:45,864 So, basically, this process involves 127 00:05:45,932 --> 00:05:48,999 taking a journey into your early childhood traumas 128 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:51,067 to discover and hopefully modify 129 00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:54,570 the unconscious desires that cause you to overeat. 130 00:05:54,637 --> 00:05:56,371 Right, right. 131 00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:59,739 And is this something that can be wrapped up today or... 132 00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:02,440 You were 15 minutes late, 133 00:06:02,575 --> 00:06:04,274 So probably not. 134 00:06:06,243 --> 00:06:07,276 Tha... Uh... 135 00:06:07,344 --> 00:06:08,810 I'm getting the impression 136 00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:11,311 that you... you don't have a lot of confidence in this process. 137 00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:13,646 It's just that, you know, I kind of think 138 00:06:13,714 --> 00:06:16,281 that if I ate less and hopped on a treadmill, 139 00:06:16,349 --> 00:06:18,116 it might help more than sitting here 140 00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:20,283 staring at a bowl full of Hershey Kisses. 141 00:06:20,351 --> 00:06:21,718 May I? 142 00:06:21,785 --> 00:06:23,619 Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to put those away. 143 00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:25,953 It's just my... my tax guy was here earlier, 144 00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:29,322 and, well, he... he likes to have something sweet. 145 00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:36,860 Uh, Doug, 146 00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:39,195 when you eat those, 147 00:06:39,262 --> 00:06:41,229 can you tell me just... What are you feeling? 148 00:06:41,296 --> 00:06:42,495 To be honest, 149 00:06:42,563 --> 00:06:45,998 like they're a couple Halloweens past their prime. 150 00:06:47,399 --> 00:06:48,832 Um... 151 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,968 but I was more wondering when... when you're... when you eat, 152 00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:54,870 how do you feel emotionally? 153 00:06:54,938 --> 00:06:57,637 Uh, do you think that you seek out food 154 00:06:57,705 --> 00:07:01,806 when you're angry, depressed, elated? 155 00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:02,573 Yes, I do. 156 00:07:02,641 --> 00:07:04,141 Oh, which? 157 00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:05,909 Those, the ones you just said there. 158 00:07:05,977 --> 00:07:10,344 But I would add to the list scared and bored. 159 00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:12,046 Scared and bored. 160 00:07:12,113 --> 00:07:13,579 And itchy. 161 00:07:13,647 --> 00:07:15,780 And itchy? 162 00:07:35,692 --> 00:07:37,259 No! 163 00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,098 So. Huh? Huh? Check it out. 164 00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:50,600 Another healthy breakfast? 165 00:07:50,668 --> 00:07:52,635 You're a madman. 166 00:07:52,702 --> 00:07:54,469 And watch this. 167 00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:57,970 I'm full, so now I'm gonna stop. 168 00:08:01,974 --> 00:08:03,641 You know, I've heard about people doing that, 169 00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,975 but I always thought it was just urban legend. 170 00:08:06,043 --> 00:08:07,810 Honey, I am really proud of you. 171 00:08:07,877 --> 00:08:09,577 So this therapy, it's working, huh? 172 00:08:09,645 --> 00:08:10,678 Oh, yeah. In fact, 173 00:08:10,746 --> 00:08:12,479 Dr. Wagner's got me keeping a food journal. 174 00:08:12,547 --> 00:08:14,480 Helps me connect my emotions to my eating. 175 00:08:14,548 --> 00:08:16,147 Yeah? May I? 176 00:08:16,214 --> 00:08:17,981 All right, but don't laugh, 177 00:08:18,049 --> 00:08:20,716 'cause some of it's a little fruity. 178 00:08:20,784 --> 00:08:22,984 Let's see here. 179 00:08:23,052 --> 00:08:25,419 Uh, "Thursday, 9:30 A.M." 180 00:08:25,487 --> 00:08:27,487 "Thinking of stopping for a cheesesteak. 181 00:08:27,555 --> 00:08:29,154 "Feeling depressed and humiliated 182 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:32,323 because Supervisor O'Boyle called me a..." 183 00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:33,389 What's this? 184 00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:35,991 "Llama ass"? 185 00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:38,159 "Lame-ass." Ah! 186 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:40,661 "A lame-ass in front of the other drivers, 187 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:41,995 "but I'm not a lame-ass, 188 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,196 and I don't need that cheesesteak." 189 00:08:44,264 --> 00:08:45,196 Good for you, baby. 190 00:08:45,264 --> 00:08:46,197 Thank you. 191 00:08:46,265 --> 00:08:48,499 "10:07 A.M.: Wanted a sausage calzone. 192 00:08:48,567 --> 00:08:50,366 Got one and ate it." 193 00:08:52,769 --> 00:08:54,936 That was just the first day. 194 00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:57,136 I didn't want to shock my system. 195 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,270 I gotta tell you, honey. 196 00:08:58,338 --> 00:08:59,605 I mean, I've seen you diet before, 197 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,606 but you've got a different look in your eye this time. 198 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:03,941 Yeah. Yeah. This time it's the real deal. I can feel it. 199 00:09:04,008 --> 00:09:06,108 Just don't let me lose too much weight, 'cause... 200 00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,610 I don't have a thin-guy head. 201 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:09,877 I'm on it. 202 00:10:05,242 --> 00:10:06,375 This is it. 203 00:10:06,442 --> 00:10:08,609 This is where the magic happens. 204 00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:10,911 Oh, I am liking what I'm seeing. 205 00:10:10,979 --> 00:10:13,045 Actually, the magic happens in there. 206 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,613 This is basically "the looney bull pen." 207 00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:18,381 Oh, hi, Doug. 208 00:10:18,448 --> 00:10:19,816 Hey, Dr. Wagner. This is my wife Carrie. 209 00:10:19,884 --> 00:10:20,816 Hi. Pleased to meet you. 210 00:10:20,884 --> 00:10:21,984 Oh, same here. 211 00:10:22,051 --> 00:10:24,152 Hey, we just went out to dinner, and guess what? 212 00:10:24,219 --> 00:10:25,819 She ate more than me. 213 00:10:25,887 --> 00:10:29,088 Yeah. I had a salad, half a sandwich, and an iced tea. 214 00:10:29,156 --> 00:10:30,588 Who is this guy? I don't know. 215 00:10:30,656 --> 00:10:31,589 I have no idea. 216 00:10:31,656 --> 00:10:33,090 So, you all set to... 217 00:10:33,158 --> 00:10:35,591 Yeah. I'm just gonna use the men's room. 218 00:10:35,659 --> 00:10:37,092 And then you go back to work on me. 219 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,759 This guy, I'm telling you, he's amazing. 220 00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:40,760 I wish... I wish I had more problems for him to fix. 221 00:10:40,828 --> 00:10:41,761 I'll tell you that much. 222 00:10:47,132 --> 00:10:48,498 You've got a good man there. 223 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,166 Yeah, good man. Question. 224 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,033 Uh, do you have a sec? 225 00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:54,301 I... I suppose so. 226 00:10:54,368 --> 00:10:56,036 Oh, OK. 227 00:10:56,104 --> 00:11:01,839 Uh, what if Doug did have other problems to fix? 228 00:11:01,907 --> 00:11:04,574 Hypothetically, could you just kind of throw those in there 229 00:11:04,641 --> 00:11:06,208 while you're talking about the weight thing? 230 00:11:06,275 --> 00:11:07,808 Uh, sure, of course. 231 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,510 I mean, my job is to steer the ship 232 00:11:09,578 --> 00:11:11,144 wherever the patient needs it to go. 233 00:11:11,211 --> 00:11:14,145 Yeah, you know where you might want to steer things: 234 00:11:14,212 --> 00:11:16,913 Doug's TV problem. 235 00:11:16,982 --> 00:11:20,216 He watches it a lot, kinda got a zombie thing goin' on there. 236 00:11:20,284 --> 00:11:22,217 Think you can spend some time with him on that? 237 00:11:22,285 --> 00:11:23,650 Uh, I... I... I could, 238 00:11:23,718 --> 00:11:25,818 but Doug would have to bring it up. 239 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,454 Ah, yes, I would never want you to push it there. 240 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,088 You know, obviously, you know what you're doing. 241 00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:31,122 You're a very talented man. 242 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,422 Oh. 243 00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:33,590 Thank you. 244 00:11:33,657 --> 00:11:35,391 Yeah, I mean it. I mean, it's like, obviously, 245 00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:36,491 y-y-you have, like, a gift 246 00:11:36,558 --> 00:11:37,558 for this kind of work. 247 00:11:37,626 --> 00:11:39,126 I just kind of took to it in med school. 248 00:11:39,194 --> 00:11:40,127 Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. 249 00:11:40,195 --> 00:11:41,894 Yes. 250 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,129 Which is good, 'cause I could never memorize the names 251 00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:44,129 of all those bones. 252 00:11:44,197 --> 00:11:45,130 Oh, yeah? 253 00:11:45,198 --> 00:11:47,264 The names, they're so similar. 254 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:48,598 Yes, they are similar! 255 00:11:48,665 --> 00:11:50,499 Yes! 256 00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:52,533 Anyway, whatever you can do about the TV thing, 257 00:11:52,601 --> 00:11:53,901 that would be great. 258 00:11:53,969 --> 00:11:57,236 Um, yeah, but you know, it's really up to Doug, though. 259 00:11:57,304 --> 00:11:59,770 Yeah, yeah, it's just that Doug might need a little... 260 00:11:59,838 --> 00:12:01,372 a little nudge, you know? 261 00:12:01,439 --> 00:12:03,939 Like just a little bitty little nudge. 262 00:12:04,008 --> 00:12:06,975 Well, I... I just don't... 263 00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:08,275 Are your eyes brown or hazel? 264 00:12:08,343 --> 00:12:09,743 I can't... Steel blue. 265 00:12:09,811 --> 00:12:11,878 Steel blue. Fantastic. 266 00:12:13,245 --> 00:12:15,313 My mother would make dinner for me every night, 267 00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:18,014 but after she got that job at the community center, 268 00:12:18,082 --> 00:12:20,916 she stopped. 269 00:12:20,984 --> 00:12:22,950 I was only 7 years old. 270 00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:24,818 You must have felt somewhat abandoned. 271 00:12:24,886 --> 00:12:28,386 Yeah, exactly, I felt completely abandoned. 272 00:12:28,453 --> 00:12:30,120 I mean, she only worked every other Tuesday, 273 00:12:30,188 --> 00:12:32,789 but still, 274 00:12:32,856 --> 00:12:34,623 longest month of my life. 275 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:43,461 So, uh, what did you do on those, uh, nights until she got home? 276 00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:45,929 I don't know. I watched TV or... 277 00:12:45,997 --> 00:12:50,766 Oh, God, I used to rip the head off my G.I. Joe doll 278 00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:52,933 and I'd stick it on top of a ketchup bottle 279 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,968 and make him bleed through the ears. 280 00:13:00,205 --> 00:13:01,872 It was awesome. 281 00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:07,509 Well, speaking of TV... 282 00:13:12,379 --> 00:13:13,311 Hey. 283 00:13:13,379 --> 00:13:14,646 Hey, baby. How was your session? 284 00:13:14,714 --> 00:13:16,146 Great. On my way home, 285 00:13:16,214 --> 00:13:17,179 I walked down Austin Street, 286 00:13:17,247 --> 00:13:19,681 or as I like to call it, doughnut alley, 287 00:13:19,749 --> 00:13:21,349 and I never broke stride. 288 00:13:21,417 --> 00:13:23,183 Oh, well, that's great! 289 00:13:25,052 --> 00:13:26,719 So you're probably really tired. 290 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:30,487 You just want to relax and just watch some TV, huh? 291 00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:37,058 You know what? I don't think so. 292 00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:39,859 No TV? 293 00:13:39,927 --> 00:13:41,894 But you love TV, honey. 294 00:13:41,961 --> 00:13:43,794 Yeah, I love it too much. 295 00:13:43,862 --> 00:13:46,129 In fact, we talked about it in the last part of my session. 296 00:13:46,197 --> 00:13:48,697 About TV? Mm-hmm. 297 00:13:48,765 --> 00:13:50,366 How odd. 298 00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:53,300 You... you sure you don't want to watch TV? 299 00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:54,668 No. All right. 300 00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:57,602 You want to, uh, want to read a book? 301 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,904 Whoa. 302 00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:02,605 Baby steps. 303 00:14:07,242 --> 00:14:08,842 Hello. 304 00:14:08,909 --> 00:14:10,343 I got some shampoo, 305 00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:15,345 2 packs of Juicy Fruit gum, uh, Playboy magazine, 306 00:14:15,412 --> 00:14:18,247 and a couple of these. 307 00:14:24,952 --> 00:14:27,418 Need a price check on Nostrin nasal decongestant, 308 00:14:27,486 --> 00:14:28,753 50 milliliters. 309 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:31,254 That's all right. Just charge me whatever you want. 310 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:33,823 Nostrin nasal spray. Can I get a price check, please? 311 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,291 It's for a friend. 312 00:14:43,195 --> 00:14:44,495 All right, baby. Have a good time. 313 00:14:44,562 --> 00:14:45,496 OK, I'll see you at home. 314 00:14:45,563 --> 00:14:47,364 OK. 315 00:14:47,431 --> 00:14:48,365 Psst! 316 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,566 One sec. 317 00:14:57,803 --> 00:14:59,769 Uh, I-I-I'll be with you in just a moment. 318 00:14:59,837 --> 00:15:00,770 OK. 319 00:15:02,306 --> 00:15:04,672 Hi. I just wanted to say great job on the TV thing. 320 00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:07,241 You are like the Michael Jordan of psychotherapy. 321 00:15:07,309 --> 00:15:08,975 No, no, no. 322 00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:11,576 Karl Malone, maybe. 323 00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,778 It's just that now that Doug's watching a lot less TV, 324 00:15:14,846 --> 00:15:17,114 we're having a lot more sexual time, 325 00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:18,347 which is good, 326 00:15:18,415 --> 00:15:20,348 but it could be better. 327 00:15:21,717 --> 00:15:23,884 That's where you come in. 328 00:15:45,096 --> 00:15:46,029 Hey. 329 00:15:46,097 --> 00:15:48,030 Hey, Deac. 330 00:15:48,098 --> 00:15:49,164 What are you doing here? 331 00:15:49,231 --> 00:15:51,165 I'm taking Doug to his therapy session. 332 00:15:51,232 --> 00:15:53,033 You are? Mm-hmm. 333 00:15:53,101 --> 00:15:54,300 But... but I always do that. 334 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,301 Uh, yeah, but we're going to the driving range after. 335 00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:57,569 See, now that he's dropped a few pounds, 336 00:15:57,636 --> 00:16:00,103 he can actually see the ball on the tee. 337 00:16:00,171 --> 00:16:03,772 Damn, but I really need to talk to his therapist. 338 00:16:04,973 --> 00:16:06,508 I need you to do me a favor. 339 00:16:06,575 --> 00:16:08,074 OK, uh, what's the favor? 340 00:16:08,143 --> 00:16:09,842 Give this to the guy, 341 00:16:09,909 --> 00:16:15,145 and whatever you do, do not let Doug see it. 342 00:16:15,213 --> 00:16:16,779 OK. What is it? 343 00:16:16,847 --> 00:16:18,580 It's a recipe. 344 00:16:19,915 --> 00:16:21,615 For clam chowder. 345 00:16:21,683 --> 00:16:23,716 You don't have to read it, sweetie. 346 00:16:23,784 --> 00:16:24,850 It's normal stuff, you know, 347 00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,985 clams, potatoes. 348 00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,920 "Doug needs to be more spontaneous." 349 00:16:30,054 --> 00:16:32,388 Uh, "Less pouty." 350 00:16:32,455 --> 00:16:33,855 What is this? 351 00:16:34,924 --> 00:16:35,989 All right, it's... 352 00:16:36,057 --> 00:16:36,990 it's a list for his therapist, 353 00:16:37,058 --> 00:16:38,390 things I want Doug to work on. 354 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:39,692 I kinda do it to nudge his therapy 355 00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:40,792 in the right direction. 356 00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:41,993 And Doug doesn't know this? 357 00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:43,928 No! If he knew about it, he wouldn't go for it. 358 00:16:43,995 --> 00:16:46,629 I mean, he needs to think it's coming from the therapist. 359 00:16:46,697 --> 00:16:49,263 Why? Is that a horrible thing to do? 360 00:16:53,767 --> 00:16:55,201 Hand me the pen. 361 00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:01,538 So, in the dream, this weird red object kept appearing, 362 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:04,073 and I couldn't get away from it no matter what I did. 363 00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:06,941 What do you think it was? 364 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,144 Dr. Wagner? 365 00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:14,744 Huh? Huh? What? 366 00:17:14,812 --> 00:17:17,113 The weird red thing in my dream, 367 00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,579 what do you think it was? 368 00:17:18,647 --> 00:17:22,216 Oh, that. Clearly, that represents, uh... 369 00:17:22,284 --> 00:17:23,816 pizza? 370 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:27,885 But it was square. 371 00:17:27,953 --> 00:17:30,887 Chicago-style pizza in a pan. 372 00:17:30,955 --> 00:17:32,487 You know, Doug, 373 00:17:32,555 --> 00:17:34,956 we're... we're running a little low on time here. 374 00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:37,623 What do you say we shift the focus of the session 375 00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:40,259 to some other issues that you might want to deal with? 376 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,693 Like maybe... 377 00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,294 a lack of spontaneity 378 00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:46,528 or poutiness. 379 00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:48,496 Are you pouty, Doug? 380 00:17:48,564 --> 00:17:52,165 I really want to talk about the dream some more. 381 00:17:52,233 --> 00:17:54,933 Uh-huh. I really don't think there's much there, Doug. 382 00:17:54,968 --> 00:17:58,169 Um, why don't we focus more 383 00:17:58,237 --> 00:18:00,970 on paying your gambling debts 384 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:05,439 or why you won't return your friend's Sting CD? 385 00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:09,242 Why... why do you keep looking at that paper for? 386 00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:11,509 Oh, this? Oh, this is nothing. 387 00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:13,077 I'm just... This is some notes I'm making 388 00:18:13,145 --> 00:18:16,212 for a journal article that I'm... 389 00:18:17,614 --> 00:18:19,514 lying to you about, Doug. 390 00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:21,881 I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do this. 391 00:18:21,949 --> 00:18:23,115 What? 392 00:18:23,183 --> 00:18:25,550 You know what? Just... Would you tell your wife 393 00:18:25,618 --> 00:18:27,085 that I did not go to medical school for 6 years 394 00:18:27,152 --> 00:18:29,919 to be giving therapy off the back of a Visa bill, all right? 395 00:18:29,986 --> 00:18:32,554 Damn it, Doug, I've won awards. 396 00:18:34,189 --> 00:18:36,856 I think I need some time to myself. 397 00:18:39,226 --> 00:18:41,759 Hey, hey! So, am I getting my CD? 398 00:18:50,298 --> 00:18:52,532 I can't believe it was you. 399 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:53,466 This whole time it was you 400 00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,566 who was trying to change me. 401 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,734 I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to find out. 402 00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:58,068 Of course not. The puppet's not supposed to know 403 00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:01,303 there's a hand up his... puppet chute! 404 00:19:01,371 --> 00:19:02,537 All right, look. 405 00:19:02,605 --> 00:19:04,372 Maybe my methods were a little bit questionable, 406 00:19:04,439 --> 00:19:05,772 but I was only trying to help you. 407 00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:08,140 I just wanted to help you become a happier person. 408 00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:09,375 Really? Really? 409 00:19:09,442 --> 00:19:11,776 And how is not singing along with the car radio 410 00:19:11,843 --> 00:19:13,944 going to make me happier? 411 00:19:14,012 --> 00:19:15,211 That's one of his. 412 00:19:16,979 --> 00:19:20,381 You never know the damn words, man. 413 00:19:20,448 --> 00:19:21,981 OK, you know what? You can leave now. 414 00:19:22,049 --> 00:19:23,482 As soon as I get my CD. 415 00:19:23,550 --> 00:19:25,517 It's by the stereo, OK? 416 00:19:25,584 --> 00:19:28,285 The case is kind of cracked. 417 00:19:28,353 --> 00:19:30,686 I can't believe you. I mean, why'd you even marry me 418 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:31,787 if you hate everything about me? 419 00:19:31,855 --> 00:19:32,987 I don't. 420 00:19:33,055 --> 00:19:35,021 Oh, please. 421 00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:36,889 You've been feeding this guy your complaints for a month. 422 00:19:36,957 --> 00:19:38,090 I should've just strapped 423 00:19:38,158 --> 00:19:39,190 a suggestion box to my ass, 424 00:19:39,259 --> 00:19:40,359 saved you the trip. 425 00:19:41,727 --> 00:19:43,593 Doug, when this whole thing started, 426 00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:46,729 my only agenda was that you stop overeating. 427 00:19:46,796 --> 00:19:48,429 I promise you. 428 00:19:48,497 --> 00:19:49,897 But then I thought, you know, 429 00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:52,731 as long as the car is in the shop... 430 00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:55,433 The car? The car? That's what I am to you? 431 00:19:55,501 --> 00:19:56,734 A car I love. 432 00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:59,602 The only car I ever want to drive. 433 00:19:59,670 --> 00:20:01,103 Look. 434 00:20:01,172 --> 00:20:02,337 Why'd you have to talk to the shrink? 435 00:20:02,405 --> 00:20:03,837 Why couldn't you just come to me? 436 00:20:03,905 --> 00:20:06,906 Because I don't know how to fix a car. 437 00:20:06,974 --> 00:20:08,274 You know? For your sake, 438 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,908 I wanted to make sure that you were properly serviced. 439 00:20:12,510 --> 00:20:13,877 That's all? You just wanted to make sure 440 00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:16,944 I was properly... serviced? 441 00:20:17,012 --> 00:20:18,480 Exactly. 442 00:20:18,614 --> 00:20:21,382 OK, well, then I'll see you upstairs for a jiffy lube. 443 00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:30,853 Doug: And bring ice cream for after! 444 00:20:33,588 --> 00:20:35,388 Oh. Good night, darling. 445 00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:37,356 Good night, Dad. 446 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,817 What have I become? 447 00:21:46,262 --> 00:21:49,029 Hey! What the devil do you think you're doing?! 448 00:21:49,096 --> 00:21:50,531 Buying nasal spray. 449 00:21:50,598 --> 00:21:52,532 Not if I have anything to say about it. 450 00:21:52,599 --> 00:21:54,533 But I have a cold. 451 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,899 Liar! 452 00:21:58,068 --> 00:22:00,068 I just saved your life! 31727

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