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1
00:00:32,761 --> 00:00:35,861
So, guys, tell Uncle Doug
what you did in school today.
2
00:00:35,929 --> 00:00:38,764
What'd you... did you
write in cursive?
3
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,964
Did you climb the ropes? Eat some paste?
What went down?
4
00:00:43,866 --> 00:00:45,900
I wrote a book about
Thanksgiving.
5
00:00:45,967 --> 00:00:48,568
You did? Can I see?
6
00:00:48,636 --> 00:00:52,570
Oh, wow. Hey, nice
use of macaroni.
7
00:00:52,638 --> 00:00:54,805
Oh, and pictures, too.
8
00:00:54,872 --> 00:00:55,971
What's this?
9
00:00:56,039 --> 00:00:59,341
That's the Pilgrims
killing a turkey.
10
00:01:00,942 --> 00:01:04,509
Huh. Little graphic.
11
00:01:04,577 --> 00:01:07,778
You might want to ease
up on the red crayon
12
00:01:08,913 --> 00:01:10,846
Come in.
13
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,614
Hey, guy. Hey.
14
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:14,982
Thanks for picking up my kids.
15
00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:16,248
Your kids? Was that today?
16
00:01:16,316 --> 00:01:17,316
What?!
17
00:01:17,384 --> 00:01:19,084
I'm kidding. In
the kitchen, bud.
18
00:01:19,151 --> 00:01:20,417
Don't do that, man.
19
00:01:20,485 --> 00:01:22,452
All right. Calm down.
Dinner's on the way.
20
00:01:22,519 --> 00:01:23,719
Carrie's picking up
a bucket of KFC.
21
00:01:23,787 --> 00:01:24,853
S'all good!
22
00:01:24,921 --> 00:01:26,387
Sorry. I'm dying here.
23
00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,021
O'Boyle stuck me
on the 8:00 shift.
24
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,822
He knows I got my kids all week.
25
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:30,923
Did you talk to him about it?
26
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,091
Yeah. He suggested I
ship them somewhere.
27
00:01:33,158 --> 00:01:35,992
Then at least they could
be in the truck with me.
28
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:37,093
Hi, Dad. Hey.
29
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,460
Hey, what's up, little men?
30
00:01:39,527 --> 00:01:40,861
Hey, guys. Oh!
31
00:01:40,929 --> 00:01:44,362
OK, chicken in the house.
32
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:45,630
Oh, what the...
33
00:01:45,698 --> 00:01:47,098
Where the hells's the bucket?
34
00:01:47,165 --> 00:01:48,665
What?
35
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,766
I didn't go to KFC. I
went to that new place,
36
00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,366
the Fresh 'N Healthy
Chicken Cafe.
37
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:56,335
Fresh 'N Healthy Chicken Cafe?
38
00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:57,402
Yeah.
39
00:01:57,470 --> 00:01:58,971
What's wrong with that?
40
00:01:59,038 --> 00:02:03,472
A: fresh. B: healthy. C: cafe.
41
00:02:03,539 --> 00:02:04,539
OK, you know what?
42
00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:05,807
Let's take some of this passion
43
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:07,908
and cure a disease or something.
44
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,575
Here. Let me give you
some money for the food.
45
00:02:09,643 --> 00:02:11,342
No, no, no, no. Don't
you pay her for this.
46
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:12,644
Don't you reward her.
47
00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:14,878
Come on, guys.
48
00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:16,345
Deacon, you and the boys
are still coming over
49
00:02:16,413 --> 00:02:17,412
for Thanksgiving dinner, right?
50
00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,446
Yep, we are all over it. OK.
51
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,414
I'll tell you who's all
over Thanksgiving.
52
00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:22,515
Major here.
53
00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,016
He wrote a book about
it and everything.
54
00:02:24,084 --> 00:02:25,316
Did you, Major?
55
00:02:25,383 --> 00:02:26,651
You want to read
it to everybody?
56
00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:27,851
No.
57
00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:28,852
You want me to read it for you?
58
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:30,820
OK. OK!
59
00:02:30,887 --> 00:02:35,221
Thanksgiving by Major Palmer.
60
00:02:35,288 --> 00:02:36,389
"I like Thanksgiving.
61
00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:38,623
"You get to have turkey,
and potatoes, and gravy,
62
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:42,225
and pumpin pie..."
63
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,292
I think he means "pumpkin pie."
64
00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,593
Thanks.
65
00:02:45,661 --> 00:02:48,395
"We used to have Thanksgiving
with my mommy and daddy,
66
00:02:48,463 --> 00:02:51,396
"but then they yelled
and got di-borced.
67
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,364
"Now we don't have a family,
68
00:02:53,431 --> 00:02:57,766
so we're having Thanksgiving
with some white people."
69
00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:02,868
Hey, that's us.
70
00:03:06,171 --> 00:03:09,004
I can't even give my kids a
decent family Thanksgiving.
71
00:03:09,072 --> 00:03:11,906
I'm a horrible, horrible father.
72
00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,273
I've never felt worse.
73
00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:16,375
Does this mean you're
not gonna dry or...
74
00:03:19,811 --> 00:03:22,111
I should be having
Thanksgiving over at my place,
75
00:03:22,179 --> 00:03:23,245
bring all my relatives in.
76
00:03:23,313 --> 00:03:24,679
That's what a good
father would do.
77
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,813
So do it. How?
78
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:26,879
I can't even find someone
79
00:03:26,947 --> 00:03:28,081
to pick up my kids from school.
80
00:03:28,148 --> 00:03:30,549
How am I gonna pull off a
whole big Thanksgiving?
81
00:03:30,616 --> 00:03:31,616
I need a wife.
82
00:03:47,058 --> 00:03:48,058
What are you looking at?
83
00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:49,992
You.
84
00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:53,694
Now, look, I'm gonna throw
something out here.
85
00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:55,227
Now, don't shoot it
down right away.
86
00:03:55,295 --> 00:03:57,996
Just let it wash over you.
87
00:03:58,064 --> 00:03:59,797
OK.
88
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,198
I'm thinking of loaning
you out to Deacon.
89
00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:06,800
What?
90
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:08,134
He's real upset.
91
00:04:08,202 --> 00:04:10,002
He decided he wants to have
92
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:11,135
a big Thanksgiving at his place,
93
00:04:11,203 --> 00:04:13,603
but he's crazy with work
and the kids and...
94
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,337
Look, bottom line is...
95
00:04:15,406 --> 00:04:16,505
he needs a wife,
96
00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:18,173
so I thought I'd loan
you to him, you know,
97
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,806
like I lent him my drill.
98
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:24,642
OK, couple of things.
99
00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:28,878
First of all, I am
not a power tool,
100
00:04:28,945 --> 00:04:32,746
and second, if I ever do
become someone else's wife,
101
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,580
it ain't gonna be
another truck driver.
102
00:04:36,582 --> 00:04:37,916
Come on, Deacon's desperate.
103
00:04:37,984 --> 00:04:39,317
It would just be for the week.
104
00:04:39,384 --> 00:04:41,151
You gotta just pick the
kids up, make 'em dinner,
105
00:04:41,219 --> 00:04:42,952
and then help him get
Thanksgiving organized.
106
00:04:43,019 --> 00:04:44,185
I don't know.
107
00:04:44,253 --> 00:04:45,486
It's the spirit of Thanksgiving.
108
00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:47,620
For God sakes, the Pilgrims,
109
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,722
they gave their wives
to the Indians.
110
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,256
That's not what happened.
111
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,590
Well, they gave out maize.
I know that.
112
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:55,991
Do you even know what maize is?
113
00:04:56,058 --> 00:04:58,792
Some kind of food
that was amazing. Oy.
114
00:05:00,127 --> 00:05:01,394
Come on, Carrie. You
told me yourself.
115
00:05:01,462 --> 00:05:02,761
You got an easy work week.
116
00:05:02,828 --> 00:05:04,595
Your dad's out of town.
117
00:05:04,663 --> 00:05:05,730
Come on.
118
00:05:08,164 --> 00:05:09,197
All right.
119
00:05:09,266 --> 00:05:10,565
I'll do it.
120
00:05:10,633 --> 00:05:12,799
I'll be your best friend's wife.
121
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:15,101
Sweet.
122
00:05:19,071 --> 00:05:20,203
No, Uncle Fred.
123
00:05:20,271 --> 00:05:21,638
I can't pick you
up at the airport,
124
00:05:21,706 --> 00:05:22,771
'cause I have to
pick up Nana Letty
125
00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,572
from the nursing home.
126
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,339
Just take the shuttle
from the airport.
127
00:05:26,407 --> 00:05:28,373
It'll drop you off right here.
128
00:05:28,441 --> 00:05:30,008
No, the shuttle.
129
00:05:30,076 --> 00:05:31,175
When you get off the plane,
130
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,910
just look for the sign.
131
00:05:33,978 --> 00:05:36,344
The sign'll say, "shuttle."
132
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,179
Hang on a sec.
133
00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:45,216
Someone requested a
mail-order bride?
134
00:05:45,283 --> 00:05:46,282
Yeah.
135
00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:47,817
Come on in.
136
00:05:47,884 --> 00:05:49,151
Look, thanks so much for coming.
137
00:05:49,219 --> 00:05:50,251
You are saving my life.
138
00:05:50,319 --> 00:05:51,685
Now, are you sure
you're up for this?
139
00:05:51,753 --> 00:05:52,987
I gotta be honest with ya, Deac.
140
00:05:53,054 --> 00:05:54,087
I think we should
have done this swap
141
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,687
a long time ago.
142
00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:00,924
All right, honey, where
do you want me to start?
143
00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,324
You want me to make some dinner?
144
00:06:02,391 --> 00:06:03,492
Chase you around
with a rolling pin?
145
00:06:03,559 --> 00:06:04,859
What do you like?
146
00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:07,227
Well, uh, I'm actually
making some travel plans,
147
00:06:07,294 --> 00:06:08,293
trying to get my family in,
148
00:06:08,361 --> 00:06:09,561
so dinner would be great.
149
00:06:09,628 --> 00:06:10,628
I picked up some ground beef.
150
00:06:10,696 --> 00:06:11,695
The kids love meat loaf.
151
00:06:11,763 --> 00:06:13,663
One loaf of meat
coming right up.
152
00:06:16,532 --> 00:06:17,764
Wow, this looks great.
153
00:06:17,766 --> 00:06:18,666
Thank you.
154
00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:19,733
I'll get it.
155
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,800
I'll get it.
156
00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:24,936
Hello.
157
00:06:25,004 --> 00:06:26,003
Deacon: Hey, man.
158
00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:27,070
What are you doing here?
159
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,137
I just thought I'd drop off
160
00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,238
a little housewarming gift,
161
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,405
get the new couple off
on the right foot.
162
00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:33,806
A fern.
163
00:06:33,874 --> 00:06:37,342
Yeah, they sell everything
at gas stations now.
164
00:06:37,408 --> 00:06:38,409
Hey, you wanna stay for dinner?
165
00:06:38,476 --> 00:06:39,742
On your first night together?
166
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:40,810
Yeah, I'm sure you want
167
00:06:40,877 --> 00:06:44,278
the loser best friend
hanging around.
168
00:06:44,346 --> 00:06:46,078
Actually, I'm gonna
go catch a movie.
169
00:06:46,146 --> 00:06:47,579
Oh... Oh, that
thing is dripping.
170
00:06:47,647 --> 00:06:48,714
Let me throw a plate under this.
171
00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,014
Oh, OK.
172
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:52,182
So, everything going OK?
173
00:06:52,249 --> 00:06:53,282
Yeah, it's great.
174
00:06:53,350 --> 00:06:54,450
You know, I know I
fought you on this one,
175
00:06:54,518 --> 00:06:56,451
but I... I really
feel good, you know?
176
00:06:56,519 --> 00:06:57,618
I really feel like
I'm helping him.
177
00:06:57,686 --> 00:06:58,919
You are. You're doing
a really good thing.
178
00:06:58,986 --> 00:06:59,985
I'm very, very proud of you.
179
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,187
Now...
180
00:07:01,253 --> 00:07:02,354
if I'm gonna make a
movie and a strip club,
181
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,887
I gotta scoot. All right.
182
00:07:03,955 --> 00:07:05,022
Bye, baby.
183
00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:08,056
All right, come on, you guys.
Dig in.
184
00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:09,857
All right, what do you
guys say to Carrie?
185
00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:11,692
Thank you, Carrie.
Thanks, Carrie.
186
00:07:11,759 --> 00:07:13,026
You're welcome.
187
00:07:19,097 --> 00:07:20,230
Thanks, Car.
188
00:07:29,368 --> 00:07:31,902
Are you making
Thanksgiving dinner?
189
00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,203
No, honey. Thanksgiving
isn't till Thursday.
190
00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:35,771
I'm just making a
regular dinner.
191
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,906
Were there any black Pilgrims?
192
00:07:42,742 --> 00:07:44,441
Black Pilgrims, no.
193
00:07:44,509 --> 00:07:46,109
I don't think there were.
194
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:47,209
Why not?
195
00:07:47,277 --> 00:07:49,677
Well, because the
Pilgrims were all white.
196
00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:52,646
They came to America from
England on the Mayflower.
197
00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:55,113
Then how did the black
people get here?
198
00:07:59,383 --> 00:08:00,617
Would you like a cupcake?
199
00:08:00,684 --> 00:08:02,384
Yeah! Yeah!
200
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,353
Hey, Maj.
201
00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:10,421
What are you eating there?
202
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:12,288
Carrie gave me a cupcake.
203
00:08:12,356 --> 00:08:14,156
Oh, OK.
204
00:08:15,424 --> 00:08:16,924
Hey. Hey.
205
00:08:16,992 --> 00:08:18,825
Listen, I picked up the turkey.
206
00:08:18,893 --> 00:08:20,259
There was only one big one left.
207
00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:21,493
I had to throw a few elbows,
208
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:22,860
but I got it.
209
00:08:22,928 --> 00:08:23,995
Great.
210
00:08:24,062 --> 00:08:25,862
Uh, look, I just saw
Major eating a cupcake.
211
00:08:25,930 --> 00:08:26,996
Has he had dinner yet?
212
00:08:27,063 --> 00:08:28,497
Oh, no.
213
00:08:28,565 --> 00:08:30,632
Yeah, he was yammering
on about something.
214
00:08:30,698 --> 00:08:32,732
You know, throw one of those
in their mouth and...
215
00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:35,333
Yeah.
216
00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:39,068
It's just I kind of have a no
dessert before dinner thing,
217
00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:40,236
but, you know, it's cool.
218
00:08:40,303 --> 00:08:42,137
No, you know what?
It is not cool.
219
00:08:42,204 --> 00:08:43,370
I'm sorry.
220
00:08:43,438 --> 00:08:44,438
I'll be right back.
221
00:08:53,343 --> 00:08:54,376
Damn!
222
00:08:57,378 --> 00:08:59,111
OK.
223
00:08:59,179 --> 00:09:01,246
I got the cupcake back from him.
224
00:09:01,313 --> 00:09:03,147
Great, thanks.
Everything's cool.
225
00:09:03,214 --> 00:09:04,348
Yeah, the thing is
226
00:09:04,415 --> 00:09:06,315
I had to give him
something to get it back,
227
00:09:06,383 --> 00:09:08,183
so I sort of promised he
could stay up late tonight
228
00:09:08,251 --> 00:09:09,584
and watch The Sopranos...
229
00:09:11,085 --> 00:09:13,352
and I think a couple of people
are getting whacked tonight,
230
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,687
so you may have to have a
sit-down with him afterwards.
231
00:09:21,991 --> 00:09:23,391
So Kaplan comes down
232
00:09:23,458 --> 00:09:25,125
to say who gets to work
on the Fennerman case,
233
00:09:25,193 --> 00:09:26,193
and guess who he picks.
234
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,194
Not me. Gina.
235
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:30,260
She is so sickening.
236
00:09:30,328 --> 00:09:33,395
"Oh, I would love to make
extra copies for you."
237
00:09:33,463 --> 00:09:35,296
"Oh, I would love to pick out
238
00:09:35,364 --> 00:09:38,065
your wife's birthday
present for you."
239
00:09:38,133 --> 00:09:39,265
You know what I would love?
240
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:44,400
I would love to beat her
with a toner cartridge.
241
00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:45,702
What are you doing over there?
242
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:46,835
Uh, just trying to figure out
243
00:09:46,903 --> 00:09:47,936
when my family's coming in,
244
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,070
you know, who's staying where.
245
00:09:49,138 --> 00:09:53,238
Oh, and the way she dresses.
246
00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:54,372
I mean, it's not
like I have to wear
247
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,741
a push-up bra to
justify my paycheck.
248
00:09:56,808 --> 00:09:57,875
You know, I'm good at what I do.
249
00:09:57,943 --> 00:09:59,542
Mmm, yeah. You done with that?
250
00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:00,976
Uh, with the glass? Not yet.
251
00:10:01,044 --> 00:10:02,376
I'll take it in there
when I'm done.
252
00:10:02,444 --> 00:10:04,544
Oh, great, so should I hold off
on running the dishwasher?
253
00:10:04,612 --> 00:10:05,746
Yeah, just a couple of minutes.
OK.
254
00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:18,985
Carrie: Like today.
255
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,418
Guess what she was wearing.
256
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:21,486
Take a guess.
257
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:24,320
Um, something inappropriate?
258
00:10:24,388 --> 00:10:26,254
Not if you're on the
Dukes of Hazzard.
259
00:10:28,491 --> 00:10:29,890
Capital "H", capital "O",
260
00:10:29,958 --> 00:10:30,991
you know what I'm saying?
261
00:10:31,059 --> 00:10:32,758
Right.
262
00:10:32,826 --> 00:10:34,125
How ya doing on that
glass there, buddy?
263
00:10:34,193 --> 00:10:35,493
Uh, you know what? Here.
264
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:38,794
All done... You know what?
265
00:10:38,863 --> 00:10:40,162
Actually, why don't I throw
this in the dishwasher?
266
00:10:40,230 --> 00:10:41,496
I'm sure you probably
gotta get going.
267
00:10:41,564 --> 00:10:42,629
It's almost 9:00.
268
00:10:42,697 --> 00:10:43,764
No, what are you talking about?
269
00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:45,031
I have a lot of stuff
to do around here.
270
00:10:45,099 --> 00:10:46,131
Oh, you've done enough.
271
00:10:46,199 --> 00:10:47,999
Get out of here.
272
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:49,067
No.
273
00:10:49,134 --> 00:10:51,401
It's no problem, really.
274
00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:55,436
You mind if I step out
for a few minutes?
275
00:10:55,504 --> 00:10:56,737
No. That's why I'm here.
276
00:10:56,805 --> 00:10:57,971
All right, uh,
277
00:10:58,038 --> 00:10:59,171
catch ya later.
278
00:10:59,239 --> 00:11:00,238
OK.
279
00:11:05,942 --> 00:11:07,409
Welcome back to live coverage
280
00:11:07,476 --> 00:11:11,544
of the Queens Indoor
Golf Classic,
281
00:11:11,611 --> 00:11:13,878
brought to you by...
282
00:11:13,946 --> 00:11:19,115
Frito Lay.
283
00:11:19,183 --> 00:11:22,516
Put a little crunch
back into your life.
284
00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:25,318
Heffernan just had a beautiful
up-and-down into the hamper.
285
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,052
He's set himself up for
the win with this shot.
286
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,820
He's just gotta get
it up over the couch
287
00:11:30,888 --> 00:11:32,254
and into the cup on the landing
288
00:11:32,322 --> 00:11:33,621
for the win.
289
00:11:49,165 --> 00:11:50,164
Hey, man.
290
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,231
What's up?
291
00:11:51,299 --> 00:11:52,432
Not much. What are you up to?
292
00:11:52,499 --> 00:11:54,132
Just a little indoor golf,
293
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,533
a little stuffed pizza,
294
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,535
and at 9:00 on ESPN,
295
00:11:58,602 --> 00:11:59,601
the National Spelling Bee.
296
00:11:59,669 --> 00:12:00,735
There's an Indian
kid with a lisp
297
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,437
who is kicking ass.
298
00:12:09,707 --> 00:12:11,075
You got the life here, man.
299
00:12:11,142 --> 00:12:15,009
It do not suck.
300
00:12:15,077 --> 00:12:16,176
So, how's the wife?
301
00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:21,411
Oh, trouble in paradise?
302
00:12:23,714 --> 00:12:24,981
She's driving me crazy.
303
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,114
Yeah, well, you should
have thought of that
304
00:12:26,182 --> 00:12:27,715
before you slapped the
ring on her finger.
305
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,617
I'm serious.
306
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,952
What's the problem?
307
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,886
Well, first of all,
she's really not...
308
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:37,353
She's not great with kids.
309
00:12:37,421 --> 00:12:38,421
That's not her fault.
310
00:12:38,488 --> 00:12:39,554
We don't have any kids.
311
00:12:39,622 --> 00:12:41,055
She hasn't had a chance
to get good with them.
312
00:12:41,123 --> 00:12:44,057
OK, but she has had
the chance to cook.
313
00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:47,292
You don't like her cooking?
314
00:12:47,359 --> 00:12:48,492
Do you?
315
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,427
Exhibit "A".
316
00:12:53,595 --> 00:12:54,729
Huh?
317
00:12:56,664 --> 00:12:58,798
She can whip up some
pretty good stuff.
318
00:12:58,866 --> 00:12:59,865
What'd she make for you?
319
00:12:59,932 --> 00:13:00,998
Meat loaf.
320
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:07,568
And the way she goes on and on
321
00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:09,169
about all the people
she hates at work,
322
00:13:09,237 --> 00:13:10,237
which, as far as I can tell,
323
00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:11,470
is everyone.
324
00:13:11,538 --> 00:13:12,571
All right, she does not do that.
325
00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:13,738
Guy, last week,
326
00:13:13,806 --> 00:13:15,206
you told me you were
slicing a bagel,
327
00:13:15,273 --> 00:13:16,873
and she was babbling
on about her boss,
328
00:13:16,941 --> 00:13:17,941
and it was so brutal
329
00:13:18,008 --> 00:13:19,174
that you actually
cut into your hand
330
00:13:19,242 --> 00:13:21,242
just to make her stop.
331
00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:23,609
Look, all right,
332
00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:24,677
I'm lending you my wife, man.
333
00:13:24,744 --> 00:13:25,744
Not a lot of guys would do that,
334
00:13:25,812 --> 00:13:26,911
and, you know, she's
trying her best.
335
00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:28,146
So instead of complaining,
336
00:13:28,214 --> 00:13:29,479
maybe you should
start appreciating.
337
00:13:32,715 --> 00:13:33,882
Hello?
338
00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:35,449
Oh, hey, Car.
339
00:13:35,516 --> 00:13:36,716
I'm not here.
340
00:13:52,691 --> 00:13:53,725
Hey.
341
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:54,892
Oh, hey.
342
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,826
What's... what's...
What's going on?
343
00:13:56,894 --> 00:14:00,062
Well, I was making a
sweet potato casserole,
344
00:14:00,129 --> 00:14:02,829
but I ran out of
marshmallows, so...
345
00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:08,065
I'm picking out some
of the Lucky Charms.
346
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:09,299
They're a little crunchy,
347
00:14:09,366 --> 00:14:11,566
but I bet ya they're gonna
be magically delicious.
348
00:14:14,336 --> 00:14:15,335
Great.
349
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:17,837
Excuse me. Yeah.
350
00:14:23,774 --> 00:14:24,807
Hey, Bud.
351
00:14:24,874 --> 00:14:26,407
Everything OK down there?
352
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:29,342
I think Carrie gave
me Major's underwear.
353
00:14:30,343 --> 00:14:31,343
Go change.
354
00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:32,476
Thank you.
355
00:14:36,847 --> 00:14:37,980
Hi. Hey, Holly.
356
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:39,080
What are you doing here?
357
00:14:39,148 --> 00:14:40,215
I walk a dog in
your building now,
358
00:14:40,282 --> 00:14:41,415
so I thought I'd stop by.
359
00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:42,581
Listen, I heard
that you're hosting
360
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,649
Thanksgiving for your kids,
361
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,784
and I just think
that is so sweet.
362
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,051
I made you this.
363
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,256
There's someone else.
364
00:15:00,558 --> 00:15:02,059
What are you talking about?
365
00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:04,526
Holly. I want Holly.
366
00:15:04,594 --> 00:15:05,761
What?!
367
00:15:05,829 --> 00:15:07,662
I didn't look for
this to happen.
368
00:15:07,729 --> 00:15:08,628
I didn't plan for it,
369
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:09,729
but she came to my door
370
00:15:09,797 --> 00:15:11,830
with the best apple
pie I've ever tasted,
371
00:15:11,898 --> 00:15:13,397
and she's great with my kids,
372
00:15:13,465 --> 00:15:15,198
and she's quiet.
373
00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:17,500
But yo...
374
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,001
But you just can't dump Carrie.
375
00:15:20,035 --> 00:15:21,068
She loves being with you.
376
00:15:21,136 --> 00:15:22,768
I've never seen her happier.
377
00:15:24,503 --> 00:15:26,470
I got my whole family coming in.
378
00:15:26,538 --> 00:15:27,872
I got my kids counting on me
379
00:15:27,939 --> 00:15:29,039
for a perfect Thanksgiving.
380
00:15:29,106 --> 00:15:30,405
I can't give 'em sweet potatoes
381
00:15:30,473 --> 00:15:31,874
with Lucky Charms in 'em.
382
00:15:31,941 --> 00:15:34,708
Oh, my God! That sounds great!
383
00:15:34,776 --> 00:15:36,342
It's over, player.
384
00:15:36,409 --> 00:15:37,409
Amazing.
385
00:15:37,477 --> 00:15:38,509
Amazing.
386
00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:39,611
OK.
387
00:15:39,678 --> 00:15:42,011
Fine, whatever.
388
00:15:42,079 --> 00:15:44,913
I guess I'll tell her
tonight after dinner
389
00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:46,981
or maybe before dinner.
390
00:15:48,216 --> 00:15:49,216
You know what?
391
00:15:49,283 --> 00:15:51,783
This whole thing was my idea.
392
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,718
I'll tell her. I just...
393
00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:55,885
Gotta figure out a way
to let her down easy.
394
00:15:57,221 --> 00:15:58,420
OK.
395
00:15:58,488 --> 00:15:59,554
Thanks.
396
00:16:01,889 --> 00:16:02,956
Couldn't you just stay with her
397
00:16:03,123 --> 00:16:04,523
through the holidays?
398
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,226
Yeah, just a table for 2.
399
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:13,361
Sure, I'll hold.
400
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:16,229
Hey, babe.
401
00:16:16,297 --> 00:16:17,297
Hey.
402
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:18,931
Turkey day tomorrow. Uh-huh.
403
00:16:18,998 --> 00:16:20,331
You wanna discuss what
pants you're gonna wear?
404
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:23,199
Because the last 3 years,
you've chosen poorly.
405
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,334
Great, thank you. OK,
I will see you then.
406
00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:29,735
Pack your bags. What?
407
00:16:29,803 --> 00:16:31,569
Where have you
always wanted to go?
408
00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:33,570
Spain?
409
00:16:35,273 --> 00:16:38,340
How about the Spain of America?
410
00:16:38,408 --> 00:16:40,408
Massachusetts.
411
00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:43,475
You know that place in Stockbridge
you're always talking about?
412
00:16:43,543 --> 00:16:44,543
The Red Lion Inn?
413
00:16:44,610 --> 00:16:45,643
Well, tomorrow night,
414
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:47,345
we're gonna have a
gourmet meal there
415
00:16:47,412 --> 00:16:49,146
followed by a beautiful stay
416
00:16:49,213 --> 00:16:51,280
in a standard room.
417
00:16:51,348 --> 00:16:53,747
What are you talking
about tomorrow night?
418
00:16:53,814 --> 00:16:54,948
It's Thanksgiving.
419
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,282
I have to help Deacon out.
420
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,615
You already made him
plenty of stuff.
421
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,050
He's well on his way.
422
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,584
When's the last time we had a
romantic Thanksgiving together,
423
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:02,852
just the two of us?
424
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,052
You know what they say.
425
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:05,719
Thanksgiving is for lovers.
426
00:17:08,055 --> 00:17:09,256
What's going on here?
427
00:17:09,322 --> 00:17:10,355
Nothing. I just...
428
00:17:10,423 --> 00:17:12,190
wanna spend Thanksgiving
alone with my wife.
429
00:17:12,258 --> 00:17:13,924
Is that so crazy?
430
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,724
Wait a minute.
431
00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:17,559
Are you jealous of all the time
432
00:17:17,627 --> 00:17:19,226
I've been spending with Deacon?
433
00:17:19,294 --> 00:17:22,161
Uh, yeah.
434
00:17:24,097 --> 00:17:27,597
But you were the one who loaned
me out to him in the first place.
435
00:17:27,665 --> 00:17:29,631
I mean, you practically
dragged me over there.
436
00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:30,866
You gave us a fern.
437
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:34,401
And I was dying inside.
438
00:17:34,468 --> 00:17:35,534
You know what?
439
00:17:35,602 --> 00:17:37,402
I can't believe how
selfish you're being.
440
00:17:37,469 --> 00:17:40,036
I can't back out on Deacon now.
441
00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:41,103
He needs me.
442
00:17:45,741 --> 00:17:47,841
Doesn't need you, really.
443
00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:56,379
Hey, man.
444
00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:57,679
Carrie. She's parking.
445
00:17:57,746 --> 00:17:59,080
Ran up here. Has turkey.
446
00:17:59,147 --> 00:18:00,214
I tried to stop her. I couldn't.
447
00:18:00,282 --> 00:18:01,781
Has turkey!
448
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:04,716
OK, slow down.
449
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,950
What's going on?
450
00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:08,984
I tried to get her off
this thing all night.
451
00:18:09,052 --> 00:18:10,319
I tried to tell her
I was jealous.
452
00:18:10,387 --> 00:18:11,919
I... I... I tried to take
her to Massachusetts.
453
00:18:11,987 --> 00:18:13,320
She just won't give you up.
454
00:18:13,388 --> 00:18:15,321
She still thinks we're
on for tonight?
455
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:16,389
Yeah.
456
00:18:16,457 --> 00:18:17,489
I can't believe you.
457
00:18:17,557 --> 00:18:18,557
This is important to me.
458
00:18:18,624 --> 00:18:19,790
It's important to my kids.
459
00:18:19,857 --> 00:18:20,990
Oh, enough of your
kids already, OK?
460
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:23,058
We get it. You reproduce.
461
00:18:24,194 --> 00:18:25,326
Y-Y-Y-You're killing me here.
462
00:18:25,394 --> 00:18:27,427
I've got Holly in the
kitchen basting a turkey.
463
00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:29,361
Yeah, well, I got Carrie
coming up with another turkey.
464
00:18:29,429 --> 00:18:30,529
So what are we gonna do?
I don't know!
465
00:18:30,597 --> 00:18:32,063
We got 2 broads with 2 birds!
466
00:18:34,199 --> 00:18:35,498
Hey, Doug.
467
00:18:35,566 --> 00:18:36,632
Hi.
468
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:37,699
Hey, guys.
469
00:18:37,766 --> 00:18:39,400
Hey. Hey.
470
00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:41,767
Holly.
471
00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:44,002
What are you doing?
472
00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:45,269
I don't know.
473
00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:46,836
Deacon, what's going on?
474
00:18:46,904 --> 00:18:47,871
I don't know. Doug?
475
00:18:47,939 --> 00:18:49,938
I don't know. Carrie?
476
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,974
Deacon asked me to help
out with Thanksgiving.
477
00:18:54,042 --> 00:18:58,642
No, Deacon asked me to help
out with Thanksgiving.
478
00:19:04,813 --> 00:19:07,981
Actually, I never
asked you, Carrie.
479
00:19:08,049 --> 00:19:09,781
Doug offered, and I accepted,
480
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,249
and you were great.
481
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,883
It's just that Holly might be a
slightly, slightly better cook,
482
00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,318
so I asked her to step in.
483
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:17,052
So you just stuck me
in at the last minute
484
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,153
when you realized you didn't
like Carrie's cooking?
485
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:23,388
And you just let me walk in
here like a friggin' idiot?
486
00:19:23,456 --> 00:19:26,656
And... And now, Carrie,
who I work for, hates me?
487
00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:28,723
Ladies, ladies, ladies!
488
00:19:28,791 --> 00:19:31,025
We can eat both dinners.
489
00:19:31,093 --> 00:19:33,160
Like the Pilgrims
and the Indians,
490
00:19:33,227 --> 00:19:36,794
we'll meet and trade
beads for land
491
00:19:36,862 --> 00:19:38,662
or... or... or something.
492
00:19:38,729 --> 00:19:41,664
No, no, I'm leaving. Excuse me.
493
00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:43,265
But I'll tell you
guys one thing.
494
00:19:43,333 --> 00:19:44,765
The Johnson Beagles
are about to have
495
00:19:44,833 --> 00:19:46,433
the best dinner of their lives.
496
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:51,402
Well, that's cleared up.
497
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,703
Let me just tell
you something, OK?
498
00:19:53,771 --> 00:19:55,738
I just spent my entire week
499
00:19:55,806 --> 00:19:57,305
taking care of your kids,
500
00:19:57,372 --> 00:19:58,638
cooking your meals,
501
00:19:58,707 --> 00:20:01,207
sharing stories with
you about my job,
502
00:20:01,274 --> 00:20:02,774
but it's over for you, buddy,
503
00:20:02,842 --> 00:20:03,975
'cause I have a man,
504
00:20:04,043 --> 00:20:05,243
and he likes my cooking,
505
00:20:05,310 --> 00:20:06,476
and he likes my stories,
506
00:20:06,544 --> 00:20:08,110
and he's gonna hear all of 'em
507
00:20:08,178 --> 00:20:09,745
on the way up to Massachusetts.
508
00:20:09,812 --> 00:20:10,611
Come on, baby.
509
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:16,881
Yeah.
510
00:20:39,527 --> 00:20:41,427
Hi. Can I help you?
511
00:20:41,494 --> 00:20:44,028
Table for 14, please.
512
00:20:50,098 --> 00:20:52,766
So, Kaplan comes
down and gives Renee
513
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,700
a stack of papers to file,
514
00:20:54,768 --> 00:20:56,234
and you know she's gonna
fall flat on her face
515
00:20:56,301 --> 00:20:57,602
because she's like,
516
00:20:57,669 --> 00:21:02,037
"uh, which letter comes first?
R or W?"
517
00:21:02,105 --> 00:21:03,404
And I can't say anything
518
00:21:03,472 --> 00:21:04,905
because I'm gonna look bitchy,
519
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,773
but who's gonna have
to redo everything
520
00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:08,107
after she's done with it?
521
00:21:08,174 --> 00:21:09,674
Hello.
522
00:21:09,742 --> 00:21:11,475
So, while she's at lunch,
523
00:21:11,543 --> 00:21:13,809
I refile everything
the right way,
524
00:21:13,877 --> 00:21:15,244
and she comes back
525
00:21:15,312 --> 00:21:16,378
and catches me doing it.
526
00:21:16,445 --> 00:21:18,445
Now things are so
awkward between us,
527
00:21:18,513 --> 00:21:19,779
I don't really know
what to say to her,
528
00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:22,214
but the truth is... Oh, God!
529
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:23,381
Oh, my God.
530
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,316
I tripped, and I hit the door.
531
00:21:25,384 --> 00:21:26,482
Are you all right?
532
00:21:26,484 --> 00:21:27,550
I killed my funny bone.
533
00:21:27,617 --> 00:21:29,484
I better go downstairs, put
some ice on it... Aah!
534
00:21:29,552 --> 00:21:31,584
OK, baby. Yeah.
35948
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