All language subtitles for The King of Queens (1998) - S04E16 - No Orleans (1080p BluRay x265 RCVR)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:07,467 Hey, check it out. A snow cone machine. 2 00:00:09,266 --> 00:00:10,596 A snow cone machine? 3 00:00:10,846 --> 00:00:11,711 No. You're sayin' it wrong. 4 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,792 It's a snow cone machine. 5 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:17,371 When an undeliverable package goes 6 months 6 00:00:17,438 --> 00:00:19,768 without being claimed by the sender or the sendee, 7 00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:23,529 the driver gets to keep it. 8 00:00:23,547 --> 00:00:27,008 And you just happened to land a snow cone machine? 9 00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:28,905 I'm smellin' foul play. 10 00:00:28,973 --> 00:00:30,586 Where can I put this bad boy? 11 00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:32,683 No, no, no, no! I don't have any counter space. 12 00:00:32,751 --> 00:00:33,916 Come on, what is this then? 13 00:00:33,983 --> 00:00:35,413 That's the breadmaker. 14 00:00:35,481 --> 00:00:36,512 Bye-bye. 15 00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:38,526 Come on! You love bread. 16 00:00:38,593 --> 00:00:41,288 And if I was coming home to fresh-baked bread every night, 17 00:00:41,356 --> 00:00:43,552 or even once, you'd have a point. 18 00:00:43,620 --> 00:00:46,182 Oh, like you're gonna make snow cones every day? 19 00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:48,712 Actually, you probably will. Ok. Give it to me. 20 00:00:48,796 --> 00:00:51,292 I'll find room for it in the crap cabinet. 21 00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:53,888 Hey, fella. 22 00:00:53,956 --> 00:00:57,817 This is your new home. Welcome to counterville. 23 00:00:59,083 --> 00:01:01,712 This is mayor mcsink. 24 00:01:01,779 --> 00:01:05,672 Uh, Doug, I just found your old milk shake machine. 25 00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:08,369 Oh. 26 00:01:08,437 --> 00:01:11,099 We're gonna have to move the toaster. 27 00:01:14,545 --> 00:01:17,457 ♪ My back is gettin' tight 28 00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:35,216 ♪ 'cause, baby, all my life 29 00:01:46,136 --> 00:01:48,283 How great is blue? 30 00:01:48,351 --> 00:01:50,796 Hey, butch. You're the reason I'm doing this. 31 00:01:50,864 --> 00:01:53,543 You wanna get involved here? 32 00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:56,572 Do I look like I have a free hand? 33 00:01:56,638 --> 00:02:00,633 Douglas, I'd like to show you something in private. 34 00:02:00,784 --> 00:02:02,613 For men's eyes only. 35 00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:06,474 This can't end well. 36 00:02:09,805 --> 00:02:11,435 What do you think of this? 37 00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:14,580 It's a Randy cartoon I plan to submit to playboy. 38 00:02:16,563 --> 00:02:18,025 Ok. 39 00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,490 It's a boss chasing his secretary around the desk, 40 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,087 and the caption reads, "why, Mr. hinklemeyer, 41 00:02:23,153 --> 00:02:25,350 I thought you said dictation." 42 00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:31,009 Dictation, Douglas. 43 00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:34,803 Right. W-which one's the woman? 44 00:02:34,872 --> 00:02:38,132 Right here. You can tell by her ample bosom. 45 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,613 That's bosom? I thought that was a lamp. 46 00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:43,176 Why's the guy have a tail? 47 00:02:43,244 --> 00:02:44,474 He doesn't. 48 00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:47,970 Those are lines of whooshing to indicate movement. 49 00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:50,616 I think you need to work on it a little bit more. 50 00:02:50,684 --> 00:02:54,095 And I think you need to work on being less of a fat lummox. 51 00:02:56,226 --> 00:02:59,056 Ok, then I guess we both got things to do. 52 00:03:01,253 --> 00:03:04,465 Hey, I can't believe all the stuff I'm finding in here. 53 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,045 Where did we get a menorah? 54 00:03:06,113 --> 00:03:09,774 Yeah. That's from work. I drew Goldstein in the secret Santa. 55 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:12,670 And look at this. A gravy boat. 56 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:16,149 Oh. Actually, this was a wedding gift. 57 00:03:16,216 --> 00:03:18,479 "From Ron and Moesha." 58 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,474 That's Ron and marcia, my 3rd cousins. 59 00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:23,073 Remember, you met them at the wedding? 60 00:03:23,075 --> 00:03:25,037 She's always talkin' about her kids, 61 00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:29,281 and then it turns out that her kids are actually cats. 62 00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:31,512 Not ringin' a bell. What's his deal? 63 00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,159 Oh, he's worse. You ask him a question, 64 00:03:33,227 --> 00:03:35,223 he takes a good minute and a half starin' at you 65 00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:36,689 before he answers. 66 00:03:36,756 --> 00:03:39,018 You don't know whether to jump in or go get a beer. 67 00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,181 Wait a second. There's something in here. 68 00:03:41,249 --> 00:03:42,480 What? 69 00:03:43,613 --> 00:03:47,141 It's a check for $1,500! 70 00:03:47,275 --> 00:03:49,188 For who? For us! 71 00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,602 Ron and marcia must have stuck it in the gravy boat. 72 00:03:51,670 --> 00:03:53,766 We never saw it because we never used it. 73 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,263 $1,500? 74 00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:58,026 Why would your 3rd cousins give us such a huge gift? 75 00:03:58,293 --> 00:04:01,255 I don't know. I know he made a lot of money real young. 76 00:04:01,322 --> 00:04:02,537 And he always loved my parents. 77 00:04:02,604 --> 00:04:04,451 He helped my dad get back on his feet. 78 00:04:04,518 --> 00:04:05,883 What do you mean? Wh-what happened? 79 00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:07,548 At some point my dad was off his feet, 80 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,844 and Ron helped him back on. 81 00:04:09,861 --> 00:04:11,225 So you have no idea? 82 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,574 No, I don't. When I was a kid, 83 00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:14,054 that's all they'd ever tell me: 84 00:04:14,122 --> 00:04:15,986 Cousin Ron helped dad get back on his feet, 85 00:04:16,053 --> 00:04:18,582 and cousin Jeffrey was a confirmed bachelor. 86 00:04:19,982 --> 00:04:23,393 $1,500! Oh, my God! What should we do with the money? 87 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,675 I don't know! 88 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,256 How much do the mets cost? 89 00:04:27,837 --> 00:04:30,250 I know. 90 00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:34,045 Let's do that trip to New Orleans! 91 00:04:34,113 --> 00:04:35,509 Yes! Let's go to New Orleans. 92 00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:37,773 Or, as the locals call it, nawlins. 93 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,837 That's the way you should say it. That's the cool way. 94 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:42,000 Nawlins. Yeah! We're goin' to nawlins. 95 00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:45,114 And this is the magic carpet ride to take us there. 96 00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:45,912 Wait a second. 97 00:04:45,980 --> 00:04:47,060 What? 98 00:04:47,128 --> 00:04:48,392 This check is from '95. 99 00:04:48,460 --> 00:04:49,325 So? 100 00:04:49,392 --> 00:04:51,122 You think the bank is gonna take it? 101 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,987 Yeah. Just stick it in with the other checks. 102 00:04:53,053 --> 00:04:54,651 Make a joke. They won't notice. 103 00:04:54,718 --> 00:04:57,214 That's true. I'm... I'm good at charmin' the service people. 104 00:04:57,282 --> 00:04:59,228 I like to get down to their level. 105 00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:01,359 Honey, you are on their level. 106 00:05:03,057 --> 00:05:04,820 Not anymore, sister! 107 00:05:06,986 --> 00:05:09,297 Next person in line, please. 108 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:11,994 How can I help you? 109 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,973 Well, uh, Lee-Anne, I'm just, uh, 110 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:18,036 gonna deposit a couple checks, paychecks, etcetera. 111 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:20,366 Nothin' unusual. Boring. 112 00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:21,565 Ok. 113 00:05:23,929 --> 00:05:27,258 So, uh, Lee-Anne, that's a... that's a nice name. 114 00:05:27,324 --> 00:05:28,739 You get a lot for your money. 115 00:05:28,806 --> 00:05:31,019 Like your parents said, "we like Lee, we like Anne. 116 00:05:31,087 --> 00:05:33,398 What the hell. Let's go with both." 117 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,380 I'll see you next time. Bye... 118 00:05:35,447 --> 00:05:36,961 Uh, sir, we have a little problem here. 119 00:05:37,028 --> 00:05:38,492 Know what? You're good at your job. 120 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,373 You can handle it. Have a great weekend! 121 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:43,285 Sir, checks are only valid for one year. 122 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:45,849 And this one's dated 1995. 123 00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:48,312 Oh. Oh, no, that one's... it's from my cousin, so it's fine. 124 00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:50,576 He's so cool with it. He's a good guy, right? 125 00:05:50,578 --> 00:05:52,307 I'm sorry. We can't accept it. 126 00:05:52,391 --> 00:05:55,203 But I was very nice to you about your name. 127 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:57,500 Sorry. There's nothing I can do. 128 00:05:57,568 --> 00:06:00,346 This is why you're all being replaced by a.T.Ms. 129 00:06:05,124 --> 00:06:06,222 Mmm. 130 00:06:08,886 --> 00:06:09,884 Mmm. 131 00:06:14,196 --> 00:06:16,192 I suppose you're wondering 132 00:06:16,259 --> 00:06:18,888 why I invited you over for snow cones. 133 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,802 A little. 134 00:06:21,453 --> 00:06:23,200 Draw me a parrot. 135 00:06:24,765 --> 00:06:26,145 Why? 136 00:06:26,212 --> 00:06:28,075 I got a cartoon idea for playboy, 137 00:06:28,143 --> 00:06:30,040 but I'm weak in the art department. 138 00:06:30,108 --> 00:06:31,937 Word on the street is you like to doodle. 139 00:06:32,005 --> 00:06:33,969 Let's see what you got. 140 00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:37,481 A parrot. Ok. Hmm. 141 00:06:46,518 --> 00:06:49,713 Sweet corn! I feel like I'm in an aviary! 142 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:52,959 You're hired. 143 00:06:53,926 --> 00:06:55,740 Well, uh, what's your idea? 144 00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:57,870 Prepare to be delighted. 145 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:02,329 Dictation. Did you ever? 146 00:07:08,773 --> 00:07:12,350 Hey, I got us a great fare to nawlins on the Internet, 147 00:07:12,418 --> 00:07:14,714 and I got us a suite, that's right, a suite, 148 00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:17,043 at "LA French something" hotel. 149 00:07:17,111 --> 00:07:19,174 We're not goin'. The bank wouldn't take the check. 150 00:07:19,242 --> 00:07:20,723 What? What are you talkin' about? 151 00:07:20,790 --> 00:07:22,770 I thought you were gonna charm the teller. 152 00:07:22,837 --> 00:07:25,049 I... I tried. I did a whole thing with her name. Lee-Anne. 153 00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:27,612 Oh, my God. The 2-names-in-1 thing again? 154 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:28,762 It's funny! 155 00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,126 No, it's not funny, honey. 156 00:07:30,193 --> 00:07:34,305 Ok, if it was funny, we'd have $1,500 in cash right now. 157 00:07:34,372 --> 00:07:37,134 And I was really into this trip, too. 158 00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:39,863 Why don't we just call these Ron and... and marcia people 159 00:07:39,931 --> 00:07:41,994 and just have them write us another check? 160 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,525 No, no. I can't do that. Why not? 161 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,656 Because at our wedding, Ron made a big deal 162 00:07:45,724 --> 00:07:48,120 about how we should call him and get together to hang out. 163 00:07:48,186 --> 00:07:49,484 That was 6 years ago. 164 00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:51,231 What am I supposed to do, call him up: 165 00:07:51,299 --> 00:07:54,677 "Hey! Cut me another check, would you, freaky?" 166 00:07:54,744 --> 00:07:57,790 You've done far worse just for a sandwich. 167 00:07:57,858 --> 00:08:00,303 Look, I'm sorry. But of all the people, I can't offend him. 168 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:01,450 Sure you can! 169 00:08:01,518 --> 00:08:03,232 He helped my dad get back on his feet. 170 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,445 Apparently he was tryin' to get us back on our feet, too! 171 00:08:06,513 --> 00:08:08,841 We just didn't let him. Give the man a chance. 172 00:08:08,909 --> 00:08:10,723 No, I... I can't do it! 173 00:08:12,638 --> 00:08:15,849 Ok. All right. Ok. Ok. How about this? 174 00:08:15,916 --> 00:08:17,513 We invite them over for dinner 175 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,345 just to re-establish credibility, 176 00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,475 absolutely no mention of the check. Mmm-hmm. 177 00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,189 Then, a week later, they'll reciprocate. 178 00:08:23,256 --> 00:08:26,401 And then after that, when we're all good friends again, 179 00:08:26,469 --> 00:08:29,897 we have them over where I cook something that needs... 180 00:08:32,777 --> 00:08:34,174 What? 181 00:08:34,242 --> 00:08:35,689 Gravy, hon! Gravy! 182 00:08:35,757 --> 00:08:37,587 Ok. All right. Anyway, anyway, anyway, 183 00:08:37,655 --> 00:08:39,069 we pull out the gravy boat, 184 00:08:39,135 --> 00:08:41,931 where we accidentally discover the check, 185 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:44,844 and they'll just write us a new one. What do you think? 186 00:08:44,846 --> 00:08:46,225 Ok. That's good. 187 00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,789 But no gravy the first time. 188 00:08:47,857 --> 00:08:49,105 No gravy. Gravy bad. 189 00:08:49,172 --> 00:08:50,570 Yeah, gravy bad. 190 00:08:52,568 --> 00:08:55,263 What's the matter? Why do you still look concerned? 191 00:08:55,331 --> 00:08:57,161 I'm just tryin' to wrap my head around this. 192 00:08:57,228 --> 00:08:58,891 Usually, gravy good. 193 00:09:02,437 --> 00:09:06,148 So, I've got all 3 kids in the tub at the same time, right? 194 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,794 Get this: My youngest decides 195 00:09:09,862 --> 00:09:13,239 it's time to learn about splashing. 196 00:09:13,241 --> 00:09:16,335 Forget about it. I'm wearing silk, like an idiot. 197 00:09:16,402 --> 00:09:17,932 It was such a crazy mess, 198 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,596 I'm thinking of getting them all declawed. 199 00:09:24,175 --> 00:09:25,972 Don't cats bathe themselves? 200 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:27,254 Huh? 201 00:09:27,322 --> 00:09:28,918 Cats. Don't they bathe themselves? 202 00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,099 I thought that was their big selling point. 203 00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:35,310 Oh, but bath time is so good for bonding, Carrie. 204 00:09:35,377 --> 00:09:38,289 Believe me, when you have kids, you'll know. 205 00:09:39,339 --> 00:09:41,135 Ok. So, Ron, how you doin'? 206 00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:50,573 I'm good, Doug. I'm... I'm good. 207 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,603 Great. Great. Uh, Ron's a big jet fan. 208 00:09:52,671 --> 00:09:54,434 He has season tickets and everything. 209 00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,215 Y-you still a jet fan, Ron? 210 00:09:59,711 --> 00:10:01,259 Pass the salt. 211 00:10:01,325 --> 00:10:02,589 Here. 212 00:10:02,657 --> 00:10:05,070 Yes, I am. I am, Doug. 213 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,566 But I wish he'd give up those season tickets. 214 00:10:07,634 --> 00:10:11,794 He's never home. The kids barely know him anymore. 215 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,025 They're in bed with us every night, marcia. 216 00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:17,054 Think they know me better than any cat should know a man. 217 00:10:17,122 --> 00:10:20,998 Oh! Trust me. He loves it when they touch him. 218 00:10:23,862 --> 00:10:25,059 Who wants gravy? 219 00:10:25,127 --> 00:10:26,957 Uh, we don't need gravy now. 220 00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:28,721 Oh, sure we do. Sure we do. 221 00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:32,566 No. Everything's very moist and succulent, right, Ron? 222 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:35,628 Ok, I'm goin'. Be back in a jiff. 223 00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,926 Yeah, Carrie. She, uh, she loves gravy... 224 00:10:37,994 --> 00:10:40,257 You know what? We're gonna use the gravy boat 225 00:10:40,324 --> 00:10:42,353 that you guys gave us for our wedding. 226 00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:43,868 Oh, look at that. 227 00:10:43,936 --> 00:10:45,333 Yeah, we haven't even used it yet, actually. 228 00:10:45,401 --> 00:10:47,130 We were waiting for a special occasion. 229 00:10:47,198 --> 00:10:50,991 Let me just, uh, pop the top off, here, and, uh... 230 00:10:51,059 --> 00:10:54,054 What the... what's this? 231 00:10:54,122 --> 00:10:56,617 What is it, honey? The instructions? 232 00:11:03,276 --> 00:11:07,869 It's a check from you guys. For $1,500! 233 00:11:07,937 --> 00:11:10,882 What? But, wait, you mean you two never saw that? 234 00:11:10,950 --> 00:11:13,778 I put the check in the gravy boat to be cute, like... 235 00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,310 Like the check is the gravy. 236 00:11:15,377 --> 00:11:18,173 Oh, my God! I just... 237 00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:27,493 This is the nicest gift anyone's ever given us ever. 238 00:11:28,843 --> 00:11:31,255 I... I... 239 00:11:32,322 --> 00:11:33,652 I'm sorry. 240 00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:40,725 She thought the only thing we gave her for her wedding 241 00:11:40,793 --> 00:11:43,754 was that chintzy little gravy boat. 242 00:11:43,822 --> 00:11:46,900 That's why you didn't call us all these years. 243 00:11:46,968 --> 00:11:49,663 Uh, well, we were a little hurt, but... 244 00:11:50,896 --> 00:11:53,026 You can't put a price on friendship. 245 00:11:53,093 --> 00:11:55,356 You know, you're not gonna be able to cash that. 246 00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,753 Honey, write them another check. Absolutely. 247 00:11:57,820 --> 00:11:59,683 Uh, remember, it's 2002. 248 00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:02,280 Now, you use this for something fun. 249 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,594 No paying bills with this. No, no, no, no, no! 250 00:12:04,661 --> 00:12:07,823 Actually, we were planning a trip to New Orleans. 251 00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:11,668 New Orleans! That's our town! We go all the time! 252 00:12:11,736 --> 00:12:13,532 Hey, here's a crazy thought. 253 00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:15,529 Now, that this mess is all cleared up, 254 00:12:15,597 --> 00:12:17,109 why don't we go together? 255 00:12:17,177 --> 00:12:19,224 Uh, well, you know what, um, we'd actually slow you down 256 00:12:19,292 --> 00:12:20,706 because we don't drink. 257 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,420 Neither do we! 258 00:12:22,488 --> 00:12:23,951 It's perfect! 259 00:12:25,866 --> 00:12:29,177 Don't you dare go to New Orleans without us. 260 00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:39,480 This was great. 261 00:12:39,548 --> 00:12:41,395 Yeah. Let's do it again real soon. 262 00:12:41,462 --> 00:12:43,992 I'll call you with the number of my cat guy. 263 00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:45,290 All right. 264 00:12:47,821 --> 00:12:48,852 That was rough. 265 00:12:48,919 --> 00:12:50,383 Yeah, it was. 266 00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:53,279 Listen, I'm sorry I jumped in early on the gravy thing, 267 00:12:53,346 --> 00:12:55,876 but it was either that or open fire on them. 268 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,389 I hear that. 269 00:12:57,458 --> 00:13:01,151 But at least we got the check, and we are goin' to nawlins. 270 00:13:01,218 --> 00:13:03,116 What? We can't go. 271 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,579 Why not? 272 00:13:04,647 --> 00:13:06,078 They just said, "don't you dare go without us." 273 00:13:06,146 --> 00:13:09,641 Unless you wanna go with them and their cats, we can't go. 274 00:13:09,708 --> 00:13:10,672 Are you insane? 275 00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:13,402 I'm not insane. Carrie, if we go and they find out, 276 00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:15,665 they'll call my parents. Then my parents will call me, 277 00:13:15,732 --> 00:13:18,428 and I'll hear, "where did we go wrong?" 278 00:13:20,094 --> 00:13:22,889 What you're saying is we can't go on our trip to New Orleans 279 00:13:22,957 --> 00:13:27,184 because Ron and marcia might tell your mommy on you? 280 00:13:28,782 --> 00:13:30,395 Thank you for understanding. 281 00:13:30,463 --> 00:13:35,073 Honey, I understand that Ron got your dad back on his feet. 282 00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:38,185 Nobody knows what that means, but I respect it. 283 00:13:38,253 --> 00:13:41,165 But are you really telling me because of that, 284 00:13:41,232 --> 00:13:44,727 a whole city is off-limits to us forever? 285 00:13:45,676 --> 00:13:48,388 Not forever. Just till my folks die. 286 00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:51,950 Doug! We can't live like this! 287 00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:53,781 I mean, what if your Uncle stu says 288 00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:55,978 we can't go to Brooklyn without him? 289 00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:58,974 Do I have to take him to my gynecologist with me? 290 00:13:59,042 --> 00:14:00,140 Look, we got the money. 291 00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:02,171 Can't we go someplace instead of New Orleans? 292 00:14:02,238 --> 00:14:04,451 There's gotta be plenty of other fun places we can go. 293 00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:05,616 Oh, yeah? Ok, name one. 294 00:14:05,683 --> 00:14:08,162 And it can't be cooperstown or hershey park. 295 00:14:09,645 --> 00:14:10,809 Oh. 296 00:14:10,876 --> 00:14:13,006 Yeah. 297 00:14:13,073 --> 00:14:16,734 It's gotta be a place where I can flash my boobs legally, 298 00:14:16,802 --> 00:14:19,031 because I will flash my boobs. 299 00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:22,044 Well, that rule's not fair. 300 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,840 There's only one place you can flash your boobs legally. 301 00:14:24,908 --> 00:14:26,272 That's right, honey. 302 00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:28,801 And isn't that the place you wanna be? 303 00:14:33,429 --> 00:14:34,427 Yes! 304 00:14:44,398 --> 00:14:47,210 Nawlins. It's nice here, right? 305 00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:48,674 What? Yeah. 306 00:14:48,742 --> 00:14:50,705 I think I see marcia across the street. 307 00:14:50,773 --> 00:14:53,002 Ok. That's the 3rd marcia you've seen today. 308 00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:55,299 Although it is the first black one. 309 00:14:55,999 --> 00:14:57,695 It looks like her. 310 00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,127 Ron and marcia are not here. 311 00:15:00,194 --> 00:15:01,957 They could be here. It's their town. 312 00:15:02,025 --> 00:15:03,854 When you have a town, you go to it a lot. 313 00:15:03,923 --> 00:15:05,270 That's how it becomes your town! 314 00:15:05,337 --> 00:15:06,900 You need to chill out. Yeah, you do. 315 00:15:06,968 --> 00:15:09,031 Ok, you know what? Let's have a little fun. 316 00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:11,195 Come on, baby. Smile pretty for me. 317 00:15:11,263 --> 00:15:12,776 What, are you crazy? 318 00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:16,005 Uh, I don't think I am. No. 319 00:15:16,072 --> 00:15:19,234 You can't be takin' a picture. A picture's evidence! 320 00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:23,179 Doug, you need to stop it. Stop it right now. 321 00:15:23,246 --> 00:15:25,542 Tell me that's not Ron at the lobster tank! Doug! 322 00:15:25,843 --> 00:15:28,022 I'm sorry. But I'm all stressed out, ok? 323 00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,419 I lied to my mother. I told her we went to the alamo. 324 00:15:30,487 --> 00:15:33,932 Now I gotta bring her back a coonskin hat. 325 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:38,092 Doug, you need to calm down. Just take a deep breath. 326 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,588 Look at your menu, and try to relax. 327 00:15:40,656 --> 00:15:43,268 I don't know why they call this place the big easy. 328 00:15:43,336 --> 00:15:44,400 It's hard. 329 00:15:45,350 --> 00:15:46,615 It's very hard. 330 00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:53,421 Ok, Arthur. I got your cartoon all ready. 331 00:15:53,489 --> 00:15:55,303 What do you think? 332 00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:58,065 Where's the boss chasing his secretary around the desk? 333 00:15:58,133 --> 00:15:59,779 Well, I updated it a little. 334 00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:03,608 I made it a computer repair guy and a female executive, 335 00:16:03,676 --> 00:16:05,805 and he's saying to her here, he's goin': 336 00:16:05,872 --> 00:16:08,502 "Hey, how about now we fix my hard drive?" 337 00:16:13,828 --> 00:16:15,758 What the hell have you done? 338 00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:18,039 I... I just improved your idea a little bit. 339 00:16:18,106 --> 00:16:21,468 No one chases their secretary around a desk anymore. 340 00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:22,683 Sure they do. 341 00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:23,698 No, they don't, ok? 342 00:16:23,766 --> 00:16:25,929 I'm out in the working world every day. I know. 343 00:16:25,996 --> 00:16:28,175 You work in a subway token booth. 344 00:16:28,243 --> 00:16:30,539 You have neither a secretary nor a desk. 345 00:16:30,606 --> 00:16:33,219 You are totally ignorant in this area! 346 00:16:33,286 --> 00:16:36,265 I-I'm ignorant? Arthur, you're out of the loop, ok? 347 00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:39,526 Your... your idea is retro. Mine's fresh. It's hip! 348 00:16:39,594 --> 00:16:40,609 A little too hip. 349 00:16:40,676 --> 00:16:43,039 John q. Public doesn't know what a hard drive is! 350 00:16:43,107 --> 00:16:46,185 Ok, anyone who owns a computer knows what a hard drive is. 351 00:16:46,253 --> 00:16:48,781 Oh, sure. Mr. Bill Gates and his buddies are in for 352 00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,180 a hearty chuckle. 353 00:16:50,247 --> 00:16:52,210 What about the rest of us poor schmucks? 354 00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:54,041 Ok. You know what? 355 00:16:54,192 --> 00:16:56,721 I don't wanna do this anymore. I gotta go. 356 00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,202 Fine! You just lost yourself 357 00:16:58,304 --> 00:17:00,632 the best damn caption man in this business! 358 00:17:03,446 --> 00:17:05,959 I gotta tell you I really had a great time tonight. 359 00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,090 Me, too. 360 00:17:07,158 --> 00:17:08,955 Sorry I got so crazy before. 361 00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:10,269 It's ok. 362 00:17:10,337 --> 00:17:12,915 You're positive that wasn't Ron steering that riverboat? 363 00:17:12,983 --> 00:17:14,547 I'm positive. 364 00:17:14,615 --> 00:17:15,612 Ok. 365 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,322 Oh, my God! 366 00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:21,471 What? 367 00:17:21,538 --> 00:17:23,468 The message light! It's Ron and marcia! 368 00:17:23,536 --> 00:17:25,316 It's not them. It's them. 369 00:17:25,383 --> 00:17:26,482 It's not them. It's them. 370 00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:28,112 It's not them. It's them! 371 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,743 You know what, we can resolve this 372 00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:32,007 by doing a simple message check. 373 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:40,845 Ok. Yes, hi. I'm, uh, calling in for my message. 374 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,256 Yes, this is Mr. mellencamp. 375 00:17:47,487 --> 00:17:51,448 Oh. No. No, that's ok. Thank you. Ok. Bye. 376 00:17:51,515 --> 00:17:53,745 Oh, it was just housekeeping wanting to know 377 00:17:53,812 --> 00:17:55,109 if we needed some more towels. 378 00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:57,240 You see? I told you. Everything's fine. 379 00:17:57,308 --> 00:18:00,103 Whoo! What are you doin'? 380 00:18:00,187 --> 00:18:02,316 I'm checkin' our messages at home. 381 00:18:02,384 --> 00:18:06,078 Oh, man! My jambalaya just went down a floor. 382 00:18:08,526 --> 00:18:09,823 Oh. 383 00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:11,121 What? What is it? 384 00:18:11,188 --> 00:18:13,202 Ok, nothing's wrong, but marcia called. 385 00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:14,666 I can't breathe. 386 00:18:14,734 --> 00:18:16,431 Look, I don't think... I don't think it's a problem. 387 00:18:16,499 --> 00:18:18,845 But just listen and tell me what you think. 388 00:18:20,243 --> 00:18:22,107 Doug, Carrie, it's marcia. 389 00:18:22,175 --> 00:18:24,803 Could you give me a call when you get back? 390 00:18:26,469 --> 00:18:27,998 She knows we're here! 391 00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:30,596 I don't think she does. 392 00:18:30,663 --> 00:18:33,058 Hear what she said? "Give us a call when you get back!" 393 00:18:33,126 --> 00:18:36,222 At the drugstore, she'd say call us when you're home. But she said "back." 394 00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:39,800 "Back" can only mean one thing: Back from New Orleans! 395 00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:41,597 But nobody knows we're here. 396 00:18:41,665 --> 00:18:44,294 How would she find out? You think they have spies here? 397 00:18:44,362 --> 00:18:46,674 They might. They come here all the time. 398 00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:49,404 Ron probably helped half this town get back on their feet. 399 00:18:49,472 --> 00:18:51,001 They owe him. 400 00:18:51,069 --> 00:18:52,916 Know what? I bet she was calling about something 401 00:18:52,983 --> 00:18:56,111 totally different. But I will just call to make sure. 402 00:18:57,543 --> 00:18:58,608 Ok. Ok. 403 00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:01,787 Caller I.D.! 404 00:19:04,585 --> 00:19:06,914 They're gonna see the New Orleans area code. 405 00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:09,193 Are you sure they have caller I.D.? 406 00:19:09,461 --> 00:19:11,158 Carrie, they gave us $1,500. 407 00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:14,270 They have luxuries we can't begin to imagine. 408 00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,699 Fine. I will call from my cell phone. 409 00:19:19,398 --> 00:19:21,560 Oh. No signal. 410 00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,157 Hi, marcia. It's Carrie Heffernan. 411 00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:26,888 Yeah, I just walked in my house. 412 00:19:26,954 --> 00:19:29,533 Whoops! Almost tripped over one of Doug's socks. 413 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,215 Anyway, you called? 414 00:19:32,015 --> 00:19:33,012 Oh. 415 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,676 What? What is it? 416 00:19:34,743 --> 00:19:37,806 She just wanted to give me the number to her cat guy. 417 00:19:37,957 --> 00:19:40,602 Actually, I don't need to take that number down. It's ok. 418 00:19:40,669 --> 00:19:42,583 Don't... don't be snotty. Take that number down. 419 00:19:42,650 --> 00:19:45,013 Marcia, I will take the number down. Let me just get a pen. 420 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,461 Ok, got one. Go ahead. 421 00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:48,209 Get a real pen. She's gonna know. 422 00:19:48,277 --> 00:19:50,588 Go away. No. Yeah. Mmm-hmm. 423 00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,344 Mommy. 424 00:19:59,412 --> 00:20:00,841 ♪ 425 00:20:18,602 --> 00:20:21,265 Yeah, we had... we had a pretty good weekend overall, huh? 426 00:20:21,332 --> 00:20:25,559 I did. Of course, I wasn't the one with the nervous bowel. 427 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,723 Sure everything's ok with Ron and marcia? 428 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:30,801 Ok, for the 10th time, I had already hung up my cell phone 429 00:20:30,869 --> 00:20:33,464 when you hurled it into the mighty Mississippi. 430 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,545 Ok. Just checkin'. 431 00:20:35,613 --> 00:20:38,508 Hey, I always forget. Are you supposed to tip the maid, or... 432 00:20:38,576 --> 00:20:40,073 Yes, honey. Do you have enough money? 433 00:20:40,141 --> 00:20:43,152 Plenty. I just cashed Ron and marcia's check this morning. 434 00:20:43,219 --> 00:20:45,832 Wait a minute. You cashed it here? 435 00:20:55,686 --> 00:20:57,965 This check to Doug and Carrie, 436 00:20:58,033 --> 00:21:00,629 does this say bank of New Orleans? 437 00:21:02,593 --> 00:21:04,324 I'm calling his mother. 438 00:21:25,464 --> 00:21:29,241 Hello. Here is your order. It's, uh, $14.89. 439 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:33,135 Oh, this, uh, little smiley face doodle, 440 00:21:33,203 --> 00:21:35,033 is... is this your work? 441 00:21:35,416 --> 00:21:36,997 Uh, yes. 442 00:21:38,513 --> 00:21:39,544 Draw me a parrot. 33117

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