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1
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,980
Oh, can I fit there?
2
00:00:13,982 --> 00:00:15,448
Honey, our house
could fit there.
3
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,350
All right. I can do
without the "ha ha", guy.
4
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,032
Okay.
5
00:00:32,034 --> 00:00:33,033
Getting a little nauseous.
6
00:00:33,035 --> 00:00:34,367
All right. Be quiet.
7
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,377
I'm gonna need a bucket.
8
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,080
You want me to do it?
9
00:00:47,082 --> 00:00:49,049
No, I am doing this. Okay.
10
00:00:57,358 --> 00:01:00,060
You gotta cut the wh... I'm cut...
I'm cutting it!
11
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,269
There.
12
00:01:09,271 --> 00:01:11,304
Okay, great job. Let's go.
13
00:01:13,475 --> 00:01:14,941
I'll wait here.
14
00:02:04,649 --> 00:02:06,217
Isn't Carrie back from
the supermarket yet?
15
00:02:06,219 --> 00:02:08,086
Yes, but unfortunately,
16
00:02:08,088 --> 00:02:12,389
both she and her
groceries are invisible.
17
00:02:12,391 --> 00:02:15,659
I'm sorry, but you
make it so easy.
18
00:02:15,661 --> 00:02:17,128
I am starving.
19
00:02:18,864 --> 00:02:20,998
So, what have you...
What have you got there?
20
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,233
Bologna sandwich.
21
00:02:22,235 --> 00:02:23,935
Bologna? We... We have bologna?
22
00:02:23,937 --> 00:02:24,969
We had bologna.
23
00:02:24,971 --> 00:02:28,272
Now, I'll thank you
to stop hovering.
24
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,273
Come on, give me half.
25
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,474
Oh, like you gave me half
26
00:02:30,476 --> 00:02:33,945
of your devil dog yesterday?
27
00:02:33,947 --> 00:02:35,847
Okay, that was wrong.
28
00:02:35,849 --> 00:02:39,650
Well, too bad. Oh, this
is gonna be heaven.
29
00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:42,319
All right. I don't need
your stinking bologna.
30
00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:45,189
Hey.
31
00:02:45,191 --> 00:02:46,224
Where have you been?
32
00:02:46,226 --> 00:02:48,025
I stopped at the bank
to pay the mortgage.
33
00:02:48,027 --> 00:02:50,194
The bank? You know my rules.
Supermarket, home.
34
00:02:50,196 --> 00:02:52,363
Okay? Save your fun stuff
for your own time.
35
00:02:52,365 --> 00:02:56,300
You know me. Can't pass
up a nice long line.
36
00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,102
What is this? What am
I looking at here?
37
00:02:58,104 --> 00:03:00,371
I'm looking at panty
liners and Raid.
38
00:03:00,373 --> 00:03:01,939
I need lunch!
39
00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,575
Relax, would you? There's
eight more bags in the car.
40
00:03:04,577 --> 00:03:05,576
Oh. All right.
41
00:03:05,578 --> 00:03:06,577
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
42
00:03:06,579 --> 00:03:08,212
You can't go yet. Why not?
43
00:03:08,214 --> 00:03:10,347
The Sackskys are
out in their yard
44
00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:12,250
just lurking.
45
00:03:12,252 --> 00:03:13,651
So what?
46
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:16,254
So, I don't want to get roped
in to having dinner with them.
47
00:03:16,256 --> 00:03:17,855
Ever since they
crashed our barbecue,
48
00:03:17,857 --> 00:03:19,257
they've been trying
to invite us over
49
00:03:19,259 --> 00:03:20,258
to reciprocate.
50
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:21,826
Just give it 10 minutes.
51
00:03:21,828 --> 00:03:23,795
10 minutes? Carrie,
I'm starving here.
52
00:03:23,797 --> 00:03:25,663
You know what I had
for breakfast?
53
00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:29,000
Actually, I had a good
breakfast, but...
54
00:03:29,002 --> 00:03:30,501
That was a long time ago.
55
00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:31,936
Doug, just wait, okay?
56
00:03:31,938 --> 00:03:32,937
I've dodged them this long.
57
00:03:32,939 --> 00:03:34,538
I don't need you to screw it up.
58
00:03:34,540 --> 00:03:36,140
Will you relax? I
won't screw it up.
59
00:03:36,142 --> 00:03:37,408
I'll just go out there
60
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:39,210
and I'll throw them a
"Hey, how you doing?"
61
00:03:39,212 --> 00:03:40,611
And bam, I'm in the garage.
62
00:03:40,613 --> 00:03:43,014
All right, and what are you
gonna say on your way back?
63
00:03:43,016 --> 00:03:45,416
That's when I go to a "Hey,
gotta stop meeting like this,"
64
00:03:45,418 --> 00:03:46,851
and by the time
they stop laughing,
65
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:49,020
I'm halfway through
a grilled cheese.
66
00:03:49,022 --> 00:03:50,988
Fine. Go. Okay.
67
00:03:52,590 --> 00:03:54,758
Hey, Tim. How you doing there?
68
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,161
Hey, there's the guy.
69
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,267
Oh, gotta stop
meeting like this.
70
00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:06,237
I'm sorry. What?
71
00:04:06,239 --> 00:04:07,771
Gotta stop meeting like this.
72
00:04:09,007 --> 00:04:10,708
You know, because we
just saw each other,
73
00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:12,310
Oh, oh, yeah. A second ago.
74
00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:13,510
Hey, listen, while
I have you, Doug,
75
00:04:13,512 --> 00:04:15,346
what say we set
up a dinner, huh?
76
00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,051
And then, and then...
77
00:04:20,053 --> 00:04:21,518
Oh, this was so funny.
78
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,654
Dottie, let me. And then
he runs out, right?
79
00:04:23,656 --> 00:04:24,922
Now, remember.
80
00:04:24,924 --> 00:04:26,590
This guy is all of 4
1/2 feet tall, right?
81
00:04:26,592 --> 00:04:29,093
So now he's soaking wet,
82
00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:30,962
he's running through the terrain
yelling, "Help me! Help me!"
83
00:04:33,031 --> 00:04:34,165
Do you remember that?
84
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,969
I hate you for this.
85
00:04:37,971 --> 00:04:40,171
Whoo!
86
00:04:40,173 --> 00:04:42,606
So, how is everything? Delish?
87
00:04:42,608 --> 00:04:44,208
Oh, it was great.
88
00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,609
Absolutely. Very tasty. Yes.
Really? Oh, good.
89
00:04:45,611 --> 00:04:46,978
Because I was a little concerned
90
00:04:46,980 --> 00:04:48,479
about the color of the chicken.
91
00:04:51,449 --> 00:04:53,384
Nah, it was fine, Dottie.
92
00:04:53,386 --> 00:04:54,651
Listen, uh, we're just sorry
93
00:04:54,653 --> 00:04:56,854
that it took us so long
to have you guys over.
94
00:04:56,856 --> 00:04:58,655
Oh, don't give it
another thought.
95
00:04:58,657 --> 00:04:59,857
Well, it's just that, you know,
96
00:04:59,859 --> 00:05:01,359
Dorothy and I have
been going through
97
00:05:01,361 --> 00:05:04,161
kind of a rough stretch
in our marriage lately...
98
00:05:04,163 --> 00:05:08,399
Hey, been there. TIM: Yeah?
99
00:05:08,401 --> 00:05:11,168
But we've come out of
it better than ever.
100
00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:12,770
Mm-mm. Thanks to this one.
101
00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:15,639
Aw. You're so sweet.
102
00:05:29,187 --> 00:05:30,454
Oops!
103
00:05:30,989 --> 00:05:32,056
Oh.
104
00:05:32,058 --> 00:05:33,657
Are we embarrassing you guys?
105
00:05:33,659 --> 00:05:34,691
No. No, no.
106
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:37,094
Hey, dinner and a show.
107
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,133
Anyway, this has been great.
108
00:05:42,135 --> 00:05:44,068
Yes, thank you very much. Yes.
109
00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,069
Yes, thanks again.
110
00:05:45,071 --> 00:05:46,470
You can't go.
111
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:48,005
We haven't even had dessert yet.
112
00:05:48,007 --> 00:05:49,473
Tim, go put the pie in the oven.
113
00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,874
Oh, right.
114
00:05:50,876 --> 00:05:52,443
Hey, Doug, why don't you help
me with the dishes, huh?
115
00:05:52,445 --> 00:05:53,710
The girls can stay out here
116
00:05:53,712 --> 00:05:55,446
and catch up on their
blah blah blah blah blah.
117
00:05:55,448 --> 00:05:56,547
Yeah, yeah, sure, Tim.
118
00:05:56,549 --> 00:05:59,483
All righty. Gonna
help with the dishes.
119
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:05,823
So, when are we going shopping?
120
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,693
Okay.
121
00:06:09,695 --> 00:06:11,262
That baby should
be all warmed up
122
00:06:11,264 --> 00:06:13,164
in about 20 minutes.
123
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:19,270
The microwave's faster.
124
00:06:19,272 --> 00:06:20,904
Nah.
125
00:06:20,906 --> 00:06:22,773
Hey, Doug, may I ask
you a question?
126
00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:24,208
Yeah, sure, sure.
127
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,344
Do you enjoy a nice
glass of water?
128
00:06:29,747 --> 00:06:32,450
Yeah, when I can't get a
beer or any other liquid.
129
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:38,189
Try this.
130
00:06:38,191 --> 00:06:39,623
All right.
131
00:06:43,061 --> 00:06:44,928
Well?
132
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:48,299
It's... It's good.
133
00:06:48,301 --> 00:06:50,601
Ah, so you like it?
134
00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:55,373
Yeah, you know, we have
this at our place too, Tim.
135
00:06:55,375 --> 00:06:56,607
Oh, no.
136
00:06:56,609 --> 00:06:58,342
No, see, that's where
you're wrong, my friend.
137
00:06:58,344 --> 00:07:00,544
See, your water
doesn't go through
138
00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:02,113
the Sparkle Tap.
139
00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:04,281
Oh, got yourself a little
water filter, huh?
140
00:07:04,283 --> 00:07:08,386
Oh, I don't just got one.
I sell them.
141
00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:10,354
It's the cutest
little outlet store
142
00:07:10,356 --> 00:07:11,788
you've ever seen,
143
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:14,058
and it's only a
two-hour drive upstate.
144
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:18,429
Oh, and they have
the worst security.
145
00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,869
Then, I license 10 people
to sell the Sparkle Tap,
146
00:07:25,871 --> 00:07:28,339
then they each license
10 more people,
147
00:07:28,341 --> 00:07:30,374
and so on, and so on.
148
00:07:30,376 --> 00:07:32,376
I get a cut from the
sale of each filter
149
00:07:32,378 --> 00:07:34,045
and from the sale
of each license.
150
00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:35,413
Incredible, huh?
151
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:36,514
Oh, it's... It's incredible.
152
00:07:36,516 --> 00:07:37,448
Grab them.
153
00:07:39,117 --> 00:07:41,452
But you know, Doug, last
year, when I was fired,
154
00:07:41,454 --> 00:07:43,921
we came very close to
losing this house.
155
00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:47,558
I mean, I owed a lot of money
to a lot of scary people.
156
00:07:48,993 --> 00:07:52,463
But now, thanks to Sparkle
Tap, I've got a new job:
157
00:07:52,465 --> 00:07:55,032
Walking to the mailbox
in my pajamas
158
00:07:55,034 --> 00:07:58,436
and taking out checks from
people I don't even know.
159
00:07:58,438 --> 00:08:00,504
Wow, that's...
That's great, man.
160
00:08:00,506 --> 00:08:02,273
You really like the idea?
161
00:08:02,275 --> 00:08:03,507
Yeah, I mean, you've obviously
162
00:08:03,509 --> 00:08:05,943
got a great mind for business.
163
00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:08,212
Thank you.
164
00:08:08,214 --> 00:08:11,148
So you want to start
with 50 or 100 filters?
165
00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:13,817
What? No, no, I didn't
mean that I wanted to...
166
00:08:13,819 --> 00:08:15,052
I was just...
167
00:08:15,054 --> 00:08:17,988
Just what? Just blowing smoke?
168
00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:19,690
No. No, no. I didn't know...
169
00:08:19,692 --> 00:08:22,093
Doug, if you don't think it's
a good idea, just say that.
170
00:08:22,095 --> 00:08:23,194
Don't... don't humor me.
171
00:08:23,196 --> 00:08:24,195
I'm not humoring you.
172
00:08:24,197 --> 00:08:25,596
Oh, see, now it all makes sense
173
00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:27,598
why you guys have
been avoiding us.
174
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,533
We're just the idiots
next door, right?
175
00:08:29,535 --> 00:08:30,934
No, come on, Tim.
That's not true.
176
00:08:30,936 --> 00:08:32,169
We love seeing you guys.
177
00:08:32,171 --> 00:08:36,474
And this filter thing?
Hell of an idea.
178
00:08:36,476 --> 00:08:38,542
Okay. Sorry.
179
00:08:38,544 --> 00:08:41,044
So 50 or 100?
180
00:08:42,714 --> 00:08:45,048
I think 50.
181
00:08:48,553 --> 00:08:53,457
God, that was brutal. Capital
B, capital R... utal.
182
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:56,127
Well, I didn't...
183
00:08:56,129 --> 00:08:57,528
I didn't think it was that bad.
184
00:08:57,530 --> 00:08:59,029
Yeah? That's because
you weren't invited
185
00:08:59,031 --> 00:09:01,465
on an upstate crime spree.
186
00:09:04,068 --> 00:09:05,969
I gotta say, I'm
actually kind of glad
187
00:09:05,971 --> 00:09:07,037
we went over there tonight.
188
00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:08,839
Why? I don't know.
189
00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:09,906
It gave me a chance
190
00:09:09,908 --> 00:09:11,642
to get to know Tim a
little better, you know?
191
00:09:11,644 --> 00:09:13,043
Did you know he
didn't learn to swim
192
00:09:13,045 --> 00:09:14,178
till he was 23?
193
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:15,546
Really?
194
00:09:15,548 --> 00:09:18,549
Remind me to send you a
picture of me yawning.
195
00:09:20,552 --> 00:09:22,019
I'm just... Just saying, Carrie,
196
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,787
Tim's an interesting guy.
197
00:09:23,789 --> 00:09:26,023
You know, he's a real go-getter.
198
00:09:26,025 --> 00:09:28,225
Do you know he runs a
business out of his house?
199
00:09:28,227 --> 00:09:29,627
If we hadn't gone
over there tonight,
200
00:09:29,629 --> 00:09:31,862
I might not have, um...
201
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:34,265
Might not have what?
202
00:09:34,267 --> 00:09:35,599
I might not have had
203
00:09:35,601 --> 00:09:39,170
the very good
opportunity to, um...
204
00:09:39,172 --> 00:09:42,640
Opportunity to, um, what?
205
00:09:42,642 --> 00:09:44,508
To give him a $1000 check
206
00:09:44,510 --> 00:09:47,244
to become a licensed
distributor.
207
00:09:47,246 --> 00:09:50,714
You gave him $1000?
To distribute what?
208
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:52,916
Okay, you know what? First
of all, lose the attitude.
209
00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:56,019
Second of all, water filters.
210
00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:58,589
This is not happening.
211
00:09:58,591 --> 00:10:01,858
Oh, yes, it is.
212
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,595
Doug, are you insane? You're
gonna sell water filters?
213
00:10:04,597 --> 00:10:07,498
Yes, and the licenses
to sell them.
214
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,266
That's where the real money is.
215
00:10:09,268 --> 00:10:11,935
No, the real money is now
in Tim's bank account.
216
00:10:13,705 --> 00:10:14,938
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
217
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:17,774
No, I know why they
separated us after dinner.
218
00:10:17,776 --> 00:10:19,142
To pounce on the weak one.
219
00:10:23,047 --> 00:10:25,015
Okay, yeah, I get it.
220
00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:27,451
You're the genius and
I'm the moron, right?
221
00:10:27,453 --> 00:10:29,186
"Duh, okay, I'll buy one."
222
00:10:29,188 --> 00:10:32,789
"Oh, tell me about the rabbits."
223
00:10:32,791 --> 00:10:34,625
"I will love him,
and I will pet him,
224
00:10:34,627 --> 00:10:36,893
"and I will take
good care of him.
225
00:10:36,895 --> 00:10:38,696
"Because you are
my friend, George.
226
00:10:38,698 --> 00:10:39,730
He's my friend."
227
00:10:39,732 --> 00:10:41,031
Let me tell you something, okay?
228
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:43,300
I know how to spot a good
thing when I see one, okay?
229
00:10:43,302 --> 00:10:44,368
I happen to be very savvy.
230
00:10:44,370 --> 00:10:48,572
Savvy? Savvy, yes.
I know that word.
231
00:10:48,574 --> 00:10:50,140
Okay, Mr. Savvy.
232
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:51,542
Why don't you tell me
233
00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:53,944
how you're gonna get rich
selling water filters?
234
00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:55,546
Okay, try and stay
with me this time.
235
00:10:55,548 --> 00:10:59,783
It's not the filters,
it's the licenses, okay?
236
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,719
The licenses. You see this here?
237
00:11:01,721 --> 00:11:04,722
"Official Licensee." This
is all official stuff.
238
00:11:04,724 --> 00:11:06,290
Take a look at it.
239
00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:08,959
Yeah. Feel a little
silly now, don't you?
240
00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,698
All right, get your pants on.
241
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:16,400
We're gonna go get
your money back.
242
00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:18,402
Look. No, my pants are off
and they're staying off.
243
00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:20,103
Doug, he duped you
244
00:11:20,105 --> 00:11:21,639
into a stupid marketing scheme.
245
00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:23,073
Okay, it is not a scheme.
246
00:11:23,075 --> 00:11:24,541
It's a multi-level
marketing system, okay,
247
00:11:24,543 --> 00:11:25,643
and it works.
248
00:11:25,645 --> 00:11:27,043
All right, Tim's making
so much money now,
249
00:11:27,045 --> 00:11:28,345
he doesn't even go
to work anymore.
250
00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:30,914
He spends two to three days
at a time in his pajamas.
251
00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:32,949
Oh, yeah? You know
who else does that?
252
00:11:32,951 --> 00:11:35,786
The old and the mentally ill.
253
00:11:35,788 --> 00:11:37,087
Tell that club
254
00:11:37,089 --> 00:11:38,989
they're about to
get a new member.
255
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:01,019
Okay. Now try this one.
256
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:12,164
Well?
257
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,666
They taste the same.
258
00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:15,267
Come on, Carrie. They
can't taste the same.
259
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:16,268
This one's tap water.
260
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,770
It's... It's full of, uh...
261
00:12:17,772 --> 00:12:19,338
Where the hell is that thing?
262
00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:23,208
Full of ammonia,
latex emulsions,
263
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:24,744
uh, lead, and look at this.
264
00:12:24,746 --> 00:12:27,780
Benzene. Benzene, Carrie.
265
00:12:27,782 --> 00:12:29,982
You know, it's not too late
to get your money back.
266
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,149
I don't want to, okay?
267
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,752
I can make some real
money here, Carrie.
268
00:12:32,754 --> 00:12:34,186
Did you realize
269
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:36,589
that people spend an average of
$600 a year on bottled water?
270
00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:37,890
Mm?
271
00:12:37,892 --> 00:12:39,859
Well, that's 400 less
than you've spent,
272
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:40,760
and it's only May.
273
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:47,566
You know what? I... I
can't even listen to you.
274
00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:49,535
That's... That's clearly
the benzene talking.
275
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,472
Morning, all.
276
00:12:53,474 --> 00:12:54,473
Morning, Dad.
277
00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:55,508
Hey, Arthur.
278
00:12:55,510 --> 00:12:56,876
Can I interest you
279
00:12:56,878 --> 00:12:58,511
in a freshly filtered
glass of water?
280
00:12:58,513 --> 00:13:00,345
Water, huh?
281
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:02,247
All right, what the hell.
I'll have a glass.
282
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,719
Here we go. One delicious
glass of water coming up.
283
00:13:12,426 --> 00:13:14,693
Well, spank me hard
and call me Rhonda.
284
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,598
This is one fine glass of H2O.
285
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,936
Oh, you think so? Huh.
How about that?
286
00:13:23,938 --> 00:13:26,371
So, what is this contraption
287
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,907
that turns a glass of water
288
00:13:27,909 --> 00:13:29,341
into nature's nectar?
289
00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,009
It's the Sparkle
Tap water filter.
290
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,411
I'm, uh, selling them now.
291
00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:34,480
Beautiful. If I had a sink,
I'd buy one for myself.
292
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,750
You know what? I
have a better idea.
293
00:13:37,752 --> 00:13:39,785
You know people who do
have sinks, don't you?
294
00:13:39,787 --> 00:13:42,087
I may or may not.
What's your angle?
295
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:46,158
I am now authorized
to sell you a license
296
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,726
that allows you to
sell these babies
297
00:13:47,728 --> 00:13:49,161
to whoever you want.
298
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:54,299
This is me leaning
forward with interest.
299
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:55,701
All right, well, lean
back with interest
300
00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:57,870
or have a mint.
301
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,075
So come on, now, son,
what's the deal with this?
302
00:14:03,077 --> 00:14:04,376
Give me the skinny.
303
00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:05,511
Okay, it's simple, okay.
304
00:14:05,513 --> 00:14:06,745
I sell you the filters,
305
00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,781
plus the licenses to
sell the filters,
306
00:14:08,783 --> 00:14:09,982
then you find 10 people
307
00:14:09,984 --> 00:14:11,484
and sell them the licenses.
308
00:14:11,486 --> 00:14:12,952
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
309
00:14:12,954 --> 00:14:13,986
Do you mind?
310
00:14:13,988 --> 00:14:15,020
We're in the middle
311
00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,021
of an important
business meeting.
312
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,289
Yes, I do.
313
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:19,558
You are not dragging
my father into this.
314
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,560
I'm not dragging him in.
He knows what he's doing.
315
00:14:21,562 --> 00:14:24,730
He happens to be
very savvy as well.
316
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,634
Okay, now I'm convinced
317
00:14:28,636 --> 00:14:30,402
you don't know what
that word means.
318
00:14:30,404 --> 00:14:31,804
Excuse me, darling.
319
00:14:31,806 --> 00:14:33,639
The last time I
checked, I was over 21
320
00:14:33,641 --> 00:14:35,674
and capable of making
my own decisions.
321
00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:37,209
Now, this is a fine product,
322
00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,443
Douglas is a great guy,
323
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:40,045
and I'm going in on this.
324
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,146
There we go.
325
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,351
Fine, fine. Do what you want.
326
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:48,020
Ow!
327
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:53,993
Okay, Douglas.
What's the buy-in?
328
00:14:53,995 --> 00:14:55,628
It's $1000. Uh-huh.
329
00:14:55,630 --> 00:14:57,763
Very reasonable.
330
00:14:57,765 --> 00:15:00,533
Unfortunately, I'm a
little cash-strapped.
331
00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:02,100
Do you accept artwork?
332
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,137
Wow.
333
00:15:05,139 --> 00:15:06,338
So you're telling me
334
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,574
there are actually pesticides
in our drinking water?
335
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,175
Frightening, but true.
336
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:12,611
But with this baby's
nano filtration system,
337
00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:14,513
99% are filtered out.
338
00:15:14,515 --> 00:15:16,749
Bye-bye, nasty pesticides.
339
00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:18,817
Hello, tastier soups.
340
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:21,520
So, in other words,
I can make money...
341
00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:23,488
And do something great
for your family's health
342
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,223
for only 1000 bucks.
343
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:26,425
Hey, I like what I'm hearing.
344
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:27,760
Hey, I'm in. Take a check?
345
00:15:27,762 --> 00:15:29,728
Absolutely.
346
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:31,129
Okay, so Deac's
buying a license.
347
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,431
I've only got nine left.
348
00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:34,399
Who's it gonna be? Peacock?
Come on.
349
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,801
Hey, Eddie?
350
00:15:35,803 --> 00:15:37,402
What do you say, huh?
Come on, man.
351
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,204
Hey. Let's do it. All
right, you know what?
352
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:43,275
Take your time. Think it over.
Talk to the Mrs.
353
00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:45,678
Sorry, man.
354
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,647
That's cool, man. They'll be back.
Oh, yeah.
355
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,148
Yeah, yeah. Give me my check.
356
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,317
Right. Sorry.
357
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,252
Not interested.
358
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,055
I'm not asking you
to buy anything.
359
00:15:56,057 --> 00:15:58,156
Just try the water.
360
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,025
I'm not interested.
361
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,894
Just try it. It's delicious.
362
00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:03,762
I don't want it.
363
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:05,664
How can you not want
a glass of water?
364
00:16:05,666 --> 00:16:07,032
Drink it!
365
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:11,870
No, I won't. And
you can't make me.
366
00:16:11,872 --> 00:16:14,506
You're gonna have to
take a pill eventually.
367
00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:16,508
I'll wait you out.
368
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,984
Huh? Huh?
369
00:16:24,986 --> 00:16:27,086
All right. I'll take a filter.
370
00:16:27,088 --> 00:16:28,821
Yeah, what the hell.
I'll take one too.
371
00:16:28,823 --> 00:16:30,990
I'm not asking you to
just buy a filter.
372
00:16:30,992 --> 00:16:34,893
I'm asking you to buy
into a way of life.
373
00:16:34,895 --> 00:16:37,362
I don't even want the filter.
374
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,632
Well, that you're committed to.
You said yes.
375
00:16:39,634 --> 00:16:41,533
That's an oral contract.
376
00:16:41,535 --> 00:16:42,935
So, what do you want from me?
377
00:16:42,937 --> 00:16:45,871
I want you to be a licensed
Sparkle Tap salesman
378
00:16:45,873 --> 00:16:47,673
and get rich.
379
00:16:47,675 --> 00:16:50,375
Are you sure I'm gonna get rich?
380
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,211
Yes, I am.
381
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,748
Okay, I guess I'm in.
382
00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:57,482
Don't be an idiot.
It's a pyramid scheme.
383
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,684
It is?
384
00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:02,688
It is not a pyramid
scheme, and shut-ee!
385
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:05,090
How is it not a pyramid scheme?
386
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,992
You have a product of
little or no value,
387
00:17:06,994 --> 00:17:08,761
and the only actual profit
388
00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:10,763
comes from constantly
recruiting new members
389
00:17:10,765 --> 00:17:12,464
which you inevitably run out of
390
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,232
and the whole thing collapses.
391
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,469
Don't make me
cactus-jack your ass.
392
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,956
Hey, Doug. Thanks again
for inviting me over.
393
00:17:37,958 --> 00:17:40,358
Haven't heard from you in a
hell of a long time, guy.
394
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,528
Yeah. Yeah, we should call
each other more, you know?
395
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,897
Well... Well, I called you.
396
00:17:44,899 --> 00:17:47,432
I... I left you a
bunch of messages.
397
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:50,202
Have you?
398
00:17:50,204 --> 00:17:52,738
Carrie is heavy with that
delete finger, you know?
399
00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:55,607
Not for me. Beep. Not for me.
Beep.
400
00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:58,110
We've had some real
blow-outs about that.
401
00:17:58,112 --> 00:18:00,545
Hey, no problem. The main
thing is we're here now.
402
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:01,680
Absolutely, man.
403
00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:04,016
This is what it's all about.
Family.
404
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,385
Hey, cousin.
405
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,688
Hey.
406
00:18:09,690 --> 00:18:11,190
All right. We got our snacks,
407
00:18:11,192 --> 00:18:14,359
we got our movie, we got it all.
408
00:18:14,361 --> 00:18:16,528
Well, wait a second. Beverages.
409
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,165
How do you feel about water?
410
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,600
It's about family, huh?
411
00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:23,769
Yeah, as long as that family's
buying a water filter!
412
00:18:23,771 --> 00:18:25,938
It filters out the impurities!
413
00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:28,207
I don't care. I don't
like being used!
414
00:18:28,209 --> 00:18:29,908
Oh, what, are you gonna make
pizzas your whole life?
415
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,110
Hey, it's better
than paying $1000
416
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:32,344
for a water filter.
417
00:18:32,346 --> 00:18:34,146
No, no. That was
for the licenses!
418
00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:36,048
Whatever!
419
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,052
So how's the water business?
420
00:18:40,054 --> 00:18:41,820
Good, and getting better.
421
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,629
Cafiello, come on. You've
had time to think.
422
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,697
Hey, Voss. Voss, come on,
man, what do you say?
423
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,867
I bought cookies from your kid!
424
00:18:54,869 --> 00:18:56,135
Come on, man.
425
00:18:56,137 --> 00:18:57,569
Hey, Betcher. Come on.
426
00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,371
You gave me a maybe.
What's up with that?
427
00:18:59,373 --> 00:19:01,006
Come on, you gave me a maybe.
428
00:19:01,008 --> 00:19:04,109
Oh, fine. Now I know why
your wife left you,
429
00:19:04,111 --> 00:19:06,311
because you don't know a
good thing when you see it.
430
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,880
Yeah, that's right. I said it.
431
00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:11,083
Yeah, you got a problem? You bring it.
Oh, my God.
432
00:19:11,085 --> 00:19:12,851
Here's the deal.
433
00:19:12,853 --> 00:19:14,887
You become part of the
Sparkle Tap team,
434
00:19:14,889 --> 00:19:17,923
and I will convert
to your religion.
435
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,032
So you didn't sell one, huh?
436
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:28,867
Nope. In fact,
437
00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:31,403
two of my samples were stolen.
438
00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:32,971
Put that on my tab.
439
00:19:32,973 --> 00:19:35,440
Sure, what's the difference?
440
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,809
Oh, boy.
441
00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:38,376
When I was a younger
man, Douglas,
442
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,744
I could really close the deal.
443
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,347
They come in, I
turn on the charm,
444
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,383
and I'd make the
sale every time.
445
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,551
Yeah, what did you sell?
446
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:47,953
Gasoline.
447
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,091
I feel like such an idiot.
448
00:19:53,093 --> 00:19:56,128
I swear, I wish there was a
pill I could take, go to sleep,
449
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:58,730
wake up two days from now like
none of this ever happened.
450
00:19:58,732 --> 00:19:59,731
Yeah.
451
00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:01,466
Where are you going?
452
00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:04,736
I'm gonna take that pill.
453
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:06,504
See you Thursday.
454
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:13,345
Hey. How's business?
455
00:20:13,347 --> 00:20:14,412
Well, let's see.
456
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:15,613
Your father got two
filters stolen,
457
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,249
I crushed one in my bare hands,
458
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,384
and the rest are in the garage.
459
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,618
It's over.
460
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:24,990
Look. You took a shot
and it didn't work out.
461
00:20:24,992 --> 00:20:29,494
I think the lesson here is...
Don't take any more shots.
462
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,629
Come on.
463
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:32,797
On the brighter side,
464
00:20:32,799 --> 00:20:34,766
we have some nice clean
drinking water, right?
465
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,068
Actually, I took the filter off.
466
00:20:36,070 --> 00:20:38,136
The water started
coming out black.
467
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,173
I can't believe it.
468
00:20:41,175 --> 00:20:44,709
I let Tim make
such a fool of me.
469
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,845
And you know what? I'm
going over there.
470
00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:48,313
Good. Good. Go.
471
00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,015
Yeah, yeah, and I got news for you.
You know what?
472
00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:51,750
I'm not gonna just make him
give me my money back.
473
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:53,352
I'm gonna tell him those
two filters that I lost,
474
00:20:53,354 --> 00:20:55,420
they're coming out of
his pajama pocket.
475
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,622
Ooh, baby. You're turning me on.
476
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:59,324
Oh, I know I am, Pokémon.
477
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,796
Then get over there. Get
over there and hurry back.
478
00:21:04,798 --> 00:21:06,198
Yeah, I'll be back
in five minutes,
479
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:07,432
after I set him straight.
480
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:13,438
Tim?
481
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,281
Tim?
482
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,586
And, you know, this is when
483
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:37,787
your little one's
bones are forming,
484
00:21:37,789 --> 00:21:39,390
so you want to make
sure your water
485
00:21:39,392 --> 00:21:41,158
is as pure as possible.
486
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,560
And I bet you have a lot of
little friends at school
487
00:21:43,562 --> 00:21:45,429
that want clean
water, don't you?
488
00:21:45,431 --> 00:21:46,696
Don't you?
34248
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