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1
00:00:14,865 --> 00:00:15,931
Hello?
2
00:00:17,114 --> 00:00:19,435
Oh. Yeah. I'll pick
it up tomorrow.
3
00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,222
What time do you guys close?
4
00:00:21,247 --> 00:00:23,162
All right. Thank you. Bye.
5
00:00:26,270 --> 00:00:27,904
What?
6
00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:29,562
I gotta tell you,
7
00:00:29,564 --> 00:00:32,365
I am not crazy about the
way you answer the phone.
8
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:33,600
What do you mean?
9
00:00:33,602 --> 00:00:34,906
The way you say hello.
10
00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:35,880
It's like... hello.
11
00:00:36,682 --> 00:00:37,646
It's like you're saying,
12
00:00:37,853 --> 00:00:39,414
"I'm already bored with
this conversation,
13
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,649
and I'm bored with you."
14
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,794
Uh-huh. And the way you
answer the phone is so great?
15
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,945
Yeah. Yes, it is.
I'm very friendly.
16
00:00:45,947 --> 00:00:47,347
Really? Let's hear one.
17
00:00:47,349 --> 00:00:48,581
All right.
18
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:49,849
Hul-lo!
19
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,785
You do not do that.
20
00:00:52,787 --> 00:00:55,421
I do so. It's a
very solid hello.
21
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,724
It's warm and inviting and...
22
00:00:57,726 --> 00:00:59,759
I've been told, a little sexy.
23
00:00:59,761 --> 00:01:02,194
Well, you know what I'll do?
I'll quit my job
24
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,797
and practice saying hello full-time.
Is that good?
25
00:01:04,799 --> 00:01:06,366
You don't have to
bite, all right?
26
00:01:06,368 --> 00:01:08,401
I'm just trying to help you
with your greeting skills.
27
00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:09,669
Well, don't.
28
00:01:09,671 --> 00:01:11,871
Whatever. Sorry I brought it up.
Yeah, me too.
29
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:13,339
Fine. Fine.
30
00:02:04,267 --> 00:02:07,135
I think they made a mistake
in the word jumble.
31
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:08,270
Yeah?
32
00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:10,372
Yeah. The letters are M-A-L-B.
33
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:14,276
There's nothing you can
make of that, you know?
34
00:02:14,963 --> 00:02:16,395
Mahbul...
35
00:02:17,516 --> 00:02:18,950
Ahblum...
36
00:02:20,383 --> 00:02:21,916
Buhmal...
37
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:23,752
There's nothing!
38
00:02:23,754 --> 00:02:25,553
Lamb.
39
00:02:27,290 --> 00:02:29,457
I'll play around with that.
40
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,861
♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum
41
00:02:38,268 --> 00:02:40,502
♪ Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum...
42
00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:42,637
♪ Arthur
43
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:53,415
In case you didn't catch
that subtle hint,
44
00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:55,149
his birthday's coming up.
45
00:02:55,151 --> 00:02:58,553
Yeah, I know. This morning I
woke up with a party hat on.
46
00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:03,334
God, he's gonna be 75!
47
00:03:03,359 --> 00:03:06,027
We should do something special
for him, don't you think?
48
00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:08,029
Chip in for a hooker?
49
00:03:08,964 --> 00:03:10,732
Not quite that special.
50
00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:14,468
Save that for my birthday.
Hey, who said that?
51
00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:16,637
Doug, come on. I'm
being serious.
52
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,339
You know, I feel
like such a slug
53
00:03:18,341 --> 00:03:19,974
when it comes to his birthday.
54
00:03:19,976 --> 00:03:21,976
Every year we schlep him
off to White Castle
55
00:03:21,978 --> 00:03:24,112
and throw 20 bucks' worth
of scratch-offs at him.
56
00:03:24,114 --> 00:03:25,780
What do you want to do instead?
57
00:03:25,782 --> 00:03:27,949
I don't know. I thinking
like a surprise party.
58
00:03:27,951 --> 00:03:30,218
A party? With people?
59
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:34,021
I'm thinking with people.
Yes. Yes.
60
00:03:34,023 --> 00:03:36,090
Let's see. His birthday
is on Tuesday.
61
00:03:36,092 --> 00:03:38,692
Maybe we can catch him off
guard if we do it on Sunday.
62
00:03:38,694 --> 00:03:40,895
Sunday? No, no! You
can't do it on Sunday!
63
00:03:40,897 --> 00:03:42,529
It's my only day off this week
64
00:03:42,531 --> 00:03:44,265
because I'm working
Saturday, remember?
65
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,834
Hey, do it Saturday.
66
00:03:46,836 --> 00:03:49,003
Doug, come on, you
gotta be there.
67
00:03:49,005 --> 00:03:50,171
Well, think about it!
68
00:03:50,173 --> 00:03:51,973
First of all, I don't
wanna be there.
69
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:53,741
And they don't want
me there, you know?
70
00:03:53,743 --> 00:03:55,042
I'll start drinking.
71
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:56,610
I'm an angry drunk.
I'll pop someone!
72
00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,012
That's very nice, Doug.
73
00:03:58,014 --> 00:04:00,014
You can't give up
one lousy afternoon
74
00:04:00,016 --> 00:04:02,416
for a man who's turning 75?
75
00:04:02,418 --> 00:04:03,517
It's not that old.
76
00:04:03,519 --> 00:04:04,986
It is old!
77
00:04:04,988 --> 00:04:07,989
Do you realize who was
president when he was born?
78
00:04:07,991 --> 00:04:10,724
I can't spell lamb!
79
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,972
Doug! What are you
still doing home?
80
00:04:24,974 --> 00:04:27,975
Trying to enjoy my two
minutes of weekend.
81
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,477
Well, I hope you did,
because they're over.
82
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:32,213
Now come on!
83
00:04:32,215 --> 00:04:34,148
You gotta get my father
out of the house
84
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:35,983
so I can start setting up.
85
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,852
Fine.
86
00:04:37,854 --> 00:04:41,088
Get him out of the house.
You're not the boss of me.
87
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:42,523
What'd you say?
88
00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:43,791
Nothing.
89
00:04:43,793 --> 00:04:45,993
So, what excuse you gonna use?
90
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:47,962
I don't know. Can
we just club him,
91
00:04:47,964 --> 00:04:49,864
and when he wakes up,
we yell, "surprise!"
92
00:04:49,866 --> 00:04:52,366
Doug, you need to get
him out of the house.
93
00:04:52,368 --> 00:04:54,501
All right, all right!
Take a chill pill.
94
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:56,304
Take a chill pill?
95
00:04:56,306 --> 00:04:59,140
What's wrong with that?
You say "It's all good."
96
00:04:59,142 --> 00:05:00,875
All right. Just go. Just go!
97
00:05:07,951 --> 00:05:09,750
Hey, guy, whatcha doing?
98
00:05:09,752 --> 00:05:12,286
I'm watching this very
interesting program.
99
00:05:12,288 --> 00:05:14,455
See, this young fellow Screech
100
00:05:14,457 --> 00:05:17,391
has painted himself
into quite a corner.
101
00:05:17,393 --> 00:05:20,394
Listen, I was gonna go out
and get a bite to eat,
102
00:05:20,396 --> 00:05:23,797
and I thought, "Hey, why not
grab the man down under?"
103
00:05:23,799 --> 00:05:25,733
So, uh... you up for it?
104
00:05:25,735 --> 00:05:27,434
Thank you. No.
105
00:05:27,436 --> 00:05:29,636
You know, I was thinking
then maybe we'd swing by
106
00:05:29,638 --> 00:05:32,173
that skeeball place you like so much.
Come on.
107
00:05:32,175 --> 00:05:33,207
Passaroo.
108
00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:37,945
Well, maybe we'll go to the
bowling alley afterwards...
109
00:05:37,947 --> 00:05:40,581
Sweet Mary, will
you take a hint?!
110
00:05:43,451 --> 00:05:45,552
You know what? Look, Arthur...
111
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,821
The thing this is, you see, I...
I, uh...
112
00:05:47,823 --> 00:05:51,458
I need you to, uh, come with me...
on an errand.
113
00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:52,493
What errand?
114
00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:54,795
I have to pick something up.
What?
115
00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:58,966
A, uh... um... a great big...
One of those, uh...
116
00:05:58,968 --> 00:06:01,202
Fish tank? Yeah.
117
00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:02,370
We're getting fish?
118
00:06:02,372 --> 00:06:03,737
Um, yeah. Been thinking about it
119
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:04,906
for quite a while, actually.
120
00:06:04,908 --> 00:06:06,573
I love fish!
121
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,709
Well, that's something we share!
So you coming?
122
00:06:08,711 --> 00:06:10,077
Try and stop me!
123
00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:13,180
Hey, did you know I had a
trout farm before the war?
124
00:06:13,182 --> 00:06:15,216
Nope. Didn't know that.
125
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:17,151
Let me tell you, Douglas...
126
00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:18,986
They're very delicate creatures.
127
00:06:18,988 --> 00:06:20,988
I learned that the hard way.
128
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:22,990
Oh, hey.
129
00:06:22,992 --> 00:06:24,992
Where are you fellas off to?
130
00:06:24,994 --> 00:06:27,962
Where do you think we're going?
To get the new aquarium!
131
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,235
We may have to get
rid of the piano.
132
00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:41,542
This is... This is great, huh?
133
00:06:42,744 --> 00:06:45,179
I thought we were
getting an aquarium.
134
00:06:45,181 --> 00:06:47,481
We are. We are. I
just thought, uh...
135
00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:50,684
we'd spend a little time just
you and me first, you know?
136
00:06:50,686 --> 00:06:52,686
Just the men, the
boys, you know?
137
00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:54,788
No pesky women dragging us down.
138
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:58,025
I don't know where you're
going with this, Douglas,
139
00:06:58,027 --> 00:07:00,661
but you're making me
very uncomfortable.
140
00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,629
We're eating lunch, okay?
141
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,032
Hey, you like the
buffet here, right?
142
00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:07,301
Actually, I do. They
got hot wings here
143
00:07:07,303 --> 00:07:09,870
that'll singe your
short hairs right off.
144
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,808
A little less hungry
now, but okay.
145
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,478
The meatballs are
also marvelous.
146
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,480
Oh! And the brownies. Wow!
147
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,982
Out of this world!
148
00:07:20,984 --> 00:07:22,984
Are you gentlemen
ready to order?
149
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:25,052
Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna
go with the buffet.
150
00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:26,420
Nothing for me, thanks.
151
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,957
I thought you wanted the buffet.
152
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,793
Oh, I do. And I'll be having it.
153
00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:36,964
Why are you winking at me?
154
00:07:36,966 --> 00:07:39,100
You just fall off
the turnip truck?
155
00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:41,969
I'll tell you what I wanna eat.
156
00:07:41,971 --> 00:07:43,971
You slip it to me
off your plate,
157
00:07:43,973 --> 00:07:47,208
and we walk out of
here $6.99 richer.
158
00:07:49,478 --> 00:07:52,013
Oh, boy. Arthur, just
let me pay for you.
159
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:53,414
That's crazy!
160
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:56,683
You're about to invest in a
very expensive aquarium!
161
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,785
It's okay, all right?
I can take the hit.
162
00:07:58,787 --> 00:08:00,354
Where's the waiter?
163
00:08:00,356 --> 00:08:01,822
Douglas, I will not sit here
164
00:08:01,824 --> 00:08:03,590
and watch you spend
like a madman
165
00:08:03,592 --> 00:08:05,259
just to impress me!
166
00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:06,860
See you at home.
Fine, fine, fine.
167
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:09,196
Look, we can share off
my plate, all right?
168
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,697
That's my boy.
169
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,033
All right, so...
170
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:14,001
What do you want
me to get first?
171
00:08:14,003 --> 00:08:16,537
Just put whatever you
want for yourself
172
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,506
on one half of the plate,
173
00:08:18,508 --> 00:08:21,542
and the other half,
load it up with beets!
174
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,387
Uh, dear?
175
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,721
Yes, Mrs. Hanley?
176
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:37,224
I'm diabetic and I
can't take any sugar.
177
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:39,226
Do you have any Equal?
178
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:40,894
Oh, yes. It's right over there.
179
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,863
Oh, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
180
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:49,970
So!
181
00:08:49,972 --> 00:08:52,139
Little Carrie Spooner.
182
00:08:52,141 --> 00:08:53,740
Hi, Mr. Tepper.
183
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,976
My, how the years fly by.
184
00:08:55,978 --> 00:08:57,811
It seems like only yesterday
185
00:08:57,813 --> 00:08:59,980
you were a gangly
little kid, you know,
186
00:08:59,982 --> 00:09:02,450
with the pigtails and the braces.
You remember that?
187
00:09:02,452 --> 00:09:04,418
Worst years of my life.
Yes, I do.
188
00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:06,454
Ha, ha. And now look at you.
189
00:09:06,456 --> 00:09:08,956
You blossomed into a
lovely young lady.
190
00:09:08,958 --> 00:09:10,124
Oh, thank you so much.
191
00:09:10,126 --> 00:09:11,425
No, I mean it.
192
00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:13,760
You're gorgeous with
that velvet skin
193
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,497
and that tight little body.
194
00:09:16,499 --> 00:09:20,534
Yeah, you're probably
as limber as a cat.
195
00:09:21,804 --> 00:09:22,703
Excuse me.
196
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,039
Thank you!
197
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,943
Oh, Mr. Glassman! Hey!
198
00:09:29,945 --> 00:09:31,044
Hi!
199
00:09:31,046 --> 00:09:32,946
Carrie. It's good to see you.
200
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,615
Oh, thank you for coming!
201
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,283
Are you kidding? Ha!
202
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,352
Think I would miss a
wonderful thing like this?
203
00:09:38,354 --> 00:09:40,254
Wild horses couldn't keep...
204
00:09:40,256 --> 00:09:43,157
Who invited that
miserable bastard?!
205
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:44,558
Screw you!
206
00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,993
Okay.
207
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:53,200
I'm ready for a tater tot.
208
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:00,807
Ah, ah, ah.
209
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:29,870
Do you really enjoy
eating this way?
210
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,174
Yes, I do.
211
00:10:33,176 --> 00:10:35,576
Now, under the guise
of shaking hands,
212
00:10:35,578 --> 00:10:37,645
pass me a stuffed mushroom.
213
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:42,049
This is where I
throw you a "No."
214
00:10:42,051 --> 00:10:43,750
Come on, grease me!
215
00:10:43,752 --> 00:10:45,752
Would you just... Do me a
favor, take the plate.
216
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:48,121
Are you insane? The walls
have eyes around here!
217
00:10:48,123 --> 00:10:50,591
Oh, do they? Well, then
let's stop stealing, huh?
218
00:10:50,593 --> 00:10:53,026
Why don't you shout it
through a megaphone?!
219
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,728
For God's sake, be discreet!
220
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:56,597
I am being discreet, okay?
221
00:10:56,599 --> 00:10:59,700
You're the one with buffalo
wing sauce all over your face.
222
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:00,801
Just take the plate! No.
223
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:02,069
Take it! No!
224
00:11:02,071 --> 00:11:03,136
Excuse me. Yes?
225
00:11:03,138 --> 00:11:04,638
Are you also having
the buffet, sir?
226
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,474
How dare you make
such an accusation!
227
00:11:07,476 --> 00:11:09,410
I fought for this country!
228
00:11:09,412 --> 00:11:10,977
Yes. We have been sharing.
229
00:11:10,979 --> 00:11:13,046
Here's $20 for two buffets.
Keep the change.
230
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,147
Thank you.
231
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:16,083
Hold it, fella. Yes, sir?
232
00:11:16,085 --> 00:11:18,785
There was broken glass
in this taco meat.
233
00:11:18,787 --> 00:11:20,854
No, no, there wasn't, okay? It's fine.
Everything's fine.
234
00:11:20,856 --> 00:11:23,224
Okay? Thank you very much.
Thank you.
235
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:26,327
Arthur, what is going on
inside that head of yours?
236
00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:29,062
Are there two wires that are
touching that shouldn't be?!
237
00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,434
Is there a leak of some sort?
238
00:11:33,436 --> 00:11:36,337
Because let me tell you,
something is very, very wrong!
239
00:11:36,339 --> 00:11:38,339
I'm going to the bathroom.
240
00:11:38,341 --> 00:11:40,807
When I come back... be fixed!
241
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,880
All right. Just calm down, Mr.
Glassman.
242
00:11:46,882 --> 00:11:48,915
Have a cold drink.
Everything's gonna be fine.
243
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,719
You give a guy a first job,
and he stabs you in the back!
244
00:11:51,721 --> 00:11:53,387
Some first job,
245
00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:56,323
taking orders from that
snot-nosed kid of yours!
246
00:11:56,325 --> 00:11:57,391
Okay, Mr. Tepper...
247
00:11:57,393 --> 00:11:59,260
Oh, that's why you
did it, to get even!
248
00:11:59,262 --> 00:12:01,662
I didn't do anything,
you crazy old man!
249
00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:04,632
Who's old? You're older!
You're older than me!
250
00:12:04,634 --> 00:12:06,467
I am not! You are older than...
251
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:07,635
Okay, enough!
252
00:12:07,637 --> 00:12:09,637
Let's just agree
you're both old, okay?
253
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:12,606
Now, come on, what's the
big deal here, huh?
254
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:14,642
What, did he cheat you
at gin rummy, huh?
255
00:12:14,644 --> 00:12:16,977
Forget to return your power
mower on time? What?
256
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:19,680
He had sex with my wife!
257
00:12:19,682 --> 00:12:21,047
Uh-huh. Okay.
258
00:12:21,049 --> 00:12:23,284
That's significant.
259
00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:24,818
It's been 40 years,
260
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:27,220
and he can't accept the
fact that I did not do it!
261
00:12:27,222 --> 00:12:28,889
Why would I?
262
00:12:28,891 --> 00:12:30,891
She looked like Tony
Randall in a wig!
263
00:12:30,893 --> 00:12:33,327
She had to wear a wig.
She had a condition.
264
00:12:33,329 --> 00:12:34,995
Okay, guys, enough!
265
00:12:34,997 --> 00:12:36,997
Now, look, Doug is back
with Arthur, okay?
266
00:12:36,999 --> 00:12:40,000
He's your friend, and you want
him to have a nice party, right?
267
00:12:40,002 --> 00:12:41,502
BOTH: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
268
00:12:41,504 --> 00:12:45,005
So from now on, no more talk
about who did or didn't do...
269
00:12:45,007 --> 00:12:47,073
your wife, all right?
270
00:12:47,075 --> 00:12:50,010
Let's just smile and
put all our energies
271
00:12:50,012 --> 00:12:51,244
into a nice, robust
surprise, okay?
272
00:12:51,246 --> 00:12:53,180
Okay?
273
00:12:53,182 --> 00:12:55,516
Alrighty. Let's get ready.
Come on!
274
00:12:59,521 --> 00:13:00,987
ALL: Surprise!
275
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,690
Hey, how you doing?
276
00:13:04,091 --> 00:13:06,293
Hon, where is my father?
277
00:13:06,295 --> 00:13:08,429
I was hoping he came back here!
278
00:13:08,431 --> 00:13:11,264
No! Why is he not with you?
279
00:13:11,266 --> 00:13:13,133
He got loose.
280
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,601
I went to the bathroom
for, like, two seconds,
281
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:32,395
and when I came back to
the table, he was gone!
282
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:34,839
All he left was a note
on his place mat.
283
00:13:35,131 --> 00:13:37,650
"Dear Douglas, I'd rather
have a defective head
284
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:42,370
"than a cold heart. So kiss
me where the sun don't shine,
285
00:13:42,372 --> 00:13:45,373
and I don't mean London."
286
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:50,478
That's all he wrote?
287
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,648
No, he also did the
connect-the-dots in the back.
288
00:13:53,650 --> 00:13:56,719
How do you not see
that's a candy cane?
289
00:13:56,721 --> 00:13:59,387
For God's sake, Doug, why'd you
have to get so mad at him?
290
00:13:59,389 --> 00:14:01,190
I told you, he was
acting like a maniac
291
00:14:01,192 --> 00:14:02,357
with his little buffet scheme!
292
00:14:02,359 --> 00:14:04,226
So you handshake him a
few stuffed mushrooms.
293
00:14:04,228 --> 00:14:06,128
I been doing it
since I was a kid.
294
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:07,863
Oh, really? You know
what, why stop there?
295
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:10,799
Why don't I just French kiss him Jell-o?
That'll be good.
296
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,803
I cannot believe you.
297
00:14:14,805 --> 00:14:16,805
I give you one thing to
do today, one thing,
298
00:14:16,807 --> 00:14:18,573
and you screw it up!
299
00:14:18,575 --> 00:14:21,309
Excuse me! It was my one
day off in two weeks,
300
00:14:21,311 --> 00:14:24,379
and it was your idea to put
me in charge of oldie.
301
00:14:24,381 --> 00:14:26,481
Well, it's oldie's birthday!
Ah, forget it!
302
00:14:26,483 --> 00:14:28,250
Where you going?
303
00:14:28,252 --> 00:14:30,652
I am going to find him
and bring him back.
304
00:14:30,654 --> 00:14:33,588
Just stay here and
keep the party alive.
305
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:40,395
It's a little late for that.
306
00:14:40,397 --> 00:14:42,330
I should be back within an hour,
307
00:14:42,332 --> 00:14:44,266
assuming he's at one
of his usual hangouts.
308
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:47,202
Well, he's not at
OTB or Nude Nudes.
309
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:48,904
Thanks.
310
00:14:53,076 --> 00:14:56,011
Hey, how you doing there?
Hi, how's it going?
311
00:14:56,013 --> 00:14:59,014
Hey, how's everybody doing?
Anybody need anything? No?
312
00:14:59,016 --> 00:15:01,516
All right, great. I'm just
gonna turn on the TV here.
313
00:15:01,518 --> 00:15:03,585
You guys keep talking
about the old times,
314
00:15:03,587 --> 00:15:05,520
how everything used to
cost a nickel and whatnot.
315
00:15:05,522 --> 00:15:06,955
You Carrie's husband?
316
00:15:06,957 --> 00:15:08,257
Yeah. Yes, I am.
317
00:15:08,259 --> 00:15:11,459
Any of your friends
ever have sex with her?
318
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:15,164
Don't start up again, you
sick, paranoid bastard!
319
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:16,899
You are gonna rot in hell!
320
00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:18,934
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys!
321
00:15:18,936 --> 00:15:20,535
Knicks are down by four!
322
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,183
Dad?
323
00:15:36,319 --> 00:15:39,487
Uh, excuse me, is there an
Arthur Spooner in there?
324
00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:41,389
ARTHUR: No. Now shut the door!
325
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,993
I know that's you, Dad.
326
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:47,830
I'm not Dad. My name is Mr.
Wong.
327
00:15:47,832 --> 00:15:49,564
I'm an importer of silk!
328
00:15:49,566 --> 00:15:52,500
Dad, please don't be Mr.
Wong right now.
329
00:15:52,502 --> 00:15:54,837
Come on. I really want
you to come home.
330
00:15:54,839 --> 00:15:56,504
Oh, do you?
331
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:59,507
Well, your husband clearly
doesn't feel the same way!
332
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,576
Dad, would you listen to me?
333
00:16:01,578 --> 00:16:03,045
Hi. How you doing?
334
00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:05,948
Doug is very sorry
for what he said.
335
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:08,616
Well, sorry doesn't
pay the butcher!
336
00:16:08,618 --> 00:16:10,518
Now shut the door!
337
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:15,057
Don't you go near
my car, Glassman!
338
00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:17,459
Don't you... Oh, my God!
339
00:16:17,461 --> 00:16:19,561
You are an animal!
340
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,629
All right. All right!
341
00:16:21,631 --> 00:16:24,632
Two can play at that game!
342
00:16:26,135 --> 00:16:28,703
Say, Doug, do you happen
to own a sledge hammer?
343
00:16:28,705 --> 00:16:29,704
In the garage.
344
00:16:29,706 --> 00:16:30,705
Thank you.
345
00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,108
Hey, Tepper!
346
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,477
Thanks for leaving
your top down.
347
00:16:35,479 --> 00:16:37,946
Made my job a lot easier.
348
00:16:37,948 --> 00:16:39,114
Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ugh!
349
00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:42,450
You just bought yourself
a date with my fist!
350
00:16:42,452 --> 00:16:45,153
Oh, come on. Give
me your best shot!
351
00:16:45,155 --> 00:16:46,788
Oh, you'll get my
best shot, all right!
352
00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,190
Come on, bring it on!
353
00:16:48,192 --> 00:16:49,992
It's coming! It's coming
special delivery!
354
00:16:49,994 --> 00:16:51,994
I'll be at home to sign for it.
355
00:16:51,996 --> 00:16:53,461
Either fight or nap!
356
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:00,936
You see...
357
00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:03,071
what Doug meant was...
358
00:17:03,073 --> 00:17:05,941
your brain is like a
computer, you know,
359
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,542
very... very intricate.
360
00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:09,611
And... and complex.
361
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:12,281
And if something was to
go wrong inside of it,
362
00:17:12,283 --> 00:17:15,417
then that would make him... sad.
363
00:17:15,419 --> 00:17:17,953
Don't try to sugar
coat this, darling.
364
00:17:17,955 --> 00:17:19,988
He clearly despises me.
365
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,790
That is so not the case!
366
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:24,159
He took you to lunch. That
proves he likes you, right?
367
00:17:24,161 --> 00:17:25,961
No. It proves he needed someone
368
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:28,196
to hold up the other
end of a fish tank!
369
00:17:28,198 --> 00:17:29,798
What a waste of an
afternoon this was!
370
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,634
Believe me, not having the
time of my life either.
371
00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:34,869
Dad, could you please just
get past this and come home?
372
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:36,238
Sorry.
373
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,974
Dad... I am hot and sweaty,
374
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:43,145
and I have seen things in
here I will never forget.
375
00:17:43,147 --> 00:17:46,315
Now can we please just go home?
No!
376
00:17:46,317 --> 00:17:48,417
For God's sakes, could you
stop being so selfish?
377
00:17:48,419 --> 00:17:50,052
The reason Doug
took you out today
378
00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:52,054
was because we're having a
surprise party for you.
379
00:17:52,056 --> 00:17:54,323
A surprise party? Really?
380
00:17:54,325 --> 00:17:55,991
Yes.
381
00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,525
Way to ruin it!
382
00:18:01,097 --> 00:18:03,932
Okay, now, guys, I'd
really like to settle this
383
00:18:03,934 --> 00:18:05,934
before the fourth
quarter starts.
384
00:18:05,936 --> 00:18:08,937
Carl... did you or did you not
385
00:18:08,939 --> 00:18:11,039
sleep with Irv's wife?
386
00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:12,307
I did not!
387
00:18:12,309 --> 00:18:14,176
Well, there you go. Case closed.
388
00:18:14,178 --> 00:18:15,577
Feels good, doesn't it?
389
00:18:15,579 --> 00:18:17,312
It was him! I got a witness.
390
00:18:17,314 --> 00:18:18,413
Who's your witness?
391
00:18:18,415 --> 00:18:19,448
Ah, ah, ah!
392
00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,283
All right, Irv. Who
is your witness?
393
00:18:21,285 --> 00:18:22,717
Arthur Spooner.
394
00:18:22,719 --> 00:18:24,319
Ha! Oh, yeah!
395
00:18:24,321 --> 00:18:26,355
He said he saw Carl Tepper
396
00:18:26,357 --> 00:18:28,457
sneaking out of my
house at 2 a.m.!
397
00:18:28,459 --> 00:18:30,859
That's impossible! I was
working the night shift!
398
00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:32,194
Oh, really?
399
00:18:32,196 --> 00:18:34,963
He told me he saw you with
my wife at the Concord Hotel
400
00:18:34,965 --> 00:18:37,199
and inside a bungalow
at Ocean City!
401
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,267
I never been to those places!
402
00:18:39,269 --> 00:18:41,336
Ha, ha! Oh, please, please!
403
00:18:41,338 --> 00:18:44,039
I'm just lucky that every
time my wife was unfaithful,
404
00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:45,440
Arthur was there!
405
00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:59,021
♪ Happy birthday
406
00:18:59,023 --> 00:19:01,523
♪ To you
407
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,427
Now, remember. No one thinks
you know about the party,
408
00:19:05,429 --> 00:19:06,995
so make sure you act
surprised, okay?
409
00:19:06,997 --> 00:19:10,165
Don't you worry. I do a
wonderful fake heart attack!
410
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:12,700
Yeah, I know. I remember
from our wedding.
411
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,974
All right. Now, Dad,
I'm just gonna run in
412
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:22,444
and make sure everybody's
set to surprise you
413
00:19:22,446 --> 00:19:25,613
and sing "Happy birthday"
and all that, okay?
414
00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:27,815
Darling, wait.
415
00:19:27,817 --> 00:19:29,284
What?
416
00:19:29,286 --> 00:19:31,453
I've given this a
lot of thought,
417
00:19:31,455 --> 00:19:34,022
and I decided I'd prefer "For
He's a Jolly Good Fellow."
418
00:19:34,024 --> 00:19:35,623
Uh... That's... that's fine.
419
00:19:35,625 --> 00:19:37,025
I'll be right back.
420
00:19:44,468 --> 00:19:47,402
What's going on?
Where is everybody?
421
00:19:47,404 --> 00:19:48,903
I sent them home.
422
00:19:48,905 --> 00:19:52,674
What? Why do you
keep losing people?
423
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,076
Back it down, all right?
424
00:19:54,078 --> 00:19:55,910
I just saved your father
from being hollowed out
425
00:19:55,912 --> 00:19:57,079
by an angry mob.
426
00:19:57,081 --> 00:19:58,213
What are you talking about?
427
00:19:58,215 --> 00:20:00,014
Let's say we got to the bottom
428
00:20:00,016 --> 00:20:01,883
of who nailed Marian Glassman.
429
00:20:01,885 --> 00:20:03,751
Oh, my God. My father?
430
00:20:03,753 --> 00:20:06,321
Yep. And he blamed
it on the other guy.
431
00:20:06,323 --> 00:20:07,722
That's our birthday boy.
432
00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:10,492
Where is he?
433
00:20:10,494 --> 00:20:11,926
He's right outside!
434
00:20:11,928 --> 00:20:13,495
So bring him in.
435
00:20:13,497 --> 00:20:15,830
I can't! He thinks there's a
surprise party waiting for him.
436
00:20:15,832 --> 00:20:17,299
Why did you tell him about it?
437
00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,701
It was the only way I could
get him to come home.
438
00:20:19,703 --> 00:20:21,836
This is such an honor!
439
00:20:21,838 --> 00:20:24,339
A man is nothing
without friends!
440
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,044
This is such an honor.
441
00:20:30,046 --> 00:20:32,046
A man is nothing
without friends!
442
00:20:33,382 --> 00:20:35,450
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
443
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:37,018
Should we call some neighbors,
444
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,820
have them come in the back door?
445
00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,788
No. They're all much
younger than him.
446
00:20:40,790 --> 00:20:42,890
And he's suing most of them.
447
00:20:42,892 --> 00:20:44,359
Okay, okay. Hey, hey,
448
00:20:44,361 --> 00:20:46,361
how about that soft
yogurt place at the mall?
449
00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:49,397
You ever see that place?
It's like a sea of gray!
450
00:20:49,399 --> 00:20:52,134
Feel like saying
anything helpful?
451
00:20:52,136 --> 00:20:54,102
Hey, I don't hear you
tossing out any gems.
452
00:20:54,104 --> 00:20:56,571
Sorry. It's just that I
cannot bring that man in here
453
00:20:56,573 --> 00:20:58,540
without a fricking surprise party.
It'll kill him!
454
00:20:58,542 --> 00:21:00,642
So, what do we do? I don't know!
Think!
455
00:21:05,648 --> 00:21:08,183
♪ Which nobody can deny
456
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,661
Hello?
457
00:22:02,663 --> 00:22:04,964
Better. But be more inviting.
458
00:22:04,966 --> 00:22:07,300
Hel-lo!
459
00:22:07,302 --> 00:22:09,235
Stop it!
32878
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