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1
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:06,771
Douglas, if you have a moment,
2
00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:09,608
I've written a letter, and
I'd like your thoughts.
3
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,176
I almost went to white castle.
4
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,011
Yeah.
5
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:14,879
"Dear Sir or Madam,"
6
00:00:14,947 --> 00:00:17,882
"recently I purchased a tube of
your so-called soothing ointment"
7
00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:19,851
"to combat a particularly
stubborn rash"
8
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:22,554
"that I contracted through
no fault of my own."
9
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,924
"Upon using said product, not
only did I fail to find relief"
10
00:00:25,991 --> 00:00:28,527
"but the area is now
completely inflamed"
11
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,161
"and periodically erupting:"
12
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:31,830
"See photo A."
13
00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,601
"To remove all uncertainty
from the matter,"
14
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,969
"I conducted a
controlled experiment"
15
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:41,873
"using an acquaintance of mine
named Bernard: See photo B."
16
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,908
"Bernard is the scrawny
fellow on the left."
17
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:49,681
"Please review this material
and advise me posthaste.
18
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,383
Sincerely, A. Spooner."
19
00:00:52,785 --> 00:00:54,253
What do you think?
20
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,920
It's delightful.
21
00:00:55,988 --> 00:00:57,256
Thank you.
22
00:00:57,323 --> 00:00:58,923
You can keep those photos.
23
00:00:58,991 --> 00:01:00,325
I have better angles.
24
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,501
Ah, what the hell.
25
00:01:28,123 --> 00:01:31,125
Ah, nothing quite like changing
out of your work clothes
26
00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:34,128
and throwing on a comfy
old pair of sweats.
27
00:01:34,196 --> 00:01:36,163
Doug, you wear shorts to work,
28
00:01:36,231 --> 00:01:38,899
and you unbutton
them in the truck.
29
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,901
Actually, I've been
asked not to do that.
30
00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:44,605
So, uh, how was your day?
31
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,906
It was ok.
32
00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:48,142
Oh, they have me wearing
one of those headsets now
33
00:01:48,210 --> 00:01:49,410
to talk on the phone.
34
00:01:49,478 --> 00:01:50,878
Ooh, I like those.
35
00:01:50,945 --> 00:01:52,346
Think they'll let
you take it home
36
00:01:52,414 --> 00:01:54,382
so we could, uh, you know?
37
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:58,619
What? Talk on the phone
without using our hands?
38
00:02:00,122 --> 00:02:01,222
No, fool around.
39
00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,590
I could pretend you're
Janet Jackson, or...
40
00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:06,827
A time-life operator.
41
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:09,530
And would you still be you?
42
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:10,864
Hey, that hurts.
43
00:02:21,009 --> 00:02:22,176
Hello.
44
00:02:22,244 --> 00:02:24,278
Oh, hey, there.
45
00:02:24,346 --> 00:02:26,647
Uh, ok. Sure. Fine.
46
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,049
Yeah, we'll be here.
47
00:02:28,116 --> 00:02:29,517
Ok, bye.
48
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:30,518
Who was that?
49
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,453
The Sackskys from next door.
50
00:02:32,521 --> 00:02:34,688
They have something important to tell us.
They're on their way over.
51
00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:35,656
What?
52
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,426
No! They're so annoying!
53
00:02:38,493 --> 00:02:40,227
Why did you say they
could come over?
54
00:02:40,295 --> 00:02:41,562
What am I gonna say?
55
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,030
You make something up.
56
00:02:43,098 --> 00:02:44,898
We're sleeping, we're eating,
57
00:02:44,966 --> 00:02:46,333
we're dead.
58
00:02:46,401 --> 00:02:47,535
I don't know,
59
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,403
you think on your
feet, for God's sake.
60
00:02:49,471 --> 00:02:50,837
I'm sorry.
61
00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:53,006
He said, "how you doin',
champ?" And I got thrown.
62
00:02:54,443 --> 00:02:55,809
What do they want?
63
00:02:55,877 --> 00:02:57,945
You... you didn't run over
anything they own, did you?
64
00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,146
No.
65
00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:01,515
Oh, wait a second,
do they have a cat?
66
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:03,117
No.
67
00:03:03,185 --> 00:03:05,519
Did you run over a cat?
68
00:03:05,587 --> 00:03:07,888
I don't think it was, no.
69
00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:09,290
All right, look, Doug,
70
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,625
I do not want to get
involved with these people.
71
00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:13,660
So no matter what they suggest,
72
00:03:13,728 --> 00:03:15,496
we say no. Got it?
73
00:03:15,564 --> 00:03:17,164
Fine. So, what's our excuse?
74
00:03:17,232 --> 00:03:19,166
Um, I have a cold.
75
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:21,702
You? What if they want
to do something with me?
76
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,138
Excuse me, I thought of it, ok?
77
00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,707
I get the cold.
I'm nasal anyway.
78
00:03:28,243 --> 00:03:29,376
Go, go.
79
00:03:30,412 --> 00:03:31,479
Hi.
80
00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:32,580
Hi.
81
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:33,880
Hey, there. How you doing?
82
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:36,150
Oh, I'm sorry. I got a cold.
83
00:03:38,086 --> 00:03:39,720
Come on in. Come on in.
84
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,522
Thank you. Have a seat.
85
00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,493
So, what's up?
86
00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:48,229
Well,
87
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,663
we have some news.
88
00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:51,665
This is kind of hard to say,
89
00:03:51,733 --> 00:03:53,867
and it'll probably
be hard to hear.
90
00:03:56,505 --> 00:03:57,838
Tim and I are separating.
91
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,340
Now, it's no one's fault.
92
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:01,442
We just have some issues
that can't be resolved.
93
00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:04,711
And we just wanted to tell
the people closest to us.
94
00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,216
Oh, us. Right.
95
00:04:09,284 --> 00:04:12,119
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, no, yeah.
96
00:04:12,187 --> 00:04:13,654
Sorry.
97
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:15,789
We'll both be staying in the
house until we can sell it,
98
00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:17,291
which could be a while.
99
00:04:17,359 --> 00:04:20,161
Tim seems to have bought on
the high end of the market.
100
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,496
Yes, I did.
101
00:04:22,564 --> 00:04:23,864
I did that.
102
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,901
Well...
103
00:04:27,969 --> 00:04:30,904
This is a lot to
take in all at once.
104
00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,873
Uh, if it's ok,
105
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,242
I think Doug and I need to be
alone with this right now.
106
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,644
A-a-absolutely.
107
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,045
Let's go. Let's go.
108
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,480
Oh, there is one more thing.
109
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:41,782
You see, we actually have a
time-share out in the Hamptons
110
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:42,949
for the 3rd week in June.
111
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:44,185
Oh, here's a brochure.
112
00:04:44,252 --> 00:04:45,386
Yeah, it's all paid for,
113
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:46,953
but obviously we
won't be using it,
114
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,689
so we'd love to give
it away to friends.
115
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,591
Well, you know, that
all sounds very nice,
116
00:04:50,659 --> 00:04:52,459
but unfortunately, we
gotta throw you a no.
117
00:04:52,527 --> 00:04:53,694
You know, I'm...
118
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:57,097
I'm actually having exploratory
surgery that week.
119
00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:59,667
We really would have loved for
you to stay in the cottage.
120
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:00,767
Yeah.
121
00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:03,270
Well, can't do it. Cannot do it.
122
00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:04,805
Right, hon'?
123
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:07,308
Hmm? Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
124
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,395
Hey.
125
00:05:28,463 --> 00:05:29,896
Hey, it's 8:30, where you been?
126
00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:31,498
I stopped at the drugstore
127
00:05:31,566 --> 00:05:33,066
and then swung by the, uh,
128
00:05:33,134 --> 00:05:34,335
Hamptons.
129
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,603
The Hamptons?
130
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,938
Yeah, where the Sackskys
have their time-share.
131
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,274
Doug, it is a nice house,
132
00:05:40,342 --> 00:05:41,675
it's blue, with a deck,
133
00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:43,577
and those cape-coddy shutters.
134
00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:45,512
So, what are you saying, you
actually wanna do this now?
135
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:47,881
It's in this cute little
town called Quogue.
136
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,751
Quo-gue.
137
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,185
Come on, honey, let's do this.
138
00:05:52,254 --> 00:05:53,654
You went on and on
the other night
139
00:05:53,722 --> 00:05:55,889
about how we shouldn't get
involved with these people.
140
00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:58,626
Doug, we are not getting
involved with these people.
141
00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,362
We'll be at their
house, 70 Miles away,
142
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,697
and they'll still be here.
143
00:06:03,765 --> 00:06:06,133
Did you work that out
on the car ride home?
144
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,669
Come on, let's spend
a week at the beach.
145
00:06:08,737 --> 00:06:09,836
I don't want to.
146
00:06:09,904 --> 00:06:11,505
Why not?
147
00:06:11,573 --> 00:06:13,073
Carrie, I'm gigantic and I'm
fair-skinned, all right?
148
00:06:13,141 --> 00:06:14,841
The beach is not the
best spot for me.
149
00:06:17,412 --> 00:06:18,845
Doug, I want a vacation.
150
00:06:18,913 --> 00:06:21,548
We never have any money
to go anywhere nice.
151
00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:25,152
Oh, ok. I guess Hershey,
Pennsylvania, is not nice.
152
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,388
A whole town that smells like chocolate.
Whatever.
153
00:06:29,291 --> 00:06:31,925
But, Doug, they're offering
this to us for free.
154
00:06:31,993 --> 00:06:33,594
It's like we won this.
155
00:06:33,662 --> 00:06:35,162
Come on, come on,
come on, come on...
156
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,297
Aah, all right.
157
00:06:36,364 --> 00:06:38,899
Yes! Thank you, honey.
All right, call.
158
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,467
Why do I have to call 'em?
159
00:06:40,535 --> 00:06:42,436
Because they like you.
You're the nice one.
160
00:06:42,504 --> 00:06:44,805
Here, I will dial it for you.
161
00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:46,540
Oh, great! Thanks.
162
00:06:46,608 --> 00:06:49,242
'Cause when you make a phone call,
the dialing, that's the hard part.
163
00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:57,984
Hello?
164
00:06:58,052 --> 00:06:59,986
Uh, hi, Tim, it's
Doug Heffernan.
165
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:03,089
Hey, Doug, hey. How's
the weather over there?
166
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:04,925
What did he say?
What did he say?
167
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,260
C-c-could you hang on a second?
168
00:07:07,329 --> 00:07:09,162
He said, "how's the
weather over there?"
169
00:07:10,231 --> 00:07:11,298
What does that mean?
170
00:07:11,366 --> 00:07:13,099
Do you want to do this? Ok, go.
171
00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:14,201
What's up, Doug?
172
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,269
Uh, it's just that Carrie and I
173
00:07:16,338 --> 00:07:18,905
would, uh, love to
take that time-share
174
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,641
if she's still floating around.
175
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:22,175
What happened to your surgery?
176
00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:25,346
Huh? Oh, I... I...
I don't need it.
177
00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,214
Uh, the coin worked its way out.
178
00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:35,789
Well... well, great,
then the place is yours.
179
00:07:35,857 --> 00:07:37,624
Just happy we can keep
it in the family.
180
00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:39,493
Well, great. Thanks a lot, Tim.
181
00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:42,463
Hey, you know what? I'll bring the key
and the parking permit over right now,
182
00:07:42,524 --> 00:07:44,826
then maybe we can, you know,
hang out and watch a game.
183
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:47,067
You wanna watch a game?
184
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,403
Uh, just hang on a second, ok?
185
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:51,805
Huh? Hmm-mm-mm-mm?
186
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:54,375
He wants to drop the key off,
187
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:56,276
and then he wants to
watch a game with me.
188
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:57,644
So, watch!
189
00:07:57,712 --> 00:08:00,046
They're offering us their
time-share, for God's sake.
190
00:08:00,114 --> 00:08:01,615
Don't be rude.
191
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,485
Uh, sure, Tim.
192
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,387
On my way., great.
193
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:10,557
Thank you. I love you.
194
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:11,792
Yeah, get off.
195
00:08:15,430 --> 00:08:16,897
Look at this.
196
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,832
Will you look at this?
197
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:21,167
Hot damn, this is livin'!
198
00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:22,335
Whoo!
199
00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:24,004
Ok, let's get the whole
game thing going.
200
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:25,238
What do you say, huh?
201
00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:27,040
Huh, yeah.
202
00:08:27,108 --> 00:08:28,375
Oh, by the way, here's
your, uh, parking permit.
203
00:08:28,443 --> 00:08:29,943
Oh.
204
00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:31,244
Ok.
205
00:08:31,312 --> 00:08:33,146
You know, I couldn't
find the key,
206
00:08:33,214 --> 00:08:35,115
but Dorothy will bring
it by tomorrow,
207
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,752
and I brought us
some Dutch beers.
208
00:08:38,820 --> 00:08:40,454
You like a dark lager, do you?
209
00:08:40,522 --> 00:08:43,590
Oh, anything with alcohol
would be perfect.
210
00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:44,825
I hear you.
211
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,161
Oh, boy. Ah...
212
00:08:48,229 --> 00:08:49,530
Click. Yeah.
213
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,134
Ah!
214
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,836
You like racquetball, Doug?
215
00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:57,170
Um, maybe.
216
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,205
Do you?
217
00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:01,308
What do you like?
218
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:04,878
You like, uh, a nice jog,
a hike, skeet shooting?
219
00:09:04,946 --> 00:09:06,379
What's your thing?
220
00:09:06,448 --> 00:09:08,849
Actually, I'm... I'm
between things right now.
221
00:09:08,917 --> 00:09:09,850
Ah.
222
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:10,884
Yeah.
223
00:09:10,952 --> 00:09:12,719
Hey, mind if I flip around?
224
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:15,722
Oh, yeah.
225
00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:18,091
Single life is gonna be good.
226
00:09:19,761 --> 00:09:21,495
I can come over
here anytime I want
227
00:09:21,563 --> 00:09:23,430
without the wifey
breathing down my neck.
228
00:09:23,498 --> 00:09:25,398
Whoa...
229
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:28,068
Boy, those Olsen twins are
growing up fast, aren't they?
230
00:09:41,370 --> 00:09:43,004
Hey, hi!
231
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:47,521
You owe me big.
232
00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:49,422
Tim is very unpleasant.
233
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,092
You did good, babe.
234
00:09:55,229 --> 00:09:56,964
I said you owe me big.
235
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:03,403
There you go.
236
00:10:12,448 --> 00:10:13,916
Oy!
237
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,854
Hi, Carrie. Dorothy, hi.
238
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,288
I didn't mean to
bother you, hon',
239
00:10:20,356 --> 00:10:22,424
I just wanted to drop by
some time-share stuff.
240
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,026
Oh, that is so sweet, thanks.
241
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:25,794
Oh, there are some local menus.
242
00:10:25,862 --> 00:10:27,629
Ooh, crab shack, yummy.
243
00:10:27,697 --> 00:10:29,798
Emergency numbers, oh, and
directions to the house.
244
00:10:29,866 --> 00:10:31,700
The place can be
impossible to find.
245
00:10:31,768 --> 00:10:33,202
Tell me about it.
246
00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:35,003
What? Huh?
247
00:10:35,071 --> 00:10:38,406
Oh, anyway, um, I
guess you're all set.
248
00:10:38,474 --> 00:10:39,641
Yes, we are.
249
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,076
So, is there a key or...
250
00:10:41,144 --> 00:10:43,345
Oh, it's in our safe-deposit
box at the bank.
251
00:10:43,412 --> 00:10:45,047
I'll swing by tomorrow.
252
00:10:45,115 --> 00:10:47,149
There's some stuff I have to
sneak out of there anyway.
253
00:10:50,019 --> 00:10:51,754
So... Yeah.
254
00:10:51,821 --> 00:10:53,722
Once again, uh,
thank you so much
255
00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:55,357
for letting us use your house.
256
00:10:55,424 --> 00:10:56,992
Oh, don't be silly.
257
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:58,326
I'm just glad
258
00:10:58,394 --> 00:11:01,496
the place won't be
sitting there empty.
259
00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:03,832
Well, I'm just heading
out to the gym, so...
260
00:11:09,338 --> 00:11:10,572
Is everything all right?
261
00:11:13,509 --> 00:11:16,311
Tim is out on a date.
262
00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:18,480
What? Oh, I'm so sorry.
263
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:19,815
I... I'm sorry, Carrie.
264
00:11:19,883 --> 00:11:21,884
I'm sorry for dropping
all this on you.
265
00:11:21,951 --> 00:11:23,718
It's just that, I don't know,
266
00:11:23,787 --> 00:11:26,321
I just feel such a
connection with you.
267
00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,791
D-ditto.
268
00:11:30,827 --> 00:11:32,494
A-ah.
269
00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:33,829
You're not even trying.
270
00:11:33,897 --> 00:11:35,798
I told you I didn't
even want to do this.
271
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:38,133
Come on. Open your mouth wider.
Let's go.
272
00:11:38,201 --> 00:11:40,002
The problem is your
teeth are too big.
273
00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:43,105
W-w-what if I swallow one?
274
00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:44,639
That's a classy problem.
275
00:11:44,707 --> 00:11:46,041
Oh.
276
00:11:46,109 --> 00:11:47,642
Hey. Hey, honey, come on.
277
00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:50,012
Try it. Open your mouth.
Try to catch one.
278
00:11:50,079 --> 00:11:51,880
Ok. That's mine now.
279
00:11:51,948 --> 00:11:53,782
What's the matter?
280
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:55,717
My new best friend
Dorothy is in there
281
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,219
driving me crazy.
282
00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,721
Oh, too bad. I guess
that's the price you pay
283
00:11:59,789 --> 00:12:02,390
for falling in love with
the word, "Quogue."
284
00:12:04,527 --> 00:12:05,794
Shut up.
285
00:12:06,662 --> 00:12:08,396
Hey, Richie,
286
00:12:08,464 --> 00:12:10,398
would you do me a huge favor?
287
00:12:10,466 --> 00:12:12,500
I told Dorothy that I
would bring her a beer.
288
00:12:12,568 --> 00:12:15,337
Would you bring this in to her and
be a little nice to her, huh?
289
00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:16,638
I'm busy.
290
00:12:17,573 --> 00:12:19,041
Richie, come on.
291
00:12:19,108 --> 00:12:21,176
She... she's depressed and
very needy right now,
292
00:12:21,244 --> 00:12:22,444
and I'm late for the gym.
293
00:12:22,511 --> 00:12:24,079
Just... just bring
this in to her,
294
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:26,748
flatter her, boost
her ego, please.
295
00:12:26,816 --> 00:12:28,550
I don't wanna.
296
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,485
You want me to take this one?
297
00:12:30,553 --> 00:12:31,760
Um...
298
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,424
Would a simple "no, thank
you" have killed you?
299
00:12:40,731 --> 00:12:41,898
Hi. Hi.
300
00:12:41,966 --> 00:12:43,132
Here you go.
301
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:44,467
Oh, thanks.
302
00:12:47,338 --> 00:12:49,138
I'm Dorothy Sacksky.
303
00:12:49,206 --> 00:12:50,874
Richie Iannucci.
304
00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:54,978
So, um,
305
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,812
you have very nice...
306
00:12:58,916 --> 00:12:59,849
Hair.
307
00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:03,253
Thank you.
308
00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:10,994
Carrie!
309
00:13:11,862 --> 00:13:12,828
Carrie!
310
00:13:14,831 --> 00:13:17,400
Hey, um, what are you,
throwing curlers?
311
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:19,102
Is Doug in there?
312
00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:22,272
Ah, no, he's still out
skeet shooting with Tim.
313
00:13:22,339 --> 00:13:24,007
You gotta talk to
your friend Richie.
314
00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,241
About?
315
00:13:25,309 --> 00:13:26,876
Well, I invited him
over last night
316
00:13:26,944 --> 00:13:28,477
to check my smoke alarms,
317
00:13:28,545 --> 00:13:30,646
and let's just say a
lot more happened.
318
00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:34,017
We made love.
319
00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:36,052
Eeh.
320
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,687
Anyway, he gave me
his phone number
321
00:13:38,755 --> 00:13:40,689
and I just tried calling him.
322
00:13:40,757 --> 00:13:42,258
Does he live in a bakery?
323
00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,295
You know what?
324
00:13:45,362 --> 00:13:47,196
I think he might.
325
00:13:47,264 --> 00:13:48,965
Oh, my God,
326
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:53,569
you don't think he was just
using me as a one-night stand?
327
00:13:53,637 --> 00:13:55,371
No, no, that doesn't
sound like Richie.
328
00:13:55,439 --> 00:13:57,506
Oh, you gotta talk to him.
You gotta talk to him.
329
00:13:57,574 --> 00:14:00,209
Tell him I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said I love you so soon.
330
00:14:00,277 --> 00:14:02,011
Oh, please tell him, Carrie.
331
00:14:02,079 --> 00:14:04,347
Dorothy, just calm down.
I will go talk to him.
332
00:14:04,415 --> 00:14:05,781
Tell him... Tell
him I can change.
333
00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:08,251
Tell him I can be whatever
he wants me to be.
334
00:14:08,319 --> 00:14:09,919
Whatever he wants you to be.
335
00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:11,254
Yeah. Got it.
336
00:14:11,322 --> 00:14:12,788
Thank you.
337
00:14:12,856 --> 00:14:16,225
Oh, Dorothy, any luck
with that key yet?
338
00:14:16,293 --> 00:14:18,428
I can't think about
that right now.
339
00:14:21,731 --> 00:14:24,267
All I said was flatter her.
340
00:14:24,335 --> 00:14:25,534
I did.
341
00:14:25,602 --> 00:14:27,703
I was very complimentary
throughout.
342
00:14:30,441 --> 00:14:32,275
I'm glad you think
this is funny.
343
00:14:32,343 --> 00:14:34,110
What were you thinking?
344
00:14:34,178 --> 00:14:35,578
I didn't mean to do it.
345
00:14:35,645 --> 00:14:37,046
I was just up on a ladder
346
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:39,515
checking her smoke alarms,
and bam, it happened.
347
00:14:40,617 --> 00:14:41,684
What?
348
00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:43,486
Carrie, what are you
yelling at him for?
349
00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:46,222
It's your fault. You're the one
that sent him in there with beer.
350
00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:49,959
I did not tell him to
have sex with her.
351
00:14:50,027 --> 00:14:51,594
What do you expect?
352
00:14:51,661 --> 00:14:55,365
You put a snake in a cage
with a mouse and beer,
353
00:14:58,369 --> 00:15:01,037
you have to expect
that they'll have sex.
354
00:15:02,906 --> 00:15:04,573
Look, you don't have
to worry about it
355
00:15:04,641 --> 00:15:06,376
'cause I'm not gonna
see her again.
356
00:15:06,443 --> 00:15:09,645
Oh, but that's where
you're wrong, my friend.
357
00:15:09,713 --> 00:15:11,381
You're gonna keep
seeing her for,
358
00:15:11,448 --> 00:15:13,049
I don't know, at least a month.
359
00:15:13,117 --> 00:15:14,317
A month?
360
00:15:14,385 --> 00:15:15,718
A month's a long time, honey.
361
00:15:15,785 --> 00:15:18,054
Doug, he had sex with her.
362
00:15:18,122 --> 00:15:21,357
The only decent thing to do after
you've had sex with somebody
363
00:15:21,425 --> 00:15:23,092
is to keep seeing them.
364
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,727
But not a month.
365
00:15:27,564 --> 00:15:29,098
All right, 3 weeks.
366
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:31,634
That way, Dorothy won't feel
like she was a one-night stand.
367
00:15:31,701 --> 00:15:34,737
In fact, she'll probably
be sick of him by then.
368
00:15:34,804 --> 00:15:37,340
I don't see why you
even care so much.
369
00:15:38,475 --> 00:15:40,243
I care.
370
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:42,278
She's my neighbor,
371
00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:45,348
my friend, she's a human being,
372
00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:46,749
and she hasn't given me the key
373
00:15:46,816 --> 00:15:49,118
to her beach house yet.
374
00:15:49,186 --> 00:15:52,055
Ah, so that's what
this is all about.
375
00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,823
You just want to get to
use their beach house.
376
00:15:54,891 --> 00:15:56,459
What, you just figured
that out now?
377
00:15:56,527 --> 00:15:59,695
You haven't noticed that I... I've been
skeet shooting a lot more than usual?
378
00:16:00,797 --> 00:16:02,432
Oh, come on, you guys.
379
00:16:02,499 --> 00:16:04,633
Help me out. I've been
working very hard this year.
380
00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:05,768
I want a tan.
381
00:16:05,835 --> 00:16:08,071
Doug, tell him to do this.
382
00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:09,838
What's in it for me?
383
00:16:10,674 --> 00:16:11,974
Richie, go do it.
384
00:16:12,809 --> 00:16:13,876
But, moose...
385
00:16:13,944 --> 00:16:15,644
Do it!
386
00:16:21,118 --> 00:16:23,386
Man, this Dorothy
is wearing me out.
387
00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:26,189
At least she finally got the top
step of her ladder carpeted.
388
00:16:26,256 --> 00:16:29,058
Hmm, fate is a funny
animal, isn't it?
389
00:16:29,126 --> 00:16:31,461
If it had been me who brought
her the beer that night,
390
00:16:31,528 --> 00:16:34,730
I'd be the exhausted
lover right now,
391
00:16:34,798 --> 00:16:38,067
instead of the lonely,
bitter man-child.
392
00:16:39,803 --> 00:16:41,471
Hey, hey, hey, Doug!
393
00:16:41,538 --> 00:16:42,938
Uh, yeah.
394
00:16:43,006 --> 00:16:44,207
Yeah, Tim.
395
00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:45,708
Hey, hey, uh,
396
00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:48,411
so... so what are you
doing, you watching a game?
397
00:16:49,646 --> 00:16:51,447
Yeah, sure. Come on over.
398
00:16:51,515 --> 00:16:53,416
Moose, what the
hell are you doing?
399
00:16:53,484 --> 00:16:55,118
Relax. He doesn't
know you're the guy.
400
00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,519
I'm wearing his shirt.
401
00:16:58,822 --> 00:17:01,624
Oh, the plot thickens.
402
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,359
Why are you wearing his shirt?
403
00:17:03,427 --> 00:17:06,529
'Cause Dorothy chewed the
buttons off of mine last night.
404
00:17:06,597 --> 00:17:08,498
See, those could
have been my but...
405
00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:10,633
Oh, forget it.
406
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,668
Try... try not to let
him see it, that's all.
407
00:17:12,736 --> 00:17:14,370
All right, all right.
If he notices,
408
00:17:14,438 --> 00:17:16,872
just tell him I went
to Swatchmore, too.
409
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:17,906
Hey.
410
00:17:17,974 --> 00:17:19,142
Hey, Tim.
411
00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:21,144
Oh, so, uh, is this your posse?
412
00:17:23,447 --> 00:17:26,182
I actually like to refer to
them as my peeps, but yes.
413
00:17:27,684 --> 00:17:28,984
Hiya, Tim Sacksky.
414
00:17:29,052 --> 00:17:30,453
Hi, Spence Olchin.
415
00:17:30,521 --> 00:17:32,221
Ooh, strong handshake there.
416
00:17:32,289 --> 00:17:33,256
You in sales?
417
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:34,624
Yep, subway tokens.
418
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,093
Uh, Tim Sacksky, how are you?
419
00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,362
Fine.
420
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:41,797
He's gotta get to
know you first.
421
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,234
So, what have we got here,
422
00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:46,569
a, uh, sports game?
423
00:17:46,637 --> 00:17:48,437
Uh, basketball playoffs, yeah.
424
00:17:48,505 --> 00:17:51,073
Oh, hey, all right!
425
00:17:51,141 --> 00:17:52,642
Oh, this is great.
426
00:17:52,709 --> 00:17:54,943
Oh, it feels so good just
to hang with the boys,
427
00:17:55,011 --> 00:17:56,845
you know, have a brewsky,
428
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:58,648
take my mind off the
fact that my wife
429
00:17:58,715 --> 00:18:00,316
is screwing someone else!
430
00:18:03,554 --> 00:18:06,922
Uh, haven't you been
seeing someone, Tim?
431
00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:12,195
No. No, I... I only made
that up to get her jealous.
432
00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:14,096
No, I just go to the multiplex
433
00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:16,499
and watch all those movies
with the teenagers in them.
434
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,235
You should see she's all that.
435
00:18:19,303 --> 00:18:22,305
It's kind of a modern-day
Pygmalion story.
436
00:18:22,372 --> 00:18:26,809
She is obviously only doing
this to get back at me.
437
00:18:26,876 --> 00:18:29,612
You know what? She
doesn't even like sex.
438
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:31,980
The fact is,
439
00:18:32,048 --> 00:18:35,017
the woman is incapable
of having an orgasm.
440
00:18:39,923 --> 00:18:42,458
I mean, she has
so many hang-ups.
441
00:18:42,526 --> 00:18:44,993
I mean, there are certain
things that a man needs
442
00:18:45,061 --> 00:18:47,096
which she flat-out won't do.
443
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,236
Oh, God, I want her back.
444
00:18:53,303 --> 00:18:56,372
I just... I just want to
hold her in my arms again
445
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,308
and make love to
her in the sand.
446
00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:01,877
But now there's this other guy,
447
00:19:01,945 --> 00:19:04,213
and he probably
loves her, and...
448
00:19:05,716 --> 00:19:07,850
Oh, I'm sure that he doesn't.
449
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,954
Well, d... hey, did
you go to Swarthmore?
450
00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:14,056
Uh, yeah.
451
00:19:14,124 --> 00:19:15,791
What class?
452
00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:17,226
Thank you.
453
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,236
Hey, look. Just finished
shopping for the Hamptons.
454
00:19:27,304 --> 00:19:28,337
Huh?
455
00:19:28,405 --> 00:19:31,140
And look!
456
00:19:32,142 --> 00:19:33,776
You!
457
00:19:40,850 --> 00:19:44,353
You are gonna look so
hot with tan lines.
458
00:19:46,122 --> 00:19:48,691
Yeah, well, before you get
too excited, quoggie,
459
00:19:48,759 --> 00:19:51,360
I, uh, I got some news for you.
460
00:19:51,428 --> 00:19:53,763
Tim wants to get back
together with Dorothy.
461
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:55,564
What? How do you know that?
462
00:19:55,632 --> 00:19:56,732
'Cause he just told me.
463
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,233
He w-wants to get back with her.
464
00:19:58,302 --> 00:20:01,270
He wants to make love
to her in the sand.
465
00:20:01,338 --> 00:20:03,238
What? What sand? Not our sand?
466
00:20:03,307 --> 00:20:05,073
Honey, just prepare yourself.
467
00:20:05,141 --> 00:20:08,143
They're gonna get back together, and
they're gonna want their beach house.
468
00:20:08,211 --> 00:20:09,578
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
469
00:20:09,646 --> 00:20:11,947
I am not so sure they are
getting back together.
470
00:20:12,015 --> 00:20:13,549
I mean, Dorothy's
with Richie now.
471
00:20:13,617 --> 00:20:14,717
They're very happy.
472
00:20:14,785 --> 00:20:16,084
I saw them biking.
473
00:20:16,152 --> 00:20:17,753
Let it go.
474
00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:20,155
Ok, she's only with him
in the sick little world
475
00:20:20,223 --> 00:20:21,624
where you're the God.
476
00:20:21,692 --> 00:20:23,693
Ok, how about this?
477
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,528
How about this?
478
00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:29,298
I tell Dorothy that Richie is
considering proposing marriage...
479
00:20:29,366 --> 00:20:31,200
Carrie.
480
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:32,735
Meanwhile, the next time you
go skeet shooting with Tim,
481
00:20:32,803 --> 00:20:35,037
you accidentally shoot him in the foot.
That way...
482
00:20:35,104 --> 00:20:36,372
Honey, honey, look at me.
483
00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,073
It's over.
484
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,183
Here you go, hon'.
485
00:20:48,885 --> 00:20:50,219
Thank you.
486
00:20:50,286 --> 00:20:51,320
Careful up here.
487
00:20:51,388 --> 00:20:53,456
This, uh, might be asbestos.
488
00:21:02,901 --> 00:21:04,501
Hey, Arthur, you got a letter.
489
00:21:05,637 --> 00:21:08,906
Oh, it's from those
ointment people.
490
00:21:08,974 --> 00:21:12,577
Let's see what those
charlatans have to say.
491
00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:15,312
"Dear Mr. Spooner, after
examining the unused portion
492
00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:16,914
"of the ointment you returned,
493
00:21:16,982 --> 00:21:19,416
"we determined that what you
were actually using on your rash
494
00:21:19,484 --> 00:21:23,888
"was our all-weather, high-grade,
silicon window caulking.
495
00:21:25,323 --> 00:21:28,325
Please discontinue
use immediately."
496
00:21:28,393 --> 00:21:31,195
Well, that explains the
big metal applicator.
34336
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