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1
00:00:31,104 --> 00:00:33,729
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:36,312
What are you?
A dog or a cow?
3
00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:38,646
I'm a dog, but not just a dog.
4
00:00:38,646 --> 00:00:41,062
I'm a dog with a boner.
Check it out!
5
00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:42,271
[pen clicking]
6
00:00:42,271 --> 00:00:44,104
[boys laughing]
7
00:00:44,104 --> 00:00:47,562
Well, there it is.
Is the poop ready?
8
00:00:47,562 --> 00:00:49,479
That's a roger on the poop.
9
00:00:49,979 --> 00:00:51,979
Oh, holy crap,
how big was that dog?
10
00:00:51,979 --> 00:00:53,854
Small, but there was
seven of them.
11
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,687
[dog barking in distance]
12
00:00:55,687 --> 00:00:58,354
I'll give you three reasons
why this is a bad idea.
13
00:00:58,354 --> 00:01:00,479
One, cops. Two, dogs.
14
00:01:00,479 --> 00:01:02,979
Three, NRA front door.
15
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,229
[JT] Quit worrying, Dean.
These people deserve it.
16
00:01:05,229 --> 00:01:07,229
They never give out candy.
17
00:01:07,229 --> 00:01:09,562
Yeah, but remember last time
we pulled something like this?
18
00:01:09,562 --> 00:01:11,146
Dean got his arm broke.
19
00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:13,562
That's because he ran off alone
and fell in a ditch.
20
00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:15,312
If he just sticks with us,
he'll be fine.
21
00:01:15,312 --> 00:01:18,062
Come on! Let's do this.
22
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,229
[whispering] Okay...
23
00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:24,021
[upbeat music]
24
00:01:28,104 --> 00:01:30,062
[lighter clicking]
25
00:01:33,146 --> 00:01:35,229
- [doorbell chimes]
- Go!
26
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,604
[boys chuckling]
27
00:01:48,687 --> 00:01:50,604
[Dean] Ahh, uh-oh...
28
00:01:50,604 --> 00:01:52,646
It's getting kinda big-ish.
29
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,604
[fire sizzling]
30
00:01:54,604 --> 00:01:56,687
- Come on!
- Quick!
31
00:01:56,687 --> 00:01:58,146
[crashing]
32
00:01:58,146 --> 00:02:01,604
[boys grunting]
33
00:02:05,104 --> 00:02:06,104
No!
34
00:02:06,104 --> 00:02:08,187
[splattering]
35
00:02:08,187 --> 00:02:09,521
[coughing and groaning]
36
00:02:09,521 --> 00:02:11,604
[JT] Doo-doo in mouth!
Doo-doo in mouth!
37
00:02:11,604 --> 00:02:12,687
Let's get out of here!
38
00:02:12,687 --> 00:02:14,562
We can't -
there's people in there!
39
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,771
[banging]
40
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,896
[Dean] Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
41
00:02:19,896 --> 00:02:21,437
The scarecrow set
your house on fire.
42
00:02:23,354 --> 00:02:25,687
No one's home.
We gotta call 911!
43
00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,687
Dude! You're seriously
overreacting.
44
00:02:29,271 --> 00:02:31,271
[kids screaming]
45
00:02:31,271 --> 00:02:32,687
Call 911!
46
00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:35,646
Hey, look!
They do give out candy.
47
00:02:35,646 --> 00:02:36,646
[fire alarm beeping]
48
00:02:36,646 --> 00:02:37,896
We're so dead!
49
00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:40,229
Oh, my God!
My father's going to kill me.
50
00:02:40,229 --> 00:02:42,646
Come on, let's go.
Let's get out of here.
51
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:45,354
Wait! Wait a second,
I got an idea.
52
00:02:48,812 --> 00:02:50,896
- Who's got a pen?
- Use Wes's dick!
53
00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:52,937
Quick! Give me a first name.
54
00:02:52,937 --> 00:02:54,062
Zeus!
55
00:02:54,062 --> 00:02:55,104
A kid's name!
56
00:02:55,104 --> 00:02:56,979
- Ricky!
- Okay.
57
00:02:58,021 --> 00:02:59,229
[Dean] Now a last name.
58
00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:00,354
I got it! Stanton.
59
00:03:02,562 --> 00:03:04,312
Wait, no! What?
That's my last name.
60
00:03:04,312 --> 00:03:06,771
So? Your first name's
not Ricky.
61
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:08,146
[exasperated groan]
62
00:03:09,646 --> 00:03:11,187
- Come on.
- Come on.
63
00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:13,562
Go!
64
00:03:14,437 --> 00:03:15,729
[siren approaching]
65
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:19,562
- [water spraying]
- [fire crew chattering]
66
00:03:21,604 --> 00:03:22,937
Check this out.
67
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:25,854
Numb-nuts kid caught his jacket
on fire during his prank.
68
00:03:25,854 --> 00:03:26,937
Here's the best part.
69
00:03:26,937 --> 00:03:28,729
His mommy
wrote his name on the collar.
70
00:03:29,229 --> 00:03:31,729
[fireman] 'Ricky Stanicky'?
71
00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:32,937
[laughing] Dumb shit.
72
00:03:32,937 --> 00:03:34,479
Bad news, Chief.
Just heard back.
73
00:03:34,479 --> 00:03:36,354
No Stanickys
in the school district.
74
00:03:36,354 --> 00:03:37,937
Kid must be from out of town.
75
00:03:37,937 --> 00:03:39,062
Shit.
76
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:43,396
I can't believe
that actually worked.
77
00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:47,896
Guys, I think we just
made a friend for life.
78
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:50,812
[all chuckle]
79
00:03:54,396 --> 00:03:56,937
["Oil" by Gorillaz plays]
80
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,312
[mutters angrily]
81
00:03:58,312 --> 00:03:59,771
[steam blasting]
82
00:04:01,229 --> 00:04:02,562
[arrows pinging]
83
00:04:02,562 --> 00:04:04,604
[bees buzzing]
84
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:08,021
[children screaming]
85
00:04:13,562 --> 00:04:15,771
[mower accelerating]
86
00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:25,312
♪ Then I put my codes ♪
87
00:04:25,312 --> 00:04:27,562
♪ In the machine ♪
88
00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:31,646
♪ But the world I found ♪
89
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,771
♪ Was made of faulty dreams ♪
90
00:04:34,771 --> 00:04:37,021
♪ Of faulty dreams ♪
91
00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:40,771
♪ Fairy-like companions ♪
92
00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:44,521
♪ To the dark maths
That catapult ♪
93
00:04:44,521 --> 00:04:48,229
♪ Us into imagined worlds ♪
94
00:04:48,229 --> 00:04:51,771
♪ Seems a mockery remote ♪
95
00:05:00,937 --> 00:05:02,771
[man on TV]
Want to grab a quick drink?
96
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,896
Why would you
have a quick drink...
97
00:05:05,896 --> 00:05:06,937
[phone chimes]
98
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,521
[man on TV] ...when you
can have the long drink?
99
00:05:09,521 --> 00:05:11,604
In Finland,
the happiest country on Earth,
100
00:05:11,604 --> 00:05:13,562
we invented the long drink...
101
00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:15,396
That's it for the beer
in the garage.
102
00:05:15,396 --> 00:05:17,187
Do we need to run out
and get more?
103
00:05:17,187 --> 00:05:18,771
No. That's perfect.
104
00:05:18,771 --> 00:05:20,146
You sure?
105
00:05:20,937 --> 00:05:23,229
- Yeah. The place looks amazing.
- Yeah?
106
00:05:23,229 --> 00:05:24,896
Maybe this would be
a good side hustle for us.
107
00:05:24,896 --> 00:05:25,937
[laughs]
108
00:05:25,937 --> 00:05:27,771
Erin and Dean's baby showers.
109
00:05:27,771 --> 00:05:29,521
- I like it.
- Yeah.
110
00:05:29,521 --> 00:05:31,229
And that's when
Gilbert Gines realized
111
00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:33,479
that the answer
to gang violence
112
00:05:33,479 --> 00:05:36,979
may be found in the spit-valve
of a well-worn trumpet.
113
00:05:36,979 --> 00:05:38,104
What is this?
114
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,896
Uh, it's a show called
'Hero of the Week'.
115
00:05:39,896 --> 00:05:42,687
It's about everyday people
who do these incredible things.
116
00:05:42,687 --> 00:05:44,896
My producer at Channel 6
wants me to submit for it.
117
00:05:44,896 --> 00:05:46,604
He says he has
a good contact there.
118
00:05:46,604 --> 00:05:47,854
Well, what are you waiting for?
119
00:05:47,854 --> 00:05:50,229
Well, if I want MFMBC
to notice me,
120
00:05:50,229 --> 00:05:52,146
what I need are
better assignments,
121
00:05:52,146 --> 00:05:55,396
but all I get are these
babies-who-Tweet stories.
122
00:05:55,979 --> 00:05:56,979
Mm!
123
00:05:56,979 --> 00:05:58,271
Speaking of babies,
124
00:05:58,271 --> 00:06:01,062
can you please hang these
pictures up for me, over there.
125
00:06:01,062 --> 00:06:02,896
It's JT and Susan's
baby pictures.
126
00:06:03,812 --> 00:06:07,146
Jesus, God! Was JT
born with adult teeth?
127
00:06:07,146 --> 00:06:09,937
Oh, come on, his teeth
are cute. Look at that.
128
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,562
Cute? He looks like
hillbilly Hitler.
129
00:06:12,562 --> 00:06:13,646
[Erin chuckles]
130
00:06:13,646 --> 00:06:15,937
- You think all babies are cute.
- All babies are cute.
131
00:06:15,937 --> 00:06:17,687
Yeah, sure.
132
00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:19,979
And the remotes are
sticky for like 20 years.
133
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,229
Well, there are good things
134
00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:22,562
about having kids too,
you know.
135
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:24,354
- Really?
- Yeah.
136
00:06:24,354 --> 00:06:26,646
I don't remember my parents
feeling that way.
137
00:06:27,396 --> 00:06:29,687
You don't think your parents
enjoyed having kids?
138
00:06:30,396 --> 00:06:32,812
It doesn't matter.
What we have is way better.
139
00:06:32,812 --> 00:06:34,312
It's what we always
talked about.
140
00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:35,312
Hmm.
141
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,187
I love you.
142
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:39,146
You love me.
143
00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:42,062
- We love Paul.
- Hmm.
144
00:06:43,396 --> 00:06:45,312
- And we don't need anyone else.
- [door opens]
145
00:06:45,312 --> 00:06:47,479
Oh, my God!
JT, leave me alone!
146
00:06:47,479 --> 00:06:50,687
It is my baby shower, I'm going
to have one drink. One!
147
00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:52,604
Dr. Kurihara said
it is perfectly fine. Hello.
148
00:06:52,604 --> 00:06:55,187
Dr. Kurihara is part of
the medical industrial complex,
149
00:06:55,187 --> 00:06:57,396
and Midwife Maggie said
you're on a strict vegan diet
150
00:06:57,396 --> 00:06:59,062
and absolutely no alcohol.
151
00:06:59,062 --> 00:07:01,937
Okay, well you are not Midwife
Maggie, you are my husband.
152
00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,229
Yeah, I know,
but I'm also Daddy Doula.
153
00:07:04,229 --> 00:07:05,896
- That's my job.
- You gotta stop saying that.
154
00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:07,396
You're going to make
the baby throw up.
155
00:07:07,396 --> 00:07:09,312
They can't... Can they
throw up inside of there?
156
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:10,771
Wait, JT's your doula?
157
00:07:10,771 --> 00:07:13,187
Yeah, he also wants to be naked
when the baby is born.
158
00:07:13,187 --> 00:07:14,896
- Don't you?
- I don't want to be naked.
159
00:07:14,896 --> 00:07:16,437
I just want my shirt off, okay,
160
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,229
for the first embrace,
skin to skin.
161
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,104
- It's a bonding thing.
- [cell phone ringing]
162
00:07:20,104 --> 00:07:21,562
- Good.
- Hey, you better get that.
163
00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:23,479
That's the fourth time Ricky
called in, like, 20 minutes.
164
00:07:23,479 --> 00:07:24,562
Yeah, see what he wants, man.
165
00:07:24,562 --> 00:07:25,771
He's been blowing me up
all day.
166
00:07:25,771 --> 00:07:27,604
- Really?
- [JT] Yeah.
167
00:07:27,604 --> 00:07:29,021
All right.
168
00:07:29,896 --> 00:07:32,354
Stanicky! What up, man?
How's it going?
169
00:07:32,354 --> 00:07:34,479
[Erin] I'm going to get you
a tea, not wine, don't drink.
170
00:07:34,479 --> 00:07:37,562
Yeah, hey I'm in the middle of
something right now. I just...
171
00:07:40,479 --> 00:07:41,812
Are you serious?
172
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:46,354
Uh-huh. Okay.
173
00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:51,312
Well, just do me a favor
and have someone call me
174
00:07:51,312 --> 00:07:53,104
when you get out
of surgery, all right?
175
00:07:56,062 --> 00:07:57,562
So you're all alone?
176
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,396
Shit, man, that sucks.
177
00:08:00,896 --> 00:08:01,979
All right, hang in there.
178
00:08:01,979 --> 00:08:03,562
We'll all be sending you
positive vibes
179
00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:05,104
from over here, buddy.
180
00:08:07,146 --> 00:08:08,396
Love you too, man.
181
00:08:09,187 --> 00:08:11,229
What's going on?
What did he say?
182
00:08:12,229 --> 00:08:13,687
It's back.
183
00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:15,187
What's back?
184
00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:18,146
- The cancer.
- Oh, God.
185
00:08:18,146 --> 00:08:19,937
I thought he was
out of the woods.
186
00:08:19,937 --> 00:08:20,979
[Susan] Poor guy.
187
00:08:21,937 --> 00:08:24,021
Are they going to
have to remove the...
188
00:08:24,021 --> 00:08:25,646
...other testicle?
189
00:08:25,646 --> 00:08:27,229
And can they even do that?
190
00:08:27,229 --> 00:08:28,979
I thought you needed
at least one to live.
191
00:08:28,979 --> 00:08:31,021
What? No!
That's kidneys, dumbo.
192
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:32,729
Where is he?
193
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,479
He's in a hospital in Albany.
194
00:08:34,479 --> 00:08:36,479
Albany? Why is he in Albany?
195
00:08:36,479 --> 00:08:38,729
He flew in from Nairobi
to meet with some non-profits
196
00:08:38,729 --> 00:08:40,896
and he had an attack.
197
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,521
They're gonna
open him up tonight.
198
00:08:42,521 --> 00:08:44,104
Dean, you should
drive out there.
199
00:08:44,104 --> 00:08:45,271
The poor guy's all alone.
200
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,354
I can't go tonight.
What about the baby shower?
201
00:08:47,354 --> 00:08:48,937
And Summerhayes
is going to be here.
202
00:08:48,937 --> 00:08:50,479
What? You're worried
about your boss?
203
00:08:50,479 --> 00:08:51,771
Come on, he's just business.
204
00:08:51,771 --> 00:08:53,896
Ricky's been there for you guys
your whole lives.
205
00:08:53,896 --> 00:08:56,187
Dude, just go.
I've got Summerhayes covered.
206
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,104
What? No, no, no, no.
207
00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,187
You should call him
208
00:08:59,187 --> 00:09:00,854
and tell him you have
a family emergency.
209
00:09:00,854 --> 00:09:02,104
You should go with Dean.
210
00:09:02,104 --> 00:09:04,521
Are you serious? Babe,
we can't both bail on the boss.
211
00:09:04,521 --> 00:09:05,979
Yes! Yes, you can.
212
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,479
I mean, he'll probably
be relieved
213
00:09:07,479 --> 00:09:09,396
that he doesn't have to
go to a baby shower.
214
00:09:11,562 --> 00:09:14,854
Well, looks like
we're going to Albany.
215
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:15,896
You were right, man -
216
00:09:15,896 --> 00:09:17,937
the Summerhayes thing
totally put it over the top.
217
00:09:17,937 --> 00:09:19,604
The Devil's in the details,
my friend.
218
00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:21,062
What the hell
took y'all so long?
219
00:09:21,062 --> 00:09:22,771
- The flight leaves in an hour.
- Oh, sorry.
220
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:23,979
We were doing all the work
221
00:09:23,979 --> 00:09:26,021
executing our brilliant
last-minute plan.
222
00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:27,229
Who made the Stanicky calls?
223
00:09:27,229 --> 00:09:29,187
Who cares who did what, Wes?
The point is it worked.
224
00:09:29,187 --> 00:09:30,521
We got out of a baby shower,
225
00:09:30,521 --> 00:09:32,187
and we got tickets
to Marc-fucking-Rebillet!
226
00:09:32,187 --> 00:09:33,187
- [grunts excitedly]
- Whoo!
227
00:09:33,187 --> 00:09:35,271
- How'd you score those babies?
- Yeah, this guy we work with
228
00:09:35,271 --> 00:09:36,687
broke one of his ankles
last night.
229
00:09:36,687 --> 00:09:39,229
He fell out of a tree trying
to get his kid's balloon.
230
00:09:39,229 --> 00:09:40,812
- Poor guy.
- So we got his tickets.
231
00:09:40,812 --> 00:09:42,354
Goddamn, y'all so lucky, man!
232
00:09:42,354 --> 00:09:44,104
This kind of shit
happens to you all the time.
233
00:09:44,104 --> 00:09:46,271
Hey! Good things happen
to good people.
234
00:09:46,271 --> 00:09:48,437
That's right.
Atlantic City, here we come.
235
00:09:48,437 --> 00:09:49,646
Let's tear New Jersey
a new armpit!
236
00:09:49,646 --> 00:09:50,646
Whoa!
237
00:09:51,937 --> 00:09:53,937
[JT] It's not the same
but it feels just as good.
238
00:09:53,937 --> 00:09:56,396
I mean, you just have to have
sex on the side like a walrus.
239
00:09:57,021 --> 00:09:58,562
[Wes] Won't that dent
the baby's head?
240
00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:01,396
I had a friend named Liam, and
his head got all dick-dented.
241
00:10:01,937 --> 00:10:05,021
I think maybe his mother
had a short vagina.
242
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,937
[sighing] Just looking out
for baby Whitaker.
243
00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:08,354
So you still going with
Whitaker, huh?
244
00:10:08,354 --> 00:10:10,146
We are!
It's a family name. All right?
245
00:10:10,146 --> 00:10:11,562
- Oh, that's nice.
- [JT] Yeah, thank you.
246
00:10:11,562 --> 00:10:13,271
You guys know the rules.
247
00:10:13,271 --> 00:10:15,062
Phones off,
so we don't get tracked.
248
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:16,229
- Mm-hm.
- Yep.
249
00:10:17,354 --> 00:10:18,937
- All right. Wes.
- I'm Wes.
250
00:10:18,937 --> 00:10:20,062
- Bible!
- Ooh.
251
00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:22,396
[Wes] All right...
252
00:10:23,146 --> 00:10:24,646
What we got?
253
00:10:24,646 --> 00:10:26,479
- Ricky's cancer's back.
- Oh, no.
254
00:10:26,479 --> 00:10:28,562
[Dean] Emergency surgery
in Albany.
255
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:32,021
[Wes] Oh, that's terrible.
Emergency surgery...
256
00:10:32,021 --> 00:10:33,812
Hey, why does it
have to be cancer?
257
00:10:33,812 --> 00:10:35,312
Like, won't everybody
get worried?
258
00:10:35,312 --> 00:10:36,604
That mean I gotta
do chemo again?
259
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:39,896
Yeah, and that's going to take
us right into the World Series.
260
00:10:39,896 --> 00:10:41,604
- Ahh.
- Boom!
261
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:45,396
All right, one final bit
of business before we land.
262
00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:47,646
Stanicky phone. Let's get this
Instagram out of the way.
263
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:49,104
There we go.
264
00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:53,562
-"Life is precious."
- It is.
265
00:10:53,562 --> 00:10:55,854
-"And so is friendship."
- Hmm.
266
00:10:55,854 --> 00:10:58,521
"Thanks to my boys
for being here for me."
267
00:10:59,146 --> 00:11:00,146
Good.
268
00:11:00,146 --> 00:11:02,104
All right, are we done?
Is it get drunk time?
269
00:11:02,104 --> 00:11:04,021
- Yeah.
- A toast!
270
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:05,396
To Ricky Stanicky.
271
00:11:05,396 --> 00:11:07,104
[Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky.
272
00:11:07,104 --> 00:11:09,312
The best friend we never had.
273
00:11:09,896 --> 00:11:11,021
Yoo!
274
00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:14,271
["Your New Morning Alarm"
by Marc Rebillet plays]
275
00:11:14,271 --> 00:11:16,896
[crowd cheering]
276
00:11:16,896 --> 00:11:18,521
♪ Get the fuck out of bed
Bitch, go! ♪
277
00:11:18,521 --> 00:11:22,646
- [crowd cheering]
- [loud techno music blares]
278
00:11:22,646 --> 00:11:24,771
♪ Get up, get up!
You gotta go, gah! ♪
279
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,937
♪ Wake up, time to wake up
Bitch, get up! ♪
280
00:11:29,937 --> 00:11:33,187
- [explosions]
- [crowd cheering]
281
00:11:38,729 --> 00:11:42,562
[loud techno music blares]
282
00:11:48,187 --> 00:11:50,979
[crowd cheering and whooping]
283
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:53,896
- [music ends]
- [Dean] Woo-hoo-hoo!
284
00:11:53,896 --> 00:11:56,354
God, that was good!
That was amazing!
285
00:11:56,354 --> 00:11:59,146
- Thank you, Ricky Stanicky.
- The fucking Loop Daddy!
286
00:11:59,146 --> 00:12:00,312
Unbelievable, dude.
287
00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:02,521
It makes all that guilt
I'm feeling totally worthwhile.
288
00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:04,396
Why do we even
have to feel guilt?
289
00:12:04,396 --> 00:12:05,646
We could have just told them.
290
00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:07,396
You know, and cut out
that whole angst part.
291
00:12:07,396 --> 00:12:09,146
No, because
the Rebillet tickets
292
00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:10,771
fell into our lap this morning,
293
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,896
and the girls have had the baby
shower planned for weeks.
294
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,479
Yeah.
Yeah, but they're strong women.
295
00:12:14,479 --> 00:12:16,146
I'm sure
they would've gotten over
296
00:12:16,146 --> 00:12:17,646
us skipping one little party.
297
00:12:17,646 --> 00:12:20,979
It's not one little party.
It's my baby shower.
298
00:12:22,271 --> 00:12:23,812
[Wes] Oh, a Jack and Coke.
299
00:12:23,812 --> 00:12:25,937
I'll have a Dos Equis, please.
Hoo!
300
00:12:25,937 --> 00:12:28,937
Do you have, uh...
do you have organic vodka?
301
00:12:31,062 --> 00:12:32,771
Just any vodka, it's all...
302
00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:34,271
- Anything.
- Thank you.
303
00:12:34,771 --> 00:12:36,812
Speaking of vodka,
I'll take a Belvedere, neat,
304
00:12:36,812 --> 00:12:38,396
and a plate of
your crispiest calamari.
305
00:12:38,396 --> 00:12:40,604
No, no, Rod. No! Bad!
306
00:12:40,604 --> 00:12:42,229
You keep freeloading
off the customers
307
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,354
and you're out of here.
308
00:12:43,354 --> 00:12:45,146
[chuckling] He loves
giving me the business.
309
00:12:45,146 --> 00:12:47,354
Just to be clear,
I'm anything but a freeloader.
310
00:12:47,354 --> 00:12:49,437
Just going to give you guys
a little 'squid pro quo'
311
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:50,937
for the calamari.
312
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,646
Really? Meaning?
313
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,604
Oh, I do a midnight show
at the Slot Swamp Casino.
314
00:12:54,604 --> 00:12:56,896
I'll get you guys in,
half price.
315
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:59,187
- What kind of show?
- Ah. Check this out.
316
00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:01,896
Boom!
317
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,687
Oh, shit! Yo!
318
00:13:03,687 --> 00:13:05,104
"Rock Hard Rod -
319
00:13:05,104 --> 00:13:08,354
"South Jersey's premier X-rated
rock'n'roll impersonator".
320
00:13:09,771 --> 00:13:11,646
That's not as crazy
as it sounds.
321
00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:14,271
I mean, most of the songs
are just about masturbation,
322
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,604
and we all do that, right?
323
00:13:16,146 --> 00:13:17,354
[chuckling] Yeah!
324
00:13:17,354 --> 00:13:19,771
Actually, Rod, I don't think
we'll be able to make the show,
325
00:13:19,771 --> 00:13:20,937
but we'll buy you a drink
326
00:13:20,937 --> 00:13:22,354
if you put
your jerk-off hand down.
327
00:13:22,354 --> 00:13:23,979
You drive a hard bargain, sir.
328
00:13:23,979 --> 00:13:27,521
So, you do a bunch of jerk-off
songs to make a living?
329
00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:28,854
[Rod] Yeah, I do a whole act.
330
00:13:28,854 --> 00:13:30,937
Wall-to-wall,
top-to-bottom jizz jams!
331
00:13:30,937 --> 00:13:33,021
You'll be surprised at how much
material lends itself to it.
332
00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,271
I mean, 'Beat It',
Michael Jackson.
333
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,896
'Wind Beneath My Wings',
Bette Midler.
334
00:13:35,896 --> 00:13:37,604
- Anything by The Strokes!
- Mm.
335
00:13:37,604 --> 00:13:39,062
Yeah, and I'm the only one
in the world
336
00:13:39,062 --> 00:13:40,104
that's figured it out.
337
00:13:40,104 --> 00:13:43,271
Yeah, it's almost
hard to believe.
338
00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:44,854
Oh, Barry,
my dear friends here
339
00:13:44,854 --> 00:13:46,312
will buy me that drink
after all.
340
00:13:46,812 --> 00:13:48,021
Oh, yeah,
I also do impressions.
341
00:13:48,021 --> 00:13:50,104
You name it, I can do it.
I'm a trained actor, you know.
342
00:13:50,104 --> 00:13:52,021
- I got a good one for you, Rod.
- Yeah?
343
00:13:52,021 --> 00:13:54,021
Why don't you do the guy
that gets the fuck out of here
344
00:13:54,021 --> 00:13:55,604
before I call security?
345
00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:57,437
No, no, no, it's okay.
It's okay.
346
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:58,562
I think we'd like to see this.
347
00:13:58,562 --> 00:14:00,146
And go ahead
and bring him that drink.
348
00:14:00,146 --> 00:14:03,479
Ha!
And the calamari, Bar-ry!
349
00:14:03,479 --> 00:14:05,646
[chuckling] Dickhead!
Love that guy.
350
00:14:05,646 --> 00:14:07,354
So, who do you guys
want me to do?
351
00:14:07,354 --> 00:14:09,937
You, er, I don't know,
you like Owen Wilson?
352
00:14:10,479 --> 00:14:11,979
- Sure.
- We love Owen Wilson.
353
00:14:11,979 --> 00:14:14,271
- Yeah, that's fine.
- I would love some Owen Wilson.
354
00:14:17,271 --> 00:14:19,062
[mimics Owen Wilson's voice]
Wow!
355
00:14:19,062 --> 00:14:20,937
Where in the history
of our relationship
356
00:14:20,937 --> 00:14:22,979
did you think
I couldn't do an impersonation
357
00:14:22,979 --> 00:14:25,021
of somebody as adorable
as The Big O?
358
00:14:25,021 --> 00:14:27,854
That is an excellent Owen
Wilson. That's a good Owen.
359
00:14:27,854 --> 00:14:28,979
- It's okay.
- Wow.
360
00:14:28,979 --> 00:14:30,937
- [JT] It's not that good.
- Thank you. Oh, er...
361
00:14:30,937 --> 00:14:33,104
- I'm just...
- [Wes] Calamari's here, man.
362
00:14:34,562 --> 00:14:35,687
[slurps noisily]
363
00:14:36,937 --> 00:14:38,479
All right,
an oldie but a goodie.
364
00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:42,396
[smoky woman's voice]
Take a look at this tit, kid.
365
00:14:42,396 --> 00:14:44,187
Probably the last one
you're ever going to see
366
00:14:44,187 --> 00:14:45,437
for the rest of your life.
367
00:14:45,937 --> 00:14:47,771
[little boy's voice]
Don't drink no more, Momma.
368
00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:49,271
You're real mean
when you drink stuff.
369
00:14:49,271 --> 00:14:51,521
[woman's voice] Quit your
bitchin', ya sloppy punk.
370
00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:53,187
You wanna know how
you was hatched?
371
00:14:53,187 --> 00:14:55,896
Your old man
was basting my rump roast
372
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,979
and some of it dribbled
into my woolly burger.
373
00:14:57,979 --> 00:14:59,771
You know what
that makes you?
374
00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:01,771
[laughs] A shit baby!
375
00:15:01,771 --> 00:15:03,771
That's right,
you're nothing but shit,
376
00:15:03,771 --> 00:15:05,437
and you always will be!
377
00:15:06,021 --> 00:15:08,479
Is... is that from
'Downton Abbey'?
378
00:15:09,687 --> 00:15:11,854
That was, er...
379
00:15:11,854 --> 00:15:14,396
just a little skit
from my childhood.
380
00:15:19,646 --> 00:15:20,687
[Dean] Er, yeah...
381
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,854
I think it's time
to hit the tables, boys. Huh?
382
00:15:22,854 --> 00:15:24,812
Right on. Where are we going?
383
00:15:24,812 --> 00:15:26,437
Copper Bonnet's the only place
on the boardwalk
384
00:15:26,437 --> 00:15:27,437
with 50-cent tables.
385
00:15:27,437 --> 00:15:29,312
Not as many hookers,
but they're friendlier -
386
00:15:29,312 --> 00:15:30,437
they don't get weirded out
387
00:15:30,437 --> 00:15:31,854
when you just wanna
brush their hair.
388
00:15:31,854 --> 00:15:34,062
Yeah, Rod, I think we're just
going to stay around here.
389
00:15:34,062 --> 00:15:36,562
Oh, here's great. I'm friends
with the bartender, Barry.
390
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:41,354
Hey, Hard-on Ronnie,
we are doing our own thing.
391
00:15:41,354 --> 00:15:43,146
We got our thing going on,
392
00:15:43,146 --> 00:15:46,187
and we're probably
just gonna...
393
00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:47,979
leave you.
394
00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:54,396
Okay, I can take a hint.
395
00:15:55,396 --> 00:15:56,396
You guys look at me
396
00:15:56,396 --> 00:15:58,354
and you just see another
scumbag impersonator, right?
397
00:15:58,354 --> 00:16:01,104
Thanks for understanding, man.
You're a good dude.
398
00:16:05,354 --> 00:16:07,812
- What the hell, man?
- What?
399
00:16:07,812 --> 00:16:09,687
You didn't have to be
so mean about it.
400
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,354
What? I wasn't...
What did I do?
401
00:16:13,229 --> 00:16:14,729
What? Was I being an asshole?
402
00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:16,812
Well, you called him
'Hard-on Ronnie'.
403
00:16:16,812 --> 00:16:18,687
It's 'Rock Hard Rod'.
404
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:20,646
Ohh, right, I'm so sorry.
405
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,187
I didn't know
Weird Al Wankovic
406
00:16:22,187 --> 00:16:23,854
would be so sensitive.
407
00:16:25,271 --> 00:16:27,104
Rod! Hey, Rod!
408
00:16:27,937 --> 00:16:28,937
These are mine.
409
00:16:28,937 --> 00:16:31,604
I just wanted to say sorry for
what happened back there.
410
00:16:31,604 --> 00:16:33,021
My friends...
411
00:16:33,021 --> 00:16:35,521
they just want it to be
some kind of reunion, just us,
412
00:16:35,521 --> 00:16:37,146
but that wasn't cool, so...
413
00:16:38,479 --> 00:16:40,771
Whatever, I get it.
Happens all the time.
414
00:16:41,687 --> 00:16:43,479
You guys come in to AC
415
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:46,146
with your Toyota Avalons and
your anesthesiologist money.
416
00:16:46,146 --> 00:16:48,021
Strutting around
like a bunch of big shots.
417
00:16:48,021 --> 00:16:49,437
Let me tell you something.
418
00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:50,937
We lost Joan Rivers
and Michael Jackson
419
00:16:50,937 --> 00:16:52,312
because of you fuckers, okay?
420
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,521
None of us are
anesthesiologists.
421
00:16:55,521 --> 00:16:57,021
Not here for the convention?
422
00:16:57,021 --> 00:16:58,229
No.
423
00:16:59,854 --> 00:17:01,521
Hey, I get it, man.
424
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,062
You look at me and see another
asshole sideshow freak, right?
425
00:17:04,062 --> 00:17:05,729
- Not at all.
- I'm more than that.
426
00:17:05,729 --> 00:17:07,687
I'm a damn good actor.
427
00:17:08,396 --> 00:17:09,729
You'll see.
428
00:17:10,521 --> 00:17:11,521
Shit!
429
00:17:18,604 --> 00:17:20,104
Who are they?
430
00:17:20,104 --> 00:17:21,729
Crazy fans
I was trying to avoid.
431
00:17:22,312 --> 00:17:25,229
Anyway, I gotta run.
Hey, take my card.
432
00:17:27,104 --> 00:17:28,187
Remember that name.
433
00:17:28,187 --> 00:17:30,146
I promise it's going to mean
something to you some day.
434
00:17:30,146 --> 00:17:32,062
I would not be surprised.
435
00:17:33,979 --> 00:17:35,312
[slurps noisily]
436
00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:43,896
Oh! Jeez.
437
00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:51,896
[cell phone pinging]
438
00:18:00,437 --> 00:18:02,937
Oh, my God! Yes! Yes!
439
00:18:02,937 --> 00:18:04,187
[JT laughs]
440
00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:05,979
- Give me my money right now!
- JT! JT!
441
00:18:05,979 --> 00:18:08,229
Not now, Dean. I'm on fire!
442
00:18:08,229 --> 00:18:10,437
And for once I'm going to leave
Atlantic City a winner!
443
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,021
Susan's in labor.
444
00:18:13,021 --> 00:18:15,312
[dramatic music]
445
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,521
This was a bad idea.
I knew this was a bad idea.
446
00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:19,729
Don't friggin' do that, man.
447
00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,771
You're 'Monday morning
quarterbacking' right now.
448
00:18:21,771 --> 00:18:23,854
Who could've figured she'd go
into labor six weeks early?
449
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:27,146
Six weeks! My baby's going to
be born six weeks early.
450
00:18:27,146 --> 00:18:29,312
- Is he going to be okay?
- The baby's going to fine.
451
00:18:29,312 --> 00:18:31,521
Babies are born
six weeks early all the time.
452
00:18:31,521 --> 00:18:33,229
I was born six weeks early.
453
00:18:33,229 --> 00:18:35,271
Oh, shit! Go, go, go! Go!
454
00:18:45,187 --> 00:18:46,729
Susan Levine.
What room is she in?
455
00:18:47,687 --> 00:18:49,437
- Levine?
- Yeah, Levine.
456
00:18:49,979 --> 00:18:53,104
Ah, here we are.
She and the baby are in 208.
457
00:18:54,146 --> 00:18:55,729
She had the baby?!
458
00:18:55,729 --> 00:18:57,562
[JT] Oh, baby Whitaker.
459
00:18:58,062 --> 00:18:59,937
This was not the birth plan
I had for you.
460
00:19:00,562 --> 00:19:02,646
I wanted you born on the shores
of Goosewing Beach.
461
00:19:02,646 --> 00:19:04,354
You know what
my birth plan was?
462
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,312
For you to actually be here.
463
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,229
Why isn't he wearing a shirt?
464
00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,687
I'm having skin-to-skin
contact with my son, Leona.
465
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:13,146
It's a proven way of regulating
a newborn baby's temperature,
466
00:19:13,146 --> 00:19:14,646
and it calms him, thank you.
467
00:19:14,646 --> 00:19:16,187
Don't blankets do that?
468
00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:19,521
Oh, he is such a little peanut.
469
00:19:19,521 --> 00:19:22,104
We should call him Shrimpy,
he's such a little peanut.
470
00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:25,104
Please don't call
my grandson 'Shrimpy'.
471
00:19:25,104 --> 00:19:27,354
Shrimps are
the cockroaches of the sea.
472
00:19:27,854 --> 00:19:30,604
6lbs is pretty good for a month
and a half early, right, Mom?
473
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,729
Oh, he's perfect. He's perfect.
474
00:19:32,729 --> 00:19:35,479
I want to know where the hell
you guys were tonight.
475
00:19:35,479 --> 00:19:37,646
We called every hospital
in Albany
476
00:19:37,646 --> 00:19:40,229
and there was no record
of a Ricky Stanicky.
477
00:19:40,229 --> 00:19:41,854
Yeah, and the last thing
you tell me
478
00:19:41,854 --> 00:19:44,187
is you got to go see him
because he's got...
479
00:19:44,187 --> 00:19:45,646
What kind of cancer?
480
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:48,437
Er... anal.
481
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,646
I thought it was testicular.
482
00:19:50,646 --> 00:19:54,187
It was testicular, but then
it spread to his anus.
483
00:19:54,771 --> 00:19:56,937
Yeah, they had to remove it.
484
00:19:56,937 --> 00:19:58,229
They removed his asshole?
485
00:19:59,354 --> 00:20:02,479
Er... just the outer lip part.
486
00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:05,312
Outer lip part?
What is he, a fucking baboon?
487
00:20:05,312 --> 00:20:07,396
Come on, Wes.
What's going on here?
488
00:20:07,396 --> 00:20:08,979
Where were you?
489
00:20:12,771 --> 00:20:14,521
Okay.
490
00:20:16,437 --> 00:20:17,854
It was a lie.
491
00:20:19,146 --> 00:20:21,062
It's all been a lie.
492
00:20:21,604 --> 00:20:23,229
What's a lie?
493
00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:26,229
The whole Ricky Stanicky thing.
494
00:20:27,104 --> 00:20:29,354
It was, uh...
495
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:30,521
It's bullshit.
496
00:20:30,521 --> 00:20:32,521
JT, what's he talking about?
497
00:20:32,521 --> 00:20:34,229
Yeah, Dean,
what is he talking about?
498
00:20:35,854 --> 00:20:37,812
He's saying...
499
00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:40,312
Ricky Stanicky lied to us.
500
00:20:40,312 --> 00:20:42,729
Okay? There was no cancer.
501
00:20:42,729 --> 00:20:45,021
When we got to the hospital,
Ricky was standing out front
502
00:20:45,021 --> 00:20:46,729
with a bottle of champagne
and a limo.
503
00:20:46,729 --> 00:20:48,771
Turns out that it was his
five-year anniversary
504
00:20:48,771 --> 00:20:50,562
being cancer free.
505
00:20:50,562 --> 00:20:53,646
So he pretended to have cancer
506
00:20:53,646 --> 00:20:56,396
just so he could celebrate
not having cancer?
507
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:58,312
I... Yeah.
508
00:20:58,312 --> 00:20:59,437
It's typical Rick.
509
00:20:59,437 --> 00:21:01,396
You know, he's got
such a weird sense of humour.
510
00:21:01,396 --> 00:21:02,979
- [Dean] He does, yep.
- [Erin] Okay...
511
00:21:02,979 --> 00:21:05,521
He was in Albany meeting with
the Give Green Foundation,
512
00:21:05,521 --> 00:21:07,729
and I guess he just wanted
to celebrate with us.
513
00:21:07,729 --> 00:21:09,229
So he pranked us.
514
00:21:09,229 --> 00:21:11,812
The Give Green Foundation?
515
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:14,437
Yeah. You've heard of them,
Leona. They're wonderful.
516
00:21:14,437 --> 00:21:18,021
Wait, why didn't you call us
and tell us that he was okay?
517
00:21:18,021 --> 00:21:19,812
And why was your phone off
all night?
518
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:21,354
Oh, baby, it was a whirlwind.
519
00:21:21,354 --> 00:21:22,937
Ricky took us
to a stand-up comedy show
520
00:21:22,937 --> 00:21:24,604
and they didn't
allow cell phones, so...
521
00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:27,229
And after that,
the night turned into a blur.
522
00:21:27,229 --> 00:21:29,479
You know I wanted
to be here for you for this.
523
00:21:29,479 --> 00:21:31,021
I wanted this more
than you did.
524
00:21:31,854 --> 00:21:33,229
Oh, get that baby
off that thing
525
00:21:33,229 --> 00:21:34,354
and give him to his mother.
526
00:21:34,354 --> 00:21:35,937
Oh, that is disgusting!
527
00:21:35,937 --> 00:21:39,229
No. It's dangerous to detach.
Let him suck it out.
528
00:21:40,271 --> 00:21:42,271
[whispers] Yeah. Good boy.
529
00:21:42,271 --> 00:21:44,021
This hippie-dippy crap.
530
00:21:44,021 --> 00:21:46,021
Well, I'm certainly
going to give Ricky an earful
531
00:21:46,021 --> 00:21:48,104
when I see him
at the bris next week.
532
00:21:48,104 --> 00:21:49,437
What's a bris?
533
00:21:49,437 --> 00:21:51,062
It's the circumcision ceremony.
534
00:21:51,062 --> 00:21:54,062
Oh! It sounds like a soup.
535
00:21:54,062 --> 00:21:56,479
You know, I doubt he's going to
be able to be there, sadly.
536
00:21:56,479 --> 00:21:57,562
Why not?
537
00:21:58,396 --> 00:22:00,146
He has work in Nairobi.
538
00:22:00,146 --> 00:22:01,479
No, he doesn't.
539
00:22:01,479 --> 00:22:03,229
Wes is helping him out
with some fundraiser
540
00:22:03,229 --> 00:22:04,771
in Providence
on Saturday night.
541
00:22:04,771 --> 00:22:06,354
[Wes clearing throat]
542
00:22:06,354 --> 00:22:08,646
I remember telling...
[voice breaks] I told you.
543
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:10,854
Yeah.
544
00:22:10,854 --> 00:22:14,854
Great. Well, the bris is on
Sunday, so he can make it.
545
00:22:14,854 --> 00:22:18,187
Yeah, maybe. Unless he's got to
fly out early on Sunday.
546
00:22:18,187 --> 00:22:19,396
Well, that's ridiculous.
547
00:22:19,396 --> 00:22:20,937
Come on,
if he's in town on Saturday,
548
00:22:20,937 --> 00:22:23,229
why wouldn't he spend an extra
day to meet baby Whitaker?
549
00:22:23,229 --> 00:22:25,354
Yeah, why wouldn't he?
550
00:22:26,229 --> 00:22:29,479
You're absolutely right.
He should stay an extra day.
551
00:22:29,479 --> 00:22:31,437
In fact, I'm going to
make sure of it.
552
00:22:32,104 --> 00:22:33,437
[JT] What the fuck, Dean?
553
00:22:33,437 --> 00:22:34,896
What did you want me
to say, man?
554
00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:36,271
They were all staring at me.
555
00:22:36,271 --> 00:22:38,937
I look at you. You've got baby
Whitaker nursing on you.
556
00:22:38,937 --> 00:22:40,437
Horrible name, by the way.
557
00:22:40,437 --> 00:22:42,271
- I just--
- You panicked.
558
00:22:42,271 --> 00:22:43,521
I panicked?!
559
00:22:44,187 --> 00:22:46,521
What are you talk...?! You're
the one who almost outed us!
560
00:22:46,521 --> 00:22:47,854
And you made plans
with Stanicky!
561
00:22:47,854 --> 00:22:50,062
Ricky Stanicky is not
a one-man show. You know that!
562
00:22:50,062 --> 00:22:51,562
It's a fragile fabric, man.
563
00:22:51,562 --> 00:22:54,146
Ricky Stanicky is only to be
used as a three-man team.
564
00:22:54,146 --> 00:22:55,146
Huh.
565
00:22:55,146 --> 00:22:56,812
So, what about
the golf rounds with Ricky
566
00:22:56,812 --> 00:22:58,271
that JT charged
to your company?
567
00:22:58,271 --> 00:22:59,479
- You weren't there.
- What?
568
00:22:59,479 --> 00:23:01,021
I charged the rounds of golf
569
00:23:01,021 --> 00:23:02,604
because you didn't
have any money.
570
00:23:02,604 --> 00:23:05,646
Seriously, Wes. What
happened in there, man?
571
00:23:06,521 --> 00:23:07,812
Look.
572
00:23:07,812 --> 00:23:10,271
Keith's been on my ass
about finding a job,
573
00:23:10,271 --> 00:23:12,521
and sleeping all day...
574
00:23:12,521 --> 00:23:14,771
and pumicing my foot-skin
over the sink.
575
00:23:14,771 --> 00:23:16,854
What the fuck does this
have to do with Stanicky?
576
00:23:16,854 --> 00:23:18,687
I needed a break!
577
00:23:18,687 --> 00:23:20,521
Keith can be very oppressive.
578
00:23:20,521 --> 00:23:22,146
Sometimes
I feel like I'm living
579
00:23:22,146 --> 00:23:23,562
in a gay 'Handmaid's Tale'.
580
00:23:24,354 --> 00:23:29,187
So I went to a pot farm, where
they make cannabis milk.
581
00:23:29,187 --> 00:23:31,187
You played the Stanicky card
to get pot milk?
582
00:23:31,187 --> 00:23:33,104
You never had milk
like this before.
583
00:23:33,104 --> 00:23:34,479
- No, I haven't.
- It's delicious.
584
00:23:34,479 --> 00:23:35,562
I hope!
585
00:23:35,562 --> 00:23:37,687
They must feed these
lucky cows weed all day,
586
00:23:37,687 --> 00:23:39,646
because when
they milk 'em - boom!
587
00:23:39,646 --> 00:23:41,312
[high-pitched] Dream cream!
588
00:23:41,312 --> 00:23:42,646
What did you just say?
589
00:23:42,646 --> 00:23:43,771
[high-pitched] Dream cream.
590
00:23:44,479 --> 00:23:45,604
Huh!
591
00:23:48,646 --> 00:23:51,437
We're fucked.
We're majorly fucked.
592
00:23:51,437 --> 00:23:53,146
You know, we don't
deserve this shit.
593
00:23:53,146 --> 00:23:54,562
All we did was tell one lie.
594
00:23:54,562 --> 00:23:57,104
Hundreds and hundreds of times
over many, many years.
595
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,354
Hey, maybe they'll forget
596
00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:01,562
that they invited Stanicky
to the bris.
597
00:24:01,562 --> 00:24:03,687
They'll be so busy
with the family and friends,
598
00:24:03,687 --> 00:24:04,771
and cutting of penises.
599
00:24:04,771 --> 00:24:06,687
They're not going to forget
they invited him, Wes.
600
00:24:07,812 --> 00:24:09,437
I got it. My boy Jonesy.
601
00:24:09,437 --> 00:24:11,229
He works for one of
those online obituaries.
602
00:24:11,229 --> 00:24:13,104
We could kill Stanicky off.
603
00:24:13,104 --> 00:24:14,937
I like that.
Let's kill his ass.
604
00:24:14,937 --> 00:24:16,437
Put your hands down, shit nuts.
605
00:24:16,437 --> 00:24:19,937
Obituaries give details.
Friends, family, cemeteries.
606
00:24:19,937 --> 00:24:22,187
Plus then everyone's going to
want to go to the funeral.
607
00:24:22,187 --> 00:24:25,396
Okay, Dean,
your negativity is not helping.
608
00:24:27,479 --> 00:24:32,271
Or, uh, we could go do
my original plan...
609
00:24:33,187 --> 00:24:34,771
... and tell everybody
the truth.
610
00:24:34,771 --> 00:24:36,979
Shut your mouth.
Shut your stupid mouth.
611
00:24:36,979 --> 00:24:38,312
We're not telling the truth.
612
00:24:38,312 --> 00:24:39,937
There'll be no truth told, okay?
613
00:24:39,937 --> 00:24:41,729
We're going to do
the right thing here.
614
00:24:41,729 --> 00:24:43,312
Some would argue
that telling the truth
615
00:24:43,312 --> 00:24:44,521
is the right thing to do.
616
00:24:44,521 --> 00:24:45,687
Yeah - assholes!
617
00:24:45,687 --> 00:24:48,146
Let me remind you guys of
what the truth is, dream cream.
618
00:24:48,146 --> 00:24:49,604
Last night,
when I was in New Jersey
619
00:24:49,604 --> 00:24:51,771
secretly partying my face off
at the Marc Rebillet concert,
620
00:24:51,771 --> 00:24:53,187
my wife was giving birth
to my son.
621
00:24:53,187 --> 00:24:54,312
Alone! Okay?
622
00:24:54,312 --> 00:24:56,396
And if the truth does come out,
my marriage is over.
623
00:24:56,396 --> 00:24:58,437
And later, if my son finds out,
that's over too.
624
00:24:58,437 --> 00:24:59,604
Is that what you want, Wes?
625
00:24:59,604 --> 00:25:02,771
You want to destroy
an entire family, huh? Huh?
626
00:25:04,062 --> 00:25:06,312
- Huh?
- Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
627
00:25:06,312 --> 00:25:10,479
What if we hire an actor
to play Stanicky?
628
00:25:11,021 --> 00:25:12,604
We give him the whole run-down.
629
00:25:12,604 --> 00:25:14,271
Tell him everything
he needs to know.
630
00:25:15,771 --> 00:25:17,354
Okay, okay, I like this.
Keep going.
631
00:25:17,354 --> 00:25:19,979
We could give him
the bible, right?
632
00:25:19,979 --> 00:25:22,437
He studies it for a few days,
633
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:24,729
and then he comes to the bris
for a couple of hours
634
00:25:24,729 --> 00:25:27,271
and he plays Ricky Stanicky.
635
00:25:28,687 --> 00:25:31,396
Okay, but where are we
going to find an actor?
636
00:25:32,021 --> 00:25:34,562
Gary Polisner! He's in
that Red Robin commercial.
637
00:25:34,562 --> 00:25:36,521
- He is?
- Yeah.
638
00:25:36,521 --> 00:25:38,771
He's that dude that goes,
"Seconds on steak fries?
639
00:25:38,771 --> 00:25:40,021
"Uh, yeah!"
640
00:25:40,021 --> 00:25:41,229
- That's Gary?
- That's Gary.
641
00:25:41,229 --> 00:25:42,812
- Good for him!
- Good for him.
642
00:25:42,812 --> 00:25:44,104
I love those commercials.
643
00:25:44,104 --> 00:25:45,604
Guys, minor wrinkle -
644
00:25:45,604 --> 00:25:48,187
Gary's dating Carly,
Erin's cousin.
645
00:25:48,187 --> 00:25:49,396
Oh, Cousin It?
646
00:25:49,396 --> 00:25:51,271
That girl with the hair
that touches the floor?
647
00:25:51,271 --> 00:25:53,104
Yeah, but don't worry.
648
00:25:53,771 --> 00:25:56,271
I know an actor
that nobody knows.
649
00:25:56,771 --> 00:25:59,562
[upbeat music]
650
00:25:59,562 --> 00:26:02,896
["Whip It" by Devo plays]
651
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:05,771
[whip cracking]
652
00:26:06,896 --> 00:26:08,812
♪ Grab that stick ♪
653
00:26:09,896 --> 00:26:11,937
♪ Lube your hand with spit ♪
654
00:26:12,937 --> 00:26:15,021
♪ Lay down on your back ♪
655
00:26:16,146 --> 00:26:18,146
♪ Now it's time to whack ♪
656
00:26:20,479 --> 00:26:23,396
♪ When a boner comes along
You must grip it ♪
657
00:26:23,396 --> 00:26:25,271
♪ To make the cream
Come out your dong ♪
658
00:26:25,271 --> 00:26:26,521
♪ Just unzip it... ♪
659
00:26:26,521 --> 00:26:31,646
[to tune of "School's Out"]
♪ Spoooge out my penis ♪
660
00:26:33,562 --> 00:26:39,729
♪ Spoooge on my tummy... ♪
661
00:26:40,521 --> 00:26:43,229
[to tune of "White Wedding"]
♪ It's a nice day for some ♪
662
00:26:43,229 --> 00:26:45,312
♪ Wood whackin' ♪
663
00:26:47,312 --> 00:26:50,104
♪ It's a nice day to ♪
664
00:26:50,104 --> 00:26:54,396
♪ Jizz again... ♪
665
00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:59,146
["Baby, I Love Your Way" plays]
666
00:27:01,479 --> 00:27:04,979
♪ Ooh, baby, I masturbate ♪
667
00:27:04,979 --> 00:27:06,479
♪ Every day ♪
668
00:27:08,479 --> 00:27:13,021
♪ I want to tell you
I masturbate every way ♪
669
00:27:15,104 --> 00:27:18,479
♪ Want to beat my meat
Night and day ♪
670
00:27:18,479 --> 00:27:20,271
♪ Ay, yeah... ♪
671
00:27:21,146 --> 00:27:23,229
Thanks for coming out tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.
672
00:27:23,229 --> 00:27:26,354
So horny to be here.
So horny to be here.
673
00:27:26,354 --> 00:27:30,354
["Baby, I love your way"
outro plays]
674
00:27:31,604 --> 00:27:32,812
Great show, Rod.
675
00:27:32,812 --> 00:27:34,562
Good crowd.
676
00:27:38,896 --> 00:27:42,104
Hey, Rod. Those guys
are out there again.
677
00:27:53,187 --> 00:27:56,229
[dramatic music]
678
00:27:56,229 --> 00:27:58,104
[man] Hey, we need
more beer mugs.
679
00:27:58,104 --> 00:27:59,354
[cutlery clanking]
680
00:28:03,979 --> 00:28:07,354
[grunting]
681
00:28:10,146 --> 00:28:11,271
[bottle shattering]
682
00:28:16,187 --> 00:28:20,604
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]
683
00:28:25,562 --> 00:28:28,562
Rod Rimestead, trained actor.
How can I help you?
684
00:28:29,646 --> 00:28:31,229
Yeah, Dean, I remember you.
685
00:28:32,896 --> 00:28:34,187
A gig?
686
00:28:35,146 --> 00:28:37,521
Let me... Er, you know what?
Let me just check my schedule.
687
00:28:43,437 --> 00:28:45,687
Yeah, man. Looks like I'm free.
688
00:28:46,312 --> 00:28:48,312
And so our feathered friend
689
00:28:48,312 --> 00:28:50,354
still has not gotten off
the golf ball
690
00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:53,146
that Dr. Dominic DiPasquale
of East Greenwich
691
00:28:53,146 --> 00:28:56,604
hit near this greenside bunker
six days ago.
692
00:28:56,604 --> 00:28:58,729
But you can count on
Channel 6 to be here
693
00:28:58,729 --> 00:29:00,896
until this exciting saga ends.
694
00:29:00,896 --> 00:29:05,396
Or, you can go to Channel6.com
and log onto our live duck-cam.
695
00:29:05,396 --> 00:29:06,479
[dog barks]
696
00:29:09,062 --> 00:29:11,021
Can you believe
I spent three years
697
00:29:11,021 --> 00:29:13,187
in journalism grad school
for this crap?
698
00:29:13,187 --> 00:29:15,312
Are you kidding?
I love this story. It's fun.
699
00:29:15,312 --> 00:29:16,812
Don't patronize me.
700
00:29:16,812 --> 00:29:19,187
Okay. It sucks.
I'm embarrassed for you.
701
00:29:19,187 --> 00:29:20,687
Thank you.
702
00:29:20,687 --> 00:29:23,479
You're really sweet to hang
out with me, though, honestly.
703
00:29:23,479 --> 00:29:24,812
- Are you kidding?
- Thank you.
704
00:29:24,812 --> 00:29:26,812
Who else gets the chance
to watch history unfold?
705
00:29:26,812 --> 00:29:28,104
[chuckles]
706
00:29:28,104 --> 00:29:29,229
Oh, wait.
707
00:29:29,229 --> 00:29:31,979
You know who's looking forward
to meeting Ricky tomorrow?
708
00:29:31,979 --> 00:29:33,771
Yeah, Leona. I know.
709
00:29:33,771 --> 00:29:35,771
Uh-uh. Carly.
710
00:29:36,271 --> 00:29:37,437
Carly with the hair?
711
00:29:37,437 --> 00:29:39,312
Mm-hm, my cousin, yeah.
712
00:29:39,312 --> 00:29:40,812
What happened to Gary Polisner?
713
00:29:40,812 --> 00:29:42,937
Oh, you know,
they're together,
714
00:29:42,937 --> 00:29:45,437
but she follows Ricky
on Instagram.
715
00:29:45,437 --> 00:29:48,354
- Loves his charity work.
- Hmm.
716
00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:50,646
That duck's not going anywhere.
717
00:29:51,479 --> 00:29:53,687
Let's go get some lunch.
Come back in an hour.
718
00:29:53,687 --> 00:29:56,396
I would, but I can't. I'm on
duck duty for four more hours.
719
00:29:56,396 --> 00:29:58,687
Unless she gets up,
I'm stuck here.
720
00:30:00,604 --> 00:30:01,896
Unless she gets up, huh.
721
00:30:01,896 --> 00:30:03,146
[dog whimpering]
722
00:30:03,854 --> 00:30:05,271
No! Paul!
723
00:30:05,271 --> 00:30:06,437
[dog barking]
724
00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:08,062
Paul! Paul, come back here.
725
00:30:08,062 --> 00:30:09,312
[barking]
726
00:30:09,812 --> 00:30:10,896
[hissing]
727
00:30:12,687 --> 00:30:14,812
Hey, Paul.
Paul, get back here.
728
00:30:15,979 --> 00:30:17,062
[dog whimpering]
729
00:30:17,062 --> 00:30:18,562
- Paul!
- Oh, my God!
730
00:30:19,812 --> 00:30:21,229
[both] Paul!
731
00:30:21,229 --> 00:30:22,896
- [dog whimpering]
- [duck quacking]
732
00:30:22,896 --> 00:30:24,104
[Erin] Oh, my God!
733
00:30:24,812 --> 00:30:26,312
[Erin] Come on! Paul!
734
00:30:28,521 --> 00:30:30,104
Paul! Get out of there!
735
00:30:30,104 --> 00:30:31,479
[Dean] Hold your breath, Paul!
736
00:30:31,479 --> 00:30:32,896
[Erin] Hang in there, buddy!
737
00:30:32,896 --> 00:30:34,021
- Bad duck!
- Ow!
738
00:30:34,937 --> 00:30:38,271
Dean, do something! You
have to pull him out of there.
739
00:30:40,646 --> 00:30:42,771
[dog whimpering]
740
00:30:43,437 --> 00:30:45,646
Let's take a rain check
on the lunch, all right?
741
00:30:45,646 --> 00:30:46,854
Sorry.
742
00:30:48,854 --> 00:30:51,562
[duck quacking]
743
00:30:57,479 --> 00:30:59,271
Such an asshole!
744
00:31:03,937 --> 00:31:05,854
[Wes] I just want to go on
the record and say
745
00:31:05,854 --> 00:31:08,354
this is a really bad idea.
746
00:31:08,354 --> 00:31:10,312
Why? He does impersonations
of famous people.
747
00:31:10,312 --> 00:31:12,062
How hard could it be
to impersonate someone
748
00:31:12,062 --> 00:31:13,729
- that no one's ever met before?
- Yeah.
749
00:31:13,729 --> 00:31:15,979
We're going to be fine. This
is going to be totally fine.
750
00:31:15,979 --> 00:31:17,521
- You gave him the bible, right?
- [Dean] Yeah.
751
00:31:17,521 --> 00:31:19,437
- Good.
- And the Stanicky phone,
752
00:31:19,437 --> 00:31:21,021
everything on it, his Insta.
753
00:31:21,021 --> 00:31:23,354
I FaceTimed him. I took him
through everything, man.
754
00:31:23,354 --> 00:31:25,062
For a sloppy drunk,
he's a real pro
755
00:31:25,062 --> 00:31:26,812
- when it comes to this stuff.
- Fine.
756
00:31:26,812 --> 00:31:30,062
[loud retching]
757
00:31:30,062 --> 00:31:32,104
Oh, Jesus.
758
00:31:32,771 --> 00:31:34,271
[Wes] Please don't be
the trash bag,
759
00:31:34,271 --> 00:31:35,771
please don't be
the trash bag...
760
00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,312
It's the trash bag. Oh.
761
00:31:38,979 --> 00:31:41,146
- Dude.
- What the hell?
762
00:31:41,146 --> 00:31:42,937
- Hey, boys.
- What are you on?
763
00:31:42,937 --> 00:31:44,354
Huh?
764
00:31:44,354 --> 00:31:46,396
Don't give me that shit.
What drugs are you on?
765
00:31:46,396 --> 00:31:47,729
None.
766
00:31:47,729 --> 00:31:49,812
Don't lie to us.
You're sweating like a tweaker.
767
00:31:49,812 --> 00:31:52,021
I'm sweating because
I'm not on anything.
768
00:31:52,021 --> 00:31:54,354
I've been cold-turkeying
the booze for three days.
769
00:31:54,354 --> 00:31:57,271
Smashes my world record
by three days.
770
00:31:57,271 --> 00:31:59,771
What? You can't quit drinking
right now, man.
771
00:31:59,771 --> 00:32:01,021
We need you in top form!
772
00:32:01,021 --> 00:32:04,396
I can't drink. Ricky Stanicky's
in the program, remember?
773
00:32:04,396 --> 00:32:06,062
Right, yeah, yeah.
774
00:32:06,062 --> 00:32:08,229
Ricky's been clean and sober
for the past seven years.
775
00:32:08,229 --> 00:32:10,562
[JT] Who cares?!
People relapse all the time.
776
00:32:10,562 --> 00:32:12,729
- [Dean] Yeah.
- [JT] What are you...?
777
00:32:12,729 --> 00:32:14,062
What are you doing?
778
00:32:14,062 --> 00:32:15,604
Wallet. Mouth.
779
00:32:15,604 --> 00:32:16,979
[JT] Oh, oh, oh!
780
00:32:16,979 --> 00:32:18,604
Yeah, I've seen this
on 'Intervention'.
781
00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:19,896
He's having withdrawals.
782
00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:21,396
The leather will
calm him down.
783
00:32:21,396 --> 00:32:23,812
- Relax. It's okay.
- Yeah.
784
00:32:23,812 --> 00:32:24,854
[groaning]
785
00:32:24,854 --> 00:32:26,062
You okay?
786
00:32:26,771 --> 00:32:28,729
I had a couple of those
in the plane - they pass.
787
00:32:29,729 --> 00:32:32,479
The nice fella I walked off
the plane with, he helped me.
788
00:32:32,479 --> 00:32:33,854
What fella?
789
00:32:33,854 --> 00:32:36,771
He was just... he was just
here. You didn't see him?
790
00:32:36,771 --> 00:32:38,979
Curly eyes. Long blonde lips.
He talks with a limp.
791
00:32:38,979 --> 00:32:39,979
All right, uh,
792
00:32:39,979 --> 00:32:41,729
how about we just take
a little whiff of vodka,
793
00:32:41,729 --> 00:32:43,229
you know,
just to take the edge off?
794
00:32:43,229 --> 00:32:44,396
- Yeah. A little bit.
- Yeah?
795
00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:46,771
No, you hired me to play
the role of a sober gentleman.
796
00:32:46,771 --> 00:32:48,562
I'm going to do so
the only way I know how -
797
00:32:48,562 --> 00:32:50,521
with artistic integrity.
798
00:32:50,521 --> 00:32:52,562
What is that?
Is somebody boiling lobster?
799
00:32:53,771 --> 00:32:56,062
Boiling what? Oh, Rod.
800
00:32:56,729 --> 00:32:58,312
- Oh.
- [Wes scoffs]
801
00:32:58,312 --> 00:33:00,979
It's not what you think it is.
802
00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:02,896
It's just piss.
803
00:33:02,896 --> 00:33:04,354
Oh, thank God.
804
00:33:07,854 --> 00:33:10,604
[Rod] I can't believe you guys
picked me up in this thing.
805
00:33:10,604 --> 00:33:11,771
What?
806
00:33:11,771 --> 00:33:14,521
This gas-guzzling,
carbon-emitting Earth-killer.
807
00:33:14,521 --> 00:33:16,312
If your people see me
pull up in this thing,
808
00:33:16,312 --> 00:33:18,062
my cover is blown for sure.
809
00:33:18,062 --> 00:33:21,021
He's right again. Ricky
Stanicky's a tree hugger.
810
00:33:21,021 --> 00:33:23,812
We helped him clean up
the Chesapeake Bay, remember?
811
00:33:24,354 --> 00:33:26,271
The Pats/Ravens game.
That was a good game.
812
00:33:26,271 --> 00:33:28,187
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]
813
00:33:28,187 --> 00:33:30,271
- [JT] Who's that?
- Nobody.
814
00:33:30,271 --> 00:33:33,646
All right, who's the bank?
I want all my cheese up front.
815
00:33:33,646 --> 00:33:37,187
SAG minimum - $983 a day,
meal penalty after six hours.
816
00:33:37,187 --> 00:33:39,437
Dude, there is no way
you're in the union.
817
00:33:39,437 --> 00:33:41,437
We'll give you half now
and half when you're done.
818
00:33:41,437 --> 00:33:43,312
That's a no-bueno.
I want all my cake up front.
819
00:33:43,312 --> 00:33:44,354
It's not negotiable.
820
00:33:44,354 --> 00:33:46,437
Okay, then, that's a bueno.
821
00:33:47,521 --> 00:33:50,021
[Dean] Guys, we can't take him
to the bris smelling like this.
822
00:33:50,021 --> 00:33:51,729
Wes, can you please take
Mr. Stanicky
823
00:33:51,729 --> 00:33:53,354
over to your place
and shower him off
824
00:33:53,354 --> 00:33:55,104
and then bring him
over to JT's?
825
00:33:55,104 --> 00:33:58,646
It's 'Ricky'. Mr. Stanicky
is my fake father's name.
826
00:33:58,646 --> 00:34:02,312
Um, hey, I don't think
that's going to be a good idea.
827
00:34:02,312 --> 00:34:04,229
My shower curtains,
they're all mouldy and shit.
828
00:34:04,229 --> 00:34:05,354
Wes, stop being a douchebag.
829
00:34:05,354 --> 00:34:07,271
Erin and I have to get there
early and help set up.
830
00:34:07,271 --> 00:34:09,229
So we're going to be there
way before you. Just...
831
00:34:09,229 --> 00:34:12,104
I don't know, do what you can,
make him presentable, please.
832
00:34:12,104 --> 00:34:13,979
Presentable? How dare you.
833
00:34:13,979 --> 00:34:15,896
You guys are supposed to be
my best friends.
834
00:34:15,896 --> 00:34:17,854
You should be fighting over
who gets to hose me down.
835
00:34:17,854 --> 00:34:20,896
Hey, grand-mal piss-pants.
Shut the fuck up, okay?
836
00:34:20,896 --> 00:34:22,312
We wouldn't be
in this predicament
837
00:34:22,312 --> 00:34:24,771
if you didn't show up smelling
like a nursing-home mattress.
838
00:34:26,729 --> 00:34:29,729
Wow. This is a hostile set.
839
00:34:41,521 --> 00:34:42,521
[sighing]
840
00:34:42,521 --> 00:34:43,937
Thanks for that, man.
841
00:34:43,937 --> 00:34:45,896
Starting to feel
a little human again.
842
00:34:45,896 --> 00:34:47,562
Yeah. Hey, let me
ask you something.
843
00:34:48,729 --> 00:34:50,271
You're a raging alcoholic, right?
844
00:34:50,271 --> 00:34:51,562
Yeah.
845
00:34:51,562 --> 00:34:53,521
Well, then how do
you stay so ripped?
846
00:34:53,521 --> 00:34:56,187
- Roids. Shit-ton of roids.
- Hmm.
847
00:34:56,187 --> 00:34:58,812
I got addicted to those too.
848
00:34:59,562 --> 00:35:01,229
God, they're good.
849
00:35:07,437 --> 00:35:09,187
Wow. Gay much?
850
00:35:09,187 --> 00:35:11,646
Yeah. I was really
feeling it that day.
851
00:35:15,271 --> 00:35:17,271
Oh, so this is your, um...
852
00:35:17,271 --> 00:35:20,521
Partner, Keith. Mmm.
853
00:35:20,521 --> 00:35:21,812
Of course.
854
00:35:21,812 --> 00:35:25,146
By the way, I kind of told him
that you were bi.
855
00:35:25,979 --> 00:35:27,146
What? Why?
856
00:35:27,146 --> 00:35:29,646
Because it'd be weird
if you weren't...
857
00:35:29,646 --> 00:35:30,896
since we dated.
858
00:35:30,896 --> 00:35:33,437
We dated? You and me?
Was that in the bible?
859
00:35:34,646 --> 00:35:36,562
- I missed that.
- No, it's not in there.
860
00:35:36,562 --> 00:35:38,271
Why the hell
wasn't it in the bible?
861
00:35:38,271 --> 00:35:40,854
Well, 'cause I couldn't tell
the guys. All right?
862
00:35:40,854 --> 00:35:43,229
Look, look, I didn't know
how things would go
863
00:35:43,229 --> 00:35:44,812
on my first date with Keith.
864
00:35:44,812 --> 00:35:47,312
So I told him I was seeing
this dude named Ricky Stanicky,
865
00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:48,854
in case I needed an out.
866
00:35:48,854 --> 00:35:51,479
But we hit it off
and I told him we broke up.
867
00:35:52,271 --> 00:35:53,437
Okay, no problem.
868
00:35:53,437 --> 00:35:57,854
Unfortunately, Keith's still
a little threatened by you.
869
00:35:59,896 --> 00:36:02,854
Okay, spill the beans.
I got to know everything.
870
00:36:02,854 --> 00:36:04,812
- What did you tell him we did?
- What do you mean?
871
00:36:04,812 --> 00:36:07,229
Cut the crap.
You know what I mean.
872
00:36:07,229 --> 00:36:09,187
Did we play Winnie the Pooh
finds a honey stick?
873
00:36:09,187 --> 00:36:11,229
- What's that?
- Munchkins in a cave?
874
00:36:11,229 --> 00:36:12,562
Upside-down barber?
875
00:36:12,562 --> 00:36:13,812
Shaved biscuits and gravy?
876
00:36:13,812 --> 00:36:14,937
- No.
- Old faceful?
877
00:36:14,937 --> 00:36:17,729
No! We just went on
a couple of dates.
878
00:36:18,896 --> 00:36:21,354
Oh. I guess
I didn't do it for you.
879
00:36:22,229 --> 00:36:24,104
You're no trophy either,
beagle ears.
880
00:36:26,937 --> 00:36:28,646
Hey, what's this?
881
00:36:28,646 --> 00:36:32,854
Oh, it's just this...
this children's book thing
882
00:36:32,854 --> 00:36:35,229
that I've been tinkering with.
883
00:36:40,021 --> 00:36:43,354
Hey, there he is!
Our mohel, Rabbi Greenberg.
884
00:36:43,354 --> 00:36:45,771
You can call me
Rabbi Gigglebird.
885
00:36:45,771 --> 00:36:47,187
[laughter]
886
00:36:47,187 --> 00:36:48,687
The Rabbi
does stand-up sometimes
887
00:36:48,687 --> 00:36:50,146
at the Comedy Connection.
888
00:36:50,146 --> 00:36:53,937
I may not be able to eat ham,
but I can certainly be one!
889
00:36:53,937 --> 00:36:55,187
[forced laughter]
890
00:36:55,187 --> 00:36:56,646
Cheese puffs, anyone?
891
00:36:56,646 --> 00:37:00,021
Oh, no, we mohels,
we prefer those little weenies.
892
00:37:00,021 --> 00:37:01,562
Ba-doomp-pow!
893
00:37:02,562 --> 00:37:04,312
Oh, no... [chuckles awkwardly]
894
00:37:04,312 --> 00:37:05,771
Listen. Listen.
895
00:37:05,771 --> 00:37:07,729
My services here today
are complimentary,
896
00:37:07,729 --> 00:37:09,229
just so you know, all right?
897
00:37:09,229 --> 00:37:11,146
I consider this a mitzvah.
All right?
898
00:37:11,146 --> 00:37:12,646
I don't want any money,
899
00:37:12,646 --> 00:37:15,021
but I'm keeping the tip!
900
00:37:15,021 --> 00:37:16,187
[laughs]
901
00:37:16,187 --> 00:37:18,687
- They just keep on coming, huh?
- Yeah, they don't stop.
902
00:37:18,687 --> 00:37:20,396
- All right.
- You're hungry, I bet.
903
00:37:20,396 --> 00:37:21,396
Always.
904
00:37:21,396 --> 00:37:23,854
Please. You got to fill up
before you... Right?
905
00:37:23,854 --> 00:37:26,771
- Go. It's all you, baby.
- Yeah, yeah. Go get it. Dig in.
906
00:37:26,771 --> 00:37:28,896
[Rabbi] Back off the vodka, lady.
907
00:37:29,937 --> 00:37:31,604
Oh, Jesus Christ.
908
00:37:32,187 --> 00:37:35,104
Can I get a gin and tonic?
And let's make it a double.
909
00:37:35,104 --> 00:37:36,521
What the fuck
is Summerhayes doing here?
910
00:37:36,521 --> 00:37:37,729
I invited him.
911
00:37:37,729 --> 00:37:39,979
- Oh, my God.
- Babe, why would you do that?
912
00:37:39,979 --> 00:37:41,396
Because he's your boss.
913
00:37:41,396 --> 00:37:43,812
Yeah. I don't want to
hang out with my boss.
914
00:37:43,812 --> 00:37:45,979
Why not? You invited him
to the baby shower, shithead.
915
00:37:45,979 --> 00:37:49,021
That's different. This is
a cock-cutting ceremony.
916
00:37:49,021 --> 00:37:50,187
I don't want him here.
917
00:37:50,187 --> 00:37:52,771
Jesus Christ, you're being
weird. Just go say hi.
918
00:37:52,771 --> 00:37:54,312
Both of you. Go.
919
00:37:54,312 --> 00:37:56,521
Great. This is just great.
920
00:37:56,521 --> 00:37:58,479
Now if Stanicky shits the bed,
we lose our jobs.
921
00:37:59,021 --> 00:38:01,312
God, where is he?
He should be here by now.
922
00:38:01,812 --> 00:38:03,354
[Rod] Explain it again.
923
00:38:03,354 --> 00:38:05,812
It's a children's story
about these seeds
924
00:38:05,812 --> 00:38:08,354
that are flying in the breeze,
925
00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:11,312
and all they want to do is
reach the top of this mountain.
926
00:38:11,312 --> 00:38:15,187
But there's this one little
seed who gets blown back
927
00:38:15,187 --> 00:38:17,229
to the bottom of the mountain,
928
00:38:17,229 --> 00:38:19,354
and she's all like, "Fuck!"
929
00:38:19,354 --> 00:38:22,771
But when it starts to rain,
all the water will start
930
00:38:22,771 --> 00:38:26,896
to flow down the side of
the mountain straight to her.
931
00:38:26,896 --> 00:38:29,521
So she'll sprout
and she'll grow and grow
932
00:38:29,521 --> 00:38:30,937
to be the biggest tree of all,
933
00:38:30,937 --> 00:38:33,354
even bigger than the ones
on top of the mountain.
934
00:38:33,354 --> 00:38:34,979
The message being,
935
00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:38,562
you can be great in life,
no matter where you start.
936
00:38:40,937 --> 00:38:42,521
Hot, wet shit.
937
00:38:42,521 --> 00:38:44,229
What-what...
what are you talking about?
938
00:38:44,229 --> 00:38:45,896
Come on, man,
you're not a farmer.
939
00:38:45,896 --> 00:38:47,979
What the hell do you
know about seeds, right?
940
00:38:47,979 --> 00:38:49,479
And the message is absurd.
941
00:38:49,479 --> 00:38:53,521
Poor kids turn into trees?
It doesn't make any sense.
942
00:38:53,521 --> 00:38:54,604
- You're right.
- Right?
943
00:38:54,604 --> 00:38:55,854
It is stupid. It's stupid!
944
00:38:55,854 --> 00:38:57,687
What the fuck
was I thinking, man? Yeah.
945
00:38:57,687 --> 00:38:58,854
I should just give up.
946
00:38:58,854 --> 00:39:00,937
Whoa. No.
That's not what I said.
947
00:39:00,937 --> 00:39:02,562
I said this is crap,
948
00:39:02,562 --> 00:39:04,312
because it's not authentic.
949
00:39:04,312 --> 00:39:06,104
Doesn't mean you gotta give up.
950
00:39:07,146 --> 00:39:08,896
Let me tell you a story, cowboy.
951
00:39:08,896 --> 00:39:10,312
A few years back,
952
00:39:10,312 --> 00:39:12,729
I had an X-rated dog show
at the Showboat.
953
00:39:12,729 --> 00:39:15,646
I had these two mutts that
could bang missionary style.
954
00:39:15,646 --> 00:39:17,979
Oh, yeah, you heard me right.
Missionary!
955
00:39:17,979 --> 00:39:20,021
Face-to-face. Real deal.
956
00:39:20,021 --> 00:39:21,562
It was kind of touching, actually.
957
00:39:21,562 --> 00:39:23,021
Then Atlantic City
gets all woke
958
00:39:23,021 --> 00:39:25,562
and they won't let 'em pump
on stage anymore.
959
00:39:25,562 --> 00:39:28,354
I tried doing the show with
two guys in dog suits, but...
960
00:39:28,354 --> 00:39:29,729
the magic just wasn't there.
961
00:39:29,729 --> 00:39:30,771
You know what I mean?
962
00:39:32,312 --> 00:39:34,479
- No.
- My point is, I failed.
963
00:39:34,479 --> 00:39:36,396
But did I give up? Heck no.
964
00:39:36,396 --> 00:39:38,354
I just had to ask myself,
what do I love?
965
00:39:38,354 --> 00:39:39,354
And then it was easy -
966
00:39:39,354 --> 00:39:41,604
singing, performing
and telling filthy jokes.
967
00:39:41,604 --> 00:39:44,562
And that is when Rock Hard Rod
was born.
968
00:39:44,562 --> 00:39:47,687
You, sir, have just found out
969
00:39:47,687 --> 00:39:51,354
your dogs can no longer bang
missionary style.
970
00:39:51,354 --> 00:39:54,354
Now you got to ask yourself,
what do you love?
971
00:39:54,354 --> 00:39:56,229
- What do I love?
- Yeah.
972
00:39:56,229 --> 00:39:57,812
Ah... [mumbles]
973
00:39:58,479 --> 00:40:00,812
Yeah, I... I like ceramic owls?
974
00:40:00,812 --> 00:40:03,437
Uh... I love fog.
975
00:40:03,437 --> 00:40:05,187
I love fog! I love it.
976
00:40:05,187 --> 00:40:07,396
Er, is there anything
that you like
977
00:40:07,396 --> 00:40:10,937
that a regular human being
can relate to on any level?
978
00:40:12,479 --> 00:40:14,271
- I like Christmas.
- Christmas, Christmas!
979
00:40:14,271 --> 00:40:16,604
Perfect! Yes!
Everybody loves Christmas.
980
00:40:16,604 --> 00:40:18,187
Yeah, well, not everybody.
981
00:40:18,187 --> 00:40:20,562
Keith is not a big fan of it
these days.
982
00:40:20,562 --> 00:40:22,812
- He doesn't love Christmas?
- Well, he used to love it.
983
00:40:22,812 --> 00:40:23,812
But, I mean,
984
00:40:23,812 --> 00:40:25,937
ever since his parents
found out that we were dating,
985
00:40:25,937 --> 00:40:27,604
they haven't really
invited him over.
986
00:40:27,604 --> 00:40:30,062
- That sucks.
- Yeah.
987
00:40:30,062 --> 00:40:31,604
Which is their loss, you know.
988
00:40:31,604 --> 00:40:33,229
No "Jerky of the Month Club"
for them.
989
00:40:33,229 --> 00:40:34,854
Ha.
990
00:40:34,854 --> 00:40:37,271
I just wish there was
a holiday tradition for us.
991
00:40:37,271 --> 00:40:40,521
You know, like Christmas is
the gayest holiday anyway, man.
992
00:40:40,521 --> 00:40:42,729
You know, you bedazzle
a tree with tinsel.
993
00:40:43,437 --> 00:40:45,812
And why does Santa
have to be such a fat shit?
994
00:40:45,812 --> 00:40:48,062
Couldn't he be ripped? Couldn't
he be jacked? You know?
995
00:40:48,062 --> 00:40:49,896
Can the elves have
ordered him a Peloton
996
00:40:49,896 --> 00:40:51,396
or a yoga mat or something?
997
00:40:52,604 --> 00:40:54,021
Ra-pum-pum-pum.
998
00:40:54,021 --> 00:40:56,104
Now that is authentic!
999
00:40:57,146 --> 00:40:59,729
Yeah. A Christmas story for us.
1000
00:41:02,271 --> 00:41:03,896
Thanks for coming, Ted.
1001
00:41:03,896 --> 00:41:06,521
I know a bris
isn't exactly your cup of tea.
1002
00:41:06,521 --> 00:41:09,021
Oh, no, we're happy
that you invited us, JT.
1003
00:41:09,021 --> 00:41:11,396
This is exactly
what Ted needed.
1004
00:41:11,396 --> 00:41:14,729
He's been so obsessed
with this World River merger.
1005
00:41:14,729 --> 00:41:16,229
Yeah.
1006
00:41:16,229 --> 00:41:19,354
Circumcision parties are
my go-to when I need to relax.
1007
00:41:19,354 --> 00:41:21,104
[nervous chuckling]
1008
00:41:21,104 --> 00:41:22,771
Where's Gary?
I thought he was coming.
1009
00:41:22,771 --> 00:41:24,271
He has his improv class
at Trinity,
1010
00:41:24,271 --> 00:41:25,729
but I think he'll be here soon.
1011
00:41:25,729 --> 00:41:27,312
Have you guys seen
his new commercial?
1012
00:41:27,312 --> 00:41:28,937
[Dean] Yeah. Yeah.
1013
00:41:28,937 --> 00:41:31,312
- He got off.
- Who got off?
1014
00:41:31,312 --> 00:41:32,937
My big story
I'm covering this week.
1015
00:41:32,937 --> 00:41:34,771
You're covering a trial?
1016
00:41:34,771 --> 00:41:36,562
No, real reporters
get to do that.
1017
00:41:36,562 --> 00:41:38,854
I'm covering a vicious duck
sitting on a golf ball
1018
00:41:38,854 --> 00:41:40,437
- at Wannamoisett Country Club.
- Oh.
1019
00:41:40,437 --> 00:41:41,937
You're just paying
your dues, right?
1020
00:41:42,437 --> 00:41:44,771
You're going to get a shot
at the big story soon.
1021
00:41:44,771 --> 00:41:45,771
Thanks, babe.
1022
00:41:45,771 --> 00:41:47,354
He's not coming, is he?
1023
00:41:47,937 --> 00:41:50,562
- Who would you be referring to?
- Oh, don't give me that.
1024
00:41:50,562 --> 00:41:53,104
Ricky Stanicky.
Where the hell is he?
1025
00:41:53,104 --> 00:41:55,979
Oh, he'll be here.
This is just typical Ricky.
1026
00:41:55,979 --> 00:41:57,562
He's... he's always late.
1027
00:41:57,562 --> 00:42:00,104
Hmm. Well, I'll believe it
when I see it.
1028
00:42:00,104 --> 00:42:03,562
Leona, come on.
Why wouldn't he come?
1029
00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:05,146
Probably for the same reason
1030
00:42:05,146 --> 00:42:08,729
that he didn't bother to show
up for JT and Susan's wedding.
1031
00:42:08,729 --> 00:42:10,937
Sorry he didn't think
my wedding was more important
1032
00:42:10,937 --> 00:42:13,354
than digging out hurricane
victims in the Bahamas.
1033
00:42:13,354 --> 00:42:14,562
Ooh.
1034
00:42:14,562 --> 00:42:17,396
Ha, ha!
The old Bahamian hurricane.
1035
00:42:17,396 --> 00:42:20,021
Jackie, tell me about
Ricky Stanicky.
1036
00:42:20,021 --> 00:42:22,479
I mean, if they were
such good friends,
1037
00:42:22,479 --> 00:42:25,271
you must have met him a bunch
when they were kids, right?
1038
00:42:25,854 --> 00:42:28,812
Oh, sure.
I... I met all of JT's friends.
1039
00:42:28,812 --> 00:42:30,104
Really?
1040
00:42:30,104 --> 00:42:33,021
Do you have any
specific memories of him?
1041
00:42:33,562 --> 00:42:37,437
Well, I remember he was
a handful, that's for sure.
1042
00:42:37,437 --> 00:42:39,604
I mean, every time
this one got in trouble,
1043
00:42:39,604 --> 00:42:41,146
Stanicky was somehow behind it.
1044
00:42:41,146 --> 00:42:43,146
He was a... a little devil,
that Ricky.
1045
00:42:43,146 --> 00:42:44,896
- Yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Wow!
1046
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:47,271
That doesn't sound like
the same guy
1047
00:42:47,271 --> 00:42:52,437
who works for Bono in Africa
and builds orphanages in Peru.
1048
00:42:53,729 --> 00:42:55,271
That's 'cause he's born again.
1049
00:42:55,271 --> 00:42:57,521
- Ah.
- He had that epiphany in rehab.
1050
00:42:57,521 --> 00:42:59,146
Remember I told you about that?
1051
00:42:59,146 --> 00:43:01,229
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, people change, Leona.
1052
00:43:01,229 --> 00:43:03,271
Why are you grilling my mom?
She's not on trial.
1053
00:43:03,271 --> 00:43:04,729
Because I want you to admit
1054
00:43:04,729 --> 00:43:07,062
that Ricky Stanicky
does not exist.
1055
00:43:10,187 --> 00:43:12,896
Hey, mishpocha!
1056
00:43:12,896 --> 00:43:15,062
Let's get down to bris-ness!
1057
00:43:15,062 --> 00:43:16,687
[all exclaim]
1058
00:43:16,687 --> 00:43:18,812
Oh, yes! Yeah-ah!
1059
00:43:18,812 --> 00:43:20,229
[JT] You made it!
1060
00:43:20,854 --> 00:43:22,646
The boys are back!
1061
00:43:22,646 --> 00:43:24,979
[all exclaim]
1062
00:43:24,979 --> 00:43:27,021
- All right.
- Jackie!
1063
00:43:27,021 --> 00:43:28,354
Ricky?
1064
00:43:28,354 --> 00:43:31,521
Oh, you look unbelievable.
You're still a MILF.
1065
00:43:31,521 --> 00:43:33,312
[chuckling] Oh, my God.
1066
00:43:33,312 --> 00:43:36,271
Look at you.
Oh, you haven't changed a bit.
1067
00:43:37,312 --> 00:43:38,979
The mystery man in the flesh.
1068
00:43:38,979 --> 00:43:41,479
Well, churn my butter
with a slippery stick.
1069
00:43:41,479 --> 00:43:42,979
I finally get to meet
Erin Harford.
1070
00:43:42,979 --> 00:43:44,646
You're even more beautiful
in person
1071
00:43:44,646 --> 00:43:46,396
than the pictures
Dean's always sending me.
1072
00:43:46,396 --> 00:43:47,771
You send him pictures of me?
1073
00:43:47,771 --> 00:43:49,312
Oh, tasteful, of course.
1074
00:43:49,312 --> 00:43:50,396
Even the nudes.
1075
00:43:50,396 --> 00:43:52,229
Seriously, the guy
doesn't shut up about you.
1076
00:43:52,229 --> 00:43:54,187
What were you saying
about her last week?
1077
00:43:54,187 --> 00:43:55,771
It was, um...
1078
00:43:55,771 --> 00:43:57,562
Ah!
The more I look at her,
1079
00:43:57,562 --> 00:43:59,562
the more I realize
how much there is to see.
1080
00:43:59,562 --> 00:44:01,812
- Aw. Babe.
- And who do we have here?
1081
00:44:01,812 --> 00:44:04,354
Rapunzel, Rapunzel,
let down your hair!
1082
00:44:04,354 --> 00:44:06,521
[meekly] I'm Carly,
I'm Erin's cousin.
1083
00:44:06,521 --> 00:44:08,146
No need to shout, bullhorn!
1084
00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:09,687
[light laughter]
1085
00:44:09,687 --> 00:44:12,854
And I am the woman
who had to give birth all alone
1086
00:44:12,854 --> 00:44:15,271
because you tricked her husband
into going to Albany.
1087
00:44:15,271 --> 00:44:17,062
Oh, my God, Susan,
I'm so sorry.
1088
00:44:17,062 --> 00:44:18,146
[exhales regretfully]
1089
00:44:18,146 --> 00:44:20,271
You know how much grief
your old man's been giving me?
1090
00:44:20,271 --> 00:44:22,687
For the record, I had no idea
it was your baby shower.
1091
00:44:22,687 --> 00:44:24,396
I just wanted to celebrate
my new lease on life
1092
00:44:24,396 --> 00:44:25,687
with my oldest,
dearest friends.
1093
00:44:26,562 --> 00:44:28,354
Then little Whitaker
comes along...
1094
00:44:28,354 --> 00:44:29,854
God, I love that name.
1095
00:44:31,062 --> 00:44:33,521
And then I just
ruin everything.
1096
00:44:33,521 --> 00:44:36,396
I just...
Again, my sincerest apologies.
1097
00:44:36,396 --> 00:44:37,979
No, you know, it...
1098
00:44:37,979 --> 00:44:40,437
It's okay. I know you've
been through a lot, so...
1099
00:44:40,437 --> 00:44:42,729
Hell, yeah, they lopped off
one of my nuts, for starters.
1100
00:44:42,729 --> 00:44:45,729
- [laughter]
- Oh, you are still a handful!
1101
00:44:45,729 --> 00:44:47,354
Well, half a handful.
1102
00:44:47,354 --> 00:44:48,729
- [chortles]
- Ricky...
1103
00:44:48,729 --> 00:44:51,187
Okay, Rico! Hey, let's go
show you around. Huh?
1104
00:44:51,187 --> 00:44:52,812
Aren't you going to
Introduce me?
1105
00:44:52,812 --> 00:44:54,521
Uh, we'll be right back.
1106
00:44:54,521 --> 00:44:56,771
[whispers] Stay away from
that woman at all costs, okay?
1107
00:44:56,771 --> 00:44:58,854
That's Susan's mother.
She's bad news.
1108
00:45:02,396 --> 00:45:03,896
Jesus.
1109
00:45:05,062 --> 00:45:07,854
Hey, if anyone asks
about the shaking, just say,
1110
00:45:07,854 --> 00:45:09,854
"I have low blood sugar
and I had a Red Bull."
1111
00:45:09,854 --> 00:45:11,187
Stopping you there.
1112
00:45:11,812 --> 00:45:13,771
I don't appreciate
line readings.
1113
00:45:15,146 --> 00:45:16,354
What?
1114
00:45:16,354 --> 00:45:18,062
So, I lift up the mosquito net
1115
00:45:18,062 --> 00:45:20,229
and, sure enough,
Bono's in there.
1116
00:45:20,229 --> 00:45:22,229
Plowing Mrs. Bono
like a potato field.
1117
00:45:22,229 --> 00:45:23,771
Really? The Bono?
1118
00:45:23,771 --> 00:45:27,437
Yeah. Givin' the missus the old
Irish shillelagh, as it were.
1119
00:45:27,437 --> 00:45:28,937
So I'm standing there
embarrassed.
1120
00:45:28,937 --> 00:45:30,646
And then they go,
[Irish accent] "It's okay.
1121
00:45:30,646 --> 00:45:31,896
"Watch us, we like it."
1122
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,312
Is that an Irish thing?
1123
00:45:33,312 --> 00:45:36,396
I don't think so. But
I wouldn't put it past them.
1124
00:45:36,396 --> 00:45:39,271
Hey, the guy saved ten million
people from starving.
1125
00:45:39,271 --> 00:45:41,021
So, if he wants to let people
1126
00:45:41,021 --> 00:45:43,896
watch him corn-beef his wife's
cabbage, who am I to stop him?
1127
00:45:43,896 --> 00:45:47,146
You know who has the best
corn-beef in town? Geoff's.
1128
00:45:47,146 --> 00:45:49,187
And it isn't even really
a deli.
1129
00:45:49,187 --> 00:45:51,146
I don't think that's
the kind of corn-beef
1130
00:45:51,146 --> 00:45:52,521
he's talking about, Ginny.
1131
00:45:52,521 --> 00:45:54,562
Oh, man, all this food talk
is making me hungry.
1132
00:45:54,562 --> 00:45:56,521
- Ricky, have you eaten yet?
- [Summerhayes] Dean.
1133
00:45:56,521 --> 00:46:00,937
You haven't introduced me
to Indiana Jones here.
1134
00:46:00,937 --> 00:46:02,521
Yeah, of course.
1135
00:46:02,521 --> 00:46:05,104
Ted, this is Ricky Stanicky,
my good friend.
1136
00:46:05,104 --> 00:46:06,896
Uh, Ricky, this is
Ted Summerhayes, my boss.
1137
00:46:06,896 --> 00:46:07,979
Ted, nice to meet you.
1138
00:46:07,979 --> 00:46:10,187
Digging the suit
and the seedlings, man.
1139
00:46:10,187 --> 00:46:11,562
The seedlings?
1140
00:46:11,562 --> 00:46:13,229
The hair plugs.
They're new, right?
1141
00:46:13,229 --> 00:46:14,437
What?
1142
00:46:14,437 --> 00:46:17,271
No. This is my hair.
1143
00:46:17,271 --> 00:46:20,312
Ha! Yeah, just like
a doll's hair is her hair.
1144
00:46:20,312 --> 00:46:21,604
That's good. That's good.
1145
00:46:22,104 --> 00:46:24,521
So, Ted, you're one of those
big banker guys, eh?
1146
00:46:24,521 --> 00:46:25,729
One of those guys out there
1147
00:46:25,729 --> 00:46:27,396
helping those billionaires
get richer
1148
00:46:27,396 --> 00:46:29,771
and then floating around on
your big swinging super-yachts,
1149
00:46:29,771 --> 00:46:31,729
leaving everybody else
struggling to make ends meet
1150
00:46:31,729 --> 00:46:32,729
in their little dinghies.
1151
00:46:32,729 --> 00:46:35,521
- No. No, no, no. Not at all...
- First of all,
1152
00:46:35,521 --> 00:46:39,312
we sell financial services
to independent investors,
1153
00:46:39,312 --> 00:46:41,604
and anyone
who's willing to pay for them
1154
00:46:41,604 --> 00:46:44,062
is welcome
to share in the benefits.
1155
00:46:44,062 --> 00:46:46,146
Whatever helps you
sleep at night, Ebenezer.
1156
00:46:46,146 --> 00:46:48,104
[chuckling nervously]
Uh, if memory serves me,
1157
00:46:48,104 --> 00:46:49,354
Ebenezer Scrooge ends up
1158
00:46:49,354 --> 00:46:50,854
becoming the hero
of that story.
1159
00:46:50,854 --> 00:46:53,104
- It's Ricky, right?
- [Rod] Yeah.
1160
00:46:53,104 --> 00:46:57,396
I'm wondering, Ricky, are you
always such a bust-out asshole,
1161
00:46:57,396 --> 00:46:58,812
right out of the gate?
1162
00:46:58,812 --> 00:47:00,437
Only when I'm talking
to the type of guy
1163
00:47:00,437 --> 00:47:02,604
who can make a real
difference in this world.
1164
00:47:02,604 --> 00:47:04,937
Ted, Ricky's been
working overseas
1165
00:47:04,937 --> 00:47:07,062
for the last decade
on non-profits.
1166
00:47:07,062 --> 00:47:10,354
So at least he walks the walk.
1167
00:47:10,979 --> 00:47:13,229
Well, that's nice,
1168
00:47:13,229 --> 00:47:16,562
but he's obviously getting
his financial information
1169
00:47:16,562 --> 00:47:17,896
from 'The Huffington Post'.
1170
00:47:17,896 --> 00:47:19,479
No, actually, I've been reading
1171
00:47:19,479 --> 00:47:20,937
the 'San Francisco Chronicle'
lately.
1172
00:47:20,937 --> 00:47:21,937
I've been following
1173
00:47:21,937 --> 00:47:23,354
your potential merger
with World River.
1174
00:47:23,354 --> 00:47:24,896
It's interesting, unexpected.
1175
00:47:26,062 --> 00:47:27,979
Okay, hey, uh,
there's a ton of people inside
1176
00:47:27,979 --> 00:47:30,271
- that still wanna meet you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1177
00:47:30,271 --> 00:47:31,521
I'd like to hear this.
1178
00:47:32,604 --> 00:47:34,521
Unexpected, how?
1179
00:47:34,521 --> 00:47:36,396
[Rod] Oh, come on.
1180
00:47:36,396 --> 00:47:38,771
They're the yin,
and you got that big old yang.
1181
00:47:38,771 --> 00:47:40,271
It's a perfect fit.
1182
00:47:40,271 --> 00:47:42,187
In what way?
1183
00:47:42,187 --> 00:47:46,021
Well, you're old school.
They're new age.
1184
00:47:46,021 --> 00:47:48,687
You got common sense,
but they got radical new ideas.
1185
00:47:48,687 --> 00:47:50,187
For my money,
I'm going common sense
1186
00:47:50,187 --> 00:47:51,646
over radical new ideas all day.
1187
00:47:51,646 --> 00:47:53,771
I'm sure the people in Portland
and San Francisco agree.
1188
00:47:53,771 --> 00:47:55,271
And that's what
makes you guys great.
1189
00:47:55,271 --> 00:47:57,021
But they're pretty good too.
1190
00:47:57,021 --> 00:48:00,062
But, together, you guys
would be unstoppable.
1191
00:48:00,979 --> 00:48:03,562
This merger could make a real
difference in this world, Ted.
1192
00:48:03,562 --> 00:48:04,812
A real difference.
1193
00:48:06,271 --> 00:48:07,937
Yin and yang, huh?
1194
00:48:09,021 --> 00:48:11,687
Oh, don't mind if I do. Thanks.
1195
00:48:16,937 --> 00:48:19,229
Where the hell did you hear
about the World River deal?
1196
00:48:19,229 --> 00:48:20,771
They were all over
your Twitter.
1197
00:48:20,771 --> 00:48:22,146
I just did a little research.
1198
00:48:22,146 --> 00:48:23,854
What are you doing
on my Twitter?
1199
00:48:23,854 --> 00:48:25,729
Dean, I told you I'm an actor.
1200
00:48:25,729 --> 00:48:27,062
When I walk into a room,
1201
00:48:27,062 --> 00:48:28,687
I want to know exactly
where I came from
1202
00:48:28,687 --> 00:48:30,896
and what every single person
in that room's been doing.
1203
00:48:30,896 --> 00:48:32,687
That's what all the greats do.
1204
00:48:32,687 --> 00:48:34,187
Matt Damon
actually bought a zoo
1205
00:48:34,187 --> 00:48:35,604
before he filmed
'We Bought a Zoo'.
1206
00:48:35,604 --> 00:48:37,062
I don't think that's true.
1207
00:48:37,062 --> 00:48:39,021
You don't believe me?
Take it up with Reddit.
1208
00:48:39,521 --> 00:48:41,604
Oh, if you'll excuse me,
1209
00:48:41,604 --> 00:48:43,146
I got to go
have a word with Keith.
1210
00:48:43,146 --> 00:48:45,604
What? How do you know Keith?!
1211
00:48:46,687 --> 00:48:50,437
We're in a weird
love-triangle thing.
1212
00:48:51,896 --> 00:48:55,562
Look, all I'm saying is I hope
there's no hard feelings.
1213
00:48:55,562 --> 00:48:57,479
Because let's face it,
you won.
1214
00:48:58,312 --> 00:48:59,562
But I'm happy for you.
1215
00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,187
You guys make
a fabulous couple.
1216
00:49:01,187 --> 00:49:03,062
I'm done with his ass.
1217
00:49:05,021 --> 00:49:07,187
Look, I still love the guy,
1218
00:49:07,187 --> 00:49:09,021
but I'm tired of working
60 hours a week
1219
00:49:09,021 --> 00:49:11,937
while he sits around not doing
anything to improve himself.
1220
00:49:11,937 --> 00:49:13,229
I just...
1221
00:49:13,896 --> 00:49:16,104
I can't be with a person
like that anymore.
1222
00:49:17,187 --> 00:49:19,187
What... what about his writing?
That's work.
1223
00:49:19,187 --> 00:49:20,979
What writing?
1224
00:49:20,979 --> 00:49:22,604
The book he's working on.
1225
00:49:23,229 --> 00:49:26,021
He never told me
he was writing a book.
1226
00:49:26,979 --> 00:49:29,312
He sure looks a lot older
than you guys.
1227
00:49:29,312 --> 00:49:30,562
- Really?
- Mmm.
1228
00:49:30,562 --> 00:49:32,521
Yeah, well, he is,
by a couple years.
1229
00:49:32,521 --> 00:49:35,396
You know, we were like
little brothers to him.
1230
00:49:35,396 --> 00:49:39,812
Hmm, no, I mean, like more
than a couple of years.
1231
00:49:40,396 --> 00:49:42,021
Well, it's because
of the drugs - he...
1232
00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:44,021
You know, he was a huge
partier, back in the day.
1233
00:49:44,021 --> 00:49:45,812
I mean, like hard drugs.
1234
00:49:45,812 --> 00:49:48,104
Huffing glue. Like, the works.
1235
00:49:48,604 --> 00:49:50,896
I mean, that'll suck the youth
right out of your face.
1236
00:49:50,896 --> 00:49:51,896
It does.
1237
00:49:52,437 --> 00:49:53,937
Yeah, that was all before
he went on
1238
00:49:53,937 --> 00:49:55,812
- the straight and narrow.
- Hmm.
1239
00:49:56,437 --> 00:49:58,937
Oh, look at them.
Look how happy they are.
1240
00:49:58,937 --> 00:50:01,229
- [JT] I told you.
- [Rabbi] It's an easy thing.
1241
00:50:01,229 --> 00:50:03,354
- [Dean] I don't see happiness.
- [Erin] What?
1242
00:50:03,354 --> 00:50:05,646
I see fear and anxiety.
1243
00:50:05,646 --> 00:50:07,354
Fear of what?
1244
00:50:07,354 --> 00:50:09,021
[Dean] Of the responsibility
of it all.
1245
00:50:09,021 --> 00:50:10,521
What do they even
get out of it?
1246
00:50:10,521 --> 00:50:12,854
What do they get
out of having a family?
1247
00:50:12,854 --> 00:50:14,146
- Yeah.
- Come on.
1248
00:50:14,146 --> 00:50:17,396
I mean, I get it on paper.
Sure, right.
1249
00:50:17,396 --> 00:50:20,687
But in reality, having a kid
is fear and anxiety
1250
00:50:20,687 --> 00:50:22,646
with periodic moments
of crushing pain.
1251
00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:25,729
And then you get
bitter and resentful
1252
00:50:25,729 --> 00:50:28,354
and eventually just... mean.
1253
00:50:30,396 --> 00:50:32,562
At least that's how it was
at my house.
1254
00:50:33,771 --> 00:50:35,521
You realize that's
the most you've ever
1255
00:50:35,521 --> 00:50:37,021
told me about your childhood?
1256
00:50:38,646 --> 00:50:41,062
[Rod] Look, he is
kind of lost right now,
1257
00:50:41,062 --> 00:50:43,312
but just give him a little
time, he'll figure it out.
1258
00:50:44,229 --> 00:50:46,312
I've given him plenty of time.
1259
00:50:47,021 --> 00:50:49,771
I think you need
to step back in, Ricky.
1260
00:50:49,771 --> 00:50:51,437
Be there for him.
1261
00:50:51,437 --> 00:50:53,521
Ease the blow a little
when I drop him.
1262
00:50:53,521 --> 00:50:55,437
Oh, hey, Keith, slow down.
1263
00:50:55,437 --> 00:50:57,146
Take it from me,
relationships like yours,
1264
00:50:57,146 --> 00:50:58,646
they don't come around
that often.
1265
00:50:58,646 --> 00:50:59,646
They just don't.
1266
00:50:59,646 --> 00:51:01,854
My own mother
was married six times.
1267
00:51:01,854 --> 00:51:03,479
She never found happiness.
1268
00:51:03,479 --> 00:51:04,896
An incredible sex life,
1269
00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:06,812
but she was filled up
with everything but joy.
1270
00:51:07,604 --> 00:51:09,812
You really want to
give up on this?
1271
00:51:09,812 --> 00:51:11,646
May not come back around.
1272
00:51:16,187 --> 00:51:17,562
Ricky!
1273
00:51:18,437 --> 00:51:20,937
I understand you spent
a lot of time in Kenya
1274
00:51:20,937 --> 00:51:23,062
working with
the Give Green organization.
1275
00:51:23,062 --> 00:51:25,854
Yeah, yeah, good peeps.
1276
00:51:25,854 --> 00:51:27,396
Green peeps, yeah.
1277
00:51:27,396 --> 00:51:29,937
I'm interested in
what your experience was there,
1278
00:51:29,937 --> 00:51:31,896
because, you know,
I've been reading up on them
1279
00:51:31,896 --> 00:51:35,021
and they're a really
intriguing organization.
1280
00:51:35,021 --> 00:51:36,187
Yeah, you know what?
1281
00:51:36,187 --> 00:51:38,479
I was just trying to find
one of those cheese-puff trays.
1282
00:51:38,479 --> 00:51:40,771
- I'll show you where they are.
- Right, but before you do,
1283
00:51:40,771 --> 00:51:42,312
can you tell me about
Charlie Sennet?
1284
00:51:42,312 --> 00:51:43,312
Huh?
1285
00:51:43,312 --> 00:51:47,146
Charlie Sennet, the journalist
who started Give Green
1286
00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:48,437
and is still hands on.
1287
00:51:48,437 --> 00:51:50,646
I mean,
did you get to meet him?
1288
00:51:50,646 --> 00:51:52,521
What do you think
of his mission statement?
1289
00:51:52,521 --> 00:51:53,854
Is it tenable?
1290
00:51:53,854 --> 00:51:56,562
Oh, yeah,
of course it's tenable.
1291
00:51:56,562 --> 00:51:57,854
Elevenable, twelveable...
1292
00:51:57,854 --> 00:51:59,521
I mean,
it's infinite really, right?
1293
00:51:59,521 --> 00:52:00,521
[Leona] Ha-ha.
1294
00:52:00,521 --> 00:52:02,021
I mean, I'm intrigued
by their policy
1295
00:52:02,021 --> 00:52:03,854
of direct charitable donations.
1296
00:52:03,854 --> 00:52:05,354
You know, personally, I think
1297
00:52:05,354 --> 00:52:07,604
donations need
to be conditional.
1298
00:52:07,604 --> 00:52:09,521
What do you think?
1299
00:52:10,187 --> 00:52:11,354
[Dean] Uh, you know what?
1300
00:52:11,354 --> 00:52:12,896
It's group photo time.
Group photo time.
1301
00:52:12,896 --> 00:52:14,812
Group photo! Come on,
let's make some memories!
1302
00:52:14,812 --> 00:52:15,854
Yeah. Yeah.
1303
00:52:15,854 --> 00:52:17,979
You have no idea what I'm
talking about, do you, Ricky?
1304
00:52:17,979 --> 00:52:20,396
Maybe he just doesn't want
to talk shop at a bris, Leona.
1305
00:52:20,396 --> 00:52:22,937
Or maybe he's a fraud.
Are you a fraud, sir?
1306
00:52:23,812 --> 00:52:25,896
[cool jazz piano music plays]
1307
00:52:28,729 --> 00:52:30,729
[piano music intensifies]
1308
00:52:36,312 --> 00:52:37,979
I'll tell you
what's fraudulent, Leona.
1309
00:52:37,979 --> 00:52:38,979
Yeah?
1310
00:52:38,979 --> 00:52:40,812
The perception that
the program at Give Green
1311
00:52:40,812 --> 00:52:42,187
needs to be conditional.
1312
00:52:42,187 --> 00:52:44,146
They choose to offer
unconditional cash transfers
1313
00:52:44,146 --> 00:52:45,229
for two reasons.
1314
00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:47,896
First, empowering poor people
to make their own choices?
1315
00:52:47,896 --> 00:52:50,062
Well, that advances
their core value of respect.
1316
00:52:50,062 --> 00:52:52,062
Second, imposing
conditions requires
1317
00:52:52,062 --> 00:52:54,479
expensive monitoring
and enforcement structures
1318
00:52:54,479 --> 00:52:57,187
that could raise administrative
costs as high as 63%.
1319
00:52:57,687 --> 00:52:59,771
The existing empirical evidence
comparing the impact
1320
00:52:59,771 --> 00:53:02,146
of conditional
to unconditional cash transfers
1321
00:53:02,146 --> 00:53:03,896
shows that these added costs
1322
00:53:03,896 --> 00:53:06,187
simply do not
produce commensurate benefits.
1323
00:53:08,146 --> 00:53:10,479
I wonder where those
cheese-puff trays went off to.
1324
00:53:11,521 --> 00:53:14,021
[cool jazz piano music plays]
1325
00:53:15,021 --> 00:53:17,729
[hushed chattering]
1326
00:53:19,187 --> 00:53:20,812
Did you want a cheese puff,
Leona?
1327
00:53:20,812 --> 00:53:22,062
[piano music outro plays]
1328
00:53:22,062 --> 00:53:23,562
No, thank you.
1329
00:53:26,437 --> 00:53:27,604
Huh, so what are these?
1330
00:53:27,604 --> 00:53:29,187
Glazed dates
stuffed with Asiago cheese
1331
00:53:29,187 --> 00:53:30,187
and pickled herring.
1332
00:53:30,187 --> 00:53:31,896
Don't mind if I don't.
1333
00:53:31,896 --> 00:53:32,979
No problem.
1334
00:53:34,646 --> 00:53:36,687
- That was amazing.
- Unbelievable.
1335
00:53:36,687 --> 00:53:38,479
Where the hell
did you learn all that stuff?
1336
00:53:38,479 --> 00:53:40,354
Gotta buy the zoo, baby.
1337
00:53:40,354 --> 00:53:41,979
What? Who's that...?
1338
00:53:41,979 --> 00:53:43,562
Gary Polisner's here.
1339
00:53:44,062 --> 00:53:48,062
$8,000. It's on lease,
but that's how much it's worth.
1340
00:53:48,062 --> 00:53:49,229
Oh.
1341
00:53:49,229 --> 00:53:50,771
Hey, Polisner!
1342
00:53:51,396 --> 00:53:54,729
Hey! Well you move along,
I'll talk to you later on.
1343
00:53:54,729 --> 00:53:56,354
Get over here, hey?
1344
00:53:56,354 --> 00:53:58,562
Had to park my Cybertruck
in the next county.
1345
00:53:58,562 --> 00:54:00,437
What, you too cheap
for a valet?
1346
00:54:00,437 --> 00:54:01,729
[laughing]
1347
00:54:01,729 --> 00:54:04,062
- Crap! I know that guy.
- What? What guy?
1348
00:54:04,062 --> 00:54:05,812
The guy standing
with Hairy Krishna.
1349
00:54:06,646 --> 00:54:08,437
I saved you a bagel with lox.
1350
00:54:08,437 --> 00:54:10,979
I asked for an everything
bagel. That's a nothing bagel.
1351
00:54:11,479 --> 00:54:13,521
Hey, you got any booze
in this place?
1352
00:54:13,521 --> 00:54:14,521
Yeah.
1353
00:54:14,521 --> 00:54:16,479
[Gary] Let me guess,
it's a cash bar. [laughs]
1354
00:54:16,479 --> 00:54:17,979
Oh, shit!
1355
00:54:17,979 --> 00:54:19,562
Go up the stairs.
Go into the garage.
1356
00:54:19,562 --> 00:54:21,604
Just get in there. Don't
come out until I tell you.
1357
00:54:21,604 --> 00:54:22,979
All right? Go, go, go, go, go.
1358
00:54:22,979 --> 00:54:24,312
Fuck.
1359
00:54:24,312 --> 00:54:26,271
And as you can tell,
I actually don't sweat...
1360
00:54:26,271 --> 00:54:27,771
[JT] What the fuck
are you saying?
1361
00:54:27,771 --> 00:54:29,729
Ricky knows Polisner.
1362
00:54:29,729 --> 00:54:31,812
- How?
- How the hell do I know?
1363
00:54:31,812 --> 00:54:34,146
They're both actors. Maybe
they crossed paths somehow.
1364
00:54:34,146 --> 00:54:35,771
We got to get Polisner
out of here.
1365
00:54:35,771 --> 00:54:37,229
He just got here.
1366
00:54:38,646 --> 00:54:39,896
Goddamn it.
1367
00:54:39,896 --> 00:54:41,604
We could put him
in a K-hole.
1368
00:54:41,604 --> 00:54:42,646
What's that?
1369
00:54:43,146 --> 00:54:44,396
Dose him with ketamine.
1370
00:54:44,896 --> 00:54:47,354
Yeah, great idea. I'll just run
down to CVS and grab a bottle.
1371
00:54:47,354 --> 00:54:48,687
No need.
1372
00:54:49,979 --> 00:54:51,937
Why the hell
do you have ketamine?
1373
00:54:53,354 --> 00:54:56,604
Well, sometimes
after a hard day, you...
1374
00:54:57,271 --> 00:54:58,896
You K-hole yourself.
1375
00:54:58,896 --> 00:55:01,062
I could see that.
Where do you get these things?
1376
00:55:01,062 --> 00:55:02,604
- My grandmother died.
- Guys!
1377
00:55:02,604 --> 00:55:03,979
We're not K-holing anyone.
1378
00:55:03,979 --> 00:55:06,104
Stop being such
a fucking wang, Dean. Okay?
1379
00:55:06,104 --> 00:55:07,646
We're going to get him
a little drowsy
1380
00:55:07,646 --> 00:55:09,271
and then put him in a cab.
1381
00:55:09,271 --> 00:55:10,562
Are you guys serious right now?
1382
00:55:10,562 --> 00:55:12,312
You want to drug
the Red Robin guy?
1383
00:55:12,312 --> 00:55:14,854
What other fucking choice
do we have?
1384
00:55:14,854 --> 00:55:18,062
"Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!"
1385
00:55:18,062 --> 00:55:20,896
First take. Everyone applauded.
That's the one they used, too.
1386
00:55:20,896 --> 00:55:21,937
[Summerhayes groans]
1387
00:55:22,854 --> 00:55:25,854
Fuck it.
Let's K-hole the prick.
1388
00:55:25,854 --> 00:55:28,646
- [Dean] This is it.
- [JT] Yep, let's go. Let's go.
1389
00:55:28,646 --> 00:55:30,146
[loud exclaiming]
1390
00:55:30,146 --> 00:55:31,521
- [Wes] All right.
- [Dean] No way!
1391
00:55:31,521 --> 00:55:33,687
[JT] That's right, I hit.
That's right, I hit.
1392
00:55:33,687 --> 00:55:35,604
- Let's go for two.
- He's got you believing.
1393
00:55:35,604 --> 00:55:36,896
Come on, baby. Come on!
1394
00:55:36,896 --> 00:55:38,312
Bad throw. Bad throw.
1395
00:55:38,312 --> 00:55:40,187
Bad throw! Dude, your foot
came off the couch.
1396
00:55:40,187 --> 00:55:42,646
- Oh, hey, Gare.
- Oh, hey, Dean, what's up?
1397
00:55:42,646 --> 00:55:45,729
Hey, uh, you guys seen
my Red Robin commercial yet?
1398
00:55:45,729 --> 00:55:47,812
- We did. Yeah, we did.
- Yeah. Shit went national.
1399
00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:48,854
Yeah, I love that.
1400
00:55:48,854 --> 00:55:51,437
Thinking of getting me
a sweet kimono dragon.
1401
00:55:51,437 --> 00:55:53,521
Isn't it 'komodo'?
1402
00:55:53,521 --> 00:55:55,437
No, not the one
I'm getting, right?
1403
00:55:55,437 --> 00:55:57,771
- Oh, yeah!
- [Gary] Off market. All cash.
1404
00:55:57,771 --> 00:56:00,896
- What are you losers doing?
- We're playing a game
1405
00:56:00,896 --> 00:56:02,604
where if you catch
three peanuts in a row,
1406
00:56:02,604 --> 00:56:04,354
you get 20 bucks
from each of us.
1407
00:56:04,354 --> 00:56:05,396
Why, you want in?
1408
00:56:06,146 --> 00:56:07,687
- Fuck yeah!
- Oh?
1409
00:56:07,687 --> 00:56:09,271
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Okay.
1410
00:56:09,271 --> 00:56:10,771
Man, I'll kick all your asses.
1411
00:56:10,771 --> 00:56:12,604
Step right up
and get behind the hat.
1412
00:56:12,604 --> 00:56:14,562
- [JT] No cheating.
- [Gary] I got this.
1413
00:56:15,312 --> 00:56:16,604
- Here we go.
- You focused?
1414
00:56:17,687 --> 00:56:19,771
- [JT] Whoa!
- Whoa! Boom!
1415
00:56:19,771 --> 00:56:20,937
Wow!
1416
00:56:20,937 --> 00:56:22,479
Relax, Gare.
Little bit of luck there.
1417
00:56:22,479 --> 00:56:23,562
- Okay.
- [JT] Get low.
1418
00:56:25,562 --> 00:56:28,729
- Ohh! Yeah.
- Ohh! Yes!
1419
00:56:28,729 --> 00:56:30,771
I'm just as good as Wes
at catching nuts in my mouth.
1420
00:56:30,771 --> 00:56:32,854
Oh. Right. 'Cause I'm gay.
1421
00:56:32,854 --> 00:56:33,937
[laughing] Yeah.
1422
00:56:33,937 --> 00:56:35,604
[whispers] I'm so happy
we're doing this.
1423
00:56:36,187 --> 00:56:37,812
Okay, this one's
for all the marbles.
1424
00:56:37,812 --> 00:56:39,937
[JT] All right, Gary,
let's go, buddy. You ready?
1425
00:56:39,937 --> 00:56:41,771
[Dean] Ready?
One, two...
1426
00:56:42,437 --> 00:56:44,354
[in slow-motion] Three...
1427
00:56:45,812 --> 00:56:48,521
[triumphant music]
1428
00:57:06,521 --> 00:57:08,521
Ba-doomp-pow! All net!
1429
00:57:11,187 --> 00:57:13,062
I think I ate a bad one.
1430
00:57:13,687 --> 00:57:14,854
Bitter.
1431
00:57:15,979 --> 00:57:17,521
[Rabbi] My sweet boy.
1432
00:57:17,521 --> 00:57:21,021
May God make you
like Ephraim and Manasseh.
1433
00:57:21,021 --> 00:57:24,437
May God bless you
and watch over you.
1434
00:57:24,437 --> 00:57:26,187
Shouldn't we be stopping this?
1435
00:57:26,187 --> 00:57:29,104
Don't worry, we got about
a half hour before it kicks in.
1436
00:57:31,979 --> 00:57:34,521
Hey, I figured out
how I know him.
1437
00:57:34,521 --> 00:57:36,604
He's in those
Red Robin commercials.
1438
00:57:36,604 --> 00:57:39,812
"Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!"
1439
00:57:39,812 --> 00:57:41,729
Dude, that was great.
You should be an actor.
1440
00:57:41,729 --> 00:57:43,521
So you guys have
never met before?
1441
00:57:43,521 --> 00:57:45,687
- No, but...
- Yeah, just a big fan.
1442
00:57:48,979 --> 00:57:51,479
- All right, it's time.
- Okay.
1443
00:57:55,229 --> 00:57:57,562
[laughing] Oh...
1444
00:57:57,562 --> 00:57:59,187
we're going to need
a steak knife.
1445
00:57:59,187 --> 00:58:00,229
Ha!
1446
00:58:01,396 --> 00:58:04,521
Wow! Is this his bris
or his bar mitzvah?
1447
00:58:04,521 --> 00:58:05,687
[nervous chuckle]
1448
00:58:05,687 --> 00:58:08,854
Okay, little vinegar...
Whitaker...
1449
00:58:09,896 --> 00:58:14,146
[Rabbi slurring] ...has
skanctified us with the...
1450
00:58:14,937 --> 00:58:17,562
...commandiments...
com... condiments...
1451
00:58:18,646 --> 00:58:20,271
...comma... commandments...
1452
00:58:20,271 --> 00:58:22,187
With the commander-ments.
1453
00:58:22,187 --> 00:58:24,187
With the commandments. Oy...
1454
00:58:24,771 --> 00:58:27,104
- [hushed chatter]
- [woman] He's seems confused.
1455
00:58:28,854 --> 00:58:30,979
[whispers] What the hell?
Is he drunk?
1456
00:58:30,979 --> 00:58:33,604
[whispers] I don't know.
I saw him eat a peanut earlier.
1457
00:58:33,604 --> 00:58:35,104
Maybe he's having a reaction?
1458
00:58:35,104 --> 00:58:36,854
- Man, you said half an hour.
- I don't know.
1459
00:58:36,854 --> 00:58:38,604
I think I might have
developed a tolerance.
1460
00:58:40,271 --> 00:58:41,521
Okay.
1461
00:58:42,812 --> 00:58:44,729
[Rabbi slurring]
And he hasht given us
1462
00:58:44,729 --> 00:58:46,687
the command to...
1463
00:58:46,687 --> 00:58:47,979
circumvision!
1464
00:58:47,979 --> 00:58:50,104
[people gasping]
1465
00:58:50,104 --> 00:58:53,354
Hi, fishy-fishy!
Oh, to fishy-fishy!
1466
00:58:53,354 --> 00:58:56,729
Mommy, I don't want to
go to school tomorrow.
1467
00:58:56,729 --> 00:58:58,312
[Susan] Oh, my God!
1468
00:58:58,312 --> 00:59:00,146
Oh, my God!
He's allergic to peanuts.
1469
00:59:00,146 --> 00:59:01,354
What did she say?
1470
00:59:01,354 --> 00:59:03,229
She said
he's allergic to penis.
1471
00:59:03,229 --> 00:59:04,937
Oh, he's certainly in
the wrong business.
1472
00:59:04,937 --> 00:59:06,396
Ba-doomp-pow!
1473
00:59:06,396 --> 00:59:07,937
Oh, my God.
1474
00:59:07,937 --> 00:59:09,937
He's only half circumcised.
1475
00:59:09,937 --> 00:59:11,437
Take the kid to the hospital.
1476
00:59:11,437 --> 00:59:14,312
- Yes, definitely a hospital.
- I could call an ambulance.
1477
00:59:14,312 --> 00:59:16,062
No, this has to be done now.
1478
00:59:16,062 --> 00:59:17,687
Let Ricky finish it.
1479
00:59:17,687 --> 00:59:20,187
Ricky? What? No!
No. Are you insane?
1480
00:59:20,187 --> 00:59:22,354
He used to work for
Bono's foundation in Africa,
1481
00:59:22,354 --> 00:59:23,562
circumcising adults.
1482
00:59:23,562 --> 00:59:24,771
Aw.
1483
00:59:25,479 --> 00:59:28,979
Yeah, he did.
But that was so long ago.
1484
00:59:28,979 --> 00:59:30,979
Plus, it's got to be
way easier to circumcise
1485
00:59:30,979 --> 00:59:33,187
a gorgeous African penis
than a baby penis.
1486
00:59:33,187 --> 00:59:34,812
You would think.
1487
00:59:34,812 --> 00:59:36,187
I can do it.
1488
00:59:37,646 --> 00:59:40,896
Uh, Ricky... Ricky! This is
a baby we're talking about.
1489
00:59:40,896 --> 00:59:43,604
A real baby. Are you sure?
1490
00:59:43,604 --> 00:59:46,021
Yeah. Yeah. It's not like
I'm cutting a diamond.
1491
00:59:46,021 --> 00:59:49,771
I'm sure I can pull it off.
Pun intended.
1492
00:59:49,771 --> 00:59:52,521
No. No! We need
a certified mohel, right?
1493
00:59:52,521 --> 00:59:54,562
- Right.
- I'll just look one up on Yelp.
1494
00:59:54,562 --> 00:59:56,104
What? No! No Yelping.
1495
00:59:56,104 --> 00:59:59,229
No, we already have a mohel.
He's already said the tefilah.
1496
00:59:59,229 --> 01:00:01,729
We just need to
let Ricky finish it off.
1497
01:00:01,729 --> 01:00:03,771
Mom, no, I'm going to
take him to a hospital,
1498
01:00:03,771 --> 01:00:05,271
where doctors work.
1499
01:00:05,271 --> 01:00:07,187
Does anyone here care
that my grandson
1500
01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:09,312
is laying there
half circumcised?
1501
01:00:09,312 --> 01:00:11,146
[snipping]
And we're done!
1502
01:00:11,146 --> 01:00:13,479
[gasping]
1503
01:00:14,312 --> 01:00:16,021
Just a little
off the ol' Tiparillo.
1504
01:00:17,187 --> 01:00:18,604
- Huh.
- [Rod] Who's next?
1505
01:00:18,604 --> 01:00:20,854
Summerhayes, get over here so
I can snip off that turtleneck.
1506
01:00:20,854 --> 01:00:23,312
Stanicky, you are unbelievable.
1507
01:00:23,312 --> 01:00:26,062
- All right, this is yours.
- No.
1508
01:00:26,062 --> 01:00:29,187
Oh, my God, Ricky!
1509
01:00:29,187 --> 01:00:32,062
- [people applauding]
- [nervous chuckling]
1510
01:00:35,771 --> 01:00:36,896
Yes!
1511
01:00:36,896 --> 01:00:39,937
Ricky Stanicky, you are even
better than advertized.
1512
01:00:39,937 --> 01:00:41,896
Ah, Susan, it's just
a pleasure to help you out.
1513
01:00:41,896 --> 01:00:44,229
By the way, the kid's got a
good-looking schmeckel on him.
1514
01:00:44,229 --> 01:00:46,396
Real hog barrel. He's going to
have some fun with that thing.
1515
01:00:46,396 --> 01:00:47,396
[laughter]
1516
01:00:47,396 --> 01:00:48,937
- Takes after his papa.
- [Rod] Yeah.
1517
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:50,687
Ricky, do you really
have to leave already?
1518
01:00:50,687 --> 01:00:52,187
Can't you just stay
one more night?
1519
01:00:52,187 --> 01:00:54,479
I would love to, Carlsbad...
1520
01:00:55,562 --> 01:00:56,937
...but I got to go.
1521
01:00:56,937 --> 01:00:57,979
[Susan and JT] Aw...
1522
01:00:57,979 --> 01:01:00,479
He's going to Nairobi to help
out with the Ebola situation.
1523
01:01:00,479 --> 01:01:01,521
- Yeah.
- Oh.
1524
01:01:01,521 --> 01:01:02,521
Nairobi?
1525
01:01:02,521 --> 01:01:04,812
Yeah. I goes where I's needed.
1526
01:01:04,812 --> 01:01:05,979
[men chanting] Ricky! Ricky!
1527
01:01:05,979 --> 01:01:07,146
[laughing] Those guys.
1528
01:01:09,312 --> 01:01:10,604
Well...
1529
01:01:10,604 --> 01:01:12,187
[light laughter]
1530
01:01:13,354 --> 01:01:14,729
[Susan] Oh, man.
1531
01:01:14,729 --> 01:01:16,354
- Okay, bye, Ricky.
- [Wes] One of a kind.
1532
01:01:16,354 --> 01:01:18,354
- I'll see you inside.
- I'll see you in a minute.
1533
01:01:18,354 --> 01:01:19,646
I'm going to help
with the baby.
1534
01:01:19,646 --> 01:01:20,687
Okay.
1535
01:01:23,312 --> 01:01:25,104
That was amazing. Incredible.
1536
01:01:25,104 --> 01:01:26,312
You are a legend.
1537
01:01:26,312 --> 01:01:28,312
That was world class, Rod.
1538
01:01:28,312 --> 01:01:29,354
It's Ricky.
1539
01:01:29,354 --> 01:01:31,021
[all laugh]
1540
01:01:33,312 --> 01:01:35,437
- Yeah...
- Right.
1541
01:01:35,437 --> 01:01:37,521
Well, here's your dough.
1542
01:01:37,521 --> 01:01:38,854
Uh, we put some extra
in there
1543
01:01:38,854 --> 01:01:40,604
just 'cause you knocked it
out of the park, man.
1544
01:01:40,604 --> 01:01:41,604
- Yes you did.
- Yeah.
1545
01:01:41,604 --> 01:01:43,104
Where did you
learn to circumcise?
1546
01:01:43,104 --> 01:01:46,896
Oh, had a job peeling shrimp
at Beefsteak Charlie's.
1547
01:01:46,896 --> 01:01:48,729
[chuckles awkwardly] Okay.
1548
01:01:48,729 --> 01:01:50,562
["Where Have All the Cowboys
Gone?" ringtone plays]
1549
01:01:50,562 --> 01:01:52,687
- Oh, you blowing up, huh?
- [ringtone continues]
1550
01:01:52,687 --> 01:01:54,229
Are you going to get that,
or...?
1551
01:01:54,229 --> 01:01:55,521
[phone bleeps, ringtone stops]
1552
01:01:55,521 --> 01:01:58,187
No. That's just a crazy fan.
1553
01:01:58,187 --> 01:01:59,771
Well, now you got
three crazy fans.
1554
01:01:59,771 --> 01:02:00,854
That's right.
1555
01:02:01,896 --> 01:02:03,187
You guys take care.
1556
01:02:03,187 --> 01:02:04,687
- You too!
- Yeah, you too.
1557
01:02:04,687 --> 01:02:06,521
- We'll be fine. You take care.
- Yeah, please.
1558
01:02:06,521 --> 01:02:08,146
If you're ever
in Atlantic City...
1559
01:02:08,146 --> 01:02:09,937
- Possibly.
- We'll let you know.
1560
01:02:09,937 --> 01:02:11,437
We'll definitely let you know.
1561
01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:14,146
[engine idling]
1562
01:02:15,396 --> 01:02:16,896
He's good to go.
1563
01:02:16,896 --> 01:02:18,312
- [Dean] Thanks, Rod.
- Thank you.
1564
01:02:18,312 --> 01:02:19,562
It's Ricky.
1565
01:02:23,396 --> 01:02:25,146
[JT chuckles]
1566
01:02:25,146 --> 01:02:27,229
- [sighs heavily] Whew!
- Yeah!
1567
01:02:27,229 --> 01:02:29,187
- I'm hungry, man.
- [JT] Let's feed you.
1568
01:02:29,187 --> 01:02:30,521
[laughter]
1569
01:02:30,521 --> 01:02:32,104
[Wes] I can't believe
it worked!
1570
01:02:32,104 --> 01:02:34,479
I can't believe it actually
fucking worked.
1571
01:02:34,479 --> 01:02:36,021
As much of a nut job
as Rod is...
1572
01:02:36,021 --> 01:02:38,854
- Uh, it's Ricky.
- Oh, sorry, Ricky.
1573
01:02:39,937 --> 01:02:42,187
But he came through.
He actually came through.
1574
01:02:43,187 --> 01:02:44,479
So that's it, though, right?
1575
01:02:44,479 --> 01:02:45,937
- Yep.
- No more Ricky Stanicky.
1576
01:02:45,937 --> 01:02:48,354
No, we are never mentioning
his name ever again.
1577
01:02:48,354 --> 01:02:50,396
It was fun while it lasted.
Right? Okay.
1578
01:02:50,396 --> 01:02:53,437
But it's time to get off that
rollercoaster once and for all.
1579
01:02:53,437 --> 01:02:56,104
Yep. Ride's over, folks!
Please exit to your left!
1580
01:02:56,104 --> 01:02:57,687
Please check for
your belongings!
1581
01:02:57,687 --> 01:03:00,396
You gotta be this tall
to ride this ride.
1582
01:03:00,396 --> 01:03:02,229
Wes, you always do
one too many, man.
1583
01:03:02,229 --> 01:03:03,521
Fuck you. Is that one too many?
1584
01:03:03,521 --> 01:03:06,229
- Oh, it is. That is too many.
- Guys, guys, guys. Guys.
1585
01:03:06,229 --> 01:03:09,729
For the very last time,
a toast...
1586
01:03:09,729 --> 01:03:11,354
To Ricky Stanicky.
1587
01:03:11,354 --> 01:03:13,437
[Wes and JT] To Ricky Stanicky!
1588
01:03:13,437 --> 01:03:15,146
Best friend we never had.
1589
01:03:15,146 --> 01:03:16,146
[glasses clinking]
1590
01:03:18,312 --> 01:03:20,354
- You got some on your arm.
- Hoo!
1591
01:03:22,271 --> 01:03:24,562
[JT] I mean, it's my
newborn son, you know,
1592
01:03:24,562 --> 01:03:26,104
it's like this bonding thing.
1593
01:03:26,104 --> 01:03:27,812
If anybody else
had pissed on me,
1594
01:03:27,812 --> 01:03:29,396
I'd be totally grossed out.
1595
01:03:29,396 --> 01:03:30,812
What about if it was Susan?
1596
01:03:30,812 --> 01:03:32,021
Eew!
1597
01:03:32,021 --> 01:03:35,104
Hey, guys, grab a cup of coffee
and get in here.
1598
01:03:36,021 --> 01:03:37,062
Yes!
1599
01:03:37,062 --> 01:03:39,437
Yesterday was a real kick.
1600
01:03:39,437 --> 01:03:41,146
It was nice spending time
with you guys
1601
01:03:41,146 --> 01:03:42,312
outside the boiler room.
1602
01:03:42,312 --> 01:03:43,562
- Mm-hm.
- It is.
1603
01:03:43,562 --> 01:03:45,062
Who doesn't love
a good bris, right?
1604
01:03:45,062 --> 01:03:47,354
Right!
We should do it all the time.
1605
01:03:48,021 --> 01:03:51,146
- Have a bris?
- Hang out. We should hang...
1606
01:03:51,146 --> 01:03:54,771
By the way, your wife, Miriam,
she's amazing.
1607
01:03:54,771 --> 01:03:57,312
- Just fantastic.
- A lovely, lovely woman.
1608
01:03:57,312 --> 01:04:00,021
Thanks. She liked you guys too.
1609
01:04:00,021 --> 01:04:03,187
And she was really taken
with your friend Stanicky.
1610
01:04:03,187 --> 01:04:06,812
He's got brass balls on him,
that guy.
1611
01:04:06,812 --> 01:04:08,604
She loved how
in my face he was.
1612
01:04:08,604 --> 01:04:09,646
Really?
1613
01:04:09,646 --> 01:04:11,479
Yeah, he'll give it to you,
man, that guy.
1614
01:04:11,479 --> 01:04:12,937
- That's Ricky.
- Yeah. He'll...
1615
01:04:12,937 --> 01:04:15,021
- Just... he's a character.
- He is a character.
1616
01:04:15,021 --> 01:04:17,187
- A powerful creature, man.
- He sure is.
1617
01:04:17,187 --> 01:04:18,687
That's why I hired him.
1618
01:04:18,687 --> 01:04:20,271
- Mm-hm.
- Awesome.
1619
01:04:20,271 --> 01:04:21,771
What the fuck
did you just say?
1620
01:04:22,896 --> 01:04:24,771
What the fuck
did you just say?
1621
01:04:25,812 --> 01:04:29,271
I just said, "Awesome."
1622
01:04:29,271 --> 01:04:30,771
That's awesome.
1623
01:04:30,771 --> 01:04:32,437
You just said...
1624
01:04:32,437 --> 01:04:34,229
What did you say?
Just say it one more time?
1625
01:04:34,229 --> 01:04:38,229
Ricky gave me his number and
when I got home, I called him.
1626
01:04:38,229 --> 01:04:40,187
I got him right before
he got on the plane too.
1627
01:04:40,187 --> 01:04:41,896
He came over to my place.
1628
01:04:41,896 --> 01:04:44,479
We were up till 4 a.m.
banging out a deal.
1629
01:04:44,479 --> 01:04:46,312
The buff guy?
1630
01:04:46,312 --> 01:04:48,396
The guy who wore the
safari outfit to my son's bris
1631
01:04:48,396 --> 01:04:50,021
and circumcised him
with a cigar cutter?
1632
01:04:50,021 --> 01:04:51,687
- You banged out a deal?
- Yes.
1633
01:04:51,687 --> 01:04:53,354
I hired Ricky Stanicky.
1634
01:04:53,979 --> 01:04:56,354
Wow! Wow!
1635
01:04:56,354 --> 01:04:59,521
But do you think...
like, he has the experience
1636
01:04:59,521 --> 01:05:01,604
- to be working here?
- Yeah, does he, ya think?
1637
01:05:01,604 --> 01:05:03,771
Nah, whatever he lacks
in experience,
1638
01:05:03,771 --> 01:05:07,604
he more than makes up for
with piss and vinegar.
1639
01:05:07,604 --> 01:05:10,271
I loved his take
on the World River deal.
1640
01:05:10,271 --> 01:05:12,104
- But that's...
- Not his take, really.
1641
01:05:12,104 --> 01:05:13,979
Yeah, that's just what he read
in the news.
1642
01:05:13,979 --> 01:05:15,104
Uh-huh.
1643
01:05:15,104 --> 01:05:17,729
You can stop
playing games, guys.
1644
01:05:17,729 --> 01:05:20,021
I know you've been
recruiting him.
1645
01:05:20,021 --> 01:05:21,521
You don't think I noticed
1646
01:05:21,521 --> 01:05:25,854
that JT expensed three rounds
of golf at Carnegie Abbey
1647
01:05:25,854 --> 01:05:27,521
in the last couple of months?
1648
01:05:29,437 --> 01:05:31,771
That was two rounds, I think...
1649
01:05:31,771 --> 01:05:33,771
B-because we were...
we were...
1650
01:05:33,771 --> 01:05:36,062
- We were recruiting him.
- Recruiting him.
1651
01:05:36,062 --> 01:05:37,562
And we decided...
1652
01:05:37,562 --> 01:05:39,437
- Not... not good.
- Not Summerhayes material.
1653
01:05:39,437 --> 01:05:40,646
Yeah, he just doesn't...
1654
01:05:40,646 --> 01:05:42,437
[JT] I don't think
he's right for this place.
1655
01:05:42,437 --> 01:05:44,396
Hey! Speak of the devil.
1656
01:05:45,104 --> 01:05:48,854
[mellow funk music]
1657
01:05:52,812 --> 01:05:53,812
Okay.
1658
01:05:53,812 --> 01:05:54,896
- Oh, Philip.
- Yeah?
1659
01:05:54,896 --> 01:05:58,187
I was hoping to see something
in a mahogany or a birch.
1660
01:05:58,187 --> 01:06:02,354
I believe this is Carolina
pine. That's a shit wood.
1661
01:06:03,104 --> 01:06:05,687
Okay. Uh... shit wood...
1662
01:06:05,687 --> 01:06:07,062
Philip, can we have a sec?
1663
01:06:07,062 --> 01:06:08,604
Yes. Please.
1664
01:06:09,354 --> 01:06:11,312
[Rod] Oh, and for these walls,
1665
01:06:11,312 --> 01:06:14,312
I'd love to see something
in more of a ham color.
1666
01:06:15,187 --> 01:06:16,812
Right.
1667
01:06:19,729 --> 01:06:21,729
What the fuck do you think
you're doing here?
1668
01:06:21,729 --> 01:06:24,187
This is unbelievable.
How cool is this, right?
1669
01:06:24,187 --> 01:06:26,187
And I didn't even have to
fill out an application!
1670
01:06:26,187 --> 01:06:28,562
Application?!
This isn't Little Caesar's.
1671
01:06:28,562 --> 01:06:31,354
There's no way for you to act
your way through this, okay?
1672
01:06:31,354 --> 01:06:33,562
There's no script for you
to follow here.
1673
01:06:33,562 --> 01:06:35,396
Okay, you guys can help me out.
1674
01:06:35,396 --> 01:06:37,521
Just like I helped you out
in the bris thing, right?
1675
01:06:37,521 --> 01:06:40,104
- That's what friends are for.
- Friends? We're not friends!
1676
01:06:40,104 --> 01:06:42,271
The deal was you come to
the gig, then you leave.
1677
01:06:42,271 --> 01:06:43,354
You got paid.
1678
01:06:43,354 --> 01:06:44,521
- Now go!
- Go!
1679
01:06:44,521 --> 01:06:46,937
Come on.
What was I supposed to do?
1680
01:06:46,937 --> 01:06:48,437
Your boss, Summersquash,
hits me up
1681
01:06:48,437 --> 01:06:50,062
- and he's like, "Hey, man."
- 'Summerhayes'?
1682
01:06:50,062 --> 01:06:51,562
Yes, that guy.
1683
01:06:51,562 --> 01:06:53,937
Offers me 250 large
right out of the blue.
1684
01:06:53,937 --> 01:06:56,729
- What?!
- $250,000?
1685
01:06:56,729 --> 01:06:58,354
Yeah, but that's
for the whole year.
1686
01:06:58,354 --> 01:06:59,812
That's more than we make.
1687
01:06:59,812 --> 01:07:00,937
Oh, my God!
1688
01:07:00,937 --> 01:07:03,479
Well, I did work as a hostage
negotiator in Somalia.
1689
01:07:03,479 --> 01:07:05,562
So maybe I bring a certain
amount of life experience
1690
01:07:05,562 --> 01:07:06,562
to the table.
1691
01:07:06,562 --> 01:07:08,771
I mean, come on, guys,
didn't you read the bible?
1692
01:07:08,771 --> 01:07:11,646
- We wrote the fucking bible!
- We did that.
1693
01:07:11,646 --> 01:07:13,812
Rod, I need you to listen
to me very, very carefully.
1694
01:07:13,812 --> 01:07:15,187
It's 'Ricky'.
1695
01:07:15,187 --> 01:07:17,979
Rod! Listen to me, okay?
1696
01:07:17,979 --> 01:07:21,646
There's no way
that this ends well. All right?
1697
01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:23,979
You don't even know
what we do here.
1698
01:07:23,979 --> 01:07:25,646
It's like business stuff.
1699
01:07:25,646 --> 01:07:27,604
You guys are like...
like bookies, right?
1700
01:07:28,521 --> 01:07:29,937
We're not bookies.
1701
01:07:29,937 --> 01:07:32,854
Well, when you boil it down
a little bit, there is...
1702
01:07:32,854 --> 01:07:35,479
It's way more complex
than that, okay?
1703
01:07:36,146 --> 01:07:38,937
Dean, Erin's in your office.
She says it's urgent.
1704
01:07:43,354 --> 01:07:44,354
Hey.
1705
01:07:44,854 --> 01:07:46,562
They hired me!
1706
01:07:46,562 --> 01:07:48,062
- Who?
- MFMBC!
1707
01:07:48,062 --> 01:07:50,146
They want me to produce
the 'Hero of the Week' segment.
1708
01:07:50,146 --> 01:07:52,396
- MFMBC?
- Yes!
1709
01:07:52,396 --> 01:07:53,896
Are you kidding me? What?!
1710
01:07:53,896 --> 01:07:56,854
- Oh, my gosh! Oh.
- [Erin squeals and laughs]
1711
01:07:56,854 --> 01:07:59,062
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Thank you.
1712
01:07:59,062 --> 01:08:00,854
Didn't I tell you you were
going to get your big break?
1713
01:08:00,854 --> 01:08:02,521
- You did, you did.
- You got your big break.
1714
01:08:02,521 --> 01:08:04,479
You did. I pushed them
the Ricky Stanicky story
1715
01:08:04,479 --> 01:08:05,937
and they loved it.
1716
01:08:05,937 --> 01:08:07,646
The Ricky what?
1717
01:08:07,646 --> 01:08:09,146
The 'Hero of the Week' segment.
1718
01:08:09,146 --> 01:08:11,146
I sent them a proposal
about the work Ricky does
1719
01:08:11,146 --> 01:08:13,437
in Africa, in South America
and how he works with Bono...
1720
01:08:13,437 --> 01:08:15,354
[audio distorts] ...and helped
clean up the oil spill
1721
01:08:15,354 --> 01:08:18,146
in the Chesapeake Bay,
and they want me to produce it!
1722
01:08:18,646 --> 01:08:20,979
- Oh!
-"Oh"?
1723
01:08:21,687 --> 01:08:23,062
What's wrong with your face?
1724
01:08:23,062 --> 01:08:26,687
This is my happy face.
I'm so... I'm happy.
1725
01:08:26,687 --> 01:08:28,896
I'm ha... I'm happy.
[coughing]
1726
01:08:28,896 --> 01:08:31,562
Great. Because we got to
get him back here now.
1727
01:08:31,562 --> 01:08:33,479
They want me
to run it this week.
1728
01:08:33,479 --> 01:08:34,812
Right.
1729
01:08:34,812 --> 01:08:38,312
I don't know if that's
going to be... possible.
1730
01:08:38,312 --> 01:08:40,562
I don't...
There's just a lot of, uh...
1731
01:08:40,562 --> 01:08:42,729
- [Ricky] More of a canned ham.
- A lot of moving...
1732
01:08:42,729 --> 01:08:44,354
- Very close to spam.
- [Erin] Ricky?
1733
01:08:44,354 --> 01:08:45,604
Ricky!
1734
01:08:46,729 --> 01:08:47,854
Ricky!
1735
01:08:47,854 --> 01:08:50,979
Man of the Year?
Wow! That's so cool!
1736
01:08:50,979 --> 01:08:53,062
It's not man of the year.
It's hero of the week.
1737
01:08:53,062 --> 01:08:55,521
And it's not wow.
It's a fucking shit show.
1738
01:08:55,521 --> 01:08:56,562
And on top of that,
1739
01:08:56,562 --> 01:08:58,396
the girls are going bowling
with him tonight.
1740
01:08:58,396 --> 01:09:00,562
- Do we have to go?
- Of course we have to go.
1741
01:09:00,562 --> 01:09:03,354
We're the dipshit's
best friends, remember?
1742
01:09:04,187 --> 01:09:06,104
Plus we can't let that fucker
out of our sight.
1743
01:09:06,104 --> 01:09:07,604
There's no telling
what he'll say.
1744
01:09:07,604 --> 01:09:11,604
You know, on the bright side,
it is pretty remarkable that,
1745
01:09:11,604 --> 01:09:14,812
you know, we invented a man
who can win an award like this.
1746
01:09:14,812 --> 01:09:16,104
Hey, you think he'll thank us?
1747
01:09:16,104 --> 01:09:18,771
Are you fucking serious
right now?
1748
01:09:18,771 --> 01:09:21,271
Wes! You are smoking
way too much weed
1749
01:09:21,271 --> 01:09:23,812
if you don't understand
how serious this is, okay?
1750
01:09:23,812 --> 01:09:25,937
It's not just about us anymore.
1751
01:09:25,937 --> 01:09:30,021
This could destroy
Erin's career. Wake up!
1752
01:09:33,521 --> 01:09:35,021
I don't have a choice.
1753
01:09:35,687 --> 01:09:37,521
- I got to tell her the truth.
- No fucking way!
1754
01:09:37,521 --> 01:09:39,271
- I got to.
- Dean, no. Dude!
1755
01:09:39,271 --> 01:09:42,062
If you tell Erin,
she'll tell Susan. Okay?
1756
01:09:42,062 --> 01:09:43,687
Then what do you think
is going to happen?
1757
01:09:43,687 --> 01:09:45,187
Not only did I miss
the birth of my son,
1758
01:09:45,187 --> 01:09:47,104
but I let some porno
Peter Frampton impersonator
1759
01:09:47,104 --> 01:09:48,896
snip his dick
with a cigar cutter.
1760
01:09:48,896 --> 01:09:50,229
No!
1761
01:09:52,437 --> 01:09:53,521
Hey, guys.
1762
01:09:54,396 --> 01:09:55,604
Hey, Karnowski.
1763
01:09:55,604 --> 01:09:57,271
How was the Rebillet show?
1764
01:09:57,271 --> 01:09:59,979
It was great, you piece of
shit. Thanks for the tickets.
1765
01:09:59,979 --> 01:10:01,437
Thank you!
1766
01:10:03,604 --> 01:10:05,312
Shitbag!
1767
01:10:07,479 --> 01:10:09,187
He doesn't deserve that.
Karnowsk!
1768
01:10:10,771 --> 01:10:12,229
Karnowski!
1769
01:10:13,062 --> 01:10:16,396
- [indistinct chatter]
- [up-tempo music plays]
1770
01:10:19,729 --> 01:10:21,604
[Rod] You'll never pick it up.
1771
01:10:24,687 --> 01:10:26,687
I like your form.
1772
01:10:29,354 --> 01:10:32,437
I mean, look at this guy.
Not a care in the world.
1773
01:10:32,437 --> 01:10:34,437
If he mentions his salary
one more time,
1774
01:10:34,437 --> 01:10:36,187
I'm going to hit him
in the fucking head.
1775
01:10:36,187 --> 01:10:37,771
Well, maybe if you gave him
more money
1776
01:10:37,771 --> 01:10:39,437
than he's being paid,
he'd leave.
1777
01:10:39,437 --> 01:10:41,979
He's getting paid $250,000,
Wes.
1778
01:10:41,979 --> 01:10:43,479
Yeah, but that's
for the whole year.
1779
01:10:43,479 --> 01:10:44,812
I'll just run to my bank, then.
1780
01:10:44,812 --> 01:10:47,562
We got to figure out a way to
get rid of him or we're done.
1781
01:10:47,562 --> 01:10:49,479
Look, maybe you're worried
about nothing, right?
1782
01:10:49,479 --> 01:10:51,604
She only has a couple of days
to dig up dirt.
1783
01:10:51,604 --> 01:10:54,104
If she doesn't dig up dirt,
that's worse.
1784
01:10:54,104 --> 01:10:56,146
Eventually someone's
going to find out the truth.
1785
01:10:56,146 --> 01:10:58,229
And then Erin would just
be one of those journalists
1786
01:10:58,229 --> 01:11:00,062
that makes up fake stories.
1787
01:11:00,062 --> 01:11:02,396
Yeah, like Mario Lopez.
1788
01:11:03,437 --> 01:11:04,562
Oh.
1789
01:11:04,562 --> 01:11:07,104
Well,
look who's hitting it off.
1790
01:11:07,729 --> 01:11:10,312
I thought she was
with Gary Polisner.
1791
01:11:10,312 --> 01:11:12,229
Apparently not.
1792
01:11:12,229 --> 01:11:14,604
Hey, look,
none of my business,
1793
01:11:14,604 --> 01:11:17,396
but you should think about
chopping that off.
1794
01:11:17,979 --> 01:11:19,937
What? A haircut?
1795
01:11:19,937 --> 01:11:23,562
No, I don't know,
I mean, I'd be afraid to.
1796
01:11:23,562 --> 01:11:26,562
Why? With a face like yours,
you should have a pixie.
1797
01:11:26,562 --> 01:11:28,604
- Really?
- Yes! Look at this.
1798
01:11:29,937 --> 01:11:31,229
Okay...
1799
01:11:32,812 --> 01:11:34,187
Maybe not.
1800
01:11:34,896 --> 01:11:36,896
Down to the shoulders,
maybe mid back.
1801
01:11:37,854 --> 01:11:39,771
Yeah, I mean, yeah...
1802
01:11:39,771 --> 01:11:43,104
Honestly, I've kind of been
wanting to cut it for a while,
1803
01:11:43,104 --> 01:11:45,479
but I just feel like
this is like my thing now,
1804
01:11:45,479 --> 01:11:47,104
and everyone says
that they love it.
1805
01:11:47,104 --> 01:11:48,562
They're just being nice.
1806
01:11:50,021 --> 01:11:51,687
What, really?
1807
01:11:51,687 --> 01:11:53,187
Oh, yeah. Trust me.
1808
01:11:55,312 --> 01:11:57,979
But why would they lie to me?
1809
01:11:57,979 --> 01:12:01,562
I don't know.
People are weird, right?
1810
01:12:02,187 --> 01:12:03,771
Maybe it's hard for them
to tell you
1811
01:12:03,771 --> 01:12:05,937
you look like a freaking loon.
[chuckles]
1812
01:12:09,771 --> 01:12:12,854
Hey, Carly, whoa.
1813
01:12:12,854 --> 01:12:16,146
Look, I love your hair.
All right?
1814
01:12:16,146 --> 01:12:17,562
What I was trying to say was,
1815
01:12:17,562 --> 01:12:19,271
if you want to cut it,
you should.
1816
01:12:19,271 --> 01:12:21,562
You shouldn't care about
what anybody else thinks.
1817
01:12:22,146 --> 01:12:23,687
Look at you.
1818
01:12:23,687 --> 01:12:27,104
You're smart, you're sweet.
1819
01:12:27,104 --> 01:12:29,229
You got that cute
little muskrat face.
1820
01:12:30,062 --> 01:12:32,854
But all anybody can ever see
is your insane...
1821
01:12:32,854 --> 01:12:34,729
...ly beautiful hair.
1822
01:12:36,562 --> 01:12:39,604
Which is like the tenth best
thing you got going for you.
1823
01:12:42,354 --> 01:12:44,729
- [crashing]
- Agh! Ricky! Ricky!
1824
01:12:45,354 --> 01:12:47,937
Oh, what's happening? Ricky,
Ricky, what's happening?
1825
01:12:48,812 --> 01:12:50,812
[people exclaiming]
1826
01:12:54,646 --> 01:12:55,896
What's happen...? Ow!
1827
01:12:57,937 --> 01:13:00,229
Hey! Stop fucking bowling!
1828
01:13:00,229 --> 01:13:02,396
[shouting, commotion]
1829
01:13:03,396 --> 01:13:05,479
[machinery powers down]
1830
01:13:06,687 --> 01:13:08,479
What just happened?
1831
01:13:08,979 --> 01:13:10,854
[Erin] Oh, Carly,
that was terrible.
1832
01:13:11,354 --> 01:13:13,437
Moron!
He almost took her head off.
1833
01:13:13,437 --> 01:13:15,021
That's it. He's done.
1834
01:13:15,021 --> 01:13:17,187
I'll gladly pay 250, 300,
whatever it costs.
1835
01:13:17,187 --> 01:13:19,562
I'll get a loan, sell a kidney.
Whatever it takes.
1836
01:13:19,562 --> 01:13:20,604
He's out of here!
1837
01:13:21,771 --> 01:13:23,354
[JT] Wait a minute.
1838
01:13:23,354 --> 01:13:26,229
What if he didn't have a job
that paid him 250 grand a year?
1839
01:13:28,104 --> 01:13:29,979
Like, if he got fired.
1840
01:13:31,437 --> 01:13:34,354
[dramatic music]
1841
01:13:35,187 --> 01:13:36,729
[Summerhayes] Let's face facts.
1842
01:13:36,729 --> 01:13:40,271
We need this merger
with World River,
1843
01:13:40,271 --> 01:13:42,354
and they seem to be able
to take it or leave it.
1844
01:13:42,354 --> 01:13:45,021
Why? Well, I'll tell you why.
1845
01:13:45,021 --> 01:13:47,062
Those folks are
from San Francisco
1846
01:13:47,062 --> 01:13:49,979
and we're an old-money
New England company.
1847
01:13:49,979 --> 01:13:52,771
They think we're dinosaurs.
1848
01:13:52,771 --> 01:13:54,354
They're looking for new,
1849
01:13:54,354 --> 01:13:56,729
they're looking
for progressive.
1850
01:13:56,729 --> 01:13:59,812
So, come on. [claps]
Let's hear some ideas.
1851
01:13:59,812 --> 01:14:02,854
Dean, you're point on this.
Why don't you get us started?
1852
01:14:02,854 --> 01:14:04,354
Actually,
I was thinking that Ricky
1853
01:14:04,354 --> 01:14:06,104
should take point on this
today.
1854
01:14:06,104 --> 01:14:08,771
He's our newest employee
and he's an 'eco-hero'.
1855
01:14:08,771 --> 01:14:11,562
I like that idea.
Ricky, what do you got?
1856
01:14:12,187 --> 01:14:14,437
Well, thank you for
the vote of confidence, Dean.
1857
01:14:14,437 --> 01:14:15,979
You should run the meeting,
for sure.
1858
01:14:15,979 --> 01:14:17,896
I am just
not quite up to speed.
1859
01:14:17,896 --> 01:14:18,937
Well, that makes sense.
1860
01:14:18,937 --> 01:14:20,812
But Ricky's got something
big worked out here.
1861
01:14:20,812 --> 01:14:23,937
What'd you call it?
Um... game changer, right?
1862
01:14:23,937 --> 01:14:28,187
Game changer. Got to love that.
Ricky, what do you got?
1863
01:14:28,187 --> 01:14:29,729
I, um...
1864
01:14:29,729 --> 01:14:31,021
I, er...
1865
01:14:31,021 --> 01:14:35,021
Rick, I have a lunch
in 23 minutes.
1866
01:14:36,562 --> 01:14:38,146
Yeah.
1867
01:14:40,979 --> 01:14:42,729
Okay. [clears throat]
1868
01:14:43,521 --> 01:14:44,937
Um...
1869
01:14:45,771 --> 01:14:49,104
My area of expertize is in
non-profit humanitarian work.
1870
01:14:49,104 --> 01:14:51,062
In short, I'm a world hugger.
1871
01:14:51,771 --> 01:14:54,604
So, you know, why don't we
bring my exciting background
1872
01:14:54,604 --> 01:14:57,729
to the boring-ass world
of investment products?
1873
01:14:57,729 --> 01:15:00,062
I mean, you know,
ladies and gentlemen,
1874
01:15:00,062 --> 01:15:03,021
does for-profit
have to be for profit?
1875
01:15:03,021 --> 01:15:05,479
Well, that's the general idea.
1876
01:15:06,979 --> 01:15:08,062
Correct!
1877
01:15:08,062 --> 01:15:10,521
Ten points to the gentleman
in the conservative grey suit.
1878
01:15:11,021 --> 01:15:15,021
Er, could you please elaborate?
1879
01:15:20,812 --> 01:15:22,312
What I was saying...
1880
01:15:23,312 --> 01:15:25,187
...was, what if we took
all the money we made
1881
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:28,396
and gave it away to poor people
and shit?
1882
01:15:29,729 --> 01:15:32,771
I'm not sure I understand that.
1883
01:15:32,771 --> 01:15:35,646
- And shit.
- I know I don't.
1884
01:15:35,646 --> 01:15:38,104
Well, think about it.
1885
01:15:38,104 --> 01:15:41,521
If we became, um, like
the Paul-Newman-salad-dressing
1886
01:15:41,521 --> 01:15:43,187
of banks,
1887
01:15:43,187 --> 01:15:45,354
the whole world would like us.
1888
01:15:45,354 --> 01:15:48,437
That is the stupidest idea
I've ever heard.
1889
01:15:48,437 --> 01:15:49,979
[executives snickering]
1890
01:15:49,979 --> 01:15:51,979
[Summerhayes]
Well, now, wait a minute.
1891
01:15:51,979 --> 01:15:53,812
Read between the lines,
Billings.
1892
01:15:53,812 --> 01:15:56,562
This is exactly what
I've been talking about.
1893
01:15:56,562 --> 01:15:59,729
Stanicky's saying
we got to shake things up.
1894
01:15:59,729 --> 01:16:00,937
Try something different.
1895
01:16:00,937 --> 01:16:02,812
No, that's not what
he's saying. He's saying...
1896
01:16:02,812 --> 01:16:04,687
What about that
Tom's company?
1897
01:16:04,687 --> 01:16:08,479
Giving away a free pair
of shoes for every pair sold.
1898
01:16:08,479 --> 01:16:11,146
I bet that sounded like
a stupid idea at first.
1899
01:16:11,146 --> 01:16:13,021
And what are they clearing?
1900
01:16:13,021 --> 01:16:16,229
170 million in revenue
last year.
1901
01:16:16,229 --> 01:16:19,229
170 million. That's impressive.
1902
01:16:20,021 --> 01:16:22,021
Now, obviously, we can't
give away all our money,
1903
01:16:22,021 --> 01:16:26,771
but we could funnel some of it
into philanthropic ventures.
1904
01:16:26,771 --> 01:16:29,396
And there have got to be
tax incentives.
1905
01:16:29,396 --> 01:16:32,562
- Yeah! Tax shit.
- Yeah.
1906
01:16:32,562 --> 01:16:34,979
We could call it, um...
Feel-Good Investing.
1907
01:16:34,979 --> 01:16:37,104
We'll show people
we're a company that cares.
1908
01:16:38,021 --> 01:16:42,854
Feel-Good Investing.
I like that. Great work, Rick.
1909
01:16:42,854 --> 01:16:44,687
Thanks, Ted.
1910
01:16:44,687 --> 01:16:46,562
[mouths silently]
1911
01:16:47,312 --> 01:16:48,812
What did you say, Ricky?
1912
01:16:49,479 --> 01:16:52,146
Oh... nothing.
1913
01:16:52,146 --> 01:16:54,896
I was just saying
"fuck you" to that guy.
1914
01:16:58,396 --> 01:17:00,229
Yeah, fuck you, Billings!
1915
01:17:00,229 --> 01:17:02,271
[laughs]
1916
01:17:02,271 --> 01:17:05,312
[executives chuckling]
1917
01:17:06,187 --> 01:17:07,937
We're just kidding.
1918
01:17:07,937 --> 01:17:09,312
But fuck you, Billings.
1919
01:17:09,312 --> 01:17:11,146
[laughter]
1920
01:17:12,354 --> 01:17:13,937
Here's what we're going to do.
1921
01:17:13,937 --> 01:17:16,396
The World River folks are
flying in Wednesday afternoon.
1922
01:17:16,396 --> 01:17:18,354
Wednesday? What?
Why Wednesday?
1923
01:17:18,354 --> 01:17:19,521
Because Wednesday night
1924
01:17:19,521 --> 01:17:21,604
we're going to have
a little summit over at my club
1925
01:17:21,604 --> 01:17:24,187
and watch Ricky's
'Hero of the Week' segment.
1926
01:17:24,187 --> 01:17:25,604
Clubs ahoy!
1927
01:17:26,896 --> 01:17:28,104
Right.
1928
01:17:28,104 --> 01:17:31,062
Now, I want you to bring
your families and your A-games.
1929
01:17:31,062 --> 01:17:33,687
Wednesday, we're going to show
these people who we are.
1930
01:17:33,687 --> 01:17:36,687
We're modern, we're fun,
we're socially conscious,
1931
01:17:36,687 --> 01:17:39,646
and we're American heroes.
1932
01:17:41,937 --> 01:17:43,604
- What is happening right now?
- I don't know.
1933
01:17:43,604 --> 01:17:45,771
I feel like Jason Bateman
in every episode of 'Ozark'.
1934
01:17:46,396 --> 01:17:48,979
Hey, boss-man?
Er, got a minute?
1935
01:17:48,979 --> 01:17:50,479
Sure!
1936
01:17:55,062 --> 01:17:57,187
Dean! JT! What it do?
1937
01:17:57,187 --> 01:17:59,562
What the...?
What are you doing here?
1938
01:17:59,562 --> 01:18:01,021
Ricky hired me.
1939
01:18:01,896 --> 01:18:03,604
- To do what?
- I don't know.
1940
01:18:03,604 --> 01:18:05,146
Help him out with stuff,
I guess.
1941
01:18:05,146 --> 01:18:07,187
Yes, I think young Wesley
shows great promise
1942
01:18:07,187 --> 01:18:08,396
as my attaché.
1943
01:18:08,396 --> 01:18:10,479
- Who's your attaché, Dean?
- I don't have an attaché.
1944
01:18:10,479 --> 01:18:11,729
I'm not a foreign diplomat.
1945
01:18:11,729 --> 01:18:14,021
Listen, you and me
need to have a chat.
1946
01:18:14,021 --> 01:18:16,146
Okay, but before we do,
I want to show you something.
1947
01:18:16,146 --> 01:18:17,229
[exasperated sigh]
1948
01:18:21,437 --> 01:18:23,854
First, thank you
for having faith
1949
01:18:23,854 --> 01:18:25,396
and believing in me today.
1950
01:18:25,396 --> 01:18:27,479
I never would've come up with
those ideas in the meeting
1951
01:18:27,479 --> 01:18:28,896
if you hadn't thrown me
into the fire.
1952
01:18:28,896 --> 01:18:30,187
Happy to do it, man.
1953
01:18:30,187 --> 01:18:32,604
I think I figured out
what the problem is.
1954
01:18:33,479 --> 01:18:34,729
What problem?
1955
01:18:34,729 --> 01:18:37,229
The whole 'not getting
the merger' thingy problem.
1956
01:18:37,229 --> 01:18:38,479
You went to one staff meeting
1957
01:18:38,479 --> 01:18:40,146
and you've got
the whole company figured out?
1958
01:18:40,146 --> 01:18:42,729
So I filmed this on my phone in
the staff meeting this morning
1959
01:18:42,729 --> 01:18:44,271
and my attaché
put it on the computer.
1960
01:18:44,271 --> 01:18:46,104
So, check it out.
1961
01:18:46,104 --> 01:18:48,729
- ...San Francisco and we...
- [Rod] See?
1962
01:18:48,729 --> 01:18:50,812
- ...old-money New England...
- You see?
1963
01:18:50,812 --> 01:18:53,562
- They're looking for...
- See what?
1964
01:18:53,562 --> 01:18:55,521
The guy's
a world-class air-dicker.
1965
01:18:55,521 --> 01:18:57,687
An air what-er?
What are you talking about?
1966
01:18:57,687 --> 01:18:59,229
Keep watching.
1967
01:18:59,229 --> 01:19:00,854
Every time
he tries to make a point,
1968
01:19:00,854 --> 01:19:03,604
it's like he puts an
invisible penis in his mouth.
1969
01:19:03,604 --> 01:19:05,771
Remember when Obama
used to power knuckle
1970
01:19:05,771 --> 01:19:06,896
to try to make that point?
1971
01:19:06,896 --> 01:19:08,562
Well, Summerhayes
does the same thing,
1972
01:19:08,562 --> 01:19:10,646
but when he does it, it's like
he's smoking invisible dongs.
1973
01:19:10,646 --> 01:19:13,729
Oh, my God,
he is an air-dicker.
1974
01:19:13,729 --> 01:19:15,104
There's a time
and a place for it,
1975
01:19:15,104 --> 01:19:16,729
but it's really hard
to get away with it
1976
01:19:16,729 --> 01:19:18,021
in a business setting.
1977
01:19:18,979 --> 01:19:21,396
Yo, let's make
a TikTok out of this!
1978
01:19:21,396 --> 01:19:22,812
[Rod chuckles]
1979
01:19:22,812 --> 01:19:25,646
What do you guys think?
Should I tell him?
1980
01:19:25,646 --> 01:19:27,187
Tell him what?
1981
01:19:27,687 --> 01:19:29,687
That he's a world-class
air-dicker.
1982
01:19:32,312 --> 01:19:34,396
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, you should.
1983
01:19:35,062 --> 01:19:39,271
[quirky music]
1984
01:19:47,021 --> 01:19:48,521
How could you work for him, dude?
1985
01:19:48,521 --> 01:19:50,229
We don't need you
exploring career opportunities
1986
01:19:50,229 --> 01:19:51,646
when he's trying
to ruin our lives.
1987
01:19:51,646 --> 01:19:53,479
First of all,
he's not ruining my life.
1988
01:19:53,479 --> 01:19:55,479
He hired me 'cause
he actually gives a shit.
1989
01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:57,146
If I didn't get off my ass
and get a job,
1990
01:19:57,146 --> 01:19:58,646
Keith was going to dump me.
1991
01:19:58,646 --> 01:20:00,646
By the way, I noticed that
my so-called real friends
1992
01:20:00,646 --> 01:20:02,021
never offered me a job.
1993
01:20:02,021 --> 01:20:04,521
[Summerhayes yelling]
Are you fucking shitting me?!
1994
01:20:08,687 --> 01:20:10,312
You two!
1995
01:20:10,312 --> 01:20:12,312
In here, now!
1996
01:20:19,021 --> 01:20:20,646
Come in, sit down.
1997
01:20:23,104 --> 01:20:25,062
Show them what you showed me.
1998
01:20:25,729 --> 01:20:27,437
I already did, Ted.
1999
01:20:28,979 --> 01:20:31,437
You knew about this
and you never said anything?
2000
01:20:32,521 --> 01:20:33,854
Well, we just thought it was...
2001
01:20:33,854 --> 01:20:36,646
It's just a mannerism. It's
really not that big of a deal.
2002
01:20:36,646 --> 01:20:38,229
Especially
in this day and age.
2003
01:20:38,229 --> 01:20:39,771
I know it's not a big deal!
2004
01:20:39,771 --> 01:20:41,937
Two of my sons are gay,
for Christ's sake!
2005
01:20:41,937 --> 01:20:44,646
And the third one's just...
working it out.
2006
01:20:44,646 --> 01:20:48,146
But I can't go into
meetings like this.
2007
01:20:48,146 --> 01:20:50,979
No wonder they're not
interested in the merger.
2008
01:20:50,979 --> 01:20:52,396
They're so flippin' distracted,
2009
01:20:52,396 --> 01:20:54,229
they haven't heard
a word I've said.
2010
01:20:54,229 --> 01:20:57,937
We don't know that you've been
doing this everywhere. I...
2011
01:20:57,937 --> 01:21:00,312
As far as we know, you just
did it in today's meeting.
2012
01:21:00,312 --> 01:21:01,521
I'd never seen it before.
2013
01:21:02,396 --> 01:21:04,021
- Really?
- [door opens]
2014
01:21:04,021 --> 01:21:05,854
I've got the conference link.
2015
01:21:05,854 --> 01:21:06,896
[TV blips]
2016
01:21:07,812 --> 01:21:11,187
This merger will allow us
2017
01:21:11,187 --> 01:21:15,354
to further enhance
our capital efficiencies.
2018
01:21:15,854 --> 01:21:17,146
- Look at you.
- Oh, God...
2019
01:21:17,146 --> 01:21:18,646
Air-dicking left and right.
2020
01:21:18,646 --> 01:21:22,271
There are companies out there
who want to get bigger.
2021
01:21:22,271 --> 01:21:25,312
There are companies out
there who want to get smaller.
2022
01:21:25,312 --> 01:21:27,271
You just air-dicked four times
in ten seconds.
2023
01:21:27,271 --> 01:21:28,771
Oh, dear God, it's true.
2024
01:21:28,771 --> 01:21:33,854
On the other hand,
to support everything we do...
2025
01:21:33,854 --> 01:21:37,021
Oh, God! Now it looks like
I'm cupping the balls.
2026
01:21:37,021 --> 01:21:40,021
...with knowledge and planning.
2027
01:21:40,021 --> 01:21:41,812
[Summerhayes] Oh!
2028
01:21:41,812 --> 01:21:44,062
Hey, you're double-dongin' it.
2029
01:21:44,062 --> 01:21:47,521
...is the company
that can do both.
2030
01:21:48,062 --> 01:21:49,896
Oh, God. Get it... Turn it off.
2031
01:21:49,896 --> 01:21:51,437
- Some people say...
- [TV blips]
2032
01:21:54,521 --> 01:21:57,021
Okay, from this point forward
2033
01:21:57,021 --> 01:21:59,104
Stanicky is in charge
of the merger.
2034
01:21:59,104 --> 01:22:01,312
What? Ted, come on.
2035
01:22:01,312 --> 01:22:03,021
I've been running point on this
for nine months.
2036
01:22:03,021 --> 01:22:05,896
Yeah, and look where
it's gotten us.
2037
01:22:05,896 --> 01:22:07,937
He's been here one day and...
2038
01:22:07,937 --> 01:22:10,354
- Watch the air-dicking, Ted.
- Jesus...! [mutters]
2039
01:22:11,771 --> 01:22:13,271
Here's the bottom line.
2040
01:22:13,854 --> 01:22:15,854
Stanicky gives it
to me straight,
2041
01:22:15,854 --> 01:22:17,687
whether the news
is good or bad.
2042
01:22:17,687 --> 01:22:20,771
He's in charge.
End of discussion.
2043
01:22:24,312 --> 01:22:28,271
Oh, Jesus. Okay,
just make it go away. Just...
2044
01:22:28,271 --> 01:22:30,021
- Yep.
- Go to black.
2045
01:22:30,021 --> 01:22:31,521
- Oh, er...
- Just go to black.
2046
01:22:31,521 --> 01:22:33,896
[Philip] Yeah,
I'm pressing it but it's not...
2047
01:22:33,896 --> 01:22:35,271
- Give it to me.
- Yeah, try...
2048
01:22:35,271 --> 01:22:36,646
I don't know how
to work this thing.
2049
01:22:36,646 --> 01:22:38,687
- No, I know.
- Is there an IT guy?
2050
01:22:38,687 --> 01:22:40,646
- That's me.
- Argh, fuck!
2051
01:22:42,437 --> 01:22:44,854
Oh, Dean... [exhales heavily]
2052
01:22:44,854 --> 01:22:46,562
Despite what Ted said
back there,
2053
01:22:46,562 --> 01:22:47,729
about me being in charge,
2054
01:22:47,729 --> 01:22:49,937
I don't pretend to know more
about this company than you.
2055
01:22:49,937 --> 01:22:51,854
Well, I pretend
to know more than you,
2056
01:22:51,854 --> 01:22:53,437
but you are clearly
2057
01:22:53,437 --> 01:22:55,354
more informed
in company matters than me
2058
01:22:55,354 --> 01:22:58,396
and right now
I need your expertize.
2059
01:23:00,771 --> 01:23:02,187
What?
2060
01:23:02,187 --> 01:23:04,187
I don't want to forget this.
Okay...
2061
01:23:05,271 --> 01:23:06,562
[cell phone beeping]
2062
01:23:07,396 --> 01:23:09,521
How big of a raise
should I be asking for?
2063
01:23:11,521 --> 01:23:13,896
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
2064
01:23:14,854 --> 01:23:16,062
[Rod whimpering]
2065
01:23:16,062 --> 01:23:18,021
You're quitting! Today!
2066
01:23:18,771 --> 01:23:20,646
- What are you talking about?
- Show's over, Rod.
2067
01:23:20,646 --> 01:23:21,771
It's Ricky.
2068
01:23:21,771 --> 01:23:25,229
It's not Ricky, okay? Get it
through your head, man.
2069
01:23:25,229 --> 01:23:27,062
Ricky Stanicky isn't real.
2070
01:23:27,062 --> 01:23:29,104
Yes, he is. Here.
2071
01:23:34,312 --> 01:23:38,187
Richard Barbara Stanicky?
2072
01:23:38,187 --> 01:23:40,146
That's my grandmother's name.
2073
01:23:40,146 --> 01:23:42,021
Where the fuck
did you get this?
2074
01:23:44,479 --> 01:23:46,646
Officially changed my name.
2075
01:23:46,646 --> 01:23:49,271
Paid to expedite it online.
They overnighted it.
2076
01:23:49,937 --> 01:23:51,437
Oh, my God.
2077
01:23:51,437 --> 01:23:53,562
Come on, Dean.
See this from my side.
2078
01:23:53,562 --> 01:23:55,812
This is the role I was born
to play and I'm nailing it.
2079
01:23:55,812 --> 01:23:59,312
No, you were hired
under false pretences.
2080
01:23:59,312 --> 01:24:00,687
You lied to them.
2081
01:24:00,687 --> 01:24:02,146
No, as I recall, Dean,
you lied to them.
2082
01:24:02,146 --> 01:24:04,646
Oh, ha, ha, ha.
You got me there. [claps]
2083
01:24:04,646 --> 01:24:06,146
But you know what?
This is different.
2084
01:24:06,146 --> 01:24:07,687
You're putting
people's careers at risk.
2085
01:24:07,687 --> 01:24:09,229
Careers?
2086
01:24:09,229 --> 01:24:11,646
I've been here two days
and I'm your boss.
2087
01:24:11,646 --> 01:24:13,812
I'm talking about
Erin's career!
2088
01:24:13,812 --> 01:24:16,271
You can fool Summerhayes
with this righteous shit.
2089
01:24:16,271 --> 01:24:18,854
But I know who you really are.
2090
01:24:19,437 --> 01:24:22,771
You're Rock Hard Rod!
The drunk.
2091
01:24:26,521 --> 01:24:28,021
Yeah. [sniffles]
2092
01:24:30,229 --> 01:24:31,854
I was a drunk.
2093
01:24:32,854 --> 01:24:35,479
Nobody respected me. My job
sucked. I had no friends.
2094
01:24:36,396 --> 01:24:38,021
But now I have
all those things.
2095
01:24:38,021 --> 01:24:40,687
And I'm sober. All right?
2096
01:24:41,937 --> 01:24:43,979
And if I leave here,
it all goes away.
2097
01:24:48,021 --> 01:24:52,771
My whole life, all I've
ever been is a shit baby.
2098
01:24:54,021 --> 01:24:55,937
[poignant music]
2099
01:24:55,937 --> 01:24:59,937
And now I get to be somebody
people actually like.
2100
01:25:03,354 --> 01:25:05,521
Don't take that away
from me, man. Please.
2101
01:25:13,396 --> 01:25:17,354
Look, this has to end.
2102
01:25:23,229 --> 01:25:25,521
- [crashing]
- [grunting]
2103
01:25:25,521 --> 01:25:28,104
What the fuck are you doing?
Stop! Stop! Hey, hey!
2104
01:25:28,104 --> 01:25:29,854
- [slapping]
- Argh! Hey, okay!
2105
01:25:29,854 --> 01:25:32,396
If I go back, they'll kill me.
If I go back, they'll kill me.
2106
01:25:32,396 --> 01:25:33,604
What?!
2107
01:25:33,604 --> 01:25:35,437
If I go back to Atlantic City,
they'll kill me.
2108
01:25:35,437 --> 01:25:37,146
- Who?
- The Sasquatch
2109
01:25:37,146 --> 01:25:38,896
and his Joe Pesce buddy
from the casino.
2110
01:25:38,896 --> 01:25:40,396
I told you
they were crazy fans.
2111
01:25:40,396 --> 01:25:42,604
They're crazy.
They're not fans.
2112
01:25:43,604 --> 01:25:46,021
Why? What did you do?
2113
01:25:46,021 --> 01:25:47,896
I don't know.
2114
01:25:47,896 --> 01:25:50,354
I used to drink and black out,
it could be anything.
2115
01:25:51,479 --> 01:25:52,979
One day I woke up
after a five-day bender,
2116
01:25:52,979 --> 01:25:54,229
I was a manager of an Arby's.
2117
01:25:55,312 --> 01:25:57,812
Plus, I owe a lot of bad people
a lot of money.
2118
01:25:59,604 --> 01:26:00,812
[scoffs lightly]
2119
01:26:04,354 --> 01:26:05,937
You were right, man.
2120
01:26:06,937 --> 01:26:08,479
It's my fault.
2121
01:26:10,854 --> 01:26:12,521
It's... it's my fault.
2122
01:26:15,854 --> 01:26:17,937
Wow.
2123
01:26:17,937 --> 01:26:19,479
I had everything.
2124
01:26:20,271 --> 01:26:23,104
I had good friends.
I had a great job.
2125
01:26:24,562 --> 01:26:26,729
The most kind-hearted,
2126
01:26:26,729 --> 01:26:29,229
beautiful person
in the whole world loved me.
2127
01:26:30,229 --> 01:26:31,604
[sighs heavily]
2128
01:26:31,604 --> 01:26:33,854
Erin's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
2129
01:26:35,521 --> 01:26:37,229
I'm going to lose it all.
2130
01:26:39,229 --> 01:26:42,229
[door opens and closes]
2131
01:26:42,229 --> 01:26:44,437
♪ She gave you flowers ♪
2132
01:26:44,437 --> 01:26:47,062
♪ She gave you
Pretty melodies... ♪
2133
01:26:49,062 --> 01:26:51,229
I'll never understand why you
don't just tell her the truth.
2134
01:26:52,771 --> 01:26:54,521
I think it's a little late
for that, Wes.
2135
01:26:56,479 --> 01:26:57,937
No, it's not.
2136
01:26:58,854 --> 01:27:01,271
[TV reporter] That was
Steve Smith in Washington.
2137
01:27:01,271 --> 01:27:02,937
And tomorrow night at 7 p.m.
2138
01:27:02,937 --> 01:27:05,937
we present
our Hero of the Week.
2139
01:27:10,271 --> 01:27:14,021
Seconds on steak fries?
Uh, yeah!
2140
01:27:14,021 --> 01:27:16,271
[up-tempo jingle plays]
2141
01:27:16,271 --> 01:27:17,979
[announcer]
Visit your local Red Robin
2142
01:27:17,979 --> 01:27:20,896
to try our new
bottomless steak fries.
2143
01:27:21,729 --> 01:27:22,812
I swear to God, man,
2144
01:27:22,812 --> 01:27:24,646
Stanicky's like one of
those trick birthday candles -
2145
01:27:24,646 --> 01:27:26,646
no matter how hard
I try to blow him out,
2146
01:27:26,646 --> 01:27:27,854
he just keeps coming back.
2147
01:27:32,562 --> 01:27:34,229
Dean, I love you
like a brother,
2148
01:27:34,229 --> 01:27:36,229
but you got one major flaw.
2149
01:27:36,229 --> 01:27:37,687
Hmm?
2150
01:27:37,687 --> 01:27:39,062
You lie too much.
2151
01:27:40,729 --> 01:27:42,521
I lie too much?
2152
01:27:42,521 --> 01:27:44,229
What the...?
2153
01:27:44,229 --> 01:27:45,812
You lie just as much as me.
2154
01:27:45,812 --> 01:27:47,437
Only 'cause you make me.
2155
01:27:48,062 --> 01:27:49,937
I've been trying
to tell the truth on this one
2156
01:27:49,937 --> 01:27:51,062
from the beginning,
2157
01:27:51,062 --> 01:27:52,312
but you said no.
2158
01:27:52,312 --> 01:27:53,854
Because I was looking out
for JT.
2159
01:27:53,854 --> 01:27:55,104
I didn't want JT
to get in trouble.
2160
01:27:55,104 --> 01:27:58,062
Dude, this has
nothing to do with JT.
2161
01:27:59,146 --> 01:28:01,021
This has everything
to do with you.
2162
01:28:02,479 --> 01:28:05,521
Do you realize that Rod had a
fake life and he made it real?
2163
01:28:05,521 --> 01:28:07,479
You had a real life
and you made it fake.
2164
01:28:10,896 --> 01:28:13,271
Fuck this, man.
I don't need this shit.
2165
01:28:14,271 --> 01:28:15,979
You're not making
anything better.
2166
01:28:15,979 --> 01:28:17,812
Yo, I know you ain't
fall in no ditch.
2167
01:28:20,187 --> 01:28:21,396
What?
2168
01:28:21,396 --> 01:28:24,729
I know you didn't fall in
a ditch, that one Halloween.
2169
01:28:25,312 --> 01:28:26,896
When you broke your arm.
2170
01:28:27,396 --> 01:28:29,229
After we egged that house,
2171
01:28:29,229 --> 01:28:31,021
and we all split
in different directions,
2172
01:28:31,021 --> 01:28:33,479
I went back to your place
to see if you was there,
2173
01:28:33,479 --> 01:28:35,229
and you were.
2174
01:28:36,146 --> 01:28:37,229
And I heard him.
2175
01:28:40,021 --> 01:28:42,229
I heard what he did to you.
2176
01:28:43,896 --> 01:28:46,104
That was an accident.
He was drunk.
2177
01:28:46,104 --> 01:28:48,729
See, there you go again.
You're lying.
2178
01:28:49,437 --> 01:28:52,979
Dude, I understand you
grew up in a fucked-up house
2179
01:28:52,979 --> 01:28:55,146
and you had
a fucked-up father,
2180
01:28:55,146 --> 01:28:57,521
and that's why you slept over
at me and JT's house,
2181
01:28:57,521 --> 01:28:59,229
and that's probably why
you started a lie.
2182
01:28:59,229 --> 01:29:00,437
To protect yourself.
2183
01:29:00,437 --> 01:29:02,771
But you're not
that boy anymore,
2184
01:29:02,771 --> 01:29:04,271
and you're letting
this shitty stuff
2185
01:29:04,271 --> 01:29:06,021
turn you into a shitty person,
and that's not you.
2186
01:29:07,521 --> 01:29:09,479
If you just tell Erin
the truth,
2187
01:29:09,479 --> 01:29:11,396
she won't hurt you.
2188
01:29:17,479 --> 01:29:21,229
[slow mellow music]
2189
01:29:35,437 --> 01:29:37,437
[car accelerating]
2190
01:29:37,437 --> 01:29:39,896
["Paint a Lady"
by Susan Christie plays]
2191
01:29:39,896 --> 01:29:44,896
♪ Night has fallen quickly
On the carnival in town ♪
2192
01:29:45,521 --> 01:29:47,979
♪ The cotton candy maker ♪
2193
01:29:47,979 --> 01:29:51,479
♪ Is the last
To leave the ground ♪
2194
01:29:51,479 --> 01:29:54,021
♪ Shuts his tiny wagon ♪
2195
01:29:54,021 --> 01:29:57,354
♪ And goes to
A room somewhere ♪
2196
01:29:57,354 --> 01:30:00,062
♪ His life's
Like cotton candy ♪
2197
01:30:00,062 --> 01:30:03,729
♪ An illusion
Not much there... ♪
2198
01:30:05,396 --> 01:30:07,812
Hey. Where were you?
2199
01:30:08,646 --> 01:30:10,562
I was worried about you.
2200
01:30:13,562 --> 01:30:15,354
I tried to call you.
2201
01:30:18,521 --> 01:30:20,729
Listen, Erin...
2202
01:30:22,479 --> 01:30:24,354
...you can't let them
run your story.
2203
01:30:24,354 --> 01:30:26,437
Yeah, well, it's a little
too late for that.
2204
01:30:26,437 --> 01:30:28,312
No, you don't understand.
2205
01:30:29,187 --> 01:30:32,062
Is there a way that you can
postpone it or pre-empt it?
2206
01:30:32,062 --> 01:30:34,104
Is that what they say
in your business? 'Pre-empt'?
2207
01:30:34,104 --> 01:30:35,604
'Cause there's a lot of things
2208
01:30:35,604 --> 01:30:37,062
that you need to know
about Ricky.
2209
01:30:37,062 --> 01:30:38,687
You mean Rock Hard Rod?
2210
01:30:40,521 --> 01:30:42,229
Don't look so surprised, Dean.
2211
01:30:43,021 --> 01:30:45,812
I'm a good reporter, you
said so yourself, remember?
2212
01:30:46,896 --> 01:30:48,146
Yeah, I know you are.
2213
01:30:48,146 --> 01:30:49,896
I figured it out at the bris.
2214
01:30:52,646 --> 01:30:54,812
Nairobi?
2215
01:30:54,812 --> 01:30:59,104
You said he had to fly back
to help fight Ebola,
2216
01:30:59,104 --> 01:31:01,937
but there hasn't been
an Ebola case
2217
01:31:01,937 --> 01:31:03,479
anywhere in the last four years
2218
01:31:03,479 --> 01:31:05,604
and definitely never
in Nairobi.
2219
01:31:05,604 --> 01:31:07,146
They actually have
a vaccine now.
2220
01:31:09,396 --> 01:31:10,437
That's good.
2221
01:31:10,937 --> 01:31:13,396
Ricky showed me your bible.
2222
01:31:14,312 --> 01:31:15,771
It's pathetic.
2223
01:31:16,437 --> 01:31:18,104
You guys lied so you could
2224
01:31:18,104 --> 01:31:20,187
go to
the Little League World Series,
2225
01:31:20,187 --> 01:31:22,729
the Lebowski Fest,
a tiny train museum.
2226
01:31:24,771 --> 01:31:26,229
Wes likes trains.
2227
01:31:26,229 --> 01:31:28,062
You went to Dollywood, twice!
2228
01:31:28,687 --> 01:31:31,354
Why didn't you take me
with you? I love Dolly Parton.
2229
01:31:31,896 --> 01:31:33,687
I'm sorry. I didn't know that.
2230
01:31:33,687 --> 01:31:36,354
What bothers me more
than the lies
2231
01:31:36,354 --> 01:31:39,354
is why you told them
in the first place.
2232
01:31:41,646 --> 01:31:43,812
You were running from me.
2233
01:31:44,937 --> 01:31:46,271
From us.
2234
01:31:46,271 --> 01:31:48,396
No. No, that's not true.
2235
01:31:48,396 --> 01:31:51,812
Well, it doesn't matter
anymore, Dean.
2236
01:31:53,021 --> 01:31:54,896
It's too late.
2237
01:31:59,146 --> 01:32:02,229
[soft pensive music]
2238
01:32:13,354 --> 01:32:15,021
[Wes] I just want
this day to be over.
2239
01:32:15,021 --> 01:32:16,729
Me too.
2240
01:32:16,729 --> 01:32:19,771
What if he chickened out? What
if he's going to bail on us?
2241
01:32:19,771 --> 01:32:21,187
Where is Dean?
2242
01:32:21,187 --> 01:32:23,937
He's, uh, on his...
He'll be here any minute.
2243
01:32:23,937 --> 01:32:25,479
And where is Ricky?
2244
01:32:25,479 --> 01:32:27,229
The World River execs
want to meet him.
2245
01:32:27,229 --> 01:32:31,062
Also on his way.
His attaché is here, so...
2246
01:32:31,979 --> 01:32:33,312
Hi.
2247
01:32:34,687 --> 01:32:37,396
[gentle classical music plays]
2248
01:32:37,396 --> 01:32:39,021
[Summerhayes] So,
where were we?
2249
01:32:41,896 --> 01:32:44,812
[downbeat music]
2250
01:32:47,187 --> 01:32:49,312
[sighing]
2251
01:33:00,729 --> 01:33:02,104
[JT] Hey!
2252
01:33:02,729 --> 01:33:04,229
Where the hell
have you been?
2253
01:33:04,229 --> 01:33:05,479
The show starts
in three minutes.
2254
01:33:05,479 --> 01:33:07,104
Summerhayes wants Ricky
to introduce it.
2255
01:33:07,104 --> 01:33:08,687
- Where is this guy?
- There's no show.
2256
01:33:08,687 --> 01:33:10,146
What?
2257
01:33:10,146 --> 01:33:12,687
Ricky was never
going to be Hero of the Week.
2258
01:33:13,229 --> 01:33:14,979
Erin knew all along.
2259
01:33:14,979 --> 01:33:16,062
Knew what?
2260
01:33:16,062 --> 01:33:18,771
That Ricky was a fake.
She figured it out at the bris.
2261
01:33:18,771 --> 01:33:20,812
So she was lying to us?
2262
01:33:20,812 --> 01:33:22,729
Well, that's pretty
fuckin' low.
2263
01:33:23,312 --> 01:33:25,062
Are you an idiot?
2264
01:33:26,271 --> 01:33:28,104
What are we going to tell
Summerhayes?
2265
01:33:29,604 --> 01:33:30,729
The truth.
2266
01:33:30,729 --> 01:33:33,229
Dean, come on.
Don't do that. Dean!
2267
01:33:34,687 --> 01:33:36,312
[Summerhayes]
Good evening, everyone.
2268
01:33:36,312 --> 01:33:38,812
Thank you all for coming out.
Thank you.
2269
01:33:38,812 --> 01:33:40,896
- [applause]
- Thank you.
2270
01:33:40,896 --> 01:33:44,771
I see a lot of old friends
out here tonight,
2271
01:33:44,771 --> 01:33:46,271
and a lot of new friends.
2272
01:33:46,271 --> 01:33:49,479
And I see two great companies
2273
01:33:49,479 --> 01:33:50,812
that can...
2274
01:33:50,812 --> 01:33:54,271
...can, uh,
do wonderful things.
2275
01:33:54,271 --> 01:33:57,021
I was hoping that the man
of the hour, Ricky Stanicky,
2276
01:33:57,021 --> 01:34:01,229
would be here to introduce
this MFMBC Heroes segment.
2277
01:34:01,229 --> 01:34:04,396
- Ted, can I say something?
- Yes, absolutely. Yes, please.
2278
01:34:04,396 --> 01:34:05,604
Dean Stanton,
2279
01:34:05,604 --> 01:34:07,521
our Vice President
of Investor Relations.
2280
01:34:07,521 --> 01:34:08,604
Dean.
2281
01:34:08,604 --> 01:34:11,604
[applause]
2282
01:34:21,312 --> 01:34:22,854
Um...
2283
01:34:23,646 --> 01:34:26,687
Unfortunately,
MFMBC has decided
2284
01:34:26,687 --> 01:34:29,604
not to profile
Ricky Stanicky as a hero.
2285
01:34:29,604 --> 01:34:32,062
- Ha...
- [guests whispering]
2286
01:34:32,062 --> 01:34:34,062
The reason being...
2287
01:34:35,271 --> 01:34:37,396
...that Ricky Stanicky's
not a hero.
2288
01:34:39,896 --> 01:34:42,062
He's not even a real person.
2289
01:34:45,229 --> 01:34:47,229
I made him up.
2290
01:34:47,229 --> 01:34:49,437
Motherfucker!
2291
01:34:49,437 --> 01:34:51,771
[guests murmuring]
2292
01:34:54,562 --> 01:34:56,312
I lied to all of you.
2293
01:34:58,146 --> 01:35:00,312
And I have no excuses.
2294
01:35:03,687 --> 01:35:05,187
I'm sorry, Ted.
2295
01:35:06,062 --> 01:35:08,062
You don't deserve this.
2296
01:35:09,854 --> 01:35:11,479
I'd also like to
apologize to everyone
2297
01:35:11,479 --> 01:35:13,937
who came out here
from San Francisco.
2298
01:35:15,229 --> 01:35:18,104
Summerhayes Financial
is an excellent company.
2299
01:35:19,312 --> 01:35:20,979
Please don't let
my actions destroy
2300
01:35:20,979 --> 01:35:23,396
what could be
a great partnership.
2301
01:35:28,396 --> 01:35:30,271
[guests murmuring]
2302
01:35:31,229 --> 01:35:32,979
What the fuck did he just say?
2303
01:35:33,479 --> 01:35:35,187
[whispers] I don't know
what to do.
2304
01:35:35,187 --> 01:35:36,271
[Leona] I told you...
2305
01:35:36,271 --> 01:35:38,187
[Susan] Where is that
pumpkin-headed piece of shit?
2306
01:35:38,771 --> 01:35:40,562
I don't get it.
2307
01:35:40,562 --> 01:35:42,062
If the show wasn't for real,
2308
01:35:42,062 --> 01:35:43,687
then why'd the news crew
come in?
2309
01:35:45,354 --> 01:35:47,937
- What news crew?
- Yesterday.
2310
01:35:47,937 --> 01:35:49,312
While you were at lunch,
2311
01:35:49,312 --> 01:35:50,937
this crew came in
and interviewed Ricky.
2312
01:35:50,937 --> 01:35:52,646
I helped
set the whole thing up.
2313
01:36:00,979 --> 01:36:04,354
Dean, don't worry about
cleaning out your office.
2314
01:36:04,354 --> 01:36:06,604
We'll box it up for ya...
2315
01:36:06,604 --> 01:36:08,146
and then burn it.
2316
01:36:08,646 --> 01:36:11,812
[indistinct arguing]
2317
01:36:11,812 --> 01:36:13,687
[Stan Grant] I'm standing
outside the offices
2318
01:36:13,687 --> 01:36:15,271
of Summerhayes Financial,
2319
01:36:15,271 --> 01:36:16,521
an esteemed institution
2320
01:36:16,521 --> 01:36:19,146
in downtown Providence,
Rhode Island.
2321
01:36:19,146 --> 01:36:22,646
And that
is Richard Barbara Stanicky.
2322
01:36:22,646 --> 01:36:24,521
Think of us as the bookies
and you're the gambler.
2323
01:36:24,521 --> 01:36:27,271
We're the nice bookies, not the
throw-you-off-the bridge type.
2324
01:36:27,271 --> 01:36:29,354
[Stan Grant] After several
years helping the less...
2325
01:36:29,354 --> 01:36:31,146
Why the hell is this still on?!
2326
01:36:31,146 --> 01:36:33,229
[Stan Grant] ...charity,
he's now the newest
2327
01:36:33,229 --> 01:36:35,896
and one of the most
highly paid executives
2328
01:36:35,896 --> 01:36:37,771
at Summerhayes Financial.
2329
01:36:38,687 --> 01:36:40,187
Where's the AV guy?
2330
01:36:40,187 --> 01:36:43,187
- Oh, that's me.
- I thought you were the IT guy.
2331
01:36:43,187 --> 01:36:44,604
I'm both.
2332
01:36:44,604 --> 01:36:45,687
[remote buzzes]
2333
01:36:45,687 --> 01:36:47,562
[Stan Grant] But there's
something you should know
2334
01:36:47,562 --> 01:36:49,604
about this highly successful
executive.
2335
01:36:50,271 --> 01:36:51,937
He's a complete fraud.
2336
01:36:51,937 --> 01:36:54,021
I'm Ted Summerhayes...
2337
01:36:54,021 --> 01:36:55,187
[Stan Grant] That's right.
2338
01:36:55,187 --> 01:36:57,812
Ricky Stanicky
is actually Rodney Rimestead,
2339
01:36:57,812 --> 01:37:00,271
a pornographic
rock'n'roll impersonator
2340
01:37:00,271 --> 01:37:02,437
from Atlantic City, New Jersey,
2341
01:37:02,437 --> 01:37:06,271
who goes by the name
of Rock Hard Rod.
2342
01:37:06,271 --> 01:37:10,562
We caught up with Mr. Rimestead
to find out how he came to be
2343
01:37:10,562 --> 01:37:13,021
the businessman
'Ricky Stanicky'.
2344
01:37:13,021 --> 01:37:16,604
I was hanging around
a casino bar in Atlantic City.
2345
01:37:16,604 --> 01:37:19,896
No money, no friends,
no respect.
2346
01:37:19,896 --> 01:37:21,521
I was an alcoholic.
2347
01:37:22,104 --> 01:37:24,687
I am... I am an alcoholic.
2348
01:37:25,687 --> 01:37:27,937
And I was doing
whatever I could to get by.
2349
01:37:28,437 --> 01:37:33,104
♪ Cum a, cum a, cum a
Come in my sock again ♪
2350
01:37:33,104 --> 01:37:35,604
♪ It's filled with loads ♪
2351
01:37:35,604 --> 01:37:36,646
Oh, God.
2352
01:37:36,646 --> 01:37:38,896
♪ It's filled with loads... ♪
2353
01:37:38,896 --> 01:37:42,479
And that night, I met
Dean Stanton and his friends.
2354
01:37:43,437 --> 01:37:45,687
They bought me food, drink.
2355
01:37:46,354 --> 01:37:48,854
They asked me who I was,
they really seemed to care.
2356
01:37:48,854 --> 01:37:51,062
And as Rod would discover,
they did care.
2357
01:37:52,687 --> 01:37:54,729
[car approaching]
2358
01:37:58,896 --> 01:38:00,521
[Wes] Dean!
2359
01:38:01,187 --> 01:38:02,979
You got to see this!
2360
01:38:02,979 --> 01:38:05,854
Within days,
Dean Stanton and his friends
2361
01:38:05,854 --> 01:38:07,396
would reach out again.
2362
01:38:07,396 --> 01:38:08,812
I couldn't believe they called.
2363
01:38:08,812 --> 01:38:10,146
These are people
I met only once
2364
01:38:10,146 --> 01:38:11,271
and only for a few minutes,
2365
01:38:11,271 --> 01:38:14,396
and here they were offering me
the opportunity of a lifetime.
2366
01:38:14,396 --> 01:38:16,854
And what was that opportunity?
2367
01:38:16,854 --> 01:38:20,146
Simply to become
'Ricky Stanicky'.
2368
01:38:20,146 --> 01:38:22,187
[Rod] They said, "You are
no longer Rod Rimestead,
2369
01:38:22,187 --> 01:38:23,312
"the loser.
2370
01:38:23,312 --> 01:38:25,646
"From here on out, you're
Ricky Stanicky, the winner."
2371
01:38:26,479 --> 01:38:27,646
That was the first time
2372
01:38:27,646 --> 01:38:29,312
somebody had ever
believed in me.
2373
01:38:29,312 --> 01:38:32,187
[Stan Grant] After relocating
Rod, now Ricky, to Providence,
2374
01:38:32,187 --> 01:38:35,937
Dean Stanton and friends set
about creating a new identity
2375
01:38:35,937 --> 01:38:39,979
for the man who'd once MC'ed
an X-rated dog show.
2376
01:38:39,979 --> 01:38:41,396
We caution you -
2377
01:38:41,396 --> 01:38:44,729
this next video may be
disturbing to some viewers.
2378
01:38:45,396 --> 01:38:47,687
♪ It's a beautiful night
2379
01:38:47,687 --> 01:38:51,021
♪ All the stars
Shining bright... ♪
2380
01:38:51,021 --> 01:38:52,896
[guests exclaiming]
2381
01:38:52,896 --> 01:38:54,687
[Carly] Oh, my God!
2382
01:38:54,687 --> 01:38:57,229
[laughing]
2383
01:38:59,312 --> 01:39:03,146
They gave me a book.
They called it their bible.
2384
01:39:03,146 --> 01:39:06,396
It was like a blueprint for how
to live as Ricky Stanicky.
2385
01:39:06,396 --> 01:39:08,312
How to live a good life.
2386
01:39:08,312 --> 01:39:10,562
How to learn from your errors.
2387
01:39:10,562 --> 01:39:13,021
I saw what I could have been.
2388
01:39:13,021 --> 01:39:14,562
What I'd missed.
2389
01:39:15,187 --> 01:39:17,021
And the more and more
I read their bible,
2390
01:39:17,021 --> 01:39:18,062
the more I realized
2391
01:39:18,062 --> 01:39:19,646
this doesn't have to be
just a dream.
2392
01:39:19,646 --> 01:39:21,812
[Stan Grant] And so 'Ricky'
stopped drinking
2393
01:39:21,812 --> 01:39:24,062
and started respecting himself.
2394
01:39:24,062 --> 01:39:28,021
Soon he had a job here
at Summerhayes Financial.
2395
01:39:28,021 --> 01:39:29,979
Dean introduced me
to Ted Summerhayes.
2396
01:39:29,979 --> 01:39:31,062
He's one of those rich guys
2397
01:39:31,062 --> 01:39:32,854
who's gotta whip out
his big swinging super-yacht
2398
01:39:32,854 --> 01:39:35,021
- to show you how rich he is.
- Oh, God...
2399
01:39:35,021 --> 01:39:37,271
But, on the other hand,
the guy's got a heart of gold.
2400
01:39:37,271 --> 01:39:39,521
We started Feel-Good Investing.
2401
01:39:39,521 --> 01:39:42,104
And then, through Dean,
I met more and more friends.
2402
01:39:43,146 --> 01:39:45,646
I met a beautiful girl,
with a beautiful soul.
2403
01:39:45,646 --> 01:39:47,104
Aw.
2404
01:39:47,104 --> 01:39:48,729
And I had a life.
2405
01:39:49,312 --> 01:39:51,062
I became 'Ricky Stanicky'.
2406
01:39:51,062 --> 01:39:53,062
And somewhere
in the middle of it all,
2407
01:39:53,062 --> 01:39:57,062
the line between the mythical
and the real had blurred.
2408
01:39:57,062 --> 01:40:01,396
And that's how, improbably,
a drunken Atlantic City reject
2409
01:40:01,396 --> 01:40:05,437
found himself blessed with
a new life in the Ocean State.
2410
01:40:05,437 --> 01:40:08,562
Hero? Me? No. No.
2411
01:40:08,562 --> 01:40:10,021
If there's a hero
to this story,
2412
01:40:10,021 --> 01:40:11,646
it's the men
who saved my life.
2413
01:40:11,646 --> 01:40:15,104
Dean Stanton, JT Levine
and Wes... something.
2414
01:40:15,854 --> 01:40:18,229
[Stan Grant] A story that
started out fraudulently,
2415
01:40:18,229 --> 01:40:20,312
somehow, miraculously,
2416
01:40:20,312 --> 01:40:24,646
became a tale of
redemption, rebirth and love.
2417
01:40:24,646 --> 01:40:27,979
Because he believed
that anybody at any time
2418
01:40:27,979 --> 01:40:30,729
can become
the person they want to be,
2419
01:40:30,729 --> 01:40:35,187
we choose Ricky Stanicky
as our Hero of the Week.
2420
01:40:35,187 --> 01:40:37,896
[cheering and applause]
2421
01:40:41,062 --> 01:40:44,312
[guests chanting] Ricky!
Ricky! Ricky!
2422
01:40:48,187 --> 01:40:52,521
♪ If you're going to
San Francisco... ♪
2423
01:40:52,521 --> 01:40:53,812
Well...
2424
01:40:53,812 --> 01:40:56,271
you came out of this smelling
like a rose, didn't ya?
2425
01:40:56,271 --> 01:40:58,271
How do you think
it makes me look?
2426
01:40:58,271 --> 01:41:00,187
Are you kidding me?!
2427
01:41:00,187 --> 01:41:02,729
Such a wonderful
and inspirational story, Ted.
2428
01:41:02,729 --> 01:41:04,937
Great job Ted,
and you too, Dean.
2429
01:41:04,937 --> 01:41:06,562
Oh, I... I didn't do it.
2430
01:41:06,562 --> 01:41:09,687
Summerhayes. I like the people
you surround yourself with.
2431
01:41:09,687 --> 01:41:12,396
I mean, the concept
of second chances
2432
01:41:12,396 --> 01:41:14,479
and feeling good
about your investments -
2433
01:41:14,479 --> 01:41:16,271
that's something
we're trying to achieve.
2434
01:41:16,937 --> 01:41:19,521
Well, that's... what we do.
2435
01:41:19,521 --> 01:41:22,104
Truth is, it was Ted
who saw the potential in Ricky.
2436
01:41:22,104 --> 01:41:24,146
It was also his idea
to start partnering
2437
01:41:24,146 --> 01:41:26,021
with more charitable
organizations.
2438
01:41:26,687 --> 01:41:29,229
- I just saw the tax incentives.
- [executives laugh]
2439
01:41:29,229 --> 01:41:31,687
You're a humble
son of a bitch, aren't ya?
2440
01:41:31,687 --> 01:41:33,062
Ah...
2441
01:41:33,062 --> 01:41:34,146
So, do we have a deal?
2442
01:41:34,979 --> 01:41:36,396
I don't know.
2443
01:41:36,396 --> 01:41:38,604
Dean, what do you think?
2444
01:41:41,646 --> 01:41:42,979
We have a deal.
2445
01:41:42,979 --> 01:41:45,146
- Absolutely, we have a deal.
- Yeah, we have a deal.
2446
01:41:45,146 --> 01:41:46,604
- Great.
- Wonderful.
2447
01:41:47,812 --> 01:41:50,771
You let your made-up friend
circumcise our child?
2448
01:41:51,771 --> 01:41:54,104
Honey, he worked
at Beefsteak Charlie's.
2449
01:41:54,104 --> 01:41:55,562
Beefsteak...
2450
01:41:56,146 --> 01:41:57,646
That is it.
2451
01:41:57,646 --> 01:41:59,312
You are camping out
in the backyard
2452
01:41:59,312 --> 01:42:00,437
for the next six months.
2453
01:42:00,437 --> 01:42:01,812
Okay. Okay.
2454
01:42:01,812 --> 01:42:04,354
Very reasonable.
That's more than fair.
2455
01:42:04,354 --> 01:42:06,354
It's going to be great.
Thank you.
2456
01:42:06,354 --> 01:42:08,104
- [woman] Perfect.
- [Summerhayes] Thank you.
2457
01:42:14,979 --> 01:42:16,521
I don't understand.
2458
01:42:17,021 --> 01:42:19,062
How did this happen?
2459
01:42:19,062 --> 01:42:20,562
Well...
2460
01:42:20,562 --> 01:42:23,104
When I found out
what you did, I was pissed.
2461
01:42:24,521 --> 01:42:27,896
I told you I sold the story to
MFMBC just to fuck with you.
2462
01:42:28,896 --> 01:42:32,146
But when Ricky was hired
at Summerhayes, I thought,
2463
01:42:32,146 --> 01:42:36,021
wait a minute, maybe there
actually is a story here.
2464
01:42:36,021 --> 01:42:38,312
So I pitched it
to my producer at Channel 6.
2465
01:42:38,312 --> 01:42:40,062
They told their friend
at MFMBC
2466
01:42:40,062 --> 01:42:42,062
and they gave me
the green light.
2467
01:42:44,146 --> 01:42:46,271
All those lies, Erin...
2468
01:42:50,437 --> 01:42:52,396
Can you ever forgive me?
2469
01:42:57,187 --> 01:42:59,354
It's definitely not
going to be easy.
2470
01:43:01,062 --> 01:43:02,271
But...
2471
01:43:03,479 --> 01:43:04,854
...this helps.
2472
01:43:05,521 --> 01:43:07,646
[Dean on recording]
I had everything.
2473
01:43:07,646 --> 01:43:09,687
I had good friends.
I had a great job.
2474
01:43:11,979 --> 01:43:13,771
The most kind-hearted,
2475
01:43:13,771 --> 01:43:16,604
beautiful person
in the whole world loved me.
2476
01:43:16,604 --> 01:43:18,687
[heavy sighing]
2477
01:43:18,687 --> 01:43:21,187
Erin's the best thing
that ever happened to me.
2478
01:43:22,146 --> 01:43:23,146
[cell phone clicks]
2479
01:43:24,396 --> 01:43:26,687
Ricky sent it to me today.
2480
01:43:30,354 --> 01:43:32,896
Here we go, here we go,
here we go...
2481
01:43:32,896 --> 01:43:34,062
Who's that?
2482
01:43:34,062 --> 01:43:36,312
[tense music]
2483
01:43:36,312 --> 01:43:38,437
[shouting] Ricky! Look out!
2484
01:43:39,146 --> 01:43:40,979
[tense music swells]
2485
01:43:43,896 --> 01:43:45,729
- [Dean grunts]
- [thudding]
2486
01:43:45,729 --> 01:43:48,104
Did that go how you
thought it would, wanker?!
2487
01:43:49,187 --> 01:43:52,812
Here, Rimestead!
You've officially been served.
2488
01:43:53,604 --> 01:43:54,979
What the...?
2489
01:43:55,937 --> 01:43:57,104
What's this?
2490
01:43:57,104 --> 01:44:00,062
This is a cease-and-desist
order from Billy Idol.
2491
01:44:00,062 --> 01:44:01,062
Yeah?
2492
01:44:01,062 --> 01:44:02,771
If you disgrace
any of his songs
2493
01:44:02,771 --> 01:44:05,479
with your disgusting lyrics
ever again,
2494
01:44:05,479 --> 01:44:06,812
we'll see you in court.
2495
01:44:06,812 --> 01:44:08,021
Huh?
2496
01:44:09,521 --> 01:44:10,687
Yeah.
2497
01:44:14,479 --> 01:44:16,021
So Billy Idol saw my act?
2498
01:44:16,021 --> 01:44:17,604
Fuck off!
2499
01:44:18,896 --> 01:44:20,271
Sweet!
2500
01:44:20,812 --> 01:44:23,146
More champagne, everyone!
2501
01:44:23,146 --> 01:44:25,271
[guests cheering]
2502
01:44:26,396 --> 01:44:27,771
Billy Idol!
2503
01:44:27,771 --> 01:44:29,812
["I'm Depending On You"
by Otis Redding plays]
2504
01:44:29,812 --> 01:44:32,729
♪ I'm depending on you ♪
2505
01:44:32,729 --> 01:44:35,812
♪ Everything that you do ♪
2506
01:44:36,562 --> 01:44:40,146
♪ And I'm depending on you ♪
2507
01:44:40,146 --> 01:44:43,437
♪ Yeah, to see me through ♪
2508
01:44:43,937 --> 01:44:46,604
♪ You know that I love you... ♪
2509
01:44:46,604 --> 01:44:48,562
Is this Al Green?
2510
01:44:48,562 --> 01:44:50,187
It's Otis Redding.
2511
01:44:50,187 --> 01:44:51,646
Was Otis Redding blind?
2512
01:44:51,646 --> 01:44:54,396
- No.
- You sure?
2513
01:44:54,396 --> 01:44:57,354
- He sounds blind.
- He does sound blind.
2514
01:44:57,354 --> 01:44:58,604
He wasn't...
2515
01:44:58,604 --> 01:45:00,604
I'll take a... cranberry juice.
2516
01:45:00,604 --> 01:45:03,062
Neat. And a plate
of your crispiest calamari.
2517
01:45:03,562 --> 01:45:06,729
- Epic night, am I right, guys?
- [all] Yeah.
2518
01:45:06,729 --> 01:45:08,562
[Carly] Ricky! Get over here.
2519
01:45:09,312 --> 01:45:10,812
[Wes] Oh!
2520
01:45:11,771 --> 01:45:14,187
Time to go bump and grind
with my fiancée.
2521
01:45:14,187 --> 01:45:15,812
You're kidding, right?
2522
01:45:15,812 --> 01:45:17,229
Yeah.
2523
01:45:17,229 --> 01:45:18,812
But I don't know,
who knows, right?
2524
01:45:18,812 --> 01:45:21,437
Oh, hey,
keep Saturday afternoon open.
2525
01:45:21,437 --> 01:45:22,854
We got a ton of work to do.
2526
01:45:22,854 --> 01:45:25,646
- Work on a Saturday?
- Yeah, I signed us up.
2527
01:45:25,646 --> 01:45:27,521
We're going to help
clean up Narragansett Bay.
2528
01:45:27,521 --> 01:45:29,021
[laughing]
2529
01:45:29,021 --> 01:45:30,062
Yeah, man.
2530
01:45:30,062 --> 01:45:33,021
I'm not messing with you.
We're cleaning that shit up.
2531
01:45:39,562 --> 01:45:41,062
[Wes] Man.
2532
01:45:43,479 --> 01:45:45,021
To Ricky Stanicky.
2533
01:45:45,604 --> 01:45:47,562
To Ricky Stanicky.
2534
01:45:47,562 --> 01:45:49,521
The best friend we ever had.
2535
01:45:49,521 --> 01:45:50,646
[bottles clinking]
2536
01:45:50,646 --> 01:45:52,271
["I'm Depending On You"
fades out]
2537
01:45:52,271 --> 01:45:55,896
[The Lemon Twigs] ♪ In my head
In my head ♪
2538
01:45:55,896 --> 01:45:59,354
♪ I am different in my head ♪
2539
01:45:59,354 --> 01:46:02,729
♪ I am someone else instead ♪
2540
01:46:02,729 --> 01:46:08,687
♪ In my head
In my head ♪
2541
01:46:12,146 --> 01:46:15,604
♪ In my mind
In my mind ♪
2542
01:46:15,604 --> 01:46:19,271
♪ There is sadness
All the time ♪
2543
01:46:19,271 --> 01:46:22,937
♪ And I keep the things
I find ♪
2544
01:46:22,937 --> 01:46:29,354
♪ In my mind
In my mind ♪
2545
01:46:31,771 --> 01:46:35,771
♪ And never do I share
These things with anyone ♪
2546
01:46:35,771 --> 01:46:40,354
♪ The feeling is cold
And I'm afraid ♪
2547
01:46:40,354 --> 01:46:43,729
♪ Strangers passing, mmm ♪
2548
01:46:49,896 --> 01:46:53,562
♪ In my dream
In my dream ♪
2549
01:46:53,562 --> 01:46:57,312
♪ There are symbols
That repeat ♪
2550
01:46:57,312 --> 01:47:00,937
♪ There are copies
In the street ♪
2551
01:47:00,937 --> 01:47:06,229
♪ In my dream
In my dream ♪
2552
01:47:09,771 --> 01:47:13,687
♪ And never do I share
These things with anyone ♪
2553
01:47:13,687 --> 01:47:18,021
♪ The feeling is cold
And I'm afraid ♪
2554
01:47:18,021 --> 01:47:21,229
♪ Strangers passing, mmm. ♪
2555
01:47:22,229 --> 01:47:23,979
[song ends]
2556
01:47:25,271 --> 01:47:27,562
["Day In The Sun" plays]
2557
01:47:27,562 --> 01:47:30,354
[song by John Cafferty
& The Beaver Brown Band]
2558
01:47:41,312 --> 01:47:44,437
♪ Well, now, my engine's
Overheating ♪
2559
01:47:44,437 --> 01:47:47,812
♪ A summer traffic jam ♪
2560
01:47:49,979 --> 01:47:52,187
♪ I'll be late for work again ♪
2561
01:47:52,187 --> 01:47:56,604
♪ But I'm doing
The best that I can ♪
2562
01:47:58,521 --> 01:48:01,021
♪ Don't you look away, baby ♪
2563
01:48:02,854 --> 01:48:06,562
♪ My life just ain't
What it seems ♪
2564
01:48:06,562 --> 01:48:09,479
♪ I got such big dreams, baby ♪
2565
01:48:09,479 --> 01:48:13,646
♪ My heart's busting
At the seams ♪
2566
01:48:14,146 --> 01:48:18,479
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪
2567
01:48:18,479 --> 01:48:22,729
♪ Like gold tequila
Shooting summer fun ♪
2568
01:48:22,729 --> 01:48:26,187
♪ I wanna be your number one ♪
2569
01:48:26,187 --> 01:48:28,812
♪ Your son of a gun ♪
2570
01:48:30,229 --> 01:48:34,187
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪
2571
01:48:34,187 --> 01:48:38,812
♪ Don't try to tell me
That my race is run ♪
2572
01:48:38,812 --> 01:48:42,229
♪ Nothing's over, baby
Nothing done ♪
2573
01:48:42,229 --> 01:48:47,854
♪ 'Til we have won
Everybody wants one ♪
2574
01:48:48,771 --> 01:48:51,146
♪ Day in the sun ♪
2575
01:48:52,271 --> 01:48:56,604
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪
2576
01:48:56,604 --> 01:48:59,479
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2577
01:49:00,687 --> 01:49:04,062
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2578
01:49:23,396 --> 01:49:26,229
♪ Piece of work
In progress, baby ♪
2579
01:49:27,604 --> 01:49:31,021
♪ But I'm trying not
To let it show ♪
2580
01:49:31,812 --> 01:49:34,896
♪ You're my dream
Come true, baby ♪
2581
01:49:34,896 --> 01:49:38,437
♪ A dream I can't let go ♪
2582
01:49:39,062 --> 01:49:43,229
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪
2583
01:49:43,229 --> 01:49:47,437
♪ Like gold tequila
Shooting summer fun ♪
2584
01:49:47,437 --> 01:49:51,062
♪ I wanna be your number one ♪
2585
01:49:51,062 --> 01:49:53,521
♪ Your son of a gun ♪
2586
01:49:55,187 --> 01:49:59,187
♪ Everybody wants
A day in the sun ♪
2587
01:49:59,187 --> 01:50:03,604
♪ Don't try to tell me
That my race is run ♪
2588
01:50:03,604 --> 01:50:07,271
♪ Nothing's over, baby
Nothing done ♪
2589
01:50:07,271 --> 01:50:12,979
♪ 'Til we have won
Everybody wants one ♪
2590
01:50:13,896 --> 01:50:16,646
♪ Day in the sun ♪
2591
01:50:17,271 --> 01:50:21,646
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪
2592
01:50:21,646 --> 01:50:24,396
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2593
01:50:25,729 --> 01:50:30,229
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪
2594
01:50:30,229 --> 01:50:33,104
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2595
01:50:38,396 --> 01:50:41,521
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2596
01:50:42,771 --> 01:50:47,187
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪
2597
01:50:47,187 --> 01:50:49,854
♪ Day in the sun with you ♪
2598
01:50:51,271 --> 01:50:55,687
♪ Day in the sun
With you, baby ♪
2599
01:50:55,687 --> 01:50:58,687
♪ Day in the sun with you. ♪
2600
01:51:10,312 --> 01:51:12,479
[song ends]
2601
01:51:13,771 --> 01:51:16,729
Before I get to that,
I would like to say this.
2602
01:51:16,729 --> 01:51:20,854
♪ I like bigger, I like smaller
I can do both ♪
2603
01:51:20,854 --> 01:51:24,479
♪ I like dinosaurs
And I like woke ♪
2604
01:51:24,479 --> 01:51:26,062
♪ That's what we have to do ♪
2605
01:51:26,062 --> 01:51:29,062
♪ Some people say you can't
But you, and you, me ♪
2606
01:51:29,062 --> 01:51:31,229
♪ All of us
Together we can stand ♪
2607
01:51:31,229 --> 01:51:33,104
♪ We'll have bigger
We'll have smaller ♪
2608
01:51:33,104 --> 01:51:35,104
♪ We can do both
Do both ♪
2609
01:51:35,104 --> 01:51:36,562
♪ We like dinosaurs ♪
2610
01:51:36,562 --> 01:51:38,437
♪ And we like woke
Like woke ♪
2611
01:51:38,437 --> 01:51:40,396
♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪
2612
01:51:40,396 --> 01:51:42,312
♪ I say we can ♪
2613
01:51:42,312 --> 01:51:45,812
♪ We will be able to narrow
Maintain and expand ♪
2614
01:51:45,812 --> 01:51:47,229
♪ We are sharks ♪
2615
01:51:47,229 --> 01:51:49,354
♪ Why? ♪
2616
01:51:49,354 --> 01:51:52,521
♪ If we don't move forward
We die ♪
2617
01:51:52,521 --> 01:51:54,187
♪ We'll have bigger
We'll have smaller ♪
2618
01:51:54,187 --> 01:51:56,187
♪ We can do both
Do both ♪
2619
01:51:56,187 --> 01:51:57,687
♪ We like dinosaurs ♪
2620
01:51:57,687 --> 01:51:59,646
♪ And we like woke
Like woke ♪
2621
01:51:59,646 --> 01:52:01,604
♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪
2622
01:52:01,604 --> 01:52:03,271
♪ I say we can ♪
2623
01:52:03,271 --> 01:52:06,687
♪ We will be able to narrow
Maintain and expand ♪
2624
01:52:06,687 --> 01:52:08,396
♪ We can do both. ♪
183962
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