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1
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[bright instrumental music playing]
2
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[typing]
3
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{\an8}[Emma] A novel by Emma...
4
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Mm...
5
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{\an8}T. Wilde.
6
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"DCI Penny...
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Something
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had seen some murder scenes in her time,
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but never one as...
10
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...as this."
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"'Who moved the body?'
12
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she said."
13
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"Snapped."
14
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"Demanded."
15
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"Entreated."
16
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"Screamed"?
17
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"She said."
18
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[sighs]
19
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[in funny voice]
Nice cup of tea for the lady?
20
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- No, thanks.
- [grunts]
21
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[in Scottish accent] Or eggy bread?
22
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Can I do you some eggy bread,
my wee midgie?
23
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,360
- No. Not for me. Thanks.
- [in normal voice] No?
24
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,160
Now, who is Emma T. Wilde?
25
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:11,879
- Why's she using a word processor?
- Don't read over my shoulder, Ian.
26
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So very sorry.
Thought you might need a reader.
27
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It doesn't deserve a reader. It's crap.
28
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Uh, it's not crap. Nothing you do is crap.
29
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[sighs] Hmm?
30
00:02:21,521 --> 00:02:25,319
- Why don't you go back to the play?
- 'Cause that too is crap.
31
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- [smoke alarm blaring]
- Oh shit!
32
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[sighs] Oh God.
33
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- [pots clattering]
- [Ian groans]
34
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[Emma] I'm going out tonight.
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- I'm gonna stink.
- [Ian grunts] Hot, hot, hot!
36
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,440
- You cannot eat that. It's burned.
- You say burned. I say crispy.
37
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,400
Let's call the whole thing off.
38
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- [siren wailing outside]
- [Emma sighs]
39
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Really wish you wouldn't fry that
when I'm about to go out.
40
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,200
- I've gotta wash my hair again now.
- No, you don't.
41
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Come here.
42
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,080
- [inhales] That's my favorite smell.
- Yeah. Bacon.
43
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[grunts] Sorry.
44
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[phone ringing]
45
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- [receiver clatters]
- [Ian] Mm. Whitehead-Morley residence.
46
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Hello, Leeds.
47
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:16,600
[laughs] We did lift up the carpet, yeah.
No, there was no hardwood floor.
48
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It was just damp chipboard
and old newspapers, which was a shame.
49
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[shower running]
50
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,640
Yeah. Yeah,
but at least we are homeowners.
51
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,320
- It's ours.
- Ian, have you seen my razor?
52
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Things aren't that bad, are they? [laughs]
53
00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:34,039
Just on the phone to your mom and dad.
54
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:37,119
- Tell them I'll call back tomorrow.
- It's fine. They called to speak to me.
55
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[chewing] She's good, yeah.
56
00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,000
I do have a gig tonight.
Yeah. Open mic, yeah.
57
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,320
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
58
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,520
Emma's... She's writing. Tap, tap, tap.
59
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[chuckles]
60
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Oh yeah. It's all happening. Yeah.
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[gentle music playing]
62
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[Ian] Mm. Mm.
63
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- Yeah. Yeah.
- [book thuds]
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{\an8}[Ian laughs]
65
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:05,760
{\an8}[audience cheers]
66
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,440
{\an8}Next week, llamas who can hum,
67
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,080
and baby monkeys
who are being reunited with their mom.
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00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,080
{\an8}-Aww! [laughs]
- [closing theme playing]
69
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{\an8}Cannot wait for that.
70
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{\an8}Hope to see you here
at seven o'clock, BBC One, next week.
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- Good night.
- [audience cheers]
72
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,130
Hey.
73
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,320
- No, thank you.
- Sure.
74
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Cheers.
75
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,880
[phone beeps]
76
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:39,480
- [call connects]
- Hey.
77
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- Babe, did you see it?
- No, sorry. I'm in town.
78
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[man] All right, Dex?
79
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,600
- How'd it go?
- Yeah, it was great.
80
00:04:45,601 --> 00:04:47,719
Nine million last week
up against the football.
81
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,319
Hopefully, this week we'll get more.
82
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,040
What time are you back?
There's a party later.
83
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,720
Dex, what are you like?
84
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,840
- Well, it's all part of the job.
- Is it?
85
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,440
- Of course it is.
- Thanks.
86
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,040
- Aren't you filming tomorrow?
- Yeah. Yeah.
87
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,360
But not till four.
88
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,920
I'm knackered. I'm gonna have a night in.
89
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,640
- [sighs]
- Gotta go. Love you.
90
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,560
[Emma] Excuse me.
91
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,840
- Are you television's Dexter Mayhew?
- The very same.
92
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,960
[sighs] Oh God, it's so nice to be out.
93
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And it's been so long.
94
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,800
- Well, not that long.
- Eh.
95
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,520
- You look lovely.
- Ugh. No, I don't.
96
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,520
- Cool shoes.
- Saxone.
97
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-�12.99.
- Mm.
98
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,270
One day, I'm gonna give you a compliment,
and you won't reply with the price.
99
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:36,520
No. Never.
100
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,960
[both chuckle]
101
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Come on.
102
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[horn honks]
103
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,960
Ah, of course you've succumbed.
104
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- To what?
- You've got a mobile.
105
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[Dexter] All right, you've got a choice.
106
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Either you can phone me.
107
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Actually me, personally.
108
00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,120
Or you can phone a building,
109
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in which I might just happen
to be in at the time.
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The building.
111
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,000
- And what if I don't pick up?
- God forbid you should miss a call.
112
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,480
- I give you six months before you cave.
- Never.
113
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- That sounds like a bet.
- Okay, a bet.
114
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If I ever get a mobile phone,
you can buy me dinner.
115
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[scoffs]
116
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- What, again?
- [both laugh]
117
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- [Emma] Rude.
- Come on. You're gonna like this place.
118
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["Rocks" by Primal Scream playing]
119
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[indistinct chatter]
120
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- Hiya. The usual?
- Yeah.
121
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,880
PizzaExpress would've been fine.
122
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:38,770
Amazing, eh?
123
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,920
It looks like a cruise ship.
124
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,480
So nautical. Nautical but nice.
125
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,790
What time do we hit
the iceberg? [chuckles]
126
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,680
- Ian joining us tonight?
- What?
127
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,000
You sound like Ian.
128
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[imitating Ian] "Nautical but nice."
129
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[scoffs] Dexter!
130
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,120
What?
131
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Love Ian.
132
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,640
- Top bloke, Ian.
- Mm.
133
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- You should hear what he says about you.
- Come on. Let's get a drink.
134
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,320
? Yeah, yeah, yeah ?
135
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,840
? Get your rocks off
Get your rocks off, honey... ?
136
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,600
- What do you want, Em?
- Oh. Just a G&T, please.
137
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,520
Oh God, no. You're not in the pub now.
Have a proper drink.
138
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,560
- [bartender] Yes, sir?
- Two martinis. Bombay Sapphire.
139
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,680
- Very dry, with a twist.
- Prego.
140
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,600
Trust me. Best martinis in London.
141
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,200
Look. Look.
142
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The trick is to get everything
really cold at the start.
143
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- [ice cubes clink]
- Ice water in the glass.
144
00:07:30,881 --> 00:07:31,999
Gin in the freezer.
145
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,520
[cocktail shaker rattling]
146
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,200
And how do you know all this?
147
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,480
My mom taught me when I was, like, nine.
148
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,760
Oh. [chuckles]
149
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,290
Well, then.
150
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:47,680
To Alison.
151
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,160
- That was nice. What was that for?
- I'm happy to see you.
152
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,170
Mm.
153
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:57,930
Oh God.
154
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,440
I've never had one of these before.
155
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,040
It's like getting punched
in the face by a drink.
156
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:05,710
Instant drunkenness,
which is exactly what I need.
157
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,650
Oh?
158
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,080
- Oh God. I don't even know where to start.
- Don't start yet.
159
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,760
I'm just off to the loo.
They're incredible here.
160
00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,000
The best in London.
161
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,800
? Get your rocks off, honey ?
162
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,480
? Shake it now, now ?
163
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,280
? Get 'em off downtown... ?
164
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,960
[patrons chatting and shouting]
165
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,440
- [seller] Cigarettes?
- Huh? Oh. Um...
166
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:27,800
[clicks tongue]
167
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,090
- Would you like anything?
- Oh. No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke.
168
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,370
Thanks.
169
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,400
[Dexter] Hello, you.
170
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,720
Cigarettes, sir?
171
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,370
- I'll have 20 reds, please.
- Mm-hmm.
172
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,680
Thank you. Keep the change.
173
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,280
Cigarette girl.
They're famous for it here.
174
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,480
[scoffs]
175
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,160
Mm. Come on. Let's go to our table.
176
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,250
- ? Get your rocks off ?
- Mm.
177
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,700
[energetic music playing]
178
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,240
[woman laughs]
179
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,880
It's modern British.
180
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,240
I'm gonna have the oysters.
181
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,280
- They're natives, I think.
- Ah. Are they friendly?
182
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,560
- What?
- The natives. Are they friendly?
183
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,800
- Ian's back.
- Dexter.
184
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,360
How is Mr. Ha Ha?
185
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,920
It's a genuine question.
186
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,840
Yeah. He's good.
187
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,520
He's, um, got a gig tonight.
188
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,690
And the flat's coming along.
We're on the ladder and all that.
189
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,320
My parents are delighted. They love Ian.
190
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,719
I think my mom
might actually be in love with him.
191
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:51,920
[Dexter chuckles]
192
00:09:51,921 --> 00:09:55,279
- How come I've never met your mom?
- [Emma] Why would you?
193
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,280
They've never visited me in London.
Not once. Well, till now.
194
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,430
Now that I've got a boyfriend
and my own home, it's like, "Ah."
195
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,240
"Now you make sense to us."
196
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,440
Mm.
197
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,240
My mom sends Ian packages.
My dad rings him for a chat.
198
00:10:07,241 --> 00:10:10,279
We're going on a four-day
walking holiday in the Dales in September.
199
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,960
It's quite, um, intense.
Bit of a runaway train.
200
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,730
- [waiter] What can I get you?
- Uh...
201
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,840
Twelve of the native oysters, please.
202
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,640
They're sweeter than rock oysters,
and they're more delicate.
203
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,200
I'll have the onglet,
204
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,160
and one more dry martini. And...
205
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,840
Oh, um...
206
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,800
Uh, yeah. Just the cod
and chips is fine, thanks.
207
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,600
You're very knowledgeable all of a sudden.
208
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,840
- Meaning?
- You seem to know a lot about food.
209
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,280
I love food and wine.
I eat out most days now.
210
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,920
As a matter of fact,
211
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,520
I've been asked if I want to review
for one of the Sundays.
212
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,040
Wow. Really? You're reviewing restaurants?
213
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,400
Uh, cocktail bars.
214
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,770
They've given me
a weekly column called "Barfly."
215
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,040
It's, uh, sort of a man-about-town
kind of thing.
216
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,560
And you'd write it yourself?
217
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,880
Of course I'd write it myself. [chuckles]
218
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:10,960
Who else would write it?
219
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,960
Hmm. Red or white?
220
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,240
I think we should start with
221
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,560
a nice biscuity Muscadet,
222
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,880
and then a Margaux.
223
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,530
[mumbles]
224
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,130
Uh, how's Callum?
225
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,120
Do you see much of him, or...
226
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,560
No. No, not really.
227
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,600
Uh, why force it? You know.
We have nothing in common.
228
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,910
I think it's important not to be
too sentimental about these things.
229
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,320
[patrons cheer]
230
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,400
I just love the vibe in this place.
231
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,920
I mean, it's... it's... it's smart.
232
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,240
But a bit theatrical.
233
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,400
- It's fun.
- Is she having fun, do you think?
234
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,650
[Dexter] I don't know, Em.
Are the waiters?
235
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:01,730
The barman?
236
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,760
It's a job. It's the same.
237
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,400
It's not quite the same.
She's the only one showing her ass.
238
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,800
Well, what can I say? Maybe her woolly
black tights are in the wash.
239
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,330
Maybe she's enjoying it.
Maybe she feels sexy in that outfit.
240
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,120
- That's feminism, isn't it?
- First wave or second?
241
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,280
[sighs]
242
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,320
Can we just not tonight?
243
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,040
[clears throat]
244
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,570
- I'd quite like to have a nice time.
- Yeah. So would I.
245
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,690
[Dexter] Great.
246
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,840
Well, Tilly's good.
247
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:38,280
Yeah. She's lusting after this guy
from Nottingham called Graham.
248
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,880
- Acid House Graham, we call him-
- Back soon.
249
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,360
[intense dance music playing]
250
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,800
[bell dings]
251
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,550
- [glass shatters]
- [group cheers]
252
00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,120
[exhales, clears throat]
253
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:10,920
Same again, please.
254
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,520
More? Already?
255
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,360
What can I say?
I'm like one of those beagles.
256
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:16,840
[chuckles]
257
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,720
- [Dexter] Just can't stop myself.
- [seller laughs]
258
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:20,920
Thank you.
259
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,880
Just out of interest,
what time do you finish today?
260
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,360
- [chuckles]
- [laughs]
261
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,520
[Dexter sniffles]
262
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,560
[exhales]
263
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,240
Do you two know each other?
264
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,440
Oh. No, no, no, no.
265
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,640
I just had to stock up.
There's a party later.
266
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,360
[slurps]
267
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:47,970
Mm.
268
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,480
My mate, Oliver.
269
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,200
- I've told you about him. He's a baronet.
- Oh, and?
270
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,360
What do you mean?
271
00:13:55,361 --> 00:13:57,639
What's that got to do with anything?
Why mention it?
272
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,840
Uh, to identify him. [chuckles]
273
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,950
I know about nine people
called Oliver. Lemon?
274
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,010
No, thanks.
275
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,330
[Dexter exhales]
276
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,040
So where's the party?
277
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,620
[clears throat] Holland Park.
278
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,570
Massive great house.
279
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,880
Everyone from my show's
gonna be there. Bands, actors.
280
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,760
- You're, um... You're welcome to come.
- Mm. Sounds like it.
281
00:14:22,761 --> 00:14:26,879
No, of course you are. It's just...
You won't know anyone, that's all.
282
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,040
I'll know you.
283
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,680
[seller] Having fun?
284
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,690
Hi.
285
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,040
- [Emma] And Suki.
- Yeah.
286
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,240
Suki's doing really well, isn't she?
Her new show is massive.
287
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,080
Yeah, we both are.
288
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,520
You know, I prefer doing
the late-night stuff.
289
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,090
More edgy.
290
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:49,930
How's it going?
291
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,720
- Everyone wants a piece. It's mad.
- I meant with the two of you.
292
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,880
Yeah, she's great.
293
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,890
She gets it.
294
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:58,810
Gets what?
295
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,400
Being on telly.
296
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,960
She... She... She understands.
297
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,920
Well, that's romantic.
298
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,640
[sighs]
299
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,320
So this party, it's... You know.
300
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,560
Uh... [smacks lips]
301
00:15:15,561 --> 00:15:18,799
- I'm just worried about you getting home.
- It's okay, Dex. I get it.
302
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,640
No. No, I want you to come.
Of course I do.
303
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,120
Let's play it by ear, yeah?
304
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,530
- Yeah, okay.
- [sniffles] Just a sec.
305
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,560
["Glorybox" by Portishead playing]
306
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:32,520
[sizzling]
307
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,960
? I'm so tired ?
308
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,680
? Of playing ?
309
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,080
? Playing with this bow and arrow ?
310
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,480
? Gonna give my heart away ?
311
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:49,720
? Leave it to the other girls to play ?
312
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,920
? For I've been a temptress too long ?
313
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,600
[woman] Love the show, Dex.
314
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,210
Thank you.
315
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:04,560
? Give me a reason to love you ?
316
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:06,880
[exhales]
317
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,040
? Give me a reason... ?
318
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,380
[Dexter] Got a tutorial?
319
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,050
[Dexter sighs]
320
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,440
- How's your steak?
- Sensational.
321
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,920
Yeah. Really rare.
322
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,280
- How's the fish?
- Cold.
323
00:16:34,281 --> 00:16:40,879
It's opaque. That's how fish is supposed
to be cooked. So it turns opaque.
324
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,560
Dexter, it's opaque
because it's been deep-frozen.
325
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,200
It hasn't been fully defrosted.
326
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,010
Is it?
327
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,720
Are you... [scoffs]
328
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,280
I'm not paying for fucking Birds Eye
fucking frozen fish. Hey!
329
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,680
Can you take this off the bill?
It's not cooked. And we'll see the menu.
330
00:17:00,681 --> 00:17:02,319
- I'm fine.
- [Dexter] It's not fine.
331
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,239
- You need a main course.
- I'm really not hungry.
332
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,639
Can you just get something?
They're not gonna understand if you don't.
333
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,000
A green salad, please.
334
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:19,760
This is going well.
335
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,610
[sighs]
336
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,050
What?
337
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,560
What have I done? Hmm.
338
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,880
What have I done now?
339
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:46,560
Can we just... Can we just go back
to what we were talking about before?
340
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,560
Ian, your mom.
341
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,690
Let's not.
342
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,240
Fine. Then tell me something new.
343
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,440
Uh, your writing. How's the play?
344
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,970
- It's a novel.
- [Dexter] A novel?
345
00:17:58,971 --> 00:18:02,639
Last time I saw you,
you were writing a play.
346
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,960
Yeah, but it wasn't working,
so I moved on.
347
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,640
Okay. [sighs]
348
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,560
- Meaning?
- It's just...
349
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,560
- Never mind.
- No, come on. What?
350
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,450
What's the point starting things
if you're never gonna finish them?
351
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,200
- [mutters]
- I mean, seriously, Em. Huh?
352
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:28,070
Have you finished anything since, what?
The year after we left Edinburgh?
353
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,200
I've got this friend, okay?
She's a screenwriter.
354
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,090
She's super successful.
She says if you're talking about writing,
355
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,560
then you're not writing.
Either you're writing or you're not.
356
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,880
- Do it or don't do it.
- [Emma] Wow.
357
00:18:44,881 --> 00:18:46,879
Thanks, Dexter, for that valuable tip.
358
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,879
The thing is, maybe your friend
doesn't also work full-time,
359
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,399
so she may not understand
it's not quite as simple as that.
360
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,000
[chuckles] Is that the issue?
361
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,400
Come on, Em. That's not the issue.
362
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,800
- But you don't wanna hear it.
- Hear what?
363
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,120
Look, it's your life.
364
00:19:00,121 --> 00:19:03,999
Okay? But if you ever wanna
get out of teaching-
365
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,400
- Why would I want to get out?
- You're shouting.
366
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,960
- I'm a bloody good teacher.
- Yep. No doubt.
367
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:15,080
[song ends]
368
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,510
You know what they say
about teaching, right?
369
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,880
No, Dex.
370
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,760
I'm not familiar. What do they say?
371
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:30,800
[sighs]
372
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,480
Those who can, do.
373
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,800
Those who can't...
374
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:44,159
- Say, "Fuck yourself, Dexter!"
- Jesus Christ!
375
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,640
[patrons murmuring]
376
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,770
Shit!
377
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,520
[groans]
378
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,480
- No more martinis for you.
- Get off me.
379
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,800
- Are you okay?
- [crying] Yeah.
380
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:04,890
[sighs]
381
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,560
[somber music playing]
382
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,600
[whistling in distance]
383
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,840
Emma! Emma, come on.
384
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,400
- [groans] Come on. Come on.
- The night's over, Dexter. I'm going home.
385
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:31,599
Whatever it is I've done, I'm sorry.
Whatever you are angry about-
386
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,600
- You don't know?
- No, I don't know!
387
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,560
I don't know. So can you please just...
just chill the fuck out?
388
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,520
We can go somewhere and calm down.
We're both a bit pissed.
389
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,080
No, you're pissed.
390
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,160
You're always drunk or off your face
on something every single time I see you.
391
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,600
Do you realize I haven't seen you sober
for about three years?
392
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,760
I don't remember what you're like sober.
393
00:20:51,761 --> 00:20:55,679
And running to the loo every ten minutes.
I don't know if it's dysentery or coke,
394
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,810
but either way, it's fucking rude.
And most of all, it's boring.
395
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,280
Even if you are there, it's in body only.
396
00:21:01,281 --> 00:21:04,479
The whole time you're looking
over my shoulder for a better option.
397
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,230
- Not true.
-"This one's a baronet."
398
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,600
"This one's got a bloody great house."
It's such bollocks, Dexter.
399
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,040
[sniffles] Okay, you're a TV presenter.
400
00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:15,879
You've not invented penicillin,
broken a deadlock on the security council.
401
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,160
It's TV, and it's crap TV at that.
Well, sod it. I've had enough.
402
00:21:19,161 --> 00:21:21,359
Look, can we go somewhere
and talk about this?
403
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,640
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Stop. It's me!
404
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,880
It's me. Please, just come here.
405
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,920
- [Emma sniffles]
- [sighs]
406
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,560
Why are you being like this, Dexter?
407
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,560
- I'm just being myself.
- No, you're not.
408
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,500
I know what you're like. This isn't you.
409
00:21:49,501 --> 00:21:52,199
You're horrible like this, Dexter.
You're obnoxious.
410
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,639
You always were a bit obnoxious,
every now and then.
411
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,920
A bit full of yourself.
But you were funny too,
412
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,370
and kind sometimes, and interested
in people other than yourself.
413
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,040
- [quietly] I'm just having fun.
- I know.
414
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:14,040
I know you've been through a lot
in the last few years with your mom.
415
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,720
I've tried to understand that.
Really, I have, but
416
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,920
you're just not the person I used to know.
417
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,920
We're not friends anymore, Dex.
We're just not.
418
00:22:22,921 --> 00:22:25,559
- You're always canceling and postponing.
- Or you are.
419
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,359
But tonight, there was stuff
I needed to talk to you about.
420
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,920
About Ian and me.
421
00:22:29,921 --> 00:22:32,839
But I can't talk to you anymore,
and if I can't,
422
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,840
then what's the point of this?
423
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,400
Maybe it's just done.
424
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,760
- What's done?
- Us.
425
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,240
The friendship.
426
00:22:41,241 --> 00:22:44,879
You said it yourself. There's no point
getting sentimental about it.
427
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,080
- Move on. One in, one out.
- Oh, I wasn't talking about us.
428
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,080
I mean, we're Dex and Em. Aren't we?
429
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,360
No. You used to make me
feel good about myself.
430
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,520
But now you make me feel like shit.
431
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,750
Like I'm not cool enough
or interesting enough or ambitious enough.
432
00:23:11,751 --> 00:23:14,319
- I don't think that.
- Well, good. 'Cause it's bollocks.
433
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,040
I am cool and interesting and ambitious.
434
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:20,640
In fact, I'm fucking great,
and you used to think so too. [sniffles]
435
00:23:20,641 --> 00:23:23,839
If you don't, fine. I'm not up
for being treated like an obligation.
436
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,520
Like a chore. Like you always want to be
somewhere else with someone else.
437
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,440
Sometimes I just get a bit carried away,
all right?
438
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,680
If you weren't so judgmental all the time.
439
00:23:37,681 --> 00:23:38,799
- Am I?
- Yeah.
440
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,280
Well, I...
441
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,120
I... I don't think I am.
Well, I... I try not to be.
442
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,800
Yeah. Well, you are.
443
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,480
And patronizing.
444
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,800
And... censorious.
445
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,080
- Censorious?
- You're doing it again!
446
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,240
What am I doing?
447
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,000
"Censorious?" Like,
"How could he know that word?"
448
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,120
Because I'm so thick.
449
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,680
Such a lunk.
450
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,520
So beneath you.
451
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,960
"How could he ever possibly
write his own column?"
452
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,280
"I'm Emma Morley. I got a first."
453
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:17,520
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- So fucking what, Em?
454
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,040
'Cause here in the real world,
I'm actually doing really well.
455
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,760
And all you ever do is mock it.
456
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,360
But, you know,
457
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,400
envy is the tax you pay on success
and all that.
458
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,080
[under breath] Wow.
459
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,950
Is that really what you think
is going on here?
460
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,680
- Fuck this.
- No. I...
461
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,170
Listen. I remember when we were 22,
and you said,
462
00:25:00,171 --> 00:25:03,399
"What do you wanna be when you're 40?"
And I said, "Rich and famous,"
463
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,920
and you took the piss.
464
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,650
Fine.
465
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,120
But I did it.
466
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,520
I actually did what I said I was gonna do.
467
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,600
I may not be 40 yet, but I made it happen.
468
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,610
And you?
469
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,130
What?
470
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,080
You haven't, Em.
471
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,200
I don't know what you said
you wanted from this world,
472
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,240
but I'm sure this wasn't it.
473
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:34,810
"This"?
474
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,840
Throwing your lot in with someone
who adores you, who you don't love.
475
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,450
Am I wrong?
476
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,290
[scoffs]
477
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,800
Bye, Dex.
478
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:50,480
Emma.
479
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,760
[Emma] I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.
480
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:53,890
[Dexter] Emma!
481
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:56,800
[somber string music playing]
482
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:11,840
[inhales sharply]
483
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,120
[sighs]
484
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:26,930
[quietly] Ah, shit.
485
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,360
[dog barking in distance]
486
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,600
[man on TV] Yes, he was telling the truth.
But only part of it.
487
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,840
His master is indeed,
as you rightly said, a monster.
488
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,440
- He's also a vampire.
- Hmm. You're back early.
489
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,080
How was Terry Wogan?
490
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,560
Awful. [sighs]
491
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:07,810
Why? What happened?
492
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:09,960
I don't wanna talk about it.
493
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,600
How was the gig?
494
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,170
Mm-hmm.
495
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,730
- Did you do the cats and dogs thing?
- Yep.
496
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:23,760
Was there heckling?
497
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,120
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Mm.
498
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,840
Maybe it's not your best material.
499
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,080
- A bit of booing, actually, tonight.
- Booing?
500
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,210
Oh.
501
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,680
- That's just part of it, though, isn't it?
- Mm.
502
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,280
Suppose so.
503
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,600
I suppose sometimes I just worry.
504
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,250
What?
505
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,600
That I might not be very funny.
506
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,290
Ian.
507
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:07,890
Oui?
508
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,880
You are a very, very funny man.
509
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,280
[chuckles softly] Thanks, Em.
510
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,360
["The Wild Ones" by Suede playing]
511
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:43,120
? Mmm, there's a song playing ?
512
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,600
? On the radio ?
513
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,680
? Sky high in the airwaves ?
514
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:59,080
? On the morning show ?
515
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:06,360
? And there's a lifeline slippin' ?
516
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:10,000
? As the record plays ?
517
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,120
? As I open the blinds ?
518
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,800
? In my mind, I'm believing ?
519
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,920
? That you could stay ?
520
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:28,200
? And oh, if you stay ?
521
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:33,360
? Well, I'll chase
The rain-blown fears away ?
522
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,400
? We'll shine like the morning ?
523
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,600
? And sin in the sun ?
524
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,960
? Oh, if you stay ?
525
00:29:41,010 --> 00:29:45,560
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