All language subtitles for The.Mick.S02E15.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.x265.10bit.AAC.5.1-Qman[UTR]_track3_[eng]

She's coming in hot.
She's The Mick.

-Yaah!
-I just built that.

It didn't take.

Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays.

And check out our other Fox
programs-- Brooklyn Nine-Nine,

The Last Man on Earth and
Ghosted.

I don't really know how
to do any of this stuff.

Only on Fox.

ANNOUNCER (on TV):
Knicks inbound.

Porzingis drives. And one!

-Tie game! And the Knicks...
-Boom!

Yeah, baby!
That's how we do!

ANNOUNCER:
...on the clock and a chance...

Porzingis for life, son.

I swear to God
I'd take a bullet for that dude.

All right, fellas, time's up.

Why don't you run upstairs
and fight over

-the last dollop of pomade.
-No, no, no, no, no.

This is more important
than anything you've ever done

-in your entire life.
-Yeah, please, just, like,

one more minute? We've got a lot
riding on the line.

Oh, yeah?
What's the action? I want in.

Double or nothing
my man Porzin-god

-just finishes it right now.
-No way.

It's going to OT, dude.

-How much time's left?
-Four seconds.

Ah, nah, you're both wrong.

Cavs put it away right here.

-Doubt.
-You're on.

ANNOUNCER:
Porzingis shoots. Off the rim.

Rebound by Love.
He throws it downcourt

to a wide-open J.R. Smith.

And Smith jams it home!
Cavs win!

Damn it, Porzingis!
Go back to Latvia,

you Latvian freak!

-Told ya. -That was amazing.
How-how'd you do that?

Common sense.
You got Porzingis on the line,

so there goes
your best rebounder.

You know the Knicks
are gonna double up LeBron,

so that leaves somebody
wide-open.

So, how'd you know he'd miss it
in the first place?

Uh, 'cause he's white,

and he's on the Knicks,
and they suck.

Anyway, pay up.
What'd I win?

You don't have
to sniff Dylan's dog's butt.

What? You guys are betting
butt sniffs?

You should see Humphrey.
He's covered in tumors.

I don't care if he's all tumor.
There's no juice in that bet.

Juice? What's juice?

The juice!
Come on, guys.

The-the juice is what
you're supposed

to feel when you gamble,
you know?

It's this amazing combination
of excitement and terror

when you've put everything
on the line, and you have zero

-control over what happens.
-That sounds intense.

-How do we get the juice?
-Well, you're not gonna find it

in some cancerous dog's
festering butt,

I'll tell you that much.

Hey, have you guys
seen my box...?

Whoa. Who's that?

Oh, hi. I'm Alexis.

She's my girlfriend.
Who are you?

Ah. So, you're lez now?

Oh, my God, Mickey.
That is wildly offensive.

What are you talking about?
It-it's just short for lesbian.

I know what it's short for,
okay? I'm not a lesbian.

Of course.
How stupid of me.

Uh, what are you?

I'm not anything.
Just stop trying to label me,

you ancient bag of sand.

-Come on, Alexis. -Oh,
it was nice meeting you guys.

Okay.

Here we go, Colonel.

It's a beautiful day
to have lunch outside.

Okay.

Let's see. Okay.

Bon appétit.
(laughs)

Now for the old switcheroo,
right? (laughs)

Okay. Oh, big stuff.

Aah! Whoa!

Damn you, old man!

It got in my mouth! Whoa!

(spits)
Aah!

(panting)

God.

Greatest generation, my ass.

The man contributes nothing.

Oh. Uh...

Uh...

Colonel, how-how did you
get in here?

Um... Wait.

Hey, hey, Sabrina,
did-did you move The Colonel?

Ew. No.

Ooh.

Come on,
who cares about practice?

You're already the best player
on the team.

Coach is gonna kill me
if I'm late to another workout.

So what? Tell him
that I'll give you a workout.

I promise mine will be more fun.

I wish.
I'll see you tonight.

-JIMMY: Not cool, Sabrina.
-(door closes)

Not cool at all.

What the hell? How long
have you been perched up there

like some perverted gargoyle?

(laughs) Sabrina,
you're like my daughter.

I could watch you have sex,
and I wouldn't feel a thing.

Is that how you envision
a normal

-father-daughter relationship?
-No.

That's not how I envision
a normal fa...

Listen, as a former
athlete myself, I can assure you

that missing a practice is not
in Alexis's best interest.

-She any good?
-She's Alexis Dara.

Captain of the
Junior National Soccer Team.

The Times did a whole write-up
on her

-in the sports section
last weekend. -There it is.

-What?
-You're in it for the celebrity.

-You don't know what you're
talking about. -Yeah? Well,

what I do know is that
you have nothing to offer her,

-and she has everything to lose.
-Whatever, dude, all right?

Just, as a rule, don't watch me.

Hey. There you are.

-What are you doing? -Oh,
nothing. It just occurred to me

a lot of these old houses
have, like, um, hidden safes

and secret passages and stuff,
so I was just, you know...

That's idiotic.

Don't you have a dog butt
to sniff or something?

We need you to teach us
how to gamble, the real stuff.

-We want the juice.
-(chuckles)

No, you don't. You might think
you do, but you don't.

-Okay, come on. Why not?
-Look, Chip,

I have done a lot
of low-down things in my life,

but I'm gonna go ahead and draw
the line at teaching children

-how to gamble. -We'll cut you
in on the winnings.

As your gambling teacher,
I'm gonna need you

to do everything I say.

-This website seems
kind of janky. -Yeah.

-What language is this in?
-(mumbles): I don't know.

Russian or something.

Got to go overseas
with this kind of stuff,

so they don't tax you
up the ass.

-All right, who's feeling lucky?
-Right here.

I bet Tom Brady hucks up
a 60-yard touchdown

first play of the game.

That's not a bet.

That's the wishful thinking
of a stupid boy.

First rule of gambling: you bet
with your head, not your heart.

And my head likes the Bills.

(scoffs)
You think the frickin' Bills

are gonna beat
Tom frickin' Brady?

I ought to slap you in the face.

They don't have to beat them.

They just have to lose
by less than 17.

-That's the spread.
-But the Bills suck.

Yeah, yeah, I know that.
You know who else knows it?

Your boy Tom Brady,
so he's probably spending

his bye week curled up
by the fire

in his little slipper booties,

eating way too many carbs,
but the Bills--

they're gonna come correct.

Kind of sounds like she knows
what she's talking about.

Yeah, I do know
what I'm talking about.

-Somebody give me a credit card.
-No way.

I'm not betting
against the GOAT.

-Coward. Dylan?
-Why can't we use yours?

-'Cause I don't have one. -Okay,
well, I only have my dad's.

Okay, I'm sorry.
Did I misunderstand,

or did you want the juice?
Juice or no juice?

-Okay. All right.
Okay, fine. -Great.

But you know what?
I'm typing it in.

Right. You type it in.

If I wanted your dad's money,

there are other ways
of getting it.

(Mickey clears throat)

Okay, how much should I bet?

I don't know. You feeling bold?
Throw a hunny on it.

-You're positive?
-No, I'm not positive.

That's what gambling is.

Just frickin' do it! Okay,
I'm thirsty. I want the juice.

-(Mickey clears throat)
-Okay, okay, okay, fine.

It's... it's in.
Now what?

All right.
Now we leave it up to the gods.

I feel kind of nervous,
like there's butterflies

-in my stomach or something.
-Yeah. That feels good, right?

I feel frickin' great.
I can't wait for TB

to curb-stomp these fools
by less than 17 points.

(indistinct shouting)

What are you doing here?

I came to watch you practice.

Can't tell if you're amazing

or if all these other chicks
just suck.

Dara! Get your ass back
in the net!

Got to run.

Ooh, whew. Coach is right.

You win the game in practice.

What the hell
are you doing here?

-Oh, did a little research
on your girl. -Gross.

No, not that. Oh, listen to me.

Looked up her stats.
It turns out these girls

are favored to win the gold.
You're making her choose

between her love for you
and her love for the game.

That's not fair.

Jimmy, this has nothing to do
with you.

(scoffs) This has everything
to do with me.

-I was that girl.
-Stop talking.

I know the dedication it takes

-to thrive as a student athlete.
-Oh, my God.

That was 20 years ago!

Are you kidding, Dara?

-Don't think I won't bench
your ass! -(whistle blows)

-He'll do it.
-All right.

COACH:
Oh, God, Melissa, come on!

Let's go, girls!

Knees up! Knees up!

(sighs) Wha...?

What? Uh...

Colonel, (stammers) how the hell
did you get up here?

Ooh, uh, wha...?

Okay.

Well, I must be going.

Good-bye.

(screams)

Okay. You listen to me,
you son of a bitch.

I am the only person that cares

if you live or die
in this house.

So if you can move,

you better come clean right now.

Very convincing.

ANNOUNCER (on TV): Patriots
beat the Bills, 55 to 17.

-I think I'm gonna throw up.
-Yeah.

That's just the juice sloshing
around. It'll settle.

I told you not to bet
against Brady.

Dude snaked Gisele
from frickin' Leo.

My dad is gonna kill me.

Relax, it's 100 bucks.
We back in black by dinner.

No. $100,000.

W-What?

The bet. I bet $100,000.

Why?! Why would you do that?!

-Because you told me to.
-I did not!

I said 100.
I very clearly said 100.

-Who bets $100,000?
-Who bets $100?

I wouldn't blow my nose with
$100. We're looking for juice.

Well, you got the juice now,
don't you, buddy?

Oh, my... $100,000?

Against the Buffalo Bills?
With the Russians?

-You stupid, stupid boy.
-Okay, okay.

-What are we gonna do?
-All right, shut up.

That's what you do.
You just shut up

and let me think
for a second, okay?

Sorry, pal. This is a big mess,
and I can't be involved in it.

Good luck.

You can't just leave him
out there.

Uh, yeah, I can. I just did.

Listen to me. We don't want to
be anywhere near that kid

when the Russians come calling.

They are gonna cut him
to pieces.

-DYLAN: Oh, my God!
-I'm s-sorry, buddy.

I didn't realize you were still
hanging around.

DYLAN: Listen, if you don't help
me, then I'm gonna tell my dad

-this was all your idea.
-Okay, yeah.

-Like he's gonna believe
some kid. -No, he's right.

You were the one that made us
thirsty for juice.

You're the one who made
the account.

You're the one that
underestimated the Golden Boy.

(groans)

All right, fine.

-Get in here. It's fine!
-Thank you.

Been in-in deeper holes
than this.

We just, we just got to pull
ourselves out.

We just need a plan B.

What do you got?

JIMMY:
Numbers don't lie, Sabrina.

All right? Ever since you two
have been hooking up,

her save percentage
has plummeted.

(groans) Stop following me!

Ah, then do the right thing!

U-S-A!

-What the hell is your deal?
-U...

Your sister
is committing high treason.

Her girlfriend has the biggest
game of her life this weekend,

and she's gonna get mopped up
because Sabrina

is putting her own interests
above our nation's.

H-Hold on a second.
What game are you talking about?

USA versus Canada, Mick.

I mean, these girls
have worked so hard.

And now they're gonna be sucking
silver for the next four years.

Oh, yeah?
Are-are you sure about that?

Is that, like, a sure thing?

-Yeah, it's a lock.
-Oh.

I got to hand it to you, Mick,
you got balls.

You disappear for months,
and then you call

one day out of the blue,
and you want to bet 100 Gs

on amateur women's soccer.

Yep. Very popular sport.

They're calling it the football
of Europe.

You owe me three grand, Mick.

Let's make it an even 103.

I don't know how you fellas
got mixed up with her,

but my advice to you?

Get out before it's too late.

All right. You're a loan shark.
Get off your high horse.

Tell you what, Mick,
I'll take your bet.

But now I've-I've seen
where you live.

So if you decide to run,

I'm gonna burn this house
to the ground.

With these two guys in it.

-Oh. -All right, relax.
It's an expression.

I meant every word of it.

Do we have a deal?

-(hand cracks)
-(gasps) Ow.

-Oh. Oh. -Oh, my.
-(Mickey squeals)

Pay your debts, Mick.

(Dylan and Chip gasp)

Let's leave town.

No, no, no, no.
No one's going anywhere.

Okay. Well, uh, the juice
has gone bad.

Dylan's pooping blood.

Hey, I told you not to tell
anyone that.

You might want to tell somebody

because that sounds
like an ulcer.

But don't worry, you guys.
This is good.

This is all part of the ride.

It's all part of the journey,
you know?

-I got to go to the bathroom.
-Mm.

I'm gonna get some ice.

Hey. Where's Alexis?

She dumped me.

The bitch dumped me.

What? No, no, no. No.

-Why?
-I have no idea.

She just called me
out of the blue and gave me

some crap about needing to
commit to soccer.

-No.
-JIMMY: Yeah.

Looks like somebody finally
talked some sense into her.

-You did this?
-Yeah, you're damn right.

Somebody's got to
look out for that girl.

Oh, Jimmy, what have you done?

I broke it down for her,
athlete to athlete.

I told her she's very talented,
I told her this is

a great opportunity for her.

And that Sabrina sees her
as a trophy

and she deserves better.

-I can't listen to this anymore.
-Okay, and-- no.

-Their entire life is about...
-Shut up, Jimmy!

I'm not gonna let her throw it

all away on some spoiled
locker-room lizard!

I hope you're happy.

I'm very happy.

(knocking on door)

Hey. Can I come in?

-No.
-Listen.

I think you got to call Alexis.

-Get the hell out of my room.
-She needs to hear your side.

-Why do you care?
-I-I don't. I don't care.

But if you love something,
you need to fight for it.

Who said anything about love?

Well, she loves you.

-That's for sure.
-She dumped me.

Because she was scared. Come on.

Think this through. You know,
she spends her whole day

rolling around in the dirt
with a bunch of meatheads,

and along comes this beautiful,
sophisticated,

intelligent young woman.

Right? That's, that's pretty
intimidating, isn't it?

-Isn't it?
-Yeah.

So it's just, it's her natural
defense mechanism kicking in.

(stammers) She panicked.

-I mean, yeah, maybe you're
right, but... -Yup.

If she loves me so much,
she can call me. (scoffs)

She's testing you.

She wants to see if you're
the real deal.

Uh, I mean, it's pretty clear
she's begging to be wooed.

All right, yeah, I'll talk
to her after her game tomorrow.

No! No. It's got to be tonight.
It really should be tonight.

She's got some stupid
team dinner tonight.

Okay! Okay. Hey, what says
romance more than dinner?

You know what I mean? You get
down to that romantic dinner,

and you take it over.

You make it about you two.

Yes is the answer!

Yeah! What are you waiting for?
Come on!

-Love can't wait.
You get that girl. -I don't...

(sighs)
Wha...

Hey, what are you...

(gasps)

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Okay, that is it!

Once? Sure. Twice?

(high-pitched):
Yeah, it is possible.

I have seen some crazy things.

But three times?

No. Not three times.

You have been caught with
your hand in the cookie jar,

my friend. I...

Oh...

Okay.

The rules, they are simple.

If you want me to stop,

all you have to do is scream.

(inhales sharply)

(laughing):
Oh!

Okay, Mr. Tough Guy
Military Man.

They have trained you well.

Let's find out how well.

(phone rings)

Jimmy.

-Jimmy, you got to help me. I'm
stuck in a bathroom. -(pounding)

Oh, uh, well,
if it's a female hygiene thing,

I should probably elevate this
to your aunt.

No! No, Mickey told me
to crash Alexis's team dinner,

and now these
thunder-thighed bitches

-are trying to kill me!
-What?

Sabrina, why would you...

Jimmy, just get your ass
down here!

Fine! All right, stay put.

I'm gonna come down there
and talk some sense into 'em,

athlete to athlete.
It is very important

that these girls stay focused,
so any buzzwor...

-Jimmy!
-Yeah, 10-4.

Hey. What's going on?
Where you going?

Well, thanks to you, Sabrina's
about to get her ass smashed

by 20 of the most elite
female athletes in the world.

All right, I'll go with you.
Let's go.

You've done enough.

This is ridiculous, okay?

I-I just came here
to talk to Alexis.

-(tires screech)
-That's all.

Sabrina, go home.

Yeah. Walk away, bitch.

Go back to Greenwich, Yoko.

All right, you know what,
I'm not the reason you guys

-have been sucking lately.
That's on you! -(all shouting)

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

She did not mean that, okay?

You guys got a big game
tomorrow.

So-so, you-you go back inside,

you carb up,
and you get some sleep.

Eight hours, all right?

We're gonna take off, all right?
Excuse us.

All right, we'll go this way...
(groans)

(exhales)

-All right, who did that, huh?
-(spits)

Oh, my God.
Darlene, that's disgusting.

-How do you know my name?
-Because I did some research

-on all you guy-- oh.
All right, you know what? -Ew.

Natalie,
that's good physicality.

Guys, let's save it
for tomorrow.

-(grunts)
-This can't... Oh! All right.

Guys... Oh!

All right.
Guys, we're all athletes here.

There's no... Oh!
Oh, please stop.

Oh! You know what,
that really hurt.

(grunts)

(grunts) Oh!

-Get out of here!
-Whoa, whoa!

-I am sorry.
-Jimmy, what the hell, man?!

-That's a reflex!
-(all shouting)

(screaming)

(all shouting)

-(shouting)
-Come on!

Let's go! Come on!

Oh, I'm so sorry!

(shouting)

JIMMY:
I don't want to do this.

(grunting)

(grunting)

(Jimmy shouts)

(grunting)

(indistinct police radio
chatter)

No. Whoa. Oh, Officer,
Officer, these girls got

a big game tomorrow.
I'm not pressing charges.

Get off me, bitch!

Hey, Vicky, don't resist, okay?

You can still post bail
by game time.

(gurgles)

Hey, Alexis?

Can I talk to you for a second?

What do you want, Sabrina?

Uh, I just want to clear
the air, you know?

I-I don't know what
my aunt's boyfriend told you,

but it's not true.

-Sabrina...
-Let me just get this out, okay?

I-I get that I'm different
from the girls

you used to hang out with,
you know?

I'm-I'm cultured
and sophisticated

and petite.

And I realize that
that can be intimidating.

But here's the thing: you
don't need to be scared, okay?

Because, well...
(chuckles)

I love you, too.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there.

It wasn't
your weird uncle's phone call.

You're shallow. And mean.

And you think that you're better
than everyone, but you're not.

I mean, you're hot.

-(chuckles)
-But your insides are gross.

Your life
is a collection of things

that you think
make you seem interesting.

Like me.

I'm breaking up with you.

You can't do this.
They've worked so hard.

Then they shouldn't have put
a guy in the hospital.

(coach sighs)

What the hell happened here?

Some maniac started a fight
with my girls.

So, what does that mean
for the game tomorrow?

There is no game!
Half my team is in jail!

-So you lost? -Boom, bitch!
We won! We won! -(laughing)

Yeah! The juice is loose!
(laughs)

You certainly know how
to keep things exciting, Mick.

Where the hell'd you come from?

Well, I saw you jump in a car
and peel out.

Raised a couple red flags.

All right, well,
I'm glad it did,

'cause it looks
like you owe me some money.

Well, I suppose
even a blind squirrel

-scores a nut from time to time.
-Yeah.

That's right. It does.

Minus the three you owe me.

-Yeah. -I'm sure
I'll be seeing you soon enough.

Yeah, I bet you will. 'Cause
Mama's got a real hot hand.

(inhales)
Mmm...

Okay.

Here you go. That's...

What do I do with all this?

I-I paid
with my dad's credit card.

That's not my problem, okay?
Stick it in his coat pocket.

O-Or, guys, hold on,
hear me out.

What do you guys know
about the Montreal Alouettes?

I know you can move, Colonel.

And I know you know
I know you can move.

You are making me look
like an idiot,

and I do not appreciate it.

Come on, man!
Do the right thing.

Very well.

We do it my way.

Ugh, I don't know, Colonel.

I don't know
what troubles me more:

that I have to do this

or that I'm going to enjoy it.

Hi, Alba.

I would like to take
this opportunity to apologize.

MICKEY:
Well, you got the juice now!

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH