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1
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Bill? Bill who?
2
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,423
Bill Collector? Never heard of him.
3
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,924
[SCOFFS]
4
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:11,511
Hi, good evening.
5
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:12,804
Hey, who are you?
6
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,348
I'm Hal Linden. I'm tonight's guest.
7
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Hal Linden. Hey, aren't you a cop?
8
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No, no. I... Well, I play a cop on TV.
Barney Miller.
9
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:28,278
Soon as you said the name,
hit me like a ton of bricks.
10
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What name?
11
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:30,655
Barney Miller.
12
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:32,824
[YELPS]
13
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Nice bit of visual comedy you got there.
Don't let it go to your head, huh?
14
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:45,462
It's The Muppet Show,
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,340
with our very special guest star,
Hal Linden.
16
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[CHEERS]
17
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,344
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
18
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,815
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
19
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,901
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
20
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,905
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
21
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,532
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
22
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
23
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
24
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♪ Why do we always come here? ♪
25
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♪ I guess we'll never know ♪
26
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♪ It's like a kind of torture ♪
27
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,464
♪ To have to watch this show ♪
28
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♪ But now let's get things started ♪
29
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♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
30
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
31
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
32
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♪ This is what we call ♪
33
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
34
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[BANANA SCREAMS THEN GIGGLES]
35
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,994
Hi there, and welcome to The Muppet Show.
36
00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:05,583
So this is what it's like up here, huh?
Boy. Hi!
37
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,086
Ladies and gentlemen, Statler and Waldorf,
38
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:11,423
the two old gentlemen
who usually sit up here, have--
39
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Died.
40
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Fozzie, they have not.
41
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[LAUGHS]
42
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,014
No. Statler and Waldorf
have been telling me for years
43
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:21,266
that they could put on a better show
than I could.
44
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,601
-Yeah.
-Tonight they're getting their chance.
45
00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:24,728
That's right.
46
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,938
They are gonna be down there
hosting the show,
47
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and we are gonna be up here watching them.
48
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-Right.
-Ha, ha!
49
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,903
But before I turn the show over to them,
I'd just like to say
50
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,365
that our special guest tonight
is that very talented star of Broadway
51
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and TV's Barney Miller, Mr. Hal Linden!
52
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Oh. He's very good! Yeah!
53
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Right. So without further ado,
54
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here they are, your hosts for tonight,
Statler and Waldorf!
55
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-Yay!
-Boo! Boo!
56
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:55,050
Oh, thank you for that introduction.
It was very--
57
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Long.
58
00:02:56,634 --> 00:03:00,138
Yes, that's the trouble with this show.
Everything moves too slow.
59
00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,264
Excuse me, uh...
60
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,475
Hey, it's our guest star, Hal Linden.
61
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,061
[BOTH CHEERING]
62
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I don't mean to bother you.
I'm looking for Kermit?
63
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,982
Yes, you see,
we're hosting the show tonight.
64
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,567
He's up there.
65
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,069
Oh. Hi, Kermit.
66
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:18,365
Hi, Hal. You're in good hands down there.
I'm just gonna sit up here and watch.
67
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:21,159
Hey, Kermit,
how come he didn't say hello to me?
68
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:23,328
Hey, Hal, hi, it's me.
69
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,372
Oh, hi, Rowlf.
70
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Rowlf? I'm not Rowlf.
71
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,586
Oh. Isn't that the dog
that plays the piano?
72
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:35,340
No, no, that's the bear
that tells bad jokes and dies onstage.
73
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,425
[BOTH LAUGH]
74
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Hi, Fozzie.
75
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Uh...
76
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Rowlf, heh. Name's Rowlf.
77
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I'll start piano lessons tomorrow.
78
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:50,146
Trust us, Hal,
this show will be good for your career.
79
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,274
Yeah, you'll be mixing
with some fresh new classy acts.
80
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,401
Such as?
81
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:57,654
Well, such as our opening number.
Here, read this.
82
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,490
Geri and the Atrics?
83
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,659
[BOTH CHEERING]
84
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:05,954
[PLAYING SCHMALTZY JAZZ MUSIC]
85
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,833
♪ I'd like to thank the guy ♪
86
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,128
♪ Who wrote the song ♪
87
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♪ That made my baby fall in love with me ♪
88
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[CHUCKLES]
89
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,058
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT DOO-WOP MUSIC]
90
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,853
ALL: ♪ Who put the bomp
In the bomp ba-bomp ba-bomp? ♪
91
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,731
♪ Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong? ♪
92
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,483
♪ Who put the bop
In the bop shoo-bop shoo-bop? ♪
93
00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,361
♪ Who put the dip
In the dip da-dip da-dip? ♪
94
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,572
♪ Who was that man? ♪
95
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,575
♪ Oh, I'd like to shake his hand ♪
96
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ALL:
♪ He made my baby fall in love with me ♪
97
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♪ Yeah! ♪
98
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♪ When my baby heard ♪
99
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ALL: ♪ Bomp ba-ba-bomp
Ba-bomp ba-bomp bomp ♪
100
00:04:55,045 --> 00:05:00,216
♪ Every word went
Straight into her heart ♪
101
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,178
♪ And when she heard them singing ♪
102
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,972
ALL:
♪ Rama lama lama lama ding dong ♪
103
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:10,185
♪ She said we'd never have to part ♪
104
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♪ So ♪
105
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:14,189
ALL: ♪ Who put the bomp
In the bomp ba-bomp ba-bomp? ♪
106
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:16,941
♪ Who put the ram
In the rama lama lama ding dong? ♪
107
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,694
♪ Who put the bop
In the bop shoo-bop shoo-bop? ♪
108
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,405
♪ Who put the dip
In the dip da-dip da-dip? ♪
109
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:24,741
♪ Who was that man? ♪
110
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,619
♪ I'd like to shake his hand ♪
111
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:31,247
ALL:
♪ He made my baby fall in love with me ♪
112
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,791
♪ Yeah! ♪
113
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:38,838
♪ Boogity boogity boogity boogity
Boogity boogity shoo ♪
114
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♪ Dip da-dip da-dip
Dip da-dip da-dip ♪
115
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:53,478
♪ She always says she loves me so ♪
116
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,482
♪ Who put the bomp
In the bomp ba-bomp ba-bomp? ♪
117
00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,235
♪ Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong? ♪
118
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,987
♪ Who put the bop
In the bop shoo-bop shoo-bop? ♪
119
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,699
♪ Who put the dip
In the dip da-dip da-dip? ♪
120
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,076
♪ Who was that man? ♪
121
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,829
♪ I'd like to shake his hand ♪
122
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:17,335
ALL:
♪ He made my baby fall in love with me ♪
123
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♪ Yeah! ♪
124
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:26,469
Wow, great! Wonderful!
That was a terrific act.
125
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:30,015
I know. In fact, it was just the kind
of act you would have booked.
126
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,183
Maybe they made a mistake.
127
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,603
We made a terrible mistake.
128
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,273
Ugh. That act was so bad,
the frog could have booked it.
129
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,399
Mm-hmm.
130
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,193
I thought you girls sang
Sigmund Romberg tunes.
131
00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:46,239
Aw, get with it, you turkey.
We're what's happening.
132
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:49,409
Next week we're appearing
in the Boom Boom Room.
133
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:52,412
Yeah, and you guys look like you hang out
134
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:55,206
at the Wheeze Wheeze Lounge.
135
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,375
[BAND LAUGHING]
136
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,338
I'm ready for my Mozart number.
137
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,631
What, a pineapple in a Mozart number?
138
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,760
Yeah, my watermelon's at the cleaners.
139
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,721
-Gonzo, your act has been canceled.
-What?
140
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:13,516
Yeah, but don't take it too badly.
Everybody's act has been canceled.
141
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,603
Yes, tonight there'll be nothing
but bright new faces.
142
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,772
Mmm, nothing but class and culture.
143
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:19,898
Like what?
144
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:23,109
Like the Berlin National Opera Company.
145
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:26,696
Oh. I wonder if they'd like
to rent my pineapple.
146
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:32,202
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, here to perform
the first-act finale from Siegfried
147
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,288
is one of the world's
great musical companies.
148
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:39,125
-Excuse me, little blue person.
-Yes?
149
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:42,796
The Berlin National Opera Company
couldn't make it,
150
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:44,923
so they sent us.
151
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,049
Who are you?
152
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:49,386
We are the Salzburg Sauerkraut Singers.
153
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:50,679
[HOOVES CLICK]
154
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So here they are,
the Berlin National Opera Company.
155
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,814
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
156
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,693
[ALL SINGING IN GERMAN]
157
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,430
ALL:
Olé!
158
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,644
[GASPS]
159
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,480
Boy, if they're gonna book quality acts
like that,
160
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,607
I don't have a chance.
161
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:45,817
[SIGHS]
162
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,446
Oh, no! We've been sabotaged!
163
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,364
Quick, you clean up the sauerkraut,
164
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,658
and I'll try to find an act
to send onstage.
165
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,243
Right. Beauregard?
166
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:59,122
Oh, we have been canceled.
Do you realize that we've been canceled?
167
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:03,918
[SOBBING]
Oh, no! We have been canceled!
168
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:09,424
Will you try and act like a grown-up?
It's only for one show.
169
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,427
Oh, Link.
170
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,680
Oh, hi, Hal!
171
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:22,187
Listen, uh, I feel a little strange
with Kermit not in charge.
172
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:24,439
Is everything, you know, going all right?
173
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:27,150
Oh, sure, yes.
We have been canceled, though.
174
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:29,903
-Canceled?
-Yes, we've all been canceled.
175
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,530
-All? Everybody canceled?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
176
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,115
Just like that, canceled?
177
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:37,035
I'm all set to do a number,
you tell me we're canceled?
178
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:42,916
Hal. Hal, try to act like a grown-up.
After all, it's only for one show.
179
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,004
Oh, Hal. Quick, get onstage.
180
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:51,591
-Onstage? I thought I was canceled.
-Of course not. You're on next.
181
00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,301
All right, onstage.
182
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,761
Stay off that stage.
183
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,389
He's gotta go on the stage!
The audience is restless!
184
00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:00,141
He can't go on the stage!
It's full of sauerkraut!
185
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,435
Uh, can I talk to you a moment in private?
186
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:06,231
If you guys just tell me what
you want me to do, I'll be glad to do it.
187
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,484
Oh, good. Here, hold this sauerkraut.
188
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,657
I'm telling you,
he can't go on till the sauerkraut's gone.
189
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,783
Sauerkraut's gone.
190
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,076
Moving right along...
191
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:22,872
We bring you tonight's guest star,
the versatile and talented Mr. Hal Linden.
192
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,667
In a musical salute
to our favorite holiday:
193
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,377
-Christmas.
-The 4th of July.
194
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,212
-Christmas.
-No, the 4th of July.
195
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,840
-Yes, but I already rented the sleigh.
-Too bad.
196
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,676
And so now
for an old-fashioned 4th of July...
197
00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:36,011
Christmas.
198
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,054
...here he is, Mr. Hal Linden.
199
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,681
[CHEERS]
200
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,225
[PLAYING UPBEAT MARCH]
201
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:50,275
♪ I'm a Yankee-Doodle dandy ♪
202
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,278
♪ A Yankee-Doodle do or die ♪
203
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,324
♪ A real live nephew of my uncle Sam ♪
204
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:01,161
♪ Born on the 4th of July ♪
205
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:14,132
♪ Yankee-Doodle came to London
Just to ride the ponies ♪
206
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,176
♪ I am that Yankee-Doodle-- ♪
207
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:19,429
GONZO: ♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪
208
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,472
Arriba!
209
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:24,142
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey! ♪
210
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:28,146
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way ♪
211
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:31,608
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
212
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:35,528
♪ You're a grand old flag
You're a high-flying flag ♪
213
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,407
♪ And forever in peace may you wave ♪
214
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:43,620
♪ You're the emblem of
The land I love ♪
215
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,497
♪ The home of the free and the brave ♪
216
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:49,084
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
Ring-ting-tingling too ♪
217
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:53,046
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
218
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,006
♪ Outside the snow is falling and... ♪
219
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:57,300
Right on.
220
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:01,054
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
221
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,849
♪ This land is your land
This land is my land ♪
222
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,853
♪ From California
To the New York Island ♪
223
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:13,483
♪ From the redwood forest
To the Gulf stream water ♪
224
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,945
-♪ This land was made for you and me ♪
-♪ Sleigh bells ring ♪
225
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,530
♪ Are you listenin'? ♪
226
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:23,451
♪ In the lane
Snow is glistenin' ♪
227
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:27,205
ALL: ♪ A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight ♪
228
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:30,667
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
229
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,587
-♪ Gone away is the bluebird ♪
-♪ Here's to the red, white and blue ♪
230
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:39,134
-♪ Here to stay is a new bird ♪
-♪ To uphold it will be our one endeavor ♪
231
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:42,846
-♪ He sings his love song as we go along ♪
-HAL: ♪ And so it will always be true ♪
232
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,681
♪ The stars and stripes
Will fly above... ♪
233
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,766
Cue the fireworks!
234
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:50,729
ALL:
♪ Happy holiday ♪
235
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,564
♪ Happy holiday ♪
236
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,315
Cue the snow!
237
00:12:54,399 --> 00:13:00,405
♪ To you ♪
238
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,574
[BIRDS CHEERING]
239
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:11,791
Here's a couple of young guys about
to perform one of The Beatles' hit songs.
240
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,085
Actually, we had hoped to have
The Beatles sing it,
241
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,588
but we haven't heard from any them, so--
242
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,631
Wait a second! I just talked to Ringo.
243
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,717
-Great! What did he say?
-No.
244
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:25,055
So, here are these guys
I was telling you about.
245
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:30,518
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
246
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:34,522
♪ Desmond has a barrow
In the marketplace ♪
247
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,525
♪ Molly is the singer in a band ♪
248
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:42,405
♪ Desmond says to Molly,
"Girl, I like your face" ♪
249
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:46,576
♪ And Molly says this
As she takes him by the hand ♪
250
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:51,206
♪ Ob la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra ♪
251
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:55,001
♪ La-la, how the life goes on ♪
252
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:59,547
♪ Ob la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra ♪
253
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,425
♪ La-la, how the life goes on ♪
254
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:09,099
♪ In a couple of years they have built
A home sweet home ♪
255
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,936
[BARKING]
256
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,439
♪ With a couple of kids
Running in the yard ♪
257
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:19,067
♪ Of Desmond and Molly Jones ♪
258
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,902
-[LAUGHING]
-[DOG BARKING]
259
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,656
♪ Happy ever after in the market place ♪
260
00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:28,243
♪ Desmond lets the children lend a hand ♪
261
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,580
♪ Molly stays at home
And does her pretty face ♪
262
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:36,710
♪ And in the evening she still sings it
With the band ♪
263
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:41,339
♪ Ob la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra ♪
264
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,009
♪ La-la, how the life goes on ♪
265
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:49,597
♪ Ob-la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra ♪
266
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,434
♪ La-la, how the life goes on ♪
267
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:57,480
♪ And if you want some fun,
Take ob-la-di, bla-da ♪
268
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:02,527
-Thank you. Thank you very much.
-[DOGS HOWLING]
269
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,614
Boy, that was very good.
270
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,909
Yeah. You know, I don't miss me at all.
271
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:16,458
Gee, Robin, I'm sorry
about your number being canceled.
272
00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:19,294
But look at it this way.
You could be lucky.
273
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,130
Well, they didn't cancel my number,
and look what happened.
274
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:27,177
Mmm. Yeah, but if I were in charge,
things would be different.
275
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,595
Oh, yeah? How so?
276
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:33,933
Well, first of all, I'd pass a law
against wide-wheeled sports tires.
277
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,018
Excuse me?
278
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,188
Well, it'd give narrow little frogs
like me a better chance.
279
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,983
If I ruled the world,
clothing would be edible!
280
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,485
[LAUGHS]
281
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,571
And now, for a change of pace,
282
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:51,034
we take you to colorful, exciting India.
283
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:55,205
Yes. And here singing a medley
of your favorite Urdu ditties
284
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:58,792
is the Bombay bombshell herself,
Indira Mahajira.
285
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,710
[CHEERS]
286
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,879
[BAND PLAYING EXOTIC MUSIC]
287
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:14,057
♪ I'm just an old-fashioned girl
With an old-fashioned mind ♪
288
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:18,311
♪ Not sophisticated
I'm the plain and simple kind ♪
289
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:23,692
♪ I want an old-fashioned house
With an old-fashioned fence ♪
290
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:27,737
♪ And an old-fashioned millionaire ♪
291
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:33,451
♪ I'd like a plain simple car
With a hydraulic jack ♪
292
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:37,831
♪ Long enough to have
A bowling alley in the back ♪
293
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:43,128
♪ I want an old-fashioned house
With an old-fashioned fence ♪
294
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:47,424
♪ And an old-fashioned millionaire ♪
295
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,513
Who is that out there? That's not Indira.
296
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,724
I know. She's awful.
297
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,518
Oh, no. It's that pig.
298
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:02,939
Huh! I knew there was something
not quite kosher about this.
299
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:11,906
♪ I like Chopin and Bizet
And the voice of Doris Day ♪
300
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:16,453
♪ Gershwin songs
And old forgotten carols ♪
301
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:21,791
♪ But the music that excels
Is the sounds of oil wells ♪
302
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:26,046
♪ As they slurp, slurp, slurp
Into the barrels ♪
303
00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:31,801
♪ I'll ask for such simple things
When my birthday occurs ♪
304
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:36,097
♪ Two apartment buildings
That are labeled "hers" and "hers" ♪
305
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:41,061
♪ Just an old-fashioned house
With an old-fashioned fence ♪
306
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:48,151
♪ And an old-fashioned millionaire ♪
307
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:52,947
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
308
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,033
Very nice, Piggy.
309
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:58,536
Thank you, Kermie. Mwah, mwah!
310
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,374
Ah. Sabotaged again.
311
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,168
Quick, Waldorf, what's on next?
Check the clipboard.
312
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,295
Beauregard, why are you standing there?
313
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,881
Because this is the place
where I stopped walking.
314
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,007
[WALDORF SIGHS]
315
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,425
Go do something useful.
316
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,010
Check.
317
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:18,348
Let's see... We've got Icy Gomez,
the Reykjavik Warbler.
318
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,266
No, no. He came down with the flu.
319
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:23,812
Oh. Then we gotta go
straight to Hal Linden's Dixieland num--
320
00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:26,064
[YELLS THEN THUDS]
321
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,649
Well, that one works.
322
00:18:27,732 --> 00:18:29,192
Beau, what are you doing?
323
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,027
Something useful, like you said.
324
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:34,155
I'm checking
the backstage trapdoor releases.
325
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,324
Ugh. Well, don't!
326
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,326
Yeah. Come on. Let's introduce Hal.
327
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:42,372
Remember, Beau, don't test
any more backstage trapdoor releases.
328
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,498
Okay.
329
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:46,543
I'll test the onstage trapdoor releases.
330
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:52,340
Now, we all know Hal Linden
is a great comedy actor.
331
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:56,302
Yes, and we all know that Hal Linden
is a terrific musical-comedy star.
332
00:18:56,386 --> 00:19:00,056
Did you also know that Hal Linden
is quitting this show and going home?
333
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,643
What? But, Hal,
what about your Dixieland number?
334
00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:07,605
Well, I'd love to do some Dixieland,
but, I mean, after that first number?
335
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:11,735
Come on. How can you do a patriotic number
with sauerkraut and Santa Clauses?
336
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:16,322
But, Hal, we have our Dixieland band ready
to play "When the Saints Go Marching In."
337
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,866
Yeah.
338
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,201
Well, are you sure
nothing's gonna go wrong?
339
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:22,287
Hal, you gotta trust us.
340
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,499
All right, introduce me.
341
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:29,085
Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen,
342
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,796
here he is, Mr. Hal--!
343
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,382
Hal Linden! Whoa!
344
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:45,060
[PLAYING UPBEAT DIXIELAND MUSIC]
345
00:20:00,075 --> 00:20:04,287
ALL:
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
346
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:08,541
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
347
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:12,587
♪ I want to be in that number ♪
348
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:17,217
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪
349
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,513
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
350
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,599
♪ Oh, when the saints go marching in ♪
351
00:20:25,809 --> 00:20:30,313
♪ I want to be in that number ♪
352
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:33,900
♪ When the saints go marching in ♪
353
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,203
[YELLS THEN THUDS]
354
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,179
[YELLS]
355
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:15,233
[YELLS]
356
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:17,110
Whoa!
357
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:28,997
[YELLS]
358
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,776
[TRAPDOOR OPENS & HAL YELLS]
359
00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,486
[HAL CRASHES]
360
00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:23,176
Well, it looks like time's running out
for us.
361
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:25,679
-Yeah, and for the show too.
-Mmm.
362
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:29,683
So let's bring back
our wonderful guest star, Mr. Hal Linden.
363
00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:32,727
[CHEERS THEN COUGHS]
364
00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:35,438
-Yay! Bravo!
-Yay!
365
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,399
Kermit, it's good to see you.
366
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:38,775
STATLER & WALDORF:
It sure is.
367
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,610
Yeah, tonight's been a disaster.
368
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:41,736
Has it, really?
369
00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,822
Gee, I thought it was a terrific show.
370
00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:46,741
What are you talking about?
It was a lot of confusion and chaos.
371
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:49,244
A lot of running around
by mindless maniacs...
372
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:52,580
Yeah, yeah.
Just like any good Muppet Show.
373
00:22:52,664 --> 00:22:54,541
And, Hal, you were a big part of it.
374
00:22:54,624 --> 00:22:56,501
Oh, good. I'm glad I fit right in.
375
00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:57,877
[ALL LAUGH]
376
00:22:57,961 --> 00:22:59,879
Well, Kermit, the show's all yours.
377
00:22:59,963 --> 00:23:03,008
We're going back up to our seats
in the box and stay there.
378
00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:05,468
Mmm. We didn't know how tough it was
down here.
379
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:09,180
From now on, we promise never
to say a bad thing about the show again.
380
00:23:09,264 --> 00:23:10,348
-Oh, good.
-Ah!
381
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:12,392
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
382
00:23:12,475 --> 00:23:13,643
Bye.
383
00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:15,812
[ALL CHATTERING]
384
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,981
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
385
00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:53,933
You know, I never liked their theme music.
386
00:23:54,017 --> 00:23:55,226
Neither did I.
387
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:56,728
KERMIT:
You promised!
388
00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:59,022
[BOTH LAUGHING]
30419
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