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1
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
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ROGER: Come in.
3
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Roger Miller.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Miller.
4
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,508
Okay. Thank you, Scooter.
5
00:00:08,591 --> 00:00:11,928
Seems quiet around here for a Muppet Show.
When do things start jumping?
6
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,472
Oh, just about now.
7
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Jump!
8
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:24,566
Okay, okay!
Next question: When do they stop?
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[MOUSE SQUEALS]
10
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It's The Muppet Show,
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00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,116
with our very special guest star,
Roger Miller.
12
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-Yay!
-[CHEERS]
13
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
14
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
15
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
16
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
17
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
18
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,853
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
19
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,855
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
20
00:01:03,938 --> 00:01:06,191
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
21
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Uh, don't look now,
but I think there's penguins among us.
22
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
23
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
24
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♪ This is what we call ♪
25
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
26
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[PLAYING TRANQUIL CLASSICAL MUSIC]
27
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:34,469
Thank you, thank you.
We're going to do it again.
28
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:37,263
Here we are and welcome to it.
It is The Muppet Show.
29
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I'm Kermit the Frog.
30
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Our special guest star
is the one and only,
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sure-to-please-or-guarantee-
your-money-back Mr. Roger Miller.
32
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But first! But first, I ask you
to picture life aboard the Mayflower
33
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as it sailed for the New World in 1620.
34
00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:54,698
What must it have been like?
Well, probably not like this.
35
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MUPPET 1:
Hey, this is terrible.
36
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-[MUPPET 2] Take heart, my friend.
-[MUPPET 1] Take heart?
37
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,665
Sixty-six days
we've been on this terrible boat.
38
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:04,791
Where are we going?
39
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[MUPPET 2] Where are we going?
I'll tell you where.
40
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[MUPPET 1] Tell us!
41
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♪ We're Alabamy-bound ♪
42
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ALL: ♪ There'll be no heebie-jeebies
Hanging round ♪
43
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♪ Just gave the meanest ticket man
On earth ♪
44
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♪ All I'm worth ♪
45
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♪ To put my tootsies
In an upper berth ♪
46
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♪ Just hear that choo-choo sound
Whoo! Whoo! ♪
47
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♪ I know that soon
We're gonna cover ground ♪
48
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♪ And then I'll holler
So the world will know ♪
49
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♪ Here I go ♪
50
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♪ I'm Alabamy-bound ♪
51
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♪ Choo-choo choo-choo
Choo-choo choo-choo ♪
52
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♪ Choo-choo choo-choo
Choo-choo choo-choo ♪
53
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♪ I'm Alabamy-bound ♪
54
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,434
♪ There'll be no heebie-jeebies
Hanging round ♪
55
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,687
♪ Just gave the meanest ticket man
On earth ♪
56
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,773
♪ All I'm worth ♪
57
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,275
♪ To put my tootsies
In an upper berth ♪
58
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♪ Just hear that lucky sound
Whoo! Whoo! ♪
59
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,615
♪ To have someone
To put my arms around ♪
60
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♪ That's why I'm shouting
For the world to know ♪
61
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♪ Here I go ♪
62
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♪ I'm Alabamy ♪
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Land ho! We've arrived in the New World!
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It's Plymouth Rock!
65
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And look over there!
Ford Rock and Chevrolet Rock!
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It's the promised land!
67
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ALL: ♪ We're Alabamy-bound ♪
68
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[WHISTLE TOOTS]
69
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[ALL CHEERING]
70
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I thought the Pilgrim Fathers
were against show business.
71
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They were against entertainment.
This doesn't count.
72
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[LAUGHING]
73
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Okay, very nice, Pilgrims.
Nice going, penguins.
74
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It is the Pilgrim Penguins.
75
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[SNEEZES]
76
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-Gesundheit.
-Thank you.
77
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:18,925
Ahh! Wait a second.
Weren't you a penguin just a minute ago?
78
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Ahh! Yeah. What happened?
79
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,638
I don't know,
but there's somebody who might.
80
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,223
Gonzo!
81
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,558
Yes, Kermit?
82
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Gonzo, you are an expert on chickens.
83
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:31,396
Well, I'd like to think so.
84
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,107
Okay, well, look at this right here.
85
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:38,945
Wow. Hey, you're kind of new
around here, aren't you?
86
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:42,449
Gonzo, a minute ago,
this chicken was a penguin.
87
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Yuck!
88
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,120
So how could this have happened?
89
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,664
-Ah, I think I know.
-What?
90
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,167
It looks to me like an outbreak of...
91
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,669
And I could use a dramatic sting here.
92
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Gonzo, never mind the dramatic sting.
An outbreak of what?
93
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An outbreak of...
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cluckitis!
95
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[BAND PLAYS DRAMATIC STING]
96
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,305
Cluckitis?
97
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,933
Yes. It's where anybody
can suddenly turn into a chicken.
98
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-Anybody?
-Yes. Isn't it terrific?
99
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[SNEEZES]
100
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KERMIT: There's another one.
101
00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,860
I've gotta go onstage.
Don't say anything about this.
102
00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,445
Gee, that won't be easy.
103
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:24,115
Yeah, well, it could disrupt the show.
Just act normal.
104
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,159
That won't be easy either.
105
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:30,080
Oh, boy, it looks like
it'll be one of those evenings.
106
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,457
But if we're lucky,
it'll be one of these evenings.
107
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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome the King of the Road,
108
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:37,629
Mr. Roger Miller. Yay!
109
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[BAND PLAYING MELANCHOLY COUNTRY MUSIC]
110
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♪ In the summertime ♪
111
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♪ When all the trees and leaves
Are green ♪
112
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,107
♪ And the redbird sings ♪
113
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♪ I'll be blue ♪
114
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:09,035
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
115
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,579
One, two, three, four!
116
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,957
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY COUNTRY MUSIC]
117
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:22,340
♪ In the summertime
When all the trees and leaves are green ♪
118
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♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
119
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:26,886
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
120
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,473
♪ "Some other time"
That's what you say when I want you ♪
121
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,018
♪ Then you laugh at me and make me cry ♪
122
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,228
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
123
00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,814
ALL: ♪ Well, you don't seem to care
A thing about me ♪
124
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♪ You'd rather live without me
Than to have my arms around you ♪
125
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,695
♪ When the nights are cold
And you're so all alone ♪
126
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,947
[SCATTING]
127
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♪ Summertime
When all the trees and leaves are green ♪
128
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,495
♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
129
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,539
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
130
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,791
[SCATTING]
131
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:13,141
♪ Once upon a time
You used to smile and wave to me ♪
132
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,518
♪ And walk with me
But now you don't ♪
133
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♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
134
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♪ Some other guy is takin' up
All your time ♪
135
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,485
♪ Now you don't have any time for me ♪
136
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:25,570
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
137
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:28,156
ALL: ♪ Well, you don't seem to care
A thing about me ♪
138
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,368
♪ You'd rather live without me
Than to have my arms around you ♪
139
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,953
♪ When the nights are cold
And you're so all alone ♪
140
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,206
[SCATTING]
141
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,543
♪ Summertime
When all the trees and leaves are green ♪
142
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,671
♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
143
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,547
♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
144
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,716
[SCATTING]
145
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Once again now. One more time.
146
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,264
[ALL SCATTING]
147
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Marvelous. Thank you all.
It was so lovely.
148
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:05,402
-Arthur, Arthur!
-Don't you mean "author, author"?
149
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,278
His name's Arthur. Arthur Miller.
150
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:10,156
-No, no, no. It's Roger Miller.
-Oh.
151
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,909
BOTH:
Roger, Roger!
152
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,120
[ALL CHATTERING]
153
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,331
Uh, uh...
154
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:21,167
Hey, ahem, have you always been a chicken?
155
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,336
[CLUCKING]
156
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,718
Been working pretty hard, huh, boss?
157
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,637
-Maybe you need a vacation.
-You heard, huh?
158
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,848
Yeah. Do you wanna talk about it?
159
00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:37,600
-Maybe a little later, Scooter.
-Oh, well...
160
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,477
[SNEEZES]
161
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:41,688
Scooter!
162
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,398
Do you wanna talk about it now?
163
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,609
Uh, well, listen,
you'll never understand this,
164
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,904
but, well,
people are suddenly turning into chickens.
165
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,114
-No!
-Mm.
166
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,699
Oh, cluckitis, huh?
167
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,451
[BAND PLAYS DRAMATIC STING]
168
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,830
I don't want the rest of the cast
to know about this.
169
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:02,208
-Just don't say anything.
-But as soon as I talk, they'll know.
170
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:06,338
Well, so don't talk.
From now on, just make chicken sounds.
171
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,589
I'm going upstairs.
172
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,674
Just a second,
to see how things are upstai...
173
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,927
-Wait a minute, Scooter. What's on next?
-Huh? Oh, uh...
174
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,096
Cluck Cluck Cluck-Cluck?
175
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,475
-Scooter.
-Bear on Patrol.
176
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,144
He told me to talk like a chicken.
177
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,812
NARRATOR:
And now,
178
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:28,651
ridding the world of evil,
here comes Bear on Patrol.
179
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,532
All right, you. Come on, come on, come on.
180
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,910
-Ouch! Lighten up.
-Come on.
181
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:41,539
Sir, sergeant, I have just captured
this dastardly criminal.
182
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,583
Oh-ho. What's the charge?
183
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,418
Assaulting an officer.
184
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,171
[BAND PLAYS DRAMATIC STING]
185
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:52,175
Sir, did you actually strike
this poor patrol bear
186
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,512
while he was out
ridding the world of evil?
187
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:59,140
Oh, I don't know what come over me.
188
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:03,061
-Ha!
-Oh, what a report this will make.
189
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:08,400
I'd like a complete and accurate
description of everything you did.
190
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,859
Complete?
191
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,236
And totally accurate.
192
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,279
What the pig said.
193
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,366
Okay. First I kicked him in the shins.
194
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,201
-In the shins, he did.
-Thusly. Unh.
195
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,578
Oh, oh, oh! Oh, that hurt!
196
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:24,708
-"Kicked him in the shins thusly."
-Oh, not again. Like last time.
197
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,293
-Is that exactly how you did it?
-Oh, ow.
198
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:30,797
Well, not exactly.
Really it was more like this.
199
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,257
-Harder.
-Harder?
200
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,051
-Hi-yah!
-Oh! Not again. Oh, the other one!
201
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:40,098
Thank you. Very good.
Uh-huh. And then what?
202
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,434
Well, then I punched him in the jaw.
203
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:46,062
Wait. You don't have to do that-- Aah! Oh!
204
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,565
"Punched him in the jaw."
205
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,401
Wait a minute. This is not right.
206
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,988
No, you're right.
First I punched you in the jaw.
207
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:56,281
Whoa!
208
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,533
And then I kicked you.
209
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,452
You wha--? Whoa!
210
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,370
Yeah. Thank you.
211
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,205
Okay. Hmm.
212
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,791
-Thank you. Accuracy is important.
-Okay.
213
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,587
Yeah, well, the next thing
was I grabbed him by the collar
214
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,590
and I made squishy-squishy with his nose.
215
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,675
FOZZIE:
Oh, no. Not that again. Please don't.
216
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,845
-"Squishy-squishy with his nose."
-Come on.
217
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,930
-No, no, no!
-Squishy-squishy.
218
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,183
No, no, no! Ah.
219
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,268
Uh, wait a second, wait. Hold on.
220
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:29,356
Patrol Bear,
I think this is all a mistake.
221
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,815
Well, how do you mean?
222
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:33,985
This man has been very cooperative
with the police.
223
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:37,364
-What?
-I don't think we should press charges.
224
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,366
Sir, you are free to go.
225
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,242
He's wha...?!
226
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:44,079
Thank you very much. Thank you.
227
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,997
[FOZZIE GROANING]
228
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,833
-Ooh. Patrol Bear.
-What?
229
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,335
You're a mess.
230
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:53,838
Can't you do something
about your appearance?
231
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,007
[GASPING]
232
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,594
[SNEEZES]
233
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,265
Hmm. That will do very nicely,
Patrol Bear.
234
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,434
[BAND PLAYING DRAMATIC STING]
235
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,856
[FLY BUZZING]
236
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,526
Oh, missed.
237
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,152
-Oh, hey, Uncle Kermit.
-Yeah.
238
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:19,239
Is it true there's an epidemic
sweeping the Muppet Theatre
239
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:21,199
and we're all turning into chickens?
240
00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,034
Yes, yes, it is true, Robin.
241
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:26,746
But be quiet about it.
I don't wanna spread the news around.
242
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,207
Especially, I don't wanna worry Roger.
243
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:33,003
-It's very embarrassing.
-Yeah. I understand, Uncle Kermit.
244
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:37,048
So if you see Roger, do not tell him
we're turning into chickens.
245
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,174
Okay.
246
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,592
[ROGER MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
247
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,344
Hi, guys. What's happening?
248
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,972
We're not turning into chickens.
249
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,808
I see.
250
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:50,311
-So you're not turning into chickens, huh?
-Heh, right.
251
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,147
[SNEEZES]
252
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:58,445
Uh, well, uh, listen.
Goodbye, Robin! Uh, hello, little chicken.
253
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,488
Come on, let me show you to your coop.
254
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,240
ROBIN:
Peep, peep. Heh, heh.
255
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:04,409
I'll just introduce you, Roger.
256
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,620
Well...
257
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:12,500
I think I'll go onstage
and not turn into a turkey.
258
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:17,130
Roger Miller has written a number
of songs with a delightful nuttiness
259
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,674
that seems particularly appropriate
to our show.
260
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:23,720
Here he is with one of them.
Ladies and gentlemen, Roger Miller.
261
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,723
[MILLER PLAYING MELLOW COUNTRY MUSIC
ON GUITAR]
262
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,481
♪ Hey, kid ♪
263
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:37,067
♪ Where'd you get the lid? ♪
264
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,403
♪ Where'd you get a lid like that? ♪
265
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,863
[SNEEZES]
266
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:46,659
♪ If I told you why
Would you tell me where ♪
267
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:50,372
♪ I could find a hat like that? ♪
268
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,000
♪ Hey, old chap ♪
269
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,461
♪ Oh, where'd you get the cap? ♪
270
00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:00,131
♪ Where'd you get a cap like that? ♪
271
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,550
[SNEEZES]
272
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:06,137
♪ If I told you why
Would you tell me where ♪
273
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:09,766
♪ I could find a hat like that? ♪
274
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,852
-♪ Oh, a hat ♪
-♪ Oh, a hat ♪
275
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:15,605
-♪ Is a hat ♪
-♪ Is a hat ♪
276
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:17,774
♪ And a topper is a topper ♪
277
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:20,026
BOTH:
♪ And you can't top that ♪
278
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:24,489
♪ So if you got the bread ♪
279
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:29,703
♪ I say why not spend it
For something for your head? ♪
280
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:32,664
♪ Oh, hey, Herby ♪
281
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,958
♪ Where'd you get the derby? ♪
282
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:38,003
♪ Where'd you get a hat like that? ♪
283
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,462
[SNEEZES]
284
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:46,720
♪ If I told you why
Would you tell me where ♪
285
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:51,599
♪ I could find a hat like that? ♪
286
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:00,984
♪ Rawhide ♪
287
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,235
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
288
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,113
-Mm, come in.
-Excuse me, Roger, are you busy?
289
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,282
Oh, no, Kermit, come on in.
290
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,160
Sorry I haven't had more time
to talk to you.
291
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,328
Things have been hectic today.
292
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,290
Oh, I understand.
How's the show going, really?
293
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,959
Um... Uh, fine, fine.
294
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,586
Oh? Any problems?
295
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:23,006
No, no. Uh, smoothest show ever.
296
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,009
-Glad to hear it.
-Looking forward to your final number.
297
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,218
Oh, good.
298
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,846
I only hope I don't turn chicken
before I do it.
299
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,514
What? What? Why?
300
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,267
I just mean stage nerves.
I always get them.
301
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:37,270
-Oh. Oh, good.
-Good?
302
00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:41,316
I mean, good that a big star
like you still gets, uh, chickens.
303
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,776
I mean, butterflies.
304
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:47,030
LEW: Hey, Kermit,
you'll never guess what happened.
305
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,156
[CHUCKLES]
306
00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:52,452
Wait a minute. I recognize that voice.
Isn't that Lew Zealand?
307
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,829
-Uh, no.
-Yeah!
308
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:57,624
That chicken suit really looks convincing.
309
00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:00,669
Oh, glad you like it. Hee-hee-hee.
310
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,213
-Golly. Say, tell me something, Lew.
-Mm?
311
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,423
Are you still doing that...?
What you call it?
312
00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,676
The Boomerang, uh, the Fish...?
313
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,427
Boomerang Fish Act, is what it is.
314
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:13,014
Oh, yeah, sure,
but I've had to make a couple of changes.
315
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,224
What kind of changes?
316
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:18,269
Well, I'm calling it
Lew Zealand and His Boomerang Egg Act.
317
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:19,729
I see. How's it go?
318
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:22,565
Yeah, you see, I throw the eggs away...
319
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,567
-Oh.
-Oh, oh.
320
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:25,694
Yay!
321
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,028
[YELLS]
322
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,865
No!
323
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:38,123
I gotta say it.
These are the yolks, folks.
324
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,874
"Eggs-actly."
325
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:42,043
[BOTH LAUGHING]
326
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,755
[PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
327
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,015
[SNEEZES]
328
00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,894
[FINISHES SONG]
329
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:08,153
Oh, boy. Uh, Veterinarian's Hospital next.
Veterinarian's Hospital.
330
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,405
-Uh, Gonzo!
GONZO: Yes, Kermit?
331
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:12,824
Oh-ho-ho, hello, ladies. Ha-ha-ha.
332
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:15,326
-Gonzo! Yeah, listen.
-Chickens all the time. Yes, what?
333
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,329
Do you have that list of everybody
who's turned into a chicken?
334
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:21,041
-I sure do. Right here.
-Okay, let's see.
335
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:26,921
So far it's Scooter, Animal, Fozzie,
Floyd, Janice, Lew Zealand...
336
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:29,090
Will you get out of here, chicken?
337
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:32,302
PIGGY:
Oh, yeah? Chicken this! Hi-yah!
338
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,553
[KERMIT YELPS]
339
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,265
[KERMIT GROANS]
340
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:40,060
You wanna add one more name to that list?
341
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,312
[THUD]
342
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:47,484
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital...
343
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,027
PIGGY:
Cluck, cluck.
344
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:54,115
...the continuing story of a quack
who's gone to the dogs.
345
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,701
BOB:
More like a dog that's gone to the quacks.
346
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,328
JANICE:
For sure.
347
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,705
Dr. Bob, chickens do not quack.
348
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:02,832
-They do when they're young.
-They do?
349
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,335
Sure. If you drop an egg, it'll "quack."
350
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,545
Oh, wow.
351
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,173
Dr. Bob,
are you ready for the first patient?
352
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:12,217
No, I'm ready for the second patient.
353
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,469
What's the matter with the first patient?
354
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,846
I don't know.
That's why I want the second patient.
355
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:19,015
[JANICE GROANS]
356
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:23,269
-Here she is, Dr. Bob.
-Oh, no. Another chicken.
357
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:26,898
Yeah, if they keep bringing in chickens
we're gonna be here 24 hours.
358
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,818
-What do you mean?
-We'll have to work around the "cluck."
359
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:32,070
-Ah, the "cluck"! Ha-ha-ha.
-Oh, no.
360
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:36,449
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
361
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:40,370
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
362
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:43,832
Dr. Bob,
shall we give the chicken a transfusion?
363
00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:45,291
No, that won't do.
364
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,793
What will do?
365
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,211
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
366
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,338
[ALL LAUGHING]
367
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:52,757
JANICE:
For sure, for sure.
368
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,260
These chickens
sure make for a different show.
369
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:59,639
Yeah. But it'll all add up
to the same old turkey.
370
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:02,600
BOTH:
Gobble, gobble, gobble.
371
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:04,769
Sorry about all this,
372
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:07,856
but some very strange things
have been going on.
373
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:12,402
I think everything is under control as
we once again present our special guest--
374
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,821
[SNEEZES]
375
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:21,911
Oh. Oh, darn.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Roger Miller.
376
00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:25,040
[PLAYING UPBEAT COUNTRY MUSIC]
377
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:31,379
♪ Well, I hear tell you're doin' well ♪
378
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:34,174
♪ Good things have come to you ♪
379
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,260
♪ I wish I had your happiness ♪
380
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,430
♪ And you had a do-wacka-do
Wacka-do, wacka-do ♪
381
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,474
ALL:
♪ Wacka-do, wacka-do ♪
382
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,602
♪ I see you goin' down the street
In your big Cadillac ♪
383
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:48,813
♪ You got girls in the front
You got girls in the back ♪
384
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,524
♪ And way in the back
You got money in a sack ♪
385
00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:54,652
♪ Both hands on the wheel
And your shoulders reared back ♪
386
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:57,405
[SCATTING]
387
00:19:57,489 --> 00:19:59,949
-♪ Well, I hear tell you're doin' well ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
388
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:03,203
-♪ Good things have come to you, hmm ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
389
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,914
-♪ I wish I had your good-luck charm ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
390
00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:08,958
♪ And you had a do-wacka-do
Wacka-do, wacka-do ♪
391
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,670
♪ Wacka-do, wacka-do ♪
392
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:15,799
One night, for no particular reason,
I wrote this little song:
393
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,133
Hmm!
394
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:19,928
♪ Dang me, dang me ♪
395
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,639
♪ They ought to take a rope and hang me ♪
396
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:26,267
♪ High from the highest tree ♪
397
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,061
♪ Woman, would you weep for me? ♪
398
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,438
[SCATTING]
399
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,774
One more time.
400
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,485
[ALL SCATTING]
401
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,449
♪ Roses are red and violets are purple ♪
402
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:44,327
♪ Sugar is sweet and so is maple syruple ♪
403
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:47,163
♪ I'm the seventh out of seven sons ♪
404
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:49,582
♪ My pappy was a pistol
I'm a son of a gun ♪
405
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:52,585
♪ I said, dang me, dang me ♪
406
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:55,380
♪ They ought to take a rope and hang me ♪
407
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:59,259
♪ High from the highest tree ♪
408
00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:00,969
♪ Woman, would you weep for me? ♪
409
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:03,138
[ALL SCATTING]
410
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:06,016
One more time.
411
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,184
[ALL SCATTING]
412
00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,860
♪ My uncle used to love me, but she died ♪
413
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,654
♪ A chicken ain't chicken
Till it's lickin' good fried ♪
414
00:21:19,738 --> 00:21:20,780
[CHICKENS CLUCK]
415
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,657
♪ Keep on the sunny side ♪
416
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:27,037
♪ My uncle used to love me, but she died ♪
417
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,914
♪ Who'll bid me quarter, 30 cents
For a ring of keys? ♪
418
00:21:29,998 --> 00:21:32,500
♪ Three sixty-five for a dollar bill
Of groceries ♪
419
00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:36,838
♪ I'll have me a car of my own someday
But till then I need a ride, heh ♪
420
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,591
ALL:
♪ My uncle used to love me, but she died ♪
421
00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:42,510
♪ My uncle used to love me, but she died ♪
422
00:21:42,594 --> 00:21:45,680
♪ A chicken ain't chicken
Till it's lickin' good fried ♪
423
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:48,016
♪ Keep on the sunny side ♪
424
00:21:48,099 --> 00:21:52,395
♪ My uncle used to love me, but she died ♪
425
00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:56,399
For those of you who might just happen
to be into buffaloes...
426
00:21:57,609 --> 00:22:00,862
♪ Well, you can't roller-skate
In a buffalo herd ♪
427
00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:03,573
ALL: ♪ You can't roller-skate
In a buffalo herd ♪
428
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,368
♪ You can't roller-skate
In a buffalo herd ♪
429
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:09,329
♪ But you can be happy
If you've a mind to ♪
430
00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:12,123
♪ You can't take a shower
In a parakeet cage ♪
431
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:15,043
ALL: ♪ You can't take a shower
In a parakeet cage ♪
432
00:22:15,126 --> 00:22:17,837
♪ You can't take a shower
In a parakeet cage ♪
433
00:22:17,921 --> 00:22:20,757
♪ But you can be happy
If you've a mind to ♪
434
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,426
♪ Now all you gotta do
Is put your mind to it ♪
435
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,970
♪ Knuckle down, buckle down
Do it, do it, do it ♪
436
00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:29,140
♪ Well, you can't roller-skate
In a buffalo herd ♪
437
00:22:29,224 --> 00:22:31,851
ALL: ♪ You can't roller-skate
In a buffalo herd ♪
438
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:34,854
♪ You can't buffalate
In a roller-skate herd ♪
439
00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:37,691
♪ But you can be happy
If you've a mind to ♪
440
00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:39,859
[SCATTING]
441
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,363
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
442
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:53,331
Okay, well, we've just about reached
the end of our show,
443
00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:56,334
and I must say, it has been a foul one.
444
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:59,087
But before we go,
this is Kermit the Chicken asking
445
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:04,426
for one last round of applause
for our guest star, Mr. Roger Miller! Yay!
446
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:12,809
Thank you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, Kermit.
447
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:15,562
You have turned into a chicken,
haven't you?
448
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,856
Oh, it is so humiliating, Roger.
449
00:23:17,939 --> 00:23:20,233
Everybody has.
450
00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:23,653
You know what it is?
I think you have cluckitis.
451
00:23:23,737 --> 00:23:25,405
What? You've heard of cluckitis?
452
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:26,740
I had it one time.
453
00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:29,200
It's nothing really
for you to worry about, Kermit.
454
00:23:29,284 --> 00:23:33,580
In a few days, it'll go away
and you'll be just like you always were.
455
00:23:33,663 --> 00:23:36,666
But until then, you'll look great.
456
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:38,168
Gonzo!
457
00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:41,004
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show!
458
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:43,173
[ALL CHATTERING]
459
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:45,342
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
460
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:19,250
[BOTH LAUGH]
461
00:24:19,334 --> 00:24:21,461
I bet you were expecting chickens.
462
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:23,296
Woof, woof, woof!
463
00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:24,631
-Woof, woof.
-Woof, woof.
35381
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