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1
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[KNOCK ON DOOR]
2
00:00:02,752 --> 00:00:06,506
Sylvester Stallone.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Stallone.
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,425
Everything okay?
4
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,176
Oh, yeah, I'm happy as a clam.
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:13,013
[GROANING]
6
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:14,806
I'm so miserable!
7
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,057
My back hurts!
8
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,685
I've gotta work overtime tonight.
9
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:21,187
Well, happy as some clams.
10
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:28,486
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Sylvester Stallone!
11
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,739
[CHEERS]
12
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,033
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
13
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,546
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
14
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,381
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
15
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,010
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
16
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,096
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
17
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,182
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
18
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,476
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
19
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,853
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
20
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:05,065
Hey, don't you guys ever dust in here?
21
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,232
[COUGHING]
22
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:10,653
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
23
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,906
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
24
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:15,658
♪ This is what we call ♪
25
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:19,120
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
26
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:29,798
Thank you, thank you, and welcome again
to The Muppet Show.
27
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,051
It's gonna be a wonderful show tonight
because our special guest
28
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:35,470
is a writer, director,
and the talented star
29
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:37,013
of that popular film Rocky,
30
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Mr. Sylvester Stallone!
31
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[SCREAMING AND SHOUTING]
32
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I'm sorry about that, folks.
33
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,567
Uh, right now, we're going to present
a dance from Hawaii...
34
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Is Sylvester gonna wear a grass skirt?
35
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,864
No! He's not in the number!
Now get back to your seat!
36
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,241
Curtain!
37
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,042
[MONKEY LAUGHS]
38
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,796
[SINGING IN HAWAIIAN]
39
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[SQUAWKING, THEN SINGING IN HAWAIIAN]
40
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[SINGING]
41
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Aloha!
42
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Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
43
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:52,357
Hey, are you speaking Hawaiian?
44
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,942
No! I bit my tongue!
45
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Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
46
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Okay, nice number. Nice number.
47
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,907
Well, don't complain.
48
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:04,536
Working on The Muppet Show's
a great job for a pig.
49
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,956
Yeah, I'll say. We could be working luaus.
50
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:11,793
We're off to a possibly decent start.
51
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,506
-Oh, my goodness!
-We're here! We're really here!
52
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,010
Good grief,
it's Sylvester Stallone's groupie brigade.
53
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,805
Uh, listen, girls, you're not allowed
backstage during the show.
54
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,890
Oh, it's okay, we got passes.
55
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,058
Yeah.
56
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:28,852
Passes? We don't give out passes.
57
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,563
I'll say you don't give them out, frog.
58
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,816
Yeah, they cost us a bundle.
59
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:38,153
Wait a minute. Who could be selling
backstage passes around here?
60
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:40,739
27, 28, 29 bucks!
61
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,490
-Scooter!
-Yeah, boss?
62
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-Scooter, I wanna talk to you!
-Okay.
63
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,912
Right now, I've gotta go introduce
Sylvester Stallone.
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[GIRLS GASP]
65
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But I want you to stay right here
and don't move.
66
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,378
Right. See how valuable
those passes are, girls?
67
00:04:55,462 --> 00:05:00,091
The frog's gonna let us stay right here
so we can see Sylvester up close.
68
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:03,595
-Up close! Up close!
-Oh, boy, oh, boy!
69
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:08,433
Okay, right now, we take you back in time
to the old Roman Colosseum,
70
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:13,063
where brave gladiators
sometimes looked like Sylvester Stallone!
71
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,857
[TRUMPET FANFARE PLAYING]
72
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,194
[GROWLING]
73
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,282
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
74
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,707
[SCREAMING]
75
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,675
Hold this, guys.
76
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,891
[ROARS]
77
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[ROARS]
78
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[WHIMPERING]
79
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[GASPS]
80
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,083
[CROWD BOOING AND JEERING]
81
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:24,676
LION:
Look!
82
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,770
Mm-mm. Kill him! Kill him!
83
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,857
Kill him! Kill the lion!
84
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,943
Whoa, whoa. Whoa!
85
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,572
Kill him! Kill him!
86
00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,615
[LION GRUMBLES]
87
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:51,369
[BROADWAY MUSIC PLAYING]
88
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♪ I say I'll bite you ♪
89
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,209
♪ And I say I'll beat you ♪
90
00:06:58,293 --> 00:06:59,669
♪ I say I'll beat you ♪
91
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,171
♪ And I say I'll eat you ♪
92
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,714
-♪ Fight you! ♪
-♪ Beat you! ♪
93
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,174
-♪ Bite you! ♪
-♪ Eat you! ♪
94
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,967
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
95
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,845
[CROWD CHEERING]
96
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:12,557
[SHOUTING]
97
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,684
♪ I say Augustus ♪
98
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,144
♪ And I say Augoostus ♪
99
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:17,562
♪ I say quo vadis ♪
100
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,064
♪ And I say where ya going? ♪
101
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,398
-♪ Augustus ♪
-♪ Augoostus ♪
102
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,317
-♪ Quo vadis ♪
-♪ Where ya going? ♪
103
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,361
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
104
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:28,198
-We gotta make this look good, all right?
-Huh? Uh, yeah, yeah.
105
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:36,247
♪ If we call the whole thing off
Then we must part ♪
106
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,250
[YELLS]
107
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,297
[LION YELLING]
108
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,890
♪ So if you like Plato
And I like Pluto ♪
109
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:57,143
♪ I'll give up Plato and stick with Pluto
And Mickey and Goofy ♪
110
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,979
[SHOUTING]
111
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:09,698
♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
112
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,284
Come on, I'll buy you a steak.
113
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:29,759
I always heard that music
can soothe the savage beast.
114
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,927
Now I believe it.
115
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,513
Yeah, good thing the lion learned to sing.
116
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,932
Stallone would've killed him.
117
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,854
Balonius and Stomp my Foot
went to the fair.
118
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,690
Balonius come back, who's left there?
119
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,066
Uh, Stomp my Foot.
120
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,359
Okay.
121
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,777
Ow!
122
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,739
Oh. Okay, girls, here comes Kermit!
123
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:53,533
-Now, do exactly what I told you to.
-Okay.
124
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:56,578
Scooter, it's time we had a serious talk.
125
00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:59,456
I understand you don't want
these groupies backstage.
126
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,582
That's true.
127
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,084
I understand you're angry
that I let them in.
128
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,210
That's true, too.
129
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:08,173
I wouldn't have if they weren't
just so desperate to see you!
130
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,466
Me?
131
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,217
Yeah! Kermit!
132
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,303
Wait! Oh, wait!
133
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:16,639
Girls! Girls! Girls!
134
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:19,642
You're going to have to leave!
Kermit insists upon it.
135
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,769
[GIRLS GROANING]
136
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:21,936
Uh, wait, wait now.
137
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:25,273
Well, uh, leaving isn't
what I insist upon, exactly.
138
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:29,486
Well, uh, standing quietly,
over there near my desk,
139
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,446
will do just fine.
140
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,114
[KERMIT CHUCKLING]
141
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,244
He fell for it!
Okay, quickly now, up the stairs.
142
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,289
We'll go to Sylvester's dressing room.
Come on!
143
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,628
Who was that small green man?
144
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,131
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
145
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:54,594
-Sly, could I have a word with you?
-Sure, Scooter, come on in.
146
00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:58,223
Oh, great. You see, there are a couple
of your fans waiting outside.
147
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,975
Well, they're not waiting...
They wanted to meet...
148
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,228
Oh, it's really him! It's really him!
149
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:05,355
Touch me! Touch me, please! Touch me!
150
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,815
Touch you? Sure.
151
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,024
See? I told you.
152
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:12,278
Oh, look at all the bodybuilding stuff
Sly has here!
153
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:14,531
Are you really training, Sly?
154
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,951
Well, no, not really.
I mean, I'm not really a fighter.
155
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:23,498
I made a movie about fighting.
But I like to work out and keep in shape.
156
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,542
GIRLS: Aah!
-What'd I tell you?
157
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,961
Hey, Sly, could you show us a few punches?
158
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,879
Sure, Scooter. For you, anything.
159
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,465
Okay, girls, you hear that? Punches!
160
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,843
This is a jab.
161
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:36,511
Whoa!
162
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,179
-More?
-Please.
163
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,390
Well, this is a one-two.
164
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,434
[SCREAMING]
165
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:45,562
Okay, this is a big combination.
166
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,106
One-two, and here it comes...
167
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,232
Oh!
168
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,070
Could I have your autograph?
169
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,031
GIRL 1: Me, too!
GIRL 2: Me, too!
170
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,157
VOICE:
Me, too!
171
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,491
Who said that?
172
00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,784
I did.
173
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:03,830
Boy, Stallone, do you have some left hook.
174
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:05,457
[CHUCKLES]
175
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,044
And now, for something sort of different.
176
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,170
Ladies and gentlemen,
177
00:11:10,253 --> 00:11:14,090
Professor Albert Flan
and his robot comedian.
178
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:20,805
Hello there, boys and girls.
Is everybody having a good time?
179
00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:21,931
WALDORF:
No!
180
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:27,103
Great. Ha, ha. Well, we're sure
having some fun tonight, huh?
181
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:29,606
But look! Who's this?
182
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,485
It's Otto the Automatic Entertainer!
183
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,363
Hi there, Otto.
184
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,323
No, come back, come back.
185
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,492
[OTTO BEEPING]
186
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:45,497
Well, say hello
to the nice boys and girls, Otto.
187
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:50,085
OTTO:
Hello, nice boys and girls, Otto.
188
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,712
No, no, no, behind you.
189
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:02,389
Say, aren't you Otto
the Six Million Dollar Funny Man?
190
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,307
Shake.
191
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,059
[WHIRRING]
192
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:09,896
[CHUCKLES]
193
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,025
Well, you don't get a lot
for six million dollars these days.
194
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:18,196
Yeah, a little topical humor there
for the grownups.
195
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:24,536
Still, I bet you've got some funny jokes
for the boys and girls tonight, Otto.
196
00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:25,787
Oh, yes.
197
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,707
There was this six-foot parrot goes...
198
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,500
into this restaurant...
199
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,168
[WHIRRING]
200
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:36,297
...have to pay,
but I can tap dance if you...
201
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,882
[WHOOPING]
202
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,010
...and started eating the bagpipes.
203
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,261
Ha, ha, ha...
204
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,515
Wow, terrific.
205
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,935
And now...
206
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,815
Bye-bye, boys and girls.
207
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,290
♪ Oh, sweet and tender ♪
208
00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,208
♪ Lady be good ♪
209
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,002
Yeah.
210
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,379
♪ Oh, lady be good ♪
211
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,215
♪ To me ♪
212
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:28,725
♪ I am so awfully misunderstood ♪
213
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,562
♪ Oh, lady be good ♪
214
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,565
♪ Be good to me ♪
215
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,154
[SCATTING]
216
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,952
Yeah, sing it.
217
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,172
♪ Hey, I'm just a lonesome baby ♪
218
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,091
♪ In the world ♪
219
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,052
♪ Oh, lady be good ♪
220
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,971
♪ Be good to me ♪
221
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:28,743
Yeah, sing it to us, Floyd.
222
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:32,622
♪ All day I'm just a lonesome thing ♪
223
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,624
♪ In the world ♪
224
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,669
♪ Lady be good ♪
225
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:43,800
♪ Be good to me ♪
226
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,343
♪ Oh, lady ♪
227
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,888
♪ Oh, lady be good ♪
228
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:51,891
♪ Lady be good ♪
229
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,685
♪ Yeah ♪
230
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,859
All right.
231
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:03,820
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
232
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,030
Hello?
233
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,407
Hello, Sylv, are you decent?
234
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,535
No, but my folks were. Come on in.
235
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:14,831
Rumor has it that there are a bunch
of groupies loose in the theater.
236
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,666
-Oh, really.
-Yeah.
237
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,710
Do you, uh, think I'm safe here?
238
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,087
-Yeah, I think you can rest easy.
-Mm.
239
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:25,342
You know, I noticed when you came here
you didn't arrive with much baggage.
240
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,386
Yeah, that's me, I travel light.
No baggage. On the go.
241
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,972
Yeah, that's you. Traveling light, yeah.
242
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:34,059
Listen, if you need anything
you just let me know, huh?
243
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,102
Thanks a lot, Link. I appreciate it.
244
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:39,981
If you wanted my aftershave lotion,
it's in the right-hand drawer.
245
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,441
Thanks, Link, but I don't.
246
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,651
My cologne is in the left drawer.
247
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:44,778
Thank you, Link.
248
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,615
And the scented body talc
is above the mirror.
249
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,076
Link, you sure treat yourself well.
250
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:56,956
Oh, can't complain. You know, us guys,
we gotta stay fit. Watch this.
251
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,500
[GROANS, THEN GRUNTS]
252
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,710
Link?
253
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,212
[LINK GROANING]
254
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,506
What's the matter? What's the matter?
255
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,175
I'll get it.
256
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,637
Oh, tell me the worst. Did he mark me?
257
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,305
Yeah, a little bit, I'm afraid.
258
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:13,515
Oh, no.
259
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:16,101
Hey, Link, Link, Link.
Don't cry, don't feel bad.
260
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,853
You still smell nice.
261
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:25,985
-Excuse me.
-Mm. Whoa, whoa.
262
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:29,364
You can't go out there. That is the stage.
263
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,282
-Well, I know that...
-Shh! Shh!
264
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:37,205
I know that. I'm playing in
the William Tell Overture.
265
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:39,332
I didn't know you were musical.
266
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:41,126
I'm not.
267
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:47,007
Should have a lot in common
with the rest of the band.
268
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,272
[LAUGHING]
269
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:09,904
NARRATOR: Time once again
for Veterinarian's Hospital.
270
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,364
PIGGY:
When are we on?
271
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,908
The continuing story
272
00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:17,203
of a quack who's gone to the dogs.
273
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,748
Nurse Janice, where is the next patient?
274
00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:21,332
Here he is, Dr. Bob.
275
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,043
-Where's he from?
-Hawaii.
276
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,628
I'm fine, thanks. How are you?
277
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:31,801
Oh, Dr. Bob, that is the oldest joke
since they renamed the islands.
278
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,220
-What were they called before?
-Sandwich.
279
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:37,015
No thanks.
I might get crumbs on the patient.
280
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:42,687
Dr. Bob, the patient was in
the opening Hawaiian number.
281
00:17:42,771 --> 00:17:46,149
Why wasn't I in that number?
I can do the hula.
282
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:49,486
I've seen you do the hula.
You're no great shakes.
283
00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:53,281
I think the patient misses Hawaii.
He's homesick.
284
00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:56,701
How can he be homesick
when he's right here sick?
285
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,871
I mean, he misses his home in Hawaii.
286
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,290
-Oh, I can fix that. Hey, patient?
-Yeah.
287
00:18:02,374 --> 00:18:03,833
Watch this.
288
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,794
[HUMMING]
289
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,507
-What is that?
-Swaying palms.
290
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,841
Swaying palms!
291
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:15,720
Hey, wait! Wait! Wait!
Have we got any napples?
292
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:16,846
"Napples"?
293
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,556
You mean apples?
294
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,351
No, napples. You put them on pies.
295
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:22,894
Oh, no.
296
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,813
Pineapples!
297
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,564
Oh, no!
298
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:30,443
NARRATOR: And so we come to the end
of another Veterinarian's Hospital.
299
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,569
He still up there?
300
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:34,656
Tune in next week
when you'll hear Dr. Bob say:
301
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,991
Listen, maybe he's not really from Hawaii.
302
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,868
Let's take his temperature and find out.
303
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,538
Oh. That makes sense.
304
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:45,041
Yep, he's from Hawaii. Look, 5-0.
305
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,168
5-0!
306
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,212
5-0!
307
00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,176
Okay, nice one, Dr. Bob.
308
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:58,013
Nice? It was a Honolulu.
309
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:04,436
We must've used every dumb
Hawaiian joke in the book.
310
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,354
Hey, Hawaiians aren't dumb!
311
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:09,232
You'll be hearing
from my friends on Noman.
312
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,817
Noman? Where is that?
313
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,236
No man is an island.
314
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,989
He fell for it.
315
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:21,119
Yeah, if you think that joke was bad,
I'm gonna go out and introduce Fozzie.
316
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,498
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
comedy magic with our own Fozzie...
317
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:26,708
FOZZIE: Psst. Psst.
-What?
318
00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:30,420
Kermit.
I cannot do my Sawing a Lady in Half Act.
319
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,422
How come, no saw?
320
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,132
No lady.
321
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,345
Hey, Kermit, how about
a Sawing a Frog in Half act?
322
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,765
Fozzie! You just start.
I'll find you a lady.
323
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:42,891
I'm not ready.
324
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:46,436
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Fozzie Bear.
325
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,731
Hiya! Hiya! Hiya! Hiya!
326
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:53,610
Thank you, thank you and thank you! Ha!
327
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,863
Yes, sir, Fozzie the magician.
328
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,198
Uh...
329
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,327
A box! There's a box. Ha, ha, ha.
330
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,120
Uh... Uh...
331
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:07,874
Say, uh, who was that box
I saw you with last night?
332
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:11,211
That was no box. That was my luggage.
333
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,254
Ha, ha, ha!
334
00:20:14,339 --> 00:20:16,841
I am dicing with death out here, Kermit.
335
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,386
Don't worry, it's okay.
I found you a lady.
336
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,429
You did? Is she beautiful?
337
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:22,764
No, but she's willing.
338
00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:25,517
Good enough!
339
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:31,439
Alrighty! Ladies and gentlemen,
Sawing a Lady in Half!
340
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,818
[BEEPING AND WHIRRING]
341
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,612
[CHIRPS]
342
00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:40,448
[BUZZES]
343
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,702
This is a lady?
344
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:46,246
This is a magician?
345
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,665
Will you cut that out?!
346
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,458
Wha...?
347
00:20:50,542 --> 00:20:54,421
All right, all right.
Into the box, beautiful assistant.
348
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:57,007
-Into the box.
-Into the box.
349
00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:00,218
The box! Over here, the box!
350
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:04,597
You will notice that I did not touch
or aid my assistant in any way.
351
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:07,809
Get back, you fool! Into the box!
352
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:10,270
Don't touch me! Into the box!
353
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:12,689
Just do the trick and wind it up!
354
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,276
Yes, sir. This is ridiculous.
355
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:19,988
All right, Sawing a, uh...
356
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,990
Thing in Half.
357
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:26,286
Mama. Mama. Mama.
358
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:28,496
-Phew.
-Mama. Mama.
359
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,290
Oh, shut up.
360
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,667
Not the main power cables.
361
00:21:32,751 --> 00:21:34,044
Say, what?
362
00:21:34,127 --> 00:21:35,503
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
363
00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:47,640
Well, what did you think?
364
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:49,351
Shocking.
365
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:50,810
Yes, but was it funny?
366
00:21:50,894 --> 00:21:52,020
Of course not.
367
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,397
That'd really be shocking.
368
00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:58,902
Once again, ladies and gentlemen,
our very special guest star,
369
00:21:58,985 --> 00:22:01,112
Sylvester Stallone.
370
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:10,914
♪ The ballroom was filled
With fashion's throng ♪
371
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:14,084
♪ It shone with a thousand lights ♪
372
00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,796
♪ And there was a woman
Who passed along ♪
373
00:22:18,046 --> 00:22:20,382
♪ The fairest of all the sights ♪
374
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:24,803
♪ A girl to her lover then softly cried ♪
375
00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,889
♪ "There's riches at her command ♪
376
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:30,809
♪ But she married for wealth ♪
377
00:22:31,101 --> 00:22:32,894
♪ And not for love ♪
378
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:36,564
♪ Tho she lived in a mansion grand" ♪
379
00:22:38,733 --> 00:22:44,489
♪ She's only a bird in a gilded cage ♪
380
00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:48,284
♪ A beautiful sight to see ♪
381
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,078
♪ Sight to see ♪
382
00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:55,625
♪ You may think she's happy
And free from care ♪
383
00:22:55,709 --> 00:22:59,254
♪ She's not what she seems to be ♪
384
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:00,964
♪ Seems to be ♪
385
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:05,552
♪ 'Tis sad when you think
Of her wasted life ♪
386
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:09,514
♪ For youth cannot mate with age ♪
387
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,391
♪ Mate with age ♪
388
00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:14,644
♪ But her beauty was sold ♪
389
00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:18,523
♪ For an old man's gold ♪
390
00:23:18,606 --> 00:23:23,194
♪ She's a bird in a gilded cage ♪
391
00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:31,619
♪ I stood in a churchyard just at eve ♪
392
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,789
♪ When sunset adorned the west ♪
393
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:39,252
♪ And I looked at the people
Who'd come to grieve ♪
394
00:23:40,253 --> 00:23:43,298
♪ For loved ones now laid to rest ♪
395
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:48,094
♪ A tall marble monument
Marked the grave ♪
396
00:23:48,887 --> 00:23:51,806
♪ Of one who had been fashion's queen ♪
397
00:23:52,682 --> 00:23:55,769
♪ And I thought she is happier
Here at rest ♪
398
00:23:57,145 --> 00:24:00,899
♪ Then to have people say when seen ♪
399
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:08,573
♪ She's only a bird in a gilded cage ♪
400
00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:12,202
♪ A beautiful sight to see ♪
401
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,412
♪ Sight to see ♪
402
00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:19,542
♪ You may think she's happy
And free from care ♪
403
00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:23,129
♪ She's not what she seems to be ♪
404
00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:25,924
♪ Seems to be ♪
405
00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:30,095
♪ 'Tis sad when you think
Of her wasted life ♪
406
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:34,307
♪ For youth cannot mate with age ♪
407
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:36,142
♪ Mate with age ♪
408
00:24:36,226 --> 00:24:39,771
♪ And her beauty was sold ♪
409
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:44,401
♪ For an old man's gold ♪
410
00:24:44,651 --> 00:24:49,823
♪ She's a bird in a gilded ♪
411
00:24:49,906 --> 00:24:53,827
♪ Cage ♪
412
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:56,371
[ALL SOBBING]
413
00:25:06,506 --> 00:25:08,258
The time has come to say goodbye,
414
00:25:08,341 --> 00:25:10,885
because we don't have time
for anything else to say.
415
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:13,763
But before we go,
let's have one last round of applause
416
00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:16,141
for the one and only Sylvester Stallone!
417
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:18,435
Yay!
418
00:25:22,063 --> 00:25:25,984
Kermit, I had a great time. I hope
I didn't hurt the talking punching bag.
419
00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:27,235
Hey, what hurt?
420
00:25:27,318 --> 00:25:31,740
Come on, Stallone,
give us one for old times' sake.
421
00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:32,991
Okay.
422
00:25:34,659 --> 00:25:37,078
Hey, Stallone, my kind of guy.
423
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:41,082
Okay. That's it for now. We'll see you
next time on The Muppet Show!
424
00:25:41,166 --> 00:25:43,877
You've been a wonderful laugh track! Okay!
425
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,670
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
426
00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:22,457
Well, they say all good things
come to an end.
427
00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:25,293
What's that got to do with this show?
30429
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