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1
00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:01,668
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
00:00:01,751 --> 00:00:06,131
Pearl Bailey! Pearl Bailey!
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Bailey.
3
00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:09,592
I'll be there, honey, as soon as somebody
calls off these oysters.
4
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,636
-Oh, Pearl!
-Come back to us, Pearl!
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,972
Back! Back! Heel! Heel!
6
00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:15,098
OYSTERS:
Aw.
7
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,267
Oh, clam up.
8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,562
OYSTERS: Hee-hee-hee.
-Oh, this is a strange place, honey.
9
00:00:20,645 --> 00:00:21,688
Stop.
10
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:24,607
It's The Muppet Show,
11
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,986
with our very special guest star,
Miss Pearl Bailey.
12
00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:29,612
[CHEERS]
13
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,781
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
14
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,587
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
15
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,797
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
16
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:52,052
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
17
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,262
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
18
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,431
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
19
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,475
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
20
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,810
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
21
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,438
Everybody on-stage!
22
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:05,190
Everybody is on-stage.
23
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:09,652
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
24
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,905
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
25
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,616
♪ This is what we call ♪
26
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:19,496
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
27
00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:20,830
I'm not even gonna try it.
28
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,957
[HORN SQUEALS]
29
00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:26,419
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
30
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,881
Thank you, thank you.
Welcome again to The Muppet Show.
31
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:33,885
I can't tell you what a kick I get
when I think of all of you watching.
32
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,137
It sends a chill right up my spine.
33
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,472
Whoo!
34
00:01:37,555 --> 00:01:39,557
Uh, there it was right there.
35
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:43,603
Matter of fact,
here comes another one. Whoo!
36
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,690
Uh, that one is
for our very special guest star.
37
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:50,193
She is one of the most wonderful stars
of the whole entertainment world,
38
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,863
and she told me just before the show
that her papa was a preacher,
39
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,616
which is a wonderful reason
for doing the following number.
40
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,035
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Pearl Bailey!
41
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,579
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
42
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:03,957
[BAND PLAYING "MY SOUL IS A WITNESS"]
43
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:11,548
♪ My soul is a witness ♪
44
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,092
♪ Yes, it is ♪
45
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,803
♪ Yes, it is ♪
46
00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:20,974
♪ My soul is a witness ♪
47
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,476
♪ Yes, it is ♪
48
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,770
♪ Yes, it is ♪
49
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:30,400
♪ God's love will do for you ♪
50
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:35,739
-♪ He will always see you through ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
51
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:40,618
-♪ 'Cause my soul is a witness ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
52
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,288
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
53
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:46,249
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
54
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:54,132
♪ My life is a testimony ♪
55
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,468
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Yes, it is ♪
56
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,553
-♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
57
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:02,682
♪ My life is a testimony ♪
58
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,851
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
59
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,853
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
60
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:11,441
♪ Someone needs to hear ♪
61
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:15,028
♪ God's love is always near ♪
62
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:19,783
♪ And my life is a testimony ♪
63
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,701
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
64
00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,995
-♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
65
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:28,041
♪ Oh, my life is an example ♪
66
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:30,460
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
67
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,504
PEARL: ♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
68
00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:36,800
♪ My life is an example ♪
69
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:39,177
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
70
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,179
PEARL: ♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
71
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:45,225
-♪ Someone, someone should see ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
72
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:49,020
-♪ What God's love has done for me ♪
-♪ Ooh ♪
73
00:03:49,104 --> 00:03:53,817
♪ 'Cause my life is an example ♪
74
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,152
-♪ Oh, yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
75
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,321
PEARL: ♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
76
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,490
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
77
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,742
-♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
78
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:04,369
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
79
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,621
-♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
80
00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,748
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
81
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,792
-♪ Oh, yes ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
82
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,128
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
-♪ Yes, it is ♪
83
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,966
-♪ Oh, Lord, Lord, Lord ♪
-♪ A... ♪
84
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:24,889
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪
-♪ ...men ♪
85
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:27,100
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND WHISTLING]
86
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,065
How'd you like that?
87
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,317
I don't know. I'll ask the avocado.
88
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,154
Well, what'd you think?
89
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,740
-Ooh, loved it, loved it, loved it.
-Mm.
90
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,033
That's amazing.
91
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,494
No, it's not.
He's been a Pearl Bailey fan for years.
92
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,288
[ALL LAUGH]
93
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:49,581
[MUPPETS CHATTERING]
94
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,083
Okay, nice number, nice number.
95
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,794
-Get on-stage, Bunsen.
-Oh, wow, Kermit.
96
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:58,214
Like, I really don't believe
this weird trip you're putting us on.
97
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,841
-What's that, Janice?
-Oh.
98
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:03,428
The band and I just flashed
on the closing number.
99
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:05,388
-The band just flashed?
-Mm-hm.
100
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:07,307
I mean, you know, Kermit,
101
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,143
sometimes I just don't know what space
you're coming from.
102
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:13,855
Well, it's just sort of
a regular backstage space.
103
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,106
Oh, really, Kermit.
104
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:19,944
You don't expect us
to do the jousting number from Camelot?
105
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:23,615
Uh, well, in a word, yes.
106
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,283
Ew.
107
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,702
Oh, Kermit,
Floyd has something to say on that.
108
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,662
Honey, you tell him.
109
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,831
[GRUNTING]
110
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,126
-Oh, my little green friend.
-Hm?
111
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,755
You have much indeed to learn
about today's slang.
112
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,298
How do you mean, Floyd?
113
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:44,678
When I said I wanted to get
into something heavy for the final number?
114
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,845
Mm-hm.
115
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,723
Sir Knight of the Iron wasn't it.
116
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,309
Aah, look out!
117
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,479
[YELPING]
118
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,731
Fractured flipper. Oh, oh, oh!
119
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:03,947
Tinker, tinker, fiddle... Oh. Ahem.
120
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:09,452
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs,
where the future is being made today.
121
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,872
Well, I've got some news here
to tickle your fancy.
122
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:16,376
Because here they are, friends,
the answer to your prayers,
123
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:19,462
Muppets' all-new edible paper clips.
124
00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:24,551
Now, the honor of tasting this batch
of delicious paper clips
125
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:28,221
goes, of course,
to my helpful and eager assistant, Beaker.
126
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:29,889
Uh-uh.
127
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,350
Oh, Beaker, what is the matter?
128
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:36,521
Oh. That's very naughty, Beaker.
Now, you eat these clips this minute.
129
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:37,689
Go on, eat.
130
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:40,191
[SIGHS THEN MUTTERS]
131
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,152
They're not so bad. Go ahead.
132
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,740
-Hmm. Mm.
-Mm-hm.
133
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,327
-Mm!
-Yes.
134
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,373
Good. Yes, friends,
Muppets' edible paper clips
135
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:58,084
are delicious,
nutritious and nickel-plated.
136
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,210
BEAKER:
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
137
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:02,714
They're handy around the office,
and they're wonderful as a TV snack.
138
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:05,800
Furthermore, they are absolutely harmless.
139
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:09,054
[GRUNTING THEN SCREAMING]
140
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,514
Or nearly so.
141
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,934
Poor fellow lost his nose.
142
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,853
Hm. How will he smell without it?
143
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,021
Same as always.
144
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,814
BOTH:
Terrible! Ha-ha-ha!
145
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:23,193
Dr. Honeydew, is Beaker all right?
146
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:27,113
Oh, he'll be fine.
I'll just go invent some nose glue.
147
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,782
Come on, Beaker.
148
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,493
Yeah, but, hey, I'm serious, Kermit.
149
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,870
-Mm-hm.
-I mean, why cast me?
150
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,456
This knight business is an actor's gig.
151
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:39,417
-Yeah.
-I am a musician, remember?
152
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:43,004
I wanted you to play the knight
because you fit the part.
153
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,174
See? You're the only one of us
with real gallantry.
154
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,385
-Oh, yeah?
-The only one of us with real honor.
155
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:52,013
The only one of us
who'd fit in that iron suit.
156
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:55,058
Scooter, I needed that
like I need a broken leg!
157
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,144
You need a broken leg?
I'll fall on you again.
158
00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,270
No, no, no!
159
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:02,190
Floyd, now, listen,
this is a great chance for you.
160
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:06,027
Besides, in the same jousting scene,
you get to fight the Black Knight.
161
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,696
Who is the Black Knight?
162
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,532
Well, that's part of the fun.
No one will know.
163
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,493
It's kept a complete and absolute mystery.
164
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,828
Hmm.
165
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:20,709
The world will forever wonder who I am.
166
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,421
Uh, though some may harbor suspicions.
167
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,718
[CHIMING]
168
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,909
[BOTH CLUCKING]
169
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,580
Here is a Muppet news flash.
170
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:03,043
An explosion has just taken place
at the Smithfield hat factory.
171
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:07,172
Reports say that hats
are falling all over the--
172
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,634
[BOTH LAUGHING]
173
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,761
All right.
174
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:14,095
-Listen, Floyd.
-Hm?
175
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,432
I sure am glad you got out
of that iron suit, man.
176
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,976
Oh, yeah. That was a stone drag.
177
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,020
Oh, it had to be, but I'm telling you,
178
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:24,731
you're looking good now
with the purple threads.
179
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,983
Yeah, my main squeeze gave me this.
180
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,195
Oh, you are clever. Ha, ha.
181
00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,321
Come here a minute.
182
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,156
-I wanna ask you a question.
-Yeah?
183
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,867
Do the rest of the musicians,
do they know you in here?
184
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,703
-Mm, no, uh-uh.
-Well, crazy, listen.
185
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:42,540
What if you and me, see,
or you and I, either one...
186
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:45,960
What if we did a little number together?
187
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,464
And then if we went over, who knows,
we could take over the whole thing.
188
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:50,882
-Pearlie Mae?
-Huh?
189
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,801
Nothing would please me more.
190
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,302
I thought it would.
191
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,012
[PLAYING FUNK MUSIC AND SCATTING]
192
00:09:56,096 --> 00:10:00,558
You jump right into it, man.
Let me jump in there with you.
193
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,936
♪ In the good old summertime ♪
194
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,062
All right.
195
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,691
♪ In the good old summertime ♪
196
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,653
♪ Strolling down that shady lane ♪
197
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,947
♪ With my baby mine ♪
198
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,240
-All right.
-Listen.
199
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,366
♪ I'll take his hand ♪
200
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,450
Mm-hm.
201
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,660
♪ Then he'll take mine ♪
202
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,786
Good start.
203
00:10:19,869 --> 00:10:21,413
♪ Floyd, that's a good, good sign ♪
204
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:22,539
Yeah.
205
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,376
♪ Then, naturally
I will be his tootsie-wootsie ♪
206
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,920
♪ In the good old summertime ♪
207
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,630
Go off by yourself, man.
208
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,048
[SCATTING]
209
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,550
PEARL:
Yeah!
210
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,260
Heat it up!
211
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,054
Watch this.
212
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,683
♪ Strolling down that shady lane, yeah ♪
213
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:45,645
♪ With my baby mine, yeah ♪
214
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,814
♪ Darling, you are growing old ♪
215
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,275
-Oh, now, hold that, baby.
-Ha-ha-ha.
216
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,235
-Just kidding, only kidding.
-Ha-ha-ha.
217
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,281
♪ But I will be
The toot-tootsie-wootsie ♪
218
00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:58,074
♪ In the good old sun ♪
219
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:03,079
♪ Come on, let's go together
In the good old summertime ♪
220
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,832
-♪ Summertime ♪
-♪ In the good old summertime ♪
221
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,168
-♪ In the good old summertime ♪
-♪ Let me tell you ♪
222
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,171
-♪ Strolling with my baby ♪
-♪ Strolling down the shady lane ♪
223
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,506
-♪ With my-- ♪
-♪ Walking, talking, moving, grooving ♪
224
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,591
♪ With my baby ♪
225
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,595
♪ I'm gonna take his hand
He'll take mine ♪
226
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:22,390
♪ Watch it, honey
Let me get this whole thing together ♪
227
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,643
♪ I will be
The tootsie-tootsie-wootsie ♪
228
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,979
-♪ In the good ♪
-♪ In the good old summertime ♪
229
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:31,358
♪ In the good old summertime
I'll be your tootsie-wootsie ♪
230
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:35,153
-♪ In the good old summer, summer ♪
-♪ Summertime ♪
231
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,322
[FLOYD SCATTING]
232
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,157
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
233
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,993
Yeah! Whoo!
234
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:44,162
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
235
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:50,085
[PLAYING LIVELY RAGTIME MUSIC]
236
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,799
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me ♪
237
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,926
♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪
238
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:00,053
♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪
239
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:04,099
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo
You sleep 'til after 2 ♪
240
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:06,184
♪ You promenade with a big cigar ♪
241
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,311
♪ You tour the world in a private car ♪
242
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,563
♪ You dine on chicken and caviar ♪
243
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,316
♪ An actor's life for me ♪
244
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,443
-Ah.
-Okay, what happens now?
245
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:18,029
Oh, now comes the funny part.
246
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:23,451
Well, leaving the stage is funnier
than a lot of things the bear does.
247
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:27,247
Okay, now ask me
what I'm carrying the fish for.
248
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,624
Oh, Fozzie,
what are you carrying the fish for?
249
00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:32,043
Oh, just for the "halibut."
250
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,297
You were better off leaving the stage.
251
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,799
Ah!
252
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:43,013
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me ♪
253
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,056
♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪
254
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,350
♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪
255
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:51,396
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo
You sleep 'til after 2 ♪
256
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,940
Hey, Fozzie, this number needs help.
257
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,484
No, it doesn't, it needs scenery!
258
00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,072
Oh, wonderful scenery, but is it funny?
259
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,326
Okay, now ask me
what I'm carrying the hoop for.
260
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:08,079
Oh, Fozzie,
what are you carrying the hoop for?
261
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:13,585
Ah, because Statler and Waldorf
are always saying the show is "hoopless."
262
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,879
-Just for the "halibut."
-Keep trying.
263
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,756
Oh, boy.
264
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:21,676
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-dee
An actor's life for me ♪
265
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,803
♪ A high silk hat and a silver cane ♪
266
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,972
♪ A watch of gold with a diamond chain ♪
267
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:29,851
♪ Hi-diddle-dee-doo
You sleep till after 2 ♪
268
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,978
♪ You promenade with a big cigar ♪
269
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,105
♪ You tour the world in a private car ♪
270
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,274
♪ You dine on chicken and caviar ♪
271
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,151
♪ An actor's life for me ♪
272
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:42,489
BOTH:
♪ An actor's life for ♪
273
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,534
♪ Me! ♪
274
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,457
NARRATOR:
And now...
275
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:58,672
[IN ECHOING VOICE]
Pigs in Space.
276
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:04,302
When we last left the Swinetrek,
it was hopelessly lost in outer space.
277
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:05,720
HOGTHROB:
Hmm.
278
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:12,227
If the timeless endlessness
of eternal space is about that big,
279
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:16,731
and then our spaceship is down here,
280
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:19,234
possibly, or...
281
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:22,320
PIGGY:
Uh, excuse me, Link, what's in the corner?
282
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,948
HOGTHROB:
Uh, that's a ducky.
283
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:31,413
We need to go in this direction up here,
or possibly over...
284
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:35,000
Oh, no, no, no! Oh, we're lost!
285
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,961
Lost in space! Why won't he admit it?
286
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,879
Well, just give me time.
287
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:43,299
I got lost once before,
and I found my way out.
288
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:46,344
Lost in the outer galaxies, Link?
289
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:47,929
No, in a phone booth.
290
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:52,392
Hmm. This pencil is delicious.
291
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,686
There's no time for that now.
292
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:58,148
We must either find out our position,
or we will perish.
293
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,735
Oh! Oh, which is it to be, Link?
294
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,069
Prunes.
295
00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,406
-Prunes?
-Mm.
296
00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,034
Prunes was not a choice.
297
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,619
This is a pencil-shaped prune.
298
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,455
[PRINTER CLICKING]
299
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:16,666
Wait. I see by the readout here
300
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,545
that we are passing through a field
of deadly Snacka Waves.
301
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,339
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
302
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,508
BOTH: Snacka Waves?!
-Yeah, yeah.
303
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:31,389
At this very moment, they are turning
everything aboard this ship into food.
304
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:34,225
My prune pencil.
305
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,353
Ridiculous.
306
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:46,029
Including this readout, which is now
a frozen chicken dinner for two.
307
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:50,533
Mmm, mmm. Oh, mmm, it's delicious. Mmm.
308
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:52,619
[YELLS THEN GASPS]
309
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,788
Oh, what happened?
310
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:56,331
What does it look like?
311
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,708
Chocolate layer cake.
312
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,836
A-ha! Dessert!
313
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,713
Desert? Don't you dare desert.
314
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,215
STRANGEPORK: Hmm?
-Ha-ha-ha.
315
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,883
STRANGEPORK:
Oh, ha, ha.
316
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,638
[STAMMERING]
317
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:16,559
Ha, ha! Look at old cabbage head.
318
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:19,104
Uh, it's a cauliflower.
319
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,480
[MUNCHING NEARBY]
320
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,108
Shh! Listen.
321
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:25,819
The crew have started to eat the ship.
322
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,907
I find that a bit hard to swallow.
323
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,411
The crew is eating the ship?
Are you going bananas?
324
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,162
No.
325
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,499
Scallions.
326
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:44,379
Oh, what are we going to do
with a half-eaten spacecraft?
327
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,923
Have it cold for sandwiches tomorrow?
328
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,719
NARRATOR:
Be sure to tune in next week
329
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:56,182
for Pigs on Toast.
330
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:01,771
Okay, Staging,
you can strike that spaceship.
331
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,399
Oh, Kermie! Kermie!
332
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:06,860
Why, Piggy, you've never looked better.
333
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:11,114
You're skating on thin ice, frog.
334
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,783
-Yeah.
-Makeup! Makeup!
335
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:14,951
Okay.
336
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,662
Oh, boy, oh, boy, chief,
are we in trouble.
337
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:18,788
What now?
338
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:21,791
You know how you're planning
to do the jousting scene from Camelot?
339
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,419
Of course. That's the show's big finale.
340
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:28,590
Well, the people that published the music
from Camelot just called...
341
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,800
-Mm-hm.
-...and they won't let you do it.
342
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:34,012
What? I was willing to give them credit.
343
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,889
I would've given them a big buildup.
344
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,100
I would've given anything
to do the jousting scene!
345
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,352
They want money.
346
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:44,564
Uh, cancel the jousting scene.
347
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:49,152
Gee whiz, chief, I thought you said
we had 14.95 in the cash box.
348
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,696
Yeah, well I spent 13.50
on the suits of armor.
349
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:53,990
Oh, man. What are we gonna do?
350
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,951
What can we do?
There's only one thing to do.
351
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,036
What's that?
352
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,038
-Whatever comes next.
-Oh.
353
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,542
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
354
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,758
Are you a real professor?
355
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,761
Of course. I hold the Chair of Philosophy.
356
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,388
Oh? Where's that?
357
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:17,555
Right here.
358
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,852
You seem to have a lot on your mind.
359
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:26,439
Oh, yeah.
I've got a wife and child to support.
360
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,987
Say, uh, are we poisonous?
361
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:35,073
I don't know. Why?
362
00:18:35,156 --> 00:18:36,991
Oh, nothing, really. I...
363
00:18:37,075 --> 00:18:38,952
I just bit my tongue.
364
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,042
Oh, wow,
they're not too light on their feet.
365
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,295
Ow! Not too light on mine either.
366
00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,505
ALL:
Whoa!
367
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,715
[ARMOR CLANKS]
368
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,551
Ooh, terrific, terrific, wonderful.
369
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:58,430
Uh, say, is your friend the avocado here
some kind of professional critic?
370
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:00,724
Nah, he's just unemployed.
371
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,393
You should go to work.
Try to make something of yourself.
372
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,602
Ooh, like what?
373
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,604
-Guacamole.
-Ha-ha-ha!
374
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,277
Men, this is a command decision.
375
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,362
We're going to have to cancel the joust.
376
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,031
-Bummer.
-What?
377
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,324
It'll be fun. It'll be snazzy.
378
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,451
It'll be dumb.
379
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,619
-Oh, really?
-Hey, no, dig on it.
380
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:24,873
For once,
old Green Stuff speaketh the truth.
381
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:28,585
-No, Kermit.
-Kermit, I am sorry to have to do this...
382
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,587
-What?
-...but my career is at stake.
383
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,130
-Now you move!
-Ow!
384
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:37,052
Yes, move. I'll take care of it.
Move, Kermit, yes, move!
385
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:42,932
Hey, tell me, just between the two of us,
do you really think this will work?
386
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,185
No. Isn't it terrific?
387
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:50,065
Come on, just introduce us, okay?
388
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,608
-Okay, okay, okay.
-Okay.
389
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:56,196
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, we were planning
to do the jousting scene from Camelot,
390
00:19:56,279 --> 00:20:00,033
uh, but I do think
we should cancel this, but--
391
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,451
[STAMMERS]
392
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:04,537
There's been a very pointed argument
against canceling.
393
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,748
Ah, good work, Gonzo.
394
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,333
So, anyhow, wish us luck, folks,
395
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:11,169
because here is our special guest star,
Miss Pearl Bailey,
396
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:15,006
and the Muppet Players
in what almost might sort of kind of
397
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,842
be considered the jousting scene
from Camelot.
398
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,805
[BAND PLAYING REGAL MUSIC]
399
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:31,773
ALL:
♪ Every duke and earl and peer is here ♪
400
00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:36,111
♪ Everyone who should be here is here ♪
401
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:41,074
♪ What a smashing
Positively dashing spectacle ♪
402
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:44,661
♪ We're here to see today ♪
403
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:50,083
And now may I present
Her Royal Majesty Queen Guinevere,
404
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:53,753
who will welcome you officially
to our annual joust.
405
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,964
[CROWD CHEERING]
406
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,008
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
407
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:01,594
♪ Hello, fellas ♪
408
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:04,431
♪ Well, hello, fellas ♪
409
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:09,060
♪ It's so nice to be back home
Where I belong ♪
410
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:13,231
♪ You're looking swell, fellas ♪
411
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:16,151
♪ I can tell, fellas ♪
412
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,862
♪ You're still crowin'
You're still growin' ♪
413
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,698
♪ You're still goin' strong ♪
414
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,784
-♪ I feel this room swayin' ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
415
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:27,829
♪ While the band's playin' ♪
416
00:21:27,912 --> 00:21:32,625
♪ One of my old favorite songs
From way back when ♪
417
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,003
♪ Oh ♪
418
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,130
♪ Golly gee, fellas ♪
419
00:21:37,213 --> 00:21:40,050
♪ Find me a vacant knee, fellas ♪
420
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:43,178
♪ Pearlie will never go away ♪
421
00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:45,889
♪ Pearlie will never go away ♪
422
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:52,729
♪ Pearlie will never go away again ♪
423
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,397
[LAUGHS]
424
00:21:54,481 --> 00:21:56,399
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
425
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,280
Thank you, Your Majesty.
426
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:05,867
And now to introduce the contestants
for this year's joust.
427
00:22:05,950 --> 00:22:08,620
[PLAYING FANFARE]
428
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:11,498
♪ I got the horse right here
His name is Paul Revere ♪
429
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:14,668
♪ And there's a guy who says
If the weather's clear ♪
430
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:17,712
♪ Can do, can do ♪
431
00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:20,674
♪ This guy says the horse can do ♪
432
00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:23,134
♪ I got a horse right here
Belongs to Guinevere ♪
433
00:22:23,218 --> 00:22:24,260
[MOOS]
434
00:22:24,344 --> 00:22:26,846
♪ And I say this horse can do ♪
435
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:30,433
♪ Can do, can do? ♪
436
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:33,478
♪ Anything you can do, I can do better ♪
437
00:22:33,561 --> 00:22:36,106
♪ I can do anything better than you ♪
438
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,524
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
439
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:38,942
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
440
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:42,237
CHORUS 1: ♪ No, he can't ♪
CHORUS 2: ♪ Yes, he can, yes, he can ♪
441
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,115
♪ Anything you can be, I can be greater ♪
442
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:47,659
♪ I can be anything greater than you ♪
443
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:49,244
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
444
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:50,662
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
445
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:54,708
CHORUS 1: ♪ No, he can't ♪
CHORUS 2: ♪ Yes, he can, yes, he can ♪
446
00:22:57,919 --> 00:23:01,047
♪ A boy like that
Who'd kill your brother ♪
447
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:03,758
♪ Forget that boy
And find another ♪
448
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:09,180
CHORUS: ♪ One of your own kind
Stick to your own kind ♪
449
00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:16,438
You know, Rowlf,
this don't make any sense at all.
450
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:20,025
I know, Pearl, but we're stuck with it.
451
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:22,861
Let the joust begin!
452
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:25,030
[BAND PLAYING FANFARE]
453
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:31,077
[CROWD CHEERING]
454
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:34,622
Thank you.
455
00:23:34,706 --> 00:23:36,958
Giddyup, help!
456
00:23:37,042 --> 00:23:40,211
Whoa-whee, ride! Ride!
457
00:23:42,172 --> 00:23:44,341
[GONZO SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
458
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:47,469
Whoa!
459
00:23:47,552 --> 00:23:49,012
[ALL CHEERING]
460
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:53,224
GONZO: Turn around!
-Come on, giddyup, pal.
461
00:23:53,308 --> 00:23:54,893
-To the left!
-Here we go!
462
00:23:54,976 --> 00:23:57,103
[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
463
00:24:00,398 --> 00:24:04,027
Hey, you guys all right down there?
464
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:05,695
[GONZO GROANING]
465
00:24:05,779 --> 00:24:07,113
I'm not sure!
466
00:24:07,197 --> 00:24:09,366
How do we look?
467
00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:13,328
♪ You look swell
You look great ♪
468
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:16,873
♪ Gonna have the whole world on a plate ♪
469
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:20,710
♪ Starting here, starting now, honey ♪
470
00:24:20,794 --> 00:24:27,300
♪ Everything's coming up
Roses and daffodils ♪
471
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:33,848
ALL: ♪ Everything's coming up
Sunshine and Santa Claus ♪
472
00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:39,479
♪ Everything's coming up roses for me ♪
473
00:24:41,106 --> 00:24:47,904
ALL:
♪ And for you ♪
474
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,781
[PEARL LAUGHING]
475
00:24:49,864 --> 00:24:52,867
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
476
00:24:57,664 --> 00:24:59,791
Okay, well,
there went another Muppet Show,
477
00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:03,086
this one a little more mixed up
than usual.
478
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,796
"Mixed up" is not the word.
479
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:07,841
No, "twisted" is the word. Ugh.
480
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:11,344
Listen, guys, I'll get you a pair
of tin snips in a minute.
481
00:25:11,428 --> 00:25:13,471
As soon as I say,
let us have a warm thank you
482
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:16,266
to our very special guest star,
Miss Pearl Bailey!
483
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:17,892
[KERMIT CHEERS]
484
00:25:17,976 --> 00:25:19,894
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
485
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:23,648
-You know something, Kermit?
-Hm?
486
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,942
I can get those guys
out of that suit of armor.
487
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:27,110
I'm an expert at it.
488
00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,070
Oh, really? Did you used to be a costumer?
489
00:25:29,154 --> 00:25:31,531
No. I was a welder.
490
00:25:31,614 --> 00:25:34,409
[PEARL LAUGHS THEN GONZO SCREAMS]
491
00:25:34,492 --> 00:25:37,829
I'm not sure I wanna watch this.
See you next time on The Muppet Show!
492
00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:40,457
FOZZIE: Will you--?
Let her do her work, will you?
493
00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:42,500
The lady's trying to work.
494
00:25:42,584 --> 00:25:44,419
[ALL CHATTERING]
495
00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:46,546
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
496
00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:20,372
-I didn't like it.
-What'd the avocado think?
497
00:26:20,455 --> 00:26:21,748
It's the pits.
498
00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:25,877
[AVOCADO YELLS]
37491
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