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1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:05,547
Nancy Walker, 13 seconds to curtain.
Stand by, Miss Walker.
2
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Are you kidding? Stand by?
I can't even stand up.
3
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:18,351
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Miss Nancy Walker.
4
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
5
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
6
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
7
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
8
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
9
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
10
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♪ It's time to get things started ♪
11
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Hurry up. They're starting.
12
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
13
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
14
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♪ This is what we call ♪
15
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
16
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[GUNSHOTS]
17
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,405
But I can't. I don't know what to do.
18
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He said it was up to you.
19
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Oh... Oh! Oh, hello, hiya, hiya, hiya.
20
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Hey, uh, maybe you can tell
that I am not, uh, Kermit the Frog.
21
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You see, uh, just moments ago,
Kermit went home.
22
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:30,548
He's not feeling very well.
Uh, so he left me in charge.
23
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Oh, no, did you hear that?
24
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Oh, I wonder how sick the frog is.
25
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Well, if he put the bear in charge,
he's very sick.
26
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,518
Aw, give me a break, guys, huh?
27
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,437
Uh, look,
we'll still have a great time tonight,
28
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because I know exactly what to do.
29
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Uh... Tell me what to do.
30
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-Talk about Nancy Walker.
-Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Uh, ahem.
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Tonight's wonderful guest star
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is the very talented lady of song
and comedy
33
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Miss Nancy Walker!
34
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-Now what?
-Introduce the opening number.
35
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Introduce the... Oh, yeah.
Ah, ah. Here is the opening number!
36
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-Leave the stage,
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
37
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Be gentle. I'm new at this.
38
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[BAND PLAYING LIVELY R&B MUSIC]
39
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[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
40
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Hip, hip, hip, hup!
41
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Hip, hup, hip, hup!
42
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[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
43
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[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
44
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,645
[SHOUTING IN GIBBERISH]
45
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Oh, for once we got a blast
out of something on this show.
46
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Yeah, but how do you dig a foxhole
in a theater box?
47
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Oh, boy. You'll be okay.
48
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Oh, I hope the damage wasn't too bad.
49
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,641
Hey, Fozzie, Kermit's on the phone.
He wants to talk to you.
50
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,226
Oh. Oh, thanks, Scooter.
51
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,436
You nervous
with all your new responsibility?
52
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,231
Ha! Me, nervous? Are you kidding?
53
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Hello?
54
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Hmm? Wha...?
55
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Oh! Oh. Hello, Kermit?
56
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Oh, hi. Yeah.
57
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:01,241
Uh, the opening? Oh, great, yeah.
58
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:05,036
Everybody got a, uh,
big bang out of it. Mm.
59
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,831
Huh? Oh, don't worry about Nancy Walker.
60
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,166
I'll give her a classy introduction.
61
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Sure, sure, sure.
Everything's under control.
62
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:16,548
Hey, Fozzie. Fozzie, what's on-stage next?
63
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,425
Uh, I don't know. What's on-stage now?
64
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Nothing.
65
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Nothing's on-stage?!
66
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Nothing out front either.
The audience is leaving.
67
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:29,144
The audience--? The aud--? The...
68
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:35,358
Wait, wait, please wait.
Oh, come back, please, everybody.
69
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,485
We have a lot more show left, honest.
70
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,572
[ALL CHATTERING]
71
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,616
Oh. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, listen.
72
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:49,581
You'll love this next part. Yeah.
It's guest star time. Ah?
73
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:56,254
And we have for you
the incredibly talented, unforgettable...
74
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The unforgettable...
75
00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:01,092
I forgot.
76
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,844
BOTH:
Nancy Walker!
77
00:05:02,927 --> 00:05:05,096
Of course.
78
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:09,434
Here she is, Miss Nancy Walker, in...
79
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,270
Wait a minute. I'm in this next sketch.
80
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,606
-Uh, Scooter!
-What, what?
81
00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:17,400
-Fill, fill, fill.
-Well, what should I say?
82
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,903
Whatever. I gotta go put my costume on.
83
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,821
[STAMMERING] But...
84
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Oh, hi, everybody.
85
00:05:23,656 --> 00:05:26,701
Uh, listen,
I'm selling magazine subscriptions
86
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,703
to win a skateboard at school,
87
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,873
and, uh, I was wondering
if I could interest anybody out there
88
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:35,043
in 72 issues of Field and Farmer
for only 5--
89
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,129
All right, Scooter, all right.
Enough. I'm ready.
90
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:40,507
Oh, well... Well, then, uh...
91
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:44,010
Then here's Nancy Walker, uh, I guess.
92
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,179
[FOZZIE HUMMING]
93
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:51,643
Oh, hello, and, uh, ahem,
what can I do for you today?
94
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:54,854
I'd like a menu, some water...
95
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,023
and a whip.
96
00:05:57,107 --> 00:05:58,608
Oh, heh.
97
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:02,028
Don't worry,
his bark is worse than his bite.
98
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:04,656
If he barks, I'm leaving.
99
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:07,409
One water coming up.
100
00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:23,717
Uh, ahem. Where's the glass?
101
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,927
-What glass?
-"What glass?"
102
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,804
I asked you first.
103
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:32,559
Uh, look, I put a glass right here.
104
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,729
I'll fess up. I ate it.
105
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,442
It's gonna be one of those days.
106
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,410
[FOZZIE HUMMING]
107
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,916
Now, wait a minute. What is going on here?
108
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,084
What's the matter?
109
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,128
What'd you do, break it?
Where's the pitcher?
110
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,671
-What pitcher?
-"What pitcher?"
111
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,758
-She asked you first.
-You stay out of this.
112
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,844
Now, look,
I know I put a pitcher right here.
113
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,763
Maybe you just think you did.
114
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,390
I don't think, I know.
115
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:16,186
I don't think you know either.
116
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,979
[FOZZIE SIGHS]
117
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:22,650
Look, all I know is that I put a pitcher
and a second glass of water here.
118
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,363
And now the second glass is gone?!
119
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:29,032
NANCY: Do me a favor.
Just get the menu back here, please.
120
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,368
FOZZIE:
I didn't take the menu away!
121
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,912
Listen...
122
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:37,123
I can understand somebody
swiping two glasses and a pitcher,
123
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,626
-but will you tell me two things?
-What?
124
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,878
Who would take a menu,
125
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:45,465
and why is the air conditioning
being turned on in December?
126
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,969
You know what I think?
127
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,931
Mm-hm. I think you're right.
128
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,599
Come here.
129
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,601
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
130
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,147
Worth a try. Ahem.
131
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:04,693
Hey, hand me that tray of stuff there,
will you, cook?
132
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,861
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
133
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,409
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
134
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,536
[FOZZIE HUMMING]
135
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,957
Hey, look at the time.
I gotta go wax the oven.
136
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,543
Oh. Well, I'd better go paint the garage.
137
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,047
[GLASS CRUNCHING]
138
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FOZZIE & NANCY:
Gotcha!
139
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,847
A-ha! You don't think we know
what you're doing, huh?
140
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,473
-Yeah.
-Yeah, we saw you.
141
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,642
-Yeah.
-We know exactly what you're doing.
142
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:38,810
You betcha.
143
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,854
Hogging the whole place for yourself.
144
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:43,481
-Give me a bite.
-What?
145
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:46,026
You ever tried any of this?
146
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,071
Mm. This is good.
147
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,658
Everybody eats.
148
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:57,412
Yeah, boy, that Nancy Walker's
a great actress, isn't she?
149
00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,373
Yeah, but I wouldn't wanna take her
to dinner.
150
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,128
Hey, Kermit,
Fozzie's really doing a terrific job
151
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,629
with the show tonight.
152
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,549
Oh, the opening number was sensational.
153
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:13,094
Oh, those holes in the theater
will be easy to fix.
154
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:16,181
And you should've seen the way
he got the audience to come back
155
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,682
after they started to leave.
156
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,518
Hey, Gonzo, what are you doing to me?
157
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,730
I was only trying to tell Kermit
what a great job you're doing.
158
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:25,607
I'll tell him, I'll tell him.
159
00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,108
-Give me the phone.
-All right.
160
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:30,111
All right.
All right, "At the Dance," everybody.
161
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:33,782
Oh, hi, Kermit, listen, uh,
I gotta make an introduction.
162
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,159
I'll be right back and explain everything.
163
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:37,952
Oh, boy. Oh...
164
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,791
Hello, Kermie, is that you?
165
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,795
Oh, Kermie, I was just going to call you.
166
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:51,841
Yes, I'm dedicating
the Veterinarian's Hospital sketch to you.
167
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:55,845
Mwah. Love of my life, au revoir.
168
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:58,306
Hey, Piggy,
we can't do the hospital sketch.
169
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,142
Fozzie just introduced "At the Dance."
170
00:10:01,226 --> 00:10:03,186
-Ah, "At the Dance"?
-Mm-hm.
171
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,106
I promised Kermit the hospital sketch.
172
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,192
And that is what we're going to do.
173
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:14,280
Okay, but we better get out there.
The sketch is starting.
174
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:17,200
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital,
175
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:22,080
the continuing story of a quack
who has gone to the dogs.
176
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,456
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
177
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,668
Dr. Bob, what is this man suffering from?
178
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,086
Uh...
179
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:31,047
I don't know. Maybe it's "rumba-tism."
180
00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:37,137
Oh, do you come here often?
181
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:40,181
Mm, only to have my appendix out.
182
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,396
Wow, Dr. Bob, there are dancers
in this operating room.
183
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,023
What should we do?
184
00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:50,025
What else? The foxtrot.
185
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,654
Dr. Bob, this is an operating room.
186
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,781
We've got to be serious now.
187
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,242
Why? We've never been serious before.
188
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,831
-Hey, are you the doctor?
-That's what I tell people.
189
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,959
Well, would you remove a large growth
from my toe?
190
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,878
-Sure, what is it?
-Him.
191
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,005
[CAST LAUGHING]
192
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:17,844
Hey, by the way, how come we're dancing
in an operating room?
193
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,389
Because, although the song
will soon be over,
194
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:23,558
the malady lingers on.
195
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:30,148
NARRATOR:
And so Dr. Bob has gone to the dance.
196
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:33,068
Tune in next week and hear Miss Piggy say:
197
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:37,322
This sketch is a disaster, Dr. Bob.
What should we do?
198
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,366
What else? A big finish.
199
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,326
PIGGY: Aah!
-Ta-da!
200
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,036
[ALL CHATTERING]
201
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,039
Oh, I don't believe that.
202
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:49,209
Oh, Scooter, the show is falling apart.
203
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:53,546
I practically blow up the theater,
then the audience starts to leave,
204
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,966
and now two sketches go on
at the same time.
205
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,094
-Oh, boy.
-Way to go, bear.
206
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:02,097
Ugh. Oh, Scooter, what else can go wrong?
207
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,517
-Well, the crew's talking about quitting.
-What?
208
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,311
You know, the stagehand,
the prop man, the lighting man...
209
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,480
-Ugh.
-I think you'd better talk to them.
210
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,441
Well, all right.
Who do you think I should talk to first?
211
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,321
-You'd better start with the lighting man.
-I think you're right.
212
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,906
Harvey!
213
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:21,908
[FOZZIE SCREAMS THEN CRASHES]
214
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:29,207
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]
215
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:33,336
♪ I've got a pal,
A regular out an' outer. ♪
216
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:38,800
♪ She's a dear good old gal,
And I'll tell yer all about 'er. ♪
217
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:44,973
♪ It's many years since first we met,
Her hair was then as black as jet. ♪
218
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:51,980
♪ It's whiter now, but she don't fret,
Not my old gal. ♪
219
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:56,693
♪ We've been together now
For forty years, ♪
220
00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:01,031
♪ And it don't seem a day too much. ♪
221
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:05,785
♪ There ain't a lady living in the land ♪
222
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:10,498
♪ As I'd swap for me dear old Dutch. ♪
223
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:15,587
ALL: ♪ No, there ain't a lady
Living in the land ♪
224
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:20,091
♪As I'd swap
For me dear old Dutch. ♪
225
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:27,223
Ah, she's a sweet, fine old gal
For worlds I wouldn't lose 'er
226
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:33,313
Ah, she's a dear, good old gal
And that's what made me choose 'er
227
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:37,108
♪ She's stuck to me
Through thick and thin ♪
228
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:40,445
♪ When luck was out,
When luck was in ♪
229
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,656
♪ Ah, what a wife to me she's been ♪
230
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:48,370
♪ And what a pal ♪
231
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:53,625
♪ We've been together now
For forty years ♪
232
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:58,588
♪ And it don't seem a day too much ♪
233
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:03,760
♪ There ain't a lady livin' in the land ♪
234
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:08,056
♪ As I'd swap for me dear old Dutch ♪
235
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,140
[BLOWS NOSE]
236
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:14,229
ALL: ♪ No, there ain't a lady
Livin' in the land ♪
237
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:21,111
♪ As I'd swap
For me dear old Dutch! ♪
238
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,197
[BOTH SOBBING]
239
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,251
[CHIRPING]
240
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,802
[WHISTLING]
241
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:46,886
[CHIRPING CONTINUES]
242
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,888
[CHIRPING AND WHISTLING]
243
00:14:58,606 --> 00:14:59,733
[CLUCKING]
244
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,818
[CHIRPING AND WHISTLING CONTINUES]
245
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,908
[BAND PLAYING MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
246
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,077
[BIRD COOING]
247
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,246
[BIRDS CALLING RHYTHMICALLY]
248
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,128
[CALLING]
249
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,721
[CAWING]
250
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,522
[SQUAWKING]
251
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,471
[BIRDS SQUAWKING CACOPHONOUSLY]
252
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:32,409
Hey, I just wanna tell you,
I know the show has been a little shaky,
253
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,245
but I've got everything under control now,
Miss Walker.
254
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,579
Miss who?
255
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,998
Oh, Walker, isn't that right?
256
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,168
Oh, yeah. Come on, I was only kidding.
257
00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:43,294
Oh.
258
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,380
Anyway, the show isn't that bad.
259
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,506
It isn't?
260
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:50,468
No. I mean, look, the audience liked it.
They all came back. They stayed.
261
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,886
Yeah.
262
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,305
Very clever of you to lock the doors.
263
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:57,642
Oh. That's cruelty to bears.
264
00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:01,604
Listen, as for the sketches being done
at the same time,
265
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,482
do you know how many times
I've seen that done?
266
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,401
How many? How many?
267
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:07,694
Never.
268
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,237
[FOZZIE GROANS]
269
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,115
You know what I do
when things don't go right?
270
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,242
No.
271
00:17:14,325 --> 00:17:18,329
♪ Nothing's impossible, I have found ♪
272
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:22,625
♪ For when my chin is on the ground ♪
273
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,794
♪ I pick myself up ♪
274
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,297
♪ Dust myself off ♪
275
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:31,176
♪ And start all over again ♪
276
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,344
Yeah, but...
277
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:37,223
♪ Ah, don't lose your confidence
If you slip ♪
278
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:40,810
♪ Just be grateful for a pleasant trip ♪
279
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:44,022
♪ And pick yourself up ♪
280
00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:48,610
♪ And dust yourself off ♪
281
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:56,242
♪ And start all over again ♪
282
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,204
Oh.
283
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,831
Oh, thank you, thank you, Miss Walker.
284
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,292
I feel terrific now.
285
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,711
-Well, I'm glad you're happy.
-Yeah.
286
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:07,879
-But listen.
-Hmm?
287
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:11,800
That's just a song.
Your show's in a lot of trouble.
288
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,555
[BAND PLAYING STATELY MUSIC]
289
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,894
[CLEARS THROAT]
290
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:26,648
I would just like to say a few words
291
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:30,402
about nudity in the world today.
292
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:36,783
And I, for one, am just appalled by it.
293
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:42,205
Why, did you know
that underneath their clothing,
294
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,208
the entire population of the world
295
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:49,838
is walking around completely naked?
296
00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:51,256
Hmm?
297
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,967
Is that disgusting?
298
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:58,680
And it's not just people, although,
goodness knows, that's bad enough,
299
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,098
but animals too.
300
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:04,310
Even cute little doggies
and pussycats can't be trusted.
301
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:09,399
Underneath their fur, absolutely naked!
302
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,986
Mm. And it's not
just the quadrupeds either.
303
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:16,531
Birds too.
Yes, beneath those fine feathers,
304
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,366
birds wear nothing.
305
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:21,536
Nothing at all. Abs--
306
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,464
Well, how do you feel about nudity?
307
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:35,216
Well, personally, it always left me cold.
308
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:42,474
Miss Walker, I was wondering
if I could borrow your hairbrush.
309
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:44,059
Of course, sweetheart. Come in.
310
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,727
Oh, thank you so much.
311
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:49,064
You know, I certainly do appreciate this,
Miss Walker.
312
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:51,232
Oh, just call me Nancy.
313
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:55,487
Ahh, I knew it. I just knew you'd be nice.
314
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:57,989
Why? Because I let you use my hairbrush?
Big deal.
315
00:19:58,073 --> 00:20:00,909
No, no, because of those parts you play
on television.
316
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:03,745
I just knew you'd be
an overly considerate,
317
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,830
protective mother-type person.
318
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,207
I just knew it.
319
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,084
Uh, well, I'll tell you the truth.
320
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:12,128
I'm no more protective of people
than anybody else.
321
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:14,673
-Oh?
-I mean, that mother thing is an act.
322
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:15,757
Oh.
323
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,884
[PHONE RINGS]
324
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,886
Hi. Oh, hello, Kermit.
325
00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:22,347
Oh, Kermie, my Kermie. He's sick.
326
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,848
You're sick?
327
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:26,559
Oh, well, listen, Kermit,
here's what I want you to do.
328
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,688
I want you to drink lots of liquids...
No, don't eat anything.
329
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,940
Starve a fever, feed a cold, right?
330
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:35,235
Get into bed,
turn the electric blanket way up high,
331
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:38,113
and I'll be right over
with some chicken soup.
332
00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,031
Listen, what have you got? Oh, flu?
333
00:20:40,115 --> 00:20:41,866
-Oh.
-What kind?
334
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,327
-Oh, dear.
-No kidding? That's the worst.
335
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,413
-Oh, no.
-He's got the swine flu.
336
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,580
Oh--
337
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,959
Swine flu?!
338
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,545
Take-- Take this, frog!
339
00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,463
Hi-yah!
340
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,470
I think we have
kind of a bad connection here.
341
00:21:02,554 --> 00:21:03,722
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
342
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,975
Tsk, ohh.
343
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:10,562
Hey, Fozzie, it's time to introduce
Nancy Walker's musical number.
344
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:13,940
Oh, Scooter, you do it.
I can't go out on-stage again.
345
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,735
I'm too ashamed. Everything's gone wrong.
346
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:18,778
Well, uh, maybe this will cheer you up.
347
00:21:18,862 --> 00:21:21,573
-Why? What is this? What is this?
-Well, just read it.
348
00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:24,868
Oh, all right.
"Dear Fozzie, I just want to tell you
349
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:28,038
what a pleasure it was
to work with you on your show.
350
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,540
You're really terrific.
351
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:33,793
The frog's been holding you back.
352
00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:36,921
Nancy Walker"! Ah!
353
00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,840
You ready to do the introduction now?
354
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:42,344
Oh, I sure am. I feel great. Mwah.
355
00:21:42,427 --> 00:21:45,764
There. You can read it if you want to. Ah.
356
00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:48,433
I don't have to read it. I wrote it.
357
00:21:50,393 --> 00:21:54,147
Hey. And now, ladies and gentlemen,
358
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:57,776
I take great pride
in presenting our wonderful guest star--
359
00:21:57,859 --> 00:22:00,904
Psst, psst.
Fozzie, don't forget her name this time.
360
00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:03,073
Gonzo, I will not forget her name.
361
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,282
It's Nancy Walker.
362
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:06,242
I know it's Nancy Walker.
363
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,536
That's Nancy, rhymes with "fancy."
364
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:11,581
-I know, I know.
-"Walker," rhymes with "talker."
365
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:12,957
Gonzo, I have it.
366
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:16,419
And it's "Nancy Walker,"
not "Fancy Talker."
367
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:19,964
Gonzo, I know the guest star's name
is Nancy Walker.
368
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:24,427
I remember Nancy Walker!
I will not forget the name!
369
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:26,471
Okay.
370
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,264
You forgot to introduce her.
371
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,100
[FOZZIE SCREAMS]
372
00:22:30,183 --> 00:22:32,268
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC]
373
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:48,118
♪ The way you wear your hat ♪
374
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:51,913
♪ The way you sip your tea ♪
375
00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:53,915
[SWEETUMS GUZZLES]
376
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,334
♪ The memory of all that ♪
377
00:22:57,919 --> 00:23:01,840
BOTH: ♪ No, no
They can't take that away from me ♪
378
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:04,009
♪ The way your smile just beams ♪
379
00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:06,094
[CHORTLES]
380
00:23:06,177 --> 00:23:08,972
♪ The way you sing off-key ♪
381
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:14,436
♪ The way you haunt my dreams ♪
382
00:23:14,519 --> 00:23:19,691
♪ No, no
They can't take that away from me ♪
383
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,277
-♪ We may never ♪
-♪ Ever ♪
384
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:23,695
♪ Meet again ♪
385
00:23:23,778 --> 00:23:27,907
♪ On the bumpy road of life ♪
386
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:33,121
♪ Still I'll always, always
Keep the memory ♪
387
00:23:35,915 --> 00:23:37,459
♪ Heaven ♪
388
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,533
♪ The way you hold your knife ♪
389
00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:12,994
Oh, oh!
390
00:24:13,078 --> 00:24:15,288
♪ The way we dance till 3 ♪
391
00:24:15,372 --> 00:24:17,207
♪ Four, five, six, seven ♪
392
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:21,544
-♪ The way you change my life ♪
-♪ Change my socks! Change my brain! ♪
393
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:25,632
♪ No, no
They can't take that away from me ♪
394
00:24:25,715 --> 00:24:27,592
BOTH:
♪ No ♪
395
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:36,101
♪ No
They can't take that away from ♪
396
00:24:38,812 --> 00:24:39,938
♪ Me ♪
397
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:41,773
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
398
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:49,322
Yeah, well, everybody,
I mean, uh, what can I say?
399
00:24:49,406 --> 00:24:51,741
Uh, you know,
it's not been much of a show,
400
00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:54,661
and, uh, you've probably had a lousy time.
401
00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:57,372
And, uh,
Kermit will probably fire me and--
402
00:24:57,455 --> 00:24:59,374
You're fired.
403
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:02,168
Kermit! What are you doing here?
404
00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:06,339
Uh, well, I figured Nancy Walker deserved
at least one decent introduction.
405
00:25:06,423 --> 00:25:08,758
Oh, Kermit, I'm so glad to see you.
406
00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:10,802
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
407
00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:13,555
Stop-- Okay, okay, okay,
you're hired again.
408
00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:15,348
Ah.
409
00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:17,851
Let me just do the introduction.
Ladies and gentlemen,
410
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:20,353
a big round of applause for Miss Nancy--
Ah-choo!
411
00:25:20,437 --> 00:25:23,982
Ah, you blew it too! It's Nancy Walker!
412
00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:26,109
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
413
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:27,736
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND WHISTLING]
414
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:29,612
Listen, Kermit, don't worry about a thing.
415
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,573
-I had a wonderful time.
-Oh, yeah?
416
00:25:31,656 --> 00:25:35,160
It was nice working with what's-his-name,
the bear.
417
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:39,497
Okay, we'll see you all next time on--
Ah-choo!
418
00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:41,666
Ah!
419
00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:45,879
Goodbye, everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Ha, ha.
420
00:25:45,962 --> 00:25:47,964
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
421
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:20,330
Wonderful! I loved it!
422
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:21,706
Who was your favorite?
423
00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,833
-Who else? The frog.
-Mm.
31603
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