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00:00:06,111 --> 00:00:08,594
Explain to me again
why your Model UN tournament's
2
00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:09,915
being held at Shay What?!
3
00:00:10,012 --> 00:00:11,946
They double-booked
the school's auditorium,
4
00:00:12,044 --> 00:00:14,461
and the debate team
quickly and concisely
5
00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:16,362
convinced them
to bump us out.
6
00:00:17,329 --> 00:00:19,489
You'll never guess
what just happened.
7
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,134
Your manager Paul
got you an audition
8
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:23,389
for The Great Big Globetrot?
9
00:00:23,486 --> 00:00:25,388
Our walls are very thin.
10
00:00:25,485 --> 00:00:27,903
You mean, the reality show
where teams compete in a race
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00:00:27,999 --> 00:00:29,288
for a cash prize so large,
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00:00:29,385 --> 00:00:31,385
it could lift entire communities
out of poverty?
13
00:00:31,481 --> 00:00:32,995
Exactly!
14
00:00:33,092 --> 00:00:36,573
Paul said the producers love
my child Internet star angle.
15
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,734
They know you're not
a child now, right?
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00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,731
Anyway, my partner and I just
have to make an intro video,
17
00:00:41,828 --> 00:00:44,117
and then go to
an audition challenge tomorrow.
18
00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:46,695
Listen, I know
I'm the obvious choice.
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00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:48,049
For a race?
20
00:00:48,146 --> 00:00:49,468
I've seen you get car sick
in an elevator.
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00:00:49,564 --> 00:00:52,176
That elevator went faster
than normal elevators.
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00:00:52,272 --> 00:00:55,173
But tomorrow is Model UN,
and Millicent needs me.
23
00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:57,043
I'm the Gayle to her Oprah.
24
00:00:57,139 --> 00:00:58,687
Oh yeah!
Millicent, aren't you gonna beat
25
00:00:58,784 --> 00:01:00,040
your nemesis,
Henry Von Biedermeyer?
26
00:01:00,137 --> 00:01:02,652
He's won the Golden Gavel
four years running.
27
00:01:02,748 --> 00:01:05,037
But this year,
that gavel is mine.
28
00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:08,776
I can taste it.
It's metallic, like blood.
29
00:01:09,679 --> 00:01:12,161
Ooh, Millicent, I know
exactly what you mean.
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00:01:12,258 --> 00:01:14,675
I just landed
the most exciting job
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00:01:14,771 --> 00:01:16,352
of my career since Dutch.
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00:01:16,448 --> 00:01:18,479
I'm styling four fabulous
drag queens
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00:01:18,576 --> 00:01:21,219
for their club's annual
Hollywood Icon Night.
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00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,153
Wait, what does that
have to do with her thing?
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00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,990
Oh, I was just changing
the subject.
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00:01:25,087 --> 00:01:26,344
But if y'all wanna keep talking
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00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:27,860
about a boring
children's political event,
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00:01:27,956 --> 00:01:30,212
then sure, let's do that.
39
00:01:30,309 --> 00:01:31,888
Wait, wait, wait.
40
00:01:31,985 --> 00:01:33,759
So, if none of us
are gonna be your partner,
41
00:01:33,855 --> 00:01:36,337
- then that means...
- Spencer's gonna do it!
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00:01:37,304 --> 00:01:40,109
It's always been my dream
to be on a reality TV show.
43
00:01:40,205 --> 00:01:43,783
My audition
for Naked and Afraid was choice!
44
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:44,847
What's in the pack, dude?
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00:01:44,944 --> 00:01:46,394
Rocks, to help me
be strong.
46
00:01:46,491 --> 00:01:49,360
When we were kids, Spencer and I
crushed every game night.
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00:01:49,456 --> 00:01:51,359
We were the best team ever.
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00:01:51,455 --> 00:01:52,713
Ha!
Oh!
49
00:01:52,810 --> 00:01:56,097
Yeah.
I think y'all are gonna win.
50
00:01:57,612 --> 00:01:59,353
I know you see ♪
51
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,867
♪ Somehow the world
will change for me ♪
52
00:02:01,963 --> 00:02:04,994
And be so wonderful ♪
53
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:09,217
♪ So wake up the members
of my nation ♪
54
00:02:09,313 --> 00:02:10,828
It's your time to be ♪
55
00:02:10,925 --> 00:02:13,504
♪ There's no chance
unless you take one ♪
56
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,179
♪ And the time to see
the brighter side ♪
57
00:02:16,276 --> 00:02:19,370
Of every situation ♪
58
00:02:19,467 --> 00:02:21,304
♪ Some things
are meant to be ♪
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00:02:21,401 --> 00:02:25,044
♪ So give me your best
and leave the rest to me. ♪
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00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:30,492
Well, if Malaysia had better
garbage-sorting processes...
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00:02:30,588 --> 00:02:32,038
If Norway can't be bothered
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00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:34,069
to separate trash
from recyclables,
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00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,552
then Malaysia's gonna send
that trash back home.
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00:02:36,648 --> 00:02:39,871
'Cause that's what you are,
Henry Von Biedermeyer,
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00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:41,773
the king of garbage.
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00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,901
Geez, Millicent, I feel like
my race to win a million dollars
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00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:47,221
is less intense
than your Model UN tournament.
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00:02:47,318 --> 00:02:50,090
Yeah, you don't want it as bad.
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00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,281
Thanks for helping me, Dad.
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00:02:53,378 --> 00:02:55,668
I couldn't destroy
Von Biedermeyer without you.
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00:02:57,955 --> 00:02:59,600
Okay.
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00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:00,986
I'm in huge trouble.
73
00:03:01,083 --> 00:03:02,113
Why?
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00:03:02,211 --> 00:03:03,694
Millicent's teacher
reached out
75
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:06,240
and asked me to get her
to tone it down.
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00:03:06,337 --> 00:03:08,689
Wait.
Millicent, tone it down?
77
00:03:08,786 --> 00:03:10,302
- Mm-hmm.
- That's like asking
78
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,687
Ricky Martin to be less sexy.
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00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:15,009
Never gonna happen.
80
00:03:15,105 --> 00:03:17,103
Well, apparently
she is so competitive,
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00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,295
she already drove out
seven other participants.
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00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:22,389
There's no South America now.
It's just gone.
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00:03:22,486 --> 00:03:24,582
I'm worried
she's turning into Spencer.
84
00:03:24,679 --> 00:03:27,257
What?
But Spencer was never like that.
85
00:03:27,354 --> 00:03:28,997
Remember how much fun
86
00:03:29,094 --> 00:03:31,158
we had at game nights
when we were kids?
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00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:36,734
Way to go, Carly, it's like
you're not even trying.
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00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,571
Now, put the green piece here.
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00:03:38,668 --> 00:03:41,893
You destroy every game.
90
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,115
I have to go.
My mom's having GI problems.
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00:03:47,114 --> 00:03:48,887
See?
He can't take us.
92
00:03:48,984 --> 00:03:50,789
Mm-mm.
93
00:03:50,886 --> 00:03:52,820
Oh, to be young.
94
00:03:52,917 --> 00:03:55,398
And bossed around
by your big brother.
95
00:03:55,495 --> 00:03:59,428
Spencer never bossed me around.
He just loves to win.
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00:03:59,525 --> 00:04:00,813
You know who he's like?
97
00:04:00,910 --> 00:04:02,780
- Seabiscuit.
- Kim Jong-un.
98
00:04:03,554 --> 00:04:04,488
Seabiscuit?
99
00:04:04,585 --> 00:04:06,036
Yeah, 'cause he's determined,
100
00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:08,196
he never gives up,
and he's liable to poop
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00:04:08,293 --> 00:04:09,678
absolutely anywhere.
102
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,128
Wait, did you say
Kim Jong-un?
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00:04:13,225 --> 00:04:15,319
Did you say anywhere?
104
00:04:18,543 --> 00:04:21,831
Ladies of substance...
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00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,086
Auntie Histamine,
Kimmy Kimmy Moore,
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00:04:25,183 --> 00:04:26,505
Cruella Tensions,
107
00:04:26,602 --> 00:04:29,245
and the wickedly talented
Lana del Slay,
108
00:04:29,342 --> 00:04:32,791
I am honored that you chose me
to style your drag night.
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00:04:32,887 --> 00:04:34,145
As you should be.
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00:04:34,242 --> 00:04:36,723
We are some
choosy bitches.
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00:04:38,818 --> 00:04:41,719
First, a classic Audrey.
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00:04:41,817 --> 00:04:44,137
A woman waits her whole life
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00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:46,201
for a pearl necklace
that thick.
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00:04:46,297 --> 00:04:49,908
You will always love this--
Whitney.
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00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:52,584
The one and only time
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00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,743
someone has ever improved
on Dolly Parton.
117
00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:57,612
Third, we have Marilyn.
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00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:00,642
I even figured out a way
to install a fan
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00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:02,027
to make the wind blow.
120
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:05,509
Oh, who is this wind,
and how do I meet him?
121
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:09,055
And our final look,
little more modern,
122
00:05:09,152 --> 00:05:11,054
but still iconic.
123
00:05:11,151 --> 00:05:12,504
Reese.
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00:05:14,052 --> 00:05:17,050
I am, for lack
of a better word, agog.
125
00:05:17,146 --> 00:05:19,112
Ooh, amazing!
126
00:05:19,209 --> 00:05:21,271
Now, you all just have to choose
which look you want.
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00:05:21,368 --> 00:05:23,915
Any preferences?
Reese!
128
00:05:24,012 --> 00:05:26,268
What?
I already pulled wardrobe.
129
00:05:26,365 --> 00:05:27,622
You can't all be Reese.
130
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,846
Well, with a good enough
stylist, we can.
131
00:05:29,943 --> 00:05:33,200
Alexa, find us
a better stylist.
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00:05:33,296 --> 00:05:38,228
Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
133
00:05:38,325 --> 00:05:39,613
Wait!
No, I can do it.
134
00:05:39,710 --> 00:05:41,870
I can make all four of you
Reese Witherspoon.
135
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,578
Yay, thank you, Harper.
136
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:45,384
Harper, you brought
the town together
137
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,705
and saved the day,
138
00:05:46,802 --> 00:05:48,672
just like Reese Weatherspoon
in Pleasantville,
139
00:05:48,769 --> 00:05:50,089
Reese Witherspoon
in Home Again,
140
00:05:50,186 --> 00:05:51,927
and Reese Witherspoon
in Legally Blonde 2:
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00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:53,894
Red, White and Blonde.
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00:05:55,602 --> 00:05:57,376
Well, buckle up, bitches,
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00:05:57,472 --> 00:06:00,985
'cause it's gonna be
an embarrassment of Reeses.
144
00:06:02,275 --> 00:06:04,305
Reese! Reese! Reese!
145
00:06:04,402 --> 00:06:08,110
Reese! Reese!
Reese! Reese! Reese!
146
00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:11,075
So, what were you thinking
147
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:12,589
for your Great Big Globetrot
intro video?
148
00:06:12,686 --> 00:06:16,103
Well, I set up
a spaghetti taco station.
149
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:17,587
- Ooh.
- I thought we could talk
150
00:06:17,684 --> 00:06:18,876
about how Spencer invented 'em.
151
00:06:18,972 --> 00:06:20,842
- Ah.
- That man could fly to the sun
152
00:06:20,938 --> 00:06:22,325
if he put his mind to it.
153
00:06:22,422 --> 00:06:25,258
These rich people need to stop
going into space.
154
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,997
Hey, I came up with the most fun
idea for our video.
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00:06:29,094 --> 00:06:30,384
Already done.
156
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,381
Some think artistic perfection
can't be achieved.
157
00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,187
Uh, they haven't seen this.
158
00:06:36,766 --> 00:06:40,634
♪ Do it, do it,
do it all night ♪
159
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:45,018
♪ Do it now,
make me feel right ♪
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00:06:49,853 --> 00:06:51,013
Whoo!
161
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:53,044
But shouldn't I be
in our team video?
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00:06:53,141 --> 00:06:55,269
Nah.
See you guys later.
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00:06:57,493 --> 00:06:58,846
Ah.
164
00:06:58,943 --> 00:07:01,426
What?
That wasn't so bad.
165
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,972
Come on, Carly,
this is exactly
166
00:07:03,070 --> 00:07:04,778
what he's been doing
since we were kids.
167
00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:06,133
Oh, I don't think so.
168
00:07:06,229 --> 00:07:08,453
Oh, no?
Think harder.
169
00:07:12,321 --> 00:07:14,126
Oh, way to go, Carly.
170
00:07:14,222 --> 00:07:16,028
It's like
you're not even trying.
171
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,478
Now, put the green piece there.
172
00:07:17,576 --> 00:07:19,735
You destroy every game.
173
00:07:19,832 --> 00:07:23,055
I have to go.
My mom's having GI problems.
174
00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:26,150
See?
He can't take us.
175
00:07:27,375 --> 00:07:28,986
Was that a flick?
176
00:07:32,081 --> 00:07:33,500
Hey!
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00:07:35,337 --> 00:07:37,464
Oh, my God.
You're right!
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00:07:37,561 --> 00:07:40,720
Except for the thick shiny hair,
he's not like Seabiscuit at all.
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00:07:40,817 --> 00:07:41,977
- Mm.
- Wait.
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00:07:42,074 --> 00:07:44,137
So, your mom didn't have
GI problems?
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00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:45,685
No, she did,
I just didn't need
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00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,005
to leave game night
because of them.
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00:07:47,102 --> 00:07:49,971
- You chose to.
- I'm a good boy.
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00:07:57,062 --> 00:07:59,127
Spencer, I know
you wanted to train
185
00:07:59,223 --> 00:08:00,351
for the audition challenge,
186
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,446
but I want to talk to you
about our video.
187
00:08:02,543 --> 00:08:05,154
Well, I guess your video.
188
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,314
What is that?!
189
00:08:06,411 --> 00:08:08,442
Precipitation.
Ever heard of it, Carly?
190
00:08:08,538 --> 00:08:09,828
Dude, we live in Seattle.
191
00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:11,762
On The Globetrot,
you gotta be prepared
192
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,276
to compete in any
and all conditions--
193
00:08:14,373 --> 00:08:16,468
rain, sleet, snow, sharknadoes.
194
00:08:16,566 --> 00:08:17,661
I need to talk to you
about the video--
195
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,725
No!
Stop flapping your gums
196
00:08:19,821 --> 00:08:22,464
and start working your guns.
Drop and give me 20.
197
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:23,528
Spencer, I am not gonna--
198
00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:25,301
- Go, go, go!
- What?
199
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,171
Clap in between 'em.
200
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,297
We really need
to discuss the--
201
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:32,328
Jumping jacks!
202
00:08:32,425 --> 00:08:33,972
- What?
- Twist.
203
00:08:34,069 --> 00:08:35,777
Now you're in
the rain forest.
204
00:08:35,875 --> 00:08:37,969
But look out,
the wind is picking up.
205
00:08:41,515 --> 00:08:43,771
Get your vitamins.
Drink, don't think.
206
00:08:46,995 --> 00:08:48,123
What is in this?!
207
00:08:48,219 --> 00:08:50,153
Chilis, cayenne,
and some ghost jalapeños
208
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:52,475
I got off a shaman
in Little Oaxaca.
209
00:08:52,571 --> 00:08:54,860
Food challenges are a huge part
of The Globetrot.
210
00:08:54,957 --> 00:08:57,503
No, Spencer, I need to...
211
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:58,986
Ah...
212
00:08:59,084 --> 00:09:00,887
Oh, my God,
my mouth is on fire.
213
00:09:00,985 --> 00:09:03,692
I think I'm gonna...
214
00:09:03,788 --> 00:09:05,336
No, you can throw up
in the smoothie cup,
215
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,754
but you will have to drink
the vomit after.
216
00:09:11,848 --> 00:09:14,782
I stayed up all night,
I sewed until my fingers bled,
217
00:09:14,878 --> 00:09:16,909
I watched so many
Reese Witherspoon movies
218
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:19,745
that when I tried to scream,
all that came out was sunshine.
219
00:09:21,002 --> 00:09:22,679
But I got it done.
220
00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:27,095
Girl, you read us all wrong.
221
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:28,803
Now, what now?
222
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:31,253
You think
I'm Elle Woods?
223
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:34,122
I obviously emanate
the bubbly-yet-powerful charisma
224
00:09:34,219 --> 00:09:36,927
of Melanie Carmichael,
née Smooter,
225
00:09:37,024 --> 00:09:39,796
from Sweet Home Alabama.
226
00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:41,762
Girl, she didn't even
make the costume
227
00:09:41,859 --> 00:09:43,664
from Sweet Home Alabama.
228
00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:47,049
39% on Rotten Tomatoes?
Now, that's homophobic.
229
00:09:47,145 --> 00:09:48,886
And I'm clearly
230
00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:51,433
Kate "Cootie" Kinkaid
from Four Christmases.
231
00:09:51,529 --> 00:09:54,205
Wait, stop!
I worked really hard on this.
232
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,397
You can't just do that.
233
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:57,041
Girl!
Move some paper
234
00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,136
with a piece of tape on it?
Henny, I just did.
235
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:02,425
Harper, you can't interfere
with fate.
236
00:10:02,521 --> 00:10:03,456
That's why it's fate.
237
00:10:03,552 --> 00:10:06,744
Well, well, well.
238
00:10:06,841 --> 00:10:10,000
Look who just quoted
Tracy Flick.
239
00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:13,126
The very bitch
I picked to dress like her.
240
00:10:18,413 --> 00:10:19,767
If I could go back in time,
241
00:10:19,863 --> 00:10:21,991
I wouldn't do a damn thing differently.
242
00:10:22,087 --> 00:10:24,474
Cheryl Strayed, Wild.
243
00:10:26,182 --> 00:10:29,986
Alexa, we found
a really good stylist.
244
00:10:34,821 --> 00:10:37,335
"So, that's why in the spirit
of world peace,
245
00:10:37,432 --> 00:10:40,913
we are pleased to compromise
with the Kingdom of Norway."
246
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:43,201
Do you mind if I make some edits
to the speech you wrote?
247
00:10:43,298 --> 00:10:44,749
Yeah.
248
00:10:47,425 --> 00:10:48,875
I just want you
249
00:10:48,971 --> 00:10:50,648
to get along better
with your classmates,
250
00:10:50,744 --> 00:10:52,260
and for your teacher
to stop calling me
251
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:53,678
to say she's afraid of you.
252
00:10:53,775 --> 00:10:55,773
She carries a squirrel around
on the weekends
253
00:10:55,869 --> 00:10:57,127
so people will talk to her.
254
00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:59,899
So, maybe we don't
take her advice.
255
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,090
Can you just try?
For me?
256
00:11:04,186 --> 00:11:08,054
Sure, I can try
to "dial down" my "intensity"
257
00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:10,795
because it's "intimidating"
to "losers."
258
00:11:10,892 --> 00:11:12,954
I'm not asking you to do that,
I am just asking you
259
00:11:13,051 --> 00:11:15,340
to make your Model UN speech
less hostile.
260
00:11:15,437 --> 00:11:17,564
That's literally
what I just said.
261
00:11:18,821 --> 00:11:22,238
Now we're in Antarctica!
It's raining ice!
262
00:11:22,335 --> 00:11:25,236
You just saw a penguin,
he looks like a little butler.
263
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,461
But you can't talk to him.
264
00:11:26,558 --> 00:11:28,588
Do I have time
to use the bathroom?
265
00:11:28,685 --> 00:11:30,651
None!
Pee as you run, Carly!
266
00:11:30,748 --> 00:11:32,360
Pee as you run!
267
00:11:33,424 --> 00:11:35,551
Okay, my Reese's pieces.
268
00:11:35,648 --> 00:11:37,840
After four
emergency alterations
269
00:11:37,936 --> 00:11:40,902
and several renditions
of a cappella "Respect,"
270
00:11:40,999 --> 00:11:42,901
are y'all finally ready?
271
00:11:42,997 --> 00:11:45,028
We are!
272
00:11:45,125 --> 00:11:48,251
Ow, and we look
spectacular!
273
00:11:49,218 --> 00:11:52,152
Honey, you turned us out!
274
00:11:53,377 --> 00:11:57,535
I am a Christmas bell.
Jingle!
275
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,952
Whoever said Harper
couldn't pull this off
276
00:12:01,049 --> 00:12:03,692
was seriously misguided.
277
00:12:03,789 --> 00:12:06,045
Well, ladies,
we could go on and on
278
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,688
about how I masterfully
wove you into the fabric
279
00:12:08,785 --> 00:12:10,623
of the Witherspoon
cinematic universe,
280
00:12:10,719 --> 00:12:12,525
but if you don't get going,
you'll miss drag night.
281
00:12:12,621 --> 00:12:15,200
Oh!
Drag night!
282
00:12:17,328 --> 00:12:19,003
Was canceled.
283
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,712
Yeah, the emcee called
two hours ago.
284
00:12:20,809 --> 00:12:24,451
The club was sold.
It's becoming a Baby Gap.
285
00:12:25,966 --> 00:12:28,449
So, all this work
was for nothing?
286
00:12:28,545 --> 00:12:30,608
Wait, why did y'all
make that grand entrance?
287
00:12:30,704 --> 00:12:33,123
Why do Trader Joe's employees
look at one item in your cart
288
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,378
and say, "Oh, I haven't
tried that yet"?
289
00:12:36,475 --> 00:12:38,119
It's in our nature.
290
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:42,180
Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
291
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,532
No.
292
00:12:48,499 --> 00:12:50,175
You know who wouldn't
stand for this?
293
00:12:50,271 --> 00:12:52,238
Reese Witherspoon.
294
00:12:52,335 --> 00:12:54,010
You're going to have
that drag night,
295
00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:58,975
even if I have to bend
and snap somebody's neck.
296
00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:00,168
Ooh!
297
00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:04,454
We're going to the audition
in a limo?
298
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,582
Yeah.
That way, we get there faster.
299
00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:08,354
It's a longer car.
The math works.
300
00:13:08,451 --> 00:13:10,773
Well, why are we sitting
in the front?
301
00:13:10,869 --> 00:13:13,254
So we get there sooner.
Keep up!
302
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:15,673
Hi, iCarly.
I'm Raoul.
303
00:13:15,769 --> 00:13:17,382
Can you believe
it's my first day
304
00:13:17,478 --> 00:13:19,541
and I get to chauffeur
a celebrity?
305
00:13:19,637 --> 00:13:20,991
First day?
306
00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:23,054
- My wife made sandwiches.
- Oh.
307
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:24,344
If you like egg salad
308
00:13:24,441 --> 00:13:25,858
with the freaking perfect
amount of dill,
309
00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:27,084
you're in for a treat.
310
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:28,759
Raoul, I'm gonna
need you to drive
311
00:13:28,857 --> 00:13:29,985
like you just realized
you forgot
312
00:13:30,082 --> 00:13:31,660
your wife's sandwiches at home.
313
00:13:31,758 --> 00:13:33,562
Oh.
This is too real.
314
00:13:33,659 --> 00:13:35,110
You can do this, Raoul.
315
00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:36,399
Okay.
316
00:13:36,495 --> 00:13:38,592
I can't believe
I'm really in a limo!
317
00:13:38,688 --> 00:13:40,977
Whee!
318
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:43,072
You will arrive
at your destination
319
00:13:43,168 --> 00:13:44,394
in 17 minutes.
320
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,134
In half a mile,
turn right.
321
00:13:46,231 --> 00:13:47,327
You know what, Raoul?
322
00:13:47,424 --> 00:13:48,584
Hang a left up here,
it's a shortcut.
323
00:13:48,681 --> 00:13:51,132
What?
No, the GPS literally says...
324
00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:53,098
- New route detected.
325
00:13:53,194 --> 00:13:55,063
You will arrive in 23 minutes.
326
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,287
Ooh, more time
in the limo!
327
00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:59,737
- Spencer!
- It's okay, it's okay.
328
00:13:59,835 --> 00:14:01,575
- Hey, turn right.
- Turning right.
329
00:14:01,671 --> 00:14:03,993
You will arrive
in 31 minutes.
330
00:14:04,090 --> 00:14:05,766
Raoul, just stop
listening to Spencer.
331
00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:07,377
- Take the freeway.
- No, Raoul,
332
00:14:07,474 --> 00:14:09,343
stop listening to Carly,
she's always wrong.
333
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:10,666
A little bit about me.
334
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:13,115
Conflict really exacerbates
my eczema.
335
00:14:13,211 --> 00:14:14,984
Can one of you
pass me my skin ointment?
336
00:14:15,081 --> 00:14:16,403
It's right next
to the egg salad.
337
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,369
Look, can we please
just take the freeway?
338
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,561
It's faster.
The on-ramp is on the right.
339
00:14:20,658 --> 00:14:21,850
No, take Ballard Bridge.
340
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:23,108
We can make up the time we lost.
Turn left.
341
00:14:23,204 --> 00:14:25,461
Could you just
listen to me for once?
342
00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:26,460
Left or right?
343
00:14:26,557 --> 00:14:27,524
- Left!
- Right!
344
00:14:27,620 --> 00:14:28,684
Raoul, turn left right now!
345
00:14:32,649 --> 00:14:33,939
Why did we stop?
What's happening?
346
00:14:34,035 --> 00:14:35,485
Ballard Bridge
raised for ferry crossing.
347
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,968
You will arrive in 57 minutes.
348
00:14:38,774 --> 00:14:41,643
Oh my God, the bridge
is gonna split in half!
349
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:46,187
Raoul, here's your ointment.
350
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,633
Spencer Shay.
Carly Shay.
351
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,117
We're here.
We made it.
352
00:14:56,213 --> 00:14:58,244
- Yeah.
- Oh, the audition challenge
353
00:14:58,341 --> 00:14:59,565
started 20 minutes ago.
354
00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:01,983
I'm so sorry,
you've been disqualified.
355
00:15:02,079 --> 00:15:04,433
You are no longer
hot to trot.
356
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:08,075
After all I did to get here,
it's over just like that?
357
00:15:08,172 --> 00:15:12,750
You were actually able to skip
most of the audition process
358
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:14,394
because you're famous.
359
00:15:15,328 --> 00:15:16,972
I acknowledge my privilege.
360
00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:23,581
I can't believe
we got disqualified.
361
00:15:23,677 --> 00:15:25,063
I hate to say it, Carly, but...
362
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,675
- Thank you for apologizing.
- ...it's all your fault.
363
00:15:26,771 --> 00:15:29,673
My fault?
You ignored the GPS.
364
00:15:29,770 --> 00:15:31,833
Yeah, what does a GPS know
that I don't?
365
00:15:31,929 --> 00:15:33,025
Everything.
366
00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:35,378
It knows everything.
367
00:15:38,957 --> 00:15:40,440
Was that a flick?
368
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,921
Oh...
369
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,854
No, you don't.
No, you don't.
370
00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,594
Guys, guys, guys!
Oh!
371
00:15:49,691 --> 00:15:52,366
We are loving
this sibling rivalry.
372
00:15:52,462 --> 00:15:54,526
We want you back
in the challenge.
373
00:15:54,623 --> 00:15:56,202
And I want you in my bed.
374
00:15:56,299 --> 00:15:58,072
Oh, whoa.
375
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,941
That was highly inappropriate.
376
00:16:01,037 --> 00:16:02,423
But I meant it.
377
00:16:03,486 --> 00:16:04,744
You know what,
you can take him.
378
00:16:04,841 --> 00:16:06,194
I can't deal with him anymore.
379
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:09,322
Oh, I know this is raw,
I know this is painful.
380
00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:13,028
I do need you
to save it for the cameras.
381
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:14,415
We're out.
382
00:16:14,511 --> 00:16:17,252
You're a content creator, right?
383
00:16:17,349 --> 00:16:19,508
Some contestants
on our show
384
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:23,473
get more than a million
new followers.
385
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:26,212
Let's do a challenge, bro.
386
00:16:26,309 --> 00:16:28,179
So, it's pretty simple.
387
00:16:28,276 --> 00:16:30,791
Just slingshot a melon
to knock over a target
388
00:16:30,887 --> 00:16:33,111
and you qualify for the race.
389
00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,174
Is that target
a mom with a baby?
390
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:39,300
Yeah, the fire department
uses these to practice rescues.
391
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:42,524
So, which one of you
is flinging fruit?
392
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:44,490
- I am!
- Fine.
393
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,134
I'll save my melon skills
for later.
394
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:56,739
Did I hit a target?
395
00:16:56,836 --> 00:16:59,931
No, you hit my coworker Benjamin.
396
00:17:00,027 --> 00:17:02,607
Great job.
He's insufferable.
397
00:17:08,473 --> 00:17:09,504
Millicent.
398
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:11,760
Von Biedermeyer.
399
00:17:11,857 --> 00:17:14,468
Actually, I go
by Von Gavelmeyer now,
400
00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:17,015
because I keep winning
all these gavels.
401
00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:19,303
I haven't heard
anyone call you that.
402
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,688
Then I guess you haven't been
talking to my mother.
403
00:17:22,784 --> 00:17:24,783
Look, I know that it's tough
404
00:17:24,881 --> 00:17:26,911
to be nice, but it's really
important because--
405
00:17:27,008 --> 00:17:29,296
Oh, my Reese Witherspoon.
406
00:17:31,069 --> 00:17:33,552
Harper, what are you doing here?
407
00:17:33,649 --> 00:17:36,710
We needed a new venue
for drag night.
408
00:17:36,807 --> 00:17:38,000
Why are you here?
409
00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:40,224
Model UN.
I told you all about it.
410
00:17:40,321 --> 00:17:43,931
Oh, this is that boring
children's political event?
411
00:17:45,026 --> 00:17:48,831
Harper, we cannot have
drag night and Model UN.
412
00:17:49,604 --> 00:17:51,699
Unless...
413
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,954
So, I guess Malaysia
will compromise on garbage
414
00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:58,372
and everything else,
until every last drop of joy
415
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:01,369
has been sapped from the thing
they used to love most.
416
00:18:04,239 --> 00:18:05,399
Yay!
417
00:18:06,301 --> 00:18:08,366
Thank you,
delegate from Malaysia.
418
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,234
It's not too often
you see such a young spark
419
00:18:11,331 --> 00:18:12,845
flicker out so quickly.
420
00:18:14,102 --> 00:18:16,166
Next, the chair
recognizes the delegate
421
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:20,002
from Four Christmases,
Reese Witherspoon!
422
00:18:21,872 --> 00:18:25,417
♪ God rest ye merry, gentlemen,
let nothing you dismay ♪
423
00:18:25,514 --> 00:18:29,414
♪ Remember Christ our Savior
was born on Christmas Day ♪
424
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,444
♪ To save us all
from Satan's power ♪
425
00:18:31,542 --> 00:18:33,315
When we were gone astray ♪
426
00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:37,053
♪ Oh, tidings of comfort
and joy, comfort and joy ♪
427
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,698
♪ Oh, tidings
of comfort and joy ♪
428
00:18:39,794 --> 00:18:40,665
Joy ♪
429
00:18:44,049 --> 00:18:46,015
I feel terrible that I made
Millicent tone it down.
430
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:48,755
Baby, why would you
ask her to tone it down
431
00:18:48,851 --> 00:18:51,559
when she was clearly born
to turn it up?
432
00:18:52,526 --> 00:18:55,848
Millicent, that speech
was deliciously asinine.
433
00:18:55,944 --> 00:18:59,199
Glad Ms. Cox passed along
the message from my mother
434
00:18:59,296 --> 00:19:02,230
that you should tone it down.
435
00:19:04,937 --> 00:19:10,514
- Dad?
- * Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
436
00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:12,191
Destroy Gavelmeyer.
437
00:19:13,898 --> 00:19:15,961
Oh, Henry?
438
00:19:18,315 --> 00:19:19,991
Quick FYI.
439
00:19:20,087 --> 00:19:21,474
I'm out on your resolution,
440
00:19:21,570 --> 00:19:24,632
and I'm introducing one
to censure Norway instead.
441
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,019
You can't do that.
442
00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:29,114
What are you gonna do,
throw smoked salmon on me?
443
00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,434
Dump a bottle of Voss water
on my head?
444
00:19:31,532 --> 00:19:32,724
Yeah, that's right.
445
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:35,850
My dad researched
all of Norway's top exports,
446
00:19:35,947 --> 00:19:40,299
and they're pathetic,
just like you.
447
00:19:40,395 --> 00:19:44,586
Yes!
Drag him, mama!
448
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,068
Now, sashay, Norway.
449
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:50,936
Mommy!
450
00:19:52,807 --> 00:19:56,158
Yeah, there's no way
she's getting that gavel.
451
00:19:56,255 --> 00:19:58,318
I love my little tyrant
so much.
452
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,408
Pretend the target
is someone you hate.
453
00:20:08,505 --> 00:20:09,729
I am.
454
00:20:13,661 --> 00:20:15,628
Uh, did the medic go home?
455
00:20:15,725 --> 00:20:18,723
Just listen to me,
I'm always right.
456
00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:21,591
No, you're not.
And you won't listen to me.
457
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,202
When we play games,
you never have.
458
00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:26,362
I just wanted to win.
459
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,781
I didn't know
it made you feel bad.
460
00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:29,424
- Why didn't you say anything?
- I don't know.
461
00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:31,068
Probably because
when we were kids
462
00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:32,713
you were like my hero.
463
00:20:32,809 --> 00:20:35,582
And I still am.
I understand.
464
00:20:35,678 --> 00:20:37,258
No, doofus.
465
00:20:37,806 --> 00:20:39,965
I've been trying
to talk to you all day.
466
00:20:40,062 --> 00:20:42,738
I love you, but when we play
games together now,
467
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,768
I wanna be treated
like an equal.
468
00:20:44,865 --> 00:20:47,122
Guys, I'm sorry,
they're setting up
469
00:20:47,218 --> 00:20:49,603
for a kids' soccer game,
and we learned the hard way
470
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,506
that you can't do that
and melon catapulting
471
00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:53,762
at the same time.
You need to quit.
472
00:20:54,698 --> 00:20:55,858
No.
473
00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:57,340
My sister's doing a great job,
474
00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:58,856
and we're not leaving
until she hits that target,
475
00:20:58,952 --> 00:21:00,500
which she can do,
and she's gonna do.
476
00:21:01,692 --> 00:21:03,465
'Cause she is my equal.
477
00:21:09,428 --> 00:21:10,943
You got this.
478
00:21:16,133 --> 00:21:18,325
- Aah!
- Spencer!
479
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,160
Are you there?
480
00:21:23,257 --> 00:21:24,417
What is it?
481
00:21:24,514 --> 00:21:28,511
Tell my story.
But make it sound cooler.
482
00:21:29,317 --> 00:21:31,832
It'd be hard to make it
sound dumber.
483
00:21:36,474 --> 00:21:38,826
So, I didn't make it
on The Great Big Globetrot,
484
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,857
and you didn't win
the Golden Gavel.
485
00:21:40,954 --> 00:21:42,919
But there's always next year.
486
00:21:43,017 --> 00:21:46,144
Hopefully, there won't be
a Von Biedermeyer next year.
487
00:21:49,335 --> 00:21:51,817
We're gonna talk about
what you just said later.
488
00:21:53,977 --> 00:21:55,073
What are you doing?
489
00:21:55,169 --> 00:21:57,845
Ah.
I keep finding more melon.
490
00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,101
I gotta use the restroom.
491
00:22:01,424 --> 00:22:03,131
Uh...
492
00:22:05,903 --> 00:22:08,031
Who is your stylist?
493
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:37,333
Ooh!
494
00:22:37,430 --> 00:22:39,557
He hates these cans.
36128
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