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It's The Muppet Show, with our special
guest star, Miss Valerie Harper.
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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Hey, did you know that if Tuesday Weld
married Frederick March's grandson,
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she'd be Tuesday March the Second? Ah!
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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Miss Valerie Harper!
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[GONG TOLLS]
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-Hey, uh, George. George?
-What? What? What?
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Would you clean up this backstage?
This whole place is a mess.
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Yeah. Of course it's a mess, with all
these Muppets exploding around here.
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Every time I turn around,
there's somebody blowing his top.
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Aw, George, that is a slight exaggeration,
isn't it?
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Yeah.
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I guess it's all in my mind.
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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Am I in the right place?
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Oh, Valerie Harper.
Welcome to The Muppet Show.
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-We're glad you can come and be with us.
-Oh, me too, Kermit.
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You know, I'm not filming Rhoda this week,
I got a hiatus.
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Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
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Did you get it lifting something?
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-Oh... no.
-Maybe you should see a doctor.
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Kermit, that means we're on vacation.
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And, um, well, you see,
I'm a total Muppet freak--
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Everyone in this joint is a freak.
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See what I mean?
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Uh, George, this is Valerie Harper.
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-Hello.
-She's on hiatus.
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Hm. I'm George the Janitor,
I'm on vitamin E.
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Move it.
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-You have to, uh, forgive George there.
-Okay.
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-You were saying, Valerie.
-Yes, I was hoping
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that, uh, you might let me do
a big opening number on the show.
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Oh. We had planned to open the show with
Bertha Beasley and Her Galloping Geese.
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-Yes.
-Uh, but actually,
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Bertha isn't here yet
and the show's about to start.
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-She won't be here, Kermit.
-Uh, what?
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I, uh, scotch-taped a bushel of birdseed
to her body.
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Even as we speak,
geese are pecking her into oblivion.
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-Oh, wow, you are some determined lady.
-I certainly am, Kermit.
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Look, I can do it
if you just give me the chance.
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Kermit, television is great,
but I gotta get back on those boards.
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You know what it's like, a live audience,
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smell of the grease paint,
the roar of the crowd.
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At least let me audition for you,
will you?
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Sure. Go on ahead.
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[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ I'm just a Broadway baby ♪
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♪ Walking off my tired feet ♪
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♪ Pounding 42nd Street ♪
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♪ To be in a show ♪
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♪ Oh, vo-do-dee-o ♪
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♪ Broadway baby ♪
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♪ Learning how to sing and dance ♪
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♪ Waiting for that one big chance ♪
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♪ To be in a show ♪
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♪ Oh ♪
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♪ Gee, I'd love to be ♪
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♪ On a marquee ♪
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♪ All twinkling lights ♪
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♪ A spark to pierce the dark ♪
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♪ From Battery Park ♪
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♪ Way up to Washington Heights ♪
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♪ Someday maybe ♪
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♪ All my dreams will be repaid ♪
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♪ Heck, I'd even play the maid ♪
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♪ To be in a show ♪
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♪ Say, Mister Producer, oh ♪
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♪ Some girls get the breaks ♪
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♪ Just give me my cue, sir ♪
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♪ 'Cause I got what it takes ♪
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♪ Hey, Mister Producer ♪
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♪ Kermit, I'm talkin' to you, sir ♪
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♪ I don't need luck ♪
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♪ Only what I got ♪
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♪ Plus a tube of grease paint
And a follow spot ♪
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♪ Someday maybe ♪
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♪ If I stick it long enough ♪
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♪ I may get to strut my stuff, yeah ♪
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♪ Working for a nice man
Like a Ziegfeld or a Weissman ♪
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♪ In a bigtime ♪
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♪ Broadway ♪
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♪ Show ♪
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[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
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That was great.
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You were just wonderful, Valerie.
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You're going out on that stage a star,
102
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but you're gonna be
coming back a chorus girl.
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I'm not sure that's what I had in mind.
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-What a beautiful performer.
-Yeah, what a beautiful woman.
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-You know, Waldorf...
-Hm?
106
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I think I'll go backstage and meet her.
Hm!
107
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Why, you old fool, she wouldn't
have anything to do with you.
108
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Besides, I was thinking
of going backstage.
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You? Why, you're old enough
to be her grandfather.
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Ah, you geriatric joker.
We'll settle this, we'll flip for her.
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-Okay.
-One, two, three...
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[STATLER GRUNTS]
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You win.
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[SINGING GIBBERISH]
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[EXPLOSION]
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[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
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[CAKE YELLS]
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[CAKE SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
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[CHEF REPEATING CAKE'S GIBBERISH]
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[YELLS AND CONTINUES
SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
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...the caken smoosher.
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Hi-yah!
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Hey, chief.
124
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One of those hecklers
from the box is back here
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and he says he wants
to speak to Miss Harper.
126
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For goodness' sakes,
I've got a show to do.
127
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,158
I can't have every Tom, Dick, and Harry
coming back here.
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Hi, Tom. Hi, Dick. Hi, Harry.
129
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Of course, there are exceptions.
130
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Where is Miss Harper?
I demand to see her! I will not be denied!
131
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:27,841
Well, well. One of our hecklers
has turned into a stage-door-johnny.
132
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,885
Uh, Miss Harper is up in her dressing room
rehearsing her lines.
133
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Well, I've been rehearsing my lines too,
for when I meet her.
134
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:38,727
How's this? "Hiya, toots, you're some kind
of hot-looking tomato." Heh.
135
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,732
-That's a very old line.
-Well, I'm a very old man.
136
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,527
Hey, listen, stage-door-johnnies
are supposed to bring roses.
137
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-What is that thing?
-Oh. Roses are ordinaire.
138
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,992
This is a very special plant
for a very special lady.
139
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,785
It's an African berry bush.
140
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Grows at a rate of three feet an hour.
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Unless it rains, then it grows faster.
142
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:05,378
Uh, well, I suggest that you bury your
berry bush and bug out of here, buster.
143
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That's nice alliteration, huh?
144
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Hey, I'll have you know I've dated,
and wined and dined
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some of the finest performers
on the legitimate stage.
146
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Hayes, Langtry, Barrymore.
147
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Wait a minute, you dated Ethel Barrymore?
148
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No, Lionel.
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Ethel was busy that night.
150
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To tell you the truth,
we didn't dance much either.
151
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-Will you get out of here?
-No, I'll sit over here with my bush.
152
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Uh, I have the feeling this is gonna be
one of those shows.
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NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
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Dateline Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
155
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Doctors in Milwaukee
have reported a phenomenon
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never before witnessed in medical annals.
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Mr. Gus Klinger, a steam fitter,
158
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has, over a three-month period,
turned into a rug.
159
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,060
Here is his wife, Mrs. Klinger,
to explain what happened.
160
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:08,358
Well, it all started as a simple case
of shag pile on the belly,
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but then, gradually,
162
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:15,240
it spread, until he is now
a 9-by-12 carpet. With fringe.
163
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,702
I am just going to have to sue
for divorce, that's all.
164
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:23,248
-Well, why is that, Mrs. Klinger?
-Because he does not match the drapes.
165
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:30,755
Okay, now it is with great pleasure
and no little concern
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00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:34,259
that I present my dear friend Rowlf,
with an original poem
167
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,845
written, directed, and conceived by Rowlf,
168
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sort of a tour de force,
which is French for "blow your own horn."
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00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,728
So let's bring him on
with a great big hand.
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I've titled this original poem
"The Butterfly."
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[CLEARS THROAT]
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I saw a butterfly one beautiful morn
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Flitting silently on the dew-covered lawn
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And I thought to myself
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How wonderful it would be
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If only we could see
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Millions of these
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00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,920
Covering the mountains
The plains and the seas
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00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,881
I held out my hand
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00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,133
And motioned it to land
181
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:19,179
And as it did, I looked for another
Butterfly with which to mate it
182
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:23,016
I couldn't find one
So I sat down and ate it
183
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[SHOUTS]
184
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,774
It was only a joke, I'm just kidding.
185
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:34,652
Well, Statler would have loved that one,
but I hated it.
186
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:39,074
Okay, let's move that butterfly.
Move it, move it, move it.
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00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,576
[ROWLF SHOUTING AND GRUNTING]
188
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,662
Well, at least
you're better than that bear.
189
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,456
Not much, but...
190
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,084
Hey! What are you doing here?
191
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:53,880
Well, if it's any of your business,
janitor man, I'm waiting for Miss Harper.
192
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,842
Huh. Oh, looks like your plant
could use some watering.
193
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:01,930
Hmm? No! No! You fool! Oh, no!
194
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:06,226
This is an African berry bush.
It grows at an enormous rate.
195
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:10,480
It will grow and grow
and eat everything in sight.
196
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:14,317
It bears a striking resemblance
to my brother-in-law.
197
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:20,448
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
198
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:28,289
I think your brother
is going to buy you a house.
199
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:31,876
-Why?
-I heard him say you belong in a home.
200
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,920
Ha-ha-ha! Dip.
201
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,338
[GIRL SHRIEKS]
202
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:40,260
You know, I just can't
seem to hold on to a guy.
203
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:45,640
What is it, huh? I'm a real good-looker,
a neat dresser, and a great cook.
204
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:48,727
Come on, tell me now. What's my problem?
205
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:52,105
-You're too introverted.
-Yeah, maybe you're right.
206
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:59,988
Uh, this music they're playing is garbage!
Pure garbage, man.
207
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,865
Why do you say that?
208
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:05,702
Enough said?
209
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:10,165
-Uh, Dr. Tooth...
-Teeth.
210
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:14,002
Teeth. Do you think
honesty is the best policy?
211
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,879
Oh, positively.
212
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:19,007
Well, you are a terrible dancer.
213
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:24,137
Another crack like that and your
best policy will be an insurance policy.
214
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,934
You'd better be careful,
there's a bat coming your way.
215
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:33,938
Oh, that's all right.
My uncle was a vampire.
216
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,233
It's not that kind of a bat.
217
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,905
A definite improvement.
218
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:45,075
[PLAYING SIMPLE PIANO MELODY]
219
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,202
Uh, so, what do I do here?
220
00:13:47,285 --> 00:13:49,621
Oh, Sam, you just play
the part of the bird.
221
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:52,248
-Hm.
-It's not written for an eagle, but...
222
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,000
Hm. Well, is this cultural?
223
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:58,171
Oh, yeah, this is light opera.
Gilbert and Sullivan.
224
00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,381
Begin.
225
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:07,222
♪ On a tree by the river
A little tomtit sang... ♪
226
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,015
Uh, this is your part, Sam.
227
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,895
"Willow, titwillow, titwillow."
228
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:17,107
♪ And I said to him, "Dickybird..." ♪
229
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,776
That's you, Sam.
You play the part of the dickybird.
230
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,321
♪ Why do you sit, singing... ♪
231
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,324
Dickybird?
232
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:29,953
[SIGHS]
233
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:33,331
"Willow, titwillow, titwillow."
234
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:38,461
♪ "Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?"
I cried ♪
235
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,922
-Uh, not meaning you, Sam.
-Mm, yes, yes.
236
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,509
♪ Or a rather tough worm
In your little inside? ♪
237
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:49,097
♪ With a shake of his poor little head
He replied ♪
238
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,851
Oh. "Willow, titwillow, titwillow."
239
00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:01,776
♪ Now I feel just as sure
As I'm sure that my name isn't... ♪
240
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,655
"Willow, titwillow, titwillow."
241
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:10,243
♪ That 'twas blighted affection
That made him exclaim ♪
242
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,578
You wanna do this?
243
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:15,415
Uh, "Willow, titwillow, titwillow."
244
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:19,919
♪ And if you remain callous and obdurate
I... ♪
245
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,756
-What's "obdurate"?
-I don't know, Sam.
246
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:26,926
♪ Shall perish as he did
And you will know why ♪
247
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:31,681
♪ Though I probably
Shall not exclaim as I die ♪
248
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,600
This is the last one, Sam.
249
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,520
"Willow, titwillow...
250
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,065
titwillow."
251
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,816
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
252
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,401
Why are they laughing?
253
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,990
[MELLOW ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
254
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:50,492
[LAUGHS]
255
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,288
♪ Gonna find her ♪
256
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,875
♪Gonna find her ♪
257
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,671
♪ Gonna find her ♪
258
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:08,218
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
259
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,804
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Been searchin' ♪
260
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,224
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Searchin' ♪
261
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:22,315
♪ Searchin' every which a-way
Yeah, yeah ♪
262
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,860
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Searchin' ♪
263
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,487
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
264
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,614
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Searchin' ♪
265
00:16:29,698 --> 00:16:31,366
♪ Mm-hm ♪
266
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:37,497
♪ Searchin' every which a-way
Yeah, yeah ♪
267
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:43,211
♪ But I'm like a Northwest Mountie ♪
268
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:47,716
-♪ You know I'll bring her back someday ♪
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
269
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:52,262
♪ Gonna find her ♪
270
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:58,351
♪ Well, now, if I have to swim a river ♪
271
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:01,104
♪ You know I will ♪
272
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:05,775
♪ And if I have to climb a mountain ♪
273
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:08,653
♪ You know I will ♪
274
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:12,240
♪ And if she's a-hiding ♪
275
00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:15,618
♪ Up on a blueberry hill ♪
276
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:23,001
♪ Am I gonna find her, child?
You know I will ♪
277
00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:26,296
-♪ 'Cause I've been searchin' ♪
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
278
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,964
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
279
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,175
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
-♪ Searchin' ♪
280
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,926
♪ Goodness ♪
281
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:38,016
♪ Searchin' every which a-way
Yeah, yeah ♪
282
00:17:38,099 --> 00:17:43,688
♪ Well, I'm like that Northwest Mountie ♪
283
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:48,151
-♪ You know I'll bring her back someday ♪
-♪ Gonna find her ♪
284
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:53,073
♪ Gonna find her ♪
285
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:58,953
♪ Yeah, I'm like a Northwest Mountie ♪
286
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:03,041
-♪ You know I'll bring her back someday ♪
-♪ Gonna quit now ♪
287
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,710
I'll find you, darling.
288
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,087
♪ Gonna quit now ♪
289
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,506
I know you're around here someplace.
290
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,840
♪ Gonna quit now ♪
291
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,218
Oh, this is hard work.
292
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,969
♪ Gonna quit ♪
293
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,054
Okay.
294
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,229
Just think,
295
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:28,858
that old fool Statler's getting a chance
to meet Miss Harper backstage,
296
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:31,236
just because he could do a flip.
297
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:33,279
But I bet he can't do this.
298
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,199
[CHUCKLES]
299
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,993
Eh, sometimes I tickle myself.
300
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:41,496
In fact, I think I'll tickle myself now.
301
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,039
[LAUGHING]
302
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:47,627
[STATLER HUMMING]
303
00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:51,131
Statler! You gotta do something
about this crazy plant of yours.
304
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:54,134
Now, hold it right there.
I know my rights.
305
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,971
Section three, paragraph four.
Theatergoer's Manual.
306
00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,223
"Any member of the audience
has the right to-- "
307
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,892
-Oh, don't give me that hogwash!
-What did you say?
308
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:06,187
-"Don't give me that hogwash."
-All right, I was gonna wash the hogs,
309
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,857
but if you don't want the hogwash,
I'll just dump it here.
310
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,984
No, no, no! Not there!
311
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,111
What? Oh, no.
312
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:18,533
Help! Bush running amok!
Bush running amok!
313
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,910
-Help! Help! Help!
-[WOMAN SCREAMING]
314
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,830
-Oh, no, Help!
-I'll get you. Just hold still.
315
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:27,917
Hilda, I lost my comb.
Do you know where I can get a new one?
316
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:31,421
Oh, haven't you met Bernie,
our new makeup man?
317
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:35,675
-No, I guess I haven't.
-Oh. Uh, Bernie! Bernie!
318
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:39,554
Bernie, Miss Harper needs a comb, Bernie.
319
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,682
-Oh, hiya, Miss Harper.
-Hiya, Bernie.
320
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:47,395
I'll get you a comb in just a minute.
In the meantime, have an egg.
321
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:48,855
[HILDA GIGGLES]
322
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,400
Hilda, don't tell me he's...
323
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:55,528
That's right. He's the Easter Bernie.
324
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,781
Oh, ho! Oh, dear.
325
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:03,411
-Finally, they gave Hilda the pinch line.
-Don't you mean punch line?
326
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:07,082
-No, I mean the pinch line.
-How come?
327
00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:09,459
[ANIMAL SHOUTS, VALERIE SHRIEKS]
328
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:12,921
-That's how come.
-Hiya, sweetie.
329
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:18,343
Hilda, you want a punch line,
this is a punch line.
330
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,261
Aah!
331
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,263
Nice punch, Valerie.
332
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:29,229
[INSECTS CHIRPING AND KERMIT GRUNTING]
333
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:32,315
-On-stage for the next sketch, please.
-Uh, Kermit.
334
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,860
-Hm? What?
-Kermit, I cannot do my monologue.
335
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:39,155
-How come?
-Because the tree ate my cue cards.
336
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,949
[FOZZIE GRUNTING]
337
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:44,327
Statler! One of these days
I'm gonna get you for this.
338
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,037
Well, you could've avoided all this
339
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,124
if you had let me meet Miss Harper
when I asked.
340
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,751
The only person you're going
to meet back here is Tarzan.
341
00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:55,005
[TARZAN YELLING]
342
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,923
I hope he's a good dancer.
343
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:01,886
[CLEARS THROAT]
344
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:06,266
Once again, the happy harmonies,
the melodious melodies,
345
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:10,645
the warm warblings of Wayne and Wanda.
346
00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:13,481
Please, do it for me, or somebody.
347
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:25,910
♪ On a clear day ♪
348
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:30,498
♪ Rise and look around you ♪
349
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:32,625
♪ And you'll see ♪
350
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:37,380
♪ Where you are-- ♪
351
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,466
[BOTH COUGHING]
352
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:43,345
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
353
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,765
Dateline... Uh...
354
00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:49,059
Oh.
355
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,518
[CLEARS THROAT] Sorry.
356
00:21:54,397 --> 00:21:57,192
Kermit, I am so pleased
that you're gonna allow me
357
00:21:57,275 --> 00:21:59,944
to do a big dance number
to close the show.
358
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:03,114
Oh, listen, it's my pleasure.
Hey, but I think I should warn you,
359
00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,575
uh, you're gonna be doing
this with our chorus line
360
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,452
and they're known as The Clodhoppers.
361
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,079
That's perfect.
362
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:13,249
It's been so long since I've danced,
I'll fit right in, I'll be a perfect clod.
363
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,003
Oh, no, don't worry,
I'm gonna give it my best shot.
364
00:22:17,087 --> 00:22:20,799
You're a trooper, Valerie.
I'll go out there and introduce you, okay?
365
00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:22,467
Okay.
366
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:26,721
Hang in there, gang.
This could be the start of a new career.
367
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,431
Or the end of one.
368
00:22:32,143 --> 00:22:34,604
Okay, and now, once again,
ladies and gentlemen,
369
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:37,732
Miss Valerie Harper with The Clodhoppers.
370
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:40,819
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
371
00:22:52,956 --> 00:22:54,040
Hey.
372
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:56,334
Thank you.
373
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:01,798
[SHOUTS]
374
00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:16,771
♪ If there's a wrong way to say it ♪
375
00:23:16,855 --> 00:23:19,524
♪ A wrong way to play it ♪
376
00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:22,861
♪ Nobody does it like me ♪
377
00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:25,655
♪ If there's a wrong way to do it ♪
378
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:28,283
♪ A right way to mess it up ♪
379
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:31,369
♪ Nobody does it like me ♪
380
00:23:40,378 --> 00:23:43,048
♪ If there's a wrong way to keep it cool ♪
381
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:45,675
♪ A right way to be a fool ♪
382
00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:49,054
♪ Nobody does it like me ♪
383
00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:51,556
♪ If there's a wrong bell, I ring it ♪
384
00:23:51,639 --> 00:23:52,682
Oh!
385
00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:54,267
♪ A wrong note, I sing it ♪
386
00:23:54,351 --> 00:23:58,188
♪ Nobody does it like me ♪
387
00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:00,774
♪ If there's a wrong way to keep a guy ♪
388
00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:03,318
♪ Right way to lose a guy ♪
389
00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:06,529
♪ Nobody does it like me ♪
390
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:09,783
♪ Nobody does it, no ♪
391
00:24:09,866 --> 00:24:11,993
♪ Nobody does it like ♪
392
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:20,919
♪ Nobody does it like ♪
393
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:26,424
♪ Me ♪
394
00:24:31,137 --> 00:24:33,431
[CHATTERING]
395
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:39,562
Well, once again, friends,
it's time to say so long,
396
00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:44,275
but first, let's thank our special
guest star, Miss Valerie Harper. Yeah!
397
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,819
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
398
00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:50,448
Kermit, I can't tell you how great
it's been being with you, if very unusual.
399
00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:51,574
[CLEARS THROAT]
400
00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:53,076
Excuse me, Miss Harper.
401
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,454
-Uh, my name is Statler, I--
-Oh, for heaven's sake, Statler!
402
00:24:56,538 --> 00:24:59,249
-I was wanting to meet you all evening.
-Oh.
403
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,126
I wanted to give you this little present
404
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:04,129
and ask if you'd join me
for a steak dinner later on.
405
00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:05,255
Hey, wait a second.
406
00:25:05,338 --> 00:25:09,259
Uh, didn't that plant grow into a great
big bush or was that my imagination?
407
00:25:09,342 --> 00:25:12,470
Yeah, well, this is its firstborn.
408
00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:16,057
Thank you very much, Statler. It's lovely.
But I, uh, can't join you for dinner.
409
00:25:16,141 --> 00:25:19,644
You see, I'm a vegetarian.
Of course, I could always eat the plant.
410
00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:22,480
Yeah, before it eats you. Ha-ha-ha.
411
00:25:22,564 --> 00:25:24,983
Okay. Well, good night, Valerie.
Good night, everybody.
412
00:25:25,066 --> 00:25:27,360
We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.
413
00:25:27,444 --> 00:25:30,739
You're not too bad yourself.
Hubba, hubba, hubba. Hey, what? No.
414
00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:32,991
What are you--? What? Oh, hey. No.
415
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,617
Wait. Wait.
416
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,453
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
417
00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:13,698
[CHUCKLES]
418
00:26:13,782 --> 00:26:16,034
I was practicing my flip.
419
00:26:16,117 --> 00:26:17,369
Help!
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