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It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest star Miss Candice Bergen!
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[CHEERS]
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00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,678
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:25,859
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,121
Hey, question.
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What has a thousand legs, but can't walk?
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500 pairs of pants.
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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ And it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Miss Candice Bergen!
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[CHEERS]
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00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,647
♪ But now let's get things started ♪
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♪ On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, MuppetationaI ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[BELL DINGS]
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Thank you. Thank you, thank you. Hey.
Boy, do we have a show for you tonight.
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Our special guest star
is the beautiful Miss Candice Bergen.
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She's not just another pretty face.
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Besides being an actress, she's a top
photographer, a writer, a world traveler.
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-What you'd call a well-rounded person.
STATLER: Heh. You can say that again.
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[CHUCKLING]
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Woo-woo! Woo-woo!
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Listen. We're not gonna have
those male-chauvinist-pig jokes
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while Miss Bergen is out here.
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[PIGGY CLEARS THROAT]
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I'm tired of any kind of pig joke.
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Uh, Piggy, what are you doing out here?
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Oh, Kermit, dear.
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00:01:56,324 --> 00:02:01,079
Did you know that every time
we have a beautiful girl on the show,
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00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,831
you forget about me?
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00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,958
Uh... Uh, yeah, well.
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We could have a seal act on the show,
Piggy, and I might forget about you.
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00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:14,968
He tries so desperately
to hide his love for me.
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Yeah, but, uh--
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You promised I was gonna
open the show this week, flipper face.
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Uh, Piggy, my love, my life--
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Never mind that jazz.
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Listen, turkey. Ms. Bergen said
I should stand up for my rights.
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Either I open the show
or Ms. Bergen and I walk.
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Uh, well, okay, you can open the show,
Piggy. You get to open the show.
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Oh! What a surprise! Thank you, my love.
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Mwah! Kissy, kissy.
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Uh, never let it be said
that the frog is a pig.
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So, ladies and gentlemen,
the lovely Ms. Piggy.
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and her rendition of "What Now My Love?"
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♪ Bom, ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ What now, my love? ♪
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♪ Now that you left me? ♪
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♪ How can I live ♪
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♪ Through another day? ♪
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♪ Watching my dreams ♪
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♪ Turning to ashes ♪
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♪ And my hopes ♪
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♪ Into bits of clay ♪
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♪ Once I could see ♪
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♪ Bom, ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Once I could feel ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Now I am numb ♪
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♪ I've become unreal ♪
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♪ I walk the night ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Without a goal ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Stripped of my heart ♪
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-♪ My soul ♪
-♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ What now, my love? ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Now there is nothing ♪
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♪ Only my last ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Goodbye ♪
84
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♪ Ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom, ba-ba-ba-bah ♪
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Oh! Oh!
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Nice, Piggy. You never sounded better.
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Okay, so I lie a little.
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00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:52,167
Uh, wire for Kermit the Frog.
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Wire for Kermit the Frog.
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Oh, are you Kermit the Frog?
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Of course I am.
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Wire for you.
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Ah!
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Cute. Cute bit.
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I love a good running gag.
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There's a great little
"down home country style,
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sitting by the fire
whittling and fiddling" song
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called "Put Another Log on the Fire."
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Here now is that song, and here too
is tonight's very special guest star,
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Miss Candice Bergen.
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♪ Put another log on the fire ♪
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♪ Cook me up some bacon and some beans ♪
105
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:48,973
♪ And go out to the car
And change the tire ♪
106
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:51,976
♪ Wash my socks
And sew my old blue jeans ♪
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♪ Come on baby, you can fill my pipe ♪
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♪ And then go fetch my slippers ♪
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♪ And boil me up another pot of tea ♪
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00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:06,991
♪ Then put another log on the fire, babe ♪
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00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:11,037
♪ Come on, tell me why you're leaving me ♪
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♪ Now, don't I let you wash the car
On Sunday? ♪
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♪ Don't I warn you
When you're getting fat? ♪
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♪ Ain't I gonna take you fishing
With me someday? ♪
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00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:30,974
♪ Well, a man can't love a woman
More than that ♪
116
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:35,812
♪ And ain't I always nice
To your kid sister? ♪
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♪ Don't I take her driving every night? ♪
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♪ So sit here at my feet
'Cause I like you when you're sweet ♪
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♪ And you know
It ain't feminine to fight ♪
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♪ So put another log on the fire ♪
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♪ Cook me up some bacon and some beans ♪
122
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♪ And go out to the car
And change the tire ♪
123
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,384
♪ Wash my socks
And sew my old blue jeans ♪
124
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:09,179
♪ Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe ♪
125
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♪ And then go fetch my slippers ♪
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00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:17,020
♪ And boil me up another pot of tea ♪
127
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:21,399
♪ So put another log on the fire, babe ♪
128
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:26,237
♪ And come and tell me
Why you're leaving me ♪
129
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Yee-haw!
130
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Letter for Kermit the Frog.
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Letter for Kermit the Frog.
Letter for Ker--
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Oh, are you Kermit the Frog?
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[SIGHS]
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You know I am, Fozzie.
135
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Letter for you.
136
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,934
A letter.
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Funny. Funny.
138
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[LAUGHING]
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00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,731
Someday I'm gonna get him.
140
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,067
I don't know how,
but I'm going to get him.
141
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,569
It's not a bad joke, though.
142
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,823
Oh. Letter for Scooter the gofer.
Letter for Scooter the gofer.
143
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,991
-What's that?
-Are you Scooter the gofer?
144
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-You know I am.
-There's a letter for you.
145
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I'll have to read it later.
I'm busy getting stuff for Miss Bergen.
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See you.
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[LAUGHING]
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Funny!
149
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[TANGO MUSIC PLAYING]
150
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Hey, when I went to school,
I was the teacher's pet.
151
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What's the matter?
Couldn't she afford a dog?
152
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,029
If the queen of England
was free tomorrow night,
153
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would you take her to dinner?
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00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,782
Sure bet. Course I would.
155
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She can't make it, so how about me?
156
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,043
You know, you dance like Rogers.
157
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,003
Oh, Ginger Rogers?
158
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,838
No, Roy Rogers.
159
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:15,555
Hey, Mildred, would you mind
if I popped the question?
160
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,266
Oh, of course not, George.
161
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Thanks.
162
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,229
[LAUGHING]
163
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Oh, shut up.
164
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,654
[CHATTERING]
165
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It's nice to have you
with us on the panel, Clara.
166
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:38,286
Okay. It's time once again, friends,
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00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,581
time once again to raise
the intellectual level of our program.
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And our subject tonight is,
"Does travel broaden the mind?"
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Our panel tonight consists of Mildred
Hockstadder, MA, BA, DA and DUMB.
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Charmed, I'm sure.
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Oh, brother.
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Miss Piggy, noted chanteuse
and black belt holder.
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-Mm-hm. Kissy, kissy.
-Ugh.
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00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,560
KERMIT:
Sam the Eagle, our resident grouch.
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00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,854
Let's move it along, Frog.
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00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,941
And our guest panelist,
Miss Clara Cartwell,
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well-known travel agent
and author of the best-selling book,
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Europe on $5,000 a Day.
179
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Ha, ha. No, no, no.
It's called Europe on $50 a Day.
180
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:20,203
The book itself, however, costs $5,000.
181
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:23,748
Mm. Mm-hm. Probably well worth it, too.
182
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,958
Oh, yes. Yes.
183
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,752
-Yes, pictures and everything, I bet.
-Yes. The works.
184
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:32,590
Okay, but let's get back to our subject,
which is "Does travel broaden the mind?"
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00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:33,842
Miss Cartwell.
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00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:37,721
As I write in my new book,
Nowhere on Nothing a Day,
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traveling is the most broadening
experience possible.
188
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:46,730
Well, Piggy here hasn't traveled at all,
and she's broader than any of us.
189
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:50,525
Watch it, needle-neck, or you won't
be on the panel, you'll be under it!
190
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:54,070
-Ladies, please control yourselves.
-Excuse me.
191
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:58,616
Carla, let me apologize for those weirdos.
192
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,369
I myself am a world traveler.
193
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:04,039
Is that right? Where have you been?
194
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:05,290
Persia.
195
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,251
I bought a rug there. Mm.
196
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,378
Well, I'm glad you're not wearing it.
197
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,005
I like bald eagles.
198
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,715
[LAUGHING]
199
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,383
No.
200
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,802
-Oh, dear.
-Not that kind of rug.
201
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,430
Yes. Well, I think we're getting
away from the subject,
202
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,766
which was "Does travel broaden the mind?"
203
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,394
Ah. Well, absolutely no doubt about it.
204
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:29,564
For example, I had a friend
who never went anywhere,
205
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,775
lived in the same town for over 30 years.
206
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:36,780
She was so unsophisticated, she thought
Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup.
207
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:38,031
[ALL LAUGHING]
208
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,241
PIGGY:
To laugh is to live!
209
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,912
You mean it isn't an Italian soup?
210
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,791
-And he calls himself a world traveler?
-Mm-hm.
211
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,167
No, no, wait,
212
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:53,588
I have been to restaurants where I have
ordered Mastroianni and gotten it.
213
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:56,216
Really? What did you get?
214
00:11:56,299 --> 00:12:00,553
A swarthy, good-looking man
sitting in a bowl.
215
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,432
I always send him back.
216
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,976
What do you get when you order
a Russian dressing?
217
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,938
Rudolf Nureyev putting on his tights?
218
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:15,443
I fail to see the humor in that.
219
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,237
Oh, I love it.
220
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,365
Burst his balloon, honey, he's so pompous.
221
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:24,327
Balloons! Speaking of balloons,
either let some air out, or go on a diet.
222
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,121
You're knocking me off the panel.
223
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:28,373
I'll knock you out
of the theater in a second.
224
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,585
Okay, ladies. Wait. Please.
We have a special guest with us.
225
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:35,255
I think you'd better put
your best face forward.
226
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:39,342
And whose face is Porker here
going to borrow?
227
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,011
That does it. Why--
228
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,721
[SHOUTING]
229
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:45,223
Well, I guess that does it for our panel.
230
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:48,852
-I'm sorry about that, Miss Cartwell.
-No, it's been very broadening.
231
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:53,648
-Uh, do you really like me without my rug?
-I do. Are you busy later?
232
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,609
What? No, but I could, uh--
We could wing out somewhere.
233
00:12:56,735 --> 00:13:01,948
Join us next week, when our topic will be
"Air pollution, a modern myth?"
234
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,706
[PLAYING SLOW MELODY]
235
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,795
♪ It's not where you start ♪
236
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,381
♪ It's where you finish ♪
237
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,885
♪ It's not how you go ♪
238
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,471
♪ It's how you land ♪
239
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:28,308
♪ A hundred-to-one shot ♪
240
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,436
♪ They call him a klutz ♪
241
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,397
♪ Can outrun the favorite ♪
242
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:38,193
♪ All he needs is the guts ♪
243
00:13:38,276 --> 00:13:41,279
♪ Your final return ♪
244
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,907
♪ Will not diminish ♪
245
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:49,287
♪ And you can be the cream of the crop ♪
246
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:53,667
♪ It's not where you start ♪
247
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,961
♪ It's where you finish ♪
248
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:59,923
♪ And I'm gonna finish on-- ♪
249
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,424
Rowlf. Hey, Rowlf, listen,
250
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:04,678
Kermit says you sang the song too quick.
You have to sing it again.
251
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:07,305
-But you only have a minute. Okay?
-All right.
252
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:08,473
[PLAYING FASTER]
253
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,641
Here we go.
254
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:14,979
♪ It's not where you start
It's where you finish ♪
255
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,942
♪ It's not how you go, it's how you land ♪
256
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,696
♪ A hundred-to-one shot
They call him a klutz ♪
257
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:26,116
♪ Can outrun the favorite
All he needs is the guts ♪
258
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,325
How am I doing?
259
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:30,704
♪ The final return will not diminish ♪
260
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:34,249
♪ And you can be the cream of the crop ♪
261
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:38,253
♪ It's not where you start
It's where you finish ♪
262
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,088
♪ And I'm gonna finish on-- ♪
263
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,215
Listen. It's my uncle's favorite song.
264
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,135
He'd like to hear it one more time,
but you only have 20 seconds.
265
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,344
All right, hit it!
266
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,097
♪ It's not where you start
It's where you finish ♪
267
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:51,141
♪ It's not how you go, it's how you land ♪
268
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,267
That's 15 seconds.
269
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:54,477
♪ A hundred-to-one shot
They call him a klutz ♪
270
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,980
♪ Can outrun the favorite
All he needs is the guts ♪
271
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,607
-Ten seconds.
-♪ Your final return will not diminish ♪
272
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,235
-♪ And you can be the cream of the crop ♪
-Five, four.
273
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,654
♪ It's not where you start
It's where you finish ♪
274
00:15:04,738 --> 00:15:07,115
♪ And I'm gonna finish on time ♪
275
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:08,825
Nearly.
276
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,245
Cheese.
277
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:13,621
-Got that?
-Yeah.
278
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,584
Um, Kermit, do you think you could do
something more candid?
279
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,961
Uh, sure. Let's see.
280
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:22,714
How's that?
281
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,507
[KERMIT HUMS]
282
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,261
Well, it's not exactly candid,
if you know what I mean.
283
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,889
Okay. Yes. Candid for Candice.
284
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,851
Frog in repose.
285
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:40,023
What I was thinking
was something a little more natural,
286
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:44,527
More natural? Let's see.
What have we got? Well...
287
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,159
-Make sure you get my good side.
-Which side is the good side?
288
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,620
I think it's this side.
It might be this side.
289
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:57,040
Or maybe-- I don't know.
What do you think?
290
00:15:57,165 --> 00:16:00,168
Well, I think that-- Head-on.
Why don't we try one head-on?
291
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,045
-Just naturally.
-Head-on?
292
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,590
Although my profile
has been compared to Barrymore.
293
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,176
Yeah, Ethel Barrymore.
294
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,180
Sweetums, if you don't mind,
Candice is trying to take my picture.
295
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:17,352
-Oh, yeah? Is that a good camera there?
-Yeah. That's a terrific camera.
296
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:21,231
This is an 85-210 macro zoom lens
with the finest Swiss optics.
297
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,775
This is a great camera.
298
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:33,159
I don't know, I've tasted better.
299
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,709
Kermit, he ate my camera.
300
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,086
You're lucky. Last week he ate the guest.
301
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,589
Cute. It's a cute show.
302
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,719
[SINGING GIBBERISH]
303
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,479
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
304
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,984
Der speecy spicy chili juice.
305
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,487
Here are der speecy spicy.
306
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:17,370
This here, the hotsie totsie.
307
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:18,872
[CHUCKLES]
308
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,500
This here der pepper saucen.
309
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:28,506
Mm.
310
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:42,270
More speecy spicy seesly chili juicely.
311
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:44,898
With the hotsie totsie.
312
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:46,900
Der pepper saucen.
313
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,413
Mm-hm. Mm. Mm!
314
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,432
♪ Look at that face ♪
315
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,934
♪ Just look at it ♪
316
00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:26,356
♪ Look at that fabulous face of yours ♪
317
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,693
♪ I knew first look I took at it ♪
318
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:35,198
♪ This was a face that the world adores ♪
319
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,200
♪ Look at those eyes ♪
320
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:44,082
♪ As wise and as deep as the sea ♪
321
00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,084
♪ Look at that nose ♪
322
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:52,632
♪ It shows what a nose should be ♪
323
00:18:52,716 --> 00:18:55,093
♪ As for your smile ♪
324
00:18:55,218 --> 00:19:02,225
♪ It's lyrical, friendly
And warm as a summer's day ♪
325
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,603
♪ That face is just a miracle ♪
326
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:10,900
♪ Where could I ever find words to say ♪
327
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:15,739
♪ The way that it makes me happy ♪
328
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:19,993
♪ Whatever the time or place? ♪
329
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:22,120
♪ I'll find in no book ♪
330
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:27,250
♪ What I find when I look at that face ♪
331
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:32,380
Hmm. Interesting.
332
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,343
Rather definitive, yes?
333
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,764
Of course. Why not?
334
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,601
Inspired, but by what?
335
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:52,150
♪ The way that it makes me happy ♪
336
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:56,821
♪ Whatever the time or place ♪
337
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,865
♪ I'll find in no book ♪
338
00:19:58,948 --> 00:19:59,949
[SHOUTING]
339
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,284
♪ What I find when I look-- ♪
340
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,162
Animal, that does not look like her.
341
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,790
I told you to paint her.
342
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,917
Ah. Thank you.
343
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:16,675
♪ What I find when I look at that face ♪
344
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,848
Note for Kermit the Frog.
345
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,475
Note for Kermit the Frog.
346
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,559
[SIGHS]
347
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,187
Oh. Are you Kermit the Frog?
348
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:31,940
Yes, Fozzie. I am Kermit the Frog.
349
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,316
Note for you.
350
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:36,319
[ALL SING NOTE]
351
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,240
G sharp.
352
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,991
Will you guys cut that out?
353
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,451
[YELLS]
354
00:20:43,952 --> 00:20:46,329
Funny!
355
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:48,957
Funny, I like it.
356
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:55,755
NARRATOR:
Time now for Veterinarian's Hospital,
357
00:20:55,839 --> 00:21:00,844
the continuing story of an
orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs.
358
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,600
-All right. Now, what's the next case?
-He's right here, Dr. Bob.
359
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:11,604
-Of course. What's this man here for?
-A stomachache, Dr. Bob.
360
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:13,189
Stomachache, check.
361
00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:14,733
[YELLS]
362
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,485
There. That should ache for some time.
363
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,238
He's also here for a sore throat.
364
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:21,906
-Easy.
-Wait!
365
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:25,285
I've got a sore throat,
I want it to go away.
366
00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,495
Oh. Well, why didn't you say so?
367
00:21:27,579 --> 00:21:29,456
Open up your mouth.
368
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:33,251
Aha. Aha! Oh-ho!
369
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:36,504
-I see the problem immediately.
-What is it, Dr. Bob?
370
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:40,175
-This man has a frog in his throat.
-Are you certain?
371
00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,052
Positive.
372
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:46,139
Very funny. Just see if this dumb
doctor sketch ever gets on the show again.
373
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,809
NARRATOR:
And so Dr. Bob has found a patient
374
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:53,271
with a case of ingrown TV-show host.
375
00:21:53,355 --> 00:21:56,775
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Dr. Bob say:
376
00:21:56,858 --> 00:22:00,653
Let's clean up around here.
This operating room is a mess.
377
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,031
That's nothing. You should see it in here.
378
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:14,292
Watch this. Have I got a topper
for my running gag tonight!
379
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:17,045
It is too much. Okay, watch.
380
00:22:17,170 --> 00:22:22,175
Flower for Kermit the Frog.
Flower for Kermit the Frog. Flow--
381
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,679
Oh, are you Kermit the Frog?
382
00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:28,598
You know I am, Fozzie.
383
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:31,267
-Flour for you.
-Hmm?
384
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:38,233
[LAUGHS]
385
00:22:38,316 --> 00:22:40,694
See? See that? That's a joke.
386
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,779
Yeah. And that was the punch.
387
00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:47,951
No, Fozzie. This is the punch.
388
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:59,713
♪ And I am all alone ♪
389
00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:01,589
[SNIFFLES]
390
00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,926
♪ There is no one here beside me ♪
391
00:23:06,094 --> 00:23:09,597
♪ And my problems have all gone ♪
392
00:23:10,598 --> 00:23:15,020
♪ There is no one to deride me ♪
393
00:23:15,103 --> 00:23:17,731
Ahem. I'm here. It's me.
394
00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:23,111
Because you have to have friends,
you see, Gonzo.
395
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,739
♪ The feeling's oh so strong ♪
396
00:23:25,822 --> 00:23:30,118
♪ Yes, you've got to have friends ♪
397
00:23:30,201 --> 00:23:32,120
♪ To last that whole day long ♪
398
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:36,166
♪ I had some friends but they're gone ♪
399
00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:39,252
♪ I said, something come
And took them away ♪
400
00:23:39,336 --> 00:23:43,006
♪ And from the dusk to the dawn ♪
401
00:23:43,131 --> 00:23:46,634
♪ Well, here is where I'll stay ♪
402
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,430
♪ Well, standing at the end
Of the road, guys ♪
403
00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:53,058
♪ Waiting for your new friends to come ♪
404
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:57,645
♪ I don't care if I'm hungry or cold ♪
405
00:23:57,729 --> 00:24:00,023
♪ I gotta get me some ♪
406
00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:03,777
♪ 'Cause you gotta have friends ♪
407
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:06,404
♪ The feeling's, oh, so strong ♪
408
00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:10,909
♪ Yes, you gotta have friends ♪
409
00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:13,453
♪ To make that day last long ♪
410
00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:17,916
♪ Yes, you gotta have friends ♪
411
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:21,795
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
412
00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,714
♪ Friends ♪
413
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:29,219
-♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
-♪ Friends ♪
414
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:31,179
You have to have friends, you see.
415
00:24:31,304 --> 00:24:34,349
You have to have friends.
It's important in life to have them.
416
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:36,101
Don't you think? It is, though.
417
00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:37,852
♪ Friends ♪
418
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:44,943
♪ Yes, you've got to have friends ♪
419
00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:55,120
Oh, boy, oh, boy. Kermit's letting me
wrap up the show tonight.
420
00:24:55,203 --> 00:24:56,830
Okay. Ahem.
421
00:24:56,913 --> 00:25:03,128
Now, let's thank our special guest star
Miss Candice Bergen.
422
00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:05,880
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
423
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:08,717
Thanks, Fozzie. I had a terrific time.
424
00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:12,095
It's just that I'm a little worried
that maybe Kermit's upset with you.
425
00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:14,389
-You know what I mean?
-Oh, no, no, no.
426
00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:18,018
-He loves running gags.
KERMIT: Pie for Fozzie the Bear.
427
00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:21,604
Pie for Fozzie the Bear.
Are you Fozzie the Bear?
428
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:23,023
No.
429
00:25:23,106 --> 00:25:25,483
Good. I got a pie for you anyway.
430
00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:33,867
Look what you did.
431
00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:36,494
We'll see you next week
on The Muppet Show.
432
00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:39,998
You did that to the lady, the guest.
What a runt.
433
00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:42,083
Are you all right?
434
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,586
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
435
00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:18,536
-I think I ought to see a doctor.
-Why do you say that?
436
00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:20,413
I'm beginning to like the show.
437
00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:21,873
[LAUGHING]
32955
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