Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:07,215
It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest star, Mr. Harvey Korman!
2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,177
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
3
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,269
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
4
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,396
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
5
00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:24,858
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
6
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,861
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
7
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,821
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
8
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,450
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
9
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:40,874
My house is so dirty, my dog buries
his bones in the living-room carpet.
10
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,834
I don't understand it either.
11
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,296
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
12
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,173
♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
13
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:50,800
♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
14
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,510
♪ To introduce to you ♪
15
00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,888
Mr. Harvey Korman!
16
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,476
[INAUDIBLE]
17
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:05,899
♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
18
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,151
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
19
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:10,820
♪ This is what we call ♪
20
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:14,908
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
21
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,659
[GLASS SHATTERS]
22
00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:21,039
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
23
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:23,708
Hello, everybody, and welcome
to The Muppet Show.
24
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,044
Hey, we got a great show for you tonight.
25
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:30,298
Our special guest is one of the funniest
people in the business, Harvey Korman.
26
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:34,177
But right now, we'd like to open
the show tonight on a high note...
27
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:35,553
[HORN BLARING]
28
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:40,308
Well, that's better than opening it
with a bang.
29
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:41,685
[LAUGHING]
30
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,354
-Did somebody say "bang"?
-No!
31
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:45,563
Huh!
32
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,441
-Ah, you can't win them all.
-Huh!
33
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,444
Can you hold it down up there, please?
34
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:55,782
Right now let's get things started with
Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:00,704
Yeah, this is Dr. Teeth,
and it's time to boogie. Three, four...
36
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,456
[PLAYING HARD ROCK MUSIC]
37
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:05,917
♪ I'm gonna explode an atom bomb ♪
38
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:09,796
♪ And blow a hole in your soul ♪
39
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,050
♪ I'm gonna explode an atom bomb ♪
40
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,221
♪ And blow a hole in your soul ♪
41
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:21,808
♪ Doo doo skiddley bam ♪
42
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:27,355
♪ I'm gonna get through to you, baby
Before I lose control ♪
43
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:38,867
♪ I'll break down your resistance
With every trick in sight ♪
44
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,745
♪ I know I'm gonna make you happy, baby ♪
45
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,872
♪ I'm gonna light some dynamite ♪
46
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,999
♪ Doo doo skiddley doo ♪
47
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,501
♪ And blow open your heart ♪
48
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,378
♪ Doo doo skiddley bam ♪
49
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,797
♪ I'm gonna light some dynamite ♪
50
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,883
♪ Doo doo skiddley bam ♪
51
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,260
♪ And blow open your heart ♪
52
00:02:57,344 --> 00:03:00,597
♪ Doo doo skiddley bam ♪
53
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:06,895
♪ I'm gonna light some dynamite
And blast a tunnel to your love ♪
54
00:03:10,523 --> 00:03:12,359
[COUGHING]
55
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,779
-That's heavy, man.
-I like that.
56
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:21,409
Well, that was a great number.
I've always liked pantomime.
57
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:25,914
That wasn't pantomime.
Your hearing aid's busted again.
58
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,165
What?
59
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:33,171
I thought some of you might like to know
a little bit more about our drummer,
60
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,674
whom we affectionately refer to as Animal.
61
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,634
Animal.
62
00:03:38,176 --> 00:03:41,805
That's his name, actually.
Animal, why don't you tell our audience,
63
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,723
how long have you been playing the drums?
64
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,558
Uh, ah...
65
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:49,312
One. Two.
66
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,438
Three.
67
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,649
Four.
68
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,486
-Five. For five years.
-Yeah. Five.
69
00:03:56,569 --> 00:04:00,824
Yes. Okay. Well, I guess your drums
mean a great deal to you, huh?
70
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,075
Oh, yeah.
71
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,703
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
72
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:06,496
-Yeah.
-Mwah. Oh, nice.
73
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,456
You like them more than food, I guess?
74
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:11,835
They are food. Eat drums, eat cymbals.
75
00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,295
How symbolic.
76
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,632
-Bad pun.
-Yeah.
77
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,385
Listen, I imagine you have a lot of idols.
78
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,886
Oh, yeah, yeah.
79
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,389
-Buddy Rich?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
80
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,267
-Gene Krupa?
-Yeah. Krupa, Krupa.
81
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,353
-Tony Checkers?
-To-- Huh?
82
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:33,106
He's our new drummer. He begins next week.
83
00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,819
Oh! Ooh!
84
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,364
Then again, maybe not.
85
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:52,167
-My insides are killing me.
-Oh, ulcers?
86
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,627
No. Movers.
87
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,926
Ladies and gentlemen, we present now
what is considered to be
88
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:05,180
the most dangerous animal act
in the entire world.
89
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:10,393
The incomparable Harvey Korman,
better known as Maurice the Magnificent!
90
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,272
[FANFARE]
91
00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:18,985
Hyah!
92
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:26,284
Thank you. Now, please, shh! Shh!
93
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:31,164
You must keep quiet. You don't know,
94
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:34,668
but the thing goes berserk
when it hears loud noises.
95
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,795
[GROWLS]
96
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:41,424
I hate this. But let's get it over with.
97
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,968
Open the cage!
98
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,762
[DRUMROLL]
99
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:54,062
It looks particularly vicious
this evening.
100
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,731
What a horrible animal.
101
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,984
Well, I must ask you--
This is very important.
102
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:03,571
When it comes out, don't anyone scream.
103
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,574
It'll tear us all to ribbons
if anyone screams.
104
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,660
Shh!
105
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,497
All right. Out.
106
00:06:12,580 --> 00:06:15,041
Out, you demon! Out!
107
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,090
Shh! Someone... Someone check...
108
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,968
Someone check the first row,
I think a lady fainted.
109
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,594
No, no, no!
110
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:30,015
Not you, you demon. Back! I said, back.
111
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,558
Back!
112
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:33,768
Back!
113
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:37,147
Sit, you demon! Sit!
114
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,315
Over here, you...
115
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,448
Now, listen to me.
116
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,201
Give me your full attention.
117
00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:55,248
Speak.
118
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:57,876
Speak, you demon, speak!
119
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,879
I hardly know where to begin.
120
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,213
Ah!
121
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:08,803
I was rereading Balzac the other day,
only in translation...
122
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,764
Enough!
123
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:19,314
Mm, you're very good with that whip,
Maurice.
124
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:23,777
-Quiet!
-Maurice is such a good animal trainer.
125
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:28,281
He got so much patience
and courage and persistence...
126
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:32,452
Shut up! You black-hearted hell hound.
127
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,329
And love.
128
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:36,831
What a sweet man.
129
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,416
Get away from me!
130
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,293
Get away!
131
00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:44,464
Now, boy, listen to me.
132
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,049
Here's the best part.
133
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:49,427
I hate it, but it's the best part.
134
00:07:49,552 --> 00:07:52,055
Listen, boy, I want you to dance.
135
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,391
Dance, you demon, dance!
136
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,936
Come on, dance. Move it!
137
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,272
Dance, ballerina, dance!
138
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,317
Move it!
139
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,613
-That's it. More lyric. That's it.
BEAST: Oh.
140
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:11,032
This is really an easy trick.
141
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:18,081
I wanted to ride a pony around the stage,
but Maurice is afraid of ponies.
142
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,918
MAURICE:
Dance. Come on, you meaty lummox!
143
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,169
Dance!
144
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,546
Dance!
145
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,048
Waltz.
146
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,801
Dance, you beast.
147
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,096
What are you doing? What are you doing?
148
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,223
[BAND PLAYING WALTZ]
149
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:39,102
What are you doing? No! No!
150
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:42,105
Somebody stop him. Somebody stop him!
151
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,733
Help! Help!
152
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,777
Help! He's run amok! He's run amok!
153
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,114
Someone help me! Help!
154
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,245
Thank you. Thank you.
155
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,249
[APPLAUSE]
156
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:04,252
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
157
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:13,386
Okay, once again it is time to raise...
Just a second, everyone.
158
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,681
Once again, it's time to raise
the intellectual level of the program
159
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:20,185
as we address ourselves to the topic,
"What is the meaning of life?"
160
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,145
STRANGEPORK: Indeed.
KORMAN: Of course.
161
00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,272
It's a fairly simple subject.
162
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,442
Let's start off with our guest panelist,
Mr. Harvey Korman.
163
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:32,655
Thank you. I think that life is
a great deal like a tennis game.
164
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,033
Oh, no, it isn't.
165
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,410
[IMITATES MISS PIGGY]
Oh, yes, it is.
166
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:40,205
-No, it isn't.
-[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes, it is.
167
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:43,041
-No, it isn't.
-Yes, it is.
168
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,336
Life is nothing like a tennis game.
169
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:51,424
-In a pig's eye, it isn't.
-Is that some kind of slam at me?
170
00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:55,428
The ball is in your court, Harvey.
The score is pig, five, guest, nothing.
171
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,556
Well, it's the first time
that pig's scored in her life.
172
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,810
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
-Out of the way. Let me get through.
173
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:06,189
-Can we have a little order here, please?
-Yeah, I'll have a ham and cheese on rye.
174
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,858
That is the most insulting thing
I ever heard.
175
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,736
Listen, life is a garbage dump,
if you want the truth.
176
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:16,449
I think that my original analysis
that life is a tennis game will stand up.
177
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:20,578
-Well, I'm standing up. I'm sick of...
-Please, sit down, sit down.
178
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:24,582
You really think life is like
a tennis game, huh?
179
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:27,961
-Is a pig pork?
-What's that supposed to mean?
180
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,964
Yeah, it means, uh, yes,
I agree, of course.
181
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:35,010
Life is like a tennis game.
That's as clear as the nose on your face.
182
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,804
That's some honker you got there.
183
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,516
How would you like a pig knuckle sandwich,
you...
184
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,518
Oh, take it to the deli, lady.
185
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,479
Please, please. We are digressing.
186
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:51,735
We are digressing. Can we at last get back
to the issue? And the issue is life.
187
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,487
-Oh, I have the last issue of Life.
-What?
188
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:58,616
Yeah, before they stopped publishing.
Could be worth a pretty penny.
189
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:02,120
Hey, I knew a pretty Penny once.
Penny Ferguson. Used to be a dancer.
190
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:04,789
-I love to dance.
-Hey, what are you doing after the show?
191
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,208
-I've got a date.
-Oh, well.
192
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,627
ALL:
That's life.
193
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:12,630
-Once again we've solved the problem.
STRANGEPORK: We solved it.
194
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:18,720
Join us again next week when our subject
will be, "Is conversation a dying art?"
195
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:30,482
Yeah, you can get quite an education
watching this show.
196
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,735
Are we watching the same show?
197
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,031
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
198
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:48,541
Oh, my beloved George, even though
we come from two different worlds,
199
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:52,212
I find myself strangely attracted to you.
200
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,923
Yeah, I feel the same way.
201
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:57,300
You mean you're attracted to me?
202
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,679
No. To me. Weird, huh?
203
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,479
Say, how do you think I'd look
in a porkpie hat?
204
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:13,191
Oh, no, you couldn't.
It'd be like wearing one of our relatives.
205
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,737
Do you wanna come over to my place
and listen to the Beatles?
206
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,823
Oh, I love their music.
207
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:24,452
What music? I mean real beetles.
And some termites, and some...
208
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:32,585
-Boy, does that guy have a swelled head.
-Conceited, huh?
209
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:36,214
No, he's just got a swelled head.
Look out!
210
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,595
Hi, Harvey. Hey, you know what?
211
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,223
You know, we've been up all night
worrying about ecology.
212
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:48,518
I'm in the middle of a show.
I don't have time to worry about ecology.
213
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:52,647
Well, it's easy for you, but if all
those trees go, we're in big trouble.
214
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:55,233
It's really great working with dogs.
215
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,319
Yeah?
216
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,324
All right, everybody, let's jam.
217
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,995
Jam! Jam!
218
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,371
ZOOT:
Do it, Animal!
219
00:13:08,496 --> 00:13:09,873
Jam!
220
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,000
[PLAYING JAZZY ROCK SONG]
221
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,878
Oh, yeah, yeah.
222
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,212
Mmm.
223
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,093
Yeah!
224
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:25,889
Whoa, I love him!
225
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,141
Come on! Yeah!
226
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,395
Jam!
227
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:35,774
Ow!
228
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,527
Yeah!
229
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,614
Jam! Jam!
230
00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,410
Yeah!
231
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,875
-Jam!
-All right!
232
00:13:58,797 --> 00:13:59,923
Wah!
233
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,800
Yeah!
234
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,560
Jam!
235
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:16,022
-Jam!
-Whoo!
236
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,195
-Jam!
ZOOT: Go, Animal!
237
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,947
Jam!
238
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,201
Jam!
239
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,413
Yeah!
240
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,583
Jam, jam, jam!
241
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,961
Jam, jam, jam!
242
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,095
Jam, jam!
243
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,350
-Jam! Jam! Jam!
-Come on!
244
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,561
Whoo! Jam!
245
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,984
Thank you very much.
246
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,902
Jam! Jam!
247
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,613
Jam! Jam! Jam!
248
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:09,993
So, how are you enjoying the show, Harvey?
249
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,245
Well, I don't know.
250
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,122
Oh, well, that's funny, you know.
251
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:17,500
When I ask that, most of our guest stars
say they're having a great time.
252
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:20,754
-Yeah, well...
-Aren't you having a great time?
253
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,131
Kermit, you and I are good friends,
aren't we?
254
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,383
You want me to tell you the truth,
don't you?
255
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:27,385
Only if you're having a great time.
256
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,263
Otherwise you have my permission
to lie like crazy.
257
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,641
I can't lie to you.
I've got to tell you how I feel.
258
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,895
"All right," says the frog,
preparing himself to face the music.
259
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,189
"What is the major problem?"
260
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,900
The major problem is that I...
261
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:46,738
I'm the only human being on this show.
262
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,658
How... How's that again?
263
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:54,913
You heard me.
I'm the token person around here.
264
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:58,208
Gee. We've never had
that complaint before.
265
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,544
Well, you got it now. How'd you like
to sit around the dressing room
266
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,673
surrounded by dogs
and frogs and pigs and chickens?
267
00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:07,050
Gee, I've never really thought about it.
268
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:10,303
Yeah, well, think about it. I mean,
on other shows you get stage fright.
269
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,014
Here you get hoof-and-mouth disease.
270
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:18,561
Gee, Harvey, I didn't realize you dislike
dogs and frogs and pigs and chickens.
271
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:21,690
I like dogs and frogs and pigs
and chickens. That's not the point.
272
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:24,317
I just feel funny about being
the only human being here.
273
00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:26,569
-Don't you understand?
-Oh! Oh!
274
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,197
Well, I can fix that.
Hey, guys, come on in.
275
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,700
-Wait a minute.
-Take care of him.
276
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:34,577
Please. Wait, no. Stop, wait!
Hold it. Wait. Please!
277
00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:37,455
Piggy, please, I'm ticklish.
Please, no. Argh!
278
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,083
-That's right.
-That's better.
279
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,883
Oh, well. Does that make you feel better,
Harvey?
280
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:52,345
I'm sorry, I don't have time to talk now,
Kermit, I...
281
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:55,348
I've got to get backstage and lay an egg.
282
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,853
[CHUCKLING]
283
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:03,481
Well, to me there's nothing funny
about chickens.
284
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,734
What the...?
285
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,861
Ooh! Ooh! Ow!
286
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,782
NARRATOR:
And now, Veterinarian's Hospital,
287
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:19,497
the continuing story of a former
orthopedic surgeon who's gone to the dogs.
288
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,124
[BLOWS NOSE]
289
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,002
-Anesthetic.
-Anesthetic, Dr. Bob.
290
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,005
Is this operation really nec...?
291
00:17:27,505 --> 00:17:30,008
-Scalpel. No, suture. Suture.
-Suture, Dr. Bob.
292
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,636
-Suture, suture. Yeah. Scalpel.
-Scalpel, Dr. Bob.
293
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,638
-Argh!
-Ooh!
294
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:39,017
-How long have you been a nurse?
-Well, what time is it?
295
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,396
Dr. Bob, your hand is shaking.
What's the trouble?
296
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,565
That's my nerves.
I'm overworked and underpaid.
297
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:48,818
This is my tenth operation today.
The hours are interminable.
298
00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,154
Yes, but we must get on
with this operation.
299
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,656
This man has a bad case of hiccups.
300
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,825
It must be gas.
301
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:59,162
-Oh, he's in bad shape.
-He's in bad shape?
302
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:02,916
What about me?
Doesn't anybody ever think about me?
303
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,960
-We're losing time, Dr. Bob.
-So?
304
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:10,048
I'm losing my mind. Day in and day out,
it's the same old routine.
305
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,841
Oh, but Dr. Bob...
306
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,844
I'm up to my ears in debt,
my wife is leaving me,
307
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,805
I'm being sued for malpractice.
308
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,682
And all you can say is, "But Dr. Bob."
309
00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:19,849
BOTH:
But Dr. Bob.
310
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:24,312
I tell you, I'm telling you,
I'm so on edge I'm about to explode!
311
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:34,698
So Dr. Bob is going to pieces,
and so is his patient.
312
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:38,702
Tune in next week,
when we'll hear the nurse say:
313
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,705
Dr. Bob, you've gotta pull yourself
together.
314
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,208
-I'll try.
-Not you, him.
315
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,169
I'd better quit while I'm ahead.
316
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:51,965
Oh! Ahem.
317
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:56,845
I often get a tear in my eye
when I introduce this next act.
318
00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,098
Oh, Oh! There's one right there, you see?
319
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:04,394
You see, because they represent to me
the very best this show has to offer.
320
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,856
Indeed, the very best
this country has to offer.
321
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:12,152
So here they are now,
just as sweet off-stage as they are on,
322
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,237
Wayne and Wanda.
323
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,573
Oh, I need a hanky.
324
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:22,370
♪ I get no kick from champagne ♪
325
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:29,044
♪ Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all ♪
326
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:33,131
♪ So tell me why should it be true ♪
327
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,551
♪ That I get a kick-- ♪
328
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,094
Ouch!
329
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,767
Now, you see why...
330
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,771
Company ten-hut!
331
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,773
Forward... hut!
332
00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:52,025
Hut! Hut! Hut!
333
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,402
Hut! Hut! Hut!
334
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:57,614
Hut! Hut! Hut!
335
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,661
How do you get out of this chicken outfit?
336
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,166
What do you want?
337
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,294
What? Mweh!
338
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:18,176
Okay, time once again
for that furry fuzzy funnyman,
339
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:22,055
fabulous, freewheeling,
fast and frantic Fozzie Bear!
340
00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:24,849
Hey, hey, hey. Wait, wait, wait.
341
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:29,187
Not so fast.
Tonight I am going to use your assistance.
342
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,814
-Oh, yeah?
-Yes, sir.
343
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,566
You and I are going to tell
the world's funniest joke.
344
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,069
-Is that right?
-This is all spontaneous. Unrehearsed.
345
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,570
-Right?
-It's unrehearsed. Yes.
346
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,824
-Okay. Now, frog of my heart...
-Yes.
347
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,369
You will just wait
until I say the word "here."
348
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:48,498
When you hear me say the word "here,"
you will rush up to me and say:
349
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:51,084
"Good grief, the comedian's a bear."
350
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:54,004
-Good grief, the comedian's a bear.
-Check.
351
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,839
-When you say the word "here"?
-Right.
352
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,008
-Gotcha.
-Okay, here we go.
353
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,635
Ready? Okay, here we go. Now then.
354
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:03,471
Hiya, hiya, hiya!
You're a wonderful-looking audience.
355
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,015
It's a pleasure to be here. I...
356
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:08,476
-Good grief, the comedian's a bear!
-Not yet!
357
00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:11,604
-You just said "here."
-That was the wrong "here."
358
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:14,607
-Which is the right "here"?
-The other "here."
359
00:21:14,858 --> 00:21:16,985
-Right.
-Go, go, go. Okay.
360
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,488
Hey, hey, folks. This is a story
you're gonna love to hear.
361
00:21:20,572 --> 00:21:23,241
-Good grief, the comedian's a bear!
-Will you stop it?!
362
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:24,909
-You said "here."
-Not that "here."
363
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,661
-Well, which "here"?
-Another "here."
364
00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:29,247
-How am I gonna know?
-You'll know when you hear!
365
00:21:29,372 --> 00:21:33,126
-Good grief, the comedian's a bear!
-Not now!
366
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,171
[PANTING]
367
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:38,506
-All right. All right. Listen.
-Yes. What?
368
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:42,635
You will know when I point to you.
369
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:48,725
All right. Don't grumble.
370
00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:54,439
Say, a funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater.
371
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:59,903
At the stage door, I passed a bunch
of Muppet fans, and suddenly I hear...
372
00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,532
Good grief, the comedian's a bear.
373
00:22:04,616 --> 00:22:07,994
No, he's a-not,
he's a-wearing a neck-a-tie.
374
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:12,749
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
375
00:22:13,541 --> 00:22:16,169
-Did you understand that joke?
-No.
376
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,672
But I don't speak Italian.
377
00:22:19,798 --> 00:22:24,052
Here is a Muppet news flash.
Middleweight champion Carl Boomer says
378
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:27,681
that since he has defeated all
challengers in the middleweight ranks,
379
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:31,851
he will defend his title
next week against himself.
380
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:34,604
We go now to Boomer's training camp.
Tell us, Carl,
381
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:37,315
do you think this will be a tough fight?
382
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,861
Well, Muppet reporter,
it will probably be one of my toughest,
383
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:45,448
but I think I will be able
to knock myself out in the tenth round.
384
00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:50,245
In the first few rounds, I will work on my
body blows. Be-dah-bah-bah! De-bah-bah!
385
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:53,748
Then I'll go for my head.
Be-dah-bah-bah-bah-bah!
386
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:55,834
Carl's body may last two rounds,
387
00:22:55,959 --> 00:22:59,713
but I think his head has already gone down
for the count.
388
00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:05,969
[PIANO PLAYING MELODY]
389
00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,727
♪ Halfway down the stairs ♪
390
00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:17,439
♪ Is a stair where I sit ♪
391
00:23:18,064 --> 00:23:24,863
♪ There isn't any other stair
Quite like it ♪
392
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:28,742
♪ I'm not at the bottom ♪
393
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:32,120
♪ I'm not at the top ♪
394
00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:39,753
♪ So this is the stair
Where I always stop ♪
395
00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,514
♪ Halfway up the stairs ♪
396
00:23:51,598 --> 00:23:54,267
♪ Isn't up and isn't down ♪
397
00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:58,313
♪ It isn't in the nursery ♪
398
00:23:58,396 --> 00:24:01,399
♪ It isn't in the town ♪
399
00:24:02,025 --> 00:24:06,363
♪ And all sorts of funny thoughts ♪
400
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:09,657
♪ Run round my head ♪
401
00:24:10,867 --> 00:24:14,537
♪ It isn't really anywhere ♪
402
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:18,667
♪ It's somewhere else instead ♪
403
00:24:27,676 --> 00:24:30,929
♪ Halfway down the stairs ♪
404
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:35,183
♪ Is a stair where I sit ♪
405
00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:40,397
♪ There isn't any other stair ♪
406
00:24:40,814 --> 00:24:43,942
♪ Quite like it ♪
407
00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:48,571
♪ I'm not at the bottom ♪
408
00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:53,410
♪ I'm not at the top ♪
409
00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:58,581
♪ So this is the stair ♪
410
00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:05,463
♪ Where I always stop ♪
411
00:25:24,607 --> 00:25:27,861
Well, that's about all we can squeeze
into a half-hour for this week.
412
00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,112
We've had a great time,
413
00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:32,365
and we'd specially like to thank
our very talented guest star,
414
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,742
Chicken Little.
415
00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:35,994
-Now, stop that.
-Oh, I'm sorry about that, Harv.
416
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:40,957
Mr. Harvey Korman! And we'll see you all
next week on The Muppet Show!
417
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,626
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
418
00:26:21,247 --> 00:26:23,792
Well, the show tonight
certainly didn't lay an egg.
419
00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:24,918
[SQUAWKS]
420
00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:26,419
Wanna bet?
31950
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
