All language subtitles for The Nanny S04E06 Me and Mrs Joan 1080p WEB-DL DD2 0 H 264-squalor_track3_[eng]

Now, you notice, Ms. Fine,

how-how voluptuous
and fleshy this nude is?

The artist was obviously
inspired by Rubens.

Yeah, well, if you ask me, she
had one too many Rubens herself.

No, Ms. Fine,
back then a full
figure

was the standard for beauty.

Meanwhile,
if it were today,

you'd see her sitting around
the piano bar,

singing show tunes
with her gay friends.

Oh, my God, it's my father.

Oh, well, you know,
my Uncle Louie

started to develop breasts
around 60.

What? No, no, no, no, Ms.
Fine,
my father is in the gallery.

- Oh.
- I've got a few words to say

to that cold,
manipulative son of a...

- Oh my God, he's coming out.
Come on. Let's go, let's go.
- No.

- Stop.
- Hide me. Hide me.

No, I will not perpetuate
this feud

between you and your father.

- First of all, it's
completely--
- Just kiss me.

Okay.

Maxwell. Well, what a surprise.

Father, oh, good Lord,
gracious me.

Ms. Fine, would you believe it?

My father was actually
inside the gallery

that we were kissing
in front of.

What a coincidence.
Where are you gonna be
tomorrow?

Who is this gorgeous woman

and what is she doing
kissing you and not me?

James Sheffield,
Maxwell's father.

Fran Fine, Maxwell's...
Well, it depends on what day
it is.

Come, son,
give the old man a hug, huh.

Why? Don't you get enough hugs

from that secretary
you abandoned your family for?

- Trollop.
- What'd I do?

Maxwell, I never set out
to hurt your mother.

She's a lovely woman. Shrew.

I'll take it from him
but you, I just met.

Well, it's been wonderful
seeing you, Father.

Why don't we do this again in,
say, another 10 years?

Maxwell, so that's it?
Walk away?

Put a dagger through
your father's heart?

I could be dead in a year!
Then you'll be sorry.

My God, you're Jewish?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ in one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing to the
Sheffield's door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪♪

♪♪ was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such joie de vivre! ♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ when everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

Just tell me, what is so wrong

with a 15-year-old guy
wanting to take ballet
lessons?

Nothing, sweetheart.
It isn't you, is it?

Yes, it's me.

You already look like
a boiled chicken in a tank
top.

Now you want to wear tights?

Stop it. Look how mature
your sister's being.

He goes to a different
school.
No one knows we're related.

What's wrong with you people?

Just leave your brother alone.

He only wants to
express himself
artistically.

- You looking to meet chicks?
- Yeah.

Yeah. You know, Niles,

I think it's time
that I marched myself

into Mr. Sheffield's office

and talk to him that his son
wants to be a ballerina.

Mm. What horrible thing
have you done

that won't seem so bad
after you tell him this?

I invited his father
to the house for dinner.

And you're gonna tell him now?

Ooh, just let me get
to the intercom.

Talk to me, baby.

I can't believe she invited
his father to dinner.

What did he say?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was livid.

He said this time
she'd gone too far

and then he threatened to...

What? What? Fire her? Okay.

Fire her.

Ms. Fine, I cannot believe
you invited my father.

Are you trying to kill me?
'Cause you're not in the
will,
you know.

You can't leave now.
My mother's coming over.

She's gonna think
we're having problems.

We are. You're
about
to be found
floating

And I'm about to be
pulled in for questioning.

Oh, this is fabulous.

"Relive the magic
at home," 1995.

So much is going on.
Oh, I'd love to stay for
dinner.

But you're not invited.

Ms. Fine, you have absolutely
no idea what you've
got yourself into.

Last time my father and I
dined together,

it almost came to blows.

Oh, you should see my family
at Fung Lungs

when they say they're
out of mu shu pork.

Pork, Ms. Fine?

Doesn't count
when it's Chinese food.

Why don't you give
your father a chance
to make up for lost time

I'm sure you'll find
you've got a lot in common.

No, unlike my father,

I am not about to
abandon my responsibilities

for sexual gratification

with some cheap floozy
who works for me.

Why?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Sir.
- Niles!

Well, you don't look a day
older
than when you worked for me.

That was my father, sir.

Oh, in that case,
you look like hell.

Maxwell,

I was thrilled
to get your message at the
hotel

asking me to come over here
for a reconciliation.

It takes a big man to do that.

Actually, father,
it takes a woman with big
hair.

Why don't you give
your father a break?

So he had an affair
with a secretary 25 years ago.

You'll always be his son.
Where is she today?

Here I am, darling.

- To die for.
- To die for.

Oh, she is stunning
and so tasteful.

Maxwell, darling.

Look at you.

I remember
when you were a little boy

and you adored playing
hide and seek.

You always wanted to hide
underneath my skirt.

Or was that your father?

Ooh! Darling,
not in front of the
children.

- Please.
- He used to love spying on
us.

He and that chubby little chap
who used to clean up after him.

Hey, it was an awkward stage.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Oh, here they are,
Naomi and Wynona.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Trust me, Dijon mustard
comes right out.

Oh, look at that stain.

Doesn't it look
just like Jill Eikenberry?

I spill a lot too.
This used to be a solid.

Don't worry, darling.

I prefer it if James
doesn't wear a tie at all.

It just takes me longer
to undress him.

Darling, don't tell secrets
out of the bedroom.

What bedroom?
I'm talking about last night

in the elevator
of the Equity Building.

[COUGHS]

Oh, could I tell you stories
about this one.

Oh, boy, can I tell you
stories
about this one.

Sure I made them up
but they'd knock your socks
off.

You know, James, it's funny
how you ended up with someone

from the other side
of the river.

Like father like son.

Ma.

It's no insult.
I'm proud of the fact

that my father
worked on the tube for 30
years.

My father sat
in front of the tube for 40.

Do you know,
before I worked for James,

I almost got a job
at Buckingham Palace

doing The Queen's hair?

Oh, I almost got a job
in the Village

doing hair on Queens.

[ALL LAUGH]

Well, Maxwell, it's obvious

we are attracted to
the same kind of woman.

You've inherited my gift for
mixing business with pleasure.

Well, I'm sorry
to disappoint you, father,

but I hired Ms. Fine solely

for her extensive experience
in child care.

That's right. You had enough.
Niles, take it away.

So, James, you obviously
did well for yourself.

I mean, this isn't a cheap tie.

Although now,
it's not worth anything.

I do all right, Sylvia. I make
most of my money in
investments.

In fact, I just got a hot tip
guaranteed to triple your
return

no commitment, short-term.

Oh, "No commitment? Short-term?"

Throw in some children, a dumped
wife and you've got your life.

Isn't this delightful?

Where did you get
the exquisite shrimp?

I came with her.

No, dear.
I meant the crustacean.

Oh, she's my daughter.

Jolly good. Well, where were we?

Oh, yes, Maxwell was calling me
a tramp.

No offense, Joan.

But, father, I cannot imagine
what possessed you

to bring this woman
into my home.

My poor mother sitting alone
like a dog.

I thought you hated your mother?

Well, I like her now.

Anyone seeBabe?

How did they get that pig
to learn all those lines?

Why don't you
just cut your father some
slack?

I mean, he obviously just wants

to live his life hassle free
without any commitments.

Not unlike you.

Let it go. The man's
entitled to a girlfriend.

Not if his wife has anything
to say about it.

- You're married?
- Mm.

Isn't that delightful.

Well, we'd been playing
cat and mouse so long

I decided to make
an honest woman out of her.

Well, I was wrong. You and your
father are completely different.

And I like him better.

So, Maxwell, how about a toast
to me and my new wife?

A wife?

I think gold digger is a more
appropriate description.

How dare you speak
to your mother like that?

Stepmother, darling.
"Youthful stepmother".

Do you think after all this,
anyone would be in the mood

for their little red potatoes?

What am I nuts?

A pig can't learn lines.

He must have used cue cards.

NILES: So, then Mr. Sheffield
accused her
of being a gold digger.

Which Mr. Sheffield?

The young one.

Oh, we'll pick this up later
in the kitchen.

Bring a pair
of alligator Gucci's,

nine-and-a-half D.

Oh, Niles, I should have
never planned that dinner
party.

It just stirred up
all kinds of feelings

of anguish and resentment.

In you, when you found

that a Sheffield
would marry an employee?

Yeah.

Oh, Fran,
I gotta dump this ballet
class.

It's full of muscular
good-looking guys

who are obviously there
to meet chicks too.

Not necessarily.

Honey, why don't you just quit?

Fran, I can't.
I'm the lightest
one.

They already made me head swan.

Well, then what are you
worried
about, being labeled?

Listen, there are a lot
of very masculine
ballet dancers.

Baryshnikov...

Alright, you know what
you'll tell your father you
joined the ballet class.

- He'll pull you out
in two seconds.
- Oh, thank you, Fran.

And not a moment too soon.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I'll get it.

Oh, Fran, I hope you don't mind
but I just had to talk to you.

- Love the outfit.
- Love the outfit.

I feel so terrible about
what
happened the other night
at dinner.

You know, James pretends
not to care what Maxwell
thinks,

but it's one thing
that keeps him up at night.

I'm the other.

Oh, I think it's just so awful

when a father and son
are at odds.

- Yes.
- I wish I could be there

to comfort Mr. Sheffield
when he's up all night.

Do me a world of good.

You know, I never believed
that Maxwell would grow up

to be as judgmental
and narrow-minded

as the rest of James' family.

They actually felt
that I wasn't of his class.

That is such bull.

Do you know it took 10 years

for James
to finally make his move?

Ten years?

When he finally made his move,
the only reason he did was

that I went into his office
to change his typewriter
ribbon

wearing a sexy
little midriff top

and a very,
very short mini-skirt.

I can't dress like that.

You know,
I take care of children.

I'll never forget
how he took me in his arms,

gazed into my eyes,
and told me that he loved me.

And then he took it back?

No. Then he proved it,
six times.

I hate my life.

First, he dimmed the lights.

Then he grabbed me
and brought my body
close to his.

And then with one sweep
of his arm

he cleared the desk
of everything

and then he....

Oh, do you have any ice?

Oh. Yeah, here.

[LAUGHS]

What? What?

That was the first
time
that I ever nibbled
on James' ear.

It drove him absolutely crazy
and then I...

Oh, I can't do that.

- I'm Jewish.
- Oh, no.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, Mr. Sheffield.

It's time to change your
ribbon.
Where's your typewriter?

It's in the attic
with my Peter Max posters.

- See, you.
- Oh, Ms. Fine, wait.

Yes?

I've had an epiphany.

Already? Just from doing this?

I've always resented my father

for his total lack of concern

for anyone's feelings
but his own.

He's always lived solely
for his own pleasure.

But maybe
that ain't so bad, huh?

I mean,
maybe he's got the right
idea.

I mean, I am a man.
I have needs too, right?

Yeah, good. 'Cause I can use
a couple of multiple
epiphanies
myself.

I got a problem.

Alright, honey,
solve it yourself.
It builds character.

No, no. Okay, Dad, here it
is:
I'm in a ballet class

and I don't care what you say,
I love it, and I'm staying in.

Son, do whatever
makes you happy.

Even if you call the school
and demand they take me
out of the class

- I'm not leaving.
- I want you to do it.

Would you let me
live my own life?

For the love of God,
I'm a ballerina.

Oh, I'll tell you,
he is so lucky

that he's got people
that love and support him. Oh!

Come here. Look how baggy
his butt looks in those
tights.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So, you were saying you're
a man, you got needs?

Well, maybe I should just

face the fact that my father
fell in love
with his secretary.

And your sister
fell in love
with her chauffeur.

And my grandfather
married his maid.

No sense breaking tradition.

None that I can see.

- Wait. Something is missing.
- What? What?

Oh, I know.

[CLEARS THE TABLE]

[KNOCKING]

What are you doing here?

I'm picturing myself
in Ms. Babcock's BMW.

Well, we're off to Saint Tropez.

We just came to say good...

Hello.

- Well...
- Oh!

Honey, you've got
a post-it on your bum.

Oh.

Father, I'm glad you stopped by.

I think I owe you an apology.

Well, you know you don't want
to
keep them waiting.

I mean, there's a big time
difference were you going,
you're probably late already.

Just a moment, Miss Fine, I
have
something I need to say to my
father.

All righty, then.

Father, I believe I was wrong
about you.

That was beautiful.
Enjoy your trip.

We're wiped out.

We lost $25,000
on that investment of yours.

Well, you win some,
you lose some.

Thank God
that's all you invested.

That was
our entire life savings.

Oh, stop it.

You said it was guaranteed
triple our money.

Ma, ma, nobody forced you.
You can't point fingers.

That was the money that
we were gonna move to Boca with.

You are a dead man.

Father, how could you
be so cavalier?

These people are living
on a fixed income.

I feel faint. I need something.

I'll get you some water.

No, steak. I need protein.

Now, darling, I think
we should dash off

if we're going to make it
to Constantine's yacht.

God, you are
so incredibly insensitive.

Well, how can you say
I'm insensitive

when you're the one that's
making me late for cocktails?

What was I thinking?

I was actually
trying to be more like you.

Well, now I remember
how much pain

your selfishness
causes other people.

I'm sorry, Ms. Fine. I'm sorry
for what almost happened here.

Well, that's bloody
over with now.

Oh, all righty, then.

Hope you realize that our
Christmas get-together

at my chalet in Tuscany is off.

You think I'd actually
want to spend my holidays

in the Italian countryside,
gorging on rich food,

partying with
European glitterati?

Well, I wouldn't.

And I wouldn't dream of
subjecting my family
to it, either.

Why?

- Come on, Joan.
- Just a minute.

Darling, I know
what you're thinking,

but there's a part of James
that is good.

Not as good
as it was 20 years ago,

but it does the job.

And by the way, darling,

I think Junior
that may still come around,

but I'd lay off the
chocolates
if you were you.

Oh, Ms. Fine, I feel awful
about your parents

not being able to move to Boca.

You feel awful?

Is there anything
I could give them

to help smooth things over?

Grandchildren?

Maybe I should just reimburse
them for the money they lost?

Absolutely not.

They're way too proud.
They would never take it.

They'll just
talk about it constantly,

nag you incessantly,

and never let it die
until you do.

Oh, don't look now,

but your father's
in that gallery again.

- Quick. He's coming out.
- Come here.

Ms. Fine, that is not my father.

Oh, my mistake.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]