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1
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:08,383
Are you still stalking Nora?
2
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:11,052
She has 150,000 followers.
3
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,930
Wait, what? She's Simply Life Well Lived?
4
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,765
Oh, Jesus, you don't follow her, do you?
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,601
I find her non-threateningly aspirational.
6
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:23,064
Not anymore though.
She's a gutter whore and dead to me.
7
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:24,816
You're a true friend.
8
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:30,739
Just don't spend all night
going down the rabbit hole.
9
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:33,158
That way madness lies.
10
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:37,412
I won't.
11
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,754
Oh, good, you're awake.
12
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,381
She said she went to Mykonos
for the first time last year
13
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:49,466
and found it charming.
14
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,593
But in this photo,
taken three years prior,
15
00:00:51,676 --> 00:00:54,387
you can clearly see
a Mykonos magnet on her fridge.
16
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,591
I know what you're thinking.
17
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,366
Someone else brought her
a souvenir from Mykonos,
18
00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,286
but I went through all of her friends'
and family and co-workers' profiles,
19
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,395
and none of them ever been to Mykonos.
20
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,749
Her friend Hailey from sixth-form netball,
they went for coffee
21
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,792
in GAIL's in Sevenoaks years ago,
but they're not close.
22
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,277
She went to Santorini
with her family in 2012.
23
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:12,322
And you want me to believe
that you would or even could
24
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,824
buy a Mykonos fridge magnet at Santorini?
25
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,576
It doesn't make any economic sense!
26
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,455
Okay.
27
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:51,486
Sometimes self-love is telling
yourself to work hard and never stop.
28
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:55,532
If you love yourself, you're happy to work
on yourself and be disciplined.
29
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:59,703
I love colour coordination.
It totally optimises organisation.
30
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,790
Flowers really can transform a space.
They do get expensive.
31
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,083
It's worth shopping around.
32
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:07,006
Sometimes you can get
your weekly flower budget
33
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,086
down to 50 to 100 pounds.
34
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,088
Sorry, can you just... Yeah.
35
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:16,011
What are you doing?
36
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:19,180
Alfie's coming over today.
I'm childproofing the flat.
37
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:23,935
I'll try my best, but I do not like
being in the presence of children.
38
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:25,186
And English children. Ugh.
39
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,732
Mummy? Daddy?
May I have some apples? It's disgusting.
40
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,900
Not yours, though. Obviously.
41
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:35,822
I've got so much bonding to catch up on.
I'm gonna bond with that child so hard.
42
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,908
What about our bonding?
43
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,429
With all the surprise family stuff,
we haven't really had time to do
44
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:43,693
- the whole, like, dating kind of thing.
- Oh, like what?
45
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:48,001
Like, you know, staying up all night
talking, having picnics,
46
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:50,128
going on spontaneous weekend breaks
to Paris,
47
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:51,588
fighting for the first time.
48
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:53,506
Sleeping together.
49
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,092
Although Carrie and Kash are out,
50
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,304
so we could check
one of those things off the list.
51
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,812
I don't think we got time to go to Paris.
Nora's gonna be here any minute.
52
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,814
- Wait, Nora's coming? Here?
- Yeah.
53
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,776
Oh, wait. Should I not have done that?
54
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:13,902
No, no, it's good.
55
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:16,029
I should get to know her in person.
56
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:21,076
Her likes, dislikes,
weaknesses, intentions.
57
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:23,721
Well, you've already got one thing
in common.
58
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,330
- You.
- You're both bottom-heavy.
59
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,413
What?
60
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,837
We almost got an eviction notice
61
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,757
because he didn't realise he had
to start paying his share of the rent.
62
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,009
I am not Kash's girlfriend anymore.
63
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,173
Of course, I'm not gonna pay rent
for the both of us.
64
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,972
It's like... Well, he doesn't know
how to do anything on his own.
65
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,183
- Like he is almost...
- Uh, I have a meeting.
66
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,267
Can I, um...
67
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,061
Oh, yeah. Of course, Clark.
68
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:51,189
Hmm.
69
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:55,527
Ooh.
70
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,239
Uh, "Like he's almost, uh..."
71
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,366
Oh, 26. Thank you.
72
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,867
So, I told him, I said,
73
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,662
"Kash, you need to start
being independent.
74
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:09,958
You need a job. You can't keep
relying on me to do things for you."
75
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,043
And it's not healthy for us, you know?
76
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,421
We need to mutually disentangle.
77
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,440
To be honest,
I just think we just need a bit of space.
78
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:19,193
Ah, Carrie. You'll be
pleased to hear that's your last tea run.
79
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,386
We've hired you a new assistant.
80
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,309
Got a job.
81
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:32,313
To welcome Kash, let's go
round the room and do an icebreaker.
82
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,774
Name, power, fun fact. You know the drill.
83
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,570
Richard. I can tell exactly when
someone's going to get their period.
84
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:41,072
And I've driven the Aston Martin
from Tomorrow Never Dies.
85
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:46,578
Hi, I'm Anita. I can kill someone
just by thinking about it.
86
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:48,997
And I'm allergic to dry shampoo.
87
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,834
My name is Peter.
I can change gender at will.
88
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,837
And I climbed Snowdon with flip-flops on.
89
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,089
Carrie. Communion with the dead.
90
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:01,259
My fun fact is that I recently broke up
with my boyfriend.
91
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,970
And I specifically remember having
a conversation with him
92
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,597
that if we're gonna live together,
93
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,183
we need to respect
each other's boundaries.
94
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,481
Kash. Uh, rewind time.
95
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:17,376
Although, I'm sort of jumping forward now,
and I can't really control it.
96
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,610
It's a whole thing.
97
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,946
Uh, fun fact,
well, I just got broken up with.
98
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,949
And I thought I was doing the right thing
by getting a job,
99
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,577
but apparently, I can't do anything right.
100
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,832
Also, I once saw Jason Momoa in a Pret.
101
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,461
Fantastic.
102
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:37,704
- Yeah.
- Love him.
103
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,136
- It's Nora and Alfie.
- Hi. Yeah.
104
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,186
Who's that for?
105
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,771
I'm gonna play catch with my boy.
106
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,733
- Hello.
- Hi.
107
00:05:58,817 --> 00:05:59,943
Hey, Alfie! Catch!
108
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:03,363
Welcome to our home.
109
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,009
You said the other day
you didn't remember anything about us,
110
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:17,919
so I thought I'd bring some bits
and pieces to help fill in the blanks.
111
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,090
It's all here. Our wedding. Holidays.
112
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:26,136
Oh! Thailand.
You loved Thailand.
113
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,096
Why am I friends with this bridge?
114
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,473
You helped design it, silly.
You're a structural engineer.
115
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:37,480
Hey, look. Daddy used to build things.
116
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,066
Daddy's not scary.
Daddy wouldn't throw gloves at you.
117
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,153
Wait. No. Come back please!
118
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,297
- Please, Daddy, no!
- Don't run from love.
119
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,823
Stay away from me!
120
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,370
So, what about you, Jen? What do you do?
121
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,247
- Eh, I-I work in a shop.
- Hmm.
122
00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:55,933
Couples go shopping together, don't they?
123
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,393
Do you go shopping with your boyfriend?
124
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,294
I'm not currently seeing anyone.
125
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,088
Where would I find the time?
126
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,965
To be honest, I haven't since...
127
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,510
And are you happy being alone, or...
128
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:11,431
- His graduation.
- Oh.
129
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:15,852
We met first week of freshers.
Course, he got better grades than me.
130
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,937
High two-one is not bad.
131
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:24,277
I-If that's what you, um...
Gosh. I wouldn't know.
132
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:25,820
Don't run!
133
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:26,905
Leave me alone!
134
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,949
Please don't run. Let me bond with you!
135
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,369
- Go.
- Wait, not too fast.
136
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,121
- No, no, trust me. It's all in the legs.
- You sure?
137
00:07:35,205 --> 00:07:38,124
Ooh! Whoo!
138
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,959
Oh, gosh! Whoo!
139
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,004
Aerodynamic.
140
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,674
- Kash? I think we should talk about...
- Yes, boss.
141
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,276
- I think we should talk...
- Go ahead, boss.
142
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,980
- I think we should talk about...
- Uh-huh.
143
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,095
Stop spinning!
144
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,724
Do you actually want this job,
or are you just winding me up?
145
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,103
No, I do. Really, you're right. I need
to learn how to stand on my own two feet.
146
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,830
Like, give me something to do. I'll do it.
147
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:00,980
Hmm.
148
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:06,027
Here's something simple.
I need five copies of this.
149
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,196
Yes, boss.
150
00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,751
Daddy said he sleeps in the bath.
151
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,921
Um, Daddy's just being funny.
152
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:29,050
- Is Daddy homeless?
- No, darling. No.
153
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,094
Regular does me fine.
154
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,139
That's my bag.
155
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,515
Oh! Oh, God!
156
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,517
Is this your bag? I have one just like it.
157
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,603
I-I thought it was mine...
...is why I was looking in it.
158
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:46,860
Jen, if you want to know anything
about me, you know you can just ask.
159
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,143
- Yeah.
- I have so many questions about you.
160
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,196
It's only natural.
161
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,949
Yeah, right. Yeah, like,
why are we so good together?
162
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,367
How'd he get someone so hot?
163
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:56,703
Why are you fucking my husband?
164
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,504
I'm joking. I'm joking, Jen.
165
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:08,381
Obviously, I'm joking.
166
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:11,760
If I actually hated you, I wouldn't say
something like that, would I?
167
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:15,889
Yeah. Look, I don't want you to think
I stole him or anything.
168
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:20,560
Okay, I did steal him off the street,
but... ...if I knew he had an owner...
169
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,771
I mean, a wife,
then obviously I wouldn't have.
170
00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:23,897
No, we would not have...
171
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,398
Of course. Of course.
172
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:28,777
I mean, life is a crazy adventure,
173
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:32,447
and we can't control what fate brings us.
174
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,283
Yeah. God, I'm so glad we got that
out in the open.
175
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:39,079
Absolutely.
I love this transparency for us.
176
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:43,166
Do we still have cat food?
I think Alfie might like animals.
177
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,793
Yeah, it's in the middle shelf.
178
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,548
Um, because it helps me turn into a cat.
179
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:51,549
I know.
180
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:56,554
You'd think so, but the salmon is
surprisingly moreish.
181
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,350
Mmm.
182
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,148
- I suppose.
- Yeah. Yeah.
183
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:09,651
Hadn't thought about it
like that before.
184
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,737
Hello. Huh. What's happening?
Tell me what's happening.
185
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,865
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Telepathy.
186
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,244
We used to have our own conversations
in our heads all the time.
187
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,745
Old habits, I guess.
188
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:23,849
I have to pop out for a meeting.
Can you watch Alfie for a few hours?
189
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,042
Wait. So you can
talk to each other without talking?
190
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:32,340
Mm-hmm. It was like having
our own secret language, I guess.
191
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,009
Wasn't it, Rob?
192
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,056
Oh, no. That's just her face.
193
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,688
Hmm.
194
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:47,897
I think she likes you.
195
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,446
Uh, it came out big.
196
00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,241
- How did it...
- It came out big.
197
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,514
- Richard's just sent you a new case file.
- He needs them by lunch.
198
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,665
But I...
199
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,917
Oh, let me help. Uh, what can I do?
200
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,920
Uh. I've got it actually. Uh, thank you.
201
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,259
Carrie! Come on.
I wanna show you something.
202
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,720
So, I realised that we had
a cupboard just for stationery,
203
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,156
which is an inefficient use of space.
204
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,015
So, I reorganised it on my own initiative.
205
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:34,694
I discovered that if you throw all
the stationery together in one big bag,
206
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,238
it frees up space for other stuff.
207
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:38,865
Like
208
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:40,325
this orange.
209
00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:46,122
Would you excuse me for one second?
210
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,207
Mm-hmm.
211
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,343
Do you like it?
212
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,433
Ooh, ooh. Be gentle.
213
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,562
Hey, champ.
214
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:14,067
So, what's your mummy like?
What's Mummy's vibe?
215
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,235
Show me your power.
216
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,738
One, please. Two, I don't have a power.
217
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,822
Why?
218
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,426
- I don't know. I just don't.
- Everyone else does.
219
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,576
I'm very aware of that.
220
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,620
Has Mummy ever mentioned
wanting Daddy back?
221
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,789
Don't pull your dad's tail.
222
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,125
- Are you broken?
- No.
223
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,292
Does God hate you?
224
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,419
Yes. Okay, God hates me.
225
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:36,089
Look, I'll give you a fiver
if you tell me about your mum.
226
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,637
Mummy was talking about you to her friend.
227
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:47,892
Was she? What did she say?
What did she say exactly?
228
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,648
Oh, my God.
229
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,827
I don't remember.
230
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,460
Kash is so useless.
I'm basically doing two jobs.
231
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,128
I'm so tired. I-I can't do this.
232
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,212
So, get him fired.
233
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,714
Isn't that a bit mean?
234
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,383
It's gonna happen eventually.
If anything, it's a mercy.
235
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,527
How do you get someone fired?
236
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:23,636
Oh, easy. I've been fired loads of times.
237
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,765
Let's see. Stealing supplies.
Lying about being able to drive a HGV.
238
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,392
Ooh, coming into work high.
Building inappropriate bears.
239
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,477
Drugs.
240
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,022
I could plant drugs in his desk.
241
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,825
You? You are going to buy drugs?
242
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,818
I'm gonna buy drugs.
How do you buy drugs?
243
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,422
I'll send you instructions.
244
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,840
Where are you calling from?
It sounds echoey.
245
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,259
- Kitty! Stay still.
- I'm hiding in the bath from a child.
246
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,409
Alfie and Nora are visiting.
247
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:47,994
Oh, my God. What's Nora like?
248
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,163
I don't have any reason to not like her.
249
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,581
She's just nice.
250
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,625
Oh. I'm so sorry.
251
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,959
I know.
252
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,337
What if Jizz notices
that she's sweet and successful
253
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,220
and smells like Jo Malone,
and he prefers her?
254
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,674
That is not gonna happen.
255
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:03,426
You have your own unique smell
that is just as good.
256
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,886
Ow!
257
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:08,598
It's just annoying,
because she knows everything about Jizz.
258
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,642
And we've been going out... what, a week?
259
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,602
Pity you couldn't just speed things up.
260
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,232
I mauled my boy.
261
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,956
Hello. Are you...
262
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,419
Yes, you are.
263
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:42,215
Uh, can I please have one serving
of your least illegal drug? Please.
264
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:43,925
Are you a cop?
265
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,052
Me? No.
266
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:49,556
I watch a lot of Poirot,
but I don't think that counts.
267
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,145
That'll be 20.
268
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,064
Um, the machine was only giving out 50s.
269
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:04,696
Could I get my change?
270
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:11,286
Uh. Yeah, I've got the power to do
bank transfers with my mind.
271
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,747
So, you'll do it that way. Got it. Great.
272
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:19,461
Yeah, I've just done it.
273
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,963
Amazing. Thank you.
274
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,165
Carrie...
275
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:40,607
Have you signed Lauren's card?
276
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,651
What are you doing?
277
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,614
Are those drugs?
278
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:51,368
No, Dave. It's paracetamol.
279
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,994
Oh. Can I have one?
280
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,473
- I've got a splitting headache.
- No! They're my paracetamol.
281
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,540
Oh, you got paracetamol? Can I bum one?
282
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,125
My squash elbow's playing up.
283
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:02,879
No, you can't. I need them.
I have period cramps.
284
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:07,509
But you're not due on
for another eight days and 44 minutes.
285
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:10,011
That's a breach of GDPR there, Richard.
286
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:11,513
It just came out.
287
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,390
I'm gonna have to log that with Sandra.
288
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,184
Trust me, today's not a good day
to run up Sandra.
289
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,644
You're doing it again.
290
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,238
Nah, mate, she didn't even reply.
291
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:29,906
- You ordered a speed up?
- Yeah.
292
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,033
Bro, it's so strange.
293
00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:34,744
- You got my request?
- Nah, it's bad. Yeah.
294
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,413
- Y-Yeah?
- Wait, who's this?
295
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,096
I thought we could fast-forward
ourselves a few months. No biggie.
296
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,542
- What?
- Who's going forward?
297
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:43,670
Just like live out the next six months
or so, but, like, quickly.
298
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,881
I... I don't want to speed up my life.
I've already missed so much of it.
299
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,466
Like all those years with the kid?
300
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,010
The kid?
301
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,387
What?
302
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,725
I don't understand.
What's the rush?
303
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,310
- Just because, okay?
- That's not a reason.
304
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,714
- Just trust me on this.
- I like time the way it is.
305
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,582
People wish they could snap their fingers
306
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:04,750
and be in a long-term relationship.
307
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,711
That's stupid.
Why would I want less time with you?
308
00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,278
Oh, so I'm stupid?
309
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,239
Mate, mate, wait. Wait.
This couple's having an argument.
310
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:15,952
Fine. I guess we'll just relish
the joys of budding romance
311
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,662
in real time like fucking losers.
312
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:22,125
Look... It's just... You and Nora.
313
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,353
I feel like you have this lifetime
of memories together,
314
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,537
- and I can't compete with it.
- I don't remember them.
315
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,423
That's Robert, not me.
316
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,552
I remember the first time we met.
317
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:37,390
Uh, the sun was in your hair,
and you had pink nails,
318
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,143
and you smelled a bit like a Petit Filous.
319
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,354
And I remember
the first thing you said to me.
320
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:48,234
Oh, that's sweet, innit?
321
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,723
I feel like I said something right.
Did I say something right?
322
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,748
You did.
323
00:18:18,682 --> 00:18:19,766
I'm thirsty.
324
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,942
The Madonna of the Blessed Virgin
has been in the Montague family
325
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:32,320
since its creation in 1584.
326
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,031
The family have requested
that the original artist,
327
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:38,993
Giovanni Pietro DiAgostinelli,
restore the painting
328
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:42,414
as was laid out
in the original commission agreement.
329
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:46,209
Mr DiAgostinelli will work
through our conduit
330
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,796
using materials that are
as close as possible to the originals,
331
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:53,800
fidelity being the order of the day,
to preserve the painting's value.
332
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:56,761
Don't mind that sound.
It's just my heart beating.
333
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,473
Right, well, yes,
I suppose we should get started.
334
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,685
Yeah.
335
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:21,453
Low blood sugar.
336
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,415
Let's have a tea break and, uh, reconvene.
337
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:30,879
Just sit, just sit.
338
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,924
What is up with you?
Your pupils are massive.
339
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:37,153
Did you accidentally have
full-strength tea instead of decaf?
340
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:38,237
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
341
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:42,474
If you replace tea with hard drugs
that I bought on the street, then yes.
342
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,036
- Why are you blinking so loudly?
- What, why did you take drugs?
343
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,895
Okay, so basically, there's this guy Kash,
344
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,856
and I'm trying to get him fired
by planting drugs on his desk.
345
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,024
I'm Kash.
346
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,068
Good for you. Wow.
347
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,987
So, I need to plant drugs in his desk
because he's so useless.
348
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,697
I'm doing all his work and my own.
349
00:19:57,781 --> 00:19:59,366
He's got to learn to be independent.
350
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,177
How is he supposed to learn
how to be independent
351
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:02,911
when Carrie keeps doing everything
for him?
352
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,139
- Carrie sounds like a real fucking bitch.
- You're Carrie.
353
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,498
Carrie has a point.
354
00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:07,832
Okay.
355
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:15,006
Okay, just drink this.
356
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,717
You need to lie down
in a darkened room for four to five hours
357
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,161
and listen to ambient soundscapes.
358
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,720
Pfft. I'm not taking advice from you.
359
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,598
Yeah, this might be the only situation
where I know more than you do.
360
00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,975
Now, just go home. Relax. You'll be fine.
361
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,912
I am fine. Feel fine.
Absolutely fine.
362
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,604
Carrie, you're not touching the floor.
363
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:31,731
Just go home.
364
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:34,025
You can't use your power anyway.
What good are you?
365
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,860
Oh! Gonna fake it.
366
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,821
- No, don't do that.
- Nobody's gonna know.
367
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,197
No. No...
368
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,282
Uh, they want you back in the boardroom.
369
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,368
Oh, okay. Y-Yeah.
370
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919
I can't get down.
371
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,513
There's only one thing
that creeps me out more than children,
372
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:04,806
and that's old people.
373
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,230
Why is he chewing?
There's nothing in his mouth.
374
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,438
Does he have the mind of a child
or an old man?
375
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,357
I want my raisins.
376
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,401
I can't tell.
377
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,044
Oh, God, what are we gonna do with him?
378
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,864
I wanted to spend quality time
with my boy.
379
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:24,200
And goddamn it, that's what I'm gonna do.
380
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:33,293
Mmm. Mmm.
381
00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:45,930
Yeah.
382
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:48,308
Whee.
383
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,020
Here, Alf.
384
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:56,608
Ow!
385
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:05,116
You're a natural, Alfie.
386
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:10,872
Alfie? Alfie? Alfie? Alfie?
387
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:12,791
Yeah!
388
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,001
Go on, keep walking.
389
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,798
He's all right.
390
00:22:24,803 --> 00:22:26,054
Oh, my God.
391
00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:35,188
Right, okay.
392
00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:36,648
It's up to you, Kash.
393
00:22:36,731 --> 00:22:38,149
You're not useless.
394
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:41,319
Right, there's still time
to come up with a plan.
395
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:46,533
Oh, no.
396
00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:50,036
Hmm. See what I mean?
397
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:53,873
Oh.
398
00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:58,980
- Excited.
- Me too!
399
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,843
He's done. He's done.
400
00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:28,241
- You like it?
- What have you done?
401
00:23:29,492 --> 00:23:31,870
No one's ever been sadder
than I am right now.
402
00:23:31,953 --> 00:23:33,830
Yep. That's the comedown.
403
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:37,584
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I
need you to give a sample for a drug test.
404
00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:40,712
I needn't reiterate
our zero-tolerance policy.
405
00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:41,795
Mm-hmm.
406
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:46,569
- I'm gonna get fired.
- No, get someone else to do it for you.
407
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,612
They'll think you had
a catastrophic mental breakdown.
408
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:49,888
Who though?
409
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:54,559
I trust you to do this for me.
410
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,980
It would be my honour.
411
00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:24,381
People usually give a urine sample.
412
00:24:26,841 --> 00:24:27,842
What?
413
00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:33,139
They look so peaceful when they're asleep.
414
00:24:34,099 --> 00:24:35,767
He's drooling a lot.
415
00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:37,268
He is.
416
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,481
I'm a terrible dad.
417
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:44,275
Hey, no. It's me. I'm a terrible...
418
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:45,652
Stepmum?
419
00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:49,072
Oh, my God, am I a MILF now?
You always think you have more time.
420
00:24:51,574 --> 00:24:54,285
It's Nora. What do I do?
What if she never lets me see him again?
421
00:24:57,247 --> 00:24:58,498
Mmm.
422
00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:03,962
Nora. How was your meeting?
It's all good here.
423
00:25:04,045 --> 00:25:05,797
We did some reading. We went to the park,
424
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,133
accidentally turned your son
into a pensioner, had lunch.
425
00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,384
Sorry, what?
426
00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:15,223
Mummy.
427
00:25:17,684 --> 00:25:18,685
Uh.
428
00:25:22,939 --> 00:25:24,065
Alfie?
429
00:25:25,525 --> 00:25:26,901
Uh, please don't blame Jizz.
430
00:25:26,985 --> 00:25:28,305
- It wasn't his fault.
- Sit down.
431
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,780
I was trying to speed up time,
and the guy got confused.
432
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:32,717
Although, you know,
I'd say with a bit of hair dye,
433
00:25:32,741 --> 00:25:34,534
he could pass for a sprightly 68?
434
00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:36,220
Why were you
trying to speed up time?
435
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,139
Oh, because we've only
been going out for a week,
436
00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:39,515
- and she's threatened by you.
- I...
437
00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:40,832
And we've not been to Paris.
438
00:25:40,915 --> 00:25:42,268
- Well, that...
- Or slept together yet.
439
00:25:42,292 --> 00:25:45,795
Oh, but we did have
a fight though. So, that's good.
440
00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:50,258
Jen.
441
00:25:52,469 --> 00:25:56,139
You don't need to feel threatened by me.
442
00:25:56,723 --> 00:26:00,560
There's no need for us to fall into lazy,
predictable conflict because of a man.
443
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:02,479
Yeah! Oh, I totally agree!
444
00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:03,605
Amazing.
445
00:26:03,688 --> 00:26:05,648
Rob, don't worry about Alfie.
446
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:09,319
I've got great power insurance.
I can get this reversed.
447
00:26:09,402 --> 00:26:12,030
So, in terms of schedules,
do you think you could...
448
00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:15,533
Jen. Yeah, I'm talking to you,
you fucking idiot.
449
00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:17,094
Do you really think I'm cool with this?
450
00:26:17,118 --> 00:26:19,180
That I'm just super chill
about my husband fucking off
451
00:26:19,204 --> 00:26:20,580
for four years to be a cat?
452
00:26:20,663 --> 00:26:22,123
Like some ball-licking gap year
453
00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:24,376
while I pay the mortgage
and keep that brat alive?
454
00:26:24,459 --> 00:26:27,796
And when he does come back,
he's dating some Manic Pixie Dream Slut?
455
00:26:27,879 --> 00:26:29,857
I was just going to guilt him
into being a full-time nanny
456
00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:31,800
for that little tax credit over there.
457
00:26:31,883 --> 00:26:32,884
But that's not enough.
458
00:26:32,967 --> 00:26:37,555
You were right about one thing.
I am his owner. He belongs to me.
459
00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:40,600
I spent years domesticating that man
to do whatever I want,
460
00:26:40,684 --> 00:26:44,813
and you think you can waltz in here
with your perky tits and no pension
461
00:26:44,896 --> 00:26:48,149
and have a quirky little
fucking Wes Anderson love story?
462
00:26:48,233 --> 00:26:49,526
Well, think again, cunt.
463
00:26:49,609 --> 00:26:53,363
You've taken something from me,
and I'm going to take it back.
464
00:26:53,446 --> 00:26:59,077
And when I fuck him, which I will,
I'll be thinking of you alone and sad.
465
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:06,126
And I'll come like a fucking landmine.
Because I just don't like you.
466
00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:08,545
I fucking knew it.
467
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,090
Knew what?
468
00:27:14,009 --> 00:27:15,760
Nothing. Sorry.
469
00:27:16,886 --> 00:27:18,555
- Huh. Okay, we're off.
- Hmm.
470
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,569
I'll let you know about the flute lessons.
471
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:22,642
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
472
00:27:27,647 --> 00:27:28,648
Lovely to meet you, Jen.
473
00:27:28,732 --> 00:27:30,150
You too, Nora.
474
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:31,234
Bye.
475
00:27:32,277 --> 00:27:34,237
Just one big, happy family.
476
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,488
Hmm.
477
00:27:45,123 --> 00:27:46,249
I was like this.
478
00:27:46,916 --> 00:27:48,894
- Like what is that?
- And she bought it?
479
00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:50,670
Yeah.
480
00:27:50,754 --> 00:27:52,130
I almost feel bad for her.
481
00:27:52,714 --> 00:27:54,132
Fifty for mandy ain't bad.
482
00:27:56,092 --> 00:27:57,385
It was paracetamol.
483
00:28:00,472 --> 00:28:01,473
You're bad.
36983
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