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1
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♪ Girl, I'm 'bout to have a panic attack ♪
2
00:00:17,411 --> 00:00:20,417
♪ I did the work, it didn't work, ah, ah ♪
3
00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:23,381
♪ That truth, it hurts, goddam, it hurts
Ah, ah ♪
4
00:00:23,381 --> 00:00:25,886
♪ That lovey-dovey shit
Was not a fan of it ♪
5
00:00:25,886 --> 00:00:29,561
♪ I'm good with my friends
I don't want a man, girl ♪
6
00:00:29,561 --> 00:00:32,900
♪ I'm in my bed
I'm way too fine to be here alone ♪
7
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,823
♪ On other hand, I know my worth, ah, ah ♪
8
00:00:35,823 --> 00:00:37,159
♪ And now he callin' me ♪
9
00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:38,704
♪ Why do I feel like this? ♪
10
00:00:38,704 --> 00:00:41,042
♪ What's happenin' to me? Oh, oh, oh ♪
11
00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:44,131
♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪
12
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:47,387
♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪
13
00:00:47,387 --> 00:00:50,435
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪
14
00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:53,776
♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪
15
00:00:53,776 --> 00:00:56,573
♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪
16
00:00:56,573 --> 00:00:58,786
♪ 'Cause I want it
That's what I'm talkin' about ♪
17
00:00:58,786 --> 00:01:00,080
Ooh!
18
00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:01,708
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out ♪
19
00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,211
Morning.
20
00:01:03,211 --> 00:01:06,133
♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪
21
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:07,679
♪ How am I supposed to
Love somebody else? ♪
22
00:01:08,847 --> 00:01:11,728
♪ When I don't like myself, like, ooh ♪
23
00:01:11,728 --> 00:01:13,439
♪ Guess I better learn to like this, ooh ♪
24
00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:17,990
♪ It might take my whole life just to
Let me know ♪
25
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:21,163
♪ Am I ready? Girl, there ain't a doubt ♪
26
00:01:21,163 --> 00:01:24,336
♪ Am I ready? What you talkin' 'bout? ♪
27
00:01:24,336 --> 00:01:27,593
♪ Am I ready? You gon' figure it out
To be loved ♪
28
00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:33,605
♪ Am I ready? You deserve it now ♪
29
00:01:33,605 --> 00:01:36,778
♪ 'Cause I want it
That's what I'm talkin' about ♪
30
00:01:36,778 --> 00:01:38,239
♪ Am I ready? ♪
31
00:01:42,122 --> 00:01:43,416
Wait, why are you happy?
32
00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:45,671
Why shouldn't I be? Boom!
33
00:01:45,671 --> 00:01:47,550
- You don't remember last night?
- Nah.
34
00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:50,138
Must've gotten too drunk and blacked out.
35
00:01:50,138 --> 00:01:52,350
You kept turning back time to try
and stop me from breaking up with you.
36
00:01:52,350 --> 00:01:53,352
But she did anyway.
37
00:01:57,068 --> 00:01:58,488
Oh, that rings a bell.
38
00:01:59,156 --> 00:02:00,910
I think we should break up.
39
00:02:02,204 --> 00:02:05,628
Oh, no. Oh, God. No, no, no.
It's all coming back to me.
40
00:02:05,628 --> 00:02:06,755
No, no, no. Unring the bell.
41
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:08,424
- Unring the bell.
- Don't be sad. Uh, look.
42
00:02:08,424 --> 00:02:10,930
Gordon gave Jen
his come money for the clinic.
43
00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,516
A-And Jizzlord and I are a couple.
44
00:02:12,516 --> 00:02:13,936
A couple of what?
45
00:02:13,936 --> 00:02:16,315
A couple. A couple, couple.
A romantic pairing.
46
00:02:16,315 --> 00:02:19,321
- What?
- I know. It is adorable.
47
00:02:19,321 --> 00:02:22,035
No-- What? It's gross.
What-- Isn't that illegal?
48
00:02:22,035 --> 00:02:24,039
- You can't fuck your cat.
- Hey! No.
49
00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:25,668
He's a man that can turn into a cat.
50
00:02:25,668 --> 00:02:28,924
Not a cat that turns into a man.
Totally different. Right?
51
00:02:28,924 --> 00:02:30,260
Mm-hmm.
52
00:02:30,886 --> 00:02:31,888
I need to lie down.
53
00:02:35,061 --> 00:02:37,107
Where is he anyway?
He went out to the shops ages ago.
54
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:47,460
- Hello.
- Hi.
55
00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:54,266
That man looks like Daddy.
56
00:03:09,504 --> 00:03:10,758
Rob, I--
57
00:03:14,222 --> 00:03:17,270
Rob, it's me. Nora, your wife.
58
00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,694
Mmm. Yeah.
59
00:03:25,913 --> 00:03:28,250
Maybe he's got a secret family.
60
00:03:30,171 --> 00:03:31,465
Oh, we were just talking about you.
61
00:03:31,465 --> 00:03:33,177
I haven't got a secret family!
62
00:03:33,804 --> 00:03:36,266
Stop eavesdropping on us,
you big weirdo.
63
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,605
Anything interesting
happen at the shops?
64
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:40,525
Nope.
65
00:03:40,525 --> 00:03:41,986
Huh.
66
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:54,762
11,970. 11,990.
67
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,144
If your power is category five,
68
00:03:58,144 --> 00:04:01,316
please remember to sign
in and out of security.
69
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,444
Oh.
70
00:04:12,590 --> 00:04:13,800
12,000.
71
00:04:14,969 --> 00:04:16,931
Welcome to the Power Discovery programme.
72
00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:21,691
- Yes, yay.
- Okay. Wh-What now?
73
00:04:21,691 --> 00:04:22,818
Is there a machine?
74
00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:25,364
No. You're going to be having weekly
75
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:27,452
one-on-one sessions
with a qualified coach.
76
00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:30,541
Oh. So, who's my coach?
77
00:04:31,544 --> 00:04:35,134
Uh, George.
Oh, that's him over there, actually.
78
00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:40,896
He's a bit of a DILF, right?
79
00:04:41,438 --> 00:04:43,652
- Carrie!
- What? He is.
80
00:04:43,652 --> 00:04:46,532
You've been single for two minutes
and you're already perving on local DILFs.
81
00:04:46,532 --> 00:04:48,536
He's giving sexy professor.
82
00:04:48,536 --> 00:04:49,622
He's 85.
83
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,418
I'd still ride him, though, yeah.
84
00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:54,799
- He's coming over.
- What?
85
00:04:55,634 --> 00:05:00,561
Denise. Do you have
discharge forms for Mr Lowry?
86
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,440
One minute. You have a new client.
87
00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:05,486
Oh.
88
00:05:05,486 --> 00:05:07,031
Hello.
89
00:05:07,031 --> 00:05:10,121
Uh, me, Jen. Me Jen. My name's Jen. Sorry.
90
00:05:10,121 --> 00:05:13,377
No power. Twenty five. A lot of work.
91
00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:16,593
- So, when do we start?
- Well, um, how's right now?
92
00:05:16,593 --> 00:05:17,761
Now, now?
93
00:05:19,514 --> 00:05:21,476
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay.
94
00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:23,732
After you.
95
00:05:23,732 --> 00:05:25,736
Thanks, Dad.
96
00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:30,746
♪ Yeah, I'm confident
More than competent ♪
97
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:32,833
♪ Think I'll probably
Put my name on a monument ♪
98
00:05:38,553 --> 00:05:41,391
- I see you've met Denise.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's great.
99
00:05:41,391 --> 00:05:44,649
Hmm, really?
I think she's a sour-faced dickhead.
100
00:05:44,649 --> 00:05:46,861
Oh, my God, isn't she?
Sulphureous bitch.
101
00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:50,661
So. Do you know what I'm here to do?
102
00:05:50,661 --> 00:05:51,788
Fix me?
103
00:05:51,788 --> 00:05:53,290
Not quite, no.
104
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,338
Some people think powers
are a physical thing.
105
00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:59,094
A chemical or some bullshit. I don't.
106
00:05:59,094 --> 00:06:01,098
I think they come from up here,
107
00:06:01,098 --> 00:06:03,394
and it's likely there is some
psychological blockage
108
00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:05,774
we have to overcome
before you can get your power.
109
00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:11,619
Because it is in there. And it's my job
to take you inside your mind and find it.
110
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:14,332
So, is that like talk therapy or--
111
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:15,627
Oh, no. I mean literally.
112
00:06:16,629 --> 00:06:17,798
May I?
113
00:06:26,774 --> 00:06:27,776
Mmm.
114
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,576
Welcome to your mind.
115
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:36,126
Or at least the physical space your
subconscious has rendered your mind into.
116
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,677
- This is my mind?
- Mm-hmm.
117
00:06:49,945 --> 00:06:50,906
It's a shithole.
118
00:06:50,906 --> 00:06:54,537
And somewhere in this shithole
is the thing that's blocking your power.
119
00:06:54,537 --> 00:06:55,665
And the books are--
120
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:59,005
I'd imagine they're everything
you've ever felt, thought or done.
121
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:03,973
Found something useful?
122
00:07:57,246 --> 00:08:00,461
♪ You have to stand up for yourself ♪
123
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,064
Subtle.
124
00:08:15,784 --> 00:08:17,328
Where do you even begin?
125
00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:20,627
Well, let's take it slow.
Give yourself a few days to prepare.
126
00:08:20,627 --> 00:08:24,551
Reassess your environment, your habits.
Make space for the journey.
127
00:08:25,135 --> 00:08:27,849
- That sounded really wanky, didn't it?
- Yeah, but I know what you mean.
128
00:08:29,185 --> 00:08:31,816
This is a fresh start.
Everything's gonna change.
129
00:08:33,151 --> 00:08:34,153
I'm going to change.
130
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:43,589
Let's set realistic expectations.
131
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:46,094
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally.
132
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,337
- What are you doing?
- Clean slate.
133
00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:06,259
Anything that might hold me back
from the new Jen is going into the void.
134
00:09:06,259 --> 00:09:09,098
The pit of unwanted things.
The Mystery Hole.
135
00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:11,519
What? That thing people fly-tip into
in Walthamstow?
136
00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:12,731
Yeah.
137
00:09:12,731 --> 00:09:15,235
We're doing it too, Kash.
Out with the old.
138
00:09:15,235 --> 00:09:17,657
We could sit around
moping about breaking up,
139
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:22,416
or we see this as an opportunity
to reinvent ourselves. A fresh start.
140
00:09:22,416 --> 00:09:25,339
No, no, no. You can't throw that out. No.
141
00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:26,926
Kash, come on.
142
00:09:28,345 --> 00:09:29,556
What-- And this?
143
00:09:29,556 --> 00:09:30,975
What even is it?
144
00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:34,315
And-And these.
Come on. What's wrong with these?
145
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,029
- Kash.
- What? They're still good.
146
00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:42,749
See? They still go on.
147
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:46,005
You can't just
change everything overnight.
148
00:09:46,005 --> 00:09:47,174
Course you can!
149
00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:49,888
It's not possible to escape your past.
150
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:53,980
It clings to you like dust settling into
the once clean carpet of your future.
151
00:09:54,857 --> 00:09:57,821
And the Hoover of change has poor suction.
152
00:09:58,488 --> 00:10:01,035
Jizz? Scratchin' the sofa.
153
00:10:02,204 --> 00:10:03,206
Oh.
154
00:10:06,212 --> 00:10:07,381
Jizz? Jizzlord?
155
00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:09,636
They don't even cover your bumhole!
156
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:14,980
- Even better.
- How is that better?
157
00:10:19,238 --> 00:10:22,788
- You okay?
- Me? Yeah. Okay as a clam.
158
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,503
You haven't been eating.
159
00:10:26,503 --> 00:10:29,300
You're hiding away in small spaces,
excessively grooming.
160
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:30,553
You're obviously stressed.
161
00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:33,308
And I think I know why.
162
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:37,316
Uh, I don't know how to do this either.
The whole relationship thing.
163
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,074
So, let's just start by going on a date.
164
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:44,497
Like a proper date. A first date,
technically. Just you and me.
165
00:10:44,497 --> 00:10:47,419
Yeah, because
there isn't another person involved.
166
00:10:48,129 --> 00:10:49,550
Um, true.
167
00:10:50,467 --> 00:10:51,845
So, I'll book a restaurant.
168
00:10:52,764 --> 00:10:55,018
Just-- Just let me show you!
169
00:10:55,018 --> 00:10:56,104
Here?
170
00:10:57,398 --> 00:11:01,197
Trousers down, squat, wipe, trousers up.
171
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:03,828
No fuss. Maximum efficiency.
172
00:11:03,828 --> 00:11:06,416
The life of these pants
is only just beginning.
173
00:11:09,297 --> 00:11:11,175
- They are a health hazard!- It's good bacteria.
174
00:11:13,138 --> 00:11:14,432
♪ Hello, world, let me tell you who I am ♪
175
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:15,935
♪ Hello, world
I don't think you understand ♪
176
00:11:18,941 --> 00:11:21,404
Oh, I love a breakup makeover.
177
00:11:21,404 --> 00:11:23,491
When Danny Fruss
dumped me right before Italia 90,
178
00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:25,913
I went out and got the whole works.
179
00:11:25,913 --> 00:11:29,045
Perm, boobs, adult braces.
180
00:11:29,045 --> 00:11:32,969
I thought, when this man sees me again,
he won't know what hit him.
181
00:11:32,969 --> 00:11:34,138
What happened? What'd he do?
182
00:11:34,138 --> 00:11:37,144
He drowned.
Scuba diving accident in Turkey.
183
00:11:37,144 --> 00:11:39,357
Very, very sad.
184
00:11:40,777 --> 00:11:44,910
I want a completely different look.
Something totally new.
185
00:11:44,910 --> 00:11:46,162
But what is that specifically?
186
00:11:46,162 --> 00:11:50,379
I don't know.
I have no idea who I am or what I want.
187
00:11:51,214 --> 00:11:53,594
- Please tell me who I am and what I want.
- Carrie, no.
188
00:11:53,594 --> 00:11:56,725
The point of a breakup makeover
is to relearn how to be a new person.
189
00:11:57,309 --> 00:12:00,107
I could use a little guidance.
190
00:12:00,107 --> 00:12:04,365
Do we know anyone
who has absolutely smashed a breakup?
191
00:12:05,576 --> 00:12:07,121
Mm-hmm.
192
00:12:07,121 --> 00:12:10,670
Yes, well he sounds
like an absolute little shit, darling.
193
00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:13,174
Uh, no, Diana. He's not that bad.
He just needs to grow up a bit.
194
00:12:13,174 --> 00:12:14,093
Mm-hmm.
195
00:12:14,093 --> 00:12:16,139
I closed the shop for a week
when you died.
196
00:12:16,139 --> 00:12:18,017
Woolworths was open the whole time.
197
00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:21,357
Oh! Can you sign me plates?
Wait here.
198
00:12:21,357 --> 00:12:24,530
So, uh, what do you think I should do,
Your Highness of a--
199
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:28,246
Miss, Miss, Mrs, Miss, Mrs, Miss Princess.
200
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:29,415
Mmm.
201
00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:33,339
Let's go total tart.
202
00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:38,308
- And I should get a fringe.
- Oh, my God. No.
203
00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:41,189
Absolutely do not do that.
204
00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:43,443
♪ I got a whole lot of confidence ♪
205
00:12:43,443 --> 00:12:45,530
♪ Don't be mad at my competence ♪
206
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,493
♪ 'Cause you shower me in compliments ♪
207
00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:55,050
Kash, can I ask you for some advice?
208
00:12:57,179 --> 00:13:00,645
I've been expecting this.
You want to know how to have a girlfriend.
209
00:13:00,645 --> 00:13:02,649
Why would I ask you?
You don't have a girlfriend.
210
00:13:07,867 --> 00:13:10,748
I'd usually go on my smoke break now,
but I don't even miss it.
211
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,417
- I actually feel really energised.
- Mmm.
212
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:14,463
Oh, yes, straight in with the leather.
213
00:13:14,463 --> 00:13:16,259
Self-improvement is a piece of piss.
214
00:13:19,683 --> 00:13:20,685
Oh, hi.
215
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:22,521
Sorry.
216
00:13:23,732 --> 00:13:25,945
I'm looking for someone.
217
00:13:25,945 --> 00:13:28,324
Uh, I was wondering if you could
put this poster up in your window.
218
00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:31,707
- Yeah. Who are you looking for?
- My husband.
219
00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:34,086
Well, if I can help in any way, I will.
220
00:13:34,086 --> 00:13:36,967
You don't have the context,
but basically, I'm good now.
221
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,237
Robert Clutton?
222
00:13:48,072 --> 00:13:49,074
Do you know him?
223
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:56,924
No.
224
00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:03,938
Well. Thank you anyway.
225
00:14:08,404 --> 00:14:10,408
I can't breathe, Your Highness.
226
00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:12,580
That's how you know
it's working, darling.
227
00:14:13,999 --> 00:14:15,085
What do you think?
228
00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:20,972
I ain't got a Sharpie,
but I found a very wet biro.
229
00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:31,952
I did have a girlfriend though.
230
00:14:31,952 --> 00:14:36,795
I've had three girlfriends, if you count
pen pals. So, I'm kind of an expert.
231
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:41,888
Oh, great. That's exactly what I need.
Because, um, basically, um...
232
00:14:41,888 --> 00:14:43,182
Jizzlord has a wife.
233
00:14:43,182 --> 00:14:44,602
And a son?
234
00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:46,188
And she came in here,
she's looking for him.
235
00:14:46,188 --> 00:14:48,861
And I bumped into them yesterday,
and they remember me.
236
00:14:48,861 --> 00:14:50,530
But I didn't tell her that I know him.
237
00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:51,825
And I haven't told Jen.
238
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:55,833
It's okay. It's okay.
We can figure this out.
239
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:57,670
Oh, my God, you're fucked.
240
00:14:57,670 --> 00:14:59,549
You're absolutely fucked.
241
00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:02,471
This kicks up so many emotional
and moral questions, like--
242
00:15:02,471 --> 00:15:05,101
- Is she hot?
- She did seem quite symmetrical.
243
00:15:05,101 --> 00:15:07,982
Pretty. Like toothbrush ad pretty.
244
00:15:09,359 --> 00:15:10,445
What are you gonna do?
245
00:15:10,445 --> 00:15:12,617
I thought you'd tell me.
You said you were the expert!
246
00:15:12,617 --> 00:15:13,744
I don't know!
247
00:15:13,744 --> 00:15:15,288
You have to tell him.
248
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:18,169
Uh, but what if I just, like, don't?
249
00:15:19,213 --> 00:15:22,595
As somebody who knows who he actually is,
you can't keep that from him.
250
00:15:24,098 --> 00:15:27,020
- What if he likes her more than me?
- It's your new chapter, remember?
251
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,068
You really want to start it
lying to someone you care about?
252
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:34,326
I keep meaning to tell her,
253
00:15:34,326 --> 00:15:37,457
but every time I start thinking about it,
254
00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:41,006
and then I can't stop thinking
even though I tell my brain not to.
255
00:15:41,006 --> 00:15:44,764
Hey! Don't let your brain
push you around like that.
256
00:15:44,764 --> 00:15:45,850
Look, I used to be anxious.
257
00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:48,605
And now, when I think about
having a thought, I just don't.
258
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:51,360
The next time you see Jen,
you're going to look her in the eye,
259
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,655
and you're going to tell her.
260
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:54,199
- But-But what if--
- Ah, ah.
261
00:15:55,451 --> 00:15:57,247
That sounds a lot like thinking.
262
00:16:06,808 --> 00:16:08,687
Oh.
263
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,570
- Happy date.
- Happy date.
264
00:16:13,529 --> 00:16:15,241
So, where's the restaurant?
265
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,245
Should be here.
266
00:16:20,961 --> 00:16:21,838
Hmm.
267
00:16:25,345 --> 00:16:26,765
You look for Little Italy?
268
00:16:26,765 --> 00:16:27,850
Yeah.
269
00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:29,144
It's there.
270
00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:34,989
Whoa.
271
00:16:38,622 --> 00:16:41,377
How do we get in?
272
00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:44,091
- I boop.
- Huh?
273
00:16:45,385 --> 00:16:46,846
Ooh.
274
00:16:48,057 --> 00:16:51,355
He needs booping too. Por favor!
275
00:16:57,158 --> 00:16:58,244
Thank you!
276
00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:14,026
Ow! Is this the void pile?
277
00:17:18,284 --> 00:17:19,746
What are you wearing?
278
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:24,004
Oh, it's my new edgy look. I'm edgy now.
279
00:17:24,004 --> 00:17:28,262
If there's an edge out there, I'm on it.
Not over it, but right up there.
280
00:17:28,262 --> 00:17:30,433
Well, you looked fine before.
281
00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,772
Why can't people
just stop messing with things?
282
00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:36,445
Look, I know you're
feeling uncertain about the future.
283
00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:41,246
So, I have drawn up
a super-casual list of stuff we should do
284
00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:43,794
and shouldn't do post-breakup
or, you know, whenever.
285
00:17:43,794 --> 00:17:47,425
- A contract?
- Not a contract.
286
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:52,937
A vibe check. A formal,
legally binding vibe check.
287
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,778
So, we're in agreement that
the social media announcement
288
00:17:56,778 --> 00:17:59,909
shall take place on the 28th
in the form of a story.
289
00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:02,205
No use of emojis. Just plain text.
290
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,046
Sidebar. What about one broken heart?
291
00:18:06,046 --> 00:18:07,550
- What colour?
- Black.
292
00:18:07,550 --> 00:18:09,804
That is classy. I will allow it.
293
00:18:10,597 --> 00:18:12,058
Mm-hmm.
294
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,104
♪ Things just really aren't that bad ♪
295
00:18:14,104 --> 00:18:16,275
♪ I just stay in my room too long ♪
296
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:19,114
♪ But I finally got a girlfriend
And she's the bomb ♪
297
00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:21,786
♪ Hi, hello ♪
298
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,342
Right, there's something
I have to tell you,
299
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,388
and I'm just going to come right out
with it.
300
00:18:31,388 --> 00:18:32,641
I've stalled long enough.
301
00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,896
So, yesterday, I'm in the shop...
302
00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:46,502
which is a building with four walls and,
of course as we know, a roof.
303
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:50,301
Eh, it-it was a grey day.
Maybe 12, 13 degrees Celsius.
304
00:18:50,301 --> 00:18:52,055
And as I approached a customer,
305
00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:55,562
putting one foot in front of the other
as is the fashion,
306
00:18:55,562 --> 00:18:58,777
left, then right, then left and, uh,
307
00:18:58,777 --> 00:19:01,031
as you might imagine,
followed by right again.
308
00:19:01,031 --> 00:19:02,701
Jen, I know who I am.
309
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:13,180
I'm, uh, your boyfriend.
310
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,272
And that's all I want to be.
311
00:19:18,942 --> 00:19:21,530
Oh, hey, look.
That's how couples eat.
312
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:23,242
We should, um--
313
00:19:24,286 --> 00:19:25,581
Let's-- Yeah.
314
00:19:32,135 --> 00:19:34,807
Uh-uh.
315
00:19:36,728 --> 00:19:37,938
Oh, now this is egregious.
316
00:19:37,938 --> 00:19:41,738
Both parties may enter into a sexual act
with another partner or partners
317
00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:44,159
no sooner than six weeks post-separation.
318
00:19:44,159 --> 00:19:48,000
Sexual acts include but are not limited to
fellatio, cunnilingus, penetration,
319
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,298
handjobs, fisting, 69ing,
nipple stimulation,
320
00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:53,803
touching with the intent of stimulation
321
00:19:53,803 --> 00:19:56,768
and open-mouthed kissing
lasting more than 30 seconds.
322
00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,064
Okay, okay.
323
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,655
Sexual interaction will be permitted
four weeks post-separation.
324
00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:05,117
- Which is a good faith concession.
- With the exception of hand stuff.
325
00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:07,163
- Over the jeans.
- No, it's got to be under.
326
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:08,708
Not to completion.
327
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,796
I can work with that.
328
00:20:10,796 --> 00:20:12,090
Mmm.
329
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:14,553
Mmm. Hmm.
330
00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:20,314
'Kay. Clause two. Moving out.
331
00:20:20,857 --> 00:20:23,278
I've suggested a very generous
eight-week search time,
332
00:20:23,278 --> 00:20:26,034
because flat hunting in London
is horrendous and,
333
00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:27,328
you're very bad with numbers.
334
00:20:27,328 --> 00:20:30,585
Wait, you want me to move out?
Why am I the one moving out?
335
00:20:30,585 --> 00:20:32,756
Well, I mean-- Well--
336
00:20:32,756 --> 00:20:35,136
- It's 'cause I have the penis, isn't it?
- No, no.
337
00:20:35,929 --> 00:20:37,808
Well, I mean-- Yeah, but--
338
00:20:37,808 --> 00:20:40,689
No, but you broke up with me.
I'm the victim here.
339
00:20:42,525 --> 00:20:45,364
It's not just moving out. It's moving on.
340
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,245
- You're clinging to the past.
- No, I'm not.
341
00:20:48,245 --> 00:20:52,378
Really? Then throw away just one thing.
342
00:20:53,088 --> 00:20:54,340
- Just the pants.
- No.
343
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:58,725
No, I forbid you to throw anything out.
And I'm not signing.
344
00:21:09,496 --> 00:21:10,999
Jesus, I'm starving.
345
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:12,961
Have the leftovers.
346
00:21:17,053 --> 00:21:18,472
It's a lovely spaghetto.
347
00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:21,061
One sec.
348
00:21:25,194 --> 00:21:26,906
Hello.
349
00:21:26,906 --> 00:21:29,494
Hey. Ooh, some of these. Yes.
350
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:31,666
What else have we got?
351
00:21:41,268 --> 00:21:43,230
- Fabulous.- Thank you.
352
00:21:48,031 --> 00:21:49,075
Ready?
353
00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:50,996
Mm-hmm. Oh.
354
00:22:16,923 --> 00:22:18,593
♪ No in-between ♪
355
00:22:18,593 --> 00:22:21,348
♪ They want me to look pretty
And they want me to look clean ♪
356
00:22:21,348 --> 00:22:24,354
♪ Big no, big yes
No in-between ♪
357
00:22:24,354 --> 00:22:26,191
♪ They want me to be happy ♪
358
00:22:41,388 --> 00:22:42,683
Where are they? Where's my pants?
359
00:22:42,683 --> 00:22:45,354
Oh, uh, Carrie put them
in one of her big bags and left.
360
00:22:45,354 --> 00:22:46,774
She's taking my stuff to the void.
361
00:22:46,774 --> 00:22:49,780
She's gonna throw it all into the void,
and then it'll be gone forever.
362
00:22:52,869 --> 00:22:56,627
♪ Don't change just for the trend
It's too quick to end ♪
363
00:22:58,380 --> 00:23:02,723
♪ Keep on tryin' to grow
In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪
364
00:23:02,723 --> 00:23:05,310
♪ Don’t wait for the world to end ♪
365
00:23:05,310 --> 00:23:07,273
♪ Before you give a hand ♪
366
00:23:07,273 --> 00:23:11,741
♪ Keep on tryin' to grow
In your mind there are seeds you can sow ♪
367
00:23:11,741 --> 00:23:15,749
♪ Don’t change just for the trend
It’s too quick to end ♪
368
00:23:17,043 --> 00:23:18,128
What's going in?
369
00:23:18,128 --> 00:23:19,631
The old Carrie.
370
00:23:20,257 --> 00:23:22,596
You can't throw bodies in.
That's, like, rule number one.
371
00:23:22,596 --> 00:23:24,892
No, no. It's metaphorical.
372
00:23:24,892 --> 00:23:26,896
- See, me and my boyfriend--
- I don't care. Oi.
373
00:23:26,896 --> 00:23:28,231
Five quid.
374
00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:33,325
I really think I'd suit it.
There's a fringe for every face shape.
375
00:23:33,325 --> 00:23:35,955
♪ L-O-V-E I-T, I love it ♪
376
00:23:35,955 --> 00:23:38,669
♪ I'm a boss with a card out
So run it ♪
377
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:41,550
♪ Right now ♪
378
00:23:43,178 --> 00:23:45,474
♪ L-O-V-E I-T
I love it ♪
379
00:23:45,474 --> 00:23:47,771
♪ Cut the price tag off now and bag it ♪
380
00:23:49,482 --> 00:23:50,401
♪ Right now ♪
381
00:23:50,401 --> 00:23:53,156
Ah!
382
00:23:53,866 --> 00:23:55,244
Ah, that felt good.
383
00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:57,331
Yeah, this is healthy! I think.
384
00:23:59,127 --> 00:24:01,131
Bye-bye, girlfriend Carrie!
385
00:24:02,551 --> 00:24:05,598
Oh, I feel so free!
386
00:24:06,642 --> 00:24:08,478
♪ How we gonna have fun?
How we gonna have fun? ♪
387
00:24:12,612 --> 00:24:15,367
♪ How we gonna have fun?
How we gonna have fun? ♪
388
00:24:15,952 --> 00:24:18,248
- Jen, I'm gonna do it.
- Carrie, no.
389
00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:19,877
- I'm gonna do it.
- Don't do it!
390
00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:21,254
It's happening.
391
00:24:21,254 --> 00:24:22,549
Aw.
392
00:24:24,469 --> 00:24:25,847
Oh, my God.
393
00:24:29,688 --> 00:24:31,984
How does it look?
394
00:24:33,153 --> 00:24:34,155
I--
395
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:37,996
Is that--
396
00:24:37,996 --> 00:24:40,125
I-I'm just going to go
check something over there.
397
00:25:06,469 --> 00:25:08,265
You need to go.
398
00:25:09,141 --> 00:25:10,519
My sexy little carafe.
399
00:25:10,519 --> 00:25:11,521
Aw.
400
00:25:14,653 --> 00:25:18,703
- I'm so proud of you!
- Oh!
401
00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:23,003
Hey!
402
00:25:24,422 --> 00:25:25,550
Those are my pants!
403
00:25:25,550 --> 00:25:26,509
Kash.
404
00:25:26,509 --> 00:25:28,764
Now, under UK law, they are my property,
405
00:25:28,764 --> 00:25:30,643
and I will not hesitate
to sue for damages.
406
00:25:30,643 --> 00:25:33,691
- Kash.
- They have immense sentimental value and--
407
00:25:34,693 --> 00:25:35,695
I know.
408
00:25:35,695 --> 00:25:37,741
I thought I could just move forward, but...
409
00:25:40,495 --> 00:25:41,539
...this is really sad.
410
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:43,794
Well, yeah, we broke up.
411
00:25:43,794 --> 00:25:46,049
Yeah, but I did the breaking off.
412
00:25:46,049 --> 00:25:49,931
I'm supposed to feel new and free like a...
413
00:25:49,931 --> 00:25:52,687
...like a sexy spring lamb.
414
00:25:52,687 --> 00:25:54,523
Well, it's sad when things end.
415
00:25:54,523 --> 00:25:57,655
Even if your boyfriend
was terrible and dumb
416
00:25:57,655 --> 00:26:00,578
and held you time captive
to stop you from breaking up with him.
417
00:26:00,578 --> 00:26:02,832
God, it gets worse
every time I try and describe it.
418
00:26:04,711 --> 00:26:08,176
♪ It's makin' my head decay, head decay ♪
419
00:26:08,886 --> 00:26:10,430
♪ When I walk by, they screamin' ♪
420
00:26:10,430 --> 00:26:14,898
♪ Isn't anybody home in there
Home in there, I know ♪
421
00:26:15,983 --> 00:26:19,115
♪ When they wind me up
I can make it through hell and back ♪
422
00:26:19,115 --> 00:26:20,492
♪ Hell and back ♪
423
00:26:20,492 --> 00:26:22,956
♪ Me in my horror ♪
424
00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:25,878
♪ A day in my horror ♪
425
00:26:27,381 --> 00:26:28,634
- Do you--
- How do--
426
00:26:28,634 --> 00:26:29,719
So, we both...
427
00:26:42,369 --> 00:26:43,581
I don't know why we're laughing.
428
00:26:44,248 --> 00:26:45,877
Oh, we're going to be okay.
429
00:26:45,877 --> 00:26:48,758
I lied to you. You lied to me.
Isn't lying bad?
430
00:26:48,758 --> 00:26:51,763
Yes. Except when we do it
for a good reason.
431
00:26:51,763 --> 00:26:52,849
Right!
432
00:26:53,433 --> 00:26:55,103
No. Hmm.
433
00:27:00,948 --> 00:27:03,328
I don't really care about the pants.
It's just--
434
00:27:04,121 --> 00:27:06,668
Well, it's just, at first,
it's me throwing away a pair of pants,
435
00:27:06,668 --> 00:27:09,507
but then it's me moving out,
and then I stop getting invited to things,
436
00:27:09,507 --> 00:27:11,219
and then you all forget about me.
437
00:27:14,935 --> 00:27:17,439
You don't have to move.
We can figure something out.
438
00:27:25,413 --> 00:27:26,415
Are you sure?
439
00:27:27,417 --> 00:27:28,503
We can't live in the past.
440
00:27:59,189 --> 00:28:00,400
But why didn't you tell me?
441
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,158
I'm afraid of you.
442
00:28:05,368 --> 00:28:06,663
Okay, but more than that.
443
00:28:06,663 --> 00:28:10,838
And, uh, I'm scared it might ruin this.
444
00:28:11,798 --> 00:28:14,596
And that's why you didn't tell me.
445
00:28:14,596 --> 00:28:18,019
Which is a good thing because--
446
00:28:18,019 --> 00:28:20,398
We actually care enough
to lie to each other.
447
00:28:20,398 --> 00:28:23,404
Do you know how much effort that is
to go to for a relationship?
448
00:28:23,404 --> 00:28:25,910
Normally I don't even travel
outside of Zone 2.
449
00:28:25,910 --> 00:28:29,083
So really, this is a good thing.
450
00:28:29,083 --> 00:28:31,212
No. No, no, no, no, no.
451
00:28:31,212 --> 00:28:33,091
This is the worst thing
that has ever happened to me.
452
00:28:33,091 --> 00:28:36,305
I hate it. I hate it so much. Actually--
453
00:28:37,725 --> 00:28:40,271
Think I'm gonna be sick.
454
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:41,942
They're coming.
455
00:28:45,532 --> 00:28:47,160
It's okay. We both know.
456
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,246
Jen threw up.
457
00:28:48,246 --> 00:28:49,833
Hey, don't tell them that.
458
00:28:51,544 --> 00:28:53,882
Why do I hate looking at you now?
459
00:28:54,592 --> 00:28:56,262
My hair!
460
00:28:56,262 --> 00:28:58,349
I-I forgot. Is it bad?
461
00:28:58,349 --> 00:29:00,228
I'm definitely not your boyfriend
anymore, right?
462
00:29:00,228 --> 00:29:01,940
Oh, my God, it's bad.
463
00:29:01,940 --> 00:29:04,779
It's really bad, Carrie. It's disgusting.
464
00:29:04,779 --> 00:29:06,825
Honestly? The worst thing I've ever seen.
465
00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:11,960
Uh, turn back time. Fix it.
Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it.
466
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,630
Right, okay. It's been awhile.
467
00:29:13,630 --> 00:29:16,553
Try to push for a new PB.
468
00:29:16,553 --> 00:29:20,101
Five minutes.
469
00:29:24,151 --> 00:29:26,573
Maybe if I cut it more to even it out.
470
00:29:27,658 --> 00:29:30,455
Do you think she's pretty?
I swear, I really don't care. I promise.
471
00:29:30,455 --> 00:29:32,960
- Yeah, she is.
- Oh. Well.
472
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,925
Why don't you just go and marry her
again then if I'm so repulsive to you?
473
00:29:35,925 --> 00:29:37,010
You're pretty too.
474
00:29:37,010 --> 00:29:39,641
Okay, so now I'll just cut more
on this side to even it up.
475
00:29:39,641 --> 00:29:41,018
Oh, you should write poetry.
476
00:29:41,018 --> 00:29:42,103
Well, that's new.
477
00:29:42,103 --> 00:29:45,443
Okay and now this side's shorter.
That's okay. I'll just cut it even more.
478
00:29:50,537 --> 00:29:51,915
I think I can make it work.
479
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:53,961
Okay, give me the scissors.
480
00:29:53,961 --> 00:29:56,758
♪ Chilled in the kitchen of a city tomb ♪
481
00:29:56,758 --> 00:29:58,637
♪ The light would flicker
Like a violent womb ♪
482
00:29:58,637 --> 00:30:01,935
Just to check. There's no other massively
important things you want to tell me
483
00:30:01,935 --> 00:30:05,483
- before I meet your secret wife?
- No.
484
00:30:05,483 --> 00:30:08,699
♪ Ben, he loved her like he loved no one ♪
485
00:30:08,699 --> 00:30:10,995
♪ The way she laughed
And held a smoking gun ♪
486
00:30:10,995 --> 00:30:13,082
Daddy! Daddy!
487
00:30:14,251 --> 00:30:16,631
Oh, yeah. One more thing.
488
00:30:21,015 --> 00:30:22,309
♪ You wish
You were ♪
489
00:30:23,604 --> 00:30:24,814
♪ Like her ♪
490
00:30:43,351 --> 00:30:44,353
Breakup?
491
00:30:45,229 --> 00:30:47,067
Someone said I could pull it off.
492
00:30:47,067 --> 00:30:50,448
Been there.
493
00:30:52,452 --> 00:30:54,039
♪ Joni is a punk babe
Joni is the second wave ♪
494
00:30:54,039 --> 00:30:56,335
♪ Joni is a black jean jacket ♪
495
00:30:56,335 --> 00:30:58,715
♪ Joni's in the first band
Joni has a cool hand ♪
496
00:30:58,715 --> 00:31:00,970
♪ Joni knows the problem is systematic ♪
497
00:31:00,970 --> 00:31:03,558
♪ Joni cut the tour line
Joni doesn't have time ♪
498
00:31:03,558 --> 00:31:05,562
♪ Joni likes to dart on stage ♪
499
00:31:05,562 --> 00:31:08,234
♪ Joni's on a juice cleanse
Joni doesn't need friends ♪
500
00:31:08,234 --> 00:31:10,071
♪ 'Cause Joni's
Got the whole room trained ♪
501
00:31:11,281 --> 00:31:14,454
♪ You wish
You were ♪
502
00:31:15,666 --> 00:31:17,670
♪ Like her ♪
503
00:31:17,670 --> 00:31:20,801
♪ I bet she never cared about you ♪
504
00:31:23,305 --> 00:31:24,976
♪ You wish ♪
505
00:31:25,644 --> 00:31:27,147
♪ You were ♪
506
00:31:28,232 --> 00:31:30,194
♪ Like her ♪
38857
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