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1
00:00:05,395 --> 00:00:07,186
BOTH: Right arm up and elbow bent.
2
00:00:07,197 --> 00:00:09,784
Head roll, shimmy it, and shimmy it.
3
00:00:09,795 --> 00:00:12,131
And step on the bug.
Squish it, squish it.
4
00:00:12,142 --> 00:00:14,253
Bitten by a rattlesnake. Wince! Wince!
5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,766
Wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble.
6
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,934
Drive to the hospital.
7
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,978
Swerving, swerving.
8
00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,146
Slam on the brakes.
9
00:00:21,146 --> 00:00:23,148
Backwards box step.
10
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,274
- Yeah!
- Yes!
11
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,442
- Whoo!
- [GRUNTS DETERMINEDLY]
12
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,027
Okay, okay, break time.
13
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,863
Must take a break to not die.
14
00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:32,657
We're doing the annual
father-daughter dance,
15
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:34,993
so we need to... are you knitting?
16
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,620
Read an article that said
hobbies are good for the brain.
17
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,789
Also said to give up bacon and fudge.
18
00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:42,792
But you can't believe
everything you read.
19
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,377
Jimmy, car looks great.
20
00:00:44,697 --> 00:00:46,546
Any shot at winning the Pinewood Derby?
21
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:48,381
Yeah, if nobody else shows up.
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,716
Okay, Grace, let's take another...
23
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,301
ah!
24
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,887
- Oh, my God!
- Dad, are you okay?
25
00:00:54,190 --> 00:00:57,140
Don't move, don't move,
don't move, don't move.
26
00:00:57,140 --> 00:01:00,685
Oh, thank God, the blanket's unharmed.
27
00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:02,520
You can move now, Jim.
28
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,564
I've never seen a human fly like that.
29
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:07,442
- Are you okay, Dad?
- Yeah, yeah, I think I am.
30
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,361
It must be the adrenaline.
31
00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:10,695
I don't feel a thing.
32
00:01:10,695 --> 00:01:13,073
Where's my other knitting needle?
33
00:01:13,477 --> 00:01:15,784
- Ahh.
- [BOTH GASP]
34
00:01:23,721 --> 00:01:24,751
Why did they just gasp?
35
00:01:24,762 --> 00:01:26,544
Uh, no reason.
36
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:29,255
Nobody gasps just to gasp.
37
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,716
Son, I need you to look at me.
38
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:32,827
Why, what's happening?
39
00:01:32,838 --> 00:01:34,260
Everything is gonna be okay.
40
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,780
Why wouldn't everything be okay?
41
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,138
No reason. That's why
42
00:01:37,138 --> 00:01:39,474
everything is gonna be okay.
43
00:01:40,975 --> 00:01:42,435
ALL: Don't sit down!
44
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,773
There's a knitting needle in
my butt cheek, isn't there?
45
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,110
[YELPS]
46
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,987
No, there isn't.
47
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,699
♪ It's true ♪
48
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:59,786
♪ The marriage that we
once had now is through ♪
49
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:03,790
♪ But now we're doing
all that we can do ♪
50
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:08,461
♪ To keep us all together as a crew ♪
51
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,090
♪ Just do as we say, not as we do ♪
52
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:16,302
♪ We really thought that we were done ♪
53
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,888
♪ But we've just begun ♪
54
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:21,099
♪ ♪
55
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,643
Hey, thanks for the help
cleaning up the table, kids.
56
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:25,979
I plugged the hole with
a dollop of Polysporin,
57
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,606
and now my tush is good as new.
58
00:02:28,606 --> 00:02:30,233
Look who's here with Chinese.
59
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,819
Got the orange chicken family meal.
60
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:37,240
Orange, my second favorite
chicken flavor after nuggets.
61
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,617
Where's the coffee table?
62
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,828
- I got hit by a car.
- What?
63
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,788
Oh, continue.
64
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,415
Anyway, took a little bit of a tumble.
65
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,916
Punctured my old patootie.
66
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,339
But I am confident that by this
Friday's father-daughter dance,
67
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,215
that my little moneymaker will be 100%.
68
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,675
Not this Friday night.
69
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,802
This Friday is the Pinewood Derby.
70
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,346
No, that's next Friday.
71
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,601
It's in my phone. See?
72
00:03:00,612 --> 00:03:02,515
Next Friday.
73
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,559
Pretty sure they changed it.
74
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,561
No, they would have sent
you home with a memo.
75
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:11,149
Jimmy, did you leave a
memo in your backpack again?
76
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,985
What kind of word is "memo"?
77
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,612
It's short for "memorandum."
78
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,698
What kind of word is "memorandum"?
79
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,618
I believe it's the
long version of "memo."
80
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,661
I know, but they're all we got.
81
00:03:24,027 --> 00:03:26,363
When is the last time you emptied this?
82
00:03:26,403 --> 00:03:28,071
Last time I what?
83
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,294
Dad, you got to go to
the father-daughter dance.
84
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,545
Grace, I know.
85
00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,047
Have I not learned all the moves?
86
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,298
Risked paralysis?
87
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,716
The father-daughter
dance is why I'm getting
88
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,761
bitten by rattlesnakes
and swerving off the road.
89
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,554
I'm the daughter, you're my father.
90
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,640
There's a dance. We have to go!
91
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,350
This is an unsigned
permission slip for the zoo
92
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,393
from two weeks ago.
93
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,560
And you still went?
94
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,688
There's cracks in the system.
95
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,399
Ugh! He's right.
96
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:53,608
They did change the date of the derby.
97
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,486
- I hate this school.
- I'm with you, Mom.
98
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,405
You are not without blame, buddy.
99
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,573
Me? They put their trust in a C student.
100
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,075
You're a B student.
101
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,619
I think there's another
memo in that bag.
102
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:08,415
Dad, the dance is our tradition...
103
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,125
a tradition that's about to be over.
104
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,501
I know I messed up,
105
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,670
but the Pinewood Derby
is a tradition too.
106
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,171
Dad, you gotta come with me.
107
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:18,258
All right, I-I realize
that you both need Super Dad
108
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,759
to bless you with his presence.
109
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,637
But cloning technology
has sadly not kept pace
110
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,724
with the universal need for more me.
111
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,810
So just give me a minute
to figure out a plan.
112
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:33,231
Okay, help.
113
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,775
Uh, okay. Well, why don't I sub in
114
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,110
for Dad at the Pinewood Derby?
115
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,278
Boom, problem solved.
116
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,904
No, not boom.
117
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,114
I can't go with Mom.
118
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,991
Whenever I'm with Mom,
everyone calls me...
119
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,412
When I was playing
Fortnite last month...
120
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,664
keep in mind, I have a
live mic on my headset
121
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:52,959
that is broadcasting to
45 of my best friends...
122
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,461
Mom bursts in yelling,
123
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,629
"Goo Goo Bear, your
bubble bath is ready."
124
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,384
My God, what were you thinking?
125
00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,953
I was thinking it was tubby time.
126
00:05:06,181 --> 00:05:09,976
Plus, Mom, Steve Green's
dad is always saying
127
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,437
that you're the prettiest
mom in the neighborhood.
128
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:15,106
Oh. Jerry said that?
129
00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,441
Hm.
130
00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:19,361
Yeah, Jerry said that.
131
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,071
Jerry says a lot of things.
132
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,991
Grace, why don't I sub in at the dance?
133
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,451
I'm a better dancer than your dad.
134
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,161
Just ask the coffee table.
135
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,205
I'm not going to the
father-daughter dance
136
00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,539
- with my mom.
- Why?
137
00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:32,999
Your other classmates
go with their moms,
138
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,293
- and they think it's cool.
- Yeah, if you have two moms
139
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:36,670
or your dad's in prison, it's cool.
140
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,339
But that's not me. Dad, you decide.
141
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,216
The child that first made you a father
142
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,842
or the other kid?
143
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,177
Other kid?
144
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:48,473
I am James Patrick
Kearney, second of his name.
145
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,684
I cannot and will not choose.
146
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,936
Ethically and philosophically,
it would be a mistake
147
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:56,564
because one of you would not like me.
148
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,274
The more I see how
adults make decisions,
149
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,360
the less safe I feel.
150
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,986
So what, we flip a coin?
151
00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,406
Ah, the age-old
tiebreaker. Jimmy, call it.
152
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,616
- Give me the nickel off the car.
- Heads.
153
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:07,826
I'm not flipping it. The losing kid
154
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,327
will just blame me for how I flipped.
155
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,371
The blame is never on the
flipper, it's on the caller.
156
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,831
Why? The responsibility is just
157
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:13,998
as much on the flipper as the caller.
158
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,875
- She's got a point.
- That's legit.
159
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,420
No, no, no, the caller has
two choices, heads or tails.
160
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,338
If Jimmy picks the wrong one,
then the blame lies with him.
161
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,716
But the flipper is the last
person to touch the coin.
162
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,300
That's when the questions begin.
163
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,219
How high did the flipper toss?
How fast did the flipper flip?
164
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,179
The flipper holds the fate
of the flip in their hands.
165
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:29,889
The flipper has all the blame.
166
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,601
Trey, we need you to flip a coin.
167
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,063
Jimmy Jr.'s already called heads.
168
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,149
We need an impartial
flipper to flip in a way
169
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,901
that is free of conscious
or unconscious flipper bias.
170
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,737
How could a flipper flip with bias?
171
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,156
Velocity, trajectory, phalange, finesse.
172
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,741
I've studied magic, so I know.
173
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,576
I am not surprised.
174
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,619
Did you know that coin
flipping actually began
175
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,538
during the Roman Empire
when they had to decide
176
00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,540
who was going to be castrated?
177
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,250
The term eunuch comes...
178
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,918
BOTH: Flip it!
179
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,255
- Tails.
- Yes!
180
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,798
I'm gonna go try on my dress.
181
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:06,885
That's what the losers
used to say in Rome.
182
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,762
We're gonna need more orange chicken.
183
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,805
- You spilled it?
- I ate it.
184
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,516
You ate the whole thing?
It was a family size.
185
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,977
I'm family.
186
00:07:17,292 --> 00:07:19,939
I'm really sorry about missing
the Pinewood Derby, buddy.
187
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,941
This is a ridiculous way to parent.
188
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,812
Ridiculous!
189
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:30,116
- Did I mess this up?
- No. He messed this up.
190
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,534
Do you have any idea how many times
191
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,036
we've told him to empty his backpack?
192
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,412
Well, is there anything I can do?
193
00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,663
I feel responsible.
194
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:37,332
Well, you should. You're the flipper.
195
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,626
If you'd stayed in the kitchen,
none of this would've happened.
196
00:07:39,637 --> 00:07:41,441
And we have chicken.
197
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,875
Hey, kid. Sorry it didn't go your way.
198
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:51,638
I'm sorry I reacted the way I did.
199
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,015
No, I get it. I totally get it.
200
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,601
I mean, I enjoyed going to
the Pinewood Derby with my dad.
201
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,269
I really loved that bonding time.
202
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,604
Yeah, it's fun.
203
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,106
I mean, we make a whole night out of it.
204
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,858
First we lose, then
we go to Mike's Pastry,
205
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,902
and the whole time we're laughing.
206
00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,405
I love me some Mike's Pastry. [CHUCKLES]
207
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,281
You know, um,
208
00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:12,492
you'd probably do better
if you polished your axle
209
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,994
and checked your alignment.
210
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,872
When I was a scout,
we studied woodworking,
211
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,917
we studied aerodynamics,
weight transfer.
212
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,253
We had this thing down to a science.
213
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,714
Will you go to the Derby
with me instead of my mom?
214
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,132
Dude, your mom's gonna kill it.
215
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,634
She's in the kitchen scouring
the web for ways to win.
216
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,095
Well, she should scour your head.
217
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,641
Please? You're my stepdad.
218
00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:38,852
I mean, future stepdad.
219
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:46,735
I-I will be your stepdad.
220
00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,987
Unless, um...
221
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,489
how are you and Mom
getting along lately?
222
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:52,741
We're good.
223
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,659
Why, you heard something?
224
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,453
Dude, you think she'd tell me?
225
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,246
I thought my parents
had a good marriage.
226
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,458
Talk to her.
227
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:05,128
Fingers crossed for the
Derby and your engagement.
228
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:08,631
The engagement's solid.
Let me go work on the Derby.
229
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,593
[SOFT ROCK MUSIC]
230
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,054
♪ ♪
231
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:19,267
Pro tip, always include
the words "Pinewood Derby"
232
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,769
when you Google "which
lubricant gives you
233
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:23,438
the most bang for your buck?"
234
00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,023
Also, "wood derby" by itself
235
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,817
will return some very disturbing images.
236
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,778
We gotta bring back shame.
237
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,655
Are you okay?
238
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,617
Yeah, um,
239
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:39,788
Jimmy Jr. just called
me his future stepdad.
240
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:44,709
Emotions just kind of
snuck up on me like a burp.
241
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:47,253
He wants me to take him to the Derby.
242
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,588
Instead of me?
243
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,465
Yeah, but it's only
'cause I'm an Eagle Scout.
244
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,759
Oh, yeah, of course.
245
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,095
- So you won't feel hurt?
- Far from.
246
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,305
- Cast aside or iced out?
- Nope.
247
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,432
- Taken for granted?
- I don't think in those terms.
248
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,892
You're amazing.
249
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,686
[LAUGHS] By the way,
250
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,021
I think your Eagle
Scout thing is super hot.
251
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,399
That might be the first time
those words were ever spoken.
252
00:10:07,399 --> 00:10:09,567
[LAUGHS]
253
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:15,115
♪ ♪
254
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,786
This is when you really
miss coffee tables.
255
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,208
- Where's Dad?
- Went to go pick up his tux.
256
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:27,752
Oh, my God, I can't get
over how good you look.
257
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:30,046
- Let me get a few pictures.
- Mom, enough, please.
258
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,048
I'm the most documented
child in captivity.
259
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,929
Hey, future stepdad.
260
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:40,765
- Big night.
- Jimmy, Trey's here.
261
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:42,392
You're gonna do great, okay?
262
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:44,185
Just remember the basics.
Favorite place to eat?
263
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,979
7-Eleven. Two Big Bites,
264
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,273
blue Takis, Code Red Mountain Dew,
265
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,692
and family-sized pack
of Sour Patch Kids.
266
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,819
And if he then gets sick in the car?
267
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,446
Ginger ale.
268
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:56,239
Really sick?
269
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,323
Backup ginger ale.
270
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,535
An Eagle Scout is always prepared.
271
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:01,619
Yep.
272
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,788
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
273
00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:05,375
Jim, where are you?
274
00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:06,624
I'm stuck.
275
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,625
What do you mean you're stuck?
276
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,127
The green line is stuck.
277
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,296
- Are you on the green line?
- No, Julia.
278
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,590
I'm updating you on an
unrelated track closure.
279
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:15,592
Yes, I'm on the green
line, and I'm stuck!
280
00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,095
And desperately clinging
to a single bar of service.
281
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,181
Dad, the dance starts in an hour.
282
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,807
I told the engineer that.
283
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,435
But like this train, he was unmoved.
284
00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,603
I'll go to the dance.
285
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,729
We'll say your father is in prison.
286
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,689
We can brainstorm about why on the way.
287
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,399
No, no, no, no! I'm innocent.
288
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,401
I-I'm gonna make it,
Grace. You hear me?
289
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,278
Grandpa is on his way
to escort you there,
290
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:38,406
and I will arrive before
the last dance, I promise.
291
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,533
There are some old dads
there on their third wives,
292
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,328
so I guess Grandpa won't stand out.
293
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:46,331
Um, he's not gonna wear his
powder blue tuxedo, is he?
294
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,416
Oh, no, that's just for
weddings and funerals.
295
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:49,918
He'll be there any second.
296
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,544
Can I have your attention, please?
297
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,463
Could the guy in the back
who's standing up on the seat
298
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:56,883
please get his dirty
sneakers off the seat?
299
00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,220
♪ ♪
300
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,806
You're deliberately going the
long way to jack up the fare!
301
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,265
I'm using Waze.
302
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,519
Yeah, ways to cheat me out
of my hard-earned dough!
303
00:12:07,519 --> 00:12:10,146
Trust me, I want you out of
my cab as soon as possible.
304
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,981
You should have taken Storrow Drive,
305
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,566
you rip-off artist.
306
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,735
I didn't take Storrow 'cause
I knew there was an accident.
307
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,070
How? We didn't even try it.
308
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,863
I told you, I got Waze.
309
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,031
Oh, you got ways, huh?
310
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,825
I got ways to deal with bums like you.
311
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,201
Pull over!
312
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,707
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. Hey, you owe me $12.50.
313
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,875
Not a chance, you crook!
314
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,421
This looks like it's worth $12.50,
315
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,715
you Bobby Vinton wannabe.
316
00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:38,368
Not my knitting bag.
317
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:40,689
I need that for my brain.
318
00:12:45,112 --> 00:12:47,603
A crooked cabdriver just robbed me.
319
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,185
Oh, my God, are you okay?
320
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,604
Yeah, he only got my knitting bag.
321
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,815
And my wallet was in the bag.
322
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:56,067
I'll send an Uber. Give me your address.
323
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,404
I'm on the corner of
walk and don't walk.
324
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,239
Forget it. I'll hail another cab
325
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,616
and just ditch the fare when I'm close.
326
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,285
See you soon.
327
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,497
Grace, I'm not bullish
on Grandpa's chances.
328
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:10,582
We may need a Plan B.
329
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:13,084
Isn't it, like, Plan G at this point?
330
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,544
I may be your best bet.
331
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,879
I've got the perfect dress.
332
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,423
Mom, it's not that I
don't want to go with you.
333
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,508
It's that I don't
want you to go with me.
334
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,179
Trey, will you take me?
335
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:25,889
To the father-daughter dance?
336
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,932
Yeah, you're kind of
like my other father.
337
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:31,061
Stepfather... stepfather-to-be.
338
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,148
- They're both saying it now.
- I know.
339
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,275
Keep it together, big guy.
340
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,569
Grace, Trey already
promised to go to the Derby.
341
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,820
It wouldn't be fair to Jimmy.
342
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,531
What wouldn't be fair
to Jimmy this time?
343
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:45,950
Well, your father is
stuck in the subway,
344
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,410
and Grace asked Trey to
take her to the dance.
345
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,287
But I know how much
you're looking forward
346
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:51,122
to Trey taking you to the Derby.
347
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:53,041
Even though I've done a lot of research,
348
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,292
and I know that if we swap out
349
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,086
the steel axle for the graphite,
350
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:59,631
we can achieve a significant
reduction in friction.
351
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,007
I'm just saying.
352
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,929
Wow. I don't know so
many of those words.
353
00:14:08,301 --> 00:14:09,704
What would you rather do?
354
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:11,383
It's up to you, Jimmy.
355
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:17,315
So this is what power feels like, huh?
356
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,401
I like it.
357
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,903
I like it a lot.
358
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,447
- Jimmy, I re...
- [SHUSHES]
359
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,742
Okay, fine. I'll take Mom.
360
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,077
But I want the bigger bedroom.
361
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:30,328
And I want to be an only child,
362
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,496
but there are laws that prevent me
363
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:33,707
from making that dream come true.
364
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,835
Then I win the next
five arguments we have.
365
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:37,961
- Four.
- Five.
366
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,421
Okay, you win. You have four left.
367
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,505
Trey, let's go!
368
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,175
I promise not to call you Goo Goo Bear.
369
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,052
We can only hope.
370
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,512
Babe, I'm not dressed for it.
371
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,889
I studied up on Jimmy Jr., not Grace.
372
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,891
I know the TikTok song, not the dance.
373
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,518
Go by your place and pick up a suit.
374
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,645
Just dance with her in a
way that won't embarrass her
375
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,022
or you'll... what am I saying?
376
00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:58,481
She usually goes to this thing with Jim.
377
00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,607
You're good.
378
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,318
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
379
00:15:02,533 --> 00:15:04,612
- You moving?
- Uh, I am.
380
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,032
However, my train is
not. Did my dad show up?
381
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,367
Your dad got his wallet
stolen by a cabbie.
382
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,119
- Apparently...
- I don't want to know.
383
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,954
So Grace had to go with Trey.
384
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,914
Wha... no, no, Grace can't go
385
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,332
to the father-daughter
dance without me.
386
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:17,792
People will think I bailed on her.
387
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,627
But you didn't; you just
chose the wrong train.
388
00:15:19,627 --> 00:15:21,254
Wait, no, h-how is this my fault?
389
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,214
I'm not driving the
train. I'm merely a rider.
390
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,133
Yes, I've heard news of budget cuts.
391
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,385
But I expected basic functionality.
392
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,262
Ah, so the rider did pick the train,
393
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,389
and the rider did fail to plan
for unforeseen circumstances,
394
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,600
so the rider did, in fact,
choose his own destiny!
395
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,311
I will not be flipped down
that rabbit hole again.
396
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,189
I will get to the dance
no matter what occurs.
397
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:42,317
[SINGSONGY] Pinewood Derby, let's go.
398
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,069
Let's go, Jimmy, let's go!
399
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,071
Pinewood Derby, let's go. Oh!
400
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:47,530
Gracie, let's go!
401
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,824
I ditched the cabbie at a
red light two blocks away.
402
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,826
Oh, sorry, Bobby. Grace
already left with Trey
403
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,037
to the dance and Jimmy Jr.
and I are off to the Derby.
404
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,914
Ah, the Pinewood Derby.
405
00:15:55,914 --> 00:15:57,415
I used to love going with Jim.
406
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,542
I guess I could go with
little Jimmy next year.
407
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:03,129
You know what they say.
Grandparents live forever.
408
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,261
Jimmy, you're going
with your grandfather.
409
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,264
[SOFT ROCK MUSIC]
410
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:15,934
Uh, Grace, it's Dad.
411
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,310
Pointlessly leaving you a voicemail
412
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,062
to which you will never listen.
413
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:22,065
I am so sorry I'm not at the dance yet.
414
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,608
I know you're having no fun without me.
415
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,277
But I promise you, I am on my way,
416
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,279
because there is nothing on this Earth
417
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:30,156
that will keep me from... rat!
418
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,034
Rat! Rat! [RAT SQUEAKING]
419
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,037
Good lord, look at
the size of that thing.
420
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,540
I'm on my way. Don't dance without me.
421
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,501
[TRAIN HORN BLASTS]
422
00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:50,028
Dammit! That was my train.
423
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:58,716
Here we go, Grace, let's see
if I can keep up with you.
424
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,646
[JAZZY SWING MUSIC PLAYING]
425
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:08,403
♪ ♪
426
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,953
Elbow bent, and shoulder,
shoulder, shimmy it...
427
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,538
- Dad, you made it!
- Oh.
428
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:20,373
- Hey, Jim.
- Hey, Trey.
429
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,958
Did you know Trey knew
how to swing dance?
430
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,336
I didn't even know you
knew how to swing dance.
431
00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:27,354
- She's a natural.
- And he's a natural coach.
432
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:30,842
[MUSIC ENDS]
433
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,303
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
434
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,222
Super, super.
435
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,849
Do you want to step on the bug now?
436
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:40,393
Hey, DJ, play "Snake
Bite Emergency," okay?
437
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,104
Actually, do you mind if I
do one more dance with Trey?
438
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,523
Oh. Yeah, yeah, of
course. Go... go ahead.
439
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:47,275
I should probably go freshen
up in the men's room anyway.
440
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:49,778
A lot of subway soot in my lungs
441
00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,363
I should probably cough up,
442
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,656
along with a smidgen of rat dander.
443
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,453
Ow! Ow.
444
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,413
Oh, man.
445
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,249
Happened again. I pulled a hamstring.
446
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,251
Swinging too strong.
447
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,964
Go get 'em, Kearneys!
448
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,466
- Uh...
- DJ, hit it!
449
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:14,135
- Maybe I should stretch first.
- No time, Dad. Let's go.
450
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,136
[WHISPERS] Trey.
451
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,763
[MOUTHS WORDS]
452
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:20,183
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
453
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:22,018
BOTH: Left arm up and elbow bent
454
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,061
and shoulder shrug.
455
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,063
And shimmy it, shimmy it.
456
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,023
Right arm up and elbow bent.
457
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,609
Head roll. Shimmy it, shimmy it.
458
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,902
Step on the bug.
459
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:37,826
♪ ♪
460
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,415
And while pretending to pull my hammy,
461
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:45,959
I almost did pull my hammy.
462
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,426
Thanks for stepping up tonight.
463
00:18:47,437 --> 00:18:50,213
Oh, it was fun to step in.
464
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,257
Then Jim showed up, and I stepped back.
465
00:18:52,552 --> 00:18:53,955
Yep, that's being a parent.
466
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,302
Sacrifice, sucking it up, stepping back.
467
00:18:56,379 --> 00:18:57,762
Hm.
468
00:18:57,908 --> 00:18:59,980
And you're sure you're
all right with all of this?
469
00:18:59,991 --> 00:19:04,936
Dude, I'm a battle-tested
tournament-tough warhorse mom.
470
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,187
What does that mean?
471
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,564
[CHUCKLES] It means that I'm immune
472
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,357
to getting my feelings hurt by children,
473
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,609
because I have to be as a parent.
474
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,737
These are kids. Every day is like this,
475
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:16,239
except for the first two
hours of Mother's Day.
476
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,532
First two hours? That's all you get?
477
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,616
What do you do the rest of the day?
478
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,118
It's just managing the fallout
479
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,369
from breakfast in bed...
480
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,871
scrubbing the syrup out of your sheets,
481
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,914
rinsing the coffee
stains out of your robe.
482
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,083
Luckily, your children have
gotten you a brand-new robe
483
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,835
to replace the old new robe
they gave you for Christmas.
484
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,504
Mother's Day is the dirtiest
trick the devil ever played.
485
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,050
My mom says she loves it.
486
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,552
Your mom is a great liar.
487
00:19:37,552 --> 00:19:39,054
Look, you've already learned
488
00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:40,847
the biggest lesson of parenting:
489
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,391
When you feel left out, you
gotta shut up and limp off
490
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,143
because their feelings come first.
491
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,437
Besides, it's not so bad.
492
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,855
And they always come back to you.
493
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,565
[DOOR OPENS] Sometimes
sooner than you want.
494
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,192
Hello!
495
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,527
- Mom, we had the best time.
- Oh, good.
496
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,321
The bug squishing
dance had a lot of steps
497
00:19:56,321 --> 00:19:57,739
to keep track of, so Grace taught me
498
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,866
some swing moves that
she learned from Trey.
499
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,159
Bravo, Trey.
500
00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:03,286
Yeah, you know, I picked
it up at prep school
501
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,788
for the Friday night socials
502
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,331
we had with the girls'
school across the lake.
503
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:07,707
Mm, how lovely.
504
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:10,126
As a public school kid,
every other Tuesday,
505
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:13,338
I would get beaten senseless
by the McGrath twins.
506
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:15,757
Bob held and Betsy punched.
507
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,175
[LAUGHS]
508
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,635
Hey, hey, hey!
509
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,054
New record in the books. Fourth place!
510
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:23,181
- [ALL CHEER]
- Whoa! Whoa!
511
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,307
That's my boy.
512
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,892
I never did better than tenth.
513
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,019
Evolution in action.
514
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,938
It was fun, Jimmy.
515
00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,356
But I got a cab waiting.
516
00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,566
Found a cabbie who
didn't know my reputation.
517
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:36,569
Until the next Kearney family fiasco!
518
00:20:38,095 --> 00:20:40,782
Uh, kids, I will plan on you
ignoring my calls and texts
519
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,585
until you need something. Love you.
520
00:20:42,596 --> 00:20:44,285
- Love you.
- You're the best.
521
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,996
- Thank you.
- They were talking to me.
522
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,873
I didn't hear 'em say "Dad."
523
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,002
Jimmy, you want some ice cream?
524
00:20:53,013 --> 00:20:55,302
- Always.
- Chocolate or strawberry?
525
00:20:55,313 --> 00:20:56,549
Uh, strawberry.
526
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,716
Chocolate.
527
00:20:57,716 --> 00:20:59,718
- Strawberry.
- Fine, strawberry.
528
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:01,511
You only have three more
wins in your account.
529
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,641
Man, why are girls so smart?
530
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:12,105
Oh, and Trey, thanks for the
pep talk before the Derby.
531
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,398
It helped a lot.
532
00:21:13,398 --> 00:21:16,026
You're gonna be a great stepdad.
533
00:21:16,026 --> 00:21:17,527
[SNIFFLES]
534
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,238
Are you welling up?
535
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:22,407
[TEARFULLY] I can't look at you yet.
536
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,493
Come here.
537
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,830
[LAUGHS]
538
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:34,160
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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