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1
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:50,374
Dare say you'll be glad to get
home. Have you anyone waiting?
2
00:00:50,414 --> 00:00:54,202
- Well... not down there
- I wish I had
3
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,079
It�s all my own fault
4
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,905
No sooner in old Blighty
than I�m off again
5
00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:59,408
A regular globetrotter
6
00:01:01,254 --> 00:01:04,132
Ah, well, back to�
what's the word? Austerity
7
00:01:04,174 --> 00:01:08,645
- I thought I�d gotten away from it forever
- Hard luck
8
00:01:34,254 --> 00:01:36,250
I say, is that your lot?
9
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:38,247
First Officer's compliments, sir
10
00:01:38,294 --> 00:01:40,211
You and Mr Trumper can disembark
11
00:01:40,212 --> 00:01:42,128
by B deck gangway, starboard side
12
00:01:42,174 --> 00:01:43,271
Thank you
13
00:01:43,272 --> 00:01:44,369
I thought you might like a paper
14
00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:46,211
- The pilot brings them
- Thanks
15
00:01:47,054 --> 00:01:49,648
Well, let's see if there's
any good news for a change
16
00:02:03,814 --> 00:02:06,851
- Oh, old Ancred has bought it
- Who?
17
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:10,364
Sir Henry Ancred. When I was a kid, I
was dragged off to see him in Othello
18
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,126
Or Macbeth, was it? One of those johnnies
19
00:02:14,174 --> 00:02:17,928
Talk about boring. Died
on his birthday, it seems
20
00:02:17,974 --> 00:02:18,963
Really?
21
00:02:19,014 --> 00:02:20,811
The occasion was marked
22
00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:24,563
by the unveiling of his portrait
commissioned from Miss Agatha Troy, RA
23
00:02:24,614 --> 00:02:26,605
May I see that, please?
24
00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:31,532
Rotten luck
25
00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:35,362
Well, it seems as though you'll just
have to wait until you've gone ashore
26
00:02:35,414 --> 00:02:39,487
Damn! I say, that's a real Panama
27
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,565
Oh, well, I suppose I wouldn�t be
wearing it again for a year or two
28
00:02:52,734 --> 00:02:54,804
I think you can count on that at least
29
00:02:57,134 --> 00:02:59,253
Time to go ashore, Mr Trumper
30
00:03:37,254 --> 00:03:38,289
Oh, yes?
31
00:03:39,574 --> 00:03:43,249
- Back so soon, then?
- It�s been two months
32
00:03:43,294 --> 00:03:45,649
Has it? Well, I never
33
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,349
Is that for me?
34
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:52,569
- Flowers have a tendency to wilt
- I haven't seen one of those in years
35
00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:55,491
Perhaps I�ll use it for a still life
36
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,371
I wouldn�t have minded a bank robber...
37
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,290
.. or even a murderer, a strangler, say,
38
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:13,929
or one of those hen-pecked little fellows
who's seen his wife off with an axe
39
00:04:13,974 --> 00:04:16,289
Con men are the lower depths,
40
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,604
they ooze what they think
is charm and it's endless
41
00:04:18,654 --> 00:04:21,771
Day and night... lay it on with a trowel
44
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,885
From Cape Town, was it?
45
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,490
- Excuse me?
- What?
46
00:04:35,534 --> 00:04:37,530
Oh, I just thought that after
47
00:04:37,531 --> 00:04:39,527
telling me all about your
adventures in India...
48
00:04:39,574 --> 00:04:40,563
South Africa
49
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:44,243
that you�d condescended to ask what I�d
been doing for the past whatever it was
50
00:04:44,294 --> 00:04:46,285
- I know what you've been doing
- Really?
51
00:04:46,334 --> 00:04:48,131
Clever you, then
52
00:04:48,174 --> 00:04:51,166
You've been painting that old
actor Ancred who's upped and died
53
00:04:51,934 --> 00:04:54,323
- My God
- What's the matter?
54
00:04:54,374 --> 00:04:56,524
- Do you know everything?
- One reads the Times
55
00:04:56,574 --> 00:04:59,134
I�ve been trying to...
what's that awful expression?
56
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:01,688
Get up a head of steam
to tell you about it
57
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:05,693
- What's the matter?
- Rory, I�m not scatterbrained, am I?
58
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:09,170
No, don�t laugh. The old man's dead
59
00:05:09,214 --> 00:05:10,988
They all said it was the crayfish
60
00:05:10,989 --> 00:05:12,763
but what about the red
paint on the banister?
61
00:05:12,814 --> 00:05:15,567
Or that horrid little book
about how to embalm a corpse?
62
00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:18,128
If it comes down to it,
what happened to the arsenic?
63
00:05:19,774 --> 00:05:22,846
Oh, look, I am making sense.
inside my head I know I am
64
00:05:22,894 --> 00:05:24,890
It�s simply that I�m no
good at telling a story
65
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:27,187
But you're going to
66
00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:47,448
I knew it was all a mistake when
I couldn't enjoy my sandwiches
67
00:05:49,734 --> 00:05:52,646
And I�d given myself
a treat, smoked salmon
68
00:05:58,494 --> 00:06:02,328
Please don�t think I�m
seething with sinister intent
69
00:06:02,374 --> 00:06:05,605
I mean, there's no need to
swing from the communication cord
70
00:06:06,417 --> 00:06:07,485
He had only to open his mouth
71
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:12,005
and swinging from the communication
cord was the last thing one had in mind
72
00:06:12,054 --> 00:06:14,045
But no, that's not where it begins
73
00:06:18,494 --> 00:06:21,486
You were asked to paint a portrait
74
00:06:22,334 --> 00:06:25,804
Yes. Yes, that's right. Aren't you clever?
75
00:06:26,461 --> 00:06:28,977
I was written to by Sir
Henry's daughter-in-law
76
00:06:29,012 --> 00:06:30,530
who keeps house for him, Millamant
77
00:06:31,627 --> 00:06:32,405
Millamant?
78
00:06:32,454 --> 00:06:35,093
She was Mildred but the
old man re-christened her
79
00:06:35,134 --> 00:06:37,648
They once played together
in The Way Of The World
80
00:06:38,694 --> 00:06:41,482
Well, anyway, I didn�t want to
do the portrait so I told them no
81
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:45,083
The next thing I knew, Thomas
Ancred was on my doorstep
82
00:06:46,174 --> 00:06:48,244
He's the younger son. He produces
83
00:06:48,294 --> 00:06:50,683
And so you said yes
84
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:53,448
I said yes to dinner.
It was at the Oleander
85
00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:54,932
The food there is black market
86
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:56,885
Troy
87
00:06:56,934 --> 00:06:59,494
We don�t, all of us, go on
paid holidays to South Africa
88
00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:03,205
And I still said no
89
00:07:03,254 --> 00:07:04,687
But why?
90
00:07:05,378 --> 00:07:07,291
A portrait of Sir Henry as Macbeth,
91
00:07:07,313 --> 00:07:10,047
six feet by four, to be
completed in just over a week
92
00:07:10,934 --> 00:07:14,580
Mr Ancred, contrary to what
you have apparently heard,
93
00:07:14,615 --> 00:07:16,964
I am not a house painter
94
00:07:17,734 --> 00:07:19,645
- Dear lady...
- Sorry
95
00:07:19,694 --> 00:07:21,685
You see, it's Papa's 75th
96
00:07:22,296 --> 00:07:26,285
and he was so in hopes that the
nation would honour him with a portrait
97
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:29,610
Alas, the nation has
dragged its collective feet
98
00:07:29,654 --> 00:07:34,774
and so Papa, being the trooper that
he is, has decided to honour himself
99
00:07:34,814 --> 00:07:38,443
- Money really is no object
- Not interested
100
00:07:38,494 --> 00:07:40,962
Oh, come now, what's a week?
101
00:07:41,357 --> 00:07:43,866
And I assure you, you'll loathe our family
102
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:47,648
No... I beg your pardon? I�ll do what?
103
00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:49,650
Taken en masse, they
can be quite revolting
104
00:07:49,651 --> 00:07:51,607
It�s why I prefer to live in London
105
00:07:51,654 --> 00:07:54,532
Of course, working hammer and
tongs, you won't see much of them
106
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:59,728
Mr Ancred, hammer and tongs
isn't ever how I like to work
107
00:07:59,774 --> 00:08:04,211
and I don't paint to order or with
a time limit or six feet by four
108
00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:07,172
As to money being no object, how lovely,
109
00:08:07,592 --> 00:08:10,090
but this week I find
I�m unexpectedly solvent
110
00:08:10,134 --> 00:08:12,967
So you can be as charming
as you undoubtedly...
111
00:08:29,014 --> 00:08:30,367
Thank you
112
00:08:31,414 --> 00:08:35,487
Which, I imagine, is how
you came to be on the train
113
00:08:35,534 --> 00:08:37,286
I�m Cedric Ancred
114
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:40,571
I find it so exciting that you're
going to do a picture of Grand papa
115
00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:42,044
in all his tats and bobs
116
00:08:42,094 --> 00:08:44,767
- Sir Henry is your...
- Yes, sordid, isn't it?
117
00:08:45,337 --> 00:08:50,286
Mummy is Millamant who looks after him
and Daddy, only promise you won't tell,
118
00:08:50,334 --> 00:08:53,167
was Henry Irving Ancred...
119
00:08:53,214 --> 00:08:56,490
- I paint too
- Do you?
120
00:08:56,534 --> 00:08:59,606
- How nice
- Not like you. I design things
121
00:08:59,654 --> 00:09:02,851
Of course it's all grim
nowadays but we keep on toddling
122
00:09:04,974 --> 00:09:06,748
Oh, God, you were
reading and I stopped you
123
00:09:06,749 --> 00:09:08,523
It�s not important
124
00:09:08,574 --> 00:09:10,644
It is a sin against the Holy Ghost
125
00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:14,369
- What utter nonsense
- You tell me so...
126
00:09:15,037 --> 00:09:16,689
Pardon me, Penelope
127
00:09:24,214 --> 00:09:27,684
Do you er... Design
at all for the theatre?
128
00:09:28,854 --> 00:09:33,405
How sweet of you to take an interest.
Yes, when one is given employment,
129
00:09:33,454 --> 00:09:36,810
which, with a word from the grand
old man, would be all the year round
130
00:09:36,854 --> 00:09:39,687
Only in my case, the grand
old man chooses never to speak
131
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:44,285
Talk about blood being thicker than water
132
00:09:46,894 --> 00:09:48,612
Oh, my God. Don't look
133
00:09:49,894 --> 00:09:50,938
What is it?
134
00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:53,364
I can't bear it. Every time
I see it, it gets uglier
135
00:09:53,614 --> 00:09:55,928
- Does it?
- There
136
00:09:56,974 --> 00:09:59,044
God, the enduring horror of it
137
00:09:59,794 --> 00:10:01,369
Castle Despair
138
00:10:17,174 --> 00:10:21,087
I say, I spy with my little
eye Ancreds by the dozen
139
00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:24,205
Greetings, you two
140
00:10:25,054 --> 00:10:27,170
This is my cousin, Fenella Cairnes
141
00:10:27,214 --> 00:10:28,283
Hello
142
00:10:28,334 --> 00:10:31,963
And the warrior bold is
another cousin, Paul Kentish
143
00:10:32,014 --> 00:10:35,165
- Hello
- Miss Agatha Troy
144
00:10:35,214 --> 00:10:37,091
You've really come. We
can hardly believe it
145
00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:38,968
Grandfather is ten years younger
146
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:42,973
Whereas I am ageing by the minute.
Do say you've brought the car
147
00:10:43,014 --> 00:10:46,051
Only the governess cart, Cedric.
Have you brought much luggage?
148
00:10:48,134 --> 00:10:51,809
Oh, so you have. Well, the luggage
can go in the cart and we can...
149
00:10:51,854 --> 00:10:53,845
I refuse to walk!
150
00:10:58,174 --> 00:11:00,847
Slowly, you brute.
You'll have us all over!
151
00:11:01,789 --> 00:11:02,766
Are you mad?
152
00:11:06,974 --> 00:11:09,886
You... You animal! Slowly, I say!
153
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:17,848
Of course the clan will
gather for the great day
154
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,966
Mummy will be there but Daddy�s
touring in the Middle East
155
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,845
Touring? Do you mean with the army?
156
00:11:22,894 --> 00:11:26,091
- No, he's in "Hay Fever"
- In the desert?
157
00:11:27,614 --> 00:11:29,889
And there's my mother who's already here
158
00:11:29,934 --> 00:11:32,590
Not to mention Aunt
Desdemona who's never married
159
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:35,247
but dies for love at least once a year
160
00:11:36,094 --> 00:11:38,847
- Three sisters
- A good subject for a play
161
00:11:39,294 --> 00:11:40,885
Not bad
162
00:11:45,028 --> 00:11:45,804
What is it?
163
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,366
A horrible child has
just pulled a face at me
164
00:11:48,673 --> 00:11:53,249
- Oh, that will be my young sister
- Oh, I�m terribly sorry
165
00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:56,520
Don't be. She is a horror
166
00:11:57,273 --> 00:12:00,687
- Name of Panty
- Oh, yes? What a charming name!
167
00:12:01,414 --> 00:12:05,123
Cos the little blister's
knickers were always falling down!
168
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:10,687
In a way, I�m the black
sheep of the family
169
00:12:12,054 --> 00:12:14,773
Because I hate the theatre.
I want nothing to do with it
170
00:12:15,494 --> 00:12:18,884
No, what I�d really like
is to go into the police
171
00:12:18,934 --> 00:12:23,485
But of course with this gammy leg
of mine, that'll be pie in the sky
172
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:26,593
I have a friend at Scotland Yard
173
00:12:26,594 --> 00:12:28,652
I�m sure he�d be only
too glad to talk to you
174
00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:32,568
- Well, that was kind of you
- He's a sweet boy
175
00:12:32,614 --> 00:12:33,950
When you go down to
Ancreton, you and he...
176
00:12:33,951 --> 00:12:35,287
When I what?
177
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:38,132
I mean, if. If
178
00:12:39,174 --> 00:12:42,803
Pauline Kentish, Paul's mother, that is,
179
00:12:42,854 --> 00:12:45,288
had been in a great
many of the kind of plays
180
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:48,644
where people come in and go
out through French windows
181
00:12:52,694 --> 00:12:54,685
Hello!
182
00:13:05,054 --> 00:13:07,887
You've come to paint Father,
haven't you? How do you do?
183
00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:09,811
- How do you do?
- We're all agog
184
00:13:10,596 --> 00:13:12,084
Paul, darling, there you are
185
00:13:12,134 --> 00:13:15,490
I hope you haven't walked from
the station, not with your poor leg
186
00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:19,368
Now, don�t lie. Cedric has told me all
187
00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:22,323
Fenella, dear, why did you let him?
188
00:13:22,374 --> 00:13:25,482
Mother, walking is good for me
189
00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:27,289
When I left the hospital, I was told...
190
00:13:27,334 --> 00:13:31,327
Such a brave old boy.
So courageous, Miss Troy
191
00:13:32,774 --> 00:13:36,164
A King Harry home from Agincourt
192
00:13:38,912 --> 00:13:40,290
Forgive a mother's tears
193
00:13:41,334 --> 00:13:45,805
We Ancred's cannot always
hide what is... within
194
00:13:50,054 --> 00:13:52,807
Drinks are being served in the great hall
195
00:14:03,894 --> 00:14:05,850
There you are. Come and have a stirrup cup
196
00:14:05,851 --> 00:14:07,807
God, I�m done in
197
00:14:07,854 --> 00:14:09,810
That damn pony ought to be put down
198
00:14:10,774 --> 00:14:13,288
Cedric, sit up straight.
You're not a child
199
00:14:14,214 --> 00:14:16,728
Miss Troy? I�m Millamant
Ancred. How do you do?
200
00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:18,890
- How do you do?
- Milly is my mama
201
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:20,873
My father-in-law looks
forward to meeting you
202
00:14:20,874 --> 00:14:22,813
He hopes you had a pleasant journey
203
00:14:22,854 --> 00:14:25,004
- And all that rot
- Do sit down
204
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:27,045
Thank you
205
00:14:29,974 --> 00:14:32,613
- Fruit cup, madam?
- Oh, lovely
206
00:14:32,654 --> 00:14:35,214
Milly, where are you putting Miss Troy?
207
00:14:35,254 --> 00:14:37,085
In Bernhardt or Siddons?
208
00:14:37,134 --> 00:14:39,648
Grand papa named the
bedrooms after actresses
209
00:14:39,694 --> 00:14:43,050
- Why not in Bracegirdle?
- Out of the question
210
00:14:43,094 --> 00:14:45,733
The ceiling leaks and there are rats
211
00:14:45,774 --> 00:14:50,404
Until Barker finds the poison he
mislaid, Bracegirdle is out of bounds
212
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:55,090
Miss Troy will do very nicely in Siddons
213
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:58,126
We could always move darling
Sonia into Bracegirdle
214
00:14:58,974 --> 00:15:01,727
- What larks!
- Be quiet, Cedric
215
00:15:04,494 --> 00:15:10,364
Fen, my poppet, Paul, haven't either
of you told Miss Troy about Sonia?
216
00:15:12,214 --> 00:15:15,570
- Is she one of the family?
- No, but she�d like to be
217
00:15:16,311 --> 00:15:17,923
Cedric, you are impossible
218
00:15:17,974 --> 00:15:22,923
Sonia is the old party's protege
219
00:15:22,974 --> 00:15:24,885
Oh, yes?
220
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:27,892
Or if I may resort to ye olde
English, she's his bit of naughty
221
00:15:27,934 --> 00:15:29,925
Cedric, you're disgusting
222
00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:34,092
Thank you, Fenella, but I believe
chastisement is a mother's privilege
223
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,813
We all loathe her
224
00:15:36,814 --> 00:15:39,492
Am I in time for fruit cup?
225
00:15:39,534 --> 00:15:41,843
Oh, say it's not all gone
226
00:15:41,894 --> 00:15:44,488
Sonia simply must have a drinky
227
00:15:45,974 --> 00:15:47,692
Darling!
228
00:15:47,734 --> 00:15:51,773
Cedric! You've come down
for Noddy's birthday!
229
00:16:01,174 --> 00:16:05,486
This is only base camp. From
here on, the ascent begins
230
00:16:05,534 --> 00:16:08,412
- Alpenstocks at the ready
- Something like that
231
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:12,651
I�m afraid Barker's put your
painting gear upstairs in your room
232
00:16:12,694 --> 00:16:15,095
I�ll have him move it to
the theatre first thing
233
00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:17,131
The theatre? Is there one?
234
00:16:17,174 --> 00:16:19,751
Well, it's not exactly
Drury Lane but you'll find
235
00:16:19,752 --> 00:16:22,328
that Grand papa does nothing by halves
236
00:16:22,374 --> 00:16:25,923
You'll have Macbeth scenery,
the blasted heath and all that
237
00:16:25,974 --> 00:16:28,551
and if Paul's sister, young
Panty, can be made to pose,
238
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:31,128
you'll even have the bloody child
239
00:16:31,174 --> 00:16:33,165
and there's proper lighting
240
00:16:33,774 --> 00:16:37,289
- Oh, Lord, I need daylight
- Oh. Will a window suffice?
241
00:16:37,334 --> 00:16:39,325
We spare no expense
242
00:16:53,214 --> 00:16:55,205
Everest is conquered
243
00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:07,167
- Why, this is lovely!
- I�m glad you like it
244
00:17:09,454 --> 00:17:12,526
And you're so nice that now I
wish for your sake you hadn�t come
245
00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:15,411
My word, what on earth am I in for?
246
00:17:17,374 --> 00:17:19,689
It�s my beastly family. I hate them
247
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,004
I used to like Grand papa so much
248
00:17:22,054 --> 00:17:23,851
And now he's horrid
249
00:17:23,894 --> 00:17:26,613
I mean... how would you
like it if your grandfather
250
00:17:26,614 --> 00:17:29,332
brought a loathsome blonde into the house?
251
00:17:29,374 --> 00:17:34,084
Well, I don�t know. My grandmother wouldn�t
have done handsprings, that's for sure
252
00:17:35,574 --> 00:17:36,927
Oh, I am sorry. That was...
253
00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:41,013
What's more, now they fight
amongst themselves about money
254
00:17:41,054 --> 00:17:43,329
- You should hear them
- My dear child...
255
00:17:43,374 --> 00:17:45,444
What if he should leave Ancreton to her?
256
00:17:45,494 --> 00:17:50,409
instead of to... ghastly
Cedric or horrible Panty or me?
257
00:17:52,014 --> 00:17:55,529
God, old women are so foul
258
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,691
Even Mummy is sometimes.
She'll be here on Thursday
259
00:17:58,734 --> 00:18:02,409
Well, as the same Cedric
would say, "What larks"
260
00:18:02,454 --> 00:18:03,807
- But...
- No, please
261
00:18:03,854 --> 00:18:06,493
- I�m an outsider and I don�t think...
- That's why I can...
262
00:18:06,534 --> 00:18:08,411
I don�t think you should tell me
263
00:18:08,412 --> 00:18:10,288
what you might want to
kick yourself for later on
264
00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,165
Or want to kick me
265
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,604
May I know at what time you have dinner?
266
00:18:23,614 --> 00:18:24,888
8.30
267
00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:28,965
You'll hear the gong
268
00:18:32,414 --> 00:18:37,124
I�ll say no more... but
there is badness in this house
269
00:18:38,654 --> 00:18:41,851
- You'll see
- Fenella
270
00:18:43,014 --> 00:18:45,005
You did that very well
271
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:52,725
I suppose it must run in the family
272
00:19:09,688 --> 00:19:11,208
Hello, puss
273
00:19:14,294 --> 00:19:16,091
Alice. Down the rabbit hole
274
00:19:40,854 --> 00:19:43,527
I tell you, it's a miracle
I don't go off my chump
275
00:19:43,574 --> 00:19:47,044
Do you think it's easy living in this
mausoleum with a couple of old crones
276
00:19:47,094 --> 00:19:48,732
and a kid that's out The Crazy Gang?
277
00:19:48,774 --> 00:19:52,050
You must endeavour to
look on the bright side
278
00:19:52,094 --> 00:19:55,370
It�s a laugh a minute
279
00:19:55,414 --> 00:19:59,024
If you really cared about
me, you'd put me in a position
280
00:19:59,059 --> 00:20:00,204
where I wasn't looked down on
281
00:20:00,254 --> 00:20:02,973
Noddy, you owe it to me
282
00:20:03,014 --> 00:20:05,005
A girl has her self-respect
283
00:20:06,174 --> 00:20:09,644
There's somebody out there.
It�s that ghastly child!
284
00:20:19,614 --> 00:20:21,605
The drawing room, madam
285
00:20:22,974 --> 00:20:24,965
Thank you
286
00:20:58,054 --> 00:21:00,773
All alone, Miss Troy?
How neglectful we are
287
00:21:00,814 --> 00:21:02,611
- Not at all
- Do sit
288
00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:05,373
Barker will serve sherry
once there's a full house
289
00:21:05,414 --> 00:21:07,074
Is Siddons to your liking?
290
00:21:07,097 --> 00:21:10,122
Siddons? Oh, you mean the
room. Yes, it's absolute...
291
00:21:13,654 --> 00:21:16,771
- You were saying?
- Excuse me
292
00:21:18,254 --> 00:21:20,973
The Antient Arte Of
The Embalming Of Corpses
293
00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:24,892
- Oh, dear
- It looks like one of our treasures. May I?
294
00:21:27,014 --> 00:21:29,847
Yes, it is. No wonder
295
00:21:30,742 --> 00:21:32,124
I�m sorry?
296
00:21:33,494 --> 00:21:36,884
I came in here yesterday just in
time to see Sir Henry's lady friend
297
00:21:36,934 --> 00:21:39,971
sitting down there rather
suddenly with a very pink face
298
00:21:40,014 --> 00:21:42,347
I dare say she took it from the library
299
00:21:42,602 --> 00:21:44,564
Is it very valuable?
300
00:21:44,614 --> 00:21:46,366
If you'll forgive me saying so,
301
00:21:46,414 --> 00:21:47,427
I can think of no other reason
302
00:21:47,491 --> 00:21:50,566
why it should commend itself
to Miss Sonia Orrincourt
303
00:21:50,614 --> 00:21:53,970
One is hardly tempted to mention
her and books in the same breath
304
00:21:54,014 --> 00:21:56,972
Especially one on the
art of embalming corpses
305
00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:02,288
- Papa's just coming down
- Damn
306
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:04,450
- That means Cedric will be late
- Afraid so
307
00:22:04,494 --> 00:22:07,054
He was still in the bath
when I tried to get in
308
00:22:07,894 --> 00:22:11,887
It�s hardly the way to stay in
Father's good graces, is it, Milly?
309
00:22:13,014 --> 00:22:15,164
Oh, good! He's not here
310
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:19,529
I came down by the back stairs. It�s
known as heading them off at the pass
311
00:22:21,334 --> 00:22:25,386
- Good evening, Mr Kentish
- Good evening to you, Miss Cairnes
312
00:22:25,521 --> 00:22:28,490
What's this, my darling? More mischief?
313
00:22:30,235 --> 00:22:32,407
Isn�t Mummy to be told?
314
00:22:33,774 --> 00:22:36,242
Oh, dear
315
00:22:47,694 --> 00:22:49,889
So, this is our distinguished painter
316
00:22:54,214 --> 00:22:56,603
I am delighted
317
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,367
Delighted
318
00:22:59,414 --> 00:23:01,882
I hope you continue to be
319
00:23:01,934 --> 00:23:05,404
I believe I shall. I believe I shall
320
00:23:09,134 --> 00:23:13,491
Millamant, my impression was that
Cedric had come down to us from town
321
00:23:13,534 --> 00:23:15,968
He had an important letter to write
322
00:23:16,014 --> 00:23:19,324
- Perhaps he didn�t hear the gong
- In what room is he?
323
00:23:20,334 --> 00:23:24,373
- Garrick, I think
- Then he most certainly heard the gong
324
00:23:29,134 --> 00:23:32,365
Barker, you may oblige
me with a whisky and soda
325
00:23:32,414 --> 00:23:36,009
- Oh, Papa. Er...
- Dr Maltravers distinctly said...
326
00:23:36,054 --> 00:23:39,285
- One small glass...
- Of sherry or wine but not...
327
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:40,653
Hold! Enough!
328
00:23:41,494 --> 00:23:44,054
Go, Barker, stay me with flagons
329
00:23:46,614 --> 00:23:48,730
You see, dear Miss Troy,
330
00:23:48,774 --> 00:23:52,244
how an old man departs from his
well-ordered ways in your honour
331
00:23:52,294 --> 00:23:56,048
Papa, it's too bad of you.
It would serve you right if...
332
00:23:59,294 --> 00:24:00,488
Oh, my God
333
00:24:00,534 --> 00:24:03,606
I adore it when people
are pleased to see me
334
00:24:03,654 --> 00:24:07,647
Noddy, darling, when the applause quite
dies down, I�d like a gin and tonic
335
00:24:07,694 --> 00:24:09,173
She's wearing...
336
00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:11,870
Dearest Grand papa, I creep, I grovel
337
00:24:11,871 --> 00:24:14,527
Somebody send Barker
out at once for sackcloth
338
00:24:14,574 --> 00:24:17,452
Great one, tell Cedric he's forgiven
339
00:24:17,494 --> 00:24:20,446
Darling Sonia, intercede
for me, implore Grand papa...
340
00:24:22,694 --> 00:24:24,127
Cedric, say nothing
341
00:24:24,174 --> 00:24:26,642
- My God!
- Cedric!
342
00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:30,084
She's wearing Great, Great,
Grandmamma Ancred's Russian brooch
343
00:24:30,134 --> 00:24:33,763
Nice, isn't it? I�m ever so twilled
344
00:24:33,814 --> 00:24:35,645
- But...
- Be quiet, sir!
345
00:24:36,934 --> 00:24:41,212
It is time we went in. Barker, you may
serve my whisky and soda in the dining room
346
00:24:41,994 --> 00:24:44,166
Dear lady, allow me
347
00:24:48,974 --> 00:24:54,731
Noddy? I haven't had my
aperi... my aperi... my drink
348
00:24:54,774 --> 00:24:58,403
For that you must blame
him who came down late
349
00:24:58,454 --> 00:25:01,730
Barker, will you take
pity on Miss Orrincourt?
350
00:25:32,654 --> 00:25:36,363
A trifling foolish banquet
as old Capulet had it
351
00:25:37,934 --> 00:25:40,289
Nonetheless, we shall begin
352
00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:58,245
Oh, Papa, how dreadful
353
00:25:59,134 --> 00:26:02,046
- Who on earth could have...
- The revolting infant, that's who
354
00:26:02,094 --> 00:26:05,166
- Can there be doubt of it?
- She deserves a spanking
355
00:26:05,214 --> 00:26:07,751
Not to mention disinheriting
356
00:26:07,752 --> 00:26:10,288
It shouldn�t be allowed.
It weally shouldn�t
357
00:26:10,334 --> 00:26:13,451
I am grievously displeased
358
00:26:13,494 --> 00:26:16,611
So, it has come to this
359
00:26:17,454 --> 00:26:21,572
- How sharper than a...
- I think they call it a raspberry cushion
360
00:26:21,614 --> 00:26:25,846
How sharper than a serpent's tooth
it is to have a thankless child
361
00:26:25,894 --> 00:26:28,283
I�m sure Panty meant it as a joke
362
00:26:28,334 --> 00:26:32,725
- Let the ingrate be brought before me
- Papa, she's already in bed
363
00:26:32,774 --> 00:26:34,678
If not out on her broomstick
364
00:26:34,692 --> 00:26:36,608
We don�t really know that it was Panty
365
00:26:37,540 --> 00:26:38,963
Oh, we shall know
366
00:26:39,854 --> 00:26:41,845
Tomorrow we shall know
367
00:26:44,873 --> 00:26:46,694
Er... let us now dine
368
00:26:51,174 --> 00:26:52,573
Yes, erm... well...
369
00:26:53,494 --> 00:26:57,699
Before we all get on with it, I
just happen to have something to say
370
00:26:57,734 --> 00:26:59,330
that may cheer us all up
371
00:27:00,134 --> 00:27:01,726
A herculean task, I think
372
00:27:03,614 --> 00:27:06,686
What say you, Miss
Troy? Shall we hear him?
373
00:27:09,134 --> 00:27:10,726
Well, yes
374
00:27:11,694 --> 00:27:13,013
Right, then...
375
00:27:16,884 --> 00:27:19,083
Fenella and I are going to be married
376
00:27:20,014 --> 00:27:22,608
- Oh, Paul
- Criminy
377
00:27:22,654 --> 00:27:23,609
Dear heaven
378
00:27:23,854 --> 00:27:27,090
So I think that
congratulations may be in order
379
00:27:27,832 --> 00:27:33,733
Never, never, never, never, never
380
00:27:36,574 --> 00:27:39,213
Lear, Act Five, Scene Three
381
00:27:59,414 --> 00:28:02,078
Fenella, Paul, how could you?
382
00:28:02,094 --> 00:28:03,121
That's torn it
383
00:28:03,172 --> 00:28:06,048
I suppose he'll send for old
Rattisbon and change his will again
384
00:28:06,094 --> 00:28:11,088
- Oh, let him. Who cares?
- Paul, don't dare say such a thing
385
00:28:12,454 --> 00:28:17,005
Oh, God. Underage and first cousins
386
00:28:17,054 --> 00:28:20,967
- This is a mother's thanks
- Cedric, stop it
387
00:28:21,014 --> 00:28:26,134
You too, Pauline. Fenella, Paul, do you
want to turn him against his own family?
388
00:28:26,174 --> 00:28:29,029
He's in one of his tantrums, that's all,
389
00:28:29,030 --> 00:28:31,885
because we didn�t go to him
and humbly ask his blessing
390
00:28:32,488 --> 00:28:35,051
He's not upset. It�s all an act
391
00:28:35,555 --> 00:28:37,562
You ought not to paint
him as Macbeth, Miss Troy
392
00:28:37,614 --> 00:28:41,163
What he really is bloody old King Lear
393
00:28:41,214 --> 00:28:44,331
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth!"
394
00:28:46,414 --> 00:28:50,771
And as far as turning against his family
is concerned, he's done that already!
395
00:28:50,814 --> 00:28:53,453
Ever since he brought
that tart into the house!
396
00:28:53,494 --> 00:28:57,123
That peroxide gold-digger,
50 years younger than a...
397
00:28:57,174 --> 00:28:59,130
Fenella, dear...
398
00:29:06,154 --> 00:29:07,186
Noddy?
399
00:29:08,294 --> 00:29:10,091
Cor blimey! What's happened?
400
00:29:15,974 --> 00:29:18,693
Noddy? Noddy!
401
00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:28,205
Noddy? Noddy, darling, what's happened?
402
00:29:40,454 --> 00:29:44,766
- Who on earth?
- 20 guesses, dear
403
00:29:44,814 --> 00:29:49,092
- What is it? Greasepaint?
- In this house? Well, of course it is
404
00:29:49,434 --> 00:29:51,932
- It�s a carmine stick
- I don�t think so
405
00:29:51,974 --> 00:29:53,965
May I?
406
00:29:56,894 --> 00:30:00,045
No, it's oil paint. Cadmium red
407
00:30:00,094 --> 00:30:02,767
The shade is immaterial!
408
00:30:02,814 --> 00:30:06,124
My solicitor will be here by lunch time
409
00:30:08,014 --> 00:30:11,802
I think everyone was glad to make
it an early night. I know I was
410
00:30:17,814 --> 00:30:20,851
Red paint. Dark crimson
411
00:30:22,414 --> 00:30:25,611
I wonder why I was so
quick to think it was blood
412
00:30:49,494 --> 00:30:52,167
I�ve tired you, I�m sorry
413
00:30:52,214 --> 00:30:55,047
One grows a trifle stiff
414
00:30:55,094 --> 00:30:58,006
Well, then we've done enough
for today. At least you have
415
00:30:58,774 --> 00:31:00,765
I have been remembering my lines
416
00:31:00,814 --> 00:31:04,205
Since 1904, I have
assayed the role six times
417
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,172
and always do tremendous business
418
00:31:06,214 --> 00:31:09,286
It hasn't been an unlucky play for me
419
00:31:09,334 --> 00:31:11,592
Oh, yes, I�ve heard about
the Macbeth superstition
420
00:31:11,893 --> 00:31:13,850
One mustn't quote from it
421
00:31:13,894 --> 00:31:17,728
Or speak its name. It is
known as the Scottish play
422
00:31:19,654 --> 00:31:22,964
Am I to be allowed a glimpse?
423
00:31:23,014 --> 00:31:25,244
Well, it's only a kind
of synopsis, I�m afraid
424
00:31:29,454 --> 00:31:32,332
Oh! A clever lady
425
00:31:32,574 --> 00:31:36,413
Yes, I have chosen well
426
00:31:37,334 --> 00:31:40,406
Well, may you see things well done there
427
00:31:41,094 --> 00:31:46,612
Adieu. Lest our old robes
sit easier than our new!
428
00:31:47,494 --> 00:31:49,521
God�s benison go with you
429
00:31:52,014 --> 00:31:55,051
A spark so for my tinder, then farewell
430
00:31:57,231 --> 00:32:02,258
If we do meet again, why, we shall smile
431
00:32:02,259 --> 00:32:07,286
If not, why then, this
parting was well made
432
00:32:27,654 --> 00:32:29,645
What's up? Don't you like it?
433
00:32:32,294 --> 00:32:36,526
You have to take off the surplus
charcoal otherwise it messes the paints
434
00:32:39,134 --> 00:32:41,090
- How long have you been there?
- Ages
435
00:32:41,134 --> 00:32:43,178
I stayed quiet cos I�m not allowed
436
00:32:43,271 --> 00:32:46,606
I�m Patricia Claudia Ellen Ancred Kentish
437
00:32:47,254 --> 00:32:48,804
Well, I�ve gathered that
438
00:32:48,854 --> 00:32:52,164
You couldn�t have gathered
that cos they all call me Panty
439
00:32:53,254 --> 00:32:55,848
- Are these your paints?
- Yes, so hands off
440
00:32:55,894 --> 00:32:57,850
I�m going to paint with them
441
00:32:57,894 --> 00:33:01,728
- Not a hope
- If you won't let me, I�ll kill you
442
00:33:01,774 --> 00:33:03,924
Don't be an ass and leave that a...
443
00:33:07,294 --> 00:33:09,569
Why, you little...
444
00:33:10,694 --> 00:33:13,208
You can't smack me. I�m
being brought up on a system
445
00:33:13,254 --> 00:33:17,566
Are you indeed? Well, here's
a shock for your system
446
00:33:18,454 --> 00:33:22,163
- Ow! Beast! That hurt
- Well, it was meant to
447
00:33:22,214 --> 00:33:25,206
- Serves you right if you catch it
- Catch what?
448
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:29,167
Didn�t they tell you? I�ve been sent
home from school. I�ve got ringworm
449
00:33:29,214 --> 00:33:30,772
- Do you want to see?
- No!
450
00:33:38,374 --> 00:33:42,128
Now look here, if you promise
not to touch my paints,
451
00:33:42,174 --> 00:33:44,529
I�ll give you a board and some brushes
452
00:33:44,530 --> 00:33:46,884
and you can go away and
do a proper picture later
453
00:33:46,934 --> 00:33:49,129
- When?
- After lunch
454
00:33:49,174 --> 00:33:50,971
Now!
455
00:33:51,014 --> 00:33:56,293
- Well, I want buckets of red. I like red
- I thought you already had some of that
456
00:33:56,334 --> 00:34:00,213
I mean the stuff you daubed on
the banister outside my bedroom
457
00:34:00,254 --> 00:34:02,484
Me? I don�t know where your room is
458
00:34:02,534 --> 00:34:06,322
Or what was written on your
grandfather�s looking glass
459
00:34:08,334 --> 00:34:10,228
You're not going to tell
me it wasn't you that put
460
00:34:10,229 --> 00:34:14,301
that awful cushion on his chair? The
one that made that revolting noise
461
00:34:14,336 --> 00:34:15,530
Really?
462
00:34:15,574 --> 00:34:19,010
Why is it I always miss
things? It isn't fair
463
00:34:20,174 --> 00:34:24,167
I think it was then I realised
that something was very wrong
464
00:34:24,214 --> 00:34:26,444
Panty was quite capable of telling lies
465
00:34:26,494 --> 00:34:29,452
but somehow I knew that
she was speaking the truth
466
00:34:30,294 --> 00:34:32,967
She hadn�t played those
idiotic practical jokes
467
00:34:33,694 --> 00:34:38,085
But if she hadn't, who had? And... why?
468
00:34:47,534 --> 00:34:52,289
On the Thursday, as expected,
Fenella's mother Jenetta Cairnes arrived
469
00:35:00,854 --> 00:35:04,369
- Here comes witch number three
- Sorry?
470
00:35:06,214 --> 00:35:08,853
Oh, you mean as in the
three weird sisters?
471
00:35:08,854 --> 00:35:11,493
Not really, no. There's four of them
472
00:35:11,534 --> 00:35:15,049
The one they call Desi
hasn't arrived yet. Desdemona
473
00:35:15,094 --> 00:35:17,688
Anyway, Millamant isn't
a sister. She's an in-law
474
00:35:17,734 --> 00:35:21,613
So there's witch one, witch
two, witch three, wi...
475
00:35:21,654 --> 00:35:24,646
Aren't you supposed to be painting Noddy?
476
00:35:24,694 --> 00:35:29,563
Watercolouring clears my head and Sir
Henry isn't up to posing for very long
477
00:35:30,294 --> 00:35:33,795
He's poorly, you know. Can't eat
anything stronger than baby food
478
00:35:33,830 --> 00:35:35,209
or he's as sick as a...
479
00:35:40,134 --> 00:35:42,125
- Good morning
- Good morning
480
00:35:44,814 --> 00:35:47,931
.. as a dog, as a lady dog!
481
00:35:47,974 --> 00:35:50,124
Do you see that for bloody manners?
482
00:35:50,174 --> 00:35:53,371
She's as bad as the rest of them.
A load of toffee-nosed Lady Mucks
483
00:35:53,414 --> 00:35:54,688
They all hate me
484
00:35:55,494 --> 00:35:59,123
Anyone would think I wanted to be
stuck in this godforsaken rat hole
485
00:35:59,174 --> 00:36:02,849
Stone me, nothing to do
and all day to do it in
486
00:36:02,894 --> 00:36:06,125
- Are you stuck here?
- What else is there?
487
00:36:06,174 --> 00:36:08,165
I�m delicate
488
00:36:12,134 --> 00:36:14,773
Asthma, ever since I was a kid
489
00:36:16,134 --> 00:36:18,671
I thought I might go touring with ENSA
490
00:36:18,672 --> 00:36:21,208
You know, "Every Night Something Awful!"
491
00:36:21,254 --> 00:36:23,165
Except as soon as I
opened my mouth to sing,
492
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:26,809
all the boys in the orchestra complained
they couldn�t hear themselves play
493
00:36:26,854 --> 00:36:29,311
So, when Noddy took a... you know,
interest and asked me down here,
494
00:36:29,312 --> 00:36:31,769
I had to pinch myself
495
00:36:31,814 --> 00:36:36,444
I mean, you know, it was Christmas, Whitsun
and August Bank Holiday rolled into one
496
00:36:37,574 --> 00:36:40,771
Mind, whatever I get, I�ll have earned it
497
00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:45,168
He's the only one of them I feel sorry for
498
00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:53,047
I suppose he's a bit, well... you know...
499
00:36:53,094 --> 00:36:56,052
Well, it's all part of
life's rich pageant, innit?
500
00:36:57,174 --> 00:36:58,978
Do you know he can't sleep nights?
501
00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:01,770
He's afraid Noddy's gonna
leave all this lot to the kid
502
00:37:01,814 --> 00:37:04,374
Panty? I thought she was out of favour
503
00:37:04,414 --> 00:37:07,850
Well, she shouldn�t go
writing on mirrors, should she?
504
00:37:07,894 --> 00:37:10,408
Or daubing paint on banisters
505
00:37:11,614 --> 00:37:13,564
Did Panty tell you she�d done that?
506
00:37:16,614 --> 00:37:18,764
Well, did she?
507
00:37:18,814 --> 00:37:21,533
Oh, I�ve gotta go
inside. All this fresh air
508
00:37:29,494 --> 00:37:34,932
And on Friday, the unmarried sister,
Desdemona, arrived with Thomas Ancred
509
00:37:34,974 --> 00:37:37,966
Des!
510
00:38:13,774 --> 00:38:18,165
And on the Saturday, the solicitor,
Mr Rattisbon, drove down from town
511
00:38:36,875 --> 00:38:38,894
The birthday party was now complete
512
00:38:38,934 --> 00:38:42,483
So, very nearly, was Sir Henry's portrait
513
00:38:50,494 --> 00:38:55,329
The old party begs to be excused.
He's closeted with Mr Rattisbon
514
00:38:57,778 --> 00:38:59,813
Anything I can do?
515
00:39:02,457 --> 00:39:05,733
Well... Yes, would you stand in for him?
516
00:39:05,774 --> 00:39:06,788
Me?
517
00:39:06,990 --> 00:39:09,005
I�m just touching up the
highlights on this cloak
518
00:39:09,054 --> 00:39:10,428
It�s there. Would you mind?
519
00:39:10,474 --> 00:39:13,451
Mind? I�m in seventh heaven
520
00:39:14,974 --> 00:39:18,330
Er... like this? Shall I be dashing?
521
00:39:22,935 --> 00:39:24,012
Oh, Dear
522
00:39:26,454 --> 00:39:28,365
Look...
523
00:39:28,414 --> 00:39:30,928
Would you just try standing on this box?
524
00:39:31,274 --> 00:39:32,965
There
525
00:39:35,014 --> 00:39:38,484
Now just let the cloak fall naturally
526
00:39:38,949 --> 00:39:42,413
Raise your right arm as though
there were a dirk in your hand
527
00:39:42,454 --> 00:39:46,493
There. Let me just arrange you
528
00:39:49,334 --> 00:39:51,290
I�ve never posed before
529
00:39:52,134 --> 00:39:54,443
Well, not for a portrait
530
00:39:55,374 --> 00:39:58,684
- Tuppence to talk to me
- That's it
531
00:39:58,734 --> 00:40:00,725
Now then
532
00:40:13,854 --> 00:40:18,132
Did you know, the house is
simply seething with intrigue?
533
00:40:18,174 --> 00:40:20,529
The consensus of opinion
534
00:40:20,574 --> 00:40:25,773
is that the birthday boy will choose
the opportunity to announce his new will
535
00:40:25,814 --> 00:40:29,932
- You're joking
- He'll be the star turn. Top of the bill
536
00:40:30,895 --> 00:40:33,683
Are you saying that Sir
Henry... Oh, please do stay still
537
00:40:33,734 --> 00:40:36,191
...that Sir Henry would
humiliate his family?
538
00:40:36,833 --> 00:40:38,649
Oh, yes. He does it every time
539
00:40:39,654 --> 00:40:42,407
- He adores it
- Does he change his will often?
540
00:40:42,554 --> 00:40:44,684
On average about every two years
541
00:40:44,734 --> 00:40:47,567
It�s sort of a command performance
542
00:40:54,214 --> 00:40:57,729
I say, do give Cedy the teensiest look
543
00:40:57,774 --> 00:41:02,325
My very own private view. Oh, do
544
00:41:02,374 --> 00:41:05,605
Well, keep still. I haven't finished yet
545
00:41:13,454 --> 00:41:16,730
Oh, my God... it�s him
546
00:41:18,614 --> 00:41:23,051
It�s theatre, just like he is
547
00:41:23,094 --> 00:41:28,327
It�s Shakespeare and it's
Macbeth and it's him all in one
548
00:41:30,694 --> 00:41:32,924
I�m terrified
549
00:41:45,654 --> 00:41:49,442
First, Papa will propose the King's
health then one of us will propose Papa's
550
00:41:49,494 --> 00:41:53,772
Last year Panty was brought in to do it
but what with ringworm and practical jokes,
551
00:41:53,814 --> 00:41:55,452
she's been scratched so...
552
00:41:56,654 --> 00:41:59,691
I say, this can't possibly
be crayfish. Milly!
553
00:42:00,374 --> 00:42:03,172
Don't blame me. He insisted
554
00:42:03,214 --> 00:42:05,774
They call this rock lobster!
555
00:42:05,814 --> 00:42:07,725
It�s no more a lobster than I am
556
00:42:07,774 --> 00:42:10,607
It�s an obscure antipodean shellfish
557
00:42:10,654 --> 00:42:14,886
Barker, champagne. What ails you, man?
558
00:42:14,934 --> 00:42:17,368
Milly, you should have put your foot down
559
00:42:17,414 --> 00:42:21,248
My foot is bunioned from being put down
560
00:42:22,353 --> 00:42:25,581
If one of you lot wants to fetch and
carry for that impossible old man,
561
00:42:25,616 --> 00:42:26,527
then you're welcome
562
00:42:26,574 --> 00:42:28,963
It would make me the
happiest woman in England
563
00:42:29,014 --> 00:42:31,482
Nonsense, Milly, you thrive on it
564
00:42:31,534 --> 00:42:35,243
I gave up the theatre for
him. It�s still in my blood
565
00:42:35,294 --> 00:42:39,207
I always think that when
Gladys Cooper went to Hollywood,
566
00:42:39,254 --> 00:42:41,631
she left a gap that you
could fill nicely, Milly
567
00:42:42,915 --> 00:42:44,009
Thank you, Desi
568
00:42:45,734 --> 00:42:47,850
Good looks apart, of course
569
00:42:53,814 --> 00:42:57,170
Champagne and hot crayfish.
We shall hear more of this
570
00:42:57,214 --> 00:43:00,524
- Is it very bad for him?
- Catastrophic
571
00:43:05,934 --> 00:43:08,812
After Sir Henry had
proposed the royal toast,
572
00:43:08,854 --> 00:43:10,128
Thomas Ancred rose,
573
00:43:10,154 --> 00:43:14,053
spoke very prettily and, as
per tradition, toasted Sir Henry
574
00:43:14,094 --> 00:43:16,085
.. in the time that is to come
575
00:43:16,134 --> 00:43:20,924
I shall now ask the company to
drink to Papa's continued health
576
00:43:20,974 --> 00:43:22,885
- To Papa
- To Papa
577
00:43:22,934 --> 00:43:24,549
Grand papa
578
00:43:24,550 --> 00:43:26,165
To darling Noddy
579
00:43:26,214 --> 00:43:29,570
Here's to juice in his tank
580
00:43:40,094 --> 00:43:44,326
Beggar that I am, I am even
poor in thanks but I thank you
581
00:43:46,214 --> 00:43:52,050
There is no audience as near and
as dear to an old player of parts
582
00:43:52,094 --> 00:43:54,164
than his own kith and kin
583
00:43:54,214 --> 00:43:55,772
Bless you
584
00:43:56,974 --> 00:44:00,523
Soon, now, we shall, all of
us, repair to the theatre,
585
00:44:00,574 --> 00:44:06,365
there to see unveiled the fruit of
our lovely artist's mighty strivings
586
00:44:06,414 --> 00:44:07,483
Hear! Hear!
587
00:44:07,534 --> 00:44:13,530
A likeness of myself which, I may say, it
is my intention to present to the nation
588
00:44:13,574 --> 00:44:17,165
Bravo
589
00:44:18,494 --> 00:44:23,249
However, before we feast our eyes,
there is that which I would impart...
590
00:44:24,014 --> 00:44:28,087
I shall be brief. Forgive me
591
00:44:28,134 --> 00:44:33,606
My heart is full. It is my
inestimable pleasure to announce
592
00:44:33,654 --> 00:44:39,843
that Miss Sonia Orrincourt has this
day done me the immeasurable honour...
593
00:44:39,894 --> 00:44:44,012
- Oh, no .. of consenting to be my wife
594
00:44:51,534 --> 00:44:56,130
- Oh, Noddy
- Oh, my God
595
00:44:57,934 --> 00:45:01,131
Me thought I didst hear
the groundlings applaud
596
00:45:06,614 --> 00:45:08,889
Congratulations, Papa
597
00:45:08,934 --> 00:45:12,722
I thank you all. I am moved
598
00:45:14,734 --> 00:45:16,237
And now I come to the reason
599
00:45:16,270 --> 00:45:20,604
for the good Mr Rattisbon
to grace our festive board
600
00:45:21,654 --> 00:45:26,330
Of late I have been treated with
disrespect, nay with contumely
601
00:45:27,174 --> 00:45:31,213
My goodness has been repaid
with the basest insult
602
00:45:32,254 --> 00:45:34,688
All of you here do know me
603
00:45:34,734 --> 00:45:39,933
All of you know that those
who love me not, I do not love
604
00:45:41,254 --> 00:45:46,467
It was my intention to request
Mr Rattisbon to draw up anew,
605
00:45:46,502 --> 00:45:49,366
my last will and testament
606
00:45:49,414 --> 00:45:53,089
and yet my having won the
heart of Miss Orrincourt
607
00:45:53,134 --> 00:45:56,444
has caused a resurgence within this bosom,
608
00:45:56,494 --> 00:45:59,566
of the milk of divine forgiveness
609
00:46:00,774 --> 00:46:02,969
I have been merciful
610
00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:09,412
I will now ask Mr Rattisbon to
read the terms of my new will
611
00:46:14,534 --> 00:46:16,525
With your kind permission...
612
00:46:19,494 --> 00:46:24,443
I, Henry Oswald Ancred,
Baronet, being of sound mind,
613
00:46:24,494 --> 00:46:29,807
do declare this to be my last will and
testament, hereby revoking all previous...
614
00:46:29,854 --> 00:46:33,688
If the new will had been a West
End play, it would have run forever
615
00:46:33,734 --> 00:46:36,487
It received what they call rave reviews
616
00:46:36,534 --> 00:46:41,050
It provided for handsome cash legacies to
Millamant and Sir Henry's three daughters
617
00:46:41,094 --> 00:46:43,739
Really no-one had cause for complaint
618
00:46:43,774 --> 00:46:48,192
the residue of my estate
to be divided equally
619
00:46:48,227 --> 00:46:50,769
between my son Thomas Ancred,
620
00:46:51,114 --> 00:46:53,720
my grandson Cedric Ancred
621
00:46:54,818 --> 00:46:59,320
and my fiancee Miss Sonia Orrincourt
622
00:47:03,294 --> 00:47:05,854
When the will had been read,
623
00:47:05,855 --> 00:47:08,414
we all trooped over to the
little theatre for the unveiling
624
00:47:12,054 --> 00:47:15,683
To you, dear lady, the place of honour
625
00:47:21,014 --> 00:47:23,005
If you will all be seated?
626
00:47:24,534 --> 00:47:28,083
- Cedric, my boy
- I�m ready, Grand papa
627
00:47:29,494 --> 00:47:31,724
The moment is nigh
628
00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:41,645
An actor may move his audience to laughter
or to tears, to terror or to anger,
629
00:47:41,694 --> 00:47:45,130
what he must not do is tantalise
630
00:47:45,174 --> 00:47:46,687
Hear! Hear!
631
00:47:46,734 --> 00:47:51,524
So, let it be now. The readiness is all
632
00:47:52,894 --> 00:47:54,771
House lights, Cedric
633
00:47:59,974 --> 00:48:02,044
And, curtain!
634
00:48:18,774 --> 00:48:20,765
The paint must still be wet
635
00:48:22,374 --> 00:48:25,093
Leave it to me. There's no harm done
636
00:48:25,134 --> 00:48:27,568
No, don't use that.
You'll destroy it. Here
637
00:48:29,254 --> 00:48:34,169
I demand to know the
author of this outrage
638
00:48:34,214 --> 00:48:36,523
It wasn't Panty. She's
been in bed since seven
639
00:48:36,574 --> 00:48:40,328
She's been painting green
cows for days, I�ve seen her
640
00:48:41,174 --> 00:48:42,892
Cow yourself!
641
00:48:43,541 --> 00:48:45,073
The medicine she takes
makes her sleep like the dead
642
00:48:45,074 --> 00:48:47,212
The child couldn�t have done it
643
00:48:48,254 --> 00:48:51,087
Noddy, did you hear that? That
bitch has just called me a cow!
644
00:48:51,134 --> 00:48:53,045
I am going to bed
645
00:48:53,094 --> 00:48:55,050
You're going to let me
be insulted by that...
646
00:48:55,051 --> 00:48:57,007
I am upset!
647
00:48:58,574 --> 00:49:04,046
I am indeed unwell. Leave me!
648
00:49:04,094 --> 00:49:07,484
- I am going alone
- He needs looking after. Excuse me
649
00:49:19,374 --> 00:49:22,810
It was sometime during
the night that it happened
650
00:49:46,934 --> 00:49:48,686
Of course, I didn't stay
651
00:49:48,734 --> 00:49:52,522
First, my work was done,
and I'd have gone anyway
652
00:49:52,574 --> 00:49:56,231
Also, I was an outsider, in
what by definition, at any rate,
653
00:49:56,266 --> 00:49:57,250
was a house of mourning
654
00:49:58,694 --> 00:50:02,528
Yes, I think that's everything. Thank
you, Barker. You've been most helpful
655
00:50:02,574 --> 00:50:06,726
It�s been a great pleasure, Miss Troy. I
hope to see you again in the near future
656
00:50:06,774 --> 00:50:09,163
- Thank you, Barker. Goodbye
- Goodbye
657
00:50:27,214 --> 00:50:28,727
What are you thinking about?
658
00:50:31,534 --> 00:50:35,368
Macbeth and the art of the embalmer
659
00:50:37,934 --> 00:50:41,722
Who would have thought the old man
to have had so much blood in him?
660
00:50:45,814 --> 00:50:47,611
Practical jokes, you say?
661
00:50:48,654 --> 00:50:50,451
Defecating cows
662
00:50:51,414 --> 00:50:53,769
- Just the one, sir
- A book
663
00:50:53,814 --> 00:50:56,692
A three centuries old book on embalming
664
00:50:56,734 --> 00:50:58,725
and a missing bottle of rat bait
665
00:50:59,694 --> 00:51:01,446
All very thin, wouldn�t you say?
666
00:51:03,174 --> 00:51:04,573
Skeletal
667
00:51:04,614 --> 00:51:08,812
Hardly enough to justify going down
to Ancreton and muddying the waters
668
00:51:08,854 --> 00:51:12,813
- No, sir. It�s just that...
- Well?
669
00:51:14,214 --> 00:51:17,012
There's a lot about Miss Troy
I don't yet know, sir, but...
670
00:51:18,139 --> 00:51:19,811
I�m inclined to trust her instincts
671
00:51:21,634 --> 00:51:24,408
- Good witness?
- Sir?
672
00:51:24,454 --> 00:51:27,014
I mean, is she imaginative?
673
00:51:28,168 --> 00:51:30,603
Well, naturally, she's an
artist and a good one but...
674
00:51:30,654 --> 00:51:34,124
if you mean impressionable, no
675
00:51:34,174 --> 00:51:38,884
Capital! Then with no offence in
the wide world, my dear Alleyn,
676
00:51:38,934 --> 00:51:42,370
perhaps either you or Miss
Troy could account for this
677
00:51:42,414 --> 00:51:46,487
- Seen this morning's Times, have you?
- Not yet, sir, no
678
00:51:46,534 --> 00:51:50,083
Well, according to you, or
rather according to Miss Troy,
679
00:51:50,134 --> 00:51:53,353
Sir Henry Ancred made a
will dividing his estate
680
00:51:53,388 --> 00:51:55,003
more or less equally among the family
681
00:51:55,636 --> 00:51:57,708
With a share going to this...
682
00:51:58,265 --> 00:52:01,474
this lady friend of his.
Miss Sonia Orrincourt
683
00:52:01,509 --> 00:52:03,163
He made that announcement, yes
684
00:52:03,214 --> 00:52:05,364
Then he's been having them on
685
00:52:06,282 --> 00:52:10,534
According to the Times,
Sonia Orrincourt gets the lot
686
00:52:10,574 --> 00:52:11,563
What?
687
00:52:12,734 --> 00:52:14,565
Give or take a thousand or so
688
00:52:15,214 --> 00:52:17,045
It seems he's done his family in the eye
689
00:52:17,094 --> 00:52:19,688
What price equal shares all round now?
690
00:52:19,734 --> 00:52:22,089
But it can't be. At the birthday dinner...
691
00:52:23,177 --> 00:52:26,207
The lady couldn�t have erm... misheard?
692
00:52:27,414 --> 00:52:28,866
Absolutely not, sir
693
00:52:31,038 --> 00:52:32,006
Sir...
694
00:52:32,054 --> 00:52:33,683
Oh, look here, old chap,
695
00:52:33,752 --> 00:52:38,448
I don't see any reason to go haring
off down to Ancreton. He was 75
696
00:52:39,136 --> 00:52:42,487
As far as one can tell, he ate and
drank what he shouldn't have done
697
00:52:42,534 --> 00:52:45,890
He was warned what would
happen and it did. He conked out
698
00:52:45,934 --> 00:52:48,323
Dead and... buried is he?
699
00:52:50,774 --> 00:52:54,084
And we've no grounds for an
autopsy. So let's leave him lie
700
00:52:54,134 --> 00:52:57,649
Not make the family any more
distressed than they already are
701
00:52:59,476 --> 00:53:02,529
From what I�ve heard, sir, they
won't be wearing black for too long
702
00:53:02,574 --> 00:53:04,724
Actually, I was thinking of the will
703
00:53:05,403 --> 00:53:06,253
Come in
704
00:53:07,534 --> 00:53:11,846
Forgive the intrusion, sir, but
knowing the Chief inspector�s business,
705
00:53:11,894 --> 00:53:16,490
I thought he�d like to know that
Mr Thomas Ancred had been in touch
706
00:53:16,534 --> 00:53:21,210
There have been letters, sir. Anonymous,
addressed to all members of the family
707
00:53:21,254 --> 00:53:23,529
Hinting at foul play, sir
708
00:53:29,654 --> 00:53:32,373
When I think of all the
misery you've put me through,
709
00:53:32,374 --> 00:53:35,092
I feel so infernally indignant, I...
710
00:53:35,134 --> 00:53:39,969
When in doubt, Mr Fox, always give
them a dollop of Charley's Aunt
711
00:53:40,014 --> 00:53:42,687
It never fails. Ah, here we are
712
00:53:43,574 --> 00:53:46,486
- Eight of them. All the same
- Thank you
713
00:53:48,454 --> 00:53:50,604
Sir Henry Ancred's death was brought about
714
00:53:50,654 --> 00:53:53,452
by the person who has received
the most benefit from it
715
00:53:54,694 --> 00:53:59,051
inspector, you're the oracle.
No envelopes, Mr Ancred?
716
00:53:59,094 --> 00:54:00,846
We threw them away. Sorry
717
00:54:00,894 --> 00:54:04,284
But the postmark was Middlehampton.
That's our nearest metropolis
718
00:54:05,134 --> 00:54:06,487
And the recipients?
719
00:54:06,534 --> 00:54:09,207
They came at breakfast
time yesterday. Let's see...
720
00:54:09,926 --> 00:54:14,647
Milly got one and Pauline, Jenetta and Desi
- Desdemona that is
721
00:54:14,694 --> 00:54:17,692
Cedric, Sir Cedric as he is now
722
00:54:17,693 --> 00:54:20,690
I mustn't leave him out,
nor myself, of course
723
00:54:20,734 --> 00:54:23,567
and the young couple Fenella and Paul
724
00:54:23,614 --> 00:54:25,127
But not Miss Orrincourt?
725
00:54:25,174 --> 00:54:26,464
Sonia
726
00:54:26,494 --> 00:54:31,613
No, not Sonia. That's why for once in
their lives the family are in agreement
727
00:54:31,654 --> 00:54:33,411
You mean that Miss
Orrincourt is the person
728
00:54:33,412 --> 00:54:35,169
referred to in the letters?
729
00:54:35,214 --> 00:54:38,206
Not half. What fun
730
00:54:39,134 --> 00:54:42,649
Thank you. Inspector, astonish us
731
00:54:42,694 --> 00:54:46,209
Well, the old crystal ball's
a bit cloudy this morning, sir
732
00:54:46,934 --> 00:54:49,767
Middling good paper out of a notepad
733
00:54:50,454 --> 00:54:53,207
From any stationers or
maybe the odd corner shop
734
00:54:54,294 --> 00:54:56,285
Thank you
735
00:54:57,934 --> 00:55:03,406
Mr Ancred, do you subscribe to your
family's poor opinion of Miss Orrincourt?
736
00:55:03,454 --> 00:55:06,014
Do you mean do I think
that she murdered Papa?
737
00:55:07,054 --> 00:55:09,773
There, it's been said out loud, that is
738
00:55:10,934 --> 00:55:14,324
- I didn�t at first but now...
- Now?
739
00:55:16,174 --> 00:55:19,325
Well, I suppose it's time
for the Cours de theatre
740
00:55:20,214 --> 00:55:23,729
After the letters came, the
atmosphere got a bit fraught
741
00:55:23,774 --> 00:55:26,572
Sonia said that she would
rather die driving in the rain
742
00:55:26,614 --> 00:55:29,253
than put up with our
loathsomeness a moment longer
743
00:55:30,334 --> 00:55:32,473
Of course, when there
is a dramatic occasion,
744
00:55:32,474 --> 00:55:34,612
you may depend on the
Ancreds to rise to it
745
00:55:34,654 --> 00:55:37,157
No-one liked to say
straight out that Sonia
746
00:55:37,158 --> 00:55:39,660
had put poison in Papa's
hot drink at bedtime,
747
00:55:40,094 --> 00:55:43,304
but it did seem wasteful given
that she was out of the house,
748
00:55:43,339 --> 00:55:44,884
for us not to search her room
749
00:55:47,054 --> 00:55:49,932
I didn't do much searching
myself. I lack curiosity
750
00:55:49,974 --> 00:55:52,534
Besides, I wasn't sure what
it was we were looking for
751
00:55:54,128 --> 00:55:55,293
Cedric
752
00:55:55,334 --> 00:55:59,043
As it happened, it was Desi who
won the coconut. She found it
753
00:55:59,764 --> 00:56:01,210
Look!
754
00:56:05,734 --> 00:56:07,804
And what was she found, Mr Ancred?
755
00:56:07,854 --> 00:56:12,291
Hang on. Yes, I put it out of harm's way
756
00:56:15,334 --> 00:56:17,723
It�s the rat poison nobody could find
757
00:56:23,054 --> 00:56:25,090
See what the lab boys
make of this, will you?
758
00:56:25,134 --> 00:56:27,392
By the look of it, it
hasn't been opened since
759
00:56:27,393 --> 00:56:29,650
Madeleine Smith gave
arsenic to her boyfriend
760
00:56:29,694 --> 00:56:32,413
The Scottish verdict was not proven, sir
761
00:56:32,454 --> 00:56:34,570
What an exact fellow you are
762
00:56:34,614 --> 00:56:36,809
- Careful
- What?
763
00:56:36,854 --> 00:56:39,322
- Mr Alleyn?
- I�ll be with Rattisbon
764
00:56:44,094 --> 00:56:47,325
- Dash, I�ve missed him
- Can I be of help, sir?
765
00:56:48,174 --> 00:56:52,008
Well, it occurred to me to
ask, in the case of Papa,
766
00:56:52,054 --> 00:56:55,330
is there likely to be
a... well, you know...
767
00:56:55,374 --> 00:56:58,207
Will they want to go rummaging
around in the family vault?
768
00:56:58,254 --> 00:57:02,133
- Oh, early days yet, sir. All in good time
- No, what I mean is...
769
00:57:02,174 --> 00:57:04,972
you�d want to look inside
him for signs of poisoning
770
00:57:05,014 --> 00:57:08,051
Don't you think, sir,
we're rushing our fences?
771
00:57:08,094 --> 00:57:10,688
No, you don�t see what I�m
driving at. How could you?
772
00:57:11,814 --> 00:57:14,772
How shall I put it? Would
it at all matter to you,
773
00:57:14,814 --> 00:57:19,604
would it make life that much harder
to know that we've had him embalmed?
774
00:57:21,894 --> 00:57:24,124
There is no puzzle, Chief inspector
775
00:57:24,174 --> 00:57:26,392
Based on rough drafts
prepared by Sir Henry,
776
00:57:26,393 --> 00:57:28,611
I drew up two separate wills
777
00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:32,169
- Two? Extraordinary
- Mm, perhaps
778
00:57:32,214 --> 00:57:35,012
Or perhaps not in the case
of a man who is in two minds
779
00:57:37,614 --> 00:57:42,813
Sir Henry was uncertain as to
the merits of his immediate family
780
00:57:42,854 --> 00:57:46,164
- Are you a gambling man, Chief inspector?
- Afraid so
781
00:57:46,214 --> 00:57:49,189
Sir Henry hedged his bets
782
00:57:49,190 --> 00:57:52,164
One of the wills was signed
and witnessed before the dinner
783
00:57:52,214 --> 00:57:54,853
I quoted its provisions
in front of the family
784
00:57:54,894 --> 00:57:57,203
Later that night, he destroyed it
785
00:57:57,254 --> 00:58:00,166
- Because of the portrait?
- Oh, you know about that
786
00:58:00,214 --> 00:58:04,127
The flying cow, yes.
Childish, you would agree
787
00:58:05,054 --> 00:58:08,091
And yet when he sent
for me later that night,
788
00:58:08,134 --> 00:58:10,523
I found him greatly perturbed
789
00:58:10,574 --> 00:58:13,725
He burned the will, the
first will, there and then
790
00:58:13,774 --> 00:58:19,610
Then, at his insistence, I sent the
butler to fetch a Mr and Mrs Candy
791
00:58:19,654 --> 00:58:24,523
Candy is one of the under gardeners and
they were witnesses to the second will
792
00:58:24,574 --> 00:58:26,363
Which left all to Miss Orrincourt?
793
00:58:27,014 --> 00:58:31,690
The young lady�s name is Hawkes,
Chief inspector, Miss Gladys Hawkes
794
00:58:31,734 --> 00:58:34,806
- Really?
- Yes, these gilded creatures
795
00:58:34,854 --> 00:58:39,564
Mind, I think we can agree that
Orrincourt does have more resonance to it?
796
00:58:41,654 --> 00:58:44,253
Er... no, not quite all
797
00:58:44,254 --> 00:58:46,853
There were other minor
bequests. Very minor
798
00:58:47,894 --> 00:58:51,523
- You mean, hardly worth...
- Just so
799
00:58:51,574 --> 00:58:54,293
Hardly worth mentioning
800
00:58:54,294 --> 00:58:57,012
That is what you were going
to say, Chief inspector?
801
00:59:05,614 --> 00:59:09,289
- Look here, I�m sorry
- Done something, have you?
802
00:59:10,574 --> 00:59:15,284
I mean that you should be part
of all this, even as a bystander
803
00:59:16,294 --> 00:59:18,285
Well, thanks for saying it
804
00:59:21,974 --> 00:59:25,683
Did I mention that I don't think
people ought to hang other people?
805
00:59:28,694 --> 00:59:30,508
Are you sure?
806
00:59:30,509 --> 00:59:32,323
I have a feeling I would have remembered
807
00:59:33,054 --> 00:59:35,033
Well, with that out of the way,
808
00:59:35,034 --> 00:59:37,013
I�m happy to say that I�m
not the policeman, you are
809
00:59:38,097 --> 00:59:39,693
You wash your hands of it
810
00:59:45,214 --> 00:59:46,234
How like a woman
811
00:59:46,313 --> 00:59:49,810
It was you in the first place
who put the cat among the pigeons
812
00:59:51,894 --> 00:59:55,489
- What's so funny?
- The thought of you at Ancreton
813
00:59:55,534 --> 00:59:59,413
It is you, my dear Chief inspector, who's
going to be the pigeon among the cats
814
01:00:25,734 --> 01:00:27,725
Do you see what I see?
815
01:00:32,454 --> 01:00:34,445
No, I can't say that I do
816
01:00:38,325 --> 01:00:40,488
- I think I do
- Shall we erm...
817
01:00:41,734 --> 01:00:44,328
Oh, yes, why don't we?
818
01:00:45,374 --> 01:00:46,932
Heads
819
01:00:46,974 --> 01:00:50,603
Heads it is. In you go. I
love to see an artist at work
820
01:00:59,814 --> 01:01:03,923
Good afternoon, sir.
May I be of service, sir?
821
01:01:03,958 --> 01:01:05,047
I do hope so
822
01:01:05,094 --> 01:01:07,085
I was wondering whether you have anything
823
01:01:07,134 --> 01:01:09,932
that would cheer up a little
girl who's been a bit poorly
824
01:01:11,005 --> 01:01:12,090
Well now...
825
01:01:12,134 --> 01:01:14,568
A proper little limb, she is
826
01:01:14,614 --> 01:01:18,527
Says she wants to play
a joke on a Dr Maltravers
827
01:01:18,574 --> 01:01:21,327
A joke? Oh, he won't like that
828
01:01:21,374 --> 01:01:25,003
- Won't he?
- No. He's not one for jokes
829
01:01:25,808 --> 01:01:30,686
Well, I just now noticed those
raspberry cushions in your window
830
01:01:30,734 --> 01:01:32,725
Oh, he really won't like that
831
01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:34,890
They're a bit rude, you know
832
01:01:38,254 --> 01:01:40,131
But isn't it a small world?
833
01:01:41,174 --> 01:01:45,964
Would you believe, I sold
one of these not two weeks ago
834
01:01:46,014 --> 01:01:50,007
and that was for a little
girl who wasn't well
835
01:01:50,054 --> 01:01:53,946
Get away! This one's for
a child up at the big house
836
01:01:53,981 --> 01:01:55,226
Do you mean Ancreton?
837
01:01:55,814 --> 01:01:57,133
So was the other
838
01:01:57,174 --> 01:02:01,004
Now, if it's for her,
Panty, they call her,
839
01:02:01,039 --> 01:02:03,329
and she is a limb, you're right there...
840
01:02:03,374 --> 01:02:06,013
well, I... I�m afraid she already has one
841
01:02:07,134 --> 01:02:09,773
Oh, dear dear. What a vexation
842
01:02:09,814 --> 01:02:12,510
Still, never mind, what I always say
843
01:02:12,511 --> 01:02:15,207
is a kiddie can't have
too many raspberry cushions
844
01:02:15,254 --> 01:02:17,245
I�ll take it anyway
845
01:02:23,894 --> 01:02:27,728
Hold on half a tick. Young
Panty's confined to barracks
846
01:02:27,774 --> 01:02:30,476
You're not telling me the
young tinker sneaked out,
847
01:02:30,511 --> 01:02:31,892
came here and bought it for herself?
848
01:02:31,934 --> 01:02:34,528
- Lord love you, no, sir
- No?
849
01:02:34,574 --> 01:02:36,485
No. Her auntie bought it
850
01:02:37,534 --> 01:02:41,243
- Her auntie?
- That's right. Her new auntie
851
01:03:08,494 --> 01:03:12,282
You must be Panty cos
that's what's written there
852
01:03:13,294 --> 01:03:14,807
Who was Carabas?
853
01:03:16,054 --> 01:03:17,931
Was he your kitten?
854
01:03:17,974 --> 01:03:20,044
He wasn't a kitten, he was a cat
855
01:03:20,094 --> 01:03:23,643
He was Noddy's cat, only he
loved me better than Noddy
856
01:03:23,694 --> 01:03:25,969
He loved me better than anyone
857
01:03:26,014 --> 01:03:30,610
I was his friend and I didn�t give
him the ringworms. I hate Aunt Milly
858
01:03:30,654 --> 01:03:33,805
I hate all of them cos they say
I killed Carabas with ringworm
859
01:03:33,854 --> 01:03:38,211
- I�ll bet you never did
- I might give you the ringworm
860
01:03:39,454 --> 01:03:42,685
You do that and I�ll give you my gum boil
861
01:03:44,414 --> 01:03:46,405
Well, I want to play a game now
862
01:03:49,174 --> 01:03:52,610
Perhaps you�d like to stay here
and play with inspector Fox?
863
01:03:54,014 --> 01:03:55,612
Can he play Happy Families?
864
01:03:56,521 --> 01:03:58,320
Play it? He invented it
865
01:03:58,355 --> 01:04:02,772
- Carry on, inspector
- Oh, yes. Why don't we? Let's
866
01:04:02,814 --> 01:04:04,805
Thank you
867
01:04:11,814 --> 01:04:13,002
Thank you, no
868
01:04:13,152 --> 01:04:15,887
Oh, wait, are they making those
again? Yes, I think I shall
869
01:04:19,934 --> 01:04:22,849
My Uncle Thomas brings bickies at weekends
870
01:04:22,894 --> 01:04:26,250
He says you have to know where to look
871
01:04:26,294 --> 01:04:29,889
Sir Cedric, that holds good
for more than just biscuits
872
01:04:31,454 --> 01:04:34,605
Oh, dear. Have I cast a gloom?
873
01:04:34,654 --> 01:04:36,610
Please don't think I�m here
to look into anything other
874
01:04:36,611 --> 01:04:38,567
than those anonymous letters
875
01:04:38,614 --> 01:04:42,402
- Is that a crime?
- It might be a breach of the peace
876
01:04:43,243 --> 01:04:45,207
Peace in this house?
877
01:04:46,174 --> 01:04:48,642
Would anyone mind a question or two?
878
01:04:48,694 --> 01:04:51,049
Not at all
879
01:04:51,094 --> 01:04:53,050
On the evening of his birthday party,
880
01:04:53,094 --> 01:04:56,245
Sir Henry appears to have done
himself rather too well at dinner
881
01:04:56,294 --> 01:04:59,445
- Aren't we the know-it-all?
- He over indulged
882
01:04:59,494 --> 01:05:01,530
He ate tinned crayfish
and drank champagne,
883
01:05:01,531 --> 01:05:03,567
both of which are expressly forbidden
884
01:05:05,864 --> 01:05:06,972
And later on?
885
01:05:07,014 --> 01:05:10,768
After dinner, you mean? He took
medicine for his indigestion
886
01:05:10,814 --> 01:05:12,041
And there was always a hot drink
887
01:05:12,131 --> 01:05:15,046
either at bedtime or if
he woke during the night
888
01:05:15,094 --> 01:05:18,803
- A hot drink. Prepared by whom?
- By Milly
889
01:05:18,854 --> 01:05:22,608
- You did it, didn�t you, Milly?
- No, Jenny, I did not
890
01:05:24,174 --> 01:05:28,292
Since my husband�s death, I
kept house for my father-in-law
891
01:05:28,334 --> 01:05:32,486
A task, I may say, which was as
arduous as my thanks for it were small
892
01:05:32,534 --> 01:05:34,126
She's off
893
01:05:34,174 --> 01:05:37,450
I liked Papa. He could
make one's life miserable
894
01:05:37,494 --> 01:05:40,571
but there were certain small
labours which I did not begrudge
895
01:05:40,606 --> 01:05:42,284
and yes I prepared his hot drink
896
01:05:42,334 --> 01:05:45,371
But of late, with Papa's consent,
897
01:05:45,414 --> 01:05:50,329
a certain person usurped that
duty, as if by Divine right
898
01:05:50,374 --> 01:05:54,890
- Do you mean Miss Orrincourt?
- Milly, you never said
899
01:05:54,934 --> 01:05:57,494
I hope I have my pride
900
01:06:02,174 --> 01:06:05,405
But it was Miss Orrincourt who
prepared the hot drink that evening?
901
01:06:05,454 --> 01:06:07,604
Oh, for that you must ask Barker
902
01:06:07,654 --> 01:06:13,286
Yes, madam, Miss Orrincourt heated the
drink and I took it to Sir Henry's room
903
01:06:13,334 --> 01:06:16,007
in a Thermos and set it by his bed
904
01:06:16,054 --> 01:06:21,651
He refused to take it then and there.
He was, if Sir Cedric will forgive me...
905
01:06:23,294 --> 01:06:24,966
.. in rather a whack, sir
906
01:06:26,534 --> 01:06:28,570
And the medicine for his indigestion?
907
01:06:28,614 --> 01:06:32,050
Oh, he didn�t need any
persuading to take that, sir
908
01:06:33,054 --> 01:06:36,808
The pain raged at him something awful
909
01:06:37,501 --> 01:06:41,203
The milk of magnesia
was kept by the bed, sir,
910
01:06:41,238 --> 01:06:43,851
like... like the Thermos...
911
01:06:47,094 --> 01:06:51,167
Oh, God. Barker, must you blub?
912
01:06:54,654 --> 01:06:57,452
I got him into his pyjamas and gown, sir
913
01:06:57,494 --> 01:07:00,452
Like I was saying, he
wouldn�t touch his drink
914
01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:03,452
He was carrying on, shouting at me...
915
01:07:04,494 --> 01:07:09,329
.. saying as how I was to fetch Mr
Rattisbon er... he's the solicitor, sir
916
01:07:09,374 --> 01:07:11,365
Yes
917
01:07:11,414 --> 01:07:16,124
Barker, could you just tell me
once again? What was on this table?
918
01:07:16,174 --> 01:07:20,645
There was the indigestion medicine,
sir, there was the grog tray
919
01:07:20,694 --> 01:07:25,643
There was the Thermos with his
hot drink, a cup and saucer...
920
01:07:25,694 --> 01:07:27,924
Oh, and a spoon for the medicine, sir
921
01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:33,611
Thank you. And, of course,
these have all since been washed?
922
01:07:33,654 --> 01:07:37,044
Washed and used again,
sir. It was all spilt
923
01:07:37,094 --> 01:07:39,403
The medicine, the Thermos, the lot
924
01:07:39,454 --> 01:07:41,092
It was a shocking mess, sir
925
01:07:42,254 --> 01:07:45,564
He put some of his drink into
the saucer for the cat, sir
926
01:07:46,294 --> 01:07:49,331
- The cat Carabas?
- Oh, yes, sir
927
01:07:49,374 --> 01:07:53,492
But the cup and the flask and the
medicine bottle was all overturned
928
01:07:53,534 --> 01:07:55,809
We had to go at it with the carbolic
929
01:07:55,854 --> 01:07:57,845
Thank you
930
01:08:05,014 --> 01:08:06,413
Barker, what's this?
931
01:08:06,454 --> 01:08:09,446
It was in the old gentleman's
hand when we found him, sir
932
01:08:10,654 --> 01:08:11,803
When I found him
933
01:08:11,854 --> 01:08:13,845
It�s the bell push, sir
934
01:08:14,574 --> 01:08:17,327
We had to prise open his fingers
935
01:08:17,374 --> 01:08:23,006
In his distress, sir, he must
have pulled it away from the wire
936
01:08:27,814 --> 01:08:29,452
Did you unscrew it in any way?
937
01:08:29,494 --> 01:08:32,884
- It�s as I found it, sir
- Thank you
938
01:08:32,934 --> 01:08:35,868
Do you know, Barker, I think I
need not trouble you any further
939
01:08:35,903 --> 01:08:37,012
I�m obliged
940
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:40,611
Very good, sir
941
01:08:57,374 --> 01:08:59,365
Oh, Damn
942
01:09:08,214 --> 01:09:11,729
Who are you and what the
bloody hell are you doing here?
943
01:09:14,174 --> 01:09:16,642
At the moment, sir, I�m
playing Happy Families
944
01:09:17,414 --> 01:09:19,681
Would you oblige me with...
945
01:09:20,452 --> 01:09:23,489
Mrs Snip the tailor's wife?
946
01:09:23,534 --> 01:09:26,412
No, you forgot to say
please again so it's my turn
947
01:09:27,774 --> 01:09:29,651
And I don't seem to be having much luck
948
01:09:30,224 --> 01:09:34,063
Sir, I am asking, politely, I trust,
949
01:09:34,098 --> 01:09:36,008
what your business is with my patient
950
01:09:36,054 --> 01:09:38,693
- Are you a journalist?
- Me?
951
01:09:38,734 --> 01:09:42,170
Oh, bless your heart no,
sir. I�m from Scotland Yard
952
01:09:43,414 --> 01:09:46,406
- From...
- And I imagine that you're Dr Maltravers
953
01:09:47,734 --> 01:09:51,613
What a happy meeting. Chief
inspector Alleyn will be pleased
954
01:09:52,774 --> 01:09:56,403
Very well. So the second
will was signed in this room
955
01:09:58,014 --> 01:10:01,893
Now, after Mr Rattisbon
had left, what then?
956
01:10:04,054 --> 01:10:05,403
What do you mean what then?
957
01:10:05,805 --> 01:10:08,605
I gave Noddy his hot drink
and I kissed him nighty-night
958
01:10:10,294 --> 01:10:12,649
And left?
959
01:10:13,934 --> 01:10:15,925
And left
960
01:10:15,974 --> 01:10:19,569
Did he drink his hot milk
while you were with him?
961
01:10:19,614 --> 01:10:22,890
- Drank it and liked it
- And what about his medicine?
962
01:10:22,934 --> 01:10:27,007
And the medicine. People seem to think
I�ve got no feelings. Well, I have
963
01:10:28,014 --> 01:10:32,292
He was sweet and now he's gone and
the money won't ever make up for that
964
01:10:32,334 --> 01:10:34,529
Now I�ve got no-one
965
01:10:34,574 --> 01:10:37,071
He died cos he was sick
966
01:10:37,072 --> 01:10:39,568
and the police have no call to
go buzzing round asking questions
967
01:10:39,614 --> 01:10:42,128
Well, you've been very frank
with me, Miss Orrincourt
968
01:10:42,174 --> 01:10:44,483
I�ve been frank because
I�ve got nothing to hide
969
01:10:44,534 --> 01:10:46,889
And I intend to be equally frank with you
970
01:10:48,214 --> 01:10:50,233
One of the reasons I�m here is
because of the practical jokes
971
01:10:50,234 --> 01:10:52,253
you played upon Sir Henry
972
01:10:52,294 --> 01:10:53,972
I need hardly ask why
973
01:10:54,029 --> 01:10:57,163
You wanted the blame to fall upon
the child Panty, isn't that so?
974
01:10:58,614 --> 01:11:01,811
I knew it. He told you
975
01:11:02,854 --> 01:11:05,322
Well, it serves me right
976
01:11:05,374 --> 01:11:07,649
I thought I had one
friend in this crazy gang
977
01:11:08,974 --> 01:11:11,807
Just goes to show you what a fool I was
978
01:11:11,854 --> 01:11:14,493
I suppose you must mean Sir Cedric Ancred
979
01:11:14,534 --> 01:11:16,843
Sir Cedric, the baronet
980
01:11:16,894 --> 01:11:19,124
Or should I say the baroness?
981
01:11:19,174 --> 01:11:23,611
That insect, that worm! God,
he's worse than the bloody women!
982
01:11:23,654 --> 01:11:26,566
Well, I got the laugh on him and the money
983
01:11:26,614 --> 01:11:31,369
What's he got? Here,
let me tell you about him
984
01:11:32,654 --> 01:11:35,805
Imagine him sitting up there all hours,
985
01:11:35,854 --> 01:11:40,882
making a new will, disinheriting
his own flesh and blood
986
01:11:40,934 --> 01:11:45,803
Well, I understand that both those wills
were drawn up in advance of that evening
987
01:11:45,854 --> 01:11:50,450
Do you know, I think we have a
good case for proving he was got at
988
01:11:50,494 --> 01:11:53,725
- By Miss Orrincourt, do you mean?
- Yes
989
01:11:53,774 --> 01:11:54,936
By that...
990
01:11:56,828 --> 01:11:57,860
What is it, Desi?
991
01:12:01,454 --> 01:12:03,554
Sometimes, Chief inspector,
992
01:12:04,474 --> 01:12:08,929
death comes not as an
enemy but as a friend
993
01:12:10,614 --> 01:12:15,085
By day they talk and think of
money, by night they dream of it
994
01:12:17,214 --> 01:12:19,569
But for what you might call murder...
995
01:12:21,174 --> 01:12:23,688
.. there is a stronger motive than greed
996
01:12:24,734 --> 01:12:26,725
There's love
997
01:12:29,214 --> 01:12:31,330
That's why I did what needed to be done
998
01:12:35,654 --> 01:12:41,092
Do you think I could bear to see my
darling crippled and in constant pain?
999
01:12:41,134 --> 01:12:44,046
What kind of woman do you take me for?
1000
01:12:45,974 --> 01:12:48,750
Was I to look on and...
1001
01:12:48,751 --> 01:12:51,526
and see him in the
prison of his maimed body?
1002
01:12:56,454 --> 01:12:59,412
Oh, God, but I loathe aeroplanes
1003
01:12:59,454 --> 01:13:01,445
Do you mean it was an accident?
1004
01:13:03,094 --> 01:13:08,009
The others, his... devoted family...
1005
01:13:09,254 --> 01:13:12,530
.. they wanted him dead
that they might inherit
1006
01:13:13,254 --> 01:13:17,566
But I... I wanted him at peace
1007
01:13:20,054 --> 01:13:22,045
That's why I did it
1008
01:13:24,694 --> 01:13:29,973
But I�m glad, do you
hear me? Glad, glad, glad!
1009
01:13:33,814 --> 01:13:37,727
You will, of course, wish me to
accompany you, Chief inspector
1010
01:13:39,134 --> 01:13:43,650
There are goodbyes to be
said. May I crave five minutes?
1011
01:13:51,734 --> 01:13:55,488
I shall return... you have my word
1012
01:14:01,814 --> 01:14:04,971
Did you ever hear of The Dark
Of The Sun, Chief inspector?
1013
01:14:04,972 --> 01:14:08,128
Very Somerset Maughamish
1014
01:14:09,334 --> 01:14:15,170
It was supposed to open earlier this year
at the Duchess but the backers got cold feet
1015
01:14:16,734 --> 01:14:21,410
Poor Desdemona, she's been dying to
make that Act Three speech ever since
1016
01:14:24,254 --> 01:14:26,768
- Soda?
- No
1017
01:14:55,934 --> 01:14:59,131
Sir Henry suffered from ulcers
and degeneration of the heart
1018
01:14:59,174 --> 01:15:02,357
He had eaten a disastrous
meal, had drunk champagne
1019
01:15:02,392 --> 01:15:04,885
and flown into one of his rages
1020
01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:08,847
I diagnosed a gastric attack
culminating in cardiac failure
1021
01:15:08,894 --> 01:15:12,330
- I hold to that
- A tin of rat poison has been found
1022
01:15:12,374 --> 01:15:15,286
- Piffle!
- In Miss Orrincourt's room
1023
01:15:15,334 --> 01:15:17,325
Double piffle!
1024
01:15:17,374 --> 01:15:20,764
- I�m inclined to agree
- All that family has a down on her...
1025
01:15:20,814 --> 01:15:23,169
with cause, I admit but...
1026
01:15:23,214 --> 01:15:25,523
You agree?
1027
01:15:25,574 --> 01:15:29,010
The tin had not been opened
in weeks, months perhaps
1028
01:15:30,388 --> 01:15:33,764
- Game, set and match
- Not necessarily
1029
01:15:34,654 --> 01:15:37,009
There could be poison
elsewhere at Ancreton
1030
01:15:37,054 --> 01:15:41,127
There speaks the born
pessimist or do I mean optimist?
1031
01:15:41,174 --> 01:15:43,608
With respect, sir, triple piffle
1032
01:15:43,654 --> 01:15:45,688
Now, if you'll excuse me,
1033
01:15:45,749 --> 01:15:49,843
I have one patient who is still
above ground in this damn booby hatch
1034
01:15:49,894 --> 01:15:52,283
To be sure. How goes the ringworm?
1035
01:15:52,334 --> 01:15:53,275
On the mend, sir
1036
01:15:53,311 --> 01:15:57,886
It�s slow and it's stubborn but
thallium does the trick, give it time
1037
01:15:57,934 --> 01:15:59,970
Her hair is falling out nicely
1038
01:16:00,014 --> 01:16:03,211
- Her hair is?
- It is a depilatory, you know
1039
01:16:03,254 --> 01:16:06,883
Is it? Poor child. No
wonder she's so foul tempered
1040
01:16:07,782 --> 01:16:09,607
Doctor?
1041
01:16:09,654 --> 01:16:12,452
Thallium is also a sedative, is it not?
1042
01:16:13,814 --> 01:16:16,487
The flower room may seem a
strange place to keep medicine
1043
01:16:16,534 --> 01:16:18,604
I wanted it out of the
reach of little fingers
1044
01:16:18,954 --> 01:16:22,424
Panty... Patricia is
simply into everything!
1045
01:16:23,754 --> 01:16:28,544
There are two bottles. The one that's nearly
empty and the one that hasn't been opened
1046
01:16:28,594 --> 01:16:30,585
I�ve got them
1047
01:16:30,634 --> 01:16:33,068
Er... hold it steady. Would you mind, sir?
1048
01:16:35,034 --> 01:16:38,993
- Thank you
- Well done
1049
01:16:41,194 --> 01:16:42,675
Both labelled "poison"
1050
01:16:42,894 --> 01:16:45,362
Naturally, since that is what it is
1051
01:16:45,414 --> 01:16:47,974
The dosage is a minute
amount taken in water
1052
01:16:48,014 --> 01:16:49,493
I use an eye dropper
1053
01:16:50,334 --> 01:16:54,930
And as you can see, the chemist's
seal on the one is as yet unbroken
1054
01:16:55,734 --> 01:16:57,725
It is undoubtedly sealed
1055
01:16:58,854 --> 01:17:00,685
Mrs Kentish, oblige me
1056
01:17:00,734 --> 01:17:05,125
Would it be possible for someone to
have removed some of Panty's medicine
1057
01:17:05,174 --> 01:17:06,732
without your knowledge?
1058
01:17:06,774 --> 01:17:09,413
Oh, no. I would have noticed
1059
01:17:10,134 --> 01:17:13,524
Even if they had diluted
what was left with water?
1060
01:17:13,574 --> 01:17:15,565
What a peculiar idea
1061
01:17:16,774 --> 01:17:20,687
- Chief inspector, what are you driving at?
- I? Nothing at all, I assure you
1062
01:17:20,734 --> 01:17:24,010
I am the least suspicious
person in the world
1063
01:17:24,054 --> 01:17:27,330
Well, in the CID at any
rate. Ask inspector Fox
1064
01:17:28,274 --> 01:17:30,105
Fox?
1065
01:17:33,754 --> 01:17:37,110
It�s peat mould from the flower pots
1066
01:17:37,154 --> 01:17:39,384
So it is, ma'am
1067
01:17:40,794 --> 01:17:44,469
Mrs Kentish, may I... hang onto this one?
1068
01:17:45,274 --> 01:17:47,185
I�ll happily return the empty
1069
01:17:47,234 --> 01:17:51,625
- Chief inspector, this is...
- Quadruple piffle? I�m sure it is
1070
01:17:55,354 --> 01:17:58,744
Telephone from the inn. You better
make sure you're not overheard
1071
01:17:58,794 --> 01:18:01,911
I think we'll conduct the
second exhumation ourselves
1072
01:18:01,954 --> 01:18:04,070
Do a second?
1073
01:18:04,114 --> 01:18:05,702
Carabas the cat
1074
01:18:07,674 --> 01:18:10,586
Off you go. I�ll walk. It�ll do me good
1075
01:18:12,354 --> 01:18:13,723
By the way,
1076
01:18:15,409 --> 01:18:18,463
was it peat mould you put in
your pocket in the flower room?
1077
01:18:18,514 --> 01:18:21,312
No, sir. Bits of sealing wax
1078
01:18:23,754 --> 01:18:25,745
Fox by name...
1079
01:18:38,074 --> 01:18:40,065
Well...
1080
01:18:41,714 --> 01:18:43,272
Well, that is the end
1081
01:18:44,234 --> 01:18:45,826
Curtain down and house lights up
1082
01:18:45,874 --> 01:18:49,389
Goodbye, Miss Sonia Orrincourt, RIP
1083
01:18:50,194 --> 01:18:52,344
RIP? Would that be a threat, sir?
1084
01:18:52,394 --> 01:18:54,066
What?
1085
01:18:54,467 --> 01:18:57,593
I mean that I wash my hands of
little miss third row of the chorus
1086
01:18:58,794 --> 01:19:00,705
Talk about the sneak of St Hilda's
1087
01:19:01,383 --> 01:19:02,904
As a matter of fact, Sir Cedric,
1088
01:19:02,954 --> 01:19:07,391
Miss Orrincourt seemed to think that
you were the one who had sneaked on her
1089
01:19:08,314 --> 01:19:10,066
I�m sure
1090
01:19:11,074 --> 01:19:12,321
You and she conspired
1091
01:19:12,834 --> 01:19:16,190
You wanted the child, Panty, to be
cut out of your grandfather�s will
1092
01:19:16,234 --> 01:19:19,863
and so you perpetrated those
jokes. The what-d'you-call-it...
1093
01:19:19,914 --> 01:19:23,873
The raspberry cushion, the writing
on the mirror, the vandalized painting
1094
01:19:23,914 --> 01:19:26,382
Oh, send us to the pokey, oh, do
1095
01:19:27,434 --> 01:19:30,073
But you outsmarted yourselves, Sir Cedric
1096
01:19:30,074 --> 01:19:32,713
Panty's medicine was a soporific
1097
01:19:32,754 --> 01:19:36,633
The poor child was fast asleep and
couldn't have interfered with the portrait
1098
01:19:36,674 --> 01:19:38,551
So it had to be one of the grown-ups
1099
01:19:38,594 --> 01:19:41,210
Sir Henry realised this
1100
01:19:41,211 --> 01:19:43,827
In a temper he tore up the
first will and signed the second
1101
01:19:43,874 --> 01:19:46,434
And it will be contested
1102
01:19:47,394 --> 01:19:49,828
I can assure you of that, Chief inspector
1103
01:19:49,874 --> 01:19:53,150
We shall plead that the woman
exerted improper influence
1104
01:19:54,154 --> 01:20:00,104
But, Cedric... Those appalling
jokes. You and that woman consorting
1105
01:20:01,176 --> 01:20:03,191
He was going to leave
it all to the little brat
1106
01:20:04,514 --> 01:20:08,985
Mummy, don�t scold. What else could I do?
1107
01:20:14,154 --> 01:20:18,227
God, Cedric... you're a fool
1108
01:20:57,074 --> 01:21:01,352
It was murder, of course, the
bell push was proof of that
1109
01:21:01,394 --> 01:21:03,350
A screw had been undone
1110
01:21:03,394 --> 01:21:07,751
so that it simply came away from the flex
when Sir Henry had tried to summon help
1111
01:21:07,794 --> 01:21:11,707
And all the evidence was rather clumsily
rigged to point to Sonia Orrincourt
1112
01:21:11,754 --> 01:21:16,384
She's hardly a mental giant but she
does have a gift for self-preservation
1113
01:21:16,434 --> 01:21:18,948
She was Noddy's favourite, see?
1114
01:21:18,994 --> 01:21:22,270
Only Sir Cedric wanted the lot, he did
1115
01:21:22,314 --> 01:21:24,305
So...
1116
01:21:26,234 --> 01:21:28,065
.. we came to an understanding
1117
01:21:30,114 --> 01:21:32,947
- You bought the raspberry cushion
- Yeah
1118
01:21:32,994 --> 01:21:36,543
You should have seen their faces
1119
01:21:37,754 --> 01:21:40,143
She was hardly likely to risk the gallows
1120
01:21:40,194 --> 01:21:43,630
by murdering an old man, who
would, in any case, soon die
1121
01:21:43,674 --> 01:21:47,269
There was the arsenic in her bedroom,
there were the anonymous letters,
1122
01:21:47,314 --> 01:21:52,308
the murderer sent those, of course. Everyone
received a letter except Sonia Orrincourt
1123
01:22:16,794 --> 01:22:20,150
And there was that ancient book
that so conveniently kept popping up
1124
01:22:22,034 --> 01:22:23,791
According to which, the art of embalming
1125
01:22:23,792 --> 01:22:25,549
involves the use of arsenic
1126
01:22:28,834 --> 01:22:31,394
So, however the old man
may actually have died,
1127
01:22:31,434 --> 01:22:34,631
traces of that poison would
have been found in the remains
1128
01:22:35,754 --> 01:22:39,064
One more strand in the rope
that would hang Sonia Orrincourt
1129
01:22:46,474 --> 01:22:49,193
Alas for our murderer, the
book is three centuries old
1130
01:22:49,234 --> 01:22:51,794
and the world and the art
of embalming has moved on
1131
01:22:51,834 --> 01:22:54,553
Messrs Mortimer and
Loame, funeral directors
1132
01:22:54,594 --> 01:22:58,473
inform me that nowadays arsenic
is never used, at least by them
1133
01:23:33,594 --> 01:23:35,573
Do I really have to?
1134
01:23:35,574 --> 01:23:37,553
I�m afraid so. It won't take a moment
1135
01:23:41,194 --> 01:23:45,745
Mr Thomas Ancred, do you identify
this as the body of your late father?
1136
01:23:46,754 --> 01:23:49,063
He looks quite peaceful, don't you think?
1137
01:23:51,874 --> 01:23:54,069
Good lord
1138
01:24:04,914 --> 01:24:07,712
- All done, sir?
- All done
1139
01:24:11,154 --> 01:24:14,351
Oh, yes, sir. It�s Carabas
1140
01:24:14,394 --> 01:24:17,830
- So what was the verdict?
- Well, we'll know by tomorrow morning
1141
01:24:19,034 --> 01:24:21,229
He was lying there bald as a coot
1142
01:24:21,274 --> 01:24:23,993
- Snap
- Snap?
1143
01:24:24,034 --> 01:24:25,911
Yes, so was the cat
1144
01:24:38,194 --> 01:24:40,833
- Oh, good morning, sir
- Good morning, Breir
1145
01:24:40,874 --> 01:24:42,751
- Is that it, then?
- Yes
1146
01:24:42,794 --> 01:24:44,750
Surely the Yard never sleeps
1147
01:24:44,794 --> 01:24:49,868
It�s as we suspected, there never was any
arsenic. That was just a crude ploy to...
1148
01:24:49,914 --> 01:24:52,189
- implicate Sonia Orrincourt?
- Exactly
1149
01:24:53,394 --> 01:24:57,182
Our murderer�s par for the course. A
mixture of cack-handed ness and dead cunning
1150
01:24:57,994 --> 01:25:02,624
In dilute form, thallium acetate
is a medicine, Panty's medicine
1151
01:25:02,674 --> 01:25:04,932
But taken neat, it's deadly poison
1152
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:07,190
so break open the seal
on the unused bottle
1153
01:25:07,234 --> 01:25:10,385
and pour a lethal dose into
the old man's milk of magnesia
1154
01:25:10,434 --> 01:25:13,904
And then top the medicine bottle
up with water and reseal it
1155
01:25:13,954 --> 01:25:17,913
Neat thallium. No wonder
Sir Henry's hair fell out
1156
01:25:17,954 --> 01:25:19,945
And the cat Carabas
1157
01:25:19,994 --> 01:25:22,713
Probably lapped it up when
the bottle was overturned
1158
01:25:22,754 --> 01:25:25,712
Imagine a hairless cat walking
about to give the game away!
1159
01:25:26,594 --> 01:25:30,223
But what I want to know is why
anyone would want to kill the old man
1160
01:25:30,274 --> 01:25:32,344
It could hardly have been from greed
1161
01:25:32,394 --> 01:25:36,148
He�d announced the terms of a will that
provided for everyone around that table
1162
01:25:36,194 --> 01:25:40,153
- No exceptions, fair dues for all
- Except for Rattisbon
1163
01:25:45,914 --> 01:25:47,632
Now wait a minute...
1164
01:25:48,674 --> 01:25:52,349
Er... yes, yes, miss. Er...
well, I�ll just go and see
1165
01:26:02,194 --> 01:26:06,187
- Chief inspector Alleyn. Who is it, please?
- There's something I left out
1166
01:26:06,234 --> 01:26:09,306
That evening you came to dinner,
I tried to tell you the whole story
1167
01:26:09,354 --> 01:26:12,551
but I�m one of these people that
hates to cross every T and dot every I
1168
01:26:12,594 --> 01:26:14,983
I suppose that's why I
paint, not take photographs
1169
01:26:15,034 --> 01:26:17,349
It�s probably not important
but if it is, you'll kill me
1170
01:26:17,350 --> 01:26:19,664
and for the sake of completeness...
1171
01:26:19,714 --> 01:26:22,990
Troy. Troy. Slow down. Now, what is it?
1172
01:26:24,354 --> 01:26:26,549
It was something Sir Henry said
1173
01:26:26,594 --> 01:26:31,110
The shade is immaterial! My
solicitor will be here by lunch time
1174
01:26:31,154 --> 01:26:36,182
First the child goes tampering
with my papers, and now this!
1175
01:26:36,234 --> 01:26:39,271
Tampering with my
papers. Is that important?
1176
01:26:39,314 --> 01:26:42,272
Yes, it is important. Bless you
1177
01:26:42,314 --> 01:26:44,305
Bye
1178
01:26:47,394 --> 01:26:49,988
- Sonia Orrincourt
- What's that?
1179
01:26:51,074 --> 01:26:53,542
She's going to do it again
1180
01:26:54,434 --> 01:26:58,825
Miss? Miss? I�d like Ancreton
5, please, it's urgent
1181
01:26:59,994 --> 01:27:02,633
- I�m sorry, it's engaged
- Is it?
1182
01:27:02,674 --> 01:27:03,993
Damn!
1183
01:27:04,034 --> 01:27:09,313
I don't care what kind of car it is as long
as it doesn't have a bloody horse pulling it
1184
01:27:09,354 --> 01:27:12,664
- Ancreton Hall, is it?
- Yes, Ancreton Hall. Miss Orrincourt
1185
01:27:12,714 --> 01:27:14,191
And which station would you like?
1186
01:27:14,249 --> 01:27:17,583
Any station. I don't
care, just get me there!
1187
01:27:19,954 --> 01:27:22,422
Oh, Barker...
1188
01:27:28,194 --> 01:27:31,391
There's a rumor going
round that we won the war
1189
01:27:31,434 --> 01:27:36,713
If that's true, how can one possibly
account for a sausage that looks like this?
1190
01:27:38,754 --> 01:27:42,667
- Perhaps it's Hitler's secret weapon
- Cedric, you're a caution
1191
01:27:42,714 --> 01:27:45,308
Sir Caution, if you don't mind, dear
1192
01:27:52,874 --> 01:27:57,425
Beg your pardon, madam, but Miss
Orrincourt asks if she might have a word
1193
01:27:57,474 --> 01:27:58,907
Miss Orrincourt?
1194
01:27:58,954 --> 01:28:02,390
Yes, madam. She's taking
breakfast on the west terrace
1195
01:28:02,434 --> 01:28:06,143
Barker, are you saying that
she expects me to go to her?
1196
01:28:06,194 --> 01:28:10,153
If I may say so, madam, Miss
Orrincourt is about to leave
1197
01:28:10,194 --> 01:28:12,031
She's asked me to have her bags taken down
1198
01:28:12,432 --> 01:28:13,869
She's leaving?
1199
01:28:13,914 --> 01:28:16,508
Do you mean the barnacle is letting go?
1200
01:28:16,554 --> 01:28:18,863
Well, what I say is good riddance
1201
01:28:18,914 --> 01:28:22,111
Well, we have all been rather
beastly to her, haven't we?
1202
01:28:22,154 --> 01:28:25,226
Paul, darling, the woman's a horror
1203
01:28:25,274 --> 01:28:28,983
If at last we are to see the back of her,
then I am utterly at her beck and call
1204
01:28:29,834 --> 01:28:31,790
- The west terrace, you say?
- Yes, madam
1205
01:28:31,834 --> 01:28:35,065
- Give her what for, Milly
- I shall
1206
01:28:35,994 --> 01:28:38,303
What a lovely day this is going to be
1207
01:28:56,514 --> 01:28:59,790
I knew you�d be having breakfast so
I asked the girl to bring an extra cup
1208
01:28:59,834 --> 01:29:01,426
Do you wanna sit down?
1209
01:29:01,474 --> 01:29:06,389
Thank you. How can one resist being
invited to take a seat in one's own home?
1210
01:29:07,754 --> 01:29:11,064
I asked to see you before I left
because you're the worst of them
1211
01:29:12,034 --> 01:29:17,028
- I mean, you hate me the most
- Hate you?
1212
01:29:17,834 --> 01:29:21,065
- My dear girl, I don't hate anyone
- Yes, you do
1213
01:29:21,114 --> 01:29:23,070
And I wanted to say that if you lot
1214
01:29:23,071 --> 01:29:25,027
had been halfway decent
to me, I�d have gone shares
1215
01:29:25,074 --> 01:29:28,908
Cross my heart. I like money, who doesn't?
1216
01:29:28,954 --> 01:29:30,588
It�s an hard life for a girl on her own
1217
01:29:30,634 --> 01:29:34,312
but what I always say is, enough is enough
1218
01:29:35,834 --> 01:29:37,355
I�m not greedy
1219
01:29:37,394 --> 01:29:40,495
Only I won't be treated like
I was dirt under people's feet
1220
01:29:40,568 --> 01:29:42,353
I�ve got my feelings
1221
01:29:42,394 --> 01:29:45,625
I know you have. That's
why my father-in-law is dead
1222
01:29:46,514 --> 01:29:49,950
Yes, we know only too well about
the sort of feelings you have
1223
01:29:58,674 --> 01:30:00,665
Miss Orrincourt, where is she?
1224
01:30:02,354 --> 01:30:05,824
I think that car was the police. If
so, you've left it too late to run
1225
01:30:05,874 --> 01:30:10,470
- You've been found out
- No I haven't, cos I�ve done nothing
1226
01:30:11,514 --> 01:30:15,427
I�m as innocent as the flowers
that bloom in the spring-tra-la
1227
01:30:15,474 --> 01:30:20,184
Do you know, you ought to be grateful
to me. I could have married your Cedric
1228
01:30:20,234 --> 01:30:25,183
It�s a fact. He'd have done anything
for the money. He'd have even got married
1229
01:30:25,234 --> 01:30:28,704
Can you imagine what sort of
a husband he�d make? But no
1230
01:30:28,754 --> 01:30:30,949
No, I wouldn�t do that to you
1231
01:30:32,514 --> 01:30:36,189
Maybe I am a bad lot but I�m
not so bad as I�d marry him
1232
01:30:37,394 --> 01:30:39,669
You needn't contest the
will because if you do,
1233
01:30:39,714 --> 01:30:41,944
I�ll fight and when I do I usually...
1234
01:30:43,154 --> 01:30:46,305
- You're just in time, Chief inspector
- Glad to hear it, Mrs Ancred
1235
01:30:46,354 --> 01:30:49,266
- Please don't drink from that cup
- Why on earth shouldn�t I?
1236
01:30:49,314 --> 01:30:52,511
Oh, no, Mrs Ancred, I was
talking to Miss Orrincourt
1237
01:30:52,554 --> 01:30:53,820
I�ll just take that, miss
1238
01:30:54,051 --> 01:30:56,547
Barker told me Miss Orrincourt was leaving
1239
01:30:57,554 --> 01:31:02,070
So, what was your little scenario?
Trapped murderess commits suicide?
1240
01:31:05,834 --> 01:31:07,825
Something like that
1241
01:31:37,554 --> 01:31:39,545
You'll be all right now, miss
1242
01:31:48,994 --> 01:31:53,704
Good old Troy. She held the
key... without knowing it
1243
01:31:54,714 --> 01:31:59,344
Someone, Sir Henry told her, had
been tampering with his papers
1244
01:31:59,394 --> 01:32:02,545
What if those papers happened to be
the rough drafts of the two wills?
1245
01:32:02,594 --> 01:32:07,224
And if so, who was more likely
to see them than Millamant Ancred?
1246
01:32:18,514 --> 01:32:22,348
Well, now you see, she
knows. There are two wills
1247
01:32:22,394 --> 01:32:24,350
She knows the contents of both of them
1248
01:32:24,394 --> 01:32:28,990
and she knows that Sir Henry intends to
announce the terms of only one of them
1249
01:32:29,034 --> 01:32:32,231
So, she sees a chance, once and for all,
1250
01:32:32,232 --> 01:32:35,428
to put an end to the old
man's shilly-shallying
1251
01:32:36,954 --> 01:32:39,673
She orders crayfish for the birthday feast
1252
01:32:39,714 --> 01:32:42,592
and in case that and the
champagne don't do the trick,
1253
01:32:42,634 --> 01:32:45,387
she gives them a helping hand
1254
01:32:46,434 --> 01:32:51,554
She spikes the old man's milk of
magnesia with a lethal dose of thallium
1255
01:33:12,314 --> 01:33:15,829
Then she pours out an
extra helping just in case
1256
01:33:15,874 --> 01:33:17,865
In case of what?
1257
01:33:17,914 --> 01:33:20,667
In case the old man
announces will number two
1258
01:33:20,714 --> 01:33:23,547
The one that leaves the whole
kit and caboodle to Sonia
1259
01:33:24,794 --> 01:33:26,236
If he had,
1260
01:33:26,473 --> 01:33:29,151
Miss Orrincourt would
never have lived to collect
1261
01:33:30,154 --> 01:33:32,031
She nearly didn�t
1262
01:33:33,994 --> 01:33:37,225
That's the trouble with
women when they take up poison
1263
01:33:37,274 --> 01:33:39,071
They never know when to stop
1264
01:33:40,914 --> 01:33:42,883
Especially in the case of a woman who
1265
01:33:43,195 --> 01:33:47,103
pretends to be the most
common-sensical of mothers
1266
01:33:47,154 --> 01:33:52,228
But whose son is in fact the adored
be-all and end-all of her life
1267
01:33:54,714 --> 01:33:56,989
She gave up everything
for that little twerp
1268
01:33:57,034 --> 01:33:59,468
She abandoned her acting career
1269
01:33:59,514 --> 01:34:03,951
and she became a sort of unpaid
housekeeper to Sir Henry, a drudge,
1270
01:34:03,994 --> 01:34:06,383
and all so that Cedric might inherit
1271
01:34:31,954 --> 01:34:34,149
It�s all right. It�s all right
1272
01:34:35,634 --> 01:34:39,422
When Sir Henry signed the
second will late that night,
1273
01:34:39,474 --> 01:34:44,309
the beloved Cedric was out in the cold,
and the hated Sonia was in the warm
1274
01:34:44,354 --> 01:34:48,029
When Miss Orrincourt announced
her decision to leave today,
1275
01:34:48,074 --> 01:34:50,508
well, that was Millamant's last chance
1276
01:34:53,114 --> 01:34:55,309
Well, it's the cat that I feel sorry for
1277
01:35:11,394 --> 01:35:12,873
- Cheerio, lads
- Cheerio
1278
01:35:12,914 --> 01:35:14,905
Bye now
1279
01:35:19,946 --> 01:35:22,063
- Good afternoon
- Good afternoon
1280
01:35:23,514 --> 01:35:25,249
I realise we've missed lunch
1281
01:35:25,250 --> 01:35:26,984
but if there's anything you can do for us,
1282
01:35:27,034 --> 01:35:28,609
we�d be extremely grateful
1283
01:35:28,610 --> 01:35:30,185
Matter of fact, you're in luck
1284
01:35:30,234 --> 01:35:32,225
A lady came in not half an hour ago
1285
01:35:32,274 --> 01:35:33,478
We took pity on her
1286
01:35:33,514 --> 01:35:36,552
and there's what's left of a
leg of mutton. Enough for two
1287
01:35:36,594 --> 01:35:38,585
Sir, you're a prince among men
1288
01:35:42,994 --> 01:35:47,545
Do you know, Breir, if ever I marry a
wife, I�ll marry a landlord�s daughter
1289
01:35:48,715 --> 01:35:51,667
- Shakespeare again, sir
- Lamb, actually
1290
01:35:52,496 --> 01:35:57,710
For then I may sit in the bar
and drink cold brandy and water
1291
01:35:57,754 --> 01:36:01,827
- Troy!
- Well, you didn�t even tell me who did it
105792
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