All language subtitles for The Rockford Files S05e20 Never Send A Boy King To Do A Mans Job (1)

You don't run cons
on gantseh machers, pal.

You do if they
fleeced your father
of his will to live.

It's going to be
very interesting,

working together
after eight years.

Oh, it's going to be
so much more
than interesting.

Well, I knew it was popular

but we're talking
about millions here.

Incredible, isn't it?

Hundred thousand even.
I want to race this buttercup.

But you just bought yourself
a race car.

ROCKFORD
This is Jim Rockford.

At the tone, leave your name
and message.

I'll get back to you.

Mr. Rockford,
Ms. Collins from the
Bureau of Licenses.

We got your renewal
before the extended deadline

but not your check.

I'm sorry, but at midnight
you're no longer licensed
as an investigator.

Mr. Sakowitz,
don't tell me you
can't do anything.

Legal? How can it be
legal to steal
a man's property?

This... This bandit gets
my printing plant,
I get bubkes!

What kind of "legal"
is that, Sakowitz?

Why don't you take
your attorney's advice,
Mr. Brockelman?

It's all over.
You're out
of business.

What, because you
say so?

Get out! We're closed.

We're out of business.

Majority opinion.

City council,
zoning commission,
Sakowitz and Greenspan.

Now, that is a very
prestigious law firm.

I do business
with them myself
from time to time.

In other words,
you also bought
my attorney.

Well, you paid
for legal advice,
you got legal advice.

Sign it.

You can buy everybody
from here to Sacramento.

I'm not
signing anything.

Harry, I think
the gentleman needs a pen.

Hey, Mom.

Not now, Richie.
What happened?

Your father
needs help.

What? Why?
What happened?

What didn't happen?

Dad, what happened?
Did somebody
break in here?

Why didn't you
call me?

Richie...
Are you all right?

Listen to me,
"Are you all right?"

You should be
in the hospital.

Did you call
the doctor?

Your father
wouldn't let me.

It's a couple of bruises.
It's nothing.

Medical expert.

What about
internal injuries?

They hit you in the stomach,
they hit you in the chest.

Hit you?
Who hit you?

Why aren't
the cops here?

No police.

Richie, this is
very important.

We can't bring
the police into this.

Look, it's all over.
I sold the plant,
that's all.

Twenty-five years
is a long time.

You know I've been
talking about retiring.

Who bought
the plant, Dad?

Harold Jack Coombs.

The big sports promoter?
The one who owns
the LA Icers?

And the one
who wants to build
a race track

right where your
father's business is.

Your father
got up in front
of the city council.

We should have
known better.

You can't fight
a man like that.

You try it
and he destroys you.

Is that
what happened, Dad?

You opposed Coombs,
so he forced you to sell?

He had you beaten up
until you agreed to it?

Well, you can't
just sit there
and take that.

You have to file
assault charges.

Call him on it. Publicly.

Richie, son,
you don't understand.

This man is a real
gantseh macher.

He's a political power.

I file charges,
I guarantee,

I'm the one
who goes to jail.

I signed the bill of sale.

I have the man's check,
$40,000.

Yeah, but if you signed
under duress...

Look, Richie,
don't make a tummel.

It could get worse.

All right, sweetheart.

Forty thousand dollars!

Dad, the plant
is worth a half a million.

Come on, will you?
Twenty-five years work!

We gotta do something!

He did it nice and legal.

What should we do?

Get a gun
and steal it back?

Dad, I may not know
a lot about
the printing business,

but when
it comes to crooks

I am one savvy
little sucker.

I want you to tell me
everything that happened,

right down to the very
last detail.

My little boy
is going to tackle
Harold Jack Coombs?

He's going to get
my printing plant back?

How is what I ask.

I don't know, Dad,

but if it's possible,
I promise you I'll do it.

So finally they just
went down there

with some real old-fashioned
Jack Palance moves,

they kicked him around
until he signed
the bill of sale.

You should see his face, Jim.
It's all black and blue.

He's just sitting there
at home staring at the wall,

saying stuff like,
"That's a real
gantseh macher. "

What?

That's Jewish for
a big-time heavyweight

and believe me, Jim,
for Dad,

that's a real throwback.

He, he just doesn't use
Yiddish idioms.

It's like he's suddenly
become my grandfather
or something.

I'm worried about him, Jim.
I'm real worried.

It sounds like a real bummer.

I wish I could do
something to help.

Well, uh,
the thing of it is,
is Jim, I was, you know,

just sitting there thinking
and, you know,
scratching the old beanbag

and I said to myself,
"Rich, you're good.

"Well, you know, pretty good.

"But when it comes
to suave and smooth,

"boy, you run a shabby second
to old James S. Rockford."

Oh, hey, really.

No, no, no, I mean it's true.

You're the softball king.

I've seen you slow-pitch
some real tough characters.

Really now, come on.

Unfortunately,
you throw anything
but little garters

at a guy like Coombs,
they're gonna come back
and hit you in the forehead.

I mean, he's too big,
he's too powerful
and a lousy bet.

Oh, hey, Dad,
how long you've been here?

Hey, what
are you doing?

I never knowed you
had a waffle maker.

I don't.
That thing hasn't worked
in over two years.

Well, did you check
the connection?

Maybe just a loose
wire or something.

It could be
a lemon, too.

Let's just put it
back in the car
and get it out of here, huh?

Well, no need
cramming all this stuff
into your car.

We'll put it in the pickup
and I'll deliver them
on my way home.

We put it the pickup
and six months from now

I'm going to go
over to your place

and I'm going to find it
all squirreled away
in your garage.

It goes to the
Goodwill, Dad.

Oh, hey,
look who's here.
It's Richie.

I know, it's Richie.

Dad, I told you
it goes to the Goodwill.
Didn't you hear me?

Hey, how you doing,
Mr. Rockford?

Boy, it sure is nice
to see a father and son

working together like this.

You know, I used
to help out my dad.

Of course, he's really
under the weather now.

That's why
I came by here today.

How come?

Well, I wanted to ask
Jim to help

but he's too busy
right now.

So I guess,
you know, Mom and I

are gonna have to
work it out best we can.

Dad's attitude
is really, really bad.

I'll give it a week,
maybe two

and he's straight
into St. Mary's,

or worse yet,
that home for the aged
over on Crenshaw.

He's lost
everything he has.

Of course, you know,
like I said,

Jim, he's real busy...
Richie...

Hey, Jim,
I understand.

I mean,
if you're too busy,
you're too busy.

What did I do?
Did I make
an appointment?

Did I call up
and say,

"Hey, Jim, I need
two weeks of your time?"

No sir,
I sure didn't.

So now you say
you're too busy,

I understand,
that's good enough
for me.

No kidding?
Now, wait a minute.

Just hold the phone,
you fellas.

Look, sonny,
if this boy's daddy
needs help

and you are
too busy delivering

perfectly good things
to the Goodwill,

then I am going to lose
a lot of confidence in you.

Would you excuse us
for just a moment?

What're you
trying to do, huh?

Hey, I need your help.

If I can't get this
for my father legally,

I'm gonna run
a game on Coombs.

You're gonna what?

A con. I figured
you knew more
about it than I did

so I came over
and I asked,

but you're too busy
with your waffle irons

and your toasters.
So I'm leaving.

Hey, hey. A con?

You don't run cons
on gantseh machers, pal.

You do if they
fleeced your father
of his will to live.

You try to run a game
on Harold Jack Coombs

and blow it,
you're gonna end up
doing so much time,

they could stack it
on end!

My experience tells me
anybody who is greedy
can get took.

I'm telling you,
Richie,

now, you don't
run games on legits.

Legits always go
to the cops.

You can't blow
the mark off
worth a damn.

You can't use the stall,
because they bolt.

Your classic moves
are right down the toilet.

You get a sting one
time out of ten.

I have no
other options.

If you won't help me,
I'm gonna do it by myself.

Look, you got any
seed money?

Yeah, uh, $40,000.

I think I can
come up with forty...
It's not enough.

It's all I got!

It's the sum total
of my father's life.

It works out to about
two dollars a day.

It may not be
enough for you,
but it's enough for me.

If you don't help
that boy's daddy,
I'm going to be mad at you.

Well, life is full of bitter
disappointments, Dad.

I got a question for you.
What are you doing
poking around in there again?

Well, I've got
a question for you too.

Where did this
toaster come from?

That toaster?

Oh. That's the one
you gave me for Christmas.

Yeah, $34.75.

Well, it got in there
by mistake!

How was...

Well, I can't...
Those things happen!

Hey, Dad.

How come
you're still awake?

I was just reading.

I guess
I lost track of the time.

You know, I saw
Jim Rockford today.

You remember him?
Oh, yeah.

Yeah, a nice guy.

He's in your
line of work,
isn't he?

Yeah, sure is.

Yeah, he's a nice man.
He's a responsible type.

If a man like that
is in the detecting business,

how bad can it be, huh?

You know, I was
thinking today, Dad,

I think it was in 1968,

I was just a kid,

but I remember
the chain of printers

that tried
to buy you out.

Calder and Baer.
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, they made
a fair offer.

I just didn't want
to sell.

Right. So, you didn't.

You stood up to them
and you won.

Well, we can win
this time, too.

Only it's going to be
just a little bit tougher

because you've already
signed the bill of sale.

Uh-oh, I don't think
I want to hear
what comes next.

Dad, uh...

I'm gonna need
that $40,000.

Hi.

Where's Sharon?
She's at lunch

and then she's going
to the library.

To the library?
No kidding? The library?

Hey, Jim, I'm kind of
busy here, do you mind?

Knock it off, huh?

You try to work a stall
and a pullback on me,

I'll throw the hook
instead of swallowing it.

Yeah, okay.

What are you in to?

Going through these clippings.

You're serious, aren't you?

I'm looking for a way in.

I figure I gotta
know this bandit
before I pull his pants off.

Yeah, well,
the only reason
I'm down here is

the Goodwill is just
a couple of blocks away.

Hey, Jim,
this is my problem,
it's not yours.

I know it's dangerous,
but my father needs help.

And that guy busted
his britches for me.

How can I explain it?

I mean,
he's just my dad, that's all.

And Jim, this guy
took his business away

with zoning commissions

and city council meetings

and finally
he went down there
and he beat him up.

Now my father's
so frightened,
he won't fight back!

So I will!

You got anything?
No.

I have maybe one thing.

Coombs is a hypochondriac.

He spends six weeks
out of every year
at a clinic.

It's funny,
Howard Hughes
was the same way.

Some kind of
germ freak.

I wonder why that is.

Well, maybe it's because
the one thing you can't buy,

no matter
how rich you are,
is good health.

Yeah, well, that's what
I was thinking of doing.

Pulling, you know,
some kind of health angle.

Like maybe
giving him symptoms
of a tropical disease,

set up a clinic,
run a cure,

charge the guy
a fortune.
Never work.

Hey, don't tell me
what will work
and what won't work.

You know, you're not
involved in this

so do me a favor
and just butt
the hell out, will you?

Richie, come on,
pal, hey, hey.

I don't wanna
see you get jammed up
on this thing.

But the reason
it won't work
is because

this guy has probably
got 20 doctors.

The minute
that you give him
some symptoms,

I mean they're
gonna run him

into one of their own
clinics and diagnose him.

You're gonna be up
to your collar stays
in Viennese physicians.

Well, I'm working
on a stall to cover that.

All right. Hey, look. Rich,

I mean, you want
to make a run
at this guy,

you gotta come at him
at a crazy angle.

What?
I don't know yet.

Yet?

I don't know

and speaking strictly
as an offstage adviser,

I'll tell you this much,

you're probably
into a big store game,
at the very least.

It's gonna cost you
more than 40 grand
to finance it.

Oh, I'll get more.

There is one way
that you can set
these things up

where the mark ends up
paying for part of the con.

It's an inside sting.

It's a little bitty sting
inside the big one.

Go on. Go on.

Well, as an adviser, huh?

Right, right. No, sir.
Not as an
active participant

in any way,
shape or form.

Well, I'd say
that the best way

to pluck a guy
like this is to hit him
hard and fast.

Take something away from him
that he really wants.

You know, get him
coming at you
instead of you coming at him.

He'll be very leery
of anybody selling anything.

He's got salesmen
coming at him all day long.

Okay, okay. Go on.

Well, the whole
idea of a con

is to start the mark off
working with something

that he understands,

plausible stuff, and then,
with each move,

you take him further
and further away
from reality, huh?

You hook him,

you show him the pot of gold
and then you back away.

Then you bring in
the stall.

You get him off balance,

so when you're ready
to sting him,

he's gonna go
for something that,
on the first day of the con,

he would have laughed at you
for even suggesting.

Hey, I know all that.

Here, look at this.

"Coombs' Fear of Flying.

"Fact, Fiction
or Just a Negotiating Ploy?"

Is that anything?

Well, I don't know
but on the outside,

I'd say that Mr. Coombs
is dealing with some
emotional problems.

Fear of flying, germs.

This could be fun.

So you're in?
Of course not.
I'm just playing around.

Oh, absolutely.
Of course not.

I think this guy
Littrell is a natural.

Well, we've got
six naturals,

all of them with enough
hatred for Coombs
to play along.

There's Marian Belford.

Coombs lived with her
for six years

and then he
booted her out.

She's suing him for half
the community property.

Then, there's
Congressman Menteer.

No, no, no.

I don't like
broken-down politicians.

No, I think even
if we get this doctor,
what's his name,

the cardiologist
that Coombs ruined?

Dr. Davidson.
Yeah.

Even if we get him
to go along,

I don't think he's as good
as this guy Littrell.

Yeah, I guess
maybe you're right.

Maybe I am, maybe I'm not,

I don't think we
ought to waste any time

talking to this guy.

Find out
a little bit more

about Coombs'
obsession for this car.

Now, you said
to find something

that a guy wants
and then take it
from him.

You think we can take
this race car
away from him?

You ever heard of
racing for pink slips?

Registration slips?

Come on, that's
strictly high school.

You're talking about
a $100,000
race car here

with all sorts
of revolutionary
design features.

This car's headed
for the big time.

Maybe.

Maybe it's headed
for my house.

We'll see.

You know, I'm still trying
to get what it is
you guys are after.

Well, the thing
of it is,

is we know you're angry
at Jack Coombs.

Angry don't hardly hit
the situation at all.

Well, sir,
if I could just tell you
what he did to my father.

You see, we had
a printing business

and he had my father
beaten up.

He took
the business away,

paid him
$40,000 for it,

and it's worth
a half a million!

Well, I got horror stories
of my own, pal.

What's your action
in this anyway, stroke?

Uh, him,
he's just an adviser.
No kidding.

Yeah, I'm the one
who wanted
to talk to you.

See, we plan on running
a game on Mr. Coombs.

We prop him up
and take his little
toy away from him.

Now, what I'd like
to know is

just exactly how fast
is the Coombs Special?

Oh, it's fast, pal.
It's really fast.

In fact, with his man
Vern in the stirrups,

I don't know anybody
who could lay down
a faster lap anywhere.

It's gonna flat run away
with anything in its class.

You know, that's what
galls me the most.

Because I damn near
built that thing
from the ground up.

All those new
suspension designs,

the air foil,
the new flywheel, everything,
they're all mine.

How would you
like to own it?

Ain't nobody
gonna own that thing.

No way at all.

I understand that
Mr. Coombs drives it
every now and again.

Ah, you saw
the articles
in the newspaper.

Oh, he likes to come out
and shove it around,

you know, show off
to his girlfriends.

He can take it up
to about three quarters
of its potential

and handle it
pretty good.

But when it comes time
to push to the limits,

old Mr. Coombs
has some chicken feathers

where his competitive
spirit should be.

Yeah, well, here's my
proposition, Larry.

Could a talented
amateur in this car,

with a little
instruction,

beat Harold Jack Coombs

driving the
Coombs Special?

Well, it would depend
on the amateur.

I could run him off the track

but it would really depend
on how much that amateur
is willing to push it.

Hey, I'll push it.
Don't worry about that.

No, no, no.
I'm the amateur.

I thought
you were the adviser.

Yeah, well,
every once in a while

an adviser has
to get out of advising

and do a little
practical application.

Now wait a minute.
Let me see
if I got this straight.

I loan you my car.

Work with me
for a couple of days.

And then somehow
you get Coombs
to race you.

What do I get
out of this?

Well, if I win,
you get the Coombs Special.

If I lose,
you lose your car

and get to visit me
in the hospital.

Okay, mister,
I'll tell you what.

Let me see you
behind the wheel

and I'll let you know.

So, your dad
lost his business,
huh, kid?

Mmm-hmm.

Take a look
at this claw.

Now Mr. Coombs'
notary public, Harry Stone,

he gave me
this special design.

He fixed it up for me
one night after me
and Mr. Coombs

had a little
misunderstanding.

Only took him
about six minutes

with a sledge hammer

and two guys
to hold me down.

Anyway, you show up
out here tomorrow morning,
we'll have a look, stroke,

and I hope
you're hell on wheels.

A real gantseh macher.

Well, we've got
our shill,

all we need now
is a tale to tell.

Well, Richie,
you did a good job.
A lot of good, solid artists.

Thanks.

Odette?

Oh, yeah.
Odette Lependieu.

She wasn't on your list,
but I heard about her
from some of the others.

I thought she might
be all right.

It was okay
to invite her,
wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, sure.
She's good.

She is very good.

And a fox.
Mmm.

Angel, you weren't
invited here, were you?

Must have been
an oversight.

Jimmy, I want you to meet
a good friend of mine.

Dr. Herbert Wetherford.

New in town
but old in reputation.

Doc, doc.

Nice to have you with us,
Dr. Wetherford.

Doc.
Mmm?

Doc. Take your pill, okay?

I'm in for 10%
of your fee,

so let's be sure
we make the cut, Daddy.

Put your mind
at rest, Evelyn.

Let's get on with it.

All right, everybody,
can I have
your attention, please?

Can you just move
down to the front

and sit in the seats
up here.

Yeah, we gotta
get started here

so if you can hurry up,
that'd be a big help.

Thanks a lot.

All right,
you may have heard

that we're into
a variation of
The Big Store here.

On the blackboard
are the characters

and the qualifications
that we'll need.

We'll be screening people
on an individual basis
in the conference room.

First up is Albermarle,
Charles J.,

followed by
the Alioto Brothers,
Rocco and Kent.

Okay, Toulie,
thanks for dropping by.

We'll be in touch.
Okay.

Bye.
Bye.

Uh, Frederick Doyle.

Hi.

Ah, Frederick.
It's been a long time.

Lodi. We worked
the heiress con on Al Jacobi,

the guy that sponsored
phony rock concerts.

And a sweet one it was.

You were the only one
who got busted.

Too late getting out
of the hotel room.

Hey, what happened?

I really feel embarrassed

about having you come in
and audition, Frederick.

Richie, this is one
of the greats.

No problem.

It's an important scam
and you want things
to be right.

If we get into egos,
we might as well give up
this business.

Good. The chances are
you'll be doing a variation

of your state
geologist routine.

You'll have to do
some boning up.

Books?
I'm afraid so.

Okay.

I need the job right now.

Okay, hey, always good
to have you aboard,
Frederick.

Uh, Michael Groytowicz.

Groytowicz?

Cowboy Mickey...

Just call me Alphabet.

Uh, it says here
that you also work as

Michael Grumman,
attorney at law,

and Viscount Henri
Latache-Villon.

Right. Right.
Sometimes your titles

really work out
well for you.

Especially when you
work in Europe.

But I've also had
a great response

to the viscount in Canada,
New York, Miami.

It goes very big, very big.

You speak any
foreign languages,
Mickey?

Languages.

I got a good French accent.

I can go Scottish,
you know, if the speeches
are not too long.

And of course, Texas.

Well, thanks
a lot, Mickey.

Thanks for dropping by.
We'll be in touch.

Oh, by the way,

that phone number
that I just gave you,
you know,

when you call,
let it ring twice,

hang up and then
call back again.

Got you.

Odette Lependieu?

Hi.

Odette, you speak
a foreign language.

Yes. English.

I meant foreign to Americans.

French, Italian, Spanish,
some German.

And, of course, Urdu,

an old Islamic dialect.

That sound anything
like Egyptian?

I don't speak Egyptian.
I speak Urdu.

Only because
of an old alliance.

That's probably close enough.

We may have
an embassy post for you.

Nice to meet you,
Richard.

That's it.
We have our list.

Tell the others
they'll work
at the auction.

You know,
I've been going
over the budget.

I think we're gonna
be at least
$10,000 short.

Well, we'll just
let Coombs
pick up the tab.

We'll have the Hittite pot.

Hey, Jimmy.
What do you think?

Three piece, matching.

Looks great, Angel.

Sorry, I'm not
going to be able
to use you on this one.

This has got to be
a class act
right down the line

or it's just not
going to happen.

I'm not class?
Is that what
you're saying?

I'm not Chichicastenango
enough for you?

Well, thank you
very much, I'm sure.

You can have the twenty.

We're paying
$20 audition fee.

You can still have that
if you want it.

You bet I want it.
On principle, buddy.

You and me
are finished.
That's it.

Come on,
let's go to work.

Boy, that was
an education.

I mean, what the hey,
16 years of school

never taught me
what I learned today.

All right, all right,
Richie, I'm in. All right?

I'm going to do it.

You keep soaping me up,
my skin is gonna pucker.

If you rope Coombs like
you roped me, we're gold.

Would you
excuse me a minute?

Still losing
your keys?

Still finding them.

You're looking well,
Odette.

How's Carl?
I have no idea.

Really?

You were so close at one time.

Adversity has a way
of bringing people together.

$50,000 worth?

Mathematics was always
your forte.

It's going to be
very interesting,

working together
after eight years.

Oh, it's going to be
so much more
than interesting.

Well, how did I do?

I keep telling you,
you've got to drop your
RPMs going into the turn

and pick up the speed
coming out!

I did.
Yeah, I know, but not enough.

You're still having to
brake into those turns
like my Aunt Louise.

Look, when your foot's
off the gas

and the car's under
centrifugal stress,
you give up control.

Yeah, but how did I do?

Great.

Hey, Jim, here it is.

It looks primitive enough.
Is it Hittite?

Uh, Thrifty-Save lmports.

You see,
the thing of it is,

is I've been studying
some anthropology

and throughout
mankind's history

there's just one
basic pot, right?

So I've got this girlfriend
who's studying pottery
in night school

and she's going to
add some cuneiform,

working from
the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Good.

Keep driving, stroke.

You don't race my car
until I feel relaxed.

I don't like the way
it's handling, Vern.

Something's
holding it back.

I ran a 1:13
just a few minutes ago.

That's an awfully
good speed.

I'm telling you
it's dragging its butt.

Mr. Coombs, there's not
a car that can
touch it out there.

That's as good a speed
we're going to get.

That's what I want to hear.
Just keep it that way.

But if Marian or her
attorneys come around,
it's a lemon, right?

Riddled with problems.

Take it around
a couple of times,
all the way out.

Well, now,
there you go, darling.

There's your racetrack.

Where are the horses?

Horses?

Well, now,
don't that beat all?

You said racetrack

and I come
tearing out here

like we're talking
the same lingo.

Horses, huh?

Yes, sir.
Honey, how about

the part of the horse
that went over
the fence last, huh?

Hey, hey, hi ho,
Silver, away!

You got a problem,
fella?

Oh, nothing I can't handle
in a pair of regular pants.

And your high heels?

Well, now,
don't you look cute.

Just a racing uniform.

Oh yeah?
Yeah, that looks like

something Captain Space
wears on that Saturday
morning kiddie show.

Anybody ever shut
your mouth for you, fella?

A few people
have tried.

Honey, you said
you wanted a race, huh?

How about a contest
between one
west Texas thoroughbred

and one silver-lamé
jackass, huh?

Race with you
half bagged?

Okay, buddy,
you are on.

You're on!

You can't take that
on the track.

I can't?

Hey, Mr. Coombs, sir.

You want to take your
conversation elsewhere?

I want a hot lap.

Just keep your
shirt on, Larry.

Besides, I didn't think
they allowed gimps
to drive on this track.

Hey, don't give me
any trouble, Mr. Coombs.

This time
I don't have to take it.

You wish.

Hey, Vern.
Look who's here?

The world's highest
priced cab driver!

Hey, uh, what do you
call this thing?

A race car. What do you care?

Is this allowed on the track?

Well, yeah.
How much?

It's not for sale.

Except to drive
trash to the dump.

And then you
gotta get a ride back.

How much? What do you say,

80,000? Ninety?

Hundred thousand even.
I want to race this buttercup.

I don't know
where you're coming from

but you just bought yourself
a race car.

Okay. It's you and me.

Winner take all, Mr. Combs.

Coombs.

You're not
an experienced driver anyway.

I drove a little
stock iron in my time.

Just put your foot
to the fire wall. That's it.

How about this guy, huh?

Fancy dresser, fancy talker,
don't you just love him?

All right, your car
against mine. Vern.

Vern? Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

Who's Vern?
It's you and me, good buddy.

I don't drive competitively.

The people that insure
my holdings wouldn't allow it.

You just put your foot
to the fire wall
just like I said,

unless you're afraid
you're going to hurt
your little silver suit.

Mr. Coombs, he's drunk.
Everybody can see that.

Well, that's good.
Maybe he won't get
around the first turn.

All right, let's go,
cowboy. You're on.

Meeker. That's Jimmy
Joe Meeker.

Just put your foot
to the fire wall,
good buddy.

You did it! You beat him, Jim!
I'm taking that baby home!

All right,
cool it, Larry.

We gotta play out our hand.

Hey, boy!

Hey!

Where's your pink slip?

You wearing it?

All right, Vern,
tow the Special
over to this gentleman's...

To his...
To wherever he lives.

Captain Space,
thanks for the race.

I ain't gonna forget
this day!

Neither am I.

He's right, Larry,
he won't.

Hello.
Toulie,
Coombs is on his way up.

Got it. Okay, people,
the mark is on his way.

Let's get to work
on those phones
and typewriters.

Here he comes.

May I help you?
I'm expected.

Where's the material
on the reconciliation
with Thebun Amun?

It was supposed to be
on my desk
in a manila folder.

Has anybody seen it?

I'm Jack Coombs.

Well, you're
right on time.

Would you like
to have a seat?

Where is that no-good,
do-less, son of a... T.J.!

Meeker.
Don't crowd me, boy.
I'll get to you.

Fennimore?
Yes, sir?

Now, I'm getting tired
of telling you the same thing
twice all the time.

I'm in there
drilling for water
in a dry hole.

Now, I told you
I wanted a bottle
of water in there.

Do you think
you could get it for me?

Sir, I don't mind
helping out around here,

but I am not an office boy.
I am the curator.

Is that a fact?

Well, I don't see you doing
a whole lot of curating.

Well, I can't find
the material

on the reconciliation
of Thebun Amun.

Well, do you think
you can find
a water bottle?

Now, you know right
where they are. Why don't you
go right down there

and fetch one, okay?
Meeker?
Would you give me...

Hey, you want
an appointment?
You want to talk to me?

You just make
an appointment.
I have an appointment.

My name is Jack Coombs.
We raced at Riverside
a couple of days ago.

Well, of course you are,
of course you are.

I just didn't recognize you
in them normal clothes.

What, you just save
those little tinsel drawers
for special occasions, huh?

That was my
racing suit.

Well, it sure was no
winning suit, was it?

Well, you see,
that's what I want
to talk to you about.

Now, the Coombs Special...

Oh, hey, now that's
a fine little buggy.

'Course I'm gonna
have to change
the name.

Now what do you think
of the Meeker Streaker?

Please, that car
means an awful lot
to me.

Now what I want to do
is buy it back from you.

You name your profit,
I'll pay you top dollar.

Well, it does appear
that it means
something to you.

But I'm sorry,
I can't help you out.

You see, I was talking
to my cousin,
Billy Buck Beaudine,

and I promised
to ship it down home
to him for his boy, Ralph.

Just had
his 17th birthday.

You're going to give
the Coombs Special
to a 17-year-old punk?

Well, now,
Ralph's got his faults,

but I don't think
I'd go so far as
to call him a punk.

Well,
you can't do that!

It's overseas.

Wendkos?

Tell him I'm, uh...
Tell him...

He says
he knows you're here.

All right...

Boy, you go tell T.J.

I'm going to need
the latest inventory.

Yes, sir.
Well, what...

Yes, sir.

I mean to say
I did get it.

And there isn't
one thing on that list

that wasn't there
two months ago.

Well, sir,
these things take time.

Any money?

Now, you listen
to me, Meeker.

I start seeing results
or the money stops.

I gave you power of attorney
on this project

and I'm holding you
fully responsible.

No more high times
on my cash.

Well now, Mr. Wendkos.

Just where did you
ever get the idea
that this old country boy

had his hand in the till?

Now that grieves me,
sir, it does.

Well, what are all
those junkets to Vegas?

I'm not paying you
for that.

You were cathead man
on an oil rig
when I found you.

You mess up
on this operation,
that's where you'll end up.

Back on the oil rig.
Or under it.

Now, do I make myself clear?

Oh, yes sir, yes, sir.

Just as clear
as crick water, sir.
Yes, sir.

Meeker, I got a feeling
you're going to blow it.

Where is that
water bottle?

What is the matter
with you, boy?

But she said
I was supposed to...

I'm the one
that does the saying
around here, Fennimore.

All right,
I'll get the water.

Meeker?
Do you mind?
Now, what is it, honey?

The cultural attaché,
Miss Cavafy,
is here to see you.

All right, all right,
all right.

I don't see why
you can't give me
five minutes of your time!

We have had
our conversation.
I'm a busy man.

Well, you can't be
that busy.

Well, now, Miss Cavafy.

If you don't look cuter
than a speckled pup
sleeping under a wagon.

You just go right on in,
honey, go right on in.

Thanks.

I think
we pulled it off.
Good job.

It's magnificent,
isn't it?

From the Cappadocia dig.

I'd have said
that was exhausted
years ago.

Well, it appeared to be

but then there was a shift
in the substructure

and up popped
this little beauty.

You're not going to
bid on it, are you?

See, I'm going to try
for it myself.

I want to start my own
personal collection.

You know,
after all these years
of studying the Hittites,

I don't have
one single piece

except for a
tiny trepanning tool
that I found in...

Relax. The museum's
not interested in
additional Hittite relics.

Oh good.
Good luck to you, Doctor.

Oh, thank you, Doctor.

It doesn't look
like much to me.

I see stuff like that
in the five-and-dime

and nurseries
all over the place.

Oh! Begging your pardon, sir,
but not like that.

No?
Oh, similar, sure.

I mean art
inspires imitations.

But I'd say
that dates back

to somewhere around
1380 B.C.

In the reign
of Suppiluliumas.

Oh, really?

You seem to know
a lot about it.

Well, it's my specialty.

Didn't I see you in
Jimmy Joe Meeker's office?

My name is Jack Coombs.

Oh, yes.
T.J. Fennimore.

Is Meeker
into the Hittites?

Unfortunately, no.

Well, you're his new curator.
Isn't that true?

Look, I'll level with you.
I followed you here
for a reason.

From what I saw,
we have a mutual
dislike for Meeker.

Ladies and gentlemen.
The auction will begin
in a few minutes.

And maybe we ought to
talk about it.

What is he into?

I am employed
by Mr. Meeker.

I'm not at liberty
to discuss the nature
of my work.

Excuse me.
I think the auction
is about to begin.

And sold
to the lovely lady
in the first row.

Kindly pay the cashier.

And now, number 310.

310.

An exquisitely fashioned
Hittite unguent pot.

Thought to be from
the reign of Suppiluliumas,
late 1300s, B.C.

Can we start the bidding
at $3,000?

Do I hear 3,000?

Three thousand.
Five.

Five. The bid
is five thousand.

Five thousand once,
five thousand twice...

Six.
Eight.

Eight. The bid
is eight thousand.

I'm bid eight
thousand once,

eight thousand twice...

Uh... uh...

Eight thousand,
twenty-five.

Ten.

The bid
is ten thousand.

I'm bid
ten thousand dollars.
Ten thousand once.

Ten thousand twice.
Any further bids?

Sold for $10,000.

The gentleman
in the third row.

Kindly pay the cashier.

I would like to call
the audience's attention,
please, to page 5

of your auction program.

Please note
the correction

that the entire art lot

from the Bruno
Munssinger Estate

will be held
later on this evening.

I might remind the audience
that the entire
Munssinger Estate

has never before
been on public view.

That's the
Bruno Munssinger Estate.

Mr. Fennimore.

It's yours,
if you want it.

If I want it?
Sure.

But you just spent
$10,000 taking it
away from me.

Wait a minute,
if this is some kind
of bribe...

No, no. I just like
to give presents.

Especially to somebody
who does me a favor.

It's nice to reciprocate.

Just a little information
about Jimmy Joe Meeker's
current project.

I can't do it,
Mr. Coombs.

Look, I respect
your loyalty,

but I saw the way
he treated you.

Now, you owe him nothing.

You and I could team up
and shaft that motor mouth.

Think about it!
I'm a very wealthy man.

I could buy you every pot
the Hittites ever made,

and potholders
to go with them.

Don't misunderstand me,
Mr. Coombs.

I have
very little respect
for Mr. Meeker.

But I do have
respect for myself
and I want to keep it.

That's a wrap, everybody.
Great job.

You can pick up your checks
from Jim Rockford
in the morning.

I told you I had
a present for you.

The pot
of Suppiluliumas.

Now it's just mashed.

Now, here's a nice,
quiet place
where we can talk.

Mr. Coombs,
I think that you're making
a terrific mistake here.

Oh, really? How's that?

Well, you see I'm due
at the biannual meeting

of the Mensa Society,

and it's a really
big affair.

And as a founding member
of the Tarzana chapter,

if I don't show up...

Harry.

It's going to be
a real mess.

You're going to
kill me, right?

Dr. Fennimore,
I have nothing
against you personally.

You see, it's Jimmy Joe
Meeker I want.

Now you give me
the information I need

and I'll keep Harry there
on a short leash.

If I can just
make you understand

that there are
certain principles
involved here.

Honor and loyalty
may not mean much
to some people,

but to me,
it's my whole life.

Harry, why don't you
show him

what honor and loyalty
to the wrong person
buys him.

All right, Doctor.

Don't cough in my face!

Jimmy Joe Meeker has

Robert Wendkos'
power of attorney

on a matter
of some importance

and I want to know
what it is.

He and the
Egyptian government

have entered into
a secret agreement.

The Egyptian government?

Of course, fighter planes.

Wendkos bought the
Beller Aircraft Corporation

about eight months before that
senate subcommittee

got on his case
and he had to leave
the country.

No, no,
he's not selling anything.

He's buying. Antiquities.

Well, he's not
exactly buying.

I mean, you can't put
a price on the treasures

from the tomb
of Tutankhamen.

What we're talking
about here
is national heritage.

What we're talking about
here doesn't make sense.

King Tut?
Yes, it does.

An arrangement
with the Cairo Museum,

through the
Egyptian government.
An exhibit.

What do you take me for?

There's already a King Tut
exhibit touring the country.

Meeker is arranging
for a second one

after the first one
is over.

At least,
he's supposed to be.

Wendkos keeps
pouring money in

and Mr. Meeker
keeps spending it.

What does Robert Wendkos

want with a bunch of mummies?

He's into conglomerates.

Oh, come on, Harry,
let's wrap this up.

No, no, no, no, really!
I'm telling you the truth.

I mean, this, this thing
is a real mania
with Mr. Wendkos.

I tried to interest him
in the Hittites,

but he wouldn't have
a thing to do with it.

Egyptomania
is a historical fact.

I mean there was Homer,

and Karl Richard Lepsius,

and Sir Gardner Wilkinson,

and Napoleon,
for Pete's sake.

Robert Wendkos
isn't doing this for
cultural contributions.

He isn't into anything
that doesn't add up to cash.

But it does.

This exhibit has been
playing in museums
all over the country

and it's been raking in
millions of dollars.

Now, imagine if this
were booked in
the convention centers.

You could charge top dollar

and accommodate ten times
the amount of people.

And that is what Wendkos
is going to do?

Yes, sir. They're taking
a whole real big
show business approach

to the whole thing.

Vegas casinos,
possible tie-ins

with some
Neil Diamond concerts.

I personally
don't approve of this.

But what the hey?

I mean, if the Egyptian
government is willing
to go along with it,

you know, it's not
that easy to find
a job as a curator.

How much money
would you say is involved?

Harry.

Hey, look, I don't know
anything about it.
That's not my end.

But if you promise
that he won't
hurt me anymore,

I'll... I'll do
my best to help you
try to find out.

All right.

Hey, Freddie, Freddie!
Big problems!

We couldn't get into
the curator's office.

The whole wing
is off limits.

We tried the gas leak story
to clear out the staff

but the security guy
said nobody could leave,

not even during
a bomb scare.

How much time
do we have?
None!

Brockelman's on his way
with the mark.

We'll have to do it
in the museum proper.

How, Frederick?

I'll explain
when we get in, Amy.

We'll have to station
ourselves so the
Brockelman kid sees us.

Let's hope he can
roll with the flow.

You don't need us.

Yeah, let's get
out of here.