All language subtitles for The Neighbors (2012) S01E08 Thanksgiving is for the Bird-Kersees (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - TheSickle)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,073 --> 00:00:03,504 My name is debbie weaver. This is my family. 2 00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,106 This is our old apartment In bayonne, new jersey. 3 00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,638 My husband marty Got us a deal on a town house. 4 00:00:07,638 --> 00:00:10,041 Nicer neighborhood, Wider streets. 5 00:00:10,041 --> 00:00:11,682 Just one little problem-- 6 00:00:11,682 --> 00:00:14,115 Our neighbors are all From another planet... 7 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,416 Literally. 8 00:00:19,790 --> 00:00:22,053 Hey, hon. I'm making Shelf room for the turkey. 9 00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:25,056 Do me a favor. Come here. Taste this. 10 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,059 Went bad, right? Definitely. 11 00:00:28,059 --> 00:00:29,330 I knew it. And thank you. 12 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,102 What could be more american 13 00:00:31,102 --> 00:00:33,204 Than eating food To make room for more food? 14 00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:35,236 Happy day-before- Thanksgiving, babe. 15 00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,567 Don't remind me. 16 00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,169 (mouth full) Listen, it's gonna be great. 17 00:00:38,169 --> 00:00:39,540 (mouth full) no. It's gonna be Like every other year, 18 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,412 Where your father's gonna make You feel small and worthless, 19 00:00:41,412 --> 00:00:43,414 And your mother's gonna Judge everything I do. 20 00:00:43,414 --> 00:00:46,217 And I just dipped this chicken Wing into the cake icing. 21 00:00:46,217 --> 00:00:48,048 Do you think I'm getting Diabetes right now? 22 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,321 Look, my pop has nothing To rag on me about this year. 23 00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:52,553 We got the new house To brag about, right? 24 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:53,554 I got the promotion. 25 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,426 Not wearing The goatee anymore. 26 00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:56,827 I hated the goatee. 27 00:00:56,827 --> 00:00:58,429 Yeah, bring it on, daddy. (door opens) 28 00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:02,163 Oh, is that a new painting? 29 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,294 I don't like it. 30 00:01:03,294 --> 00:01:05,666 Yeah. What's up, larry? Oh, it's nothing. 31 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,399 Jackie joyner-kersee has merely Wandered out of our community. 32 00:01:08,399 --> 00:01:10,441 Oh, my god. Is jackie okay? 33 00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:13,144 Perfectly fine. She's profoundly depressed. 34 00:01:13,144 --> 00:01:14,445 Just this time of year Reminds her 35 00:01:14,445 --> 00:01:16,076 Of when we arrived On your planet. 36 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,077 She starts missing her family. 37 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,210 Blah, blah, blah. Lady feelings. 38 00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:21,282 Anyway, she's wandering around In a field. 39 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,184 It's kind of our therapy. 40 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,656 There she is. Wife! 41 00:01:25,656 --> 00:01:30,121 Enough pouting! Come! 42 00:01:30,121 --> 00:01:32,363 Larry, is this what you do When you're sad? No, no. 43 00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:35,326 I'm more of a prober. 44 00:01:35,326 --> 00:01:38,429 Come on, pumpkin! Step it up! 45 00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:44,135 (crow cawing) 46 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:52,483 ♪♪♪ 47 00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:54,715 Honey, did you figure out what You're cooking for tomorrow? 48 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,347 Who cares? She gonna hate it anyway. 49 00:01:56,347 --> 00:01:58,219 I won't hate it, I just won't like it. 50 00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,550 Hey. She meant grandma. 51 00:01:59,550 --> 00:02:00,891 Now apologize To your mother. 52 00:02:00,891 --> 00:02:03,254 I'm sorry I don't like Your bad cooking. 53 00:02:03,254 --> 00:02:04,555 You know my mom Likes traditional, hon, 54 00:02:04,555 --> 00:02:06,497 So don't even overthink it. Oh, okay. 55 00:02:06,497 --> 00:02:08,829 So when she takes the tiniest Bite of the tiniest wing, 56 00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:10,601 And she makes that face, And she says to me, 57 00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:11,702 "Maybe next year, dear," 58 00:02:11,702 --> 00:02:13,234 I won't overthink that, either. 59 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,167 Do we have to wear Her stupid sweaters? 60 00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:18,369 Hey, if I have to make her A turkey that she hates, 61 00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:20,641 Then you can wear the sweaters That she's made for you. 62 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,373 Why don't you just Make the turkey 63 00:02:22,373 --> 00:02:24,175 How she likes it for once? 64 00:02:24,175 --> 00:02:26,146 Don't you think I've tried that, abby?! 65 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,218 It's just a turkey! 66 00:02:27,218 --> 00:02:28,219 Whoa! Hey! 67 00:02:28,219 --> 00:02:29,720 Come on. What's happening here? 68 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,552 They didn't even get here, And we're going nuts, huh? 69 00:02:36,227 --> 00:02:38,429 Why don't we just Not have them come this year? 70 00:02:38,429 --> 00:02:40,861 Don't tease me, Martin weaver. 71 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,194 Don't you dare tease me. 72 00:02:43,194 --> 00:02:45,766 We deserve a nice thanksgiving, Just the five of us, 73 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,238 Eating whatever we want. 74 00:02:47,238 --> 00:02:50,401 Say it again, You sweet, sweet man! 75 00:02:50,401 --> 00:02:51,672 (laughs) yes! 76 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,904 Wait. I know What we should do! 77 00:02:53,904 --> 00:02:56,247 Let's deep-fry a turkey! 78 00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:58,779 Max, yes. 79 00:02:58,779 --> 00:02:59,910 You are brilliant! 80 00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:02,213 I don't care What the testing says! 81 00:03:02,213 --> 00:03:04,885 An in-law-free, Deep-fried thanksgiving! 82 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,287 Whoo! Wait. 83 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,858 What did the testing say? 84 00:03:07,858 --> 00:03:09,860 Oh... Yeah! We're gonna do it! We're doing it! 85 00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:12,393 I am canceling my parents! I'm a hero, honey. 86 00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,295 I am a hero-- (crack) 87 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,666 Ooh. Oh. 88 00:03:15,666 --> 00:03:18,269 Get him--get him. Take him from me. Okay. Quick. 89 00:03:18,269 --> 00:03:19,300 (max) sorry. All right. 90 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,302 Okay. 91 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,833 High five. Yeah! 92 00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,806 (laughs) ha... 93 00:03:27,738 --> 00:03:29,840 Hello. What? 94 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,543 Yeah, dad, listen, I got... I got some bad news. 95 00:03:32,543 --> 00:03:35,686 Theresa, come here. It's marty with bad news. 96 00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:38,789 What's wrong? Oh, you look puffy. 97 00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,251 Yeah, thanks, mom. 98 00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:42,293 Listen, I hate to do this to You guys on such short notice, 99 00:03:42,293 --> 00:03:44,525 But, um, thanksgiving? 100 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,697 We have to cancel. 101 00:03:46,697 --> 00:03:48,228 Because debbie Just texted me 102 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,432 That the, um, The oven is broken. 103 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,404 (lowered voice) If her turkey's any indication, 104 00:03:53,404 --> 00:03:55,235 It's been broken For 18 years. 105 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,637 We both know What this is about. 106 00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:58,509 He's just embarrassed To show us the new house. 107 00:03:58,509 --> 00:04:00,511 You're just covering the screen With your hand, ma. 108 00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:02,242 I can still hear you. 109 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,874 (normal voice) We certainly will miss 110 00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:05,916 Debbie's delicious turkey. 111 00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:08,379 Marty. Marty, what is this? 112 00:04:08,379 --> 00:04:09,750 Is this because You're embarrassed 113 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,552 Of how small The new condo is? 114 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:14,385 Look, we can bring our own Chairs if that's an issue. 115 00:04:14,385 --> 00:04:16,657 Dad, I-I have My own chairs, okay? 116 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,329 And it's--it's not a condo, 117 00:04:18,329 --> 00:04:19,730 It's--it's a nice Townhouse. 118 00:04:19,730 --> 00:04:21,261 Sorry. 119 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,693 (lowered voice) I knew It wasn't a real house. 120 00:04:22,693 --> 00:04:24,395 I just didn't know What the proper term was. 121 00:04:24,395 --> 00:04:26,567 It is a real house, dad. It's a real house. 122 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:27,768 (normal voice) then why Are you so embarrassed 123 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,269 For us to see it? 124 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,402 I'm not embarrassed. 125 00:04:31,402 --> 00:04:32,673 You know what? 126 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,906 You come tomorrow. You come see My nice house. How 'bout that? 127 00:04:35,906 --> 00:04:38,349 Can we bring any chairs? 128 00:04:38,349 --> 00:04:39,350 Whatever you want, ma! 129 00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,411 (beeps) 130 00:04:40,411 --> 00:04:43,554 (whirring) 131 00:04:43,554 --> 00:04:45,356 (grunts) 132 00:04:45,356 --> 00:04:46,587 Hey, reggie jackson. 133 00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:50,421 So your mom's still Pretty depressed, huh? 134 00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:52,893 She really misses Her sisters this time of year. 135 00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:56,697 It must be hard having her Family all the way back home. 136 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:58,569 Up home? 137 00:04:58,569 --> 00:05:00,070 Oh, no. They're here. 138 00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:01,772 In the neighborhood? Mm-hmm. 139 00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:04,475 Boys, it is forbidden To discuss the exiled ones. 140 00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:06,507 Jackie, You have sisters here? 141 00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:08,308 Yes, I do. 142 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,711 However, my husband Does not like my sisters. 143 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:11,942 You can say that again. 144 00:05:11,942 --> 00:05:14,485 Fine. However, my husband Does not like my sisters. 145 00:05:14,485 --> 00:05:16,717 Well, I guess no matter What galaxy you're from, 146 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,088 In-laws are tough. 147 00:05:18,088 --> 00:05:20,320 Mother, I wish I could cheer you up. 148 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,022 I know, my son. 149 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,924 But there is no magical event 150 00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,926 Which brings families together To enjoy one another 151 00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,498 While being thankful For what they do have 152 00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:28,699 As opposed To what they do not. 153 00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:32,463 (sighs) 154 00:05:33,864 --> 00:05:36,367 Ugh. You're killing me. 155 00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,772 Babe, we gotta talk. 156 00:05:41,772 --> 00:05:43,013 Marty, whatever you do, 157 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:45,115 Do not google "Deep-fried turkey disasters." 158 00:05:45,115 --> 00:05:47,047 Remember when we googled "Tongue bumps"? 159 00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,048 It's worse. 160 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,680 Look, I did something. 161 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,981 I did something, too. 162 00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:52,052 I invited my parents. I invited the bird-kersees. 163 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,524 No! What?! 164 00:05:53,524 --> 00:05:54,525 Me no? You no! 165 00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:56,527 What happened To just us? 166 00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:58,759 Okay, how are you gonna explain The bird-kersees to your folks? 167 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,791 Well, you know, they're--they're Better at blending in now. 168 00:06:00,791 --> 00:06:02,493 And when my parents See a white guy 169 00:06:02,493 --> 00:06:04,064 With a black lady, An asian kid, and a redhead, 170 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,136 They're not gonna be much Into conversation, so... 171 00:06:06,136 --> 00:06:08,569 At last, an upside To racism. Yeah. 172 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,941 But I won't give up My deep-fried turkey. I won't. 173 00:06:10,941 --> 00:06:12,603 Look, no one's Asking you to. 174 00:06:12,603 --> 00:06:14,475 But we wanted This perfect thanksgiving. 175 00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,947 Now we might just have to Settle for "Fine." 176 00:06:16,947 --> 00:06:18,449 Think we can do that? 177 00:06:18,449 --> 00:06:19,910 Marty, We live in new jersey. 178 00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:22,553 I drive a minivan. I'm built for fine. 179 00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:23,714 And now we know What to expect, 180 00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:24,715 So there's no more Surprises, right? 181 00:06:24,715 --> 00:06:27,387 Nope. No more surprises. 182 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,089 (reggie jackson) Father would be furious 183 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,462 If he knew what We were doing. 184 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,866 (cart powers down) 185 00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,730 (whirs) 186 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:40,831 (beeps) 187 00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:55,646 Brian boitano. Greg louganis. 188 00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:58,418 We must see the prisoners. Do you have Written orders? 189 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:01,692 Oh, of course, greg. Come closer. 190 00:07:01,692 --> 00:07:04,725 (slap) (grunts) There's your written order! 191 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:08,098 I'm the commander's son! I am the law! 192 00:07:08,098 --> 00:07:10,461 Open it! 193 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,664 (beeps, whirring) 194 00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:20,741 Ladies... 195 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,012 Although you've been exiled 196 00:07:22,012 --> 00:07:24,014 For attempting to overthrow My father, 197 00:07:24,014 --> 00:07:25,516 Our mother misses you. 198 00:07:25,516 --> 00:07:27,618 Therefore, we come Neither as judge nor friend, 199 00:07:27,618 --> 00:07:29,480 But with a question... 200 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,652 Want to come to thanksgiving? 201 00:07:32,883 --> 00:07:34,625 (crinkling) 202 00:07:41,191 --> 00:07:43,634 Okay. Gammy and pop-pop Just pulled in. 203 00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:45,996 Kids, mommy apologizes now For everything she says. 204 00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:47,498 (doorbell rings) 205 00:07:47,498 --> 00:07:48,499 Here we go. 206 00:07:48,499 --> 00:07:49,570 (door opens) 207 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,241 H-hey! Hey! 208 00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:53,644 You know, you got a crack In the pavement out here. 209 00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:54,805 What's that smell? 210 00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:57,578 And so it begins. Hi! 211 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:58,909 Hi, gammy! Hi, pop-pop! 212 00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,752 (laughs) Prettiest girl in the family By a mile! 213 00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:03,684 Thanks. Thanks. 214 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,687 So, pop, I told you The house was nice, huh? 215 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,188 Let me give you the tour. 216 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,160 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 217 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:11,822 I just took it. 218 00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:14,695 Maybe a nice cold beer could Take a tour of my mouth. 219 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:17,267 Right. 220 00:08:17,267 --> 00:08:19,229 Who's ready for a sweater? 221 00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:22,733 I got the patterns from Rosie o'donnell's craft book. 222 00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:27,207 For a lesbian crackpot, she does Have some darling ideas! 223 00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,879 Awesome! 224 00:08:28,879 --> 00:08:31,511 I always wanted to wear Genocide. 225 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,014 And, maxy, Here's your sweater. 226 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,786 And for my abby, 227 00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:39,590 I made the most Special sweater. 228 00:08:39,590 --> 00:08:43,694 (beeping and gobbling) 229 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,926 Here you go, pop. 230 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,728 What the hell is this? 231 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,900 It's a microbrew. The best money can buy. 232 00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,632 (scoffs) microbrew. 233 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,565 So I guess you're a raging Liberal now, too, huh? 234 00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,567 Yeah, I don't even know How to connect the dots 235 00:08:56,567 --> 00:08:58,639 On that one, dad, so... (knock on door) 236 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:02,272 Uh-oh, son. You got Some jehovahs at the door. 237 00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:04,575 They're our neighbors, dad. Be nice. 238 00:09:04,575 --> 00:09:06,316 Come on in. 239 00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:09,580 This is my dad dominick. Hello. 240 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,752 Greetings, marty's father. 241 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,323 I am neighbor larry bird. 242 00:09:13,323 --> 00:09:15,986 My wife, jackie joyner-kersee, And my two sons, 243 00:09:15,986 --> 00:09:19,129 Reggie jackson And dick butkus. 244 00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:21,662 Where are you folks from? 245 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,663 Florida. Downtown. 246 00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:23,764 I look asian. 247 00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,335 My biological mother Was a redhead. 248 00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:28,138 I have often wanted to meet The man 249 00:09:28,138 --> 00:09:29,800 Who birthed my friend marty. 250 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,702 Ah! You hear that, marty? Someone actually wants 251 00:09:31,702 --> 00:09:33,243 To spend thanksgiving With me. 252 00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:35,205 Strong, commanding, And funny. 253 00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,908 (chuckles) I like you, larry bird. 254 00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:40,350 I bet you don't drink No new age nonsense beer, 255 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:42,582 Neither, huh? Appalling grammar aside, 256 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,054 I'm grateful I appear To be winning. 257 00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:47,618 (dominick chuckles) Oh! Well, look. Gang's all here! 258 00:09:47,618 --> 00:09:49,119 Theresa, these are Our neighbors. 259 00:09:49,119 --> 00:09:53,694 Oh! Colorful. Fun. Hi. Where are you guys from? 260 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,125 Mexico. Midtown. 261 00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:56,266 My biological mother Was a redhead. I'm jewish. 262 00:09:57,928 --> 00:09:59,329 Oh, god. (doorbell rings) 263 00:09:59,329 --> 00:10:02,372 I believe our surprise guests Have arrived. 264 00:10:02,372 --> 00:10:04,134 (whispers) It's your sisters. My sisters? 265 00:10:04,134 --> 00:10:06,006 Tell me you didn't. 266 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,078 Tell me you didn't Disobey your father 267 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:11,381 And invite the greatest Intergalactic threat 268 00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:12,983 To my reign to this house! 269 00:10:14,384 --> 00:10:15,345 (forced laugh) 270 00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:17,387 So I think we're gonna Need a second. 271 00:10:17,387 --> 00:10:19,019 Mm-hmm. Uh, you guys, 272 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,350 Sit down over here. 273 00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:23,323 All righty. Got a deck Of cards for ya. Okay. 274 00:10:24,294 --> 00:10:26,126 (singsongy) hey! (singsongy) hey! 275 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,297 I'm jackie's sister. 276 00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:30,300 And I am Jackie's other sister. 277 00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,833 So, questions abound. 278 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,065 There's no time. Take them back to exile, guards! 279 00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:36,336 Husband, please. 280 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:39,039 Please allow me To say hello first. 281 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,772 My sisters! (laughing) 282 00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:44,274 Oh, I missed you two! Ohh! 283 00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:45,415 So he's your sister? 284 00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:47,417 Allow me to explain. 285 00:10:47,417 --> 00:10:49,379 We chose these bodies Because we learned 286 00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:51,882 The most unique friendships On your earth 287 00:10:51,882 --> 00:10:53,153 Are between Of women of color... 288 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,926 And men of prance. Oh. 289 00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:58,358 Reggie jackson! You look exactly the same. 290 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,691 How do you do it? Black don't crack, 291 00:11:00,691 --> 00:11:02,132 But asian Doesn't even peel. 292 00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:03,233 Blam! Blam! 293 00:11:03,233 --> 00:11:05,335 I need to speak To my family alone. 294 00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:07,137 (inhales deeply) debbie weaver, You may take your family 295 00:11:07,137 --> 00:11:09,800 And go to your basement. Not happening, larry. 296 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,742 Fine. Then I will Go to the bedroom 297 00:11:11,742 --> 00:11:13,673 With my adopted, redheaded, Jewish family 298 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,145 From midtown mexico. 299 00:11:16,146 --> 00:11:18,678 (exhales deeply) 300 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,011 (lowered voice) do you two Know how dangerous it was 301 00:11:21,011 --> 00:11:22,352 To let them out?! 302 00:11:22,352 --> 00:11:24,214 They thought they were Doing something nice. 303 00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:26,356 Until you two try To overthrow me again. 304 00:11:26,356 --> 00:11:28,058 Oh, hooker, please! 305 00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:30,360 It was a misunderstanding! 306 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,163 You two threw me out Of a second-story window, 307 00:11:33,163 --> 00:11:34,394 Shouting, "We are going To overthrow you," 308 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,266 So... (whispers) hooker, please! 309 00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:38,198 Husband, I love you, But they are my family, 310 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,831 And it is one day, And they are staying! 311 00:11:40,831 --> 00:11:44,074 You go, girl! That's my little sister! 312 00:11:44,074 --> 00:11:45,836 Mm! 313 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,379 I hope you two are happy! 314 00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:52,412 Families in conflict-- 315 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,845 Amber described All of this to me. 316 00:11:54,845 --> 00:11:58,188 It's beginning to feel A lot like thanksgiving. 317 00:11:58,188 --> 00:11:59,920 Hmm. 318 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:03,353 (man) ♪ this thanksgiving day, Hey! ♪ 319 00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:06,056 Fried turkey. That's not a meal. 320 00:12:06,056 --> 00:12:08,728 It's a prank on god. 321 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,261 (flatly) no, stop, theresa. Don't go. 322 00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:14,404 She's a hot mess. Life is too short. 323 00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:16,036 And so are you. 324 00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,407 (all) blam! (laughing) 325 00:12:17,407 --> 00:12:19,770 So, dad, dad, Check this out, okay? 326 00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:22,973 It's a 1080p, 54-inch plasma-- 327 00:12:22,973 --> 00:12:24,274 Oh, please. 328 00:12:24,274 --> 00:12:25,946 Marty's father, Would you agree 329 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,779 My wife should have chosen My side over her sisters'? 330 00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:31,121 In an argument, She should do what you say, 331 00:12:31,121 --> 00:12:34,024 Or you'll wind up like marty, With his wife calling the shots 332 00:12:34,024 --> 00:12:35,755 And your stones in a jar. 333 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,228 (laughs) (forced laugh) hey, that's Real funny, dad. Real clever. 334 00:12:38,228 --> 00:12:40,430 Aah! Make it stop! (sweater gobbling) 335 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:42,963 I'm losing my mind! We have to kill the sweater. 336 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,765 ♪ hey, mom and dad, We're so glad ♪ 337 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,397 ♪ that it's thanksgiving day ♪ 338 00:12:47,397 --> 00:12:49,800 Theresa, enough. It's clean. 339 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,802 We're not operating on it. 340 00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:53,073 Let me help, debbie. 341 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:55,475 Just because your children's Hands are dirty 342 00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,208 Doesn't mean the table Has to be. 343 00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:00,911 You know what, theresa? Come after the turkey, 344 00:13:00,911 --> 00:13:03,283 Come after my table, But leave my kids alone. 345 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,985 My kids are angels. 346 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:06,987 (abby) kill it! Kill that sweater! (sweater gobbling and beeping) 347 00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,318 (pounding) (amber) kill the sweater! 348 00:13:08,318 --> 00:13:09,960 (abby screaming) Death to the sweater! 349 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,392 Death to the sweater! (screaming) 350 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:13,463 Death to the sweater! 351 00:13:13,463 --> 00:13:15,325 Wife. Yes? 352 00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:17,097 Marty's father says you Should listen to me 353 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,798 And get rid of your sisters. 354 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,800 Oh. Well, your wife says You should give her one day 355 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,333 With her sisters, who she Hasn't seen in ten years. 356 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,335 So whose side are you Going to take on this? 357 00:13:25,335 --> 00:13:27,007 Definitely marty's father. (gasps) 358 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,808 (abby) kill it, max! All you do is complain. 359 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,440 Nothing I do Is good enough for you. 360 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,482 Not just me, dear. 361 00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:35,345 And maybe if you tried A little harder... (sighs) 362 00:13:35,345 --> 00:13:37,547 Hey, mom, Get off her back, okay? 363 00:13:37,547 --> 00:13:40,020 She works harder Than anyone I know. 364 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,492 She is an incredible mother, And she's a terrific wife, 365 00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:44,394 And if you can't treat her With a little bit of respect, 366 00:13:44,394 --> 00:13:45,856 Then maybe you should go. 367 00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:47,527 Fine. I'll be in the car. 368 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,359 At least it's clean. 369 00:13:49,359 --> 00:13:51,962 Whoa, whoa! 370 00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:53,433 You won't stand up To your wife, 371 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,564 And you talk to your mother Like that? (door closes) 372 00:13:54,564 --> 00:13:56,536 Oh, he stands up To me plenty. 373 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,869 And maybe if you took a break From criticizing 374 00:13:58,869 --> 00:14:01,341 Everything he does, you could Say one nice thing to him. 375 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,944 It's nice to come here And get yelled at. 376 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,116 I'm gonna get Another lady beer. 377 00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:08,048 Good. Go! It's a microbrew! 378 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,279 ♪ is the turkey... ♪ 379 00:14:09,279 --> 00:14:11,051 You just had to invite Your parents. 380 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,223 Okay, it's my fault. Always my fault! 381 00:14:13,223 --> 00:14:15,555 ♪ hey, mom and dad, We're so glad ♪ 382 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,988 ♪ that it's thanksgiving day ♪ 383 00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:19,489 Thanksgiving sucks! 384 00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:20,560 ♪ hey! ♪ 385 00:14:27,397 --> 00:14:30,200 What are you doing, Debbie weaver? 386 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,904 (mouth full) just puttin' some Food on my feelings, reggie. 387 00:14:33,904 --> 00:14:35,405 It's what we do. 388 00:14:35,405 --> 00:14:37,507 Why do you let Marty's mother get to you? 389 00:14:37,507 --> 00:14:41,281 Oh, dick, That's adult grownup stuff. 390 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,553 Grownup? She's in the car pouting, 391 00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:45,485 And you're eating Mirsh-mallow out of a bag. 392 00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:49,459 You're good boys, 393 00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:53,623 So I'm gonna shoot it To you straight, okay? 394 00:14:53,623 --> 00:14:56,666 Thanksgiving is hell. 395 00:14:56,666 --> 00:14:59,069 The only good parts Are the day before 396 00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:01,171 When everything is possible, 397 00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:04,274 And the day after When everyone goes home. 398 00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:08,278 In between, it's just a feast Of self-loathing gluttony 399 00:15:08,278 --> 00:15:10,540 With a side of shame. 400 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:14,344 And all you can do is just Hunker down and accept it. 401 00:15:14,344 --> 00:15:16,016 (bag rustles) 402 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,627 Permission To board vehicle? 403 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,529 Sure. 404 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,561 (grunts) 405 00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:33,303 (door alert chiming) 406 00:15:33,303 --> 00:15:36,436 (grunting) 407 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:41,211 (continues grunting) 408 00:15:41,211 --> 00:15:42,612 (chiming stops) (groans) 409 00:15:42,612 --> 00:15:45,445 Are you ready to join us For turkey ingestion? 410 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,318 (chuckles) It's sweet of you to ask, 411 00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:49,619 But no. 412 00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:53,253 It's just... Our family Is complicated. 413 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,025 Why are you so hard on her? 414 00:15:55,025 --> 00:15:57,457 I'm her mother-in-law. 415 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,260 And he's my only son. I want the best for him. 416 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:03,433 My mother-in-law kept me On my toes. 417 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:06,266 And her mother-in-law Kept her on hers. 418 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,268 That's the game, kid. 419 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,701 She takes great care of him, And you make her feel terrible. 420 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,605 Change the game. 421 00:16:15,605 --> 00:16:17,207 (perry como's "Prayer of thanksgiving" plays) 422 00:16:17,207 --> 00:16:22,352 (silverware clattering) ♪ we gather together ♪ 423 00:16:22,352 --> 00:16:27,387 ♪ to ask the lord's blessing ♪ 424 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:34,664 ♪ he chastens and hastens His will ♪ 425 00:16:34,664 --> 00:16:38,228 (door closes) ♪ to make known ♪ 426 00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:39,669 ♪♪♪ 427 00:16:39,669 --> 00:16:42,502 I hoped there'd be a... 428 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,634 Tiny wing left? 429 00:16:44,634 --> 00:16:47,437 ♪ cease them from distressing ♪ 430 00:16:47,437 --> 00:16:48,508 (silverware clatters) 431 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:53,243 ♪ sing praises to his name ♪ 432 00:16:53,243 --> 00:16:58,388 ♪ he forgets not his own ♪ 433 00:16:58,388 --> 00:17:00,390 (snaps) 434 00:17:00,390 --> 00:17:04,554 (choir) ♪ beside us to guide us ♪ 435 00:17:04,554 --> 00:17:08,228 ♪ our god with us joining ♪ 436 00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,260 Actually, debbie, It's quite good. 437 00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:11,331 ♪ ordaining ♪ 438 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,632 It is? Really? 439 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,104 ♪ maintaining his... ♪ 440 00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,066 (lowered voice) What's happening? 441 00:17:16,066 --> 00:17:18,638 (whispers) it could be a trick. Keep your guard up. 442 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,640 You've done a good job here, Debbie. 443 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,074 In the spirit of giving And admitting things, 444 00:17:24,074 --> 00:17:26,176 My sister and I Have something to say. 445 00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:29,079 Larry bird, I guess if looked at From a certain angle, 446 00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:31,651 I can see how some would say We owe you an apology. 447 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,124 We never wanted To overthrow you. 448 00:17:34,124 --> 00:17:35,625 Yes, you did. Yes, we did. 449 00:17:35,625 --> 00:17:39,559 But the truth is, we did it Because we just never thought 450 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,692 That you were good enough For our baby sister. 451 00:17:42,692 --> 00:17:43,833 No one is. 452 00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:46,436 Oh, that's so sweet. 453 00:17:46,436 --> 00:17:47,667 Have we lost sight Of the fact 454 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,569 That you threw me Out of a window? 455 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,641 Sort of burying the lede here. 456 00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:55,645 So, uh, since we all Seem to be mending fences... 457 00:17:55,645 --> 00:17:58,208 ♪ divine ♪ 458 00:17:58,208 --> 00:18:01,111 What? What do you want? 459 00:18:01,111 --> 00:18:04,284 You want a sweet sob story That ends with a big hug? 460 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,685 Fine. 461 00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,657 Have I told you all the story About the time 462 00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:10,590 That marty here struck out In t-ball? 463 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:15,365 T-ball! Where the ball sits On a tee, not even moving. 464 00:18:15,365 --> 00:18:17,127 That's just what I needed. That's perfect. 465 00:18:17,127 --> 00:18:18,498 Happy thanksgiving. 466 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,675 And it's a big ball. It just sits there. 467 00:18:25,675 --> 00:18:28,278 You--all right. 468 00:18:28,278 --> 00:18:30,610 (voice breaking) We will miss you. 469 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,482 (voice breaking) I will miss you, too. 470 00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:35,745 Hold on. 471 00:18:35,745 --> 00:18:37,787 If there's one thing I learned From that insufferable meal, 472 00:18:37,787 --> 00:18:40,390 It is that family Is important, I guess. 473 00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:43,493 My wife is... My entire world, 474 00:18:43,493 --> 00:18:45,625 And my world misses her sisters. 475 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:49,799 So, against my better judgment And sense of self-preservation, 476 00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:52,262 You two are released from exile. (gasps) 477 00:18:52,262 --> 00:18:53,563 (gasps) Ohh! 478 00:18:53,563 --> 00:18:54,864 (laughing) Whoa. 479 00:18:54,864 --> 00:18:57,507 Maybe you are good enough For our little sister after all. 480 00:18:57,507 --> 00:19:00,510 Really? So you'll stop Trying to kill me? 481 00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,373 Absolutely. Would you like a sip of wine? 482 00:19:03,373 --> 00:19:04,814 Just touch the glass. 483 00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:08,248 All you gotta do is just Touch the glass. 484 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,679 (whispers) Don't touch it. 485 00:19:09,679 --> 00:19:11,251 Touch it! 486 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,452 (gasps) 487 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,285 All right, ma, We'll see you soon. 488 00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:17,387 I love you. 489 00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:22,832 Well... Okay. 490 00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:24,764 Uh-huh. 491 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,736 All right. Drive safe, dad. 492 00:19:26,736 --> 00:19:28,698 You didn't let me finish The story. 493 00:19:28,698 --> 00:19:32,242 'cause I know the story, dad. I struck out in t-ball, okay? 494 00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:34,674 Kids all laughed. You got disappointed. 495 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,576 Rinse and repeat. I get it. 496 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,708 Stop cutting me off, Numb nuts. 497 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:41,751 You struck out In frickin' t-ball, 498 00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:43,413 Which is no easy feat. 499 00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:44,754 And everybody was Laughing at you. 500 00:19:44,754 --> 00:19:46,686 Yeah, I know, dad. I remember. 501 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,358 Two innings later, You come up again, 502 00:19:48,358 --> 00:19:50,860 You barely make contact. A lazy fly ball. 503 00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:53,223 You trip on your way To first base. 504 00:19:53,223 --> 00:19:55,765 I even think your pants fell. I don't remember. 505 00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:58,197 No. They fell, pop. This is a great story. 506 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,769 Thanks so much for the trip Down memory lane. 507 00:19:59,769 --> 00:20:03,202 The point is, You didn't quit. 508 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,734 You never quit. 509 00:20:04,734 --> 00:20:07,377 The sweet, Sobby part of the story, 510 00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:11,581 Which you didn't let me finish, Is that my son never quits. 511 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,445 Even if that means trying To get his jealous old man 512 00:20:15,445 --> 00:20:19,589 To tell him that he's got A pretty nice new place here. 513 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,723 You... So you like-- You like the place? 514 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,256 You did good, kid. 515 00:20:26,256 --> 00:20:28,598 (exhales) (pats back) 516 00:20:28,598 --> 00:20:29,759 Take care of yourself. 517 00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:34,404 (harper simon) ♪ everyone seems so certain ♪ 518 00:20:34,404 --> 00:20:35,935 You better crack a window, Theresa. 519 00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,408 It's a long way home, and that Turkey's going right through me. 520 00:20:38,408 --> 00:20:39,639 Ooh. (engine starts) 521 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:43,773 ♪ everyone's got A mother and a father ♪ 522 00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:47,517 ♪ they all seem so sure They're going far ♪ 523 00:20:47,517 --> 00:20:50,450 Congratulations, brother. You never give up. 524 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,752 ♪ there are more wishes Than stars ♪ 525 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,825 Dick butkus, You changed the game. 526 00:21:00,029 --> 00:21:01,391 (laughing) What about those sweaters? 527 00:21:01,391 --> 00:21:02,532 Oh! Oh, my--ohh! 528 00:21:02,532 --> 00:21:05,495 I still hear mine singing. (debbie and marty laugh) 529 00:21:05,495 --> 00:21:07,637 And p.S.--this fried turkey? Really bad. 530 00:21:07,637 --> 00:21:09,699 Disgusting. Ohh! 531 00:21:09,699 --> 00:21:11,871 Greatest thanksgiving ever. Yes, it was. 532 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,303 (moans) 533 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,746 (sniffs) guys? 534 00:21:17,807 --> 00:21:19,679 Something's burning In the backyard. 535 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:21,951 The deep fryer! Call 9-1-1! 536 00:21:21,951 --> 00:21:24,484 Uh-huh. (debbie) you just had to ask us For a deep-fried turkey! 537 00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:27,617 (max) I'm 8 years old, mom. Stop indulging me. 39190

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