All language subtitles for T O T S03E08 1080p WEB h264 ETHEL 52654_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,795 --> 00:00:04,963 - "What a loser. 2 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:06,089 "I hate ChaseDreams. He sucks. 3 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,465 "Loser. Loser. 4 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,050 "ChaseDreams sucks. Asshole. 5 00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:10,135 Loser. Sucks." 6 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,720 And that's just one comment. 7 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:12,762 - I'm so sorry. 8 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,974 This is all my fault. 9 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:17,892 I mean, it's not all my fault. 10 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,769 - It's just, everyone still thinks I'm this bad man, 11 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,146 and I'm not. - Yeah. 12 00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:23,773 - You know, and it's giving me anxiety. 13 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,942 - Hold on. 14 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,193 You have anxiety? 15 00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,945 - Yeah, and it's making me depressed. 16 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,447 - What--wait. 17 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:32,949 You have anxiety and depression? 18 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,118 - I mean, I guess so. 19 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,161 - Oh, my God. 20 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:38,079 I have a client... 21 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,330 [dramatic music] 22 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:43,084 Struggling with mental health. 23 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,003 Chase, you beautiful boy. 24 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,546 Do you know what this means? 25 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:49,174 There's money in singing, but if we can make you 26 00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:52,802 the face of mental health, my gosh-- 27 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,095 - Shuli, no. 28 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,138 This is disgusting. 29 00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,639 - Why? He has anxiety. 30 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,016 He said it himself. 31 00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,976 I thought you'd be on board with this. 32 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,604 He could do a lot of good. 33 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:03,897 - Oh. 34 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,147 Yeah? 35 00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,901 I mean, he does have anxiety, 36 00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,444 so it's not a lie. 37 00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:12,238 And having him talk about mental health 38 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,199 could empower others. 39 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:17,994 So I could do what I wanted all along: 40 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,120 Good. 41 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,246 [dramatic music] 42 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,664 I could finally do good-- 43 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,416 - Girl, don't just do the thing I did. 44 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,377 - Okay, sorry. How does this help me? 45 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:27,920 I just want to stop looking bad and go back to being me. 46 00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:29,214 - First things first, 47 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:30,882 we'll set you up with a therapist... 48 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:31,883 - Okay. 49 00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:32,926 - App. 50 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:35,095 A therapist app. 51 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,221 - Hi. 52 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,722 I'm pop singer ChaseDreams. 53 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,265 I used to be bad and want to punch my mom, 54 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,227 but then I went to therapy, and now, I'm all better, 55 00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:43,728 because therapy works, 56 00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,521 which is why I've partnered with BetterHealth 57 00:01:45,604 --> 00:01:48,650 to give away $1 million in free therapy to you. 58 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,820 Because we all struggle sometimes, including me, 59 00:01:51,902 --> 00:01:55,198 the new face of mental health, ChaseDreams. 60 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,491 - ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪ 61 00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,327 - And then we're gonna go shopping on Main Street, 62 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,162 and walk through that little park with the ducks. 63 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:02,622 Do you remember that park, Cary? 64 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,290 - Uh... - And then we're gonna go back 65 00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,750 to Lisa's and order dinner 66 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:07,127 from El Poncho Taqueria. 67 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:08,586 Ooh, I can't wait. 68 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:10,088 - I think you might be the first person ever 69 00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,673 to be excited to go to Ohio. 70 00:02:11,756 --> 00:02:12,966 - Well, I am. 71 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,427 Things have been so crazy here. 72 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,887 I just want a simple weekend back home. 73 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,681 Reconnect with the old me. 74 00:02:19,764 --> 00:02:21,266 Are you sure you don't wanna come? 75 00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:23,143 It is your high school reunion tonight. 76 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:24,436 - Yeah, no, 77 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,228 I am absolutely not going to that. 78 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,189 I just--I don't know. I thought I was gonna be 79 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,482 more successful by now. 80 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:30,775 Like, if I'm gonna go, 81 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,444 I need to make sure I fully win. 82 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,612 - Sorry. Aren't you so successful? 83 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:37,281 What about "Night Nurse" and "Emily Overruled" 84 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,659 and the Disney movie? And now "WindWeaver"? 85 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,786 I mean that show's a hit, Cary. 86 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,747 It's number one on Netflix, after that show 87 00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,957 where the puppies run the errands. 88 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:46,958 What else are you looking for? 89 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,376 - Yeah, I know it's a hit. 90 00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:49,793 But I still don't know 91 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,379 if they're gonna do more seasons, 92 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:52,881 so it's not like I have job security, 93 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,425 and even if they do, my character doesn't talk. 94 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,719 And it's just a dumb wizard show. 95 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,179 It's not, like, important or-- [motor revving] 96 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:00,805 - Oh, sorry, Cary. My copter's here. 97 00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:02,724 And I gotta get to my plane ASAP, 98 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,226 because all the stores on Main Street close at 3:15. 99 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,478 - Oh, this is my agent. 100 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,771 She wants me to give her a call. 101 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:09,272 Okay, well, have fun. 102 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,690 Tell no one I said hi. 103 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:11,900 - Cary... 104 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,151 [line trilling] 105 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,611 - Cary! - Hey, Mackenzie. 106 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,988 - Guess what. Or wait, can you hear me 107 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,073 over the sound of the ocean? 108 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,240 I'm back in the Hamptons. 109 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,450 - Again? 110 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,327 Yes. Yeah, I can hear you. 111 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,245 - Great, because I have incredible news. 112 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,539 Netflix just picked up "WindWeaver" 113 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,333 for three more seasons. 114 00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:29,584 - Wait. What? 115 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:30,877 - Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. 116 00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,504 It's the biggest show Netflix has 117 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:34,172 that doesn't involve puppies running errands. 118 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:35,298 Oh, and get this. 119 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,299 They wanna make you 120 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,841 a series regular. 121 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:40,345 - What? [laughs] 122 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,554 A series regular? 123 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,014 Wait. Is this real? 124 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,516 Like, how? Why? 125 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,517 - Well, you know how "WindWeaver" 126 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,643 is based on those books? 127 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:47,852 Apparently, the fifth book 128 00:03:47,977 --> 00:03:49,478 is being published Friday, 129 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,523 and in that book, it's revealed that your character, 130 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,900 the little serf elf with no lines, 131 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,861 is actually the one who weaves the wind. 132 00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,364 - What? 133 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,782 Holy fucking shit. 134 00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,784 My-- my character 135 00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:04,077 is the WindWeaver? 136 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,037 It's my--I'm the WindWeaver? 137 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,914 - It's insane. Right? 138 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,833 Apparently, the books end up being all about 139 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,043 how the least of us hold the most power, 140 00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:15,755 so your lowly, gay elf ends up being the WindWeaver. 141 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,507 Oh, did I mention your character's gay, too? 142 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,760 - So it's also important? - Yeah, and this will all be 143 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,429 on "Deadline" in, like, an hour. 144 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:24,639 - This is, comically, everything I ever wanted. 145 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,892 I guess--I guess I should go to my reunion. 146 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,895 Shit. Okay, it starts in six hours. 147 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,188 It's an eight-hour drive. 148 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,690 I'm gonna have to race. 149 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,567 Mackenzie, find me a rental car upstate, stat. 150 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,736 - That is not my job-- - Okay. 151 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,988 - Hi, everyone. Hello. Hi. 152 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:43,450 I just wanna say thank you so much for doing this. 153 00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,453 As you all know, Chase, and by extension, me, 154 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,912 are all about doing good now, 155 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,290 and more specifically, all about mental health, 156 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,250 which is why I am so proud 157 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:55,253 to be producing this telethon for "P!", 158 00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:58,548 which aims to raise $250 million 159 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,426 for mental health awareness. 160 00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,764 Clap for me. [applause] 161 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,099 Anyway, note that we're going live in a few, 162 00:05:08,183 --> 00:05:11,603 but I need this to go well, so if you have a prob, 163 00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,355 just let me or one of my co-EPs know. 164 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,023 - Hi. - But remember, 165 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:16,608 this was my idea, not theirs. 166 00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:17,984 - Yep. - Hmm. 167 00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,737 - Also, this is Effie, our COVID officer, 168 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,322 here to make sure that you are all 169 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,907 physically safe while working. 170 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,534 And this is Jules, our mental health officer, 171 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,744 who is here to make sure 172 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,412 that you are all emotionally safe. 173 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,624 Okay, I think I have all my bases covered. 174 00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:36,586 So let's go raise some insane money. 175 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,296 - Oh, please, don't say insane. 176 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,339 - Oh, sorry. 177 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:41,424 Thank you, Jules. 178 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,385 - Welcome to "ChaseDreams 179 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,136 "and BetterHealth present 180 00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:47,389 A Night of Undeniable Good," 181 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,474 an eight-hour event raising money 182 00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,476 for mental health awareness, 183 00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,311 featuring performances from singers 184 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:54,813 who get anxious sometimes, 185 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,107 like Lady Gaga, Ben Platt, 186 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,651 and the cast of "Hamilton," still. 187 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:02,112 Plus a teen mental health town hall 188 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,905 led by Dr. Gregory Neal, 189 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:06,741 and a powerful speech from Parkland survivor 190 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,285 insert name of Parkland survivor we can get. 191 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,287 - Whoops. - Now here's your host, 192 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,622 ChaseDreams. 193 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,165 - Hello. Good evening. 194 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:15,667 Thank you for joining me. 195 00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,085 As you know, mental health is something 196 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,170 I've cared deeply about for five weeks. 197 00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:20,755 - Hi. Um, sorry. 198 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,549 You know the therapist doing the town hall? 199 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,842 - Mm-hmm. - Apparently, 200 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,094 he's been sexually harassing the crew. 201 00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:28,555 - Wait. What? 202 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,391 - Aw, Lisa, it's so nice to be back. 203 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,018 Everything is just as I remembered. 204 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,853 - And don't you just love these jackets? 205 00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,730 Jenny's Jeans really does have the best stuff. 206 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,148 - I know. I love all the buttons 207 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,483 and the studs, and only $9. 208 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,985 - I mean, you really don't need to spend 209 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,528 more than $9 on a jacket. 210 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,113 There's no reason. - Nope. 211 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,575 Aw, and this pond is just as I remember, too. 212 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,326 And I bet these are even the same ducks. 213 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,786 [both chuckling] 214 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,288 - Do you want to feed them? 215 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,040 We could get bread at Benny's Bread. 216 00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,207 It's right on Main Street, next to Jenny's Jeans. 217 00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,294 - Aw, I'd love to. You know, it's really too bad 218 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,420 that Cary decided not to come. 219 00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,088 - Okay, if I keep going 90, 220 00:07:02,213 --> 00:07:04,924 I should be able to make it for at least the last hour. 221 00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,555 Aw. Aw. Oh, my God. 222 00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:11,723 Oh, my God. Thank you. 223 00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,058 Thank you. That's so nice. 224 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,559 Yeah, I was already planning on coming, 225 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:15,685 and then the news came out. 226 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,853 And the news came out. 227 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,438 So--Oh, my God. Thank you. 228 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,440 Aw, that's so nice. Thank you so much. 229 00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,649 Yes. Thank you. 230 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:22,734 Thank you. Thank you. 231 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,069 Thank you so much. 232 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,070 [urine streaming] 233 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,404 Out you go. 234 00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:27,781 I was already planning on coming. 235 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:28,907 Stop. ...the news came out. 236 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,367 Planning on coming anyway. 237 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,409 So nice. Thank you so much. 238 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,411 My God! 239 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,288 Whoa. I did? 240 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,998 I don't even remember that. 241 00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,584 [car horn honking] 242 00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,461 What the heck? - Hi, um... 243 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:45,423 You've been throwing piss on me for, like, the last hour. 244 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,758 Oh, wait. 245 00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,134 Are you the WindWeaver? 246 00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,469 - Oh, yeah. 247 00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:51,054 I am, yeah. Thank you. 248 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,556 - And let me guess: now you're racing home 249 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,767 to win your reunion. 250 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,102 - How'd you know that? 251 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,603 - 'Cause I just found out I'm gonna be 252 00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,313 Kamala Harris's new chief of staff, 253 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,690 so I'm racing home to win mine. 254 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,108 - Oh. - And here. 255 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,693 I recommend a diaper 256 00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:06,277 so you can make it in time, 257 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:08,530 but still show respect for other gays on the road 258 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:10,073 racing home to their reunions. 259 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,534 - Oh, is it more than just the two of-- 260 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,703 oh, yeah, there's one in front of me. 261 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,788 - Uh, okay, so obviously, 262 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,790 I can't have a sexual predator on my "Night 263 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,332 of Undeniable Good." - No, of course not. 264 00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:22,085 - But I also can't lose my mental health therapist 265 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,462 'cause he's here to do the good. 266 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:25,714 - Yeah. - Right. 267 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,966 - Was he grabbing girl or guy butts? 268 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,552 'Cause if it's guys, I mean... 269 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:34,639 - No, I don't know what you mean. 270 00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:35,974 - You know, I think Melanie 271 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,558 and Streeter and I have got this. 272 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:38,893 But thanks for letting us know, girl. 273 00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,477 Love you. - Thank you so much. 274 00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,397 - Yeah, love you. Love you. 275 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,606 Okay. How about we just ask 276 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,774 these women not to say anything? 277 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,152 You know, just stay silen... 278 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,988 Well, not stay silent. That's not what I'm saying. 279 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,781 It's just, you know, maybe these women 280 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,491 were flirting with him. Maybe they were asking for-- 281 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:54,868 eh... - [sighs] 282 00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,037 - Not asking for--oh, my God. 283 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,830 Everything people say that gets them in trouble, 284 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,790 I'm actually saying. It's crazy. 285 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,167 Your brain really does go there. 286 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:03,585 - Please, don't say crazy. 287 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,669 - Jesus. Yes. 288 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:05,837 Thank you, Jules. - Wait. 289 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:06,921 I know a Bravo therapist 290 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,465 who might be able to fill in. 291 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,924 But a heads-up: most of his advice 292 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,217 to the teens in crisis will be 293 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:12,635 to just let Bethenny be Bethenny. 294 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,970 - Fine. Whatever. 295 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,638 If he's a therapist, then call him. 296 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,849 Because the good move is to fire the predator, 297 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:20,101 so that is what I am doing. 298 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:23,980 Now I am off to watch more of my goodness. 299 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,316 - Thank you, John Krasinski, for that beautiful poem 300 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,525 while flexing. 301 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,860 When we come back, a message 302 00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:30,570 from a Parkland survivor. 303 00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,030 And before that, three performances 304 00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,948 from John Legend that will make you say, 305 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,951 "Huh, I think he just doesn't like to be home." 306 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,203 - Okay. 307 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:40,038 - Hi, um, more bad news. 308 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,165 Apparently, the Parkland survivor 309 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:43,540 has COVID. 310 00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:46,211 - Oh, my God. 311 00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,420 Okay. Okay. 312 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,381 Okay. 313 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,217 [driven march music playing] 314 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:54,260 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 315 00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:55,887 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 316 00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,515 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 317 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,141 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 318 00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,185 - ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 319 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,396 - ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 320 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:08,692 both: ♪ Because we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 321 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,694 - Oh, look, a third gay. 322 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,529 - ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 323 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,239 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 324 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,616 - ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 325 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,243 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 326 00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,412 both: ♪ And now I am sitting in my own pee ♪ 327 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,455 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 328 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:26,084 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 329 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,503 - [laughs] - No, but really. 330 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:31,923 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 331 00:10:32,048 --> 00:10:34,009 - ♪ See me ♪ - ♪ All my classmates ♪ 332 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,094 ♪ With their sad little lives ♪ 333 00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,388 - ♪ Sad little lives ♪ - ♪ Think of what they'll say ♪ 334 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,724 ♪ How they'll swoon and scream ♪ 335 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:45,020 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 336 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:47,022 - Holy shit, Cary Dubek? - Oh, my God. 337 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,606 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 338 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,941 Cary Dubek's here. 339 00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,192 - This is literally like 340 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,236 if Brad Pitt came to his reunion. 341 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,280 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 342 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,948 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 343 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,075 ♪ 'Cause high school for us was full of tears ♪ 344 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,952 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 345 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,121 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 346 00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,581 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 347 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,623 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 348 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,042 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 349 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,085 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 350 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:13,548 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 351 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,759 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 352 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,057 - It makes it look, like, super clean 353 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:23,767 or something like that. Oh, my God. 354 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,019 This is gorgeous, Lisa. 355 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:28,938 - Yep. Finally, have my dream kitchen. 356 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,273 - Oh, I'm so jealous. 357 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,150 I wish my kitchen was bee themed. 358 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,985 - And I saved money on a designer 359 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,196 by buying this little stencil kit at Kathy's Crafts 360 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,114 on the other side of Jenny's Jeans, 361 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,200 and just stenciling the bees on myself. 362 00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:42,285 - I love that you have bees flying around 363 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,578 on every single cupboard. 364 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,829 - I actually did bees flying 365 00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,039 around the whole house. 366 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,165 I mean, why not? I had the stencil. 367 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,501 - I'm gonna take a picture. 368 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,336 This is so cozy. - Thanks. 369 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,462 - And aw. 370 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,630 I used to have that sign. 371 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,964 - Don't you love it? 372 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,508 Meg got me that for Mother's Day. 373 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,093 She and Mark know to only ever get me something 374 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,053 with a bee on it now, or else. 375 00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,596 - And how are Meg and Mark? 376 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:02,931 - The same. That reminds me. 377 00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,182 How's Brooke? 378 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,101 What's she up to now? - Oh... 379 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:08,436 - Are you sure he can't stay for seven more minutes? 380 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,313 You know, he's on right after the break. 381 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:11,523 - Sorry. Protocol. 382 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,565 - Yes, totally. 383 00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,317 Safety is so key. 384 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,360 Fuck. 385 00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:16,528 I can't lose my therapist 386 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,238 and my Parkland teen. 387 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,906 Do you know how humiliating it will be 388 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,950 to have an eight-hour mental health telethon 389 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,244 without one Parkland kid in it? 390 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,704 - Ooh, I know. 391 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:26,830 What if we chloroform her? 392 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,248 - Oh, my God, Streeter, no. 393 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:29,708 We can't chloroform the COVID lady 394 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,376 on my "Night of Undeniable Good." 395 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:32,544 - Fine. 396 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,712 - [whispering] This way. This way. 397 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,046 - What? - Hmm? 398 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,214 - Where are we going? - I have an idea. 399 00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:37,841 I saw a broom closet upstairs. 400 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,176 What if we just... lock her in it for ten? 401 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,803 - Are you out of your mind? 402 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,555 - That feels just as bad as chloroforming her. 403 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,056 - No, it's no big deal. 404 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,391 We just lead her in 405 00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,726 and let the door shut behind her. 406 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,394 And then we say, "Oh, no. 407 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:50,729 "We thought this was him. 408 00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,397 Our bad. We'll go get help." 409 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,692 And then we just let her out right after he speaks. 410 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,068 No harm, no foul. 411 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:57,902 - Sorry. 412 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:58,987 Excuse me. 413 00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,321 His dressing room's up here? 414 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,322 - I think so. 415 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:02,282 Almost there. 416 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,908 - You cannot lock a full woman 417 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,827 in a broom closet on our night of good. 418 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,620 - We'd still be doing net good. 419 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,831 It's one woman in a closet for half of "Seinfeld" 420 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:13,293 so millions of teens can hear this Parkland kid's message. 421 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,045 - I mean, his speech is beautiful. 422 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,921 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 423 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,423 - Breakdown to the stage. 424 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,176 - Okay, fine. But just ten minutes. 425 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,553 - Okay, hands in. We're doing good on three. 426 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,763 One, two, three. 427 00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,930 all: We are doing good. 428 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,515 - Okay. 429 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,603 ♪ ♪ 430 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,271 Let's do this. 431 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:40,403 ♪ ♪ 432 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,995 [indistinct conversations] 433 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,795 [sighs] 434 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:57,796 I feel so stupid. 435 00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,963 No one here is gonna-- 436 00:13:59,047 --> 00:13:59,964 - Holy shit. 437 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,007 Cary Dubek. 438 00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:02,467 - Oh, my God. 439 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,803 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 440 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,846 Cary Dubek is here. 441 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:07,847 - Whoa! 442 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:08,848 This is like if Brad Pitt 443 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,183 came to his reunion. 444 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,477 - Wait. This is literally the song. 445 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,354 - Oh, my God. I can't believe you came. 446 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,272 - Cary Dubes, dude. - Yeah. 447 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,066 - Wait a minute. What's going on? 448 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,651 It kind of smells like piss over here. 449 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:22,278 - Oh, that's for sure me. 450 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,864 I'm literally covered in piss 24/7. 451 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,157 It's the joy of having a one-year-old. 452 00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,034 - Oh. [laughter] 453 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,203 - Wow. Cary Dubek, hi. 454 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,996 - Sorry. Can I get a pic? 455 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,623 My wife and I love "WindWeaver," 456 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,542 and now you're the full star? 457 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,668 - Thank you. 458 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:37,836 That's so nice. 459 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:44,676 But, um, uh, ah, are, ew. 460 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,428 - Sorry. What's that, Cary? 461 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:48,388 - Uh, ow are you? 462 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:51,016 - Oh. I think he's asking how we are. 463 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,434 - Yeah. Sorry. 464 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,561 - Oh, no. We see each other 24/7. 465 00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,146 I'm sick of hearing about these people. 466 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,690 - Yeah. - Seriously. 467 00:14:58,773 --> 00:14:59,983 - So wait. 468 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,818 You just want me to talk about myself 469 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,862 all night? 470 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,613 all: Yes! [laughter] 471 00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,658 - I mean, if you insist. 472 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,703 [song concluding] 473 00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:12,871 - Thank you, John Legend. 474 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,539 Another B-plus. 475 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,083 And now, a quick announcement for all you at home. 476 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,461 Starting now, if you tweet about the show 477 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,005 using the hashtag #ANightOfUndeniableGood, 478 00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:23,757 you will get one month of therapy 479 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,091 courtesy of BetterHealth. 480 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,593 So tell all your mentally ill friends 481 00:15:26,718 --> 00:15:28,720 to tune in and tweet, and let's make this 482 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:31,473 the most-watched telethon ever. 483 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,683 Okay, we'll be right back after the break 484 00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:36,519 with insert name of whatever Parkland teen we get. 485 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,355 - Okay. Set's right this way. 486 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,606 Follow us. 487 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:41,316 - I'm trying. You're just going really fast. 488 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:42,734 - Well, we're just eager to get you 489 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:43,735 out there to tell your story. 490 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:44,819 - Hello? - Hey. 491 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,029 Is COVID lady still in there? 492 00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,697 - Mm-hmm. Help's on the way. Sorry. 493 00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:49,741 We really thought this was his dressing room. 494 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,117 - Okay. - I feel so weird 495 00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,118 about this, Brooke. 496 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,244 Like, that Parkland kid 497 00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,245 does have COVID. - No. 498 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:55,747 Do not get cold feet now. 499 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,458 Plus, who can he hurt in the next minute? 500 00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,793 - Hi. Sia? 501 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,252 I'm such a huge fan. 502 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:02,921 "Rolling In The Deep" is one of my favorite songs. 503 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:05,090 - Fuck. He's giving Sia COVID. 504 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,383 - Hey. Hey, bud? 505 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,592 Let's just keep it moving, okay? 506 00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:08,927 I'm sure Sia is very busy. 507 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,261 - Can I maybe give you a hug? 508 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,429 - No, no. - No. 509 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:12,764 You know what? It's fine. 510 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224 Everyone has to be vaccinated, 511 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725 so even if she does get it, it'll be a cold. 512 00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:16,768 She's young. - Right. 513 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,061 - And is this your grandma? 514 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,104 - I have to give you a hug, too. 515 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,105 - Oh, my God. 516 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,231 We killed Sia's grandma. 517 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,774 We killed Sia's grandma. 518 00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,234 - Streeter, quit being psycho. 519 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,694 - Oh, please don't say psycho. 520 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:26,903 - God, can someone 521 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,321 please put a bell on them? 522 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:29,823 - Shit. He's on in 10 seconds. 523 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,116 Uh... uh... 524 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,951 [inhales deeply] 525 00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,119 Grandma, stay away from the boy. 526 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,286 Step back, Grandma. 527 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:36,871 - What? What? - Up we go. 528 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,331 No, no. Don't worry. 529 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,958 We're all doing good. We're doing good here. 530 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:40,959 - This is good. - Okay. 531 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,293 Good coming through. 532 00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:43,461 - What he's doing is good. - It's all good! 533 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,130 - And now, a moving message 534 00:16:45,255 --> 00:16:47,799 from Parkland survivor Cameron Kasky. 535 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,052 - Thank you, Chase. 536 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:53,054 As many of you may know... [coughs] 537 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,514 - [sighs] - Hi. 538 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,642 We have a problem with Ben Platt. 539 00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,644 - What the fuck? 540 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:00,770 [laughter] - God. 541 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,480 You are just so famous now. 542 00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,315 - And it makes sense. I remember in high school, 543 00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,984 you won "Most likely to win an Academy Award." 544 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,153 - I did? 545 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,487 I don't even remember that. 546 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,489 - God, I don't know what I won. 547 00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,867 - Well, I got "most likely to succeed," which is sad, 548 00:17:13,992 --> 00:17:15,160 'cause now I'm a dentist, 549 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,493 which is nothing compared to Cary. 550 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,539 - Oh, being a dentist isn't nothing. 551 00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,833 Yes, it is. It's truly nothing. 552 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,667 [laughter] 553 00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,838 - Seriously, I tell everyone I was in "Grease" with you. 554 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,339 - Oh, that's sweet. 555 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,508 Are you still acting? - Oh, no. 556 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,177 I do marketing for a local theater now, 557 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:34,179 which is nice, 'cause the hours are flexible, 558 00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,638 but it's still creative. 559 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,224 God, this must sound so small time to you. 560 00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:41,019 - No. Please, you are not small time. 561 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,645 Yes, she is. She is small, I am big. 562 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,148 - And, hey. I'm so happy you're out now. 563 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,942 I had no idea you were closeted in school. 564 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:49,152 It must have been so hard. 565 00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,946 - No, no. And now, I'm winning. 566 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,698 So let's go back to how I'm winning. 567 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,536 - Hi. - Hey. 568 00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,537 - Wow. 569 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,663 - Hey, Owen? 570 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,040 So cool you're here. 571 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,249 Great to see you. 572 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,876 - Yeah. I wasn't gonna come, 573 00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,504 but I just got some insane news. 574 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,714 - What? - I'm gonna be... 575 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,841 an understudy on Broadway. 576 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:14,177 - Wow. That's so cool. 577 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,637 - You should talk to Cary Dubek 578 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,055 since you guys are, like, in the same industry. 579 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,890 Hey, yo, Dubes. 580 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:20,850 - Wait. You came? Fuck! 581 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,727 I can't be the second most successful gay 582 00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,814 at this reunion. That's fucking nothing. 583 00:18:25,897 --> 00:18:28,358 No. Gosh. 584 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,777 [laughs] We're having a great time. 585 00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,070 - Jesus. 586 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,905 - This is the best night of my life. 587 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,574 I may need to sing again. 588 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:38,243 - Shit. But we already announced 589 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,538 their company's $100-million donation on air. 590 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,289 - But that was before the company CEO found out 591 00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,874 there was a gay person on the show. 592 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,085 And he's crazy conservative, and he says 593 00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,254 that if we let Ben Platt perform, 594 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,089 he'll take their money back. 595 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,549 I'm so sorry. - Well, thank you. 596 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,300 Where are you going? - Fuck. 597 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:55,635 Doing good is impossible. 598 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,929 No wonder I didn't do it for 35 years. 599 00:18:58,013 --> 00:18:59,264 - Okay, so what do we do? 600 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,057 - Let me just try and go talk to him. 601 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,267 - Right. 602 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,352 - I mean, listen, I hate gays too. 603 00:19:04,436 --> 00:19:06,021 Penises in butts? 604 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,189 How and why, sir? 605 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,774 They're the ones who are mentally ill. 606 00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,234 Am I right? 607 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,611 It's just that Ben's already here, you know, 608 00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:18,450 so let's just... let him do his little song. 609 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,619 - Sorry. But I won't budge on this. 610 00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,246 - I mean, can you believe it? 611 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,498 He will take his money back if you perform. 612 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,584 - Jesus. That is so shitty. 613 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,376 - I know. 614 00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:32,672 So obviously, you-- 615 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,758 - Are going out there, more determined than ever 616 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,176 to not be silenced. 617 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:40,221 - Yas, queen. 618 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,599 Fucking gay people. Fuck. 619 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,976 - Okay, I know. What if we chloroform him? 620 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,978 - No. Let's just game this out. 621 00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,813 - All right. - We can't tell Ben to leave, 622 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,315 'cause that would look bad. - Yeah. 623 00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:51,858 - Plus, mental health does affect 624 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,360 the LGBTQ community, 625 00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,320 so it is good to have a gay person on this. 626 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:57,155 - Representation is worth so much. 627 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,823 - But is it worth $100 million? 628 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:01,576 - I don't know. - Like, if it was 5 or 10... 629 00:20:01,659 --> 00:20:03,453 - Brooke, hey. - Hi. 630 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,538 - I had an idea. What if we do a thing 631 00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,332 where, every time someone buys my last album, 632 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:08,708 they get a month of free therapy? 633 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,794 - What? Absolutely not. That's gross. 634 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:13,046 - But we just said if people tweet about this show, 635 00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:14,547 they get a month of therapy. What's the difference? 636 00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,424 - Well, Bud, you'd be doing it 637 00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:18,510 to help album sales, which is bad. 638 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,887 But I'm doing it to help promote this show 639 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,890 that helps the whole world, which is good. 640 00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,141 So... 641 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,184 - No, yeah. 642 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,352 Yeah, right. 643 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,646 Sorry for asking. 644 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,563 - Okay. 645 00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,232 I know what we're gonna do. 646 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,400 We're gonna accidentally lock Ben Platt 647 00:20:33,525 --> 00:20:34,984 in the broom closet, too. 648 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,444 - Okay. 649 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,238 - Yeah, I mean, I've had an agent for a while, 650 00:20:38,363 --> 00:20:40,448 but now I have a lawyer and a manager. 651 00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,450 - That is so crazy. 652 00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,244 - I have none of that. 653 00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,495 - ♪ It's happening ♪ 654 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,080 ♪ Look how they fawn ♪ 655 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:49,374 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 656 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,584 - Wow. - Yeah, we shoot in Croatia, 657 00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,295 but luckily, they have to fly me first. 658 00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:55,714 - Lucky. 659 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,382 - We did a friend trip to Hawaii last year, 660 00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:59,092 and we were in the very last row of coach. 661 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,218 - Aw. 662 00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:01,970 ♪ It's happening ♪ 663 00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,304 ♪ I am their god ♪ 664 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,473 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 665 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:08,059 - Hey, would you mind FaceTiming my brother-in-law? 666 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,811 He's a huge fan. 667 00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,604 - My brother-in-law's also a fan. 668 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:13,356 - Girls, girls, there is plenty of me 669 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,984 for every brother-in-law. [laughter] 670 00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,028 ♪ Their lives were empty before I came ♪ 671 00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:21,364 ♪ 'Cause they're just people, but I have fame ♪ 672 00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:23,533 all: Aw. - Already? 673 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,243 - But I guess I do need to relieve the sitter. 674 00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,619 - And what time is soccer tomorrow? 675 00:21:26,745 --> 00:21:28,079 - Drinks on Thursday, right? - Love you. 676 00:21:28,163 --> 00:21:30,165 - ♪ They'll never forget this epic night ♪ 677 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,708 - It was so great seeing you. 678 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:34,461 - ♪ I hope when I leave, they will be all right ♪ 679 00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:36,254 - I think we can all safely say, 680 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:37,922 you won this reunion, bro. 681 00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:39,841 - ♪ Tonight was just how I hoped it'd be ♪ 682 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:42,093 ♪ Add this to the list of successes for me ♪ 683 00:21:42,177 --> 00:21:44,095 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 684 00:21:44,179 --> 00:21:46,097 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 685 00:21:46,181 --> 00:21:50,518 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 686 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:57,734 ♪ And won the night ♪ 687 00:21:58,735 --> 00:21:59,778 Ha! 688 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,533 [engine turns over] 689 00:22:33,228 --> 00:22:35,689 Let's see. 690 00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:40,485 - That's why we call it wine o'clock Zumba. 691 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:43,154 - Food's here from Pat's fave. - Yum-yum! 692 00:22:43,238 --> 00:22:45,865 I have been dreaming about El Pancho Taqueria. 693 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:49,494 - That's 'cause nobody does Mexican like Tony and Mike. 694 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:52,330 - Anyway, you have to come back next summer, too, 695 00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:53,873 so you can pontoon. 696 00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:57,002 - Oh, 100%. I will be on that pontoon. 697 00:22:57,127 --> 00:22:59,004 - We thought it was gonna be a hassle having one. 698 00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:00,755 You know, taking it out in the winter. 699 00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:03,508 But you just pay one fee, and the marina does it all. 700 00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,343 - Love that. - But if you do go, Pat, 701 00:23:05,427 --> 00:23:08,847 do not let Robin pull you on that tube. 702 00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:12,142 She nearly broke my neck she went so fast. 703 00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:14,352 - You just had one too many Kim Crawfords. 704 00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:15,937 - Uh, it was the weekend. 705 00:23:16,021 --> 00:23:18,898 There's no such thing as one too many Kim Cs. 706 00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:20,859 - I'm on her side. 707 00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:23,611 - And speaking of, I just wanna say, 708 00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:25,697 thank you so much for having me back. 709 00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:27,907 This has truly been the perfect day. 710 00:23:28,033 --> 00:23:29,576 - Melanie, let the COVID lady out. 711 00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:31,202 We need the closet for Ben Platt. 712 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,370 - Wait. What? 713 00:23:32,495 --> 00:23:33,830 Okay. 714 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:36,166 Hi, ma'am. I am so sorry about the mix-up. 715 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:38,376 We--wait. Where did she go? 716 00:23:38,460 --> 00:23:40,378 [gasps] Oh, my God. 717 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:41,880 I think she escaped through the vents. 718 00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:44,341 - What? There's a lady in the vents 719 00:23:44,424 --> 00:23:46,217 on my "Night of Undeniable Good"? 720 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:48,053 - It absolutely appears so. 721 00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,304 - Ugh! 722 00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:50,680 So if we can't throw Ben in a closet, 723 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:51,890 how else are we gonna distract him 724 00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:53,516 so he misses his performance? 725 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,393 - Well, I know you're gonna be mad, but-- 726 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:56,853 - Streeter, no chloroform. 727 00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:57,896 Now think. 728 00:23:57,979 --> 00:24:00,190 How else can we distract a gay man? 729 00:24:00,273 --> 00:24:01,191 - Oh, my God. 730 00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:03,568 Brooke, I'm a daddy. 731 00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:06,154 - [humming] 732 00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:07,697 - [pounding on door] 733 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:09,115 Hey, twink. - Excuse me? 734 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,909 - What do you say we blow off this fundraiser 735 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,244 and I go... 736 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:16,289 step on your bones, or break your neck? 737 00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:17,665 Or is it legs? 738 00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:18,958 I'm going to-- I'm going to-- 739 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:21,586 I will break any bone in your body 740 00:24:21,670 --> 00:24:23,463 that you want me to break. 741 00:24:24,881 --> 00:24:27,175 - Well, Ben Platt filed a sexual harassment complaint 742 00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:29,761 against you, so I guess I have to fire you now, too? 743 00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:31,763 - Okay, but this is great. 744 00:24:31,846 --> 00:24:34,224 This means he isn't gay, or he would have loved that. 745 00:24:34,307 --> 00:24:36,393 - Oh, just go. - Brooke! 746 00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:39,187 Sorry, but Ben's on in 15 minutes. 747 00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:40,438 - Fuck. 748 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,565 I can't lose $100 million. 749 00:24:42,649 --> 00:24:44,109 - I know. 750 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,407 Maybe Streeter was right? 751 00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:54,577 Maybe we do chloroform him? 752 00:24:56,830 --> 00:25:00,709 - I actually saw some in the broom closet. 753 00:25:12,804 --> 00:25:14,639 - Refinance today, and your new loan 754 00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:16,516 could save you hundreds of dollars. 755 00:25:16,641 --> 00:25:18,518 - And get one of our certified pre-owns at Akron Auto World, 756 00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,645 home of the most enormous American flag you've 757 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:22,522 ever seen in your goddamn-- 758 00:25:25,734 --> 00:25:28,111 - [sighs] Where is the turnoff? 759 00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:14,115 What the fuck? Did I just miss the turnoff? 760 00:26:14,199 --> 00:26:16,785 And why does it smell like full piss in here? 761 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:19,788 - Okay, but like... - Uh-huh. 762 00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,706 - It's good that we're chloroforming Ben Pratt, 763 00:26:21,790 --> 00:26:23,541 because this money can help a lot of people. 764 00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:26,044 And he said he was tired when he got here, 765 00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:28,254 so he'll just think he slept through his song. 766 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:30,256 - Plus, I already have the "Hamilton" cast 767 00:26:30,382 --> 00:26:31,758 ready to go on instead. 768 00:26:31,883 --> 00:26:32,801 They're gonna sing "The Room Where It Happens," 769 00:26:32,884 --> 00:26:33,927 but in this version, 770 00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:35,553 the room is a therapist's office. 771 00:26:35,679 --> 00:26:36,680 - Ew. 772 00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:37,681 Maybe it's worth $100 million 773 00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:38,973 to not hear that. 774 00:26:39,057 --> 00:26:40,934 Also, like, what if we kill Ben Platt? 775 00:26:41,059 --> 00:26:43,353 - Oh, my God. We're not gonna kill Ben Platt. 776 00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:44,896 Just focus. 777 00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:47,732 We are doing this for good. 778 00:26:49,025 --> 00:26:51,444 But if you ever say anything about the good 779 00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:54,614 that we did here, I will end you. 780 00:26:54,739 --> 00:26:56,408 - Okay, fine. 781 00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:57,742 Let's do this. 782 00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:03,415 both: Hi. 783 00:27:03,540 --> 00:27:04,749 - Hey. What's up? 784 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:06,084 - Do you think that-- 785 00:27:06,209 --> 00:27:08,628 - Just stay there, because... 786 00:27:08,753 --> 00:27:10,255 - We just wanna... 787 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:11,548 [creaking] 788 00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:12,841 - [yelps] 789 00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:14,175 - Oh, my-- - Oh, my God! 790 00:27:14,259 --> 00:27:16,720 - Jesus Christ. Are you okay? 791 00:27:16,803 --> 00:27:18,054 - Oh. - Hey, girl, 792 00:27:18,138 --> 00:27:20,598 aw, we just sent the maintenance man up. 793 00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:21,808 - Who the fuck is this? 794 00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:24,227 - Oh, are you Ben Platt? 795 00:27:24,310 --> 00:27:26,271 - Yes. 796 00:27:26,396 --> 00:27:28,732 - Well, you have COVID and need to leave immediately. 797 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,525 - I--what? - Wait, what? 798 00:27:30,608 --> 00:27:32,652 - Yeah. - Yes! 799 00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:34,404 I mean, no. 800 00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:35,447 He does? 801 00:27:35,572 --> 00:27:36,865 Oh, so he can't perform? 802 00:27:36,948 --> 00:27:38,533 He can't perform, and it's his fault. 803 00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:40,160 - Fuck. This sucks. 804 00:27:40,285 --> 00:27:42,120 I feel like I'm letting the whole gay community down. 805 00:27:42,245 --> 00:27:43,496 - You are. 806 00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:45,707 You are letting them down. 807 00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:49,294 Melanie, girl, we fucking did it. 808 00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:50,337 Fuck! [laughs] 809 00:27:50,462 --> 00:27:51,796 - Okay. 810 00:27:55,508 --> 00:27:57,093 - Hi, can I use your bathroom, please? 811 00:27:57,177 --> 00:27:58,636 - It's out of order. - That's okay. 812 00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:00,805 I just need the bathroom room. 813 00:28:02,140 --> 00:28:04,809 - Why do you need the bathroom room? 814 00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:06,311 - 'Cause I'm wearing a fucking diaper, 815 00:28:06,436 --> 00:28:07,687 and I need to take it off. 816 00:28:07,812 --> 00:28:09,105 Yep. I've been sitting in my own piss 817 00:28:09,189 --> 00:28:10,982 for the last six hours, so may I please 818 00:28:11,107 --> 00:28:12,650 just use your bathroom room 819 00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,944 so I can take off my diaper, kind sir? 820 00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:18,323 - Sounds like you had a pretty rough night. 821 00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:19,657 - It's actually one of the best nights 822 00:28:19,783 --> 00:28:20,992 of my entire life. 823 00:28:44,349 --> 00:28:45,725 Ugh. 824 00:28:47,185 --> 00:28:48,353 God. 825 00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:04,035 [phone vibrates] 826 00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:14,212 What? Is there no service in here? 827 00:29:20,677 --> 00:29:22,345 Fuck. 828 00:29:29,144 --> 00:29:33,231 Come on. 829 00:29:33,356 --> 00:29:34,441 Fuck. 830 00:29:36,526 --> 00:29:38,528 What the fucking fuck? 831 00:29:40,196 --> 00:29:42,741 - Well, this night sucked my ass. 832 00:29:42,866 --> 00:29:45,452 - Yeah. That was 100% cuckoo bananas. 833 00:29:45,577 --> 00:29:48,079 - Oh, yeah, please don't say "cuckoo bananas." 834 00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:49,247 Just kidding. Have a great night. 835 00:29:49,330 --> 00:29:50,582 - Okay. [tires squealing] 836 00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:51,916 - Oh! Watch where you're going, 837 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,126 you fucking psycho. 838 00:29:53,251 --> 00:29:54,586 - Oh, my God. - Oh, but hey, 839 00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:55,920 this might cheer you up. 840 00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:57,422 Chase's album is number one on iTunes. 841 00:29:57,505 --> 00:29:58,548 - Wait. What? 842 00:29:58,631 --> 00:30:00,008 What do you mean? - Yeah. 843 00:30:00,091 --> 00:30:01,426 He tweeted he'd give a free month of therapy 844 00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:02,969 to anyone who bought his last album, 845 00:30:03,094 --> 00:30:04,387 and this whole country is sick, 846 00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:06,222 so it went straight to number one. 847 00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:07,891 Kind of smart. Well-- 848 00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:09,309 - Wait. No. 849 00:30:09,434 --> 00:30:11,394 I specifically told him not to do that, 850 00:30:11,478 --> 00:30:14,272 and he just did anyway? Fuck. 851 00:30:14,397 --> 00:30:17,025 The whole reason we pivoted him to mental health 852 00:30:17,108 --> 00:30:19,569 was so that people wouldn't think he was bad anymore. 853 00:30:19,652 --> 00:30:21,613 But then he does this shit thing? 854 00:30:21,738 --> 00:30:22,947 Ugh! 855 00:30:23,031 --> 00:30:26,659 Why is it so hard to do good? 856 00:30:26,785 --> 00:30:28,453 - Okay, if you do think that, 857 00:30:28,578 --> 00:30:31,956 I wouldn't look behind you right now. 858 00:30:32,082 --> 00:30:34,959 [discordant music] 859 00:30:35,085 --> 00:30:38,546 ♪ ♪ 860 00:30:39,631 --> 00:30:43,218 - What in the actual fuck? 861 00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:49,683 - Hi. 862 00:30:49,808 --> 00:30:50,809 Can I use your bathroom, please? 863 00:30:50,934 --> 00:30:52,310 - Another one? 864 00:30:52,435 --> 00:30:54,437 Right. Totally forgot. 865 00:30:54,521 --> 00:30:56,022 It's reunion season. 866 00:30:56,106 --> 00:30:59,025 There's actually another diaper guy in there now, but-- 867 00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:00,860 we should probably check on him. 868 00:31:01,653 --> 00:31:02,612 How are you doing? 869 00:31:02,696 --> 00:31:05,323 - My own piss in my eyes. 870 00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:06,991 - Oh, god. 871 00:31:08,618 --> 00:31:10,662 - I can-- 872 00:31:10,787 --> 00:31:12,205 I can take it from here. 873 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,669 - I don't know. I don't--I'm lost. 874 00:31:17,794 --> 00:31:21,006 I'm, like, fucking lost. 875 00:31:21,131 --> 00:31:23,174 - Yeah, no. I'm lost too. 876 00:31:23,299 --> 00:31:26,011 - No. I think I'm, like, lost lost. 877 00:31:26,136 --> 00:31:27,762 Like, I just had this great night, 878 00:31:27,846 --> 00:31:33,476 and immediately, I don't know, left and just felt unhappy-- 879 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,228 or, like, not happy, 880 00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:36,938 and I don't know why. 881 00:31:37,022 --> 00:31:38,189 Like, I am the star 882 00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:39,566 of the number-one show on Netflix 883 00:31:39,691 --> 00:31:41,109 without puppies shopping. 884 00:31:41,192 --> 00:31:44,779 So why do I feel like I'm about to fucking cry? 885 00:31:44,863 --> 00:31:47,323 - I feel lost lost, too, 886 00:31:47,407 --> 00:31:50,201 which is insane, 'cause I have Kamala's phone number. 887 00:31:50,285 --> 00:31:53,496 Like, if I called her now, she'd answer. 888 00:31:53,580 --> 00:31:56,207 - It's just like I have everything I ever wanted. 889 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:58,043 So what am I missing? 890 00:31:58,126 --> 00:32:00,128 Like what else am I looking for? 891 00:32:00,211 --> 00:32:02,005 [phone rings] 892 00:32:03,548 --> 00:32:08,386 Oh, one of my classmates is videoing me on Instagram. 893 00:32:08,470 --> 00:32:10,347 [phone ringing] - So weird. 894 00:32:10,430 --> 00:32:13,892 One of my classmates is videoing me, too. 895 00:32:14,017 --> 00:32:15,226 Hello? - Hello. 896 00:32:15,310 --> 00:32:16,394 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 897 00:32:16,478 --> 00:32:17,562 He picked up. Shut up. 898 00:32:17,687 --> 00:32:18,563 Hi. It's Alicia. 899 00:32:18,688 --> 00:32:19,939 Sorry. 900 00:32:20,065 --> 00:32:21,232 I don't mean to be a full stalker-- 901 00:32:21,316 --> 00:32:22,275 - Yes, we do. 902 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:23,276 - We were just talking 903 00:32:23,401 --> 00:32:24,819 about how you won 904 00:32:24,903 --> 00:32:26,404 "most likely to win an Academy Award." 905 00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:27,739 So we got out Jesse's yearbook, 906 00:32:27,822 --> 00:32:29,240 and guess what I won. 907 00:32:29,324 --> 00:32:30,575 - Wait for it. - "Most likely to win 908 00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:32,660 an Academy Award for Best Actress." 909 00:32:32,744 --> 00:32:34,245 [laughter] 910 00:32:34,371 --> 00:32:36,331 So you should feel really good about yourself 911 00:32:36,414 --> 00:32:38,333 because I'm a literal dog walker now. 912 00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:40,418 - [laughs] Thank you. - Wait. 913 00:32:40,543 --> 00:32:41,795 Cary, what are you doing now? 914 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:42,837 Want to come hang? 915 00:32:42,921 --> 00:32:44,255 I mean, I'm sure, no, 916 00:32:44,381 --> 00:32:45,840 'cause you're fully famous 917 00:32:45,924 --> 00:32:47,300 and we're just, like, watching "Survivor." 918 00:32:47,425 --> 00:32:48,593 - Oh, I thought only gay people 919 00:32:48,677 --> 00:32:50,011 watched "Survivor" now. - What? 920 00:32:50,095 --> 00:32:51,513 - I think everyone does. 921 00:32:51,596 --> 00:32:53,515 Anyway, it's just a cazh friend hang, 922 00:32:53,598 --> 00:32:55,558 if you want to come. - Yes, come! 923 00:32:55,642 --> 00:32:57,268 - Come on, Dubes. - Max, Max, Max. 924 00:32:57,394 --> 00:32:59,270 You gotta come. It's a friend hang. 925 00:32:59,354 --> 00:33:00,397 - Okay, no, let's let him go. 926 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,606 But come if you want. 927 00:33:01,731 --> 00:33:03,191 I'll DM you the address. 928 00:33:03,274 --> 00:33:05,068 - Okay. Great. Great. 929 00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:06,986 I appreciate it. 930 00:33:09,739 --> 00:33:13,576 God, it's so obvious what I've been missing. 931 00:33:14,786 --> 00:33:16,788 - It's so clear what I need. 932 00:33:18,331 --> 00:33:22,585 Hey, would you want to get a drink as frien-- 933 00:33:22,669 --> 00:33:23,837 wait, what? 934 00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:25,255 - Mackenzie, 935 00:33:25,338 --> 00:33:27,340 I need to win the Academy Award 936 00:33:27,465 --> 00:33:29,759 for Best Actor in a Motion Picture. 937 00:33:29,843 --> 00:33:32,095 [engine revving] 938 00:33:35,348 --> 00:33:36,599 - Good night, Pat. 939 00:33:36,683 --> 00:33:38,268 - Good night, Lisa. 940 00:33:43,815 --> 00:33:47,318 [line trilling] 941 00:33:52,032 --> 00:33:54,701 - Wazzup? 942 00:33:54,826 --> 00:33:56,286 I'm not here. Leave a message 943 00:33:56,369 --> 00:34:00,540 after the beep. [voice mail beeps] 944 00:34:00,665 --> 00:34:03,752 - Hey, I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. 945 00:34:03,835 --> 00:34:06,838 And I just wanted to let you know about my day. 946 00:34:06,963 --> 00:34:08,882 My friend picked me up from the airport, 947 00:34:09,007 --> 00:34:10,675 and we went shopping 948 00:34:10,759 --> 00:34:14,763 and then got ice cream and fed the ducks in the park, 949 00:34:14,846 --> 00:34:16,848 then went back to her house and ordered dinner 950 00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:19,391 with some other friends. 951 00:34:19,516 --> 00:34:21,728 And the whole time, the whole day, 952 00:34:21,853 --> 00:34:24,022 I just kept thinking, 953 00:34:24,147 --> 00:34:26,858 "I am so fucking bored." 954 00:34:26,940 --> 00:34:28,818 [melancholy music] 955 00:34:28,902 --> 00:34:33,156 I just--I was so excited to come back, but I-- 956 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,659 I hated every minute of it. 957 00:34:36,743 --> 00:34:39,079 Everything we did, I thought, "How much longer 958 00:34:39,204 --> 00:34:40,413 do I have to do this for?" 959 00:34:40,538 --> 00:34:42,081 - All afternoon, if you want. 960 00:34:42,206 --> 00:34:45,418 - We walked through town, and I found it small. 961 00:34:45,543 --> 00:34:46,878 We bought clothes I used to wear, 962 00:34:47,003 --> 00:34:48,713 and I felt foolish in them. 963 00:34:48,838 --> 00:34:51,007 - Pat's fave. - And everything we ate 964 00:34:51,091 --> 00:34:52,425 was so awful. 965 00:34:52,550 --> 00:34:53,885 I was embarrassed to be putting 966 00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:56,221 food like that in my mouth. 967 00:34:56,304 --> 00:34:59,391 And the houses were so ugly. 968 00:34:59,474 --> 00:35:00,767 These people should be in jail 969 00:35:00,892 --> 00:35:02,268 for what their houses look like. 970 00:35:02,394 --> 00:35:03,895 I wish my kitchen was bee-themed. 971 00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:05,313 I just-- I kept thinking, 972 00:35:05,397 --> 00:35:06,815 "Thank God I don't think this shit 973 00:35:06,898 --> 00:35:09,776 looks good still." I wanna take a picture. 974 00:35:09,901 --> 00:35:11,361 - Eventually, the day was so long, 975 00:35:11,444 --> 00:35:13,071 I started to get physically mad 976 00:35:13,154 --> 00:35:14,239 it was still happening 977 00:35:14,364 --> 00:35:15,782 because the conversations 978 00:35:15,907 --> 00:35:17,158 were so mind-numbing. 979 00:35:17,242 --> 00:35:18,451 - And the marina does it all. 980 00:35:18,576 --> 00:35:20,203 - And the jokes weren't funny. 981 00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:22,414 - One too many Kim Cs. 982 00:35:22,497 --> 00:35:24,749 - I just-- I was with my friends, 983 00:35:24,833 --> 00:35:26,084 but I wasn't. 984 00:35:26,167 --> 00:35:29,129 I was outside them 985 00:35:29,254 --> 00:35:31,339 because they were the same, 986 00:35:31,423 --> 00:35:34,009 and I was different. 987 00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:35,677 I am different. 988 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:36,928 And I just-- 989 00:35:37,012 --> 00:35:39,848 I don't think I can come here again-- 990 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:41,850 not ever again. 991 00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:46,521 Anyway, this is a lot of texts, 992 00:35:46,604 --> 00:35:48,189 and I know we're not together anymore, 993 00:35:48,273 --> 00:35:50,442 but I just wanted to say hi 994 00:35:50,525 --> 00:35:54,362 and that I miss you... and your dick. 995 00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:57,699 God, I miss your big, fat dick. 996 00:36:00,618 --> 00:36:03,204 Oh, my God. Those were all tweets again. 997 00:36:03,288 --> 00:36:04,289 Delete, delete, delete. 998 00:36:04,414 --> 00:36:05,999 [dramatic march music] 999 00:36:06,124 --> 00:36:08,043 both: ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 1000 00:36:08,126 --> 00:36:09,836 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1001 00:36:09,961 --> 00:36:12,130 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 1002 00:36:12,213 --> 00:36:13,923 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1003 00:36:14,007 --> 00:36:16,343 - ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 1004 00:36:16,468 --> 00:36:18,219 - ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 1005 00:36:18,303 --> 00:36:22,974 both: ♪ 'Cause we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 1006 00:36:23,058 --> 00:36:24,476 - Oh, look, a third gay. 1007 00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:26,519 - ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 1008 00:36:26,644 --> 00:36:28,021 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1009 00:36:28,146 --> 00:36:30,315 - ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 1010 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,150 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 1011 00:36:32,275 --> 00:36:34,569 both: ♪ And now I am sitting my own pee ♪ 1012 00:36:34,652 --> 00:36:36,488 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 1013 00:36:36,571 --> 00:36:41,034 all: ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 1014 00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:42,827 - No, but really. 1015 00:36:42,911 --> 00:36:45,789 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 1016 00:36:45,872 --> 00:36:47,415 - ♪ See me ♪ 1017 00:36:47,499 --> 00:36:50,919 - ♪ All my classmates with their said little lives ♪ 1018 00:36:51,002 --> 00:36:54,881 ♪ Think of what they'll say, how they'll swoon and scream ♪ 1019 00:36:55,006 --> 00:36:58,760 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 1020 00:36:58,843 --> 00:37:01,054 all: ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 1021 00:37:01,179 --> 00:37:02,847 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 1022 00:37:02,931 --> 00:37:05,100 ♪ 'Cause high school, for us, was full of tears ♪ 1023 00:37:05,183 --> 00:37:06,976 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 1024 00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,104 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 1025 00:37:09,187 --> 00:37:10,397 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 1026 00:37:10,522 --> 00:37:11,606 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 1027 00:37:11,690 --> 00:37:13,233 - ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 1028 00:37:13,358 --> 00:37:17,362 all: ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 1029 00:37:17,445 --> 00:37:19,322 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 71895

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.