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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,906 --> 00:00:05,072 "What a loser. 2 00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:06,240 "I hate ChaseDreams. He sucks. 3 00:00:06,241 --> 00:00:07,658 "Loser. Loser. 4 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:09,202 "ChaseDreams sucks. Asshole. 5 00:00:09,203 --> 00:00:10,328 Loser. Sucks." 6 00:00:10,329 --> 00:00:11,829 And that's just one comment. 7 00:00:11,830 --> 00:00:12,830 I'm so sorry. 8 00:00:12,831 --> 00:00:16,083 This is all my fault. 9 00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,127 I mean, it's not all my fault. 10 00:00:18,128 --> 00:00:19,837 It's just, everyone still thinks I'm this bad man, 11 00:00:19,838 --> 00:00:21,172 and I'm not. - Yeah. 12 00:00:21,173 --> 00:00:23,883 You know, and it's giving me anxiety. 13 00:00:23,884 --> 00:00:26,093 Hold on. 14 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,345 You have anxiety? 15 00:00:27,346 --> 00:00:29,096 Yeah, and it's making me depressed. 16 00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:30,640 What... wait. 17 00:00:30,641 --> 00:00:33,059 You have anxiety and depression? 18 00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:35,311 I mean, I guess so. 19 00:00:35,312 --> 00:00:36,354 Oh, my God. 20 00:00:36,355 --> 00:00:38,272 I have a client... 21 00:00:39,525 --> 00:00:43,236 Struggling with mental health. 22 00:00:43,237 --> 00:00:45,071 Chase, you beautiful boy. 23 00:00:45,072 --> 00:00:46,697 Do you know what this means? 24 00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:49,242 There's money in singing, but if we can make you 25 00:00:49,243 --> 00:00:52,912 the face of mental health, my gosh... 26 00:00:52,913 --> 00:00:54,247 Shuli, no. 27 00:00:54,248 --> 00:00:55,289 This is disgusting. 28 00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:56,707 Why? He has anxiety. 29 00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,042 He said it himself. 30 00:00:58,043 --> 00:01:00,044 I thought you'd be on board with this. 31 00:01:00,045 --> 00:01:02,713 He could do a lot of good. 32 00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,048 Oh. 33 00:01:04,049 --> 00:01:05,216 Yeah? 34 00:01:05,217 --> 00:01:08,052 I mean, he does have anxiety, 35 00:01:08,053 --> 00:01:09,554 so it's not a lie. 36 00:01:09,555 --> 00:01:12,431 And having him talk about mental health 37 00:01:12,432 --> 00:01:14,308 could empower others. 38 00:01:14,309 --> 00:01:18,187 So I could do what I wanted all along: 39 00:01:18,188 --> 00:01:19,313 Good. 40 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,858 I could finally do good... 41 00:01:21,859 --> 00:01:23,568 Girl, don't just do the thing I did. 42 00:01:23,569 --> 00:01:25,444 Okay, sorry. How does this help me? 43 00:01:25,445 --> 00:01:28,030 I just want to stop looking bad and go back to being me. 44 00:01:28,031 --> 00:01:29,282 First things first, 45 00:01:29,283 --> 00:01:31,033 we'll set you up with a therapist... 46 00:01:31,034 --> 00:01:32,034 Okay. 47 00:01:32,035 --> 00:01:33,077 App. 48 00:01:33,078 --> 00:01:35,329 A therapist app. 49 00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:36,372 Hi. 50 00:01:36,373 --> 00:01:37,915 I'm pop singer ChaseDreams. 51 00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:40,334 I used to be bad and want to punch my mom, 52 00:01:40,335 --> 00:01:42,420 but then I went to therapy, and now, I'm all better, 53 00:01:42,421 --> 00:01:43,921 because therapy works, 54 00:01:43,922 --> 00:01:45,590 which is why I've partnered with BetterHealth 55 00:01:45,591 --> 00:01:48,801 to give away $1 million in free therapy to you. 56 00:01:48,802 --> 00:01:52,013 Because we all struggle sometimes, including me, 57 00:01:52,014 --> 00:01:55,308 the new face of mental health, ChaseDreams. 58 00:01:55,309 --> 00:01:57,602 ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪ 59 00:01:57,603 --> 00:01:59,395 And then we're gonna go shopping on Main Street, 60 00:01:59,396 --> 00:02:01,272 and walk through that little park with the ducks. 61 00:02:01,273 --> 00:02:02,773 Do you remember that park, Cary? 62 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,442 - Uh... - And then we're gonna go back 63 00:02:04,443 --> 00:02:05,776 to Lisa's and order dinner 64 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:07,278 from El Poncho Taqueria. 65 00:02:07,279 --> 00:02:08,738 Ooh, I can't wait. 66 00:02:08,739 --> 00:02:10,198 I think you might be the first person ever 67 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:11,741 to be excited to go to Ohio. 68 00:02:11,742 --> 00:02:13,034 Well, I am. 69 00:02:13,035 --> 00:02:15,494 Things have been so crazy here. 70 00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:17,955 I just want a simple weekend back home. 71 00:02:17,956 --> 00:02:19,874 Reconnect with the old me. 72 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,334 Are you sure you don't wanna come? 73 00:02:21,335 --> 00:02:23,336 It is your high school reunion tonight. 74 00:02:23,337 --> 00:02:24,587 Yeah, no, 75 00:02:24,588 --> 00:02:26,297 I am absolutely not going to that. 76 00:02:26,298 --> 00:02:28,341 I just... I don't know. I thought I was gonna be 77 00:02:28,342 --> 00:02:29,717 more successful by now. 78 00:02:29,718 --> 00:02:30,968 Like, if I'm gonna go, 79 00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:32,637 I need to make sure I fully win. 80 00:02:32,638 --> 00:02:34,722 Sorry. Aren't you so successful? 81 00:02:34,723 --> 00:02:37,308 What about "Night Nurse" and "Emily Overruled" 82 00:02:37,309 --> 00:02:39,894 and the Disney movie? And now "WindWeaver"? 83 00:02:39,895 --> 00:02:41,938 I mean that show's a hit, Cary. 84 00:02:41,939 --> 00:02:43,981 It's number one on Netflix, after that show 85 00:02:43,982 --> 00:02:45,983 where the puppies run the errands. 86 00:02:45,984 --> 00:02:47,068 What else are you looking for? 87 00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:48,569 Yeah, I know it's a hit. 88 00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:49,987 But I still don't know 89 00:02:49,988 --> 00:02:51,489 if they're gonna do more seasons, 90 00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:53,074 so it's not like I have job security, 91 00:02:53,075 --> 00:02:55,534 and even if they do, my character doesn't talk. 92 00:02:55,535 --> 00:02:57,870 And it's just a dumb wizard show. 93 00:02:57,871 --> 00:02:59,246 It's not, like, important or... 94 00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:00,998 Oh, sorry, Cary. My copter's here. 95 00:03:00,999 --> 00:03:02,833 And I gotta get to my plane ASAP, 96 00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:05,378 because all the stores on Main Street close at 3:15. 97 00:03:05,379 --> 00:03:06,671 Oh, this is my agent. 98 00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:07,797 She wants me to give her a call. 99 00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,423 Okay, well, have fun. 100 00:03:09,424 --> 00:03:10,800 Tell no one I said hi. 101 00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:12,009 Cary... 102 00:03:13,220 --> 00:03:14,762 - Cary! - Hey, Mackenzie. 103 00:03:14,763 --> 00:03:17,014 Guess what. Or wait, can you hear me 104 00:03:17,015 --> 00:03:18,182 over the sound of the ocean? 105 00:03:18,183 --> 00:03:19,475 I'm back in the Hamptons. 106 00:03:19,476 --> 00:03:20,601 Again? 107 00:03:20,602 --> 00:03:22,395 Yes. Yeah, I can hear you. 108 00:03:22,396 --> 00:03:24,313 Great, because I have incredible news. 109 00:03:24,314 --> 00:03:26,774 Netflix just picked up "WindWeaver" 110 00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:28,484 for three more seasons. 111 00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,735 Wait. What? 112 00:03:29,736 --> 00:03:31,112 Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. 113 00:03:31,113 --> 00:03:32,571 It's the biggest show Netflix has 114 00:03:32,572 --> 00:03:34,281 that doesn't involve puppies running errands. 115 00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:35,449 Oh, and get this. 116 00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:36,492 They wanna make you 117 00:03:36,493 --> 00:03:37,910 a series regular. 118 00:03:37,911 --> 00:03:40,579 What? 119 00:03:40,580 --> 00:03:41,789 A series regular? 120 00:03:41,790 --> 00:03:43,124 Wait. Is this real? 121 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:44,625 Like, how? Why? 122 00:03:44,626 --> 00:03:45,751 Well, you know how "WindWeaver" 123 00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:46,877 is based on those books? 124 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:47,878 Apparently, the fifth book 125 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,547 is being published Friday, 126 00:03:49,548 --> 00:03:51,632 and in that book, it's revealed that your character, 127 00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:54,093 the little serf elf with no lines, 128 00:03:54,094 --> 00:03:57,013 is actually the one who weaves the wind. 129 00:03:57,014 --> 00:03:59,557 What? 130 00:03:59,558 --> 00:04:00,850 Holy fucking shit. 131 00:04:00,851 --> 00:04:02,852 My... my character 132 00:04:02,853 --> 00:04:04,186 is the WindWeaver? 133 00:04:04,187 --> 00:04:06,147 It's my... I'm the WindWeaver? 134 00:04:06,148 --> 00:04:08,107 It's insane. Right? 135 00:04:08,108 --> 00:04:10,026 Apparently, the books end up being all about 136 00:04:10,027 --> 00:04:12,236 how the least of us hold the most power, 137 00:04:12,237 --> 00:04:15,906 so your lowly, gay elf ends up being the WindWeaver. 138 00:04:15,907 --> 00:04:18,534 Oh, did I mention your character's gay, too? 139 00:04:18,535 --> 00:04:20,911 - So it's also important? - Yeah, and this will all be 140 00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,496 on "Deadline" in, like, an hour. 141 00:04:22,497 --> 00:04:24,749 This is, comically, everything I ever wanted. 142 00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:28,127 I guess... I guess I should go to my reunion. 143 00:04:28,128 --> 00:04:30,963 Shit. Okay, it starts in six hours. 144 00:04:30,964 --> 00:04:32,298 It's an eight-hour drive. 145 00:04:32,299 --> 00:04:33,799 I'm gonna have to race. 146 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,718 Mackenzie, find me a rental car upstate, stat. 147 00:04:35,719 --> 00:04:37,970 - That is not my job... - Okay. 148 00:04:37,971 --> 00:04:40,139 Hi, everyone. Hello. Hi. 149 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:43,517 I just wanna say thank you so much for doing this. 150 00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:46,604 As you all know, Chase, and by extension, me, 151 00:04:46,605 --> 00:04:48,105 are all about doing good now, 152 00:04:48,106 --> 00:04:50,441 and more specifically, all about mental health, 153 00:04:50,442 --> 00:04:52,276 which is why I am so proud 154 00:04:52,277 --> 00:04:55,279 to be producing this telethon for "P!", 155 00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:58,741 which aims to raise $250 million 156 00:04:58,742 --> 00:05:01,411 for mental health awareness. 157 00:05:03,163 --> 00:05:05,956 Clap for me. 158 00:05:05,957 --> 00:05:08,292 Anyway, note that we're going live in a few, 159 00:05:08,293 --> 00:05:11,712 but I need this to go well, so if you have a prob, 160 00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:13,464 just let me or one of my co-EPs know. 161 00:05:13,465 --> 00:05:15,049 - Hi. - But remember, 162 00:05:15,050 --> 00:05:16,801 this was my idea, not theirs. 163 00:05:16,802 --> 00:05:18,177 - Yep. - Hmm. 164 00:05:18,178 --> 00:05:20,930 Also, this is Effie, our COVID officer, 165 00:05:20,931 --> 00:05:22,473 here to make sure that you are all 166 00:05:22,474 --> 00:05:24,058 physically safe while working. 167 00:05:24,059 --> 00:05:26,727 And this is Jules, our mental health officer, 168 00:05:26,728 --> 00:05:27,937 who is here to make sure 169 00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:29,480 that you are all emotionally safe. 170 00:05:29,481 --> 00:05:32,817 Okay, I think I have all my bases covered. 171 00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:36,737 So let's go raise some insane money. 172 00:05:36,738 --> 00:05:38,447 Oh, please, don't say insane. 173 00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:39,532 Oh, sorry. 174 00:05:39,533 --> 00:05:41,534 Thank you, Jules. 175 00:05:41,535 --> 00:05:43,494 Welcome to "ChaseDreams 176 00:05:43,495 --> 00:05:45,204 "and BetterHealth present 177 00:05:45,205 --> 00:05:47,414 A Night of Undeniable Good," 178 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:49,583 an eight-hour event raising money 179 00:05:49,584 --> 00:05:51,544 for mental health awareness, 180 00:05:51,545 --> 00:05:53,379 featuring performances from singers 181 00:05:53,380 --> 00:05:55,047 who get anxious sometimes, 182 00:05:55,048 --> 00:05:57,341 like Lady Gaga, Ben Platt, 183 00:05:57,342 --> 00:05:59,718 and the cast of "Hamilton," still. 184 00:05:59,719 --> 00:06:02,179 Plus a teen mental health town hall 185 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,014 led by Dr. Gregory Neal, 186 00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,851 and a powerful speech from Parkland survivor 187 00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:09,353 insert name of Parkland survivor we can get. 188 00:06:09,354 --> 00:06:11,438 - Whoops. - Now here's your host, 189 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:12,773 ChaseDreams. 190 00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:14,233 Hello. Good evening. 191 00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:15,776 Thank you for joining me. 192 00:06:15,777 --> 00:06:17,319 As you know, mental health is something 193 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,280 I've cared deeply about for five weeks. 194 00:06:19,281 --> 00:06:20,865 Hi. Um, sorry. 195 00:06:20,866 --> 00:06:22,700 You know the therapist doing the town hall? 196 00:06:22,701 --> 00:06:24,034 - Mm-hmm. - Apparently, 197 00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:26,162 he's been sexually harassing the crew. 198 00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,706 Wait. What? 199 00:06:28,707 --> 00:06:31,500 Aw, Lisa, it's so nice to be back. 200 00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:33,210 Everything is just as I remembered. 201 00:06:33,211 --> 00:06:35,045 And don't you just love these jackets? 202 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,881 Jenny's Jeans really does have the best stuff. 203 00:06:36,882 --> 00:06:38,215 I know. I love all the buttons 204 00:06:38,216 --> 00:06:40,551 and the studs, and only $9. 205 00:06:40,552 --> 00:06:42,011 I mean, you really don't need to spend 206 00:06:42,012 --> 00:06:43,637 more than $9 on a jacket. 207 00:06:43,638 --> 00:06:45,347 There's no reason. - Nope. 208 00:06:45,348 --> 00:06:48,684 Aw, and this pond is just as I remember, too. 209 00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:50,477 And I bet these are even the same ducks. 210 00:06:52,022 --> 00:06:53,355 Do you want to feed them? 211 00:06:53,356 --> 00:06:55,232 We could get bread at Benny's Bread. 212 00:06:55,233 --> 00:06:57,401 It's right on Main Street, next to Jenny's Jeans. 213 00:06:57,402 --> 00:06:59,403 Aw, I'd love to. You know, it's really too bad 214 00:06:59,404 --> 00:07:00,571 that Cary decided not to come. 215 00:07:00,572 --> 00:07:02,239 Okay, if I keep going 90, 216 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,035 I should be able to make it for at least the last hour. 217 00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:10,706 Aw. Aw. Oh, my God. 218 00:07:10,707 --> 00:07:11,916 Oh, my God. Thank you. 219 00:07:11,917 --> 00:07:13,250 Thank you. That's so nice. 220 00:07:13,251 --> 00:07:14,710 Yeah, I was already planning on coming, 221 00:07:14,711 --> 00:07:15,920 and then the news came out. 222 00:07:15,921 --> 00:07:17,046 And the news came out. 223 00:07:17,047 --> 00:07:18,505 So... Oh, my God. Thank you. 224 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,591 Aw, that's so nice. Thank you so much. 225 00:07:20,592 --> 00:07:21,759 Yes. Thank you. 226 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:22,968 Thank you. Thank you. 227 00:07:22,969 --> 00:07:24,136 Thank you so much. 228 00:07:25,138 --> 00:07:26,430 Out you go. 229 00:07:26,431 --> 00:07:27,932 I was already planning on coming. 230 00:07:27,933 --> 00:07:29,141 Stop. The news came out. 231 00:07:29,142 --> 00:07:30,434 Planning on coming anyway. 232 00:07:30,435 --> 00:07:31,602 So nice. Thank you so much. 233 00:07:31,603 --> 00:07:33,604 My God! 234 00:07:33,605 --> 00:07:35,397 Whoa. I did? 235 00:07:35,398 --> 00:07:37,066 I don't even remember that. 236 00:07:39,736 --> 00:07:41,695 What the heck? - Hi, um... 237 00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:45,616 You've been throwing piss on me for, like, the last hour. 238 00:07:45,617 --> 00:07:46,992 Oh, wait. 239 00:07:46,993 --> 00:07:48,244 Are you the WindWeaver? 240 00:07:48,245 --> 00:07:49,620 Oh, yeah. 241 00:07:49,621 --> 00:07:51,205 I am, yeah. Thank you. 242 00:07:51,206 --> 00:07:53,707 And let me guess: now you're racing home 243 00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:56,001 to win your reunion. 244 00:07:56,002 --> 00:07:57,294 How'd you know that? 245 00:07:57,295 --> 00:07:58,712 'Cause I just found out I'm gonna be 246 00:07:58,713 --> 00:08:00,381 Kamala Harris's new chief of staff, 247 00:08:00,382 --> 00:08:01,882 so I'm racing home to win mine. 248 00:08:01,883 --> 00:08:03,175 - Oh. - And here. 249 00:08:03,176 --> 00:08:04,843 I recommend a diaper 250 00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:06,470 so you can make it in time, 251 00:08:06,471 --> 00:08:08,639 but still show respect for other gays on the road 252 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,266 racing home to their reunions. 253 00:08:10,267 --> 00:08:12,643 Oh, is it more than just the two of... 254 00:08:12,644 --> 00:08:14,895 Oh, yeah, there's one in front of me. 255 00:08:14,896 --> 00:08:16,855 Uh, okay, so obviously, 256 00:08:16,856 --> 00:08:18,857 I can't have a sexual predator on my "Night 257 00:08:18,858 --> 00:08:20,526 of Undeniable Good." - No, of course not. 258 00:08:20,527 --> 00:08:22,319 But I also can't lose my mental health therapist 259 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:24,571 'cause he's here to do the good. 260 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:25,823 - Yeah. - Right. 261 00:08:25,824 --> 00:08:28,200 Was he grabbing girl or guy butts? 262 00:08:28,201 --> 00:08:30,661 'Cause if it's guys, I mean... 263 00:08:30,662 --> 00:08:34,790 No, I don't know what you mean. 264 00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:36,166 You know, I think Melanie 265 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,626 and Streeter and I have got this. 266 00:08:37,627 --> 00:08:39,086 But thanks for letting us know, girl. 267 00:08:39,087 --> 00:08:40,546 Love you. - Thank you so much. 268 00:08:40,547 --> 00:08:42,464 Yeah, love you. Love you. 269 00:08:42,465 --> 00:08:43,716 Okay. How about we just ask 270 00:08:43,717 --> 00:08:44,967 these women not to say anything? 271 00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:47,344 You know, just stay silen... 272 00:08:47,345 --> 00:08:50,139 Well, not stay silent. That's not what I'm saying. 273 00:08:50,140 --> 00:08:51,849 It's just, you know, maybe these women 274 00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:53,684 were flirting with him. Maybe they were asking for... 275 00:08:53,685 --> 00:08:55,060 Eh... 276 00:08:55,061 --> 00:08:57,187 Not asking for... oh, my God. 277 00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:58,939 Everything people say that gets them in trouble, 278 00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:00,941 I'm actually saying. It's crazy. 279 00:09:00,942 --> 00:09:02,192 Your brain really does go there. 280 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,777 Please, don't say crazy. 281 00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:04,862 Jesus. Yes. 282 00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:06,030 Thank you, Jules. - Wait. 283 00:09:06,031 --> 00:09:07,114 I know a Bravo therapist 284 00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:08,490 who might be able to fill in. 285 00:09:08,491 --> 00:09:10,159 But a heads-up: most of his advice 286 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,452 to the teens in crisis will be 287 00:09:11,453 --> 00:09:12,786 to just let Bethenny be Bethenny. 288 00:09:12,787 --> 00:09:14,121 Fine. Whatever. 289 00:09:14,122 --> 00:09:15,706 If he's a therapist, then call him. 290 00:09:15,707 --> 00:09:18,042 Because the good move is to fire the predator, 291 00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:20,252 so that is what I am doing. 292 00:09:20,253 --> 00:09:24,048 Now I am off to watch more of my goodness. 293 00:09:24,049 --> 00:09:26,383 Thank you, John Krasinski, for that beautiful poem 294 00:09:26,384 --> 00:09:27,634 while flexing. 295 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,053 When we come back, a message 296 00:09:29,054 --> 00:09:30,637 from a Parkland survivor. 297 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,222 And before that, three performances 298 00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,058 from John Legend that will make you say, 299 00:09:34,059 --> 00:09:37,019 "Huh, I think he just doesn't like to be home." 300 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:38,228 Okay. 301 00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:40,189 Hi, um, more bad news. 302 00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:42,232 Apparently, the Parkland survivor 303 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:43,692 has COVID. 304 00:09:43,693 --> 00:09:46,236 Oh, my God. 305 00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:47,571 Okay. Okay. 306 00:09:47,572 --> 00:09:49,448 Okay. 307 00:09:52,369 --> 00:09:54,328 ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 308 00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:55,954 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 309 00:09:55,955 --> 00:09:58,624 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 310 00:09:58,625 --> 00:10:00,292 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 311 00:10:00,293 --> 00:10:02,336 ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 312 00:10:02,337 --> 00:10:04,505 ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 313 00:10:04,506 --> 00:10:08,842 ♪ Because we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 314 00:10:08,843 --> 00:10:10,761 Oh, look, a third gay. 315 00:10:10,762 --> 00:10:12,638 ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 316 00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:14,431 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 317 00:10:14,432 --> 00:10:16,767 ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 318 00:10:16,768 --> 00:10:18,394 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 319 00:10:18,395 --> 00:10:20,646 ♪ And now I am sitting in my own pee ♪ 320 00:10:20,647 --> 00:10:22,606 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 321 00:10:22,607 --> 00:10:26,318 ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 322 00:10:26,319 --> 00:10:28,695 No, but really. 323 00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:32,032 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 324 00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,159 - ♪ See me ♪ - ♪ All my classmates ♪ 325 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,161 ♪ With their sad little lives ♪ 326 00:10:36,162 --> 00:10:38,622 - ♪ Sad little lives ♪ - ♪ Think of what they'll say ♪ 327 00:10:38,623 --> 00:10:40,791 ♪ How they'll swoon and scream ♪ 328 00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:45,129 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 329 00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:47,172 - Holy shit, Cary Dubek? - Oh, my God. 330 00:10:47,173 --> 00:10:48,757 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 331 00:10:48,758 --> 00:10:50,175 Cary Dubek's here. 332 00:10:50,176 --> 00:10:51,427 This is literally like 333 00:10:51,428 --> 00:10:53,345 if Brad Pitt came to his reunion. 334 00:10:53,346 --> 00:10:55,347 ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 335 00:10:55,348 --> 00:10:56,974 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 336 00:10:56,975 --> 00:10:59,309 ♪ 'Cause high school for us was full of tears ♪ 337 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,978 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 338 00:11:00,979 --> 00:11:03,355 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 339 00:11:03,356 --> 00:11:04,690 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 340 00:11:04,691 --> 00:11:05,774 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 341 00:11:05,775 --> 00:11:09,278 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 342 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:13,657 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 343 00:11:13,658 --> 00:11:15,743 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 344 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,207 It makes it look, like, super clean 345 00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,917 or something like that. Oh, my God. 346 00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:26,170 This is gorgeous, Lisa. 347 00:11:26,171 --> 00:11:29,131 Yep. Finally, have my dream kitchen. 348 00:11:29,132 --> 00:11:30,507 Oh, I'm so jealous. 349 00:11:30,508 --> 00:11:32,301 I wish my kitchen was bee themed. 350 00:11:32,302 --> 00:11:34,011 And I saved money on a designer 351 00:11:34,012 --> 00:11:36,430 by buying this little stencil kit at Kathy's Crafts 352 00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:38,223 on the other side of Jenny's Jeans, 353 00:11:38,224 --> 00:11:40,350 and just stenciling the bees on myself. 354 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,311 I love that you have bees flying around 355 00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:43,687 on every single cupboard. 356 00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:44,980 I actually did bees flying 357 00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,190 around the whole house. 358 00:11:46,191 --> 00:11:48,358 I mean, why not? I had the stencil. 359 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:49,610 I'm gonna take a picture. 360 00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,487 This is so cozy. - Thanks. 361 00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:52,529 And aw. 362 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:53,739 I used to have that sign. 363 00:11:53,740 --> 00:11:55,073 Don't you love it? 364 00:11:55,074 --> 00:11:56,742 Meg got me that for Mother's Day. 365 00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:58,285 She and Mark know to only ever get me something 366 00:11:58,286 --> 00:12:00,245 with a bee on it now, or else. 367 00:12:00,246 --> 00:12:01,663 And how are Meg and Mark? 368 00:12:01,664 --> 00:12:03,165 The same. That reminds me. 369 00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:04,374 How's Brooke? 370 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,210 What's she up to now? - Oh... 371 00:12:06,211 --> 00:12:08,670 Are you sure he can't stay for seven more minutes? 372 00:12:08,671 --> 00:12:10,380 You know, he's on right after the break. 373 00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:11,632 Sorry. Protocol. 374 00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:12,716 Yes, totally. 375 00:12:12,717 --> 00:12:14,384 Safety is so key. 376 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,427 Fuck. 377 00:12:15,428 --> 00:12:16,637 I can't lose my therapist 378 00:12:16,638 --> 00:12:18,388 and my Parkland teen. 379 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,973 Do you know how humiliating it will be 380 00:12:19,974 --> 00:12:22,100 to have an eight-hour mental health telethon 381 00:12:22,101 --> 00:12:24,311 without one Parkland kid in it? 382 00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:25,812 Ooh, I know. 383 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:26,939 What if we chloroform her? 384 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:28,440 Oh, my God, Streeter, no. 385 00:12:28,441 --> 00:12:29,775 We can't chloroform the COVID lady 386 00:12:29,776 --> 00:12:31,443 on my "Night of Undeniable Good." 387 00:12:31,444 --> 00:12:32,569 Fine. 388 00:12:32,570 --> 00:12:33,862 This way. This way. 389 00:12:33,863 --> 00:12:35,197 - What? - Hmm? 390 00:12:35,198 --> 00:12:36,406 - Where are we going? - I have an idea. 391 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:37,908 I saw a broom closet upstairs. 392 00:12:37,909 --> 00:12:40,410 What if we just... lock her in it for ten? 393 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:41,828 Are you out of your mind? 394 00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,664 That feels just as bad as chloroforming her. 395 00:12:43,665 --> 00:12:45,290 No, it's no big deal. 396 00:12:45,291 --> 00:12:46,583 We just lead her in 397 00:12:46,584 --> 00:12:47,876 and let the door shut behind her. 398 00:12:47,877 --> 00:12:49,461 And then we say, "Oh, no. 399 00:12:49,462 --> 00:12:50,796 "We thought this was him. 400 00:12:50,797 --> 00:12:52,548 Our bad. We'll go get help." 401 00:12:52,549 --> 00:12:55,842 And then we just let her out right after he speaks. 402 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,135 No harm, no foul. 403 00:12:57,136 --> 00:12:58,095 Sorry. 404 00:12:58,096 --> 00:12:59,137 Excuse me. 405 00:12:59,138 --> 00:13:00,389 His dressing room's up here? 406 00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:01,390 I think so. 407 00:13:01,391 --> 00:13:02,516 Almost there. 408 00:13:02,517 --> 00:13:03,976 You cannot lock a full woman 409 00:13:03,977 --> 00:13:05,936 in a broom closet on our night of good. 410 00:13:05,937 --> 00:13:07,854 We'd still be doing net good. 411 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:10,065 It's one woman in a closet for half of "Seinfeld" 412 00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:13,485 so millions of teens can hear this Parkland kid's message. 413 00:13:13,486 --> 00:13:15,237 I mean, his speech is beautiful. 414 00:13:15,238 --> 00:13:17,114 - Uh-huh. - Yeah. 415 00:13:17,115 --> 00:13:18,657 Breakdown to the stage. 416 00:13:18,658 --> 00:13:21,285 Okay, fine. But just ten minutes. 417 00:13:21,286 --> 00:13:23,662 Okay, hands in. We're doing good on three. 418 00:13:23,663 --> 00:13:24,871 One, two, three. 419 00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:26,123 We are doing good. 420 00:13:26,124 --> 00:13:27,624 Okay. 421 00:13:31,713 --> 00:13:33,338 Let's do this. 422 00:13:56,946 --> 00:13:57,904 I feel so stupid. 423 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,156 No one here is gonna... 424 00:13:59,157 --> 00:14:00,157 Holy shit. 425 00:14:00,158 --> 00:14:01,241 Cary Dubek. 426 00:14:01,242 --> 00:14:02,659 Oh, my God. 427 00:14:02,660 --> 00:14:04,995 Everyone, stop what you're doing. 428 00:14:04,996 --> 00:14:07,039 Cary Dubek is here. 429 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:07,998 Whoa! 430 00:14:07,999 --> 00:14:08,999 This is like if Brad Pitt 431 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,334 came to his reunion. 432 00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:12,669 Wait. This is literally the song. 433 00:14:12,670 --> 00:14:14,588 Oh, my God. I can't believe you came. 434 00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:16,465 - Cary Dubes, dude. - Yeah. 435 00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:18,175 Wait a minute. What's going on? 436 00:14:18,176 --> 00:14:19,718 It kind of smells like piss over here. 437 00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:22,429 Oh, that's for sure me. 438 00:14:22,430 --> 00:14:24,931 I'm literally covered in piss 24/7. 439 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,350 It's the joy of having a one-year-old. 440 00:14:26,351 --> 00:14:28,185 Oh. 441 00:14:28,186 --> 00:14:30,437 Wow. Cary Dubek, hi. 442 00:14:30,438 --> 00:14:32,105 Sorry. Can I get a pic? 443 00:14:32,106 --> 00:14:33,690 My wife and I love "WindWeaver," 444 00:14:33,691 --> 00:14:35,651 and now you're the full star? 445 00:14:35,652 --> 00:14:36,777 Thank you. 446 00:14:36,778 --> 00:14:37,944 That's so nice. 447 00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:44,743 But, um, uh, ah, are, ew. 448 00:14:44,744 --> 00:14:46,495 Sorry. What's that, Cary? 449 00:14:46,496 --> 00:14:48,580 Uh, ow are you? 450 00:14:48,581 --> 00:14:51,208 Oh. I think he's asking how we are. 451 00:14:51,209 --> 00:14:52,668 Yeah. Sorry. 452 00:14:52,669 --> 00:14:54,795 Oh, no. We see each other 24/7. 453 00:14:54,796 --> 00:14:56,338 I'm sick of hearing about these people. 454 00:14:56,339 --> 00:14:58,840 - Yeah. - Seriously. 455 00:14:58,841 --> 00:15:00,050 So wait. 456 00:15:00,051 --> 00:15:01,968 You just want me to talk about myself 457 00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,012 all night? 458 00:15:04,013 --> 00:15:05,722 Yes! 459 00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:08,725 I mean, if you insist. 460 00:15:11,729 --> 00:15:13,021 Thank you, John Legend. 461 00:15:13,022 --> 00:15:14,690 Another B-plus. 462 00:15:14,691 --> 00:15:17,192 And now, a quick announcement for all you at home. 463 00:15:17,193 --> 00:15:19,653 Starting now, if you tweet about the show 464 00:15:19,654 --> 00:15:22,072 using the hashtag #ANightOfUndeniableGood, 465 00:15:22,073 --> 00:15:23,865 you will get one month of therapy 466 00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:25,242 courtesy of BetterHealth. 467 00:15:25,243 --> 00:15:26,785 So tell all your mentally ill friends 468 00:15:26,786 --> 00:15:28,787 to tune in and tweet, and let's make this 469 00:15:28,788 --> 00:15:31,665 the most-watched telethon ever. 470 00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:33,834 Okay, we'll be right back after the break 471 00:15:33,835 --> 00:15:36,753 with insert name of whatever Parkland teen we get. 472 00:15:36,754 --> 00:15:38,422 Okay. Set's right this way. 473 00:15:38,423 --> 00:15:39,798 Follow us. 474 00:15:39,799 --> 00:15:41,466 I'm trying. You're just going really fast. 475 00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,759 Well, we're just eager to get you 476 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:43,802 out there to tell your story. 477 00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:44,928 - Hello? - Hey. 478 00:15:44,929 --> 00:15:46,096 Is COVID lady still in there? 479 00:15:46,097 --> 00:15:47,931 Mm-hmm. Help's on the way. Sorry. 480 00:15:47,932 --> 00:15:49,808 We really thought this was his dressing room. 481 00:15:49,809 --> 00:15:51,309 - Okay. - I feel so weird 482 00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:52,310 about this, Brooke. 483 00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:53,437 Like, that Parkland kid 484 00:15:53,438 --> 00:15:54,438 does have COVID. - No. 485 00:15:54,439 --> 00:15:55,981 Do not get cold feet now. 486 00:15:55,982 --> 00:15:58,483 Plus, who can he hurt in the next minute? 487 00:15:58,484 --> 00:15:59,943 Hi. Sia? 488 00:15:59,944 --> 00:16:01,319 I'm such a huge fan. 489 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:02,946 "Rolling In The Deep" is one of my favorite songs. 490 00:16:02,947 --> 00:16:05,282 Fuck. He's giving Sia COVID. 491 00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:06,533 Hey. Hey, bud? 492 00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:07,617 Let's just keep it moving, okay? 493 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,994 I'm sure Sia is very busy. 494 00:16:08,995 --> 00:16:10,454 Can I maybe give you a hug? 495 00:16:10,455 --> 00:16:11,663 - No, no. - No. 496 00:16:11,664 --> 00:16:12,831 You know what? It's fine. 497 00:16:12,832 --> 00:16:14,291 Everyone has to be vaccinated, 498 00:16:14,292 --> 00:16:15,792 so even if she does get it, it'll be a cold. 499 00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:16,835 She's young. - Right. 500 00:16:16,836 --> 00:16:18,128 And is this your grandma? 501 00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:19,296 I have to give you a hug, too. 502 00:16:19,297 --> 00:16:20,297 Oh, my God. 503 00:16:20,298 --> 00:16:22,799 We killed Sia's grandma. 504 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,384 Streeter, quit being psycho. 505 00:16:24,385 --> 00:16:25,802 Oh, please don't say psycho. 506 00:16:25,803 --> 00:16:26,970 God, can someone 507 00:16:26,971 --> 00:16:28,472 please put a bell on them? 508 00:16:28,473 --> 00:16:29,973 Shit. He's on in 10 seconds. 509 00:16:29,974 --> 00:16:31,349 Uh... uh... 510 00:16:32,977 --> 00:16:34,311 Grandma, stay away from the boy. 511 00:16:34,312 --> 00:16:35,479 Step back, Grandma. 512 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:36,980 - What? What? - Up we go. 513 00:16:36,981 --> 00:16:38,440 No, no. Don't worry. 514 00:16:38,441 --> 00:16:40,025 We're all doing good. We're doing good here. 515 00:16:40,026 --> 00:16:41,067 - This is good. - Okay. 516 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:42,444 Good coming through. 517 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:43,695 - What he's doing is good. - It's all good! 518 00:16:43,696 --> 00:16:45,197 And now, a moving message 519 00:16:45,198 --> 00:16:47,950 from Parkland survivor Cameron Kasky. 520 00:16:49,786 --> 00:16:51,119 Thank you, Chase. 521 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,205 As many of you may know... 522 00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:54,706 Hi. 523 00:16:54,707 --> 00:16:57,751 We have a problem with Ben Platt. 524 00:16:57,752 --> 00:16:59,711 What the fuck? 525 00:16:59,712 --> 00:17:00,837 God. 526 00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,589 You are just so famous now. 527 00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:04,424 And it makes sense. I remember in high school, 528 00:17:04,425 --> 00:17:07,219 you won "Most likely to win an Academy Award." 529 00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:08,345 I did? 530 00:17:08,346 --> 00:17:09,679 I don't even remember that. 531 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:11,598 God, I don't know what I won. 532 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,975 Well, I got "most likely to succeed," which is sad, 533 00:17:13,976 --> 00:17:15,310 'cause now I'm a dentist, 534 00:17:15,311 --> 00:17:16,686 which is nothing compared to Cary. 535 00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:19,731 Oh, being a dentist isn't nothing. 536 00:17:19,732 --> 00:17:22,025 Yes, it is. It's truly nothing. 537 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:26,988 Seriously, I tell everyone I was in "Grease" with you. 538 00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:28,490 Oh, that's sweet. 539 00:17:28,491 --> 00:17:30,700 Are you still acting? - Oh, no. 540 00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,244 I do marketing for a local theater now, 541 00:17:32,245 --> 00:17:34,371 which is nice, 'cause the hours are flexible, 542 00:17:34,372 --> 00:17:35,789 but it's still creative. 543 00:17:35,790 --> 00:17:38,333 God, this must sound so small time to you. 544 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:41,044 No. Please, you are not small time. 545 00:17:41,045 --> 00:17:42,838 Yes, she is. She is small, I am big. 546 00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:45,215 And, hey. I'm so happy you're out now. 547 00:17:45,216 --> 00:17:48,051 I had no idea you were closeted in school. 548 00:17:48,052 --> 00:17:49,219 It must have been so hard. 549 00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:51,972 No, no. And now, I'm winning. 550 00:17:51,973 --> 00:17:53,850 So let's go back to how I'm winning. 551 00:17:57,478 --> 00:17:58,562 - Hi. - Hey. 552 00:17:58,563 --> 00:17:59,563 Wow. 553 00:17:59,564 --> 00:18:00,730 Hey, Owen? 554 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,232 So cool you're here. 555 00:18:02,233 --> 00:18:03,400 Great to see you. 556 00:18:03,401 --> 00:18:04,901 Yeah. I wasn't gonna come, 557 00:18:04,902 --> 00:18:07,737 but I just got some insane news. 558 00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:09,739 - What? - I'm gonna be... 559 00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,908 an understudy on Broadway. 560 00:18:11,909 --> 00:18:14,244 Wow. That's so cool. 561 00:18:14,245 --> 00:18:15,787 You should talk to Cary Dubek 562 00:18:15,788 --> 00:18:17,247 since you guys are, like, in the same industry. 563 00:18:17,248 --> 00:18:18,915 Hey, yo, Dubes. 564 00:18:18,916 --> 00:18:21,084 Wait. You came? Fuck! 565 00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:22,919 I can't be the second most successful gay 566 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,922 at this reunion. That's fucking nothing. 567 00:18:25,923 --> 00:18:28,466 No. Gosh. 568 00:18:28,467 --> 00:18:30,927 We're having a great time. 569 00:18:30,928 --> 00:18:32,095 Jesus. 570 00:18:32,096 --> 00:18:34,014 This is the best night of my life. 571 00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:36,766 I may need to sing again. 572 00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,310 Shit. But we already announced 573 00:18:38,311 --> 00:18:41,646 their company's $100-million donation on air. 574 00:18:41,647 --> 00:18:43,398 But that was before the company CEO found out 575 00:18:43,399 --> 00:18:45,108 there was a gay person on the show. 576 00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,152 And he's crazy conservative, and he says 577 00:18:47,153 --> 00:18:49,404 that if we let Ben Platt perform, 578 00:18:49,405 --> 00:18:51,114 he'll take their money back. 579 00:18:51,115 --> 00:18:52,741 I'm so sorry. - Well, thank you. 580 00:18:52,742 --> 00:18:54,492 Where are you going? - Fuck. 581 00:18:54,493 --> 00:18:55,827 Doing good is impossible. 582 00:18:55,828 --> 00:18:57,996 No wonder I didn't do it for 35 years. 583 00:18:57,997 --> 00:18:59,331 Okay, so what do we do? 584 00:18:59,332 --> 00:19:01,249 Let me just try and go talk to him. 585 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:02,417 Right. 586 00:19:02,418 --> 00:19:04,586 I mean, listen, I hate gays too. 587 00:19:04,587 --> 00:19:06,171 Penises in butts? 588 00:19:06,172 --> 00:19:08,256 How and why, sir? 589 00:19:08,257 --> 00:19:09,841 They're the ones who are mentally ill. 590 00:19:09,842 --> 00:19:11,259 Am I right? 591 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,762 It's just that Ben's already here, you know, 592 00:19:13,763 --> 00:19:18,600 so let's just... let him do his little song. 593 00:19:18,601 --> 00:19:21,811 Sorry. But I won't budge on this. 594 00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:23,313 I mean, can you believe it? 595 00:19:23,314 --> 00:19:25,690 He will take his money back if you perform. 596 00:19:25,691 --> 00:19:27,651 Jesus. That is so shitty. 597 00:19:27,652 --> 00:19:28,568 I know. 598 00:19:28,569 --> 00:19:32,822 So obviously, you... 599 00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:34,824 Are going out there, more determined than ever 600 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,160 to not be silenced. 601 00:19:37,703 --> 00:19:40,330 Yas, queen. 602 00:19:40,331 --> 00:19:42,707 Fucking gay people. Fuck. 603 00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:45,001 Okay, I know. What if we chloroform him? 604 00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:47,170 No. Let's just game this out. 605 00:19:47,171 --> 00:19:49,005 - All right. - We can't tell Ben to leave, 606 00:19:49,006 --> 00:19:50,382 'cause that would look bad. - Yeah. 607 00:19:50,383 --> 00:19:51,925 Plus, mental health does affect 608 00:19:51,926 --> 00:19:53,426 the LGBTQ community, 609 00:19:53,427 --> 00:19:55,470 so it is good to have a gay person on this. 610 00:19:55,471 --> 00:19:57,263 Representation is worth so much. 611 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:58,974 But is it worth $100 million? 612 00:19:58,975 --> 00:20:01,810 - I don't know. - Like, if it was 5 or 10... 613 00:20:01,811 --> 00:20:03,561 - Brooke, hey. - Hi. 614 00:20:03,562 --> 00:20:05,689 I had an idea. What if we do a thing 615 00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:07,440 where, every time someone buys my last album, 616 00:20:07,441 --> 00:20:08,858 they get a month of free therapy? 617 00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:10,902 What? Absolutely not. That's gross. 618 00:20:10,903 --> 00:20:13,238 But we just said if people tweet about this show, 619 00:20:13,239 --> 00:20:14,739 they get a month of therapy. What's the difference? 620 00:20:14,740 --> 00:20:16,533 Well, Bud, you'd be doing it 621 00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:18,618 to help album sales, which is bad. 622 00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:21,079 But I'm doing it to help promote this show 623 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,040 that helps the whole world, which is good. 624 00:20:24,041 --> 00:20:25,291 So... 625 00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:26,334 No, yeah. 626 00:20:26,335 --> 00:20:27,544 Yeah, right. 627 00:20:27,545 --> 00:20:29,713 Sorry for asking. 628 00:20:29,714 --> 00:20:30,755 Okay. 629 00:20:30,756 --> 00:20:32,298 I know what we're gonna do. 630 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,591 We're gonna accidentally lock Ben Platt 631 00:20:33,592 --> 00:20:35,093 in the broom closet, too. 632 00:20:35,094 --> 00:20:36,553 Okay. 633 00:20:36,554 --> 00:20:38,304 Yeah, I mean, I've had an agent for a while, 634 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,640 but now I have a lawyer and a manager. 635 00:20:40,641 --> 00:20:42,642 That is so crazy. 636 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:44,394 I have none of that. 637 00:20:44,395 --> 00:20:45,687 ♪ It's happening ♪ 638 00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:47,188 ♪ Look how they fawn ♪ 639 00:20:47,189 --> 00:20:49,482 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 640 00:20:49,483 --> 00:20:51,735 - Wow. - Yeah, we shoot in Croatia, 641 00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:54,529 but luckily, they have to fly me first. 642 00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:55,905 Lucky. 643 00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:57,407 We did a friend trip to Hawaii last year, 644 00:20:57,408 --> 00:20:59,242 and we were in the very last row of coach. 645 00:20:59,243 --> 00:21:00,368 Aw. 646 00:21:00,369 --> 00:21:02,037 ♪ It's happening ♪ 647 00:21:02,038 --> 00:21:03,455 ♪ I am their god ♪ 648 00:21:03,456 --> 00:21:05,498 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 649 00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:08,168 Hey, would you mind FaceTiming my brother-in-law? 650 00:21:08,169 --> 00:21:10,003 He's a huge fan. 651 00:21:10,004 --> 00:21:11,755 My brother-in-law's also a fan. 652 00:21:11,756 --> 00:21:13,423 Girls, girls, there is plenty of me 653 00:21:13,424 --> 00:21:16,176 for every brother-in-law. 654 00:21:16,177 --> 00:21:18,219 ♪ Their lives were empty before I came ♪ 655 00:21:18,220 --> 00:21:21,514 ♪ 'Cause they're just people, but I have fame ♪ 656 00:21:21,515 --> 00:21:23,600 Aw. - Already? 657 00:21:23,601 --> 00:21:25,268 But I guess I do need to relieve the sitter. 658 00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:26,770 And what time is soccer tomorrow? 659 00:21:26,771 --> 00:21:28,271 - Drinks on Thursday, right? - Love you. 660 00:21:28,272 --> 00:21:30,273 ♪ They'll never forget this epic night ♪ 661 00:21:30,274 --> 00:21:31,775 It was so great seeing you. 662 00:21:31,776 --> 00:21:34,611 ♪ I hope when I leave, they will be all right ♪ 663 00:21:34,612 --> 00:21:36,362 I think we can all safely say, 664 00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:38,114 you won this reunion, bro. 665 00:21:38,115 --> 00:21:39,949 ♪ Tonight was just how I hoped it'd be ♪ 666 00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:42,118 ♪ Add this to the list of successes for me ♪ 667 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:50,119 ♪ The gay has come home ♪ 668 00:21:50,669 --> 00:21:57,802 ♪ And won the night ♪ 669 00:21:58,803 --> 00:21:59,887 Ha! 670 00:22:33,337 --> 00:22:35,756 Let's see. 671 00:22:38,551 --> 00:22:40,510 That's why we call it wine o'clock Zumba. 672 00:22:40,511 --> 00:22:43,346 - Food's here from Pat's fave. - Yum-yum! 673 00:22:43,347 --> 00:22:45,974 I have been dreaming about El Pancho Taqueria. 674 00:22:45,975 --> 00:22:49,561 That's 'cause nobody does Mexican like Tony and Mike. 675 00:22:49,562 --> 00:22:52,438 Anyway, you have to come back next summer, too, 676 00:22:52,439 --> 00:22:54,023 so you can pontoon. 677 00:22:54,024 --> 00:22:57,193 Oh, 100%. I will be on that pontoon. 678 00:22:57,194 --> 00:22:59,195 We thought it was gonna be a hassle having one. 679 00:22:59,196 --> 00:23:00,864 You know, taking it out in the winter. 680 00:23:00,865 --> 00:23:03,575 But you just pay one fee, and the marina does it all. 681 00:23:03,576 --> 00:23:05,368 - Love that. - But if you do go, Pat, 682 00:23:05,369 --> 00:23:08,997 do not let Robin pull you on that tube. 683 00:23:08,998 --> 00:23:12,375 She nearly broke my neck she went so fast. 684 00:23:12,376 --> 00:23:14,461 You just had one too many Kim Crawfords. 685 00:23:14,462 --> 00:23:16,087 Uh, it was the weekend. 686 00:23:16,088 --> 00:23:18,923 There's no such thing as one too many Kim Cs. 687 00:23:18,924 --> 00:23:21,050 I'm on her side. 688 00:23:21,051 --> 00:23:23,720 And speaking of, I just wanna say, 689 00:23:23,721 --> 00:23:25,805 thank you so much for having me back. 690 00:23:25,806 --> 00:23:28,099 This has truly been the perfect day. 691 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,726 Melanie, let the COVID lady out. 692 00:23:29,727 --> 00:23:31,227 We need the closet for Ben Platt. 693 00:23:31,228 --> 00:23:32,562 Wait. What? 694 00:23:32,563 --> 00:23:33,938 Okay. 695 00:23:33,939 --> 00:23:36,232 Hi, ma'am. I am so sorry about the mix-up. 696 00:23:36,233 --> 00:23:38,484 We... wait. Where did she go? 697 00:23:38,485 --> 00:23:40,403 Oh, my God. 698 00:23:40,404 --> 00:23:42,071 I think she escaped through the vents. 699 00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:44,407 What? There's a lady in the vents 700 00:23:44,408 --> 00:23:46,242 on my "Night of Undeniable Good"? 701 00:23:46,243 --> 00:23:48,161 It absolutely appears so. 702 00:23:48,162 --> 00:23:49,329 Ugh! 703 00:23:49,330 --> 00:23:50,788 So if we can't throw Ben in a closet, 704 00:23:50,789 --> 00:23:52,081 how else are we gonna distract him 705 00:23:52,082 --> 00:23:53,583 so he misses his performance? 706 00:23:53,584 --> 00:23:55,501 Well, I know you're gonna be mad, but... 707 00:23:55,502 --> 00:23:56,920 Streeter, no chloroform. 708 00:23:56,921 --> 00:23:58,087 Now think. 709 00:23:58,088 --> 00:24:00,298 How else can we distract a gay man? 710 00:24:00,299 --> 00:24:01,257 Oh, my God. 711 00:24:01,258 --> 00:24:03,801 Brooke, I'm a daddy. 712 00:24:07,848 --> 00:24:09,307 Hey, twink. - Excuse me? 713 00:24:09,308 --> 00:24:10,934 What do you say we blow off this fundraiser 714 00:24:10,935 --> 00:24:13,436 and I go... 715 00:24:13,437 --> 00:24:16,439 step on your bones, or break your neck? 716 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:17,774 Or is it legs? 717 00:24:17,775 --> 00:24:19,150 I'm going to... I'm going to... 718 00:24:19,151 --> 00:24:21,736 I will break any bone in your body 719 00:24:21,737 --> 00:24:23,447 that you want me to break. 720 00:24:24,907 --> 00:24:27,325 Well, Ben Platt filed a sexual harassment complaint 721 00:24:27,326 --> 00:24:29,953 against you, so I guess I have to fire you now, too? 722 00:24:29,954 --> 00:24:31,788 Okay, but this is great. 723 00:24:31,789 --> 00:24:34,290 This means he isn't gay, or he would have loved that. 724 00:24:34,291 --> 00:24:36,417 - Oh, just go. - Brooke! 725 00:24:36,418 --> 00:24:39,295 Sorry, but Ben's on in 15 minutes. 726 00:24:39,296 --> 00:24:40,588 Fuck. 727 00:24:40,589 --> 00:24:42,799 I can't lose $100 million. 728 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,218 I know. 729 00:24:47,388 --> 00:24:50,473 Maybe Streeter was right? 730 00:24:50,474 --> 00:24:54,561 Maybe we do chloroform him? 731 00:24:56,897 --> 00:25:00,734 I actually saw some in the broom closet. 732 00:25:12,830 --> 00:25:14,706 Refinance today, and your new loan 733 00:25:14,707 --> 00:25:16,666 could save you hundreds of dollars. 734 00:25:16,667 --> 00:25:18,751 And get one of our certified pre-owns at Akron Auto World, 735 00:25:18,752 --> 00:25:20,795 home of the most enormous American flag you've 736 00:25:20,796 --> 00:25:22,506 ever seen in your goddamn... 737 00:25:25,843 --> 00:25:28,220 Where is the turnoff? 738 00:26:11,722 --> 00:26:14,265 What the fuck? Did I just miss the turnoff? 739 00:26:14,266 --> 00:26:16,810 And why does it smell like full piss in here? 740 00:26:18,354 --> 00:26:19,896 - Okay, but like... - Uh-huh. 741 00:26:19,897 --> 00:26:21,731 It's good that we're chloroforming Ben Pratt, 742 00:26:21,732 --> 00:26:23,608 because this money can help a lot of people. 743 00:26:23,609 --> 00:26:26,194 And he said he was tired when he got here, 744 00:26:26,195 --> 00:26:28,446 so he'll just think he slept through his song. 745 00:26:28,447 --> 00:26:30,323 Plus, I already have the "Hamilton" cast 746 00:26:30,324 --> 00:26:31,824 ready to go on instead. 747 00:26:31,825 --> 00:26:32,992 They're gonna sing "The Room Where It Happens," 748 00:26:32,993 --> 00:26:34,118 but in this version, 749 00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:35,745 the room is a therapist's office. 750 00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:36,788 Ew. 751 00:26:36,789 --> 00:26:37,872 Maybe it's worth $100 million 752 00:26:37,873 --> 00:26:39,123 to not hear that. 753 00:26:39,124 --> 00:26:41,042 Also, like, what if we kill Ben Platt? 754 00:26:41,043 --> 00:26:43,461 Oh, my God. We're not gonna kill Ben Platt. 755 00:26:43,462 --> 00:26:44,963 Just focus. 756 00:26:45,964 --> 00:26:47,716 We are doing this for good. 757 00:26:49,093 --> 00:26:51,469 But if you ever say anything about the good 758 00:26:51,470 --> 00:26:54,806 that we did here, I will end you. 759 00:26:54,807 --> 00:26:56,516 Okay, fine. 760 00:26:56,517 --> 00:26:57,768 Let's do this. 761 00:27:01,814 --> 00:27:03,523 Hi. 762 00:27:03,524 --> 00:27:04,941 Hey. What's up? 763 00:27:04,942 --> 00:27:06,275 Do you think that... 764 00:27:06,276 --> 00:27:08,778 Just stay there, because... 765 00:27:08,779 --> 00:27:10,363 We just wanna... 766 00:27:12,991 --> 00:27:14,409 - Oh, my... - Oh, my God! 767 00:27:14,410 --> 00:27:16,869 Jesus Christ. Are you okay? 768 00:27:16,870 --> 00:27:18,204 - Oh. - Hey, girl, 769 00:27:18,205 --> 00:27:20,706 aw, we just sent the maintenance man up. 770 00:27:20,707 --> 00:27:21,999 Who the fuck is this? 771 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,293 Oh, are you Ben Platt? 772 00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:26,462 Yes. 773 00:27:26,463 --> 00:27:28,840 Well, you have COVID and need to leave immediately. 774 00:27:28,841 --> 00:27:30,633 - I... what? - Wait, what? 775 00:27:30,634 --> 00:27:32,844 - Yeah. - Yes! 776 00:27:32,845 --> 00:27:34,554 I mean, no. 777 00:27:34,555 --> 00:27:35,555 He does? 778 00:27:35,556 --> 00:27:36,973 Oh, so he can't perform? 779 00:27:36,974 --> 00:27:38,641 He can't perform, and it's his fault. 780 00:27:38,642 --> 00:27:40,268 Fuck. This sucks. 781 00:27:40,269 --> 00:27:42,186 I feel like I'm letting the whole gay community down. 782 00:27:42,187 --> 00:27:43,604 You are. 783 00:27:43,605 --> 00:27:45,815 You are letting them down. 784 00:27:45,816 --> 00:27:49,360 Melanie, girl, we fucking did it. 785 00:27:49,361 --> 00:27:50,486 Fuck! 786 00:27:50,487 --> 00:27:51,780 Okay. 787 00:27:55,742 --> 00:27:57,243 Hi, can I use your bathroom, please? 788 00:27:57,244 --> 00:27:58,703 - It's out of order. - That's okay. 789 00:27:58,704 --> 00:28:00,831 I just need the bathroom room. 790 00:28:02,291 --> 00:28:04,917 Why do you need the bathroom room? 791 00:28:04,918 --> 00:28:06,335 'Cause I'm wearing a fucking diaper, 792 00:28:06,336 --> 00:28:07,753 and I need to take it off. 793 00:28:07,754 --> 00:28:09,213 Yep. I've been sitting in my own piss 794 00:28:09,214 --> 00:28:11,174 for the last six hours, so may I please 795 00:28:11,175 --> 00:28:12,675 just use your bathroom room 796 00:28:12,676 --> 00:28:14,970 so I can take off my diaper, kind sir? 797 00:28:17,014 --> 00:28:18,514 Sounds like you had a pretty rough night. 798 00:28:18,515 --> 00:28:19,849 It's actually one of the best nights 799 00:28:19,850 --> 00:28:21,018 of my entire life. 800 00:28:44,416 --> 00:28:45,709 Ugh. 801 00:28:47,252 --> 00:28:48,504 God. 802 00:29:11,944 --> 00:29:14,321 What? Is there no service in here? 803 00:29:20,827 --> 00:29:22,454 Fuck. 804 00:29:29,169 --> 00:29:33,339 Come on. 805 00:29:33,340 --> 00:29:34,591 Fuck. 806 00:29:36,552 --> 00:29:38,679 What the fucking fuck? 807 00:29:40,347 --> 00:29:42,765 Well, this night sucked my ass. 808 00:29:42,766 --> 00:29:45,643 Yeah. That was 100% cuckoo bananas. 809 00:29:45,644 --> 00:29:48,187 Oh, yeah, please don't say "cuckoo bananas." 810 00:29:48,188 --> 00:29:49,438 Just kidding. Have a great night. 811 00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:50,606 Okay. 812 00:29:50,607 --> 00:29:52,108 Oh! Watch where you're going, 813 00:29:52,109 --> 00:29:53,276 you fucking psycho. 814 00:29:53,277 --> 00:29:54,694 - Oh, my God. - Oh, but hey, 815 00:29:54,695 --> 00:29:55,987 this might cheer you up. 816 00:29:55,988 --> 00:29:57,446 Chase's album is number one on iTunes. 817 00:29:57,447 --> 00:29:58,614 Wait. What? 818 00:29:58,615 --> 00:30:00,074 What do you mean? - Yeah. 819 00:30:00,075 --> 00:30:01,617 He tweeted he'd give a free month of therapy 820 00:30:01,618 --> 00:30:03,119 to anyone who bought his last album, 821 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,579 and this whole country is sick, 822 00:30:04,580 --> 00:30:06,455 so it went straight to number one. 823 00:30:06,456 --> 00:30:08,040 Kind of smart. Well... 824 00:30:08,041 --> 00:30:09,458 Wait. No. 825 00:30:09,459 --> 00:30:11,627 I specifically told him not to do that, 826 00:30:11,628 --> 00:30:14,422 and he just did anyway? Fuck. 827 00:30:14,423 --> 00:30:17,091 The whole reason we pivoted him to mental health 828 00:30:17,092 --> 00:30:19,635 was so that people wouldn't think he was bad anymore. 829 00:30:19,636 --> 00:30:21,804 But then he does this shit thing? 830 00:30:21,805 --> 00:30:23,055 Ugh! 831 00:30:23,056 --> 00:30:26,726 Why is it so hard to do good? 832 00:30:26,727 --> 00:30:28,686 Okay, if you do think that, 833 00:30:28,687 --> 00:30:32,148 I wouldn't look behind you right now. 834 00:30:39,698 --> 00:30:43,285 What in the actual fuck? 835 00:30:48,707 --> 00:30:49,749 Hi. 836 00:30:49,750 --> 00:30:51,000 Can I use your bathroom, please? 837 00:30:51,001 --> 00:30:52,543 Another one? 838 00:30:52,544 --> 00:30:54,503 Right. Totally forgot. 839 00:30:54,504 --> 00:30:56,047 It's reunion season. 840 00:30:56,048 --> 00:30:59,175 There's actually another diaper guy in there now, but... 841 00:30:59,176 --> 00:31:00,844 We should probably check on him. 842 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:02,678 How are you doing? 843 00:31:02,679 --> 00:31:05,389 My own piss in my eyes. 844 00:31:05,390 --> 00:31:06,975 Oh, god. 845 00:31:08,727 --> 00:31:10,811 I can... 846 00:31:10,812 --> 00:31:12,272 I can take it from here. 847 00:31:15,067 --> 00:31:17,818 I don't know. I don't... I'm lost. 848 00:31:17,819 --> 00:31:21,155 I'm, like, fucking lost. 849 00:31:21,156 --> 00:31:23,324 Yeah, no. I'm lost too. 850 00:31:23,325 --> 00:31:26,160 No. I think I'm, like, lost lost. 851 00:31:26,161 --> 00:31:27,953 Like, I just had this great night, 852 00:31:27,954 --> 00:31:33,542 and immediately, I don't know, left and just felt unhappy... 853 00:31:33,543 --> 00:31:35,461 Or, like, not happy, 854 00:31:35,462 --> 00:31:37,088 and I don't know why. 855 00:31:37,089 --> 00:31:38,381 Like, I am the star 856 00:31:38,382 --> 00:31:39,632 of the number-one show on Netflix 857 00:31:39,633 --> 00:31:41,175 without puppies shopping. 858 00:31:41,176 --> 00:31:44,887 So why do I feel like I'm about to fucking cry? 859 00:31:44,888 --> 00:31:47,390 I feel lost lost, too, 860 00:31:47,391 --> 00:31:50,267 which is insane, 'cause I have Kamala's phone number. 861 00:31:50,268 --> 00:31:53,646 Like, if I called her now, she'd answer. 862 00:31:53,647 --> 00:31:56,399 It's just like I have everything I ever wanted. 863 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,150 So what am I missing? 864 00:31:58,151 --> 00:32:00,361 Like what else am I looking for? 865 00:32:03,657 --> 00:32:08,577 Oh, one of my classmates is videoing me on Instagram. 866 00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:10,454 So weird. 867 00:32:10,455 --> 00:32:14,083 One of my classmates is videoing me, too. 868 00:32:14,084 --> 00:32:15,334 Hello? - Hello. 869 00:32:15,335 --> 00:32:16,585 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 870 00:32:16,586 --> 00:32:17,670 He picked up. Shut up. 871 00:32:17,671 --> 00:32:18,671 Hi. It's Alicia. 872 00:32:18,672 --> 00:32:20,005 Sorry. 873 00:32:20,006 --> 00:32:21,424 I don't mean to be a full stalker... 874 00:32:21,425 --> 00:32:22,508 Yes, we do. 875 00:32:22,509 --> 00:32:23,509 We were just talking 876 00:32:23,510 --> 00:32:25,052 about how you won 877 00:32:25,053 --> 00:32:26,595 "most likely to win an Academy Award." 878 00:32:26,596 --> 00:32:27,763 So we got out Jesse's yearbook, 879 00:32:27,764 --> 00:32:29,306 and guess what I won. 880 00:32:29,307 --> 00:32:30,766 - Wait for it. - "Most likely to win 881 00:32:30,767 --> 00:32:32,768 an Academy Award for Best Actress." 882 00:32:34,312 --> 00:32:36,439 So you should feel really good about yourself 883 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,482 because I'm a literal dog walker now. 884 00:32:38,483 --> 00:32:40,651 - Thank you. - Wait. 885 00:32:40,652 --> 00:32:41,902 Cary, what are you doing now? 886 00:32:41,903 --> 00:32:42,945 Want to come hang? 887 00:32:42,946 --> 00:32:44,447 I mean, I'm sure, no, 888 00:32:44,448 --> 00:32:46,073 'cause you're fully famous 889 00:32:46,074 --> 00:32:47,450 and we're just, like, watching "Survivor." 890 00:32:47,451 --> 00:32:48,784 Oh, I thought only gay people 891 00:32:48,785 --> 00:32:50,161 watched "Survivor" now. - What? 892 00:32:50,162 --> 00:32:51,662 I think everyone does. 893 00:32:51,663 --> 00:32:53,664 Anyway, it's just a cazh friend hang, 894 00:32:53,665 --> 00:32:55,750 if you want to come. - Yes, come! 895 00:32:55,751 --> 00:32:57,418 - Come on, Dubes. - Max, Max, Max. 896 00:32:57,419 --> 00:32:59,378 You gotta come. It's a friend hang. 897 00:32:59,379 --> 00:33:00,629 Okay, no, let's let him go. 898 00:33:00,630 --> 00:33:01,672 But come if you want. 899 00:33:01,673 --> 00:33:03,340 I'll DM you the address. 900 00:33:03,341 --> 00:33:05,259 Okay. Great. Great. 901 00:33:05,260 --> 00:33:06,970 I appreciate it. 902 00:33:09,890 --> 00:33:13,685 God, it's so obvious what I've been missing. 903 00:33:14,770 --> 00:33:16,938 It's so clear what I need. 904 00:33:18,398 --> 00:33:22,651 Hey, would you want to get a drink as frien... 905 00:33:22,652 --> 00:33:23,986 Wait, what? 906 00:33:23,987 --> 00:33:25,404 Mackenzie, 907 00:33:25,405 --> 00:33:27,490 I need to win the Academy Award 908 00:33:27,491 --> 00:33:29,867 for Best Actor in a Motion Picture. 909 00:33:35,540 --> 00:33:36,665 Good night, Pat. 910 00:33:36,666 --> 00:33:38,293 Good night, Lisa. 911 00:33:52,182 --> 00:33:54,934 Wazzup? 912 00:33:54,935 --> 00:33:56,352 I'm not here. Leave a message 913 00:33:56,353 --> 00:34:00,648 after the beep. 914 00:34:00,649 --> 00:34:03,943 Hey, I tried calling you, but you didn't pick up. 915 00:34:03,944 --> 00:34:07,029 And I just wanted to let you know about my day. 916 00:34:07,030 --> 00:34:08,989 My friend picked me up from the airport, 917 00:34:08,990 --> 00:34:10,783 and we went shopping 918 00:34:10,784 --> 00:34:14,912 and then got ice cream and fed the ducks in the park, 919 00:34:14,913 --> 00:34:16,914 then went back to her house and ordered dinner 920 00:34:16,915 --> 00:34:19,542 with some other friends. 921 00:34:19,543 --> 00:34:21,794 And the whole time, the whole day, 922 00:34:21,795 --> 00:34:24,171 I just kept thinking, 923 00:34:24,172 --> 00:34:26,924 "I am so fucking bored." 924 00:34:29,010 --> 00:34:33,264 I just... I was so excited to come back, but I... 925 00:34:33,265 --> 00:34:36,767 I hated every minute of it. 926 00:34:36,768 --> 00:34:39,228 Everything we did, I thought, "How much longer 927 00:34:39,229 --> 00:34:40,604 do I have to do this for?" 928 00:34:40,605 --> 00:34:42,314 All afternoon, if you want. 929 00:34:42,315 --> 00:34:45,568 We walked through town, and I found it small. 930 00:34:45,569 --> 00:34:46,944 We bought clothes I used to wear, 931 00:34:46,945 --> 00:34:48,904 and I felt foolish in them. 932 00:34:48,905 --> 00:34:51,115 - Pat's fave. - And everything we ate 933 00:34:51,116 --> 00:34:52,575 was so awful. 934 00:34:52,576 --> 00:34:53,909 I was embarrassed to be putting 935 00:34:53,910 --> 00:34:56,328 food like that in my mouth. 936 00:34:56,329 --> 00:34:59,540 And the houses were so ugly. 937 00:34:59,541 --> 00:35:01,000 These people should be in jail 938 00:35:01,001 --> 00:35:02,418 for what their houses look like. 939 00:35:02,419 --> 00:35:03,961 I wish my kitchen was bee-themed. 940 00:35:03,962 --> 00:35:05,421 I just... I kept thinking, 941 00:35:05,422 --> 00:35:07,006 "Thank God I don't think this shit 942 00:35:07,007 --> 00:35:09,967 looks good still." I wanna take a picture. 943 00:35:09,968 --> 00:35:11,468 Eventually, the day was so long, 944 00:35:11,469 --> 00:35:13,178 I started to get physically mad 945 00:35:13,179 --> 00:35:14,430 it was still happening 946 00:35:14,431 --> 00:35:15,848 because the conversations 947 00:35:15,849 --> 00:35:17,266 were so mind-numbing. 948 00:35:17,267 --> 00:35:18,642 And the marina does it all. 949 00:35:18,643 --> 00:35:20,352 And the jokes weren't funny. 950 00:35:20,353 --> 00:35:22,479 One too many Kim Cs. 951 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,773 I just... I was with my friends, 952 00:35:24,774 --> 00:35:26,192 but I wasn't. 953 00:35:26,193 --> 00:35:29,236 I was outside them 954 00:35:29,237 --> 00:35:31,530 because they were the same, 955 00:35:31,531 --> 00:35:34,116 and I was different. 956 00:35:34,117 --> 00:35:35,743 I am different. 957 00:35:35,744 --> 00:35:37,119 And I just... 958 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,955 I don't think I can come here again... 959 00:35:39,956 --> 00:35:42,000 Not ever again. 960 00:35:44,044 --> 00:35:46,629 Anyway, this is a lot of texts, 961 00:35:46,630 --> 00:35:48,297 and I know we're not together anymore, 962 00:35:48,298 --> 00:35:50,507 but I just wanted to say hi 963 00:35:50,508 --> 00:35:54,470 and that I miss you... and your dick. 964 00:35:54,471 --> 00:35:57,807 God, I miss your big, fat dick. 965 00:36:00,727 --> 00:36:03,354 Oh, my God. Those were all tweets again. 966 00:36:03,355 --> 00:36:04,480 Delete, delete, delete. 967 00:36:06,191 --> 00:36:08,150 ♪ The gays are racing home tonight ♪ 968 00:36:08,151 --> 00:36:09,985 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 969 00:36:09,986 --> 00:36:12,196 ♪ Our reunions we will crush tonight ♪ 970 00:36:12,197 --> 00:36:14,073 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 971 00:36:14,074 --> 00:36:16,408 ♪ No one will be more successful than we ♪ 972 00:36:16,409 --> 00:36:18,410 ♪ Or understand Kamala better than he ♪ 973 00:36:18,411 --> 00:36:23,040 ♪ 'Cause we are gay and coming to win the night ♪ 974 00:36:23,041 --> 00:36:24,583 Oh, look, a third gay. 975 00:36:24,584 --> 00:36:26,710 ♪ At Netflix I run comedy ♪ 976 00:36:26,711 --> 00:36:28,253 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 977 00:36:28,254 --> 00:36:30,506 ♪ And at Google, I'm the new VP ♪ 978 00:36:30,507 --> 00:36:32,383 ♪ Hurrah, hurrah ♪ 979 00:36:32,384 --> 00:36:34,677 ♪ And now I am sitting my own pee ♪ 980 00:36:34,678 --> 00:36:36,679 ♪ So all of my past can compliment me ♪ 981 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:41,141 ♪ 'Cause we four gays are coming to win the night ♪ 982 00:36:41,142 --> 00:36:42,935 No, but really. 983 00:36:42,936 --> 00:36:45,813 ♪ Think of what they'll say when they see me ♪ 984 00:36:45,814 --> 00:36:47,648 ♪ See me ♪ 985 00:36:47,649 --> 00:36:51,026 ♪ All my classmates with their said little lives ♪ 986 00:36:51,027 --> 00:36:55,072 ♪ Think of what they'll say, how they'll swoon and scream ♪ 987 00:36:55,073 --> 00:36:58,867 ♪ When the WindWeaver arrives ♪ 988 00:36:58,868 --> 00:37:01,161 ♪ Us gays have not been back in years ♪ 989 00:37:01,162 --> 00:37:02,913 ♪ Like 10, or 12 ♪ 990 00:37:02,914 --> 00:37:05,207 ♪ 'Cause high school, for us, was full of tears ♪ 991 00:37:05,208 --> 00:37:07,126 ♪ So sad, oh, well ♪ 992 00:37:07,127 --> 00:37:09,169 ♪ But that was the past, and this is the now ♪ 993 00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:10,546 ♪ And look at our résumés ♪ 994 00:37:10,547 --> 00:37:11,797 ♪ Holy shit, wow ♪ 995 00:37:11,798 --> 00:37:13,298 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 996 00:37:13,299 --> 00:37:17,469 ♪ The gays are coming ♪ 997 00:37:17,470 --> 00:37:19,305 ♪ Home to win the night ♪ 65854

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