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1
00:01:18,086 --> 00:01:19,889
Hello, Agnes, it's me, Maddie.
2
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:23,760
-Miss Hayes.
-Just calling to say hi.
3
00:01:23,925 --> 00:01:26,392
-Hi.
-Hi.
4
00:01:26,552 --> 00:01:32,270
Not much happening this end.
Actually, I do have some news.
5
00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:35,280
/just found out I'm pregnant.
6
00:01:35,936 --> 00:01:37,442
A baby?
7
00:01:37,604 --> 00:01:39,111
/had to tell somebody.
8
00:01:39,522 --> 00:01:41,278
A baby?
9
00:01:41,441 --> 00:01:43,493
I just wasn't sure
who that someone should be.
10
00:01:43,651 --> 00:01:45,989
-Then I thought of you.
-A baby?
11
00:01:46,154 --> 00:01:47,411
Makes sense, right?
12
00:01:47,572 --> 00:01:49,623
That's the way
nature's supposed to work.
13
00:01:49,782 --> 00:01:53,044
Besides, my biological clock
is ticking.
14
00:01:53,202 --> 00:01:54,673
Agnes.
15
00:01:57,123 --> 00:02:00,136
You're the only person I've told.
Promise not to tell anyone.
16
00:02:00,292 --> 00:02:01,714
Not even Mr. Addison?
17
00:02:01,876 --> 00:02:05,470
Not even Mr. Addison.
Especially not Mr. Addison.
18
00:02:06,464 --> 00:02:07,970
Okay.
19
00:02:08,132 --> 00:02:13,649
Well, I guess that's all my news,
so I guess l'll say--
20
00:02:16,515 --> 00:02:18,520
A baby.
21
00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:39,619
Agnes, thank God you've come.
22
00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:41,174
I've been here since 4 a.m...
23
00:02:41,329 --> 00:02:44,011
...on the off-chance you'd come
in early to water the ferns.
24
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:48,923
Agnes, I owe you and MacGi|icuddy
an apology for my behaviour yesterday.
25
00:02:49,087 --> 00:02:52,966
You were right. The only thing
I cared about was old numero uno:
26
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,849
Herbert Quentin Viola.
27
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:59,521
Last night, I found myself
up to my neck in hot water.
28
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,816
Cornea to cornea with temptation.
29
00:03:02,058 --> 00:03:04,856
The devil with a blue dress on.
30
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,032
Actually, her dress was off,
but be that as it may...
31
00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:11,652
...when I looked into those
tinted contacts, did I see warmth?
32
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:15,031
Compassion, love? No.
33
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:19,417
I saw a selfish, gluttonous fiend.
34
00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,495
My own reflection.
35
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:25,706
Can you ever find it in your heart
to forgive me?
36
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,711
Agnes.
37
00:03:34,211 --> 00:03:35,967
Haven't you heard
anything I've said?
38
00:03:36,130 --> 00:03:38,680
Something about Mitch Ryder
and The Detroit Wheels?
39
00:03:38,841 --> 00:03:41,261
Agnes, you're flushed.
40
00:03:41,594 --> 00:03:43,645
-Is something wrong?
-No way.
41
00:03:43,804 --> 00:03:45,476
You can whip me, beat me,
keelhaul me.
42
00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:48,522
It's no use, Herbert.
The secret dies with me.
43
00:03:48,683 --> 00:03:51,020
-What secret?
-Oh, no, you don't.
44
00:03:51,186 --> 00:03:55,491
If anyone ever found out, well,
it'd be awful and it wouldn't be fair.
45
00:03:55,648 --> 00:03:58,412
-Fair to whom?
-The love child, that's who.
46
00:03:58,568 --> 00:04:01,036
-Agnes, what is this nonsense?
-Nonsense?
47
00:04:01,195 --> 00:04:04,410
Nonsense? You men make me sick.
48
00:04:04,574 --> 00:04:07,253
Do you have to carry
the baby around for months?
49
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:10,457
Do you have to go through
the agony of childbirth?
50
00:04:10,620 --> 00:04:14,214
No, I do. I'm the one.
51
00:04:14,624 --> 00:04:16,262
Baby?
52
00:04:17,461 --> 00:04:19,928
MacGi|icuddy.
53
00:04:20,087 --> 00:04:22,306
I should have known.
54
00:04:22,464 --> 00:04:25,762
Laying that sob story on you
about his wife.
55
00:04:25,926 --> 00:04:28,513
Slinking off with you after work.
56
00:04:28,679 --> 00:04:32,024
And on top of all that,
his duck is in my oven.
57
00:04:32,349 --> 00:04:33,856
MacGi|icuddy?
58
00:04:34,851 --> 00:04:37,816
That one-eyed Jack.
59
00:04:37,979 --> 00:04:40,945
That lucky Pierre.
60
00:04:41,107 --> 00:04:42,697
This isn't MacGi|icuddy's baby.
61
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:45,278
I don't think.
62
00:04:46,612 --> 00:04:48,913
Agnes, how many men
have you been with?
63
00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:51,085
Me?
64
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,625
-I'm not the one who's pregnant.
-You're not?
65
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:58,248
No, Miss Hay--
66
00:04:58,748 --> 00:05:00,420
Miss Hayes?
67
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:02,137
Miss Hayes is pregnant?
68
00:05:02,961 --> 00:05:05,974
I wasn't supposed to say anything.
You can't tell a soul.
69
00:05:06,255 --> 00:05:08,390
Miss Hayes is having a bah--
70
00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:10,719
Cross your heart and hope to die.
71
00:05:12,469 --> 00:05:14,973
Shouldn't eat garlic
first thing in the morning, Bert.
72
00:05:15,138 --> 00:05:17,108
Mr. Addison.
73
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,274
You crossed your heart.
74
00:05:19,726 --> 00:05:24,317
Is this the face of a man who'll spill
the beans once he's given his word?
75
00:05:26,816 --> 00:05:31,906
I'm just going in there and update
Mr. Addison on the Anselmo case.
76
00:05:32,488 --> 00:05:35,252
This secret goes with me
to the organ bank.
77
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,753
Herbert Viola, if you breathe
a word of this to anyone...
78
00:05:43,916 --> 00:05:47,462
...you're gonna be at that organ bank
a lot sooner than you bargained for.
79
00:05:58,553 --> 00:06:00,225
Come in.
80
00:06:00,973 --> 00:06:04,270
Morning, sir.
Mind if I speak with you for a second?
81
00:06:04,434 --> 00:06:05,692
Gab away.
82
00:06:08,688 --> 00:06:12,151
This wouldn't happen to be about our
Kama Sutra convention last night?
83
00:06:12,316 --> 00:06:14,784
Well, sort of, sir.
84
00:06:14,943 --> 00:06:18,075
That happens when you leave the
game in the middle of the 7th inning.
85
00:06:18,238 --> 00:06:21,537
You gotta wait until the next morning
to get the play-by-play.
86
00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:24,791
I take it you stayed
for the whole game?
87
00:06:25,078 --> 00:06:26,631
All 19 innings.
88
00:06:28,414 --> 00:06:30,420
You're an animal, sir.
89
00:06:32,377 --> 00:06:34,548
But did you ever think about...
90
00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,559
...responsibi|ity?
91
00:06:37,715 --> 00:06:40,265
Commitment? Growing up?
92
00:06:40,426 --> 00:06:43,189
I mean, I got this little voice inside
that keeps nagging me.
93
00:06:43,345 --> 00:06:45,397
You want to drown it out,
turn up the music.
94
00:06:45,556 --> 00:06:47,395
Sir, I want to sometimes.
95
00:06:47,558 --> 00:06:52,065
But then again, I can't deny the fact
that Agnes is the right woman--
96
00:06:52,228 --> 00:06:56,071
The only woman for me.
You know what I mean, sir?
97
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:59,281
A woman's gotta be more
than just a favourite chair, Bert.
98
00:07:01,278 --> 00:07:04,126
I guess maybe
I better get back to work.
99
00:07:06,741 --> 00:07:07,999
But suppose someone ....
100
00:07:09,411 --> 00:07:13,670
Suppose me. Suppose that,
although I didn't realise it at the time...
101
00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:17,425
...a woman I was dating
was expecting my baby.
102
00:07:19,086 --> 00:07:22,052
Now, I'd want to know
if she was pregnant.
103
00:07:22,756 --> 00:07:24,892
-Wouldn't you?
-Agnes?
104
00:07:25,051 --> 00:07:27,102
No, no. This has nothing
to do with Agnes.
105
00:07:27,261 --> 00:07:29,266
Who, then? Somebody I know?
106
00:07:29,429 --> 00:07:32,193
It's fair to say you have
a more than nodding acquaintance...
107
00:07:32,349 --> 00:07:34,104
-...with the individual.
-A co-worker?
108
00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:39,232
I don't know really if I can say, sir.
I mean, it's a very delicate subject.
109
00:07:39,396 --> 00:07:41,283
Promises have been made,
oaths taken.
110
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,121
But as administrator
of our health plan, it's my duty...
111
00:07:44,276 --> 00:07:47,290
...to care for the well-being of each
member of our Blue Moon family.
112
00:07:47,447 --> 00:07:49,783
-Out with it.
-I don't know if I'm at liberty to say.
113
00:07:50,074 --> 00:07:52,042
Bert, this is no time
to stand on principle.
114
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,170
If you're playing taps
because some squaw...
115
00:07:54,327 --> 00:07:58,040
-...is carrying your papoose--
-Mine, sir? No, sir.
116
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,720
Yours, sir.
117
00:08:01,876 --> 00:08:04,758
What are you talking about?
I haven't knocked anybody up.
118
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,972
Not just anybody, sir.
119
00:08:07,131 --> 00:08:09,634
-You knocked up the boss.
-What?
120
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,437
Please don't be angry with me.
121
00:08:11,593 --> 00:08:13,480
-Agnes swore me--
-Agnes knows?
122
00:08:13,637 --> 00:08:15,226
She's going to smear me with jam...
123
00:08:15,388 --> 00:08:18,271
...and bury me in an anthill
if she finds out I spilled my guts.
124
00:08:18,433 --> 00:08:20,818
Miss Hayes is having a baby?
Our Miss Hayes?
125
00:08:21,061 --> 00:08:23,445
I just thought you should know, sir.
126
00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:31,455
Thanks, Bert.
127
00:08:32,154 --> 00:08:33,411
I've gotta catch a plane.
128
00:08:34,072 --> 00:08:35,460
No problem, sir.
129
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:38,166
I'm here, 24 hours a day,
and, Mr. Addison...
130
00:08:38,326 --> 00:08:40,912
...I faithfully pledge
to execute my duties--
131
00:08:41,079 --> 00:08:45,219
-Make sure the trash gets taken out.
-I'll bag it and stack it myself, sir.
132
00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:47,841
Oh, Mr. Addison.
133
00:08:48,378 --> 00:08:51,972
About Miss Hayes, I hope
congratulations are still in order.
134
00:09:21,283 --> 00:09:22,920
Hello.
135
00:09:24,452 --> 00:09:25,710
How long have you known?
136
00:09:29,374 --> 00:09:31,129
You were gonna tell me,
weren't you?
137
00:09:33,711 --> 00:09:35,798
I mean, that you're ....
138
00:09:37,005 --> 00:09:38,049
That you're pregnant.
139
00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:43,559
I'm really not ready
to have this conversation.
140
00:09:44,012 --> 00:09:45,851
I'm getting on the next plane
to Chicago.
141
00:09:46,014 --> 00:09:48,695
No, please don't. Please.
142
00:10:07,284 --> 00:10:09,538
Young lady.
143
00:10:09,702 --> 00:10:12,835
Is this a personal call
we are making on company time?
144
00:10:14,416 --> 00:10:16,966
Hello, to what area code
am I speaking?
145
00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:24,433
That better not have been
long distance.
146
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:27,177
Herbert Quentin Viola.
147
00:10:28,887 --> 00:10:30,181
How could you?
148
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,767
Well, personal calls
on company time...
149
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:35,103
...are a huge drain
on corporate resources.
150
00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:37,522
You swore an oath,
gave me your word.
151
00:10:37,686 --> 00:10:40,617
I took you into my confidence
and how did you repay my trust?
152
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:43,538
-Agnes, what are you upset about?
-You know why I'm upset.
153
00:10:43,692 --> 00:10:45,744
Mr. Addison took off
like a bat out of heck...
154
00:10:45,902 --> 00:10:48,156
...and I know what he was
flapping his wings about.
155
00:10:48,321 --> 00:10:49,662
Perhaps he had an appointment.
156
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:54,082
Or maybe your big fat yap isn't
the only thing you can't keep zipped.
157
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:57,457
May I remind you that you
are addressing the acting supervisor...
158
00:10:57,621 --> 00:10:59,959
...of Blue Moon Investigations?
159
00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:04,342
Yeah, well, get your
acting supervisor's butt in here.
160
00:11:05,629 --> 00:11:08,133
Have you lost your mind?
161
00:11:08,466 --> 00:11:11,977
Mr. Addison left me
in control of this office.
162
00:11:12,135 --> 00:11:15,267
I am the capo di tutti i capi
around here.
163
00:11:15,430 --> 00:11:17,566
Well, listen to me, Mr. Tutti-Frutti.
164
00:11:17,723 --> 00:11:21,945
I took you at your word, but your word
isn't worth the spit it's spoken with.
165
00:11:23,728 --> 00:11:26,908
You just had to tell Mr. Addison
about the baby.
166
00:11:27,232 --> 00:11:29,818
Do you really think so little of me?
167
00:11:29,986 --> 00:11:34,161
That I'm some kind of two-timing,
duplicitous weasel?
168
00:11:34,322 --> 00:11:38,284
Look me in the eyes and tell me
you didn't go into his office...
169
00:11:38,451 --> 00:11:41,584
...and drool a whole bibful
about the baby.
170
00:11:46,251 --> 00:11:49,631
Okay, I told him, but he would have
found out sooner or later anyway.
171
00:11:49,795 --> 00:11:51,716
I mean, Mr. Addison
is one of the finest...
172
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,431
...investigative minds
of his generation.
173
00:12:00,304 --> 00:12:02,143
Oh, Agnes.
174
00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:05,189
I didn't want to betray
your confidence. I hated it.
175
00:12:05,351 --> 00:12:08,815
But I had to do it for his own good.
176
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:12,491
For Miss Hayes' own good.
Hell, for the baby's own good.
177
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:15,235
You know Mr. Addison,
the well-tailored executive.
178
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,656
I have been privy
to the after-hours Addison...
179
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,953
...and I could not stand by
and watch him sow his wild oats...
180
00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,046
...when he already has
a bumper crop in Chicago.
181
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,466
Okay, fine. Hate me if you want to.
182
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:33,301
But from where I was standing, I had
a moral obligation to do what I did.
183
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:35,549
If I'm confronted
with the dilemma again...
184
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,263
...I can assure you
that I wouldn't do anything different.
185
00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:43,512
I don't hate you.
I'll just never be able to trust you.
186
00:12:43,678 --> 00:12:46,359
And Miss Hayes
will never be able to trust me.
187
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:49,812
She didn't tell Mr. Addison.
She didn't even tell her parents.
188
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:51,779
She told me.
189
00:12:51,935 --> 00:12:53,228
You've ruined that.
190
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:57,904
Agnes, I am truly sorry,
but what's done is done.
191
00:12:58,067 --> 00:12:59,823
It'll blow over.
192
00:12:59,985 --> 00:13:03,247
In a week, the two of us will look back
on this and have a good chuckle.
193
00:13:07,074 --> 00:13:10,457
Okay, a month. Six weeks tops.
194
00:13:10,954 --> 00:13:13,457
I mean,
we are not the kind of people...
195
00:13:13,623 --> 00:13:16,172
...who are gonna allow
an honest difference of opinion...
196
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:17,591
...to come between us.
197
00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,721
You can count on it.
198
00:13:20,254 --> 00:13:22,259
Agnes.
199
00:13:22,923 --> 00:13:25,604
I hate arguing with you.
200
00:13:26,468 --> 00:13:28,638
But I must confess
that there is a part of me...
201
00:13:28,803 --> 00:13:31,271
...that always looks forward
to making up.
202
00:13:31,722 --> 00:13:34,107
What do you say, tonight...
203
00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:38,651
...you and me curl up
with a cold bottle of champagne...
204
00:13:38,812 --> 00:13:41,280
...and keep each other warm?
205
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:45,319
You can forget about tonight,
tomorrow night and every other night.
206
00:13:45,485 --> 00:13:48,617
From now on,
I've got my anger to keep me warm.
207
00:14:06,629 --> 00:14:08,302
May I have your attention, please?
208
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:11,312
Hi. I need to get
on Flight 88 to Chicago.
209
00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:13,639
I'm sorry, sir.
That flight is all filled up.
210
00:14:13,804 --> 00:14:15,974
I can put you on standby if you like.
211
00:14:16,138 --> 00:14:19,816
-Is that the best you can do?
-I'm afraid so.
212
00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,113
Don't bother.
213
00:14:23,270 --> 00:14:26,153
Just have to find something else
to do with this episode.
214
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:50,214
Kentucky's finest. Make it a double.
215
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:53,806
And don't tell me
how early it is in the morning.
216
00:14:54,590 --> 00:14:56,513
You ever noticed
how these airport bars...
217
00:14:56,675 --> 00:14:58,432
...look the same everywhere you go?
218
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:04,397
I mean, look, it's the same panelling,
same carpeting.
219
00:15:04,559 --> 00:15:06,112
Looks like the same bartender.
220
00:15:06,685 --> 00:15:09,319
Hey, Hundley, zip it.
221
00:15:10,689 --> 00:15:15,695
You know, I took a wrong turn
into the booze myself a few years ago.
222
00:15:16,153 --> 00:15:18,488
Problem with a lady.
223
00:15:18,863 --> 00:15:20,749
There's always a lady
in there somewhere.
224
00:15:21,782 --> 00:15:23,040
Yeah.
225
00:15:24,368 --> 00:15:28,379
She's gonna have a baby.
Very possibly mine.
226
00:15:28,539 --> 00:15:30,379
I can't get a flight out of this place...
227
00:15:30,541 --> 00:15:33,175
...so I can go throw pebbles
at her window.
228
00:15:37,505 --> 00:15:40,057
I'd trade places with anybody
in this bar.
229
00:15:41,176 --> 00:15:42,979
Why don't you raise a little hell?
230
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:45,900
Pick up the phone, call the airline,
ask for the supervisor.
231
00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:49,401
Better yet, go to the chairman
of the board and read him the riot act.
232
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:52,025
I know what you're afraid of.
233
00:15:52,186 --> 00:15:54,440
You don't know what to say to her
when she comes to the window.
234
00:15:54,605 --> 00:15:56,691
I know exactly
what I'm gonna say to her.
235
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,067
Yeah?
236
00:15:58,232 --> 00:16:01,911
Well, then, why are you
marinating yourself in ethanol, huh?
237
00:16:02,738 --> 00:16:04,957
Because...
238
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:07,705
...it's easier.
239
00:16:08,325 --> 00:16:10,413
I can sit here...
240
00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:12,879
...run my credit card up to the limit...
241
00:16:13,038 --> 00:16:15,293
...stumble out of here...
242
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:18,008
...fall into a trash bin
for the next 20 years.
243
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:19,765
Yeah.
244
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,260
Then you wake up.
245
00:16:21,421 --> 00:16:22,844
Then you hate yourself...
246
00:16:23,006 --> 00:16:27,845
...because it's too late to throw
those pebbles at that window.
247
00:16:32,307 --> 00:16:33,694
Excuse me.
248
00:16:43,358 --> 00:16:46,572
Another soda for my associate here.
249
00:17:01,624 --> 00:17:04,129
You like to watch those big guys
take off, huh?
250
00:17:04,294 --> 00:17:05,551
Look at that.
251
00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:12,052
Watch them slip off
those surly bonds of earth.
252
00:17:17,556 --> 00:17:21,104
Please proceed to Gate 17-C.
253
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:26,988
Hello, this is Senator Wilturn calling.
254
00:17:27,148 --> 00:17:30,909
Yes, I've got to get to Chicago
as fast as humanly possible.
255
00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:35,616
Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
This is an emergency.
256
00:17:36,365 --> 00:17:39,082
You've heard of a little thing
called the beef crisis?
257
00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:41,924
The president himself
has asked me to intervene.
258
00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:43,420
L.m
259
00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:46,464
I am talking to you
about a threat to national security.
260
00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:49,803
Unless you want your grandchildren
to grow up eating soy burgers...
261
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:52,429
...don't talk to me
about flying standby.
262
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:57,137
Excellent, excellent. The Oval Office
appreciates your cooperation.
263
00:18:01,138 --> 00:18:03,108
-How'd it go?
-Got a flight in 15 minutes.
264
00:18:03,265 --> 00:18:05,946
-Thanks for the pep talk.
-You looked like you could use it.
265
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,529
You're quite a student
of human nature.
266
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:11,452
Well, you know,
I like to get inside people's heads.
267
00:18:11,941 --> 00:18:13,530
What happened to him?
268
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:15,697
All danced out, I guess.
269
00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:17,616
Let me get these drinks.
270
00:18:18,154 --> 00:18:20,835
Well, that's very nice of you.
Scott Hundley.
271
00:18:21,324 --> 00:18:23,127
-David, David Addison.
-How are you?
272
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:25,371
Hey, what the--?
273
00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:28,373
-Hey!
-You want to trade places, you got it.
274
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:33,047
Hey, come back here. Hey, hey.
Stop that guy, don't let him get away.
275
00:18:33,209 --> 00:18:34,716
Somebody call the police.
276
00:18:36,589 --> 00:18:38,675
Another step
and I'll break your neck, Hundley.
277
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,937
-Hundley? I'm not Hundley.
-Of course not, you're Vanna White.
278
00:18:42,092 --> 00:18:43,932
Looks like Harry here
fell off the waggon.
279
00:18:44,094 --> 00:18:46,728
Hardly blame him, chained
to this bag of crud all day long.
280
00:18:46,889 --> 00:18:49,190
My name's David Addison.
I'm a private investigator.
281
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:52,695
Check my ID. He stole my wallet.
282
00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:56,701
-What are you doing?
-My job, taking you back to prison.
283
00:18:56,857 --> 00:18:59,407
Prison? You're making a mistake.
My name is David Addison.
284
00:18:59,568 --> 00:19:02,913
Well, you got the next 99 years
to straighten it out.
285
00:19:28,343 --> 00:19:30,064
Get your last looks.
286
00:19:30,220 --> 00:19:31,941
Big house over that hill.
287
00:19:32,222 --> 00:19:36,315
Best news I had since they started
making red M&M's again.
288
00:19:38,145 --> 00:19:41,656
You're one of those freaks
who likes it better on the inside, huh?
289
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,365
The sooner I get there,
the sooner I get out.
290
00:19:44,775 --> 00:19:46,946
Yeah, me too.
291
00:19:47,779 --> 00:19:49,784
You should have seen
my lawyer's face drop...
292
00:19:49,948 --> 00:19:52,083
...when they sentenced me
to this place.
293
00:19:52,782 --> 00:19:54,420
Worst of the worst degenerates...
294
00:19:54,576 --> 00:19:56,083
...they dump them here.
295
00:19:56,245 --> 00:19:58,296
It's a living hell.
296
00:19:58,788 --> 00:20:01,090
You're lucky
if you get three squares a day.
297
00:20:01,583 --> 00:20:02,971
What did you do to get here?
298
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:05,345
Forgot to clean my fingernails.
299
00:20:05,795 --> 00:20:07,467
Lands you in prison every time.
300
00:20:08,214 --> 00:20:10,301
They found bits of my boss
under them.
301
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:22,317
Through the door, one at a time.
Let's go, let's go.
302
00:20:23,645 --> 00:20:26,279
Keep moving.
Don't pull on the chain.
303
00:20:30,401 --> 00:20:32,073
Quiet.
304
00:20:33,571 --> 00:20:35,658
All the way down.
305
00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:45,551
Move it.
306
00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:50,177
Let's go, move it, on the yellow line.
Move it, move it.
307
00:20:54,174 --> 00:20:55,845
Put your left arm up.
308
00:21:07,352 --> 00:21:08,693
Put your arms down.
309
00:21:09,771 --> 00:21:12,736
When I tell you, put your
personal belongings on the counter.
310
00:21:12,899 --> 00:21:14,904
-Do this--
-Excuse me, officer.
311
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:18,414
I know you're probably up to your
eyeballs trying to keep the arsonists...
312
00:21:18,571 --> 00:21:20,990
...from torching the axe murderers,
so I'll be brief.
313
00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:24,288
Put your hands in your pockets
before I cut them off.
314
00:21:24,869 --> 00:21:26,920
I know this represents
paperwork to you...
315
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:29,166
...but when you weigh that
against my rights...
316
00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:32,295
...in the greatest democracy
in the world--
317
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,510
-Should I speak--?
-Got him?
318
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:37,131
-Bottoms up, idiot.
-Am I in a prison for the deaf?
319
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:39,551
Didn't you hear what I said? Hey.
320
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:42,558
Next.
321
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:46,806
To me, this is more
than just a prison.
322
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,977
It's a community.
323
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,733
You men have been invited
to live in the community...
324
00:21:51,893 --> 00:21:55,525
...because
you're world-class scum.
325
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:59,236
In any community,
everybody? got a job.
326
00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:01,655
My job's simple.
327
00:22:01,819 --> 00:22:04,239
Take care of any problems.
328
00:22:04,404 --> 00:22:06,825
Your job's simple too.
329
00:22:06,991 --> 00:22:08,878
Not to be a problem.
330
00:22:09,034 --> 00:22:11,418
So our two jobs are the same.
331
00:22:12,370 --> 00:22:14,624
And when they ain't the same...
332
00:22:14,789 --> 00:22:17,968
...we got a conflict of interest.
333
00:22:19,545 --> 00:22:23,055
And whenever
there's a conflict of interest...
334
00:22:23,714 --> 00:22:28,104
...well, I got a place in the hole
to help you learn your job better.
335
00:22:29,845 --> 00:22:32,609
What you think, I don't care.
336
00:22:32,765 --> 00:22:35,943
What you feel,
I don't give a rat's butt.
337
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:39,482
And what you want don't mean zero.
338
00:22:44,859 --> 00:22:47,789
So it stacks up like this:
339
00:22:48,904 --> 00:22:51,123
You're late for work...
340
00:22:51,782 --> 00:22:54,463
...it's two days in the hole.
341
00:22:54,618 --> 00:22:56,623
You miss a meal...
342
00:22:56,787 --> 00:22:59,467
...it's three days in the hole.
343
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,297
You take a shower once a week
and you cut your hair twice a month...
344
00:23:05,461 --> 00:23:07,300
...or it's four days in the hole.
345
00:23:07,463 --> 00:23:09,551
And if you fight...
346
00:23:11,091 --> 00:23:13,559
...or mouth off...
347
00:23:14,803 --> 00:23:17,484
...maybe the hole's too good for you.
348
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,021
-Robin, look at this. Check it out.
-Hey, lover boy.
349
00:23:23,187 --> 00:23:26,198
You and me got a hot date tonight.
350
00:23:26,355 --> 00:23:29,369
Look, what's this? Some fresh meat.
351
00:23:29,525 --> 00:23:32,907
Hey, baby.
Looking for some action?
352
00:23:33,070 --> 00:23:35,158
Hubba-hubba.
353
00:23:35,322 --> 00:23:38,668
Hey, sweetheart. I'll visit you later.
354
00:23:38,825 --> 00:23:42,040
Look what the cat dragged in.
355
00:23:42,829 --> 00:23:44,087
Home sweet home.
356
00:23:50,669 --> 00:23:52,639
Don't worry, it's not locked.
357
00:23:52,796 --> 00:23:55,597
Captain Shank likes the screws
to clang the door in your face.
358
00:23:55,757 --> 00:23:57,810
Gets him sexually aroused.
359
00:24:00,304 --> 00:24:01,774
Name's Arnie Steckler.
360
00:24:02,180 --> 00:24:05,774
I was hoping to bunk
with somebody else tonight, Arnie.
361
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:09,447
Nice to meet you.
362
00:24:10,105 --> 00:24:14,612
Your mattress has a ditch in it,
but then again, they all do.
363
00:24:15,943 --> 00:24:17,994
No mints on my pillow?
364
00:24:18,153 --> 00:24:20,787
I told them it was okay
to stick you in here with me.
365
00:24:20,948 --> 00:24:22,538
We all heard the stories, Hundley.
366
00:24:22,700 --> 00:24:24,954
Everybody's squawking
about getting stuck with you.
367
00:24:25,118 --> 00:24:27,205
But I says, live and let live.
368
00:24:27,370 --> 00:24:29,956
I guess you could say
that's my motto: Live and let live.
369
00:24:36,838 --> 00:24:39,766
Is it true you played tetherball
with that parole officer's head?
370
00:24:40,758 --> 00:24:42,014
Croquet.
371
00:24:52,977 --> 00:24:55,563
You better remember
who the hell you're talking to.
372
00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:57,532
When I want something, it means...
373
00:24:57,899 --> 00:25:00,153
...I don't wanna hear any crap
out of you.
374
00:25:00,318 --> 00:25:02,074
Do you understand?
375
00:25:02,236 --> 00:25:04,371
Now, give me that. I told you, man.
376
00:25:04,530 --> 00:25:08,586
I don't like easy-listening music.
377
00:25:09,242 --> 00:25:10,749
That's Derrick.
378
00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:14,007
Let me guess.
He runs the prayer group.
379
00:25:14,164 --> 00:25:16,631
Short fuse. it's a congenital thing.
380
00:25:16,791 --> 00:25:18,381
The doctors are studying him.
381
00:25:18,584 --> 00:25:20,755
Hey, where is he?
382
00:25:20,919 --> 00:25:23,055
Hey, he's down there.
383
00:25:23,214 --> 00:25:25,764
Here's action, man.
384
00:25:26,509 --> 00:25:28,560
I wanna watch this.
This is gonna be good.
385
00:25:28,719 --> 00:25:31,055
Good night, Irene!
386
00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:33,768
There it is.
387
00:25:33,932 --> 00:25:36,613
I thought I smelled new meat.
388
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:43,318
Back up, come in again,
and this time, say "fee fi fo fum."
389
00:25:44,108 --> 00:25:47,987
Derrick, Mad Dog Hundley.
Mad Dog, Derrick--
390
00:25:51,114 --> 00:25:53,001
Hundley.
391
00:25:53,159 --> 00:25:55,708
Mad Dog Hundley in our prison.
392
00:25:55,869 --> 00:25:57,541
And in my cellblock.
393
00:25:57,704 --> 00:26:01,216
So how do you like it so far,
Mad Dog?
394
00:26:02,875 --> 00:26:05,804
Can you put your leg behind your ear
and scratch where it itches?
395
00:26:05,961 --> 00:26:08,726
They told me you was a tough guy.
396
00:26:09,130 --> 00:26:10,471
Are you a tough guy?
397
00:26:10,632 --> 00:26:12,554
I got my wolf badge
if that's what you mean.
398
00:26:12,717 --> 00:26:15,304
You ain't gonna do here what you did
in them other prisons.
399
00:26:15,471 --> 00:26:17,606
You got that?
Look around you, man.
400
00:26:17,764 --> 00:26:20,813
This joint belongs to me.
You ain't taking over, you see?
401
00:26:20,975 --> 00:26:24,487
-That's right, you tell him.
-Did a nice job with it too.
402
00:26:24,645 --> 00:26:26,650
Yeah, that's right, man.
403
00:26:26,814 --> 00:26:29,662
And I wanna see
what kind of job you can do.
404
00:26:29,817 --> 00:26:31,738
On my shoes.
405
00:26:36,990 --> 00:26:38,662
You're gonna shine them.
406
00:26:38,825 --> 00:26:41,709
And I'm gonna show you how,
so listen up.
407
00:26:41,870 --> 00:26:46,674
Apply the polish evenly,
then buff a hundred times.
408
00:26:46,832 --> 00:26:50,676
And don't use a rag. Use a chamois.
409
00:26:50,836 --> 00:26:53,517
I'll be back tomorrow, first thing.
410
00:26:53,673 --> 00:26:56,769
And I wanna be able to shave
in that shine...
411
00:26:57,133 --> 00:26:59,020
...Mad Dog.
412
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,688
This better be a dream episode.
413
00:27:09,020 --> 00:27:12,899
Derrick really likes it when you use
edge black along the soles.
414
00:27:16,485 --> 00:27:17,956
You wanna get gutted?
415
00:27:19,864 --> 00:27:22,746
He gets these shoes custom-made
all the way from Italy.
416
00:27:23,450 --> 00:27:25,834
He ought to buy American.
417
00:27:35,294 --> 00:27:37,844
Look, Mad Dog.
Why don't you lighten up a bit?
418
00:27:42,885 --> 00:27:47,226
I know it's your first night,
so if you wanna be by yourself...
419
00:27:47,555 --> 00:27:50,236
...I could sit on my bunk
and face the wall.
420
00:27:50,391 --> 00:27:52,194
I just wanna get out of here,
that's all.
421
00:27:52,352 --> 00:27:53,739
Don't worry about that feeling.
422
00:27:53,895 --> 00:27:56,742
You'll get over it
in about five or 10 years.
423
00:31:06,239 --> 00:31:08,742
That's beautiful, Herbert.
424
00:31:08,908 --> 00:31:11,079
-Agnes?
-Yes?
425
00:31:11,243 --> 00:31:13,379
What is all that stuff on your face?
426
00:31:16,749 --> 00:31:19,596
Come on up. I'll buzz you in.
427
00:31:20,669 --> 00:31:22,804
You're in like Flynn, kid.
428
00:31:22,963 --> 00:31:25,893
You're the greatest, Uncle Phil.
429
00:31:33,598 --> 00:31:34,771
Who is it?
430
00:31:42,313 --> 00:31:44,532
I've never been serenaded before.
431
00:31:46,026 --> 00:31:48,529
I've never serenaded
anyone before.
432
00:31:51,782 --> 00:31:53,668
You still have some on your cheek.
433
00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:08,807
I love guacamole.
434
00:32:11,633 --> 00:32:13,603
About this morning--
435
00:32:14,302 --> 00:32:16,058
None of that matters now.
436
00:32:16,638 --> 00:32:19,187
I disgraced myself.
437
00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:22,644
A couple of hours ago...
438
00:32:22,809 --> 00:32:25,490
...I placed an overseas phone call.
439
00:32:26,146 --> 00:32:30,571
The Foreign Legion
is willing to consider my application.
440
00:32:31,569 --> 00:32:34,332
It'll be a great way to learn French.
441
00:32:34,487 --> 00:32:38,201
You don't have to parlez-vous, Bert.
442
00:32:39,993 --> 00:32:43,006
This morning was really all my fault.
443
00:32:43,163 --> 00:32:46,258
I'm the one who
blurted out the secret, not you.
444
00:32:46,415 --> 00:32:48,918
I'm the one
who I should never see again.
445
00:32:49,085 --> 00:32:51,588
So I made a call too.
446
00:32:51,754 --> 00:32:53,675
To Miss Hayes.
447
00:32:53,839 --> 00:32:56,520
-To apologise.
-How did she take it?
448
00:32:58,009 --> 00:33:01,639
She told me
not to lose any sleep over it.
449
00:33:01,804 --> 00:33:04,522
She was going to tell
Mr. Addison herself anyway.
450
00:33:04,682 --> 00:33:06,817
Well, good.
451
00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:09,235
At least they can...
452
00:33:10,353 --> 00:33:12,358
...thrash it out face-to-face.
453
00:33:12,522 --> 00:33:14,112
No.
454
00:33:15,192 --> 00:33:19,333
She said Mr. Addison
hasn't shown up in Chicago.
455
00:33:19,487 --> 00:33:21,208
I wonder where he is.
456
00:33:21,365 --> 00:33:23,499
Agnes.
457
00:33:23,824 --> 00:33:25,710
I'm here.
458
00:33:26,911 --> 00:33:30,672
Do you mind losing a little sleep
over me?
459
00:33:34,209 --> 00:33:36,130
Oh, Bert.
460
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,741
All right, let's shake it up.
461
00:34:06,907 --> 00:34:09,872
Everybody, let's go, let's go.
462
00:34:10,576 --> 00:34:12,248
Let's move it.
463
00:34:12,410 --> 00:34:15,091
Open up Cellblock 2.
464
00:34:18,667 --> 00:34:20,553
Cellblock 2 open.
465
00:34:23,631 --> 00:34:25,432
Hundley, up and at them.
466
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,729
I don't care what you did
to 13 babysitters.
467
00:34:30,886 --> 00:34:32,808
I ain't gonna lose
my canteen privileges...
468
00:34:32,972 --> 00:34:36,270
-...because you're late for a meal.
-I was having a nightmare.
469
00:34:36,432 --> 00:34:38,070
I was at the zoo.
470
00:34:38,226 --> 00:34:41,441
Except all the animals
were walking around and I was ....
471
00:34:41,647 --> 00:34:45,241
Everybody up. Let's go, get up.
472
00:35:01,331 --> 00:35:02,588
What did you do?
473
00:35:02,958 --> 00:35:05,639
I had to get up
in the middle of the night.
474
00:35:05,793 --> 00:35:07,799
-It was dark.
-We're dead.
475
00:35:07,962 --> 00:35:09,967
Hey, Hundley.
476
00:35:14,843 --> 00:35:16,101
Derrick.
477
00:35:16,804 --> 00:35:20,647
-Morning, sir. Did you sleep well?
-Where's my shoes?
478
00:35:21,016 --> 00:35:22,986
We had a little problem
with the shoes.
479
00:35:23,144 --> 00:35:24,567
What kind of problem?
480
00:35:25,646 --> 00:35:27,401
Better tell him.
481
00:35:28,315 --> 00:35:30,200
Hundley almost gave you back
your shoes...
482
00:35:30,358 --> 00:35:32,826
...without putting on the new soles
I made for them.
483
00:35:32,986 --> 00:35:34,658
What was wrong with the old soles?
484
00:35:34,988 --> 00:35:36,080
You tell him.
485
00:35:36,823 --> 00:35:39,587
You ever heard of a condition
called flattus feetacitus?
486
00:35:39,991 --> 00:35:42,376
-Is that bad?
-Is it bad?
487
00:35:42,536 --> 00:35:44,457
If you don't get
the proper arch support...
488
00:35:44,621 --> 00:35:47,469
...it's a foregone conclusion,
and that's just for starters.
489
00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:49,630
Then you got your bunions,
arthritis.
490
00:35:49,793 --> 00:35:51,133
-Gout.
-Gout.
491
00:35:51,294 --> 00:35:53,797
Steck|er's just trying to keep you
out of a wheelchair.
492
00:35:54,004 --> 00:35:56,389
Yeah, we're gonna have them
fixed up as good as new.
493
00:35:56,549 --> 00:35:58,601
Better than new.
Put some taps on them.
494
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:01,394
You're gonna love this.
Make you feel like a king.
495
00:36:01,554 --> 00:36:04,057
Like you're walking on water.
496
00:36:04,222 --> 00:36:05,978
Across an ocean...
497
00:36:06,141 --> 00:36:11,491
...of perfumed, silky
ladies' underwear.
498
00:36:12,356 --> 00:36:14,942
-Yeah, I like that.
-He likes it.
499
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:18,663
Good. Have them for you,
say, next week?
500
00:36:19,361 --> 00:36:21,117
No, first thing tomorrow.
501
00:36:24,534 --> 00:36:27,631
-Where am I gonna get taps?
-I'll send you some soon as I get out.
502
00:36:27,786 --> 00:36:30,716
Which ought to be about five minutes
after I talk to the warden.
503
00:36:30,872 --> 00:36:34,929
Yeah, piece of cake. Maybe he's even
gonna toss you the keys to his Caddy.
504
00:36:35,085 --> 00:36:37,505
All right, maggots, it's chow time.
Let's move it.
505
00:36:53,226 --> 00:36:55,776
May I see a wine list, please?
506
00:37:14,997 --> 00:37:16,883
You guys mind if I join you?
507
00:37:19,918 --> 00:37:21,757
You must be
the foreign-exchange prisoners.
508
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,388
-Welcome to our land.
-You're not sitting there.
509
00:37:24,547 --> 00:37:26,387
Excuse me, gentlemen.
He's a new guy.
510
00:37:26,549 --> 00:37:29,931
He don't mean nothing, honest.
He's a new guy.
511
00:37:36,767 --> 00:37:39,270
Rule number one,
chocolate and vanilla don't mix.
512
00:37:39,436 --> 00:37:41,488
What's the problem?
I'm down with the brothers.
513
00:37:41,647 --> 00:37:44,778
-Listen to the same radio stations.
-Look, you know my motto, Mad Dog.
514
00:37:44,940 --> 00:37:46,329
-Live and let live.
-Yeah.
515
00:37:46,484 --> 00:37:48,785
But on the inside,
you stick with your own kind...
516
00:37:48,944 --> 00:37:51,578
...unless you got something
against breathing.
517
00:38:08,879 --> 00:38:11,300
You lucky bastard.
518
00:38:14,218 --> 00:38:16,105
You don't want it?
519
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:18,314
Trying to cut down.
520
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:22,856
Cuban.
521
00:38:23,018 --> 00:38:26,980
Scarface used to have these sent in
from Havana. Thanks.
522
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:28,816
Don't mention it.
523
00:38:46,038 --> 00:38:50,298
Darwyn wants you to go with him
to the prison rodeo.
524
00:38:50,918 --> 00:38:52,888
Who's Darwyn?
525
00:39:31,331 --> 00:39:34,463
What am I, chopped liver?
526
00:39:44,218 --> 00:39:46,223
Back, Darwyn, back!
527
00:40:05,321 --> 00:40:08,584
Just in time, constable.
Party's getting a little wild.
528
00:40:10,409 --> 00:40:12,745
Leave it.
it'll probably tighten your pores.
529
00:40:29,843 --> 00:40:32,263
Yo, room service.
530
00:40:32,805 --> 00:40:35,273
Wanna send up a bed?
531
00:40:35,682 --> 00:40:39,394
How about some clean towels
and a basket of fruit?
532
00:41:35,988 --> 00:41:38,787
I can explain everything, Maddie.
533
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,589
"You can explain where you were
during nine months of pregnancy...
534
00:41:45,747 --> 00:41:50,671
...|abour, potty training,
kindergarten?"
535
00:41:50,836 --> 00:41:52,804
Yeah, I was in prison.
536
00:41:52,961 --> 00:41:54,173
"Prison?"
537
00:41:54,338 --> 00:41:55,928
Prison.
538
00:41:56,257 --> 00:42:01,346
"Sure you didn't just fall off
some barstool and have amnesia?"
539
00:42:01,845 --> 00:42:04,692
That's great.
Go ahead, make jokes, Maddie.
540
00:42:04,848 --> 00:42:07,398
I didn't really come here to see you.
541
00:42:07,559 --> 00:42:09,445
"Well, at least we agree
on something...
542
00:42:09,602 --> 00:42:11,607
...because I don't wanna
see you either."
543
00:42:11,771 --> 00:42:13,692
I came here to see the kid.
544
00:42:13,856 --> 00:42:16,739
I want to let him know
that he's got a father.
545
00:42:16,900 --> 00:42:18,703
"You're not his father.
546
00:42:18,861 --> 00:42:22,207
You're just some mistake
I made a long time ago."
547
00:42:22,698 --> 00:42:25,083
I got a right, Maddie.
548
00:42:25,909 --> 00:42:28,163
"He doesn't even know you.
549
00:42:28,578 --> 00:42:30,915
I never told him about you."
550
00:42:32,790 --> 00:42:35,210
You never told him about me?
551
00:42:35,961 --> 00:42:38,344
"What was I supposed to say,
David?
552
00:42:38,504 --> 00:42:40,723
You just disappeared.
553
00:42:41,174 --> 00:42:43,392
Where were you, David?
554
00:42:43,550 --> 00:42:45,520
Where were you, David?
555
00:42:45,677 --> 00:42:47,682
Where were you, David?
Where were you, David?
556
00:42:47,846 --> 00:42:49,933
Where were you, David?"
42781
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