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1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,336
I know Christmas might be hard,
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,420
but isn't that why we need it,
3
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,838
especially this year?
4
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,174
- You're done?
- What else is there to say?
5
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:10,927
They need you, I get that,
but, Amy, what do you need?
6
00:00:10,928 --> 00:00:12,512
Can you tell me, Leigh?
7
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:16,098
Is there a point when you stop
pulling the Matt card?
8
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,392
You act like you are the only person
9
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,561
who was ever an alcoholic or adopted,
10
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,313
but there are a lot of people
11
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:24,398
in the exact same pain you're in
12
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:25,483
and they have figured out
13
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:26,859
how not to be living nightmares.
14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,611
Team Shaw is...,
and I can't believe it took me
15
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,363
so long to figure out
that you'll never change.
16
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,739
I don't wanna be a part of this family.
17
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,157
You're a terrible family.
18
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:36,662
Stop it! We are supposed
to be all that we have!
19
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:40,414
You are so condescending
20
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,415
and you think you're so much
better than anyone.
21
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,917
Oh, my God.
22
00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,001
But you're a horrible instructor.
23
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,169
My clients hate you.
24
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,629
You are even more unbearable now
25
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,047
- than when you were drunk.
- You're ungrateful and a snob,
26
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,382
and I am so fully over your...
27
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,384
Yeah, I've been over yours
for, like, a decade.
28
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:54,470
Okay, okay. Let's
all take a deep breath, hmm?
29
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:56,931
I'd like to commend you both
for showing up and digging in.
30
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:58,266
This is not easy.
31
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,102
Oh, I had to drag them here
by their teeth.
32
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,521
And what is exceptionally clear to me
33
00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,815
is how much the two of you
care about one another.
34
00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:08,526
However, you do have
some trouble listening.
35
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:10,653
Leigh, what's coming up for you?
36
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:13,281
Well, I'm still pissed
about what she said earlier,
37
00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:15,241
that I can only see the hole Matt left
38
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,701
and not the people standing around it,
39
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:19,370
like I'm supposed to be
grieving on her terms.
40
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,705
- No, no, no.
- She's not criticizing you.
41
00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:22,081
Jules, is that a fair assessment?
42
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,708
Let her answer.
43
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,710
She can grieve however she needs to.
44
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:28,296
I just wish that...
[scoffs] I don't know.
45
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,090
She acts like I'm this
deadweight dragging her down.
46
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,635
Why can't she see me
as a life raft or something?
47
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,470
You know what? I wanna
try an empathy exercise.
48
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,631
The two of you switch places.
49
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:40,392
Hmm?
50
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,485
Now, we are going to reenact
your last argument
51
00:01:51,486 --> 00:01:52,778
but with the roles reversed.
52
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,072
- So I'm Leigh?
- Mm-hmm.
53
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,324
I do not do that with my face.
54
00:01:56,325 --> 00:01:57,700
You totally do.
55
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,785
Well, at least I don't do
this with my eyebrows.
56
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,913
Okay, okay, start over.
57
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,331
Empathy.
58
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:06,083
Leigh...
59
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,794
it is so deeply unfair
60
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,047
how differently we get treated,
61
00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,507
like I don't belong in the family.
62
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,467
Oh, that is patently false.
63
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,885
I mean, I love both of them equally.
64
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,428
Mom, jeez.
65
00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:18,888
Let them work it out.
66
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:20,723
Whatever, Jules.
67
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,308
You are so selfish.
68
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:23,643
You make everything about you,
69
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,603
like when you called me drunk
to pick you up
70
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:28,022
and robbed me of Matt's
last night alive.
71
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,065
No, she would never think that.
72
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,107
She does not think that.
73
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,776
- Amy.
- [chuckling] My God.
74
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,611
So you're just making things up now.
75
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:35,530
That's good.
That's really productive.
76
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,823
Thank you both for being so open.
77
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:40,409
Unfortunately, we are out of time.
78
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,453
But for homework,
79
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,665
I would like you to take on
a project together...
80
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,542
something you don't normally do.
81
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:49,877
Are you... are you hosting
any holiday meals?
82
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:53,214
My ex-husband
and his wife and daughter
83
00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,341
are coming for dinner tomorrow,
84
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:58,302
and I'm making a savory vegan nut loaf.
85
00:02:58,303 --> 00:02:59,720
Okay, well, how about the two of you
86
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,806
prepare dinner this year?
87
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,183
- As a team?
- That's just not gonna happen.
88
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,601
I mean,
89
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,728
they can't be in the same room
together, for a start,
90
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,647
and also, you know,
they don't really cook.
91
00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:11,691
Well, this might be a good opportunity
92
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,192
to foster their independence.
93
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,487
Well, there's no reason
to spoil a good meal for that.
94
00:03:16,488 --> 00:03:18,406
I mean...
[chuckles]
95
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:20,157
- Do you take Visa?
- Mm-hmm.
96
00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,659
You know, I know that this session
97
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,119
has been mostly about Jules and Leigh,
98
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,079
but I would like to give you some things
99
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,414
to think about this week.
100
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,957
Oh, s... me?
101
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:31,085
I noticed during our session
that you spoke on their behalf
102
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,628
and defended your own choices
103
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:34,797
and occasionally used affection
104
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:37,258
as a barrier to self-exploration.
105
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,801
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [laughs]
106
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:43,472
I mean, I... I can't just sit by
and let them savage each other.
107
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,558
I mean, that's not how I show love.
108
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,935
Well, you can show them love
without undermining them.
109
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,687
Undermining them?
110
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,439
Well, what does that mean?
111
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,900
Wait... sorry.
I'm hurting them?
112
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,778
Unconsciously, perhaps.
113
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,447
You know what?
I promise.
114
00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:01,699
I promise we will get into this
our next meeting.
115
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,244
For now, don't worry about it.
Just hang back a little.
116
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,372
And have a merry Christmas, hmm?
117
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:14,379
[light music]
118
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:20,219
[kettle whistling]
119
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,768
[whistling continues]
120
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,187
Mom.
121
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,319
Hey, since when is doing things
122
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,570
for your children a crime?
123
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,906
I mean...[scoffs]
I'm a mother, for Chrissake.
124
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,575
- What is this word?
- Crudités.
125
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,202
It's a platter of raw vegetables.
126
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,704
- I know what it means.
- I just can't read her writing.
127
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,122
Can you get the flour?
128
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,124
Hello?
129
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,960
I'm "Merry Christmas" -ing Matt's mom.
130
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,211
You know, you girls,
131
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,046
you don't think I'm undermining, do you?
132
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:59,298
This recipe has red wine.
133
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,299
No, I wouldn't use that word.
134
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,717
Well, what word would you use?
135
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,095
"Overprotective."
136
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:05,638
"Extra-loving"?
137
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,098
- That's four words.
- Mom.
138
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,934
- What?
- Grape juice. Fridge door.
139
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,311
How about "controlling"?
140
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,397
- Wha...
- [scoffs]
141
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:17,567
You know, neither of you girls
would have a job
142
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,235
if I didn't run my own business.
143
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,195
Did you buy Parmesan?
144
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,407
- Yeah, I did.
- Okay, where is it?
145
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,243
- You know what?
- It's your meal.
146
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,745
You find it.
147
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,335
[sighs]
148
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,962
Nut loaf.
149
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:40,131
It's the saddest loaf known to man.
150
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,966
Maybe we could change it up this year.
151
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,844
Sabrina's back on red meat.
We could do a rib roast.
152
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,013
That's, like, varsity-level cooking.
153
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,057
- Salt, pepper, garlic, butter.
- We can handle it.
154
00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,642
Okay, well, you lead, then.
155
00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,645
You want me to boss you around?
156
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,940
Pretend like I don't know
what to do with this.
157
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,817
Just make it smaller.
158
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:02,446
Whole Foods delivers, right?
I think they have meat.
159
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,573
That thing you said in therapy
160
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:09,285
about robbing me of Matt's last night...
161
00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,454
you know I never said that.
162
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,748
- I know.
- Not during our last fight,
163
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:17,335
not when he died,
and just never, basically.
164
00:06:17,336 --> 00:06:18,794
Okay, well,
some part of you must blame me.
165
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,046
He could've needed someone... no, listen.
166
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,172
No, not me.
167
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:22,757
Leigh, I need you to listen
168
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:24,175
because I was really drunk that
night and...
169
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,385
You were really drunk a lot of nights,
170
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,262
and you've done a lot of crappy things.
171
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:31,350
None of them had anything
to do with Matt's death.
172
00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,019
What if they did, though?
173
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,481
You really think that?
174
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,858
Jules.
175
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,528
Look, I can't tell you how to feel,
176
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:46,740
but that is not how I feel.
177
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:48,992
Okay?
178
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,495
Okay.
179
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,792
[percussive music]
180
00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,461
Give me a few things to think about?
181
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,630
Would you, lady?
Really?
182
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,882
Give you a few things to think about.
183
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,467
Undermining them?
184
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:10,263
I am the most supportive person
they know, you bitch.
185
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,890
Barrier to self-exploration.
186
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:15,518
You don't know me, lady.
187
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:20,022
All I goddamn do is explore myself.
188
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,190
[vacuum humming]
189
00:07:21,191 --> 00:07:23,651
- She's still vacuuming.
- Hose attachment?
190
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,653
- Yep.
- She's leveled up.
191
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,071
[sighs]
192
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:30,867
[gentle holiday music playing]
193
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,910
I have never seen those.
194
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,288
Yeah, I think it's her
and Richard's wedding china.
195
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:37,999
Oh, weird that she kept it.
196
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,709
Have we never had more than
197
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,711
four people over for Christmas dinner?
198
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:45,047
- Nope.
- Just the three of us and Matt.
199
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:47,216
And then there was that girl
that you were dating.
200
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,594
[scoffing] Sleeping with,
for, like, a month.
201
00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,137
God, she was so annoying.
202
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,346
Couldn't get over how I didn't wanna
203
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,557
talk to her about my birth family.
204
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:57,101
She thought it was this fun
mystery or whatever, but, like,
205
00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,687
back off, Nancy Drew.
206
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:00,855
[plates clatter softly]
207
00:08:00,856 --> 00:08:03,232
Would you ever
wanna talk to me about it?
208
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:06,819
Um... sure.
209
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:07,946
What do you wanna know?
210
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,575
Do you ever think about meeting them?
211
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,952
- Well...
- [laughing] Yeah.
212
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:18,372
I have this phrase memorized
just in case.
213
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:21,542
[speaking Vietnamese]
214
00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,211
It means, "Are you my mother?"
215
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:24,755
What if she says yes?
216
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,220
Sorry, Jules. Did I... did
I say something wrong or...
217
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,554
You're fine.
218
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,057
I'll just cross that bridge
when I come to it.
219
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:38,476
I gotta grab my stuff out
of Evie's room.
220
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,644
She's back from boarding school tonight,
221
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:42,647
so I guess I'm on the pullout couch.
222
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:43,774
Got it.
223
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,319
Happy almost Christmas.
224
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,739
- You too.
- I'll see you in the morning.
225
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:58,205
[door clicks open and shut]
226
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:06,672
[mellow music]
227
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,885
Are you trying to spark joy?
228
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:15,638
Did you know
229
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,766
that when Swedes reach middle age,
230
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,394
they throw out
all the stuff they don't need
231
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:25,523
so that their kids don't have
to go through it when they die?
232
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:29,527
Well, you are not dying,
and you're also not Swedish.
233
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:31,404
How's the meal going?
234
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,030
- It's good.
- We're making a roast.
235
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,450
- A roast?
- Who decided that?
236
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,078
We both did.
237
00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,290
Wow, that's great.
238
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,597
How come we never had people
over for holiday dinners?
239
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,140
- What people?
- You're my people.
240
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,558
You know what I mean.
241
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,185
Because my mother is crazy,
242
00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,645
and my family is a product
of her madness,
243
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,855
and I've told you this many times.
244
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,231
Yeah, but you always say she's crazy,
245
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,774
and you don't say why.
246
00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,402
You rarely tell stories about her.
247
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,905
Anyway, she's old now.
She could've softened.
248
00:10:13,906 --> 00:10:15,156
- Katherine?
- No, no.
249
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:17,367
She doesn't soften.
She calcifies.
250
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:24,248
Okay, um...
[pops lips]
251
00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,541
I'll tell you about the time
252
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,584
that my grandma bullied my mother
253
00:10:26,585 --> 00:10:28,544
into taking me roller-skating.
254
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,756
I was seven... I think.
255
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,257
So my mother drags me there,
256
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:35,593
and then she just leaves me
to lace up my own skates.
257
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,386
So, well, I get them on eventually,
258
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:38,804
but then I just keep falling over.
259
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,139
So I watch her.
260
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,934
Oh, she is zipping around the rink.
261
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,394
Backwards and forwards.
She's spinning and jumping.
262
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:48,272
She is the best skater there.
263
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:51,317
This goes on for hours and hours.
264
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,486
And then, of course,
my stomach starts growling.
265
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,862
[laughs softly]
266
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:57,907
So I wave at her, you know.
She doesn't notice.
267
00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:02,495
So I start sneaking fries
off of other people's trays.
268
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:05,164
Well, somebody calls the management.
269
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:08,543
So Katherine comes over.
Know what she does?
270
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:13,214
She smacks me, hard,
right across the face.
271
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:15,675
Seven.
272
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,885
How's that for undermining?
273
00:11:17,970 --> 00:11:20,054
God, that's awful.
274
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,514
- Oh, no, no.
- It's fine.
275
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,976
I have a lot of those stories.
They all end the same way.
276
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,812
You know, go and get some rest.
277
00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:29,147
You got a big day tomorrow.
278
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:31,859
Okay.
279
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:45,580
[door creaks open]
280
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:47,124
[door clicks shut]
281
00:11:54,256 --> 00:12:00,053
[pensive music]
282
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,699
Those are going.
283
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,825
[laughs]
284
00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:26,078
Oh!
285
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,580
Oh, my God.
286
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:28,916
[sighs]
287
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:33,253
[chuckles]
288
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,342
Wow.
289
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:40,761
[sniffs]
290
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,646
Aw.
291
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,112
[soft dramatic music]
292
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,532
[laughs softly]
293
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,577
I didn't realize you smoked.
294
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:48,995
Only when I can't sleep.
295
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,247
[exhaling]
296
00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:52,790
What's got you up
at 4:00 a.m.?
297
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:56,419
Oh, invites and menus and favors.
298
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,753
[laughs]
299
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,463
And Richard and I,
we had a courthouse wedding,
300
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,840
so, you know, this is all new to me,
301
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,593
and I have a... anxiety rash.
302
00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:05,344
But it's gonna be beautiful.
It's gonna be beautiful.
303
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,222
- [laughs] Oh, my God.
- What about you?
304
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,641
Oh, um, well,
305
00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:13,436
our first dance is a rumba step.
306
00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:16,397
Yeah, so I'm screwing that up.
Gonna humiliate myself, but...
307
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:18,066
Well, maybe I can help.
308
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,445
- [laughing] Oh, my God.
- Okay.
309
00:14:22,446 --> 00:14:23,864
[laughs]
310
00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,451
- Oh, man.
- [laughs]
311
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:33,122
♪ ♪
312
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,750
All right.
313
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,293
- Don't laugh.
- No, I'm not.
314
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:40,087
Okay.
315
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:41,507
- Yup.
- Uh-huh.
316
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:45,051
[singing] We get it almost every night
317
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,386
Slow. Good.
318
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,804
- That's great.
- Yeah?
319
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,181
- Yeah.
- Oh.
320
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,058
- Your footwork is great.
- Okay, yeah.
321
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,101
Just keep it
a little bit loose. That's it.
322
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:56,354
- Don't put your head down.
- Oh, right.
323
00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,147
- That's it, perfect.
- Okay.
324
00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,690
You look great!
325
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:01,484
- Uh-huh.
- And then a little cross step.
326
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,736
Right, okay, and then boom.
327
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,863
- That's it.
- Quick, slow.
328
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,615
- Uh-huh.
- Quick, quick, slow.
329
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,742
- And get your hips in... oh.
- Yeah, no, I don't want...
330
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,244
- I'm sorry.
- [groans]
331
00:15:11,245 --> 00:15:13,287
You're just a little locked
in your head, that's all.
332
00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,580
[groans] [music stops]
333
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,499
I just keep on telling myself
to breathe,
334
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,752
but the more I say it, the
less air actually I take in.
335
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:22,213
I feel like my fight-or-flight response
336
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:24,131
is busted somehow.
337
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,759
Aw, everybody feels the urge
to bail before their wedding.
338
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,052
It's normal.
339
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:31,431
Oh, no, I... I don't wanna
run away from Leigh.
340
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,350
Actually, I'm afraid
I'm gonna run at her so hard
341
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,645
that I'm gonna totally destroy her.
342
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,606
You know, I remember that feeling.
343
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:44,068
You spend so much time
running away from people
344
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,195
that the first time
you run towards somebody...
345
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,865
well, it's a lot.
346
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,492
Who was yours?
347
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:54,203
- Richard.
- Mm-hmm.
348
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:57,623
Do you know he invited me to
go to Morocco the week we met?
349
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,125
Can you believe that?
350
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,794
And the second night we were there,
351
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,380
some random guy in a pickup
352
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,424
took us to a party in the desert.
353
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:07,717
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
354
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:11,554
I was wearing this gorgeous,
gorgeous scarf.
355
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:14,640
It was maroon with a sort of fringe.
356
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,476
And we stole it from the market
earlier on.
357
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,644
We did.
358
00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:22,273
- And, oh, we smoked hash...
- [laughs]
359
00:16:22,274 --> 00:16:25,318
And we danced
around a bonfire all night.
360
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:28,571
Oh, man.
It was magic.
361
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:29,781
Mm.
362
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:33,952
Come on.
363
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:36,871
Come on.
364
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:41,626
♪ ♪
365
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:45,880
And... slow, quick, quick,
slow.
366
00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:48,549
There you go.
That's perfect.
367
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,134
- Oh, don't lie.
- I'm a disaster.
368
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,929
No, you're not, and listen.
369
00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,640
Even if you mess up
every single last step,
370
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:57,099
it doesn't matter.
371
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,559
You know why?
372
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,394
Because you'll still be
holding the person
373
00:17:00,395 --> 00:17:01,812
that you're running towards.
374
00:17:01,813 --> 00:17:04,190
And that is just everything.
375
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:07,151
♪ ♪
376
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,653
- There you go.
- Mm.
377
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,363
[gasps]
378
00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:13,282
Whoa!
379
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:15,576
- Whoo!
- [laughs]
380
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,411
[laughs]
381
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,871
[music stops]
382
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:21,875
[birds chirping]
383
00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:37,181
[singing along] Deck
the halls with boughs of holly
384
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:40,309
Ta-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
385
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,312
'Tis the season to be jolly
386
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:44,438
Fa-la-la-la-la...
387
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,190
Ah, merry Christmas!
388
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:47,817
Merry Christmas!
389
00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,986
- Merry Christmas, honey.
- Aww.
390
00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:52,697
[smooching and giggling]
Aww.
391
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,323
Have you been smoking?
392
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,076
Uh, well, I found a stale pack
393
00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:58,578
and I took a couple of puffs.
394
00:17:58,579 --> 00:18:00,037
No biggie.
395
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:01,956
What time did you go to bed?
396
00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:04,750
- Well...
- Did you go to bed?
397
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,753
Uh, no, not yet,
but, you know, I can nap later.
398
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,673
Ooh, what's wrong with your chest?
399
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,300
Ooh.
400
00:18:12,301 --> 00:18:13,510
I don't know.
401
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:16,470
- Hey.
- Ah.
402
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,389
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
403
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:21,100
- Merry Christmas.
- [Amy grunting]
404
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,352
[laughs]
[laughing] Wow.
405
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:27,356
I brought a gravy boat over
from Sabrina's.
406
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,984
Whoa, what's wrong with your chest?
407
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:32,653
- Oh, I... allergies?
- She was up all night smoking.
408
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,906
- I was not smoking all night.
- Did you say smoking?
409
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:36,115
- Like, cigarettes?
- Oh, my goodness.
410
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,366
I made a little brunch.
411
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:39,827
I hope that's not too undermining.
412
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,120
[laughs]
Can we do presents?
413
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,789
'Cause my gift-giving game
is tight this year.
414
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,375
Do you mind if we do it later because,
415
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,504
oh, I need to shower and tidy up
416
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:52,048
and do some yoga and meditate
417
00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:53,841
and leave you two girls
418
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:56,969
to stir up a little yuletide voodoo.
419
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,971
Tonight's gonna be lit.
See you in the p.m.
420
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014
[laughs]
421
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:02,058
[vocalizing brightly]
422
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:03,936
La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
423
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:09,482
What's Vietnamese
for "cuckoo-bananas"?
424
00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:12,818
[sighs] Where's the crudités?
425
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,571
Mmm, oh, it smells divine.
426
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:18,157
[gasps]
I haven't had a roast in years.
427
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,701
Richard's gonna flip.
What's left to do?
428
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,870
Sauté the green beans, baste the meat,
429
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,497
brown the gratin, heat the biscuits.
430
00:19:24,498 --> 00:19:26,916
- It's covered.
- Oh.
431
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:29,794
Well, it's marvelous.
Oh, I'm so proud of my girls.
432
00:19:29,795 --> 00:19:31,295
It was all Jules.
433
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:32,713
I just chopped stuff and judged her.
434
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:33,798
[laughs]
435
00:19:33,799 --> 00:19:35,049
She's a wizard
at chopping and judging.
436
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:37,593
- Years of practice.
- [laughs]
437
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,262
[heels clacking]
["Jingle Bells" playing]
438
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:41,597
[singing] Dashing through the snow
439
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:44,517
In a one-horse open sleigh
440
00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:47,228
O'er the fields we go
441
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,230
Singing all the way
442
00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:52,400
[singing] Bells on bobtail ring
443
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:55,403
You know what? I am just
gonna throw together a salad.
444
00:19:55,404 --> 00:19:57,446
- We have plenty of vegetables.
- A small salad.
445
00:19:57,447 --> 00:19:58,573
You know, just in case.
446
00:19:58,574 --> 00:20:00,825
In case of what, a salad crisis?
447
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:03,870
Well, you know,
in case somebody has some
448
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,454
undetected food allergies.
449
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,874
I mean, what does Evie eat?
450
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:10,209
[laughs]
You see?
451
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,335
I'm gonna throw together
452
00:20:11,336 --> 00:20:13,045
a small salad just for Evie and me,
453
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:16,090
and then if she doesn't eat it,
you know, small beans.
454
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,300
Oh, oh, oh.
455
00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,093
- Cucumber and celery...
- [mouthing words]
456
00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:21,137
And a radicchio! Oh-ho-ho!
457
00:20:21,138 --> 00:20:23,639
Now we're talking.
458
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,224
Did you ever nap, Mom?
459
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,602
- Oh, no, why?
- Do I look tired?
460
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,770
- No.
- You look amazing, as usual.
461
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,731
- Aww.
- Thank you.
462
00:20:31,732 --> 00:20:33,774
[doorbell rings]
463
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,277
Yay!
464
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,573
all: Merry Christmas.
465
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:42,617
Is it okay if I pop my squash
in your oven for a sec?
466
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:43,993
- Sure, of course.
- Hi.
467
00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:46,621
Evie, why don't you see
if the girls need anything?
468
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,706
S... uh...
469
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,291
This is...
I know.
470
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,667
My heart's going nuts.
471
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,044
- Hey, guys!
- Hi!
472
00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:54,504
Don't be nervous.
473
00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:56,005
Merry Christmas.
474
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,132
- I should go help.
- Yeah.
475
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,967
We'll talk later.
476
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:05,640
["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" playing]
477
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:06,849
[laughter]
478
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:08,476
- Everything looks terrific.
- It really does.
479
00:21:08,477 --> 00:21:09,810
The girls did it all themselves.
480
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,145
Oh!
481
00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:12,939
Almost done.
Load up those plates.
482
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:14,899
So how's the horse stuff going?
483
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,984
- What do you mean?
- The varsity riding. Are you...
484
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:18,778
It's... it's not called that.
485
00:21:18,779 --> 00:21:20,279
- Oh, my God, Jules.
- That looks great!
486
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,074
- Oh, it smells amazing!
- Jules, that looks so good.
487
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,618
- Oh, the outside's overdone.
- The inside's underdone.
488
00:21:25,619 --> 00:21:28,037
I didn't let it sit at
room temperature first, so...
489
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,872
- The entrée is...
- I like my meat rare.
490
00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:31,374
We'll just pick around the raw bits.
491
00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:33,543
Always the least edible part
of the meal.
492
00:21:33,544 --> 00:21:34,627
Well, it's a good thing
493
00:21:34,628 --> 00:21:36,045
I made a salad, then, right?
[laughs]
494
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:37,380
These biscuits look amazing.
495
00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:38,798
Heads up. There's
chili flakes on those beans.
496
00:21:38,799 --> 00:21:40,967
Beautiful scarf, by the way.
497
00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:42,468
- Uh, thank you.
- [laughs softly]
498
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,803
It looks like the one we stole
499
00:21:43,804 --> 00:21:46,597
from that vendor in Marrakech.
500
00:21:46,598 --> 00:21:49,016
It was...
[laughs] Wild times.
501
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,560
It was... remember when we both threw up
502
00:21:50,561 --> 00:21:51,561
on the ride to the desert?
503
00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:52,687
Oh, my God.
504
00:21:52,688 --> 00:21:54,438
This old guy gave us this hashish
505
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,315
that was laced
with... something.
506
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,609
[laughter]
And we get there.
507
00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:01,070
Amy bolts for the bonfire,
508
00:22:01,071 --> 00:22:03,614
comes back later with no shoes,
bleeding feet.
509
00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,157
- No, no, no, no.
- You were with me.
510
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,659
- We were dancing.
- No, no.
511
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,120
I hung back with the Aussies.
You're remembering it wrong.
512
00:22:09,121 --> 00:22:10,746
Why didn't you go dance with her?
513
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,039
Yeah, lame-ass.
514
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,125
- Evie!
- A number of reasons,
515
00:22:14,126 --> 00:22:15,918
not speaking Arabic being one.
516
00:22:15,919 --> 00:22:17,336
Well, neither do I.
517
00:22:17,337 --> 00:22:20,006
I don't really dance.
518
00:22:20,007 --> 00:22:22,842
Plus, the dude with the truck
was so sketchy.
519
00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,468
I got paranoid that
he was gonna leave us
520
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:25,720
out there in the middle of nowhere.
521
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:27,180
No, but we were happy.
522
00:22:27,181 --> 00:22:29,015
I was terrified and miserable.
523
00:22:29,016 --> 00:22:31,392
I think I even cried on the ride home.
524
00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,894
- Oh, cried?
- [laughs]
525
00:22:32,895 --> 00:22:35,438
- He cries a lot.
- I forgot that part.
526
00:22:35,439 --> 00:22:36,981
He doesn't like being out of control
527
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:38,983
- and he hates open spaces.
- [exhales]
528
00:22:38,984 --> 00:22:40,776
- You're agoraphobic?
- No.
529
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:43,070
Isn't agoraphobia fear of crowds?
530
00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:45,239
That's enochlophobia.
531
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,242
- Hmm.
- [laughter]
532
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,412
No one's eating my salad.
533
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:53,706
- I just haven't got to it yet.
- [laughs]
534
00:22:53,707 --> 00:22:56,751
- Making room.
- [strained laugh]
535
00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:59,795
You know, I wasn't allowed
to make anything.
536
00:22:59,796 --> 00:23:00,880
This is just...
537
00:23:00,881 --> 00:23:02,381
What's wrong with your chest?
538
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,008
- Calm down.
- It's just food.
539
00:23:04,009 --> 00:23:07,220
- Don't tell me what to feel.
- Just food?
540
00:23:07,221 --> 00:23:10,014
I mean, it's something that
I made that nobody wants.
541
00:23:10,015 --> 00:23:13,100
I mean...
[laughing] It's Christmas.
542
00:23:13,101 --> 00:23:15,686
Oh, God. Who eats salad
on Christmas anyway?
543
00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,146
[sniffs]
That's so stupid.
544
00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:19,273
I guess that's what happens
when your identity gets...
545
00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:21,275
[laughing]
Yanked away from you.
546
00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,985
Mom, what are you talking about?
547
00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:25,279
[stammers]
Well, you heard that therapist,
548
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,490
what she said about me
being a garbage mother.
549
00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:29,200
- She didn't say that.
- Oh, she didn't say that.
550
00:23:29,201 --> 00:23:31,911
- Oh... I'm hurting them.
- That's what she said.
551
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,288
I'm hurting them.
I mean...[scoffs]
552
00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:37,208
Which, of course, is the last
thing that I would wanna do.
553
00:23:37,209 --> 00:23:39,919
I mean, I have spent, oh, decades
554
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,796
trying to undo the damage
that my mother did to me,
555
00:23:41,797 --> 00:23:45,383
and then this jackass tells
me that I'm repeating it...
556
00:23:45,384 --> 00:23:47,719
you know, the abuse and the neglect.
557
00:23:48,929 --> 00:23:51,138
I mean, if anything,
558
00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:53,392
honestly, it's the other way around.
559
00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:57,019
Um...
560
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:59,814
maybe you should go lay down.
561
00:23:59,815 --> 00:24:02,401
It's "lie," not "lay."
562
00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:06,696
Do you know what I realized
when Leigh got married
563
00:24:06,697 --> 00:24:09,490
and you moved in with
those deadbeat college kids?
564
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:12,785
That I have zero friends.
No one.
565
00:24:12,786 --> 00:24:15,204
I would rack my brains
to think of somebody
566
00:24:15,205 --> 00:24:17,123
that I could call to, you know,
567
00:24:17,124 --> 00:24:20,668
start a book club or go to brunch.
568
00:24:20,669 --> 00:24:22,837
And I mean, for a while,
569
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:25,882
I even thought that
Sabrina and I could be pals.
570
00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:28,426
[laughing]
I mean, really, what a joke.
571
00:24:28,427 --> 00:24:32,096
I... consider you a friend,
Amy.
572
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:35,057
[laughs]
573
00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:37,018
Sorry.
574
00:24:37,019 --> 00:24:38,644
Did you hear that, Richard?
575
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,146
Your wife considers the person
576
00:24:40,147 --> 00:24:41,814
with whom you are sleeping a friend,
577
00:24:41,815 --> 00:24:44,443
and that makes you a chicken...
578
00:24:46,904 --> 00:24:48,322
[scoffs]
579
00:24:53,994 --> 00:24:57,371
Really, Amy?
Like this?
580
00:24:57,372 --> 00:24:58,789
[softly] God damn it.
581
00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:01,417
- What the hell?
- I knew it.
582
00:25:01,418 --> 00:25:04,545
Soon as Donna said her name,
you got antsy.
583
00:25:04,546 --> 00:25:06,839
I was trying to tell you,
and you bulldozed me.
584
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,591
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Who's Donna?
585
00:25:08,592 --> 00:25:10,510
- No, no one. No one.
- Our couples counselor.
586
00:25:10,511 --> 00:25:12,094
I was hinting that we were...
Richard, enough.
587
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:14,055
We will discuss this at home.
588
00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:16,682
I'm just an issue at
everybody's therapy these days.
589
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,684
I mean, don't you just love it the way
590
00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:20,436
they... they talk about me
591
00:25:20,437 --> 00:25:22,897
as if I am something that needs fixing
592
00:25:22,898 --> 00:25:24,815
and then they show up here
like everything's dandy?
593
00:25:24,816 --> 00:25:27,777
- You invited us!
- What is wrong with you?
594
00:25:27,778 --> 00:25:29,570
I'm tired!
595
00:25:29,571 --> 00:25:32,031
I am tired of being everyone's problem
596
00:25:32,032 --> 00:25:34,116
and I'm tired of feeling like a nuisance
597
00:25:34,117 --> 00:25:37,119
and I'm tired of not being listened to...
598
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,788
Well, just sit down!
599
00:25:38,789 --> 00:25:40,249
Just sit down!
600
00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:42,251
[sighs]
601
00:25:50,801 --> 00:25:52,260
Is that what it takes?
602
00:25:52,261 --> 00:25:54,763
I've gotta behave like a raving
lunatic just to be heard?
603
00:25:57,140 --> 00:25:59,560
When did I stop being a person?
604
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,438
[stammers]
605
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:06,399
You know, you spend so much time
606
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,776
trying to figure out the kind
of parent that you wanna be,
607
00:26:08,777 --> 00:26:10,695
but the amount of time that you were
608
00:26:10,696 --> 00:26:12,363
actually essential to your kids,
609
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:15,616
it's, like... it's just
a fraction of that.
610
00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:18,620
And the rest of the time,
you're just wallpaper.
611
00:26:21,331 --> 00:26:23,833
[stammers]
You know, when you were little
612
00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:26,919
and you would crawl into my bed
after a nightmare,
613
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,297
it's like... it's like... then you just...
614
00:26:29,298 --> 00:26:33,176
you feel really necessary.
615
00:26:33,177 --> 00:26:34,760
Right?
Right?
616
00:26:34,761 --> 00:26:36,345
And then... well, then you turned ten,
617
00:26:36,346 --> 00:26:38,891
and it just stopped,
and I was just..,
618
00:26:40,809 --> 00:26:44,061
I was just crushed, and...
619
00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:46,272
and then I thought, "No, no,
you know, it's okay."
620
00:26:46,273 --> 00:26:49,275
This is, like, phase two.
What is this gonna look like?"
621
00:26:49,276 --> 00:26:51,527
I just...
622
00:26:51,528 --> 00:26:53,988
[laughing]
I just... I just...
623
00:26:53,989 --> 00:26:57,284
I just never thought
I'd start disappearing.
624
00:26:58,994 --> 00:27:01,537
And then... and then,
you know, you moved back in
625
00:27:01,538 --> 00:27:04,290
and Jules got sober,
626
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:06,250
and it was just...
627
00:27:06,251 --> 00:27:08,336
it was just like
you were crawling back to me
628
00:27:08,337 --> 00:27:10,630
after the worst nightmare
in the history of the universe,
629
00:27:10,631 --> 00:27:12,673
and I mean,
630
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:14,842
I know that this is really ugly,
631
00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:17,011
but just for a second,
632
00:27:17,012 --> 00:27:19,263
I just...
633
00:27:19,264 --> 00:27:23,392
[sobbing] I just felt
really whole again, you know?
634
00:27:23,393 --> 00:27:25,895
And it's just...
635
00:27:25,896 --> 00:27:28,189
and they don't tell you that
in mom school.
636
00:27:28,190 --> 00:27:30,483
They don't tell you
that you're just gonna
637
00:27:30,484 --> 00:27:33,110
give pieces of yourself to your children
638
00:27:33,111 --> 00:27:36,614
and then... and that those pieces
are gonna live inside of them
639
00:27:36,615 --> 00:27:39,867
and you're never gonna get them back.
640
00:27:39,868 --> 00:27:41,702
Oh, God.
[sniffles]
641
00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:43,287
Ugh.
642
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,580
And they also just don't tell you
643
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:46,625
that you're gonna become invisible.
644
00:27:49,169 --> 00:27:50,878
And also just completely useless,
645
00:27:50,879 --> 00:27:52,380
because I mean, you know,
646
00:27:52,381 --> 00:27:53,756
how can you call yourself a fireman
647
00:27:53,757 --> 00:27:56,260
if there aren't any fires to put out?
648
00:27:58,136 --> 00:27:59,680
[sighs, sniffles]
649
00:28:02,182 --> 00:28:03,892
So who am I?
650
00:28:05,477 --> 00:28:06,936
[whimpers]
651
00:28:06,937 --> 00:28:09,272
When my children don't need me anymore,
652
00:28:09,273 --> 00:28:10,899
who am I?
653
00:28:15,863 --> 00:28:17,030
[sniffles]
654
00:28:18,782 --> 00:28:20,325
Well, I'll tell you.
655
00:28:22,244 --> 00:28:25,913
A blind idiot...
656
00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:28,000
and a coward's whore.
657
00:28:41,889 --> 00:28:44,182
[shakily] Thank you for the meal.
658
00:28:44,183 --> 00:28:48,186
Probably best
if you don't stay over tonight.
659
00:28:48,187 --> 00:28:50,104
Evie!
660
00:28:50,105 --> 00:28:51,856
[sighs]
661
00:28:51,857 --> 00:28:53,316
I'm sorry.
662
00:28:53,317 --> 00:28:56,277
Just save your apology
for the daughter who needs it.
663
00:28:56,278 --> 00:29:01,616
[soft somber music]
664
00:29:01,617 --> 00:29:03,492
[door click open]
665
00:29:03,493 --> 00:29:04,912
[door clicks shut]
666
00:29:11,001 --> 00:29:14,213
[birds chirping]
667
00:29:16,924 --> 00:29:19,134
[knock at door]
668
00:29:20,177 --> 00:29:23,555
- Come in.
- [door clicks open]
669
00:29:24,348 --> 00:29:25,890
Were you able to sleep?
670
00:29:25,891 --> 00:29:28,809
Like a rock... a shame-filled rock
671
00:29:28,810 --> 00:29:32,647
who feels just awful
about her behavior yesterday.
672
00:29:32,648 --> 00:29:34,650
I am so sorry.
673
00:29:38,779 --> 00:29:41,822
You didn't need to find out
about me and Richard like that.
674
00:29:41,823 --> 00:29:44,158
How are Evie and Sabrina?
675
00:29:44,159 --> 00:29:45,952
Oh, don't tell me.
I don't wanna know.
676
00:29:45,953 --> 00:29:47,203
[sighs heavily]
677
00:29:47,204 --> 00:29:49,539
I started an email,
like, four or five times,
678
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:52,375
and I just... I...
I couldn't send it.
679
00:29:52,376 --> 00:29:54,418
I mean,
680
00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:56,629
maybe if you see them,
you can apologize for...
681
00:29:56,630 --> 00:29:58,506
Oh, no.
682
00:29:58,507 --> 00:30:00,466
- You're leaving?
- What are you doing?
683
00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:03,219
[sighs] I... I've gotta fix some things.
684
00:30:03,220 --> 00:30:06,180
So I can't do it here, so I'm going.
685
00:30:06,181 --> 00:30:07,390
No, don't go.
686
00:30:07,391 --> 00:30:09,892
Dad and Sabrina,
they will sort themselves out.
687
00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:13,312
[laughs] It's not about them.
688
00:30:13,313 --> 00:30:15,565
I'm just curdling.
689
00:30:15,566 --> 00:30:19,068
And that's... that's not good for anybody.
690
00:30:19,069 --> 00:30:21,864
- Okay.
- For how long?
691
00:30:23,156 --> 00:30:25,741
- I don't know.
- To where?
692
00:30:25,742 --> 00:30:27,618
Alaska.
693
00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:30,955
I found an Airbnb near Talkeetna.
694
00:30:30,956 --> 00:30:33,082
It's a mountain town.
[laughs]
695
00:30:33,083 --> 00:30:35,960
- Uh...
- [laughs]
696
00:30:35,961 --> 00:30:38,045
Okay, why?
697
00:30:38,046 --> 00:30:39,380
Never been.
698
00:30:39,381 --> 00:30:41,174
And that's all you're packing?
699
00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:43,050
- Mm-hmm.
- You hate the cold.
700
00:30:43,051 --> 00:30:44,969
And you have no snow pants
or snow boots.
701
00:30:44,970 --> 00:30:48,389
You have a fashion puffer,
and that's not even waterproof.
702
00:30:48,390 --> 00:30:51,976
Well, there are coats in Alaska.
703
00:30:51,977 --> 00:30:55,104
So, um...
704
00:30:55,105 --> 00:30:56,981
emergency documents.
705
00:30:56,982 --> 00:30:59,859
I texted Lacey so she's in the loop,
706
00:30:59,860 --> 00:31:03,613
and all our bills are set to autopay.
707
00:31:03,614 --> 00:31:06,115
The online reviews say that the...
708
00:31:06,116 --> 00:31:08,117
reception at the apartment is spotty
709
00:31:08,118 --> 00:31:11,370
but that the café across
the street has Wi-Fi.
710
00:31:11,371 --> 00:31:14,081
So, um, what else?
711
00:31:14,082 --> 00:31:17,251
Uh...
712
00:31:17,252 --> 00:31:18,921
nothing.
That's it.
713
00:31:20,797 --> 00:31:22,798
I gotta call my Lyft soon.
714
00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:24,675
Otherwise, I'm gonna lose my nerve.
715
00:31:24,676 --> 00:31:28,262
So tell me you can do this.
Please tell me you can do this.
716
00:31:28,263 --> 00:31:31,849
- Yeah.
- We'll be okay.
717
00:31:31,850 --> 00:31:35,061
You already are.
718
00:31:35,062 --> 00:31:38,272
Oh, here he is.
719
00:31:38,273 --> 00:31:41,400
Okay.
I love you.
720
00:31:41,401 --> 00:31:43,486
- Love you too.
- Love you.
721
00:31:43,487 --> 00:31:46,447
- Text us when you land.
- I will.
722
00:31:46,448 --> 00:31:47,865
Okay.
723
00:31:47,866 --> 00:31:53,872
[soft tender music]
724
00:32:00,921 --> 00:32:03,840
We still have four more
sessions of therapy left.
725
00:32:03,841 --> 00:32:06,926
She's not gonna be able to go.
726
00:32:06,927 --> 00:32:09,512
Maybe she'll make him turn around.
727
00:32:09,513 --> 00:32:11,806
I bet she's back by tomorrow night.
728
00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,808
- Yeah.
- [mouths word]
729
00:32:13,809 --> 00:32:15,644
[laughs softly]
730
00:32:28,323 --> 00:32:32,034
Matthew's school is throwing
him an event to honor him.
731
00:32:32,035 --> 00:32:34,412
It's nice that they're doing
something to remember him.
732
00:32:34,413 --> 00:32:36,455
Yeah, but they didn't know Matt.
733
00:32:36,456 --> 00:32:39,125
I don't think he felt like
he meant much to this place.
734
00:32:39,126 --> 00:32:41,586
He was always talking about
how crazy this school made him.
735
00:32:41,587 --> 00:32:43,212
- Danny.
- Dare to care, man.
736
00:32:43,213 --> 00:32:46,090
I spent more time grading this
than you spent writing it.
737
00:32:46,091 --> 00:32:50,678
Anyone have thoughts or memories?
738
00:32:50,679 --> 00:32:51,846
I think you're really good with kids.
739
00:32:51,847 --> 00:32:53,764
I don't know how to be a dad.
740
00:32:53,765 --> 00:32:56,642
I'm just wondering if
it will ever be a possibility.
741
00:32:56,643 --> 00:32:59,937
Guys, Mr. Greer's wife
is here with us today.
742
00:32:59,938 --> 00:33:01,690
Would you like to say a few words?
52768
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