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1
00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:16,275
Wow. This is so exciting.
2
00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:17,931
I've never been
to Grailfest before.
3
00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:21,344
Indeed. It's the world's biggest
convention for Holy Grail fans.
4
00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:24,413
Rip, can you just imagine
if you found the Grail someday?
5
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,551
I'd have to buy
a friggin' oxygen tank
6
00:00:26,655 --> 00:00:28,689
because I wouldn't deserve
to breathe the same air as you.
7
00:00:28,793 --> 00:00:31,241
Ha! That's certainly true,
Swooper, my good friend.
8
00:00:31,344 --> 00:00:34,482
Folks. Everyone has
the Holy Grail all wrong.
9
00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:37,000
It's not that it grants
eternal life, no, no.
10
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,655
It brings the dead back to life.
11
00:00:38,758 --> 00:00:40,689
Jesus, Ganesha, Osiris.
12
00:00:40,793 --> 00:00:42,068
They all drank from the Grail...
13
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:44,448
and returned to life.
14
00:00:44,551 --> 00:00:46,379
Oh, Bella, someday
I'll find the Holy Grail
15
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:47,931
and bring you back to life.
16
00:00:48,034 --> 00:00:50,931
And then we will make love
in the light of the waxing moon.
17
00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:53,793
Our guttural cries echoing
in the olive black night
18
00:00:53,896 --> 00:00:58,586
like the roars of a sexually
receptive chimera in estrus.
19
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:01,172
- Right, Rip? Rip?
- Huh? What-what were you saying?
20
00:01:01,275 --> 00:01:03,586
I said that guy was
a grade A loon.
21
00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:06,068
He really thinks the Grail can
bring the dead back to life?
22
00:01:06,172 --> 00:01:08,965
I didn't expect you to be
so closed-minded, Saltine.
23
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:11,103
Let me guess, you also believe
the Earth is flat,
24
00:01:11,206 --> 00:01:15,103
despite mounting evidence
to the contrary.
25
00:01:15,206 --> 00:01:17,413
What? No,
I'm just saying that I hope
26
00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:20,034
the Grail can't resurrect
people, that's creepy.
27
00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,931
I got to side with
Saltine here, boss.
28
00:01:22,034 --> 00:01:25,344
Only a fucking monster
would want to raise the dead.
29
00:01:25,448 --> 00:01:27,689
Oh. [chuckles] Well, yeah,
I mean, of course I agree,
30
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:30,000
but what if someone wanted
to use it once for, like,
31
00:01:30,103 --> 00:01:32,517
a really good cause, and then
they'd give it to a museum?
32
00:01:32,620 --> 00:01:34,965
Good one, Rip.
Obviously, using an artifact
33
00:01:35,068 --> 00:01:36,655
for a selfish reason like that
34
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:38,793
would break the arky code,
which we would never do, right?
35
00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:41,275
Totally. Of course not.
36
00:01:41,379 --> 00:01:42,793
Okay, good.
Well, I'm off.
37
00:01:42,896 --> 00:01:44,275
I heard
there's another woman here,
38
00:01:44,379 --> 00:01:46,344
and I want to see
if I can find her.
39
00:02:20,586 --> 00:02:21,931
And that's essentially
how I keep
40
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:23,482
my bum looking so proper fit.
41
00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,620
- Did I answer your question?
- No. My question was,
42
00:02:25,724 --> 00:02:27,103
what's your favorite holiday?
43
00:02:27,206 --> 00:02:28,379
Well, what do you say
we all get to
44
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,068
the real reason
we're here today?
45
00:02:30,172 --> 00:02:31,827
Who loves museums?
46
00:02:33,551 --> 00:02:35,379
That's what I thought.
And guess what.
47
00:02:35,482 --> 00:02:38,137
There's gonna be a new top dog
in the museum game.
48
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:39,379
Take a look.
49
00:02:39,482 --> 00:02:41,275
Hammurabi's hat.
50
00:02:41,379 --> 00:02:44,034
Edison's telephone.
Angela's ashes.
51
00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:45,862
Big momma's house.
52
00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,931
These were some of the greatest
lost treasures in history,
53
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,724
until now, because soon
you'll be able to find them all
54
00:02:50,827 --> 00:02:54,137
inside the greatest museum
the world has ever known--
55
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,620
the Eegan.
56
00:02:55,724 --> 00:02:57,448
But I'm not opening my museum
until we find
57
00:02:57,551 --> 00:03:00,275
the most important relic
of all: the Holy Grail.
58
00:03:00,379 --> 00:03:02,137
And I'm not releasing
my new single
59
00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:04,241
- until we find it.
- This year...
60
00:03:04,344 --> 00:03:06,310
We will find the Holy Grail.
61
00:03:06,413 --> 00:03:08,551
QUAIL [echoing]:
The Eegan.
62
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,620
All right, listen up.
I got good money
63
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:12,068
for anyone who can tell me
where to find the Grail.
64
00:03:12,172 --> 00:03:13,551
I know, I know...
65
00:03:13,655 --> 00:03:15,827
It's inside the sphinx,
but only I know where.
66
00:03:15,931 --> 00:03:17,655
Let me guess.
Inside the left nostril.
67
00:03:17,758 --> 00:03:19,862
- It's not. I checked.
- It's inside the Titanic.
68
00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:21,724
Stowed behind the condenser
in the turbine room?
69
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,758
I looked.
Nothing but starfish.
70
00:03:23,862 --> 00:03:27,103
I know where it is, but you'll
have to do something for me.
71
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,586
Get out of here,
Indiana Jones.
72
00:03:28,689 --> 00:03:30,103
You fucking perv.
Come on.
73
00:03:30,206 --> 00:03:32,000
Does anyone have an actual lead?
74
00:03:32,103 --> 00:03:33,413
Thought not.
75
00:03:34,655 --> 00:03:36,931
Hey, you're new here.
76
00:03:37,034 --> 00:03:38,827
Think you know
where the Grail is hidden?
77
00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,275
I don't think anything.
78
00:03:40,379 --> 00:03:41,758
I know where it is.
79
00:03:41,862 --> 00:03:42,724
Oh, yeah? Where?
80
00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:44,482
I ain't telling just anyone.
81
00:03:44,586 --> 00:03:46,931
Only someone who's looking
for it for the right reasons.
82
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:49,000
So, why are you looking for it?
83
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:52,793
Why, 'tis the desire
of every arky to...
84
00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:54,551
to...
85
00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:56,517
For true love,
that's the only reason,
86
00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:58,275
I must admit
most heartfeltedly.
87
00:03:58,379 --> 00:03:59,758
Right answer.
88
00:03:59,862 --> 00:04:01,344
Follow this map.
89
00:04:01,448 --> 00:04:03,758
But what are
all these blue lines? Oh, I see.
90
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:05,758
Those are letters.
Hmm. This is interesting.
91
00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:07,482
I wonder what Saltine
and Swooper will think.
92
00:04:07,586 --> 00:04:09,344
Wait, I can't tell them.
They'd think I'm a monster
93
00:04:09,448 --> 00:04:11,137
on par with Nosferatu himself.
94
00:04:11,241 --> 00:04:13,482
Looks like
I got to do this solo.
95
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,103
All right, fine.
96
00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:18,000
You can come, too. Thank you
for the map, my new friend
97
00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:20,034
who immediately ghosted me?
98
00:04:20,137 --> 00:04:21,931
Well, time to hit the road.
99
00:04:27,344 --> 00:04:29,620
Blueberry pie?!
100
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:35,793
Wow.
I could be on the verge of
101
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,413
the most important
moment of my life.
102
00:04:37,517 --> 00:04:39,586
At a time like this,
I believe John Keats put it best
103
00:04:39,689 --> 00:04:42,137
when he wrote--
Fleety, stop eating grass!
104
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,965
Any word from Rip?
It's been a week.
105
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:46,482
Don't worry.
It's not the first time
106
00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,793
he's taken off like this.
107
00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,206
Hmm. [gasps] I know.
108
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,137
I'll look for clues
inside his secret chamber.
109
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:54,000
That's a bad idea.
110
00:04:54,103 --> 00:04:55,517
Because of the stink.
111
00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:57,827
But if you absolutely insist,
you'll need this.
112
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,655
Because of the stink.
113
00:05:01,724 --> 00:05:04,068
It does stink.
114
00:05:04,172 --> 00:05:05,724
What the hell?
115
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:09,827
Now, let's see.
Where might Rip leave a clue?
116
00:05:10,896 --> 00:05:11,965
Hmm.
117
00:05:15,172 --> 00:05:16,655
That's it.
118
00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:18,275
Yeah, well,
that's why the yield
119
00:05:18,379 --> 00:05:20,551
on the benchmark ten-year
Treasury note keeps rising.
120
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:22,689
- I got it!
- Hey, I was shitposting.
121
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,137
I found a code
in Rip's bathroom that uses
122
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,310
the same syntax
as my pet cat's tracking chip.
123
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,275
I think there's a tracker
in Fleety.
124
00:05:28,379 --> 00:05:31,137
I'm right. Look.
125
00:05:31,241 --> 00:05:32,758
He's on a mountain in Alaska.
126
00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:34,310
I don't have
a good feeling about this.
127
00:05:34,413 --> 00:05:35,758
What if he's in danger?
128
00:05:35,862 --> 00:05:36,724
I don't want to see his name
on a tombstone.
129
00:05:36,827 --> 00:05:38,241
His name is spelled R-I-P.
130
00:05:38,344 --> 00:05:40,137
You should get used
to seeing it on tombstones.
131
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:43,586
Gas up the plane, Swooper.
We're heading to Alaska.
132
00:05:43,689 --> 00:05:45,413
No can do.
Rip and Fleety are
133
00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:46,551
in the White Hell
Mountain Range.
134
00:05:46,655 --> 00:05:48,172
It's inaccessible
by normal plane.
135
00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:49,758
- You got to hike there.
- We don't have time for that.
136
00:05:49,862 --> 00:05:51,827
Well, if you flew
to a suborbital altitude,
137
00:05:51,931 --> 00:05:53,379
you could parachute in,
but there's only
138
00:05:53,482 --> 00:05:55,482
one aircraft in the world
that can do that,
139
00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:57,482
and you're not gonna like
who has it.
140
00:05:57,586 --> 00:05:59,586
Quail Eegan.
141
00:05:59,689 --> 00:06:02,103
Sorry, I'm just setting up
the voice mail for my new phone.
142
00:06:02,206 --> 00:06:04,793
So, what's this
about wanting to use my plane?
143
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:06,965
Careful, Fleety.
I get the feeling we're about
144
00:06:07,068 --> 00:06:09,793
to encounter a dark
and unfathomable horror.
145
00:06:09,896 --> 00:06:12,275
A Lovecraftian nightmare
meant to shatter our sanity
146
00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:15,551
and cast our fragile minds
into deepest despair.
147
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:17,413
Nope. I was wrong.
148
00:06:17,517 --> 00:06:19,068
Whee!
149
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,482
Hey, couple quick questions.
Who are you,
150
00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:23,689
and what the hell is this place?
151
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:26,206
We are the Puff People.
152
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,310
This is the Realm of Cumulus
153
00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:30,448
in the great
Kingdom of Puffland.
154
00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:32,448
And that is
the Jar on the Shelf.
155
00:06:32,551 --> 00:06:33,758
You don't say.
156
00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,724
Legend has it that
whoever is able
157
00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:37,344
to pull that jar down
from the shelf
158
00:06:37,448 --> 00:06:40,517
is the one true Lord of Cumulus.
159
00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:42,310
I've been practicing all year.
160
00:06:42,413 --> 00:06:44,551
I know I can reach the jar.
161
00:06:49,172 --> 00:06:52,068
Doggone it, it's impossible.
162
00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:53,137
Mind if I try?
163
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,724
Sure,
164
00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:58,586
if you feel like
embarrassing yourself.
165
00:06:58,689 --> 00:06:59,965
This ought to be good.
166
00:07:03,241 --> 00:07:05,793
All hail our new lord.
167
00:07:05,896 --> 00:07:07,827
Sorry I disrespected you,
my lord.
168
00:07:07,931 --> 00:07:10,724
If you like, you may bed my wife
while I watch.
169
00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:12,724
Okay.
Well, actually, no.
170
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:14,620
I'm on a mission,
so no, thank you.
171
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,793
- Rats.
- Now, great Lord of Cumulus,
172
00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:18,827
you must travel to Castle Puff
173
00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:21,068
and make yourself known
to the king.
174
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,758
Oh, I don't know if I'm up
for all that.
175
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:25,862
I'm just looking for a grail.
176
00:07:25,965 --> 00:07:27,620
You must mean the king's grail.
177
00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:28,965
You can find it at Castle Puff.
178
00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:30,758
Oh, no shit?
Okay, then, sure, yeah.
179
00:07:30,862 --> 00:07:32,241
- I'll go meet the king.
- Huzzah!
180
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:34,724
You thinking what I'm thinking,
Fleety? -
181
00:07:34,827 --> 00:07:36,655
Oh, yeah, no,
I wasn't thinking that.
182
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,827
Eh, I don't know
if Ronald McDonald is sterile.
183
00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:41,379
I mean, if I had to guess, I'd
say he's childless by choice,
184
00:07:41,482 --> 00:07:43,517
but I really couldn't say.
185
00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,965
So, what do you think
of my expensive space plane?
186
00:07:51,068 --> 00:07:53,896
You may have all
the latest gadgets and gizmos,
187
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,758
but there's one thing
this plane doesn't have--
188
00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:58,103
- a bathroom.
- Yes, it does.
189
00:07:58,206 --> 00:08:01,103
- It's right over there.
- Oh, really? Whoops.
190
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:02,620
I took a dump
in a flight helmet.
191
00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,931
Aw, poor Saltine.
192
00:08:05,034 --> 00:08:07,793
You're only now learning
that Rip is as deceptive
193
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:09,344
as an Eastern gray squirrel,
194
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:11,827
which is a far more deceptive
animal than a snake.
195
00:08:11,931 --> 00:08:14,034
He doesn't give
one figgy whit about you.
196
00:08:14,137 --> 00:08:15,103
That's not true.
197
00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:16,793
Isn't it?
He clearly got a hot tip
198
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,758
at Grailfest and went off
to find the Grail by himself
199
00:08:18,862 --> 00:08:21,172
so he wouldn't have
to share credit with you.
200
00:08:21,275 --> 00:08:23,931
I should know. He used to do
the same thing to me.
201
00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:26,482
I just want to find
him and make sure he's safe.
202
00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:28,241
Oh, such a good assistant arky.
203
00:08:28,344 --> 00:08:30,448
After I find the Grail,
you should come work for me
204
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,758
alongside
your little friend Trisket
205
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,068
when she gets back
from Birthright.
206
00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:34,241
I would never do that.
207
00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:35,551
I hate you, you arse.
208
00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:37,551
Excuse me, what about that time
209
00:08:37,655 --> 00:08:39,172
you were shot
by a poisoned dart?
210
00:08:39,275 --> 00:08:41,034
I told you where to find
the bloody antidote.
211
00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:42,586
- You're the one who shot me.
- Yeah, fair enough.
212
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,034
Attention, passengers.
213
00:08:44,137 --> 00:08:45,620
I'm turning off
the seat belt sign.
214
00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:47,068
Feel free to get up
from your seat
215
00:08:47,172 --> 00:08:48,827
and jump your asses
out of my plane.
216
00:08:51,482 --> 00:08:54,310
Gonna be pretty hard
for me to not yell "cowabunga."
217
00:08:54,413 --> 00:08:55,724
Oh, please don't.
218
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:59,068
Cowabunga...!
219
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:08,275
They say it's good to be king,
but I find it sad.
220
00:09:08,379 --> 00:09:09,896
There, there, sir.
221
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,103
All is not lost.
King Puff.
222
00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:13,379
You have a visitor.
223
00:09:13,482 --> 00:09:15,482
The new lord
from the Realm of Cumulus.
224
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:17,655
Really? Show him in.
Show him in.
225
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,827
Good King,
I am Lord Rip Digman.
226
00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:24,103
Uhp, you dropped this, King.
227
00:09:24,206 --> 00:09:26,827
My lad,
I am so happy to meet you.
228
00:09:26,931 --> 00:09:28,068
Me? Why?
229
00:09:28,172 --> 00:09:30,551
My daughter is almost
390 years old,
230
00:09:30,655 --> 00:09:32,586
which is when
Puff People start to talk
231
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,413
if a young lady is
not yet married.
232
00:09:34,517 --> 00:09:35,896
Yeah, that's a tough age
for a woman.
233
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,793
I've tried to arrange
a match with every lord
234
00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:40,793
in Puffland,
and they've all rejected her.
235
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:43,103
But perhaps
you and she may hit it off.
236
00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:44,344
What?
237
00:09:44,448 --> 00:09:46,310
I'm sure she's lovely,
my short king,
238
00:09:46,413 --> 00:09:48,551
but I must confess,
I'm only here for the Grail.
239
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:49,931
Well, why didn't you say so?
240
00:09:50,034 --> 00:09:51,655
I would be happy
to give you the Grail
241
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,034
if you marry my daughter.
242
00:09:53,137 --> 00:09:54,172
Really? Okay.
243
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:55,482
Wonderful.
244
00:09:55,586 --> 00:09:57,103
There is one final test, though.
245
00:09:57,206 --> 00:09:59,724
To be certain that
you truly deserve the Grail,
246
00:09:59,827 --> 00:10:02,206
you must be able to identify it.
247
00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,724
- That one.
- Correct. Okay, great.
248
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:10,551
You'll marry my daughter
tomorrow. -Great.
249
00:10:10,655 --> 00:10:12,103
But shouldn't I meet her first?
250
00:10:12,206 --> 00:10:14,758
I mean, she has no say in
whether or not she gets married.
251
00:10:14,862 --> 00:10:16,413
That's entirely
up to the two of us.
252
00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,862
But sure, you can meet
her if you want, simp.
253
00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:20,137
- What was that?
- Oh, nothing, nothing.
254
00:10:20,241 --> 00:10:22,137
Splendid idea.
Whatever you want.
255
00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:26,379
I can't believe
this place is real.
256
00:10:26,482 --> 00:10:28,275
Well, there have been rumors
of a land like this.
257
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,137
But then again,
there are rumors that
258
00:10:30,241 --> 00:10:32,482
I got fillers in my earlobes to
make them look taut and shapely.
259
00:10:32,586 --> 00:10:34,793
And that's obviously not true.
Sheriff Sludgely,
260
00:10:34,896 --> 00:10:37,482
I'm begging you.
I've already paid my taxes.
261
00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:38,758
What more could you want?
262
00:10:38,862 --> 00:10:40,931
The princess is
getting married tomorrow,
263
00:10:41,034 --> 00:10:43,793
so the king has instituted
a wedding tax to pay for it.
264
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:46,551
And now there's
a surcharge on top of that
265
00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:48,482
for mouthing off to me.
266
00:10:49,206 --> 00:10:52,379
- There we go.
- I hope you're happy.
267
00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:54,172
I won't be able to feed my kids.
268
00:10:54,275 --> 00:10:58,931
Lucky for them, thin is in.
269
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,655
- This is terrible.
- Yeah, it reminds me of
270
00:11:00,758 --> 00:11:03,137
- my poverty-stricken childhood.
- I didn't know that about you.
271
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:05,413
I assumed you were born with
a silver spoon in your mouth.
272
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:06,931
No, no. In fact,
when I was born,
273
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,482
my mouth was completely empty.
274
00:11:16,965 --> 00:11:18,482
I believe these are yours, milady.
275
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,000
Thank you, kind stranger.
276
00:11:20,103 --> 00:11:22,310
I'll think of you tonight
as I beat off.
277
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:23,724
Right.
278
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,448
- I may have underestimated you.
- Perhaps so.
279
00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:30,068
I figured a good deed could help
lead us closer to the Grail.
280
00:11:30,172 --> 00:11:32,586
You see, I'm always thinking
two steps ahead. -Wow.
281
00:11:32,689 --> 00:11:34,448
And sometimes it's three.
282
00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:35,965
The fuck!
283
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,862
All right, Fleety.
I don't feel great
284
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,482
about marrying someone
just to get the Grail.
285
00:11:39,586 --> 00:11:42,000
So here's the plan.
I'll make the princess hate me
286
00:11:42,103 --> 00:11:43,931
so that she'll be glad
to be rid of me.
287
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:46,413
- No harm, no foul.
- Lord Digman.
288
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:48,000
This is my daughter, Gasolina.
289
00:11:48,103 --> 00:11:51,241
I wish I could stay, but
I must oversee an execution.
290
00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:56,965
So, you're the big shot
who wants to marry me, huh?
291
00:11:57,068 --> 00:11:58,379
That's right,
and just so you know,
292
00:11:58,482 --> 00:12:00,275
I think a woman's place
is in the kitchen.
293
00:12:00,379 --> 00:12:02,551
Really?
Wow, that's so...
294
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,034
- progressive.
- What?
295
00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:05,862
Women aren't allowed
to cook meals in Puffland.
296
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,620
I've never met
such an open-minded man.
297
00:12:07,724 --> 00:12:10,413
Uh, I-I should also tell you
that I think the homeless
298
00:12:10,517 --> 00:12:12,827
- should be thrown in jail.
- Instead of incinerated?
299
00:12:12,931 --> 00:12:14,689
Oh, you compassionate hunk.
300
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:15,931
All right. Didn't know that.
301
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,689
Man,
Puffland's pretty fucked-up.
302
00:12:17,793 --> 00:12:19,344
- Uh, I'm unemployed.
- You better be.
303
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,586
Being my husband is
a full-time job.
304
00:12:21,689 --> 00:12:22,862
I lie a lot.
305
00:12:22,965 --> 00:12:24,724
So do I.
On my bed, on my couch.
306
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,965
- We are the same.
- I hate kissing.
307
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:28,724
Me, too. Just get to
the good stuff already.
308
00:12:28,827 --> 00:12:30,241
I'm riddled with disease.
309
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,448
The better to boost
my immunity with, my sweet.
310
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,827
I think the Earth is flat.
311
00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:36,517
Despite mounting evidence
to the contrary?
312
00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:38,172
Oh, I love your confidence.
313
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,275
Man, this is all backfiring.
Better kick it up a notch.
314
00:12:40,379 --> 00:12:42,620
Okay, well,
I'm gonna go roll around
315
00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:44,448
in that manure
over there.
316
00:12:44,551 --> 00:12:45,896
My king.
317
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,344
Everyone else shames me
for that.
318
00:12:47,448 --> 00:12:49,931
Rip Digman,
I absolutely love you,
319
00:12:50,034 --> 00:12:51,896
and I can't wait
till we're married.
320
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:55,413
Aw, why must I be
the perfect man?!
321
00:12:59,206 --> 00:13:00,172
Guess what I just overheard
at the bar.
322
00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:01,586
Someone's drink order?
323
00:13:01,689 --> 00:13:02,931
No, the royal wedding tomorrow.
324
00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:05,413
It's between the princess
and Lord Rip Digman.
325
00:13:05,517 --> 00:13:07,931
But the only dating Rip is
interested in is carbon dating.
326
00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:10,172
I'm sure it's just a ruse
to get to the Grail.
327
00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:12,137
But let's not worry
about that now. Cheers.
328
00:13:12,241 --> 00:13:13,793
You know, Zane,
maybe I've got you wrong.
329
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:15,275
It's just that
I've seen you act like--
330
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:16,310
pardon my French--
331
00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:18,206
kind of a dick.
332
00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:20,724
Your French is pardoned.
333
00:13:20,827 --> 00:13:22,862
Attention, fellow Puffs.
334
00:13:22,965 --> 00:13:24,724
Whosoever in here
knows the identity of
335
00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:27,206
the wicked rogue
who robbed me of my coins
336
00:13:27,310 --> 00:13:29,931
shall receive a tidy reward.
337
00:13:30,034 --> 00:13:31,517
These pricks again?
338
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:33,517
I believe I can help you
with that. She's the thief.
339
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:36,000
I saw her knock you out
and steal all your gold.
340
00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:37,241
Check her belongings.
341
00:13:37,344 --> 00:13:38,137
Zane!
342
00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:40,758
- No!
- Arrest her.
343
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,413
Hey!
344
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,586
But I, but I...
345
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,965
And now you dare call me
"butt eye"?
346
00:13:46,068 --> 00:13:48,896
Throw her in the dungeon.
Oh!
347
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,448
Thank you, good citizen.
348
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,379
You know, we could use
more honorable men like you
349
00:13:52,482 --> 00:13:54,344
to serve as guards
at the royal wedding tomorrow.
350
00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:56,724
- Interested?
- Oh, very much so.
351
00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:58,000
Zane, how could you?
352
00:13:58,103 --> 00:13:59,310
I thought
you were misunderstood,
353
00:13:59,413 --> 00:14:02,137
but I was wrong.
You were stood. Hmm.
354
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,896
I've never been this happy.
355
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,965
Oh, Rip,
promise you'll never leave me.
356
00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:10,413
Uh, of course I won't.
357
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:11,896
That's good,
because if you do,
358
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,655
I'll be sent to the Misery Zone.
359
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:14,931
What's that now?
360
00:14:15,034 --> 00:14:16,344
That's the law
of Puffland, silly.
361
00:14:16,448 --> 00:14:17,758
Any woman
whose husband leaves her
362
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:19,206
is banished to the Misery Zone,
363
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,137
where she will endure
a lifetime of torment.
364
00:14:21,241 --> 00:14:22,896
- Oh, fuck me.
- I will!
365
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,586
Tomorrow, after the wedding.
366
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:29,793
Stupid Grail, making me
compromise my many morals.
367
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:31,000
Fleety, get back here!
368
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,068
Stupid Zane,
tricking me into thinking
369
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,931
he's a good guy.
Fleety?
370
00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:38,103
- Saltine? -Rip?
- And me.
371
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:43,034
- Sorry, who are you?
- I'm Snerdley Toothbottom.
372
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:45,137
- Oh.
- So, what's the move?
373
00:14:45,241 --> 00:14:48,034
- What are we thinking?
- Um, we don't know you.
374
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:50,413
Fine. I'll just roll away.
375
00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:52,310
Come here, yummy feet.
376
00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:56,068
So, you need to figure out
how to get out of the marriage
377
00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:58,000
without endangering Gasolina
but also get the Grail?
378
00:14:58,103 --> 00:14:59,827
Yeah, but it seems hopeless.
379
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,827
Not so fast.
There's always hope
380
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:03,103
when there's a library.
381
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,482
Well, I agree with that!
382
00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:07,137
It's so unfair.
383
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:09,103
For years,
I've pined after Gasolina,
384
00:15:09,206 --> 00:15:11,551
but the king has rebuffed
my every advance
385
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:15,172
because I'm not royalty and
because I'm completely sleazy.
386
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:17,931
And now this Rip Digman
shows up out of nowhere
387
00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:20,034
and he's fit
to wed the princess?
388
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:21,758
There's no way
he'll lock her in
389
00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:24,379
as nice a chamber as I would.
390
00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:26,482
Pardon me, sir, but
one thing I've learned is that
391
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:28,586
if there's something
you want in this world,
392
00:15:28,689 --> 00:15:31,586
you have to fight for it,
perhaps even kill for it.
393
00:15:31,689 --> 00:15:34,344
I knew I liked you,
and not just because of
394
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:36,103
your taut,
shapely earlobes.
395
00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:39,034
Yes. Perhaps it's time
the king learns
396
00:15:39,137 --> 00:15:41,931
what I'm truly capable of.
397
00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:47,137
- Whoa!
- Where can I find books about
398
00:15:47,241 --> 00:15:48,206
the history and laws
of Puffland?
399
00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:50,758
My dear, you're looking at it.
400
00:15:50,862 --> 00:15:51,793
Wow.
401
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:53,689
Looks like I need to put on
402
00:15:53,793 --> 00:15:55,793
my library visor.
403
00:15:57,793 --> 00:15:59,862
According to
The Altostratusilmarillion,
404
00:15:59,965 --> 00:16:02,413
Rain Graysky usurped the throne
from Altitudinus Cloud
405
00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:04,620
When Winona Non Strata joined
Seamus O'Zone's clan.
406
00:16:04,724 --> 00:16:06,000
Whee!
407
00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:07,862
- So there are ten kingdoms?
- Exactly.
408
00:16:07,965 --> 00:16:10,655
But inside the tenth kingdom
is an 11th kingdom.
409
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:12,482
And Lord Breezy was
known across the land
410
00:16:12,586 --> 00:16:14,206
for his wonderful playing
of the Puffle flute...
411
00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:15,965
The fog fee occurs
every nine clouds
412
00:16:16,068 --> 00:16:18,413
unless the ninth cloud appears
in the shape of a bigger cloud.
413
00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:20,862
So, when every last Pufff
was slain,
414
00:16:20,965 --> 00:16:22,310
the Puffs took over the land.
415
00:16:22,413 --> 00:16:24,034
But I thought
the Puffs were all killed.
416
00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:27,068
No, the Puffs with three Fs
were killed.
417
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:29,344
The Puffs with two Fs
still reign supreme.
418
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:31,241
Now, as for the Puffffs...
419
00:16:31,344 --> 00:16:33,310
This is so much
to take in.
420
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,862
You should see the main library.
421
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,310
- This isn't the main library?
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
422
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,517
This library only covers
the last five years
423
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:40,482
of Puffland history.
424
00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,655
Or no, not years.
425
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:42,965
What do you call them?
Months.
426
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,482
Ugh, that is what I call them.
427
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:46,172
Yeah, even I get confused
at times,
428
00:16:46,275 --> 00:16:47,827
and I know more than anyone.
429
00:16:47,931 --> 00:16:49,275
Well, let's keep going.
430
00:16:49,379 --> 00:16:50,965
So, the Mistborn clan--
or as they're known
431
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,241
in the West
on even-numbered days...
432
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:54,689
That's it!
433
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:57,241
In keeping with
Puffland tradition,
434
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,793
let's cut to the chase.
435
00:16:58,896 --> 00:17:00,482
Do you, Gasolina,
take Lord Rip Digman of Cumulus
436
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,517
- to be your husband?
- I do. Ooh!
437
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,379
And do you take Princess
Gasolina to be your wife?
438
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,137
Oh, what
an interesting question.
439
00:17:08,241 --> 00:17:10,068
Stop the wedding!
440
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:11,586
What is the meaning of this?
441
00:17:11,689 --> 00:17:13,724
You two can't be married
because Rip is a lord of Cumulus
442
00:17:13,827 --> 00:17:15,103
and, as such, cannot be wed
443
00:17:15,206 --> 00:17:16,551
to a Puffland princess
until he's kept the Grail
444
00:17:16,655 --> 00:17:18,034
in his grasp
for three storm cycles.
445
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,655
So you must give him the Grail,
446
00:17:19,758 --> 00:17:21,862
and Gasolina has to be named
Queen Ruler in his leave.
447
00:17:21,965 --> 00:17:23,758
- Says who?
- The Book of Nimbulomos.
448
00:17:23,862 --> 00:17:25,068
It's because Gasolina was born
449
00:17:25,172 --> 00:17:26,620
under the cloud sign
of Condensation
450
00:17:26,724 --> 00:17:28,758
- during the ninth vapor moon.
- By the Puffs above!
451
00:17:28,862 --> 00:17:29,965
Great work, Saltine.
452
00:17:30,068 --> 00:17:31,379
How'd you learn
all this so fast?
453
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:33,482
I didn't. Their history
is so convoluted,
454
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,034
I realized nobody would
know the difference
455
00:17:35,137 --> 00:17:36,206
if I just made up
a bunch of bullshit.
456
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:38,344
- That's so smart.
- Very well.
457
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:39,655
I've always considered myself
a textualist,
458
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,206
so I will obey
the letter of the law.
459
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,586
Lord Digman,
you may take the Grail,
460
00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:45,931
and I shall give my crown
to my daughter.
461
00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:48,344
I hope it's not too late
to object.
462
00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:49,482
It actually is.
463
00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:50,896
Stop right there.
464
00:17:52,275 --> 00:17:54,413
No one is going anywhere
465
00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:57,275
until the princess marries me!
466
00:17:57,379 --> 00:17:59,068
What do you say, Princess?
467
00:17:59,172 --> 00:18:01,482
Excited for me
to be your prince?
468
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:03,586
Actually, she's queen now,
so you'll be king.
469
00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:05,206
- Even better.
- I'm so glad
470
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,310
I don't have to deal
with this shit anymore.
471
00:18:11,137 --> 00:18:12,448
- Rip, do something.
- Well, this is a pickle,
472
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:13,931
to be sure.
And I would love to help out,
473
00:18:14,034 --> 00:18:15,448
but I have lower back issues,
474
00:18:15,551 --> 00:18:17,827
so I'm just gonna
snag this Grail and head out.
475
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,068
Me thinks not.
476
00:18:20,172 --> 00:18:21,793
Oh, no! Damn it! Not the Grail!
477
00:18:21,896 --> 00:18:24,965
Wait. You're more upset
about the Grail than me?
478
00:18:25,068 --> 00:18:27,000
Did you never really love me?
479
00:18:27,103 --> 00:18:29,103
Alas, 'tis true,
sweet Gasolina.
480
00:18:29,206 --> 00:18:30,310
I never caught feelings.
481
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,103
So the man I love
doesn't love me,
482
00:18:32,206 --> 00:18:33,965
and a man I hate is
forcing me to marry him?
483
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:36,241
This feels like
the perfect plot for a TV show,
484
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,206
but sadly, it is just my life.
485
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:39,965
But it need not be.
486
00:18:40,068 --> 00:18:42,206
You tall twit. What is this?
487
00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:43,827
A surprise twist.
488
00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:46,379
Puffs alive!
489
00:18:46,482 --> 00:18:48,103
Your Majesty,
I've been undercover,
490
00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:50,206
trying to foil
Sludgely's vile plan.
491
00:18:50,310 --> 00:18:53,034
Not because I want the Grail
like this Rip jerk over there,
492
00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:54,172
but because I love you,
my queen.
493
00:18:54,275 --> 00:18:55,448
Though I know we cannot marry
494
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:56,758
because I lack the nobility.
495
00:18:56,862 --> 00:18:58,137
No, no, no, I'm the queen.
496
00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:00,551
I can choose who I marry,
and I choose you.
497
00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:02,724
And you can keep that Grail,
too, you big old hunk.
498
00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:05,448
- What? No!
- Three steps ahead.
499
00:19:05,551 --> 00:19:07,000
Continuing our
around-the-clock coverage,
500
00:19:07,103 --> 00:19:08,896
Zane Troy has found
the Holy Grail
501
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,551
and a brand-new bride.
502
00:19:10,655 --> 00:19:12,758
He's married Queen Gasolina
of the Puff People,
503
00:19:12,862 --> 00:19:14,551
which, yes,
sounds weird to us, too.
504
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,172
Sorry we brought Zane
to Puffland, Rip.
505
00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:17,758
I guess he wouldn't have
snatched the Grail
506
00:19:17,862 --> 00:19:19,827
- if it weren't for us.
- Go ahead and clock me, boss.
507
00:19:19,931 --> 00:19:21,586
I deserve it.
Just fucking clock me.
508
00:19:21,689 --> 00:19:23,482
No, you guys only brought Zane
509
00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:25,103
because I ran off,
and you were worried.
510
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,586
I have but myself to blame.
511
00:19:26,689 --> 00:19:27,965
Yeah, why didn't you include us?
512
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,586
TBH, I was afraid
you'd think ill of me
513
00:19:30,689 --> 00:19:32,586
if you knew
I truly wanted the Grail.
514
00:19:32,689 --> 00:19:34,965
Rip, you're a friend.
There's nothing you can say
515
00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:36,517
that would make us
think any less of you.
516
00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:38,103
Yeah, we're here for you.
517
00:19:38,206 --> 00:19:41,310
- Exactly.
- Oh, well, in that case.
518
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,379
Follow me.
519
00:19:44,482 --> 00:19:47,931
Your secret chamber is actually
a secret chamber?
520
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,758
And now it's time
I tell you all the truth.
521
00:19:54,931 --> 00:19:56,310
Oh, my God!
- Good gravy!
522
00:19:56,413 --> 00:19:59,275
I've been keeping
Bella's frozen corpse
523
00:19:59,379 --> 00:20:01,896
down here
in my secret chamber. Whew.
524
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,724
Wow. I'm glad that's
out in the open now.
525
00:20:04,827 --> 00:20:06,517
Anyway, uh,
what should we get for lunch?
526
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:07,758
I'm thinking family-style chili.
527
00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:09,448
Hey, w-what are you guys
looking at?
528
00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:11,379
Oh, my goggles,
that's why you want the Grail,
529
00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,793
to bring Bella back to life,
530
00:20:12,896 --> 00:20:14,758
even though that
would break the arky code.
531
00:20:14,862 --> 00:20:16,965
You lied to me.
Zane was right.
532
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:19,206
You are as deceptive
as an Eastern gray squirrel.
533
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,379
Let me guess,
he pronounced it "square-l"?
534
00:20:21,482 --> 00:20:23,068
The guy's a freakazoid.
535
00:20:23,172 --> 00:20:24,793
I'm sorry, Rip, but I quit.
536
00:20:24,896 --> 00:20:27,379
- Goodbye forever.
- Saltine, please, no!
537
00:20:27,482 --> 00:20:29,793
Wait. Don't let the door hit
your ass on the way out!
538
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,310
Ow! My ass!
539
00:20:31,413 --> 00:20:32,482
Well, I tried to warn you!
540
00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:34,206
It's a very swingy door.
541
00:20:34,310 --> 00:20:35,586
But I will point out
you did quit,
542
00:20:35,689 --> 00:20:36,862
so you're not eligible
for workers' comp.
543
00:20:36,965 --> 00:20:38,034
You guys heard, right?
544
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,551
This couldn't get
any worse!
545
00:20:47,758 --> 00:20:50,793
- Looks like your plan worked.
- Yes.
546
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:54,482
Despite the best efforts
of those foolish royals,
547
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:57,413
we're finally free
of that accursed Grail.
548
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,206
What are you guys talking about?
549
00:20:59,310 --> 00:21:01,586
Nothing, Snerdley Toothbottom!
550
00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:28,827
Chirp.
39446
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