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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
3
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:39,289
Aah!
4
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,809
The morning horoscope.
5
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,021
"Today will be a day like
every other day." D'
6
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,939
It just gets worse and worse.
7
00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:07,692
♪♪
8
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,781
Bart, I've asked you not
to whistle that annoying tune.
9
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,241
- Jawohl, mein mommandant.
- Why are you so happy?
10
00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:19,037
Yeah. You kids gotta go to school.
I gotta go to work.
11
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,914
The only one who
has it easy is Marge.
12
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:24,793
We're having a field trip today.
13
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:28,046
Lise, won't it be great
to cast off the shackles
14
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:31,716
of the soul-crushing hellhole that
is Springfield Elementary?
15
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,844
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
16
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,971
Your class isn't going.
17
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,850
You're right, Bart.
School is for losers.
18
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,941
"And that's how I cured
all disease, ended war,
19
00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:51,820
"And reunited the entire cast
of TV's Facts of Life,
20
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:54,864
including longtime
holdout Tootie."
21
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:59,077
Sounds like another
Pulitzer for me to polish.
22
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,788
Hush, field trip boy!
23
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:05,625
Impaled on my Nobel Peace Prize.
How ironic.
24
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,627
Yo! Lise! Lise!
25
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,921
- Come back, Lise! Come back!
- Why?
26
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,382
I'm so much happier here.
27
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,261
And now, Principal Skinner
will tell us
28
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:18,638
where we'll be going
on this year's field trip.
29
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:21,266
Thank you, Edna, everyone.
30
00:02:21,349 --> 00:02:26,229
Now, class, I wonder who among
you can tell me what this is?
31
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:29,691
Not the box factory
again, Seymour.
32
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:34,904
This may well prove fascinating.
33
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,365
I know.
I'll just do like Lisa
34
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,618
and escape into fantasy.
35
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:43,913
Class, instead of going
to the box factory today,
36
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,750
we'll be going
to the box factory.
37
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,919
Damn TV!
You've ruined my imagination,
38
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,505
just like you've ruined
my ability to...
39
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:56,092
To, um...
40
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,303
Well.
41
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,346
♪♪
42
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,728
♪ Fifty-six boxes of bottles
of beer on the wall ♪
43
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,980
♪ Fifty-six boxes
of bottles of beer ♪
44
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:11,399
♪ You take one down
and pass it around ♪
45
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♪ Fifty-five boxes of bottles
of beer on the wall ♪
46
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Ho!
47
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:45,058
The story of how
two brothers and five other men
48
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:49,395
parlayed a small business loan into
a thriving paper goods concern
49
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,898
is a long and interesting one.
50
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,609
And here it is.
It all began
51
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:57,862
with the filing of form 637/A...
52
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,406
The application for
a small business or farm...
53
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:04,077
Many interesting and important things
have been put into boxes over the years.
54
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,039
Textiles, other boxes,
even children's candy.
55
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,833
Do any of these boxes
have candy in 'em?
56
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,794
- No.
- Will they ever?
57
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,463
No. We only make boxes
to ship nails.
58
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,756
Any other questions?
59
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,467
When will we be able to
see a finished box, sir?
60
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:22,720
We don't assemble them here.
That's done in Flint, Michigan.
61
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:23,989
Have any of your workers
ever had their hands cut off
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00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:26,224
- by the machinery?
- No.
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00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,869
And then the hand started crawling around
and tried to strangle everybody?
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00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,521
- No, that has never happened.
- Any popped eyeballs?
65
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,190
I'm not sure what kind
of factory you're thinking of.
66
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,651
We just make boxes here.
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00:04:36,734 --> 00:04:40,154
This room is the most
popular part of our tour.
68
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,448
It's just like the other rooms.
69
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,868
Yes, but with
one important difference.
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00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:49,914
We took that out.
Yes, it is just like the other rooms.
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00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:52,750
- What's that building over there?
- That's just a TV studio
72
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:57,213
where they film Krusty the Clown and
other non-box-related programs.
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00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:01,092
Since it has nothing to do with boxes,
I'll just shut these blinds.
74
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:03,678
Man.
75
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,222
Now, here's my office.
76
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:09,642
If you'll direct your eyes to the floor,
you'll see a yellow line.
77
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:14,397
Follow it. It will lead you around
my desk and back out the door.
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00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:24,949
I gotta get out of here.
Aha!
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The perfect escape.
80
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,097
Do you work here, little boy?
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00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,809
- Yeah.
- Well, then, go right in, sir.
82
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,145
Bart!
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00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,648
I'll handle this.
84
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,152
Simpson, I'm giving you until
the count of three to come out.
85
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:05,114
One! Two! Three!
86
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,992
- I've done all I can do.
- We'd better call his parents.
87
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,244
Just a minute!
88
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,330
Don't hang up!
89
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,793
No answer at home.
I'll call his father.
90
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,963
Just a minute! Don't hang up!
91
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,925
Y'ello? You'll have to speak up.
I'm wearing a towel.
92
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,346
Somebody need a script?
93
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:41,150
- Action!
- Ay, ay, ay! No me gusta!
94
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,903
I'm sorry. I'm
really not comfortable with this, Ethan.
95
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:44,904
-What's the matter, luv?
96
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,199
It's just... It's-it's the same,
old, tired gags, isn't it?
97
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:50,118
I mean, let's give
the audience some credit.
98
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,121
- How about a giant mousetrap?
- I love it!
99
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,792
- Action!
- Ay, ay, ay! No me gusta!
100
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:00,169
Ay, es grande!
101
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,380
What do you mean, you lost him?
102
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,133
He might have fallen into
one of these machines!
103
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,136
My God!
That's his lucky red hat!
104
00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:12,181
He's a box!
My boy's a box!
105
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,726
Damn you! A box!
106
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,479
♪♪
107
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,191
- I said I wanted a Danish!
- I'm sorry.
108
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- All the Danishes are gone.
- They're not gone.
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You're gone!
110
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"Tragic news tonight.
120 dead
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in a tidal wave
in Kuala la-la..."
112
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:42,420
"Pur... ""Kuala Lum-pur..."
113
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:44,380
- France.
- Yoink!
114
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Yoink?
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00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,262
Heck.
116
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,473
Now, where am I gonna
get a Danish?
117
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,975
- Here's a Danish, Krusty.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme!
118
00:07:58,352 --> 00:08:01,022
Now, that's Danish.
Where'd you get it?
119
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:03,399
I stole it from Kent Brockman.
120
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,611
Great!
He didn't touch it, did he?
121
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,488
No.
122
00:08:08,571 --> 00:08:10,698
Good job, kid.
What's your name?
123
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,242
I'm Bart Simpson.
I saved you from jail.
124
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,161
I...
125
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,455
I reunited you with
your estranged father.
126
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,624
I don't...
127
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,877
I saved your career, man!
Remember your comeback special?
128
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,421
Yeah, well, what have
you done for me lately?
129
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,592
- I got you that Danish.
- And I'll never forget it.
130
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,598
Hey, kid.
131
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:41,020
Wow! A big clown hankie.
132
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,022
It's a towel, you yutz!
133
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:46,484
I want you to wash it.
You're my new assistant.
134
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,402
Cool!
135
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,658
Yeah, I know I'm on.
But I don't care.
136
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,285
I don't read the news
until I get my Danish.
137
00:08:56,369 --> 00:09:00,498
Go ahead.
Try to find a replacement. Aah!
138
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:05,294
A powerful tidal wave in Kuala Lumpur
has killed 120 people.
139
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,089
Ay, Chihuahua!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
140
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:15,513
Marge, I have some horrible,
bone-chilling news!
141
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,266
- What is it?
- Hi, Homer.
142
00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,935
- Nothing.
- Hey.
143
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,062
That's my lucky red hat
sittin' on top
144
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:25,439
of a double-corrugated,
eight-fold, 14-gauge box.
145
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,360
It sounds like you really learned
something on your field trip.
146
00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:32,446
Think you'd be interested
in a career as a box maker?
147
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:35,324
Well, that'll always be
the dream.
148
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,411
But for now, I got a job
in the show business.
149
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:41,122
From now on, I'll be helping
Krusty the Clown after school.
150
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:44,166
I don't know, Bart.
You're only 10.
151
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:47,086
I've got a weekend job helping the poor,
and I'm only eight.
152
00:09:47,169 --> 00:09:49,463
That's not a job.
It's a waste of time.
153
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,008
What can poor people pay you?
Nothin'!
154
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,885
What satisfaction do you get
from helping them? None!
155
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,847
Who wants to help poor people anyway?
Nobody!
156
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,518
So, anyway, can I, Mom?
157
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,353
- Can I take the job?
- Well...
158
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,481
Why not? I remember my first
after-school job.
159
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:10,359
I was in a band.
160
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,904
Hello, everybody. I'm Archie Bell,
and I'm also the Drells.
161
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:18,492
We got a new song called "Tighten Up,"
and this is the music you tighten up with.
162
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,121
Hey, whatsa matter, you?
163
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:24,999
You crazy kid,
you chasing away my business.
164
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:28,377
- Buzz off, Giuseppe.
- Pepe, go for the face!
165
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,549
♪♪ -Help! Aah!
166
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,219
Yes, son. You can have
an electric guitar
167
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,430
just like your old man.
168
00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:41,724
Dad, I'm asking if
I can get a job.
169
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:46,562
Gig, son. When you're a musician,
a job is called a gig.
170
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:51,442
Wow. Being in show business
is like a dream.
171
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,569
We're really lucky, aren't we?
172
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,864
- I wish I was dead.
- Don't listen to him, kid.
173
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,075
This is a dream factory.
174
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,411
The birthplace
of magic and enchantment.
175
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,163
Now I need you
to go clean out my toilet.
176
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,459
Right in here, boy.
If it... Ooh!
177
00:11:08,542 --> 00:11:11,420
I don't know what
I was thinking last night.
178
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,339
This'll take you a couple hours.
179
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:15,925
I'm tellin' ya.
I do work on the Krusty show.
180
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,552
- Look at the credits.
- Bye-bye, kids!
181
00:11:22,556 --> 00:11:24,642
I'm Kent Brockman.
On the 11:00 news tonight,
182
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:27,436
a certain kind of soft drink
has been found to be lethal.
183
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,355
We won't tell you which one
until after sports
184
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,482
and the weather with
funny Sonny Storm.
185
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,610
There's my name, right there...
Bart Simpson.
186
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,239
Looks more like
"Brad Storch."
187
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,907
No, it says, "Betty."
188
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:43,369
"Betty Symington."
189
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,871
That's for taking credit
for other people's work.
190
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:51,669
It's okay, son. Who cares
what a bunch of fourth-graders think?
191
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:56,549
You're doing what you want to do with
your life. Nothin' else matters.
192
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:59,260
Thanks, Dad.
That's great advice.
193
00:11:59,343 --> 00:12:02,054
Yep. Well, that's what
got me where I am today.
194
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,807
There, there.
195
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:13,607
- Would you sign my picture, Krusty?
- Sure, kid. Get in line.
196
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:22,199
- I love you, Krusty!
- Over there.
197
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:26,078
Okay, kids, open your books to page 60...
198
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:29,665
Yes, Krusty?
199
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,668
Bart, I need to get your fingerprints
on a candlestick.
200
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,379
Meet me in the conservatory
chop-chop.
201
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:38,799
Don't worry.
Everything's gonna be all right.
202
00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:43,095
I wish I was dead.
203
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:52,605
Aah! There's cheese
in this sandwich!
204
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,565
Surely you know
I'm lactose intolerant!
205
00:12:54,648 --> 00:12:57,109
- Sorry.
- Sorry?
206
00:12:57,193 --> 00:13:00,112
Do you know how sick this is
going to make me?
207
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,616
Boy. Come stand next
to the bathroom door.
208
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:06,202
I want to yell at you some more.
209
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,913
Why, you little rapscallion...
210
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:12,750
Show business sucks. I'm outta here.
211
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:16,962
The most hideous child
I have ever witnessed!
212
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,885
Bart! I need to use you
in a sketch.
213
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,596
- You want me to be on the show?
- It's just one line.
214
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,015
- Mel's supposed to say it, but he's dead.
- Dead?
215
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,975
Or sick.
I don't know. I forget.
216
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:33,771
Anyway, all you gotta do is say,
"I am waiting for a bus."
217
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,565
Then I hit you with pies for five minutes.
Got that?
218
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,985
- "I am waiting for a bus."
- Makes me laugh. Let's go.
219
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,532
♪♪
220
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:50,746
I am waiting for a... Whoa!
221
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,499
- Ooh!
- Aah!
222
00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:01,590
I didn't do it.
223
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,933
Man. It's a miracle
we got through that one.
224
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,811
Remind me never to let you
on stage again, kid.
225
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,438
Some people got it,
some people don't.
226
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,275
And you, my young friend,
do not have...
227
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,652
Hold on. I wanna finish
this thought outside.
228
00:14:21,735 --> 00:14:23,070
It's that kid!
229
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,782
It's the "I didn't do it" guy!
230
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:30,411
He's mine! I own him and all
the subsidiary rights!
231
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,039
♪♪
232
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,794
Why, this rickety ladder
in front of this door
233
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:43,591
is the perfect place
for this priceless Ming vase.
234
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,596
I didn't do it.
235
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,769
Thank you.
Thank you.
236
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:58,731
And now,
the I Didn't Do It Dancers!
237
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,025
♪♪
238
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,823
Don't move, dude.
This is totally a gun.
239
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,534
I didn't do it.
240
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:14,997
And then the boy says the thing...
241
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,917
Honey!
242
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,337
Joe, how could you?
243
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,464
I, didn't do it.
244
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,722
Help! Help!
245
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,992
This is the third time
that this building has burned down
246
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,560
because someone
has been smokin' in bed.
247
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,103
I didn't do it.
248
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,484
Help me!
249
00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,403
This biography of Bart
came out awfully quickly.
250
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:49,573
- It's not even about him.
- Sure it is. Look at the cover.
251
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,700
But inside,
it's mostly about Ross Perot,
252
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:54,787
and the last two chapters are excerpts
from the Oliver North trial.
253
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,916
Oliver North.
He was just poured into that uniform.
254
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,713
♪♪
255
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,674
I didn't do it.
256
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,803
I didn't do it.
257
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,682
Hey, proper.
258
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,903
I have to pay
to see my own grandson!
259
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,947
That's the democrats for ya!
260
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:35,494
See the boy! Five dollars! Or call him
24 hours a day on Bartchat.
261
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,123
Bartchat.
262
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:41,792
- Are you Bart?
- Sure, I am.
263
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:46,213
- I didn't do nothin'.
- Isn't it, "I didn't do it"?
264
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,674
Yeah, whatever.
265
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:58,475
Um, I never thought I'd say this,
but shouldn't we be learning something?
266
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,728
Say the line, Bart.
267
00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:03,480
I didn't do it.
268
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:06,358
Yay!
269
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,944
Come on, Lisa.
Say somethin' funny.
270
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,989
- Like what?
- Somethin' stupid like Bart would say.
271
00:17:12,072 --> 00:17:14,783
Bucka bucka, or woozle wozzle.
Somethin' like that.
272
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,453
Forget it, Dad.
If I ever become famous,
273
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,539
I want it to be for something worthwhile,
not because of some obnoxious fad.
274
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:24,334
- Obnoxious fad?
- Don't worry, son.
275
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,129
You know, they said
the same thing about Urkel.
276
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,965
That little snot boy.
I'd like to smack that kid!
277
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,846
What the hell
are you reading books for?
278
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:37,931
I'm doing
the Conan O'Brien Show,
279
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,868
and I wanna have some intelligent stuff
to talk about.
280
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,894
Don't forget to say,
"I didn't do it."
281
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,605
Dad, there's more to me
than just a catchphrase.
282
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:48,650
- How do you figure, boy?
- Watch the Conan O'Brien Show. You'll see.
283
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,986
All right. But after Leno,
I'm all laughed out, you know.
284
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,030
♪♪
285
00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:55,908
You know, Conan,
I have a lot to say.
286
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,577
I'm not just a one-line wonder.
Did you know
287
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:02,664
that a section of rain forest the size
of Kansas is burned every single...
288
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,793
- Just do the line.
- I didn't do it.
289
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,922
Great material.
290
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,841
We'll be right back.
291
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:19,723
Sit perfectly still. Only I may dance.
292
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:22,684
"Just do the line."
"Just do the line."
293
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,728
What's gonna happen to me?
294
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:30,901
And now,
it's time for Match Game 2034,
295
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,820
with Billy Crystal.
296
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,864
- Hey!
- Farrah Fawcett-Majors-O'Neal-Varney.
297
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,909
The "I Didn't Do It" Boy.
298
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:42,538
Ventriloquist Loni Anderson.
299
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,873
- Ooh!
- Spike Lee.
300
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,000
And the always lovely
301
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,170
and vivacious head
of Kitty Carlisle.
302
00:18:50,254 --> 00:18:53,924
Hi, everybody!
Let's start the game!
303
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,802
Aah!
304
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:03,100
Bart, it's time
to get ready for the show.
305
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,060
No!
306
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,937
Where's that little punk?
307
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:10,357
We go on in 10 minutes.
The tension.
308
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,442
Somebody! Walk on my back!
309
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:19,533
One at a time!
No Teamsters!
310
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,870
Honey, I know you feel
a little silly
311
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,747
saying the same four words over
and over, but you shouldn't.
312
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:29,710
You're making people happy,
and that's a very hard thing to do.
313
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:34,464
You're right, Mom.
I shouldn't let this bother me.
314
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,343
I'm in television now.
It's my job to be repetitive.
315
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,138
My job.
My job.
316
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,515
Repetitiveness is my job.
317
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:48,103
I am gonna go out there tonight and give
the best performance of my life.
318
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,688
The best performance
of your life?
319
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,773
The best performance of my life.
320
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,276
Where is that lousy
little pisher?
321
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,987
Bart! Mwah!
322
00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,324
♪♪ -And now, boys and girls,
323
00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:04,536
here he is, the boy that says the words
you've been longing to hear
324
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:09,291
like the salivating dogs
that you are, Bart Simpson!
325
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:10,792
♪♪
326
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,252
I didn't do it.
327
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,760
I didn't do it.
328
00:20:23,263 --> 00:20:26,016
I don't know.
329
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,476
Woozle wozzle?
330
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:30,187
What the...
331
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,749
That's what passes for entertainment
these days? Woozle wozzle?
332
00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,359
Ladies and gentlemen, the clown show
333
00:20:35,442 --> 00:20:37,361
has been put on hiatus
for retooling.
334
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,532
- What happened?
- Don't worry about that.
335
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,409
You're just finished,
that's all.
336
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,370
- Finished?
- It happens all the time.
337
00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,538
That's show business for you.
338
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,791
One day, you're the most
important guy who ever lived.
339
00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,960
The next day, you're some schmo
340
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:55,963
- working in a box factory.
- I heard that!
341
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:59,299
Boy, show business
is kind of cruel, isn't it?
342
00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:09,601
And that was "Kung Fu Fighting."
343
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,103
Say, speaking of one-trick ponies,
344
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:13,397
whatever happened to that
"I didn't do it" kid?
345
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,607
Boy, did that
get old fast. Whoa!
346
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:18,402
You know, if you wanna last
in this business, you gotta stay fresh.
347
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:24,825
I saved these for you, Bart.
348
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:27,160
You'll always have them
to remind you of the time
349
00:21:27,244 --> 00:21:30,414
when you were the whole world's
special little guy.
350
00:21:30,497 --> 00:21:33,375
- Thanks, Mom.
- And now you can go back to just being you
351
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:36,461
instead of a one-dimensional character
with a silly catchphrase.
352
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:39,047
- D'
-Ay, caramba!
353
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,759
Hidilly-ho!
354
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,886
- Ha-ha!
- Excellent.
355
00:21:50,392 --> 00:21:53,145
If anyone wants me,
I'll be in my room.
356
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,774
What kind
of catchphrase is that?
357
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:03,780
♪♪
358
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,032
Shh!
359
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:54,289
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
27352
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