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1
00:00:03,086 --> 00:00:05,922
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:05,482
D'
3
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,734
Aah!
4
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,810
Delicious.
5
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:43,645
Now, Krusty,
I hear it's your birthday.
6
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:45,980
So, I got your mother's recipe
for matzo balls.
7
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,191
Hey, I don't do the Jewish
stuff on the air.
8
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,776
But, Herschel, bubelah...
9
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,444
Ix-nay on the Ew-jay.
10
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,071
Roll the cartoon!
11
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:56,241
It's so sad that Krusty
is ashamed of his roots.
12
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,867
Marge, it happened again.
13
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,585
What are you gonna
change your name to
14
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:08,670
when you grow up?
15
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:09,921
Lois Sanborn.
16
00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:11,923
Steve Bennett.
17
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,591
♪ They fight, and fight ♪
18
00:02:13,675 --> 00:02:15,385
♪ They fight and fight
and fight ♪
19
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,654
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight ♪
20
00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:19,305
♪ The Itchy & Scratch show ♪
21
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:24,894
Hee-hee-hee!
22
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,354
Hee-hee-hee!
23
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,398
Hee-hee-hee!
24
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,483
This is a rather
lifeless outing.
25
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,569
Don't worry, they're building
to something.
26
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,988
Hee-hee-hee!
27
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,782
Kids, say "no" to drugs.
28
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,291
I could pull a
better cartoon out of my a...
29
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,295
Hey, whoa,
wasn't that great, kids?
30
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:53,256
That's as bad as the tasteless
Itchy and Sambo cartoons
31
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,757
of the late '30s.
32
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,343
The writers should be
ashamed of themselves.
33
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,803
Cartoons have writers?
34
00:02:58,887 --> 00:02:59,971
Yeah, sort of.
35
00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:01,764
Yeah, well, you and I
could write
36
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,516
a better cartoon than that.
37
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,685
Write a cartoon ourselves?
38
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,146
Bart, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
39
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,981
Probably not.
40
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,775
Lie in the snow and count to 60.
41
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:15,569
Hi-yah!
42
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,241
Merry Christmas, suckers.
43
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,287
"Third notice?"
44
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,122
"Final notice?"
45
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,499
"Some guys are coming?"
46
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,710
What's this?
47
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,421
An invitation
to our high school reunion!
48
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,381
Gee, that's odd.
49
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:36,585
They didn't send one to you.
50
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:37,634
This is it, Homer.
51
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,135
It's time to tell her
52
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,387
the terrible secret
from your past.
53
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:45,350
Marge, I ate those fancy soaps
you bought for the bathroom.
54
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,101
My God.
55
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,229
No, the other secret.
56
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:52,440
Marge, I never graduated
from high school.
57
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,568
That still doesn't explain
why you ate my soap.
58
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,654
Wait, maybe it does.
59
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,490
I never passed
Remedial Science 1A.
60
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,034
And you're a nuclear technician?
61
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:06,621
Marge, ix-nay on the
uclear-nay echnician-tay.
62
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:07,997
What did you say?
63
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,167
I don't know.
I flunked Latin too.
64
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,503
According to this book
65
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,505
the first thing we need
is a setting.
66
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,132
Okay, settings...
Settings... settings...
67
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,801
Setting...
68
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,816
How about a barber shop?
69
00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,359
Great!
70
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,653
Scratchy's getting a haircut.
71
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,363
Then Itchy, the barber,
72
00:04:40,446 --> 00:04:43,032
chops Scratchy's head off
with the razor.
73
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,998
Too predictable.
74
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,749
The way I see it,
instead of shampoo,
75
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:55,003
Itchy covers Scratchy's hair
with Bar-B-Q sauce.
76
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,421
Opens a box
77
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,090
of flesh-eating ants
78
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,009
and the rest writes itself.
79
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,140
Hey, this show ain't no good.
80
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:08,224
Hyah!
81
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,269
Finished.
82
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:13,396
Now, all we have to do
is put our names on it.
83
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:15,523
Fine... put my name first.
84
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:16,733
No way.
85
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,526
All right, then to decide it
86
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,611
I propose a race
around the world.
87
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:23,156
Meet me at Leicester Square
at noon tomorrow.
88
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:26,242
The queen herself shall
drop the checkered flag.
89
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,678
Look, there's only
one reasonable way
90
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:28,786
to settle this.
91
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:30,913
Rock, paper, scissors.
92
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,832
Poor predictable Bart.
93
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,792
Always takes rock.
94
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,002
Good old rock.
95
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,128
Nothing beats that.
96
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,423
- Rock.
- Paper.
97
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,467
D'
98
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,760
You call this writing?
99
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:45,636
If I puked in a fountain pen
100
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,739
and mailed it to the monkey
house I'd get better scripts.
101
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,306
But, sir, at Harvard...
102
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,549
At Harvard they taught you...
Hit the streets, egghead.
103
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,643
You should have majored
in not getting fired.
104
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,355
Sir, a Lisa and Bart Simpson
105
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,898
sent you a script.
106
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,024
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
107
00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,317
"Dear Mr. Meyers:
108
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,152
"My brother and I
watch your show.
109
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:03,363
"You should be proud
that children everywhere..."
110
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,490
Blah-blah-blah,
bling-bling-bling, blah.
111
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,451
Hey, egghead!
112
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,203
Sing "Fair Harvard."
113
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:11,954
♪ Fair, Harvard ♪
114
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,831
♪ I... ♪
115
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,666
You, sir, have
the boorish manners
116
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,043
of a Yalie.
117
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,128
Here's a witty rejoinder for ya!
118
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:23,800
Bart, they rejected our script.
119
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,344
I guess we're just not
cut out to be writers.
120
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,429
Maybe he just doesn't
take us seriously
121
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,847
'cause we're kids.
122
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,016
Let's put a grown-up's
name on it.
123
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,227
How about Grandpa?
He's pretty out of it.
124
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,729
He let those guys use his
checkbook for a whole year.
125
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:41,275
When I read your magazine,
126
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:45,530
I don't see one wrinkled face
or a single toothless grin.
127
00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,365
For shame!
128
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:50,993
To the sickos
at Modern Bride magazine.
129
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,078
Hey, Grandpa.
130
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,430
We need to know your first name.
131
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:55,790
You're making my tombstone!
132
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,959
No, we're just curious.
133
00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,837
All right, let's see...
First name, first name.
134
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:04,632
Well, whenever I'm confused,
I just check my underwear.
135
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:08,386
It holds the answer to all
of the important questions.
136
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:12,306
Call me Abraham Simpson.
137
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,267
Grandpa, how did you
take off your underwear
138
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,144
without taking off your pants?
139
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,146
I don't know.
140
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,830
What?
141
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,123
Sir, you locked my office,
142
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,000
and I wanted to get
my Harvard mug.
143
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,083
Shut up!
144
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,345
Roxie, get me Abraham Simpson.
145
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:54,932
Phone call, Simpson.
146
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:55,933
Yeah?
147
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,685
Is this the Abraham Simpson
148
00:07:57,768 --> 00:07:59,437
who wrote the Itchy and
Scratchy episode?
149
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,230
Itchy and what?
150
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,608
You must be some kind
of crazy person.
151
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,735
I'm sorry, but we have
a substantial check here
152
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,778
for a Mr. Abraham Simpson.
153
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,448
That's right.
I did the Iggy.
154
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,536
My high school yearbook.
155
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,748
You handsome devil.
156
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,918
"I can't believe
I ate the whole thing."
157
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,755
"Activities: None.
158
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:27,924
"Sports: None.
159
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,343
Honors: None."
160
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,428
So many memories.
161
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,347
Time to go to the reunion.
162
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,766
It will be great to see
the old gang again.
163
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:40,478
Potsie, Ralph Malph, the Fonz.
164
00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:42,313
That was "Happy Days."
165
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:44,774
No, they weren't all happy days.
166
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,652
Like the time Pinky Tuscadero
crashed her motorcycle
167
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,530
or the night I lost all
my money to those cardsharps
168
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,990
and my dad, Tom Bosley,
had to get it back.
169
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,706
Hello, Principal Dondalinger.
170
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,959
Marge Bouvier,
it's so good to see you.
171
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,544
Sorry, sir.
172
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,796
We're not letting vagrants
sleep in the gym tonight
173
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,632
but we will be putting some
scraps by the back door.
174
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,384
- D'
-It's you, Simpson.
175
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,467
Eech.
176
00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:19,350
Look. There's Bobby Mindich,
the class clown.
177
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,644
I am not a crook.
178
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,522
Richard Nixon.
179
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,605
I know.
180
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:30,194
♪ Do the hustle ♪
181
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,405
My God.
182
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,490
It's my old boyfriend
Artie Ziff.
183
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:38,619
Hello, Marge.
Have you heard?
184
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,539
I'm stinking rich.
Jealous?
185
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:45,710
I'll bet you'd trade it all
for one night with my wife.
186
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,253
I would.
187
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,047
Homer!
188
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,340
Hey, man, it's Dave.
189
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,341
Open up, man.
190
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,510
Dave's not here, man.
191
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,555
Okay, now let's move on.
192
00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,600
The guy's so high
193
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,935
he doesn't even
know that's Dave.
194
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,354
Homer. Homer?
195
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,106
Homer's not here, man.
196
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,983
Okay. Very good.
197
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,401
Now let's get on with our
198
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,069
really big show.
199
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,113
- Ed Sullivan.
- Shh.
200
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:18,117
First, the award for the alumnus
who's gained the most weight.
201
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,244
- Homer Simpson.
- My God!
202
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,704
How did you do it, Homer?
203
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:25,708
I discovered a meal
between breakfast and brunch.
204
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:28,502
And now, the award
for most improved odor.
205
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,254
Homer Simpson.
206
00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:32,089
Yes!
207
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:36,093
And the person who traveled
the least distance to be here...
208
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,721
Well, kiss my grits.
209
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,140
Homer Simpson.
210
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,642
What can I say?
211
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:45,102
It hasn't been easy
staying in my rut.
212
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,896
Class of '74
213
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,982
I was just leafing through
your permanent records
214
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:51,734
when I discovered
something shocking.
215
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,820
Homer Simpson never passed
Remedial Science 1A
216
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:56,544
and thus never graduated
from high school.
217
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,743
I'm sorry, Simpson, I'm gonna
have to take back those awards.
218
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:10,252
This is Howard Cosmell.
219
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,546
Homer Simpson is a boob.
220
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,257
What do you think, J.J.?
221
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,051
Dyno-mite!
222
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:18,219
Didn't graduate?
223
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:20,221
How low can you get?
224
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,348
Barney, where's your cummerbund?
225
00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,225
It fell in the toilet.
226
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,354
Marge, I have my pride.
227
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,314
I'm going to go to night school,
228
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,108
earn my high school diploma
229
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,485
and get back my
"most improved odor" trophy.
230
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,154
You're a comedy writer?
231
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:38,781
My God, you're so old.
232
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:39,865
I want my check!
233
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,119
You're a writer, all right.
234
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,495
All right, here you go, Simpson.
235
00:11:44,578 --> 00:11:45,705
I want another one!
236
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:47,665
You're a funny guy.
237
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,251
How would you like a staff job,
I'll start you at $800 a week?
238
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,627
My chest hurts.
239
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,464
All right, leeches.
240
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,842
I want you to see what
a good writer looks like.
241
00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:00,636
His name is Abraham Simpson,
and he's got something
242
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,722
you couldn't get
at your fancy schools...
243
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,432
Life experience.
244
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:07,435
Actually, I wrote my thesis
on life experience and...
245
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:08,686
Quiet!
246
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,272
Abe, tell them about
your amazing life.
247
00:12:11,355 --> 00:12:13,899
I spent 40 years
as a night watchman
248
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,317
at a cranberry silo.
249
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,027
Wow!
250
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:21,240
So, this patch steadily
releases nicotine into my body
251
00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,075
eliminating my need
for cigarettes.
252
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:34,003
Roll the cartoon.
253
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,338
♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪
254
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:41,719
Bart, our cartoon's on TV!
255
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,095
All right!
256
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,179
Turn up the volume.
257
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,851
Erosion is a slow
but steady process.
258
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,981
This show ain't no good.
259
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:55,064
Hyah!
260
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,778
♪ They fought and bit ♪
261
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,529
♪ They fought and fought
and bit ♪
262
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,824
♪ Fought, fought, fought
bit, bit, bit ♪
263
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:08,078
♪ It was the Itchy
& Scratchy show ♪
264
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,717
Bart, Lisa, I have
something to tell you
265
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,052
and I'm not proud of it.
266
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,012
Dad, whatever you say,
267
00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:28,641
you know you'll always
have my love and respect.
268
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,185
I never graduated
from high school.
269
00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:42,029
Hello, son.
270
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,572
I was on my way home from work
271
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,282
and thought I'd drop by.
272
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,451
You have a job?
273
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,829
They pay me $800 a week
274
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:52,540
to tell a cat and mouse
what to do.
275
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:54,959
I see.
276
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:57,336
♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
277
00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:02,842
♪ La-la, la-la, la-la, la-la,
la-la, la-la, la-la, la-la... ♪
278
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:05,386
Dad, can we talk to
Grandpa alone for a minute?
279
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:07,513
All right, but if he
starts to wig out
280
00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:09,890
try to lure him into the cellar.
281
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,977
Then we put your name
on the script and sent it in.
282
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:14,204
Didn't you wonder why
you were getting checks
283
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:16,146
for doing absolutely nothing?
284
00:14:16,230 --> 00:14:19,316
I figured 'cause the Democrats
were in power again.
285
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,277
Grandpa, we could write
the scripts for you
286
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:22,945
and split the money three ways.
287
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,071
I don't know.
288
00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:25,281
I'd better sleep on it.
289
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,493
Grandpa?
290
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:31,745
- Grandpa!
! Duh!
291
00:14:31,829 --> 00:14:33,747
Why did you wake me?
292
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,333
I was having the nicest dream.
293
00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,837
I dreamt I was the queen
of the old west.
294
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,173
I kept a six-shooter
in my garter, I did.
295
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:45,342
- Do we have a deal?
- Sure, sure.
296
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:50,848
Boys, stop!
297
00:14:50,931 --> 00:14:52,850
You can both marry me.
298
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:53,976
Whoo!
299
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:55,436
Whoo! Yee-hee!
300
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:04,820
Hey, how would you kids like
a tour of the studio?
301
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,238
Yay!
302
00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:08,949
Abe, you coming?
303
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,826
- Any stairs?
- Just one.
304
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,494
Nuts to you.
305
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,676
Wow, it must be expensive
to produce all these cartoons.
306
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,136
Well, we cut corners.
307
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,512
Sometimes, to save money
308
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:33,182
our animators will reuse
the same backgrounds
309
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,392
over and over and over again.
310
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,279
Welcome to Remedial Science 1A.
311
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,156
My wife recently passed away.
312
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,533
I thought teaching
might ease my loneliness.
313
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,910
Will this be on the test?
314
00:15:52,993 --> 00:15:54,620
No.
315
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,291
Hey, Mel, bring
me another nicotine patch.
316
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,294
I think there's some space
on my butt.
317
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,297
And now here's another fine
Itchy & Scratchy cartoon
318
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,633
by Abraham Simpson.
319
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,134
Yay!
320
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:54,430
Now I'm going to burn
this doughnut to show you
321
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,140
how many calories it has.
322
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:57,808
No!
323
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,394
The bright blue flame
indicates this was
324
00:17:00,477 --> 00:17:01,677
a particularly sweet doughnut.
325
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,690
This is not happening.
326
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,442
This is not happening.
327
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,610
Dear Mr. President:
328
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,947
There are too many
states nowadays.
329
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,699
Please eliminate three.
330
00:17:13,782 --> 00:17:15,784
I am not a crackpot.
331
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:16,910
Good news, Abe.
332
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,370
Who are you?
333
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:21,040
No, no, you've been
nominated for an award.
334
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,375
You're so good,
I fired the other writers.
335
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,294
From now on, the fate
of the entire company
336
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,297
rests on that delightful
coconut of yours.
337
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,549
No, we're all doomed.
338
00:17:30,632 --> 00:17:32,509
I'm a complete fraud.
339
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,678
Sorry, I didn't catch
any of that.
340
00:17:34,762 --> 00:17:36,722
And now I got to go.
341
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:39,808
All right, here are your exams.
342
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,935
50 questions, true or false.
343
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:43,145
True.
344
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,855
Homer, I was just
describing the test.
345
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,315
- True.
- Look, Homer,
346
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,878
just take the test
and you'll do fine.
347
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:48,941
False.
348
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,029
All right, brain,
349
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,031
you don't like me,
and I don't like you
350
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,699
but let's just do this
351
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,410
and I can get back
to killing you with beer.
352
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,287
It's a deal.
353
00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:03,582
Thank you for this award.
354
00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,834
It is a tribute
to this great country
355
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:09,129
that a man who once took
a shot at Teddy Roosevelt
356
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,756
could win back your trust.
357
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,341
Yo, Grandpa,
time for the awards.
358
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:15,427
Did you call the girl
from the escort service?
359
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,638
They said their insurance
won't cover you.
360
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,681
That's an onion in the ointment.
361
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:28,440
And now to present the award
362
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:30,244
for outstanding writing
in a cartoon series,
363
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,695
Krusty the Clown
and Brooke Shields.
364
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,533
Well, here we are...
365
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:43,080
The star of "The Blue Lagoon"
and me, the blue-haired goon.
366
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,498
What the...
367
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:46,333
That's terrible.
368
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:49,628
Cartoons have the power to make
us laugh and to make us cry.
369
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:51,421
Wouldn't you agree, Krusty?
370
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,883
First of all,
my hair is green, not blue.
371
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,344
I got nothing to work
with here. Nothing.
372
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:01,932
Well, at least I can
take off this girdle.
373
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,687
Yeah.
374
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:10,649
The nominees for best writing
in a cartoon series are:
375
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,317
Strongdar, Master of Acom.
376
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:14,361
"The Wedding" episode.
377
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:17,656
Action Figure Man.
378
00:19:17,739 --> 00:19:20,325
The "How to Buy
Action Figure Man" episode.
379
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:24,121
Please, Mommy, I want it.
380
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,419
Ren and Stimpy.
Season premiere.
381
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,465
And finally, Itchy & Scratchy.
382
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,676
The "Little Barber Shop
of Horrors" episode.
383
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,261
Cross my fingers for me.
384
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,681
That's gonna hurt come winter.
385
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,152
And the winner is...
386
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:56,486
"Itchy & Scratchy.
387
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,113
Abraham Simpson,
writer."
388
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,742
All right, Grandpa, whoo!
389
00:20:04,786 --> 00:20:07,873
That was the first time
I ever saw Itchy & Scratchy
390
00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:10,125
and I didn't like it one bit.
391
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,669
It was disgusting and violent.
392
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,547
I think all you people
are despicable.
393
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,299
For shame!
394
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:23,555
He's right. We've been
wasting our lives.
395
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,015
The hell with cartoons.
396
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,017
I'm gonna do
what I've always dreamed of.
397
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,144
I want to write that sitcom
about the sassy robot.
398
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,231
Here, kids, I guess
you deserve this.
399
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,857
Let's go.
400
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:37,027
I guess nobody likes
the truth, Grandpa?
401
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:38,570
Nope.
402
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,781
I'll never watch
an awards show again
403
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:44,201
unless that delightful
Billy Crystal is involved.
404
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,078
Marge, I passed!
405
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,413
That's wonderful, Homie.
406
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:50,332
At our next high school reunion
407
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,834
I'll have nothing
to be ashamed of.
408
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:01,426
Hello, Dondalinger.
409
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,554
Simpson, is that a plunger
stuck on your head?
410
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:07,765
D'
411
00:21:12,562 --> 00:21:14,106
♪ Hens love roosters ♪
412
00:21:14,189 --> 00:21:15,732
♪ Geese love ganders ♪
413
00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:18,527
♪ Everyone else
loves Ned Flanders ♪
414
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,279
Not me.
415
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:22,864
♪ Everyone who counts
loves Ned Flanders ♪
416
00:21:26,576 --> 00:21:28,245
Knock that off, you two.
417
00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:29,705
It's time for church.
418
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,957
We're not going to church today.
419
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:33,041
What?
420
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,043
You give me one good reason.
421
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,628
It's Saturday.
422
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:38,630
Okely-dokely-doo.
423
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,549
♪ Hens love roosters ♪
424
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,175
♪ Geese love ganders ♪
425
00:21:42,259 --> 00:21:45,053
♪ Everyone else loves
Ned Flanders ♪
426
00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:47,806
♪♪
427
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:31,975
Shh!
428
00:22:35,395 --> 00:22:38,273
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
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