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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
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Aah!
4
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:56,514
I hold in my hand the final ax.
5
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,231
Heh...
6
00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,569
Well, kids, that's all the time
we have for today.
7
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:10,904
I'd like to thank Sideshow Mel,
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00:01:10,987 --> 00:01:13,239
Corporal Punishment,
Tina Ballerina,
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00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,159
and from Knots Landing,
Miss Donna Mills.
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00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:17,660
She was a sport.
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♪ We've had lots and lots ♪
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♪ and lots and lots
and lots of fun ♪
13
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:26,711
♪ But now the time
has come... to go ♪
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00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,880
♪ If this old clown
was found dead in his bed ♪
15
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,174
♪ Tomorrow
I'd be in heaven ♪
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00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:34,594
♪ Still doing this show ♪
17
00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,513
See you some other time!
18
00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:41,935
Great show, Krusty.
19
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I really laughed when you...
20
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where's my nicotine gum?
21
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:47,982
That's the stuff!
22
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,359
Damn, I'm exhausted.
23
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Those kids were like
ice out there.
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00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:52,946
You've got
a 4:30 merchandising meeting.
25
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,155
- Cancel it!
- Therapist?
26
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,990
- Cancel it!
- Personal trainer?
27
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,885
- Cancel it!
- The opening line on the Giants is 5 1/2.
28
00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,119
Put a dime on it.
29
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,513
"Thank you" dinner
with Bart Simpson?
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I don't know any Bart Simpson.
31
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:05,458
Krusty, he's the boy
who saved you from jail.
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00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:10,255
Well, we made a terrible,
terrible mistake.
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00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:12,715
Won't happen again.
34
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,094
Well, there was one boy
who trusted me all along.
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00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,262
- Bart?
- Yes, sir?
36
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,555
Thank you.
37
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:20,682
Yeah.
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00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,392
Cancel it!
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00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,733
- Hello?
- Mrs. Simpson?
40
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This is Lois Pennycandy,
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00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,671
Krusty the Clown's
executive assistant.
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Hello, Mrs. Pennycandy.
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00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,824
It's Miss Pennycandy, I can assure you.
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I'm sorry to inform you
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that Krusty will once again,
not be joining Bart for dinner.
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Dear, this is the
fifth time he's cancelled.
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How can he hurt someone
who loves him so?
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Mrs. Simpson,
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I've wasted my womanhood
asking that same question.
50
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I apologize for him.
51
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,885
Something really important
came up at the last minute.
52
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,970
Lousy mildew!
53
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,724
That's good enough.
54
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,268
Well, thank you for calling.
Good-bye.
55
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,240
Okay, Milhouse, how many Krusty
autographs should I put you down for?
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- A hundred.
- Consider it done.
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♪ You're walkin'
along the street ♪
58
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♪ Or you're at a party ♪
59
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,989
♪ Or else you're alone ♪
60
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:20,491
♪ And then you suddenly
dig, dig, dig ♪
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00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:24,954
♪ This could be the start
of something big ♪
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Sweetie, I'm sorry
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but Krusty isn't coming
to dinner again.
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00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,710
Man.
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"Dear Krusty,
This is Bart Simpson,
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00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,052
"Krusty Buddy number 16302
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00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:43,097
"respectfully returning
his badge.
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00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,434
"I always suspected that
nothing in life mattered.
69
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:48,937
"Now I know for sure.
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00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,732
Get bent. Bart Simpson."
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00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,692
Ooh, sex-chat!
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00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:00,156
You've reached the party line.
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00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,408
In a moment,
you'll be connected to a hot party
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00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,994
with some of the world's
most beautiful women.
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00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,454
Now let's join the party.
76
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:07,455
Hello?
77
00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:08,456
Hello?
78
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:09,582
Hello?
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00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:11,167
Are there any women here?
80
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,251
Hello?!
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00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:13,586
Are you a beautiful woman?
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00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,129
Do I sound like
a beautiful woman?!
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This is not as hot
a party as I had anticipated.
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Read this!
85
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I, um...
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00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,222
uh...
87
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"Dee..."...
88
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:27,558
"deee..."
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00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:28,559
"Dear...
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"Krus-s-s-t...
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00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,105
Why..?"
92
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,564
It says that the little boy
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who never lost faith in you
has lost faith in you.
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00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:38,653
Krusty, you are going to Bart Simpson's
house for dinner tonight!
95
00:04:38,736 --> 00:04:40,863
But I have plans.
Hey! Not the face!
96
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:44,367
Why, you maddening,
impossible man!
97
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,743
If you don't go tonight,
98
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,787
I won't be here tomorrow.
99
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All right, I'll go.
100
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,915
Krusty!
101
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,710
But I sure hate missing
Schnapps Night at the Friar's Club.
102
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,753
Bart, wipe your feet.
103
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,130
Why bother?
104
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They'll just get dirty again.
105
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:00,633
I've got some good news.
106
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,094
Krusty the Clown is coming
to dinner tonight.
107
00:05:03,177 --> 00:05:05,430
- He is? For sure?
- Yes.
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00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,598
God bless that clown.
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You think it's him?
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00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,232
Hi, kids!
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00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,527
Hey, hey!
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Cute kid.
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00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,533
Hi, Bart.
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00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,785
I was just in the neighborhood...
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00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,121
What? Krusty the Clown!
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What a surprise!
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Milhouse, you can come in,
and drop the charade.
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Whoa!
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Krusty, you don't have
to be on tonight.
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What are you talking about?
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Of course, he does.
122
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:43,009
No, Dad. Krusty
is our guest.
123
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Your pratfalls
and Punchinello antics
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aren't necessary here.
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Really?
126
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,391
Yeah. Just relax
and be yourself.
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00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,976
That's a relief.
128
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Go wait in the car.
129
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,527
Aw! We could have seen
a monkey.
130
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,571
Who wants to say grace?
131
00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:05,239
Why don't we
let our guest do it.
132
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,075
Bless us, Lord...
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Hey!
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00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,827
Krusty, would you do the honors?
135
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,454
Well, all right.
136
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I'm a little rusty,
but, um... I'll try.
137
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Baruch ata adonai
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00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:18,920
eloheinu melech ha-olam
139
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,297
ha-motzi lechem min ha-aretz.
140
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,050
He's talking funny talk.
141
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:26,052
No, Dad, that's Hebrew.
142
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,637
Krusty must be Jewish.
143
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,264
A Jewish entertainer?
Get out of here!
144
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,934
Dad, there are many prominent
Jewish entertainers
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including Lauren Bacall,
Dinah Shore, William Shatner,
146
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,562
and Mel Brooks.
147
00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,148
Mel Brooks is Jewish?!
148
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,986
Krusty, are you all right?
149
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,239
Yes, it's just that saying
the Brucha brings back
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00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,658
a lot of painful memories.
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00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,284
The old days...
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my... my father.
153
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,872
Hey, Krusty, you going to finish
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that meat loaf, or what?
155
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,883
Poor Krusty.
156
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:08,678
He's like a black velvet
painting come to life.
157
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,155
Krusty, why don't you
tell us what's wrong?
158
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,597
You'll feel better.
159
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,659
- Yeah, spill your guts, man.
- Yeah, yeah, come on.
160
00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:14,851
Krusty, tell us.
161
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,060
Well, okay.
162
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,520
First of all,
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00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,897
my real name isn't
Krusty the Clown.
164
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,941
It's Herschel Krustofski.
165
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,734
My father was a rabbi.
166
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,571
His father was a rabbi.
167
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,173
His father's father...
Well, you get the idea.
168
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:31,367
My father was
the most respected man
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00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,244
in the lower east side
of Springfield.
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People would come
from miles around
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to ask his advice.
172
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:40,334
Reb Krustofski,
should I finish college?
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00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,754
Yes. No one is poor except
he who lacks knowledge.
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00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,965
Rabbi, should I have
another child?
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00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:49,093
Yes. Another child would be
a blessing on your house.
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00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:51,471
Rabbi, should I buy a Chrysler?
177
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:55,349
Could you rephrase that
as an ethical question?
178
00:07:55,433 --> 00:07:57,894
Um... is it right
to buy a Chrysler?
179
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,814
Yes... for great is the car
with power steering
180
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:02,898
and Dyna-Flo suspension.
181
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,150
Papa?
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00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:06,402
When I grow up,
can I be a clown?
183
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:09,238
No! A clown is not respected
member of the community.
184
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,740
But I wanna make people laugh.
185
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,451
Herschel, life is not fun.
Life is serious.
186
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:16,287
Seltzer is for drinking,
not for spraying.
187
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:18,372
Pie is for noshing,
not for throwing.
188
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:19,665
- But, Papa...
- But nothing!
189
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,083
You'll do as I say
190
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,710
or you'll get such a zetz
191
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:25,129
that you won't even know
what hit you.
192
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,298
Dad wanted me to follow
in his footsteps,
193
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,009
but the pull of clowning
was too strong.
194
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,721
I got my first big laughs
at Yeshiva
195
00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:35,640
impersonating my father.
196
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,267
Blah, blah, blah... Moses!
Blah, blah, blah...
197
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,944
Boy, you don't have to follow
in my footsteps.
198
00:08:48,027 --> 00:08:49,445
Don't worry.
199
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,672
I don't even like using
the bathroom after you.
200
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,990
Why, you little...!
201
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,325
Krusty, please continue.
202
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,035
Okay.
203
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:58,746
My father tried to extinguish
the comedy bug,
204
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,456
but it was no use.
205
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,958
What are you doing
in that bathroom?
206
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,042
Go away.
207
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,210
Open the door this instant!
208
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,422
- Oy, gevalt!
- Close the door!
209
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,509
Then came my big break.
210
00:09:11,592 --> 00:09:13,261
A Talmudic conference
in the Catskills,
211
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:14,720
and I was the entertainment.
212
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,891
But the Lord works
in mysterious ways.
213
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,771
Do you know that
my son, Herschel,
214
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,094
was first in his Yeshiva class.
215
00:09:25,147 --> 00:09:26,333
As a matter of fact,
he was voted
216
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:28,192
the most likely to hear God.
217
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,403
Go on, Hyman,
you're exaggerating again.
218
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:31,654
You're so proud of your son.
219
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,447
A rabbi would never exaggerate.
220
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,741
A rabbi composes.
He creates thoughts.
221
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,868
He tells stories that
may never have happened,
222
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:39,370
but he does not exaggerate.
223
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,330
My father would have
never suspected a thing
224
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,166
were it not for
one, rowdy rabbi.
225
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,460
Hey, funny man!
226
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,170
No, no, no!
227
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,009
Herschel?
228
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,885
Herschel, oy vey iz mir!
229
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,430
You have brought shame
on our family.
230
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,599
If you were a musician
or a jazz singer
231
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,143
this I could forgive, but this?
232
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,853
I never want to see you again...
233
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,105
you... you clown!
234
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,404
I haven't seen my father since.
235
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,114
That is so sad.
236
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,758
Krusty, do you think about
your father a lot?
237
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,618
All the time.
238
00:10:18,701 --> 00:10:20,781
Except when I'm at the track.
Then it's all business.
239
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,960
Look...
240
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,796
Aww...
241
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,132
Look at you, Bart.
242
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,468
Isn't that fun!
243
00:10:35,551 --> 00:10:38,054
Ooh, hey! Whoa!
244
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,139
Fourth of July.
245
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:43,225
I can't believe that little boy
in the pictures is you, Bart.
246
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,646
Yeah. I got a lot
of fond memories.
247
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:50,650
Well, look at the time.
Almost midnight.
248
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,401
Do you have any yearbooks?
249
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,986
No, that's it.
You've seen everything.
250
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,656
So, Milhouse, know any
"knock, knock" jokes?
251
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,825
I want to go home.
252
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,953
Homer, maybe you better
take Milhouse home.
253
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,288
Gladly.
254
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,252
Wow! The Concert For Bangladesh.
255
00:11:13,047 --> 00:11:14,632
Good night, Krusty.
256
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,175
Sorry about your Dad.
257
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,345
Don't worry about me...
I'm a survivor.
258
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,489
Hey, did I leave my keys inside?
259
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,513
No!
260
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:23,015
Yeah. Here they are.
261
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,498
Academy Award Playhouse
262
00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:49,166
now returns you to
263
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,710
"Hercules Versus
the Martians."
264
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,882
Welcome to our spaceship,
mighty Hercules. Heh-heh.
265
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:03,639
Hello? Hello?!
Anybody there?
266
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,224
What's this?
I hear a phone ring,
267
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:06,767
and all of a sudden,
there's nothing.
268
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,286
I'm listening,
and there's no talking.
269
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,104
Hello. Mister?
Who are ya'?
270
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,387
Why would they call ya if
they don't want to talk to ya?
271
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:18,028
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy
Show! ♪
272
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:26,287
Hee-hee-hee!
273
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:27,370
Aahh!
274
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,424
Didn't Itchy Junior look happy
275
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:40,050
playing with his father?
276
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,094
And didn't Scratchy Junior
look happy
277
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,929
playing with his Dad
278
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,682
until they got run over
by the thresher?
279
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,310
Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon?
280
00:12:52,062 --> 00:12:53,731
For the love of God,
cut to a commercial!
281
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:54,982
Poor Krusty!
282
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,234
The man who envies our family
283
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,111
is the man who needs help.
284
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,946
We've got to do something.
285
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,156
Let's move.
286
00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:04,658
Reverend Lovejoy,
287
00:13:04,742 --> 00:13:06,869
we need you to help
us find a rabbi.
288
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,497
Well, before you make
any rash decisions,
289
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,166
let me just remind you
that the church is changing
290
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:14,210
to meet the needs of
today's young Christians.
291
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,795
No, no.
We're not converting.
292
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,047
We just want to find
a Rabbi Krustofski.
293
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,590
Rabbi Krustofski.
Wh...
294
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,843
I do a radio call-in show
with him every Sunday night.
295
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,804
- Really?
- I didn't know that.
296
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,973
I mention it
in my sermon every week.
297
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,934
That radio show.
298
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:32,645
Yeah, it's all
the kids talk about
299
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,021
on Monday at school.
300
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,649
Well, why don't you have
a free T-shirt?
301
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,860
You'll be the coolest kids
on the playground.
302
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,487
We'll put them on later.
303
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,823
Now, can you give us
the rabbi's address?
304
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,199
Sure thing.
305
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,493
Let me check my
non-Christian Rolodex.
306
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,537
I bet the rabbi misses Krusty.
307
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,331
He'll be so happy,
he'll be crying in his beard.
308
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:56,335
Yes, yes.
309
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,420
Excuse us, Rabbi Krustofski?
310
00:13:58,504 --> 00:13:59,856
What can I do for you,
my young friend?
311
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,966
We came to talk to you
about your son.
312
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,301
I have no son!
313
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:07,471
Great, we came all this way,
and it's the wrong guy.
314
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,057
I didn't mean that literally!
315
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:15,646
♪ KBBL, talk radio ♪
316
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,107
And, in order to keep
our broadcasting license,
317
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:20,067
we devote Sunday night dead time
318
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,790
to public service shows
of limited appeal.
319
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,613
In that spirit, we bring you
Gabbin' About God,
320
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,491
sponsored by Ace Religious Supply,
where they say
321
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,243
"If we don't got it,
it ain't holy."
322
00:14:29,326 --> 00:14:32,121
With us tonight, once again,
our very own three wise men,
323
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,248
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy,
Monsignor Kenneth Daly
324
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,083
and Rabbi Hyman Krustofski.
325
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,711
- Good to see you again.
- Nice to see you.
326
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:41,672
Okay, our first caller
is from Shelbyville Heights.
327
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:44,258
Yes, hi. With all the
suffering and injustice in the world,
328
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,677
do you ever wonder
if God really exists?
329
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,760
- No.
- Not for a second.
330
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,054
Not at all.
331
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:51,140
Great.
Good conversation there.
332
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,392
Our next call now is
for the good rabbi.
333
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:54,852
Hello?
334
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,395
Anybody there?
335
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,998
I hear breathing,
but I don't hear talking.
336
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,316
What's going on here?
Hello, mister? Hello? Hello?
337
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:05,487
Some people got nothing to do
but call people and hang up.
338
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,656
There's all kinds of
mishagoyim in the world.
339
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,384
Okay, let's clear the board.
Our next caller is
340
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,088
a young boy from
right here in Springfield.
341
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:12,786
Hello. My name is Dmitri.
342
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,830
I'm a first-time caller,
long-time listener.
343
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,498
My question is...
344
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,126
if a son defies his father
and chooses a career
345
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,128
that makes millions
of children happy,
346
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,380
shouldn't the father
forgive the son?
347
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,840
- I think so.
- Yes, of course.
348
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,343
No way! Absolutely not!
Never, never!
349
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,030
Who screens these calls? Who's
in charge here? There's nobody in charge?
350
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,781
They leave a building
without people watching it? And anybody...
351
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:35,184
Don't worry, Lis,
I got a plan that can't fail.
352
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,229
Yiddle, my man, you're a genius.
353
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,899
I love my work.
354
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:46,862
The best charity is to give
and not let other people know.
355
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:50,783
But what if your example
encourages others to give?
356
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:54,119
Speaking of charity,
Rabbi Krustofski,
357
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,931
don't you think it's time
you forgave your son?
358
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,707
Don't you understand
that my boy broke my heart!
359
00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,708
He turned his back
on our traditions,
360
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,877
on our faith, and on me.
361
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,088
Get out of here,
you little pisher.
362
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:05,881
Oy, this guy's tough.
363
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,633
Bart, we're gonna have to
outsmart him.
364
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,426
I don't know.
He's pretty sharp.
365
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,303
He saw right through
this disguise.
366
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,888
What? Saul Bellow?
367
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,848
The Nobel Prize-winning
Jewish novelist?
368
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,183
He wants to have lunch with me?
369
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,268
Ha ha! It's a date.
370
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,562
Izzy's Deli, 1:00.
I'll be there.
371
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,981
The French government
372
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:24,233
wants to give me
the Legion of Honor?
373
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,860
Where do I receive
this prestigious award?
374
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:27,944
Izzy's Deli, 1:00.
375
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,239
Thank you, Monsieur President.
376
00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:31,573
Au revoir.
377
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,621
Are you kids ready to order yet?
378
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,081
Sorry, no.
379
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,017
Just get us another bowl
of complimentary pickles.
380
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,293
Watch how fast I go.
381
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,837
And for you, sir?
382
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,589
I want a nice sandwich,
but the Joey Bishop...
383
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,550
Too fatty.
384
00:16:49,633 --> 00:16:51,277
The Jackie Mason... I don't know.
Sauerkraut makes me gassy.
385
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,803
The Bruce Willis?
386
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:54,138
I don't even like his work.
387
00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:56,015
What is this...
A Krusty the Clown?
388
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,559
Ham, sausage and bacon,
with a smidge of mayo.
389
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:00,102
- What?
- On white bread.
390
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,312
Listen! You tell
Mr. Saul Bellow
391
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:03,540
the Nobel Prize-winning
Jewish novelist
392
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,065
that I lost my appetite.
393
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:14,241
Could you direct me to President
Francois Mitterand's table?
394
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,035
You think you're funny?
395
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,412
50 million Frenchmen
can't be wrong.
396
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,374
Bart, we've been going
about this all wrong.
397
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,045
What's the one thing rabbis
prize above everything else?
398
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:27,629
Those stupid hats?
399
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,049
No, Bart... knowledge.
400
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,051
We're gonna hit him
where it hurts...
401
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,719
Right in the Judaica.
402
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:42,936
Glub, glub, glub.
403
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,189
"Noah, Noah,
save us, save us!"
404
00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:46,272
"No!"
405
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,650
This looks good, Bart.
406
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,277
Take it to him.
407
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,987
You I told to go away.
408
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,965
But... But Rabbi, does it not say
in the Babylonian Talmud,
409
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:55,365
and I quote:
410
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,659
"A child should be pushed aside
with the left hand
411
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,995
and drawn closer
with the right."?
412
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,413
Yes.
413
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,766
Then doesn't your
religion command you
414
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,833
to make up with Krusty?
415
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,086
But in Exodus,
the Fifth Commandment says,
416
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,505
"Honor thy father
and thy mother."
417
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,589
End of story.
418
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:14,718
- It's hopeless.
- Not quite.
419
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:18,806
I got some dynamite stuff
from Rabbi Simon Ben-Eliazar.
420
00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:22,518
"At all times let a man
be supple as a reed
421
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:25,187
and not rigid
as a cedar."
422
00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:28,941
Bart, my short, learned friend,
the Book of Joshua says,
423
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:32,945
"You shall meditate on the Torah
all day and all night."
424
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,538
Is it not written in the Talmud,
425
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,540
"Who will bring redemption?
426
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,041
The jesters."
427
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,725
Sorry my friend,
I'm still not convinced,
428
00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:49,793
and this is hardly the time
or place to discuss it.
429
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:54,216
Here you go, Bart.
430
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:56,260
It's a long shot,
but that's all I can do
431
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:58,470
without learning ancient Hebrew.
432
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:03,767
Bart, I am not gonna learn
ancient Hebrew.
433
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:07,771
Rabbi, did not a great man say,
434
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,275
and I quote, "The Jews are
a swinging bunch of people.
435
00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:13,277
"I mean, I've heard
of persecution
436
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,445
"but what they went through
is ridiculous.
437
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,407
"But the great thing is
after thousands of years
438
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,159
"of waiting and
holding on and fighting,
439
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,660
they finally made it."
440
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:23,120
End quote.
441
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,289
I never heard
the plight of my people
442
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,040
phrased so eloquently.
443
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,333
Who said that?
Rabbi Hillel?
444
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,417
- Nope.
- Judah the Pious?
445
00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,459
- Nope.
- Maimonides?
446
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:31,879
-Nope
-Ooh, I got it!
447
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:35,340
- The Dead Sea Scrolls!
- I'm afraid not, Rabbi.
448
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,259
It's from "Yes, I Can,"
by Sammy Davis, Jr.
449
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:40,095
An entertainer, like your son.
450
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,097
The Candy Man?
451
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,099
If a performer can
think that way,
452
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,286
maybe I'm completely upside
down on this whole problem.
453
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,188
All the years of joy
that I've lost.
454
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,190
Why? Because of
my stubborn ways.
455
00:19:52,816 --> 00:19:54,568
There, there, Rabbi.
456
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,778
It's not too late.
457
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,494
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
458
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,205
Hi, kids.
459
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,582
Today's show's gonna be
460
00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:12,085
the funniest, side-splittingest
cavalcade of...
461
00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:13,587
Aw, the hell with it.
462
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,130
Roll the cartoon.
463
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,632
♪ They bite and fight ♪
464
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,300
♪ They fight
and fight and bite ♪
465
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:19,444
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
bight, bight, bight ♪
466
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:20,468
♪ The Itchy... ♪
467
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:26,516
Yeah. My old friends,
right next to my heart.
468
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,935
Hey, such a filthy habit.
469
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,562
Who asked you?
Father?
470
00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:31,813
- Son.
- Papa!
471
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,357
- Herschel!
- Daddy!
472
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,566
Boychick!
473
00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:36,360
Daddy!
474
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:39,905
You're on, Krusty.
475
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,824
Boys and girls,
476
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:45,410
I'd like to be serious
for a moment, if I may.
477
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:46,620
Spotlight, please.
478
00:20:46,703 --> 00:20:48,288
I just wanted...
479
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,540
I just want... Come on, guys.
480
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,417
I'm not doing the spotlight bit.
481
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:57,422
Let's have a warm Krusty welcome
for my estranged father
482
00:20:57,506 --> 00:20:59,299
Rabbi Hyman Krustofski.
483
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:02,177
Lenny,
484
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:05,639
a little reconciliation
music, if you please.
485
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:09,393
♪ Mein papa ♪
486
00:21:09,476 --> 00:21:12,312
♪ To me he was
so wonderful ♪
487
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,398
♪ Mein papa ♪
488
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:15,524
Come on, Dad.
489
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:17,734
♪ To me he was so good ♪
490
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:18,902
You know the words.
491
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,905
♪ No one could be ♪
492
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,866
♪ So gentle
and so loveable ♪
493
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,576
I got something in my eye.
494
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:27,660
Here, take my hankie.
495
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:33,000
♪ He always understood ♪♪
496
00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:36,712
We haven't seen each other
in 25 years!
497
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,630
I love you, son.
498
00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:40,257
I love you, too, Daddy.
499
00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:42,634
Oy, a klop tsu deer!
500
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:49,224
♪♪
501
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:51,953
Shh!
502
00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:57,334
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