Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,607
[Clock chiming]
2
00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:06,566
[Alarm beeping]
3
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:16,899
[Beeping stops]
4
00:01:19,275 --> 00:01:21,483
[Coffin opens, creaking]
5
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,802
VIAGO: [German accent] So,
it's 6:00 p.m. in the nighttime,
6
00:01:51,859 --> 00:01:53,359
which is when I wake up.
7
00:01:53,484 --> 00:01:56,651
This is always really scary part
for me.
8
00:02:01,693 --> 00:02:04,193
Yes! Nighttime.
9
00:02:04,318 --> 00:02:09,569
So, now I'm going to wake up
my flatmates.
10
00:02:10,277 --> 00:02:12,527
I really love
living in a flatting situation.
11
00:02:12,652 --> 00:02:13,860
Wake up!
12
00:02:13,985 --> 00:02:16,402
Wake up, everyone!
13
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:19,110
I like to hang out
with other vampires.
14
00:02:19,235 --> 00:02:21,694
I like the company.
15
00:02:21,819 --> 00:02:23,735
Awaken!
16
00:02:23,860 --> 00:02:25,944
Awakey-wakey!
17
00:02:26,069 --> 00:02:26,777
[ Knocking ]
18
00:02:26,902 --> 00:02:29,860
I just really like having
a good time with my friends.
19
00:02:29,986 --> 00:02:31,527
Deacon?
20
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,819
Hi. Hey.
21
00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:36,444
- Deacon?
- [ Hisses]
22
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,902
VIAGO:
How was your night last night?
23
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:41,902
[German accent] I transformed
into a dog and had sex.
24
00:02:42,027 --> 00:02:43,236
VIAGO: Cool!
25
00:02:43,361 --> 00:02:45,528
We're gonna have a little
flat meeting in the kitchen
26
00:02:45,653 --> 00:02:47,987
in about 15 minutes, okay?
27
00:02:48,111 --> 00:02:49,820
- Okay.
- Okay.
28
00:02:49,945 --> 00:02:51,695
- Should I close this?
- Yes.
29
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:53,278
[ Door closes, knocking]
30
00:02:53,403 --> 00:02:54,279
Vladislav?
31
00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:56,736
- [ Women moaning]
- VLADISLAV: [Hisses]
32
00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:59,279
Sorry. Sorry!
33
00:03:02,987 --> 00:03:03,986
[German accent] What?
34
00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:06,571
- Hey.
- What time is it?
35
00:03:06,696 --> 00:03:09,612
Um, we're going to have a flat
meeting in about 10 minutes.
36
00:03:09,737 --> 00:03:12,487
- 20.
- Okay. Is there...
37
00:03:18,153 --> 00:03:20,237
[Chicken clucking]
38
00:03:26,238 --> 00:03:29,363
So, we're in Petyr's room.
39
00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:32,196
I'm just going to wake him up.
40
00:03:34,655 --> 00:03:36,405
[Grunting]
41
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,697
[Singsongy voice] Petyr?
42
00:03:51,822 --> 00:03:54,281
Petyr?
43
00:03:56,697 --> 00:04:00,197
- [ Normal voice] Petyr, wake up.
- [ Hisses]
44
00:04:00,822 --> 00:04:01,863
Hey, listen.
45
00:04:01,989 --> 00:04:05,364
We're just having a flat meeting
upstairs in about 10 minutes.
46
00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:06,781
You don't have to come,
47
00:04:06,905 --> 00:04:10,614
but I thought I'd extend an
invitation to you just in case.
48
00:04:10,739 --> 00:04:11,864
Um...
49
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:15,739
There's a lot of stuff on the
floor down here, Petyr, and...
50
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,614
- Like this... It seems...
- [ Clatter]
51
00:04:17,739 --> 00:04:20,948
I don't... Aah!
It's a spinal column. Yuck!
52
00:04:21,073 --> 00:04:24,739
And I was thinking maybe I just
should bring a broom down here
53
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,614
for you if you wanted to sweep
up some of the skeletons.
54
00:04:28,739 --> 00:04:30,490
I don't know.
You know, maybe...
55
00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:32,031
[ Hisses]
56
00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:34,156
Okay.
57
00:04:35,156 --> 00:04:37,198
- I got you this chicken.
- [ Chicken clucking]
58
00:04:37,323 --> 00:04:40,115
PETYR: [Hisses]
59
00:04:40,824 --> 00:04:42,574
- VIAGO: [Sighs]
- Is Petyr coming?
60
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:45,490
- Should we wait?
- Petyr's... 8,000 years old.
61
00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:47,782
We're not going to have Petyr
at the meeting.
62
00:04:47,907 --> 00:04:50,448
Okay. So... wanted
to have a quick chat
63
00:04:50,574 --> 00:04:54,449
about flat responsibilities
because, uh, guys,
64
00:04:54,574 --> 00:04:57,199
I think that we're not
all pulling our weight here.
65
00:04:57,324 --> 00:05:00,283
We're not just pointing
the finger at you, Deacon.
66
00:05:00,408 --> 00:05:02,491
You're a cool guy, but
you're not pulling your weight
67
00:05:02,616 --> 00:05:03,616
in the flat.
68
00:05:03,741 --> 00:05:06,991
Well, I'm glad to hear
that I'm cool. [Chuckles]
69
00:05:07,116 --> 00:05:08,408
No, that's not the point,
though.
70
00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:11,533
VIAGO: Yeah. It's not a flat
meeting about how cool you are.
71
00:05:11,658 --> 00:05:14,075
- I do my flat chores.
- VLADISLAV: No, you don't!
72
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,801
VIAGO: This is why we're having
the flat meeting.
73
00:05:15,825 --> 00:05:17,200
The point is, Deacon,
74
00:05:17,324 --> 00:05:19,741
that you have not done
the dishes for five years.
75
00:05:19,866 --> 00:05:20,741
VIAGO: Vladislav is right.
76
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:23,575
It's unacceptable to have
so many bloody dishes
77
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,158
all over this bench like that.
78
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:27,082
I'm so embarrassed
when people come over here.
79
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,242
What does it matter?!
80
00:05:28,367 --> 00:05:30,450
You bring them over.
You kill them!
81
00:05:30,576 --> 00:05:32,659
Vampires don't do dishes.
82
00:05:32,784 --> 00:05:36,409
VIAGO: Deacon's like
the rebellious young vampire.
83
00:05:36,534 --> 00:05:40,367
He's always doing crazy things,
saying crazy things.
84
00:05:40,492 --> 00:05:43,659
He's just like
the young bad boy of the group.
85
00:05:43,784 --> 00:05:46,826
Okay. So...
86
00:05:46,951 --> 00:05:51,534
one day I was selling my wares,
87
00:05:51,659 --> 00:05:54,577
and I walked past
this old creepy castle.
88
00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:56,493
And I look at it and think...
89
00:05:57,285 --> 00:05:59,243
..."Very old and creepy."
90
00:05:59,368 --> 00:06:02,785
And then this creature
flies at me!
91
00:06:02,910 --> 00:06:05,910
It dragged me
back to this dark dungeon
92
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:08,910
and bit into my neck.
93
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,119
And just at the point of death,
94
00:06:11,243 --> 00:06:16,077
this creature forced me
to suck its foul blood.
95
00:06:16,202 --> 00:06:19,618
And then, it opened its wings
like this
96
00:06:19,743 --> 00:06:22,952
and hovered above me,
screeching.
97
00:06:23,077 --> 00:06:25,286
[Laughs evilly]
98
00:06:25,411 --> 00:06:28,994
"Now you are vampire."
99
00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:30,828
And it was Petyr.
100
00:06:33,035 --> 00:06:35,077
And we're still friends today.
101
00:06:35,202 --> 00:06:36,220
VIAGO: Vlad, you were great.
102
00:06:36,244 --> 00:06:40,203
You put out the recycling,
which was really cool.
103
00:06:40,327 --> 00:06:44,578
And the other day, I dragged
a man's body down the hallway
104
00:06:44,703 --> 00:06:48,453
and noticed
that there was no dust.
105
00:06:48,578 --> 00:06:51,620
Like, I kind of...
I kind of swept the hallway.
106
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,911
VIAGO: Vladislav is
just, like, this older vampire
107
00:06:55,036 --> 00:06:57,370
who grew up
in the medieval times.
108
00:06:57,495 --> 00:07:00,537
And, you know,
to be living this long
109
00:07:00,662 --> 00:07:03,579
and to have seen
the things that he's seen
110
00:07:03,704 --> 00:07:06,121
and still, like,
kind of have it together...
111
00:07:06,245 --> 00:07:07,244
Aah!
112
00:07:07,287 --> 00:07:08,579
...I mean, hats off to him.
113
00:07:08,704 --> 00:07:10,704
Bloody hell!
114
00:07:10,829 --> 00:07:12,037
VLADISLAV: Sorry.
115
00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:13,912
VIAGO:
He's a really great guy.
116
00:07:14,037 --> 00:07:15,745
A bit of a pervert.
117
00:07:15,870 --> 00:07:19,580
He has some pretty old ideas
about things.
118
00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:22,371
- We should get some slaves.
- Yes.
119
00:07:22,496 --> 00:07:27,580
When I first became a vampire,
I was quite tyrannical.
120
00:07:27,705 --> 00:07:31,997
I was known
for torturing a lot of people.
121
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,955
This is my torture chamber.
122
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,580
I don't come in here often
anymore.
123
00:07:40,705 --> 00:07:44,871
I tended to torture
when I was in a bad place.
124
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:50,038
My thing was, I would poke
someone with implements.
125
00:07:50,163 --> 00:07:53,706
I was known
as Vladislav the Poker.
126
00:07:55,247 --> 00:07:57,956
VIAGO: It's been like this
the whole time, okay? So...
127
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:01,455
DEACON:
Viago is a little... pedantic.
128
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,622
VIAGO: The washing
and the rubbish, I did that.
129
00:08:03,747 --> 00:08:05,247
Deacon, on dishes,
130
00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:07,664
and it's still hasn't moved
in five years.
131
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:13,081
He was an 18th-century dandy,
so he can be very fussy.
132
00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:14,456
He nags and nags.
133
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:15,747
...the lounge the other day,
134
00:08:15,872 --> 00:08:20,290
and there was blood
all over my nice antique couch.
135
00:08:20,415 --> 00:08:21,998
Which one?
The red one?
136
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:24,081
Well, it's red now, yeah.
137
00:08:24,206 --> 00:08:26,623
If you're going to eat a victim
on my nice clean couch,
138
00:08:26,748 --> 00:08:29,540
put down some newspaper
on the floor and some towels.
139
00:08:29,665 --> 00:08:30,957
It's not hard to do.
140
00:08:31,082 --> 00:08:34,415
We're vampires!
We don't put down towels.
141
00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,373
Some vampires do.
142
00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:38,582
Well, not serious ones.
143
00:08:38,707 --> 00:08:41,873
When you get four vampires
in a flat,
144
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:44,374
obviously there's going to be
a lot of tension.
145
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:47,790
There's tension
in any flatting situation.
146
00:08:47,915 --> 00:08:50,249
It's settled, then.
We'll all do our jobs,
147
00:08:50,374 --> 00:08:52,666
starting with
a certain Deacon...
148
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:55,666
- I will do my dishes!
- Good! Then do them!
149
00:08:55,791 --> 00:08:57,000
[Both hissing]
150
00:09:15,292 --> 00:09:17,125
This is bullshit.
151
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,375
[Vacuum cleaner runs]
152
00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:46,042
♪ Don't sing
if you want to live long ♪
153
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:48,585
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪
154
00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:51,209
♪ You're dead,
you're dead, you're dead ♪
155
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:55,126
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
156
00:09:55,251 --> 00:09:59,376
Well, I became a vampire
when I was 16.
157
00:09:59,501 --> 00:10:02,835
That is why I always look 16.
158
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,002
In those days, of course,
159
00:10:04,127 --> 00:10:06,460
life was tough
for a 16-year-old.
160
00:10:06,585 --> 00:10:09,377
♪ You'll never get
a second chance ♪
161
00:10:09,502 --> 00:10:12,210
♪ Plan all your moves
in advance ♪
162
00:10:12,335 --> 00:10:14,835
♪ Stay dead,
stay dead, stay dead ♪
163
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,252
♪ Stay dead
and out of this world ♪
164
00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:20,460
VIAGO: Vampires have had
a pretty bad rap.
165
00:10:20,586 --> 00:10:24,752
We're not these mopey old
creatures who live in castles.
166
00:10:24,877 --> 00:10:26,460
And, well, some...
Most of us are.
167
00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:27,961
A lot are, but...
168
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,586
there are also those of us
who like to flat together
169
00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:33,044
in really small countries
like New Zealand.
170
00:10:33,169 --> 00:10:35,669
♪ Don't ever talk
with your eyes ♪
171
00:10:35,794 --> 00:10:38,461
♪ Be sure that you compromise ♪
172
00:10:38,587 --> 00:10:41,336
♪ You're dead,
you're dead, you're dead ♪
173
00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:43,545
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
174
00:10:43,670 --> 00:10:46,169
I was a Nazi vampire.
175
00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:49,086
[Hitler speaking German]
176
00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:55,795
After the war,
which the Nazis lost...
177
00:10:56,503 --> 00:11:00,337
I don't know if you know
that the Nazis lost that war.
178
00:11:00,461 --> 00:11:03,421
If you were a Nazi,
after the war...
179
00:11:04,087 --> 00:11:05,546
And if you were a vampire...
180
00:11:07,629 --> 00:11:11,504
And if you were
a Nazi vampire...
181
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:12,962
no way.
182
00:11:13,087 --> 00:11:14,212
I was out of there.
183
00:11:14,337 --> 00:11:16,629
♪ Long gone,
long gone, lone gone ♪
184
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:20,129
♪ Long gone
and out of this world ♪
185
00:11:31,713 --> 00:11:34,255
♪ When you smile
and it tears your face ♪
186
00:11:34,380 --> 00:11:37,297
♪ It's time
for the inhuman race ♪
187
00:11:37,422 --> 00:11:40,088
♪ You're down,
you're down, you're down ♪
188
00:11:40,213 --> 00:11:42,839
♪ You're down
and out of this world ♪
189
00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:02,381
Ja, I came to this country
for love.
190
00:12:02,506 --> 00:12:05,214
Uh, there was a girl.
Human girl.
191
00:12:05,339 --> 00:12:06,715
And...
192
00:12:06,839 --> 00:12:09,506
I thought she was fantastic.
193
00:12:09,631 --> 00:12:12,047
She was absolutely amazing.
194
00:12:12,172 --> 00:12:13,464
I was smitten.
195
00:12:13,590 --> 00:12:17,381
Her family
emigrated to New Zealand.
196
00:12:17,506 --> 00:12:20,214
And I thought, "You know what?
197
00:12:20,339 --> 00:12:22,007
To hell with it.
I'm going to go.
198
00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,756
I'm going to chase her
and tell her how I feel."
199
00:12:24,881 --> 00:12:28,631
I told my servant Phillip,
"Send me to New Zealand."
200
00:12:28,756 --> 00:12:32,340
He put the wrong postage
on my coffin.
201
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:35,507
So the whole journey
took about 18 months.
202
00:12:35,632 --> 00:12:37,757
[Sea gulls crying,
foghorn blows]
203
00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:42,674
And when I got here,
she had found someone else.
204
00:12:43,382 --> 00:12:45,716
She had fallen in love.
205
00:12:45,841 --> 00:12:47,173
And...
206
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:50,340
she was married.
207
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:02,341
She gave me this
before she left.
208
00:13:04,675 --> 00:13:07,133
There she is.
209
00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:10,341
That's me.
I put myself in there, too.
210
00:13:11,592 --> 00:13:13,925
She told me it was pure silver.
211
00:13:15,216 --> 00:13:19,300
Unfortunately, we vampires
cannot wear silver.
212
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,676
[ Breathes sharply]
213
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,801
[Whimpering]
214
00:13:35,925 --> 00:13:38,509
[Blowing rapidly]
215
00:13:38,634 --> 00:13:40,342
[ Breathes deeply]
216
00:13:40,467 --> 00:13:43,051
Yeah.
217
00:13:43,175 --> 00:13:47,093
That's about as long
as I can wear that.
218
00:13:47,218 --> 00:13:49,342
[Trumpet playing sour notes]
219
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:54,634
[Dissonant music plays]
220
00:14:12,011 --> 00:14:14,927
VLADISLAV: Tonight, we are going
out into Wellington central.
221
00:14:15,052 --> 00:14:16,927
It is important
that we look good.
222
00:14:17,052 --> 00:14:18,530
Yeah, it's really good.
Yeah. Like it?
223
00:14:18,594 --> 00:14:21,760
One of the unfortunate things
about not having a reflection
224
00:14:21,885 --> 00:14:25,136
is that you don't know
exactly what you look like.
225
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:27,595
Whooooo!
226
00:14:27,719 --> 00:14:31,136
Look! A ghost cup!
227
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,803
Floating all by itself!
228
00:14:33,927 --> 00:14:35,886
VLADISLAV:
We can give each other feedback
229
00:14:36,011 --> 00:14:39,177
and help each other out
until we're looking great.
230
00:14:39,303 --> 00:14:42,012
VIAGO: Yeah. Some of our clothes
are from victims.
231
00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:44,511
You might bite someone,
and then you think,
232
00:14:44,636 --> 00:14:46,803
"Ooh!
Those are some nice pants!"
233
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,726
- Do I wear these?
- VLADISLAV: No. Change it.
234
00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:52,595
When you're a vampire,
you become very sexy.
235
00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:58,262
VLADISLAV: We are trying
to attract victims to us.
236
00:14:58,387 --> 00:14:59,886
Not sure about the waistcoat.
237
00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:03,762
I go for a look which I call
"dead but delicious."
238
00:15:03,887 --> 00:15:05,512
We are the bait.
239
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:07,554
But we're also the trap.
240
00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:08,971
Hello, ladies.
241
00:15:09,096 --> 00:15:10,721
[Chuckles]
242
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:34,430
And voila. We are ready
to go into town and party.
243
00:15:34,555 --> 00:15:37,179
- Vampire-style.
- Vampire-style.
244
00:15:45,930 --> 00:15:49,014
DEACON: When we go into town,
we must try to blend in.
245
00:15:49,139 --> 00:15:50,347
Just walking the streets.
246
00:15:50,472 --> 00:15:52,556
Coming into town is really cool
247
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,180
because just
for one brief moment, I feel...
248
00:15:55,306 --> 00:15:57,306
MAN: Homos!
249
00:15:59,222 --> 00:16:01,347
♪ Hanging out in discotheques ♪
250
00:16:01,472 --> 00:16:03,097
♪ Hanging out in bars ♪
251
00:16:03,222 --> 00:16:05,389
The trouble
with being a vampire is,
252
00:16:05,514 --> 00:16:08,556
you have to be invited in
to go in.
253
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:10,681
DEACON: We'd like to come
into the bar, please.
254
00:16:10,806 --> 00:16:12,681
Invite us into the bar.
Please.
255
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,056
$5, you can walk in.
256
00:16:15,181 --> 00:16:16,939
- Will you invite us in?!
- Could you just...
257
00:16:17,015 --> 00:16:19,681
VLADISLAV: If the humans
found out what we were,
258
00:16:19,806 --> 00:16:21,682
they would destroy us.
259
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:24,056
VIAGO: There are
between 60 and 70 vampires
260
00:16:24,181 --> 00:16:26,140
in the Greater Wellington
region.
261
00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:27,866
- VLADISLAV: Obvious vampire.
- VIAGO: Julie.
262
00:16:27,890 --> 00:16:29,974
Hello.
How embarrassing.
263
00:16:30,098 --> 00:16:33,348
He's, um, a guy I used to
work with when I was human.
264
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,599
- Really? Gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
265
00:16:35,724 --> 00:16:36,992
I've been draining him
all night.
266
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:38,640
I've been a very thirsty girl.
267
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:39,908
- VLADISLAV: Hey, guys.
- VIAGO: Being bitten
268
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,682
as a little boy
or a little girl,
269
00:16:41,807 --> 00:16:43,682
you always going
to look the same age.
270
00:16:43,807 --> 00:16:44,682
VLADISLAV:
What are you doing tonight?
271
00:16:44,807 --> 00:16:46,033
Are you going to kill
some perverts?
272
00:16:46,057 --> 00:16:47,284
Yeah.
We're meeting a pedophile.
273
00:16:47,308 --> 00:16:48,307
- Cool.
- GIRL: Yeah.
274
00:16:48,391 --> 00:16:49,932
Okay.
Let's just go to Big Kumara.
275
00:16:50,057 --> 00:16:51,659
- Have a good night, guys!
- Yeah. You, too.
276
00:16:51,683 --> 00:16:54,308
The Big Kumara
is vampire-owned-and-operated,
277
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,141
and so, we can always get in.
278
00:16:56,266 --> 00:17:00,057
It's the hottest night spot
for vampires in Wellington.
279
00:17:00,182 --> 00:17:02,725
- Come on in, guys. Come on in.
- Thank you. Thanks.
280
00:17:02,850 --> 00:17:06,017
♪ ...sea ♪
281
00:17:07,308 --> 00:17:11,142
♪ We'll find our feet ♪
282
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:13,766
Perhaps you could bring
some people to the house.
283
00:17:13,891 --> 00:17:15,975
- Sure.
- Perhaps some virgins.
284
00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,683
Virgins? Yep. Okay.
285
00:17:17,808 --> 00:17:20,559
Any kind of preference
in terms of gender or...
286
00:17:20,684 --> 00:17:23,767
- Maybe some ladies.
- Yep. Ladies.
287
00:17:23,891 --> 00:17:25,350
Perhaps a guy-
288
00:17:25,475 --> 00:17:26,851
JACKIE: One of each?
289
00:17:26,976 --> 00:17:28,434
One of each would be cool.
290
00:17:28,559 --> 00:17:31,018
JACKIE: My relationship
with Deacon is...
291
00:17:31,143 --> 00:17:33,851
Well, I'm his familiar.
He's my master.
292
00:17:33,976 --> 00:17:36,851
He tells me what to do.
I do it.
293
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:41,061
We have that kind of
master-servant relationship,
294
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,059
which works nicely actually.
295
00:17:43,184 --> 00:17:44,684
Hello
Oh, it's a little bit of blood.
296
00:17:44,809 --> 00:17:47,767
Um, my husband, he...
He's a hemophiliac.
297
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:48,891
- Oh, okay.
- You know?
298
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:50,768
- Someone that bleeds a lot.
- Yep.
299
00:17:50,892 --> 00:17:52,476
JACKIE:
Any kind of age range?
300
00:17:52,602 --> 00:17:54,893
- Young.
- But not... not kids?
301
00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:56,560
- Not kids.
- Okay.
302
00:17:56,685 --> 00:17:58,351
18 to 30?
303
00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:00,435
Definitely younger
than yourself.
304
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,727
Okay. So 18 to 30.
305
00:18:02,852 --> 00:18:03,869
- Great.
- So, it's a dinner party?
306
00:18:03,893 --> 00:18:05,518
- I'll be there.
- Yes. Dinner party.
307
00:18:05,643 --> 00:18:06,518
- The guys will be there.
- Yes.
308
00:18:06,643 --> 00:18:07,995
- We'll all be there.
- We will dress up...
309
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:11,060
- Okay. Great.
- ...and then eat them.
310
00:18:11,185 --> 00:18:13,144
- Okay. Great.
- DEACON: Should be fun.
311
00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:15,036
I was just wondering
if we could talk about the...
312
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,728
You wouldn't know
of a night dentist?
313
00:18:17,852 --> 00:18:19,036
Because I have this thing here.
314
00:18:19,060 --> 00:18:21,977
I was just wondering if we could
talk about the... the deal.
315
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,811
- Hmm?
- The deal.
316
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,519
- The dishes?
- No, no. The...
317
00:18:25,644 --> 00:18:27,352
You know, the deal.
318
00:18:27,477 --> 00:18:31,186
The deal is that he is going
to give me eternal life...
319
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,353
um, which is...
320
00:18:34,477 --> 00:18:36,145
very exciting.
321
00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,912
Well, I just feel like I've
kind of reached my potential,
322
00:18:37,936 --> 00:18:39,288
and I wouldn't want
to kind of get any older
323
00:18:39,312 --> 00:18:40,353
before kind of...
324
00:18:40,478 --> 00:18:42,787
I just feel like I'm the best
version of myself that I can be.
325
00:18:42,811 --> 00:18:45,186
It's just that it's been
4 1/2 years, and I just...
326
00:18:45,312 --> 00:18:46,788
But it's doing your...
I'm doing your pot plants.
327
00:18:46,811 --> 00:18:49,228
I'm doing your dry cleaning.
Now I'm doing your dishes.
328
00:18:49,353 --> 00:18:51,645
- And the dentist?
- JACKIE: And the dentist.
329
00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:53,121
And it's just taking
an awful long time,
330
00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:54,664
- so I was just wondering...
- Be gone.
331
00:18:54,729 --> 00:18:56,145
JACKIE: Okay.
332
00:18:56,270 --> 00:18:58,687
- See you later.
- Okay.
333
00:19:08,854 --> 00:19:10,812
VIAGO: One of
the most unfortunate things
334
00:19:10,937 --> 00:19:14,021
about being a vampire is that...
335
00:19:14,146 --> 00:19:16,354
you have to drink human blood.
336
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:18,855
I like to make
a real evening of it.
337
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:19,978
It's lovely.
338
00:19:20,021 --> 00:19:23,771
VIAGO: Play some music.
Maybe give them some nice wine.
339
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,688
It's their last moment alive,
340
00:19:25,813 --> 00:19:28,063
so why not make it
a nice experience?
341
00:19:28,188 --> 00:19:30,188
[Mandolin plays]
342
00:19:30,314 --> 00:19:31,730
So...
343
00:19:31,855 --> 00:19:33,314
tell we what you do.
What do you...
344
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,439
I'm thinking about
going to uni, actually.
345
00:19:35,563 --> 00:19:38,730
Oh, you are?
Put that under there.
346
00:19:39,439 --> 00:19:40,438
[Grunts]
347
00:19:40,522 --> 00:19:42,355
University, ja?
348
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,314
Yeah. But after that,
I'm gonna travel.
349
00:19:45,439 --> 00:19:49,105
Yeah. Really wanted
to go overseas for ages, so...
350
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,397
I'm saving up,
and I'm gonna go to Spain
351
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:54,272
and Italy and London and...
352
00:19:54,397 --> 00:19:56,314
Yeah.
353
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,689
Okay. Excuse me.
354
00:19:59,814 --> 00:20:02,023
- Just put that there.
- Oh.
355
00:20:06,607 --> 00:20:07,481
Here we go.
356
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,356
[Laughs]
357
00:20:11,231 --> 00:20:12,648
[Gasps]
358
00:20:15,273 --> 00:20:16,815
VIAGO: Shit!
359
00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:17,940
Shit!
360
00:20:19,189 --> 00:20:21,065
[ Spits, gargles]
361
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,024
Well, that didn't go so great.
362
00:20:28,149 --> 00:20:32,149
Um, I hit the main artery.
363
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,566
So, yeah,
it's a real mess in there.
364
00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:36,441
Um...
365
00:20:36,566 --> 00:20:40,399
On the upside, I think
she had a really good time.
366
00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:58,774
So, it's quite late,
367
00:20:58,899 --> 00:21:03,317
and I've managed to find
a woman up watching television.
368
00:21:03,442 --> 00:21:07,358
And she seems like
she'd be a good victim.
369
00:21:07,983 --> 00:21:11,692
I'm just going to use hypnosis
on her.
370
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,108
See me.
371
00:21:16,817 --> 00:21:19,775
See me.
372
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,067
She can't see me
from that angle.
373
00:21:24,192 --> 00:21:26,775
VIAGO: Vladislav used to be
extremely powerful.
374
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:29,318
He could hypnotize
crowds of people.
375
00:21:29,443 --> 00:21:32,109
DEACON: Great orgies.
20, 30 women.
376
00:21:32,234 --> 00:21:34,318
VIAGO: He could turn
into all sorts of animals.
377
00:21:34,443 --> 00:21:36,735
But now he never get
the faces right.
378
00:21:36,859 --> 00:21:40,651
DEACON: He would kill anybody...
men, women, children.
379
00:21:40,776 --> 00:21:42,651
Burning everything.
380
00:21:42,776 --> 00:21:44,109
It was totally great.
381
00:21:44,234 --> 00:21:47,359
But he suffered
a humiliating defeat
382
00:21:47,484 --> 00:21:50,068
at the hands
of his archnemesis...
383
00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:52,359
...The Beast.
384
00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,569
And he's never been the same.
385
00:22:02,694 --> 00:22:05,235
See me.
386
00:22:05,943 --> 00:22:08,569
See me.
387
00:22:09,527 --> 00:22:12,402
See me.
388
00:22:13,277 --> 00:22:16,402
- See me.
- [ Door opens]
389
00:22:17,111 --> 00:22:19,777
Would you like to come inside?
390
00:22:22,611 --> 00:22:24,611
Mm. Mm.
391
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:41,570
[Knock on door]
392
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,695
Ah!
393
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:46,987
- Jackie, welcome. Come in.
- Hello.
394
00:22:47,112 --> 00:22:49,361
This is Nick.
Ex-ex-boyfriend.
395
00:22:49,486 --> 00:22:50,903
- And Josephine.
- Nice house.
396
00:22:51,029 --> 00:22:54,029
And this is Deacon,
my overseas friend from Europe.
397
00:22:54,154 --> 00:22:57,778
Deacon and his friends
need victims.
398
00:22:57,903 --> 00:23:00,696
Hi! Please come in.
Welcome.
399
00:23:00,820 --> 00:23:03,487
They can't be people that...
400
00:23:03,613 --> 00:23:06,487
I actually invest in or like
401
00:23:06,613 --> 00:23:08,487
because, of course,
they will become victims.
402
00:23:08,613 --> 00:23:10,613
Hi. Josephine?
403
00:23:10,738 --> 00:23:13,446
No, I sat next to you
in English. Remember?
404
00:23:13,571 --> 00:23:16,404
Um, you used to call me
The Ja-xocist?
405
00:23:16,529 --> 00:23:18,238
No, you did.
No, you did. Yeah.
406
00:23:18,363 --> 00:23:20,322
No.
You started that.
407
00:23:20,446 --> 00:23:22,089
You were the one
that started calling me that,
408
00:23:22,113 --> 00:23:24,113
and then it kind of caught on.
409
00:23:24,238 --> 00:23:25,113
Yeah.
410
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:27,738
[Laughing] Okay.
Bye, then. Bye.
411
00:23:27,863 --> 00:23:29,280
She's in.
412
00:23:29,405 --> 00:23:31,530
[ Big-band music plays ]
413
00:23:33,488 --> 00:23:34,988
Do you like that, Nick?
414
00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:37,780
Yep. It's choice.
415
00:23:38,739 --> 00:23:41,530
I will go and prepare dinner.
416
00:23:41,655 --> 00:23:43,572
Please.
417
00:23:44,572 --> 00:23:46,989
Nick, are you a virgin at all?
418
00:23:47,114 --> 00:23:48,406
Eh, What?
419
00:23:48,530 --> 00:23:51,364
VLADISLAV: Doesn't seem like...
Are you a virgin?
420
00:23:51,489 --> 00:23:54,156
- Yes.
- Um, no.
421
00:23:54,281 --> 00:23:56,199
You were a virgin when
we were seeing each other.
422
00:23:56,323 --> 00:23:57,322
Yeah. I was 12.
423
00:23:57,364 --> 00:23:58,947
DEACON:
You said he was a virgin.
424
00:23:59,072 --> 00:24:03,156
I think we drink virgin blood
because it sounds cool.
425
00:24:03,281 --> 00:24:04,720
VLADISLAV:
I think of it like this...
426
00:24:04,823 --> 00:24:07,448
If you're going to eat
a sandwich,
427
00:24:07,573 --> 00:24:11,323
you will just enjoy it more if
you knew no one had fucked it.
428
00:24:11,448 --> 00:24:13,948
Let's concentrate
on Josephine, then.
429
00:24:14,073 --> 00:24:15,615
Are you a virgin?
430
00:24:15,740 --> 00:24:16,865
I'm not, no.
431
00:24:16,990 --> 00:24:18,324
Okay, I'm really sorry,
432
00:24:18,449 --> 00:24:21,365
because I totally
pinned her as a virgin.
433
00:24:21,490 --> 00:24:23,823
She looks like a virgin.
She talks like a virgin.
434
00:24:23,948 --> 00:24:27,782
I mean, who would have sex
with her? I wouldn't.
435
00:24:27,906 --> 00:24:29,657
I would.
436
00:24:29,782 --> 00:24:30,782
Oh.
437
00:24:30,907 --> 00:24:32,699
[ Man singing operatically]
438
00:24:32,824 --> 00:24:35,657
Two dinners.
Two dinners! Yum.
439
00:24:35,782 --> 00:24:36,657
DEACON: Nick...
440
00:24:36,782 --> 00:24:38,866
do you like bisghetti?
441
00:24:38,991 --> 00:24:40,907
Uh... yep.
I usually like it.
442
00:24:41,033 --> 00:24:43,574
But be better if it was warm.
443
00:24:43,699 --> 00:24:45,490
DEACON:
So, this is my favorite trick.
444
00:24:45,616 --> 00:24:49,241
We present our guest
with a plate of bisghetti.
445
00:24:49,366 --> 00:24:53,283
And then, I will say, "Why don't
you eat some bisghetti?
446
00:24:53,408 --> 00:24:54,533
Please, Nick...
447
00:24:54,658 --> 00:24:56,533
eat some bisghetti.
448
00:24:57,866 --> 00:25:01,867
I didn't realize you enjoyed
eating worms... Nick.
449
00:25:01,992 --> 00:25:05,241
- No. No.
- They are worms.
450
00:25:05,366 --> 00:25:06,992
There's worms
moving around on my plate.
451
00:25:07,117 --> 00:25:08,366
VLADISLAV: It is worm-like.
452
00:25:08,491 --> 00:25:09,617
This is merely bisghetti!
453
00:25:09,742 --> 00:25:12,242
DEACON: We stole that idea
from "The Lost Boys."
454
00:25:12,367 --> 00:25:13,908
But I put a nice twist on it.
455
00:25:14,034 --> 00:25:17,825
Nick... how does it feel
to have a snake for a penis?
456
00:25:17,950 --> 00:25:20,242
VIAGO: [Laughs]
457
00:25:20,367 --> 00:25:22,034
Jackie...
my penis has disappeared.
458
00:25:22,159 --> 00:25:23,158
There's a cobra snake.
459
00:25:23,242 --> 00:25:25,743
No one's gonna mistake your
penis for a cobra, Nick, okay?
460
00:25:25,867 --> 00:25:27,159
What did you put
in my spaghetti?
461
00:25:27,284 --> 00:25:30,242
DEACON: No.
It is just a normal penis.
462
00:25:30,367 --> 00:25:31,534
I'm out. I'm out.
463
00:25:32,743 --> 00:25:35,409
Josephine...
do you like bisghetti?
464
00:25:38,326 --> 00:25:40,826
Look, these freaks
spike my spaghetti,
465
00:25:40,951 --> 00:25:42,243
make my cock turn into a snake.
466
00:25:42,368 --> 00:25:45,243
This is not cool.
Not cool.
467
00:25:48,826 --> 00:25:50,909
[ Door rattles]
468
00:25:51,035 --> 00:25:52,493
You don't think this is weird?
469
00:25:52,619 --> 00:25:54,076
[ Door rattles]
470
00:25:54,201 --> 00:25:55,410
For fuck's sakes.
471
00:25:55,535 --> 00:25:56,827
[ Door rattles]
472
00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:03,161
Jackie?!
473
00:26:03,285 --> 00:26:05,119
- Jackie!
- [ Pounding on window]
474
00:26:05,243 --> 00:26:08,535
- Sorry, Nick.
- NICK: What are you doing?!
475
00:26:08,660 --> 00:26:09,952
Jackie!
476
00:26:10,077 --> 00:26:11,328
[Hisses]
- Oh!
477
00:26:11,453 --> 00:26:13,827
[Dissonant music plays]
478
00:26:14,619 --> 00:26:17,453
Shit! Shit!
[Gargles]
479
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:20,536
[ Bat screeching ]
480
00:26:21,703 --> 00:26:22,745
VLADISLAV: [ Yowling ]
481
00:26:22,869 --> 00:26:25,077
What the fuck?
482
00:26:25,202 --> 00:26:26,411
[Yowling]
483
00:26:26,536 --> 00:26:28,286
Nah. Nah.
484
00:26:28,411 --> 00:26:30,578
VIAGO: [Hisses]
485
00:26:30,703 --> 00:26:32,411
[Growls]
486
00:26:33,953 --> 00:26:35,953
[ Hisses]
487
00:26:40,203 --> 00:26:42,786
[Growls, pounding on door]
488
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:45,953
- Fuck off.
- [ Pounding stops]
489
00:26:49,828 --> 00:26:51,704
Where am I?
490
00:26:57,746 --> 00:26:59,621
[Dissonant music plays]
491
00:26:59,746 --> 00:27:01,662
[ Hisses]
492
00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:03,370
Aah!
493
00:27:06,454 --> 00:27:08,413
[Growling]
494
00:27:08,537 --> 00:27:09,912
[Vampires hissing]
495
00:27:13,829 --> 00:27:15,121
Fuck.
496
00:27:15,246 --> 00:27:17,413
[Grunts]
497
00:27:17,538 --> 00:27:19,663
Fuck! Aah!
498
00:27:24,204 --> 00:27:25,913
[Vampires hissing]
499
00:27:26,039 --> 00:27:27,580
[Giggling]
500
00:27:29,039 --> 00:27:30,788
Freaks!
501
00:27:36,372 --> 00:27:37,414
[ Hisses]
502
00:27:39,747 --> 00:27:43,080
Aw, no.
Petyr got him.
503
00:27:43,205 --> 00:27:45,289
VLADISLAV: Poor guy.
504
00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:48,331
DEACON: Who let Petyr out?
505
00:28:08,290 --> 00:28:10,248
[ Slow music plays ]
506
00:28:46,041 --> 00:28:47,041
NICK: Hey, guys.
507
00:28:48,625 --> 00:28:50,499
Hey, what are you guys doing?
508
00:28:50,625 --> 00:28:51,934
VLADISLAV:
What are you doing, Nick?
509
00:28:51,958 --> 00:28:54,207
- [ Record scratches ]
- Come into the house.
510
00:28:55,208 --> 00:28:56,791
Hi. My name is Nick.
Hey, guys.
511
00:28:56,916 --> 00:28:58,750
I've been a vampire
for two months.
512
00:29:00,458 --> 00:29:02,642
Probably, I reckon, the best
thing about being a vampire
513
00:29:02,666 --> 00:29:03,875
is flying.
514
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:04,875
Like, I've always wanted to.
515
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,638
I think everyone
has always wanted to fly.
516
00:29:06,666 --> 00:29:07,666
And now I can do it.
517
00:29:13,542 --> 00:29:15,584
Ohh.
518
00:29:18,334 --> 00:29:22,043
Nick, why don't you use
the front door?
519
00:29:22,167 --> 00:29:23,751
Why would I?
I'm flying.
520
00:29:24,459 --> 00:29:25,500
Petyr bit me.
521
00:29:25,626 --> 00:29:26,834
Sucked all my blood out.
522
00:29:26,959 --> 00:29:30,418
I woke up in his basement,
and he offered me some blood.
523
00:29:30,542 --> 00:29:31,727
I just thought
it was something...
524
00:29:31,751 --> 00:29:33,876
some German thing
that these guys do.
525
00:29:34,001 --> 00:29:37,043
The transition into becoming
a vampire was pretty hard.
526
00:29:37,168 --> 00:29:38,751
I looked like shit
to start off with.
527
00:29:38,876 --> 00:29:41,501
Like, I had
a massive gash on my neck.
528
00:29:41,627 --> 00:29:43,460
Like, you could see
the inside of my neck.
529
00:29:43,585 --> 00:29:45,001
I had blood all over my top.
530
00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:48,126
And then I came home,
and I was sweating.
531
00:29:48,251 --> 00:29:49,960
I was either really hot
or really cold.
532
00:29:50,085 --> 00:29:51,519
It was like a hangover times 10,
I reckon.
533
00:29:51,543 --> 00:29:53,752
It was really bad.
534
00:29:59,668 --> 00:30:01,544
It was quite similar
to having the flu...
535
00:30:01,668 --> 00:30:04,294
except the only difference
would probably be
536
00:30:04,419 --> 00:30:06,669
that my eyes bleed heaps.
537
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:09,918
Are you guys not cold?
[Shivers]
538
00:30:10,044 --> 00:30:11,103
I don't know.
I can't explain it.
539
00:30:11,127 --> 00:30:12,926
Like it was just, yeah.
Just real hot and cold
540
00:30:13,044 --> 00:30:16,127
and like bloody eyes
and flying and stuff.
541
00:30:16,252 --> 00:30:18,478
DEACON: The neighbors can see
you flying around the house.
542
00:30:18,502 --> 00:30:20,300
You want to draw attention
to this house, hmm?
543
00:30:20,419 --> 00:30:22,794
You've got a whole documentary
crew following you around.
544
00:30:22,919 --> 00:30:24,961
I'm doing an erotic dance
for my friends,
545
00:30:25,086 --> 00:30:26,085
and you ruined it.
546
00:30:26,128 --> 00:30:28,420
I was in the zone.
My friends are loving it.
547
00:30:28,544 --> 00:30:30,271
I love it. I saw the end of it.
It looked great.
548
00:30:30,295 --> 00:30:33,503
I don't know
if I'm accepted yet.
549
00:30:33,629 --> 00:30:35,794
But... I don't know.
I think it's getting there.
550
00:30:35,919 --> 00:30:36,794
I know they're old and stuff,
551
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:39,837
but they're quite naive
when it comes to the real world.
552
00:30:39,961 --> 00:30:41,712
So... I don't know.
553
00:30:41,837 --> 00:30:43,521
It would be cool
to just hang out with them.
554
00:30:43,545 --> 00:30:44,605
They can teach me some stuff.
555
00:30:44,629 --> 00:30:46,712
I can probably teach them
a few things.
556
00:30:46,837 --> 00:30:48,712
[ Record scratching ]
557
00:30:48,837 --> 00:30:51,670
[ Big-band music plays ]
558
00:30:51,795 --> 00:30:53,879
[Music stops]
559
00:30:54,004 --> 00:30:57,712
At the start, it was like,
"Oh no. Like, I'm... I'm dead."
560
00:30:57,837 --> 00:31:00,463
It's kind of affected my
friendship with normal people...
561
00:31:00,588 --> 00:31:02,004
my family and stuff.
562
00:31:02,129 --> 00:31:04,671
But the way I see it,
I've got a whole new family.
563
00:31:04,795 --> 00:31:05,920
They accept me for who I am.
564
00:31:06,046 --> 00:31:07,546
And I accept them
for who they are...
565
00:31:07,671 --> 00:31:09,421
[Imitating video-game beeping]
566
00:31:09,546 --> 00:31:11,963
...even though
one of them killed me.
567
00:31:12,087 --> 00:31:13,546
Where should we go tonight?
568
00:31:13,671 --> 00:31:14,750
Let's go to the Big Kumara.
569
00:31:14,838 --> 00:31:15,713
Why don't we go
to Boogie Wonderland?
570
00:31:15,838 --> 00:31:17,421
We never get
into Boogie Wonderland.
571
00:31:17,546 --> 00:31:19,047
No. My friend Richard's
the bouncer.
572
00:31:19,172 --> 00:31:20,480
- He can get us in.
- VIAGO: What? Really?
573
00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:22,421
NICK: He'll invite us in.
574
00:31:22,546 --> 00:31:24,713
- Stu's keen. Stu loves it.
- Who? Is that Stu?
575
00:31:24,838 --> 00:31:26,630
Uh, this is my friend Stu.
576
00:31:26,755 --> 00:31:27,796
- Hey.
- Hey.
577
00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:29,880
He works in computers and stuff.
578
00:31:30,005 --> 00:31:31,440
Originally he went out
with my sister.
579
00:31:31,464 --> 00:31:32,880
And then they broke up.
580
00:31:33,005 --> 00:31:34,589
I didn't really get into it,
but...
581
00:31:34,714 --> 00:31:35,897
It's got nothing to do with me.
582
00:31:35,921 --> 00:31:39,088
And he can't hear me.
583
00:31:40,213 --> 00:31:44,172
Yeah. So, basically, Stu
doesn't know that I'm a vampire.
584
00:31:44,297 --> 00:31:46,380
And he doesn't know
that my friends are vampires.
585
00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:48,922
He just thinks that I've just
met some colorful friends.
586
00:31:49,048 --> 00:31:50,173
This is jasmine.
587
00:31:50,298 --> 00:31:51,399
I brought him 'round
to the house,
588
00:31:51,422 --> 00:31:53,298
and they all thought
I'd brought, like, a meal
589
00:31:53,423 --> 00:31:54,672
for everyone.
590
00:31:54,797 --> 00:31:57,465
It just like...
It really, really sucks
591
00:31:57,590 --> 00:31:59,673
that I can't eat him.
592
00:31:59,797 --> 00:32:02,922
I just want to like ahhh.
593
00:32:03,048 --> 00:32:06,048
Look at it.
He's the reddest guy I know.
594
00:32:06,173 --> 00:32:07,882
But... You can hear me.
595
00:32:08,006 --> 00:32:10,298
Yeah. You like computer-based
stuff, eh, mainly?
596
00:32:10,423 --> 00:32:11,298
- Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah.
- Yeah.
597
00:32:11,423 --> 00:32:14,673
- Geodatabases. Yeah.
- Yeah. Like computers mainly.
598
00:32:15,632 --> 00:32:19,215
Let's have a vote for Boogie
Wonderland or The Big Kumara.
599
00:32:19,341 --> 00:32:21,382
Big Kumara!
600
00:32:22,798 --> 00:32:24,840
- NICK: Right.
- [ Sarcastically] Great.
601
00:32:24,965 --> 00:32:27,466
NICK: Careful, Stu.
Hurry up.
602
00:32:27,591 --> 00:32:28,609
DEACON: I don't think Nick
603
00:32:28,633 --> 00:32:31,132
should have been turned
into a vampire.
604
00:32:31,257 --> 00:32:34,049
He's such a dick.
605
00:32:34,174 --> 00:32:35,525
How are you, brother?
Looking great, man.
606
00:32:35,549 --> 00:32:38,132
Gentlemen, you are most welcome.
607
00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:39,716
[ Laughter]
608
00:32:39,841 --> 00:32:41,257
[Dance music plays]
609
00:32:46,133 --> 00:32:48,008
We're in Boogie Wonderland!
610
00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:50,924
So, here we are
at Boogie Wonderland,
611
00:32:51,050 --> 00:32:54,342
and it is so much fun.
612
00:32:54,467 --> 00:32:55,675
They have an electric floor.
613
00:32:55,799 --> 00:32:56,675
This is amazing!
614
00:32:56,799 --> 00:32:59,717
I'm just so happy to be here.
615
00:32:59,841 --> 00:33:01,800
DEACON:
This is pretty cheesy.
616
00:33:01,924 --> 00:33:04,675
Also, did you see
the jacket he wore?
617
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,508
He's wearing
the same jacket as me.
618
00:33:06,634 --> 00:33:10,009
- It's not exactly the same.
- It's pretty close.
619
00:33:11,467 --> 00:33:12,842
♪ Cool vibe ♪
620
00:33:12,925 --> 00:33:14,508
♪ Cool vibe ♪
621
00:33:14,634 --> 00:33:16,301
NICK: What?
Of course not.
622
00:33:16,425 --> 00:33:18,592
I'm just loving being a vampire
at the moment.
623
00:33:18,717 --> 00:33:21,009
♪ Cool vibe ♪
624
00:33:21,134 --> 00:33:23,551
- [ Screaming]
- ♪ Cool vibe ♪
625
00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:26,217
NICK: Over there
is the Fat Ladies Arms.
626
00:33:26,343 --> 00:33:29,426
Uh, On Wednesdays, they do like
a "Fear Factor" competition.
627
00:33:29,551 --> 00:33:32,593
You can win like T-shirts
and hats and spot prizes.
628
00:33:32,718 --> 00:33:34,509
I can smell werewolves.
629
00:33:34,635 --> 00:33:36,235
VLADISLAV: Okay, we're
just about to walk past
630
00:33:36,259 --> 00:33:38,760
some werewolves,
so some shit might go down.
631
00:33:38,885 --> 00:33:41,010
DEACON: Look out, guys.
Don't catch fleas.
632
00:33:41,135 --> 00:33:42,777
- ANTON: What's that, mate?
- VIAGO: Deacon.
633
00:33:42,801 --> 00:33:44,402
- Sorry. What?
- Keep going. Keep walking.
634
00:33:44,426 --> 00:33:45,302
ANTON: What?
We heard that, mate.
635
00:33:45,427 --> 00:33:46,302
We've got sensitive hearing.
636
00:33:46,427 --> 00:33:47,302
- DEACON: Have you?
- ANTON: Yeah.
637
00:33:47,427 --> 00:33:49,305
What are you filming?
It's a music video, is it?
638
00:33:49,344 --> 00:33:51,801
- We don't want any trouble.
- I do.
639
00:33:51,926 --> 00:33:53,986
- CLIFTON: Why did you start it?
- Have I got your hackles up?
640
00:33:54,010 --> 00:33:56,802
Huh? Why don't you girls
smell your own crotches, huh?
641
00:33:56,926 --> 00:33:58,445
- Come on, Deacon. Stop it.
- What are you talking about?
642
00:33:58,469 --> 00:34:01,010
We don't smell our own crotches.
We smell each other's crotches.
643
00:34:01,135 --> 00:34:03,302
And it's a form of greeting.
644
00:34:03,427 --> 00:34:04,302
You're on camera, mate.
645
00:34:04,427 --> 00:34:05,426
- Don't do it.
- What?
646
00:34:05,469 --> 00:34:06,927
It's okay,
'cause I know this guy.
647
00:34:07,053 --> 00:34:08,886
It's Count Fag-ula.
648
00:34:09,011 --> 00:34:09,886
[ Laughter]
649
00:34:10,011 --> 00:34:11,385
ANTON: Hey, hey, hey.
Don't swear.
650
00:34:11,510 --> 00:34:13,229
- Sorry. They... They...
- We're werewolves.
651
00:34:13,345 --> 00:34:14,486
- Not swear-wolves.
- What are we?
652
00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:16,112
TOGETHER: We're werewolves,
not swear-wolves.
653
00:34:16,136 --> 00:34:17,154
NICK:
"Faggot's" not a swear word.
654
00:34:17,178 --> 00:34:19,219
- That's a very offensive word
to call people.
655
00:34:19,345 --> 00:34:22,219
Well, unless you're talking
about a bundle of sticks.
656
00:34:22,345 --> 00:34:24,553
Chase this bundle of sticks...
werewolves.
657
00:34:24,678 --> 00:34:27,386
Don't get it!
Nathan, it's not real.
658
00:34:27,511 --> 00:34:29,261
He's just gonna take off
his gloves.
659
00:34:29,386 --> 00:34:31,595
Aah! Shit, man!
The fuck you do that for?
660
00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:33,054
Hey! Don't swear.
661
00:34:33,178 --> 00:34:34,654
We're gonna lose it.
We're gonna lose it.
662
00:34:34,678 --> 00:34:35,904
- DION: [Snarls]
- ANTON: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey.
663
00:34:35,928 --> 00:34:37,803
Oh, shit.
I've still got my glasses.
664
00:34:37,928 --> 00:34:39,595
- [ Snarling]
- Oh, oh, oh, oh!
665
00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:41,845
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [ Snarling ]
666
00:34:41,970 --> 00:34:43,553
Oh! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
667
00:34:43,678 --> 00:34:45,720
Do the breathing!
Do the breathing!
668
00:34:45,845 --> 00:34:47,946
- WEREWOLF: Do the breathing.
- Count to 10, mate. All right.
669
00:34:47,970 --> 00:34:49,169
- Come on.
- WEREWOLF: Hold it.
670
00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:51,429
Count to 10, human again.
671
00:34:51,554 --> 00:34:52,821
It's all right.
It's not full moon.
672
00:34:52,845 --> 00:34:54,471
Thanks a lot, guys.
Enjoy your night.
673
00:34:54,596 --> 00:34:56,220
You should be ashamed
of yourselves, man.
674
00:34:56,346 --> 00:34:57,971
Great.
We didn't want this to happen.
675
00:34:58,095 --> 00:34:59,512
[Vampires hissing]
676
00:34:59,638 --> 00:35:02,096
[Werewolves howling ]
677
00:35:04,721 --> 00:35:05,947
- ANTON: Come on, guys.
- CLIFTON: Hey!
678
00:35:05,971 --> 00:35:07,679
Say it!
Don't spray it, bitch!
679
00:35:07,804 --> 00:35:09,138
ANTON: Clifton!
680
00:35:09,263 --> 00:35:12,013
- Why you swearing all the time?!
- CLIFTON: Well, he riled me up.
681
00:35:12,138 --> 00:35:13,697
- Were they actually werewolves?
- VIAGO: Ja.
682
00:35:13,721 --> 00:35:14,929
Are you okay, Stu?
683
00:35:15,055 --> 00:35:17,472
[ Indistinct conversation]
684
00:35:17,597 --> 00:35:20,555
NICK: I just don't really know
how to approach this,
685
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:21,929
'cause I never done it before.
686
00:35:22,055 --> 00:35:24,764
Um, and he is a good friend.
687
00:35:24,889 --> 00:35:26,513
And I don't want to...
688
00:35:26,639 --> 00:35:28,597
I don't want to break
that friendship, but...
689
00:35:28,722 --> 00:35:30,097
then again, what do you do
690
00:35:30,221 --> 00:35:32,020
when someone tells you
that they're a vampire?
691
00:35:33,014 --> 00:35:36,014
I'm expecting him to be angry.
He might be scared.
692
00:35:36,139 --> 00:35:39,264
I'm expecting a lot of things
to bubble to the surface.
693
00:35:39,389 --> 00:35:41,680
You probably noticed
there's been...
694
00:35:41,805 --> 00:35:45,222
I've been going through
a few changes lately.
695
00:35:45,930 --> 00:35:46,929
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
696
00:35:47,014 --> 00:35:48,056
Yeah.
697
00:35:48,181 --> 00:35:51,765
Like, I don't show up
for lunch anymore.
698
00:35:51,889 --> 00:35:54,014
- Yeah.
- And how I've changed
699
00:35:54,139 --> 00:35:57,681
all our tennis games
to nighttime tennis games.
700
00:35:57,806 --> 00:35:58,681
Right.
701
00:35:58,806 --> 00:36:01,057
And how you went
from beating me every time
702
00:36:01,182 --> 00:36:05,098
and how I've won the last three.
703
00:36:05,806 --> 00:36:06,890
STU: Yeah.
704
00:36:07,015 --> 00:36:10,140
So... the reason
I brought you here...
705
00:36:10,265 --> 00:36:13,140
is to tell you that...
706
00:36:13,265 --> 00:36:15,140
I'm a vampire.
707
00:36:18,432 --> 00:36:20,140
Stu took it pretty well.
708
00:36:20,265 --> 00:36:21,766
He's definitely my best mate.
709
00:36:21,891 --> 00:36:22,932
And I'm not gonna eat him.
710
00:36:23,057 --> 00:36:26,016
If they ever offer you
spaghetti, um...
711
00:36:26,140 --> 00:36:27,974
you shouldn't eat it.
712
00:36:28,724 --> 00:36:31,058
I think
they offered me biscotti.
713
00:36:31,183 --> 00:36:33,308
Vampire mates
don't eat human mates.
714
00:36:33,432 --> 00:36:35,183
And no matter
how much I wanted to eat him,
715
00:36:35,308 --> 00:36:37,308
I'll never eat him
'cause he's my mate.
716
00:36:37,433 --> 00:36:39,849
- Eh, Stu?
- Yeah.
717
00:36:39,974 --> 00:36:41,224
Yeah.
718
00:36:42,891 --> 00:36:46,016
VIAGO: Stu is great.
719
00:36:46,141 --> 00:36:48,016
We really like him.
720
00:36:48,141 --> 00:36:50,516
At first, I wanted to kill him.
721
00:36:50,642 --> 00:36:54,266
But now I'm glad I spent
the time to get to know him.
722
00:36:54,391 --> 00:36:56,017
VIAGO: Ja, of course
he looks delicious
723
00:36:56,141 --> 00:36:57,892
with his big red cheeks.
724
00:36:58,017 --> 00:37:02,309
But we've all got an agreement
that we're not going to eat Stu.
725
00:37:02,433 --> 00:37:03,683
- Right?
- Right.
726
00:37:03,808 --> 00:37:06,808
The guys upstairs,
they're loving him.
727
00:37:06,933 --> 00:37:08,309
At the start, they were a bit,
728
00:37:08,434 --> 00:37:10,392
"Who's this human you're
bringing into the house?"
729
00:37:10,517 --> 00:37:12,035
But it took them
literally two minutes,
730
00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:14,351
and they like him more
than they like me, I reckon.
731
00:37:14,476 --> 00:37:17,059
I'm knitting a scarf for Stu.
732
00:37:17,768 --> 00:37:20,392
Try and attack.
Use your legs.
733
00:37:21,267 --> 00:37:22,893
Wow.
734
00:37:23,018 --> 00:37:24,601
- Step back and block. Ha.
- Okay.
735
00:37:24,726 --> 00:37:27,060
- And punching high.
- Yep.
736
00:37:27,185 --> 00:37:28,768
- Hi.
- Yep.
737
00:37:28,893 --> 00:37:30,684
What I'm trying to say is...
738
00:37:30,809 --> 00:37:33,809
'cause I know that you...
you turned me into a vampire.
739
00:37:33,934 --> 00:37:35,851
Maybe don't do that to him.
740
00:37:35,976 --> 00:37:37,726
He's a... vegetarian.
741
00:37:37,851 --> 00:37:40,851
Last thing he'd want to
is eat a live being
742
00:37:40,976 --> 00:37:43,393
- or eat blood or eat meat.
- [ Grunts]
743
00:37:43,518 --> 00:37:45,156
- I am controlling this.
- Get it! Get it!
744
00:37:45,226 --> 00:37:48,435
VIAGO: It's quite amazing
to see how far technology
745
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,560
can go forward
if you're not paying attention.
746
00:37:51,685 --> 00:37:53,435
[Cellphone beeping]
747
00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,685
"One message received."
Oh!
748
00:37:59,061 --> 00:38:01,560
"There is a crucifix
behind you."
749
00:38:01,685 --> 00:38:03,364
- VIAGO: [Giggling]
- So, down on that one.
750
00:38:03,394 --> 00:38:04,852
Like, halfway down
will focus it.
751
00:38:04,977 --> 00:38:06,120
- Maybe smile.
- [ Camera shutter clicks]
752
00:38:06,144 --> 00:38:07,810
♪ Gloria ♪
753
00:38:07,894 --> 00:38:09,478
♪ Gloria ♪
754
00:38:10,645 --> 00:38:15,394
Anything you want to find,
you write it into this.
755
00:38:15,519 --> 00:38:20,311
I lost a really nice silk scarf
in about 1912.
756
00:38:20,436 --> 00:38:21,561
Yes. Now Google it.
757
00:38:21,686 --> 00:38:23,978
VLADISLAV:
Stu is the first human friend
758
00:38:24,103 --> 00:38:26,062
that I've had for long time.
759
00:38:26,187 --> 00:38:29,312
With humans,
there's a tendency to die.
760
00:38:30,478 --> 00:38:31,603
Yeah.
761
00:38:31,728 --> 00:38:32,927
STU:
We can look at her photos.
762
00:38:33,020 --> 00:38:35,978
- Oh, yes.
- Or we could poke her.
763
00:38:37,978 --> 00:38:39,270
Yes.
764
00:38:39,395 --> 00:38:41,604
DEACON:
Can we see a movie of a sunrise?
765
00:38:43,354 --> 00:38:46,520
- Oh, Shit!
- VLADISLAV: Oh! Nice.
766
00:38:46,646 --> 00:38:49,937
If we push "images," than we
can see pictures of virgins.
767
00:38:50,063 --> 00:38:51,854
- Oh, yes
- Ja, ja.
768
00:38:53,104 --> 00:38:54,604
STU: Whoops.
769
00:38:54,729 --> 00:38:58,520
VLADISLAV: I don't think she's
a virgin if she's doing that.
770
00:38:58,646 --> 00:39:00,979
[ Choir singing operatically ]
771
00:39:05,896 --> 00:39:07,730
[ Record scratching ]
772
00:39:07,854 --> 00:39:10,813
[ Music continues ]
773
00:39:11,897 --> 00:39:12,896
VIAGO: There he is, yeah.
774
00:39:12,979 --> 00:39:15,688
This is my old servant, Phillip.
775
00:39:15,813 --> 00:39:17,688
- So, we're gonna call him.
- Ja.
776
00:39:17,813 --> 00:39:21,772
And maximize the screen.
777
00:39:21,897 --> 00:39:24,272
[Computer beeping]
778
00:39:24,396 --> 00:39:26,730
VIAGO: [Gasps]
My God, that's him. that's him.
779
00:39:26,855 --> 00:39:28,123
That's him.
That's Phillip. That's Phillip.
780
00:39:28,147 --> 00:39:29,980
He looks so old.
781
00:39:30,105 --> 00:39:31,897
[ Speaking German ]
782
00:39:32,022 --> 00:39:33,522
VIAGO: [Laughs]
783
00:40:07,357 --> 00:40:08,398
Ohh.
784
00:40:16,273 --> 00:40:19,482
STU: Oh. Just click that.
Yeah. That one.
785
00:40:59,484 --> 00:41:01,816
[Mid-tempo music plays]
786
00:41:01,941 --> 00:41:03,180
...data about where things are.
787
00:41:03,275 --> 00:41:04,983
Oh.
Like Google Map stuff?
788
00:41:05,108 --> 00:41:06,307
Yeah.
Kind of like Google Maps,
789
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:08,567
but, like, more layers
of information.
790
00:41:08,692 --> 00:41:10,817
The movie "Twilight"...
Have you seen it?
791
00:41:10,942 --> 00:41:11,817
- WOMAN: Yeah.
- Okay.
792
00:41:11,942 --> 00:41:13,442
I'm the main guy in "Twilight."
793
00:41:13,567 --> 00:41:15,859
You know the main guy?
"Twilight"?
794
00:41:15,984 --> 00:41:18,276
That's me. There's cameras
following me around.
795
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:19,599
They could have chosen anyone.
796
00:41:19,651 --> 00:41:21,930
VLADISLAV: How many people
have you told you're a vampire?
797
00:41:21,984 --> 00:41:23,901
- Not many.
- I heard that girl
798
00:41:24,026 --> 00:41:25,109
talking about it.
799
00:41:25,234 --> 00:41:26,901
She said you're a vampire.
800
00:41:27,026 --> 00:41:28,025
Yeah. I told her.
801
00:41:28,109 --> 00:41:29,544
- VIAGO: Who else?
- Who did you tell?
802
00:41:29,568 --> 00:41:31,234
Uh, I told her hot friend.
803
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,984
You can't tell everyone that
you're [Whispering] a vampire.
804
00:41:34,109 --> 00:41:36,127
- VIAGO: Who's that guy?
- I don't know, but I trust him.
805
00:41:36,151 --> 00:41:37,026
Oh!
806
00:41:37,151 --> 00:41:39,652
- You can't tell everyone.
- All right. I won't.
807
00:41:39,777 --> 00:41:42,860
- I'm a vampire!
- [ Crowd cheering]
808
00:41:42,985 --> 00:41:44,401
Vampire!
809
00:41:44,526 --> 00:41:46,485
Yeah, I've got a bit
of an eye condition.
810
00:41:46,610 --> 00:41:47,652
What's wrong with them?
811
00:41:47,777 --> 00:41:50,526
Uh, vampire eyes.
Can't go into the sun.
812
00:41:50,652 --> 00:41:53,069
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
Are they your fangs?
813
00:41:53,194 --> 00:41:54,069
For real?
814
00:41:54,194 --> 00:41:55,444
For real real.
815
00:41:55,569 --> 00:41:56,943
Too real, real.
816
00:41:57,069 --> 00:41:57,943
I'm a vampire, though.
817
00:41:58,069 --> 00:41:59,860
- You're a vampire?
- Yeah.
818
00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:02,736
- I'm a vampire hunter, man.
- [ Laughs] No, you're not.
819
00:42:02,861 --> 00:42:04,653
- I am.
- Fucking piece of shit.
820
00:42:04,778 --> 00:42:06,194
I'll Skype you.
821
00:42:06,319 --> 00:42:08,152
I can float.
I can transform into stuff.
822
00:42:08,277 --> 00:42:10,111
- Same.
- No, you can't.
823
00:42:10,235 --> 00:42:13,070
Yeah.
I'll show you. Whoo!
824
00:42:13,195 --> 00:42:15,046
You show me. Show me some
of your vampire stuff.
825
00:42:15,070 --> 00:42:16,153
What have I got?
Um...
826
00:42:16,278 --> 00:42:18,944
[ Hisses]
827
00:42:22,028 --> 00:42:24,903
Don't lie
about transforming into shit.
828
00:42:31,236 --> 00:42:34,029
- "Twilight"!
- Shut up, Nick!
829
00:42:34,153 --> 00:42:35,362
You're not "Twilight."
830
00:42:35,487 --> 00:42:37,695
- What's your problem?
- You are my problem.
831
00:42:37,820 --> 00:42:39,779
Telling the world
that we are vampires.
832
00:42:39,904 --> 00:42:41,755
And I'll tell the whole world
that you're an asshole now.
833
00:42:41,779 --> 00:42:43,695
Shut up!
834
00:42:43,820 --> 00:42:44,921
- You shut up!
- VIAGO: Guys!
835
00:42:44,945 --> 00:42:45,963
- You shut up!
- No. You shut up!
836
00:42:45,987 --> 00:42:47,612
- No. You shut up!
- You shut up!
837
00:42:47,737 --> 00:42:49,571
- I'm Dracula, man!
- You're not Dracula!
838
00:42:49,695 --> 00:42:51,446
You don't even know
who Dracula is!
839
00:42:51,571 --> 00:42:52,571
You idiot!
840
00:42:52,695 --> 00:42:54,655
[ Bat screeching ]
841
00:42:54,779 --> 00:42:56,029
VLADISLAV: Whoa!
842
00:42:56,154 --> 00:42:58,821
- Ooh, bat fight!
- Bat fight! Oh, ja, ja!
843
00:42:58,945 --> 00:43:00,196
[Giggles]
844
00:43:00,321 --> 00:43:02,237
VLADISLAV: [Laughs]
845
00:43:04,112 --> 00:43:05,738
[ Bat screeching ]
846
00:43:06,529 --> 00:43:08,863
Aw, Deacon!
847
00:43:09,571 --> 00:43:11,363
That wasn't fair, man.
848
00:43:11,488 --> 00:43:12,696
My fucking jacket, man!
849
00:43:12,821 --> 00:43:15,030
I don't care
about your stupid jacket.
850
00:43:16,613 --> 00:43:19,530
- VIAGO: Deacon!
- STU: You okay, man?
851
00:43:35,489 --> 00:43:37,114
- Hey, Stu.
- Mm-hmm?
852
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:38,614
How's your worms?
853
00:43:41,156 --> 00:43:44,281
- What?
- You're eating worms.
854
00:43:48,406 --> 00:43:50,989
Can you do that shit
where you turn it into worms?
855
00:43:51,114 --> 00:43:53,531
- No.
- It doesn't work on chips.
856
00:43:53,657 --> 00:43:56,573
Only works on things
that already look like worms.
857
00:43:56,698 --> 00:43:58,406
Maybe noodles.
Do you want some noodles?
858
00:43:58,531 --> 00:44:00,156
But he knows now.
859
00:44:01,490 --> 00:44:03,907
Oh, no.
I wouldn't eat that.
860
00:44:06,365 --> 00:44:08,157
Why?
861
00:44:17,823 --> 00:44:19,115
VLADISLAV:
Are you okay, Nick?
862
00:44:19,240 --> 00:44:20,532
NICK: [Grunts]
863
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,783
All right?
864
00:44:28,366 --> 00:44:30,075
He ate a chip.
865
00:44:30,199 --> 00:44:32,033
I can't eat solids now.
Great.
866
00:44:32,158 --> 00:44:35,033
What, I can't sunbathe.
I can't watch daytime TV.
867
00:44:35,158 --> 00:44:37,283
I can if... Oh, yeah.
I guess I could.
868
00:44:37,407 --> 00:44:39,200
More then anything,
it's just the chips.
869
00:44:39,325 --> 00:44:41,866
It's my favorite food.
I can't eat chips.
870
00:44:42,492 --> 00:44:44,783
I don't... It's just I hate...
871
00:44:44,908 --> 00:44:46,387
I'll say it.
I'm over being a vampire.
872
00:44:46,450 --> 00:44:47,575
It's shit.
873
00:44:47,700 --> 00:44:50,075
So don't believe the hype.
874
00:44:51,617 --> 00:44:53,116
[Wings flapping]
875
00:44:56,033 --> 00:44:57,509
[ Electricity crackles,
bat screeches ]
876
00:44:57,533 --> 00:44:59,492
[Thud, car alarm blares]
877
00:45:06,450 --> 00:45:08,867
- DEACON: Jackie?!
- [ Knocking ]
878
00:45:10,284 --> 00:45:11,576
Jackie, can I come in, please?
879
00:45:11,700 --> 00:45:13,738
- JACKIE: Okay. Off to bed, guys.
- Hello, children!
880
00:45:13,825 --> 00:45:15,636
- Don't look at the man.
- Hey, little children.
881
00:45:15,660 --> 00:45:18,368
JACKIE:
Natasha, don't look at the man.
882
00:45:19,159 --> 00:45:21,201
I was going to bite you tonight.
883
00:45:21,326 --> 00:45:22,576
- Really?
- But now I can't
884
00:45:22,701 --> 00:45:25,076
because there's this Nick
being a vampire.
885
00:45:25,201 --> 00:45:27,077
Sorry. I thought
you killed him two months ago.
886
00:45:27,201 --> 00:45:28,993
No, I didn't
No. He's a vampire.
887
00:45:29,118 --> 00:45:30,242
What do you mean?
888
00:45:30,368 --> 00:45:31,993
He jumped
in front of your place.
889
00:45:33,368 --> 00:45:36,285
All I'm saying is that, um...
890
00:45:36,410 --> 00:45:38,011
you know, if I had a penis,
I would have been...
891
00:45:38,035 --> 00:45:40,035
I would have been bitten
years ago.
892
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:43,035
I may have to penalize you.
893
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:44,535
Perhaps another couple of years.
894
00:45:44,661 --> 00:45:46,577
Perhaps 10 years.
Hmm?
895
00:45:46,702 --> 00:45:49,243
Like one big circle,
just biting each other's dicks.
896
00:45:49,369 --> 00:45:51,386
You know, they don't even wear
shirts, They wear blouses.
897
00:45:51,410 --> 00:45:54,452
It's just this big
homoerotic dick-biting club,
898
00:45:54,577 --> 00:45:57,911
and I'm stuck here,
ironing their fucking frills!
899
00:45:58,036 --> 00:45:59,369
Also, clean the bathroom,
please.
900
00:45:59,494 --> 00:46:02,161
There's blood everywhere.
It is gruesome.
901
00:46:02,286 --> 00:46:05,661
Okay. [Clears throat]
See you tomorrow.
902
00:46:09,536 --> 00:46:11,578
Off to bed, please.
903
00:46:24,328 --> 00:46:26,370
VIAGO: Katherine.
904
00:46:26,495 --> 00:46:28,370
She was so charming and nice.
905
00:46:28,495 --> 00:46:30,620
She was everything I wanted.
906
00:46:30,745 --> 00:46:33,703
Unfortunately, ja,
she was married.
907
00:46:34,787 --> 00:46:36,912
Sure, I wanted to kill the guy.
908
00:46:37,037 --> 00:46:39,287
I thought about
chopping his head off...
909
00:46:39,412 --> 00:46:42,912
draining him of every drop
of blood that he had.
910
00:46:43,037 --> 00:46:45,245
Who wouldn't?
911
00:46:45,371 --> 00:46:48,829
But then, I also saw
how happy she was.
912
00:46:49,996 --> 00:46:52,996
And that made me kind of happy.
913
00:46:53,121 --> 00:46:55,621
And I didn't want to ruin it
for her, so...
914
00:46:55,746 --> 00:46:57,288
I did the honorable thing,
915
00:46:57,412 --> 00:47:02,663
and I just stepped back
and let her live her life.
916
00:47:02,788 --> 00:47:04,996
[Creaking]
917
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,163
[Thumping]
918
00:47:21,497 --> 00:47:24,413
PETYR: [Screeches]
919
00:47:24,538 --> 00:47:26,747
VIAGO: Petyr's room!
920
00:47:26,872 --> 00:47:30,289
- PETYR: [Screaming]
- VIAGO: Petyr!
921
00:47:30,414 --> 00:47:32,664
- DEACON: Petyr!
- VIAGO: Oh, where is it?
922
00:47:32,789 --> 00:47:33,664
Petyr!
923
00:47:33,789 --> 00:47:35,955
- DEACON: Petyr!
- VIAGO: Petyr!
924
00:47:36,081 --> 00:47:38,373
- PETYR: [Screaming]
- VIAGO: Petyr! Get water!
925
00:47:38,498 --> 00:47:39,737
- PETYR: [Screams]
- VIAGO: Aah!
926
00:47:39,830 --> 00:47:42,039
- Get out of the sunlight!
- DEACON: Water! Get water!
927
00:47:42,164 --> 00:47:44,498
VIAGO: Petyr, get away
from the sunlight!
928
00:47:44,623 --> 00:47:46,498
Get in the shadows!
Petyr!
929
00:47:46,623 --> 00:47:48,831
- Get out of the sunlight!
- VLADISLAV: [Screaming]
930
00:47:48,956 --> 00:47:50,748
Get out of my way!
931
00:47:50,873 --> 00:47:52,998
- PETYR: [Screams]
- DEACON: I'm going in!
932
00:47:53,123 --> 00:47:55,041
- I'm coming, Petyr!
- Deacon, no! It's sunlight!
933
00:47:55,165 --> 00:47:56,165
I'm coming for you!
934
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:57,873
It's sunlight out there!
935
00:47:57,998 --> 00:48:01,082
It's sunlight!
It's sunlight!
936
00:48:01,207 --> 00:48:03,415
VLADISLAV:
[Breathing heavily]
937
00:48:06,998 --> 00:48:09,374
I was too late.
938
00:48:12,998 --> 00:48:15,582
VIAGO: [Crying]
939
00:48:17,666 --> 00:48:19,832
Turn that thing off.
940
00:48:19,957 --> 00:48:23,540
Our friend had just been killed
in a fatal sunlight accident.
941
00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:40,750
DEACON: So, this is
what I think happened.
942
00:48:40,875 --> 00:48:45,458
The vampire hunter has broken
through the window here.
943
00:48:45,583 --> 00:48:49,458
Has impacted the table,
breaking the table leg.
944
00:48:49,583 --> 00:48:51,833
Then he has come this way...
945
00:48:51,958 --> 00:48:53,084
towards the tomb.
946
00:48:53,209 --> 00:48:56,000
[Gagging]
Crucifix!
947
00:48:56,125 --> 00:48:57,541
Cover the crucifix!
948
00:48:57,667 --> 00:48:59,209
[Gagging]
949
00:49:00,459 --> 00:49:04,459
And then
Petyr has burst from the tomb,
950
00:49:04,584 --> 00:49:08,042
pushed the tomb lid
onto the vampire hunter.
951
00:49:08,167 --> 00:49:10,542
And then the sunlight
has come through here
952
00:49:10,668 --> 00:49:13,292
and burned Petyr alive.
953
00:49:13,417 --> 00:49:16,584
I think this is just a table
leg, which is sanded down.
954
00:49:16,709 --> 00:49:17,852
Do you think
he hand-sanded that?
955
00:49:17,876 --> 00:49:20,126
Yes.
Image that stuck in your...
956
00:49:20,251 --> 00:49:21,501
VLADISLAV: Ooh.
957
00:49:21,626 --> 00:49:23,584
VIAGO: It's quite shocking
down here, Nick.
958
00:49:23,709 --> 00:49:26,668
Look.
Here's our sweet Petyr.
959
00:49:26,793 --> 00:49:29,126
- NICK: Fuck, yeah.
- VIAGO: Burnt to a sizzle.
960
00:49:29,251 --> 00:49:30,394
VLADISLAV:
I can't figure out this.
961
00:49:30,418 --> 00:49:33,251
- This is the vampire hunter.
- Oh, who's this guy?
962
00:49:33,377 --> 00:49:36,001
Look at his bloody head on
back to front.
963
00:49:36,126 --> 00:49:37,752
Twist it the other way.
The other way.
964
00:49:37,877 --> 00:49:39,475
- This way.
- VIAGO: See who this guy is.
965
00:49:39,502 --> 00:49:41,418
VLADISLAV: [Groans]
966
00:49:42,044 --> 00:49:44,835
- Hmm. Typical macho type.
- VIAGO: Yuck.
967
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:47,169
- VLADISLAV: Hideous.
- NICK: Oh, shit.
968
00:49:48,127 --> 00:49:49,919
I know that guy actually.
969
00:49:50,044 --> 00:49:51,169
VLADISLAV: You know him?
970
00:49:51,294 --> 00:49:52,627
- Yeah.
- VIAGO: What?
971
00:49:52,752 --> 00:49:54,960
I saw him
the other night in town.
972
00:49:55,086 --> 00:49:56,835
- Told him I was a vampire.
- VIAGO: What?!
973
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,062
I thought he was joking.
He said he was a vampire hunter.
974
00:49:59,086 --> 00:50:00,960
You let a vampire hunter
into our house?
975
00:50:01,086 --> 00:50:02,687
I didn't let him in.
I just gave him my e-mail.
976
00:50:02,711 --> 00:50:04,378
VIAGO: Nick!
977
00:50:04,503 --> 00:50:07,503
I will tear out your tongue
and shove it down your ass!
978
00:50:07,628 --> 00:50:08,711
VIAGO: Guys!
979
00:50:08,836 --> 00:50:10,419
[indistinct shouting]
980
00:50:13,128 --> 00:50:14,920
I'm gonna kill you!
981
00:50:15,045 --> 00:50:17,544
- [Door opens]
- [Growls]
982
00:50:21,503 --> 00:50:23,878
Tear out your tongue!
983
00:50:25,253 --> 00:50:27,711
You killed Petyr
with your big mouth!
984
00:50:28,462 --> 00:50:29,461
NICK: It was a mistake!
985
00:50:29,545 --> 00:50:30,836
- Get up.
- NICK: Take a breath.
986
00:50:30,961 --> 00:50:33,420
Get up and stand on this ceiling
like a man.
987
00:50:33,545 --> 00:50:35,545
[Snarls]
988
00:50:39,004 --> 00:50:41,379
- [ Hisses]
- We can talk about this, okay?
989
00:50:41,504 --> 00:50:43,262
- We can talk about it.
- I'm gonna kill you!
990
00:50:43,379 --> 00:50:44,462
I'm already dead!
991
00:50:45,420 --> 00:50:46,504
Stu, stay back!
992
00:50:47,629 --> 00:50:49,421
DEACON: [Growls]
993
00:50:49,545 --> 00:50:51,344
- [ Knock on door]
- VLADISLAV: Shh, shh, shh!
994
00:50:51,380 --> 00:50:52,730
- There's someone at the door.
- Shh.
995
00:50:52,754 --> 00:50:54,296
I'll go. I'll go.
996
00:50:57,505 --> 00:50:58,879
DEACON: [Hisses]
997
00:51:01,630 --> 00:51:04,004
Oh, shit.
998
00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:06,797
- Yeah, good evening, sir.
- Hello, police.
999
00:51:06,922 --> 00:51:09,380
Hi. I'm Constable O'Leary.
This is Constable Minogue.
1000
00:51:09,505 --> 00:51:10,784
We're just responding
to a report
1001
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:12,380
of a possible forced entry
1002
00:51:12,505 --> 00:51:14,880
and also a rather large amount
of shrieking.
1003
00:51:15,005 --> 00:51:16,481
Just, um, wondering
if maybe we could come in,
1004
00:51:16,505 --> 00:51:17,381
just have a wee look around?
1005
00:51:17,505 --> 00:51:19,422
Okay.
1006
00:51:19,546 --> 00:51:21,672
What's with the fellow?
What's with the camera?
1007
00:51:21,797 --> 00:51:23,939
Yeah, we're obviously just here
'cause there was a phone call
1008
00:51:23,963 --> 00:51:26,714
from a member of the public
about a bit of disturbance.
1009
00:51:26,838 --> 00:51:28,547
Um, some loud noises.
1010
00:51:28,673 --> 00:51:30,339
Possibly a forced entry,
wasn't there?
1011
00:51:30,464 --> 00:51:32,381
And, also,
maybe a bit of smoke coming out.
1012
00:51:32,506 --> 00:51:33,940
So we're just
checking over the scene,
1013
00:51:33,964 --> 00:51:36,673
making sure everything's, you
know, aboveboard, so to speak,
1014
00:51:36,798 --> 00:51:39,339
and making sure no one's in
danger, that kind of thing.
1015
00:51:39,464 --> 00:51:40,815
We might go up
and have a wee look up there,
1016
00:51:40,839 --> 00:51:42,589
if that's all right with you.
1017
00:51:42,714 --> 00:51:44,256
Come on, mate.
You lead the way.
1018
00:51:44,382 --> 00:51:45,923
Yeah.
1019
00:51:46,048 --> 00:51:47,215
Okay.
1020
00:51:47,340 --> 00:51:48,839
Smells a bit weird in here,
too, mate.
1021
00:51:48,964 --> 00:51:50,964
- Yeah.
- What do you call that?
1022
00:51:52,507 --> 00:51:54,715
Barbecue.
1023
00:51:56,964 --> 00:52:00,465
You will not notice
anything out of the ordinary.
1024
00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:02,428
- DEACON: [Growls]
- No. We certainly hope not.
1025
00:52:02,507 --> 00:52:04,091
Let's just keep going up.
1026
00:52:04,215 --> 00:52:05,965
Yeah. Hi, there, guys.
How are you?
1027
00:52:06,091 --> 00:52:07,965
- Hello.
- MINOGUE: Hey, fellas.
1028
00:52:08,091 --> 00:52:09,775
O'LEARY: ls this the room
we've heard all the shouting
1029
00:52:09,799 --> 00:52:12,174
- coming from?
- DEACON: That was me.
1030
00:52:12,299 --> 00:52:14,091
Yeah, okay. We've had
a couple reports, okay?
1031
00:52:14,216 --> 00:52:15,233
There's couple people
not that happy
1032
00:52:15,257 --> 00:52:18,549
- about the level of noise here.
- Okay. The neighbors?
1033
00:52:18,674 --> 00:52:20,508
You've got neighbors
on either side.
1034
00:52:20,633 --> 00:52:23,424
[Whispering] Really nervous.
I've hypnotized those cops.
1035
00:52:23,549 --> 00:52:27,091
I'm not a great hypnotizer,
so it could wear off any second.
1036
00:52:27,216 --> 00:52:29,758
I really hope that those guys
don't kill those police
1037
00:52:29,883 --> 00:52:31,758
because it will mean
more police will come.
1038
00:52:31,883 --> 00:52:33,341
Possibly even Christians,
1039
00:52:33,466 --> 00:52:35,966
which is totally the last thing
we need in this house.
1040
00:52:36,092 --> 00:52:37,716
I can see
you're having a good time.
1041
00:52:37,841 --> 00:52:40,092
End of the day,
we got to keep the peace, okay?
1042
00:52:40,217 --> 00:52:42,591
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1043
00:52:42,716 --> 00:52:43,841
See what I'm seeing?
1044
00:52:43,966 --> 00:52:46,384
What's that, Minogue?
1045
00:52:46,509 --> 00:52:47,509
You're joking.
1046
00:52:48,716 --> 00:52:50,342
Not a smoke alarm in sight.
1047
00:52:50,467 --> 00:52:52,175
MINOGUE:
No smoke detectors, mate.
1048
00:52:52,300 --> 00:52:55,342
Rule number one...
smoke detectors.
1049
00:52:55,467 --> 00:52:56,485
- Okay.
- O'LEARY: Rule number 2...
1050
00:52:56,509 --> 00:52:58,634
maybe not
so many barbecues inside.
1051
00:52:58,759 --> 00:53:00,550
- MINOGUE: Sort it out, fellas.
- Okay.
1052
00:53:00,676 --> 00:53:02,714
Barbecue smells really strong
down here, doesn't it?
1053
00:53:02,801 --> 00:53:03,860
- What kind of marinade?
- Yeah.
1054
00:53:03,884 --> 00:53:04,884
O'LEARY: Who's this guy?
1055
00:53:06,009 --> 00:53:09,926
Um... it's a friend
who came to our party.
1056
00:53:10,051 --> 00:53:11,385
Mate, are you right?
1057
00:53:11,509 --> 00:53:12,652
- He's drunk.
- That's what I thought.
1058
00:53:12,676 --> 00:53:13,676
- Drunk guy.
- Yeah.
1059
00:53:13,801 --> 00:53:16,259
Look, you can't just leave him
down here like that, okay?
1060
00:53:16,385 --> 00:53:17,967
This guy's
not having a good time.
1061
00:53:18,093 --> 00:53:19,884
He's gonna feel terrible
tomorrow morning.
1062
00:53:20,009 --> 00:53:21,593
Well, he's soul is in hell.
1063
00:53:21,718 --> 00:53:22,985
Well, I don't know
where's his soul is,
1064
00:53:23,009 --> 00:53:24,736
but all I'm saying is,
"Where's his blanket?"
1065
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,760
There's a big slab of concrete
on him. Could move that.
1066
00:53:27,885 --> 00:53:29,319
O'LEARY: That's definitely not
gonna be comfortable.
1067
00:53:29,343 --> 00:53:31,861
- Anything else in here, Minogue?
- No. I think I've seen enough.
1068
00:53:31,885 --> 00:53:33,802
- Okay.
- Hang on a minute.
1069
00:53:33,927 --> 00:53:34,968
What have we got here?
1070
00:53:36,593 --> 00:53:37,736
- O'LEARY: What is that?
- VIAGO: This?
1071
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:38,927
- This.
- Oh. This.
1072
00:53:39,052 --> 00:53:40,718
You can see it as clearly
as I can.
1073
00:53:40,843 --> 00:53:43,010
Adhesive, mate.
That's a flammable.
1074
00:53:43,135 --> 00:53:44,968
Then you got a lamp
on top of that.
1075
00:53:45,094 --> 00:53:46,968
Directly underneath
the power source.
1076
00:53:47,094 --> 00:53:49,260
- That is quite bad, guys.
- It's very bad.
1077
00:53:49,386 --> 00:53:50,968
And no smoke detectors again,
are there?
1078
00:53:51,094 --> 00:53:52,968
- No.
- Yes, there are.
1079
00:53:53,094 --> 00:53:55,219
- Yes, there are.
I see them, yeah. That's good.
1080
00:53:55,344 --> 00:53:56,528
VIAGO:
Lots to think about, guys.
1081
00:53:56,552 --> 00:53:57,886
Yeah.
Lots to think about.
1082
00:53:58,011 --> 00:54:00,011
- Next flat meeting, ja?
- Yeah. Good thinking.
1083
00:54:00,136 --> 00:54:02,071
That's the thing. Just have
a bit of dialogue about it.
1084
00:54:02,095 --> 00:54:04,594
Okay.
They've got a really good point.
1085
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,678
Wait.
Let's kill them.
1086
00:54:06,803 --> 00:54:09,387
Well, let's just see what
other safety points they have,
1087
00:54:09,511 --> 00:54:12,136
and then maybe we'll kill them.
1088
00:54:19,886 --> 00:54:25,804
I call into session this trial
of Nick of Wellington.
1089
00:54:27,470 --> 00:54:29,679
VIAGO: [Clears throat]
1090
00:54:29,804 --> 00:54:32,387
VLADISLAV: Read the charges.
1091
00:54:32,512 --> 00:54:35,262
"Problems we have with Nick."
1092
00:54:35,388 --> 00:54:38,804
Number one... You brought
a human into our house,
1093
00:54:38,929 --> 00:54:40,887
which is a big no-no
in the vampire world.
1094
00:54:41,012 --> 00:54:43,179
- Stu is okay, though.
- Yeah. Stu is fine.
1095
00:54:43,304 --> 00:54:46,096
So I guess we'll just
cross that one out.
1096
00:54:46,221 --> 00:54:47,970
Uh...
1097
00:54:50,638 --> 00:54:52,471
- Thank you, Stu.
- VLADISLAV: Thank you, Stu.
1098
00:54:52,596 --> 00:54:55,055
So... the new number one...
1099
00:54:55,179 --> 00:54:57,846
Nick's been telling people
he's a vampire.
1100
00:54:57,971 --> 00:55:02,180
That, in turn, resulted
in an unwanted visit
1101
00:55:02,305 --> 00:55:03,763
from a vampire hunter.
1102
00:55:03,888 --> 00:55:07,805
Crime number two...
This is quite a biggie, Nick...
1103
00:55:07,930 --> 00:55:10,639
the vampire hunter
who killed Petyr.
1104
00:55:10,763 --> 00:55:12,222
Oh.
1105
00:55:12,347 --> 00:55:14,846
That actually should have been
crime number one,
1106
00:55:14,971 --> 00:55:17,055
but we wanted to build up
to that.
1107
00:55:17,180 --> 00:55:19,138
Number three...
Deacon doesn't like
1108
00:55:19,263 --> 00:55:21,931
that you wear
the same jacket as him.
1109
00:55:22,056 --> 00:55:25,889
And he would like you to find
your own original style.
1110
00:55:26,014 --> 00:55:30,139
For these crimes of which
we, the vampire council,
1111
00:55:30,264 --> 00:55:31,263
find you guilty,
1112
00:55:31,348 --> 00:55:35,473
you should be banished
from our flat indefinitely.
1113
00:55:35,597 --> 00:55:37,473
- Indefinitely.
- Indefinitely.
1114
00:55:37,598 --> 00:55:39,366
- So I can come back one day?
- DEACON: No, no.
1115
00:55:39,390 --> 00:55:41,889
"Indefinitely" means
there is no end.
1116
00:55:42,014 --> 00:55:42,889
I thought it was like...
1117
00:55:43,014 --> 00:55:45,848
"Indefinite" means
that it's not a definite thing.
1118
00:55:45,972 --> 00:55:47,449
- It can be changed.
- Yes, but it's long.
1119
00:55:47,473 --> 00:55:48,992
Could be tomorrow.
Could be six months.
1120
00:55:49,056 --> 00:55:50,640
DEACON: No!
It is not tomorrow!
1121
00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:52,515
Forget about it.
You're banished.
1122
00:55:52,598 --> 00:55:53,597
You're banished.
1123
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:55,598
But, Stu,
you can visit if you like.
1124
00:55:55,723 --> 00:55:57,306
Thank you.
1125
00:55:57,431 --> 00:55:59,057
DEACON: For your crimes...
1126
00:55:59,182 --> 00:56:03,682
you will be made to suffer
the Procession of Shame.
1127
00:56:03,807 --> 00:56:04,806
I asked them, Nick.
1128
00:56:04,890 --> 00:56:06,723
I asked them
not to pass that sentence.
1129
00:56:06,848 --> 00:56:09,265
We should do this immediately,
in my opinion.
1130
00:56:09,391 --> 00:56:13,432
You didn't ask. You didn't ask.
You were saying yes.
1131
00:56:13,557 --> 00:56:16,474
VIAGO: [ Breathes deeply]
1132
00:56:16,599 --> 00:56:20,474
I didn't, but I still think
it's quite extreme.
1133
00:56:20,599 --> 00:56:24,808
Let us do
the Procession of Shame now.
1134
00:56:26,891 --> 00:56:28,474
- Shame.
- Shame, shame.
1135
00:56:28,557 --> 00:56:29,808
- Shame.
- Shame!
1136
00:56:29,933 --> 00:56:32,225
- Shame!
- Bad vampire!
1137
00:56:32,350 --> 00:56:33,891
Shame.
1138
00:56:34,849 --> 00:56:36,517
Shall we go, Stu?
1139
00:56:41,141 --> 00:56:43,100
[Whispering] Bye, Stu.
1140
00:56:46,100 --> 00:56:48,266
[ Gate creaks]
1141
00:56:59,142 --> 00:57:01,850
VLADISLAV:
That was a shame.
1142
00:57:11,476 --> 00:57:13,601
[Sighs]
1143
00:57:24,643 --> 00:57:28,268
DEACON:
So, today we have an invitation
1144
00:57:28,394 --> 00:57:30,560
to the big event of the year.
1145
00:57:30,685 --> 00:57:33,185
VIAGO: Breaking it open.
1146
00:57:33,310 --> 00:57:34,810
DEACON:
They have burnt the edges.
1147
00:57:34,935 --> 00:57:36,494
VIAGO: Like a treasure map
or something.
1148
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:38,560
VLADISLAV: It looks
very authentic, doesn't it?
1149
00:57:38,686 --> 00:57:40,894
"Dearly departed..."
1150
00:57:41,018 --> 00:57:42,644
That's us.
1151
00:57:42,769 --> 00:57:44,811
"The Wellington
Vampire Association
1152
00:57:44,936 --> 00:57:48,019
in conjunction with the
Lower Hutt Vampire Witch Club
1153
00:57:48,144 --> 00:57:50,811
and the Karori Zombie Society
1154
00:57:50,936 --> 00:57:54,353
invite you to attend
The Unholy Masquerade
1155
00:57:54,477 --> 00:58:01,727
on the night of the 6th of June
starting at 6:00 p.m."
1156
00:58:01,852 --> 00:58:04,311
- 666.
- Oh, yeah.
1157
00:58:04,436 --> 00:58:06,977
The Unholy Masquerade,
of course, is a great time
1158
00:58:07,103 --> 00:58:09,019
for the undead community
of Wellington.
1159
00:58:09,144 --> 00:58:13,062
There's zombies there,
vampires, banshees...
1160
00:58:13,186 --> 00:58:15,353
all having a dance together.
1161
00:58:15,478 --> 00:58:18,145
It's always a big deal for me.
Love it.
1162
00:58:18,269 --> 00:58:20,770
One year I went
to The Unholy Masquerade
1163
00:58:20,895 --> 00:58:25,895
dressed as Whoopi Goldberg
from "Sister Act 1"
1164
00:58:26,020 --> 00:58:28,396
and "Sister Act 2:
Back in the Habit."
1165
00:58:28,521 --> 00:58:31,270
Didn't go down so well
because she was a nun.
1166
00:58:31,396 --> 00:58:33,145
[Chuckles]
1167
00:58:33,270 --> 00:58:35,771
Vampires don't like nuns.
1168
00:58:35,895 --> 00:58:38,270
VLADISLAV: Of course, the big
deal of The Unholy Masquerade
1169
00:58:38,396 --> 00:58:40,854
is every year they
announce the guest of honor.
1170
00:58:40,979 --> 00:58:42,813
And, um...
1171
00:58:42,938 --> 00:58:45,938
I don't know if I should be
saying this, but...
1172
00:58:46,063 --> 00:58:51,896
I heard a little rumor that
the guest of honor this year
1173
00:58:52,021 --> 00:58:54,355
might be me.
1174
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:55,771
DEACON: The location...
1175
00:58:55,896 --> 00:58:57,175
VLADISLAV:
Oh, yeah. Where is it?
1176
00:58:57,230 --> 00:58:59,605
- Oh, the location.
- The Cathedral of Despair.
1177
00:58:59,729 --> 00:59:02,480
And the guest of honor
will be...
1178
00:59:05,647 --> 00:59:08,230
Who is it? Show me.
1179
00:59:11,814 --> 00:59:13,689
[ Breathes deeply]
1180
00:59:13,814 --> 00:59:15,605
Hmm.
1181
00:59:15,730 --> 00:59:18,356
[ Breathes deeply]
Okay.
1182
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:20,605
Okay. Okay.
1183
00:59:20,730 --> 00:59:23,730
- Okay, that's fine. That's fine.
- Okay?
1184
00:59:23,855 --> 00:59:26,523
VLADISLAV: [Screams]
I can't believe it!
1185
00:59:26,648 --> 00:59:28,147
[Pounding]
1186
00:59:28,272 --> 00:59:35,773
Uh, Vladislav has just had
a reaction to the information
1187
00:59:35,898 --> 00:59:38,398
that the guest of honor
will be, um...
1188
00:59:38,523 --> 00:59:40,147
- VLADISLAV: [Screaming]
- ...The Beast.
1189
00:59:43,606 --> 00:59:47,731
The darkest part of my mind
is reserved for The Beast.
1190
00:59:47,856 --> 00:59:49,666
We could tell you a thing
or two about The Beast.
1191
00:59:49,690 --> 00:59:52,399
You should pray that you
never have to see The Beast.
1192
00:59:52,524 --> 00:59:53,981
This one is called "The Beast."
1193
00:59:54,107 --> 00:59:57,440
And I said, "Get you hands
off my balls, Beast!"
1194
00:59:57,565 --> 00:59:59,065
He may have told you
some stories
1195
00:59:59,190 --> 01:00:01,524
about his great battle
with The Beast.
1196
01:00:01,649 --> 01:00:04,023
Yeah. "Oh, I fought The Beast
on a cliff."
1197
01:00:04,148 --> 01:00:06,357
"Oh, I fought The Beast
in a swamp."
1198
01:00:06,482 --> 01:00:07,357
DEACON: Mm-hmm.
1199
01:00:07,482 --> 01:00:11,108
"One time I fought The Beast
in the toilets of a nightclub."
1200
01:00:11,233 --> 01:00:12,816
Difficult battle.
1201
01:00:12,941 --> 01:00:16,108
I hope you never see The Beast.
1202
01:00:16,233 --> 01:00:19,149
The Beast.
1203
01:00:27,775 --> 01:00:29,441
You can't go to the ball
as Blade.
1204
01:00:29,566 --> 01:00:30,982
He's a vampire hunter.
1205
01:00:31,108 --> 01:00:33,108
VIAGO: Yeah, but vampires
love Wesley Snipes.
1206
01:00:33,233 --> 01:00:34,858
No. It's inappropriate.
1207
01:00:34,983 --> 01:00:36,858
Okay, Vlad.
The green jodhpurs
1208
01:00:36,983 --> 01:00:39,400
or the black leather
with the dragon belt?
1209
01:00:39,525 --> 01:00:41,210
VLADISLAV: Just wear the pants
you're going to wear.
1210
01:00:41,234 --> 01:00:42,334
Which pants do you want to wear?
1211
01:00:42,358 --> 01:00:44,584
Just look at the pants, Vlad.
Turn around and look at them.
1212
01:00:44,608 --> 01:00:45,692
They're just pants!
1213
01:00:45,817 --> 01:00:47,484
- Shit, man.
- Holy shit!
1214
01:00:47,608 --> 01:00:49,234
VIAGO:
Oh, you look terrible.
1215
01:00:49,359 --> 01:00:50,526
The black pants.
1216
01:00:50,650 --> 01:00:52,442
Thank you.
Get dressed.
1217
01:00:52,567 --> 01:00:54,442
I don't know
if I feel up to it, really.
1218
01:00:54,567 --> 01:00:57,275
You don't look that great, but
if you eat someone on the way
1219
01:00:57,401 --> 01:00:58,418
and rejuvenate a little bit...
1220
01:00:58,442 --> 01:01:00,526
You could probably wear
a mask or something.
1221
01:01:00,651 --> 01:01:03,984
Just leave me to do
my dark bidding on the Internet!
1222
01:01:04,109 --> 01:01:05,526
What are you bidding on?
1223
01:01:05,651 --> 01:01:07,776
I'm bidding on a table.
1224
01:01:07,901 --> 01:01:09,693
- Are you coming or not?
- Not.
1225
01:01:09,818 --> 01:01:11,794
VIAGO: I'm gonna go change.
We're leaving in 10 minutes.
1226
01:01:11,818 --> 01:01:14,110
- [ Sighs]
- VLADISLAV: Have a good time.
1227
01:01:14,235 --> 01:01:16,193
[Mid-tempo music plays]
1228
01:01:25,485 --> 01:01:26,984
- Hello.
- Hi.
1229
01:01:30,777 --> 01:01:33,568
We tend to often...
without getting into that...
1230
01:01:33,694 --> 01:01:36,318
kind of [Moaning] stuff,
which I'm really sick of that,
1231
01:01:36,443 --> 01:01:37,944
but, you know, it's just,
1232
01:01:38,069 --> 01:01:40,944
it's harder for us
to actually chase people down.
1233
01:01:41,069 --> 01:01:45,152
Can I introduce Gary and Alicia?
1234
01:01:45,277 --> 01:01:46,836
- [ Gary and Alicia groaning]
- Hi. How are you?
1235
01:01:46,860 --> 01:01:48,819
- Hi.
- [ Groaning continues]
1236
01:01:48,944 --> 01:01:51,361
Less groaning.
Less groaning, guys.
1237
01:01:53,069 --> 01:01:55,486
So, we're
at The Unholy Masquerade.
1238
01:01:55,611 --> 01:01:56,985
It's great.
1239
01:01:57,111 --> 01:01:59,028
This is my mask...
1240
01:01:59,152 --> 01:02:01,028
which I made for the occasion.
1241
01:02:01,152 --> 01:02:02,361
- Ah!
- Hey.'
1242
01:02:02,486 --> 01:02:04,112
- [Laughs]
- DEACON: Jackie.
1243
01:02:04,236 --> 01:02:05,778
Yeah![Laughs]
1244
01:02:05,903 --> 01:02:07,903
- This is an undead party.
- Yeah, I'm a vampire.
1245
01:02:08,028 --> 01:02:09,528
- You'll have your...
- I'm a vampire.
1246
01:02:09,653 --> 01:02:11,569
I'm a vampire.
[Laughs]
1247
01:02:11,695 --> 01:02:12,695
- Great.
- Yeah, yeah.
1248
01:02:12,820 --> 01:02:14,320
So, um, who bit you?
1249
01:02:14,445 --> 01:02:15,653
Oh, Nick.
1250
01:02:15,778 --> 01:02:17,195
- Oh, great. Right.
- Yeah.
1251
01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:19,654
- DEACON: Okay.
- Deacon!
1252
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:25,487
Pretty rude,
because she was my servant.
1253
01:02:25,612 --> 01:02:27,612
She was
a pretty useless servant.
1254
01:02:27,737 --> 01:02:31,737
Yes, but, still, I would have
appreciated if you'd asked.
1255
01:02:31,862 --> 01:02:33,113
How's Stu?
1256
01:02:33,237 --> 01:02:34,113
He's good.
He's here.
1257
01:02:34,238 --> 01:02:35,696
- Oh, he's here?
- DEACON: Stu!
1258
01:02:35,821 --> 01:02:37,363
- NICK: Stu!
- VIAGO: Hi!
1259
01:02:37,487 --> 01:02:38,862
- DEACON: Hey, hey!
- How are you?
1260
01:02:38,987 --> 01:02:40,821
Nice to see you.
Group hug.
1261
01:02:40,946 --> 01:02:41,654
Yes.
1262
01:02:41,779 --> 01:02:44,737
Has anyone looked at you like
they want to eat you at all?
1263
01:02:44,862 --> 01:02:46,089
- Uh, no.
- [ Microphone feedback]
1264
01:02:46,113 --> 01:02:47,779
WITCH:
Can you hear me at the back?
1265
01:02:47,904 --> 01:02:52,113
On behalf of
the Wellington Vampire Society,
1266
01:02:52,238 --> 01:02:55,780
the Lower Hutt
Vampire and Witch Club,
1267
01:02:55,905 --> 01:03:00,363
and the Karori Zombie Society,
we welcome you here tonight.
1268
01:03:00,488 --> 01:03:03,321
We're raffling a live meat pack
this year.
1269
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:06,488
You can inspect the prize
over here to my left.
1270
01:03:06,613 --> 01:03:07,738
It's a wonderful prize.
1271
01:03:07,863 --> 01:03:12,614
Tickets are only $10 each
or $45 for a book of five.
1272
01:03:12,738 --> 01:03:16,406
Now, without further adieu,
it's my very great pleasure
1273
01:03:16,531 --> 01:03:19,781
to introduce to you
this year's guest of honor...
1274
01:03:19,905 --> 01:03:22,447
Pauline Ivanovich!
1275
01:03:22,572 --> 01:03:23,906
[Cheers and applause]
1276
01:03:24,030 --> 01:03:25,864
Thank you.
1277
01:03:27,447 --> 01:03:29,739
- Thank you. Thank you.
- That's The Beast.
1278
01:03:29,864 --> 01:03:30,739
PAULINE: Thank you.
1279
01:03:30,864 --> 01:03:35,156
The Beast is the name I give
to my ex-girlfriend Pauline.
1280
01:03:35,281 --> 01:03:37,365
She prefers Pauline.
1281
01:03:37,490 --> 01:03:40,073
We had
a very intense relationship.
1282
01:03:40,198 --> 01:03:43,657
We were very sexually explosive.
1283
01:03:43,781 --> 01:03:48,906
Last time I saw her, she impaled
me and called me an asshole.
1284
01:03:49,031 --> 01:03:53,032
She said all kinds of things
that really hurt me.
1285
01:03:53,156 --> 01:03:56,907
And all this while
I was impaled on a lamppost!
1286
01:03:57,032 --> 01:04:00,407
Well, everyone,
I will be mingling around,
1287
01:04:00,532 --> 01:04:02,824
and I really hope that...
1288
01:04:02,949 --> 01:04:05,241
I will meet...
1289
01:04:05,366 --> 01:04:08,865
- all of you.
- [ Laughter, applause]
1290
01:04:08,990 --> 01:04:10,533
[Up-tempo music plays]
1291
01:04:22,533 --> 01:04:23,783
Hello.
1292
01:04:23,908 --> 01:04:25,199
VIAGO:
That's the new guy.
1293
01:04:25,324 --> 01:04:28,033
Do you know
what kind of vampire he is...
1294
01:04:28,158 --> 01:04:29,842
- if he is a vampire?
- DEACON: Did you see his face?
1295
01:04:29,866 --> 01:04:31,283
PAULINE: Hello. Oh.
1296
01:04:31,408 --> 01:04:33,658
Oh, oh.
1297
01:04:33,783 --> 01:04:36,158
- Hello!
- VIAGO: Hi. How are you?
1298
01:04:36,283 --> 01:04:38,575
- This is Deacon.
- Hello, Deacon.
1299
01:04:38,700 --> 01:04:39,717
- This is Stu, our friend.
- Stu?
1300
01:04:39,741 --> 01:04:41,450
G'day, Stu.
How are you, mate?
1301
01:04:41,575 --> 01:04:42,825
- Good. Hi. Stu.
- Julian.
1302
01:04:42,950 --> 01:04:45,242
You've got
really warm hands, Stu.
1303
01:04:45,367 --> 01:04:47,242
Are you a demon?
1304
01:04:47,367 --> 01:04:48,617
No, he's not a demon.
1305
01:04:48,742 --> 01:04:50,075
I'm a software analyst.
I...
1306
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:51,450
- Stu, Stu...
- A male witch?
1307
01:04:51,575 --> 01:04:52,843
- It's kind of technical.
- You're a male witch.
1308
01:04:52,867 --> 01:04:54,992
You should go dance, uh,
with anyone.
1309
01:04:55,118 --> 01:04:56,784
- Sure.
- Okay. Take your time.
1310
01:04:56,909 --> 01:04:58,367
I like Stu.
1311
01:04:58,492 --> 01:05:01,617
He's not vampire.
So, what, he's a zombie or...
1312
01:05:01,742 --> 01:05:03,992
- Male witch?
- He's not... He's not, uh...
1313
01:05:04,118 --> 01:05:07,660
He's neither. He's, uh...
He's more of a human.
1314
01:05:08,284 --> 01:05:09,992
Excuse me, excuse me.
Hi.
1315
01:05:10,118 --> 01:05:11,284
Nick, hey.
1316
01:05:11,410 --> 01:05:12,660
Um, Nick...
1317
01:05:12,785 --> 01:05:16,410
Do you mind if Stu is killed?
1318
01:05:16,535 --> 01:05:18,410
Uh, I don't feel that good
about it.
1319
01:05:18,535 --> 01:05:22,660
Can... Can I just ask you a,
you know, like, a...
1320
01:05:22,785 --> 01:05:24,053
- ...a personal question?
- Sure.
1321
01:05:24,077 --> 01:05:26,743
Are you... Are you, um...
1322
01:05:28,910 --> 01:05:31,952
Are you... Are you predeceased?
1323
01:05:32,077 --> 01:05:34,827
Uh...
1324
01:05:34,952 --> 01:05:36,637
If anyone's gonna eat him,
it's gonna be us,
1325
01:05:36,661 --> 01:05:38,285
but we're not...
We're past that.
1326
01:05:38,411 --> 01:05:39,993
They can just
go fuck themselves.
1327
01:05:40,119 --> 01:05:41,869
Nick!
It is your fault, okay?
1328
01:05:41,993 --> 01:05:45,119
You brought a human
into this den of vampiressness.
1329
01:05:45,244 --> 01:05:46,786
That's not helping.
Yes, you did.
1330
01:05:46,911 --> 01:05:47,786
My plus-one.
1331
01:05:47,911 --> 01:05:49,829
Lovely talking to you.
I've got to shoot off now.
1332
01:05:49,911 --> 01:05:51,869
See you later on.
1333
01:05:52,577 --> 01:05:55,786
[Sniffs, groans]
1334
01:05:55,911 --> 01:05:59,494
As soon as one vampire takes
a bite, it's a blood frenzy!
1335
01:05:59,619 --> 01:06:02,370
- We've got to get him out.
- Follow me, follow me.
1336
01:06:02,495 --> 01:06:04,495
Excuse me.
Sorry, guys.
1337
01:06:05,203 --> 01:06:08,412
Okay, Stu. Put that
over your bloody red face.
1338
01:06:08,537 --> 01:06:11,370
Just going out.
Oh, hey!
1339
01:06:11,495 --> 01:06:13,704
- Okay. Not that way.
- This way. This way.
1340
01:06:13,829 --> 01:06:14,912
Is there another way?
Oh.
1341
01:06:15,037 --> 01:06:16,954
- PAULINE: [Laughs]
- Not this way.
1342
01:06:17,079 --> 01:06:19,370
- Back away from the vampires.
- Guys...
1343
01:06:19,495 --> 01:06:20,787
PAULINE:
Excuse me, everyone.
1344
01:06:20,912 --> 01:06:23,787
Can I have your attention,
please?
1345
01:06:23,912 --> 01:06:28,829
Some of the vampires
forget Unholy Masquerade rules.
1346
01:06:28,954 --> 01:06:31,329
- They brought a human.
- [ Crowd murmuring]
1347
01:06:31,454 --> 01:06:36,079
And they don't let us
to feast on him.
1348
01:06:36,204 --> 01:06:37,246
[Hisses, laughs]
1349
01:06:37,371 --> 01:06:39,454
This was
a total misunderstanding.
1350
01:06:39,579 --> 01:06:40,913
There was on the invitation...
1351
01:06:41,037 --> 01:06:42,913
And this actually pertains
to you.
1352
01:06:43,037 --> 01:06:45,329
The invitation,
it said "plus one,"
1353
01:06:45,454 --> 01:06:48,454
but it did not specify
if it could be a human
1354
01:06:48,579 --> 01:06:49,931
- or if it could be werewolf...
- Your admin sucks.
1355
01:06:49,955 --> 01:06:52,538
Yeah, but he could be a vampire
hunter for all we know.
1356
01:06:52,663 --> 01:06:54,205
He could texting his mates,
saying,
1357
01:06:54,330 --> 01:06:55,722
"I've got them all
in the one place.
1358
01:06:55,746 --> 01:06:57,955
Come on over.
We'll have a vampire barbecue"!
1359
01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:59,830
Well, he's not.
He's not doing that.
1360
01:06:59,955 --> 01:07:01,330
How do we know that?
1361
01:07:01,455 --> 01:07:03,038
He's wearing a bow tie.
Look at him.
1362
01:07:03,163 --> 01:07:05,081
- Tell them what you do.
- PAULINE: Come on, Stu.
1363
01:07:05,122 --> 01:07:06,497
Tell us what you do.
Come on.
1364
01:07:06,622 --> 01:07:08,080
Tell them what you do, Stu.
1365
01:07:08,205 --> 01:07:09,972
- Hi. My name is Stu.
- Don't fuck it up, man.
1366
01:07:09,996 --> 01:07:11,348
- PAULINE: I can't hear, Stu.
- Louder, louder.
1367
01:07:11,372 --> 01:07:13,122
Hi. My name is Stu.
Um, I work in...
1368
01:07:13,247 --> 01:07:15,205
- I can't hear.
- Stu, they can't hear you.
1369
01:07:15,330 --> 01:07:17,206
- They cannot hear you.
- Hi. My name's Stu.
1370
01:07:17,330 --> 01:07:18,539
I'm a software analyst.
1371
01:07:18,664 --> 01:07:21,455
I work for a geographic
information systems company.
1372
01:07:21,580 --> 01:07:22,622
PAULINE: Sorry.
What is it?
1373
01:07:22,747 --> 01:07:24,789
STU: I work for a company
that does...
1374
01:07:24,914 --> 01:07:26,747
Basically we take, like,
business requirements
1375
01:07:26,872 --> 01:07:28,123
from organizations.
1376
01:07:28,248 --> 01:07:30,581
And we analyze, um,
those requirements,
1377
01:07:30,706 --> 01:07:33,748
and then we build software
to fit those requirements.
1378
01:07:33,872 --> 01:07:36,123
He is a virgin.
He is a virgin.
1379
01:07:36,248 --> 01:07:38,415
I can smell a virgin
at 1,000 paces.
1380
01:07:38,540 --> 01:07:41,373
Go on, then. Go 1,000 paces
away and smell yourself.
1381
01:07:41,498 --> 01:07:43,957
- [ Crowd hisses]
- I can't wait anymore.
1382
01:07:44,082 --> 01:07:45,748
[Hissing continues]
1383
01:07:47,456 --> 01:07:49,373
VLADISLAV: No!
1384
01:07:50,498 --> 01:07:52,165
[ Hisses]
1385
01:07:57,290 --> 01:08:00,124
There shall be
no eating of the human.
1386
01:08:00,249 --> 01:08:01,624
Who are you all of a sudden?
1387
01:08:01,749 --> 01:08:07,124
You have forgotten
your former lover so quickly.
1388
01:08:09,457 --> 01:08:11,457
Georgie?
1389
01:08:11,582 --> 01:08:13,083
No. Not Georgie.
1390
01:08:13,207 --> 01:08:15,582
Like 5 years after.
1391
01:08:16,874 --> 01:08:18,250
Wait a minute.
1392
01:08:18,375 --> 01:08:19,916
Just one moment.
1393
01:08:20,041 --> 01:08:21,499
Viago.
1394
01:08:21,624 --> 01:08:24,833
No, I've got it. That's got it.
Takes away from...
1395
01:08:25,958 --> 01:08:26,749
[Gasps]
1396
01:08:26,874 --> 01:08:28,583
Hello, Beast.
1397
01:08:28,709 --> 01:08:29,709
Hello, asshole.
1398
01:08:29,833 --> 01:08:33,291
- Hey, don't call me asshole!
- Don't call me Beast.
1399
01:08:33,417 --> 01:08:35,295
- This is Vladislav.
- Just absolutely the same.
1400
01:08:35,417 --> 01:08:37,575
This is my ex-boyfriend.
The one who fucked that witch.
1401
01:08:37,625 --> 01:08:40,458
All right. That's old business.
That's personal business.
1402
01:08:40,583 --> 01:08:42,625
- Nice to meet you, asshole.
- This is my lover.
1403
01:08:42,750 --> 01:08:46,000
You will not feast on the blood
of the human known as Stu.
1404
01:08:46,126 --> 01:08:48,042
This is human,
and this is the rules,
1405
01:08:48,167 --> 01:08:49,750
and what is cameras doing here?
1406
01:08:49,875 --> 01:08:51,834
One. Then another one.
What is this?
1407
01:08:51,959 --> 01:08:53,376
We're making a documentary on...
1408
01:08:53,501 --> 01:08:55,376
JULIAN: This is
a private secret society, mate.
1409
01:08:55,501 --> 01:08:57,768
You don't go bringing your
bloody cameras into everything.
1410
01:08:57,792 --> 01:09:00,334
You will not eat Stu, and
you will not eat the camera guy.
1411
01:09:00,459 --> 01:09:02,435
- Maybe one camera guy...
- I'm up to about bloody here
1412
01:09:02,459 --> 01:09:03,458
with you at the moment...
1413
01:09:03,501 --> 01:09:05,819
and all your mates behind there,
whoever the hell they are.
1414
01:09:05,918 --> 01:09:07,376
We're gonna eat the human being.
1415
01:09:07,501 --> 01:09:09,501
And there's nothing
you can do about it, all right?
1416
01:09:09,626 --> 01:09:11,876
Now back off
and let my missus get her way.
1417
01:09:12,001 --> 01:09:13,626
Oh, there's nothing
I can do about it?
1418
01:09:13,751 --> 01:09:16,293
- JULIUS: That's right, mate.
- Well, what about this?!
1419
01:09:16,419 --> 01:09:19,377
PAULINE: Rip his head off.
Rip his head off.
1420
01:09:19,502 --> 01:09:21,043
[indistinct shouting]
1421
01:09:21,168 --> 01:09:23,669
VIAGO: Vampire fight!
1422
01:09:23,793 --> 01:09:25,960
Get him, Vladislav!
1423
01:09:26,085 --> 01:09:27,084
[ Hisses]
1424
01:09:36,544 --> 01:09:38,752
PAULINE: Rip his head off!
1425
01:09:38,877 --> 01:09:41,377
VIAGO: He's killing him!
He's killing him!
1426
01:09:41,502 --> 01:09:45,044
It is forbidden for vampires
[Grunts] to kill vampires.
1427
01:09:45,169 --> 01:09:46,752
- [Thud]
- Aah!
1428
01:09:46,877 --> 01:09:48,711
Ohh!
1429
01:09:48,836 --> 01:09:51,877
- What the fuck?!
- PAULINE: Bloody hell!
1430
01:09:52,002 --> 01:09:53,836
- What? What?
- JULIAN: [Grunts]
1431
01:09:53,961 --> 01:09:57,044
Are you okay, love?
Get out!
1432
01:09:57,169 --> 01:09:59,961
- We should probably go, Stu.
- JULIAN: [Grunts]
1433
01:10:00,086 --> 01:10:02,294
It was great to see you,
Pauline.
1434
01:10:02,420 --> 01:10:04,211
Asshole! Bastards!
1435
01:10:04,336 --> 01:10:06,003
VIAGO: Stu!
1436
01:10:06,129 --> 01:10:07,354
- He's a murderer!
- That was great...
1437
01:10:07,378 --> 01:10:11,337
how we both, together,
equally destroyed that guy.
1438
01:10:11,461 --> 01:10:14,129
Yeah, yeah. But it was more Stu
with the giant stick.
1439
01:10:14,254 --> 01:10:17,421
I hope this doesn't make it
awkward for you and The Beast.
1440
01:10:17,546 --> 01:10:20,504
No. I think it's opened up
new possibilities.
1441
01:10:20,629 --> 01:10:22,421
Oh, no.
1442
01:10:22,546 --> 01:10:24,920
- [ Chuckles] Here we go again.
- Here we go again.
1443
01:10:25,045 --> 01:10:26,796
TOGETHER:
♪ Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu ♪
1444
01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:28,879
♪ Stu, Stu, Stu ♪
1445
01:10:29,003 --> 01:10:31,212
♪ Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu ♪
1446
01:10:31,337 --> 01:10:33,212
♪ Stu, Stu ♪
1447
01:10:33,337 --> 01:10:35,106
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop. Listen, listen!
1448
01:10:35,130 --> 01:10:37,004
[Sniffs]
Do you smell that?
1449
01:10:37,130 --> 01:10:38,879
[Sniffing]
1450
01:10:39,004 --> 01:10:40,671
This way.
1451
01:10:41,504 --> 01:10:43,504
Werewolves.
1452
01:10:43,629 --> 01:10:44,505
ANTON: Oh, no.
1453
01:10:44,629 --> 01:10:46,064
DEACON: Look what the cat
dragged in, huh?
1454
01:10:46,088 --> 01:10:46,963
CLIFTON: Piss off.
1455
01:10:47,088 --> 01:10:48,772
ANTON: Keep walking.
Don't hassle us tonight.
1456
01:10:48,796 --> 01:10:50,796
VLADISLAV:
There has been no hassle here.
1457
01:10:50,921 --> 01:10:52,380
Well, let it stay that way.
1458
01:10:52,505 --> 01:10:54,255
Keep chaining yourselves up!
1459
01:10:54,380 --> 01:10:55,921
Guys, where's
your tracksuit pants?
1460
01:10:56,046 --> 01:10:57,797
It was washing night.
1461
01:10:57,922 --> 01:10:59,023
My missus couldn't wash them,
1462
01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:00,356
'cause there was
too much blood on them.
1463
01:11:00,380 --> 01:11:02,189
When your legs expand,
they grow into the tracksuit.
1464
01:11:02,213 --> 01:11:02,922
- CLIFTON: Oh.
1465
01:11:03,047 --> 01:11:04,672
Those jeans
are gonna rip completely.
1466
01:11:04,797 --> 01:11:06,630
You've lost all those trousers,
guys.
1467
01:11:06,755 --> 01:11:08,672
Declan,
that tree's far too thin!
1468
01:11:08,797 --> 01:11:10,131
Look at it!
It's like a branch!
1469
01:11:10,256 --> 01:11:12,505
You know how big you get
when you transform!
1470
01:11:12,630 --> 01:11:14,672
That's the wrong tree for you.
1471
01:11:14,797 --> 01:11:16,672
- Anton, I've...
- Oh, no.
1472
01:11:16,797 --> 01:11:18,631
You've forgot the combination.
1473
01:11:18,755 --> 01:11:20,339
Why did you get
a combination lock?
1474
01:11:20,464 --> 01:11:21,673
I lost my key last time.
1475
01:11:21,798 --> 01:11:23,236
Okay. Well,
it's probably four zeros.
1476
01:11:23,339 --> 01:11:24,658
That's the factory setting,
is it?
1477
01:11:24,715 --> 01:11:26,297
- Fuck off to a tree.
- CLIFTON: Hey!
1478
01:11:26,423 --> 01:11:28,541
- Werewolves, not swear-wolves.
- ANTON: Yeah, I know.
1479
01:11:28,589 --> 01:11:30,732
But on transformation nights,
it's all right, all right?
1480
01:11:30,756 --> 01:11:33,464
- I'm getting stressed out.
- I was just reminding you.
1481
01:11:33,589 --> 01:11:36,090
ANTON: Stop talking and chain
yourself up, you dickhead!
1482
01:11:36,215 --> 01:11:37,374
Honestly, we're transforming.
1483
01:11:37,423 --> 01:11:38,732
VLADISLAV: All right.
We'll keep walking.
1484
01:11:38,756 --> 01:11:41,465
Yeah, keep walking. By the way,
I find that offensive!
1485
01:11:41,589 --> 01:11:42,589
Is that fur?
1486
01:11:42,715 --> 01:11:44,340
ANTON:
Ah, for crying out loud.
1487
01:11:44,465 --> 01:11:47,048
Don't look at the fur, everyone!
Get back to your trees, okay?
1488
01:11:47,173 --> 01:11:49,452
- That's disgusting, man.
- VLADISLAV: You're wearing fur.
1489
01:11:49,549 --> 01:11:51,674
- Yeah, but that's not real fur.
- Oh, shit!
1490
01:11:51,799 --> 01:11:53,965
- [ Werewolves snarling]
- Right.
1491
01:11:54,090 --> 01:11:56,090
Honestly, get out of here.
Take your humans!
1492
01:11:56,215 --> 01:11:58,382
That guy in the bow tie,
he's gonna go first!
1493
01:11:58,507 --> 01:12:01,340
- I'd better take Stu home.
- ANTON: Get out of here! Quick!
1494
01:12:01,465 --> 01:12:04,091
Take all your clothes off
that you want to keep, everyone!
1495
01:12:04,216 --> 01:12:05,590
Get that
Army surplus jacket off.
1496
01:12:05,716 --> 01:12:07,109
You've only just bought that,
Nathan.
1497
01:12:07,133 --> 01:12:09,341
[Snarls]
1498
01:12:09,466 --> 01:12:10,983
WEREWOLF:
Get that camera out of my face!
1499
01:12:11,007 --> 01:12:13,508
Guys, guys, guys!
Let's go! Let's go! Come on!
1500
01:12:13,633 --> 01:12:17,091
- [ Growls]
- VIAGO: Run, Stu, run! No!
1501
01:12:18,800 --> 01:12:21,216
Let's go! Let's go!
1502
01:12:24,133 --> 01:12:25,258
[Werewolves growling ]
1503
01:12:25,383 --> 01:12:26,425
[indistinct shouting]
1504
01:12:26,550 --> 01:12:30,299
- Shit!
- I got one!
1505
01:12:33,633 --> 01:12:36,758
- CAMERAMAN: [Panting]
- [ Rapid footsteps]
1506
01:12:40,342 --> 01:12:42,676
- [ Growls]
- CAMERAMAN: [Screams]
1507
01:12:46,467 --> 01:12:49,217
[Screams]
My leg! My leg!
1508
01:12:49,342 --> 01:12:50,759
[Werewolf snarling]
1509
01:12:54,676 --> 01:12:57,135
Oh, God!
Stu! Stu!
1510
01:12:57,259 --> 01:12:59,759
- STU: [Screams]
- NICK: Stu!
1511
01:13:01,968 --> 01:13:04,676
- [ Screams]
- NICK: Stu!
1512
01:13:04,801 --> 01:13:06,718
STU: Aah! Aah!
Get away!
1513
01:13:06,843 --> 01:13:09,552
Oi!
Stu, you all right?!
1514
01:13:09,676 --> 01:13:11,361
- STU: [Screaming]
- NICK: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1515
01:13:11,385 --> 01:13:13,552
Stu!
1516
01:13:13,677 --> 01:13:15,343
- Stu!
- STU: [Breathing heavily]
1517
01:13:15,468 --> 01:13:18,218
Fuck off, asshole!
[Spits]
1518
01:13:18,343 --> 01:13:20,969
- Fuck off!
- [ Growls]
1519
01:13:21,093 --> 01:13:24,343
Fuck off!
Get off, dick!
1520
01:13:24,468 --> 01:13:27,552
Oi! Assholes!
1521
01:13:28,635 --> 01:13:29,969
STU: [Screams]
1522
01:13:30,094 --> 01:13:32,719
NICK: No, no, no, no!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
1523
01:13:32,844 --> 01:13:36,094
DEACON: Stupid werewolves!
Look away, Nick!
1524
01:13:36,219 --> 01:13:37,218
Don't look at the blood!
1525
01:13:37,261 --> 01:13:40,136
Stu! Stu!
1526
01:13:40,261 --> 01:13:42,969
He's really good dude!
Leave him alone!
1527
01:13:43,094 --> 01:13:45,445
DEACON: It's too late for him!
Don't look at the blood, Nick!
1528
01:13:45,469 --> 01:13:46,636
NICK: Stu!
1529
01:13:46,761 --> 01:13:49,011
[Werewolves howling ]
1530
01:13:58,053 --> 01:14:00,387
There he is.
1531
01:14:01,678 --> 01:14:03,636
He's probably still
a little upset,
1532
01:14:03,761 --> 01:14:08,595
having seen his best friend
disemboweled by werewolves.
1533
01:14:10,512 --> 01:14:11,845
Nick.
1534
01:14:11,970 --> 01:14:14,429
I found you.
1535
01:14:14,554 --> 01:14:18,345
Whoa. [Sniffles]
1536
01:14:18,470 --> 01:14:21,178
That was pretty full-on, eh?
1537
01:14:26,554 --> 01:14:29,887
But this is what happens
when you're a vampire.
1538
01:14:30,012 --> 01:14:33,054
You have to watch everyone die.
1539
01:14:34,346 --> 01:14:36,430
Your mother and father.
1540
01:14:36,555 --> 01:14:37,971
All your friends.
1541
01:14:38,096 --> 01:14:40,680
Sometimes brutal.
1542
01:14:42,388 --> 01:14:45,847
Like slipping and falling
onto a giant spike.
1543
01:14:45,972 --> 01:14:50,888
Or falling asleep
in an autumn pile of leaves
1544
01:14:51,013 --> 01:14:54,596
and having some of them
block your windpipe.
1545
01:14:54,722 --> 01:14:57,888
Or making the simple mistake
1546
01:14:58,013 --> 01:15:00,680
of fashioning a mask
out of crackers
1547
01:15:00,805 --> 01:15:02,888
and being attacked by ducks...
1548
01:15:03,013 --> 01:15:04,888
geese...
1549
01:15:05,013 --> 01:15:06,097
swans.
1550
01:15:06,972 --> 01:15:09,597
Or simply dying of old age.
1551
01:15:11,556 --> 01:15:13,931
But even old age is brutal.
1552
01:15:14,055 --> 01:15:17,514
Watching your friends grow old.
1553
01:15:17,639 --> 01:15:19,681
They can't piss.
1554
01:15:19,806 --> 01:15:22,681
And they say stupid things,
and their brains go,
1555
01:15:22,806 --> 01:15:25,848
and they can't
remember anything.
1556
01:15:27,390 --> 01:15:31,140
And then, one day, they can't
even remember who you are.
1557
01:15:32,557 --> 01:15:34,515
And you wish they were dead.
1558
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:37,432
And then they do die.
1559
01:15:38,765 --> 01:15:40,432
NICK: [Sighs]
1560
01:15:40,557 --> 01:15:41,890
DEACON: No.
1561
01:15:42,014 --> 01:15:47,141
If I know Stu, this was probably
the way he wanted to go...
1562
01:15:47,265 --> 01:15:50,432
disemboweled by werewolves.
1563
01:15:50,557 --> 01:15:54,099
Blood and guts
splayed onto the trees.
1564
01:15:54,224 --> 01:15:56,974
His face torn to shreds.
1565
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:04,474
[Sighs]
1566
01:16:06,349 --> 01:16:09,015
I hope I made you feel better.
1567
01:16:12,975 --> 01:16:15,100
[ Radio chatter]
1568
01:16:15,224 --> 01:16:17,534
O'LEARY: Uh, well, from what we
can see and what we can gather,
1569
01:16:17,558 --> 01:16:19,766
it looks like there's been
a bit of a dog attack.
1570
01:16:19,891 --> 01:16:21,659
That's really what happens,
when you get, you know...
1571
01:16:21,683 --> 01:16:24,434
dangerous dogs out on the
streets, not being looked after.
1572
01:16:24,558 --> 01:16:26,641
This is not good.
1573
01:16:26,766 --> 01:16:29,058
No.
Not good at all.
1574
01:16:29,183 --> 01:16:31,308
There's nicer ways
to go than being torn apart
1575
01:16:31,434 --> 01:16:33,016
by what looks like
a pack of dogs,
1576
01:16:33,142 --> 01:16:34,975
- more than just one.
- O'LEARY: I'd say so.
1577
01:16:35,100 --> 01:16:37,118
These attacks have been
happening more, more frequent.
1578
01:16:37,142 --> 01:16:38,581
They're happening
on a monthly basis,
1579
01:16:38,642 --> 01:16:40,434
and it's just no good
for anybody, okay?
1580
01:16:40,559 --> 01:16:42,851
Especially not the dogs.
Certainly not the community.
1581
01:16:42,976 --> 01:16:44,475
O'Leary.
I've got the bastard.
1582
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:45,809
- One of them here, eh?
- Geez.
1583
01:16:45,934 --> 01:16:47,732
And that's what I'm
talking about. Look at it.
1584
01:16:47,767 --> 01:16:49,885
End of the day, this dog
is gonna have to be put down.
1585
01:16:49,976 --> 01:16:52,017
- What a shame.
- [ Dog whines]
1586
01:16:53,184 --> 01:16:55,393
MINOGUE: Look What you did.
Eh?
1587
01:16:55,518 --> 01:16:56,976
He's got the scent again,
hasn't he?
1588
01:16:57,101 --> 01:16:59,184
He wants to go again.
He's not finished.
1589
01:17:27,644 --> 01:17:32,561
VIAGO: They say that vampires'
hearts are cold and dead.
1590
01:17:32,686 --> 01:17:34,602
Definitely dead.
1591
01:17:34,728 --> 01:17:35,936
NICK: Bye, Stu.
1592
01:17:36,060 --> 01:17:37,769
VLADISLAV:
He would have loved this scarf.
1593
01:17:37,894 --> 01:17:40,602
DEACON:
It's lovely loose knit.
1594
01:17:40,728 --> 01:17:41,727
VIAGO:
But I don't know.
1595
01:17:41,769 --> 01:17:45,228
I think I still feel things
inside it.
1596
01:17:48,228 --> 01:17:50,186
Deacon.
1597
01:17:50,769 --> 01:17:51,853
Deacon.
1598
01:17:51,978 --> 01:17:53,728
Deacon, wakey, wakey.
Hey.
1599
01:17:53,853 --> 01:17:55,437
- Viago.
- You were asleep in here.
1600
01:17:55,562 --> 01:17:57,811
The curtain's open.
It's nearly morning.
1601
01:17:57,936 --> 01:17:59,853
You want to get sizzled
to a crisp?
1602
01:17:59,978 --> 01:18:00,977
- What?
- You know,
1603
01:18:01,019 --> 01:18:03,057
you've got to think
a little bit about these things.
1604
01:18:03,145 --> 01:18:04,603
Okay. Sorry, Viago.
1605
01:18:04,729 --> 01:18:08,520
It's okay.
Night, night. Okay.
1606
01:18:14,271 --> 01:18:15,895
DEACON: [Grunts]
1607
01:18:34,312 --> 01:18:37,521
WOMAN:
Received at 4:20 a.m.
1608
01:18:45,355 --> 01:18:47,439
[Knock on door]
1609
01:18:49,021 --> 01:18:50,646
[Beep]
1610
01:18:58,980 --> 01:19:00,564
Ah!
1611
01:19:00,689 --> 01:19:02,439
- DEACON: Stu?!
- Hey, Deacon.
1612
01:19:02,564 --> 01:19:03,981
- DEACON: Stu!
- How's it?
1613
01:19:04,105 --> 01:19:05,772
- DEACON: [Laughs]
- Good to see you.
1614
01:19:05,897 --> 01:19:08,231
- Look at his face.
- I saw them tear you to shreds.
1615
01:19:08,355 --> 01:19:10,148
- Look. He looks like Seal.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1616
01:19:10,273 --> 01:19:12,064
- They didn't kill me.
- It looks cool.
1617
01:19:12,189 --> 01:19:13,564
Thank you.
Thank you.
1618
01:19:13,689 --> 01:19:15,189
Meet some of our friends.
1619
01:19:15,314 --> 01:19:16,189
Anton.
1620
01:19:16,314 --> 01:19:18,856
- Deacon. Hi. Anton.
- Anton.
1621
01:19:20,814 --> 01:19:22,523
[Sniffs]
1622
01:19:22,648 --> 01:19:24,565
I must have blacked out.
1623
01:19:24,690 --> 01:19:26,148
And then,
I remember an ambulance.
1624
01:19:26,273 --> 01:19:29,356
MINOGUE: He's going into shock!
O'Leary! O'Leary!
1625
01:19:29,481 --> 01:19:32,106
- O'LEARY: Yeah, coming!
- STU: [Growling]
1626
01:19:32,231 --> 01:19:34,898
- Calm down, mate.
- Calm down. Grab his legs!
1627
01:19:35,023 --> 01:19:37,982
- Hang on.
- Looks like rabies, doesn't it?
1628
01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:41,232
And I don't know how long after
that was, but I, like, woke up.
1629
01:19:41,357 --> 01:19:42,481
And it was daytime.
1630
01:19:42,606 --> 01:19:44,565
[Dramatic music plays]
1631
01:19:47,898 --> 01:19:50,274
And I couldn't find my clothes.
1632
01:19:52,190 --> 01:19:55,399
Those werewolves guys
eventually found me.
1633
01:19:55,524 --> 01:20:00,107
And they had some...
They, like, lent me some pants.
1634
01:20:00,232 --> 01:20:02,149
So, yeah, those guys
have been supporting me,
1635
01:20:02,274 --> 01:20:05,357
'cause I was quite confused.
1636
01:20:06,150 --> 01:20:10,024
Yeah, these are the guys
who turned me into a werewolf.
1637
01:20:10,150 --> 01:20:11,941
Did you knit your own jersey?
1638
01:20:12,066 --> 01:20:13,442
- Yes.
- CLIFTON: Oh, yeah?
1639
01:20:13,566 --> 01:20:14,275
I knit.
1640
01:20:14,400 --> 01:20:16,442
- Is that the moon or...
- Yes.
1641
01:20:16,567 --> 01:20:17,917
Hopefully, we won't,
you know [Growls]
1642
01:20:17,941 --> 01:20:19,525
[ Laughter]
1643
01:20:21,316 --> 01:20:22,626
WEREWOLF:
Ah, this is a nice place.
1644
01:20:22,650 --> 01:20:23,668
DEACON: Please don't, uh...
1645
01:20:23,692 --> 01:20:26,275
Don't lick anything
or pee on anything.
1646
01:20:26,400 --> 01:20:27,483
[ Laughter]
1647
01:20:27,608 --> 01:20:28,626
VIAGO:
We were worried at first.
1648
01:20:28,650 --> 01:20:31,483
We thought, "Ooh, they're just
going to urinate on everything."
1649
01:20:31,608 --> 01:20:35,525
But they actually are
really polite and pretty clean.
1650
01:20:35,650 --> 01:20:37,859
There was obviously
the werewolf smell,
1651
01:20:37,984 --> 01:20:40,942
which permeated the entire house
for the first half an hour.
1652
01:20:41,067 --> 01:20:44,359
But we opened some windows
and got rid of that.
1653
01:20:44,484 --> 01:20:47,401
When Stu first suggested
the idea, I thought, "No way."
1654
01:20:47,526 --> 01:20:49,984
You know... walking into the
vampires' den, that's ludicrous.
1655
01:20:50,109 --> 01:20:51,401
WEREWOLF: That's my hand.
1656
01:20:51,526 --> 01:20:53,524
ANTON: But I thought,
"Well, we'll give it a shot."
1657
01:20:53,609 --> 01:20:55,735
I'm the alpha male,
so I made the call.
1658
01:20:55,860 --> 01:20:57,526
- I'm the alpha male.
- Yes.
1659
01:20:57,651 --> 01:21:00,693
So, generally, all
the other guys follow me.
1660
01:21:00,818 --> 01:21:01,860
- To Stu!
- To Stu!
1661
01:21:01,985 --> 01:21:02,984
Thanks, guys.
1662
01:21:03,026 --> 01:21:04,651
What have you done to your face?
1663
01:21:04,776 --> 01:21:06,860
I got attacked
by some werewolves.
1664
01:21:06,985 --> 01:21:10,152
Oh. I met a werewolf.
Seemed a very nice person.
1665
01:21:10,277 --> 01:21:12,943
So, Katherine's a vampire now.
1666
01:21:13,068 --> 01:21:15,235
- Yes.
- We decide to get together.
1667
01:21:15,360 --> 01:21:16,836
We just thought,
"To hell with it, you know.
1668
01:21:16,860 --> 01:21:18,569
What have we got to lose?"
1669
01:21:18,694 --> 01:21:21,277
KATHERINE: I was just sitting,
doing nothing,
1670
01:21:21,402 --> 01:21:24,152
and he came floating in
and over to me,
1671
01:21:24,277 --> 01:21:25,569
and I recognized him.
1672
01:21:25,694 --> 01:21:26,861
It was wonderful.
1673
01:21:26,986 --> 01:21:28,610
That's right.
I bit you on the neck.
1674
01:21:28,736 --> 01:21:30,360
[ Laughing ]
That's right.
1675
01:21:30,485 --> 01:21:31,694
VIAGO: Yeah.
1676
01:21:31,819 --> 01:21:34,527
And I don't mind
being a vampire.
1677
01:21:34,652 --> 01:21:36,777
I'm enjoying it.
1678
01:21:37,486 --> 01:21:40,319
VIAGO: Some people freak out
a bit about the age difference.
1679
01:21:40,445 --> 01:21:43,194
Uh, they think,
"What's this 96-year-old lady
1680
01:21:43,319 --> 01:21:45,778
doing with a guy
four times her age?"
1681
01:21:45,902 --> 01:21:48,902
- And, you know, I don't care.
- It doesn't make any difference.
1682
01:21:49,027 --> 01:21:51,194
No. They can call me
Cradle-snatcher. Who cares?
1683
01:21:51,319 --> 01:21:54,695
I decided to bite her, and
we're gonna be together forever.
1684
01:21:54,820 --> 01:21:56,945
- Wonderful.
- Yeah.
1685
01:21:59,903 --> 01:22:01,945
[Man singing in native language]
1686
01:22:11,987 --> 01:22:15,903
VLADISLAV: Pauline and I
are tentatively back together.
1687
01:22:16,028 --> 01:22:18,987
But it's not long
before you remember why it was
1688
01:22:19,112 --> 01:22:20,988
you broke up in the first place.
1689
01:22:21,112 --> 01:22:22,404
[Screaming]
1690
01:22:25,571 --> 01:22:27,029
JACKIE:
Start in our bedroom.
1691
01:22:27,155 --> 01:22:30,321
I need that totally boarded up
or blacked out somehow.
1692
01:22:30,446 --> 01:22:31,863
My husband is my familiar.
1693
01:22:31,988 --> 01:22:34,821
So there has been
a dynamic shift there.
1694
01:22:34,946 --> 01:22:36,821
You could buy a Bedazzler.
So write that down.
1695
01:22:36,946 --> 01:22:38,321
That's B-E-D...
1696
01:22:38,447 --> 01:22:41,363
I feel like
I'm who I really need to be now.
1697
01:22:41,488 --> 01:22:43,238
- I love you.
- Mm. I love you, too.
1698
01:22:43,363 --> 01:22:45,071
Great.
1699
01:22:45,196 --> 01:22:46,988
But I am your master.
1700
01:22:47,113 --> 01:22:49,071
- Okay?
- Yeah.
1701
01:22:49,196 --> 01:22:51,572
Yeah, these guys have to laugh
at my jokes, right, guys?
1702
01:22:51,697 --> 01:22:53,905
- TOGETHER: Yeah!
- [ Laughter]
1703
01:22:54,030 --> 01:22:54,905
That is a good one.
1704
01:22:55,030 --> 01:22:56,965
I always look 'round to
make sure they're all laughing.
1705
01:22:56,989 --> 01:22:58,840
Like, if I see one of them
is not quite laughing,
1706
01:22:58,864 --> 01:23:00,030
I'll be, "Hey! You laughing?"
1707
01:23:00,156 --> 01:23:01,514
And then, often,
I'll test you, eh?
1708
01:23:01,572 --> 01:23:03,072
What are you laughing at,
Clifton?
1709
01:23:03,197 --> 01:23:04,631
- Eh?
- What are you laughing at now?
1710
01:23:04,655 --> 01:23:06,364
- Just then?
- Yeah, yeah. But what?
1711
01:23:06,489 --> 01:23:07,573
Oh, I don't know.
1712
01:23:07,697 --> 01:23:10,072
Ah, test failed!
Test failed!
1713
01:23:10,197 --> 01:23:11,905
Yeah. Eh? Eh?
You're laughing now.
1714
01:23:12,030 --> 01:23:13,656
What are you laughing at now,
though?
1715
01:23:13,781 --> 01:23:16,030
- I don't know 'cause...
- Ah. Another failure!
1716
01:23:16,156 --> 01:23:17,823
[ Laughter]
1717
01:23:17,948 --> 01:23:19,614
What are you laughing at, Stu?
1718
01:23:19,740 --> 01:23:21,364
Oh, I was laughing
with the group.
1719
01:23:21,489 --> 01:23:22,698
Yep, that's good.
That's good.
1720
01:23:22,823 --> 01:23:24,448
Yeah. See? Yeah.
1721
01:23:24,573 --> 01:23:26,698
Just pay attention.
Pay attention.
1722
01:23:26,823 --> 01:23:28,865
- Laugh with the group.
- Laugh with the group.
1723
01:25:04,993 --> 01:25:07,577
You will not remember
the last hour and a half
1724
01:25:07,702 --> 01:25:10,368
of what you have just seen.
1725
01:25:10,493 --> 01:25:15,160
You will forget
the contents of this movie.
1726
01:25:19,660 --> 01:25:21,035
[Fingers snap]
127078
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.