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1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:06,215
Everybody, everybody, listen
up. I need your ideas now.
2
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:08,675
Ideas, please, right
now. Go, go! Come on!
3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,445
Michael, we don't know
what you're talking about.
4
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,346
Wet cement outside.
It's drying fast.
5
00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:16,058
Come on, this is a lifelong dream.
What do I write? What do I write?
6
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,821
Michael, you could
put your initials in it.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,394
M.g.s. No.
8
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:24,566
Some idiot named Mark Greg schputnick
will claim credit for it. I don't...
9
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,544
That is true. Once in a
lifetime opportunity, people.
10
00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:27,611
Come on! Phyllis: Well...
11
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,613
Here we go! Yes?
12
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:30,948
When I was a little girl...
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,824
(Giggling) Michael: Okay.
14
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,244
Okay, do it! Come on,
great! Let's hear it!
15
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,828
We found some wet cement...
16
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,015
It's drying, it's drying... in
the park in our neighborhood...
17
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,082
All right, come on!
18
00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:41,667
Come on, Phyllis!
What did we write?
19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,293
Oh! Come on!
20
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,379
Here it is. You draw a picture.
21
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,062
'Cause that says so
much more than words.
22
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,090
No, no!
23
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,234
Come on, give me something good!
24
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,342
Okay, I was watching e!
25
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,678
And I saw will Smith
outside the Chinese theater,
26
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:53,905
and, oh, my god,
he looked so good.
27
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,097
Pam, translate.
28
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,909
She's talking about the handprints
that celebrities make in the cement.
29
00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:58,976
I love it!
30
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,703
If you were a real star,
you'd put your face in it.
31
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,728
I love it more!
32
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:02,956
Michael, that
doesn't seem safe...
33
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,190
I love it!
34
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:06,525
(Laughs)
35
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:07,968
Come on, let's go!
Dwight: Come on!
36
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,904
(All laughing)
37
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:15,325
We are here today not to
immortalize a man, but an idea.
38
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:17,953
Maybe the idea of a man.
39
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,246
Hurry, please.
40
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,248
Greatness is only skin
deep, some people say.
41
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,809
Can you breathe?
Well, that's not true.
42
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:23,935
Other people believe
it's deep down inside.
43
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,043
Hold your breath.
44
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,271
And in this case,
that's also not true.
45
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,380
Ready? And...
46
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:29,506
Dwight: Go!
47
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,049
Force it in as deep as you can.
48
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,884
Michael: (Muffled)
That's what she said.
49
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:36,680
Michael: Today's a very special
day for me. And it's really not about me.
50
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,225
It's about my grandkids.
It's about my great-grandkids.
51
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,604
I can come back here
when I'm 100,
52
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:47,190
and I can find that
piece of cement and say,
53
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:51,028
"that's me. Look, kids.
Your daddy left that face hole."
54
00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,698
I don't know.
It's a good feeling.
55
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,220
Okay.
56
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,889
Adjective.
57
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:23,101
"Tall." no, no, "nice."
58
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,772
Good one. Okay. You ready?
59
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:27,856
Mmm-hmm.
60
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:32,527
"The tall man entered
the nice building,
61
00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:36,490
"to visit a very nice man.
62
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:43,372
"'Sit down, Mr. Smith. Can I
interest you in any good cat food?"'
63
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,998
(laughs)
64
00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:47,042
It's a man eating cat food!
65
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,919
Andy: What about
a cat eating man food?
66
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:52,047
Andy and Angela seem very happy.
67
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,966
I hope nothing horrible
ever happens to them.
68
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:05,894
Yeah, I slept over at
a friend's house, and...
69
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:10,273
I forgot my contact solution, so I
had to wear my back-up glasses.
70
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:13,694
Shut up.
71
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:15,946
All right, everybody.
72
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:20,242
Oh, my god. Pam, those
make you look so ugly.
73
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,495
Pam, in order to get
hotter, you take glasses off.
74
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,539
You're moving in
the wrong direction.
75
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,290
I don't have my contacts...
76
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,251
I can't even hear you.
77
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,003
It's just noise coming
out of an ugly scientist.
78
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:35,632
Everybody, we're gonna have
a little brainstorming session
79
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,092
in the conference room.
80
00:03:37,175 --> 00:03:38,802
Energize.
81
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,805
You know what would energize me?
82
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:45,142
If you, Pamela Morgan beesly...
83
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,268
Don't you, don't you...
84
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,705
If you propose to me during a
Michael meeting, I will say no.
85
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,231
Well, it's too late,
because I'm proposing
86
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,484
that you get me a cup of coffee,
which would energize me greatly
87
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,278
and make me the
happiest man in the world.
88
00:03:56,361 --> 00:04:00,907
Everybody, so how are we
going to energize our office?
89
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,577
I mean, I haven't done
anything since Christmas.
90
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:07,080
Pam clearly has
just given up trying.
91
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,374
So what we need to do is
we need to get things going.
92
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:13,712
We need to get percolating a little bit.
Anybody have any ideas what we could do?
93
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,589
Any suggestions? Yes, Andy?
94
00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:19,634
What if we changed our outgoing
answering machine message
95
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:23,555
so it just had a little more
zing and a little more pep?
96
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:26,975
Zing and pep. Those are the kind
of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim.
97
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:29,936
What about if we did an
even newer voicemail message
98
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,938
that had even more zing and pep?
99
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,941
Now we're cooking, I like
this. Maybe a whole theme.
100
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:37,110
Like a rap... a rap rhyme.
An urban thing.
101
00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:40,489
An urban... yeah, Stanley,
you want to help us out with that?
102
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:41,698
Stanley! Earth to Stanley.
103
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,783
Not me.
104
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,786
Yes, you. Come on, Stanley,
put your little game down
105
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,037
and join the group.
106
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,414
Stanley, we're having...
107
00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,582
Leave me alone, damn it.
108
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:52,334
We're having
a brainstorm session.
109
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,960
Did I stutter?
110
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:04,012
Good. This is good. I'm
going to grab a glass of water.
111
00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,770
Can I talk to you a second?
112
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,230
(G roans) What?
113
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:19,110
I really think that you need to address
what happened with Stanley this morning.
114
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:22,447
(Sighs) What are you blabbering
about? Nothing happened.
115
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,450
Well, you know, Stanley
was openly insubordinate.
116
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:26,785
That, in the conference room?
117
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,078
Yeah.
118
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,747
We were joshing
around, the two of us.
119
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,707
And he said, "did I stutter?"
120
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,961
(Stuttering) And
I said, "what, dawg?"
121
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:39,214
It was joking, Toby, all right?
122
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,566
He didn't seem
like he wasjoking.
123
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:43,343
Well, you don't get it,
because Stanley is a beautiful,
124
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,804
sassy, powerful black man,
125
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,973
and you're you.
126
00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,642
If you had any friends,
you would understand.
127
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:54,479
Friends joke with one another.
"Hey, you're poor."
128
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:58,817
"Well, hey, your mama's dead."
That's what friends do.
129
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,111
It's... you're so white.
130
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,739
All right. Well...
131
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:08,243
If you really believe
that Stanley was joking...
132
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,327
Michael: Mmm-hmm.
133
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,912
Why don't we go ask him now?
134
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,914
Okay, I will.
135
00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,875
I'm not feeling very
well right now, though.
136
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:18,336
My stomach hurts, so I may
be going home early today.
137
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,840
You know, Michael, sometimes
my daughter's stomach hurts
138
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,341
when there's
a mean girl at school.
139
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:28,096
Well, sometimes my stomach
hurts when you come into my office.
140
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,515
So it's probably psychological.
141
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:37,439
And y: You meet a lot ofladies driving an
xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight
142
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:42,068
and look over, and there's an xterra next
to you, they're always driven by chicks.
143
00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,653
So there's your icebreaker.
144
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:44,863
(Grunts)
145
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,531
Scratch!
146
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,116
That's a racing stripe.
147
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,743
Bumper's sagging.
148
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,536
Hmm. I doubt that very much.
149
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,748
This car is crap. I will
buy it for next to nothing.
150
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:55,874
How next to?
151
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,077
Well, here are your options.
152
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,295
You can sell it for parts,
drive it off a cliff,
153
00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:05,800
you can donate it to a person that
you'd like to see die in a car crash, or
154
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:09,012
you can sell it to me and I'll use
it as I would a wagon on my farm.
155
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,348
It will be towed by a donkey.
156
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,266
I have to pick
one of those? Yes.
157
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,493
Can you go over
those options again?
158
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:15,644
You know what?
159
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:19,940
You knock $1,500 off the price right
now and I will take it off your hands.
160
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,316
It's gotta be now.
161
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,501
Well, I had the
blue book value...
162
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,777
Seal the deal. Let's do it.
163
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,863
Let's do this thing.
Three, two, one.
164
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,365
Can I think about it?
165
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,824
Five, four, three, two, now.
166
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:30,909
Let me think about it.
167
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994
Now. Now. Say it. Do it now.
168
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,138
Thinking about it. Thinking.
169
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,264
Do it now! Do it. Shake my hand.
170
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,540
You will sell me this car.
Shake my hand.
171
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,209
Yeah, all right!
172
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,173
What?
173
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,510
I see that you gave me that form
174
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,346
that I asked you to give me,
Stanley the manly.
175
00:07:51,429 --> 00:07:54,432
So thank you for that. I
guess we are back to normal.
176
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,309
What are you talking about?
177
00:07:56,393 --> 00:08:01,564
Well, you know, the thing that
you said earlier that you didn't mean.
178
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:06,069
And that I forgive you for.
The whole thing's silly, isn't it?
179
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,572
Friends don't need to apologize
to friends, as far as I'm concerned.
180
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,740
So we are cool.
181
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,243
I am not going
to apologize to you.
182
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,704
It's like I used
to tell my wife.
183
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:20,500
"I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong,
and if you don't like it, you can leave."
184
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:25,463
And I say the same thing to my current
wife, and I'll say it to my next one, too.
185
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,341
Jim is in charge of Stanley
only in sales-related matters.
186
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,844
Hence the green line.
Green for money.
187
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,680
Sales, get it? There
is this yellow zigzag
188
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,266
that does give Ryan the
authority to discipline Stanley.
189
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,350
Great.
190
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,601
However, in so doing,
191
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,605
it zigs past your name, hence zagging
you and making you appear weak.
192
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,942
Thus the yellow color.
Yellow for cowardly.
193
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,360
What's the pink?
194
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:48,528
Menstrual cycles.
195
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,321
Okay.
196
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:55,326
Is there anybody up here,
anybody at all, that can deal with this
197
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,828
other than me... you.
198
00:08:56,995 --> 00:09:02,375
Well, there is the emergency
disaster mode for the org chart.
199
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:08,089
This gives me full authority over
every single person in the office.
200
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,358
I never said you could do that.
201
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,842
All you have to do is say it.
202
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,177
Okay, I'll think about it.
203
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,720
Say it. Just do it.
204
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:19,017
Don't think, say it. Do it.
Five, four, three, two...
205
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,562
Do it. Give me control, Michael.
206
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:30,236
(Whispers) I promise to give authority
back to you when this crisis is over.
207
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,863
Do it, Michael.
208
00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,657
Do it. Hey.
209
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:38,161
This office needs a strongman.
210
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,371
Say it.
211
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,708
So...
212
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:49,130
All right, well then, you're gonna
have to deal with this yourself.
213
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:58,473
Hey, Pam. I really
like your glasses.
214
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,058
Oh, thanks.
215
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:03,728
All the girlfriends that I've
ever had have worn glasses.
216
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,605
Oh, okay.
217
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,649
Yeah, it's kind of a
turn-on for me, actually.
218
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:08,793
I should probably get back to...
219
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:09,818
Like librarians.
220
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,236
Entering the...
221
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:12,987
Could you just say,
222
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,781
"these are due back Thursday"?
223
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:24,999
(Phone rings)
224
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:32,715
Dunder Mifflin. This is
Pam. Okay, go ahead.
225
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,762
A lot ofjazz cats are blind,
226
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:41,099
but they can play the piano
like nobody's business.
227
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:46,563
I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam
without her glasses and see what happens.
228
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,648
I'd also like to
see her topless.
229
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,487
Hey. Mike.
230
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,364
I'm very busy here, man.
Darryl...
231
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,448
(Michael clears throat)
232
00:10:58,449 --> 00:10:59,993
Have you ever been in a gang?
233
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,913
It's an advice question, and
234
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,542
if you don't want to talk about
it, I completely understand. It's...
235
00:11:07,625 --> 00:11:09,502
No, no, no. I know
it's very, very personal.
236
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:13,715
I have.
237
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,092
I knew it. Okay.
238
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,927
Who are we talking about here?
239
00:11:18,052 --> 00:11:19,679
Both. Crips, bloods?
240
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:20,763
God.
241
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,057
Yeah, them and the Latin kings.
242
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:26,019
The warriors, newsies. Okay.
243
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,062
Okay, so dig this.
244
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,609
You're on the street and
one of your gang disses you.
245
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,527
Oh, my goodness. Yeah, right.
246
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,946
So what do you do to
get him to make it right?
247
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:42,535
Well, see, in the gang world, we
use something called "fluffy fingers."
248
00:11:43,995 --> 00:11:45,038
What is that?
249
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,707
That's where if somebody
really gets in your face,
250
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:50,293
you know, you just
start tickling them.
251
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,422
Yeah. Really?
252
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:56,341
And he starts tickling you.
253
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:59,052
You know, pretty soon
you're laughing and hugging.
254
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,346
Before you know it, you've
forgotten the whole thing.
255
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,266
Y'all can just go to church
together and get an ice cream cone.
256
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,894
I would have never thought that
257
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,980
gangs would be
tickling each other.
258
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,982
Well, it's effective.
259
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:27,288
I think it's self-explanatory.
Hey, Jim! Come here for a second.
260
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,791
Can you answer me something
as a true eagles fan?
261
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:31,542
Oh, boy.
262
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:33,711
How do you live with
a franchise this bad?
263
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,463
On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
264
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,340
(Laughs) All right,
whatever you say.
265
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,259
Listen, while I have
you here with Toby,
266
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,822
I need to give you a formal
warning about your job performance.
267
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,013
(Chuckles) A formal warning?
268
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,934
It's actually not a joke. I know
how you spend your time here.
269
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,311
I know how little you
care about your job.
270
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,563
And honestly, if you spent
as much time selling
271
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:55,441
as you do goofing around with
Dwight and hanging out at reception,
272
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,278
we wouldn't be having
this conversation.
273
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,948
I'm sorry, is this because I talked
to Wallace about your website?
274
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,117
Because I really didn't
mean to go over your head.
275
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,536
This has nothing to
do with that, all right?
276
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:09,872
I always appreciate constructive
criticism about my job performance.
277
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,457
I thrive on it.
278
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,978
I'm sorry, then do you mind
explaining it a little better?
279
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:15,187
'Cause I'm not
sure what's really...
280
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,046
Whoa. Don't get
all defensive, all right?
281
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,756
It's just a warning.
282
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,385
If you want the details, Toby can
provide them. You take it easy, all right?
283
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:26,014
I'd say all the goofing
around at Pam's desk
284
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,559
and hanging out with Pam
has finally caught up to him.
285
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,270
You know, with Pam.
286
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,943
Hey, what happened?
What did Ryan want?
287
00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:40,445
Oh, we were just
288
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,114
talking about
bureaucratic stuff.
289
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:44,699
Because you're very important.
290
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:45,825
Yeah.
291
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,043
(Dwight/mitating Andy's singing)
292
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:58,338
Oh, what's Dwight up to?
Oh, probably nothing.
293
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,423
(Continues imita tion)
294
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,507
(Dwight exclaims)
295
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,928
What the hell is this all about?
296
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,265
You're flipping
my car for profit.
297
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,892
It's my car now.
298
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:15,521
I gave you a deal
based on what you said to me.
299
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:19,942
Yeah, well, seller beware.
Now ifyou'll excuse me,
300
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,988
I've got to monitor a three-way
bidding war for my car on eBay.
301
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,742
I've got a mad lib for you.
302
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:31,788
"A stupid, idiotic numbskull
303
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,875
"named Andy Bernard
sold his xterra
304
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,962
"to a smart and capable
man named Dwight.
305
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,633
"This is shaping up to be
an awesome day for Dwight."
306
00:14:56,479 --> 00:15:02,151
Okay, everybody. Shh. Listen up.
Earlier today, Stanley sassed me,
307
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,488
and Toby gave me some
suggestions on how to discipline him.
308
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:08,366
They did not work, obviously,
because they were stupid.
309
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:12,161
So I am now going
to fake fire him.
310
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:13,996
What does that mean?
311
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,082
It's like a mock execution.
312
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,167
That's not a good idea.
Yes, it is a good idea.
313
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,378
It's the only possible
solution I have left.
314
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:21,796
Well, you can actually fire him.
315
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,049
I've had enough of you.
316
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,384
Why are you telling us this?
317
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:30,221
Because I want you to behave as if
I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay?
318
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,765
Michael, if you
hadn't told us this,
319
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,476
then we would've thought
that you were actually firing him.
320
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:40,148
I'm not firing him! I will need
you to act like I am firing him.
321
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:44,527
Just... what I'm going to do is I'm
going to pretend that I'm firing him.
322
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,864
And I need you to act like I
am firing him. Do you get that?
323
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,740
Do you get it? I'm
teaching him alesson.
324
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,702
He needs to learn humility,
all right? That's all I'm...
325
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:55,663
Okay, here he comes.
Let's just play-act.
326
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,793
Stanley, may I talk
to you for a second?
327
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:10,428
Stanley Hudson, you are fired.
328
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,145
Are you serious?
329
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,231
I am serious.
We are all serious.
330
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,318
You are fired
like a heart attack.
331
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:28,779
You're firing me
over three words?
332
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,907
Yes. Have you lost your mind?
333
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,243
(Sighs) Do you think I'm
gonna let you do this to me?
334
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,163
I've watched you screw
up this office for 10 years,
335
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:40,374
and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm
gonna tell them about every stupid thing
336
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,818
you've ever done
up in this office.
337
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,044
All right, okay.
338
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:45,796
You know what?
Now you know how I feel.
339
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,508
This was a fake firing.
340
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:53,179
Lesson learned. Good
work, everybody. Very nice.
341
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:54,555
So I'm not fired.
342
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,766
(Sighs) That's it.
343
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,976
And...
344
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,478
Do you have anything
to say to me?
345
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,647
Ooh, yes, I do.
346
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:07,026
You are out of your damn
little pea-sized mind.
347
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:11,697
What is wrong with you?
Do you have any sense at all?
348
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,408
Do you have any idea
how to run an office?
349
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,828
Every day you do something
stupider than you did the day before.
350
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:21,207
And I think, "there's no
possible way he can top that."
351
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,502
But what do you do? You
find a way, damn it, to top it.
352
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,003
You are a professional idiot...
353
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,755
Hey, stop it!
354
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,550
Okay, everybody out.
355
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,468
Jim: Who? Yeah,
everybody except Stanley.
356
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:41,978
Let's go.
357
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,789
I can't find my glasses.
Okay, you know what?
358
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:47,024
Why don't you take my hand and
leave them, and let's get out of here.
359
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:48,526
Okay, okay.
360
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,196
(Exclaims)
361
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,742
It's Michael versus Stanley,
and it is the clash of the titans.
362
00:17:56,826 --> 00:18:00,788
In one corner, you have
Michael, and he is mad.
363
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:04,709
And then in the other corner,
you have Stanley, and he's mad.
364
00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,795
So that's about it.
365
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:30,026
I don't understand why
you keep picking on me.
366
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,110
Oh, for the love of god.
367
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,445
You just
368
00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:37,074
do, and I don't know why,
so please help me understand.
369
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:42,830
Fine. Here it is. You are
a person I do not respect.
370
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:46,083
The things you say, your
actions, your methods and style,
371
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:49,754
everything you would do, I
would do it the opposite way.
372
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,259
Well, Stanley,
373
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:58,012
maybe you are feeling
that you don't respect me
374
00:18:58,095 --> 00:19:00,222
because you don't
know me very well.
375
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,100
Michael, I've known
you a very long time,
376
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:07,396
and the more I've gotten to know
you, the less I've come to respect you.
377
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:10,024
Any other theories?
378
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,658
All right, you don't respect me.
379
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:21,285
I accept that.
380
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,413
But listen to me.
381
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:29,794
You can't talk to me that way in this
office, you just can't. I am your boss.
382
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:32,630
Can't allow it.
383
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,590
Fair enough.
384
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:47,186
I am a good person, and sometimes
good people don't get no respect.
385
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,771
Rodney dangerfield.
386
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:53,859
(Imitating dangerfield) "Hey, I
don't get no respect. No respect at all.
387
00:19:54,777 --> 00:19:58,114
"When I was in the sandbox
as a kid, I got no respect.
388
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,867
"My wife likes
to talk after sex.
389
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,913
"So she called me from a hotel
room, said, 'i don't respect you.'
390
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,248
(scoffs)
391
00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:08,791
"Thoughtless.
392
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:14,422
"You know what don't get
no respect? Airplane food.
393
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:18,801
"Why don't they just make
the plane out of the airline food?
394
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:26,684
"My wife don't get no respect.
So... take her, please, for example.
395
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:32,231
"If you don't get no respect,
you might be a redneck."
396
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:37,361
"Respect is nice." Borat.
397
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:44,994
"What's the deal with
grape-nuts? No grapes, no nuts.
398
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,330
"I don't get no respect."
399
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:54,587
So I'm thinking as a
reward for our loyal clients
400
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:58,591
that we contact their assistants
and we find out where they live,
401
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:04,096
and then, we go to their houses in
the middle of summer and go caroling.
402
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:10,978
It is a summer Christmas sale-e-bration,
and we'll call it, "a summer sales-a-lot."
403
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:14,565
Feedback, anybody? Stanley?
404
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,694
Has potential to be
your best idea yet.
405
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:22,009
That's the dumbest
thing I ever heard.
406
00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:23,699
(Sighs) Damn it, Phyllis.
407
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:26,076
All right, everybody
out except Phyllis.
30030
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