All language subtitles for The.Office.US.S04E01E02.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG

Okay, well, I did not
get the job in New York,

but I got the real prize,
domestic bliss.

Jan made me breakfast
this morning.

Well, she bought the milk.

It's soy.

This is why I do it.

(Jan snoring) That's
what I have to come home to.

(Sighs)

She probably won't
be up for a few hours.

This is going to be a
very good year. Very good.

Jan is at home. Jim is back. My
protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff.

Andy and Dwight are rocking
the sales team. I feel very blessed.

(Grunts)

You know, generally it's not a good
idea to click on any Internet offers

that you haven't requested.
What was the exact offer?

It was for a video.

Yeah. What kind of video?

A celebrity sex tape.

Really? What kind of celebrity?

It's not relevant.
How much did you pay for it?

Not relevant. You paid for it?

It all happened so fast.

I broke up with Karen
after the job interview.

And it was

a little awkward when she
came back from the city.

She told me very clearly that
just because we were broken up

didn't mean that
she was going anywhere,

because she had worked
really hard for her career,

but the next day
her desk was empty.

And as for me and my
current romantic life...

I am single now and looking.

So, if you know anybody...

Jim and I went to dinner a few times
when he got back from New York.

I talked him
through his breakup.

It's really nice to
be good friends again.

Are you kidding me? Pam
and Jim are totally hooking up.

All they do is smile.

They're just keeping it
a secret. Right?

I don't know. There is
no evidence of intimacy.

They've been in
remarkably good moods.

It could be other things.

Are you kidding me?

And Sunday, I'm thinking of going
to that flea market at the drive-in.

That sounds fun. I'm mountain biking
on Sunday on montage mountain.

Yeah. Cool.

Well, have fun with that.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have some bad news.

Meredith was hit by a car.

What? Where? Oh, my god.

It happened this morning
in the parking lot.

I took her to the hospital and
the doctors tried to save her life.

They did the best
that they could

and she is going to be okay.

What is wrong with you? Why
did you have to phrase it like that?

So she's really
going to be fine?

Yes. She has a
slight pelvical fracture,

but people have
survived far worse.

Thank god you were there.

Yeah.

Did you see who did it?

Oh, no need. We can just
check the security tapes.

Yeah. Kind of a
good-news-bad-news there.

I was able to be on the scene so quickly
because I was in the car that hit her.

Who was driving?

Oh, Michael.

One day Michael came in complaining
about a speed bump on the highway.

I wonder who he ran over then.

It's only Meredith.

Yeah. It's only
Meredith. Thank god.

But did you see the way
they looked at me?

Like I was a murderer
or something.

Hey...

Why did you do it?

It was an accident.

Was she talking back?

Just got sick of that face?
Did she owe you money?

Is this downsizing?

Did she spurn youradvances?

Hey, guys. We're all going
to visit Meredith at lunch

and we're kicking
in $5 for flowers.

Who's "we," you and Jim?

No. Me and Stanley
and Phyllis, so far.

Oh, I bet Jim goes, too.

Yeah, I haven't asked him yet.

Oh, I bet you ask.

I was planning on it.

I bet you were.

Subfle.

What? Are you coming?

I can't. Sprinkles is sick.

She's been sick for some time.

Thank you for asking.
No one asks about sprinkles.

I have to give her her
meds. I have to pet her.

And who will she eat lunch with?

Can't your other cats
keep her company?

There's bad blood,
jealousies, cliques...

Angela, you're the chairman of
the party planning committee.

I shouldn't even be
planning this. It's your job.

All right.

My lord, my liege!
Ryan: Yes, Michael?

So Ryan got
promoted to corporate

where he is a little fish
in a big pond.

Whereas, back here in Scranton,

I am still top dog

in a fairly large pond.

So, who is the real boss,

the dog or a fish?

So I need a little
treat for the gang,

something to win
their affections back.

Ryan: Back?
Why is that, Michael?

Well, I ran down
Meredith in my car.

Oh! Did you do this on purpose?

No, I was being negligent, but
she's in the hospital, she's fine.

Recovering nicely, tiny
little crack in her pelvis,

but she will be up and... did
this happen on company property?

Yes. It was on company property with
company property, so double jeopardy.

We are fine.

I don't think you understand

how jeopardy works.

Oh, right. I'm sorry.
What is "we're fine"?

(Ryan sighs)

People keep calling me a "wunderkind."
I don't even know what that means.

I mean, I know what it means. It
means very successful for your age.

So I guess it makes sense,
but it's a weird word.

Angela: Hey, d.
Hey, monkey, what's up?

Can you do me a little favor?

Go to my place at lunch and
give sprinkles her medicine?

Sure.

Ihaveto visit the alkie.

Check to see if she's faking.

If a car hit me, it
wouldn't crack my pelvis.

You know what? I bet
she cracked it at home,

jumped in front of the car
to get some worker's comp.

I wouldn't put it past her.

So what do you need me to do?

I wrote it out.
There's a diabetes shot.

Roll the Insulin in your
hands. Don't shake it.

She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal. You
have to put her right in front of the dish

or she won't see it
because of the cataracts.

Mix one capsule of omega fatty
acid in with her kidney medicine.

And you want to give that to
her 15 minutes after she's eaten.

And... oh,
there's a fungal cream

because she has this
infection under her tail,

so you're going to
have to lift her tail

and put the cream right
at the base of her tail.

Okay, I have an announcement.

You pushed Darryl
out the window? No.

You shot Dwight? No.
No. That is not funny.

I love my employees even
though I hit one of you with my car,

for which I take
full responsibility.

Look, I'm just trying to take everybody's
mind off of this unavoidable tragedy

and on to more positive things,

so I thought we
should plant a tree.

Oh, good. At least
we don't have to work.

Okay, we're leaving
for the hospital at 1:00.

So, like, a freedom tree.

I can take three people.

I can also take three people.

Separate cars.

Michael: Pam? All right,
we'll get a card at the hospital

and we'll sign it
outside her room.

Pam? Sales people
can go later in the day.

Hourly workers can go at lunch.

Okay, good, good, so we'll just
all go down there together at lunch.

Excehent I was
thinking thatvve._

Good work, Pam. But if we...

Yay! I think it
would be a lot...

Pam!

All right, since I am the
boss, I will drive as well.

Who wants shotgun?
You can't be serious.

You ran a woman
over this morning.

Everyone inside the
car was fine, Stanley!

Guess what? I have
flaws. What are they?

Oh, I don't know.
I sing in the shower.

Sometimes, I spend too
much time volunteering.

Occasionally, I'll hit somebody
with my car. So sue me.

No, don't sue me. That's the opposite
of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael: I hate hospitals. In my
mind, they are associated with sickness.

Shelooks like an angel.

She looks awful.

No? Okay, she always looks
like that. It was not my fault.

I think she's awake.

No, she's in a coma.

Okay. Meredith?

(Taunting)

I brought all your friends
from the office, dear.

At the same time. Yeah.

Hello, Meredith.

This is weird.

Brought you some balloons.

Why don't we... here you go.

Tie these up. Cheer up
your tubes. Oh, shoot.

Oh, for god's sake.

Nurse!

No, don't bother the nurse.
Just put it back in.

I'm going to be sick.
I'm going to puke.

I'm going to puke. I wouldn't
worry about it. Don't touch it.

What... what are you
doing? Just give me that.

Thanks.

Does it hurt terribly?

No. It's not too bad.

They have me on
a lot of painkillers.

Creed: Oh, really? What kind?

Codeine? Vicodin? Percocet?
Fentanyl? Oxycontin? Palladone?

I have no idea. What?

(Scoffs)

Well, it was really great of all of you
to come and visit me at the same time.

I'll see you guys at the office.

Okay.

Okay. Wait up. Wait up.
Guys, guys, guys. Hold on a sec.

You know what I was
thinking might be sort of fun,

is if you forgave me
in front of everybody.

Michael,
I'm not going to do that.

'Cause you know what they say
in the Bible about forgiveness?

Forgiveness is
next to godliness.

No, that's not what
they... well, just... just...

You cracked my pelvis.

Look, I just...
I don't understand

what is preventing you
from laughing this off

and giving me a big hug.

You are not forgiven.

Come on.

Michael! Michael!

(Groans) Michael!

Do I need to be liked?
Absolutely not. I like to be liked.

I enjoy being liked.
I have to be liked,

but it's not like this
compulsive need to be liked,

like my need to be praised.

Hey.

Hey, monkey.

Any problems?

Well, you left the TV on,
and your cat is dead.

What? Sparkles, the
white one, is dead.

Sprinkles.

That was the sick one, right?

(Sobs)

I thought she had more time.

Did she look...

When you saw her,
how was she looking?

Really dead.

Like, just a dead cat.

So... hey, come on,
don't be sad.

Just... okay? Just_

She's in a better place.

All right.

Actually, the place that she's in
is the freezer because of the odor.

It's going to be okay.

Okay, you know what?

Everybody, let's just get
over the whole Meredith thing.

She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little
crack, and she's going to be fine.

So, let's just...

Michael, Angela's cat died.

Sprinkles?

Oh, shoot.

I'm sorry, Angela.
Man, what a day, huh?

How could it get any worse?

The computer crashes
with the porn,

and then Meredith with
the accident, and then...

Prinkles! God...

That's three things.

I'll tell you what's going
on. This office is cursed.

And we need to do
something about it.

Well, I am taking
responsibility, and it is up to me

to get rid of the curse
that hit Meredith with my car.

I'm not superstitious,
but I am a little stitious.

Did anyone do anything
involving an Indian burial ground?

Like what? Like park on it.

Or dig up a body.

Toby, do you have
anything you want to tell us?

No. I did not violate
an Indian burial ground.

In fact, I had some good luck
recently. Alfredo's pizza picked

my business card out of the
basket. So, I get a week of free pies.

Pam: That's cool. Yeah.

Perfect. So our tragedy
is your good luck.

Satan.

Sprinkles never hurt a soul.

God, in your infinite
wisdom, how can you do this?

She wasn't ready. She had
so much left to accomplish.

It is only a cat.

You never...
You don't like them.

Cats do not provide
milk or wool or meat.

All: Dwight.

Dwight, you haven't seen
Meredith yet, have you?

No, I have not. Well,

I think you should go to the
hospital and pay your respects.

I do not respect her,
but I will go.

All right,

I would now like to talk about each
of your individual religious beliefs.

Michael, you can't ask
about religious beliefs.

Satan is a master of lies.

Everything he says
is the opposite.

All right, well, then you can
ask about religious beliefs.

Thank you for the
permission. Psych.

All right, let's just go around the
room and tell me what you believe in.

I'm a catholic.

Okay. Presbyterian.

All right. Me, too.

For real? Same religion.

All right.

I'm a lutheran and
Bob is a unitarian.

It keeps things spicy.

That's why we're cursed.

I've been involved in a number of
cults, both as a leader and a follower.

You have more fun as a follower.

But you make more
money as a leader.

Kelly, you are hindu,
so you believe in Buddha.

That's Buddhists.

Are you sure? No.

What are you?

Well, if you're going to reduce my
identity to my religion, then I'm sikh.

But I also like hip-hop and npr,

and I'm restoring a 1967
corvette in my spare time.

Okay. So one sikh and...

Dwight: As a farmer, I know
that when an animal is sick,

sometimes the right thing to
do is to put it out of its misery.

With the electricity we're
using to keep Meredith alive,

we could power a
small fan for two days.

You tell me what's unethical.

Blink once if you want
me to pull the plug.

Don't pull any plugs. All right.

How are you doing,
Ms. Palmer? Better.

Excehent are you a
doctor oramabnume?

I'm an intern, which
makes me a doctor.

(Scoffs)

Her chart doesn't indicate
that she had a hysterectomy.

But she did, or at least
she got time off for one.

So that is where
her uterus went.

Ms. Palmer,
your last tetanus shot

was when you were bitten
by a bat a few months ago?

Yes. Dwight, here, trapped
it in a bag against my head.

Just doing my job.

It also says you were
recently bitten by a raccoon.

And a rat.

Separate occasions.

You spend your whole life
trying to get people to like you,

and then you run over
one person with your car,

and it's not even one of the popular
ones, and everybody gets on your case.

Itdoesnt make any sense.

God is dead.

If there was a god, then Ryan
and I would be married by now.

Maybe believing
in god was a mistake.

What did people
believe in before?

The sun?

Maybe there's
some sort of animal

that we could make
a sacrifice to,

like a giant buffalo,

or some sort of monster,

like something with
the body of a walrus

with the head of

a sea lion.

Or something with
the body of an egret

with the head of a meerkat.

Or just

the head of a monkey with

the antlers of a reindeer

with the body of

Porcupine.

I will do some research.

Okay.

I can help you with that.

Okay.

So, just to be safe, they are
giving her the rabies vaccine.

Oh, god, rabies?

I was in the hospital
room with her.

How contagious is that?

Isthathke anstd? No.No.

You've got to be
bitten by something.

This place is so cursed.

Actually, the doctor said it was
lucky she came into the hospital,

because the only
way to beat rabies

is to start treatment
before the symptoms set in.

Lockjaw.

I know a lot of you are very upset
with me for endangering Meredith's life

by hitting her with my car.

But it may make you feel a little bit
better to know that before that happened,

Dwight endangered her life by
putting a garbage bag overherhead

that had a bat in it.

Six of one, really.

Turns out Meredith has
been exposed to rabies,

which is like 10 times worse
than a little crack in your pelvis.

Thanks to me, she went to the
hospital and that saved her life.

Curse is broken.

Curse is broken, people.
Oh, there is a god.

And he has a plan
for us after all.

So go home, get some rest.
Very, very good work today.

Got a lot accomplished.

Is there a god? If not, what
are all these churches for?

And who is Jesus' dad?

(Car beeps)

Oh, well, if they aren't together
now, then they probably never will be.

I thought they'd be good
together, like pb and j.

Pam beasley and Jim.

What a waste.

What a waste.

Pam: I told you
I'm not dating anyone.

And even if! Was,

I don't think
it's anyone's business.

I mean, when I do fall in
love, like, when it's for real,

the last person I'm going to
talk about it to is a camera crew

or my co-workers.

Almost marrying Roy Anderson
was as close to Pamela Anderson

as I ever want to be.

Trust me, when I fall
in love, you'll know.

(Phone rings)

Michael Scott's
dunder Mifflin Scranton

Meredith Palmer memorial

celebrity rabies awareness
fun run race for the cure.

This is Pam. Pro-am.

Pro-am race for the...
They hung up.

A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a
car to learn that she may have rabies,

but that is where
we are in america.

And that does not
sit right with me.

And that is why I am hosting a
fun run race for the cure for rabies.

To raise awareness of the fact
that there is a cure for rabies,

a disease that has been
largely eradicated in the us,

but not very many
people know that.

No, rabies.

Babies would be a good idea.

Can I put you down for a dime?

Hi, stankley,
how many sponsors so far?

Zero.

Come on, man, got to step
it up. It's for a good cause.

Jan called this morning
and pledged $500.

And isn't that your money?

It is for a good cause.

Phyllis, how's
the rabies quilt coming?

It's coming.
Oh, look at that, three.

Way to honor Meredith,
Phyllis. Michael?

Yes. You cannot make me run.

Okay. It is not a real charity.

It's stupid, Michael,
and I'm not going to do it.

All right. All right.
You didn't run for me

(shushing) When I
thought I had skin cancer.

I know that you're probably scared of
people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

Okay. Vveh, backin olden times,

a large, fat person like
this was a person of power.

A person who had money, could
buy food, a person of respect,

like the regional
manager of the day.

Whereas someone athletic
and trim like myself

was someone who
worked in the fields

and I was a peasant.

I just don't want to run.

I didn't bring my
sneakers or my clothes.

Well, you're going
to have to run

or you're going to
be in a lot of trouble.

It is not olden times anymore.

I'm petrified of nipple chafing.
Once it starts, it is a vicious circle.

You have sensitive nipples, they
chafe. So they become more sensitive,

so they chafe more.

So I take precautions.

Hey, Angela.

Hey, I'm sorry about your cat.

(Sobbing)

This is sprinkles.
She was my best friend.

I kept her going through
countless ailments.

I asked Dwight schrute to feed
her once and she is now deceased.

This is Halloween iastyear

just a couple of kittens

out on the town.

Pssst

I'm having
relationship problems,

and since you're always
having relationship problems,

I thought you'd be able
to give me some advice.

What's wrong?

I have this crazy thought

that I know is crazy,

that maybe Dwight killed my cat.

Hmm.

When I got home, sprinkles'
body was in the freezer

where Dwight said he left her.

But all my bags of frozen French
fries had been clawed to shreds.

Something's not right.

The vet's doing an autopsy.

Angela, I'm sorry.

Did Roy ever kill
one of your cats?

I'm more of a dog person.

Jim: So what's your
strategy for this race?

Well, I'm going to start fast.

Then I'm going to run
fast in the middle. What?

Then I'm going to end fast.

Why won't more people do that?

'Cause they're stupid.

What?

(Stammering)

No, that's not...

I mean, that wasn't...

Yeah, that was...

I mean, I can see how it
would seem a bit like we...

How it looks like...

But, I mean, nowadays
you can edit anything, right?

You can edit anything
to look like anything.

Yeah, I gave him
a ride home because...

Right.

We're dating.

Wow! There it is.

Yeah.

We haven't told anybody,
but it's going really great.

Right?

It is going really great.

Shut up!

You're taking this out on me,
but I was only the messenger.

Oh, really?

You'll feel better after the 5k.

Exercise is good for depression.

I'm not depressed. I'm grieving.

We have raised almost $700,

most of it from me and jan.

When do they put that
on the giant check,

or is that something
that we write in later?

Well, a giant check costs
about $200 to make up.

I have a print shop standing by,
butwhat do you think, Michael?

That's over 25% of our funds.

That's a tough decision.

I always imagined it
with a giant check.

Yeah, I mean, I personally am
definitely on board for the giant check.

Giant check it is.

I don't know.

On the other hand, it does leave
less money for bat birth control.

Bat birth control?

Wait, this money is going to
bat birth control, right, Michael?

That's what you told
me when I contributed.

You didn't contribute very much.

I was also hoping to hand the
giant check to a rabies doctor.

And how's that going?

Not well. A doctor won't come
out to collect a check for $700.

Or $500, if we go
with the giant check.

Which we are.

And also, there is no such
thing as a rabies doctor.

What about a rabies nurse?

I don't think so.

You know what, though? I've actually seen
ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour

for parties and bachelor events.

That's possible.
Look into that. Great.

It's going to cost a couple hundred
bucks and... actually more with tips.

Maybe we should
skip the ceremony

and just set up a college
fund for Meredith's son.

Have you met that kid?
Not going to college.

Michael...

5k means five kilometers,
not 5,000 miles.

Michael: Come in!

Oh, my god!

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

You said, come in! No, I didn't!

Just, please, get
out. Oh, my god!

So I closed the door
but the image of his...

Baguefie? ...Dangling participle

still burned in my eyes.

(Knocking at door)
I can imagine.

Come in.

May I enter the room?

Yes, or come in.

See how I did that?

That's the way
you should enter a room.

You knock and then
you wait for the all clear.

You couldn't have taken off all
your clothes in the men's room?

Yes, but I have an office,
so why would I do that?

On average, how many hours a day do you
spend naked in your office, just ballpark?

European offices are naked
all the time. They're so not.

Besides, my shirttail
covered most of it, so...

I didn't see where it started,
but I saw where it ended.

Gross. That's not gross.

It is a human body.
What is your problem?

Pam, you're an artist, right?

Think of me as
one of your models.

Okay, you know what?

I don't want this to detract from what
we really need to be thinking about today.

It's not fair to
people with rabies.

And that's the point. Right?

Okay. Let's go have some fun.

All right.

They say if you're nervous around
someone you should picture them naked.

I do not recommend
this strategy.

Try picturing them with more
clothes on or a funny coat.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this a working office?

And not a French beach?

Okay, name please.

Creed Bratton. 75-plus division.

You're over 75 years old?

Eighty-two, November 1st.

How much is the prize money?

There's no prize money.

What? Is any of this real?

Check that out.

"Look at me. I'm
Toby. I'm stretching.

"I know what I'm doing."
Why is he even here?

So I heard that you were
peeping on Michael.

What? No, it was not...

Look, I don't know what your deal
is, but he's mine, okay? So, hands off.

Okay, everybody! Listen up!

Thank you for coming.
Before we get started,

I want to say a few words

about this deadly
disease called rabies.

And I'd like you to take a
look into the face of rabies.

That should scare you.
It scares me.

You people need
to educate yourselves.

Myth: Three Americans
every year die from rabies.

Fact: Four Americans
every year die from rabies.

How many of you know someone

who has been afflicted
or affected by rabies?

Show of hands. One, two,
three... too many to count.

It is truly the silent killer.

No, it is the foaming,
barking killer.

And it is something that comes...
Darryl, what are you doing?

I'm giving him a peanut.

No, don't give him... just...
Did you hear anything I said?

Look how happy he is.

He's happy because he's insane.

You know what?
That's a perfect example

of the kind of awareness
we need to generate.

Where's the nurse? This
is the reason we're here.

Hello, Michael.

Oh, hey, I know you. Elizabeth?

Yeah. Right? Wow!

Very cool. You went
back and got your degree.

I would like you
to accept this check

for $340,

made out to "science."

Make sure that that
gets into the right hands.

Great.

(All applauding)

Michael: You got it?

Okay.

Fettuccine Alfredo.

Time to carbo-load.

Just remember, folks, it's not
about winning. It is about finishing!

On your marks,

get set...

(Gun fires)

On your left! Wow, you're fast.

Doing great, Michael!
Look at you go!

That's my boss! Yeah!

Think I'm fast?

I'm very fast.
I'm like Forrest Gump,

except I am not an idiot.

Stanley: Oh, yes,
I will work out today.

I will work out a way to avoid
running for a stupid cause.

I've walked two marathons.
I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5k.

Key is drafting,
eliminate wind resistance.

Yeah.

Oh, we're in last place.

Oh, would you look at that?

Darn it.

Water? Water?

Water, babe?
No! No water for me!

Not while rabies causes
fear of water! Solidarity!

Michael, that's irrational.

Rabies victims

have to live with an irrational
hatred of water their entire lives.

So, the least I can do...

Oh, god, my
nipples. It's starting.

Can we get another round? Okay.

Thanks.

So we've got what,
another 20 minutes?

More or less.

That fettuccine is sitting
in my stomach like a rock.

You got nothing to worry about.
I put imodium in Toby's coffee

before the race.

Excehenfl

Simpsons.

Wait, imodium or ex-lax?

I'm making great time.

Usually, I'd have to take a bathroom
break halfway through a race like this,

but not today.

An estate sale. Want to go in?

I don't know. I'm really
committed to winning.

Okay, butwhat if I told you that
all the money you spend here

goes to preventing a disease
that's already been cured?

Yes. That's what I thought.

Yeah. Right?

Let's do some good.

(Telephone rings)

Pam on answering machine:
You have reached the offices

of dunder Mifflin Scranton.

Currently,
the entire staff is out

doing the Michael Scott dmsmpmc
rabies awareness pro-am fun run race.

Michael on answering machine:
For the cure.

Pam: Leave a message.

Oh, god. Alfredo sauce.

I'm getting a stitch.

(Groaning)

God! Watch the nipples, Kevin!

Back off me.

How are you feeling? Better?

Well, you look cute as a button.
You've worked up quite a sweat.

The vet is removing all of
sprinkles' organs right now

and sending them to the lab.

I am a farmer, Angela.

What does that mean?

Okay, when a farmer sees
an animal that is in pain,

that has no quality of
life, that has no utility,

a farmer does what city folk
don't have the stomach to do.

You did kill her?

I sang her her favorite songs.

You put her in my freezer.

It was beautiful and
gentle and respectful.

I fed her antihistamines
and she gradually fell asleep.

Well, then, she barfed them up
in the freezer and tried to get out.

Well, I'm not
responsible for that! Get!

It's okay. It's nothing!

I'm robbing her.

It's nothing! It's
nothing! It's fine!

What?

How could you do that
without telling me?

I thought I was helping
you. I expected a hug.

I took care of that cat
the best way I knew how.

Cat heaven is a beautiful place,

but you don't get there
if you're euthanized.

I know a great taxidermist.
I'll pay to have her stuffed.

Well, he's not great,
but he's pretty good.

You don't understand.

Take bat bites seriously.
Don't get bit.

Or we can have her buried
out at the east field, by mother.

Huh? Angela?

Don't touch me, Dwight.

You like it? It's kind
of designy and cool.

It was $8.

Oh, and I get to carry it.

And the winner
is Toby Flenderson.

Have a seat. I'll write it down.

Where are we?

I don't know, like five
kilometers from the office.

He couldn't have
made it a circle?

I am not going to finish.

I can't beat rabies.

Nobody can beat rabies.

Rabies has been around
for a thousand years

and I was a fool to
think that I could beat it.

Yeah, probably. Hey.

Michael?

What are you doing here?
Did you come back for us?

I can't finish.

I feel so weak. I just...

Well, you're probably
dehydrated.

What do you want me to do, Jim?

Glass of water would be a start.

No. There are people

all over the world with all sorts of
problems and afflictions and diseases.

They're deformed

and they're abnormal and

they're illiterate and ugly.

Symphonies don't have any money.

Public TV is bust.

I can't do anything about
it. I can't, you know...

There's just one of me.

And there's a thousand of them.

And rabies wins.

Wow! You are a downer.

We were having
a pretty nice day.

I'm still having a nice day.

You are? Yeah.

Hey, Michael, look
at this lamp. $8.

That's a good deal.

And Michael,
you don't have rabies,

and chances are you're not
going to get it anytime soon.

So, you don't really have
to think about it too much.

Pam, if everybody felt that
way, nothing would get done.

Yeah, but there's other, better
people out there who are helping.

You just don't think I am
capable of making a difference.

I know you, Michael.
I saw you naked.

You don't...

You don't know me.

You've just seen my penis.
I can make a difference.

Remember, I'm the one
who started this whole thing off

by hitting Meredith with my car.

And I owe it to her
to finish this gd 5k.

No! No!

(Panting)

Michael: Finishing that 5k was
the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I ate more fettuccine
Alfredo and drank less water

than I have in my entire life.

(All cheering)

People always talk about
triumphs of the human spirit.

Well, today, I had a
triumph of the human body.

That's why everybody was
applauding for me at the end,

my guts and my heart.

And while I eventually
puked my guts out, I never

puked my heart out.

I'm very, very proud of that.

Hey, Michael.

Hey, mere.

How are you doing? Better.

It's ironic, isn't it?

I mean, I'm in the hospital
for not getting enough water

and you're in it for a disease
that causes a fear of water.

I'm in because you
hit me with your car.

But I want to say, I heard
you were trying really hard, so

I'm not mad at you anymore.

Thanks.

I'm not mad at you anymore.

Want to share?

Sure.

I'm not really sick.

No, I'm good.