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1
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I... I don't get it.
2
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You thought this was gonna be
3
00:00:41,282 --> 00:00:43,620
the flea circus from
Coraline, didn't you?
4
00:00:43,621 --> 00:00:46,259
I'm cursed with optimism.
5
00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,571
Yous got a good eye.
6
00:00:52,572 --> 00:00:55,076
That there's a "Little
Ms. Wedgewood" set.
7
00:01:00,722 --> 00:01:02,691
Well, all the parts seem
to be in the right places.
8
00:01:02,692 --> 00:01:04,629
I'll take it.
9
00:01:05,598 --> 00:01:08,268
Holy crap, a vintage
Mr. Potato Head
10
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,807
from the good old days
when potatoes were men
11
00:01:10,808 --> 00:01:11,943
and had penises.
12
00:01:11,944 --> 00:01:13,580
Peter, they never had penises.
13
00:01:13,581 --> 00:01:15,817
Well, you could put a nose
down there and it kind of worked.
14
00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,821
The nostrils were balls, and...
15
00:01:17,822 --> 00:01:19,125
and so forth.
16
00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:21,563
That's the very potato I
used in medical school
17
00:01:21,564 --> 00:01:24,100
to learn anatomy. I
could let it go for 600.
18
00:01:24,101 --> 00:01:26,105
What are we thinking, Lois? Yes?
19
00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,109
No, we don't have
that kind of money.
20
00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:30,749
Fine, I'll buy it with
my magic beans.
21
00:01:30,849 --> 00:01:32,350
Those are Skittles.
22
00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:35,858
There's no room in this
world for dreamers anymore.
23
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,335
Everything okay, Dad?
24
00:01:41,336 --> 00:01:43,473
Just adult stuff, buddy.
25
00:01:43,474 --> 00:01:46,847
Mom wouldn't let
me buy a toy I wanted.
26
00:01:48,416 --> 00:01:50,386
Do you
own a home, but can't afford
27
00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:53,092
the things you need to make
your life more comfortable?
28
00:01:53,093 --> 00:01:55,130
Yes. Wait, is that...
29
00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,801
Hi, I'm Tom Selleck.
30
00:01:56,901 --> 00:02:00,406
Ask your nurse to turn down
your breathing machine for a minute
31
00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,544
so I can tell you how
a reverse mortgage
32
00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:04,882
from "Hey, Alright.
Reverse Mortgages,"
33
00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:06,620
or "HARM," can help you.
34
00:02:06,621 --> 00:02:07,822
This seems like a trick.
35
00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:12,130
I know this seems like
a trick, but it's not a trick.
36
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:13,332
That's nice to hear.
37
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,836
But is this his first rodeo?
38
00:02:14,837 --> 00:02:17,441
Look, this isn't my first rodeo.
39
00:02:17,543 --> 00:02:19,311
And I wouldn't
be here if I thought
40
00:02:19,312 --> 00:02:21,550
reverse mortgages
would hurt anyone.
41
00:02:21,650 --> 00:02:23,820
Well, I certainly
believe Magnum P.I.,
42
00:02:23,821 --> 00:02:25,990
but it's easy to say this
stuff fully standing up.
43
00:02:25,991 --> 00:02:29,365
I wonder if he can half-lean
on a fence post and say it?
44
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:33,439
Do you
really want your adult kids
45
00:02:33,540 --> 00:02:36,011
fighting over your
money after you're gone?
46
00:02:36,012 --> 00:02:37,948
Isn't it better to
spend it all now
47
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,786
so they don't have that option?
48
00:02:39,787 --> 00:02:42,557
He's making good points.
I'll just run this by Lois.
49
00:02:42,558 --> 00:02:45,497
Men, please don't run
things by your wives.
50
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:49,203
Just go to "www..." I'm kidding.
51
00:02:49,204 --> 00:02:51,811
Here's a phone number
as big as we can put it.
52
00:02:51,911 --> 00:02:54,181
I'm getting my Mr. Potato Head.
53
00:02:54,182 --> 00:02:56,351
But that is a lot
of numbers to dial.
54
00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:58,322
If that's too
many numbers to dial,
55
00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:01,061
just say, "Siri, I'm old."
56
00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:02,430
Siri, I'm old.
57
00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,869
Dialing reverse
mortgage company.
58
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,414
Stewie? What is all this stuff?
59
00:03:11,415 --> 00:03:14,856
It turns out Rupert only likes
"Peppa Pig" branded tea sets,
60
00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:16,158
which honestly, I get.
61
00:03:16,159 --> 00:03:18,930
So I sold my tea set
at twice what I paid,
62
00:03:18,931 --> 00:03:20,234
then I bought
more stuff to sell.
63
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,037
Really? Was it worth that much?
64
00:03:22,138 --> 00:03:25,176
Sweetie, people have no
clue what antiques are worth,
65
00:03:25,177 --> 00:03:26,745
so you just act like you know.
66
00:03:26,746 --> 00:03:29,384
I actually got a booth at the
flea market next weekend.
67
00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,388
I have to say, I'm
weirdly impressed.
68
00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:33,726
Yes, who would've thought
a strange little guy like me
69
00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:37,367
could get super into tiny
details of old furniture.
70
00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:38,903
Well, if you need
any help, I'm in.
71
00:03:38,904 --> 00:03:40,239
All right.
72
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,575
- Is that...
- Yes, most antiques
73
00:03:41,576 --> 00:03:44,917
are just racist old packaging
from iconic companies.
74
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:46,987
Well, mostly syrup companies.
75
00:03:46,988 --> 00:03:48,288
Wow, that's very racist.
76
00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:51,362
Yep. Whole-blurry-shelf racist.
77
00:03:55,638 --> 00:03:57,675
I'm Mr. Kiki, the swim teacher
78
00:03:57,676 --> 00:04:00,680
who doesn't have a
pool and drives very far
79
00:04:00,681 --> 00:04:03,687
to other people's
pools for lessons.
80
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,895
After this lesson, I
sit at Panera Bread
81
00:04:07,896 --> 00:04:09,063
until traffic dies down.
82
00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:10,534
Panera Bread.
83
00:04:10,535 --> 00:04:12,236
Where swim teachers
from other towns
84
00:04:12,237 --> 00:04:13,606
wait out traffic.
85
00:04:13,607 --> 00:04:16,312
My God, is that the
expensive Mr. Potato Head
86
00:04:16,313 --> 00:04:17,614
from the flea market?
87
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:19,618
I told you we
couldn't afford that.
88
00:04:19,619 --> 00:04:21,189
Don't worry, I got
a ton of money.
89
00:04:21,289 --> 00:04:23,325
I even bought a Jet
Ski in Lake Havasu
90
00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:24,562
in case I ever get out there.
91
00:04:28,504 --> 00:04:31,743
Every year,
over 9,000 people
92
00:04:31,843 --> 00:04:35,585
buy Jet Skis and then
leave them at Lake Havasu.
93
00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:39,725
Last year, over 700
Jet Skis were rescued
94
00:04:39,726 --> 00:04:42,831
and sent to some of the
trashier Wisconsin lakes
95
00:04:42,832 --> 00:04:46,438
where tiny-teeth families
gave them new lives.
96
00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:50,479
For hundreds of others,
help came too late.
97
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,417
Where did you
get all this money?
98
00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:54,488
It was easy. I took out
a reverse mortgage,
99
00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,825
which is that thing where your
house gives you free money.
100
00:04:56,826 --> 00:04:59,364
Peter, how could
you be so stupid?
101
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:02,169
Reverse mortgages
are a total scam.
102
00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:04,307
You need to call
the bank right away.
103
00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:06,478
And take that
Mr. Potato Head back.
104
00:05:06,579 --> 00:05:09,818
I can't. I wrote "Best Spuds
4 Life" all over the box.
105
00:05:09,819 --> 00:05:12,691
I almost love the box
as much as the guy now.
106
00:05:12,692 --> 00:05:14,763
Peter, we could lose our house!
107
00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:17,834
Relax, Lois. Tom Selleck
made a whole video about that
108
00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:20,340
for the wives, wearing
his signature short shorts.
109
00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:21,943
Hello, wives. I'm...
110
00:05:21,944 --> 00:05:23,346
Sold.
111
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:28,423
Now the bank is saying
we could lose the house.
112
00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,828
I can't believe I got
duped by Tom Selleck.
113
00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:32,531
Tom Selleck?
114
00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:35,103
Well, there's a name I
haven't heard in years.
115
00:05:35,237 --> 00:05:37,609
Mayor Wild West,
you know Tom Selleck?
116
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:40,681
I used to. Many moons ago.
117
00:05:40,682 --> 00:05:41,782
How many?
118
00:05:41,783 --> 00:05:43,452
- Many.
- Wow.
119
00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:46,258
If you fellas would allow
me to jaw at you a minute,
120
00:05:46,358 --> 00:05:47,929
I'll spin you a yarn.
121
00:05:48,029 --> 00:05:50,767
Back when we grew
younger men's mustaches,
122
00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,004
me and Tom carved
ourselves out a niche
123
00:05:53,005 --> 00:05:57,715
as a hippie country duo
called "Cold Hard 'Stache."
124
00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:19,558
Yeah, we were the talk
of one corner of town.
125
00:06:19,559 --> 00:06:22,496
But as is often the
case in these tales,
126
00:06:22,497 --> 00:06:24,434
drugs entered the picture,
127
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:26,539
and when that trouble arrived,
128
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,442
well, let's just say Ol' Tom
129
00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:30,213
offered it a place to set down.
130
00:06:30,314 --> 00:06:33,185
You're playing
with fire, Kemosabe.
131
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,274
The next day he wrote a
song called "Walk This Way
132
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,288
And that's when I knew,
133
00:06:51,289 --> 00:06:53,659
the One-A-Day Demon had got him.
134
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:57,568
In the end, one-a-day
was merely a suggestion.
135
00:06:57,569 --> 00:07:00,674
Nearest I can reckon, he
was up to nine or ten a week.
136
00:07:00,675 --> 00:07:04,215
Anyhow, hearing he's
peddling reverse mortgages now
137
00:07:04,315 --> 00:07:05,717
sounds about right.
138
00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,587
Do you know what a
reverse mortgage is?
139
00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,725
Nearest I can
figure, it's a loan
140
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:11,127
that enables the borrower
141
00:07:11,128 --> 00:07:14,568
to access the unencumbered
value of their property.
142
00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:16,574
That sounds kind of slick.
143
00:07:16,674 --> 00:07:19,444
Well, the rub is if
you can't pay it back,
144
00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:21,449
they can snatch your abode.
145
00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,920
That strikes me as predatory.
146
00:07:23,921 --> 00:07:25,190
Why would Tom do this?
147
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,592
He should know better.
148
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:29,431
You see, having a
mustache is a sacred oath.
149
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,068
I have a mustache.
150
00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:32,103
I'm proud of you.
151
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:33,840
He can't do this to people.
152
00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:36,245
I am gonna track him down
and get the money back.
153
00:07:36,379 --> 00:07:37,715
Mr. Mayor, you're
coming with me.
154
00:07:37,716 --> 00:07:40,521
I'm afraid those
days are behind me.
155
00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:43,393
But I wish you the best of luck.
156
00:07:43,493 --> 00:07:45,062
That's fine, I'll go it alone,
157
00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,534
just like Meghan
Markle and Prince Harry.
158
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,439
Sir, your millions from Netflix
159
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,310
for no one knows what.
160
00:07:52,311 --> 00:07:53,947
Put it with the rest of them.
161
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:57,420
Babe, time to do our daily
162
00:07:57,421 --> 00:08:01,129
$250,000 sponsored
Instagram post
163
00:08:01,229 --> 00:08:02,898
for Del Taco.
164
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,238
I shouldn't have left
the made-up nonsense.
165
00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:10,914
Well, I'm off to New York City
166
00:08:10,915 --> 00:08:13,051
to find Tom Selleck
and get our money back.
167
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,923
How do you even
know he's in New York?
168
00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,025
'Cause he's on
CBS's loudest show,
169
00:08:17,026 --> 00:08:18,796
Blue Bloods, and
they film there.
170
00:08:18,797 --> 00:08:20,800
No, Peter, you're
not going anywhere.
171
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,271
Even for you, this
is an absurd plan.
172
00:08:23,272 --> 00:08:25,242
Ain't nothin' absurd about this.
173
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,413
- Ma'am.
- Sold.
174
00:08:27,414 --> 00:08:29,417
Mr. Mayor. You came.
175
00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:31,755
That's right. The only
thing that can stop
176
00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:34,996
a bad guy with a mustache is
a good guy with a mustache.
177
00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:38,135
So hop on up,
we're taking a trip.
178
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:44,080
I can't believe we're
going to New York City.
179
00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,417
I've always wanted to
see the Twin Towers.
180
00:08:48,189 --> 00:08:49,859
When?
181
00:08:59,245 --> 00:09:00,814
Look, it's Billy Joel.
182
00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:03,451
Uhp, no, it's just a drywall
guy dressed up for church.
183
00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:07,327
So, is that whole retail
establishment just M&Ms?
184
00:09:07,328 --> 00:09:08,696
Yes, and bad jackets.
185
00:09:08,697 --> 00:09:11,001
Like, so bad that Sinbad
wouldn't even wear them.
186
00:09:11,002 --> 00:09:13,973
Not sure I quite
understand New York City.
187
00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,944
Well, this is
just TV New York.
188
00:09:15,945 --> 00:09:18,817
You can tell 'cause all the
cab drivers are impossibly white.
189
00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:21,021
I call this place
"the big city,"
190
00:09:21,121 --> 00:09:23,961
so you know I've
been here a while.
191
00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:29,404
Mr. Mayor, allow me to
show you my New York.
192
00:09:29,405 --> 00:09:32,844
Your New York is an ESPN Zone?
193
00:09:32,845 --> 00:09:35,584
I-I don't know, I
like all the screens.
194
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,022
Peter, look at this.
195
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:40,961
Black hair dye.
196
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,837
We follow this
trail, we find Selleck,
197
00:09:45,838 --> 00:09:49,143
or possibly Papa
John or Rudy Giuliani,
198
00:09:49,144 --> 00:09:52,250
but that's a risk we're
gonna have to take.
199
00:09:57,962 --> 00:10:00,300
Brian, time to teach
you my techniques.
200
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,670
Watch and learn.
201
00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:03,072
You have a good eye.
202
00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:05,342
I just sold a piece by
the same artist for 40.
203
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:07,914
- Lie.
- That's a little out of my budget.
204
00:10:07,915 --> 00:10:11,121
Well, I'd like 30,
but I'd take 25.
205
00:10:11,122 --> 00:10:13,726
Lowest I
could let it go for is 20.
206
00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:14,928
Would you take 11?
207
00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:16,899
Well the frame
alone is worth 30.
208
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,368
Highest I can do is 12.
209
00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:19,672
Okay, but you got to pay me
210
00:10:19,673 --> 00:10:21,375
before my wife gets
back from the bathroom.
211
00:10:21,475 --> 00:10:23,412
She's gonna kill
me over this price.
212
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:27,922
That's the dance. Give it a try.
213
00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:30,527
Hi, there, how
much for this vase?
214
00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:32,430
Five.
215
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,632
What the hell was that?
216
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,102
That's not the dance, man.
217
00:10:35,103 --> 00:10:37,249
You got to put your hands
up higher, move around a bit.
218
00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:38,643
My dance is the tango.
219
00:10:38,644 --> 00:10:40,178
You got to find yours. Go ahead.
220
00:10:40,179 --> 00:10:42,685
- Stewie, I'm not doing thi...
- Find your dance!
221
00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:44,221
A Bolero man.
222
00:10:44,321 --> 00:10:46,527
Little dirty, but
nobody's gonna bleed.
223
00:10:46,627 --> 00:10:49,263
You feel that? That's the bluff.
224
00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:50,499
I thought it was "the dance."
225
00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,836
Right, but at some point,
226
00:10:51,837 --> 00:10:53,706
the dance becomes the bluff.
227
00:10:53,707 --> 00:10:55,677
Are you just making
all this up as you go?
228
00:10:55,678 --> 00:10:57,347
That's the dance, Bri.
229
00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,588
All right, Brian,
follow my lead.
230
00:11:00,688 --> 00:11:02,324
"Van Blunder" time.
231
00:11:02,457 --> 00:11:04,160
Ooh, how much for this?
232
00:11:04,161 --> 00:11:04,962
You're gonna hate me.
233
00:11:05,062 --> 00:11:06,465
So, everything you see here
234
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,503
is for sale, except that.
235
00:11:08,504 --> 00:11:09,805
I don't even know
how it got out here,
236
00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:11,375
it's supposed to be in the van.
237
00:11:11,376 --> 00:11:13,312
Well, I really like it.
238
00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:14,949
Brian, what did you do?
239
00:11:15,082 --> 00:11:17,821
Boy. That was
a blunder on my part.
240
00:11:17,822 --> 00:11:20,425
That's a... that's a...
that's a pretty big blunder.
241
00:11:20,426 --> 00:11:22,197
But look how much she loves it.
242
00:11:22,297 --> 00:11:23,298
Do you love it?
243
00:11:23,299 --> 00:11:26,103
I do. I can give you $10.
244
00:11:26,104 --> 00:11:28,677
Well, I do want it to go
to someone who loves it.
245
00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:31,414
I'll tell you what, give
me 11, and it's a deal.
246
00:11:31,415 --> 00:11:33,117
What a blunder.
247
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:36,959
This is awkward, but
y'alls horning in on my turf.
248
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,199
See, "Grandma's Little Loft"
is the king of knick-knacks.
249
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,869
Now yous selling 'em.
250
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,071
Ha. That's a laugh.
251
00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:44,609
We'd never sell knick-knacks.
252
00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:46,012
We're tchotchke guys.
253
00:11:46,112 --> 00:11:48,716
If yous calling that
vintage Chatillon dial-face
254
00:11:48,717 --> 00:11:50,387
hanging merchant's
scale a tchotchke,
255
00:11:50,487 --> 00:11:51,756
y'alls sicker than I thought.
256
00:11:51,856 --> 00:11:53,527
Says the guy who
has his what's-its
257
00:11:53,627 --> 00:11:55,196
mixed in with his who's-its.
258
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:56,767
That's potpourri.
259
00:11:56,867 --> 00:12:00,005
Yous out of your league.
That's what's happening here.
260
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:01,474
You hearing footsteps, Gramps?
261
00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:03,211
Hows about a little contest?
262
00:12:03,212 --> 00:12:05,751
Whoever sells the most
by end of day tomorrow
263
00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:07,320
is the flea market champ.
264
00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:11,260
The loser gets out of
the game. For good.
265
00:12:11,261 --> 00:12:12,797
Fine, you're on.
266
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,568
And by the way, there
was a dead cricket
267
00:12:14,569 --> 00:12:15,905
in the teapot you sold me.
268
00:12:16,005 --> 00:12:18,944
- No.
- I know.
269
00:12:21,749 --> 00:12:24,421
The hair dye trail
ends right here.
270
00:12:27,763 --> 00:12:30,734
Wait, only one guy
would accept delivery
271
00:12:30,735 --> 00:12:33,038
of so many Hawaiian shirts.
272
00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:40,954
What is it, boy?
273
00:12:42,224 --> 00:12:45,429
Man, I love being paid
for reverse mortgages
274
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,199
in Hawaiian shirts.
275
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,069
So, it looks like
there's a few more
276
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:51,274
disgruntled
customers down there.
277
00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:56,385
Well, that's a
'stache from the past.
278
00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,523
This can't be good. Get in.
279
00:12:59,793 --> 00:13:01,494
Hey, NYPD?
280
00:13:01,495 --> 00:13:04,568
Yeah, it's Chief Whatever-
My-Character's-Name-Is
281
00:13:04,669 --> 00:13:05,705
from Blue Bloods.
282
00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:07,373
There's a couple of trespassers
283
00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:08,843
outside my house.
284
00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:13,820
You guys are under arrest.
285
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,892
- Is this 'cause I rubbed on a lady in the subway?
- No.
286
00:13:16,893 --> 00:13:18,963
- 'Cause I rubbed on a lady on the bus?
- No.
287
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,634
Do you do a lot of
rubbing on people?
288
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:23,339
Hey, eight million people,
we all got to fit somewhere.
289
00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:34,995
I'm sorry for dragging
you into this, Mr. Mayor.
290
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:37,567
Lois was right, this
was a stupid plan.
291
00:13:37,568 --> 00:13:39,304
Don't beat yourself up, hoss.
292
00:13:39,305 --> 00:13:40,739
When your cause is just,
293
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,879
any action you
take is honorable.
294
00:13:42,979 --> 00:13:46,719
Besides, fate has a funny
way of takin' care of folks.
295
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:58,042
I'd be much obliged if you'd
go ahead and open up for me.
296
00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:00,146
How did you do that?
297
00:14:00,246 --> 00:14:01,715
Well, this ain't
the first Schlage
298
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,987
to which I've pitched woo.
299
00:14:06,626 --> 00:14:08,563
Brian, look,
300
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:09,898
it's this antique's last day
301
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,468
selling antiques.
302
00:14:11,569 --> 00:14:13,872
You alls can eat my dust.
303
00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:18,014
We got quite a
showdown here today
304
00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,751
at Flea Market Regionals, Jim.
305
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:21,856
"Grandma's Little Loft"
has the experience,
306
00:14:21,857 --> 00:14:25,029
but don't count out "The Brian,
the Bitch, and the Wardrobe."
307
00:14:25,129 --> 00:14:27,868
And the question we've
been hearing the most today:
308
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,206
Why does a flea market
have announcers?
309
00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,143
Well, sometimes major
network announcers
310
00:14:32,244 --> 00:14:34,348
have one too many
at a golf tournament
311
00:14:34,481 --> 00:14:35,651
and hit a guy in their car
312
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,386
and then have to
work their way back.
313
00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:40,492
Hi, do you have any vintage
Southwestern lifestyle stuff?
314
00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:42,532
Bro, it's 7:30 a.m.
315
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,333
That stuff is long gone by 5:15.
316
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,638
I's about to open
a storage container
317
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:48,911
fresh from Tempe. Come on by.
318
00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:50,346
- What?
- How is that possible?
319
00:14:50,446 --> 00:14:51,915
And in crunch time,
320
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,352
the game just slows down
321
00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:56,057
for a veteran booth like
"Grandma's Little Loft."
322
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:58,095
A large,
Native American-looking teen
323
00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,132
has grumpily plopped
down on a camp chair
324
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,236
with an iPad at Bruce's booth.
325
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,973
This guy's on another level.
326
00:15:03,974 --> 00:15:06,212
There's no way we can catch him.
327
00:15:06,312 --> 00:15:08,181
This
could be the nail in the coffin
328
00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:10,521
as other booths
have started shaking
329
00:15:10,621 --> 00:15:12,690
their mis-prescribed
opiates in salute.
330
00:15:12,691 --> 00:15:14,628
They
call that the "Battle Rattle,"
331
00:15:14,629 --> 00:15:17,568
and it's the ultimate flea
market show of respect.
332
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:19,638
This one's all but over.
333
00:15:22,845 --> 00:15:24,915
Welcome back to
Flea Market Regionals,
334
00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:26,317
brought to you by Warm Coke.
335
00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:29,456
Sometimes
they're just warm.
336
00:15:29,457 --> 00:15:31,093
"Grandma's Little Loft"
337
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,932
is putting the finishing
touches on a dominant win.
338
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,136
Hey, we got lots of great
339
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,607
one-of-a-kind
stuff here. Please.
340
00:15:37,608 --> 00:15:40,648
And, of course,
the old guy who last-minute decides
341
00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:43,752
he wants to keep his stuff
has never really been a factor.
342
00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,753
For him,
it's more about telling people
343
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:47,360
where he got the stuff.
344
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,831
Well, we
gave it a good shot,
345
00:15:49,832 --> 00:15:51,367
but we're not gonna catch Bruce.
346
00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,904
I guess we should
go tell him he won.
347
00:15:52,905 --> 00:15:55,544
Hold the
phone. Looks like we got a guy
348
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:58,515
bringing his home trash to
the flea market garbage can.
349
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,554
And this is
where the lone garbage can
350
00:16:00,654 --> 00:16:02,992
being right by
"Grandma's Little Loft"
351
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,294
could come into play.
352
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:05,664
Sure looks like a bag
353
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:08,336
of mostly full diapers
and half-eaten burritos.
354
00:16:08,436 --> 00:16:10,707
And
that's just a bee's dream bag.
355
00:16:10,808 --> 00:16:12,845
Hey, we just wanted
to say, you wo...
356
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:24,634
And once
that money belt is zipped...
357
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,507
It's official. "The Brian, the
Bitch, and the Wardrobe"
358
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,513
win Flea Market Regionals.
What a comeback.
359
00:16:30,514 --> 00:16:33,384
Boy, you said it. I
told ESPN I'd quit
360
00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:35,222
The
Gathering" tournament,
361
00:16:35,223 --> 00:16:37,727
but this time, I'm serious.
362
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:40,032
Well, yous won fair and square.
363
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,638
Y'alls the best flea
market weirdos.
364
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,744
I sure am gonna miss this place.
365
00:16:45,844 --> 00:16:47,013
Sorry about the bees.
366
00:16:47,147 --> 00:16:49,785
Part of the game.
Hey, before I go...
367
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,722
would y'all be willing to
sell your whole inventory
368
00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,625
for nine dollars?
369
00:16:53,626 --> 00:16:55,196
- Would you do 11?
- No.
370
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,733
You got yourself a deal. I
never want to come back here.
371
00:16:57,734 --> 00:17:00,940
Everyone, you're all
within 500 feet of a school.
372
00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:05,315
Over 200 arrests
were made that day.
373
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,152
It's still known in
flea market lore
374
00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:09,156
as "Extinction Sunday."
375
00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,696
I'm Chris Griffin, and
my brother and my dog
376
00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:14,100
left me in a very hot car.
377
00:17:17,841 --> 00:17:19,476
Hi, Shannon, the line producer,
378
00:17:19,477 --> 00:17:21,347
said I could have
another plate of lasagna.
379
00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:23,919
That's not Shannon's call.
380
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,623
You were right.
381
00:17:25,624 --> 00:17:26,925
Becoming extras on his show
382
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:28,695
was the only way
to get close to Tom.
383
00:17:28,696 --> 00:17:32,069
Once the cameras start
rolling, we'll make our move.
384
00:17:32,070 --> 00:17:34,172
Blue Bloods, episode a million,
385
00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:36,110
season blabbity-blah.
Hollywood, go.
386
00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:38,115
These guys are pros.
387
00:17:38,215 --> 00:17:39,250
Action.
388
00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:42,255
Chief Whatever-Your-Character's-
Name-Is from Blue Bloods,
389
00:17:42,256 --> 00:17:43,992
do you recognize this man?
390
00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:46,865
I do. He owns the
bodega on 56...
391
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:47,668
Blue Bloods.
392
00:17:47,669 --> 00:17:49,904
- Cut.
- Who is this guy?
393
00:17:49,905 --> 00:17:51,474
My name is Peter Griffin,
394
00:17:51,475 --> 00:17:53,212
and I'm here 'cause
you screwed me over
395
00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:54,981
with your trick
reverse mortgage.
396
00:17:54,982 --> 00:17:56,417
It's not a trick.
397
00:17:56,418 --> 00:17:57,955
Overruled.
398
00:17:58,055 --> 00:17:59,992
What are you... you're an actor.
399
00:18:00,092 --> 00:18:02,397
Time to acknowledge
the corn, Tom.
400
00:18:02,497 --> 00:18:05,937
Wild West? I had you arrested.
401
00:18:05,938 --> 00:18:07,641
When you got hooked on multis
402
00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:10,513
and started singing
mean-spirited songs,
403
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:13,318
I figured you were
young, it was a phase.
404
00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:16,157
But now you went and got
mixed up with reverse mortgages,
405
00:18:16,257 --> 00:18:19,263
and that, partner, violates
the mustache code.
406
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:21,870
Yeah. And besides,
you're Magnum P.I.
407
00:18:22,003 --> 00:18:23,238
You're like my TV boss.
408
00:18:23,239 --> 00:18:25,710
Regular guys like me trust you.
409
00:18:25,711 --> 00:18:28,215
I didn't make you do anything.
410
00:18:28,216 --> 00:18:31,354
Only one thing left to try.
411
00:18:49,257 --> 00:18:51,762
I-I'm not gonna sing.
412
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,200
- Your Honor?
- I'll allow it.
413
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:11,334
This court finds that the world
could use more songs like that.
414
00:19:11,434 --> 00:19:14,306
Peter, I think you
and I might just have to
415
00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,311
agree to disagree
when it comes to
416
00:19:16,411 --> 00:19:19,618
the financial propriety
of reverse mortgages.
417
00:19:19,718 --> 00:19:21,956
That said, I
certainly never meant
418
00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:23,693
to cause you any distress.
419
00:19:23,793 --> 00:19:26,064
And Wild, back in the day,
420
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:28,067
I turned my back on you,
421
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:30,774
and I turned my
back on my mustache.
422
00:19:30,874 --> 00:19:33,345
Think you can forgive me?
423
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:36,183
Nothin' a firm,
two-handed handshake
424
00:19:36,184 --> 00:19:38,556
with eye contact can't solve.
425
00:19:41,061 --> 00:19:43,331
And Peter, I don't want there
426
00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:45,035
to be any hard feelings,
427
00:19:45,036 --> 00:19:46,606
so I'm gonna write you a check
428
00:19:46,739 --> 00:19:49,578
for a little bit of the
lot of money I've made
429
00:19:49,678 --> 00:19:52,082
selling legitimate
reverse mortgages
430
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,152
to people who, to the
best of my knowledge,
431
00:19:54,153 --> 00:19:56,559
understand fully what
they're entering into.
432
00:19:56,659 --> 00:19:58,227
How are you 78?
433
00:19:58,228 --> 00:19:59,664
This ought to take care of it.
434
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:02,101
And hey, just to
make sure we're good,
435
00:20:02,102 --> 00:20:04,707
how'd you like a
line on the show?
436
00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:05,943
Blue Bloods.
437
00:20:05,944 --> 00:20:08,749
It might not be just
saying the show.
438
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,220
I understand. Tom,
would it be possible
439
00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:12,892
for me to get another
plate of lasagna?
440
00:20:12,992 --> 00:20:15,362
That's not my call, Peter.
That's Shannon's call.
441
00:20:15,363 --> 00:20:17,333
It's not Shannon's call.
442
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:26,519
Follow that car.
443
00:20:26,619 --> 00:20:28,155
First time in the big city?
444
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:29,490
Blue Bloods.
445
00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,260
That last line was improvised.
446
00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:34,400
Look out, Ryan Stiles?
447
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,337
You know, I'm just glad
448
00:20:36,338 --> 00:20:38,842
we don't have to worry about
losing our house anymore.
449
00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:40,646
Me, too. I guess I learned
450
00:20:40,647 --> 00:20:42,517
celebrities always
do the right thing
451
00:20:42,518 --> 00:20:44,989
once you publicly
guilt them into it.
452
00:20:45,089 --> 00:20:47,561
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