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♪♪
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-All right,
Assistant Principal Weber.
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You wanna tell me why
the Sotto Valley
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High School cafeteria
looks like a war zone?
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Why you're dressed
like a delivery man?
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And what the hell this is?
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♪♪
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♪♪
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-We must stop the Crites
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and destroy
Christopher Stewart.
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-I think we need
to call somebody.
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-Who?
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-I don't know!
Just call somebody.
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-Jesus Christ.
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What the hell is going on?
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-Deputy!
You have to do something!
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-What?
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-Our friend and his mom
have been kidnapped by these...
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by these terrible
little critters!
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-Not know.
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♪♪
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-Pork Chop...
we're coming for you.
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-Mom? What's going on?
What are these things?
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[ Electricity crackles ]
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-Oh, my God. You're okay!
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-I'm not sure
that we're okay, but...
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-Oh, shit! Where's Holt?
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-The delivery guy?
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This is not the time
to be thinking about sex.
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-He's not a delivery guy.
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He's a shape-shifting
intergalactic bounty hunter.
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He went into the school
to try to save you.
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-What are you talking about?
Nobody came to save me.
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Mr. Weber threatened to kill me
with a golf club.
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-Kill you?
Wait. Wait, wait.
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Was Mr. Weber wearing
a delivery uniform?
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-Yeah. Why?
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-My God, that wasn't Mr. Weber.
That was Holt.
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I thought that son of a bitch
was gonna protect you,
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not try to kill you.
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-Okay. I'm confused.
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Why the hell would anyone
want to kill me?
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-I don't know.
Maybe because you're...
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-Because I'm what?
-You're...Oh!
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[ Beeping ]
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♪♪
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♪♪
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What is that smell?
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-That was just me.
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-Christopher, come on,
seriously?
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-I'm nervous, okay?
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We're in a fucking
spaceship, Mom.
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-[ Screaming ]
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-Oh, my God.
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It's you.
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-"You"? Who?
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-Uh...
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-Welcome home, Christopher.
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I'm sure you have
many questions.
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-Yeah.
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-Veronica, you look well.
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-How does he know your name?
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Mom, how the fuck
does he know your name?
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-Uh...
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-We have traveled
thousands of miles
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and braved many dangers
to find you.
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-Me? Why do you wanna find me?
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-You haven't told him?
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-No. Please.
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-Told me what?
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-You've always
felt different, haven't you?
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-Yes.
-Okay, stop.
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He's not ready for this.
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-Haven't you ever
wondered why every waking moment
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is consumed with
the idea of feasting,
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yet, no matter how much you eat,
your hunger still burns?
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-Okay, I've always
been a bit peckish, but --
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-Christopher,
there's a reason your appetite
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is never satisfied.
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-Yeah, my mom says
that I have no self-control.
81
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-Why your teeth
have baffled Earth's dentists?
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-I have hypohydrotic
ectodermal dysplasia.
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Right, Mom?
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-Huh?
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Mom?!
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-And your eyes?
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-Yeah, I have acute
ocular rosacea.
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-Yeah, he gets
weekly treatments
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at the ophthalmologist.
That's totally normal.
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-[ Groaning ]
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Holy shit!
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That's my natural eye color?!
93
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Oh, so, that's not
normal back hair?
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-That is normal back hair.
95
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You got it from my dad's side.
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-But the paralyzing
quills hidden underneath
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are another story.
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-What the fuck
is a paralyzing quill?!
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-You see, Chris, my boy --
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-No! Don't.
Let me tell him.
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I should be the one
to do this.
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Something happened a...
long time ago.
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-Oh, God.
104
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-We met at a Y2K party,
all right?
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We thought the world
was gonna end.
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I mean, I thought,
why the hell not?
107
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I was rip-shit
on some homemade wine.
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I didn't think it could
actually happen.
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-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
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You mean, that,
that thing is my father?!
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-Yes.
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-You told me that my real father
was a roadie for the WWE!
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How could I have been
so fucking stupid?!
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-Look, you are just
lashing out at me
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because you're angry!
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-I'm lashing out at you
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because you ran out of things
to fuck on Earth!
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And now I'm an alien!
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-Hey, don't talk
to your mother that way!
120
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-I'm sorry!
121
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Christopher, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you before!
122
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-Roni, give the boy some space.
123
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-You just...
-What?
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-Stop looking at me!
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You're undressing me
with those eyes!
126
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-You look hot, sue me.
-Just --
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-You are the Crite
we've been searching for,
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my son.
-Holy shit.
129
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-I have come to
bring you to a world
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where you will be worshipped,
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a world where you belong.
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I have come to take you home.
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Join me and you will visit
new galaxies
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and see and eat things that no
regular human has ever seen...
135
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or eaten.
136
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-It's like
everything I've ever thought
137
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about my life has been a lie.
138
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-Become who you
were born to be.
139
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You are easily the smartest
Crite ever conceived.
140
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Your genetic code
will create a line
141
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of hyper-intelligent hybrids.
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With your lineage, our species
will make a great leap forward.
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My own flesh and blood, my son,
144
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will be the future
of our people.
145
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-Fuck.
146
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-I don't know about you,
Sheriff,
147
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but I'm thinking
that's no YouTube video
148
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those kids were trying to make.
149
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I mean, they would've put it up
by now, right?
150
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-Do I have resting bitch face?
151
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-Sheriff!
You have some visitors.
152
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-We'll take it from here.
153
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♪♪
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♪♪
155
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,268
-Who the hell are these guys?
156
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,096
-The Crites have found
what they were seeking --
157
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:12,056
a genetic abomination,
part-human, part-Crite.
158
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,015
We must retrieve the boy.
159
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:17,453
-You mean the boy that was right
under your nose for three weeks?
160
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-He appeared to be human.
161
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-The Crite ship has already left
Earth's atmosphere.
162
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-We're too late.
163
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-Not necessarily...
164
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-Oh, shit!
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♪♪
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♪♪
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♪♪
168
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:11,986
♪♪
11513
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