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1
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[THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY'S
"COME ON GET HAPPY" PLAYING]
2
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:12,190
? Hello, world, hear the song
That we're singing ?
3
00:00:12,390 --> 00:00:16,830
? Come on, get happy ?
4
00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:21,050
? A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ?
5
00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,170
? We'll make you happy ?
6
00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:27,960
? We had a dream
We'd go traveling together ?
7
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,920
? We'd spread a little love ?
8
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,930
? And then we'll keep
Movin' on ?
9
00:00:32,130 --> 00:00:35,170
? Something always happens
Whenever we're together ?
10
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:39,050
? We get a happy feeling
When we're singing a song ?
11
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:43,000
? Traveling along there's
A song that we're singing ?
12
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,960
? Come on, get happy ?
13
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:51,140
? A whole lot of lovin'
Is what we'll be bringing ?
14
00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:54,100
? We'll make you happy ?
15
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:58,130
? We'll make you happy ?
16
00:00:58,330 --> 00:01:02,020
? We'll make you happy ?
17
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,810
[???]
18
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:08,870
Mom! Mom!
19
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,000
Mom, I did it. I did it.
Did what?
20
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,960
Remember when I told you
I wanted to handle our publicity
21
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:15,230
and you laughed at me?
22
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:17,850
You wanna handle
our publicity?
23
00:01:18,050 --> 00:01:20,870
That's the trouble with
this family. I get no respect.
24
00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:23,130
You are a little young
for the job, Danny.
25
00:01:23,330 --> 00:01:26,230
That's why I decided to prove
I could do it. And I did.
26
00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:30,020
It's right here
in San Pueblo Today.
27
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:36,820
"The X-Rated Life of Keith
Partridge, by Keith Partridge."
28
00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:40,010
I got the paper to print it
all by myself.
29
00:01:40,210 --> 00:01:43,910
"Keith was born in a small
farmhouse in Spanish Harlem."
30
00:01:44,110 --> 00:01:46,020
What? He was born
in a hospital
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00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:48,890
right here in San Pueblo.
In the new wing.
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00:01:49,090 --> 00:01:51,890
Oh, Mom, look at
the paragraph in boldface type.
33
00:01:52,090 --> 00:01:53,920
The boldface print
was my idea too.
34
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,140
"A girl can look
like a bucket of frogs,
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00:01:56,340 --> 00:02:00,860
but I'll dig her if she's
wearing a black garter."
36
00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:04,160
Did they print
the paragraph in italics?
37
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,910
I'm afraid they did.
38
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,850
"Keith's first love
was a girl named Rose,
39
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:13,130
and that's why he has
a red rose tattooed on his..."
40
00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:14,880
He doesn't.
41
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,890
Oh, you probably
never noticed.
42
00:02:17,090 --> 00:02:19,090
It's always covered
by his billfold.
43
00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:22,050
I don't know why Keith
made up this pack of lies.
44
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:24,000
But I'm certainly
gonna find out.
45
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,200
Mom, wait a minute.
46
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,170
Read the small print.
47
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:33,050
"Written by Keith Partridge
as told to Danny Partridge."
48
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:34,200
[???]
49
00:02:37,010 --> 00:02:38,860
I suddenly get the idea
50
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,830
that Keith knows nothing
about this article.
51
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:45,050
Right. I just used his name
for that touch of realism.
52
00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,040
Oh, well,
I'm glad to hear that.
53
00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,170
At least there's only one
degenerate in this family.
54
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:54,000
Did I do something wrong?
55
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,080
Forget I asked.
56
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,050
[???]
57
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,080
[???]
58
00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:17,810
Danny, you're the most corrupt
person I know
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00:03:18,010 --> 00:03:19,120
under three feet tall.
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00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,810
How could you do it?
61
00:03:21,010 --> 00:03:23,810
I had to get some publicity,
just to prove I could do it.
62
00:03:24,010 --> 00:03:26,190
All right, so you wanted
to prove yourself.
63
00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,920
But that's no reason
to make up a pack of lies.
64
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,910
I couldn't tell the truth
about Keith.
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00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,210
Let's face it, he's boring.
66
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:38,190
Danny, I think you and I ought
to continue this discussion
67
00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:42,910
alone, outside, in the garage.
68
00:03:43,110 --> 00:03:44,230
Couldn't we all talk about it?
69
00:03:44,430 --> 00:03:46,150
Sort of a group discussion?
No.
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00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,120
Are you gonna beat him up?
Yes.
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00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,010
Can I watch?
No.
72
00:03:51,210 --> 00:03:52,990
[???]
73
00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:55,820
Poor Danny.
74
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,200
I wish I
could watch.
75
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:01,950
Poor Keith. What's he gonna do
when he finds out?
76
00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:06,180
I think I'll serve our X-rated
brother breakfast in bed.
77
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:10,080
Along with this little goodie.
78
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,060
[KNOCKING]
79
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:21,120
Oh, good morning,
good morning, good morning.
80
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,150
Wake up. You're having
breakfast in bed.
81
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:28,030
It's a beautiful day.
82
00:04:28,230 --> 00:04:31,950
Why, the sun is out
and the birds are singing.
83
00:04:32,150 --> 00:04:35,000
It's one of those days
that just makes you feel
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00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:36,180
happy to be alive.
85
00:04:36,380 --> 00:04:40,140
Come on, rise and shine,
before your waffles get cold.
86
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:49,070
Uh, after 16 years of almost
total indifference from you,
87
00:04:49,270 --> 00:04:50,130
why this?
88
00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:52,030
Oh, whatever do you mean?
89
00:04:52,230 --> 00:04:54,990
Oh, come on. Breakfast in bed?
90
00:04:55,190 --> 00:04:57,910
And you haven't insulted me.
What's wrong?
91
00:04:58,110 --> 00:05:01,150
Well, I didn't want your day
to be a total loss.
92
00:05:01,350 --> 00:05:04,080
What total loss?
It hasn't even started yet.
93
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,850
Oh, believe me,
it started.
94
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:11,210
You know, Sundays are a good day
to catch up on your reading.
95
00:05:11,410 --> 00:05:13,200
Ciao.
96
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,220
Ciao.
97
00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:17,130
[???]
98
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,840
How come you're all
standing around?
99
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:24,200
I have no other choice.
100
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,150
How did Keith take it?
Well, he hasn't yet.
101
00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:29,180
I bet he went
back to sleep.
102
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:31,090
Yeah, he's known
to do that.
103
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:32,980
No, his curiosity
is piqued.
104
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,960
It'll just take him
a few seconds to wake up.
105
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:40,040
Right about now he's probably
at his mirror brushing his hair.
106
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,170
[THUDDING]
107
00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:43,160
He dropped his brush.
108
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,800
Now he'll go back to the bed,
he'll sit down,
109
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:52,840
he'll pick up the magazine,
and start reading the article.
110
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:56,000
It should be sinking in
right about...
111
00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,120
KEITH: I'll kill him!
Don't tell him where I am.
112
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,170
[???]
113
00:06:04,150 --> 00:06:07,220
I just want one shot at him,
clean and easy.
114
00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,160
Where is he?
115
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,020
I was sold out.
116
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:17,950
You sure were. You...
Keith, I was doing it for you.
117
00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:21,130
With that kind of publicity,
I could make you a superstar.
118
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:24,930
Oh, well, I just wanna thank you
until you're black and blue.
119
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:27,090
So, I'm a black-garter freak,
am I?
120
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,200
You didn't read
far enough.
121
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,220
About the rose tattoo?
122
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:34,020
What rose tattoo?
123
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,870
The one on your...hm.
What's a "hm"?
124
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,110
I don't know,
but your billfold covers it.
125
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:43,900
You didn't.
Hearsay. All hearsay.
126
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:46,810
Oh, you didn't.
If you didn't read that,
127
00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:49,200
I guess you didn't get to
the really embarrassing part.
128
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,140
Embarrassing part?
You mean there's more?
129
00:06:52,340 --> 00:06:54,810
About you and Mrs. Damion.
130
00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,180
My English teacher?
131
00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:03,020
She turns you on.
Dirty old man.
132
00:07:03,220 --> 00:07:04,900
[???]
133
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,120
SHIRLEY:
Keith, you're in your pajamas.
134
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,080
You can't go running around
the neighborhood like that.
135
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,090
You'll start rumors.
136
00:07:20,010 --> 00:07:21,860
He's buried me.
137
00:07:22,060 --> 00:07:24,220
How can I go to school tomorrow
and face everybody?
138
00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:26,190
Especially Mrs. Damion.
139
00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:29,800
Oh, well, I'm sure
she's known all along.
140
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,030
Women sense those things.
141
00:07:32,230 --> 00:07:34,120
[???]
142
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,060
Eat your hearts out.
143
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:55,180
[RINGING]
144
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:58,110
[???]
145
00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:13,930
All right, now,
that's enough.
146
00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:16,990
Obviously we've all
read the article about Keith.
147
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,920
And I'm sure that we all realize
148
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:20,890
he's the victim
of a practical joke.
149
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:24,140
So now, let's just leave it at
that and get on with our lesson.
150
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,960
Now, all right,
151
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,850
yesterday we discussed
152
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:34,810
how Elizabeth Barrett eloped
with Robert Browning
153
00:09:35,010 --> 00:09:38,130
and went to Italy.
Well, it was during this period
154
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:43,110
that Elizabeth Barrett Browning
wrote her most famous poem.
155
00:09:45,130 --> 00:09:47,230
How do I love thee?
156
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:52,850
Let me count the ways.
157
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:56,840
I love thee to the depth
and breath and height
158
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,070
My soul can reach,
when feeling out of sight
159
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:04,070
For the ends of Being
and ideal Grace.
160
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:08,180
I love thee to the levels
of everyday's
161
00:10:08,380 --> 00:10:10,860
Most--
162
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:13,800
Where is he? I'll kill him.
What's going on?
163
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,210
Oh, nothing. I was pelted
with black garters.
164
00:10:16,410 --> 00:10:19,150
Mrs. Damion recited love poetry
to me for an hour.
165
00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:22,040
And don't ask
about the rose tattoo.
166
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,010
Where is he?
167
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,000
[???]
168
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,000
There you are,
you redheaded hamburger.
169
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,920
Keith, that's enough.
Look, I know how you feel.
170
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,120
But can't we talk this out
like adults?
171
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,080
Yeah, let's talk it out
like adults.
172
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:36,970
Fine, fine.
173
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,000
From one adult to another,
I'm gonna get you.
174
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,090
Lots of things are printed about
all of us that aren't true.
175
00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:45,810
When you're in show business
you have to expect that.
176
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:48,110
Why lecture me?
He's the character assassin.
177
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,140
I already punished him
for that.
178
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,130
Yeah, well, I haven't.
Keith...
179
00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:54,040
Keith,
180
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,850
I just wanted to get you
some free publicity.
181
00:10:59,050 --> 00:11:03,020
I didn't know it'd end up like
this. I was wrong. I'm sorry.
182
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,840
What can I say?
183
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,800
I can't hit a kid
who's apologizing,
184
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,150
even though he deserves it.
185
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,040
This won't happen again,
will it?
186
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,070
I promise,
it won't happen again.
187
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:18,950
After next Sunday.
What?
188
00:11:19,150 --> 00:11:21,850
The article I wrote
was a two-parter.
189
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:24,100
You mean you wrote
something else about me?
190
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:27,160
It'll be quick and merciful.
Keith, it's not about you.
191
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,820
Oh?
192
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:31,190
Who's the second part about?
193
00:11:33,070 --> 00:11:34,820
Well,
194
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:39,000
it's about someone
who I deeply admire and respect.
195
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:42,040
And I send
her Mother's Day cards.
196
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,070
Let's get him.
197
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,130
[???]
198
00:11:54,050 --> 00:11:56,210
"So she decided
to go into business for herself.
199
00:11:56,410 --> 00:12:00,150
And that's when Mom started
the school for exotic dancers."
200
00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:02,840
A school
for exotic dancers, huh?
201
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,830
And you told me
those tassels were earrings.
202
00:12:06,030 --> 00:12:08,150
I have to give you credit,
Mom. You think big.
203
00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:11,040
I learned to play the piano
to be the life of a party.
204
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,060
Okay, have you both finished?
205
00:12:13,260 --> 00:12:13,960
Not quite yet.
206
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,010
Take a look at the paragraph
in boldface print.
207
00:12:17,210 --> 00:12:20,010
Oh, I bet the boldface
type was Danny's idea.
208
00:12:20,210 --> 00:12:22,980
"The ship Mom was on
hit an iceberg and sank.
209
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:24,880
"Mom was saved
from going under
210
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,210
"because she held
onto a man's beard.
211
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:30,800
To this day she can't resist
a man with a beard."
212
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,030
LAURIE:
Why, Mom, you never told us.
213
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,150
I don't really need this,
you know.
214
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:36,840
Hey,
here's something good.
215
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,190
A paragraph in italics.
216
00:12:38,390 --> 00:12:42,060
I don't care to read anymore.
Oh, well, then...
217
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:43,810
Let's see.
218
00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:48,140
"When Mom was alone and lost
in the jungles of Zanzibar--"
219
00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:51,070
I'd no idea you were
so well travelled.
220
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,000
I was kidnapped a lot.
221
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,010
"--she lived
for six months eating
222
00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:56,980
"only coconuts
and bamboo shoots.
223
00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:59,850
"Then she was found by
a newspaper correspondent
224
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:01,140
"wearing a trench coat.
225
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:05,000
And that's why..."
226
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,140
That's why what?
227
00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:11,910
"And that's why Mom is turned on
228
00:13:12,110 --> 00:13:14,160
by any man
wearing a trench coat."
229
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,950
Where is Danny?
He skipped out
230
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:18,890
and I don't think he'll be back
until you've cooled off.
231
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:22,090
If that's what he's waiting for,
we may never see him again.
232
00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:24,100
But when I do...
Mom, look,
233
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,880
we've all been
through this before.
234
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,110
If you're gonna stay
in show business,
235
00:13:29,310 --> 00:13:31,090
you've gotta
develop a tough skin.
236
00:13:31,290 --> 00:13:35,110
Yeah, being on the top
can be a lonely place, Mom.
237
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:38,170
But the show must go on.
Right.
238
00:13:38,370 --> 00:13:40,860
Oh, no, the show!
239
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:43,970
The PTA fashion show
is today.
240
00:13:44,170 --> 00:13:47,090
How am I gonna
face all those women?
241
00:13:47,290 --> 00:13:48,000
[KNOCKING]
242
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,180
Why fight it?
You have to face them sometime.
243
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,130
I think it's for you, Mom.
244
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,810
[???]
245
00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:05,000
Brought your milk,
Mrs. Partridge.
246
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,120
[???]
247
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,960
[???]
248
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:16,100
Thank you, Sheila.
249
00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:22,140
Our next model
is Mrs. Shirley Partridge.
250
00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:26,060
Shirley is wearing
a casual eveningwear ensemble.
251
00:14:26,260 --> 00:14:29,210
A demure navy suede
midi coat
252
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,990
with matching boots and cap.
253
00:14:32,190 --> 00:14:36,040
In startling contrast
to this shy cover-up,
254
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:41,160
Shirley is wearing
shocking-pink hot pants.
255
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,020
[MUSIC PLAYING]
256
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,110
SHIRLEY:
Danny?
257
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:20,850
Where is he?
I'll kill him.
258
00:15:21,050 --> 00:15:22,130
Something wrong?
259
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,000
You know what's wrong.
Where is he?
260
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,900
Danny Partridge.
261
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,820
I was sold out again.
262
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,980
We go with the strength.
263
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:37,200
Mom, is there
something wrong?
264
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,960
Oh, just the same
old thing.
265
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,120
Men popping out of nowhere
266
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,030
wearing trench coats
and grinning.
267
00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:47,150
And then when I appeared
at the PTA fashion show
268
00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:49,130
the women threw pennies at me.
269
00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:52,910
Honest, Mom,
I never asked for contributions.
270
00:15:53,110 --> 00:15:56,000
Mom, I think we should
talk this out like adults.
271
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,070
After all, you've already
punished him once.
272
00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:01,040
A two-part article
deserves a two-part punishment.
273
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,120
[DOORBELL RINGING]
274
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,140
I'll get it.
You certainly will.
275
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,820
Hi. Is your mother--?
Reuben!
276
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:14,060
If that trench coat is your idea
of some kind of a joke...
277
00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:17,830
No, it's my idea
of a trench coat.
278
00:16:18,030 --> 00:16:20,100
What is going on
around here?
279
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:23,960
Mom has come down with
an acute case of trench coat.
280
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,830
You know, you people aren't
making any more sense
281
00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:29,080
than those reporters.
What reporters?
282
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,800
The ones who met me
at the airport.
283
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,190
They asked some weird questions.
284
00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:34,020
Like what?
285
00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,920
I can't say in mixed company.
286
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,090
What's all this about
you being
287
00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,860
from the Sally Rand
School of Etiquette?
288
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:44,160
SHIRLEY:
Danny made up those stories.
289
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:45,830
He did?
290
00:16:46,030 --> 00:16:48,030
Well, he can't get
away with that.
291
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:49,800
You should sue him
for libel.
292
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,230
Never mind.
What did you tell the reporters?
293
00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:55,090
I don't quite know
what's going on around here.
294
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:58,010
But I do know how to
handle myself with the press.
295
00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:01,230
REPORTER:
Mr. Kincaid.
296
00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:04,050
How much truth is there
in the recent article
297
00:17:04,250 --> 00:17:06,000
concerning Shirley Partridge?
298
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,890
Article?
What article?
299
00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:09,200
Great answer,
Reuben.
300
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,100
Got out of that
like a real pro.
301
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,100
I know how to
protect my clients.
302
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,880
REPORTER:
that Shirley Partridge
303
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,090
used to run a school
for exotic dancers.
304
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:20,970
You're kidding. No comment.
305
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:24,190
REPORTER:
Mrs. Partridge can't resist
306
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,100
a man with a beard.
307
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,100
I never knew...
308
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:30,990
No comment.
No comment?
309
00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:34,960
Oh, Reuben, I'm certainly glad
you dispelled all the rumors.
310
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,140
You made it sound
like it was all true.
311
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:39,030
You really got me
off the hook.
312
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,860
He hit me with those cockamamie
questions out of the blue.
313
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:46,000
How would I know
what you were before I knew you?
314
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,900
Reuben.
315
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,800
Maybe we can call up
the station
316
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,070
and have them retract it
on tomorrow's show.
317
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:55,050
Well, how do you retract
a "no comment"?
318
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,810
That does it.
319
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,090
I'm not gonna show my face
outside this house
320
00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:00,890
until this whole thing
blows over.
321
00:18:01,090 --> 00:18:02,210
Well, you can't do that.
322
00:18:02,410 --> 00:18:04,210
What about the concert
tomorrow night?
323
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,900
Oh, the concert.
324
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:09,800
After the concert.
325
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,830
Seems to me that you should
be more worried
326
00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:13,180
about the concert than after it.
327
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:16,130
It's a convention,
remember? All men.
328
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:17,910
[???]
329
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:20,200
Yeah, and we've all heard
those stories
330
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,090
about wild conventioneers.
331
00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:23,210
[???]
332
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:31,000
[INDISCERNIBLE CHATTER]
333
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:36,200
Do they look friendly?
Oh, very.
334
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:39,150
Joy buzzers, funny hats,
lots of confetti.
335
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:42,210
Just your average group
of clean-cut rowdies.
336
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:43,880
They're gonna get me.
337
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,940
Oh, why,
now you're being paranoid.
338
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,180
Mom, these people
are all from out of town.
339
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:51,080
They probably haven't
read our Sunday supplement.
340
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,040
Why, it's only local.
Do you really think so?
341
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,020
No, I was lying.
342
00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:02,060
MAN [ON MICROPHONE]:
the Partridge Family.
343
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:04,040
[APPLAUSE]
344
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,910
? If you ever put me down ?
345
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:18,040
? I would fall right through
The ground ?
346
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,960
? Couldn't make it on my own ?
347
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:26,130
? Couldn't stay here all alone ?
348
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:28,030
FAMILY:
? Ooh ?
349
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:32,000
? And there would be no sun ?
350
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:38,210
? And there would be no one
To run to ?
351
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,890
? If you ever go ?
352
00:19:41,090 --> 00:19:43,890
FAMILY:
You'll never know ?
353
00:19:44,090 --> 00:19:46,210
? Honey, you'll never know ?
354
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:49,100
FAMILY:
You'll never know ?
355
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:52,800
? What it would do to me ?
356
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,140
? The hurt would be new to me ?
357
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:57,900
? Honey, it's new to me ?
358
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,100
? If you could ever believe ?
359
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:05,840
? The love I got up my sleeve ?
360
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,120
? Then you would never go ?
361
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,980
? Honey, don't ever go ?
362
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,060
FAMILY:
? You'll never know ?
363
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:21,220
? If you ever said goodbye ?
364
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:25,890
? I would want so much to die ?
365
00:20:26,090 --> 00:20:30,870
? All the world
Would look so gray ?
366
00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:35,080
? Couldn't face another day ?
367
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:39,820
? And there would be no sun ?
368
00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:45,220
? And there would be no one
To run to ?
369
00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:48,820
ALL:
? If you ever go ?
370
00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:51,170
FAMILY:
You'll never know ?
371
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:53,850
? Honey, you'll never know ?
372
00:20:54,050 --> 00:20:55,990
FAMILY:
You'll never know ?
373
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,960
? What it would do to me ?
374
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,180
FAMILY:
? What it would do to me ?
375
00:21:00,380 --> 00:21:02,890
? The hurt would be new to me ?
376
00:21:03,090 --> 00:21:04,810
FAMILY:
? Honey, it's new to me ?
377
00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:06,200
? If you could ever... ?
378
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,050
[APPLAUSE]
379
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,230
Well, if they're gonna get you,
they're gonna get you now.
380
00:21:24,030 --> 00:21:26,930
MEN:
Bravo! Bravo!
381
00:21:27,130 --> 00:21:30,090
Gee, they really like us.
We'd better take another bow.
382
00:21:33,230 --> 00:21:37,010
[???]
383
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,220
It just got here.
384
00:21:52,420 --> 00:21:53,880
Great.
385
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,920
Here, let's hide it.
386
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,120
SHIRLEY: What's going--?
DANNY: Good morning.
387
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,820
Ah. Good morning, brother.
388
00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:04,190
Welcome to breakfast.
389
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:06,960
LAURIE:
bacon crisp and dry.
390
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,850
Just the way
you like it.
391
00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:09,940
Fresh chocolate milk
392
00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:12,230
served in your favorite
Donald Duck glass.
393
00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:15,800
A big napkin
because you're messy.
394
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,140
In case you
haven't noticed,
395
00:22:17,340 --> 00:22:19,100
there are two words
that are not used
396
00:22:19,300 --> 00:22:21,100
in the Partridge family
vocabulary:
397
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:22,830
"Brotherly love."
398
00:22:23,030 --> 00:22:26,000
However, there are
two words more commonly used.
399
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,070
Yes?
400
00:22:27,270 --> 00:22:29,940
"Get even."
401
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,880
Keith, what's in
that magazine?
402
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,800
Well, Mom, ever since Danny's
article about you came out
403
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,090
it sort of took me
out of the limelight.
404
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:42,800
So I've noticed.
And as concerned children
405
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,100
we felt that what was needed
was a re-focusing of attention.
406
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,850
So we all got
together and...
407
00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:50,170
"And Danny really doesn't
wanna be a singer.
408
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:54,010
He only sings with the family
to pay for his ballet lessons."
409
00:22:54,210 --> 00:22:57,100
Ballet lessons?
That's an out-and-out lie.
410
00:22:57,300 --> 00:23:01,000
Well, they can't
tell the truth about you.
411
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,170
Let's face it, you're boring.
412
00:23:03,370 --> 00:23:05,830
KEITH:
the good part.
413
00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:08,200
Skip down to the paragraph
in boldface print.
414
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:09,990
CHRIS:
was my idea.
415
00:23:10,190 --> 00:23:12,840
Everybody kicks you
when you're down.
416
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,040
Well, go ahead.
Read the worst. I can take it.
417
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:16,980
Okay.
418
00:23:17,180 --> 00:23:21,000
"Danny claims to be
very tight with his money.
419
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,970
"But the truth is
he's generous to a fault.
420
00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:27,180
"He's constantly giving
away all his money to charity.
421
00:23:27,380 --> 00:23:31,060
"He once pledged the shirt
off his back to a telethon.
422
00:23:31,260 --> 00:23:33,890
In fact, being poor
turns him on."
423
00:23:34,090 --> 00:23:35,180
[DOORBELL RINGING]
424
00:23:35,380 --> 00:23:37,800
That's defamation
of character.
425
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,000
I'm a tightwad and you know it.
426
00:23:41,060 --> 00:23:42,180
That's a low blow.
427
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,080
Yeah.
Right in the billfold.
428
00:23:46,140 --> 00:23:48,200
Danny, it's for you.
429
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,060
[???]
430
00:23:58,180 --> 00:24:01,020
Mom?
431
00:24:06,050 --> 00:24:09,200
Give till it feels good.
432
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,220
[???]
433
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,090
[???]
29562
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