Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,438
We're gonna need you
to start dating Stan.
2
00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:04,296
Excuse me?
3
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:06,757
Stan, the bank manager
who's in love with you.
4
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:08,759
Can I help you?
5
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:09,677
Is your son home?
6
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,762
- Why?
- Just wanted to check in on him.
7
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,448
Make sure he wasn't
harboring any ill will
8
00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,891
about me sticking my ding-a-ling
in his ex's thing-a-ling.
9
00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:17,977
Wiggles? He's over her.
10
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,146
Tossed her out like a pee bottle
on the interstate.
11
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,523
Don't tell Mom,
but Wiggles and I are engaged.
12
00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,024
What were you in for?
13
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:25,943
Uh... sellin' weed.
14
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,695
Weed's practically legal.
15
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:31,699
It wasn't legal in 1994 when they had
mandatory minimum drug sentences.
16
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:35,119
And since the drugs were confiscated
within 1,000 feet of a school,
17
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,329
that doubles it to 30 years.
18
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,540
You must've been bored out of your skull.
19
00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,834
Well, I read a lot.
20
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,317
I just tried to make lemonade
out of the lemons life gave me.
21
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,630
I don't like lemonade. It's too sweet.
22
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:50,301
Lemons, on the other hand,
I could suck on a lemon all day.
23
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:53,137
I like the way it makes my toes curl.
24
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:09,653
Holy shit.
25
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,113
This car is wicked, Spike.
26
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:14,492
Thanks, Jack.
She's a real panty-dropper.
27
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,619
I took Derek's girlfriend
for a spin last night
28
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:20,915
and, uh, we went from
zero to blowjob in 6.2 minutes.
29
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,376
Derek? Your brother Derek?
30
00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:28,506
Man...
31
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,341
Can I help you?
32
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,134
Oh, no, I'm just checkin' out the car.
33
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,445
- Does it belong to you?
- Sure does.
34
00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,596
I've always wanted one of these.
35
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,990
The auction's getting ready to start.
36
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:37,848
Okay.
37
00:01:37,932 --> 00:01:40,392
And I always wanted one of those.
38
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:42,061
Does she belong to you?
39
00:01:42,144 --> 00:01:44,063
"Belong"? Her?
40
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:47,817
I mean,
we dated for a little while in prison.
41
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,985
I sold weed,
she did a little white-collar stuff.
42
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:50,986
Nothin' too scary.
You're good.
43
00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,280
It's been a little confusing
since we've been out.
44
00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,617
The tough thing is,
we live with other people,
45
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,285
so we don't get a lot of alone time.
46
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:01,139
I mean, we recently slept together,
but I still don't know what that meant.
47
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,933
Before I went in the joint,
when I was much younger,
48
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:05,167
you slept with a woman,
you were practically engaged.
49
00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:08,838
But these days,
things seem a little looser, maybe?
50
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:09,839
Are you married?
51
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:10,941
Look, man, I gotta dip, so...
52
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:16,053
Oh, yeah, no.
Dip on. Dip away.
53
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,722
You know, I didn't know
who to talk to about this stuff
54
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:22,101
and since we both like IROCs,
well, I thought maybe, you know...
55
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:24,061
Yeah, you drive safe.
56
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,400
And... sold!
57
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:34,029
Barb, one of the Congresswoman's
sculptures just sold for 46 grand.
58
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:36,073
You're kiddin' me.
Let me see, let me see.
59
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:42,121
That's a lot of money for a monkey
humpin' a giant metal ostrich.
60
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,497
It's bronze,
61
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,584
and it's the angel Raphael
carrying a child into heaven.
62
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:48,419
Mm...
63
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,962
Potato, pot-ah-to.
64
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,424
I figured we could all settle in
and watch the auction together tonight.
65
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:58,554
Got this new kind of Asian spaghetti soup.
Raymond noodles.
66
00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,471
Hmm.
67
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,764
Is it Raymond or ramen?
68
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,141
Cool people say Raymond.
69
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,142
Raymond.
70
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,268
I thought it was ramen.
71
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,352
It is.
72
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,122
Sometimes I can't resist
messing with the guy
73
00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,356
who's been locked up
for the last quarter-century.
74
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,067
I think you'll like it, Barb.
I tried some in the car. It's good.
75
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,360
Everybody loves Raymond.
76
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:14,653
Oh, I can see why.
77
00:03:14,737 --> 00:03:20,117
So, if a horny monkey statue
brought 46 grand,
78
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,078
how much you think the rest
of the Congresswoman's crap will go for?
79
00:03:23,162 --> 00:03:25,623
The way it's going,
it could be over a million.
80
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,542
Ooh, I like the sound of that.
81
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:32,004
So, money lands here
in the bogus account.
82
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,505
And then...
83
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,554
Are you almost done figurin' out
how we're gonna get the money?
84
00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,681
Because you're killin' me
with the Scotch tape.
85
00:03:42,765 --> 00:03:43,765
It's gettin' there.
86
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,728
Ugh.
87
00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:50,940
I thought we said 6:00.
88
00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,024
We did.
89
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,944
I just didn't want you to be confused
when you saw my car next door.
90
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,904
I need to safely feed Mom first,
91
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:59,740
and it takes a little while to liquefy
a Double Whopper with cheese.
92
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:00,823
See you soon.
93
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,703
Can't wait.
94
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,706
No Raymond for me.
95
00:04:07,790 --> 00:04:09,416
- Oh.
- As instructed,
96
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,127
I have a backyard
social distance dinner date
97
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:14,713
with Stan, the human crescent roll.
98
00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,024
Maybe if you start thinking about him
99
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,926
as Stan, the bank manager
who's gonna help us all get rich,
100
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,469
it'll make things easier to swallow.
101
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:22,179
Swallow?
102
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:23,263
You didn't say...
103
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,507
It's a figure of speech, Barb.
Just a figure of speech.
104
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,810
So, uh...
105
00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,770
I guess it's just me and Gloria tonight.
106
00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,105
Easy, tiger.
107
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:34,692
Don't go poppin' a Cialis and fillin'
a bathtub in a meadow just yet.
108
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,152
Let me see if Rooster's hungry.
109
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,530
He went upstairs a while ago
to play with his Legos.
110
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,783
Uh, I wasn't suggestin'
we were gonna...
111
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,386
I don't know why she always does that.
112
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,455
Make sure he knows
we can save him some Raymond
113
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,124
if he's busy with his toys.
114
00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:55,713
Come here, you little...
115
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,382
Barb?
116
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,760
Hello? What is going on?
117
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,887
I told her to stay away from my son!
118
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,931
And I just caught
the two of them screwing!
119
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,975
And this moron was on backwards!
120
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,852
It's called "reverse cowgirl".
121
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:13,022
And if you went to Junior high
in the last century, you'd know that.
122
00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,858
Oh!
123
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,613
Ma, please don't stab her!
Stab me!
124
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,784
Jack, go get the car keys.
125
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:26,952
Not gonna happen, Barb.
126
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:31,415
What are you wearing?
127
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:34,018
When you're naked and getting yelled at,
you grab what you grab.
128
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,838
Guess who else got out of jail early
because of Covid.
129
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:41,925
How cool is this pandemic?
130
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:42,843
Aw, shit.
131
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,094
Rooster.
132
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:48,140
I ain't seen you since you set me up.
We should chat.
133
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,019
Hey, Ma, is the gun still in the freezer?
134
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,480
Behind your Uncrustables.
Bullets in the ice tray.
135
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,275
Jack, what's up, man?
136
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,027
Uh, you know, same old, same old.
137
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,238
You need to accept it, Barb.
Your son and I are in love.
138
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,075
Wiggles?
What are you doin' here, baby?
139
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,451
Are you back with Rooster?
140
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,578
You left me to die
under a weighted blanket.
141
00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:13,082
I tried to call you in prison to tell you
that Rooster and I were getting married,
142
00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:15,167
but I don't know your last name.
143
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,877
- What?
- Married?
144
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,548
Are you engaged?
145
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,343
Yeah, I was gonna tell you after.
146
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,426
God!
147
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,101
Rooster, put that away.
We got company.
148
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,188
Barb, we don't need
this kind of attention. We gotta go.
149
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,315
- Come on.
- What's with all the screaming?
150
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,983
Hey, mind your business!
151
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,945
No one asked you questions about
the screaming coming from your house
152
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,863
when you were bangin' the mailman.
153
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:47,658
Hey, no need
to get me involved in this shit.
154
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:48,909
I got kids.
155
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:55,249
Let go! I bruise like a banana
and it's comin' up on my tank-top season!
156
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,376
Tell Jack to stall Melvin
another 30 seconds
157
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,044
so I can get this gun defrosted.
158
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,105
Everyone's fine.
159
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,608
Rooster put a frying pan in the microwave
and it blew up.
160
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:23,861
Dipshits.
161
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,822
Melvin, you don't wanna
get tangled up in this.
162
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,365
Rooster's not worth it, Melvin.
163
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,658
And a handsome guy like you,
164
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,501
you can do better
than some stripper, Melvin.
165
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:34,204
I like when you say my name a lot.
166
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,330
And I am handsome.
167
00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:36,248
Great skin.
168
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,208
My lotion game is tight.
169
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,126
I don't know, man.
170
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,271
Maybe I need to smoke a little weed
and get my head straight.
171
00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:44,047
There you go. Weed.
Always a smarter choice.
172
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,257
Let's bounce.
173
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,177
Uh, I'm sorry, did you say "let's",
as in, I'm coming?
174
00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,196
Yeah, I didn't just come here
to kick Rooster's ass.
175
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:51,531
I was thinking,
after, we can hang.
176
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,616
You ain't gonna turn your back
on your main man, are you?
177
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,644
I don't recall making any declaration
about who's whose main man,
178
00:07:57,728 --> 00:07:58,979
but, uh...
179
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:01,815
But, uh, sure.
180
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,483
Uh, yeah, let's... Let's go.
181
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,778
We'll be gone, what,
like, half an hour or so?
182
00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:10,032
More than that. It's gonna take
at least an hour to get to Camden County.
183
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:13,160
Camden County?
I grew up near Camden County.
184
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,119
Cool.
185
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:17,331
The folks that run the dispensary there
are a little more forgiving than most.
186
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,167
My medical marijuana card
is a little sketch.
187
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,168
Whoa, you weren't kidding.
188
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,545
This is literally a little sketch.
189
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,255
Thus, the hour drive.
190
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:26,900
So, I am not just gonna sit by
and let my son pollute our gene pool
191
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,945
by tossin' a fistful of stripper DNA
into the mix.
192
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,573
She's gonna turn our family tree
into a family pole.
193
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,701
- Mm-hmm.
- Stan?
194
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:39,705
And sure, my sister's a crack addict,
we got a handful of felons,
195
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:43,166
and my father was a Methodist
for a few weeks, under duress,
196
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,878
but that's exactly why
Rooster needs to aim higher.
197
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,797
- Mm-hmm.
- Stan?
198
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,400
This family is never
gonna get a thoroughbred
199
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,551
if we keep breedin' with donkeys.
200
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:53,635
Stan?
201
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:56,972
Do you need to get that?
202
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:57,889
Sorry.
203
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:01,101
Mother, we talked about this.
I'm on a date through a fence.
204
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:02,936
Did you bring dessert?
205
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,355
If you can keep your head inside
for another half-hour,
206
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,941
I'll soften up some Swedish Fish candies.
207
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,110
Sorry.
208
00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:12,738
Listen, Barb,
have you ever thought that maybe
209
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:16,950
this isn't so much about Wiggles,
as much as it's about you losing your son?
210
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,161
Why would I have thought about that?
211
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,538
Well, I'm not sure if you've noticed,
212
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,832
but I have a very close relationship
with my mother.
213
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:24,750
Mm-hmm.
214
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:28,628
From my bedroom window, I've seen you help
her out of the tub and clip her toenails.
215
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,213
That's unfortunate.
216
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:34,009
Anyway, there have been many times,
like right now,
217
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,969
when she's interfered with my love life.
218
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:38,680
I suspect it's because
she's afraid of losing me.
219
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,850
She wouldn't even let me go to the prom,
which backfired.
220
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,603
I ended up staying home
and playing in her bunko night,
221
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,105
which is when I lost my virginity
to her friend Carol.
222
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,357
God rest her soul.
223
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,275
What's your point?
224
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,235
That maybe this isn't about Wiggles.
225
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,113
Maybe this is about you
being afraid of losing Rooster.
226
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:58,200
That's ridiculous.
227
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:02,913
No. Mm-mm. No.
I don't care if Rooster gets married.
228
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,207
Just so long as he marries
someone's exactly like me.
229
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,666
Mm-hmm.
230
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,752
Someone who knows how to take care of him.
231
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,587
He's a lot of work.
232
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,089
From Mom's kitchen window,
233
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,424
I've seen you
floss his teeth in the backyard.
234
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:17,427
He flails around too much
if I do it inside.
235
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:21,139
He knocked over an urn while
I was tryin' to extract a popcorn kernel
236
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,809
and now his poor father's
in a Dustbuster on the mantel.
237
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,394
Understood.
238
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,271
And you've spent enough time
around Wiggles to know for sure
239
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,856
that she can't take care of Rooster?
240
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,402
The girl pours the milk
before the cereal, Stan.
241
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,906
She just sits there
and lets it splash her. Every time.
242
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,449
I think I know.
243
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,577
Has it been a half-hour?
244
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:45,455
She's not gonna stop.
245
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:49,835
This was lovely.
I hope we can do it again.
246
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,462
And maybe I'm wrong
about you being like my mother.
247
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,797
You'd know better than me.
248
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,882
Are you preparing my fish?
249
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,846
Softening them as we speak, Mother.
250
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:15,110
Call Wiggles.
251
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:17,654
Invite her over for ice cream.
252
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,281
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
253
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,784
If you love her so much, I should
at least try to get to know her better.
254
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,828
Make sure you two are a good fit.
255
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,997
Oh, Mom, thanks.
You're gonna love her.
256
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,332
And trust me, we're a great fit.
257
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,878
I'm still wearin' her underwear
'cause we're the same size.
258
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:38,633
I gotta admit, I'm a little surprised.
259
00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:42,721
For a woman who was wielding a knife
earlier, you're acting very reasonable.
260
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,724
I just need to prove to myself
that Wiggles is trash.
261
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:48,518
And then I'm not gonna
become some needy-ass,
262
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:53,690
bonkers old lady gettin' baby-birded
Swedish Fish through a doggy door.
263
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,776
There's my Barb.
264
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:05,577
There's some floss sticks
in the glove compartment.
265
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,083
I got a little Raymond
stuck between my teeth.
266
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,397
What do I do with 'em when I'm finished?
267
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,673
I usually just throw 'em back in the bag.
268
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,770
Aw, shit, they're about to close.
269
00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,982
Hold up, man.
One more customer.
270
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:40,570
My anxiety-induced insomnia
is wreakin' havoc on my pre-glaucoma.
271
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:43,240
Thanks, man.
272
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,209
Son of a bitch.
273
00:13:58,672 --> 00:13:59,506
So you got it?
274
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,091
Merry Christmas, Princess.
275
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,801
Oh.
276
00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:17,399
Oh, I can't go to jail.
277
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,858
It's just one joint. The dude...
278
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:20,628
The dude on the skateboard,
he sold it to me.
279
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,821
All units be advised,
we have lost the suspect.
280
00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,407
Keep an eye out
for a 20-something male on a skateboard.
281
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,867
I know where he lives.
He lives with his parents.
282
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,120
If you let me go,
I'll tell you where he lives.
283
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,207
Is that him?
284
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:37,002
Yeah, yeah. That's him. That's the guy.
285
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,628
He sold me the weed.
286
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,866
You have to drive.
287
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,744
I was eatin' samples
like it was Saturday at Costco.
288
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,690
I think that car has been followin' us.
289
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:43,485
But from in the front.
It's like it knows the future.
290
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,903
We're followin' him.
291
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,823
What?
292
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:51,326
This asshole's
the reason I did 26 years.
293
00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:56,956
Hey, baby. Your husband gone?
294
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:02,003
Mm. Love it.
It's funny, isn't it?
295
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,464
I mean, he's the one
workin' the graveyard shift,
296
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,508
but his wife's the one gettin' boned.
297
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,930
What do you mean, you don't get it?
298
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:16,393
Look, I don't know
what you got planned,
299
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,103
but this weed is strong
300
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,897
and I'm not up for gettin' the giggles
while witnessin' a murder.
301
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,901
Come on, man, say something.
You got me buggin'.
302
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,195
Shh.
303
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,533
Come on, man, say something.
You got me buggin'.
304
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,290
What if that's not even him?
305
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:43,670
What if it's just a guy
who looks exactly like him?
306
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:46,256
What if it's his reflection?
307
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,966
Give me your jacket.
308
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,676
- What?
- Give me your jacket.
309
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,029
What are you doin'?
Get this off me!
310
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,366
Hey! Come on! Who's that?
Hey, hey, hey!
311
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,577
Oh, shit.
312
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,872
Oh, shit.
313
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:28,381
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
314
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,430
Does Rooster like surprises?
315
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:37,265
Yes, as long as you tell him first.
316
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:39,076
What's his favorite thing
to wake up to in the morning?
317
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:41,394
- Lunch.
- Is he a righty or a lefty?
318
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:42,729
Trick question. Neither.
319
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,147
What's his favorite sandwich?
320
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,356
Ice cream.
321
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,859
That painting we were gonna steal
just sold.
322
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:49,420
You guys aren't gonna believe how much.
323
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,822
Shh. Mom's givin' Wiggles
a wife test and she's killin' it.
324
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,926
The only thing that she got wrong was
my shoe size and I don't even know that.
325
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:57,076
Oh.
326
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,872
How do you keep Rooster from gettin'
a brain freeze after he drinks a Slurpee?
327
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:04,375
You don't. He loves brain freezes.
That's why he drinks Slurpees.
328
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,187
- What'd he wanna be when he grew up?
- Taller.
329
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,772
When he has a cough,
what kind of medicine does he...
330
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,923
Grape for syrup, cherry for drops.
331
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,884
Nothing with menthol
or he gets nightmares that he's a dragon.
332
00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,135
What's his biggest secret?
333
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,512
Promised I wouldn't tell.
334
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,639
Damn! I knew
he was hidin' something.
335
00:18:17,722 --> 00:18:19,057
Let's take a break.
336
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:24,145
Babe, your mom is awesome.
337
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,481
She's doin' good, huh?
338
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,775
I haven't gotten to the hard questions.
She'll fail.
339
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:32,362
No one's takin' away my baby boy.
340
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:39,953
Hey, little guys.
341
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,040
Uh...
342
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,042
Where's Jack?
343
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:50,380
Relax, man, we're cool.
344
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,466
Ain't nothin' a little Purple Urkle
couldn't smooth over.
345
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:56,261
Even got you two lovebirds
an engagement gift.
346
00:18:58,304 --> 00:18:59,848
Gummies!
347
00:18:59,931 --> 00:19:03,685
♪ We're gonna get high, high,
high, high, high tonight ♪
348
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,478
Melvin, where's Jack?
349
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,272
In the garage.
350
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,568
Your hair smells like a dream I had once.
351
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:13,027
What?
352
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:17,156
Melvin, I think you better
go home and lay down.
353
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:18,700
Okay.
354
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,870
Tell Jack I'm gonna need
that truck back when he finished with it.
355
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:25,081
I also appreciate
a courtesy car wash
356
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,585
to get rid of
any forensic evidenceses.
357
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:43,516
Come on, this is crazy!
I didn't even know she was married!
358
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:48,646
Okay, I lied.
All right, I knew she was married.
359
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:50,648
But this is on you, dude.
360
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,609
If you don't want
your wife cheatin' on you,
361
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,236
then you shouldn't be
workin' night shifts at the hospital.
362
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,406
Plus, you're a nurse.
I mean, at least be a doctor.
363
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:01,326
I'm sayin' this to help you, all right?
364
00:20:01,409 --> 00:20:04,037
I mean, bros over hoes, right?
365
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,874
Bros over hoes, dude!
366
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,550
You kidnapped someone?
367
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,218
Oh, not just someone.
368
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:22,722
Spike. That asshole snitch
who sent me to prison. Aha!
369
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,015
But, yeah, I kidnapped him.
370
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,975
Uh, I'm a kidnapper. Who knew?
371
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:31,314
Weed dealer, ex-con, failed art thief,
future bank robber, and now a kidnapper.
372
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,816
It's gonna be
one hell of an autobiography.
373
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,152
Okay, look, we can still fix this.
374
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,835
It sounds like he thinks you're some guy
whose wife he slept with.
375
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,049
We can just go dump him somewhere
376
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,967
and he'll never know
you had anything to do with this.
377
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,785
I think I like my plan better.
378
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,204
Okay, and what exactly is your plan, Jack?
379
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,140
Well, I was thinkin' about that
on the ride home.
380
00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:49,683
The first thing that crossed my mind
was kill him,
381
00:20:49,707 --> 00:20:51,417
- but that's crazy, right?
- Yes.
382
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:52,335
- Eh.
- I would.
383
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,313
So then I was thinkin' maybe I'll
just leave him in the back of the truck
384
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,005
for the next 26 years.
385
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,050
Ha. He's gonna get so cold
in the winter and hot in the summer.
386
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:01,970
Unfortunately, my parents are getting old.
I need to get to San Diego.
387
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,013
So, I don't have 26 more years to waste.
388
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:05,473
So, what then?
389
00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,599
Prison.
390
00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:09,185
I'm writing down all the things
I hated about prison.
391
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,080
We're gonna give old Spike
a little taste of all the shit
392
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,563
I had to deal with, thanks to him.
393
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,647
You're gonna torture him?
394
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,441
Yeah.
395
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:19,779
You guys went to prison,
feel free to add to the list.
396
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,230
I've never seen him like this.
397
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,033
Well, he had to snap sometime.
398
00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:26,953
Twenty-six years in the slammer
for sellin' weed?
399
00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:29,181
I'm surprised he's not
drillin' holes in the dude's head.
400
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:30,915
These things could be a lot worse.
401
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:33,668
Full-body cavity search
isn't even on here yet.
402
00:21:35,586 --> 00:21:36,421
Okay...
403
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:38,464
Number three'd be fun to watch.
404
00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:42,427
All right, look,
I am not a fan of any of this,
405
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,929
but it's clear he has
some shit to work through.
406
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:48,975
If this will make him feel better,
then I guess we should help him with it.
407
00:21:49,058 --> 00:21:50,418
Make sure he doesn't hurt the guy.
408
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:53,521
He's not gonna hurt him.
Jack's pissed, but he's not crazy.
409
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,649
Let's send this asshole to prison!
410
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,335
Welcome to hell.
411
00:22:24,761 --> 00:22:25,762
Oh!
412
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,472
Welcome to hell.
413
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:10,848
Eat it!
414
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:28,032
Poop!
415
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:40,211
Johnny! I know you hear me, Johnny!
I know you took my shit, Johnny!
416
00:23:40,294 --> 00:23:41,712
I know you can hear me, Johnny!
417
00:23:41,796 --> 00:23:42,922
Eat a dick!
418
00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,632
Eat a dick? You eat a dick!
419
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:25,590
Couldn't find a rat,
420
00:24:25,673 --> 00:24:28,426
but I sweet-talked this little guy's mom
into loaning him to us.
421
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,075
Jack?
422
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,996
Jack, what are you doing?
You're gonna miss the possum thing.
423
00:24:57,079 --> 00:24:58,956
You can do without me.
424
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:02,084
Without you?
We're only doin' this to help you.
425
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,253
My blender smells like dog food
and dead fish,
426
00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:05,588
and that's gonna linger.
427
00:25:05,671 --> 00:25:07,423
It's making you feel better, right?
428
00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:13,262
It was at first, but, I don't know,
then I started gettin' angry again.
429
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,183
I had to let the possum go.
He was gettin' a bit nippy.
430
00:25:19,602 --> 00:25:22,521
I'm not tastin' rabies,
so I hope he was just moody.
431
00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:24,815
What do you mean,
it's making you angry again?
432
00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:28,861
I don't know.
It just wasn't...
433
00:25:30,238 --> 00:25:32,448
It's not just Spike that did this to me.
434
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:35,201
Why isn't that asshole judge
in the back of the truck?
435
00:25:35,284 --> 00:25:37,930
Why aren't the lawmakers who made
mandatory minimums for drug charges
436
00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,205
in the back of the truck?
437
00:25:39,288 --> 00:25:44,919
That shitty Public Defender,
the jail system, the parole board... me.
438
00:25:45,753 --> 00:25:48,381
I could've worked for
my uncle's lawn business, but no,
439
00:25:48,464 --> 00:25:52,343
I decided to ride my skateboard all day
and sell weed 'cause it's easier.
440
00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:57,139
Spike, the judge, everybody else,
they screwed me over,
441
00:25:57,223 --> 00:26:02,520
but I'm the one who put myself
in a position to get screwed.
442
00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:06,607
I ruined my life.
443
00:26:06,691 --> 00:26:10,444
Oh, come on. What are you
talking about? You're out of prison.
444
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:13,823
And if I can figure out the rest
of the plan, you're gonna be rich.
445
00:26:15,408 --> 00:26:18,178
You could probably afford to buy
a Dunkin' Donuts franchise if you want.
446
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:21,706
I'm gonna do that.
We could have 'em side by side.
447
00:26:21,789 --> 00:26:23,791
Jack, your life is anything but ruined.
448
00:26:25,084 --> 00:26:27,253
Fine. I ruined part of my life.
449
00:26:27,336 --> 00:26:29,755
So what?
Everyone ruins part of their life.
450
00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:33,551
I wasted three years trying to get through
the first semester of nursing school.
451
00:26:33,634 --> 00:26:36,846
I had a mustache in the third grade
and I didn't do anything with that.
452
00:26:36,929 --> 00:26:39,890
I wasted almost a year in prison
talking to some old guy
453
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:44,562
through the toilet who lied
and said he was 28.
454
00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:47,732
Look, obviously,
we can't compete with you, okay?
455
00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:50,484
When it comes to who ruined
most of their life, you win.
456
00:26:51,986 --> 00:26:53,988
But you've got two choices.
457
00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:57,325
You can keep
carrying around all this anger
458
00:26:57,408 --> 00:27:00,786
and basically turn
your 26 years into a life sentence.
459
00:27:00,870 --> 00:27:04,415
Or you can find a way
to start forgiving people.
460
00:27:04,498 --> 00:27:05,666
Starting with yourself.
461
00:27:05,750 --> 00:27:08,711
I'm not saying it'll be easy
or happen overnight,
462
00:27:08,794 --> 00:27:13,049
but you'll never really be free
until you start letting things go.
463
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:26,479
Come on, Gloria.
464
00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:45,790
You really love that kook, don't you?
465
00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:48,709
More than anything.
466
00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:51,063
Did you wanna ask her
more questions?
467
00:27:51,087 --> 00:27:52,647
'Cause she's actually smarter
when she's high.
468
00:27:52,671 --> 00:27:55,966
I think. I'm usually high, too.
469
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:58,844
Nah, we're done with the questions.
470
00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:00,846
She passed.
471
00:28:01,972 --> 00:28:03,015
Seriously?
472
00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:05,601
Oh, Mom, thanks so much!
473
00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,284
I know you had a lot of reasons
you didn't want us to be together.
474
00:28:09,772 --> 00:28:10,981
Mm.
475
00:28:12,441 --> 00:28:16,153
Well, it's like Gloria said,
476
00:28:16,237 --> 00:28:19,323
sometimes you just gotta let things go.
477
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:24,982
Can I go tell her the good news?
478
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:27,748
In a second.
479
00:28:32,169 --> 00:28:33,712
It's over.
480
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:38,551
No. No, please don't kill me!
I promise I won't go near your wife again!
481
00:28:39,385 --> 00:28:40,970
No, I mean it's over. I forgive you.
482
00:28:43,013 --> 00:28:45,433
But yeah,
stop sleepin' with married women!
483
00:28:45,516 --> 00:28:48,269
Okay! I promise! Promise!
484
00:28:49,812 --> 00:28:50,813
Run!
485
00:28:58,654 --> 00:28:59,738
- Well...
- Well...
486
00:29:04,285 --> 00:29:06,245
How do you feel?
487
00:29:06,328 --> 00:29:08,747
Actually, a little bit better.
488
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:12,060
Hey, what happened with that auction?
489
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:14,670
How much is in that bank account
we're gonna get our hands on?
490
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:19,967
Oh, shit. Uh, with all the kidnapping
and torture, I forgot to tell you.
491
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:27,558
- Does that say...
- 2.5 million, yeah.
492
00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:33,481
Oh, my...
493
00:29:38,277 --> 00:29:40,404
Oh, my... Oh!
494
00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:33,726
We got problems.
495
00:31:33,809 --> 00:31:36,645
Last night on the security cameras,
I heard the rich bitch
496
00:31:36,729 --> 00:31:38,790
tell old wrinkly balls
that she has a meeting tomorrow morning
497
00:31:38,814 --> 00:31:40,709
to find out which companies
will make the vaccine.
498
00:31:40,733 --> 00:31:43,444
The housekeeper Lucia has a kid, right?
499
00:31:43,527 --> 00:31:45,696
Hey, if you're thinkin'
of kidnappin' the kid
500
00:31:45,779 --> 00:31:47,448
and askin' for the password
as ransom,
501
00:31:47,531 --> 00:31:49,408
Gloria already shot that down.
502
00:31:49,491 --> 00:31:53,162
I feel like we're close enough
to tell you that I shave my legs.
503
00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:10,679
Good luck with your bank robbery.
504
00:32:10,703 --> 00:32:12,703
https://www.MY-SUBS.com/
39047
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.