All language subtitles for Cat.Person.2023.1080p.Hulu.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_eng

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(WOMAN ON TV SCREAMS)

NARRATOR: (ON TV) You will freeze
as you watch a warped scientist

when his bloody scalpel

probes the forbidden secrets

-of a woman's flesh.
-(WOMAN ON TV SCREAMS)

You will flame at the stark ritual
of a beautiful girl's last searing dance

as tragedy forever mars her loveliness.

You will cringe as the demented doctor

experiments with
a girl's trusting innocence.

-(TYPING)
-(TEXT SENT)

A mad creature born of the atomic age

now shackled to a world of rotting bodies

-and violent deaths.
-(CONTINUES TYPING)

-A sadist, a criminal...
-(TEXT SENT)

...a depraved animal
more ferocious than Jekyll,

more monstrous than Frankenstein,

more bloody than Dracula.

Um, I'll do a large popcorn and Red Vines.

That's an unusual choice.

(WOMAN ON TV SCREAMING)

Thank you.

I don't think I've actually ever seen
someone buy Red Vines.

Okay.

I guess you're wondering
why we sell them, then,

if nobody buys them.

-(MAN ON TV SCREAMS)
-Thanks.

NARRATOR: Forever closer
comes the she-creature.

(OCEANIC FEELING BY MOLLY LEWIS PLAYS)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(MELODIC WHISTLING)

(SINGERS VOCALISING)

MARGOT: Hey. Where are you?

TAYLOR: (ON MOBILE PHONE)
My room, obviously.

MARGOT: Taylor,
did you even go outside today?

TAYLOR: (SCOFFS) Why would I do that?

No, I had to stay here and moderate.

MARGOT: Which subreddit this is again?

TAYLOR: The Vagenda.
Get back here. Help me with this.

MARGOT: Okay. If I'm not back
in five minutes, call campus security.

TAYLOR: (LAUGHS) Bleak.

-(MARGOT LAUGHS)
-Being a girl is so fun. Bye.

Bye.

(DOG BARKS)

(GLASS BOTTLE ROLLING)

(DOG PANTING)

(DOG WHIMPERS)

Hey, boy.

Hey.

You all alone?

(CHUCKLES) Okay, okay.

Good boy.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

I don't know.

We can try.

But you have to be so good, okay?

Okay.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, hey, Laura.

How's it going?

It's about to start pouring, so...

So let's just bring
some weird dog into the dorm?

He's not weird. He's abandoned.

Look, he's... he's not
gonna bother anyone.

You know the rules, Margot.

No pets, ever.

(SIGHS)

(TUTS)

Come on.

Thanks.

(DOG WHIMPERS)

LAURA: (MUFFLED) Please.

(DOG WHINES)

Help me.

(DOG WHIMPERING)

Help me.

(LAURA GASPING)

Help.

-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
-(DOG WHIMPERS)

Help.

-(DOG WHIMPERS)
-(LAURA CHOKES)

(DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING)

(LIQUID DRIPPING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOG PANTING, WHINING)

(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(SWITCH CLICKS)

(DOG GROWLING)

(DOG BARKING, SNARLING)

-(BUMPS)
-(DOG BARKS)

(GASPS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Hey.

Just making sure you didn't
sneak that dog back in.

(SCOFFS)

(CHUCKLES)

(BELL TOLLING)

-(EXHALES)
-(DOOR CLOSES)

And since I'm the founder and moderator,
it's my job to protect its integrity.

Right. You don't want some dumb forum
that's just girls discussing sex tips.

Right, since that's just
internalised misogyny,

and it's boring and stupid.

Okay, but get this:
my co-moderator, LadyTalk,

suddenly chimes in, citing a statistic

that 76% of women are "into" dick pics.

Really? 76% sounds high.

(SCOFFS) First of all,

why would LadyTalk,

my co-moderator, let's not forget,

even bring up the dreaded dick pic

knowing how hard we've worked
to create a safe space?

And then I think to myself,

"What self-respected femme
even names herself LadyTalk?"

She's trying to be
ironically old-fashioned?

She's a guy.

You think LadyTalk is a guy?

Huh. So now what?

I'm gonna call his ass out.

Will you eat in the room tonight with me
and help me with this?

I can't tonight. I gotta work.

Just call in sick.
Margot, will you call in sick?

(EASY EVIL BY JOHN TRAVOLTA PLAYING)

Well, you are such an easy evil

Such a sensuous sin

Sometimes I don't know where I'm going

Till I've been

Taken in

Such an easy evil

Such a promise of fun

-(SONG FADES)
-(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SOFT CHITTERING)

(MUSIC HALTS)

S-Sorry. You scared me.

Well, people choose to be scared.

Did you see the queen?

She still has her wings.

That means she's still a virgin.

MARGOT: Really?

Usually a girl that popular is,

you know, active.

PROFESSOR: It's up to her
to decide when to copulate.

Maybe she doesn't want to be rushed,
and the male will have to obey.

She'll fly off and mate
with many partners.

A whole colony for her pleasure.

(CHUCKLES)

I hope you don't mind I opened this.
I saw the box was from Tarquinia.

Oh, yeah, generally I don't allow it,

but you're my favourite, you know that.

These are very precious bones.

For example,
what do you make of this crack, hmm?

-Doesn't seem like a natural fracture.
-PROFESSOR: Mm.

It's almost like someone sawed it.

Do you think
she was offered up as a sacrifice?

The Tomb of the Bulls
was in the business of death,

torture, sacrifice,
and, of course, eroticism.

If all that happened to her,
hope she was reincarnated as an ant.

Better yet, in a queen bee.

When the male penetrates the queen,

he loses his penis.

In the act of pulling out,
he gets disembowelled and dies.

The act of copulation is their doom.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(MAN ON TV SCREAMS)

NARRATOR: (ON TV) Under his spell,
she was both herself and another being,

the she-creature seeking life sustenance

from the stolen heartbeats of others.

You came back.

I did.

Large popcorn and, uh, Red Vines.

NARRATOR: (ON TV) She was
a woman born to be loved,

and two men wanted her.

One, a man whose powerful math mind

controlled her every reflex,
except her love.

The other willing to fight any odds...

$9.50.

I know.

You're getting better at your job.

Managed not to insult me this time.

Well, I'm up for promotion, so...

NARRATOR: The she-creature...

-Enjoy the movie.
-Thank you.

NARRATOR: ...such as
few people have known,

and only those who see it can believe.

MAN: (ON TV) I don't really
know what I'm going for.

I know he's a killer.
And now you are travelling...

GIRL: (IN MOVIE) What's wrong?
You're a tough guy. Go ahead and cream me.

Break my arm. See if I care.

I'm just gonna keep it for a little while.

-You're an ogre, just like my father.
-(LAUGHTER)

He won't let me stay out late
or play records or anything.

BOY: Your father
won't let you stay out late?

GIRL: No, he's terrible.

Once, I was at a party,
and it didn't end till late.

He called the cops. Can you imagine?
He had the whole police force...

I was hoping you'd find me.

-BOY: By the way...
-I know.

BOY: Where is it that you live, Carol?

CAROL: Over on Ramona. Why?

Oh, no, uh-uh.

You thought I'd tell you where I live?

Not me. Not ole Carol.

The night is young,

and I'm not hittin' the rack
till I get a little action.

NARRATOR: I eat popcorn.
Everybody eats popcorn.

It tastes real nice.

Get yourself some now
at our refreshment stand.

NARRATOR 2: Yum, yum.

It's time for a tasty
and refreshing snack.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

(SPRAYING)

Oh, hey.

So, fun fact about American Graffiti.

Mackenzie Phillips was 12
when she made that film,

which probably violated child labour laws,

but she is really funny

and, you know, precocious for 12.

Yeah. Yeah, listen, uh...

Concession Stand Girl...

Why don't you give me your number?

(BOYS AND GIRLS TOGETHER BY
THE MAMAS & THE PAPAS PLAYING)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMING)

Boys and girls

Have a good time together

Boys and girls

You know they're birds of a feather

Like two sides of a coin

They are forever joined

So he goes, "My user name is LadyTalk,
but my real name is James Madley,

"and I joined the Vagenda
because I'm interested in women's issues

"and being a part of the solution."

Look at that, he owned it.

Are you defending this troll?

Who says he's a troll?

And people lurk in forums
all the time with fake names,

BitchPerfect.

Yeah, but that's clever and funny.

Ladies, final dress is...

(SINGING) Tonight

I need you to help us spread
the good word if you can.

-That would be so helpful.
-GIRL: (SINGING) Please

DAVID: Thank you, babes.
MARGOT: Sure.

-GIRL: Thank you.
-Sure. Would love that.

-(TYPING)
-(TAYLOR SIGHS)

Is that that guy Robert again?

Wait, you never said
where he goes to school.

He's, like, 25.

I'm sure he just works.

Twenty-five. But he's still,
uh... he's still cute, right?

Ish. He's, like, super tall.

-But I like tall.
-You love tall.

MARGOT: And his eyes are nice.

-They crinkle.
-Yeah, 'cause he's old.

(IN ENGLISH ACCENT)
What about the texting?

-He got good banter?
-It's good so far.

He's smart and funny,

and he has cats,

Yan and Mu.
He's at the vet with them right now.

A caretaker.

God, Yan and Mu are so hilarious.

-How can cats be funny?
-Well, I mean, Robert's hilarious.

-Oh.
-Yeah, when he's talking like them.

GIRL: (GASPS) Pause.

He does cat voices?

Oh, that is adorable and sexy.

(IMITATES CAT SOUND)

Wait, you're setting
clear text boundaries, right?

-Oh, my God, Taylor.
-I'm dead serious.

Remember what we said?

-I won't double text, okay? I got it.
-TAYLOR: Don't double text, ever.

And let one text, at least,
go unanswered a day.

Okay, he needs to understand
that you're setting the rules

and he's lucky
you're acknowledging his existence.

I get it.

-Thank you.
-TAYLOR: Good.

Or you could just have
a good time with him.

I mean, Dave and I,
we barely knew each other

when we joined the Madrigals.

Hmm, and look at you now,

you're a character
that doesn't even have their own name.

You're just the Baker's Wife.

(IN NORMAL TONE) Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh, my character doesn't have
a name either. I'm just the Baker.

At least you have a job.

My point is,

Dave and I were just real easy
about it when we first met,

and look at us.

We've been in love ever since.

BOTH: (SINGING) We changed

We're strangers

I'm meeting you in the woods

Who minds

What dangers

I hope we'll get past the woods

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(TYPING)

(TEXT SENT)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(TYPING)

(TEXT SENT)

(TYPING)

(TEXT SENT)

(DOOR CREAKING)

Hey.

(EXHALES)

Uh, how's it going?

Good. You?

Uh, yeah, it was, like,
two miles from that...

that, uh, parking lot.

Told you it's far.

Yeah, it's... it's a trek.

Um...

So, as promised...

Bamm-Bamm Fruity Pebbles?

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, I had to go to
two different Krogers to, uh...

to find that,
and then the 7-Eleven for the...

the rest of the treasure.

That's so sweet.

So I'll hand this off to you and...

Do you wanna come in?

We can eat, but only at this table.

You know, everything in here's,
like, 3,000 years old.

Yeah, it's very Nosferatu.

Right? Did you know we did a vampire
series just last month at the fourplex?

Yeah. Yeah, you included Blacula.

Well, I didn't include anything.

I just made the popcorn.

No, my point is,

Blacula doesn't belong
in the vampire category.

It belongs in blaxploitation.

Yeah, obviously.

And I did mention that
to the owners at the time.

(SMACKS LIPS)

You want...

Sure, yeah. Thanks.

You said you were starving,
so I got a buncha...

Red Vines. (CHUCKLES) Of course.

Oh. I think the Slurpee spilled a little.

Yeah, it's wild cherry.

Mm.

My favourite.

And this is...

It's a frog lighter
with a cigarette in its mouth.

So cute.

I don't smoke.

-Me either.
-Good.

Yeah.

Ow.

Stupid ant, bit me.

(SMACKS LOUDLY)

-Dead.
-(CHUCKLES)

-Murdered.
-Yeah.

Must've escaped from the colony.

The queen's the big one, with the wings.

Oh, that's just storage.

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYS)

(TYPING)

What's this?

They're Etruscan artefacts.

Etruscan artefacts?

Yeah. (LAUGHS)

Pretty sure they're just human bones.

They're both, from Tarquinia.

Tarqui...

Italy,

where they recently discovered
a non-funerary burial site.

Mm. Buried with no funeral.

Sacrificed.

Fucking dark, I know.

See this first skull?

It was probably a slave
who was decapitated.

Then just her body was buried
at the base of the temple wall.

Her body meant to provide support,

in a sacrificial annihilating
kind of support way.

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

Why did you shut the door?

I... I didn't.

It... It shut on its own.

Doors don't just shut.

No, I... I guess this one did.

It must've slipped
from the thing that was holding it.

(DOORKNOB RATTLES)

I think it's locked.

Or...

I did it on purpose...

because

I'm actually

a werewolf.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Good idea for a series at the fourplex,

werewolf movies.

Yeah, and the filing cabinet
scene from The Howling,

that's about to happen right now.

(CHUCKLES LIGHTLY)

I just meant a door doesn't just shut

-or lock on its own.
-(DOORKNOB RATTLING)

You sure you didn't close it?
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

-Here, can I...
-No.

(GRUNTING)

-(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
-Don't make a sound.

Don't make a sound.

(SHUDDERS)

(WHIMPERING)

-(GASPING)
-Hey, hey.

Just... Just take it easy.

-No, get off me!
-Just let me, okay?

-(GRUNTS)
-(GASPING)

(GRUNTING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(ROBERT PANTING)

(GLASS CLATTERS)

(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC INTENSIFYING)

PROFESSOR: Seventeen years,
I nurtured this colony.

I know, and I'm so sorry.

Here. Here is the queen,

dead.

Dead, whoever you are.

Sorry, uh, Robert, this is Dr Zabala.

Dr Z, this is Robert.

I was... I was just stopping by, uh...

But I'm... I'm so sorry about...
about that colony.

That was a thing of beauty.

The worker ants,
they fought hard to defend the queen.

They're all females.

ROBERT: Right.

Oh, you know that?

Are you a myrmecologist?

Myrmecology is...

Is the study of ants, I know.

Um, I'm not, but I do,
I know a bit about them.

Then perhaps you know

that the males did nothing
to defend the queen,

but they dug their own grave,
haven't they, Robert?

Because a colony
without the queen will die.

I just wanted to say thank you

for the great snacks.

No problem.

So my fall break starts tomorrow,

so I'm gonna go back home for a while.

I hope you'll text me.

Will you? (CHUCKLES)

I...

Look, it wasn't you
that made me react like that, okay?

I'm really sorry.

And...

I hope tonight
doesn't count as a first date.

Oh, we don't have to count it.

Let's not count it.

Hot washcloths on the bites,

to stop the itching.

Don't use ice, okay?

Okay.

Have a safe trip back home,

and, uh...

I'll see you soon, sweetheart.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(IN MY ROOM BY THE BEACH BOYS PLAYING)

There's a world where I can go

And tell my secrets to

In my room

In my room

In my room

In this world, I lock out

All my worries

And my fears

In my room

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

In my room

MAN: No, Kelly, that's impossible.

We'll definitely need to set up
a serving station in the garage.

But... But... But where's
the ice sculpture going?

That's supposed to be a surprise,

and it's not like you can just hide
300 pounds of decorative ice.

Before... Before we get
too in a fluff here, Kelly,

why don't we just take a deep breath?

Do not tell me to breathe, Todd, please.

Margot, you... you have been
on that phone since you got here.

Who are you texting?

Oh, is it a boy?

Oh, she's finally not being
so picky and she likes a boy.

Kelly, can we just...

I will breathe tomorrow
in yoga class, okay?

Oh, birthday boy! Close your ears, honey.

Uh... Let's can the cutesy stuff, okay?

Okay. Honey, um,

could you just help us out
by moving your car out of the garage?

No, it's charging.

Okay, well, there must be
another plug some place, honey.

We have 200 guests arriving here...

STEPDAD: In six hours,
and the guys are coming to get me,

-and we're going to the Y.
-TODD: The Y?

Are you on that damn phone again?

She's texting a boy.

TODD: What's his name?

-Robert.
-Robert.

Mm-hmm. His name is Robert.

My first affair
was with a sous-chef named Robert.

You're having an affair?

Could we please focus
on the hundreds of guests

that are arriving here any minute?

In six hours.

You are not old enough to have an affair.

Okay, can we all
just stop saying "affair"?

It's not even what this is...

yet.

And Robert is a very interesting man.

KELLY: A man?

So he's older?

Maybe he's mature.

Or maybe he's not.

In fact, Robert and I might
even move in together.

We'll have a sweet little home

where people will want
to come over and hang out

'cause it's so warm
and inviting and non-intrusive.

Okay, you're texting a man
that you're gonna live with.

I want to talk to this Robert.

KELLY: Hey, Ernie, honey,
could you give us that little,

um, card that you wave to start the car?

ERNIE: Kelly, honey, this is my birthday.

Stop hammering me about the damn car.

Oh, about tonight,

I don't want any reference
to which birthday this is,

okay, no announcement about the fact
that I got one foot in the box.

You've got 300 pounds of ice
in the shape of a six and a zero.

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

KELLY: Let it melt.

(TEXT RECEIVED)

(HOPEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

KELLY: Why not? It'll make him so happy.

MARGOT: Because I don't
wanna sing tonight, and it's a dumb song.

KELLY: Dumb?
Marilyn Monroe sang this song.

Yeah, well, things have changed a little
since Marilyn's day.

Oh, you know, don't make...
don't make me tired. I... I read.

I talk to the girls at the gym.

Yeah, things have changed on the surface,

which means they haven't
really changed at all.

That's something
that girls your age don't understand.

Oh, my God. Here we go.

-"Girls my age".
-Yes, girls your age.

I don't know, you're so self-involved.

You're so entitled.

I mean, is it... is it your birthday,
or is it Ernie's birthday?

Are you serious?

I just said I didn't wanna sing the song.
It's weird. It's uncomfortable.

Oh, well, you know what?

Things aren't always 100% comfortable.
Get over it.

And you know what? If you...
If you want to get along with a man

and not be alone your whole entire life

and build a relationship
that actually lasts,

make peace
with a little discomfort now and then,

a little compromise, okay?

I wish... I wish I had known that

the first time around, with your father.

-Mom.
-He thought he wasn't my number one,

and there's a few things
I should've done to let him know.

Mom, it's not your fault he left.

It isn't.

You know, I get it.

If you don't want to sing, we won't sing.

(MY HEART BELONGS TO DADDY PLAYING)

(SINGING) While tearing off a game of golf

I may make a play for the caddy

-KELLY: Ah.
-(LAUGHTER AND WHISTLING)

But when I do, I don't follow through

'Cause my heart belongs to Daddy

(GUESTS CHEER)

If she invites a boy some night

To dine on my fine finnan haddie

(WHOOPING)

She just adores his asking for more

But her heart belongs to Daddy

Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy

So I simply couldn't be bad

(LAUGHTER)

Yes, my heart belongs to Daddy

Dadada, dadada, dadah

MAN: Yeah!

Dadada, dadada, dadadah

-(CHUCKLES)
-(MOBILE PHONE CHIMING)

What's happening? Is there an Amber Alert?

Who's texting?

That would be Robert.

Robert? All right.

-I'm listening.
-He's great.

I mean, we haven't gone on
an official date or anything yet, but...

-I think I really like him.
-Good.

Well, he's got to go
through me first, so...

-So?
-Hmm?

What about you?

Anyone special?

-Um...
-Any... Any guys?

Oh. Yeah, right, last time we talked,
I was exploring sex with men.

-Um...
-You're not still?

Uh, what I've realised, actually, is...

I'm an ace...

uh, which is what
asexuals call themselves.

Do you remember, when we were together,
just how, like, out of my body I was,

how I could never really, like, enjoy sex?

So I thought I must be gay,

and so then I tried that,

and then that was just,
like, even weirder.

Like, all of this, like, bizarre pressure

to, like, perform and to,
like, be this, like,

sexual Tarzan or something,
and it felt awful.

So then I looked it up,

and it turns out that being asexual

is, like, a real thing.

And since then, I've just felt this relief

because I finally don't have to pretend
to like sex any more.

Is... Is that okay for me to say?

-Oh, my God, yeah, of course.
-Okay.

Of course. I...

But it's not like
it was because of, like, you.

If you'd been
the hottest girl in the world,

I would've still been, like...

and... and not that you're not.

-Not that you're...
-Okay.

-Because you are.
-Clay, I get it.

Okay.

Stop looking mortified. (LAUGHS)

(ROCK ON BY DAVID ESSEX PLAYING)

Ooh

(SIGHS)

And where do we go from here?

Which is the way that's clear?

Still looking for that
blue jean baby queen

Prettiest girl I ever seen

(TEXT SENT)

See her shake on the movie screen

-(SONG STOPS)
-(MUFFLED CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS)

(COW MOOS)

(MELLOW MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(PNEUMATIC DRILL WHIRRING)

ROBERT: 'Cause I wanna get
the workers' comp.

You'd do it too, you crazy son of a b...

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

Mikey, why don't I hear you
shucking oysters? Come on.

-(PHONE RINGING)
-(BUSY CHATTER)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CROW CAWING)

MARGOT: I'm not saying he's avoiding me.

He still texts every day,
says good morning, good night.

Oh, maybe he's a doorman.

What's weird, though, is, whenever I hint
about getting together again...

(MIMICS BUZZER)

Seriously? The buzzer?

Somebody's gotta stop you.

You know, I could
really use some support here.

I'm trying to figure out
what's going on with this guy.

I'm worried
he misinterpreted a text I sent.

Text you sent? What does that mean?

No. A pic?

No! What...

Tit, ass, pussy?

-What?
-No, of course not.

Look, it doesn't matter
what the text was, okay?

I just don't wanna play games with him.

Right, so you'd just rather
expose your vulnerable soul

to a fucking bearded giant?

-(CHUCKLES)
-Seriously, this is me being supportive.

He holds all the cards
right now, so please,

Margot, for the love of women,
just take back your cards.

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

-I know it's him.
-Actually, no.

It's my mom, worried I don't have
enough down in my winter coat, bizarrely.

The woman's insane.

(ZORBA'S DANCE
BY MIKIS THEODORAKIS PLAYING)

(ZORBA'S DANCE
BY MIKIS THEODORAKIS CONTINUES)

That's where I work.

And Star Wars is boring.

(ZORBA'S DANCE
BY MIKIS THEODORAKIS CONTINUES)

(SONG STOPS)

Hey.

Hey.

Let's do this.

We're doing it. Um...

(SEATBELT CLICKS)

-(CAR DOOR OPENS)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

-(CAR DOOR SHUTS)
-(KEYS JANGLING)

So...

when was the last time
you saw Empire Strikes Back?

June.

Of this year?

Wow.

So you've seen it a lot.

The only movie
I've seen that often is Spirited Away.

Do you know it?

Yeah, I know the director,
but I haven't... haven't seen it.

(ENGINE ACCELERATING)

(LOCKS CLUNK)

(UNEASY MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

(CHOKING)

(GASPS)

I'm not gonna murder you.

Why would you say that?

It was a joke.

I know... it was a joke.

(ROBERT CHUCKLES)

And, hey, you can murder me if you want.

Good to know.

-HAN SOLO: Here. And, Chewie?
-(CHEWBACCA SPEAKS SHYRIIWOOK)

(C-3PO BEEPING)

I think we ought to replace
the negative power coupling.

(CHEWBACCA SPEAKS SHYRIIWOOK)

(R2-D2 BEEPING)

(TENDER MUSIC PLAYING)

(METALLIC RATTLING IN MOVIE)

(WHISPERING) Oh, no. I...

Right. Right.

HAN SOLO: Hey, Your Worship,
I'm only trying to help.

I'd forgotten so much of this movie.

You'll remember if you watch.

LEIA: So difficult sometimes.
HAN SOLO: I do. I really do.

You could be a little nicer, though.

Come on, admit it.
Sometimes you think I'm all right.

LEIA: Occasionally, maybe.

I was completely obsessed
with Leia's side buns when I was a kid.

HAN SOLO: Scoundrel?

Scoundrel?

I like the sound of that.

Stop that.

Stop what?

Stop that. My hands are dirty.

My hands are dirty too.
What are you afraid of?

LEIA: Afraid?
HAN SOLO: You're trembling.

LEIA: I'm not trembling.

HAN SOLO: You like me
because I'm a scoundrel.

(WHISPERING ALONG) There aren't
enough scoundrels in your life.

LEIA: I happen to like nice men.

HAN SOLO: I'm a nice man.
LEIA: No, you're not. You're...

(MUSIC SWELLS)

C-3PO: Sir, sir, I've isolated
the reverse power flux coupling!

(LAUGHS)

HAN SOLO: Thank you. Thank you very much.

C-3PO: Oh, you're perfectly welcome, sir.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

So, uh, do you wanna get a drink or...

We could get a drink, I guess.

If you want.

What's up?

Nothing.

Just tired.

I'm sorry. I g...
Yeah, I guess you hated it.

It's the first romantic movie I ever saw,
so I... I figured...

(DREAMY MUSIC PLAYS)

It was about sharing, it was about sharing

something with her that I love

that's romantic because...

Because your feelings
for her are romantic.

Margot is bright. Margot is sophisticated.

She knows about movies.

She goes for the subtitled stuff,
like Japanese films.

Maybe she's just smarter than me.

And that's intimidating.

You don't have to apologise for the movie.

There were lots of great moments in it,

like, uh, when Leia says
"I love you" and Han says...

-"I know."
-Yeah.

-Classic, right?
-Hahn. Hahn.

-"Hahn"?
-You said "Haan".

-Sorry.
-Yeah.

Um...

Yeah, I love that.

It was a good idea,

and a drink is an even better idea.

Okay.

Now we're talking.

So where do... where do you like to go?

I like Sonny's.

Sonny's, the student ghetto?

I'll take you some place better.

(YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY
BY JULIE LONDON PLAYING)

Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love in my tummy

And I feel like loving you

They make a mean whiskey sour.

Yup, you're good.

We don't have to wait in line.
The guy knows me.

-Yup, you're good.
-Hey, um, I don't think...

Hey, man. Hey.

-Hey, man.
-Good to see you.

-How are you?
-Yeah.

Uh, excuse me, I just need to see your ID.

-Uh, I'm with him.
-Oh, yeah.

-ROBERT: She's with me.
-I just...

-Thanks. Thanks, man.
-Yeah, yeah.

I just need to see your ID, please.

Uh, excuse me.

Yeah, no.

You're good.

Can you just hold on one second?

Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love...

Robert?

Robert.

'Scuse me. Dude.

The lovin' that you're givin'

Is what keeps me livin'

Hey.

-Hey.
-This is so embarrassing.

What?

Wait.

How old are you?

Twenty.

Twenty?

I thought you said you were older.

I told you I was a sophomore.

No, you... you told me that you did,
like, a gap year, so...

What the fuck?

Look, I'm 20, okay?

I'm sorry.

Honey...

don't... don't be sorry.
I'm the one that's sorry.

You must think I'm such an idiot,
crying 'cause I didn't get into a bar.

No, no, no, no.

No.

No, I don't think that at all.

I must look awful.

There was something about

that cool,

crisp autumnal air

and

the tears rolling down her cheeks.

She was just so open

and so vulnerable and

so incredibly sexy.

She had never looked so beautiful.

What you were discovering in that moment

was the depth of your longing.

Oh...

100%.

(DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING)

(POLICE SIREN CHIRPS)

DOCTOR: Tell me about the kiss.

MARGOT: I know this is your hour
and I'm crashing...

Go on. (SIGHS)

I can handle it.

(SIGHS) It was a terrible kiss.

To be honest, it's hard to believe
a grown man could be this bad at kissing.

(ROBERT SCOFFS)

But at the same time, I suddenly felt a...

tenderness, I guess you'd call it.

I mean, here he is, older than me,

and yet already, I know so much more
about kissing than he does.

Hey, hey.

-Hey. No, I'm sorry.
-Easy.

Hmm.

But was that a tenderness, Margot?

Or was that sensation a shift

in the power dynamics between you two,

a shift that wound up in your favour?

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR SPEAKERS)

Let's get out of here.

(PENCIL SKIRT BY PULP PLAYING)

I really love it when you tell me to stop

Oh-ah

Oh, it's turning me on

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

(SIGHS)

Here you go, sweetheart.

Cheers, to you.

Me?

Well, yeah,
I almost ruined another evening,

but you, yet again, saved us.

Okay, to me.

I'll take it.

I just wish making a mess of things
was considered a superpower.

Then I could star
in my own superhero movie.

Maybe we should call you
Homo "Ha-bee-lees" Girl.

Homo Habilis?

-Nice.
-Homo "Ha-bill-iss".

-I knew that.
-(CHUCKLES)

I definitely knew that.

I can read a human evolution chart.

-You had one in your lab.
-(CHUCKLES)

So, uh, what's your kryptonite, then,

Homo Habilis Girl?

Well, Homo habilis was the main diet
of large predatory animals.

-Ouch.
-(LAUGHS)

Ah... Well, I don't think
there are any superheroes

whose weakness is being somebody's dinner.

Good. I like to think I'm original.

To Homo Habilis Girl, an original.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm not saying I will have sex with him.

I'm just saying if I did,

I think he'd really like it, because...

Okay, this is gonna sound kind of bad,

but I think he may not be
all that experienced.

TAYLOR: (ON MOBILE) Dude, you're drunk.

Okay, I'm not drunk.

I've had two beers.

Three, max.

Wait, he's a terrible kisser.
Why are we even having this conversation?

Because... Okay,

maybe the sex will be like the kiss,

you know, clumsy and sorta...

(SMACKS LIPS)

...mauling.

You can hear yourself now, right?

But on the other hand, I think he'd be...

-(VEHICLE PASSES)
-(CAR HORN BEEPS)

-Someone's happy.
-(CHUCKLES)

...grateful.

Margot.

I know that sounds really bad, but...

I... yeah, I... I think he would like it.

-(CHUCKLES)
-Listen to me.

Call Lyft now.

(SIGHS)

Yeah.

Maybe I should just go.

Yes, thank you,
that is your smart brain talking.

Just take a deep breath,
go back out there,

and call it a night.

Okay. Bye.

(KISSES)

(CHUCKLES)

(FOR ONE MOMENT
BY LEE HAZLEWOOD PLAYING)

(DOOR SHUTS)

And the hopelessness

Are fine

Because sometimes...

Hey.

Wanna get out of here?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

You were mine

(CHUCKLES)

(WHERE TO START BY LOU DOILLON PLAYING)

I wouldn't know

(CAR HORN BEEPS)

Where to start

If you ever were to ask me

If I ever came to see

So is this why

(LOCK RATTLING)

You're proposing to me

Don't... (MUTTERS)

Well, here it is, my house.

It's great.

Yeah. Yeah, it's okay.

Uh, just give me one sec.

It's cute.

I've gotta stop this obsession

I've gotta stay...

I've never dated a guy with a house...

not dated.

Uh, you know,
someone with whom I'm going out.

Sorry, I couldn't hear you.

Uh, you sure do like Harrison Ford.

Well, yeah.

If you're old-school, Harrison Ford
is the perfect degree of cool.

As opposed to?

Have you even seen an Indiana Jones movie?

Yeah.

No, you haven't.

(CHUCKLES)

What... Name an Indiana Jones
movie right now.

(SMACKS LIPS) Um...

Three, two, one...

Shrine of Doom.

-Shrine? Wow.
-(CHUCKLES)

-I...
-That's ridiculous.

All right, you...
you got a lot to learn, kiddo.

I'm gonna grab us a beverage.

Where are your cats?

It's "Temple".

(GLASSES AND ICE CUBES RATTLING)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYS)

(CHAINS RATTLING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

-(GLASS THUDS)
-Okay.

Stay a while.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

ROBERT: Mm.

Mmm.

Oh, my God, you're so sexy.

Wanna go to the bedroom?

-Yeah. Yeah.
-(PANTING)

(ROBERT EXHALES)

(EXHALES HEAVILY) Mm.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(TYPING)

(ENJOY THE SILENCE
BY DEPECHE MODE PLAYING)

Hey.

-(SIGHS)
-Do we wanna do this?

We did, before.

So tell him we've changed our mind.

It was our idea to come here.

We made a mistake.

We can still fix it.

And what will we say that won't be...

messy and hurtful and awful?

We tell him the truth.

We should be allowed to do that.

(SIGHS) It's just easier
to get it over with.

Painful to me, pierce right through me

-Can't you understand?
-(ROBERT SIGHS)

Oh, my little girl

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed

Is here in my arms

Sorry.

Words are very unnecessary

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Look, he was sweet
when he kissed our forehead.

So?

So let's think of that.

There.

Wait. I got it.

Is it all right if I take this off?

Okay. Okay.

(ROBERT SIGHS)

Yeah.

You do it.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

See? He's grateful.

And that's the part of this that's,

you know, good.

ROBERT: Oh, my...

I'm sorry, which part of this is good?

Like, how much he wants us.

(ROBERT MOANING)

How he's looking at us.

You know, he...

He's clearly overwhelmed

by how young and pretty we are,

by our smooth skin, our perfect breasts.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, I'm not saying it in a bragging way.

I'm just saying, you know,
look how much he wants us.

He's probably
never wanted a girl this much

-in his whole life.
-(MOANING)

Although that noise
is getting really annoying.

(ROBERT CONTINUES MOANING)

Do you think we can ask him to stop?

Oh, so now you're ready to be honest?

ROBERT: Wait, could I...

Can you turn over?

Okay.

I'm taking these off.

(ROBERT GRUNTING)

-Okay.
-(SHOE CLATTERS)

Oh, fuck.

-Okay.
-(SHOE CLATTERS)

Mmm.

-What?
-(SIGHS)

Did I hurt you?

This too strong?

-A little.
-Yeah.

Wait.

I'm sorry, have... have you ever...

done this?

Done what?

Have you ever done this before?

(LAUGHING)

I'm sorry, can you imagine
if this was our first time?

Like... (LAUGHS)

(I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU
BY SUNNY & THE SUNLINERS PLAYING)

I didn't... I...

I didn't know. That's why I asked.

No, no, it was nice of you to ask.

(KISSES)

I have had sex, though.

But I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed.

No, you don't have to apologise.

I guess I'm just nervous or something.

You're nervous?

You don't have to be nervous.

Just take it slow.

MARGOT: Oh, God, anything but slow.

Dude, you just told him you were nervous.

How did you think he was gonna respond?

Oh, God, I don't know what...

-Yeah. (WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
-(CHUCKLES)

-(RUBBING)
-Oh. He...

Okay, he's not giving up.

Yeah. (MOANING)

Like, definitely not giving up.

ROBERT: Mmm.

Oh, shit, that's so good.

Okay. Lay back.

Oh, God, now he's getting a condom.

-ROBERT: Fuck, where is it?
-Mom will be happy.

I don't want to think about Mom right now.

Yeah, because you know
you shouldn't be doing this.

It's not what you want.

Say, "I have changed my mind."

ROBERT: Oh, God, I wanna fuck you so bad.

(EXHALES) You wanna fuck me?

MARGOT: Mm-hmm.

(UPBEAT ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, shit.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, you like that?

You like that, College Girl?

(ROBERT MOANING)

I always wanted to fuck
a girl with nice tits.

Oh, my God, how much porn
does this guy watch?

Say it.

Turn over.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Ow!

-Jesus.
-ROBERT: Sorry. Sorry.

-It's fine. It's fine.
-ROBERT: Sorry. Okay. (GRUNTS)

Oh, yeah,
you make my dick so fucking hard.

-Okay.
-ROBERT: Oh, yeah.

You see the bind we're in.

Oh, my dick's so hard.

We're in a strange house
with a guy we don't know.

There's no one within hearing distance.

I mean, who knows what he could do
if I really piss him off?

If you think this guy could hurt you,
then why are you here?

-(SMACKING)
-(MARGOT GRUNTS)

ROBERT: Come here.

MARGOT: Mmm, is this supposed
to be for your benefit?

Oh, God, shut the fuck up.

Okay. There we go.

There we go.

-Oh, yeah.
-Stars.

(ROBERT MOANING)

-That's nice.
-ROBERT: Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. (MOANS)

(UPBEAT ETHEREAL MUSIC CONTINUES)

Just tilt. Tilt. Yeah.

How's that? There we go.
That a girl. That's it.

(ROBERT MOANING)

-Oh, yeah.
-No, I know. It's pretty bad.

Yeah.

You're right.

ALL MARGOTS: This needs to be over.

(BOTH PANTING)

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah!

-(MOANS)
-ROBERT: You want me to come?

Yeah, so fucking bad,
come on, come for me.

-I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
-Mmm.

-Oh, yeah? (MOANING)
-(GRUNTING)

Ah, I'm gonna come too.

(MOANING)

Oh, shit. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, good girl.

(PANTING)

Oh, my God.

Fuck.

-(CONDOM RUSTLES, BIN CLACKS)
-Wow.

-(URINATING)
-This is the worst

life decision I've ever made.

ROBERT: Well, what do you want to do now?
You want to watch a movie?

I must have something with subtitles.

Actually, I think I have
a bootleg Working Girl

from Belgium with English...

(PEOPLE ON TV SMOOCHING)

(WOMAN ON TV SPEAKING FRENCH)

(LAUGHTER ON TV)

(MAN AND WOMAN SPEAKING FRENCH)

Sorry.

It's okay.

(FRENCH DIALOGUE CONTINUES)

How old are you?

Thirty-three.

Thirty-three?

Yeah, is that... is that a problem?

No, it's not a problem.

-You sure?
-Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, I was gonna...

I was gonna tell you,
but I wasn't sure how you'd take it.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

-(ROBERT SIGHS)
-(FILM CONTINUES PLAYING)

To tell you the truth,

I was actually really worried
when you went home...

you know, for break.

Because...

I kind of thought that we were together...

I mean, I know it was mostly text,

but I thought that we were
starting something, and then,

well, I guessed that you were
committed to me,

or not commit...
but, like, a little committed to me.

And so...

you went home, and then this weird loop
kept playing in my head that was, like,

a girl as pretty as Margot,
she definitely went out

with some stud boyfriend in high school,

and I kept thinking,

"She's definitely
gonna hook up with this guy,

"despite what's happening between us."

And then you sent that...

that photo of your breasts,

and then you said it was a mistake,

and I thought,

that's definitely
for that fucking total douche boyfriend,

and, you know,
you're probably considering fucking him

if you weren't already fucking him.

And now I know that was

obviously wrong,
and I should've just trusted you.

(KISSES)

My former boyfriend is asexual now,

as in doesn't wanna have sex
with anyone ever again.

Well, that's...

That's good to know, because I...

I think we're really good together.

I mean, I had a good time tonight.

Didn't you?

Yeah, I did.

-Yeah.
-Um, but I should

probably go now.

(HESITATES) No.

-No, you gotta stay over.
-I can't.

No, I'll make you
scrambled eggs in the morning.

Thank you, but, um,
my roommate will be worried.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

Right. Gotta get back to that dorm.

Yep, 'cause that's... that's where I live.

(RAIN PATTERING)

ROBERT: (MUFFLED) Why don't you like me?

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

(CLEARLY) Why don't you like me?

(RAISES VOICE) Why don't you like me?

Answer me! Why don't you like me?

Why don't you like me?

-Why?
-(THUNDER CRACKS)

-(SEATBELT CLICKS)
-Here I am.

ROBERT: Hey.

I'm glad we got to go on our date.

Guess that was our date. (CHUCKLES)

Okay.

-(KEYS THUD)
-(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

-(MOBILE PHONE CLATTERS)
-(SIGHS)

Oh, God. Ugh.

(MOBILE PHONE CLATTERS)

(DRAMATIC WESTERN MUSIC PLAYS)

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

Thank you.

So, how was it?

Great, if you like a guy
that spends ten hours a day on YouPorn.

So what was his go-to move,
the reverse squatting cowgirl?

Don't make me relive it.

Or that awful hand thing

where their fingers are,
like, moving so fast

that your vagina starts to smoke?

(CHUCKLES) What is that?

Right now, I just have to
figure out what I'm gonna do.

Block his number.

That's a little harsh,

and even if I did ghost him,
how long till he got the hint?

Maybe his messages
will keep coming forever.

Maybe they'll never end.

(THUD)

Were his cats at least cute?

I never saw them.

Like, never?

Uh-oh. That's...

That's not good.

It is weird, isn't it?

Why would he lie about having cats?

Because liking cats
makes a guy seem non-threatening,

harmless, sensitive, even.

He lied because
that's how he wants you to think he is.

Think about it.

He's hiding something.

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(SIGHS) So fucking not.

(TEXT MESSAGE ALERT)

(GROANS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

One of us has to die.

-(HORN BLARES)
-(TYRES SCREECH)

-(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)
-(GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

-(SIGHS)
-(MAN CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, Robert, my workload has
become really overwhelming

since I added Pre-Columbian Histories
to my already packed schedule,

so I really need to focus
on my studies right now.

It's actually quite serious,
because my parents

have threatened to "turn off the tap",

their words,
unless I keep up an A average.

Wait, I'm sorry, have you had a stroke?

I know.

It's... It's too long. I need to cut it.

Uh, yeah, you need to put us
all out of our misery and just say,

"I'm not interested."

I can't say that, Taylor.

We had sex. I have to say more.

No, you don't.

I do.

He's a nice guy,

sort of.

And what did he really do
that's so wrong except be bad in bed

and maybe lie about having cats?

In a way, I kind of miss him.

Okay, my head is gonna explode.

Not the real Robert, obviously,

but the guy I was texting with
when we first met.

I really liked that guy.

Yeah, it's easy to like a text chain.
It's not real.

Hey, I never opened the video he sent me.

Great, now's your chance to delete it.

(MUSIC PLAYS ON VIDEO)

HAN SOLO: (ON VIDEO) You're trembling.
LEIA: (ON VIDEO) I'm not trembling.

MARGOT: It's sort of sweet.
It was the first movie we saw together.

It's the only movie you saw together.

He was really into this scene.

LEIA: I happen to like nice men.

Leia's rocking that monobraid,

but my favourite was always the side buns.

That's exactly what I said,

not that Robert was remotely interested.

Oh, wait, there's more.

Wow. It's a montage.

MARGOT: Blade Runner?
TAYLOR: Yeah, classic scene.

Rachael tries to run,
Deckard throws her against the blinds,

forces her to say, "Kiss me,"

and then shoves his mouth on hers,
and then she falls in love.

TAYLOR: Jesus.

Last Crusade, Indiana berates Elsa,
forces himself on her, and then she says,

"How dare you kiss me?"
And then, of course, she kisses him.

I guess this is just
Robert's idea of romance.

Taylor!

No, Taylor! (STRAINING)

No, come on, Taylor, this isn't funny!

Taylor, I'm so serious right now.

I'm really, really, really,
really, really serious, Taylor!

You're welcome.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, my God.

He's gonna read that.

It won't kill him.

(GUN COCKING)

You okay? What do you need?

I think I have a vape.

What are you doing? We don't vape.

You're right, we don't. (SIGHS)

You're sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, my God.

You did this. You read it.

Okay.

Uh, okay.

(SIGHS)

"Okay, Margot.

"I'm sorry you don't want
to see me any more.

"I hope I didn't do anything to upset you.

"You're a sweet girl, and I really
did enjoy the time we spent together.

"Let me know if you change your mind."

That's it.

Margot, it's over.

Oh, my God, thank God.

You handled this well.

You're a good girl.

I'm sorry. Nope, sorry.

It's too soon. You're right.

-(SINGING) Happy birthday to you
-Hey!

-Happy birthday to you
-Hey!

-Happy birthday, dear Beth
-(BOYS HARMONISING)

-Ooh!
-Happy birthday to you

I miss my bedroom.

-This is fun.
-Is it?

And look, there's no costumes
or mime make-up this year.

I could be a mime.

I'm trapped at a party.

-Look, if you want to go, just leave.
-BETH: I heard that. No, no, no.

No one is leaving. (CHUCKLES)
Dave's still setting up...

(SINGING) The karaoke room

Get ready.

Taylor, what do you think?

You, me,

The Confrontation from Les Mis?

We could sing it.

And you're shaking your head no.

-No.
-BOY 1: I did... never mind.

Speaking of confrontations,
though... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Taylor, why don't you tell everybody

what you've been up to
with your forum thing?

Taylor has been weeding out masked men

on her subreddit, the Vagenda.

Wait, wait, wait. What's a masked man?

Ugh, James Madley.

Wait, did I tell you that he started

this new subreddit
that he's calling, wait,

wait for it, "Man Feminist"?

James Madley? I know him.

He's a super chill guy.
He's in my comp lit.

And he's a Lyft driver.

Yeah, is he the orange car that's always
parked outside the North Gate?

The North Gate.

BETH: Well, that's kind of cute,
actually, isn't it?

You know, guys talking about feminism
with other guys?

-MARGOT: Mm.
-It's progress.

Is it, or is that just blind dudes
leading even more blind dudes?

You should be
a guest moderator on his sub.

Yeah, and then they'd at least
have one female voice in there.

-Yeah.
-Progress.

Yeah, no, that's a great idea.

Let's just reward him for lying.

Really good idea, guys. (SCOFFS)

-What?
-BOY 2: Okay, well,

if it's gonna be a mud fight,
I'm gonna need more booze.

-Yes, please. Yes.
-I'll come.

-You want one?
-Yep. Double shot.

-Thank you.
-BOY 2: Yes, happy birthday.

The bar's that way.

-It's him.
-What? It's who?

TAYLOR: Oh, my God, he really is old.

-No, don't look!
-BOY 1: He? Who?

-Him? Where?
-Don't look.

Oh, it's the guy at the theatre.

Yeah, yeah, I told you about

-that whole debacle, remember?
-Right.

MARGOT: I don't know if he saw me.

He... Guy who said he had cats
and didn't have cats...

-MARGOT: Yeah.
-...in the end.

-Look, I'm just gonna go.
-No, we'll all...

We're all gonna go, come on.

-Come on, guys. Get up.
-We're all gonna go?

Yes. Come on, let's surround her.

-Everyone, just be subtle and normal.
-What?

Which one is he?

(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)

(FAINT TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

He saw me.

Ugh, this is just him
pissing on a lamppost.

Ignore it.

(SCOFFS)

This is so bad.

Margot, this is not your fault.

(TEXT MESSAGE ALERT)

(TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFYING)

-(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)
-(STREET LIGHT CLINKING)

(FAINT EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

(EERIE MUSIC INTENSIFYING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

-(KEYS JANGLING)
-(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(CAR PASSING)

(EARBUDS CHIME)

(AMBIENT NOISE MUFFLES)

(TOUCHSCREEN TAPPING)

(ON EARBUDS) It's Britney, bitch.

(GIMME MORE BY BRITNEY SPEARS PLAYING)

I see you.

And I just wanna dance with you.

(BRITNEY GIGGLES)

(SINGING) Every time
they turn the lights down

Just wanna go that extra mile for you

Your public display of affection

DANJA: (LAUGHS) And the unstoppable Danja.

Ah, you gonna have to remove me.

'Cause I ain't going nowhere.

(SINGING) Mo-mo-mo-mo more

-(EARBUDS CHIME)
-(MUSIC STOPS)

Shit.

(AMBIENT NOISE RETURNS)

(DEBRIS CLATTERS)

(DOG BARKS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(ENGINE TURNING OVER)

(GASPING)

And this was last night
after he sent the text

where he called you a whore?

Yeah, the text was last night,
and then tonight he harassed me

when he waited for me outside.

He waited? I thought he drove off.

After standing there for 10 minutes.

Did he approach you?

Not physically, but he could see me.

Actually, I'm not sure
if he could see me through the doors,

but he knows my hours, so...

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

You're gonna say he didn't break the law.

-He didn't break the law.
-Okay,

but I also don't want to be
the next episode of Homicide Hunter.

"Harassing predator
singles out young woman,

"pursues her, cops ignore her complaints,

"until she's found in a trash bin
behind the local Kroger's."

Or the story goes,

"Average Joe likes young pussy,

"gets frustrated
when she doesn't like him back,

"drinks too much, calls her a bad name,

"drives to her work
to try to plead his case, chickens out,

"then figures, next time,
he'll pick a less hot girl."

But if Robert actually
does do something to break the law,

and you can prove it,

come find me.

Stop watching Homicide Hunter.

(DISTANT DOOR OPENS)

(FOOTSTEPS TREADING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

-(DISTANT DOOR OPENS)
-(MUSIC TEMPO QUICKENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(FOOTSTEPS TREADING)

(GASPING)

(OBJECT CLATTERS)

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

(DOOR LOCK CLICKS)

(DAMN I WISH I WAS YOUR LOVER
BY SOPHIE B. HAWKINS PLAYING)

I wish I was your lover

SHOP ASSISTANT: Well,
can't say I'm surprised to find

two lovely ladies like yourselves
in here looking for protection.

Oh, my God, Kelvin?

You need to shut that shit down right now.

Yeah, I'm in no mood to be hit on
while my life might be in danger.

-I'm sorry.
-Don't apologise.

Uh, okay.

Um, how can I help you?

I need to keep someone away from me.

-Mm-hmm.
-And if he doesn't stay away,

I need to be able to defend myself.

KELVIN: Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

(SNAPS FINGERS)

How about a stun gun?

And that just zaps him?

KELVIN: Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

The Vipertek VTS-989, what we got here,

it's our best seller.
Fully rechargeable...

TAYLOR: Mm, no, that's not gonna work.

She's at 4% with her phone on a good day.

All righty. We could keep it simple, then.

Two words: Smith & Wesson.

-A gun?
-TAYLOR: A gun, gun?

Kelvin, when you go home at night,

what planet is that?

Do you realise
that you're more likely to get shot,

if you're carrying a gun,
with your own gun?

Look, ladies,
I just wanna help you both feel safe.

How can I do that?

I just need to know if I'm overreacting

or if there really is a guy
out there after me.

TAYLOR: At least this way,
we're ready for anything.

God, this is so intense.

Are you sure
a tracking device is even legal?

Kelvin said it depends on the state.

Oh, we're quoting Kelvin now?

Taylor, I have to do something.

And if Robert is out there
planning to hurt me,

I have to be able to stop him.

And to stop him,
I have to know where he is at all times.

Right, but that just means

that you have to get
that thing on his car.

Yeah.

I have to get this thing on his car soon.

-Party!
-(BOTH SCREAM)

-Motherfucker!
-BOY 1: I know.

A hot dog, it's horrifying.

Cecilia is having
a You Are What You Eat party.

-You gotta come.
-And we even got you costumes.

You almost gave us heart attacks.

Which is so fucking rude.

You just barge in here,
taking up every inch of space

with your loud, entitled voices

and your obnoxious, meaty costumes?

-I was gonna be an avocado.
-(CHUCKLES)

MARGOT: Taylor, we're fine.

They're just inviting us to a party.

Did they ask
if we wanted to be invited to a party?

We are. We... We are now.

Uh, we could... yeah, if you wanna come.

I'm sorry, we're just...
we were just in the middle of something.

What? Don't apologise to them.
Why are you always apologising to dudes?

MARGOT: Relax.

Why do you have to make everything
into some epic battle in your own mind?

It's exhausting.

Kyle and Lucas didn't do anything wrong.

Clearly, this is a bad time.
So we'll be in the lounge if...

-Sorry. Sorry.
-Yeah, sorry.

We'll knock next time.

TAYLOR: What the fuck was that?

What is going on?
Why are you always against me recently?

Nobody is against you.

God. (SIGHS) That's all I'm saying, okay?

TAYLOR: Good.

Although I'm also saying that sometimes

you make it really hard
for me to be for you.

Oh, really?

Oh, well, I'm always there for you, so...

What? No, you're not.

I am. I just took you to get weapons.

Okay, let's be honest
about what I really am to you.

A pair of ears. A captive audience.

-Are you joking?
-No.

You're only there for me
when I agree with you.

Th... It's...
Without me, you're literally just, like,

floating around in some YA fantasy novel.

Like, I ground you.
Do you understand that?

I'm always trying to protect you,

because I understand the real world,
and you don't.

What, from your virtual cave?

Where no one has real names?

Where no one's a real person

because you're all too afraid
to actually step out?

Oh, right, like how you stepped out?

How'd that go for you?

At least I tried to connect
with another human.

What do you ever do except hide?

Fuck you.

This is bullshit.

Good luck with your
Robert problem, Margot.

-Can't wait for that call.
-Why would I bother calling?

-(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
-You'll be too busy posting.

(SIGHS) Fuck.

(CLOCK TICKING)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYS)

I don't wanna talk to you,
but I left my charger in your room.

Margot?

Oh, my God.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOG GROWLING)

(OBJECTS CRASHING)

ROBERT: Hey. Hey. Who are you?

(SLAPS CAR)

Hey.

(PANTING) What are you doing?

I know that dog.

Go. Go.

That dog was outside my dorm weeks ago.

(MARGOT BREATHING HEAVILY)

You've been following me.

I don't... I... What is that?

What is that in your hand?

What is that in your hand?

Give it to me.

-(SPRAY HISSING)
-(SCREAMS)

(HEAD THUDS)

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

(INDIE ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR SPEAKERS)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We need to go to the Alphabet Streets

-immediately.
-Okay.

There's this guy named Robert.
My friend is with him right now.

I... I don't know his address
or his last name,

but I just have a really
bad feeling about this, okay?

So we're just gonna
drive to the Alphabet Streets,

and we can start looking.

Okay, all right, all right.
Um, all right, just breathe.

You might want to buckle up.

You know, my name's, uh...
My name's James, by the way.

(MUFFLED WARBLING)

ROBERT: (FAINTLY) Fuck.

(MARGOT GROANS SOFTLY)

ROBERT: What do I do? What do I do?

(FOOTSTEPS)

What the fuck is the matter with you?

Why am I inside your house?

You were trying
to put a tracker on my car,

because apparently,
you want to see me in jail.

This is insane. I'm just gonna go.

You're not gonna go.
You're not going anywhere,

not until I have a plan,

until I figure out how to fix this total,

godawful, disastrous mess you put us in.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

Everything is ruined now.

If I let you out of here
looking like that,

you're probably gonna get your wish,
and I'm gonna go to jail,

no matter what I say
about what happened here.

Everybody believes the woman.

Trust me, they don't.

Oh, no.

You want to see
how much of a liar you are?

"I told my parents this morning
they will meet you soon,"

with an emoji face blowing a heart kiss.

"Break is boring. Good news,
we'll be in same zip code again soon,"

with two thumbs up.

You remember sending that?

"Thank you for being so kind last night.

"You're my new favourite person."

"Today you were my first text and my last.

"Let's make this every day,"
with three questions marks

and a blushing face with little hearts.

I went through all the texts.

-There's 156 texts...
-(SIGHS)

...that say, "I'm into you, Robert.

"I like you, Robert."

Why'd you say those things?

Why did you say them
if you don't mean them?

And why'd you let me blubber on
like some lovesick asshole

when you obviously loathe me?

I don't loathe you.

Stop lying!

What about you?

You were stalking me.

I was stalking you?

What, a guy can't see a pretty girl
and want to meet her?

Okay, yeah, I... So I followed you,
but only so I could run into you.

Is that... Is that a bad thing?

I mean, is that a bad thing?

I... Am I some kind of bad guy

'cause I just wanna...
I wanna fucking meet a girl?

I wanna meet a girl in life
and not on a fucking app?

I don't wanna meet them through my screen?
Am I such a bad guy?

I'm sorry that I found you attractive,

and maybe if you'd liked me,
like I thought you did,

you would've found that romantic
and not, you know, not creepy,

and it could've been our story.

What?

The fucking origin story

that our best man
would've told at our wedding.

And by the way,
you had your eye on me, too,

at the movie theatre, didn't you?

Be honest!

Just say it! Say it! Say it!

-Don't play games.
-(WHIMPERS)

Don't play games any more with me.

You can't say shit,

you can't say a goddamn
truthful thing in your fucking life.

(CLAPS) Dumbass teenager.

You just fucking manipulated me.

I was honest...

at first.

But the night we spent here,
we just had such...

different experiences.

Wh... Wh... What do you mean?

You had a bad time?

What? What... What did I do?

I didn't fuck you well enough?

You should've told me that! Tell me!

Well, when you were texting me after,
I was just trying to spare your feelings.

-(CONTINUES HITTING DOOR)
-(BREATHING SHAKILY)

I'm being way too loud.

I'm being way too loud right now.
This is... This is not a...

MARGOT: Ugh, my eyes.

Oh, your eyes?
Well, that's also your fault entirely.

Please, can I just have
some water for my eyes?

You need saline solution, not water.

Oh, my God,
you've had girls mace you before?

Go on. Go on.

What, so this is a regular thing?

I'm a nurse.

Not that you ever bothered to ask.

I don't know, maybe Ambien

mixed with Klonopin,

and I just dose you,
and I drop you off on campus,

and... and you don't remember
how you got there,

and it'd be as if this whole
hideous nightmare never happened.

That's your plan?

That is not a good plan.

Well, because there is no good plan.

There is no good plan.

If you walk out of here looking like that,

it's over for me, right?

-I cannot trust you.
-Yes, you can.

No, I can't!

Look, why don't we make a pact?

-A pact?
-Yeah.

You let me go...

You let me go,
I never speak a word of this to anyone,

and we... we both forget
we ever knew each other.

(ROBERT SCOFFS)

That could work.

No. No. No.

Robert, look, if you drug me
like some super predator...

ROBERT: (SIGHS) Oh, God.

MARGOT: ...they will lock you up for good.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Oh, my God, my eyes.

(CRYING)

They're burning.

Can I please just have
some of that solution?

Please, please, I'm in so much pain.

(SNIFFLING)

Don't fucking move.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHIMPERS)

(DOORKNOB RATTLES)

(DOG BARKS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)

(TOUCH TONES BEEPING)

(LINE RINGING)

(DOG BARKING)

WOMAN: (ON MOBILE PHONE)
911, what's your emergency?

-Hello?
-No.

-Hello?
-(CALL DISCONNECTS)

(GROANS)

Fuck.

(GRUNTS)

(MARGOT GRUNTS)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

(MARGOT SCREAMS)

-Stop. Stop.
-(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

-(SCRATCHES)
-(GROANS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

-(SCREAMING)
-Shut up! Shut up!

Get in here!

Get over here!

(SCREAMS)

Come here. Stop.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Shut the fuck up. Shut up!

(MARGOT SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS)

-Shut the fuck up.
-(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Shut up! Shut...

-(BITING)
-(YELLING IN PAIN)

Fuck!

(MARGOT SCREAMS)

(HIGH-PITCHED RINGING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(BODY THUDS)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAT MEOWS)

(IMPERCEPTIBLE)

(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MARGOT GRUNTS)

(MARGOT YELLING)

(BOTH PANTING)

(ELECTRICITY POPS)

MARGOT: Get off me!
ROBERT: Enough!

(BOTH PANTING)

(FIRE WHOOSHING AND CRACKLING)

(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING)

(MARGOT GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

-(FIRE WHOOSHES)
-(GASPS)

(MARGOT COUGHING)

ROBERT: Hey! Hey!

(STRAINING)

(COUGHING)

Come on.

Come on! Come on!

Help! Help!

(COUGHING)

The drain.

Come in.

Margot! Come in.

Are you fucking crazy? You gotta trust me!

Come on.

Trust me! Come on!

(COUGHING)

(FIRE WHOOSHES)

(SCREAMS)

Open it! Hey!

Robert! No!

Let me in!

Robert! Let me in!

Okay, turn off Adams onto Buchanan,

then go down Cleveland.

-(SIRENS WAILING)
-Okay, what we looking for?

Oh, my God, there's a fire.

Wait, drive toward the fire!

What? Seriously, drive toward it?

-Is your friend in there?
-TAYLOR: I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know
if this is even the right house.

(WATER DRIPPING)

(FOOTSTEPS SCRAPING)

(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)

(POLICE RADIO CHATTER)

(CHUCKLES)

We didn't find anyone.

No, she hasn't responded
to my texts or calls or anything.

Did... Did you check everywhere?

It's good news we didn't find her.

(TAYLOR CRYING SOFTLY)

JAMES: Hey, Taylor.

Why don't you let me take you home?

I won't... I won't charge you.

I think you might already know me.

I'm BitchPerfect.

It's nice to finally meet you.

FIREMAN: Hey, Chief.
We found something in the basement.

TAYLOR: Margot?

(AXE THUDDING)

FIREMAN: All right.

(FIREMAN GRUNTS)

We got a pulse!

On both of 'em!

-Come on, let's get 'em up.
-(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

(RESPIRATOR HISSING)

TAYLOR: (GASPS) She's up.

MAN: Oh, thank God.

TAYLOR: Hi.

MAN: I... I'm gonna go get your mom.

Uh, she took a Valium,
and she's sleeping in the lounge.

She's so stressed about this.

TAYLOR: It's really
not about Kelly right now.

MAN: Look, I'm...
I'm gonna be right back. Your mom...

Your mom is gonna be so relieved.

You know, and I'm relieved... too,

obviously.

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

TAYLOR: Hi.

You're okay.

(DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't know why you want to look at this.

Robert Holt is tail-lights now.

Okay, he's gone. It's done. It's over.

He quit his job at the hospital.

The woman at the desk
said he moved to the coast,

didn't leave any forwarding information.

Who knows if that's true or not, though?

Maybe he told her to say that
in case I came looking.

TAYLOR: One of these days,
you're gonna have to tell me

what really happened that night.

Come on.

We're late for pickleball.

Let's go.

NARRATOR: (ON TV) Then,
out of the swamp's depths

again appears horrifying,
mysterious creatures.

You've seen it, right?

-Me?
-Yeah, you know how,

like, places have, like,
employee recommends

and stuff like that?

Do you recommend The Apartment?

Embarrassingly, I haven't seen it.

You haven't seen it?
It's, like, a classic.

I mean, you know,
they told me that if you don't see it,

they're gonna fire you, but you...

I think they show it two nights,
so you still have tomorrow.

Well, thank you.

-Yeah.
-I'll get on that.

-MAN: No, you should.
-Mm-hmm.

NARRATOR: ...to gratify
their destructive desires.

(WOMAN ON TV SCREAMING)

Hey,

Girl Who Should See The Apartment, um...

Why don't you give me your number?

(FOR ONE MOMENT BY LEE HAZLEWOOD PLAYING)

The hurt I hurt is nothing like

The hurts I've hurt before

The things I feel do not feel

Like things I've felt before

And the loneliness and the emptiness

And the hopelessness are fine

Because sometimes my cloudy brain

Remembers for one moment

You were mine

(SINGERS VOCALISING)

The pain that pains is not the pain

That's pained my heart before

The tears I tear are not the tears

My eyes have teared before

And the loneliness and the helplessness

And the uselessness are fine

Because sometimes my cloudy brain

Remembers for one moment

You were mine

(UPBEAT ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING)