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1
00:00:41,504 --> 00:00:45,589
Sorry, Cassandra, I'm a bit out of breath.
I've just been doing me physical jerks.
2
00:00:45,884 --> 00:00:47,741
Oi, Gazza. Come here.
3
00:00:49,385 --> 00:00:52,672
Don't you tell her Rodney's still in bed
sleeping off another hangover, will ya?
4
00:00:52,707 --> 00:00:54,178
What d'you take me for?
5
00:00:54,213 --> 00:00:57,023
Give me five minutes,
and I'll write out a list!
6
00:00:57,853 --> 00:01:02,307
Alright, Cassandra.
I'll tell Rodney you called as soon as he gets up.
7
00:01:02,342 --> 00:01:06,094
- I don't believe you!
- I mean in! I mean in!
8
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,111
Tell Cassandra I'll phone her later.
I've gotta get this stuff in the freezer.
9
00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:15,144
Raquel says she'll call you later.
Oh yes, she’s alright.
10
00:01:16,295 --> 00:01:18,675
I mean, women like being
pregnant, don't they?
11
00:01:20,170 --> 00:01:24,440
And how you feeling?
Good. Me? Oh I'm alright.
12
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:27,443
I've just joined the over-sixties club
down on the estate.
13
00:01:27,478 --> 00:01:29,389
Given me a new lease of life, it has.
14
00:01:29,424 --> 00:01:33,405
Eh? Well, yes, there are women there,
but I'm not interested in all that.
15
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,910
No, like a squirrel
ain't interested in nuts!
16
00:01:37,723 --> 00:01:43,803
I used to be a bit of a Casanova in my younger days.
I could tell you a tale or two, Cassandra!
17
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,629
During the war... Eh?
18
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,170
There's someone at your front door,
is there?
19
00:01:49,717 --> 00:01:52,730
Oh well… Bye for now, Cassandra.
Bye, love.
20
00:01:55,543 --> 00:02:00,710
Mrs Lane, or may I call you Dora?
May I have the pleasure of this next dance?
21
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:02,383
Thank you.
22
00:02:09,684 --> 00:02:11,306
Oh my God!
23
00:02:11,341 --> 00:02:12,899
What time d'you call this, Rodney?
24
00:02:12,934 --> 00:02:15,608
I call it 11.30, Unc.
What time d'you call it?
25
00:02:15,643 --> 00:02:18,988
It's disgusting. A young man like you
getting up at 11.30 in the morning.
26
00:02:19,023 --> 00:02:22,368
Your brother was up and out of here
at 7 o’clock.
27
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,817
Then he came back
and took Raquel out shopping.
28
00:02:25,053 --> 00:02:29,994
Yes, that’s because Del has got
a job to go to and money-earning opportunities.
29
00:02:30,029 --> 00:02:33,212
And he's got a woman in his life!
What have I got, eh?
30
00:02:33,247 --> 00:02:37,223
I've got no job to go to
I’ve got no wife to say good morning to.
31
00:02:38,295 --> 00:02:41,965
You might be a bit more chirpy
if you didn’t wake up with such a hangover!
32
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,397
I have not got...
33
00:02:43,432 --> 00:02:48,876
I have not got a hangover!
I am fine! There's nothing wrong with me.
34
00:02:49,404 --> 00:02:51,707
Cassandra phoned.
Just wanted to know how you were.
35
00:02:52,004 --> 00:02:53,152
You didn't tell her, did you?
36
00:02:53,187 --> 00:02:57,986
No, I said you were alright.
She just wants your cheque towards the mortgage.
37
00:02:59,529 --> 00:03:02,011
Yeah, well, I'll sort that out.
38
00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:08,354
- Morning.
- Morning, Rodney.
39
00:03:09,610 --> 00:03:14,053
That reminds me, sweetheart.
The video shop's got Nightmare On Elm Street in.
40
00:03:15,749 --> 00:03:19,220
Albert's just been talking to Cassandra.
She just wanted to know how I was.
41
00:03:19,681 --> 00:03:20,822
He didn't tell her, did he?
42
00:03:20,857 --> 00:03:23,784
No, he said I was all...
What d'you mean, he didn't tell her?
43
00:03:24,226 --> 00:03:25,756
What’s the matter?
You alright, sweetheart?
44
00:03:25,791 --> 00:03:32,510
Yeah, I'm OK. A backache, that's all.
It happens every time we go out in your van.
45
00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:36,651
It's just not very comfortable,
specially in my condition. I'm alright now.
46
00:03:36,832 --> 00:03:38,854
No, no. Listen to me, sweetheart. I’ll te…
47
00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:43,337
You leave the shopping.
I will continue with the shopping.
48
00:03:43,372 --> 00:03:46,094
You go and have a sit down.
Go on, that's an order!
49
00:03:46,317 --> 00:03:50,159
Aye, aye, sir.
Don't forget to deliver our birthday present.
50
00:03:51,373 --> 00:03:54,393
- Whose birthday is it?
- It’s Boycie's little kid. Anyway.
51
00:03:54,428 --> 00:03:58,427
You see, that three-wheeled van
wasn't designed for pregnant women with shopping.
52
00:04:00,342 --> 00:04:04,695
She's getting bigger by the day.
She's already been banned from the Body Shop.
53
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,065
If I could just get the engine to run
a bit smoother, I’m sure that would help.
54
00:04:09,257 --> 00:04:12,254
I've told you, they stopped
making spares for that van years ago.
55
00:04:12,289 --> 00:04:17,929
I've tried everywhere. Breakers' yards,
spares shops, archaeologists.
56
00:04:18,361 --> 00:04:19,844
Archaeologists?
57
00:04:21,164 --> 00:04:23,358
Listen to me, Rodney. Talking of archaeologists,
58
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:26,109
you look as though you've just been
dug up from somewhere.
59
00:04:26,144 --> 00:04:28,526
Why don't you take a leaf out of
your uncle's book. Look at him.
60
00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:34,152
He’s in there, he's joined the over-sixties club
and looks like a born-again teddy boy.
61
00:04:34,632 --> 00:04:37,333
You're not suggesting
I join the over-sixties club?
62
00:04:37,368 --> 00:04:39,744
No, they wouldn’t have you.
You look too old.
63
00:04:41,311 --> 00:04:43,335
There's been another mugging
on the estate.
64
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:48,399
You don't want to believe all you read, Raquel.
A lot of that is exaggerated, you know.
65
00:04:48,434 --> 00:04:51,863
If I got my hands on them,
I'd string 'em up from the nearest lamppost.
66
00:04:51,898 --> 00:04:56,204
Listen to you. It's nearly the 21st century
and he still wants to hang 'em up by their neck.
67
00:04:56,239 --> 00:04:59,152
Who said anything about hanging them up
by their neck?
68
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:04,008
They better not try anything on me.
I used to box for the Nuggets.
69
00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:07,832
Will you sit down,
you soppy old sod?
70
00:05:08,397 --> 00:05:10,552
You’ll have my clap as you want it
on the floor in a minute.
71
00:05:19,134 --> 00:05:23,272
Thank you for calling Boyce Autos and Car Accessories.
How can I help you?
72
00:05:23,974 --> 00:05:25,752
Oh it's you Marlene!
73
00:05:26,986 --> 00:05:30,976
Yes, I'm going out to get Tyler’s
birthday present in a minute!
74
00:05:31,521 --> 00:05:36,801
Marlene, I'm trying to run a business here.
If you remember, I sell quality used cars!
75
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,676
D'you want me to take that
old banger down the scrap-yard?
76
00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:42,979
- If they'll take it!
- I'll get me coat.
77
00:05:44,521 --> 00:05:46,369
A baby grand?
78
00:05:47,185 --> 00:05:51,449
Well, of course I want him to be cultured,
but for God’s sake, Marlene, he's only two!
79
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,809
I don't give a toss what
Beethoven could do when he was three!
80
00:05:55,844 --> 00:05:58,021
Tyler should start off in a smaller way.
81
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:03,369
Alright Marlene. Leave it to me.
I'll surprise you.
82
00:06:06,178 --> 00:06:08,414
Where can I get a mouth organ from?
83
00:06:11,264 --> 00:06:14,527
Thank you for calling Boyce Autos
and Car Accessories. How can…
84
00:06:14,562 --> 00:06:16,443
Oh, it's you Del Boy!
How's your luck?
85
00:06:16,478 --> 00:06:18,049
Couldn’t be better Boycie.
86
00:06:18,735 --> 00:06:21,445
Business is so good
there aren't enough hours in the day.
87
00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,360
I'm thinking of taking on extra staff.
88
00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:26,206
Yeah, 'taking on' being the operative phrase!
89
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:30,343
Rodney, why don’t you do something useful,
like go back to bed, son!
90
00:06:30,696 --> 00:06:35,135
Hello, Boycie, listen, we've got
a birthday present for the ankle-biter.
91
00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:41,488
Cheers, Del. We're gonna have a little celebration.
Just a few dear and close friends.
92
00:06:42,077 --> 00:06:44,859
I suppose you and your family could come
along as well if you like.
93
00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:47,197
Thank you, that’s very nice of you Boycie.
94
00:06:47,645 --> 00:06:52,310
Listen, d'you reckon you could get one of your
mechanics to have a look at my van?
95
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,383
I know just the bloke.
He had a family bereavement recently.
96
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,546
He could do with a good laugh.
97
00:06:59,692 --> 00:07:05,733
Sorry, Del. I just think it’s about time
you got yourself something more powerful.
98
00:07:06,136 --> 00:07:08,747
- Like what?
- I don't know. A food mixer?
99
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:15,206
Very gunny Boycie, but that little van
does everything that I need it to, don’t worry.
100
00:07:15,896 --> 00:07:19,983
Keep the van for business.
I'm talking about a second car.
101
00:07:20,654 --> 00:07:24,329
I've been hearing about all this crime
that’s been occurring on your estate.
102
00:07:24,364 --> 00:07:28,889
Don’t you think it’s gonna be safer for your Raquel
to be driving rather than walking?
103
00:07:31,470 --> 00:07:33,664
That’s a point Boycie,
I’d never thought of that.
104
00:07:33,699 --> 00:07:36,274
Yes. I mean, a man in your position…
105
00:07:36,309 --> 00:07:39,613
I mean, you need something
that’s gonna reflect your image.
106
00:07:40,583 --> 00:07:43,868
I've got a lovely Skoda out in the showroom.
107
00:07:44,258 --> 00:07:49,284
Two years old, 8,000 miles on the clock, genuine.
You can have it for two and a half grand.
108
00:07:50,155 --> 00:07:53,382
Two and a half grand is a little bit
out of my price range, Boycie.
109
00:07:53,417 --> 00:07:56,856
- What is your price range?
- 400 quid.
110
00:07:56,891 --> 00:08:00,798
400? You can't get a walking frame for 400!
111
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:05,208
Just a moment, Del.
Your luck could be in.
112
00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:09,723
I got a cracking little sports coupe,
came in as a part chop on a Honda Prelude.
113
00:08:09,758 --> 00:08:12,846
Beautiful bodywork, sound engine,
really nice little runner.
114
00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:17,886
It just need a bit of a clean-up,
that's all. I was looking for a grand.
115
00:08:17,921 --> 00:08:22,239
But, seeing as it's my son's birthday
and you're a mate, I'll let it go for 400.
116
00:08:22,504 --> 00:08:26,684
Cushty! I'll pop down and take the butcher's at it
later then, Boycie. Alright?
117
00:08:26,719 --> 00:08:28,768
- Alright. Cheers, Del.
- Bye.
118
00:08:29,154 --> 00:08:31,499
I'm off then to scrappy.
Are these the keys?
119
00:08:33,124 --> 00:08:35,395
There's been a change of plan!
120
00:08:44,503 --> 00:08:48,356
- What d'you think, Rodney?
- I don’t know!
121
00:08:48,572 --> 00:08:50,244
She'll be putty in my hands.
122
00:08:51,648 --> 00:08:56,184
Rodney, you’ll never guess what?
I've only bought a new car! Gordon Bennett!
123
00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:02,830
Albert, I thought it was Simon Le Bon!
What are dressed up like that for?
124
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:07,906
I'm playing the over-sixties dominos final
down the Nag's Head, against old Knock Knock later.
125
00:09:08,126 --> 00:09:09,512
So you've got a new car?
126
00:09:09,547 --> 00:09:13,074
Yes, a cracker. Raquel's just driven it back.
It's a beauty, innit, sweetheart?
127
00:09:15,745 --> 00:09:18,958
- D'you want a cup of tea, love?
- Yeah, I need something, Albert!
128
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:23,939
So you're a two-car family now, then!
Well, one car, one three-wheeled van.
129
00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:28,313
Which is one car and three-wheeled van
more than you've got! Or ever likely to have!
130
00:09:28,348 --> 00:09:32,216
I wouldn't be so sure about that, Derek.
Bound to be a job in here for me somewhere.
131
00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:35,091
You'll have to come up with a good excuse
before you get a job, son.
132
00:09:35,126 --> 00:09:39,161
I mean, how you gonna explain away them
10 years when you were Del's partner?
133
00:09:39,196 --> 00:09:44,149
Albert's got a good point, Rodney. In all of those 10 years
you weren't registered for income tax,
134
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,280
national insurance or anything!
135
00:09:46,315 --> 00:09:50,614
Your work record shows that you left school at 16
and promptly disappeared off the face of the earth.
136
00:09:50,843 --> 00:09:52,099
I've already thought of that.
137
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:55,711
I'm gonna say I was working
for a foreign oil company in Saudi Arabia.
138
00:09:55,883 --> 00:09:57,467
What, straight from school?
139
00:09:57,835 --> 00:10:01,497
One minute you're a milk-monitor,
the next minute you’re a petrochemist?
140
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,346
No, sorry bruv, that won't wash.
141
00:10:03,668 --> 00:10:05,029
Couldn't you say you'd been on safari?
142
00:10:05,064 --> 00:10:09,124
- What, for a decade?
- You could say you got lost.
143
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:15,479
A friend of mine went out with a guy who'd spent
12 years working for a safari company in Kenya.
144
00:10:15,771 --> 00:10:17,367
That's stupid, Raquel!
145
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:20,753
Well, it's better than
your paper-round-in-Arabia cobblers, innit?
146
00:10:21,278 --> 00:10:23,792
Have you ever thought
of joining the navy, Rodney?
147
00:10:24,599 --> 00:10:29,697
Well, funny enough, Unc, no!
How can I join the navy?
148
00:10:29,732 --> 00:10:34,966
Exactly. In the old days they used to take anyone.
I mean, let’s face it, they took you!
149
00:10:35,231 --> 00:10:37,869
But nowadays you've gotta have qualifications.
150
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:41,646
What chance has
Lawrence of Peckham got, eh?
151
00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:45,525
I don't mean the Royal Navy.
I was talking about the merchant.
152
00:10:46,378 --> 00:10:51,473
Just think of it, Rodney. Imagine.
Monday, you sail out of Southampton Water.
153
00:10:51,508 --> 00:10:53,907
Tuesday, you're through to the Bay of Biscay.
154
00:10:53,942 --> 00:10:58,263
Wednesday, you've rounded Cape St Vincent.
Thursday, you dock in Algiers...
155
00:10:58,298 --> 00:11:01,053
Friday it's your turn in the barrel!
156
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:06,043
There was nothing like that on any of my vessels!
157
00:11:07,815 --> 00:11:12,854
A few funny ones but nothing like that!
Well, what d'you reckon, Rodney?
158
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:16,151
If it's all the same with you, Unc,
I think I'll take a raincheck on this one.
159
00:11:16,454 --> 00:11:17,564
You don't know what you're missing.
160
00:11:18,024 --> 00:11:19,415
That suits me!
161
00:11:20,207 --> 00:11:21,875
Del, I've been thinking.
162
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:26,878
Trotters Independent Traders has been going through
a period of commercial augmentation.
163
00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,842
No, I've been doing alright, Rodney.
164
00:11:30,416 --> 00:11:34,197
I was thinking, things must be getting
pretty hectic for you on the old business front?
165
00:11:35,301 --> 00:11:38,405
Straight, Rodney.
It's one power breakfast after another, it is.
166
00:11:39,572 --> 00:11:43,209
Yeah. I suppose it ain't all champagne
and backgammon for you yuppies, is it, eh?
167
00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:46,584
I heard you saying earlier that you were
thinking of taking on more staff.
168
00:11:46,619 --> 00:11:53,077
So, seeing as I am temporarily between positions
and if the conditions are acceptable
169
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,554
I am willing to work for you.
170
00:11:55,895 --> 00:11:58,134
No way, Pedro!
171
00:11:58,410 --> 00:12:01,681
Look, I've got all...
No way, Pedro?
172
00:12:01,913 --> 00:12:03,460
I don't need you, Rodders.
173
00:12:03,495 --> 00:12:06,816
I could be very useful to
you during this period of growth!
174
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,062
How?
175
00:12:08,097 --> 00:12:10,320
Well... I'm a good salesman.
176
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,143
Leave it out, Rodney,
you couldn't sell a black cat to a witch.
177
00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:21,308
- Yeah, but now I've got managerial experience.
- No.
178
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:26,605
- I could computerise your entire business!
- No.
179
00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:32,228
- I have got executive qualifications.
- No.
180
00:12:33,668 --> 00:12:35,783
Can you lend us a fiver, then?
181
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,673
A fiver? I didn't realise
things were that bad, Rodney.
182
00:12:38,708 --> 00:12:41,766
And you want to be
my financial advisor?
183
00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:44,841
I'll be anything!
184
00:12:46,883 --> 00:12:48,689
I'm desperate, ain't I?
185
00:12:49,213 --> 00:12:54,255
Alright Rodney, I’ll tell you what. I will give you a job
with Trotters Independent Traders PLC.
186
00:12:55,594 --> 00:12:59,541
Fine... And what wage structure
will I have?
187
00:12:59,576 --> 00:13:01,809
Wage structure? I don’t know.
The same as before.
188
00:13:02,145 --> 00:13:05,992
Good! So, what was that, then?
189
00:13:07,989 --> 00:13:10,037
If I've got cash on the hip I'll pay you.
190
00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,183
And what title will I have?
191
00:13:13,218 --> 00:13:16,234
Well, we'll call you Lord Rodney.
192
00:13:18,515 --> 00:13:25,017
I meant, company title! See, I was thinking you could call me
your director of commercial development.
193
00:13:25,052 --> 00:13:28,401
Yes, alright. That sounds very good to me.
194
00:13:28,903 --> 00:13:34,075
Alright then son. As it says in the Bible,
'Clothes maketh the man.'
195
00:13:34,110 --> 00:13:37,943
- So I want you to whip round your flat a bit lively.
- And pick up my best suit?
196
00:13:37,978 --> 00:13:40,301
No, pick up your car-cleaning gear.
197
00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:44,516
What d'you reckon?
198
00:13:50,207 --> 00:13:54,366
- How much d'you reckon I paid Boycie for it?
- What, he charged you?
199
00:13:55,305 --> 00:13:58,938
I stole it off him, Rodders.
400 nicker.
200
00:14:00,888 --> 00:14:03,463
It's a peach,
it handles like Maradona.
201
00:14:04,384 --> 00:14:08,241
Oh, Del. Look at the paintwork!
It's got no shine to it!
202
00:14:08,276 --> 00:14:10,892
By the time I've finished it’ll look brand new.
203
00:14:16,011 --> 00:14:23,489
Listen. I’ve been meaning to ask you something..
It's a little bit embarrassing.
204
00:14:24,318 --> 00:14:27,285
- I'm not cleaning it!
- You bloody well are!
205
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:31,530
Oh no! The days when I used to do
all your dirty work are long gone!
206
00:14:31,823 --> 00:14:35,861
I used to run my own computer section Del!
I was an executive!
207
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:42,283
And now you're cleaning my Capri Ghia!
You seem to forget, Rodney, you are my employee!
208
00:14:42,318 --> 00:14:48,922
Since you left Cassandra and your job,
you’ve been eating and sleeping in my flat for nix!
209
00:14:49,295 --> 00:14:52,942
If you wanna hand in your resignation
that is alright by me.
210
00:14:52,977 --> 00:14:57,054
I'll help you find a little bedsit.
I'll even give you a little leaving present.
211
00:14:57,089 --> 00:14:59,864
A paraffin heater and a mousetrap.
212
00:15:00,432 --> 00:15:04,278
- Alright, I'll clean it!
- Are you quite sure about that?
213
00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:09,245
- Yes.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
214
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,231
I'm most grateful.
215
00:15:14,273 --> 00:15:18,792
Look at that lot, over there
It looks like the Tetley Tea folks' day out, dunnit?
216
00:15:19,691 --> 00:15:24,065
Albert's looking very smart.
He must be after one of the ladies.
217
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:30,192
I wonder if it's old Lil with the hairy wart?
Or is it the Widow Manky with the disposable teeth?
218
00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:33,882
You should have more respect, Mike.
Those women went through a war for us.
219
00:15:33,917 --> 00:15:36,854
Yeah, you can still see the
bomb damage on some of 'em.
220
00:15:38,883 --> 00:15:45,745
It’d be lovely if Albert could meet some nice old lady
to keep him company. D'you know who he's after?
221
00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:49,545
- Yeah. Your mum.
- My mum!
222
00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:52,929
Yeah, that’s right. Him and his mate
are after sorting her out.
223
00:15:52,964 --> 00:15:57,591
- I'm not having this!
- No, but if your mum plays her cards right!
224
00:15:57,999 --> 00:16:00,223
Mum! I want a word with you!
225
00:16:00,258 --> 00:16:02,905
Yeah, alright, Marlene,
talk to you in a minute.
226
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:07,043
Can I get you a drink, Dora?
You don't mind me calling you Dora, do you, Dora?
227
00:16:07,078 --> 00:16:12,089
- Of course I don't mind, Albert.
- I just got Dora a drink.
228
00:16:12,531 --> 00:16:15,439
Why'd you let Knock-Knock
get you a drink? It was my turn.
229
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:19,262
- You can buy me a drink in a minute.
- Yeah, alright.
230
00:16:19,673 --> 00:16:23,496
- How'd the kid's birthday party go?
- It was very successful, thank you Trigger.
231
00:16:23,531 --> 00:16:27,466
All the right people were there,
and Del and Albert turned up.
232
00:16:28,492 --> 00:16:33,162
Thank you very much, Boycie. Thank you.
Now that he’s gone, who’s for another one, then?
233
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:42,566
Them over by the juke box.
The morons from outer space. Who are they?
234
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:46,095
I don’t know, Del. They've been using the pub
for about two weeks now.
235
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,854
Yeah, I know.
I didn't think they were regulars.
236
00:16:47,889 --> 00:16:53,425
But, like I say, I don't know nothing about them.
I think they’re friends of the old mongrels down there.
237
00:16:53,958 --> 00:16:56,525
Ollie! Just a minute,
come here son, will you?
238
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,133
What you want, Del?
239
00:16:58,168 --> 00:17:01,352
You see that gang over there by the jukebox?
D’you know anything about 'em?
240
00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,750
They started coming in here about a fortnight ago.
241
00:17:04,596 --> 00:17:07,242
Have they been hanging
round the estate at night?
242
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,942
Yeah, couple of times.
D'you want me and the boys to beat 'em up?
243
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:14,117
- No, no!
- Oi, I don't want no trouble in this pub!
244
00:17:14,152 --> 00:17:19,357
- What you drinking, Albert?
- I'll have a large navy rum, dear.
245
00:17:19,392 --> 00:17:22,106
Puts lead in your pencil!
246
00:17:24,846 --> 00:17:27,649
- Well, there's a thing.
- Get old Knock-Knock a drink, will you?
247
00:17:27,684 --> 00:17:29,767
I'll have a pint of ordinary. dear.
248
00:17:31,656 --> 00:17:33,547
Why'd they call him Knock-Knock?
249
00:17:33,582 --> 00:17:38,080
- Because he's a very bad dominoes player!
- I'm a better player than you, Trotter!
250
00:17:38,115 --> 00:17:42,110
- You've never beaten me at dominoes in all your life.
- I can beat you at anything.
251
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,643
Even when we was at school
I could beat you at anything!
252
00:17:44,678 --> 00:17:49,410
Now, come on boys, calm down.
Start acting like grown-ups!
253
00:17:49,445 --> 00:17:52,487
- I had to laugh to myself tonight, Del.
- Did you, Trig?
254
00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:55,615
Why, something happened?
255
00:17:55,882 --> 00:17:59,269
I was walking across the estate
past the garage block.
256
00:17:59,304 --> 00:18:05,282
It was 7:30 at night, pitch-black,
and there's Dave polishing an old banger!
257
00:18:06,727 --> 00:18:08,119
It takes...
258
00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:12,835
Oh my God! I forgot all about my director
of commercial management!
259
00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:14,769
You left him cleaning your car at night?
260
00:18:15,737 --> 00:18:17,621
I’d forgotten he worked for me!
261
00:18:18,479 --> 00:18:23,022
- What's Albert and Knock-Knock playing at?
- Dunno, looks like Ninja dominoes.
262
00:18:23,259 --> 00:18:27,298
- What you drinking, Boyce?
- Give him a large navy rum.
263
00:18:30,494 --> 00:18:32,407
Look at my clothes!
264
00:18:32,609 --> 00:18:35,631
I told you to wear your
car-cleaning gear, didn’t I?
265
00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:40,363
A director of commercial development does not wear
stonewashed Wranglers and Doc Martens!
266
00:18:40,398 --> 00:18:43,319
He does when he's cleaning
the guv'nor's Capri Ghia!
267
00:18:43,354 --> 00:18:47,301
- And I got Swarfega in me eye!
- Your finger's bleeding, Rodney.
268
00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:51,105
Yes, that’s when my hand
went straight through the bodywork!
269
00:18:51,291 --> 00:18:54,680
I'm bleeding, see! That’s blood!
You got any plasters, Mike?
270
00:18:54,715 --> 00:18:57,712
What d'you mean,
your hand went straight through the bodywork?
271
00:18:57,747 --> 00:18:59,540
There's a big rust hole in the wing.
272
00:18:59,575 --> 00:19:04,118
Boycie's blokes had filled it full with newspaper
and filler and then sprayed over it.
273
00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:08,236
That is slanderous, Rodney. That must have happened
before I took possession of the vehicle!
274
00:19:08,271 --> 00:19:14,421
- They were yesterday's newspapers!
- Were they really?
275
00:19:14,456 --> 00:19:18,895
Look, you took the car as seen, Del!
I don't owe you no favours.
276
00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:20,463
That's a bit unfair, Boycie?
277
00:19:20,498 --> 00:19:23,785
What about that 36-piece tea service
he sold Marlene last month?
278
00:19:23,820 --> 00:19:27,883
Yeah, that came in very handy. I gave it
to the Boy Scouts' fete for their rifle range.
279
00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:31,391
- That was genuine Dresden!
- Yeah, genuine antique Dresden!
280
00:19:31,426 --> 00:19:34,867
And it was guaranteed
dishwasher-proof!
281
00:19:35,202 --> 00:19:36,755
I'll do it, Rodney.
282
00:19:38,352 --> 00:19:40,253
I don't believe him sometimes!
283
00:19:40,288 --> 00:19:43,826
I don't know how he can ask me,
with my executive qualifications
284
00:19:43,861 --> 00:19:46,971
to go round to the garage block
and clean the Pratmobile!
285
00:19:47,494 --> 00:19:49,616
Don't you let Del hear you call it that!
286
00:19:49,651 --> 00:19:53,386
What about that very important client
I had come over from Belgium?
287
00:19:53,421 --> 00:19:56,215
I wanted two tickets to Wimbledon
so I could impress him.
288
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:59,595
You said, "Leave it to me Boycie,
I gotta contact to Wimbledon".
289
00:19:59,630 --> 00:20:01,309
I got you two tickets, didn’t I?
290
00:20:01,344 --> 00:20:05,478
That's right! They drew 0-0 with Ipswich!
That makes us even!
291
00:20:05,513 --> 00:20:07,559
No way, Pedro!
292
00:20:08,982 --> 00:20:11,103
I'll see you later, Del.
I'm going round Jevon's.
293
00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:15,252
What would you like, Dora?
How about a large snowball?
294
00:20:15,287 --> 00:20:20,402
- Oh, lovely!
- Mike, large snowball for Dora.
295
00:20:26,579 --> 00:20:30,406
- That's better. Alright, sweetheart?
- Yeah, I'm fine now.
296
00:20:30,611 --> 00:20:34,516
Cushty. I'll pick up my Capri Ghia
in the morning.
297
00:20:34,551 --> 00:20:38,875
I’ll get my director of commercial
development to drive the van back.
298
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:42,993
- Del, I don't wanna nag.
- Good. I’ll put a record on.
299
00:20:44,225 --> 00:20:49,442
Can we afford to splash out 400 pounds on another car?
I mean, do we really need another car?
300
00:20:50,057 --> 00:20:52,685
Yes, we do! You see the reason why I thought...
301
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:56,662
Look, just because the van gives me backache
was no reason for you to buy another car!
302
00:20:56,697 --> 00:20:58,993
No, I know, but listen you’ll see. There is a very...
303
00:20:59,028 --> 00:21:01,682
It's a waste of money. You do realise
we've got a baby on the way, don't you?
304
00:21:01,717 --> 00:21:06,954
Yes, I do, little things do remind me.
You just shut up and listen for a minute, I’ll explain.
305
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,996
It's a very dangerous world out there, Raquel.
306
00:21:10,031 --> 00:21:13,181
And I don’t want you walking
down to the shops or the launderette.
307
00:21:13,216 --> 00:21:17,520
I want you to drive. That way you'll be safe and sound.
D'you understand what I’m saying?
308
00:21:18,074 --> 00:21:20,328
- Is that why you bought it?
- Yes.
309
00:21:20,930 --> 00:21:23,834
- Aren’t you lovely?
- Yes!
310
00:21:24,202 --> 00:21:27,192
- I love you, Trotter.
- Do you?
311
00:21:28,628 --> 00:21:30,818
Well, you're only human, aren’t you?
312
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,529
Fancy a cup of tea?
313
00:21:44,112 --> 00:21:45,964
Del! It's Albert!
314
00:21:45,999 --> 00:21:48,304
- What about Albert?
- There's no need to panic, alright?
315
00:21:48,339 --> 00:21:50,425
- What's happened to Albert?
- He's been mugged!
316
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:52,224
- He's been what?
- Is he hurt?
317
00:21:52,259 --> 00:21:54,433
I don’t know. But he has got double vision.
318
00:21:54,468 --> 00:21:58,060
- Where's this happened, Rodney?
- In his eyes.
319
00:21:58,823 --> 00:22:00,276
I don’t mean...
320
00:22:00,311 --> 00:22:03,081
Oh sorry, yeah! As he was walking
home from the pub.
321
00:22:03,116 --> 00:22:06,798
I was just coming back from Jevon's and I saw this
ambulance, a crowd of people around him.
322
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:09,720
- Did he recognize anyone?
- No. All he knows is there was four of them.
323
00:22:09,755 --> 00:22:12,179
Look, they’ve got him down the hospital.
Come on, let’s go.
324
00:22:12,214 --> 00:22:16,192
Alright sweetheart, you don’t worry.
We’ll sort it out, alright?
325
00:22:19,688 --> 00:22:21,948
Dipstick. Rodney!
326
00:22:22,484 --> 00:22:25,582
He's just gonna put some clothes on,
and then we’ll go.
327
00:22:31,498 --> 00:22:34,353
They said he might be
suffering from shock for a few days.
328
00:22:34,756 --> 00:22:37,464
You just wait 'til I get my
hands on the bastards what did it.
329
00:22:37,499 --> 00:22:39,571
Then you'll see what a state of shock
really looks like!
330
00:22:39,606 --> 00:22:42,279
Now, you stay out of it! The police
can handle this perfectly well on their own!
331
00:22:42,864 --> 00:22:44,534
I don't need the Old Bill!
332
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:48,812
People in this area are used
to sorting their own problems out.
333
00:22:49,225 --> 00:22:53,968
It's traditional. I remember once
when I was about 10 years old,
334
00:22:54,185 --> 00:22:57,378
mum had some of her jewellery nicked by this
good-looking Italian bloke.
335
00:22:57,413 --> 00:23:00,976
He wasn’t good looking after
my Dad had finished with him!
336
00:23:01,377 --> 00:23:03,289
But how could you be
certain he was guilty?
337
00:23:03,324 --> 00:23:05,640
Because of the evidence, Rodney.
338
00:23:05,835 --> 00:23:10,134
Dad found one of Mum's earrings
on the back seat of this bloke's car!
339
00:23:14,044 --> 00:23:18,188
- It's alright, Unc. Just the door.
- Stay there. Calm down.
340
00:23:26,389 --> 00:23:32,192
- I just came round to see how Albert was.
- He's not too good at the moment.
341
00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:34,649
Come in.
342
00:23:38,692 --> 00:23:41,431
I heard what happened to Albert.
How is he?
343
00:23:41,466 --> 00:23:45,236
He looks bloody horrible, don’t he?
They stole his watch, his wallet, everything.
344
00:23:45,271 --> 00:23:47,699
I know. How you feeling, Albert?
345
00:23:47,734 --> 00:23:51,332
I’m a bit bruised, dear.
I was jumped on by five of 'em.
346
00:23:51,367 --> 00:23:55,615
You just keep…
Five of them? I thought it was…
347
00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:02,691
Rodney, why don’t you make Cassandra
a nice cup of coffee?
348
00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:05,497
In the kitchen…
349
00:24:08,922 --> 00:24:10,625
In the kitchen!
350
00:24:12,864 --> 00:24:14,607
Shall we go and make a cup of coffee?
351
00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:24,557
Apres moi la deluxe,
as they say in that Latin quota.
352
00:24:29,741 --> 00:24:32,134
So you're working for Del again?
353
00:24:32,169 --> 00:24:35,373
Yes. That wasn't an easy decision.
354
00:24:35,408 --> 00:24:40,289
I had lots of offers from local companies,
you know what these headhunters are like.
355
00:24:40,324 --> 00:24:41,952
Well, no, not really.
356
00:24:41,987 --> 00:24:45,062
Del asked me to be his director
of commercial development.
357
00:24:45,097 --> 00:24:48,465
Seek out new openings,
find gaps in the market.
358
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,418
And if the gap doesn't exist,
create one?
359
00:24:50,453 --> 00:24:55,888
Yeah, that sort of thing.
So I thought, that'll do me, lovely jubbly!
360
00:24:57,230 --> 00:25:00,794
I tell you, it is pressure all the way.
I'm never off that phone.
361
00:25:00,829 --> 00:25:02,219
You've cut your finger!
362
00:25:02,254 --> 00:25:05,208
Yeah, Del got me to clean
his car yesterday and...
363
00:25:06,210 --> 00:25:13,854
I just did it as a favour. I don't know if you’ve noticed
his new car parked downstairs. The green Pratmobile.
364
00:25:14,459 --> 00:25:18,885
- Does he know you call it that?
- No. I don't think he'd be too pleased.
365
00:25:21,211 --> 00:25:23,615
So things are going well?
366
00:25:23,650 --> 00:25:28,187
Yeah. We're into property development,
theatre...
367
00:25:28,222 --> 00:25:30,168
Toilet rolls.
368
00:25:30,203 --> 00:25:35,540
That's just the direct retail sales branch of the company.
We've got contacts in the City!
369
00:25:35,833 --> 00:25:38,233
What, the White City?
370
00:25:39,121 --> 00:25:41,070
There's no need to laugh at us, Cass!
371
00:25:41,432 --> 00:25:45,220
I'm not laughing at you, Rodney!
I'm just trying to break the ice!
372
00:25:46,343 --> 00:25:49,203
So, how's our flat?
373
00:25:49,399 --> 00:25:53,450
Much the same as when you left it.
I wish I could say the same about you!
374
00:25:53,811 --> 00:25:55,256
What's that mean?
375
00:25:55,544 --> 00:25:58,846
You've changed!
You're getting more like Del.
376
00:25:58,881 --> 00:26:04,180
You're full of front and bullshit, Roddy!
You're even wearing the same clothes as Del.
377
00:26:04,215 --> 00:26:10,453
These suits happen to be a new line
we're selling, that’s all. These are Romanian.
378
00:26:11,219 --> 00:26:13,962
We just wear them to let the punter know
what they look like.
379
00:26:14,126 --> 00:26:16,027
D'you think that's wise?
380
00:26:16,337 --> 00:26:20,325
We do know our market, Cassandra!
And I am not getting like Del!
381
00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,039
You are, Rodney.
382
00:26:22,074 --> 00:26:25,504
Look, you're even wearing
a Del Boy starter kit!
383
00:26:25,930 --> 00:26:28,192
Del told me to wear this because...
384
00:26:28,961 --> 00:26:30,800
Understand one thing, Cass!
385
00:26:30,835 --> 00:26:36,639
- I am not getting like Del! No way, Pedro!
- No way, Pedro?
386
00:26:38,078 --> 00:26:43,369
- Look, I'm very busy, Cassandra.
- Yeah, well… I’ll see you, Rodney.
387
00:26:43,404 --> 00:26:45,718
- No, I didn't men it like that.
- Goodbye!
388
00:26:45,753 --> 00:26:48,235
I'll give you a bell during the...
389
00:26:54,930 --> 00:26:58,271
Alright, it's only me!
I was just putting the security chain on.
390
00:26:58,306 --> 00:27:01,019
No one can get in. You’re safe now.
You alright?
391
00:27:01,343 --> 00:27:03,694
- Yeah, I'm alright, son.
- What are you doing then, Unc?
392
00:27:03,996 --> 00:27:05,992
I’m just looking through in me old box.
393
00:27:06,619 --> 00:27:13,314
See that? That's where I was born.
Tobacco Road, down by the docks.
394
00:27:17,309 --> 00:27:21,787
That's the front of Tobacco Road.
There's your nan - there's your granddad.
395
00:27:21,822 --> 00:27:25,296
He'd just joined the army,
doing his bit for king and country.
396
00:27:26,478 --> 00:27:31,102
- Why’s he got a vest and plimsolls on?
- Well, he'd just deserted.
397
00:27:32,174 --> 00:27:35,831
Albert, tomorrow, would you like us
to take you back to where you were born?
398
00:27:36,545 --> 00:27:40,439
Ain’t there any more, dear.
They knocked it down.
399
00:27:41,475 --> 00:27:44,849
- That film you wanted to see is coming on in a minute.
- Oh thanks.
400
00:27:44,884 --> 00:27:47,088
- What film's that, then?
- ‘Out Of Africa’.
401
00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:50,172
Not another documentary about AIDS, is it?
402
00:27:50,342 --> 00:27:52,600
No, it's a film with Robert Redford.
403
00:27:52,972 --> 00:27:55,575
Did I ever tell you about
the time I was in Africa?
404
00:27:55,610 --> 00:27:59,989
- Yeah, thousands of times!
- No. Why, what happened Albert?
405
00:28:00,024 --> 00:28:02,291
‘Well, during the war’…
406
00:28:02,326 --> 00:28:05,473
During the war
I was on this hospital ship.
407
00:28:05,508 --> 00:28:09,530
We'd just picked up some of the
wounded from Monty's North Africa campaign.
408
00:28:09,565 --> 00:28:14,554
We dropped 'em off in Durban.
I helped some of them lads off the ship.
409
00:28:14,841 --> 00:28:21,841
It was tragic to see some of them, bloody tragic.
I cried for 'em... Daft, eh?
410
00:28:22,725 --> 00:28:27,522
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
I cried when me mum died.
411
00:28:27,674 --> 00:28:30,972
But you were only 16.
I was a full-grown man.
412
00:28:31,770 --> 00:28:35,894
I shed a little tear or two, didn’t I,
when Rodney got married and left home.
413
00:28:36,343 --> 00:28:38,784
I cried even more when he come back!
414
00:28:39,452 --> 00:28:43,234
The most frightening thing
in all my life happened while I was in Africa.
415
00:28:44,056 --> 00:28:48,501
We docked in Durban, and a couple of black blokes
came out and asked me and my mates
416
00:28:48,536 --> 00:28:51,898
if we wanted to go out and see the jungle.
We jumped at the chance.
417
00:28:51,933 --> 00:28:55,942
- You're like that when you're young, ain't you?
- Oh yeah, we've all done it, haven’t we?
418
00:28:55,977 --> 00:28:59,646
So we got up in this open lorry
and went off.
419
00:28:59,681 --> 00:29:03,226
And after about two hours the undergrowth
got thicker and thicker.
420
00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:06,234
Deep in the heart of the jungle. Anyway.
421
00:29:06,269 --> 00:29:09,862
Somehow or another I got cut off
from the rest of the party
422
00:29:09,897 --> 00:29:15,138
and found meself in this clearing.
I just started to retrace my steps
423
00:29:15,444 --> 00:29:17,095
when I heard a noise.
424
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:23,564
I looked around and standing there
was the biggest lion I've ever seen.
425
00:29:23,845 --> 00:29:26,624
You need all that, don’t you?
426
00:29:27,051 --> 00:29:33,936
I looked at him, he looked at me.
We just stood there looking at each other.
427
00:29:34,460 --> 00:29:38,418
Then suddenly he went ‘aaaargh!’
428
00:29:38,924 --> 00:29:41,136
- Cor blimey, Albert!
- What’s happening?
429
00:29:41,499 --> 00:29:43,588
- Are you alright?
- Oh, yeah!
430
00:29:48,602 --> 00:29:50,889
I did a very childish thing.
431
00:29:51,871 --> 00:29:54,008
I wet meself!
432
00:29:55,197 --> 00:29:57,598
A full-grown man and I wet meself.
433
00:29:58,725 --> 00:30:02,734
Alright, alright Unc!
Nothing to be ashamed of!
434
00:30:03,981 --> 00:30:08,759
Any bloke would have done the same thing
coming face to face with a man-eating lion!
435
00:30:09,271 --> 00:30:14,456
I don't mean when I was in the jungle.
I mean now, when I went ‘aaargh!’.
436
00:30:23,566 --> 00:30:25,690
I don't believe it!
437
00:30:33,933 --> 00:30:36,320
We’ve got a change of clothes
in the airing cupboard.
438
00:30:36,512 --> 00:30:41,724
- Alright? How's Albert?
- He's not his old self.
439
00:30:42,330 --> 00:30:44,649
- Oh good!
- What do you mean, ‘good’?
440
00:30:44,684 --> 00:30:47,349
- It was just a joke.
- I bloody well hope it was, and all!
441
00:30:47,384 --> 00:30:49,852
Alright, keep your hair on.
442
00:30:50,642 --> 00:30:54,482
- No, no, no!
- What?
443
00:30:55,011 --> 00:30:57,255
Nothing. Nothing, sorry. Nothing.
444
00:31:09,969 --> 00:31:11,531
So he's no better then?
445
00:31:12,222 --> 00:31:16,071
No, he hasn’t been out for ages.
446
00:31:16,263 --> 00:31:19,043
The doctor said he should try to get back
to normal life, you know.
447
00:31:19,078 --> 00:31:23,168
That's right. I was there.
You know, I reckon the...
448
00:31:25,272 --> 00:31:27,093
I reckon the problem is, right…
449
00:31:27,299 --> 00:31:32,301
You are being very kind and considerate.
You're being patient, understanding.
450
00:31:34,189 --> 00:31:36,100
Well, that’s not normal, is it?
451
00:31:36,794 --> 00:31:38,935
What do you want,
a doughboy round the ear, Rodney?
452
00:31:38,970 --> 00:31:42,228
Ah, now you see, that's normal!
D'you see what I'm getting at?
453
00:31:42,263 --> 00:31:46,744
Well, this flat is all hurly-burly,
people shouting and arguing at each other.
454
00:31:47,338 --> 00:31:49,544
We don’t mean any harm
it's just the way we are.
455
00:31:49,705 --> 00:31:52,521
But now we're treating Albert
with kid gloves.
456
00:31:52,705 --> 00:31:56,257
If it goes on much longer,
he'll start using that as the normal.
457
00:31:56,292 --> 00:32:00,218
Then when we go back to the real normality
he’ll go back into shock again.
458
00:32:00,723 --> 00:32:02,885
You reckon we ought to toughen up on him?
459
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,514
The gently, gently approach don't work.
460
00:32:05,693 --> 00:32:09,579
- I can't be hard on him, Rodney.
- Nor can I! But...
461
00:32:12,325 --> 00:32:14,976
We’d be doing it for him, wouldn’t we?
462
00:32:15,299 --> 00:32:18,731
Otherwise Del, believe me,
he’s gonna take root in this flat.
463
00:32:19,991 --> 00:32:21,661
Yeah... maybe.
464
00:32:22,535 --> 00:32:23,893
Here you are, Unc.
465
00:32:24,208 --> 00:32:27,091
No, no son. I'll sit over here.
466
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,546
Alright if I have a brandy, Del?
467
00:32:30,599 --> 00:32:35,504
Yeah, that’s alright. I’ll get it….
No, no, you know where it is, go on! Help yourself!
468
00:32:39,371 --> 00:32:42,774
We've got a very very busy day
ahead of us tomorrow, Del.
469
00:32:42,809 --> 00:32:45,233
Yes, yes, we have, haven’t we Rodney?
470
00:32:45,268 --> 00:32:47,998
So we won't have any time to go down the Pakis
to get any shopping, will we?
471
00:32:48,522 --> 00:32:51,720
We can't expect Raquel to do it, can we?
Not in her condition.
472
00:32:51,755 --> 00:32:54,792
- We certainly can’t.
- So it must...
473
00:32:56,470 --> 00:32:58,852
So, what are we going to do then?
474
00:32:59,159 --> 00:33:03,924
Well, we’ll have to send Albert down the shops.
Albert, you'll have to go down to the shops!
475
00:33:04,099 --> 00:33:06,492
- Me? I can't go out there, Del.
- Yes, you can!
476
00:33:06,527 --> 00:33:09,106
I don't feel really up to it yet, Del.
477
00:33:10,769 --> 00:33:13,001
You go down there
and get them fish fingers.
478
00:33:14,198 --> 00:33:17,613
You listen to me. Rodney and I
are very busy at the moment,
479
00:33:17,648 --> 00:33:23,394
‘cause Trotters Independent Traders
are going to a phase of commercial augmentation.
480
00:33:24,156 --> 00:33:26,862
And with Raquel dropping her chavvy.
481
00:33:28,988 --> 00:33:31,469
I mean, we don’t want any lame ducks.
482
00:33:32,061 --> 00:33:35,017
‘Cause you’re getting under our feet.
Do you understand what I'm talking about?
483
00:33:35,052 --> 00:33:38,968
So you better get up and get out,
‘cause you're no good to us the way you are, alright?
484
00:33:44,716 --> 00:33:48,367
Yeah... I understand, Del.
485
00:33:51,705 --> 00:33:53,450
I understand.
486
00:33:54,544 --> 00:33:56,168
Goodnight, boys.
487
00:34:02,704 --> 00:34:09,706
- That was a bit hard, weren't it?
- A bit hard? You just told me to toughen up...
488
00:34:09,741 --> 00:34:13,724
I'm just saying
it was a bit tougher than I expected, that’s all.
489
00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:19,307
Are you comfortable
in that chair, Rodney?
490
00:34:33,602 --> 00:34:36,807
I'll just take this into uncle Albert,
then I'll do your muesli.
491
00:34:36,842 --> 00:34:39,074
Lovely Jubbly.
492
00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,984
All these other ones say the same thing.
'Albert Trotter lost at sea.'
493
00:34:46,019 --> 00:34:47,987
- He's gone!
- Gone? Where is he gone?
494
00:34:48,022 --> 00:34:50,047
He's not there! He left a note.
495
00:34:50,283 --> 00:34:54,199
'I won't get under your feet any longer.
Your loving Uncle, Albert.'
496
00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:56,510
Let me see that.
497
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,905
- That’s ‘cause what you said last night.
- ‘Cause of what I said?
498
00:35:01,940 --> 00:35:04,361
I didn't wanna say anything
until you told me to say something!
499
00:35:04,396 --> 00:35:07,438
Well, don't you blame me Derek. I was only trying
to get him out of this flat and back on his feet!
500
00:35:07,473 --> 00:35:08,647
I am not blaming anyone…
501
00:35:08,682 --> 00:35:10,751
Will you two stop arguing?
Go and find him!
502
00:35:11,532 --> 00:35:13,709
- Well, where's he gone?
- I don't know! Go 'n' look!
503
00:35:13,744 --> 00:35:17,897
She's right. Come on, let's go.
I'll take the van, you take the Pratmobile.
504
00:35:19,576 --> 00:35:20,893
What did he say?
505
00:35:31,127 --> 00:35:32,974
What do you mean, 'Pratmobile?'
506
00:36:51,057 --> 00:36:56,498
Hello! No, Rodney.
No luck at this end. How about you?
507
00:38:24,429 --> 00:38:25,984
You’re alright, Unc?
508
00:38:29,161 --> 00:38:30,814
What you two doing here?
509
00:38:32,069 --> 00:38:35,771
We were worried about you,
silly old git.
510
00:38:35,987 --> 00:38:38,334
We've been looking all over
London for you!
511
00:38:38,369 --> 00:38:41,879
- We found your note.
- How'd you know I'd be here?
512
00:38:42,292 --> 00:38:43,990
Just a guess, really.
513
00:38:46,004 --> 00:38:51,760
- You were born round here, weren’t you?
- Yeah. Tobacco Road. My house was...
514
00:38:53,007 --> 00:38:54,704
…somewhere round here.
515
00:38:57,346 --> 00:39:03,081
What's this all about then, eh?
Running away from home at your age!
516
00:39:03,116 --> 00:39:06,033
A lot of things been going
through my mind lately, Del.
517
00:39:06,548 --> 00:39:12,846
I didn't know if I was coming or going.
I feel I let the family down.
518
00:39:14,045 --> 00:39:15,672
I let you two down.
519
00:39:17,879 --> 00:39:22,817
- Don't be so bloody daft!
- You didn't let anybody down!
520
00:39:23,075 --> 00:39:25,433
I needed to be alone for a while.
521
00:39:25,656 --> 00:39:27,645
But where were you gonna go?
522
00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:35,068
I hadn't given it much thought, Rodney.
I didn't realise things had changed so much.
523
00:39:35,974 --> 00:39:42,955
When I first left home, I was about 15,
I just come down here and got a job on a trampsteamer.
524
00:39:43,749 --> 00:39:45,457
Life seemed easier then.
525
00:39:47,711 --> 00:39:56,500
Things ain’t that much different now, Albert.
You can always come home, to your family.
526
00:39:57,497 --> 00:40:00,347
- Thanks, son.
- Come on then, let's go.
527
00:40:00,759 --> 00:40:06,730
You know, once upon a time ships from
all over the world used to sail in here.
528
00:40:07,311 --> 00:40:10,117
The water used to be covered
with a film of oil
529
00:40:10,641 --> 00:40:17,054
and when the sun shone it sparkled
with all different colours.
530
00:40:19,036 --> 00:40:23,167
When I was a kid I used to
think rainbows lived in the water.
531
00:40:24,226 --> 00:40:27,428
So, you was a bit of a divvy
in them days and all, were you?
532
00:40:28,546 --> 00:40:32,247
- Oi!
- Alright. Sorry.
533
00:40:33,256 --> 00:40:36,692
There were tugs nudging
freighters into position.
534
00:40:37,361 --> 00:40:42,224
Cranes lifting out timber
from Canada, bananas from Jamaica.
535
00:40:43,293 --> 00:40:48,342
The pubs and the cafes, they were filled with
sailors from a hundred countries.
536
00:40:49,746 --> 00:40:54,458
By the time I was 7 I could swear
in ten different languages.
537
00:40:55,118 --> 00:41:00,614
There used to be streets all around here.
Loads of two up and two down houses.
538
00:41:00,797 --> 00:41:07,584
'Dockers' mansions' they called them.
Ragamuffins kicking footballs up against the wall.
539
00:41:07,619 --> 00:41:10,849
Women used to come out and chase us away
with their brooms...
540
00:41:14,945 --> 00:41:19,408
They were rough people,
but they was good people.
541
00:41:20,055 --> 00:41:25,195
During the Blitz some of the men
painted a sign on the roof of a warehouse
542
00:41:25,396 --> 00:41:28,332
so that the Luftwaffe pilots could see it.
543
00:41:28,626 --> 00:41:37,676
It said 'Dear Adolf, you can break our windows,
but not our hearts!'
544
00:41:42,495 --> 00:41:44,608
Look at what they've done to it now!
545
00:41:47,142 --> 00:41:51,732
- Yeah...It's terrific, innit?
- Terrific?
546
00:41:54,351 --> 00:41:57,588
Do you know how much some of these
drums are worth, Rodney?
547
00:41:57,623 --> 00:42:00,046
I’ll tell you how much they’re worth.
They’re worth an arm and a leg.
548
00:42:00,727 --> 00:42:05,031
Lord Linley's got one of these.
And Michael Caine.
549
00:42:07,494 --> 00:42:13,128
Makes you proud to be British, dunnit, eh?
I could do with a bit of this.
550
00:42:14,149 --> 00:42:18,033
I can see myself with a nice little black Porsche
parked outside,
551
00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:21,148
with the old windsurfer strapped to the roof rack.
552
00:42:22,305 --> 00:42:27,325
Then have a few friends down from the City
and we’d have a private party in a pub yonder.
553
00:42:27,965 --> 00:42:34,299
A few glasses of the old Moet, ‘cause I'm a champagne
and liver sausage sandwich man,
554
00:42:35,606 --> 00:42:41,167
and then we’d watch the old currant bun go down
behind the Docklands arena.
555
00:42:43,293 --> 00:42:44,928
Paradise.
556
00:42:45,752 --> 00:42:50,138
And after a few years
when the old property prices start to rocket,
557
00:42:51,335 --> 00:42:55,445
then knock it out to some rich Arab
for twice the purchase price.
558
00:42:57,166 --> 00:42:58,948
Lovely Jubbly!
559
00:43:01,486 --> 00:43:04,286
- You alright, Albert?
- Yeah, I'm alright, love.
560
00:43:04,622 --> 00:43:08,606
You didn't have to go running off like that,
Del didn't mean anything.
561
00:43:09,385 --> 00:43:13,438
I know, he's explained it to me.
It's just that I felt...
562
00:43:13,735 --> 00:43:20,382
I felt like a failure. I'm not a coward, Raquel.
There was nothing I could do, there was six of 'em!
563
00:43:21,333 --> 00:43:27,566
I know. Albert, nobody thinks you're...
Six of them?
564
00:43:29,913 --> 00:43:33,023
- Where's Rodney?
- He went out for a drink. Again!
565
00:43:33,348 --> 00:43:34,994
Well, that explains it.
566
00:43:35,177 --> 00:43:38,350
I met a couple of winos this afternoon
drunk as nudes they were…
567
00:43:38,608 --> 00:43:41,385
said they were celebrating St Rodney's Day.
568
00:43:42,882 --> 00:43:46,256
- I hope he hasn’t gone to the Nag's Head!
- Why, what's happening down there tonight?
569
00:43:46,291 --> 00:43:48,982
Nothing! I just hope he hasn’t gone down
to Nag’s Head!
570
00:43:56,212 --> 00:44:02,510
- Is that the bell, Del?
- Yes. No, you’ll get it, will ya? I’m busy.
571
00:44:02,702 --> 00:44:07,162
- Raquel!
- No, Raquel can’t go. She’s busy and all. You answer it.
572
00:44:07,197 --> 00:44:09,604
- Me?
- You!
573
00:44:09,941 --> 00:44:12,659
Come on, there’s nothing to be afraid of, is there?
I’m here, ain’t I?
574
00:44:12,694 --> 00:44:16,121
You're gonna have to answer the door
sometime or another, it might as well be now.
575
00:44:17,969 --> 00:44:20,430
Albert, answer the door!
576
00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:29,106
- Who's there?
- Knock-Knock.
577
00:44:33,844 --> 00:44:36,318
- It's Knock-Knock!
- Is it?
578
00:44:38,104 --> 00:44:39,853
I can't see him, Del!
579
00:44:39,888 --> 00:44:42,476
Of course you can't see him.
You haven’t opened the door yet!
580
00:44:42,696 --> 00:44:45,222
I don't wanna see him!
I can't face it, Del!
581
00:44:45,420 --> 00:44:48,753
Alright, alright. Look, I’ll go, I’ll go…
582
00:44:49,119 --> 00:44:51,788
You can talk to Knock-Knock Albert.
He's your friend.
583
00:44:51,823 --> 00:44:53,963
I don't wanna talk to him,
not at the moment.
584
00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:57,824
But he's most probably come to see how you are.
He might have brought you a bunch of grapes.
585
00:44:58,819 --> 00:45:03,150
I'm not feeling all that well.
I think I'll go to my room.
586
00:45:03,785 --> 00:45:07,526
Oi, you stay right where you are!
587
00:45:10,878 --> 00:45:12,684
Yes, that was Knock-Knock.
588
00:45:13,132 --> 00:45:16,517
And look, he brought this back for you.
That was a bit of luck, weren't it?
589
00:45:16,712 --> 00:45:20,167
It's your pocket watch, Albert.
Where's he get it from?
590
00:45:20,202 --> 00:45:23,560
He found it under the bushes
on that patch of grass near the swings.
591
00:45:23,595 --> 00:45:25,315
What, where Albert was
mugged last week?
592
00:45:25,350 --> 00:45:32,165
No! Where Albert and Knock-Knock,
whilst walking home from the pub last week, had a fight!
593
00:45:32,722 --> 00:45:36,656
- They had a fight?
- Yes, over Marlene's mum!
594
00:45:37,390 --> 00:45:43,734
And Knock-Knock knocked him out!
You never were mugged, were you? You lying old git!
595
00:45:44,271 --> 00:45:46,527
But what about his money
that went missing?
596
00:45:46,562 --> 00:45:50,655
Well, he lost it all, didn’t he?
At dominoes to Knock-Knock!
597
00:45:51,032 --> 00:45:55,094
- Oh Albert!
- I didn't know what to say!
598
00:45:55,129 --> 00:45:58,712
I felt silly, losing to a
man three years older than meself.
599
00:45:58,747 --> 00:46:05,093
He kept saying he was better than me at everything.
So I squared up to him and he hit me!
600
00:46:05,128 --> 00:46:07,883
Do you realize
the problems that you've put us to?
601
00:46:07,918 --> 00:46:12,384
The police have been out there making investigations.
I've been running round looking for five muggers.
602
00:46:12,419 --> 00:46:14,340
- Six!
- Six?
603
00:46:14,375 --> 00:46:16,932
Oh it's six now, is it? Any more offers?
604
00:46:16,967 --> 00:46:20,885
I was embarrassed!
Once I'd said it I couldn't go back.
605
00:46:23,485 --> 00:46:28,120
You should have been down the Nag's Head.
There was the punch-up to end all punch-ups!
606
00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:29,313
What happened, then?
607
00:46:29,348 --> 00:46:32,474
That gang of skinheads was in there,
the ones that Del said had mugged Albert.
608
00:46:32,509 --> 00:46:34,757
Anyway, you know oily Ollie, the greaser?
609
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:37,888
His gang’s come in
they’ve only attacked the skinheads.
610
00:46:37,923 --> 00:46:43,523
There was blood up the wall, grease on the ceiling.
Ollie and his boys took a right hammering!
611
00:46:43,692 --> 00:46:47,534
It turns out them skinheads aren't skinheads at all.
They're coppers!
612
00:46:48,325 --> 00:46:50,709
- They're what?
- They’re undercover policemen.
613
00:46:50,744 --> 00:46:54,003
They was put on the estate a couple of weeks back
when the muggings started.
614
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:58,630
- Oh no! Oh my God!
- What's up, Del?
615
00:47:00,148 --> 00:47:03,365
Well, anyone would have done the same thing,
wouldn’t they, eh?
616
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:07,179
You didn't have anything to do with this,
did you?
617
00:47:07,734 --> 00:47:10,700
Well... I wanted to get revenge
for that dozy old twonk!
618
00:47:11,244 --> 00:47:16,568
I sort of...
I gave Ollie 100 quid to sort it out.
619
00:47:16,603 --> 00:47:21,547
Oh for God's sake! This baby will be born
premature if I hang around you much longer!
620
00:47:21,582 --> 00:47:24,828
Be fair, sweetheart.
They looked like muggers, didn’t they?
621
00:47:25,138 --> 00:47:28,332
When Oliver and his army get out of hospital…
622
00:47:28,367 --> 00:47:31,631
I've got a fair idea
where their first port of call is gonna be!
623
00:47:32,512 --> 00:47:34,032
Yeah, me too.
624
00:47:34,234 --> 00:47:39,060
Well, they better not try anything with me around!
I was Royal Navy boxing champion.
625
00:47:39,095 --> 00:47:42,226
I'm gonna kill him! I am!
I’m gonna kill him now!
626
00:47:47,071 --> 00:47:50,852
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