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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,379
[marching band plays]
2
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:12,638
[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.
3
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Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.
4
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:23,440
Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.
5
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,954
- What time you got, Gomer?
- 11 :25.
6
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,957
Boy, I hope that bus is on time. I gotta
be back for guard duty at midnight.
7
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,876
You know, Duke,
we was in that movie almost five hours.
8
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,212
I think them triple features
is just too much.
9
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,547
- Yeah.
- [horn beeps]
10
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,298
The stories get all mixed up.
11
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:52,052
- Now, the first picture I hardly remember.
- That's because that was a long time ago!
12
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MAN [slurring] Oh, help me!
Somebody help me, please!
13
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,559
Anybody, help me?
14
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,811
- Help! Help!
- What's the matter, mister?
15
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,563
Oh, oh, thank you very much.
16
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,399
You see, I'm, uh,
I'm a stranger in this neighborhood
17
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,984
and I seem to have gotten lost.
18
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,319
Holy cow, is he smashed?!
19
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,239
You see,
my car is parked across the street,
20
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:17,536
and if you could take me to my car
and open the door
21
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and start the engine for me,
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I-I'll be able to drive home.
23
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You mean you're gonna drive?
24
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Why, of course! I have a driver's license.
25
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:31,383
I know that. It's just that you don't seem
to be able to...
26
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:34,511
I've got an idea.
Why don't we drive you home?
27
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Gomer, I gotta get back to the base!
I got guard duty.
28
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Oh, that's right. Well, I'll do it alone.
29
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- I'll drive you, mister.
- Well, thank you, sir.
30
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That's very kind. Most kind.
31
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Gomer, come here a minute.
I wanna talk to you.
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Look, there's no reason for you do it,
either. Don't get mixed up with this guy.
33
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,696
But he can't get home by hisself.
He's in no fit condition.
34
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It's not your problem! He got drunk
on his own, let him get home on his own.
35
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He's a stranger to you!
36
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But he is a person and he needs help,
and I just can't ignore him.
37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,749
Gomer, believe me, you get involved with
this guy, you'll have nothing but trouble.
38
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,126
Here comes the bus. Let's go.
He won't even know you're gone.
39
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,129
No. I'm staying here.
I'm gonna try and help that poor feller.
40
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You go ahead.
I just can't leave him here like that.
41
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,344
- Besides, I already offered.
- Okay, but I think you're crazy to do it!
42
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart... ♪
43
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Oh, hi!
44
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- Do you know the rest of the words?
- Words? To what?
45
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:28,857
To that song.
♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart ♪
46
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:32,486
It's a beautiful song,
but I don't know the rest of the words.
47
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:36,365
Well, don't you think we better
get started? Do you want to take my hand?
48
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:37,699
Oh...
49
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,786
Well, that's very nice.
50
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Hey, what's your name?
51
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,708
My name is Harry Purcell. What's yours?
52
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:49,753
- Gomer Pyle.
- Gomer Pyle. What's your first name?
53
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,881
- Gomer.
- Oh, Gomer!
54
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Gomer.
55
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Go... ♪ Gomer, Gomer, Gomer! ♪
56
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:02,015
♪ Sweetheart...
57
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart! ♪
58
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Are we home, Gomer?
59
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This is the address you said.
Is that your house?
60
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Yeah! That's it. That's my little castle!
61
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I've got to be getting back to the base,
Mr. Purcell.
62
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Do you think you can make it in all right?
63
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,619
Oh, listen, you gotta come in
and meet my wife.
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00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,579
Gomer, you're just gonna love my wife!
65
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She's the sweetest little woman
you ever met in your life.
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Her name is Iona.
67
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It's an Indian name.
It means "little bird."
68
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She's so sweet,
and I treat her like a dog.
69
00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,469
Why do I do it?
70
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Sweetest little woman in the world,
and I treat her like a dog!
71
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Harry Purcell treats his wife like a dog!
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I want the whole world to know!
73
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Please, Mr. Purcell.
Come on. I'll walk you to the house.
74
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:09,541
- Mr. Purcell!
- [grunts]
75
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,878
I don't know why they take
those running board off the cars!
76
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,880
That's the reason you fall down!
77
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,758
- Come on, Mr. Purcell.
- Wait a minute. Let's sing a song.
78
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:22,637
- Mr. Purcell, it's after midnight.
- I ain't gonna go unless we sing a song!
79
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All right,
but we can sing while we're walking, okay?
80
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That's a deal.
81
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart
82
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[both] ♪ Sweetheart
83
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[Purcell] ♪ May you kiss... love me
♪ May you love me
84
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- [banging]
- [Purcell] ♪ Forever and ever
85
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,365
♪ Sweetheart
86
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart!
87
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart ♪
88
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:52,501
Hey, where are you going?
T-There's where I live!
89
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♪ Sweetheart
90
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:55,879
- ♪ Sweetheart...
- Shh, Mr. Purcell!
91
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506
♪ Sweetheart
92
00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,800
♪ Sweetheart!
93
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,928
♪ Sweetheart, sweet...heart
94
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,679
♪ Sweetheart
95
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,556
♪ Sweetheart, swart
96
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- ♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart ♪
- Shh! Mr. Purcell?
97
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,103
- Huh?
- You'd better be quiet.
98
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,815
- You're gonna wake your wife.
- Well, I wanna wake her!
99
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I want you to meet Iona.
You're gonna love her, Gomer!
100
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,988
♪ Sweet... Sweetheart, sweetheart! ♪
101
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,533
- Maybe I'd better do that, Mr. Purcell.
- All right. Fine.
102
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- There you are, Gome!
- Shh!
103
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Good old Gome.
104
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♪ Sweetheart
105
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♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart
106
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♪ Sweet...heart, sweetheart
107
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- ♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart!
- I think we ought to...
108
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- ♪ Sweetheart ♪
- Harry!
109
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Oh, it's my baby!
See, Gomer, this is Iona!
110
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Harry, what happened?
Where have you been so long?
111
00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:49,975
Well, I'll tell you, sweetheart. You see,
I was coming back from the office...
112
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:52,435
Oh, wait!
First, I want you to meet my friend!
113
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Iona, this is Gomer Pyle.
114
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- A real gentleman.
- How you do, ma'am?
115
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- What did you do to him? Get him drunk?
- No, ma'am!
116
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:04,573
What do you mean, "No, ma'am"?
Look at ya, both of ya!
117
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Clothes all messed up,
can't stand up straight!
118
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Hey, he's got a beautiful voice!
119
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Oh, yes. I heard his voice.
All the way out in the street, I heard it!
120
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And I'll bet the neighbors heard it, too.
121
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I don't know how
I'm gonna look 'em in the face tomorrow!
122
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Ma'am, I don't think you understand.
123
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Oh, I understand, all right!
I know your type!
124
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Spend all night in the bars,
125
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just waiting for some poor soul like Harry
to come along so you can sponge on him!
126
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- Yeah!
- Mrs. Purcell, that's just not true.
127
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Oh, Harry!
128
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I'll get you right to bed.
129
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And you get out of here
or I'll call the MP!
130
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- Yeah! The MP!
- Go on! Out! Out!
131
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:49,409
And you'd better stop bothering Harry
or I'll take care of you!
132
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[Iona] I don't understand you, Harry!
133
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Don't you know better than to get mixed up
with these kinda people?
134
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Bums!
They'll take advantage of you every time.
135
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- Come on, sweetie.
- I'm too softhearted.
136
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,422
Oh, you sure are!
137
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,424
So, she blamed you for the whole thing,
huh, Gome?
138
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,427
Well, didn't I tell ya? Didn't I tell ya
not to get mixed up with that guy?
139
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,721
The trouble was,
she just wouldn't let me explain.
140
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,390
You shouldn't have gotten mixed up
with that guy in the first place!
141
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,768
You should've just walked away
and left him where he was.
142
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- I couldn't do that, Duke.
- Gomer, you'll never learn, will you?
143
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,648
There's no such thing as gratitude.
144
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Pyle!
145
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,692
Pyle, come here a minute, will ya?
146
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:25,612
Hey, Duke, that looks like Mr. Purcell.
147
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,823
- Who?
- The feller that I took home last night.
148
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- Oh. What does he want?
- [whistles blow]
149
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This fella would like to talk to you,
Pyle.
150
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- Hurry it up. He's gotta get back to work.
- Right, Sergeant.
151
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,628
- Hello, Gomer.
- Hey, Mr. Purcell.
152
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,463
Golly, you look a lot better this morning.
153
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I'm sure I do. I, uh, I don't remember
too much about last night,
154
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except your name
and how very kind you were to me,
155
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so I wanted to come here
and thank you personally.
156
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,890
Oh, shoot. That was nothing.
157
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:58,103
I'm very embarrassed about it, Gomer. That
sort of thing never happened to me before.
158
00:07:58,103 --> 00:08:00,480
But that's not what I'm here
to talk about.
159
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,857
How about letting me buy you
a steak dinner tonight?
160
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,193
Oh, Mr. Purcell,
you don't have to do that.
161
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:08,113
Gomer, you did me a great favor.
I want to show my gratitude.
162
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,532
I was glad to help you out,
and you don't have to...
163
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,951
I won't take no for an answer, Gomer.
I insist.
164
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:17,414
I know a great steak place in town.
They serve sirloins that thick.
165
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,833
What do you say, Gomer?
What time do you get through?
166
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,128
- Seven o'clock okay?
- Seven o'clock would be fine, I guess,
167
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:26,172
- but you don't have to...
- I'll pick you up at the gate at seven!
168
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,217
- See you, Gomer.
- Bye, Mr. Purcell.
169
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:33,930
What did he want?
170
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:36,683
He wanted to thank me
for helping him out last night.
171
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,018
- No kidding?
- Yeah.
172
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:42,230
And he wants to take me out to a fancy
restaurant and buy me a big steak dinner.
173
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,732
- I don't believe it.
- It's the truth.
174
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,526
So you see, Duke,
there is gratitude in the world.
175
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:50,739
Well, maybe once in a million years.
And it takes your dumb luck to find it!
176
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,324
[Mr. purcell laughs]
177
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:56,828
Yes, Gomer, Iona and I
had quite a laugh about it this morning!
178
00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:00,415
So tell me, Gomer,
I must've been pretty funny, huh?
179
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:03,084
Well, you might call it funny.
180
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,836
Waiter, another one of these, please?
181
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,255
Mr. Purcell,
you really think you ought to?
182
00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:09,257
Oh, now, don't you worry, Gomer.
183
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,760
You see, when I'm eating,
it doesn't affect me.
184
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,722
Last night, I drank on an empty stomach.
Never drink on an empty stomach, Gomer.
185
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,724
Waiter, make it a double, will you?
186
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,351
Say, uh, Gomer, tell me,
187
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:23,146
was I really singing in front of my house
last night?
188
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,106
Yes, you were.
189
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:28,610
Now, that's fantastic!
It's absolutely fantastic!
190
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,362
I don't think I ever did a thing like that
before in my life.
191
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,740
You see,
it was just an accident that I got drunk.
192
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:37,035
I don't think a thing like that
could happen again in a million years.
193
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:41,247
♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart! ♪
194
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,542
Aw, Gomer, you're an old buddy,
you know that? You're a real buddy.
195
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:47,170
Here you go and take me home again.
[chuckles]
196
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:50,590
Mr. Purcell, do you think that you could
get in all right by yourself tonight?
197
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:54,219
Frankly, I'm not anxious to meet your wife
again. She's gonna be awfully mad.
198
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:57,263
Oh, no, no. Not Iona!
You got her all wrong.
199
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,266
Why, she's the most sweet
and understanding woman in the world.
200
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,894
I tell you, this morning,
we laughed about it.
201
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,188
Ha! How we laughed!
202
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:08,942
Besides, I can't make it. I'm paralyzed.
203
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,693
Well, I'm not going in with you,
204
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:12,737
but I will walk you to the door
and that's all.
205
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,865
If you don't come in,
Iona will be insulted.
206
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,247
She's the sweetest little woman
in the world.
207
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:28,044
Now, be careful not to fall this time,
Mr. Purcell.
208
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,465
- [loud thud]
- Mr. Purcell! Golly!
209
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,425
[slurring] I don't know why... why they...
210
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:39,139
...why they don't put running boards
back on cars. It's silly.
211
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,809
♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart ♪
212
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,894
- Shh! Mr. Purcell, shh!
- ♪ Sweetheart! ♪
213
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,772
- What are you shushing about?
- The neighbors.
214
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,482
Oh, I ain't going in.
215
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,943
- Why not?
- Cause you don't like me.
216
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:55,280
- That's not true.
- Oh, yes, it is. You hate me.
217
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,658
You look down on me
just cause I'm a little blurgh!
218
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,410
No, Mr. Purcell.
219
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,621
Well, you sang with me yesterday.
Why don't you sing with me today?
220
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:06,499
- Because you don't like me today.
- That's not so.
221
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,878
Well, you'd better sing with me,
otherwise I'll know you don't like me.
222
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,796
It's almost midnight.
223
00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,008
If you don't sing with me,
I'm gonna hold my breath until I die.
224
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,135
- [inhales sharply]
- Mr. Purcell...
225
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,637
Mr. Purcell! [sighs]
226
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:24,350
- All right, I'll sing with ya.
- Good.
227
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,436
- But quietly.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. Shh!
228
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,771
Real quiet. Yeah.
229
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,064
♪ Sweetheart
230
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:34,694
[both] ♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart
231
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,237
♪ Sweetheart
232
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,031
[Purcell shouting] ♪ Sweetheart!
233
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,532
♪ Sweetheart
234
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,701
- ♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart! ♪
- Shh!
235
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,578
Mr. Purcell,
you're gonna wake up the whole...
236
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:47,916
Oh, it's you again, huh?
You got your hooks in him again, huh?
237
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,628
Iona, my little bird, did you wait up
for me? That was very thoughtful.
238
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:55,965
I warned you to stay away from Harry,
and I meant it!
239
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,344
If you think I was talking
just to hear myself talk, you're mistaken.
240
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,888
But, Mrs. Purcell,
it's not like you think.
241
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:05,725
Well, I'm not gonna sit back and
let you get Harry drunk night after night.
242
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,728
I know how to fix you.
I'm going to get you off his back
243
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,773
if I have to go all the way to Washington
to do it.
244
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:15,318
You picked on the wrong party, mister!
The wrong party!
245
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:18,696
And you're gonna find yourself
in plenty of trouble tomorrow. Plenty.
246
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,323
- Come on, Harry.
- But...
247
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,575
- Harry?
- Mr. Purcell?
248
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,202
Harry?
249
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,745
- Mr. Purcell?
- Where did he go?
250
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,039
Harry? Harry!
251
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,374
Mr. Purcell?
252
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,293
He disappeared again. And it's your fault!
253
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,629
- But, Mrs. Purcell, I didn't...
- ♪ Sweetheart
254
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:38,007
- ♪ Sweetheart, sweetheart... ♪
- Harry, where did you go?
255
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,719
What did you do to him? You can't, none of
ya, keep your hands off him, can ya?
256
00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,888
Come on, Harry.
I'll get you away from these bums.
257
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:47,016
And you get outta here! You're in plenty
of trouble, mister. Plenty.
258
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,268
Come on, Harry.
259
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,395
Ah, go to sleep!
260
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,027
There's a dame in the duty hut
and she wants to see me?
261
00:12:58,027 --> 00:12:59,696
- That's right.
- What does she look like?
262
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,532
- Forget it, it's not that kind of a dame.
- Oh, no?
263
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:06,202
She's like somebody's wife
and you feel sorry for the husband.
264
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,578
Oh.
265
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,623
Yes, ma'am, what can I do for you?
266
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,042
- Are you Sergeant Carter?
- That's right.
267
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:17,088
- I'm Mrs. Purcell. Mrs. Harry Purcell.
- Yes, ma'am?
268
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:21,175
You're gonna have to do something
about one of the men in your outfit.
269
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:24,178
- One of my men? Which one?
- Well, his name is Gomer Pyle.
270
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,888
And if you don't do something,
271
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,182
- I will.
- Pyle? What did he do?
272
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:31,894
He's been getting my husband drunk
every night, that's what he's been doing.
273
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:34,605
- And Harry doesn't drink!
- Pyle?
274
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,899
I don't know where he met my husband
or how,
275
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:39,110
but he's attached himself like a leech.
276
00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:42,155
And he's been using poor Harry
for a drinking buddy,
277
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,781
and Harry doesn't drink!
278
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,617
Gomer Pyle?
Are you sure you have the right fella?
279
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,828
I got the right fellow, all right.
280
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:51,956
Tall and skinny
with a stupid look on his face.
281
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,459
That's Pyle, all right. But his...
282
00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:59,255
Two nights in a row, he brought poor Harry
home drunk. And Harry doesn't drink.
283
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:02,216
But Pyle? I can't believe it!
284
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,844
- Are you calling me a liar?
- Oh, no, no, no.
285
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,097
I mean, uh, just as far as I know,
Pyle doesn't even drink.
286
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:12,852
Doesn't drink? That's a laugh. I wish
you could've seen him in my living room -
287
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:15,688
clothes all wrinkled,
couldn't even stand up straight!
288
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,148
- Really?
- And the two of them,
289
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:20,860
out on the street at midnight,
singing at the top of their lungs.
290
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,364
[laughs] "Pyle doesn't drink."
Harry doesn't drink!
291
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,784
Well, I don't know what to say.
I-I mean, I'll look into it.
292
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,994
You keep him away from my husband,
293
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:33,498
because if you don't,
I'm gonna go to your colonel.
294
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,708
Oh! Oh, well, don't do that.
295
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,420
I'm not a troublemaker,
but when I get mad, Sergeant Carter,
296
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,880
you'd better watch out!
297
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,343
Maybe you don't care about this
Gomer Pyle, but I care about Harry.
298
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,887
And Harry doesn't drink.
299
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:54,977
- What do you make of that?
- Gee, Sarge, I don't know. Pyle?
300
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,897
She's got the right guy, all right.
I met this Harry Purcell.
301
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,108
He was down at the fence asking for Pyle.
302
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:03,236
Well, maybe Pyle got himself
a drinking pal, that's all.
303
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,238
But he doesn't drink, Boyle,
you know that!
304
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,074
I never saw him drink anything stronger
than a vanilla malt.
305
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,575
Yeah.
306
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,871
- Well, that's it.
- Hm, what's it?
307
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,833
Vince, you better face something.
Pyle isn't a little boy anymore.
308
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,252
How long has he been in the Marines?
Three years?
309
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:22,213
- So?
- A guy can take just so many vanilla malts
310
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:25,091
and then one day
he's got to decide to branch out.
311
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,926
Yeah, but Pyle?
312
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,138
Well, she saw him with her own eyes,
singing and staggering.
313
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,056
Looks to me
like your little boy has grown up.
314
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:37,854
But Pyle? Sweet, innocent, homespun,
vanilla malt-drinking Pyle?
315
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:40,356
- Pyle.
- Ah, get out!
316
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:42,692
- It's impossible.
- Well, why is it impossible?
317
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:45,153
You heard that woman.
She saw him with her own eyes.
318
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,863
Ah... I don't know!
319
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,865
Maybe I ought to have a talk with Pyle,
anyway.
320
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:52,869
I think you'd better.
That dame isn't kidding around.
321
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,288
He's grown up.
322
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,790
My boy has grown up.
323
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:02,462
[Gomer exhales]
324
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,964
What are you doing that for?
Why don't you use a window cleaner?
325
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,759
Oh, I do, but for the final polish,
nothing does it like your own warm breath.
326
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,721
Only trouble is, after a while
you get kinda dizzy!
327
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,307
Well, I'm all finished with mine.
328
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,184
- Hi, Sarge.
- Slater.
329
00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,435
Hey, Sergeant Carter.
330
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,271
Stop that a minute, Pyle.
I wanna talk to you about something.
331
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,232
- Yes, Sergeant?
- Pyle, what did you do last night?
332
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:26,277
Last night? I went into town
and had dinner with a friend.
333
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:29,197
Uh-huh, and this friend's name
didn't happen to be Harry Purcell?
334
00:16:29,197 --> 00:16:31,741
- How'd you know that?
- I know.
335
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,535
He was the guy who came to the fence
asking for you, right, Pyle?
336
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,537
- Oh, yes, Sarge, that's right.
- Uh-huh.
337
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,539
And when you guys were having dinner
last night,
338
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:40,208
there was a little drinking done, right?
339
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:43,336
And when you took him home, there was
a little singing in front of his house?
340
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,005
I'm afraid so, Sergeant.
And I feel real bad about that.
341
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,008
- I mean, waking up the neighbors and all.
- Now, you listen to me, Pyle!
342
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,636
- Stay away from that guy, you understand?
- Well, yes, Sergeant.
343
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:56,015
I don't care what a great guy he is or how
much fun he is, you stay away from him.
344
00:16:56,015 --> 00:17:00,394
I'm not getting into trouble
on account of you, you understand?
345
00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:01,979
- Right, Sergeant.
- That's an order!
346
00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:03,981
You stay away from Harry Purcell!
347
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:08,486
Two nights in a row, his wife says
he's come home in the same condition.
348
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,322
And Harry doesn't drink!
349
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,660
[lounge music plays]
350
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,253
Oh, hi, Gomer!
351
00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,005
Gee, I haven't seen you around
for a coupla nights. Where ya been?
352
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:31,133
Oh, well,
I had some things I had to take care of.
353
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,052
Hey, we got some real good chili tonight.
354
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,680
Oh, fine. Then, I'll have some of that.
355
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,183
Oh, and would you fix me
a double rich butterscotch malted
356
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,726
with some extra whipped cream?
357
00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:43,688
You know, Gomer, you ought to leave
your stomach to science!
358
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:47,233
I just can't sleep if I go to bed hungry.
359
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,405
Gomer!
360
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,115
Mr. Purcell!
361
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:57,618
Hiya, buddy, buddy, buddy, old buddy!
How are ya?
362
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:01,706
Hey, you know something? I've been looking
all over for you, do you know that?
363
00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:04,208
Mr. Purcell, you've been drinking again.
364
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:08,337
- Gomer, you're right. It relaxes me.
- My, my, my!
365
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:11,632
As a matter of fact, that's the reason
I was looking for you, Gomer. I'm, um,
366
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,092
I'm too relaxed to drive.
367
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,845
- I thought maybe you could take me home.
- No, Mr. Purcell.
368
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:19,265
You know, you're the best little
driver-homer in the whole world!
369
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:22,893
Driver-homer Gomer! Hey, that's funny!
370
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:26,022
- Mr. Purcell...
- Well, what was it, buddy?
371
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,649
I'm not gonna drive you home again.
372
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,069
- What?
- Well, I can't.
373
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:35,281
I promised Sergeant Carter that I wouldn't
and I'm just not gonna do it again.
374
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:38,784
Why, Gomer, I'm shocked.
You mean you won't help an old buddy?
375
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,872
But I did help you twice, Mr. Purcell,
and it got all misunderstood.
376
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,874
I mean, your wife got awful mad at me.
377
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,835
Iona? Oh, you mean my lovely Iona?
378
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,755
Why, she never got mad at anybody
in her whole life.
379
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:54,050
In her whole life,
she never got mad at anybody!
380
00:18:54,050 --> 00:18:57,053
She got mad at me. And she said
if she ever saw me with you again,
381
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,429
she's gonna go see the colonel.
382
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:03,351
Ah! You know your trouble, Gomer?
You're too serious.
383
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,187
Come on.
Come on, I'll show you how to loosen up!
384
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,355
Mister...
385
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,774
Play a little music.
386
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:12,610
- [orchestral jazz]
- Is that pretty?
387
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,697
Hey, come on, let's you and me dance.
388
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,408
Oh, come on, don't be a stick in the mud,
Gomer!
389
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,869
- You'll enjoy it. You'll enjoy it.
- I don't want to dance.
390
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,079
Just give it a try.
391
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,873
Are you sure you don't want a sandwich
or a cup of coffee? I'm starved.
392
00:19:25,873 --> 00:19:27,875
No, Sarge, I don't want anything.
But go ahead.
393
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:31,712
- I'll see you back at the base.
- Okay, Boyle, I'll see you.
394
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,801
[Gomer] Mr. Purcell, I don't wanna dance!
395
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,928
Just relax, Gomer, relax!
You're trying to lead.
396
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,222
Pyle!
397
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:45,351
What do you think you're doing? I thought
I told you to stay away from this guy.
398
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,353
- Hi, Sergeant!
- Well, I tried to, Sergeant,
399
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,397
- but I just couldn't help it.
- Hi there, Sergeant.
400
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:52,233
Pyle, what are you trying to do,
get us both in hot water? If his wife...
401
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,734
What do you say there, Sergeant?
402
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,404
It's like I tried to tell you, Sergeant.
It's not my fault.
403
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,864
I told you
I didn't want you drinking with him!
404
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,658
I hadn't been drinking with him, Sergeant.
405
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,452
I just come in here
and ordered a butterscotch malted.
406
00:20:03,452 --> 00:20:04,704
Yeah?
407
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,123
Yeah, he never drinks!
That's his trouble, Sergeant.
408
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:10,251
If he took a drink once in a while,
maybe he'd be better off.
409
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:13,671
Huh? Pyle, is that true,
you haven't been drinking?
410
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,756
Well, no, Sergeant.
You know I don't drink.
411
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,091
Goody-goody!
412
00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:19,593
And you weren't drunk last night
and the night before?
413
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,554
Well, of course not.
414
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,056
Is that what you thought?
415
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,892
Well, shame, shame, shame!
416
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,978
Shame, shame, shame!
417
00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:30,896
Then, what's his wife been beefin' about?
418
00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,691
She just didn't know and I guess
she was jumping at conclusions.
419
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:37,319
Ah, yeah, that's my little girl.
She's always jumping at conclusions.
420
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:41,449
She's a regular little conclusion-jumper.
You're a goody-goody!
421
00:20:41,449 --> 00:20:43,909
Look, Pyle, you get back to the base.
I'll take care of him.
422
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,620
- But I just ordered a butterscotch malted.
- Oh, goody-goody.
423
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,331
Forget it, just beat it!
I don't want you seen with this guy.
424
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:51,375
All right, Sergeant. Bye.
Bye, Mr. Purcell.
425
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,544
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
426
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:57,089
See, I thought he'd never leave.
That goody-goody! Sheesh!
427
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,884
Now look, buddy, why don't you
just go home and sleep it off, huh?
428
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:05,306
I can't drive. Gomer was gonna drive me
home and you sent him away, Sergeant.
429
00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:08,184
Hey, how about you driving me home,
Sergeant?
430
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:09,685
In a pig's eye, I will!
431
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:12,688
I'll put you in a cab and you can pick up
your car after you sober up. Come on!
432
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:16,108
- I ain't going! I ain't going!
- Come on!
433
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,986
Now, listen,
I put a quarter in this jukebox
434
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:23,365
and I'm gonna stay here until I get
25 cents' worth of music. So there!
435
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,494
- Come on!
- You're a goody-goody, too, you know that?
436
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,498
There he is! Here he is!
437
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:33,000
- Here's that Gomer Pyle!
- Oh, my goodness! Mrs. Purcell?
438
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,961
He's the one who's been getting my husband
drunk every night.
439
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,505
What have you done with Harry?
440
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:40,257
- You mean Mr. Purcell? Why, he's...
- I know he's in town somewhere.
441
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:43,719
He didn't come home for dinner tonight.
He's around here somewhere.
442
00:21:43,719 --> 00:21:46,806
What did you do, leave him in an alley?
Probably left him in an alley!
443
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,809
Well, your husband isn't actually
with him. There's nothing we can do.
444
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,602
We have no control over civilians.
445
00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:53,395
I'm afraid you're on your own,
Mrs. Purcell.
446
00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:57,274
We can't look for your husband unless
there's military personnel involved.
447
00:21:57,274 --> 00:22:00,736
- But he is involved!
- Well, he isn't now.
448
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:05,157
Now, you tell me, where is he?
What have you done with him?
449
00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:08,494
[Mr. purcell snorts]
Good. Driver-homer Gomer.
450
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:10,246
There he is!
451
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:13,457
- Come on, come on!
- You're too serious.
452
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,377
I knew it! It's you now, huh?
You got him now, huh?
453
00:22:16,377 --> 00:22:18,712
- Wait a minute!
- One bad influence and then the other.
454
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,589
First the private and now the sergeant.
455
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:22,675
Hold it, lady.
You're jumping to conclusions!
456
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,009
Look what you did to him.
457
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,762
- Ya got him so drunk, he can hardly stand!
- I can't even stand up!
458
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:28,931
I got him? I was just trying to help out.
459
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:31,559
Lady, there's something you oughta know.
Your husband's a souse.
460
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:33,102
A what? Why, you...
461
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,980
First you get him drunk
and then you insult him.
462
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,566
- Lady!
- He's right! Your husband is a drinker.
463
00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:40,568
And you, too!
464
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:47,616
I really have to laugh, Boyle.
You and your theory about Pyle growing up,
465
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,743
I knew all the time
he couldn't be drinking.
466
00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:51,495
The way Purcell's wife described it...
467
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:55,207
Yeah, yeah, I know. "Harry doesn't drink."
468
00:22:55,207 --> 00:23:00,045
Well, take it from me, Harry drinks.
Oh, he drinks! [chuckles]
469
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:03,841
- Pyle just gets into trouble.
- Well, I was just going along with what...
470
00:23:03,841 --> 00:23:07,720
- Speak of the devil.
- Sergeant, boy, am I glad I found you.
471
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,638
- Could you give us a hand?
- Huh?
472
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:12,141
I was outside waiting on the bus
to take me back to camp
473
00:23:12,141 --> 00:23:14,768
and this car stalled
right there in the middle of the street.
474
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,605
- So I come looking for some help...
- Are you kidding me?
475
00:23:17,605 --> 00:23:19,648
- No, Sergeant, I...
- So, a car stalled?
476
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:22,318
What do you want from me?
Let 'em call a garage and get a tow truck.
477
00:23:22,318 --> 00:23:25,112
- But, Sergeant, this...
- Pyle, what is this stupid desire of yours
478
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:27,114
to get involved
in other people's problems?
479
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,658
One night it's a drunk,
the next night it's a stalled car.
480
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:32,453
But, Sergeant, I couldn't refuse.
You see, this is...
481
00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:34,330
Oh, you couldn't refuse?
482
00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:36,332
Come with me, Pyle.
I'll show you how to refuse.
483
00:23:36,332 --> 00:23:38,626
He couldn't refuse,
Mr. Good Samaritan here!
484
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,961
- Come on!
- But, Sergeant...
485
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,507
Right there, Sergeant.
486
00:23:45,507 --> 00:23:48,802
Watch me, Pyle. Just watch me
and see how easy it is to refuse
487
00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:51,221
and not let everybody
take advantage of you.
488
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:52,473
Oh, hi!
489
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:55,517
Are you going to help me, Sergeant?
That's awfully sweet of you.
490
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:57,686
- Well, I...
- All it needs is a little push,
491
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:01,607
and I'll be forever grateful, Sergeant.
492
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:10,366
Well, don't just stand there!
Come on, push, push!
493
00:24:11,367 --> 00:24:13,369
[Carter chuckles]
42387
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