All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S01E30 Gomer the M P 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band playing]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[in southern accent] It's really somethin'
bein' a sergeant, ain't it, Sergeant?

- Yeah.
- Two down, three up.

- How long did it take you to get them?
- Fourteen years.

About as long as it's taking you
to clean this room.

Is that what
you wanted to be

ever since you was a little boy,
Sergeant? A sergeant?

No, I wanted
to be President,

but they don't get to wear a uniform,
so I settled for sergeant.

It's kind of a shame
you didn't go into politics at that.

You're friendly, you're honest,
you're clever...

- Knock it off!
- You got a good speakin' voice.

Do your work. I'll be right back.

[telephone rings]

Duty hut, Second Platoon.
Private Pyle speakin'.

No, sir, I'm just as sorry as I can be,
but he just stepped out.

Could I tell him
who's callin'?

Lieutenant Petersen?

Uh, yes, sir.

He just stepped out,
just for a minute.

Be glad to, sir.

Uh, "None of the platoon
is to go on liberty.

Special assignment."

Hey, could you hold on
just a tiny bit, sir,

uh, while I find a pencil
to write this down with?

Sir? "Sergeant Carter's to report
to the Colonel's office on the double."

Well, if you can wait
just a half second while I write this...

Hello? Hello?

Uh, "None of the platoon
is to go on liberty.

Special assignment.
The Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon
is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment.
Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon
is to go on liberty.

"Special assignment.
Colonel's office on the double."

"None of the platoon is to go on liberty.
Special assignment."

Pyle!

"Special..."

Clear out of here! I want to catch
the first liberty bus into town.

"On the double."

There. I just had to
write things down. It's easy to forget.

Your mind
can play tricks on you.

'Course with you,
it's probably different.

With your trainin', 14 years and all,
you can remember real good,

but I still have to write things down.
Otherwise

I forget it
right the next minute.

- Pyle.
- Yes, Sergeant?

- Will you get out of here?
- I'm on my way now, Sergeant.

I done what you told me to.
I minded the phones.

Of course, you was gone
such a short time

and there was only
the one call.

Yeah. What was it?

Oh, I got it all
wrote down here for you.

Only thing was,
I couldn't remember whether to spell

Lieutenant Petersen's name
with an S-E-N or an S-O-N.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!

Petersen, Lieutenant Petersen?
What was that about Lieutenant Petersen?

Oh, well, it was just that
I didn't know how to spell his name,

S-E-N or S-O-N.

I put down S-E-N.

What's the matter, Sergeant,
was it supposed to be S-O-N?

Did he call here? Lieutenant Petersen?
What did he want? What was the message?

Well, it's all
wrote down over here.

Huh? Gimme that.

Who can read this?

Let me see.

"Some of the platoon..."

No. That's "None of
the platoon is taga..."

- taga?
- What's a taga?

Oh, that's "to go". That's funny,
I thought that said...

What else, what else?

"None of the platoon
is to go on..."

What's that word
right there?

How do I know?
You wrote it.

Oh, I got it.

"None of the platoon
is to go on liberty.

Special assignment,

and you're to report
to the Colonel's office on the bubble."

- Double!
- Double.

That's it.
That's the message.

You never did tell me,
Sergeant.

- Was it S-E-N or S-O-N?
- Will you get out of here?

That's the situation,
Sergeant.

There are a lot of men ashore
from the Fleet Marines.

So, we're assigning your platoon
as extra military police.

- Yes, sir.
- They'll do street duty in town

this morning and relieve the gate
and security details

on the base this afternoon.

We want the town and entire
military installation shaped up.

- 4-0 on appearance and military courtesy.
- I'm sure my visit will tell me a lot.

At ease. I hope so, sir.

Oh, Mr. Horton,
this is Lieutenant Petersen.

Mr. Horton is special counsel, here
from Washington for a little look-see.

- How are you, Petersen?
- Nice to meet you, sir.

Could we provide an escort for you,
sir, some transportation?

No, I'd like
to prowl around alone,

find out what's really
going on around here.

Oh, I won't be able
to join you for lunch today, Colonel.

I have an invitation
from the Army Club. Great bunch.

I served in
the Army myself, 124th.

Great outfit.
A good background for my work

with the Military
Appropriations Committee.

Yes, sir, a great outfit.

- Yes, sir.
- I'll, uh, see you later, Colonel.

That'll be all, Sergeant.
But remember,

I want this town and this base policed
like it's never been.

I understand, sir. Everything will be 4-0
right down the line, sir.

Ain't it lovely? Here we are, girls,
secret agents double-o zero.

How do we rate
all these choice assignments?

- Well, it's just for one day.
- Yeah, some day they picked!

The streets full of
them guys from the fleet.

And after
eight months at sea,

they just love to have
some MP remind them

to keep their shirts buttoned
and their tie clips straight.

They're real sweet about it.

[imitating fight sounds]

All right, you people,
listen up!

Now, I told you
I wanted things shaped up, so hop to it.

I don't wanna see
one Marine in this town

stepping that much
out of line.

Uh, Peters,
Swanson, Matthews,

you take the downtown
liberty district.

Okay, uh, Gottschalk,
you take Center Street.

Slater, Warton Avenue.
Pyle, Bristol Street.

You do know
where Bristol Street is?

Yes, sir,
I sure do, Sergeant.

That's where they got
and them bowling alleys

and penny arcades
and dance halls.

I always try to avoid that street
whenever I'm in town on liberty.

Some of the folks that you meet there
ain't too respectable.

Well, we'll see you,
Sergeant.

Hold it!

Gottschalk!

You take Bristol. Pyle, you get, uh,
Palmdale Avenue.

Right, Sergeant.

Hold it!

Palmdale,
isn't that where, uh...

Girlie shows,
tattoo parlors, pool hall.

Now, there's a street
that's just full of sin, Sergeant.

Slater,
you got Palmdale, too.

Pyle, you move over to,
uh, Beacon Street!

- What's on Beacon?
- Gin joints.

Now,
that's another evil street.

Evil, evil, evil.

Gottschalk, you got Beacon.

[groans]

Ah! See here, Pyle?
There's the perfect street for you,

only two blocks long,
and right in back of us here.

Woodlawn Lane.
Anything on it?

Too close to the MP Station,
no action at all.

Perfect! There's
your assignment, Pyle!

All two blocks
of Woodlawn Lane!

Walk up, walk down.

Just make sure it doesn't
explode into violence.

I'll do my best, Sergeant.

Fine! I wouldn't trust
Woodlawn Lane to anyone else.

Now, don't leave it,
and report back to me at noon.

Right, Sergeant.

Well, here you are, Gome.

I sure wish
you was stayin' with me, Duke.

I don't know a thing one
about MP-ing.

It's no trouble.
You've seen 'em workin' before.

I never took no notice.
The only lawman I ever knew

was Sheriff Andy Taylor
back home.

Same thing, just be firm,
be tough.

Tough? But Andy Taylor
wasn't tough. He's real nice.

Matter of fact, folks was
always talkin' on how nice he was.

Okay, be nice. It doesn't matter
there's no action around here anyway.

I sure would feel
a whole lot better though

if somebody was to tell me
what I'm supposed to do.

Just make sure the guys are neat
and behave themselves.

Oh, and, uh, make sure they've washed
behind their ears.

You ain't gonna start
pullin' my leg, are you, Duke?

[laughing] You'll be all right. Just relax.

Hey, fellers.

Psst. Psst.

It's 1 :00
in the button factory.

I'm a military policeman,

and I'm supposed to
tell you fellers

about things like collar buttons,
things like that.

Fact is, you're kind of
my first customers.

Oh, you're
a military policeman?

Uh-huh. That's what it says here,
military policeman.

Or, it would say that
if there was room,

so they just kind of
boiled it down to initials.

[laughing]

And, uh, this is your first day
on the job, right?

- Right. How'd you know that?
- Well, you see, that's our duty,

to go around town
checking on the MPs

to make sure
they do a good job.

That's right, pal.
We're checkers.

Checkers, huh?

Is that kind of like
comparison shoppers?

Exactly. I think the Private here
is doin' well. What do you think?

Not bad. Not bad at all.

But, uh, there were
a couple of things.

Well, we could give him a break. It's his
first day on the job. We could excuse him.

If you really think so.

What is it, fellers? Am I
doin' somethin' wrong? Please tell me.

We're not supposed
to tell you.

We're here to grade you
and then we make a report.

Come on, I sure would
appreciate it.

Well, okay. Just this once. [laughs]

Uh, first thing, the armband.

Is it wrong?

- Is it wrong? He don't know.
- He don't know.

How did they ever let you out
in the street with it upside down?

Upside...

Yeah.
It's got to be turned the other way.

Sure.

So when you put your arm up,
people can read it.

Sure. And that gun belt.

Oh, is it wrong, too?

- He don't know.
- He don't know.

He just don't know. Look, the gun belt
is supposed to be worn

down on the hips
close to the thigh,

so you're ready
for a quick draw.

Like John Wayne does
in The Fighting SeaBees.

Sure, pal.

Well,
I don't know about that.

I kept askin' them,
but wouldn't nobody tell me.

- And that hat.
- Is that wrong, too?

[both] He don't know.

That hat. What do you think
that strap is for?

It's gotta be worn
underneath the chin,

in case a windstorm
comes by.

Sure, see,
it won't blow off that way.

And one more thing.
This weapon.

This is
a concealed weapon,

and is usually carried
inside the pant leg. Like that.

But Duke and all them others,
they's carryin' theirs.

You wanna look better than they do,
don't you? Now let me look at you.

Now you look like something.
Don't he look better?

100% improvement.

We, uh, we got to give this kid
a good grade.

- He's a Iivin' doll.
- I think we picked a winner.

They said they was checkers,

but I think
that they was pullin' tricks.

What a mean thing.
What a mean thing to do.

- Is this one of your men, Sergeant?
- Yes, sir.

Didn't I make myself
clear this morning?

- Yes, sir.
- Then what is this?

You don't seem very anxious
to keep those stripes, Sergeant.

What a mean thing.
What a mean thing to do.

I'm sorry as I can be, Sergeant,
but them fellers, they seemed like...

I know, I know!

The thing is,
we gotta keep you under wraps

for the rest of the day!

Hey, maybe you can just
stay in and answer the phone, huh?

Hey, that's a good idea.
I can do that real good.

I'll do just like
I done this mornin', remember?

I'll take your calls,
and I'll write 'em down...

That's out!

The brig!
Guard duty at the brig!

I can do that real good,
too, Sergeant.

You can bet your bottom dollar

that those prisoners
won't escape while I'm watchin' 'em.

Out, out! That's out!

The back gate.

It's quiet, it's remote,
it's isolated.

It's perfect.

I got the perfect spot
for you. Come on.

Yes, sir, Sergeant. Anywhere
you want to put me. I'll just go there.

- Any business?
- Nobody's come through all afternoon.

Perfect. You're relieved.
All right, Pyle.

Now take to duty here.
Stand guard until 1700.

Then secure with that lock
and report back to me. Is that clear?

- As clear as can be.
- You don't have to write it down?

No. Just say it one more time.

Secure at 1700,
but until then,

nobody gets in unless
he has an ID card, nobody.

And anybody gets
out of line,

you simply do a raised pistol
and you take them to the brig.

Now,
it's that simple, Pyle.

All right,
let's see how you do.

I'm comin' in.

You just come right ahead,
Sergeant.

You're welcome as can be,
you know that.

- No, no, no! You don't know me!
- I don't?

You don't know anybody. You don't have
friends, you don't know faces.

You only have eyes
for this little card.

You don't let
a single human being

on this base
without this card.

- Well, what if...
- Repeat,

nobody through this gate without a card.

With a card, in.
Without, out. Right.

Right. Now, look, Pyle.

This is the easiest post
on the entire base.

Don't foul up!
I still wanna have these tomorrow.

Right, Sergeant.

Okay.

- Halt!
- What are you doing?

Nobody passes through here.

What?

You just told me
I don't know you, so halt.

That was a test.

I said you don't let anybody
through without a card, this card!

- Right. Pass, friend.
- [groans]

- ID card, please.
- What's that?

You have to have
an ID card.

I have an appointment
with Colonel Gray.

Makes no difference.
It's not friends or faces,

it's just that
itty-bitty card.

Well, I don't have a card,
but I do have an appointment.

Now, if you don't mind...

I--I'm sorry, sir,
but orders is orders.

This is absurd.

I am Brewster Horton, special counsel
from Washington on assignment.

Now, does that satisfy you?

You still have to have
a Marine ID card.

Do you mean to say
that you're actually

going to stand there
and not let me through?

That's right, sir.
Not without that card, my sergeant said.

I don't have friends,
and I don't know faces.

Nothing personal, sir.

I'm sure if we met under happier
circumstances, we'd be friends.

Now, look here...

And while I don't know
your face now,

next time we meet,
I'll know it.

It's a big, friendly face.

Matter of fact,
you sort of favor my uncle Ernest Bergin.

Well,
if you'll excuse me, sir,

I've got to secure
this gate, anyhow.

- Halt!
- I'm going in!

[cocking]

Oh, no! You wouldn't!
I told you who I am!

What you are is my prisoner.

Sorry, but you'll
have to move along, so move along.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, sir, we do have one of the men
from your ship. Huh?

Uh, yes, sir.

Well, uh, as soon as you can
send some men over to call for him, sir.

Yes, sir.
Get him out of here!

Uh, Commander?

This is the most ridiculous MP
I've ever been in contact with!

Don't you tell me what I can
and what I can't do!

Somebody
shut that joker up!

Put him in number four!

I'm sorry, sir,
not you.

I demand that Colonel Gray
be notified immediately!

Believe me,
when he hears of this,

there is going to be trouble!

Well, I'm as sorry
as I can be about this, sir.

But the Sergeant here
said it won't take long.

- Would you like somethin'?
- Yes! Your name!

It's Gomer Pyle.

"Pyle" rhymes with "file".
Makes it easy to remember.

Believe me, I won't forget it.

Yes, sir. We'll do that,
Commander. Yes, sir.

Well, Pyle, did you get
that back gate secured?

Uh-huh. I done exactly
like you said, Sergeant.

If it hadn't been
for this one feller...

- [telephone rings]
- Brig, Sergeant Carter.

Brig, Sergeant Carter.

This is Colonel Gray, Sergeant.
We're waiting for Mr. Horton.

He's here on some assignment
from Washington.

Check all gates and let me know if he's
returned to the base.

Yes, sir.

Get me the front gate.

Like I said, Sergeant,
there was only this one feller

that tried
to crash through.

He didn't even
have on a uniform.

Seemed kind of nervy
to me.

This is Carter here.
Has Mr. Horton come through there?

Horton? Horton?

Well, let me know the minute he does.
Give me the West Gate.

I can't imagine why
he'd do a thing like that.

He's a growed man, too.
Had on a nice blue serge suit.

He's a big fellow
with a big, friendly face.

Uh, this is Sergeant Carter.
Has Mr. Horton come through there?

Well, check it, will you?

I wasn't takin' no chances
on you losin' them stripes,

so I took him back there
and I clanged the door shut.

He hasn't, huh?

Well, let me know
when he does. Yeah.

Can't you see I'm busy?

Will you beat it?
You're off duty.

Yes, Sergeant.

Gimme the Colonel's office.

All right, I'll wait!

Grown man...

Blue serge suit...

Big fella
with a big, friendly face.

In there?

Clanged shut?

GRAY [on phone] Hello? Hello?
Is someone there? Hello? Hello?

Uh, Colonel?

Mr. Horton's on the base.

No, sir, not exactly.

He's here.

Well, I had to do somethin'.

He come bargin' through that gate
like he owned this place.

Don't you understand, Pyle?
He does!

[groans]

You wouldn't lock up
another Marine or a sailor

or a soldier or even
a second lieutenant.

No, not you!

You gotta pull a pistol
and take on a big shot!

What do you think
will happen?

Well, he's up there
with the Colonel right now.

I dare say
your name will come up.

Offhand, I would say

your next 50 or 60 years
in the Marine Corps

will not be
fun and games.

In fact, you'll probably
be an old man before you get off KP.

You might be
the first private in history

to make the garbage detail
his life's work!

Gosh, what'll I do?

I don't know, Pyle.
I really don't.

All I can say is,

if the idea of desertion
ever crossed your mind,

you'll never find
a better time to look into it.

Shoot, it can't be that bad.

Oh, can't it?

They're gonna
get you up there,

they're gonna
work you over,

and when you come out,
you're gonna be the most chewed-up...

[telephone ringing]

Duty hut, Sergeant Carter.

Yes, sir, he's here.

Right away, sir.

- Was it...
- The Colonel.

He wants to see you
on the double.

Well, I guess this is it.

Mmm-hmm.

Could you go with me?

I'm gonna be busy here.

I was the sergeant in charge,
remember?

I'm gonna be busy
taking off these stripes.

Pyle?

I do have
one suggestion.

If they offer you
a cigarette and a blindfold,

take 'em both.

I have been on many military
installations in my career,

but I have never been
subjected to...

[ringing]

Yes?

Send him in.

That's the man!

Hey, sir.

Private Pyle
reportin' as ordered, sir.

He's the one, all right.

Well, I don't know what you're going to do
in this situation, Colonel,

but I can tell you
what the Army would do.

I'll handle it, sir.

Good.

Pyle, do you have any idea
what you did?

Yes, sir. Uh,
I mean, no, sir.

Then let me make the situation
quite clear.

In fact, I'll tell you
exactly what you did.

A very important,
influential man from Washington

asked to enter this base.

You were on duty.

You followed regulations,
you carried out orders,

and conducted yourself
in a military manner.

Well done, Private.

You're dismissed.

Dis...

Dismissed?

All right.
All right, Colonel!

You've made
your little speech.

Now do you know
what I'm going to do?

I am going to go back
to Washington...

Yes, sir, you're going
back to Washington

and you're going to tell them
that when they take

security measures at Camp Henderson,
they really take them.

Why, even an official
from Washington can't get through

without proper identification.

You can't ask for
tighter security than that.

Isn't that what you're
going to tell them?

Well, I... Well...

I mean, that should really
please them back there.

These strict
precautionary measures.

You're dismissed, Private.

Then I'm not really
in any trouble?

Golly!

I can't wait to get back
and tell Sergeant Carter.

I won't even know
how to explain it to him.

You just tell him
what I said.

That you followed regulations,
carried out orders,

and conducted yourself
in a military manner.

"Followed regulations,
carried out orders,

- conducted myself in a military manner."
- What's the matter?

Do you happen to have a pencil
and some paper? It's my memory.

[Gomer] Sergeant!

Wait till you hear!
Wait till you hear!

[stammering] What are you doing here?

You'll never guess
in a million years!

[stammering] What are you doing here?
Why aren't you in the brig?

You'll never guess
in a million years!

This is gonna come
as a real surprise to you!

What? What--What happened?
What'd the Colonel say?

Wait till you hear, Sergeant.
Wait till you hear.

Pyle, what did he say?

Oh, uh...

It's a good thing
I wrote it down.

He said I followed regulations
and carried out orders

and conducted myself
in a military manner.

Are you kidding?

He bragged on me
and said, "Dismissed."

Well, how about that, huh?
Huh?

[laughing]

The old man's okay, huh?

He backed you up
against the big brass.

Guess you don't have to worry
about them stripes now, neither.

Hey! That's right!

[laughing]

I told him what you done,
too, Sergeant.

Hey you did, huh?
You put in a plug for me, huh?

You told him I was the one
that instructed you

on the rules
and regulations?

[laughing]

I told him what you said.

How this never would have
happened if it had been you.

That you would have let that man in
without an ID card.

Uh, what did he say to that?

Oh, I wrote that down, too.

"Sergeant Carter will not
go on liberty next weekend.

He will report for MP Duty,

checking ID cards at the back gate

all day Saturday and Sunday."

I think that's Sunday.
Must be Sunday.

It's got a big,
curly letter in front.

Must be an "S".

Like I said,
my handwriting is so...